Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - Hushed By A Flying Monkey (w/ Justin Martindale, Mo Fry Pasic, and Scott Seiss)

Episode Date: September 2, 2024

On a new episode of Bad Dates, host Joel Kim Booster welcomes comedians Justin Martindale, Mo Fry Pasic, and Scott Seiss to discuss their most iconic dating fiascos. Justin is perplexed by Lea Michele’s trench coat, Mo catalogs every reason not to date your reply guy, and Scott gets mistaken for somebody who gave the DJ an inappropriate tip. If you’ve had a bad date you’d like to tell us about, our number is 984-265-3283, and our email is [e-mail], we can’t wait to hear all about it!  Joel Kim Booster: Psychosexual, Fire Island, Loot Season 2Justin Martindale: @justinmartindale on Insta, Just Sayin’ podcast, Jeff Lewis Live on SiriusXMMo Fry Pasic: @meauxpas on Insta, Worse Than You podcastScott Seiss: @scottseiss on all social media, ScottSeiss.com for tour dates, The Customer Is Always Wrong book Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to ad-free new episodes.

Smart. Less. Neon. I've been catfished, I guess, where people are texting me and I'm like, hey, I need to see your face. You know, they're like asking for nudes or whatever. I'm like, I don't know who you are.

Like, I need to see your face. This was years ago, babe. Years ago. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Bad Dates. Bad Dates. Bad Dates.

Bad Dates. Bad Dates. Bad Dates. Bad Dates. Bad Dates. Bad Dates. Bad Dates. Bad Dates.

Bad Dates. Bad Dates. Bad Dates. Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of Bad Dates. I am your host, Joel Kim Booster, here to talk you through some incredible bad date stories today. I'm really excited for our guests today, and you will be too as soon as I get to them.

But first, before we get into their bad dates, I wanted to get into a little bit of listener mail. Bad Dates. We have a letter from Angela today who says, My friend set me up on a blind date with a guy. We make a plan to meet for drinks at an outdoor cafe. This guy shows up straight from a run wearing a tank top and way too short shorts. The next thing I notice is he has not one but two serious snaggle teeth. I know it's not okay to make fun of his appearance,

but I seriously wouldn't wear my nice sweaters around this guy for fear he would ruin them. We sit outside and at one point I drop my phone and bend down to pick it up. Then I saw it. He got a full nut hanging out of his shorts. No thanks, Mr. Commando. Too much too soon. I left moments later. Was I wrong?" Here's the thing, Angela, I was on your side because I do think it's rude to show up to a first date in workout clothes, having just worked out, unless you know specifically the person you're meeting has a fetish for sweat and musk.

It doesn't seem like Angela does. I will say you took a detour into his teeth. And this is where you lose me a little bit, Angela. As a member of the snaggletooth community myself, as someone who frequently gets called Melina in the comments for my bad teeth, you know, sometimes some of us didn't have the economics for braces growing up, all right? And now that we do, I'm not interested in having adult braces. All right? So my teeth are my teeth. And I don't think it's a, it's a, you should have left that part out because I was fully on your side.

And then you got me again with the ball hanging out. I do think maybe you were unwittingly a part of his fetish. And that is, so you were right. You were right to leave. But I am not the only person weighing in here today. I have some incredible guests. Joining me now, I will introduce them. Thusly, Justin Martindale, a comedian, writer and host of his own amazing podcast, Just Saying. Welcome, welcome, Justin. Good to be here.

Next up we have Mo Fry Pasick, a writer, comedian and actor. Their new podcast, Worse Than You, is based off of their very successful play. And it's out now. And finally, please welcome to the stage Scott Cease, a comedian, actor, and writer whose book The Customer Is Always Wrong and Unhitched Guide to Everything That Sucks About Work is out now. Y'all, what do we think about Angela's little predicament here with, um, Artistical Warrior?

I think it was Johnny Knoxville filming a jackass stunt. I'm pretty sure it was like a bad grandpa. It was a rubber nut, right? Yeah. Did you sign a release Angela? Do you remember him signing, yeah, handing you a piece of paper to sign? It felt like Angela was like me think Doth protest too much. Like she was trying to find too many things for us to hate this person. I'm like, if maybe like, like if somebody was like, I was like, Hey, let's fuck. And they showed up like that. I'm like, all right. But it's like, were you asking to marry this person and I'm like, if maybe like, like if somebody was like, I was like, hey, let's

fuck and they showed up like that. I'm like, all right. But it's like, were you asking to marry this person? She has to be very clear with the intention. No, for sure. I also want to know what I can hate about Angela. Yeah. What did she look like? What are her teeth like? You know, all physical, you know, is a line. what is it? What's your secret, Angela? Yeah. Yeah, I think, like, this is the thing. I think she saw him immediately and was out and then did exactly what Mo was saying,

which is sort of like doing her, like, Terminator brain, like, body scan, and it's like, what can we find that will give me a good enough out? Because I actually think that, that like she would have been well within her rights to leave immediately if he showed up sweaty and gross and wearing workout clothes. If it wasn't just a hookup, if it was like a full blind date situation.

I met a man recently who had three balls. No, gorgeous Brazilian man. You met someone with a tumor. Belle of the ball. You met a sick person. Well, no, this is the crazy thing is that he... What? They like...

Wait, can we say, can we go back three balls? Yeah, three balls. One of them was fake. And one of them like came back. Oh. Which I didn't realize was possible. That happened with my tonsil. Yeah.

Is he a lizard? What is this? He was a Brazilian man with a gigantic dick. So nobody cared. Nobody cared about the ball situation with that. Just a bag of marbles. Yeah. And now it is time finally to get into the meat of the story.

And we are beginning today with the very funny Justin Martindale. So it was a nice summer evening. This was probably about like, almost, I want to say 10 years ago. Oh, wow. A child. You were a baby. No, I'll say like seven, still am. Oh. Oh.

This story is gonna get murky because you were illegal. It's underage at this point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, yes, I was a child. I was being trafficked. So I went to the show, it was a show here in LA, and I met this guy, and the lighting was just good.

And I was very inebriated and we were talking, we kind of hit it off. We started making out and then we exchanged numbers. And he was living in New York, I was in LA. So we were like, we're gonna just do this bi-coastal long distance fantasy. And one day, if destiny allows us, we will meet up again. Right? So

we started talking regularly on the phone and this was kind of before FaceTime kind of took off. So we were just like talking and flirting and you know, he started talking about like, so when are you going to come to New York? And I'll make this like great weekend for us. And I'm like, okay, sure, yeah, let's make it happen. So finally, I wanna say like November, maybe like a couple days before Thanksgiving, I got a flight, went out to New York and I'm waiting at the airport for him to pick me up

and he shows up and immediately I was like, Angela, I was like, oh no. He's got a ball out, yeah. He had three of them out. He shows up and I'm like, I don't know this person. Like he didn't look like the guy that I had seen that night. Of course it was blurry and shadowy, but I was like, oh no.

And New York can do a lot of damage to your. In a month, yeah, a couple months. Yeah, a couple months in New York. A couple months can change people. He was just like not the person that I remember. Do you think you got twin switch? Do you think? Oh, I never thought about that.

The parents lapped, oh my God. Yeah, seriously, a twin catfish. And so we went to his place in the financial district and I remember there was, I guess some snow had fallen and it was like, okay. Huge red flag already that he lives in the financial district. I know.

See, I didn't know, I didn't know, I didn't know. And so we go into his apartment and I'm looking at his place and I'm like, oh, this is really weird. He had like a trench coat that was nailed to the wall. And I was like, what is that? And he was like, well, I love musical theater. And I'm like, shit, like immediately,

cause I'm not like a big musical theater gay. But as if that's a logical response. Yeah, what musical is that referencing? That the trench coat nailed to the wall. I am so glad you asked, because he had stolen Lea Michele's trench coat when she was eponine in Les Mis. Oh my God. Well, he just shot up in my estimation, I gotta say.

Nailed it to his wall. Like, it wasn't even in a frame. It was just a trench coat crucified to the wall. So I'm like, oh, okay. And he had like a whole bunch of like other little Broadway knickknacks and everything. He didn't have time to steal a frame. What was the issue?

Steal a frame. Like, do something. Like, what is it? It looks weird. And so we had not done anything sexual. Like, we're literally just laying in this bed while I'm just like staring at Lea Michele's trench coat and thinking, how do I get out of this?

We hadn't made any moves on each other. We hadn't even kissed. It was just very, very, very awkward. And then finally he's like, I have a surprise for you. I got us tickets to go see Wicked. And so I had never seen Wicked. I was like, okay, cool. This is a Broadway show. Fine. He got us like orchestra seats. They were really good seats. And he said, I need you

to be the lookout. You have to stand near the door. Yeah. I have to watch Elphaba so you don't steal her hat. Right? The story is also very boil the frog. Like you're like, okay, all right. The story is also very boil the frog. Like you're like, OK, all right. Yeah, I don't want to be a bad sport. You know, I'm like, I don't want to seem like I'm not. Well, you flew across the country and I'm assuming coach. Just yes, I did. You weren't in Delta One back then.

No, not not. Yeah. You know, middle seat back row like by the toilet, which I would have loved to just stay on rather than be at this guy's place. Um, so we end up going to see Wicked, and I'd never seen Wicked, and it starts out, and it's all grand and everything. And then I realized, like, I'm hearing something

that's not part of the show. And so I look over, and he is belting every song like he is in the show. And so I look over and he is belting every song like he is in the show, like every song. And I'm mortified. I'm sitting there and I'm like, shut the fuck up. To the point where one of the flying monkeys in one of the numbers looks at us and hushes us. I have never been hushed.

To be hushed by a flying monkey? By Chistery? I can't. Hushed by a flying monkey, which is not a CBS sitcom. The flying monkey is looking at you like, be more civilized, please. Seriously.

Returns to screeching, jumping around. I'm like, you have to shut up. And he's like, OK, sorry, sorry. It's like my favorite musical. I've seen it like 800 times. And I'm like, OK, well, I've never seen it. So shut the fuck up. Does he sing every time, or is it for you?

Do you know what I mean? Yeah, that's a good question. I have no idea. He was just like, who was the performance for? Exactly, exactly. He was trying to like show off. Like I know the words. Was it for you, or was he hoping a casting

director was in the audience? And probably. It's probably so. We went and saw Bring It On as well. And I don't remember that musical. It was so bad. It was just, I couldn't do it. But the same thing. And he was just like, you know, curtain call came out

and he was like, Natalie, Natalie, Natalie, yes. And I'm just like, I've been sending you the packages. I've been sending you the packages, Natalie. He's like, girl, you nailed it, girl. And like Natalie's not even like looking. Like it was just, it was awful. And I just got the hell out of there

and I was like, never again. And that was it. You know, and it's funny too, it's ironic that How Do I Leave is such a beautiful Broadway song. How do I leave without you? I'd like to know. And did you ever hear from this man again? No, I didn't, but I mean, can I get a little dark?

Oh boy. Please. He died. You tell us that after we've been riffing on him, making fun of him. I got like a memory on Facebook and I was like, oh yeah, that guy. And I clicked and it was like, this is like an in memoriam like account now.

And I was like, oh no, but I will say, because I knew him, I have been changed for good. So. Wow. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Do you know if he died doing what he loved? Stealing Broadway memorabilia?

I don't know. I wonder who got the Lea Michele trend. I know, right? Who got that in the estate sale? He probably was trying to sneak backstage and get something from Funny Girl and Lea Michele,ele stand her ground laws, shot him. Yeah, I know. I mean, this is so dark. We have to stop.

Bad Dates. Bad Dates. This is the thing about Mo Fry-Pasek, who we are moving on to next, is Mo is one of the best hypewomen in the game. She remembers jokes that you have done from truly 10 years ago. They're locked up in there and she will share with you, she will share with you the things that made you giggle, which feels so good. And you do this for a lot of our friends, which I have always really appreciated about you, my Pisces sister. And you feel a lot, you do feel a lot, which makes dating quite difficult.

And I cannot wait to hear what you have brought to share with the class today. I used to be like, oh, New York versus LA, blah, blah, like dating pools over there. No, the people in LA have brain worms, are evil and psychopathic. Thank you. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm here. There's two people that I think symbolize my LA experience. One guy was like, we're talking like, baby, you're draining my energy. We're having like hour long phone calls. You're talking about how you're into me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then like no dates, nothing's happening. And I'm going, we ain't ever been homies. Like we're not whatever. And then at one point, it was kind of like, I was like, let's have a talk. Like we're texting all day, calling all day. Like this is a lot and there's no sort of forward momentum. And he was like, honestly, you know, I was just really thinking about it and I do really care about you and I'm into you.

It just, I didn't realize like how famous all your friends were and like, how like successful you're gonna be. And I just like, I always want you in my corner. I always want you on my team. And so I know. Wow. And I am sitting there like, are you, do you hear the words coming out of your mouth?

That's wild. I mean, you dodged a fucking bullet, but would you say that the guys in New York, you had an easier time figuring out the parameters in New York? No. Well, I dated a lot of bartenders who claimed to be writers in New York. The dream. This is my thing between New York and LA dating, is in New York I always felt like everyone thought I was too stupid to date. And in LA, I feel so smart, but so ugly.

What? Literally. And then they'll tell you because you're smart, you're ugly. You're in your head too much. I'm like, what? And then I had like, literally, I had a eye of a sickness because I'm addicted to these like, like little homeless ragamuffins that like, you know Wrote a poem once and I'm like, I'm in yeah and This one guy straight up. He was my reply guy for like a year and it was like you're so high You're bum a blah and then I'm like, yeah exactly. I have three balls. Yeah But then I blocked him cuz I was like, bitch bye.

Like you ain't like, no. And so then I made a huge mistake of unblocking this man. And unfortunately then hooking up with him. Whoa, what spurred the unblocking? Because I just didn't care anymore. Like I had been annoyed because it was like, he was constantly in my stories, constantly like saying like, I can't wait to hang out,

I can't wait to do this. And I was like, I don't like empty promises. They turn into lies if you do it consistently enough. But you were like, I need engagement, so I gotta unblock. Yeah, yeah. My numbers were so low. Well, I will say, Mo, you had to have missed him

a little bit. It's like crazy about this very easy to like block someone and not think about it ever again to actually like remember them and go into your block list and unblock them. It requires a little bit more investment. We had some mutuals. And so I'd be like reminded of him occasionally. And I again, I'm like I wasn't like in love with the guy, but I was like, oh man, it is hard to find a connection where you feel intellectually, sexually,

all these compatibilities. And so I definitely was hung up. But I'm a good boundary person. I'm like, if I feel that this is gonna be messy, but I swear, I'm starting to think this man hooked up to get back at me for blocking or something because he started like he started like gaslighting me. That's real.

And then like, we like it was hot and heavy really fast. It was a lot of like, meet my friends a lot of like, like you could be the one like a lot of verbal stuff where I'm always just like, oh, whatever. So I said I broke up with I was like, this is too much too fast. Can we pace it out? Like, let's take it easy. And then we did it at this drinks. And he was like, yeah, of course.

And then like a month later where it was still like, he had been traveling, but it was like not communication. I was like, hey, like we said slow, but this is, and he was like, no, we're just friends. Whoa. And I was like. What? I go, but we held hands the last time. I scratched your head. He was like, well, we're just friends. Whoa. What? I go, but we held hands the last time I scratched your head.

He was like, well, we didn't hook up. I go, whoa. He goes, that's just what friends who have fucked do. I mean, you know, they'll hold hands. And I go, no, no, no, no, no, no. I find scratching head and hands holding way more intimate than sex. I'm sorry.

I know that I'm not exactly the median opinion on this, but yeah, no. You can be inside me or I'm inside of you, whatever. But if you're holding hands- What if you're inside each other holding hands while holding hands? And that's beautiful. That's a god particle. That's like Titanic. Yeah.

In an old carriage. So gorgeous. Well, no, I will say like straight up, like I am in a non monogamous relationship with my partner, who I love very dearly. And it's so crazy because I could care less who he fucks. I like does not bother me. I am not a jealous person. But if he were like holding hands with someone

or like doing that kind of intimate things or even just like talking to someone or watching a movie with them. That to me is like way worse than like because our relationship to sex is what it is but like that kind of stuff is like that I wouldn't I have never done that with just someone that I'm hooking up with like I just straight up wouldn't. That's a deeper emotional level. Yeah. I love all of your reactions. I'm obsessed with it That was not his But where did he go afterwards, please don't say die. Oh My god, oh my god, that would be imagine. I like forgot to add that detail

Well, no, here's my sickness is like I Really like my ego was hurt and then he will kind of do the thing where he was like, well, don't have an ego like keep reaching out to me like keep calling me. Who says that? And I'd be like, oh my god, this guy said a lot of shit. And I was like, well, why don't you call me though and make me feel better. And he was like, oh, I totally will.

Like, let me do that. But don't get like our egos involved. Just reach out. And it was so then I was like, okay, let me call, let me connect, let me and that's where I need to walk away. But it was like, it would be certain points where I'd be like, hey, you said you need me to be a friend, but you're still DMing about like, like my body parts on Instagram. I was like, so you are going to stay blocked blocked. And then he was like, oh, I forgot about that.

Well, I can't help it if I'm just so attracted to you and I can't control it. I go, it was like so many things where sometimes when you tell the story out loud, you're like, oh, I'm a nutter. But when you like really have a crush on someone, it is the boy or the frog where you're like, hey, I know your life, no worries.

It's hard to recognize red flags as they're happening. It's so easy in hindsight, but it's very hard while it's happening. And I also think knowing you too, I think part of the reason you prolonged it past the point of him saying, no, we're just friends, is like you are someone who needs catharsis. You need to close, you were looking to close the loop

and it didn't, and that wasn't enough, like that felt like, you know, you were being edged and like, you just needed the release. You needed the ending. I think my therapist and me are gonna send you a bouquet. That was crazy. That was crazy. I need, I didn't know how bad I needed the word catharsis.

I'm like... I'm like... I'm... I'm like. Last but certainly not least, a very funny guy who I've only really known through Zooms on podcasts. That's right. But someday hope to be 3D with you in the same room, would love that. Scott, take it away.

What is your bad date story? My bad date story is a date with my wife, which sounds horrible. Marriage reveal. No, I love this. I love this. I am, I've been married for six years now and it's fantastic.

But so this is not a story about like the compatibility of the person, of the people involved. This is more like- Just the events as they played out. The chaos of the event, exactly. So I have to say that so my wife doesn't get mad about me referencing her on a podcast called Bad Dates. Like the stupidest thing you could do. No, this is a lovely way to end actually.

It brings it all together. With like a moderate success story. You fought through the story. Committed and alive. Yes, committed and yes. Well, let me just say beforehand, everyone else in this story has passed away. Oh, great.

Everyone's in the middle. Right. So, you know, it was my wife's birthday and we just wanted to go out, just the two of us, for this, this was like in 2018 or so, something like that. And so we went to our favorite bar. Everything's going great. We love this place, our favorite spot to go.

We go here all the time. So we're, you know, we're dancing, we're having fun. And all of a sudden we move toward the back of the bar and the bouncer kicks open the back door and looks at the both of us and goes, and goes, follow me, get out, get out now, follow me, me and my wife. So I think like, oh, there's a fire,

there's a fire happening in the bar or something, we need to evacuate. So we run outside, follow him. He slams the door behind us. So he's just us two that he's taken out to the alley. And he goes, get the hell out of here. Get the hell out of here. You're pissing us off. This is what he's doing.

He's shouting at us. I mean, the beginning of this sounds like sleep no more. It sounds like an immersive theatrical experience. And this man is like taking you two aside to have like a private like scene, do scene work with you two. But no, he's actually kicking you out. All the theater straights will go to Sleep No More and be like, yeah, I made out with this woman, but it's cool with my girlfriend because it was theater.

Wait, is Sleep No More like the Halloween, like immersive experience? Yeah, it was at the McKittrick. Wait, is sleep no more like the Halloween, like immersive experience? Yeah, it was at the McKittrick, it ran for like a decade in New York, and it was like everyone in the audience is wearing masks and they're watching. It was like live Lady Macbeth type of thing. That sounds safe, yeah, I love that.

Yeah. We accidentally went to a haunted house where the people can touch you. We were like, oh, we didn't know, we didn't know. So we go outside and the guy's like, I said, what said, what happened? What's going on? What did we do?

And he goes, you know what you did. You know what you did. You're pissing us off. And in my mind, I'm like, I just drank a vodka cranberry. Or my line in the article, I just drank a vodka cran anymore. That's a crime. So, you know, we're screaming at each other. My wife is getting so upset.

And the guy basically says like, you're banned. You're never gonna get allowed back in here again all this kind of shit we're like what did we do we're on the street arguing with him we eventually I just say fuck it like we're just gonna get out of here that we're not gonna get any information because he's starting to go we're gonna call the police he goes we're gonna call the police and I said just forget it bro we're just gonna leave so we leave and of course that event like eclipses the mood of like the whole night we're like what the fuck even happened

I honestly I should have stayed I should have stayed but I became instead I became a full-on Karen and I left a bad review So I was like I'm leaving a bad review and then I got the email address of the manager for I did some sleuthing around the website and like Facebook of the staff and I got the email address in the manager and I entered a week-long email feud with the manager of this bar, basically. I was like, what did we do? Explain to me what happened. We had a terrible experience. You kicked us out, all this kind of shit.

We love going here. And the manager emails me back, and the email starts up, and she says, well, I'm sorry you had a terrible experience, but you know who even had a worse experience? Our DJ. No! Who you were harassing endlessly all night. She was like, you were harassing our DJ endlessly.

She goes, you were fucking, she said, you were, you stuck your dick in his tip cup. She said, you kicked the booth. She said, you pushed him around. And then- What's wrong with that? Well, yeah, what's wrong with that? Yeah.

It's just the DJ forgot to say. You're a DJ. Like send the handbook. The wildest detail was that she goes, she says, and then we noticed, she said, someone took the DJ's drink, like a water or whatever he had up there, and replaced it with a cup of urine.

And so of course our DJ didn't know what was going on, and our DJ ended up drinking your piss, is what she said in this email to me. This is crazy. And also kind of on them, like I think after the dick in the tip cup is where I would have maybe ended things. Right. Because how do we know that if we know that's happening?

Yeah, you allowed it to escalate to pee in a cup. Yeah, you went there. Like you let that happen. Not to blame the victim. That's your first warning, pal. That's your first warning. It also sounds like two separate events where it was like, I'm gonna dip it,

I'm gonna go out and hang out, and then I'll come back and pee. Like, you know what I mean? And all you had was a vodka cranberry? All I had was a vodka cranberry. So of course I did not do these things, you know what I mean? And all you had was a vodka cranberry? All I had was a vodka cranberry. So of course, I did not do these things, you know? So I'm in the email, I'm like, this was not me. Like, I'm very sorry for your DJ.

Like, listen, like your whole bar is white guys in skinny jeans. I was just one of the many white guys in skinny jeans at the bar, okay? It's like the Guess Who board. Like every tab is flipped open on the Guess Who board, basically. So I say, this wasn't me, you know, I didn't, no one drank my piss, no one I didn't piss,

and someone said, today. Today. Yeah. I always get consent before someone drinks my piss. Drink my piss! It is so expensive to drink my piss. That's so weird. It's insane.

So she says, well, guess what? We have video surveillance of the bar. She goes, we're gonna look at the video and we're gonna review everything to see if you're telling the truth or not. And I said, here are photos of me and my wife. Here's what we were wearing. I was like, I'll come down to the bar

and watch the video with you. I would have demanded that actually. I wanna watch the video with you. Yeah, roll the tape. Roll the tape. Roll the tape, play it back, play it back. Where are the receipts? So I send all this information and she's like,

well, she goes, okay, well, we're gonna figure it out. We're gonna review the video footage today. And I talked with my staff and she goes, and I'm pretty sure it was either you or this one other guy. And I'm like, it's the other guy. You had me dead to rights. And now all of a sudden it became a 50-50 shot. What are you talking about?

Essentially she was like, but your band, like you and your wife, you can never come back to this bar. You know, we're like, I was like, are you fucking kidding me? And so, I said- It sounds like you could have just shown up though, and they would not be able to distinguish you from any other. Yeah, they don't know who you are anyways, so.

Exactly. Have you ever been back to that bar? I have never been back to the bar. Unfortunately, the entire staff passed away, but. Yeah, no. Yeah. Bad dates. Okay, very quickly.

Normally we end with a listener story too, but I'm just going to condense this down to just a really quick question for you guys, because the story was about bad kissing, ultimately. And this is one of my favorite thought exercises to ask people in the wild, but if you had to kiss someone who was a bad kisser, would you rather have someone who comes in eating your face at a full 11, too much tongue, like no build up to that level of kissing, or someone who is tight-lipped, giving you nothing, will not even, the lips will not part, there is no way to get in or out of that mouth. Which would you prefer? If you had to kiss someone who was a bad kisser.

Mo? Okay, I need to know how taut the tongue is. In the eat your face? Yeah, because I did a guy that was like hard tongue. And if it's soft tongue, get me wet all day. Blop, blop, blop, blop. I don't need no clothes. But if it's like a hard structural tongue,

I can't mess with. You know what I mean? Hard structural tongue. I do, I've never actually, this is the first time I've ever gotten a followup. And I will say like, yeah, I mean, like you answered, like if it's soft tongue, you're okay with having your face eaten

if it's hard to have structural tongue even. Not okay, that makes a lot of sense to me. Justin? I'm gonna go tight lip. I have a dog. They can lick my face all day, you know? I don't want like, and I have to know like what, I have to know what you look like, you know?

If, cause I mean, now that makes me a snob, doesn't it? I mean, I feel like if it's someone coming in and they're just, if they're bad and they're just like, like I could do that because I'll probably just stand there and be like, okay, like this is weird. And then just let them do it and go. I don't need the whole like, ugh. How about you, Scott?

I think I would not want the tight mouth because if I'm really going for it, if I'm going for the kiss, I would feel like I was doing something wrong. I'd be like, oh, they don't want me to kiss them at all. What's happening? I'm into this more than they are. I have to stop. But eating my face, like licking your face, whatever. Yeah, I have a dog. I would say like- Yeah, I have a dog.

Sometimes I will say you have to give tight- tight lip kissers a second shot because if you're at like a rave or a party and like sometimes I will start kissing that way if I know I have red bull breath. If I have sugar free red bull breath and that is what my mouth cave is giving, I will try to sort of avoid it until I can get a piece of gum in my mouth. But generally speaking, I am on the side of, give me 11 over zero, because I do think it's easier to turn it down

than it often is to turn it up. Like I think, and I do think, listen, a lot of people are like, there is no such thing as a bad kisser. It's just like how, like finding two compatible kissers. I do not believe that. I do believe that it is an objective standard of good kissing. And I think kissing is a lot like acting. You can teach it a little bit, but you can really only make someone who's got it a little bit better. You will never take someone who's bad at it and make them good.

Not everyone's a star. No, not everyone's a star. Listen, I went to acting school, everybody who I came in with who was bad never got better, everyone who I came in with who was good got a little bit better, you know? Like it's just, I don't think, I think it's you either got it or you don't.

And I think the same of kissing. And I don't know if that's controversial, but that's just what I don't think, I think it's you either got it or you don't. And I think the same of kissing. And I don't know if that's controversial, but that's just what I believe in. You're giving dance moms right now. Yeah. You got her. Yeah. You guys, this has been so fun, so illuminating.

I am so grateful that you all joined us today. Justin, tell the people where they can find you. Oh my gosh, please find me on Instagram at Justin Martindale and my podcast, Just Sayin' with Justin Martindale. I need to have you guys on. You guys come out to LA. Yeah, I mean, now you do. Please, please.

And you can listen to me on SiriusXM with Jeff Lewis weekly, so yeah. And you have so many good clips online, but definitely if you're in LA, try and see Justin live if you see his name on a lineup because he's very, very funny. Thanks. Mo, where can people look and find you? People can find me on Instagram at MoPaw, M-E-A-U-X-P-A-S, or the play that I'm taking to Edinburgh in a week.

You can see that and also listen to the companion podcast where I interview other fringe performers about their process and art. Both are called Worse Than You and you can follow that at Worst Than You Show. Amazing. Yeah. And Scott.

Yeah, I'm on tour right now. You can come see me do standup. All of my tour dates are listed on scotseas.com. That's S-E-I-S-S. And I've got a book available now called The Customer Is Always Wrong about all the things that we hate about work. And if you want to check out my videos on TikTok, Instagram, I'm at scotseas on all social media platforms. Thanks. Incredible. Legends all.

Thank you guys so much for joining me today. I hope we all learned some valuable lessons. Please, if you were listening to this and you enjoyed this episode, rate, review us on iTunes, Spotify, wherever you listen to podcasts. It really does help get us seen and heard by more people.

We will be back next week with another crop of terrible, no good, bad dates. Thank you. Bye bye. Bad Dates is a production of Smartless Media created by Robert Cohen. Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Stuart Bailey. Produced, edited, and engineered by Devin Torrey-Brien. Produced by Anne Harris. Edited by Kyle McGrath.

Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Social media producer is Tommy Galgana. Executive producers are Sean Hayes, Will Arnett, and Jason Baitman. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kominsky. Music by Cushi and Eben Schleder. If you've had a bad date or would like our advice on any

dating issues, please tell us about it at baddatespod at gmail.com or call us at 984-265-3283. That's 984-265-3283. That's all for this week. We will be back for more... BAD GATES!