Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - Mommy’s Little Dentist (w/ Ego Nwodim, Rosebud Baker, and David Cross)

Episode Date: July 10, 2023

On this episode of Bad Dates, Jameela welcomes comedians Ego Nwodim (Roar, Lyle Lyle Crocodile), Rosebud Baker (Life & Beth, That Damn Michael Che), and David Cross (Arrested Development, You Hurt My Feelings) to discuss their most iconic dating fiascos. Ego brings it with a tale about something she can’t un-hear, Rosebud likes it loud but not that loud, and David books a date in the old Grey Bar Hotel. If you’ve had a bad date you’d like to tell us about, our number is 984-265-3283, and our email is [e-mail], we can’t wait to hear all about it.David Cross is on his Worst Daddy In The World comedy tour, tickets are available on OfficialDavidCross.com. You can catch Ego Nwodim being amazing every week on Saturday Night Live. Rosebud Baker’s new comedy tour is called Coming Soon, tickets are available at RosebudBaker.com, and her special Whiskey Fists is available on YouTube.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I'm Asian. We have concave asses, right? Our asses go in at the back whenever I'm on a red carpet, highly relatable subject, whenever I'm on a red carpet, when they're like, you know, show us the back of the dress, I'm always just like, I think it's better that I don't. And so I just sort of like, back out of every single room that I'm in. I'm eight years into a relationship and I still want

to the bathroom backwards up. It's like moonwalking. It's just like, it's not good, it's not bad, it's just not there. Yeah. I got you. Bad dates. Bad dates. Let us meet our panel. We welcome David Cross and Emmy-winning writer, comedian and fabulous actor and director known for some legendary comedies, including one of my favorite arrested development. Welcome, David. How are you?

I'm good. Thank you for having me. Thank you so much for being here. Also joining us, Ego Wodim who is a wonderfully funny comedian and actress who has appeared on Trill, two broke girls and she has been one of the best parts easily of SNL since joining in 2019. I go how are you? Oh thriving, I'm thriving. I mean you look like you're thriving. Thank you. Gaspi, I need to do your podcast every day and we just do the podcast once a day you. I need to do your podcast every day. We just do the podcast once a day. You and I, I come on, you. Guests me up and make me feel good.

If you change the lessons of your inner glow in spite of the hardest schedule of anyone I know and show business. Oh, wow. Thank you so much. I feel very good. Apart from also someone who works with you and knew you and the Jason to you, we have the excellent Rosebud Baker who is an actress comedian and current star writer on SNL. I'm so happy that you're here and I'm also happy that all of you know each other a little

bit. Yeah, this is, and I did notice that the inner glow wasn't mentioned next to my name. I just want to point that out, I don't have the same inner glow that Ego has. My light has damaged significantly. To beef though. And no, Rosebud, none of the correct. You were correct. Wow.

You were correct to leave it out. It was a fucking commercial happening. That's distracting. I'm having to look away to be honest. You're doing incredible. And this is not an indictment on you. I think you're correct to leave it out. I look at Ego and I'm like, look at her.

She's got a trainer. She's doing great. I come into work. I quit my trainer. I quit her. I come into work like I rolled out of a dumpster. So you know what, but you left me in there, so I get it. Why did you leave your trainer, I go? Because, well, this is going to sound crazy.

My butt was getting too big, and that's her whole thing, but I was like, they had to buy me new clothes at SNL, and I was like, I don't need you guys to buy me on new clothes. I mean, they can certainly afford it. But I was like, we don't have to buy new clothes because my butt's getting big. I just wanted to see if I could get it to get big. And then it did.

And it was. And so. You have a, I'm sorry. You have a trainer. Is it specifically to make your butt bigger? For me, yes. Yes, for me, absolutely, yes, for me absolutely. That's all I wanted, that's all I wanted.

She was successful at it. And our schedules don't really align, so it was twofold. I was like, my butt's getting too big for the clothes I currently have. Yes, please ask any questions. Yeah, I assume that's mostly muscle. So how much can your, how much can your butt bench? I mean, my'm much in your butt bench. This is a teacher. This is, I mean, probably I'd say close to 170 or something. He's right. Wow. Anyway, moving on, we are here to talk about bad dates. I believe you all live in New York, am I correct?

Yes. Yes. And this has been for a long time, am I correct? Mm-hmm. Well, we just got separate apartments, but we used to, yeah, we all lived in the financial district, this old, kind of, the fifth floor walk-up kind of called. Yeah, that was red up. Yeah, right. Yeah, it was red carpeted. Yeah, remember it was yeah, we were grandfathered in the rent was toilet toilet in the closet.

Yeah, and a closet in the bathroom and bathroom in the toilet. So it's weird. Yeah. Bad dates. I go, please tell me your worst date story. Worst date, there are a few contenders going to have to go with this one in LA. A few years back, I was trying to change my type. So I went on a date with a dentist. My type had previously been,

I feel like guys with personality, spunk fun, but usually those ones. Oh God, you just sent for all dentists in one line. I have a really fun dentist. You know what? You know what? God bless them. But the thing about a dentist is they're all in your mouth

trying to talk to you while they're working on your mouth. You can't even respond truthfully to anything they say. I mean, I feel like they are people on like a power trip in a sense. So, you know, I, because they have to be very expensive from everyone. Yeah. So long.

But anyway, you'll see where I've come to hate them. I don't hate dentists. It's fine. I mean, I haven't been to one in ages, but nothing to do with the state. No, I just, I think I'm being defensive because I love my dentists, but I have had to block him from my stories

because of how much time I spend in sweet stores. So I don't want to be incriminated. I love that you and your dentists follow each other on Instagram. This is, yeah, he literally scolds me in my comments section. So he's, yeah, he's, he's blocked. Anyway, go on. So what happened?

Okay, so I, this is a second date. And he picks the restaurant and picks me up and on the ride, the car phone rings. And it says mom. And I was like, you should answer it and I was like, you should answer it. I was like, you should answer it. And I was joking, but I realize a lot of times people don't know that I'm joking. This is something I have to, this is a cross for me to bear.

I'm recognizing. So he answers and he's like, hey, mommy, and that bring there was already something for me. I'm all for good relationships with your parents. No. Mummy and Daddy has been taken away by poor and hub. Yes, that's what it's forever. Yeah, and honestly, I'm like, but you're on a date.

So you're like, either you feel so comfortable with yourself that you're doing this or you guys have a strange relationship. Yeah. So he's like, hey, mommy, and then they're talking about his doctor's appointment that happened earlier in the day. He is not tell her he's like in the car with someone, they're talking about his doctor's appointment.

He was like, the doctor says it's all good. And then she goes, his mom goes, oh, was he, was a doctor, a white guy? And he was like, no, he was a black guy. And then it's silent. And I don't know. Wait, wait, wait, wait. What racial background is this man?

He was a white Jewish man. Jewish man? A Jewish man? OK. And the mother is concerned. The mother is concerned. I was just trying to figure out if this is a black man or a white man or a black mother or a white mother

who's talking to him, okay, fine. So she has a silence in a car uncomfortable. It was silent. It was, and I was like, I don't know why she asked. That question came out of nowhere. Like he's saying the doctor says it's all good. Whatever it is. So even that, I'm like, what are you,

are you ill on this date? Do I have something to be worried about? He was like, doctor says it's all good. I don't know why she asked the race of the doctor that felt I didn't know where it came from. It was out of nowhere. And then it was silence after. It was like, oh, you know, he's a black guy. Just quiet.

And then she starts talking a little bit. And he was like, well, mom, I'm about to go on a date. And I'm thinking, you're on a date, motherfucker. I'm in the motherfucker. You're not about to go on a date. The date has been good. And she's like, oh, with who? Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God. And then she's like, oh, with who? And she was like, she starts guessing. She was like, your neighbor. And he was like, no. And then she was like, the Greek girl. And he's like, no. Oh my God, no.

Oh, this is horrible at so many levels. And he's letting his mother guess in front of you showing the array of women that might be around him. Second of all, he talks to his mother at this like in this depth about, well, this is how I thought it was like. The date he made. Exactly.

I was like, my mom knows nothing of my dating life until she listens to this podcast and finds that I have had sex. So she, like, his mom was, so did she goes, the, who, your neighbor? And he's like, no, and I'm like, okay, cool. So he fucks his neighbor. And then she's like, oh, the Greek girl.

And he's like, no. And then she goes, well, well, then with who? And then she goes, the black girl. And he was like, no, and then she goes, well, well then with who? And then she goes, the black girl? And he was like, yeah, and then she goes, oh, the black girl. Oh my God, oh my God, what happening? Oh my God. And then she goes, and then she goes, there's another beat and she goes, well, she was cute.

She's cute, and I'm thinking,, she was cute. She's cute. And I'm thinking, I've gone on one date with you. You have showed your mother a photo of me. Why? Why does she know this much about your dating life all together? She's just out of you in a major way. Also, she's racist.

Right. And then she's like, oh, she's cute. We get to the restaurant. It's not a long ride, by the way. Like, I live she's cute. We get to the restaurant, it's not a long ride by the way. Like I live in Santa Monica, we are going to a restaurant in Santa Monica. So we get so much damage done in some of the short period. Oh, a little bit of time.

This is an amazing setup for a day. Oh, a little bit of time. And so then, did he look, did he look embarrassed? Did he look visibly like shots from the conversation? I wasn't looking at him. I get second hand embarrassment and I feel it in a real way. So I'm not looking at him. I get secondhand embarrassment, and I feel it in a real way. So I'm not looking at him.

I am looking as straight as possible. Yeah. Hey, go, did you bring up any, did you, even like as a passive aggressive jokes or chasm or anything, just like that was interesting or something like that? Well, I mean, we'll hear. We get to the, we get to the restaurant. He parks. We get out of the car moments later.

He goes, wow, did you were you looking over at me? Did you see how nervous I was? And I was like, I did not look at you one time. And he was like, yeah, I was so worried. My mom was going to say something racist. And I go, well, she did. She did. I said, what will I be?

I was really worried that my mother was going to be weird. I said, what will I be doing? She was really worried that my mother was gonna be weird, but thankfully she was puffed. Like, oh, funny. She did my love. And so then I was like, she did and he goes, well, she's old, she has to be racist. And I go, well, no, she doesn't have to be.

I'm sorry. She's got a requirements. Toys in the matter. So we had dinner at this mediocre restaurant and then parted ways. And that, yeah, that was that was easily one of that was one of the that was easily the worst state. And then I did get to ask him like once we're in the restaurant, I was like, so

what's the deal with your neighbor? And he's like, she's, I think we were like, I was 29, 28 at the time, and he must have been 30. He was like, she's 36 and single, and so that says a lot already about her. And I was like, wrong. What's an awesome.

Ew. It was because she's been shocking people like you. That's why I guess it's gonna help. Exactly. And then was saying to me, I've, it's all coming back to me now. See, you uncover, shocking people like you. That's why I'm just gonna love you. And then was saying to me, it's all coming back to me now. See, I'm covered. This is like therapy.

I remember him being like, oh, a lot of time, on our first date, he was like, I'm so glad you have a personality because I feel like I've been on dates that oh, he called me before our first date. And he's like, I was like, oh, do you call everyone before you on a date? Like a pre-interview. Yeah, and he was like, yeah, just to make sure you have a personality and can talk. And he's like, I was like, oh, do you call everyone before you want to date me? Like a pre-interview.

Yeah. And he was like, yeah, just to make sure, like, you have a personality and can talk. And let me tell you guys, I went out with him and I was like, this man has no personality. So then you're like, the audacity of something that I got in the picture. But maybe, no way. I go, then maybe he's making sure

that one of these going to have one of the days. Yeah, exactly. That could actually come from a ring. He's just doing that. So I'm one of the sad personality in the name So, someone the ass-advers and I would be in an eight me's call to be sure. But, you know, that was a rough go. And I think I was so stunned in real time

that I was like, one, it was all happening so fast. Why did he pick up the phone? Like, I was joking. And then greeted her like, hello, mommy. And there was something that happened on that second date after the phone call. And I can't remember what it, oh, it was his friend called him

in the middle of the date, and he's like, he's trying to do a commercial for his family's business and like asking me for some, and I don't know why they were asking him because he's a dentist. And I was like, you should answer, answer the call. So he answers the call. Is this called a key being sarcastic again?

Oh, did you just want a break from that? I was being sarcastic again. And he answered, and I was like, all right, we clearly the two of us. It's absolutely being sarcastic. You really got it. I should have wanted to date with you. And he answered the call,

talked his friend about this commercial pitch idea. I just, it was a disaster. And he and I did not work out if you can imagine, but, yeah. Oh God. All the red flags ever. Yeah, that's so many in one small car ride. I just, maybe a seven minute car ride. I'd almost stick with it just for that potential access to laughing gas, but I think even I would have been able to, even my drug addicts, I would have been able to tolerate that.

That is it fucking meals. It's rough. I've since stopped dating dentists, no shade to yours. I'm sure your dentist is fabulous. That's great, because now you have to spend even less time with dentists. Thank you for that story. Of course. That was genuinely stunning. Thank you for that story. I know.

That was genuinely stunning. Like, I can't. I've never heard of a date like ending before it's begun. Oh, yeah. That is. And it's like insidiously gross. Do you know what I mean? Oh, yeah.

So I can imagine it took you a minute to process. It's weird when it takes you a minute to be like, is this, is this fun? This is fucked up. This is a polite way. Everything's happening and such a like, him calling his mum mummy, Iq, but then am I judgmental for finding that Iq. Yes. Yes. So my reasons to second guess yourself. Well, don't forget out of that, mate. Thank you so much. Thank you. I love a survivor. All right. We'll have more bad dates right after this. Bad dates.

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Take it away. I go was talking about wanting to change her type. I at one point was going through a breakup and I was like, I'm in a date of firefighter. I've never done it. I've wanted to my whole life. Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna find a way to do this. I saw this firefighter on Tinder or whatever.

And or like, you know, one of the apps and reach out to him and we went out on this day and it was great, he was so hot. I mean, insanely hot. And I was like, this is the guy. I'm gonna, I'm gonna fuck this guy. Good for you. That's exciting.

Yeah. And I was like, it was already a dull, a little bit new on those. Yeah, yeah. It was a done deal. I was like, I don't care what he's like. He's probably an idiot and I don't care. So I go out with him and we're,

I think we went to like some bar in Brooklyn. And he mentions like, sort of casually that he does like, he's like a DJ. Oh Lord. And then was asking me about comedy. And I thought, you know, DJ, okay, that's not great, you know. But firefighter DJ, what, you know, he can be who I want him to be, right?

Like if he's actually firefighter, I'll just focus on that. So, but throughout the night, he's asking me about comedy, like the whole night and keeps tying it into his DJ career. Like every answer that I have, he's like, well, that's a lot like DJing because, and I was like, oh no, he's not,

he's not just a DJ, he's like a passionate DJ, you know? And I was like, well, what kind of music? And he was like, you know, house music, which I know is like a beloved genre, but for me, not so much. And so I was like, oh, it's not even music I like. And and whatever I, he continues to bring it back to his DJing, like every five minutes he's talking about. This is like people who go to Yale. Right. Yes.

I would almost the time. Exactly. Just dropping DJ in a conversation. I'm like, it's not the brag you think it is. Like I am. Each time you mention that you're a DJ, I feel sadder about what I'm doing. And so we go back to my place, and this is where it really gets bad.

He, we sleep together, he doesn't DJ. We sleep together. That would be amazing. We sleep together. And he is, as loud as he's been all night about his DJing, he is so much louder in bed that it's, I felt like I was with someone's faking. Could you mimic the sounds? Oh my god.

Yeah, let's hear it. Let's do it. It was kind of like, it was kind of like, like just screaming like a plane was going down. You know, like it was great. Oh my god. And I mean, like, you're living like it was great. Oh my God. And I'm, and I mean, like, I know living in an apartment in New York, like, you know, an apartment in an apartment in New York. And I was like, I don't know where my ex-boyfriend moved to. I know it's not that

far. He can probably hear you from you. And I, it was so crazy. And I just, when it was over, I went, is that, like, what was that? And he was like, I know, he's like, I'm pretty loud, right? And I was like, well, as if it's a brat, like, proud. Yeah, like, it's a brat. And I went, yeah. I was like, is that like, do you do that alone? Is that like a thing that you do? Oh, like, God, the idea of someone screaming while masturbating.

I know, because I was like, that can't be real. I was like, that's just like a performance. I'm like, you're not, I was like, so do you do that when you're like by yourself? And he was like, no. And I was like, oh, so you don't have to do it. And he was like, he was like, no, but why is it annoying? I was like, no, he goes, my old why is it annoying? I was like, no,

he goes, my old roommates used to say I'm like, George of the jungle. And I was like, you sound, no, it's like, it's giving Meg Ryan. It's not, it's not like you're faking it or something. And he, he was like, no, no, no, it's all good. And then he starts panicking and he starts trying to like overcompensate. And he asks Alexa to play his music. He's like, no. He goes, no. My Alexa's going up.

He goes, will you play so and so? And Alexa literally goes, I don't know who that is. Like Alexa was just, oh my god, he gets burned by Alexa. I love that. I love that Alexa is like doing the kind of the gesture of kind of. Yeah, she was like ask Google, I don't, I can't help you. It was the most embarrassing thing and the worst sex. And then at the end of the night,

he kissed me on the forehead, which is I think such a, to me, felt more invasive than the actual sex. Like I felt like I was like, this is, that was not consensual. The rest of this is fine. You kissed me on the forehead. I'm locking the door behind you and we are never speaking again.

That was, that was essentially, I think that was my work. That was your deal, break up. I've always ended up with some struggling artist and that's been my thing is just some brooding artist guy and that was especially in my 20s. And this day was in my 20s. I went out with this guy who was like an actor and he was so charismatic and so sweet

and just like kind of, you know, he was like a love bomber, but you didn't recognize that in your 20s because you're like, oh my god, he just like, loves me. No, but also we didn't know what that was. And then the movies, we were told that's what to go for. Right. Yeah.

So I just went, oh, okay. So I went out with this guy and slept with him again on the first date, just sort of my ammo and just get it out of the way, figure it out. If that doesn't work, nothing else will. So I did go home with the sky and I was so excited because he just so, he just, he'd had like all this experience and he was just like super cool to me and I was like, I made it and I slept

with him and then when it was over, this is like borderline sad. But when it was over, he took a blanket and sort of just threw it over my body like a parakeet, like I was gonna fall asleep. And went in the other room and I heard him like turn on the TV and like go to the fridge and like make himself some food. And I was like, yeah, your place or his place? At his place. Okay. So I'm now under the blanket, just sort of like looking around. Like, am I invited?

Because he was so deliberate the way that he did that he was like, he was like, you can take a nap or whatever. And just fucking threw this thing over me. Like, it wasn't any hospitality. It feels like the beginning of misery. Yeah, it really is. It really is. And so I sort of just like, I'm gonna go and cook my last victim for you to eat.

Exactly. So I sort of got up and sort of looked around the room, like got my clothes, put my clothes on, and just kind of like snuck past him as he was like watching, he was literally watching family guy or something. And I just exactly what this kind of person you would imagine, they sit down to watch after throwing a blanket over the grill. They just slept with. Oh my God. And it's just a feeling of like, it's only one step removed from thinking you've done such a rigorous and amazing job at fucking someone that you put one of those.

You know, after the marathon, they put those silver, yes, foil blankets over you. Yeah. It feels almost like he's doing that. I was like, I'm going to go get you some electrolytes. Yeah. Relax, mate. Yeah, I just nailed that so hard some electrolytes. Relax, mate.

Yeah, I just nailed that so hard. You're probably gonna need a couple hours to sleep it off. I was like, this is the worst experience. And I'm like, I left you to help. Did you get even IV? I know. I'm like, I need something. I'm like, I just left his house and just wandered the city,

just being like, something's gotta change. Did you say what time of day this was that? This was at night. I think it was around like 11, 30 midnight. Yeah, well, it was beddy time. I'm apparently, apparently. If he had put on like Twinkle Twinkle, you know, on the little guy, like,

like, he just turns, he opens up a music box just to add a creepy factor to it. Just like your love for my music. Yeah. Yeah, that's fucking weird. Yeah, you're like, oh my God, I just thought to know what to do with. Yeah, it feels like you slept with an Airbnb,

like a pole. A pole Airbnb. Like, you're supposed to leave a five star review. Right. Right. Yeah, just a uberfuck. Yes, exactly. I was thinking about your, the man screaming during orgasm

and remembering an ex-boyfriend who, with no sense of irony, would go, who are are like so harsh they actually said not even hooray which I think also would have been quite upsetting but who are at the point of climax and it was Harry man just no he wasn't he was literally just unemployed in 22 and half but it was honestly like the, it's just like a dreadful, dreadful sound. I'm just thinking of all the funny things to yell out when you're coming. Just like, eight, eight, thanks.

I know. I think it's a bit of a mistake. It makes me, yeah. I think Hura was my worst. I mean, I got to rise about to any of the other as I mean, I got to, I mean, it's so, it just went whenever it, guys coming and it's like they're in utter pain.

I'm just like, this is, yeah. Yeah. On. Yeah. That's another thing. That's another thing you just, when you come, you're just like, Ow! Ow! Ow!

It's something, ow! It's like, what is it? We'll be right back. Bad dates! Welcome to Bishop Gray Academy, the country's most exclusive boarding school, a place where the best and brightest aren't fighting to be prom queen or captain of the football team. They're on track to become the next Supreme Court justice. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards,

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Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. And we're back. Alright, David, I want to get into your story. It's titled That Took a Wrong Turn, and I'm deeply curious. Okay, I want to preface this by saying this was a long time ago, I had only been in LA for maybe a year, if probably less. So then I found out that this girl liked me.

You know, I remember like wearing this nice sweater and like just doing myself up in a way that I kind of wouldn't do and then drinking a lot. She didn't drink and I just kept drinking. And I'm, I'm, I'm can hold my liquor but I'm starting to blame you, yeah? A little bit. Yeah I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm getting hold of my liquor, but, uh, starting to blame you, yeah, a little bit. Yeah, no, I'm not. Ladies, we, don't look at,

I'm, nobody, there's no one to blame except me. This is, this is totally, this had nothing to do with hers. All right. So we had dinner and whatever. And then we went, I don't know why, but we, I was driving and... Oh, after having drunk a lot in the evening. Well, not like drunk driving.

No, no, no, I was trying to figure it out. I was just, this is, I'm not judging it, I'm just asking. So we're downtown and we passed by a, this whole lit up fountain kind of sculpture fountain. And I was like, oh man, that looks, that looks cool. Let's check that out. And again, no traffic. And I'm looking and I just turn and there's no median or anything. I just kind of banged a UE and then pulled up in front of the fountain. We were going to get out and check it out. And then two seconds later, cop car rolls up and sirens like, oh my gosh, geez. And two, there were the two cops, two ladies.

And I get out of the car. I get my, I've no priors, I've no nothing on my record, give my license and insurance. They're talking to me. What'd you do? I was like, oh, I mean, you know, I just, I know, I shouldn't have taken the left turn, but I just, I was going to the fountain and whatever. And they would get out of the car and they go, we're gonna give you a feel to variety test. Okay. And I do a handful of things that spread your legs

and do this, that old stuff, touch your nose and do those things. And I do fine. And then the woman goes, one of the cops goes, all right, she holds her hands up. I know this is an audio, but she holds her hands that she touches her, takes her other, in her index finger on one hand,

and touches her fingertips, all right? So it goes, one, two, three, four, five, five, four, three, two, one. Like I just did right now. Except she goes, one, two, 3, and she misses her thing and dips down and she goes oops, and then 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. And so I did the exact being a smart ass.

I went, yeah, yeah, 1, 2, 3, oops, 3, 4, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. She goes, okay, that's it. And it cuffed me and put me in the back of the car, you know, because I was being a smart ass. And I never expected that to happen. And I was like, come on, are you serious? And I disrespected her and blah, blah, blah. So she takes me down to jail at LA Lockup, which is massive.

I don't know if you've ever seen it or it's shot there or anything, but it's huge and it's super creepy and scary and the most fucked up people you can imagine. And so... And then there's you for having touched the, just the little webbed part of one side. Yeah, well, I was kind of mocking her. That was really what I was doing. It's a then that's worthy of arrest just to be clear.

Mocking off. They gave her a ride and I gave somehow I got one of the cops. There was like the nice lady cop and I gave her money to give to the girl to get a cab home. At this point, it's like one in the morning, I don't even know. I'm like, so sorry, whatever. And she's concerned and I'm like, I'll be fine, whatever. And then I'm in the little lock up rooms that you're in with a couple other people until you're getting processed. And then, and those rooms are separated by thick doors with little glass windows. And I'm sitting there and I'm like, okay, I'll be out of here soon. This is clearly I'm not meant to be here. I'm in my nice sweater and

I'm just sitting there, biting my time. Too well dressed for jail. I'm dressed for jail. There's some kind of messed up people. And then I get up and I wander around, I go to the door with the window. And I look through the window and I guy comes up and spits on the window at me. Like just out of a movie, right?

This kind of gang-banger type guy and just looks at me and spits on the window. I'm like, oh, geez, and there's an open toilet at the end. And it's filled with like fucked up people. Mentally ill, on the toilet. They're in there in the toilet. Yeah, I mean, they're tiny, tiny, tiny, they're my first topic, but I can hear them. That's the point I can hear them. And, and then I, I'm there and I'm like, the reality is sinking in,

like, I'm not going, oh, and this is a weekend. This is like a Friday night. So I'm not getting out of there for days. And, and I'm like, I can't, this is insane. And there's people that are fucked up and screaming and threatening people. And, uh, this just sounds like my family but sure 60 people sleeping one room screaming at each other spitting at each other that home but you carry on. Well then you would have been very very comfortable in this situation. Yeah. I would actually thrive. I dare say I would thrive. I come the leader. I think probably pop up somewhere. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I think, uh, pop-up somewhere, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It stopped. Good stuff. And then they came in with a breakfast or whatever it was. And I just, I picked the fucking toughest looking guy and I was,

you know, like some dumb movie I had seen or something like always. You went down on him for safety? You know what that, that would have been him. That's, I had that in my friend wife. I had that in my back pocket ready to go. But I chose just to give him my food. I thought before I jump right in the blow in this guy,

why don't I see if the food will suffice. I gave it to you. I gave it to you. I gave it to you. I gave it to you. I was like, you know, I can only have one source of protein, my friend. And then I was there until the next afternoon, and then I got out and eventually got to my car, which was sitting in the exact same place it was when I left it. That is a really fucking awful date. That is a long,

laborious, crazy date in which you kind of almost, I mean, you could have, you could have died in there, maybe. I didn't go to the bathroom for, you know, whatever hell or whatever. You don't want to get your knob out in that situation, I understand. I'm not going to the bathroom. So you just left potentially with a kidney stone, also very dangerous. That is a lot, David, I'm glad that you survived that night. Thanks.

Guys, this was an absolute joy and lovely and comforting to hear of your terrible stories. It makes me and all of our listeners feel much less alone. And while I hope you don't have any future bad dates if you do please come back and share. Oh we were sure. Absolutely. I think we all left less traumatized and more traumatized in ecu-meda. Yes it was healing and harmful all at once. Thank you. Ergo Rose, Madden, David, thank you so much. Thank you. Ego Rose, Faden, David. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you.

David Cross is on his worst daddy in the world comedy tour. Tickets are available on officialdavidcross.com. You can catch Ego Wordim every week being amazing on Saturday Night Live and Rosebud Baker's comedy special Whiskey Fist is on YouTube and she performs on That's My Time with David Letterman streaming on Netflix now. Bad dates is produced by Smartless Media and Wondery. Created by Robert Cohen Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Jermila Jamil.

That's me. Produced by Stuart Bailey. Produced, engineered and edited by Devon Tori Bryant. Talent producer is Anne Harris. Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Music by cushy and Evan Schletter. Executive producers are Will Arnett, Jason Vaatman and Sean Hayes. Executive producers for Smartless Media, a Richard Courson and Bernie Kaminsky. If you've had a bad date and you'd like to tell us

all about it, our number is 984-265-3283 and our email is baddatespod at gmail.com. We can't wait to hear all about it. That's all for this week. We will see you next time for more bad dates. Hello, Prime Members! You can listen to bad dates early and add free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen early and add free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondery.com slash survey.

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