Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - I'm Shook (w/ Jordan Firstman, Catherine Cohen, and Alex English)

Episode Date: August 21, 2023

On this episode of Bad Dates, Jameela welcomes comedians Jordan Firstman, Catherine Cohen, and Alex English to discuss their most iconic dating fiascos. Jordan tells us about a German date that got foggy in the bad way, Catherine gets the gift of hives but not the bee kind, and Alex gets all choked up to America’s tiniest song bird. If you’ve had a bad date you’d like to tell us about, our number is 984-265-3283, and our email is [e-mail], we can’t wait to hear all about it.Jordan Firstman: @jtfirstman on InstagramCatherine Cohen: @catccohenAlex English: @alex3nglish on InstagramSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I'm a ear man the other week he's so sweet. I know he's in love with you now and he's leaving me for you. Ah! So it's a really intense... This is actually a bit awkward. Yeah. Instead of the best head he's ever gotten. So...

He's all with that too. I love that. I'm so happy you're all here. Oh, that was your recording. I did it for you. I'm going to have your live feed here. It's so cozy here. Oh my god. You are all so funny and so great.

And I'm so thrilled to have you here. This is always my favorite way now to get to know people. It's via their most. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to be here. Oh my God. You are all so funny and so great. And I'm so thrilled to have you here. This is always my favorite way now to get to know people

is via their most intimate and vulnerable and ridiculous stories. And I have a few of my own and nowhere near enough by my old age. And so therefore, I'm mining all of you for your story so I can live by carelessly through you. So I want to first get to know, before we get into your stories,

I want to first kind of get to know you and how you feel personally about dating Alex. I'm just going to start with you. Do you enjoy dating as that? I think that brings out the best or the worst in you. I think it does both, you know? Like I used to date around when I was in my early 20s, but I was kind of like in a shell of like,

who I wanted to date, the kind of gentleman I wanted to see. And around like, you know, okay, well, to be specific, you know, I was really early dating like truth ucks. Like these guys were, many of them were in the closet, many of them, and that was like appealing to me, you know? Still kind of, still kind of is, you know. Still kind of is. Still kind of is, you know. Why did a gay guy?

Why? What do we have to talk about? You know? There's no chase. Exactly. But now I'm a bit more refined in my search. I'm a bit more, I'm far more diverse than I ever thought.

I was on my dating life right now. It's very rich, I'd say. It's very rich. I was in day all very rich. Some of them, some of them my dating life right now. It's very rich, I'd say. It's very rich. They all very rich. Some of them, some of them. Yeah, not all. Good to be you. Yeah, but I mean, not so much, not a requirement.

I'll say that, but I, yeah, your boy, your boy been out here going after the like, these wolf blitzers looking for the fukas like, you're really good. That's how far down the pipe up and what's it like to date you just from their point of view man I mean if you ask me it's a fucking blast but if you ask, terrorism,

terrorism, domestic terrorism Katherine what has your experience been with dating like how do you feel about it? I adore it I just you know I just want the past 10 years I've just been wandering New York with my Catherine, what has your experience been with dating? Like, how do you feel about it? I had a door. I just, you know, I just want the past 10 years. I've just been wandering New York with my holes open, looking for validation, looking for love. And so I was sort of in like a blackout drunk in his, just sleeping around and falling in love with everyone I met.

But in the past three years, I have settled into a gorgeous relationship with a very lovely person who I adore. And it's been wonderful and it's like changed my life and I say it with me, become a better person, grown, everyone throws up. But it's kind of amazing. I know. And then recently, you guys are going to love this. Recently, we've been experimenting with a little bit of group sacks, which has been very fun. Oh, cracking over the door. So, you know, they're still excitement. They're still excited when you're in a long-term relationship. That's nice. That's fucking amazing. I don't like to stand in line for anything, which is weird, because in British we'd love to queue. You'd love to queue, I was about to say, yeah, my nightmare, lines are my nightmare.

I anything beyond one-on- one and I'm absolutely terrified. I've never experienced group sex. What is that like? Can I just ask? I, it's, first of all, it's hot. Yeah. It's very hot to me. Uh, and I'm really figuratively.

Absolutely. And it makes, there's something in a twisted way. When you feel safe enough and supported enough to do it, but you still get a tiny pang of jealousy that turns you on. I think that's where the magic lies. What do we think? I don't know if I've ever done one on one. I mean, it's bad.

What happens in group sex when suddenly, and I doubt this happens to you, but I was fear that everyone would stop touching me and then, do I, how do you get back in? Yeah. The inverse of that can happen. The inverse of that can happen. And that's what happened to me the very first time I ever tried group sex. I was in Harlem, me in three other black dudes.

And I was really excited because they were all hot, but then at a certain moment, I felt very cornered in the situation. And I didn't like that. It kind of like just like three dudes, all kind of at one point. I was like, hey, didn't we all agree to kind of just like, do each other and then kind of just-

It feels like a humble brag now. That's just, no, no. I was like, no, come on, no, I was nervous, dawg. Like I was like, no, I want to be what we have. You don't want to feel like you're being like eating a lot. Yeah, I'm talking about that. I was like, I would love to know. I would love to know where you're at. Vultures in the sky over there, pray dog.

No, I wouldn't say. Peck committee apart. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Jordan, what's your experience been with dating? Do you enjoy it?

Do you feel like you're a good date? I have never really like gone on a date with someone. The idea of meeting a stranger at a restaurant and then having to talk about my life and then listen to them and talk about their life just makes me sick to my stomach. And so I'm just like. Are they ever allowed to talk about their lives afterwards? Oh no, no, no, no. My boyfriend's in the other room.

I have no idea what he does for work. I have no idea what he works no, no, no, no, no. My boyfriend's in the other room. I have no idea what he does for work. I have no idea where it's from. I have no idea his name. What is his name? Bad dates. This feels like a perfect time to enter your stories, children. They're called not technically a whore. Not technically a whore.

I think it's my fault. Yeah, so like I was recently single and I had like a month of being single where I could like be a hoe and then the pandemic happened. So I think that's also why I was like super horny the first couple months and then like yeah like people were Celebrating me online for whatever and it felt good. So I felt really like hot But it also was like you couldn't really see anyone that you didn't know it was kind of like

out of out of bounds and so you, and like, so when you're gay, sometimes, there's a thing that's called a non. So like on their profile, they'll be like a non. And that means anonymous. And usually they're like the door's open, I'll be on my hands and knees, blindfold on, come fuck me and then leave. Like, it's a full exchange.

Like, it's just like that's what it is. My favorite point category. Yeah, I mean, it can's a full exchange. Like, it's just like, that's what it is. My favorite point, I agree. Yeah, I mean, it can be hottest rock. Like, I gotta look it up. Yeah, you got it right now. I'm gonna go get it. Bye, watch it. What's that for?

That's the most I'm reading right now. Oh my God. Oh my God. It's green share. So I was like, I was, this guy, you was like on, I was like, sure, let's do it. And so also at this time, it was like the height of like, even if I like, I'd sound so stupid saying this, but like, especially like in silver, like where my friends in Bennett's like, the white girls there, like really liked me.

And so it was like every time I left the house, it was like a white girl being like, banana bread's publicist, banana bread's publicist. And like there was like a lot of just like community of community around. Yeah. And so I was like the anonymous part was like exciting in that way too. And so I went there and it was going really well. Like it was like sometimes like even without faces the bodies are just like vibing. And so it was, I was like getting really into it. He was getting really into it. And then I finished and I was like about to go

and he was like, he started taking the thing, I was like, I'm sorry, I just need to see you. That was so good. And then he turns around and he goes, oh my God, impressions guy, I'm shook. No, no. Are you a teacher? I just got fucked by impressions guy. This is my impression of Jordan for the first three reading my last

rock. That feeling when impressions guy puts it in, yeah. Yeah, I'm shook. I'm shook really took it over the edge. I'm shook. And the voice was so shrill too. It's like you wanted to imagine him just being a sexy guy that you just had sex with. And he was like, I'm shook. And he's like, do you want to stay for a beer?

And I was like, no, I think I'm good. And then he tried to get answers from me as I was lady. So are they all improv or do you come up with the ideas? No. No. No. That's amazing. It's a fuck out of my face.

Oh my god, no one do you're in a relationship. Oh, that's a fucking hell. So in sense, that's my worst nightmare. That's so funny. That's so ridiculous. And such an amazing way to realize that you've made it. Do you know what I mean? That's the ultimate confirmation.

When the anonymous asshole knows who you are. Yeah. That feeling when the anonymous asshole knows exactly who you are on the internet. Oh. Bad dates. So I was like taking this trip to Europe and I was 20 or 21 and had had no,

I think I went with like $900 in my bank account and I was like, I'm just going to figure this out. I needed to find a way to, you know, survive once I was there. So I was like, I'm just going to use Grindr as like, I mean, as hotel. So like Grindr is hotel for this trip. And so, but like also I did want to enjoy my time. So some days it would get to be like seven o'clock and I'd be like, oh I've been enjoying my day

and now I don't have a place to sleep. So I'd have to like get on and find it immediately instead of like, sussing guys out and kind of- We were like, call this pull or die. So when they go to festivals, they often don't bring, they can't be bothered to bring camping equipment. They're just like, I'll just fuck my way through this. Yeah, I like, then went to Barcelona and like met this other guy and like immediately fell in love with him.

And like something happens. Can I just, can I just discuss your pretty privilege for a minute here? And that like, not everyone can guarantee a place to stay at the end of every single day. Fuck you, Jordan. Not everyone can guarantee a place to stay at the end of every single day. Fuck you, Jordan. I will, but I'm also not like, it is easier than you think. You know, like I was like, it is easier. And you understand like, Jamila, like, to most gay men,

like because I don't have like huge muscles and I have like some body fat on me. And I'm like, even to some like, I'm hairy hairy like I'm a monster to them you know so like in in Inge or I mean a river gorgeous like And so I went to Berlin and I met this German doctor actually on a on a site called couch hopper So we like um we meet during the day and I met him on something something called, I think it's couch surf, yeah, couch servers,

but it was like a gay group of couch servers. So it was kind of implied that like, you're gonna have to fuck them if you stay with them. Mm-hmm. And he was, he was one of them. Why would Janie have caused this hope as sexual? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

I don't know if we can say that. No. No, I don't think I'll do that. No. But so, so I got there and we have this like cute Dan. He was one of the more handsome ones that I had, you know, been with. I was like into his face and stuff. So I was like, okay, this is great. And so the first night I got there, I was like having trouble sleeping. And he was like, Oh, here, I'm a doctor, just like, take this. And I just like gobbled it up instantly and he was like,

oh, my God, that's so hot that you didn't ask what it is. Like, that's so hot to me. And I was like, okay. And like, yeah, it was hot. I guess a little bit hot to me too, like the danger element of it. But then, so like, night two, he was hot, I guess a little bit hot to me too, like the danger element of it. But then, so like night two, he was like, I wanna give you something else tonight.

And then I was like, okay. And so he gave me something else. And it was like stronger. And like it would like really turn him on. And like I would like kind of be like in, then we, oh god, this is a little problematic, but like I don't see it that way so it's not you know what I mean? So what I mean? But we would technically have sex while I was like you know we'll call it

under. Oh my god I am not being out. That's where I was going. Under I didn't know what it was while I was under my God. Jordan, Jordan, Jordan, I thought a white line. Jordan, Jordan, you keep doing it. Jordan, you keep doing it. I got, I got, I got later, I got later. Oh my God. Oh my God. He got really into like the drugging me and the meat I'm asking.

And then so like this is horrible. And at certain point I'm like, I he is a German doctor and I am this Jewish 20 year old who just came to Germany for the first time. Is it this that log line to the human centipede like? Is it? We're in a warehouse in a barnyard. And so like night four or five comes. Wait, first of all, can I just say way too many nights?

Wait, two and a half with this person. For sure, for sure. But it was like. But he was tired. Yeah, and he was really tired. I had been traveling all week. But he, so night five comes and I wake up in the middle and I have no idea where the fuck I am. Like, don't know a country I'm in,

don't like recognize him. Like I was like fully didn't know. And then he was like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. I give you what I give to put a patient back in a coma. What the fuck? Which was just a really powerful sedative. So he had been going up in dosages or whatever every night, just like see what would happen.

This is like a phedag. Basically just seeing like how much anesthetic you can take. Yeah, yeah. He's like cutting you with peppers and shit. My days were lovely. You know, it was like he was so nice during the day. And he would like take me to the park and take me to go see movies. Very cultured man.

And the doctor forgot. And they were super nice and they were also drunk. and take me to go see movie is very cultured man. And the doctor forgot to say. And they were super nice and they were also drunk. It was a thing where he was like, I think like my, my, I don't even think he knew he was into this until it started. Like my openness to it made me realize he had, I guess, a fetish for it. How did you finally escape? So I basically, I, yeah, I'm just trying to use the correct sort of language.

Oh, yeah, that is the trying to use the correct sort of language. So yeah, better than language. You better write. Dr. Bruce left his office every day at 2.30 and I knew I had a win. No, the next morning I was like, dude, that was way too much and I was like, I'm obviously not going to stay with you anymore. I grow backbone and figured out someplace else to stay. But the real kicker is that like, I think like through the years, I've like more and more been like, oh, that was really crazy.

Because like, then he hit me up. He was coming to LA like eight months later and I let him stay with me. Wow. I do feel like your things that happen when you're younger that you just don't. Yeah, I was like, oh, yeah. Did you feel like you're things that happen when you're younger that you just don't run this. I was like, oh, yeah. Did you feel like you owed him your count? I felt like, I felt like, wait, I like forgot if I liked him or didn't, you know, or didn't like him.

Because you were unconscious for most of the time with him. Right, I was going to say, did you let him do it again? No, no, not that time. I would have been so tempted to then like try and play their sort of reverse game with him and just Just give him like some of the like codashian laxative tea Like just be like drink this drink. Yeah, and then he just shit himself all night Just to teach him a little fucking lesson Yeah, or just spike him with those epic and like he just doesn't know he's not hungry

Yeah, or just spiking with those empec and like he just doesn't know he's not hungry. We all remain very proud of you for being live, round of applause for Jordan. I know. I'm just like glad you're okay. I love you. I'm just right. We'll be right back. Back it's. It is every parent's nightmare when folding in South Jersey, the searches on 4- 11-year-old Cape May County boy missing since yesterday afternoon, so far, searchers have found only his left sneaker near his home. It's hard to imagine losing a loved one, a wife, a husband, a child.

For many, it's their biggest fear. Amarissa Jones, host of The Vanished, a podcast that tells the stories of often overlooked and unsolved missing persons cases. Every week I dive into a new case, sharing the details of their mysterious disappearance, including interviews with family, friends, law enforcement, and even suspects in an effort to reveal the truth. And I'm proud to say that this podcast has aided in a number of arrests. It's important to me to remember the human behind the headline and help family members find their vanished loved one,

or at least a sense of peace. Follow the vanished wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on Amazon Music or the Wondery app. I'm way back. All right, Catherine, you're up, dude. My gentle story. I mean, okay, so I have the first one that came to mind because it was a real like date, date, date, like the kind Jordan says you don't like to go on, like it was, it was my birthday and my then boyfriend, I were gonna go see a movie and it was happened to be the movie Boyhood shout out

to that film. Oh yeah. Was that the one where the kid, he grows up and said he'd film him over like 10 years. Yeah, and I was like, I just see it. So I'm sitting there and then my then boyfriend goes to the restroom. And when he comes back, he like leans into whispers

on me to me and I'm like, what? And he's like, he was supposed to be rabbi and William's just died. And I was like, what? Are you serious? And he was like, yeah, I'm like, oh my God. And then I'm like, wait, and then we're like whispering back and forth

in boy that on my birthday like about Robin Boy. And like, this was very traumatic for me. Like I was very upset by this news. Yeah, he's one of the only celebrities where everyone had. Yeah, every but only one. Amy Winehouse and Robby. Amy too.

Yeah, the world's top. It was a big one. Just the fact that he like, and the way he did it to, he really like, he like, you know when you run to the bathroom in a movie, they know you're crouched over. So he's like,

crouched on all fours, like running back to me. Robby William just died. I was like, oh my god. I was kind of excited to like give you the news. For like, he was one to deliver the news. He was one of the children of the news. Probably because he was a little bit twisted. Wasn't he?

He probably wished the team the music played before he started. Yeah, exactly. And then just to timestamp the date, because I believe this was, we then walked home over the Williamsburg Bridge and filmed ourselves doing the ALS high-spucket challenge. So I wanted to really put it in a time capsule. I'm not going to make that. It must have been like my 24th birthday or something, 23 maybe.

Wow. Anyways, that was a really special date. Yeah. Boyhood into Ice Bucket Challenge. And with a intro of Rob Williams dying, that's crazy. Of a national treasure pasta way and a tragic way. Really? A treasure.

Christ. Is it really pathetic that I'm wondering how you had ice on the Williamsburg Bridge? So it's bothering my home. Okay, fine, fine, fine. We walked towards my home over the bridge. Like I was trying to be like, let's like walk this off with everyone,

man, check, walk home. And then the other ones I thought I once was dating, I'm obsessed with falling, also like Jordan falling in love with people in other countries and like being intense and needing to make it work and what's happening all day every day. Yeah, movie's ruined me for sure.

I love, you know, I love a good, impossible connection. So I was seeing this guy who lived in London and we'd been talking for months about his visit and finally he gets to my door in New York City and I swing it open and we start, you know, ferociously making out. I'm like, it's so hot. All of a sudden, I'm like, I have a trouble breathing, and I'm like, I look in the mirror,

I'm covered in hives, like, welts all over my body. I'm like, what the fuck is happening? And I'm like, is there something, I'm allergic to cats. So I look at his sweater, I'm like, are you covered in cat hair? And he was covered in cat hair. I, we had to stop. I had to pop a benedrial, pass out for 12 hours. He was like, I guess I'm cat hair? And he was covered in cat hair. I, we had to stop. I had to pop a benedrial, pass out for 12 hours.

He was like, I guess I'm gonna go sightseeing. I was like, absolutely. Good and please sexy. Thank you so much. I wanted to get with respect. I went really well. Respectful. Did he come right off the plane with cat hair on him?

Well, that's, that's the confusing part. I believe, yeah, yeah. I think he had maybe seen another friend before he came, but either way, it just it wasn't. Oh, it's not all. And that has actually happened to me. I had another time I was with me up with some guy and I was like, oh my God, do you have a cat? And it looks in the mirror. It's like, well, it's all over me. Those aren't the guys for me. This is like, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're gonna match me this roll and then red. Oh my God, it was bleak. That is so very wrong, calm though.

You're like, it's like you're itching. You're like, oh my God, of course this happens again. I know, I'm like, the man of my dreams has a cat. I know. It's what could possibly go wrong. You're being drugged by a German doctor. I'm a couple that drive a a question has a kitty cat? So stupid.

Yeah. And then you have one more story. Oh, the last one that I brought that came to mind was I was having a one night stand with this guy in Scotland. And he takes me back to his place. And I'm like, this is a really nice house. Why are you in Scotland? Why are you in Scotland? I was at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

Oh, I love the Edinburgh Festival. I love that. That's an amazing place to meet people. Do your set for us. I'm going to do my whole one. Thank you Jordan. Yeah, no, I love it there. So it's so magical when everyone's ready to fall in love.

And everyone's happy there. It's the only place I've ever been where everyone's happy for the entire month and no one fights and everyone's in a good mood. And it's like a dopamine central because all anyone's doing is drinking and laughing and fucking and drinking and laughing and fucking. It's amazing.

It's so special. Okay, so you met someone while you were there? Anyway, I meet this guy, I'm gonna go home with him. I'm like in my early 20s. And then I, I'm, I'm gonna go home with him. I'm like in my early 20s. And then I, I'm, I mean, we're in this nice house. And then I wake up and I'm like, he's like, shh. I'm like, what?

I'm looking at him, I'm like, there's lots of pictures of like children on the wall. I'm like, what's luck's going on? It was like, it was his parents house and they were downstairs in the kitchen. And I had to be like snuck out by like a system we rigged where it was like, he had like, you know, hit the stairs at a certain point. So I knew how to run out. But it was like in the Scottish suburbs, it wasn't like in Edinburgh. So I had to like, it was pre-Uber. I had to figure out

like call a cab. And I, oh my god, I like didn't, I was so hungover and it was just so, so not the bad. How old was this young boy? Um, We were both like, Oh, I know. I know. That's why I was so upsetting. We have to get a school. And so, I know he did, he did try on his guilt for me, though, which was really hot. Oh, that is hot.

Yeah, it was great. Maybe is it a cultural thing? Do they just stay with their parents longer there? I mean, maybe I was like, I just wish I knew I was going to his parents house when I was taken back. Yeah, you seen no bridges on the wall enough, okay? I was in a dream. Did he miss you?

We met a German doctor who'd given her something. Was he embarrassed by it? Yes, I think he was trying, he didn't think they were going to be home. Oh, okay. Where have they been the night before? Did they hear you guys have sex in there? They weren't there. I guess I think it was like a classic,

another kind of classic rock. I'm like, oh, they're home early. Like, oh, you're like a baby. You're like a baby. Like, oh, okay. You didn't tell me you lived with your parents? Yeah. I know, my life sounds like a cartoon.

I know. Yeah, I've always like, my sign of like, oh, this person lives with their parents. If I ever go over to some do-housers, we have to go directly to the basement. Yeah, I mean in England, we do stay for a longer period of time. I think I didn't move out to our 23 because we just have an endless cost of living crisis. So I think that's what it is, I think we're just... And so therefore you learn to have sex as like a mime. You know what I mean?

It's just it's all, like it's like having sex in the film the artist. It's completely silent. And I think that's why maybe my friends get shocked at how loud Americans are to have sex with. I'm not attacking. I'm not starting it. I was going to say that. I was going to ask a guy, thought that was some sort of correlation between the two of those things.

Because like some people are very verbal. Others are extremely mute. And then they're like, yeah, in between weird people. I think if you had to have sex, like, if you, I think I should be stepping. That should be my whole life. I'm still with roommates now. And I'm 37. And so I've only ever had completely silent sex. So I think I would probably find it quite scary and daring to be very vocal.

Sometimes Americans do take it to just like, I really annoying place sometimes. I love that I'm so audio-buck. I need I'm shook, what do I get in there is me. Oh my god, I'm shook, I'm shook, I'm shook, I'm shook, I'm shook, I'm shook, I'm shook. He was hot, I honestly, I hope he's doing amazing. He was like, sounds fucking brutal.

There's nothing more to say about the other, that was, that was, what a end, are you doing? Yeah, it's deep, it's brutal. The sex with the US, brutal. We'll be right back. Bad days. In the first part of the 20th century, the Hilton family had a lock on the hotel industry by offering upscaled service at a modest price.

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You can listen ad free on the Amazon music or Wondery app. And we're back. Alex, your story is called gay app dating is dangerous. So I feel like we're back to Jordan territory now. Back to Jordan territory. So okay, well, like about four years ago, I was on this app, it's called Jack. Now Jack is um, I called him. Yeah, I'm called biting some. Yeah, it's basically black grinder, because I don't really mess with grinder like that. So Jack is where you know all the PLC's and the occasional Jewish do show up.

So I'm like, all right, cool. This is cool. Um, I was on this app and this. So I'm like, all right, cool. This is cool. I was on this app and this guy that I guess lives in the neighborhood was nearby. He was one of those anonymous dudes. He didn't have too many pictures, but like on this profile, but like he eventually shared them with me. And I was like, all right, this is cool.

So we do the little conversation, you know, do you want to meet up at this bar in particular? We buffed new to bar because we buffed lives in the neighborhood. He the age difference, I had to be about 29, 30 years old and I want to say he's somewhere between 37 and 39. So we get to this bar and it's about two other people in the bar. So it's a nice environment to talk. You know, get to one, I mean, this dude is insanely, insanely hot, really big dude muscle.

You can tell he's in a gym constantly. He probably went to jail at one point and got out. It was really, really cool. Now, we're talking, and I'm noticing his demeanor is a little bit, you know, as we say back into his stank, when it comes towards the bartender. Okay. He was just kind of doing a lot of complaining,

you know, a little bit too much for my taste, you know, dude, we're just in a dive bar. It's 11 p.m. Don't you know I'm really big on like treat. I know a lot of people say this is not you know This is pretty cliche at this point, but if you treat service members bad So like people that work at you know like the food service stuff that that leaves a bad taste to my it's an immediate huge giant red flag So would it like the like the glasses and clean enough? Yeah, all this sort of shit. Yeah for a guy guy that's still like it's kind of Queenie behavior. Kind of Queenie. Yeah. You should just had your pictures on display. But yeah, it was middle was more so his complaints were like, how much the drinks,

how much this white bar, he was a black dude and he was very angry that this white bartender was charging him a certain amount of money for the drinks in this neighborhood that he grew up in. I was like, dude, inflation happens everywhere. No one gives up. It's not your neighborhood that's being attacked. That's what I'm saying. Also, the gentrification conversation is valid, but it's not the least.

Not first day. It's not the least that he probably thinks it is, I guess. Exactly. Not that fucking important to me, dude. I'm not trying to be pro-black dog. I'm just trying, I'm not trying to be pro black dog. I'm just trying I'm pro fuck right now And I'm just trying to get into that place for sure So but the red flag wasn't you know the red flag wasn't strong enough for me to not I was like all right This dudes a little nutty. Yeah, it's a little bit of a temper

You know this could mean he's really great in bed because as we all You know, this could mean he's really great in bed. Cause as we all, for sure. Crazy. Logic. I don't have to date this motherfucker dog. I just want to, you know, take him, I can just take him back home, do the big one in the cinema.

I'm doing the big one. That sound like just pooing in his house, but yes. That's basically it. I mean, so, you know, we wrapped things up and I make sure, you know, I let, cause you know, I gotta go back to this bar. Obviously he ain't coming back, but I'm like, I'm telling the dude behind the bar. I'm like yo

He's tripping. I'm sorry if his attitude was weird. He's trying to star something which you you know I'm cool. He's like yeah, y'all good. So he's waiting on me outside. I take him back home And you know I already knew what was getting ready to happen. So we start making out close star coming up It was I do enjoy and now, Clowstar coming off. It was, I do enjoy music during sex, but like, it definitely has to be a certain type of music. Cossack, oh. We can't be.

Yeah, truly. We have, I don't recall us really getting into a discussion in depth about music at the bar, but he did mention to me that one of his favorite artists was Ariana Grande. And I'm like, I'm going in. Yeah, starting on your own queen. Yeah, there we go.

There we go. So at this point, you know, I was kind of like, okay, but you download, like, I don't know how that makes sense. But I was like, all right, cool. Download dudes live Ariana Grande, which is probably going to be the end of being the title of the story. I think I love you. So, like, the thing is, like, he was like, all right, in the middle of, in the midst of us, like, hooking up and clothes coming off and stuff. He was like, all right, I'm going to put on some music.

Now, I had for a while. What do you like to, what do you like to shag two? I mean, low five beats are always kind of for what I'm going No lyrics. I don't really want to hear lyrics Sometimes you don't you know that you know you might like the song your belief system is different Why do you gain why you fucking you know so it's kind of like you know a bad lyric you really take me out You know something like great hook a great hook you can't like accidentally you start singing along to like Yeah So like great hook, a great hook, you can't accidentally start singing along to like the pain this is in your mouth.

For example, one time I was just sidebar, one time I was hooking up with this dude, stepping from this story, I was hooking up with this dude and we started hooking up to the Beyonce self titled album, but then the song that she dedicated to Blue Star to playing and I was like, oh no, we can't do that. I mean pretty hurts while fucking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So try to we teach women to shrink ourselves. We teach women. So try to only have like two fuckable songs honestly.

But I digress, but I digress. So we get, we get, so he, I let him control the music, forgetting how much of an Ariana stand this do was actually sick, because at this point, he was putting me up on game about Ariana Grande, because, you know, I hadn't really, I had heard like two songs, maybe in a forever 21, and I was like, all right, you know, I know this girl is talented, but I don't, you know, I just don't have the knowledge.

So he does turn on Ariana Grande while we're hooking up. And I'm like, going with it because I'm like, okay, her music is. I believe God is the one. I believe the one that, what's the song that she has with Ferrero? There's a song with Ferrero for the name of it, but it's like very, it's very upbeat. I don't know how music. I did, but it was very upbeat. And I was like, oh, this is kind of weird.

So, but I let him do this thing. So, it's also like there's a juxtaposition isn't there? Like, him being like so big and stacked and tough and then like just this tiny, tiny bit of a thirtinger role. Yeah. Yeah. It's really funny.

You say there's a meme going on right now where there's this jack guy like with his submissive bottom and like on his shoes arm. Undertale. Yeah, exactly. There's a huge huge tattoo of Ariana Grande now in his like jacked arm and all everyone's like he's not he's not the dumb top. He's saying he is. Oh, he's not.

He's now look. No, I think I think I think I think no I think Tom's like actually ride for Ari. Tom, there's some connection there. But this is here's the part that really like fucked me up. Well almost fucked me up. Was that while Ariana Grande is playing and I'm trying to get into the mood, at this point I'm living with like two other dudes.

I'm in this like shared living space. So trying to be quiet number one. And then my bed frame, all I have is the box frame. I don't have the head board. And I had exposed brick on my wall where my bed is up against. So I don't know where, as we're getting more and more into me increasingly, he starts trying to choke me now I'm sure now Jordan is giving me a look like what

But for me I just like he was pressing me like kind of up against the fucking brick wall And I literally like start scraping my elbow against the exposed brick and he's choking me and I'm like I don't know We're just gasping for air like Being choked to Ariana Grande that is exactly what I'm Honestly, sounds like have been to me. And I tried to pull his hand off of my neck for once.

And I was just saying, hey, ease up or not or don't at all. And then he did it again. And I was like, all right, we gotta cut this off. And so yeah, he kind of just like wrapped it up, you know, kind of not him, just whole entire piece. Like kind of just, he just kind of wrapped it up. And I was like, all right, well this is,

but it should have told me something, you know, and I've really come to this conclusion that, you know, these gay men who, who, who, like these young pop stars, there's something going, there's Tiki Tiki boom boom boom going up, I don't know what it is, yeah. What upset you more the choking or the Ariana Grande? Ariana Definitely Ariana. I can't say that Ariana because I ended up I ended up enjoying her music and now I'm a fan

With something but I do think that I am the only person on the planet probably who associates Ariana Grande We're getting choked the fuck out. Oh my god. Besides Ariana Grande. Besides Ariana. I know. You're lovely that. This is it.

Everybody had a near-death experience on this one. Yeah, exactly. Catherine in the tainless of ways I've ever heard. Yeah, Charlie. Yeah, I sound so clean. I'm obsessed. I sound so light-ball, I sound ever heard. Yeah, true. You guys are so clean. I'm obsessed. I'm so totally. I'm so delighted.

Thank you. Honestly, you're a much-needed tonic between two very traumatic stories. Oh, you're Jordan, Alex. Kat, even just a dream. Thank you so much for coming on this podcast for sharing and for traumatizing truly my entire audience. I love you very much.

Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Will you tell people where they can find you and what you so much. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I have a movie coming out this summer All rotting in the sun where I do in fact have Unsimulated sex on camera. Yes Coming soon. I think that relates to our episodes 100% Alec yeah, I am at Instagram Alex English when you spell English it is indeed the number three With an e so three in G, yeah, whatever. And just to keep watching Saturday night live. Wee! Hopefully one of my sketches that you watch will be on that episode.

And Kat. I'm at Kat's seat Cohen on Instagram. Hooray! You're also funny, also talented. Thank you so much. I feel very lucky to have hung out. Oh, thank you. Thanks for having us. This was truly wild. Bad dates is produced by smartness media and Wandery. Created by Robert Cohen. Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Jermita Jamil.

That's me. Produced by Stuart Bailey. Produced, engineered and edited by Devon Tori Bryant. Also engineered and edited by Karl McGraw. Talent producer is Anne Harris. Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Music by Kushy and Evan Schletter. Executive producers are Will Arnett, Jason Vaatman and Sean Hayes.

Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Coulson and Bernie Kaminsky. We've had a great day and you'd like to tell us all about it. Our number is 984-265-3283 and our email is baddatespod at gmail.com. We can't wait to hear all about it. That's all for this week. We will see you next time for more! Bad dates! Cheers! Smart! We've had a great day and you'd like to tell us all about it. Our number is 984-265-3283 and our email is baddatespod at gmail.com. We can't wait to hear all about it. That's all for this week, we will see you next time for more! Bad dates!

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