Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - No Twink Was Safe (w/ Alaska Thunderfuck, Liza Treyger, and Joe Dombrowski)

Episode Date: January 20, 2025

On a new episode of Bad Dates, host Joel Kim Booster welcomes Alaska Thunderfuck, Liza Treyger, and Joe Dombrowski to discuss their most iconic dating fiascos. Alaska went so far as to print MapQuest directions but her date had to go and invent ghosting, Liza’s date makes the trek to her apartment by longboard but got the wrong idea about negging, and Joe’s story takes place in a haunted house with a mannequin picnic, it is not okay.If you’ve had a bad date you’d like to tell us about, our number is 984-265-3283, and our email is [e-mail], we can’t wait to hear all about it! Subscribe to our YouTube Channel for video clips. Merch available at SiriusXMStore.com/BadDates.Tickets for our live show 1/25/25 at SF Sketchfest HERE: https://sched.co/1rbPt Joel Kim Booster: Psychosexual, Fire Island, Loot Season 2Alaska Thunderfuck: Tickets for Drag: The Musical HERELiza Treyger: Netflix special Night Owl available January 28thJoe Dombrowski: Tour schedule and tickets at TheJoeDombrowski.com, new special Joe Dombrowski: I Am Cursive coming in April Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to ad-free new episodes.

Smart, Less, Media live show. That's right, Bad Dates is coming to you live and in person. We're going to be at Cobbs Comedy Club Saturday, January 25th. The lineup is insane. It's going to be so fun. This is my first live show as host of Bad Dates. So it's a very special moment for me and I hope you will be there to see it. Tickets are available at sfsketchfest.com. See you there. Bad Gates. I loved your engagement story. You talked about it with who? Kelly Clarkson. Who'd you talk to about it with? Jerry O'Connell, I think.

I talked about it on The Talk. The Talk. Yes. It was so good. My favorite part was when you said that he knew something was up because you didn't throw a fit that the yacht wasn't private. Yep. He knows me really well. Hello, hello, hello. And welcome to another episode of Bad Dates.

I'm your host, Joel Kim Booster, and this is a podcast. It's right there in the name where we talk about bad dates and that can include hookups. That can include years long relationships. Honestly, it's a very loosey goosey definition of what a bad date is here, but I invite on a panel of my funniest friends and we get into it. We talk about their time in the trenches for your enjoyment. We dig up our traumas for you. As always, I'm going to start with a little bit of listener mail.

This one is from Nathan. Hey Bad Dates, just had a doozy of a date and was interested if you think this is my fault or hers. Had a first date with a woman from an app. Her photos were crazy hot, like a taller Sabrina Carpenter. We met at an outdoor restaurant and as she walked to my table something was definitely off about her. She had the crazy long fake nails on her hands, which

is fine. The fucked up thing is she also had them on her feet. She had to wear sandals because there was an easy three inch plank coming off each toe. Is this a thing? She was giving Eagle carrying a fish with her talons energy. Oh God. And she wiggled her toes a lot, making it seem like I was on a date with Edward Scissorfeet.

I was too spooked for a second date. Imagine lying in bed next to those daggers. Am I a freak or is it her? This is crazy. I've never heard of this. I've never seen this, which means that either you are dating an extreme anomaly or went on a date with an extreme anomaly or you were being punked.

An absolute trendsetter. You've already heard her voice. I want to get her take on it as she is the only cis woman on the podcast today. She's a standup comedian, one of my dearest and oldest friends. She's appeared on Survival of the Thickest and Nope. And you can see her performing all across the country on her Tickets Available Tour. It's Liza Traeger. Welcome, Liza. Wow, that was such a professional introduction.

I like that. Well, you know, we try and keep professional here at the podcast, unlike this next person I'm going to introduce. Joining us is a woman who won Drag Race All Stars and Drag Queen of the Year. She co-created and performs in Drag the Musical, which is playing now at New World Stages.

It's Alaska! Mm, hello. Hello, hello dear. And finally, last but certainly not least, we have a comedian and podcaster whose new special, Don't Eat the Crayons is available on YouTube now. He is currently on tour and his second special will be dropping in April.

It's Joe Dumbrowsky. Hello, Joe. Now guys, let's get into it. Alaska, I'm especially interested to hear from you on this too. As someone who wears fake nails, I assume on occasion, have you ever been called to walk the runway in talons on your feet as well?

Well, I have to start by saying I don't want to imagine a taller Sabrina Carpenter because she would be too powerful, I fear. Exactly that. I'm glad she is contained at four foot eleven because Ellie Taller would be too much for the world. Um, no, well, I've never worn toenails, but I am reminded of season two of RuPaul's Drag Race and Raven is talking about Nicole Page Brooks, and she says, she says,

I can sum her up by saying this. She wears French tip toenails on her toes. Oh. And says nothing more, but it completely gives you an entire picture. So no, this is not, I love long nails. I wear them every time I'm in drag, but like long toenail, no, my feet are long enough.

I can't. I can't stand her. Lisa, is she a trendsetter? Is this something that you're interested in? No, this is an unwell woman. And like, if she wanted to do that, that's like a at-home activity, and then you gotta go out in the world.

You can't do it. It's just too immobile. And in like the dangerous world of today, you can't really get away. I just think it's like, we have to just be a little bit smarter. You have to be a little smarter. No, I mean, you ain't running from a predator

in three inch toenails. This is a maniac. Maybe she's just too hot. Like if she does look like Sabrina Carpenter that she has to test these men to like, you know, like if you were a rich man, you'd maybe pretend you were poor to see if they loved you for who you are.

I do love that idea. Maybe it's a test. Yeah. Very Aladdin teasetease. Joe, if you were tested in such a way by man, woman, or anything in between, what would your reaction be if your lover tested you like this? I think I figured this one out.

Have y'all fallen down 304 TikTok yet? Or is it just me? Okay, 304 TikTok. let me enlighten you. 304, type it in a calculator, turn it upside down. What's its spell? Ho, it's prostitute TikTok, where they're giving the girls all the tea and how to keep their like jobs working.

Fun fact, I think we should all drink more cranberry juice. I learned that from 304tiktok. But some of them have long bedazzled toenails, which I also feel is unsafe because you might need to get away. But I think this is a lady of the night. I think this is a lady of the night. You are accusing this woman of being a prostitute.

I'm not accusing, I'm drawing to conclusions. No, no, no, no, you're right. How long are the hoes keeping it? Great question. Not quite... Somewhere between Big Pen and french fry. Okay. I don't know that I understand that.

Yeah, I don't like the cat. Now we're going to move on to our esteemed panel of guests. And first up is Alaska. Now Alaska, give us some context right now. Are you in a relationship? Are you in love? Are you out there actively searching? What's your vibe? I am in a relationship and I am in love.

And, yeah, he's amazing and wonderful and the love of my life. So the bad date that I want to talk about is actually like my first date. Oh, wow. Like my first date. Oh, wow. So, back when I was first awakening as a young gay person, we didn't have, you know, Grindr. We didn't have even Adam for Adam.

I was just about to bring up Adam for Adam. Boy, did I love that. Wow. The internet was new. Was it Craigslist only? Yeah, seriously. I didn't know about Craigslist and I wasn't using that, but there was in the AIM, like AOL instant messenger,

there was a chat called like gay or like, just gay. We were keeping it simple back then. We were keeping it simple. Gay and lesbian chat. was a chat called like gay or like, just gay. We were keeping it simple back then. We were keeping it simple. Gay and lesbian chat. And this was the whole world were talking in this. It wasn't centralized by location.

It was just, I happen to be gay and I'm in a chat room with the whole world. All ages, all races, all genders. Yes. And so I met someone in this chat room who was like from the next town over in Pennsylvania. And so this was like meant to be, this was like the sky opened and we were soulmates.

The fact that we met. And how old are you in this point? I was 35. No, I'm just kidding. 35 on AIM. Beautiful. I was like, I was like 17, I think. OK, OK, OK. And so we started talking and we were like, we have to meet up. This is it. This is how it has to be.

Well, because I assume that where you grew up, there weren't a lot of gay people immediately, readily available to you. No, certainly not. And yeah, no, they just didn't exist. And so this was like, I had cocky. And you both had like hopeless romantic vibes, it seems like.

Well, I did. You did, okay. This was your husband. I had never been on a date like with a cute guy before. This was it. This was the first one we were gonna get married. So we met up, he had a car. Huge.

And so we met, his name was Joel. Oh! I know. We met up and we just like drove around Erie and like he had to go stop at the like the ATV store, like the like sporting motorcycle four wheeler store. X games, et cetera. Cause up until that point I was picturing Jeffree Star. Yeah, no.

Well, this is my question. Did you exchange photos before you met? I don't know. We must have. Right? We must have, but it was very like the phone. Like the cell phone. I mean, how do you get it from the digital camera

to the computer to AIM? That's the journey. It wasn't easy breezy back then. We didn't have cell phones. Pre-phone booths even. Well, we didn't have phones, but Danger had been around for a while. Yeah.

Yes. So we went walking around the ATV store and I was just like- How old was he? How old was this person? I mean, he must have been like 19. Oh, okay. He was like... Great, great.

He was like same age range. Romeo and Juliet laws were protecting him. Um... Exactly. And so I was just so smitten. He was so cute. He was soitten. He was so cute. He was so handsome. He was like a guy.

He was like, he wore like shirts and like. Well, I mean, you're at the ATV store, girl. And like, yeah, that was his vibe. He was so hot. He was hot. He was so hot and cute. So then we just like did, we like went around and like drove around. And then he was like, okay. Then it was like, oh, well, I guess I need to go home.

So instead of going home, we went down the street and there was this like random building. And I have never known what it is for, but it was at the end of my street. And there was like a grassy kind of driveway there. And so we like laid in the grass and made out. And it was just wonderful. It was fantastic. Yeah, I'm really waiting for the turn here. Yeah, he thought it's good dates. It was romantic. I did discover that I don't like making out in the grass

because there are bugs and it was very itchy. But even that, it was like so wonderful and lovely. So the next time we hung out, I went to his house. And of course, I was just his friend from high school. So it was like, fine, I can sleep over. At this point in time, you're printing out MapQuest directions to get to his house. Literally.

It was that type of time period. Yeah. Yeah. So I went and slept over and we were like watching a movie and like cuck at a car and like, um, I'm not going to get into the details because my, my mom will probably listen to this, but like it was, it was a little like awkward in the sense of like, this was one of the first times I had been like intimate with another person.

And so it was like weird and like a little bit, but it was still fine. It was like, it was okay. But the trouble began when it was like, after this overnight date, he did, he vanished. He disappeared. Not that. So this must've been the in, the invitation of ghosting.

Proto ghosting. Yeah. Because he disappeared and he stopped talking to me and he stopped chatting to me and we, he just disappeared. And so I was like heartbroken and I was confused and I was like, oh, it's probably, it's probably because of that stain on his couch. And like, it was just, he had to flip the couch cushion, whatever.

Wait, I'm sorry. I know your mom's listening to this, but where did the stain come from? What region of the body? It was from his dingus. Got it, okay. Oh, from his dingus. Got it, okay. Oh, from his lingus. Okay, so it's not even, I mean, I guess,

one could say it is your fault, in a sense, but- Yes, but like, you don't know where to put it, like where to aim it, where to, you know what I mean? Do you think he got in trouble because of it and got sent to like gay conversion, or no? I think he died. Well, we're not there yet. We're not there yet. Oh, also for context, his dad is like a preacher, like a pastor.

Oh, oh. A member of the church. Lead with that. OK, OK. I feel like my guess was pretty on Brent. Got it. Got it. Got it. Oh, and we also like ate ice cream sandwiches afterward, which was like so romantic and adorable. But then it like, it went great.

And then like, then he just disappeared. So whatever, time goes by and I meet the guy that I end up actually dating. And he comes from like a couple towns over and we, you know, are like dating for a while and like, it's going good. And then we're talking about like people we had dated before. And I was like, oh, there was this guy Joel and he like disappeared.

And my boyfriend, the guy I was dating was like, wait, Joel? And he like disappeared, right? And I was like, yes. He did the same thing to him. He like left Phil, my boyfriend at the time, he like left him at a gas station. It was like, he didn't just like, he didn't have the courtesy to like drop him off at home.

He like left him somewhere like, and ghosted and disappeared. How bad at sex do you have to be to get deserted at a gas station? I don't know, but it wasn't even that. It was just like he was pathological at doing this. And apparently he had done this to a bunch of other people. And then he did it to the wrong bitch because he did it to some queen... who wrote a letter to his parents and

said, just so you know, just so you know what your children will someday know, your son is a faggot, is running around and is abandoning and ghosting left and right. Signed, that bitch. I don't know who this queen was. I think I like ran into her at a bar, this gay person who was like, oh, well, did you hear? And now Joel is like an eerie Pennsylvania, like, you know, we all have a Joel story.

So it wasn't just me. It wasn't personal. It's just what he did. have a Joel story. So it wasn't just me. It wasn't personal. It's just what he did. Now, is Joel- Do you think it's like his shame or his kink or both? Great question. Right, maybe it's both.

I think it's a little bit of both. They're kind of intertwined. And especially knowing he comes from God, I think that definitely there's a lot of, like, you know, he got what he wanted and then he felt terrible about it and he needed to wipe you out of his fucking memory. But also, was his lot of like, you know, he got what he what he wanted, and then he felt terrible about it and needed wipe you out of his. But also was his dad never like, Wow, he just keeps having guy

friends come sleep over. For sure. Never been put together. For sure. Are these friends are all twinks? Yeah. Now, here's the thing. I don't support. Outing people people on principle, but do we think the punishment fits the crime here a little bit?

Great question. Oh yeah. Yeah, right? Oh yeah. You don't leave people at gas stations and then expect to have no repercussions. No, you can't. And if it was like an isolated thing and it just didn't work out, that's like one thing.

But this was like a thing that he was doing repeatedly to a bunch of different people. He was terrorizing the Twink community of the greater Pittsburgh area. No Twink was safe. The Twink who wrote the letter, though, did have an opportunity because if he was getting dick down good He could have said keep digging me down and I won't send the letter, but he just sent the letter Yes, we love blackmail. We love sexual blackmail Well, thank you. That was so edifying and so tragic. Edifying, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've never heard that word once in my life. Well, you're here to learn, Lisa. You're very educated. I am now. You're here to learn. And we're here to learn. In fact, from you, Lisa, because you are next. -♪ ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYINGan Where are we at in the timeline for this story?

Um, this is, I would say, post-pandemic. Oh, okay. I'm in LA. I'm in a studio apartment in Highland Park. Um, and I'm, like, horny. Okay. I think I've been alone and I'm, like studio apartment in Highland Park and I'm like horny. I think I've been alone and I'm like horned up and I think I'm like on naps. It was like I'm playing backgammon every night and doing 10,000 steps in a winter storm to like feel.

So I guess dramatic, dramatic. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Perfect word. A lot of steps. So you're in the studio apartment, you're on the apps. What does the apps bring you? So I meet, there's like a cute girl, love the photos, totally my type, vibing, great messaging.

I'm not getting any red flags. And I'm like jazzed. So in my head I'm like- I think it's important because I know the answer to this question, but your type of girl, describe your type of girl, because it's very specific. I like a girl who.

Long toenails. Yeah, I like a girl who looks like a backstreet boy Miley Cyrus type, I would say. Ooh, sure. That's what I like. And then for men, I like more burly beard hair. Yeah. Yeah.

We're all picturing that lesbian because we all know that lesbian. So like a JoJo Siwa is wearing that scale. How dare you? Well, no. No wear is on the scale. She's not in there. She's not anywhere on the scale.

Does JoJo Siwa look like Lance Bass to you? Yeah, like Nick Carter. Miley Cyrus. Bieber, you want a Bieber. I don't want a flippy ponytail and a gelled back. Like that to me, like I don't want a painful hairdo. Okay. That's like not.

Noted, noted. I also, if I knew someone as a child, I don't want to be attracted. That's very Celine Dion, her old man husband. Like I think that's weird. Is that fucked up to say? No, no. Joe and Alaska opened their mouths

and gasped after I said that. And so now I'm like, should we cut that? Like, I don't know how to feel. You're telling the people. No, no, no. I just think if I knew someone as a child, I would prefer not to want to have sex with them. Done. Yes.

An interesting sort of rule to put in place. Am I being out of line with this rule? No, I feel like I'm on par with that. I mean, everyone who's in an age gap relationship with one of their former students right now is turning off the podcast in protest. But I think they should think about their actions. Yeah. If it worked out, it's great. But I think it's something to reflect upon.

Was it this one student or was it student after student for decades? You know, is it are you a rice queen or are you just going on a date with one Asian? That's the question. Yeah. Are you exploiting one child and their reverence for you in your position of authority or a ton? It's on the sexy kids. I didn't want to be this serious. Listen, I just have kind of a casual date story, but Jojo Siwa is not on the scale No, Jojo Siwa. Yes, Miley Cyrus bangers era

Yes. Yeah, but even but Miley is transcendent forever for me, I feel. And I didn't get into it till Banger's, and that's how I feel okay with it. Okay. I feel attacked. I will continue my story though. No, I just wanna know what happens next. Took your line.

No, because I mean, it is technically, you did know Miley as a child, so. I didn't though, because I was doing other, like I was in a different realm of reality. Bangor, we can't stop is when I knew about Miley. And then went backwards. Right, cause that's when she like, looked like a backstreet boy, kind of.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you were, and you loved the cultural appropriation of it all too. That was really, that was really, you drew you in. Jold actually does know me well, and that is right on the money. I did love it. Boom, boom.

I was in, but it was a fun time. But I like, yeah, she's transcended. OK, anyways. So, yeah, the the chats are great. So I'm like, would you like to come over? And she did live very far, I would say, like full West Side. I'm in Highland Park and maybe and there wasn't a so it was a public transit situation, which whatever in in L.A., though, that's not what it's an issue.

I know what it is. It's an issue. OK, so but they or was it like a big deal to take an Uber? There was some sort of thing where it's like maybe they're poor, but it's fine. So I'm living in a studio apartment. So when she comes over, it's kind of the classic where it's like, well, you don't look like these pictures. You can look how you look, but you can't lie about it. That's got to be psychotic.

But I'm very like, okay, let's see. I'm always like, all right, let's see. I'm always trying to convince myself into, of course, this should work. But then there's a long board. And that's an issue for me personally. I'm not like, a skateboard that's long. Oh, and why?

And why did we need to make it longer? Yes, thank you. It makes me upset. I don't know, I don't really. You can't even go on a half pipe in one of those things. What's the point? Or to the street. It's like very much only if you're on a boardwalk, maybe.

I don't know, but. Wait, she rode a longboard all the way from the West Side to Highland Park? Is that what you're saying? I think't know, but. Wait, she rode a longboard all the way from the West Side to Highland Park? Is that what you're saying? I think there was a journey. I think there was a multiple step journey and a longboard was part of it. Or was her plan for later in the night?

That is public transit in LA. That's public transit in LA. She probably had to longboard to the bus, then longboard to the train, and then get off the train and longboard to your house. Lesbians are so cool. then longboard to the train, and then get off the train and longboard to your house. Lesbians are so cool. We know gay culture is bullshit.

Lesbians ride longboards and take public transit. Meanwhile, gay guys are on a lime scooter. Those fucking faggots. So when you don't... Scary. You don't like the long board. I don't know what long board was. My thing is, if you're on a piece of...

A long board to me is a Matthew McConaughey Beach Bum kind of character to me. Unless you can go to the X Games on it, I don't want to see you on it. I don't want to see you on these scooters. I don't want to see you on a Segway. I don't want to see you on a long board. Unless wanna see you on these scooters. I don't wanna see you on a Segway. I don't wanna see you on a longboard, unless you can get in a half pipe, leave it at home. My apartment was like motel style doors, you know what I mean?

So like I'm on the second floor and the rail and my door's right there. So I'm standing on top and I put a lot of look, thought into my outfit. Cause it's like, I wanna look like I wanna have sex, but I also don't want to be too like slutty, whatever. So I choose to wear kind of like a sweatshirt with little boy shorts. No pants, but a sweatshirt.

Love, yeah, yeah, yeah. Love that look. I'm feeling cute about it, I'm excited. So I'm waiting upstairs still trying to be cute and she goes, because while we were texting, I was like, ooh, I don't know what to wear, whatever. And she goes, oh, is that what you decided to wear? Oh, hell no.

Which is crazy to me. I'm pissed off the bat. I'm pissed. Get out of here with your long board riding ass right now. I would shut the fucking door on her ass. Clops. That's some bullshit. I like a compliment, you know? Like, give me a compliment immediately

so I can feel at ease and I feel good about myself. Say it exactly how she said it. Like, don't put any, like, zhuzh on it. Like, give it to us how she said it. Oh,'t put any like zhuzh on it. Like give it to us how she said it. Oh, is that what you decided to wear? Beat that bitch's ass. I'm pissed. Thank you, thank you.

But I'm like, oh yeah, okay. So then she brings like buzz balls and little cans of malt liquor. So that's also like a weird choice as well. You also didn't need to bring anything, but also like it's like bringing a flask of pop off vodka. I'm like, what's going on here? Buzz balls and little malt liquors.

So I'm like, okay, I just like, I don't know what to do here. But I- Never show up to someone's house empty handed. Always bring buzz balls and malt liquor. Yeah, especially if you're showing up on a longboard. I mean, whoa, whoa. BuzzBalls, I'm guessing those are those little alcohol drinks

that are in a circle. Aren't they like the round wines? Like with like a tin cap? They're like pre-bagged cocktail. Yeah, they're like little plastic bottles. Like teenagers are into them because they're like little balls. They can sneak in to the club, you know, for young children that don't know what's up.

But- And shouldn't be dating their teachers, that's for sure. I know. So then. So then, so, but I'm still trying to like be with it and understanding and we're trying to chat. But then, so I, okay, and I actually have a prop, so I'm still trying to like be with it and understanding and we're trying to chat. But then, so I, okay, and I actually have a prop, so I'm sorry about this.

So I, I'm a pothead as well, so like I'm always smoking Jice and like you wanna smoke a joint. And I have this lighter, which I love. It's like, it's. Wow. And it looks like it's an old timey car lighter. That is really beautiful. It's houseplant, like I fucking love it.

It's marble and I'm like obsessed with it. I love it. It's a car lighter. That's really beautiful. It's houseplant. Like I fucking love it. It's marble and I'm like obsessed. Listeners, just imagine the most decadent, like fancy lighter you've ever seen. So it's up there and I go, oh, I have this really cool car lighter thing. So I press it down waiting for it and she goes, yeah, like a tabletop lighter. Yeah. Like not impressed. I hate her. Like just talking shit. Like it's an everyday tabletop lighter. Yeah, like not in my hair. I like just talking shit

Like it's an everyday tabletop lighter should not when I show her the car thing She goes, oh, that's kind of cool. And then she goes, can I smoke a cigarette again? She goes, how are the cops in the area and I go why what? She goes can we can we have our drinks on that like, you know mot motel style door? Like I don't have a balcony, I have a walkway. I don't know how to go. So she wants to like have a drink on there and she's wondering if the cops will harass us on the second floor of the stairs.

Interesting. And so now I'm like, are you running away from the like, you, and I go, oh, are you, have the cops been bothering you lately? You know, she is white. I'm like, I have the cop, what's going on here? She goes, they're always a problem. And it's like, yeah, of course we're all ACAB,

but like, I don't know. You can have a drink on the balcony. Like what kind of life are you living here? Yeah, yeah. How are the police in the area? How are the cops in this area? It's not the question you wanna be hearing on a first date. I don't like this date that you're describing at all.

So then once she's in, I go, listen, this isn't really vibing with me. Like, I think this is done. We got to. I'm not. This isn't going to happen. And she was like, wait, what? And then it was really like the sign of like a woman versus dating like straight dudes was it was immediate. Like, sorry if I did anything. And I was like, it's fine. It's just like not the vibe.

And then she's like, do you still want to like go to dinner or something? And I went, no, I can pay for your Uber home though. And she was like, no, no, it's fine. And then that was it. So then she ended up being fine. But then it was it was just like, yeah, I didn't want it. I didn't want to have sex. It is. It is so wild. How many stories on this podcast involve nagging and people who think that nagging

is like something that will turn the other person on. I just love the way the gay people in my life are out there fucking. Like come on over, suck my dick and leave. Like that's so cool. Happily. I just love that. I love that fun. I just, I'm love that. I love that fun.

I'm not having as much fun with that. But we don't have long boards. So it's true. And we certainly don't have a cool tabletop car lighter. I know. I'm so proud of my lighter. Joe Dombrowski. Joe. The name on everybody's lips.

The name on everybody's lips is Joe Dombrowski. Joe, I know that you're happily in a relationship currently yourself right now. How long have you been in a relationship for? I've been married since June, but we've been together for nine years. Whoa. So you've been out of it, you've been out of the game for a minute now.

I've been out of the game, but I got ho friends. So I know how it's working over there for sure. Put us in the timeline. Where is your bad date story coming from? Put us in the timeline. Where is your bad date story coming from? So this goes back way before I met my husband. I had just graduated college. I'm living in the Detroit area still, which is where I'm from originally.

But I'm still living with my parents in their basement. So I meet, so I'm like what, like 22, I guess? I meet this guy on Grindr, but it is not for SEX. It's like, there's really some sort of connection here. The banter's really good. We moved from Grindr to text. Like it's going well and it never, there was never like sexual advancements. So when he offered to take me to dinner,

I was like, absolutely, like I'm not catching red flags at all. So the day comes along and I'm literally driving to the restaurant that I'm supposed to be meeting him because I know better. Like I know we're gonna meet in public. It's gonna be, you know, like, I've watched one too many date lines to, got, got. I go and I'm driving to the restaurant,

I'm almost there, and he texts me, and he's like, hey, I got a little bit tied up at work. I'm still getting ready. I live close to the restaurant. Would you mind just meeting me at my house, and then we can go over together? When I tell you guys, I was so not having any red flags

that that just swooped over my head. Like I was like, no problem. What's your address? Put it in, I'm driving now to this guy's house and I get to the beginning of where like his subdivision starts. So the Metro Detroit area is the land of the immediate suburbs.

So the houses at the beginning of the suburb where I'm driving are fine. Like nothing fancy, we're still in our early, I thought he was in his maybe mid-20s. We're great, we're moving on. I'm still driving to get to the back of the subdivision. I'm not gonna lie, house is getting a little shitty. We're getting a little shittier.

Now the street lights are starting to flash. And then his house is all the way at the end of the street and there are no houses around. It is pitch black. And this house is like 10 out of 10 could have put a sign, $10 to come through the haunted house, and people would have been lying it out. And I'm like, okay, but I'm like, I'm not gonna judge,

like everyone's in a different financial situation, I don't know what's going on. You're in the basement, you're in the fucking basement. So I'm like, okay, there's like one little porch light on. I feel like it's Goosebumps. I'm so scared. It was, okay. It's, are you afraid of the dark? But I'm not, okay.

But I'm not, I'm still not. I'm like super optimistic, which is so not me. Like I think I'm gonna get human trafficked off of every corner that I turn in the dark, right? So I walk up to the porch and the door is like just barely open, okay? But I'm like, I'm not gonna go in, I'm gonna like ring the doorbell.

I ring the doorbell, nothing. I ring the doorbell again, nothing. Oh my God. So then I knock two times on the door and it swings open and I'm like, well, fuck, this guy isn't answering. I can hear the shower still going. So I do the like, hey, hello, I'm here. I push the door open.

I look to my left to see his kitchen. Bitch, when I tell you the kitchen is an absolute disarray, dishes up to the top of the sink. It is like food everywhere, just absolutely disgusting. I'm like, no, there's this pungent smell of just like disgust. I turn to the right to look into his dining room, five chairs, every chair has a full mannequin

with a wig dressed up in a place setting, ready to eat. Okay, now I pause the- Bitch, you're about to become one of those mannequins, aren't you? with a wig, dressed up, in a place setting, ready to eat. Okay, now I pause the- Bitch, you're about to become one of those mannequins, aren't you? Now I pause the story and I need to know, what would you three do at this point? Thank God you're here alive. Right?

Oh my God. If I were still 22, I would have gone through with it. I would have been, I would have gone up to the shower, jumped in the shower with him. Obviously at this age, no, I would have gone through with it. I would have been, I would have gone up to the shower, jumped in the shower with him. Obviously at this age, no, I would not, I would not go through with it. I would run, I would run for the hills, but I didn't know that at 22.

Mannequin, I would have thought he was an installation artist at 22. You know? Play games with me. If he had a neighbor, if he had a neighbor on each side, I would be okay with, oh, he's in cosmetology school. There's wigs, you know, but the fact that there's no neighbors. That there's no neighbors.

No, no. That's what's alarming. But they also weren't dressed up, like it wasn't like, never did I look at these things and be like, oh, he's getting creative. Like this one's very 1920s and looks like a flapper. And there's an old gentleman with a monocle. Like they didn't make consecutive sense.

He's not doing like the Macy's Christmas window display. It was like, one was in like a scrunchy top that you would get from like Walgreens in like 2000. That's this big before you put it on. And then it's like, it was just not cohesive and I didn't like it. Well, I like art. So we're all dying to know, what did you do next? I'm intrigued because it does sound

like this person has creativity. Anyway, please go on. Well, what would you do? What would you do at this point? If I was 22, I probably would have gone in and fucking, and continued the journey. But now, I mean, I wouldn't even, no, no. I would have gotten to the end of the street

and turned around. I would have ran. I would have ran. I would definitely run. I would have said, I'll wait for your ass at the restaurant now. Well, that's, now it's like, yeah, why wouldn't you be like, oh, grab a drink at the bar. I would have said, I'll wait for your ass at the restaurant now. Well, that's now it's like, yeah, why wouldn't you be like, oh, grab a drink at the bar. I'll be a little late.

Like that seems like the, you know. Yeah. So you walk upstairs, he's ass up. No, no, no, no, no, this is one level, bitch. Let's not get crazy. So I'm standing there and I'm like, hey, hey, and I'm actually processing what I'm standing there and I'm like, hey, hey, and I'm actually processing what I'm saying. And then this guy comes out of the bathroom in a full towel,

1,000% not who I was speaking to. 1,000, like, but it was so fast that I was like, I don't know if you were that person, or if this is a fully, you just Googled what you wanted me to see and we moved from there. When I tell you I hightailed it to my car, put that thing in reverse, got the hell out of there, sprinted to my friend's house, blocked him on everything.

Like I was in a full blown panic, and I'll be so real, dating since then, I was making people, blown panic and I'll be so real, dating since then, I was making people like I'd meet somebody on Grindr and I'd be like, okay, before I give you my phone number, I want you to have a toothbrush in your left hand, write the number seven on your right, hold it up with a thumbs up in a bathroom mirror and timestamp it and send it to me

within the next five minutes. Like before I meet anybody. Just hold up a newspaper next to your face. I wanna see today's date, that kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, that kind of thing. Because I was not playing. He knew what he was doing. You think you're the first person

to run the fuck out of there? You probably got the furthest of anybody. Like I am not. Probably. Bad dates. Well, thank you so much, Joe. That was incredible. And also guys, that is the end of the podcast.

We did it. We made it to the end. Harrowing stories from all three of you. Alaska, where can the people find you? What are you interested in right now? What do you want them to see? What do you want them to avoid? Well, I am currently doing a musical at New World Stages in New York, so that is all consuming

and we do eight shows a week and it's wonderful. So go to dragthemusical.com and you can find out when you can come see us, which is pretty much every day, Tuesday. Yeah, incredible, incredible show. Friend of mine, Nick Adams, also in the show. Incredible, everyone's incredible. Go, run, don't walk, drag the musical. You must see it if you're in New York.

Run to get tickets like you are running out of a dining room full of mannequins. Exactly. With non-cohesive outfits. With non-cohesive Claire's Charlotte Roos outfits on. How dare he, how dare he? With non-cohesive Claire's Charlotte Roos outfits on. How dare he? How dare he? Dirty kitchen, mannequins, you're lying.

You don't get both. Like what a maniac. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can have... Fucking maniac. You can lie about what you look like. You can have a dirty kitchen or you can have mannequins. You cannot have all three.

That's three strikes and you're out. Lisa, where can the people find you? What are you doing these days? My Netflix special comes out January 28th. It's called Night Owl and yeah, please watch it. And it's about God damn time. I have to say that. I'm excited.

It's about God damn time that you have an hour special. I can't outweigh. Check it out. Lisa, one of the funniest comedians working today. So high. Highly recommend. Joe Domb Liza, one of the funniest comedians working today. So high. Highly recommend. Joe Dombrowski, where can the people find you? What are you working on right now?

What do you want them to see? I am back on tour. I'm going to be on tour from now until June all over the country, clubs and theaters, making it happen. You can check my tour schedule and get your tickets at thejoedombrowski.com. And my second special, Joe Dombrowski, I am cursive, will drop in April. So keep an eye out for that.

Amazing, amazing. And check out Joe's TikTok. I know that I spoke poorly of it at the top of the pod, but your TikTok is one of the best follows. My 304 TikTok, come on. Get it while you can, kids. Because who knows, by the time this airs, we might not have TikTok in our lives anymore.

So find them on Instagram Reels instead, if that's the case. Thank you so much for listening to the podcast. If you liked what you heard, please give us a five star rating and a review on iTunes or wherever you're listening to this podcast. It helps people find the podcast. I'm Ben Joel Kimbooster and this has been another episode of Bad Dates. I will talk to you all next week with another panel of people with horrific, no good, terrible date stories. Bye bye.

Bad Dates is a production of Smartless Media created by Robert Cohen. Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Stuart Bailey. Produced, edited, and engineered by Devon Torrey-Brien. Produced by Anne Harris. Edited by Kyle McGrath. Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Social media producer is Tommy Galgana. Executive producers are Sean Hayes, Will Arnett, and Jason Baitman.

Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminsky. Music by Cushi and Evan Schleder. If you've had a bad date or would like our advice on any dating issues, please tell us about it at baddatespod at gmail.com or call us at 984-265-3283. That's 984-265-3283. That's all for this week. We will be back for more Bad Dates.