Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - I Believe Fives! (w/ Danielle Perez, Bonnie McFarlane, and James Tom)

Episode Date: June 30, 2025

On a new episode of Bad Dates, host Joel Kim Booster welcomes comedians Danielle Perez, Bonnie McFarlane, and James Tom to discuss their most iconic dating fiascos. Danielle has two tales, one about a man in too close proximity and another about a guy who went full Shark Week, Bonnie takes a famous date to a different date she didn’t know was a date, and James goes in search of something specific but ends up watching…Pachinko.  If you’ve had a bad date you’d like to tell us about, our number is 984-265-3283, and our email is [e-mail], we can’t wait to hear all about it!  Subscribe to our YouTube Channel for video clips.Merch available at SiriusXMStore.com/BadDates. Joel Kim Booster: Psychosexual, Fire Island, Loot Season 2Danielle Perez: @divadelux on socials, check out Overcompensating on AmazonBonnie McFarlane: @bonniemcfarlane on InstaJames Tom: @jamestomxo on socials, check out King Of Drag on Revry now Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Bad Dates ad-free. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

Smart, blessed, me-a-n. And then he started to tell me what a good comedian he was. And I remember thinking like, is this a joke? Do you know what I mean? Like he was in New York. We were in LA at the time. He was like a New York guy. But he was like saying like, no one will ever see how great I am

because I'm on the road being amazing, being incredible. There's no industry there. And I remember thinking like, if this is a joke, this is really funny, but if it's not, it's kind of refreshing. Oh, hi there. Welcome to another episode of Bad Dates. I'm your host, Joel Kim Booster. And here at Bad Dates, it's a podcast that is exactly what it sounds like. We talk about bad dates and dates on this podcast can mean anything from a first date to a third date to a 10 year long marriage

to a hookup, a one night stand. We cast a wide net here because we find the stories are funnier when we do. Now, before we get into my very exciting panel of guests past trauma. We at the last couple of weeks of this show have found 150 questions put together by relationship experts that are you're supposed to ask on a first date that will, I don't know, help you get to know your partner better and maybe help you fall in love. And this week's question is I am looking for someone to blank with. Bad dates. And my answer is very simple.

Before we get to the panel, my answer is I was always and forever and found someone who I can sit in comfortable silence with. That's it. That's all I want. Because doing nothing and not having it feel weird is such a telltale sign to me that it was so right. Like, now, those of you, the listeners at home who do know my fiance, will be shocked to learn that there is ever a moment in our house where there is comfortable silence because he loves to chat.

He is like, I can put him in front of anyone and just like a Furby, he will go. And it's great, but those moments that we do have silence, it feels completely normal, it feels lovely, and that is what I have always wanted and found. So I'm very, very lucky. Now, on to our panel of guests. I am legitimately so excited for these three people.

They are all amazing. Joining me today is a comedian and actress who has performed on Jimmy Kimmel, Comedy Central, and shows The night agent and Overcompensating out now on Amazon. It's Danielle Perez. Hi I love This next comic. Oh boy. I'm not even and this is gonna embarrass her This is one of my earliest inspirations to do stand-up

I have been watching this woman do stand-up for the better part, oh my God, I'm so sorry to say, Bonnie, 20 years. She's appeared on HBO, Comedy Central, and The Tonight Show. She also appeared on a slideshow I had on my MySpace of comics that I admired. So no big deal, it's Bonnie McFarland. Oh my God, I had no idea, thank you, thank you. You were huge.

It was you and Kathleen Madigan on that slideshow, my God. I had no idea. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were huge. You were it was you and Kathleen Madigan on that slideshow, I believe. So finally, another comedian I greatly admire, their writer and actor comedian shows like Life and Beth, Tuca and Bertie and Our Flag Means Death. He is incredible and can grow better facial hair than I can, which is infuriating. It's James Tom, everybody. Thank you, Joel. It's pure minoxidil. Well, I will have to get my doctor to write a script.

Now, Daniel, I'm throwing it to you. The question I want I'm looking for someone to blank with. What is the blank that you're looking for? Not to be a joker, but I'm looking to someone to bed rot with. Bed rot! Yeah. That's another, that is like, that's a very like lateral sort of move from mine.

Exactly it. We have something in my house called a bed blanket, which is not a sex blanket, is in fact a separate blanket we use to put down on the bed so we can eat. Yeah, oh my God, I do that in the hotels. There's the eating bed. Oh yeah, I love a two queen bedroom in a hotel room

because you got the eating bed and you got the fucking bed and never the twain shall meet. That should be a Young Money song. I can make your bed rock. Exactly. Danielle, you feel me, I feel you. Bonnie, you are looking for someone to blank with. Well, I was going to say be quiet with, the same as you.

Oh, wow. I mean, it can be. It's, you know, this is, I'm married, this is my 18th and final year. So it is, it's, you know what it is? It's I want someone who I don't eat with, that I don't have to listen. A lot of our arguments have to do with how loud we're eating, so. A quiet eater, someone to eat quietly with.

What is that? There's a term for that, it's like mesothelioma. I know that's not it, but it is. Mesophonia. Yeah, something like that, Yeah, yeah, yeah. I used to get in a lot of trouble on my last podcast because I would eat on mic, and I have not subjected any of the bad date listeners

to that yet. I know, it's like an ASMR kind of thing. It is really... They're freaks. They're freaks and losers. Everyone who likes it. Muckbang, your muckbang era. Speaking of a freak and a loser, James Thom, I now kick it to you. Finally.

It's my mukbang time. You're looking for someone to blank with. What is the blank? Joel, the answer is easy. I am looking for someone to finance my life with. Yes. Oh, yes. Finally, some real talk on the podcast. We've been looking for. Some honesty. Yeah, yeah, yes. Narrow-skies. Finally, some real talk on the podcast. We've been looking for it.

Some honesty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that my new gay guy dream is two husbands, one to make the money and one to keep the home. Oh. The way a man should. And what are you doing? Diversifying the portfolio.

Yeah, what are you doing in this triad? I'm looking pretty. Yeah, okay. That is true. We're all lazy as fuck. That's like, I think what the ultimate answer for that is, is we just want someone to be lazy with. -♪ Bad dates! -♪

-♪ Bad dates! -♪ Danielle Perez, you are up first, my dear. Now, Danielle, before we get into your story, give me a little bit of a lowdown of where you're at right now, relationship-wise. What does your dating history look like? Are you a serial monogamist? Are you somebody who fucks and runs?

What's the deal? Yeah, I mean, fuck and run, but I don't have feet, so not great at running. I really teed you up for that one, Danielle. Really? Fucking enrolling. Here's a softball and you hit it out of the park. Just yeah, rolling IED.

Yeah, to be fair to me, Danielle, I don't think of you that way. I don't think of you that way. I think of you as a person in a box right now who I cannot see their lower half. I'm just a floating head. No, I, yeah, it's really emotions. What are those, right? We just want to, we want to bang it,

get it out of the way, move on. Let's get to not one, but two, scary, scary tales from your past. So Danielle, I'll let you choose which one you wanna go with first, but just set the scene. Where are we at in your timeline? ["Fantasy"] We're back in the day.

We're talking OkCupid. You remember that? Very scary. Vintage. Vintage. OkCupid with their fuck ass questions. I'm sorry, but if you ask me, like, what I think I would do if the moon were, like, going to crash into the earth, and then you give me four options for what to do.

Like, how is that supposed to help me find a man? Get the fuck out of here, OkCupid. Just paragraph responses to do. Like how is that supposed to help me find a man? Get the fuck out of here, okay stupid. Just paragraph responses to questions. Very spooky, very scary. I matched with this guy and I did my due diligence, right? I had like the phone call before we like met up on a date and was like, okay, great over phone. Let's meet for dinner, which now I know, dinner is a terrible first date.

Because you're locked in. You're committed for two hours. Like you have, if they wanna order appetizers, you meet them and you realize like, actually I don't want to continue. And now I gotta sit through calamari before the meal. Right, and then they wanna peruse the dessert menu, like even after that.

Like it's, so you're just, you know, I like drinks because it's an hour tops and you can be like, well, I got to go. This was great. Bye. Yeah. Right. Or you just get too drunk and there's your... Forget. And then maybe they might be hot enough, right? Exactly. It might work. But I, we were committed. We did dinner. And the person I went on a were committed, we did dinner. And the person I went on a date with is a little person. And you would have thought JLo and Ben Affleck were entering Masai

Nekopark. Let me tell you. Head swiveling turning. Okay, I think the GM at one point came and stopped by our table to greet us. Literally my God. Literally every server in the restaurant, do you guys need anything? What are you doing? Like they really, they were like, oh my God, love wins. Yeah.

They're like, wow, you really found each other. They were so excited. Everyone was obsessed, except for me. I was just like, no, this man has the personality of a bedpost. Oh, so you went on a date with Brad Williams. Oh, my God. Kidding, kidding, Brad.

We love, we love. Please do not, do not at me, Brad. You're funnier and scarier than I am. We love you. We love you. Please do not at me, Brad. You're funnier and scarier than I am. So, um, but continue. No, right? In hindsight, that's the reveal. Yeah.

He was, um, he had a bad personality. He had a bad personality. He was uninteresting. He was boring. And then, um, at one point during the meal, he had his fork in his hand, he was eating a salad, and then he took his little hand and scooped the salad onto his fork. No hand touching salad.

That was horrifying. It was very, I was like, oh, am I in a David Lynch film? Like it was. Yeah, because you know he's not washing his hands after he goes pee. Don't open the box. No, men just as a general rule, I don't believe they ever wash their hands. That was a urine soaked salad bite that he just took.

So it was sick, it was very gross. Everyone was loving it except for me. We finished the date, finally I'm free, I can be gone. But the thing about him is because he is a little person, he is really the optimal height to engage in direct eye contact. If he wants to go in for a kiss, he can make it. And with you in particular.

Usually when a guy is creeping and I don't want it, I can scoot away, right? They're just getting air. It's a real physical curve. Like this. Yeah, I guess. Sorry, baby. It was just me.

Your lips are not ADA accessible. I will not be partaking. Right. It's gonna happen to me. But he got right in there. I was held captive. It was bad. It was just so bad.

And then the worst thing is literally like a year later, I had a joint birthday party with a friend. Like why I would do that in my 30s is loca, but I had a joint birthday party and he showed up as a guest of my friend. Whoa. Wow. Psycho, right? Crazy. Round two.

So is he at his tree? But he showed up tree? Yeah. But he showed up with his girlfriend. It was a park birthday and they proceeded a make out in the grass. Just flaunting that he had a connection. It was, I was like, this is terrible. It was a terrible birthday. I hope it wasn't tall grass.

No, it wasn't tall grass because I saw it. It was wide open in the field, fully visible. But so what was the girlfriend's diversity point? She had tattoos on her leg of different color circles. Oh, and that has to be a disability. Possibly neurodivergent. Yes. That is okay.

I have a question. am I allowed to ask? Yes. Were you jealous at all? No, not, I'm like look, you may have legs, but you did something really ugly to them. Because you chose to put those different color circles on them. Lady.

How dare you treat your legs that way. Right, I may not have them, but I can judge yours. Not everyone deserves sweet. You're not a them, but I can judge yours. Not everyone deserves to eat. You're not a light, light bitch. OK. Yeah. Black tattoos only. That's what I say. So, Danielle, Tia's up. Where in your timeline is the second story you're about to tell?

The second story is many years later. Many, you know, many years were off OkCupid. I met him IRL. Oh, I mean, I'm at a sushi restaurant. years we're off OkCubeHead. I met him IRL. I met him at a sushi restaurant. So I'm thinking, okay. So you're thinking, okay, he likes to eat fish. Basically, right? James gets it. I know. I know what I like. He's all about the omakase. I know how to find them. I know how to find him. Yeah, but it was like, okay, we met IRL. There's like a spark of connection.

We went on a date. It was good. We were hanging out and he's over. And I was on my period and I had read on the internet that you can keep your tampon during sex. Oh no. The internet is famously reliable. The internet we say. I was a sex educator

and all of my alarms are going off right now. James is like, oh no, this is terrible actually. Yeah, here's a rule of culture. Al Gore's internet lies all the time, okay? Remember that. I'm so sorry, this is before we had our AI gods. This was, I was solely relying on Quora, not even an ass-jeez. No, actually the AI would be even worse though.

The AI would be like, hey, put another tampon in. You can actually fuck the tampon into your body and leave it there and you won't die of toxic shock syndrome. Your body will absorb it. It'll make you stronger. Exactly. That's what AI would tell you. It's like shock syndrome. Your body will absorb it. It'll make you stronger. Exactly. That's what AI would tell you.

So we kept the tampon in, just like a real ding-dong. And the sex was not good because a tampon was in there. And so that's really bad. Well, wait. Can I ask a logistical question as a game man? Now, I have famously fingered a woman, so I do have a base understanding of what's going on down there. But the tampon goes in this... I know there are different holes. The tampon goes in the one that you do fuck.

Yeah. Okay. Just wanted to clarify. It just gets pushed back, but had to get out But this is every conversation I have on Grindr. We're like, let's get on the board. You know, right? I'm like, yeah, come over. Yeah, you know, when. So what happened with your life raft buoy in your body?

I don't know what I thought. I thought maybe it was like get pushed to the side and then like the dick would slide in and it would be fine. I didn't think that it was going to get pushed. It sounds like Danielle, you also only have a base understanding of what's going on down there. Can you believe all of us did? Nobody really knows how the female body works.

It's never been studied before. Women are a mystery. It's like the bottom of the ocean. People have heard about it. No one's really ever seen it. Can you believe I'm allowed to vote? You shouldn't be after the story. Yeah, I know.

Wait, but could he feel it? I feel like I can feel if there's a rock in my shoe. I'm sure he could. And that's the thing, because we had done it before without a tampon. It was like something's different. Something's different, something's wrong, but he was too polite to say anything about it.

I don't know. Or maybe he couldn't tell. Maybe he didn't know. Truly. I don't know what's going on down there either. Yeah. He was like, oh, this is new. This probably is something that I did the last time I thought you were so good that it made her shallow. I'm happy to be there. A lot bigger tonight for some reason.

So the next morning, I'm like fishing for it. And I'm like, oh, no. Oh, I'm like, fishing for it. And I'm like, uh-oh. No. Uh-oh. I'm sorry, but fishing for it in context, like referring to a tampon is tough. It's really tough. It's tough to hear, Daniel.

It's... But I'm... And you're also actively bleeding at this time? Yes. So, I'm like... I'm trying to even find a strength. Do you know what I mean? I'm like really like even with a grasping with a finger and nothing's, nothing's happening. I'm not getting a hook in.

And I'm like starting to cry. What do I do? Right. And he's, I'm just like thinking like, oh my God, I'm gonna have to go to the ER. Wait, is he still there? He is still there. Oh my God, I bet you were doing this in the privacy of your own bathroom.

No, it is my bathroom, but he spent the night, and so he's hearing me like, oh no, she's in distress. He's like, what's wrong? And then like, I explain. And then he's like, maybe I could try to get it out. Huh? Well, a hero a hero emerges, you need to give him a little pair of chopsticks. Well, how did we we were like, what if I was upside down in the in the bathtub with my legs 180, no lube, hand in. I was essentially fisted for the first time trying to get this tampon out.

And this is a whole, this is a- This is like the second time we've hooked up. And this man I assume is of average height and average hand size as well, correct? Yes. Yeah, oh God, if only if it were the other guy, he would have had an easier time getting in there. Right, I know.

That would have been so just a quick, no more traumatic than going to the ER. Yeah. But this was like, I was like, oh my God. That's why every time I see like those videos of like girth master, I'm like, I, I, I went so little because I know, I know what that truth is. Give me boyfriend dick all day down. Okay. I don't need to, I don't need to know about my second hole. Yeah. There's a second one.

It reaches into a difference. Yeah, no, you don't. You don't want to know. So how did you get it out? I need to know. He got it. He he was deep in there. Just rest deep in there.

Got it out. That had to been a good moment, though. He's a hero. Great American hero. And then you saw him again after That had to have been a good moment though. Women's scottish are incredible. It did, it did. He's a hero. So he's a great American hero. And then you saw him again after that? I did.

You did? You did. That's what it turned into. Well, how could you not? You owed him your life at this point. Basically. That's right. I was like, you saved me an ER copay.

I was able to go to work after that. I will say, I think that like men who are willing to go full shark week and like say, I don't care that what's going on down there, as long as you want it, I'm fine with it. I think that's real manhood right there. I agree. Chivalry is dead. Every man should be wrist deep inside of his one-way fishing a tampon out. I should have known. I should have known that he would have been cool

with just like, with a blanket, right? Eden blanket, putting it down, just getting to it. Yeah. Now Danielle, what did you learn, if anything, from these two experiences that you've sort of carried with you into the present day? You know, I've learned so many things, but I think if anything, I've learned I'm Goldilocks, not looking for something too small, not looking for something too big,

just looking for something just right. Yeah. Bad dates. Bad dates. I'm very excited to hear what Bonnie McFarlane has brought to the class today. Now, Bonnie, I know you mentioned you were in your 18th and final year of marriage to one rich boss. I'm getting ready to get back out there. I thought he would be dead a long time ago, but he was still kicking. I think we all did. We've seen how he eats. He would have no problem, but he'd be like,

what is the problem with your story? So 18 years, that's a long time. Where in your timeline does your story take place? So this is probably like within the year before that I met Rich, that I was when I was just out, you know, the one that got away, leaving it all out there. No, this is not the one that got away for sure. But by the way, Danielle, that happened to me, but I was drunk and didn't know and then suspected that I had one.

I had to wait a long weekend. It was like it was knocking around in there, just getting slowly more decrepit. I looked and looked. I couldn't get out. I had to go to the clinic and get it taken out. And the woman who took it out showed it to me. Like with the tongs. Oh my God.

And gave me a lecture. Cause she thought I was doing it for like some weird, you know. Oh, like the newest TikTok trend. Get a tampon, stuck up your vagina. Right. All the kids are doing it. You guys, my new skincare routine. Your daughter may not be drinking or doing fun party stuff, but you bet she's doing weird

shit like that on TikTok. She's doing weird shit with her damn mods. Thank God I don't get a period anymore. Me too. Blessings upon blessings. You got a mustache and you don't get periods anymore? Fuck you, James. Listen, if James were on the same path, it sounds like.

I do get ads for menopausal vaginal lubricant, so. Oh. Yeah. Yeah, they really nailed me on that one. You have silver lining on all that. So this was about a year before you met Rich. So this was roughly 19 years ago. Yes. You're in comedy, you're coming up.

Yeah, I was working on a TV show. I can't tell any real details because I don't want the people to know. But I was working on a TV show and one of the other writers was like, it seemed pretty casual, asked me to go to his birthday party, which was at a comedian's house that he wrote for. So I assumed it was going to be this big blowout party thing. And then, you know, later in the week, I was talking to this guy. This guy called me that I'd met at a party. Very cute, very successful actor.

And while I'm on the phone with him, the other guy calls and goes, aren't you coming to my party? Like I'd forgotten about it. So I go, oh, yeah, yeah, I'm on my way. So I go back to the other guy and I say, hey, do you want to come to this party with me? It's you know, I told him whose house it's at. Like, you know, this is like a boy.

Bonnie, you're a bad girl. This is literally like mid-'90s sitcom territory we are in right now. It's the right era, too. So he, the guy, the actor comes and picks me up, and I'm totally into this guy. I mean, he's like so cute and funny, and we smoked a lot of weed. Go over to the comedian's house, go to the door.

Okay, first of all, this guy used to be on a soap and he's not anymore, but this is how he started his career. It was on the soap. By the way, Bonnie, we can bleep. If you think it would help for us to know, we can bleep any names you want. I'll tell you who the actor was. And then he will be, okay, we'll bleep it.

Okay, it's. No way! Wow, okay listeners, you'll never know, but this is a major poll. Juicy, juicy. This is a major poll for Bonnie, especially at that time, I would say. Yeah, and well, I met him very briefly

because I wrote on a show that he did a guest star on, and then we met at a party, and then we had the same birthday, so it was a match made in heaven. It was fabulous. Oh. Yeah, and he's Canadian. And so we had a lot to talk about.

So anyway, we get very high, we go to the famous comedian's house, and which you can, you want to bleep that one? I'll tell you that one too. Oh, please do. Please do. Okay, so you got to believe this because I don't want to make you. We will. Kyle will definitely, he's very good about it. It was, is that his name?

Oh my God. Yeah, that's crazy. I've never met him before. I don't know. This is so funny. You're like, some guy. The listeners at home are furious right now, but it's okay. You'll get over it, guys. Trust me. So we go to the house, ding dong, and the guy opens the door and he goes, wait, wait, who's this?

Who's this? And I introduced them and then he pulls me inside and he goes, we don't have enough food for everybody. Like that was his excuse to get this other guy out there. But while he's talking to me, I realized it's not a big blowout party. It's the person I said, the comedian's family. It's at his house, so it's a very intimate family gathering.

Grandmas, grandpas, kids. I was about to say, like, there's not enough food, is not, like, is such a bogus excuse. Yeah. But this is, this sounds like everybody individually order your meal on Postmates and it'll arrive, not like a pizza situation. There was enough food. There was invite only.

No, but I guess they had told everyone, like, my date is coming. And then his date showed up. But they all, all the grandmas and moms and aunts recognized my date from his soap opera days and were, they were not going to let him out of his sight. Yeah. I mean, they were like, they got him food.

They were really high. Like I don't know how to handle this. They were all like, yeah, don't fuck this guy. Fuck that guy. Right? They loved him. They're ready for him to join the family. We don't care if related. Yeah. Like,

and he's very charming. So he was like, winning them all over. And he was, he was so, I was just sitting on the couch for a while because I was like, I don't know what to do. I mean, I was so high. And then, and the situation was so different that I thought it was going to be. And the guy who invited me was sitting like mad across the couch while my date is talking to everybody. And there's this girl, like maybe 13, playing the piano. And I kept saying to myself, turn around and tell her she's doing like, be social, be normal, you know, because I'm high. I'm like, just turn around and tell her how good it sounds. And I turned around and the piano was just playing by itself.

No. Oh my God. No. No. To see that high on the top. We had this sitting there very briefly, but it was a player piano or whatever. And I was like... Oh my God.

Thank God I didn't go. But yeah, so we sat and had dinner with everyone. It was very, very awkward. And that was that was it. What did the famous comedian make of all of this? He didn't seem to think it was weird at all. He was just like, oh, well, you know, we had a good time. People make mistakes like he

and did not pay them. I mean, I'm sorry. I know you're deeply in love with your husband, Bonnie, to some extent, but it sounds like this was the one that got away. A little bad. He dated for quite a while and he was really nice and stuff. But I got to say it was when I don't know what it is when you start hanging around comedians, regular people just don't do it

for you anymore. I mean, I don't know. Maybe you guys are different. Okay, so this is going to be my question is which do you think is harder as a comedian, dating another comedian or dating an actor? Dating an actor is definitely... I watched every single guest star episode, movie, like he didn't make me watch the whole movies, but one night we sat there and he showed me every single bit of acting.

He showed you his reel? You watched his archive. Like you're not watching anything. He pulled out pictures and started just showing me like past pictures of himself. I mean. Well, and you did tell him, to be fair, that you were a manager. He was a champion. On another date.

So that was our very first date, but we went on another day, we went hiking and he had a dog and I was like so into the dog and then he goes, oh, I borrowed it from a neighbor. The dog was an actor too. Oh wow. No, that is very LA actor behavior. He's playing like adorkable boy boyfriend. He's playing a loyal dog. I stayed one night.

I stayed over and I mean, the sex was very nice. It was good. And then I just left and I never I never went back. I never turned to I never said goodbye. Like just in the middle of the night I left and that was that. Wow. And they never like before the term ghosting even existed. It's just sort of how you did it.

I guess. You want to know one more funny thing about this fella? Yes. So he would he would say like he'd, you know, leave messages and he would be like, my body lies over the ocean. You make funny jokes about my name. And then my friend Googled him one day and his ex-girlfriend's first name was Bonnie. The last living parent.

No! So he was reusing bad song parodies? Recycled. On your voice machine? Yes. So he has a type. Wow. Okay. I've really turned a corner. Um, no longer a fan.

Um, J-J-J-JK, J-J-JK. He sounds lovely. He doesn't sound like anyone did anything wrong. But point of order, let's all agree here today, everyone listening at home, the three of you, inviting someone to your birthday party without it being expressly conveyed as a date is not a date. You owed that man nothing but to arrive at his party.

That is the parameters that he set, and you followed through on. So you are not the villain of this story. I will say the big time... I did do it two more times. I took a date on a date two more times. So I didn't say you're a hero, Bonnie. You're the hero we need.

Did you learn anything from this experience that you took on with you into your now 18 year marriage? If you're going to do something weird, you bring a beloved actor with you. Well, okay. Yeah. to you. Last but certainly not least in my heart, it is the one, the only James Tom. James. Now, I know you are your current status. You are single, I believe, if I remember correctly. Wow. Wow. That's what I'm giving. I mean, I am. I'm for these streets. I'm for anyone

who doesn't know I'm on the dyke to fag pipeline. I was a lesbian adjacent for approximately 17 years. And now I've gone full demon twink. Just in time for summer. If there was any doubt in anyone's mind that James is a gay man, go to Fire Island with James and watch James interact on that island. You're a gay guy. Yeah, something came to light in me.

Some creature has come to life that I have never known before. And I want to say I was very respectable as a lesbian and that's all gone completely out of the window. Yeah, no, no, no. It's one thing, James, to transition. It's a completely other thing to transition and also become a gay guy. To transition into becoming a gay guy. That's like-

To enter my 20s twinkeded in my mid 30s is terrifying. Hey, babe, we are both going to look at most 32 for the next 20 years before we both take a sudden sharp left turn and look like a pillar of salt ready to disintegrate into the wind because that is how Asians age. Yeah, every day. integrate into the wind because that is how Asians age. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every day. CSBF, baby. So, James, put us in your timeline here. Where where are we at for your date?

OK, I want to say specifically that I went through. This is the third story I thought of when I thought of coming on to this show. And this is a story I realized I wanted to tell, particularly in your presence, Joel. Oh, wow. So this is a Joel Kim booster special. This was recently. I'm so excited.

It was early this year. In fact, it was, I believe, New Year's Day, 2025. A New Year's Day. Dark time. Oh, yes. Very recent. Yes. And I was like, you know what?

It's the first day of the year. I'm going to start my day. Right. Uh, I was in my hometown of San Francisco and I was the kind of, you know, crazy horny that you get when you've spent too much time around your family. Oh my God. We know what this is like. We know what this is like. The amount of times I've fucked behind a target in a Subaru while home visiting my parents

on Christmas. Because that's when you have to get creative is when you're staying with your family. Yes. It's so real. It's such a real phenomenon. Keep going. So it's New Year's Day. I'm like, I'm going to start my year right. I want to have raw sex with an ugly man. Oh, so specifically that was the intention I said. I was like, I'm going to find an ugly man to have raw sex with. So now are we talking ugly top to bottom or are we talking butter face?

Because here's the thing. I love a butter face. I prefer a butter face. It's insane that I ended up with a model, but here we are. Butter face is my type as well. I like them a little ugly. I don't like a pretty man. I have to be the pretty one.

I like someone who I know had no choice but to get that body because of what they were wearing. That's a gay guy compulsion. That's an indictment on our culture. This whole podcast is. This story is about to be, okay, so I'm on sniffies. It's 2 a.m. in San Francisco and this guy hits me up. He's good and ugly.

He's like, I just got tested last week. I haven't been with anybody since. I believe him because I have a beautiful heart. And I'm like, based on the way this guy looks, I believe he hasn't been with me. Exactly, I was just about to say. I was like, it's depending. If a five tells you they haven't had sex in a long time,

believe them, okay? I believe fives. I loved his honesty. I believe fives. Get loved his honesty. I believe fives. Get that on a bumper sticker. So. So. Believe all fives.

Yeah, believe all fives. So I take an Uber to his house, it's two in the morning, he answers the door, he is wearing Hufflepuff sweatpants. Oh no. Yes. Oh god. Hufflepuff sweatpants. Oh no. Yes. Oh god. Hufflepuff sweatpants. And this whole time he had been like,

I'm gonna give you this big daddy dick. I'm gonna rail you. And I was like, oh my god, am I about to get railed by this Hufflepuff right now? But I had already taken the Uber, so I was like, okay fine, this is what I signed up for. And it's like, kind of read the room, dude.

You're wearing merch from one of the most famous TERFs in the world, dude. You're wearing merch from one of the most famous terfs in the world. And you're wearing her merch as you're having a trans guy over like and a Hufflepuff. That's not even a cool house. Well, at least you know, he's hardworking. You know, he's going to get the job. He's loyal.

January 2025, like in the year of 2025, Hufflepuff sweatpants. I'm just like, how hard would it be to change into a pair of basketball shorts? Just have 20 minutes in the car. Anyway, so oh, and also by the way, he had been like, I will give you a ride home. So I was like, okay, I'll just come out. So he's wearing Hufflepuff pants. I'm like, okay, fine. I come into the apartment, he lives in a studio apartment, and his TV is on, and on his TV, he is playing Pachinko. Apple TV is Pachinko. Apple TV is like epic, multigenerational, like,

tragic Korean story, okay? Yes. And so we're trying to like, Korean story. Okay. Yes. And so we're trying to like do it. And after a while I have to be like, hey, try it. Wait, wait, wait. He left Pachinko on? Yeah, no, Pachinko was playing the whole time.

No. Sound on. And... He wanted to fuck to a prestige drama on the least watched streaming service of all of them? So disrespectful to Asian stories. Yeah. Not giving them the attention they deserve. Stop Asian hate did nothing, apparently.

I'm just really proud that you can share the story during like AAPI Month. Yeah. This is going to come out after... But you have the courage to tell it now. Also you don't even know what's about to happen. So okay, so Pachinko is playing. After a while, I'm like, hey, can you turn off Pachinko? I just like can't get into this during like a show about the Japanese annexation of Korea and its multi-generational effects.

So he threw on... He was like, oh, I got you and threw on the wedding banquet. Right. Something to really get me in the mood. So he turns it off, but then we're having sex or whatever, we're fooling around and we just keep like rolling over the remote. So Pachinko keeps stopping and starting. And he keeps like stopping and being like, oh, sorry, sorry, like fumbling around. Like, like he's never turned off the TV before.

Visualizer on your TV like a goddamn adult like the rest of us do. Bad Dates! Thank you guys so much for joining us. Daniel Perez, where can the people find you? What are you doing these days? Oh, find me online at Diva Deluxe, but you can also see me on TV on Overcompensating on Amazon. Check it out. Benito Skinner, genius, lover, hot guy. Love it. Love all the combos.

Bonnie McFarlane, what are you doing these days and where can the people find you? You can just go to my Instagram. It's really the only thing I do. So it's Bonnie McFarlane. M-C-F-A-R-L-A-N-E. James Tom, where can the people find you? What are you doing these days? You can follow me everywhere at jamestomxo.

And I was a consulting producer on King of Drag, the first ever drag king competition reality show. That's amazing. Coming out on Reverie June 22nd. So check that out. Incredible. Definitely check that out. I'm very excited. I will be tuning in. And folks, that has been our show today. Thank you so much for tuning in. If

you liked what you heard, please give us a rating and a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever you're listening to this now. Once again, I repeat, even if you hate what you heard, give us five stars and leave the note. As has happened a number of times. People saying they literally cannot stand the tone of my voice, and yet they still give five stars. And to those people, I salute you and I thank you. And no one reads the reviews, they only look at the ratings. So keep it up, people. Keep it up.

We will be back next week with another episode of Bad Dates. I cannot wait to talk to you. And until then, goodbye. Bad Dates is a production of Smartless Media, created by Robert Cohen. Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Stuart Bailey. Produced, edited, and engineered by Devon Torrey-Brien. Produced by Anne Harris.

Edited by Kyle McGrath. Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Social media producer is Tommy Galgana. producers are Sean Hayes Will Arnett and Jason Bateman executive producers for smartless media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminsky music by Kushi and Evan Schledder if you've had a bad date or would like our advice on any dating issues please tell us about it at baddatespod at gmail.com or call us at 984-265-3283. That's 984-265-3283. That's all for this week. We will be back for more Bad Dates. Smart. Less. Media. Smart.

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