Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - It’s Giving Throuple (w/ Laci Mosley and Ify Nwadiwe)

Episode Date: June 10, 2024

On a brand new episode of Bad Dates, guest host Marie Faustin welcomes comedians Laci Mosley and Ify Nwadiwe to discuss their most iconic dating fiascos. Laci gives us two short stories from the come-up, featuring shady producers, ex-girlfriend hype men, and the wig that Tyler Perry threw away, then Ify’s Pisces behavior causes some after-care confusion. Plus, a listener letter recounts a date that became a biohazard.If you’ve had a bad date you’d like to tell us about, our number is 984-265-3283, and our email is [e-mail], we can’t wait to hear all about it.Marie Faustin: @reeezy on social media, @whyare.yousingle on Insta for ticketsLaci Mosley: @divalaci on social media, Scam Goddess podcast, Scam Goddess book pre-orderIfy Nwadiwe: @ifynwadiwe on social media, Maximum Film podcast, Our Relationship Pod, UK dates at Leicester Square TheatreSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Smart. Blast. Neon. Neon. Neon. I learned about something the other day. It's called a boizillion. Have you guys heard of this?

A boizillion wax? So I'm guessing it's just like boys getting their booty waxed? It's buttcracking sack. Oh, sounds painful. It sounds painful, yeah. The sack, butt crack is actually not painful. I didn't really start getting my ass ate until like the past five years, I'd say. I'd say three, five or three.

Three or three to five years of ass I've eaten? Yeah. Three to five years. It's very recent, so I never thought to like really trim the booty hole area, but now I'm like, maybe, maybe I should get started on that because now you know, the show was about dates and we have talked about if he's booty hole. Hi, everybody. Welcome back to Bad Dates with Marie Faustin. I am Marie Faustin.

My funny friends come on and share their most vulnerable stories, and then we celebrate the very worst dates. We honor the survivors, you know? It's a safe space, just not safe for work. Is that okay? I think that makes the plug better. Today, I have two dope guests with me. I got Lacey Mosley, a comedian and actor,

host of the podcast, Scam Goddess. No, that's not how you say it. Why? Singing for me? Scam Goddess. There we go. There you go. You've also seen her on a Black Lady sketch show,

and iCarly, my sis is booked. And next we have Iffy Wadiwe, actor, comedian and writer who performs at the comedy store and has appeared on Workaholics and Keean Peele, another booked person on the pod. Thank you guys so much for being here. Oh, thanks for having me. Thank you for having us. And you have been on my podcast way too many times and live shows, be over here singing it like Hot Pockets

again, I can't believe you. Well, because I like the Hot Pockets melody. Hot Pockets, scam goddess. Yeah, ooh, yeah. No, don't ooh that, Ify, don't ooh that. This is not a thing. When the notes are being hit, I gotta celebrate, you know? Well, before we hear these stories,

I've been curious about what people do to prepare for a date. Like, if you know you Well, before we hear these stories, I've been curious about what people do to prepare for a date. Like, if you know you're gonna hook up with somebody, do you do things differently than if you know you're not gonna hook up with somebody? Like, for example, if I know I'ma hook up with somebody that night before the date, I'll put on my good underwear. You know what I mean?

Like, the panties that I want people to see, the underwear that doesn't have any holes in it, not the embarrassing dro, you know what I'm talking about. Yeah, you know, if you know that you're gonna have like coitus, then it's like, you know, you gotta get your wax, you gotta take your SVU shower, you gotta like really make sure. SVU shower.

You gotta make sure everything's really just like pristine. You know what, let's call it a prison shower. You know, like you gotta like make sure. Girl, you got the hose in the shower. What are we talking about? I'll just say you gotta make like, you really gotta get your belly button. You gotta make some back of your ears, like everywhere.

You never know where people are gonna find themselves and it's all gotta be like cute. Have you ever been like, oh, I'm not gonna hook up with somebody so you don't do any of the things. And then you're like, oh, I'm not going to hook up with somebody so you don't do any of the things. And then you're like, Oh, actually, I think I want to like, do you ever do it when you haven't prepped? That only happened to me once. Like there was this cute guy who like come to the bar

and I was bartending and I was getting off and he was staying in the hotel that was like a joint to it. So I was like, Oh, you know what? I'm going to try to be if I saw Sex in the City, like I'm going to try one of those things. We've been there for a while. I'm a Samantha. Yeah, he seemed normal. I told one of my coworkers where I was, it was right there. So I was like, you can't try to murder me because too many people witnessed his cameras. We good.

And so then he goes to go get condoms. And when he left, I was like, oh my God, I'm not prepared for this. So then I went into his bathroom and he had one of those beard trimmers for his beard. I just used it. But then it had been a long time. I went into his bathroom and he had one of those beard trimmers for his beard. I just used it. But then it had been a long time,

so the hairs were kind of long, so then I was trying to pluck them out of the trimmer before he got back. Girl, you shaved your pubes with his beard trimmer? I'm crying. And then you didn't give him none? No. Damn, damn.

You know, he was still, you know, he got the essence the next day. So you know what I mean? No, I'm clean. It wasn't nothing. It's no essence. I also showered, but it was like, y'all were kind of in his bathroom doing a lot.

And then, but no, he like kind of pulled it out and it was like really huge. And I was like, absolutely not. Like I was like, this is, you know. Lacey, you the opposite of a size queen? I'm like absolutely not. Like I was like this is, you know. Lacey, you the opposite of a size queen? I'm gagged. It was too much.

Like I don't know this man, we're not getting married. You're just ruining my insides. It didn't look like a, it didn't look fun. Hold on, hold on, what's too much? Like a coat can't, like it looked like something that wasn't supposed to be going inside of people. But I just remember seeing it and being like, oh, I'm so sorry, I have to go.

That's just- Girl, you had him running around looking for custom, extra large condoms, and then he gets back. You got pubes in his shit. He probably came back with glad bags. Like, I don't know what you put that in. Where you walk, that's a weapon. Get away from me.

Do men prepare? Do y'all do anything if you know you're gonna hook up with somebody? Here's the thing, I know that other men do do just, you know, from talking to the fellas, but me, I come into dates with no expectations. My biggest fear always is to be that dude who like, oh, who think he gonna get some. I'm gonna say like, if the vibes were coming through very clearly via text, then yeah, I'm coming in with the sauce.

But I generally prepare for anything and have just absolutely no expectation. I'm just like, hey, whatever happens, happens. And we're going to have that good time. You know? So you're going with no expectations. So you're wearing the bad box of briefs. You're wearing the shirt with the hole in it. Oh no, I'm coming with the 50 silk joints.

No, no, I'm coming with the 50 silk joints. No, no, I'm coming prepared, but with no expectations. So like, because I have no expectations, I'm like, anything can happen, but I'm never gonna put the energy where I'm like, I know it's going down. Because I feel like that's how you come on a little too hard. I feel like men, when we have that ego, when we're like, oh, it's mine,

you stop putting the pressure on. Whereas me- No, this is just talking about physical preparation, not like you're mental, like, so if you know you're gonna get something you're doing like- But I'm saying like, cause you know, the question was like, is it, do you do something when you know you're not gonna get something versus when you do?

No, hold on, you know, this is the, you know you gonna have sex that night, it's the first time. I prepare for anything. Ever since I first started going on dates, I shave up. Well, now I just let that thing get wild because too many women have been like, we don't care. We, and then there was-

You're not even trimming it? You just, wow. You're not trimming it. Bad dates. Bad dates. Bad dates. Hello, I'm Emily. And I'm Anna.

And we're the hosts of Terribly Famous, the show that takes you inside the lives of our biggest celebrities. And just a warning, our latest season will feature a lot of accents. Can I just check what accents? Because... I can't tell this story without going all in. Okay, I'm scared to ask, but can you give us a clue? Why I'm Ant?

Ooh, Ant, and or death? I'm afraid not, and it's not Alan Shearer either. I am talking about a young woman plucked from obscurity who rose to become the Neershin sweetheart. A woman who's had a lot of surnames? And has ditched them all to become just Cheryl. Love it. Girls Aloud fans, strap in.

We're going to follow Cheryl from her Girl Band Glory days, getting together with Ashley Cole and the many scandals and humiliations that followed. Not to mention a near-death experience. Oh, she's been through a lot. And she has needed every ounce of her northern grit to see her through. I promise you it's going to be an emotional rollercoaster. Follow Terribly Famous wherever you listen to podcasts or listen early and ad free on Wondery Plus on Apple podcasts or the Wondery app.

I'm Mike Bubbins. or listen early and ad free on Wondery Plus on Apple Podcasts or the Wondery app. a little bit of sport thrown in. You don't have to love sport, like sport, or even know anything about sport to listen. Because nobody has conversations which stay on topic, and it's the same on our podcast. We might start off talking about ice hockey but end up discussing, I don't know, 1980s British sitcom Alo Alo instead. Imagine using the word nuance in your pitch for Alo Alo. He's not cheating on his wife, he's French. It's a different culture. If you like me and mammoth, or you like Alice in Fantasy Football League, then you'll love

our podcast. Follow the Socially Distant Sports Bar wherever you get your podcasts. The Socially Distant Sports Bar, it's not about asymmetrical overlords. James, podcasting from his study, and you have to say that's magnificent. Lacey, we might as well just start with your story. What is your bad date that you want to talk to us about today? I was at this spot, and it's kind of like a cute spot. It's a watering hole. People go there for, you know, whatever. And I meet this guy. He's a little bit older. I had just moved to L.A. And he was like, oh, well, you know,

I'd love to take you out again sometime, because he was, like, talking to me and my friend. He had friends with him, so it wasn't thirsty and, like, buying us drinks and stuff. So he asked me out, so I go out with him again. We actually go to the same place. And, um, I get there, and we're having a good time. It's cool or whatever.

And he's like, hey, well, he knows I'm an actor, you know, at that point aspiring or whatever. I think I had only played like a dead body on a history detective show. And I was also in the background of Law and Order SVU with Ice Cube or Ice T who's very nice and offered me donuts. So that's all I had.

That's all I had. So he's like, oh, you know what? Like I produce movies. And he had kind of been saying that before, but I didn't really, I wasn't really interested in that. But he was like, yeah, I produce movies. And you know, like you have a great look and blah, blah, blah.

And he was like, we should go to this party. Some party he was saying, I want to say it was a diddy party. But he was like, oh, we're going to go. Cause it was some, I think it might've been Grammy weekend. So he was like, we're going to go, but I just need to go slide past my house to get some weed and I was like

Oh, okay. So I'm thinking, you know, I'll wait outside in the car while he gets the weed It's like an apartment complex downtown first of all, if you live in downtown LA, you're a criminal Tell me when you plan on stop doing crime because you definitely do crime Like that's the only people who live in downtown LA. We know ain't shit going on down there, but crime you do crime Yeah scammer, you know ain't shit going on down there, but crime. You do crime? Yeah, scammer, you know, fraudster, you doing something. So I'm like thinking I'm gonna wait in the car, but it's in the garage, so I have to like go up with him.

And now I'm kind of like, oh, like, I don't like this. So when I get up there, I'm already pulling up my Uber, we're making small talk and I'm like, oh, hey, you know, I have to use the restroom. So I go to the restroom, because he's taking way too long. Don't you know where your weed is, sir? Right. So I go to the restroom, because he's taking way too long. Don't you know where your weed is, sir? So I go to the restroom, and then I overhear him talking hella fucking loud, y'all.

And he's like, yeah, I just met this actress, Lacey Mosley. No, she has a great look, yeah, yeah. No, we definitely gotta put her in our next movie. Yeah, true to the game. We gotta put her in true to the game. I'm hearing this, right? He wants me to hear this. I'm calling my Uber.

Oh, yeah, girl. He had his lips against the door while he was pretending to be on the phone. I'm calling my Uber. I'm waiting for it to get close enough so I can just run out the door. And so when it gets close enough, I come out and I'm like,

hey, you know what my Uber's here? I'm so sorry, bye. I bolt, right? Because I was like, this is getting sketched. I'm not staying here for my murder. I don't have a scene deadline. So when I get right because I was like this is getting sketched I'm not staying here for my murder. I don't see any deadline So when I get in the car out of just genuine curiosity, I Google the movie true to the game Tell me why he was talking about he was gonna put me in a movie that is already out

Has been out on IMDB and it's one of those like hood flicks where it's like to be adjacent It's like to be a little bit more crowdfunding. When you said it, I was like, I feel like that's a movie that plays on like BET every Sunday. It does. Like clockwork. It actually does. And I was like, no, this man did not just try to pretend to put me in a movie that's already out.

Oh my God. And he tricked me into coming to his apartment talking about we was going to a party and you clearly are not planning on going anywhere. I was like, oh no. No. Yeah. Well, I feel like dating in LA is kind of that, right? Like everybody is, is trying to be someone or, or wants to be with someone who they think is somebody. And I think that's another reason why LA is, is bad. Yeah. Yeah, truly. Cause I wasn't

even trying to come up. I know that's not how you get it. At least not for me. Like I'm down to do the hustle. I got 50 lim jobs. I work like a Jamaican, wagwagwine. You know, like I don't need to come up on somebody else, but it was just so weird. I can't believe he tried to like,

at least pretend that this movie is something that's not out. Like at least make up a movie. Like I could Google this easily, verifiable. But so the other one, cause I guess both of mine are kind of short. I was on Hinge, verifiable. But so the other one, because I guess both of mine are kind of short. I was on Hinge, which I'm not on Hinge anymore. I think my profile is, but I also don't like Raya. Ain't nobody on there popping.

It's a bunch of Equinox trainers. No shade to y'all, but they told me I was going to meet people in the entertainment industry. And I do have a set standard for we have to make the same amount of money or you have to make more because I've dated people with potential. You're not going to make me poor babes. I'm not buying no more flights. I'm not buying no dinner. Get out of my face. No potential.

Potential does not make me wet. So I can't pay my rent and potential. I can't go to Turks and Caicos with potential. So thank you. No. And I can do that by myself. So I'm saying if you want to come, I'm not I'm not funding. No sugar mama here.

No, no, no. I had to let that go. So I'm saying if you want to come, I'm not funding. But- No sugar mama here. No, no, no, I had to let that go. Beyonce, let me be. I wants to be, gots to be. No, I won't be. But so we meet on there. I should have known God was telling me not to go on this date.

As I'm parking, I find the perfect parking spot right in front of this place. And you know in LA, if that does not happen, you know, you got to walk some blocks or you got to spin the block about four, five times. Like you looking for Ricky. And so I find this parking spot and I like swoop in because this person is swooping out

and this woman who is behind me in this beat up ass car, and like her car looked like what she been through and so did her wig. Like when I tell you her wig looked like something Tyler Perry threw away, like he was like, oh we done with this one. Yeah, a reject wig, which you know that means it's bad. He was like, we've used this on every actor

and now it has, we got to lay it out to pasture. It was a repass wig and she just looked unhinged. So she pulls up next to me and she's like, you almost, we almost had an accident. And I was like, what are you talking about? And she was behind me. She was like, we almost had an accident. And then was like, what are you talking about? And she was behind me. She was like, we almost had an accident. And then she starts taking pictures of my license plate

and taking pictures of me. And I was like, man, what are you talking about? And first of all, almost accident isn't a thing. If we did not have a collision, then we didn't have a collision. And she was like, well, you just swooped into this space and I almost hit you and my neck hurts and I need your insurance and all this stuff.

And I was like, man, I'm not giving you my insurance. Whatever, you were probably following too close behind me. That is also a rule in driving. Like, but this woman is cussing me out. She's starting to rope people in out the street. Like this woman almost made me have an accident. She's a terrible driver. Mind you, I am a terrible driver,

but in this case, I wasn't wrong. Okay? Eww. She was just, she saw a Benz and was trying to come up. So I think she thought I was, she was like, well, I have cash, rapid VIMO. I was like, ma'am, I'm not giving you any money. I do not know who you are. And I'm getting a little nervous because I'm telling you that wig was given Dateline. The wig was given like, I'm going to be on Lifetime. Like strangers erupt to like some new show. It Rage. Yeah, it was giving snaps. It was giving Holiday Heart another B.E.T.

We was right there. She was about to snap on me. So luckily the guy that I was meeting, he was walking up and he was like, hey, are you okay? And I was like, this lady is like tripping. Like I can't, I thought she might key my car or something. So I didn't want to leave my car until she left.

Right. And so, you know, he started speaking to her like calmly and like finally she got in her car and she drove away and we were like, oh, that was so crazy. And then I'm automatically thinking like, oh, this must be a cool dude. He helped me out already. Yeah, we like him.

So we go inside and we get one of those little high top tables and literally, I think I barely had sat down when another woman walks up to the table and sits down next to him. And I was like, now mind you, right. Now mind you, for some clarity, we had started talking that day and I had plans after this.

So I was feeling a little adventurous. So I was like, you know what? Like, yeah, we can meet up. We'll be in a public space. I have some place to go after. I'm not thinking anything of just, even though we've only been talking for like a day and a half or whatever. Like, let up tonight. So and I've never done that before probably I

would never do that again. I don't like day naps but so I'm like okay and he's like oh this is my friend from college actually she just told me she was in town so you know I know you said you're going to something later so I told her she could like swing by and I was like oh okay. Swing by the date? Okay it's giving throuble. Right. Only they didn't have that energy together because I always say you know a couple that invites you to a threesome it's always like the cute the sexiest woman you've ever seen and then a n***a in a fedora sitting like way across the bar looking at you tipping his hat like yeah and it's like no sir not take digs yeah no you can you can wait in the bathroom and lock the door.

Me and your wife, we can have fun, not you. You can't come. So she sits down and I'm like, okay, cool. Where did y'all go to school? You know, I'm just chopping up. They're from Florida, whatever, whatever. And so- Oh, Florida is a red flag for me,

but yes, please do connect. Yeah, it is. Florida man, we all know about Florida man. Florida man, yeah. So we're talking, he, on his profile, he said that he owned a gym, but that was like one of the things that he did. But I had looked up the gym like on my like right before I left the house. And when I looked it up on Google Maps, there were like some photos of where it was. And one of them, it was like, it looked like a house like in Santa Monica, but the garage was open

and I could zoom in and see gym equipment. But I was like, this is not a gym. This is a garage. Like it's giving, like they got nicer gyms in prison. Like this ain't even giving D block. Like what? It's not even giving yard. Like it's not, what is this?

Is that why you almost hit the lady with the bad wig? You were Googling gins? Yeah, yeah. You were zooming into garage backwards, like girl, you almost killed that lady. How I almost, okay, how am I gonna hit her, she behind me? How?

You swooped in, cause she was Googling, anyway, whatever, so the gym is fake. Wow, I don't need my claims adjuster here in this Zoom at all. But so that you need to know that for later. So then as we're talking, the home girl, college home girl, I started to realize like I'm in a brown sugar situation because it's given like the college friend likes this man, but she's trying to do that thing

where she's really nice to the woman because she don't want the woman to know. Now I have done this personally. I actually have to do it quite often because you know the comedy world, like I'll meet comedians, not meet comedians, but no comedians for a very long time, male comedians. I know a lot of male comedians.

And like I'll show up somewhere just looking like a bad bitch that you could never kill. And I'm like, this is my homeboy. And I'm like hugging my homeboy and then I see his girl and I'm like, let me be extra nice to the girl. Also tell her I'm gay so she don't think I'm trying to be with her man. Because I just can see it in their faces when I walk up

and it's like, oh my God, this is your friend? And I'm like, yeah, we've been talking all the time. No, I don't want your man. I don't want your man. No, no, no, this is nice for you. Yes, this is nice for you. I love this for you. For you.

Not for me. But I see why you would think I could come in here and take him. I'm not Jolene though. I don't want your man. But you could tell that this girl, this college friend was still into him. She was still into him

because she was talking him up. She was like, oh, you should tell her about how you just bought that apartment complex in Ohio. And he's like, yeah, yeah, I just got a small building. Like we about to start renting it out to some tenants. She was like, yeah, yeah, congratulations. Oh, and didn't you just pay off your mama house? Like, oh, that was great.

Like she was like, flavor, flavor, ain't never seen this type of hype manning. Girl, were they trying to scam you? Like what happened? I was kind of confused. I was gonna look confused. I was a little confused. And so then at one point he pulls out his phone and he's like, God damn.

We're like, what happened? And he was like, man, this guy's emailing me cause he wanna cancel his gym membership. But I told him it's a year gym membership. So I don't know why he's trying to, and I'm like, sir, first of all. Let that man out of that garage, please. Free him.

Free that man from the shackles of your garage. Second of all, if you got all these empires or enterprises going on, why do you care about one person unsubscribing? That's like me being on my Instagram and be like, damn it, somebody unfollowed me, one person. Let me go find them. Why would I, why would I care? So the math is not math thing. So no, did we figure out what was,

so what happened? Of course, like I decided to get off of stop being the third wheel on this tricycle and head to my next spot. Um, and then, you know, we had a very fun check splitting situation, thank God. I realized I had cash. Wait, did y'all split it three ways or two ways? Well, they were staying. Oh, so you had to leave money.

Their hangout and I was like, oh, I can leave or I can vent my one of you or whatever. He's like, no, no, I got it, it's cool. He's like, no, I'm a man, like I got it and plus we gonna see each other next time. And when he said that, I was like, you know what, I actually have some cash. Here you go. Hopefully they can connect now and fall in love like they should

because they're two weirdos who belong together. Not me though. Hello, I'm Matt Ford. And I'm Alice Levine and we're the hosts of Wondry's podcast British Scandal. In our latest series, Michelle Mone, we tell the story of a woman from Glasgow who left school at 15 and devised an idea. A next level bra that remoulds the cleavage. An uplifting story which gives you a real boost. I hate myself. She moved from business to politics and when Covid hit, says she knows a great company

to supply PPE and the company PPE Medpro made millions of pounds of profit from the contract oh and a lot of the equipment was unusable. Oh a minor detail and having said that she had nothing to do with that profit repeatedly she then goes on national television and says that Hona Children are actually in line to receive nearly £30 million as a result of it. To find out the full incredible story, follow British Scandal wherever you listen to podcasts or listen early and ad free on Wondery+. And we are the hosts of Red-Handed, a weekly true crime podcast. Every week on Red-Handed, we get stuck into the most talked about cases. From Idaho student killings, the Delphi murders, and our recent rundown of the Murdoch saga. Last year, we also started a second weekly show, Short Hand, which is just an excuse

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app. Evvie, let's talk about this bad date that you were on. Oh yeah, I know. I guess mine is, it's a bad day, but more of an aftermath. You know, we went out to eat with some friends and we were kicking it and we came back to the place. She spent the night. It was cool. And then I was like, you know, writing on the show. When she spent the night coitus?

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. We had sex and then she spent the night. No, they see she spent the night and they slept back to back. Yeah, back to back, butt to butt. They couldn't have held each other. Oh, you slept cousin style, head to foot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, no, it was cool and she seemed cool, so I was like, I bet.

But when we met, I was just like, and this is funny to say based off of what Lacey just said, but I was like, yo, I just got out of something long term is cool. I'm, I'm good. I'm just kind of chilling. And she was like, I'm chilling too. And I'm like, bad. Oh, that's never true.

It's never a double chill. Never a double chill. It's never a double chill. Somebody has no chill and they're lying. I get up to go to work. I was writing on the show and I was like, hey, you know, you know, stay as long as you want. Oh, big mistake.

Huge. I like, you know, you can dip. Hold on. The third day you said stay as long as you want. She's moving in. She's going through your stuff. You've clearly. Oh, she went through all your shit.

She got a toothbrush. Don't don't. Look, y'all, y'all already in the head space, so I'm at work. Because, Iffy, you said two different things. You said, I'm chilling, I'm chilling like a villain. And then you said, hey, queen, make yourself at home. Stay in my bed. Right, mi casa, su casa.

Su casa. I'm just a welcoming host. No, that's not a good, that's not a clear boundary, Iffy. You should have been like, so when your Uber, you want me to call your Uber? Because I got to get to work. You should have been like, so when your Uber, you want me to call your Uber? Cause I gotta get to work, boo. You can do that in a caring way, but if you say stay in my home

where all of my possessions reside, I'm not thinking you on some chill shit. That's not true. A caring host is not, it doesn't need to be like, stay as long as you need. A caring host is like, it's some water bottles by the door. See you soon.

Yeah, I got some of those toothbrushes off the Delta plane. So you got some toothbrush and a wooden toothpaste right here, baby boo. And then whenever you need that Uber, sweetie, I got you a song. Wait, hold on, hold on. Yeah, so go ahead. Tell us you go to work. You go to work. I go to work and I'm like, she stays.

Yeah, she stays. You know, I'm going I'm going I'm like halfway through work. And I get a text and it's like her holding my ex's underwear in her hand and was like, what's this? And I was like, well, you know, like me and my girl just broke up and some of her stuff is still here. And I didn't even ask like, why were you going through my stuff?

It was just like- She went for a piece of coal on you? She was holding them in her hand or she had like a pencil or something holding the panties? No, in her hand, like almost like gripping them angrily to be like, how dare you? Yeah, it was- She's gripping somebody else's dirty drawers.

Oh yeah, pretty much. And just like, it was like, what is this? And I had to be like, oh, you know, like, we just broke up. Like I don't know. And she was like, well, why would you have me over your house where you got this? And like really like going in on me. Mind you, I'm like at work in the writers room like I just was like I don't know she was like well don't ever don't have me over here

Until like you and until you got her shit gone Yeah, oh, yeah How long had you guys been broken up me and my girl yeah, maybe like I Want to say like maybe a couple weeks. I know, skimming a day. I'm like, you're skimming a day? I know. Over the weekend?

I'd say a couple weeks. I'd say like a month. A month. Okay, so that is a little bit- You went from a couple weeks to a month. A couple weeks and a month is different. That's twice the time. Yeah, because I was thinking, well I was thinking three weeks, which is a couple still.

This is boy math. Three weeks. This is boy math. Or a month. That's what I was thinking three weeks, which is a couple of stills. This is boy math. Three weeks. This is boy math. Or a month. That's what I was thinking. Okay. Also, I love how this is kind of iffy like a movie because personally, I've never left my underwear anywhere.

Like I put it back on or I put on a new pair and I take my other pair with me. But if you're dating for a while, you're not leaving like an extra pair of underwear and stuff like that. I haven't dated anyone in a really long time. So you know what? Maybe I'm out on that front. Ify, you're a Pisces, right? Yes. This is Pisces behavior.

This is why people say Pisces men are menaces to society. What? Huh? Do they? Yeah. Yes. What did I do? Because Pisces men can be fully not interested in you

on a serious level at all. But they will still treat you like you're going to be their wife. So, so if you being like, stay as long as you want sweetheart. Yeah, let's spend all this time together. Let's go out to dinner and then let's get ice cream. Then let's walk on the beach. But it's chill. But it's chill. It's super chill. Let's spend all of my free time with you and then I'm gonna go to work and you lay up in my bed, queen. I'll see you when I get home, forehead kiss,

and then be like, I don't know why she acted like that. I don't, I don't, that's what I do. She should have left when you left, Ify, she could have robbed you. She absolutely should have left when you left because women can be crazy. You didn't even know her that long. You didn't even know her last name.

You probably didn't even know her last name. What's her middle name? I didn't know her middle name. I knew her last name. Oh, okay. What is it? Yeah. Oh yeah, I know. You're being messy. I don't want her coming to my house.

She can't come here. She can't come here. Bad Dates Nancy's love story could have been ripped right out of the pages of one of her own novels. She was a romance mystery writer who happens to be married to a chef. But this story didn't end with a happily ever after. When I stepped into the kitchen, I could see that Chef Brophy was on the ground and I heard somebody say, call 911.

As writers, we'd written our share of murder mysteries. So when suspicion turned to Dan's wife, Nancy, we weren't that surprised. The first person they look at would be the spouse. We understand that's usually the way they do it. But we began to wonder, had Nancy gotten so wrapped up in her own novels, There are murders in all of the books.

that she was playing them out in real life? Follow Happily Never After, Dan and Nancy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Happily Never After, Dan and Nancy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. The early 2000s was a wild time for reality TV. There seemed to be an endless supply of shows that delivered entertainment for us,

but trauma for children. I'm Misha Brown, the host of Wondery's podcast, The Big Flop. Each week on The Big Flop, comedians join me to chronicle the biggest pop culture fails of all time and try to answer the age-old question, who thought this was a good idea? We recently looked behind the scenes

of what was really going on at Abby Lee Miller's dance studio. Abby's biggest misstep wasn't screaming nonsensical catchphrases or throwing chairs on television, but instead she was choreographing financial fraud in plain sight. Join me to break down all the wild details of Abby Lee Miller's story. Follow the Big Flop on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

You can listen to the Big Flop early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Thank you so much for those stories, but less, I have two, I have two stories that listeners submitted for the pod. I'll read the first line of each and then you tell me which one you wanna hear the actual story of. Okay. Cool. Yeah. Here is my story called Butter Man. That's story number one. Oh, that's the first

line. Or the end of this date looked like something out of a horror movie. Oh, this is hard. Butterman. That second one seems exciting to me. Let's go horror film because Butterman sounds nasty. Horror film sounds nasty too, babe. Like, yeah. Horror film could be a, babe. Like. Yeah. Horror film could be a lot of things. Okay, so vote, Butterman or horror movie? There's two of us.

Okay, well I'm voting horror movie. I'm horror movie too. Okay. The end of this date looked like something out of a horror movie. I was 19 years old on my second date with an adorable guy I was crushing on hard. Our first date had gone really well, but I was super disappointed when it ended without

a kiss. I had of course spent all the necessary time getting my hair, makeup, and outfit just right hoping to inspire that kiss on the second go. It worked! Cut to us sitting in my car in a romantic location and let the makeout session begin. Within a few minutes, I was beginning to wonder, what is that salty smell? And why is my face wet? I pulled away, flip on the dome light, take a look in the rearview mirror and am utterly horrified to see my face is covered in blood. His blood. He's obviously beyond embarrassed and begins confessing to a history of getting nosebleeds

while in the situation. What the fuck. No prior warning of this little personal glitch that left me and my once perfect makeup looking like I was dating an axe murderer. But I was already spittin' and feeling badly for him, while simultaneously getting mortified to have him see my face looking like I had a back alley encounter with Freddy Krueger. So I brush it all off, literally and figuratively, and agree to a third date where I shit you not, the whole fucking scene plays out again. Needless to say, I was a lot less smitten after twice wearing my date's blood like war paint,

and that was the end of the crush. So, this person gets nosebleeds when they kiss people, but didn't... If you were kissing somebody and they started bleeding on your face, do you feel like you'd want to know before that happened? Yeah, if it happens that frequently, I would hope you would let me know,

because that seems like a thing, that you're an anime character who, when you get too horny, your nose starts to bleed. So I definitely would like that information upfront. I feel like if you can't hold your blood in your body when you kiss somebody, I feel like that means you also can't hold your liquor when we go out. I feel like that pairs well together.

What else can you not hold? A secret? Yeah, right, an erection? An erection? Also, I just feel like if this is a common occurrence, babes, do you have health insurance? Why have you not gone to your general practitioner? Because that's not something that should just be happening.

Like I feel like you should go and talk to a medical professional or you just like, and see that's what I don't like. Cause you know some, some cyst treatment, they'll be like, oh, like you go get tested. Like, oh, you good. That means we both good. No, you need to go get your own SCD test.

And if you bleeding on women, instead of just bleeding on women with no warm, and you should probably go to the doctor and figure out why you bleeding on other women. Like you should do that. I don't think that's a lot to ask. Like one time- Do you have insurance?

Yeah, baby. So you got the Blue Cross, you got the shield, you got Obamacare, you got something. They got some clinics. You got the Blue Cross, you got the shield. You got the shield? Yeah got Obamacare, you got something. They got some clinics. You got the blue cross, you got the shield. You got the shield? Yeah, we want some answers. You got at least a bulletproof vest.

I don't know what the lower tiers are, blue cross, blue shield, like blue pocket knife. You gotta have something, because this is not it. Yeah, no, that to me is indicative of more of how you think as a person too, because I'm not gonna have a bleeding condition where if I'm like making out with somebody, then I'm leaving them looking like they just like blew a vampire in true blood.

Like I'm gonna- Yeah, that's not hot. There's nothing about kissing somebody with blood involved that is hot to me. So. And then those fluids are in my mouth and like. Ooh. Yeah.

Now that's a biohazard babe. Like we haven't gotten that far. Like I don't even know you. I've never even gone through all the draws in your house to see what is in there and you're bleeding on my face. Yeah, one time I would let it slide maybe if I really like them. But the second time you're telling me in between the dates, you didn't think to pull up to nobody's clinic.

No, no, no. Yeah, that sounds like you didn't feel that you didn't want to tell me that this is a regular occurrence. Like after it happened, you didn't wanna be like, hey, yeah, actually. When I'm with somebody that's really fine, my nose bleeds. Like he could have spun it.

Yeah, you can even, yeah, you can sauce it up. You can sauce it up? You can just sauce it up. He sauced enough. He sauced enough. I know that. That's gross. Bad Gates.

Well, thank you guys so much for being here. Please tell the listeners where they can find more of you. Let's start with you, Ify. Where can people find you and catch up on what you're doing in real life? From Ify Wadiwe on Twitter and Instagram, Zitter. And you can watch or listen to Maximum Film on the Maximum Fun Network. You can listen to our relationship podcast, wherever you get your podcasts.

And if you're in London, September 8th, I'm coming out there with my boy, Benny and Bazuna. And we're gonna be doing comedy. I'm doing an hour at the Leicester Square Theater. So pull up, get your tickets. Get your tickets so they are excited. Get them right now. Get the ticket right now. Yeah, up, get your tickets, get your tickets so they are excited. Get them right now, get the ticket right now. Yeah, get the tickets, let's sell it out.

Yeah, let's sell it out. Lacey, where can people find you? Yeah, you can find me at D-I-B-A-L-A-C-I-D, but Lacey on all platforms, and you can listen to Scam Goddess, anywhere that you listen to your podcast. That's actually how the theme song goes, Marie. Scam goddess.

Yes. And y'all pre-order my book, Scam Goddess. Right now, anywhere you pre-order books, and it comes out September 10th, 2024, but pre-order the book, I'll help a black queen get on the bestseller list. Okay? Yay. Okay. Thank you guys so much.

This has been Bad Dates, and I am, as always, your judgy friend, Marie Faustin. Bye. Bad Dates is produced by Smartless Media and Wondery, created by Robert Cohen. Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Stuart Bailey. Produced by Anne Harris and Devon Torrey Bryant. Engineered and edited by Devon Torrey Bryant

and Kyle McGraw. Talent producer is Anne Harris. Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Executive producers are Will Arnett, Sean Hayes, and Jason Bateman. Executive producers for Spartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminsky. Music by Kushy and Eben Schledder.

If you've had a bad date, please share it with us at 984-265-3283, or us at baddatespod.gmail.com. We would love to hear all about it. That's all for this week. We'll be back next week for more. Bad Dates early and ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen early and ad free with Wondery Plus and Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondery.com slash survey.

Peyton, it's happening. You're finally being recognized for being very online. It's about damn time. I mean, it's hard work being this opinionated. And correct. You're such a Leo. All time. So if you're looking for a home for your worst opinions,

if you're a hater first and a lover of pop culture second, then join me, Hunter Harris, and me, Peyton Dix, the host of Wondry's newest podcast, Let Me Say This. As beacons of truth and connoisseurs of mess, we are scouring the depths of the internet so you don't have to. We're obviously talking about the biggest gossip and celebrity news. Like it's not a question of if Drake got his body done, but when. You are so messy for that, but we will be giving you the b-sides, don't you worry.

The deep cuts, the niche, the obscure. Like that one photo of Nicole Kidman after she finalized her divorce from Tom Cruise. Mother. A mother to many. Follow, let me say this, on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen to episodes everywhere on May 22nd or you can listen ad-free by joining Wondery a mother to many.