Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - I Will Love You So Well (w/ Urzila Carlson, Matt Mathews, and Mo Welch)

Episode Date: January 27, 2025

On a new episode of Bad Dates, host Joel Kim Booster welcomes comedians Urzila Carlson, Matt Mathews, and Mo Welch to discuss their most iconic dating fiascos. Urzila’s date has been doing her own research but god knows from what book, Matt finds out his dream man is an actual nightmare, and Mo loses her virginity to a clown at the circus. No, really. If you’ve had a bad date you’d like to tell us about, our number is 984-265-3283, and our email is [e-mail], we can’t wait to hear all about it! Subscribe to our YouTube Channel for video clips. Merch available at SiriusXMStore.com/BadDates. Joel Kim Booster: Psychosexual, Fire Island, Loot Season 2Urzila Carlson: Tickets and info at UrzilaCarlson.com, Kinda Pregnant on Netflix from Feb 5Matt Matthews: @matt_matthews on all socials, headlining tour Boujee On A BudgetMo Welch: New stand-up docu-special Dad Jokes, The Office reboot coming soon Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to ad-free new episodes.

Smart. Blast. Media. I've never touched a cooch. I didn't even come out of one. I fingered a woman in Melbourne actually. And it was nice meeting you. And you know, this is why we... Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of Bad Dates.

I am your host, Joel Kim Booster, and as always, this is a podcast that is about bad dates, bad hookups, bad relationships, even, if you can believe it, just stories from the trenches. I bring on some of my funniest friends and new acquaintances, and they are going to open up and be vulnerable and tell you about a story where they may or may not be the villain themselves. It happens sometimes. It's one of the most interesting parts of the podcast is hearing my friends tell stories where they are in the wrong completely.

But I don't know what's going to happen today, no promises, but as always, we are going to start the podcast with a little bit of listener mail. This one is from Nicole. Bad Dates. It says, hey Bad Dates, I just had a date with a co-worker that was going great.

We came back to my apartment and for the first time ever, I tried to give a blowjob. My date happened to be what my friends call an uncut gem. This is important later. The way I always imagined you blow someone was to keep tugging and sucking. At first it was working. I sped up as I went, especially the tugging part.

Suddenly his pleasure turned to intense pain and he told me to leave him alone. Turns out I ripped his foreskin and I learned how quickly that turned into a figurative and literal boner crash. My question is, how do we avoid this fate for future BJ rookies? P.S, if you think this hasn't made my work hell, think again. Well, Nicole, I think you need to do a little bit of research. There's this thing out there called porn, okay? And I feel like you just need to go in and look up Uncut King and watch what those ladies are doing with

the uncut penis. I'm an uncut king myself, and I have to say this sounds horrific. And the other piece of a general advice that I have for everybody who's listening to this podcast today is, if you've never given a blowjob, maybe start with someone you don't have to see every day. Because that is, wow, you really up the stakes of your first blowjob in a way

that I don't recommend anyone do. Also, general tip for guys with foreskins, this is just a general piece of advice, don't rip it. Okay? There's like a really big important part about having a foreskin is that you don't want it ripped. But you know what? I'm not the only person on this Zoom right now. I have a bunch of people here who

are just dying to weigh in. So let me introduce them now and they can give their own advice. We are so lucky today. This lineup is incredible. We have a comedian who was born in South Africa, now lives in New Zealand. She's appeared on Netflix and Drag Race Down Under, kind of pregnant with Amy Schumer on Netflix, and is touring Canada and America this May and June. One of the funniest comedians I've ever seen live. Please give it up for Ursula Carlson. Hello. Hello, my love. Welcome to the podcast. Thank you.

Next up, we have a stand-up comedian who has appeared on After Midnight and is on tour now with his new show, Bougie on a Budget. It's Matt Matthews. Hello. Hello, Matt. Thank you so much for joining us.

Absolutely. Last but certainly not least, this is a comedian and cartoonist whose work has appeared in The New Yorker. She's appeared on Comedy Central and Conan, and her comedy special, Dad Jokes, is available on YouTube. She is also one of my very first friends in comedy. We were both temps at Groupon back in 2010,

and she also is a model. Please welcome Mo Welch. Oh my god, and that story reminded me just of us when we first met and I gave you a blowjob. Yeah, and you did rip my foreskin. Yeah, I did. So, ripped it right off. It was, it was.

You can tell from Jesus. We called it a bris, and that is how it went. Now, folks, what do we think about poor Nicole here? First of all, going in, first blow job, co-worker, and an uncut penis, which as we know, is very much like Kylie Minogue, huge in the UK, never really made a splash in America. So a lot of people are unfamiliar

with how to work the foreskin. What do we think? What could she have done differently? And what should she do in the future to avoid this? Wait, wait, wait. Why are we saying she, she, she, she's not the one with the foreskin nor the penis. Why did he not, what is wrong with straight people?

Could he not go, babe, you're rippin' it off? Yeah. This is communication, isn't it? You go half. That's true. I want to know why this bitch is just now sucking her first dick.

Like, what? That is a good question. Like, to have a coworker. How old is she? No, that's my thing. Is it like, is it your coworker at Deloitte or is it your coworker at the Cold Stone Creamery? Yeah.

Because, I mean, I was a professional, okay? Early. Early on, I was a pro, you know? And I'm just thinking, what is this bitch doing with her life that she's not sucking dick already? It's true, it's true. I agree with Ursula, I think he probably could have spoke,

he could have advocated for himself a little bit more. I wonder if he's ever received a blowjob before. Maybe he thought that's just how it's supposed to feel. It's supposed to hurt. Yeah, it's supposed to hurt. We don't know the job. Maybe they're working at the school canteen together. That's what we just said. Ursula, bitch, get it together.

Get that internet together, sis. Don't be too cocky. Don't be too cocky. You're sitting there in five, though. No, Ursula. Do not. My internet is working good. Now?

Bitch, I got my Verizon hotspot, okay? I got my Verizon hotspot. I love this conflict so early in the pod. It's incredible. It is funny, like, I know Ursula and Mo, you don't have as much dick sucking experience as Matt and I clearly do. But I'm sure we were really good.

Every lesbian says, like, but I was really good. I was like so good. Like, yeah. Like, I can suck a dick. Mine was a lot like this. See, I could never lick on a kitty cat. Just general rule of thumb, too. I'm going to say this as an uncut guy.

If you're giving a blowjob, it is best to pull the foreskin back first and then suck from there. If you're trying to pull the foreskin forward with your mouth, some guys might be into that. I will say speaking for the entire uncut community, just pull it back, make it look like a regular dick for a second, and then you go to town. Yeah, because otherwise wouldn't it

be like trying to give a haircut with your hoodie's hat on? Yes, exactly that. I'm not a dick expert, but it sounds like it should be, get it out the house. I am. And I do. I think that you also don't need to be good at everything. Like you can also recognize like, hey, maybe dick sucking isn't my thing. And I'm really good at whatever else straight people do.

Like going to the farmer's market, giving hand jobs. Oh, yeah, the farmer's market. Oh, God. To waste, I'm sorry, a hand job, to waste a load on a hand job. Speaking of someone who's pushing 40, I don't have the loads to waste on a hand job. Hold the motherfucking phone Bitch you're lying. I'm not I'm just wear SPF. That's all and I'm Asian

It's a you know, you're fucking Asian a white bitch is always get the shit end of the stick, right? Well, no, I mean don't crack Asian looking good. And here I am. Gotta get Botox. I Gotta say the thing about me is that I will look 30 for the next 25 years and then suddenly I'll wake up and it's a sharp left turn, I'll look like a pillar of salt ready to disintegrate into the wind. That's how Asian people age. I genuinely thought you were younger than me.

Like, you are… You look good. Thank you, baby. I appreciate that. I swear it's just the Zoom filter that I have on right now. No, I've seen him in person. He's lying. Yes, I'm getting off the podcast because I'm pissed off. Bad dates.

Bad dates. So let's get into it with your own stories, folks. First up, we have Ursula Carlson. Ursula, give us a little bit of context about where you're at now. I believe you are partnered now. No, I'm single as hell. I decided to. Oh, you are? Yeah.

I was partnered last year and I... You know when you just get to a point because I'm nearly 50. And I was like, Matt, now's your time. Yeah, I was about to say, fuck. Last year, I decided I'm going to be single because I was with someone who I I'd made the mistake. I went back to someone that I've been with before and you know I forget yeah I know I know but yeah don't don't return to the scene the crime I know and then it all came back to me and I thought oh no I I don't it's like when you

eat leftovers and everyone goes it's always better when you have it the second time but then when you eat it you go it isn't uh so no I'm single as hell and I'm loving it and I am trying really hard to stay single which is hard when you're cute as fuck. I will get ladies who come up to the shows or will slide into my DMs and I think I don't know if it's just more chatty, like I'm very, I always talk to everyone whenever they message me, I'll message back unless they're assholes, but then I really message back. No, and then, so this one woman, like people come to the show and I've now done this three times and I've not learned from my mistakes, so potentially.

Well, and we call that, and I don't know if you have a term for this in New Zealand or you're part of the world, but we call these people chuckle fuckers. Oh, yeah, we call them gag eggs So these women are really like they keep coming back to the show So in melbourne this woman came to the show like six times in a row and every night she'd bring a date and every night sit in the front. And then she would wait at stage door and chat to me and then, but I sort of knew her, you know, I'm not going to say she's an industry person, but I kind of knew of her. And then she goes, we should go on a date and you know, she's lovely. And I went, yeah, all right, we can go for a drink. Why not? Who doesn't like a cocktail?

So I went out for a cocktail with her. And I swear to fuck, as soon as we sat down, she immediately started, it's like she just changed. She just became this really different, rude person. Like she was so combative with me. And she even said to the table next to, like she said to me, so she was at, I play Melbourne Town Hall and she goes, um, so you think you're all that cause you're Melbourne Town Hall.

And initially I, I thought she's trying to make a joke. I hit her. And I was like, sorry, what? I didn't understand. I'm like, if this is a joke, I don't understand it. And then I go, I don't, you've been at the show six times. I don't think I'm all that you clearly think I'm all that, but I didn't, I literally couldn't even figure out what the hell she was meaning by that.

And then this is like, she's nagging you, which is like such a strange phenomenon that happens to certain psychopaths when they go on dates, where they think it's really fun and attractive to try to bring you down in a fun, flirty way. And I don't know a single person who enjoys being nagged by a stranger. No.

And then she even... It's giving baby reindeer. Yeah, 100%. And she even had that vibe. But then she would lean over to the table next to us, and she'd go, do you know her? And the guy, because I weirdly did know the guy personally, and they go, yeah.

And she goes, oh my God, now you're probably... I was like, oh, so... So then I said to her, I go, sorry, why are you being rude or mean to me? I don't understand what's happening. And she goes, no, I'm dominating. I'm the dom. And I go, what? So she's straight.

Oh. She's straight. She's a psychiatric mad. So what she's done is she's gone and read up about lesbians. She's done her own research. And now she goes, she needs to be the daddy. So she's going to be Dom. And I'm like, what?

I go, that's not how it works. And she goes, I just want to know if you're a top or a bottom. I go, what? I go, we're lesbians. We don't do that. And she goes, no, are you a top or a bottom? I said, bitch, I'm not a bunk bedbians, we don't do that. And she goes, no, are you a top or a bottom? I said, bitch, I'm not a bunk bed. Like, I don't know what that means.

You know, we take turns. I'm surprised she didn't just straight up come out and be like, are you the boy or the girl? Yeah, I'm like, are you gonna mow the lawns or me? Yeah, straight people love to find out. They're like obsessed with figuring out. I have, you, girl, you're better than me because I'm telling you, I'd have hit her.

Yeah, but that would make me the boy. I would have just mollywopped her ass right in the mouth. You were so rude to me. I would have knocked the shit out of her. What field guide on lesbianism was she reading? I love it, I love it, but I think this is like those people who go, do your own research. And then you sort of look at them and you go, where did you find that? So she's done that.

But it was so fun. I mean, and yeah, I mean, to be completely honest, yeah, I did fuck her. Like we went... And was she dumb? Was she dumb? Was she dumb? No, she was not dumb. Let me tell you. I was Big Spoon.

I was the daddy. Yeah, yeah. Ain't that always the way. But then I thought, OK, it's done now, right? Like we it wasn't a particularly enjoyable experience, as you can imagine, you know, but I did talk us through a few steps. I was not going to get my foreskin ripped. I'll tell you that.

So, so, but then I'm like, okay, it's, you know, it was an experience. I didn't, you know, I didn't like it. Uh, and then the next day she showed up again, but then she brought a bag. Like a wheelie bag, hand luggage to my show. I'm like, what the fuck is that? Oh no. She goes, oh, I looked on your schedule and you've only got four more shows left in Melbourne. And I thought, we don't have a long time.

So I'll just stay with you for the next four days. This bitch is crazy. What? I said, like, fuck you all. I said, no, you can't. Bitch, you can't even lick pussy. Much less stay at my house. I think she read up on lesbians more with that suitcase.

Yeah. How you work. So then she's like, I'm going to stay with you because I think I'm exactly what you need. And I went, mmm. Oh, no. I said, what you need is a straight jacket. When I finally got her to leave, and I'm talking 45 minutes of hard negotiating,

she was crying so hard, and she just looked at me and she said, this is a big loss for you because I would have loved you so well. I could have loved you so well. I was like, ah! You should have hit her. I'm telling you. Ursula Carlson, everybody, loved you so well. I was like, ah! You should have hit her. I'm telling you. Ursula Carlson, everybody, thank you so much

for being open and vulnerable and sharing this truly terrifying story of lesbianism taken too far. Thank you, and I will love you all so well. I think that's the title of that. I will love you so well. You know, I don't know Matt. I've just met Matt today, but I have a feeling this story is going to be just as harrowing, if not more so, than Ursula's because again,

it's just a vibe read that I'm getting from you that you've been through it. Thanks, I appreciate that. You've been through it. You've been through it. You've seen some shit. I was a trailer park hoe and I lived in a single wide trailer and I was really doing big things

and I was a hoe for show. And I just was really living my best life and I met this guy and I just thought that he was it. You know, like I was like, this man is about to really just like, he's about to be the one, you know? What were the qualities? What were the qualities that made him it?

Was it just looks? I didn't have, he wore car hearts and had a beard. And that's what I thought it was. That's what I thought it was. That's where the bar is. That is where the bar is set. Not now, bitch. Not now, bitch, okay?

The bar is higher now, but at the time, I was a trailer park hoe and I got what I got. Here's the thing though, we talk about being, you know, like in a gay relationship, like the man and the woman, right? Like I love my thing is like, I can't, I'm not attracted to like feminine guys, you know, like I want you to be like very macho. Like I want a man. You need, you want a man in car hearts. There's nothing more erratic than car hearts. I have period. Like you need to work shit. You need to like run a tractor, you know, all the things. Right. I'm obviously you can tell I live on a farm.

So and this guy like has a landscape in business and is like, you know, I'm thinking he is like he is cute. Like my type. Right. We go on a date. Everything's good. I'm thinking like we're Gucci, you know, like shit is shit is going to pop. And, you know, everything is just really smooth sailing and he's telling me all the things that I wanna hear and I'm really thinking like that this was gonna be it.

And then I went into the gas station to get a water one time and at this gas station by my house they have like a bulletin board or you know, like, they would pin stuff. Wait, I have to ask, why did you have to go to the gas station to get water? Is it not readily available to you? Well, I had left the house and I was going somewhere,

so I stopped to get a bottle of water. I thought- Bitch, you act like you ain't never been parched on the road. No, no, no, no, no. I just thought you've been going on and on about how you lived in a trailer park, and I thought to myself, oh my God, did he not have running water? Yeah. Yeah, we had running water. We didn't have it that bad. You had to walk to the well.

I was, I was really, I was going somewhere and had already left the house. And so I just stopped to grab a bottle of water and I went inside and when I went inside and I'm checking out at the register and I look up and I see his face, pinned to the bulletin board. It's his mug shot. Employee of the month, employee of the month, right? Bitch, no. He's telling me employee of the month.

Mug shot for a child related felony. Oh no. So he's fucking children. How old were you at this point? I'm 20, 21. At that point. So I mean. Yeah. How old is he? Did you have five children?

He was he was a few. Yeah. He was a few years older than me. I bet. And come to find out he had been fucking around with kids and got arrested and went to prison. Oh my God. And he was out on parole. Oh. Wow.

Yeah, bitch. But he owns the business? Baby, he was weed eating people's yards, come on now. Yeah. He was a task rabbit, he was a full task rabbit. He was, yeah. It was, I drove to his house and I didn't know what I was about to do,

but I was so upset and I was so livid. And I drove to his house and he opened the door and I had my bottle of water and I just like, nailed him right in the face. And I just started knocking the shit out of him. I was like, you fucking pervert, you know? Like, I just, you don't fuck with kids. You fuck with convicts. I just, you don't fuck with kids.

You fuck with convicts. I mean, yeah. I fuck a convict. This is the thing, I love that this is kind of where the story ends for you, because all this time, it's sort of like Chekhov's violence from you, Matt, where you've been advocating for people

to get their ass beat, and then to find out that you actually did it, is so satisfying, it's so satisfying. I grew up with an alcoholic mom, and she always got in fights. Like, she beat up my fourth grade teacher in a parent teacher conference. So, you know, it's like,

I think I heard your mom. Yeah, so, it's ingrained in me, it's why I don't drink alcohol. Because I don't know if you've ever seen a gay white ghetto guy after a couple of slippery nipples. But like it is not a good vibe. So I don't drink alcohol for that reason because I like to fight people. Yeah. But I mean, imagine being like I was like he was my first love, you know,

like I really thought that that was it. Like imagine how long did this go on before you found out that he was a child blaster? Well, we were we dated for almost six months before I found out Yeah, wow And the thing is it's like you're from the south and like it must be hard to find other gay people Yeah, south and this is who you think you know No, bitch. No, baby, they know. They know I'm there. No, that's not me. No, no, no, that's not me. No. She's like, yes, it is.

I literally never, I've never been to Alabama. Everybody. I have a ton of family in and around Birmingham. It's in fact where I found out I wasn't white. And it's not hard to find. It's not hard. Yeah, everybody thinks, oh, there's no gay people in the South, bitch.

Yes, there is. Yes, there is. There's a lot of gay people in Birmingham. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's the hub, baby. If you're in Alabama and you're gay, yeah. All right. Well, that's the only reason. That's the only reason I never moved to Alabama. So now that I know, there's a nice gaze. What about the lesbians? Are they there? Oh, yeah. My sister's a lesbian.

What the hell? Yeah, you're right. Who do you think's driving the tractors around? Yeah. The fuck? No. So Matt, did he press charges? Was there any retaliation? No, bitch, he's back in prison.

He's back in prison? He's back in prison. When did that happen? When did you find out that happened? This has been years ago, so I don't know. I don't know the current status of his life. He's currently listening to this

podcast. Currently listening to this podcast. But he did go back to prison and I married my husband in 2016. And before I married my husband, he actually texted me and

was like, I just I've seen that you've been doing so well and I'm just wanted to say how proud I am of you. I would love to come to your wedding. Oh my God. Yeah. This person has the same disease that Ursula's person has. It's so dastardly. Diabolical.

Yeah. Yeah. Bad dates. Bad dates. Really, really exciting. At Dates. At Dates. Really, really excited to hear, because I've heard some stories from this lady before, previous dating stories that have gone poorly and well,

and I'm excited. Mo, give us a little bit of context. Where are you at right now in your life romantically, and where does this story take place? Okay, so I am married, and we just had our anniversary, and at, I don't know, maybe seven years, maybe six. I can't remember what year we got married.

And this takes place in Chicago, because I wanted to give you, I wanted Joel to know some of the players. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so before I moved to Los Angeles, I was a comic in Chicago. I didn't know I was gay till later,

say like 24 years old, right? And so when I was in Chicago, I didn't know what I was doing. And I was an open mic comedian. I ran a show at Shambles Bar in Chicago. Great show. And I ran an open mic and it was like just a show where I was okay for the first 30 minutes and wasted for the rest

And you would just see you would just see the timeline of how drunk I would be okay Give me some of that ham. Yes hams beer on tap. No really just in a dirty can but the I Had never kissed a woman before. At 24? Yeah, 24. Was you stuck in dick steel? Well, yeah, I was trying. I never really finished.

I would just kind of do it for a while. And then with my jaw, when I got tired, I got tapped out. It was temp work. It was temp work. It wasn't a career. It really was. I just like have all these, I have all these visions of these like guys that I dated just being like, oh, uh, okay. Like when I'm like, all right, I'm done. I'm going to stop now. Um, so, so, uh, this, this woman comes in, uh, and, and to the bar, to

the open mic, didn't sign up for the open mic and says I'd like to sign up and I was like oh great are you a comic and she said no I'd like to do some mime work be be miming be doing some clown miming work huh and I thought to myself am I in love said, yeah, like I run this mic so like I could get you on the show. And so she goes up, she does my work is heckled people hate it. A friend of hers who is a clown in the audience gets into a fight with another with a comic because the comics are like, what the fuck is this for five minutes? Somebody's like, you know, just miming. Was it good mime work?

What'd you say? I would say it was absolutely fantastic. Okay. And I'm sorry that they were too drunk to know. Is there good mom work? Yeah. So it's more. It's beautiful.

Okay. And yeah, I was probably a little too drunk to know but I could tell she had some talent but I was also like what is happening? And so she asked me to go this is I'll keep it quick but she she asked me to go to her clown her circus show. And so yeah, so I go to her circus show. And she does. She juggles hats and then gets up on the trapeze does some trapeze stuff. Very impressive stuff. Not gonna lie. Not not not mime shit. This isn't this ain't mime shit. Yeah, this is like the big leagues. This is danger.

Exactly. Nothing sexier than someone putting themselves in danger. And no one someone putting themselves in danger and No one putting themselves in danger while I do my work Except I will say my work at a comedy open mic. That is another form of danger Unto itself, but but sorry, can you just find the picture a little she's in a lewtad at this point? Oh, what are we wearing? Thank you. So at yeah, at the show, she's get your hand out of your pants or so. The show, she's wearing these like

these like funny underwear that are like have hearts on them. Matt looks like he wants to throw up. This story can't get worse. It's like the red flags are going chk chk chk chk chk. Some red glasses. And I think a funny hat. If I remember right. Oh fuck this woman.

Must have. You better believe I did. Was it good? It was actually, it was fantastic. So wait, am I to gather that you lost your virginity to a mime? Yes. A mime clown? Actually at this clown place.

Oh, I know you fucking lie. You fucked at the circus. Yes, in another room. See, you're about to be a child-related felon too. She is much older than I am. Thank you very much. But they got children at the circus. No, this is an adult circus.

It was adults at least 21 and up. Okay. This isn't. Yeah, this isn't. This is nudity. Yeah. No, there's no nudity. Well, maybe there is.

Okay. But anyway, so I'm at the I'm at this show, right? Oh, this is fucked. I'm at the show. Then come to find out somebody that Joel and I know from the comedy scene had actually been dating. They were dating right before I meet this woman. They were dating and it had broken up.

Like how long? The clowns, like months, not long. Broken up the clown's marriage that this person had been dating and broke up the relationship. They cheated together and came together. Well, I cannot wait to get the text of who this person is after the show.

But the first, the very first person, like very first woman that I kiss, that I, you know, sleep with, with ends up being related to the stand-up community somehow. It becomes a huge thing. So immediately, I'm in the L word in Chicago. But our very first, I'm just going to quickly say our very first date though with Me and the Clown, we go to this place called the Victories Banner in Roscoe's,

Roscoe Village and they had the award-winning french toast and uh this is what I'm ordering, of course I see award-winning french toast. I order the french toast as an adult on a first date and I eat the french toast and immediately get food poisoning and going out for a drink. Not from the award winning French toast. Motherfucker. So, lutely. Did you check and see what award it was? Was it the most contaminated French toast?

It's the French toast that'll make you lose 10 pounds. Yeah. Shit through the eye of a needle without any splatter. Yeah. Before there was Ozempic, there was this French toast. Yeah, terrible, terrible first date experience. And then we ended up dating for two years. Wow.

Yeah. Wait, have I met this person? I don't think so. Maybe. If they were at your shows or anything like that, I bet I have. Yeah, but I was pretty good at being at shows and pretending like I was single. Yeah, but I was pretty good at like being at shows and like pretending like I was single

Yeah, I don't remember a story of a mime But I do like to imagine her sort of being trapped in the closet as a mime There's just I also think it when you're at the very beginning of coming out you I was just like craving experience Yeah, and I was like, oh my God, just get me in there. You were craving pussy. Yeah, exactly. That's what I call pussy. Bad dates.

Guys, that is our show. You guys have really given us a lot to chew on today. And so let's just get down to it. I wanna find out, Ursula, where can the people find you? Where can they see you? I know you probably don't wanna give out too much information lest your stalker be listening to the talk. My phone number is 027, no.

Just on my website. Everyone bring your suitcases to Ursula's show. Come move in. Just on UrsulaCarlson.com and I'm touring everywhere, 2025, I'm going all over the world. So get your tickets. That's incredible. And you were gonna, oh my God,

I'm so glad you're single for this tour. Oh yeah. Because you are gonna be trying so many delights from so many different countries. And I've got a movie coming out on the 5th of February on Netflix called Kind of Pregnant with Amy Schumer and Gillian Bell and all these amazing girls. And I'm like, thank God I'm not in a relationship. I'm just at the buffet and I'm starving.

Being a gay dude is amazing. It is. It It is it really is Speaking of gay dudes Matt. I know you're on tour as well right now. Where can people find out information about you? Where can they follow you? All of my socials is just Matt underscore Matthews. We are Halfway not even halfway through what the fuck am I talking about? This is a three-year tour I am a quarter away of way of my second headlining tour right now, bougie on a budget. So I am doing that.

And I have a music album coming out very soon. So yeah, we're dropping that coming soon. That's incredible. Well, everybody go follow Matt so you can keep updated on that project. That sounds incredible. And finally, Mo Welch, where can the people find you? Me? My dad jokes comes out on Hulu on Friday. My docu special about going to find my dad after not seeing

him for 20 years slash stand-up. And yeah, I'm on the new office reboot but I don't know when that comes out but be on the lookout for tall lesbian. Fuck elations, that's amazing. I am so happy to hear that. From truly a call center in Chicago to the office reboot, we've really both, I cannot believe. We made it out. Yeah, we made it out. We've really both, I cannot believe.

We made it out. Yeah, we made it out. We made it out alive, baby. Listen, guys, that's been our show. If you enjoyed what you heard today, please give us a rating and a review on iTunes or wherever you're listening to this podcast. It really helps people find the pod.

As always, I will remind everyone that even if you hated what you listened to and want to leave me a shitty review, specifically about my hosting abilities, do what many people have done and accidentally leave a five-star review saying you hate me as a host. That I will take, but just nothing below five stars.

Thanks. That has been our show. I've had a blast today. I hope you have too. We will see you next week on another episode of Bad Dates. Bye. Bad Dates is a production of Smartless Media created by Robert Cohen. Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Stuart Bailey. Produced, edited, and engineered by Devon Torrey Bryant. Produced by Anne Harris. Edited by Kyle McGrath. Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Social media producer is Tommy Galgana.

Executive producers are Sean Hayes, Will Arnett, and Jason Baitman. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminsky. Music by Cushi and Evan Schleder. If you've had a bad date or would like our advice on any dating issues, please tell us about it at baddatespod at gmail.com or call us at 984-265-3283. That's 984-265-3283. That's all for this Gates.