Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys (w/ Vincint, Ali Macofsky, and Syd Heller)

Episode Date: November 4, 2024

On a new episode of Bad Dates, host Joel Kim Booster welcomes singer/songwriter Vincint and comedians Ali Macofsky and Syd Heller to discuss their most iconic dating fiascos. Vincint is going to need you to leave a card, because they simply will not be your victim, Ali seeks help with her prom date from a hot authority figure, and Syd is on a weekend getaway with a man who lacks some basic, but crucial, facts. If you’ve had a bad date you’d like to tell us about, our number is 984-265-3283, and our email is [e-mail], we can’t wait to hear all about it! Subscribe to our YouTube Channel for video clips. Merch available at SiriusXMStore.com/BadDates. Joel Kim Booster: Psychosexual, Fire Island, Loot Season 2Vincint: @vincint on socials, check the Linktree for new musicAli Macofsky: @notalimac on socials, tickets and tour dates at AliMacofsky.comSyd Heller: @sydheller on socials, @SydAndOlivia, Syd And Olivia Talk Sh*t podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to ad-free new episodes.

Smart. Less. Media. I was so delusional with my boyfriend because when we were first dating I was like don't watch anything of mine online, like I don't want you to see it online and then he like made some sort of reference when we were in person and I thought it was like a reference to one of my jokes and I was like, you watched it. And he was like, no, this is literally like a phrase

that people say all the time. It's a full meme that's been circulating for years. It was just like, how are you doing? I'm like, oh, you've seen my- You know who I am. You know who I am. Oh, so you've seen my work. So you're a fan.

So you're a fan is what you're saying. You're obsessed with me. Yeah. Bad Dates. Bad Dates. Bad Dates. Bad Dates. Bad Dates.

Bad Dates. Bad Dates. Bad Dates. Bad Dates. Bad Dates. Bad Dates. Bad Dates. Bad Dates.

Hello, hello, hello again. This is Joel Kim Booster. I am the host of the podcast you are currently listening to, which is of course called Bad Dates. And guess what? It's right there in the name. It's a podcast about bad dates. We're talking dates, we're talking hookups,

we're talking about relationships. Some of these stories span years, years I'm telling you. They're that bad. But before we get to my very funny panel of guests today, I wanna get into a little mailbag. Some listeners have some advice that they need answered, and I will start with this one. This one really tickled me, I got to tell you.

Bad dates. I went on a few dates with a guy who said he just got out of a relationship. On our third date, we talked about how I'm getting a masters and was in the middle of a long-form journalism class. He was really interested in reading my writing, like weirdly interested, and I brushed him off, basically being like too soon, maybe later. We went back to my place, had sex, and he left in the morning. A few hours later, I get a text from him telling me that he was inspired to do his own writing,

which he has sent to me via email. I open the literal Google Doc and it's a fiction story that starts out with a couple in bed together. I'm going to do something a little over the top here. I'm going to do something a little over the top here. I'm going to do something a little over the top here. I'm going to do something a little over the top here. I'm going to do something a little over the top here. I'm going to do something a little over the top here. I'm going to do something a little over the top here. I'm going to do something a little over the top here.

I'm going to do something a little over the top here. I'm going to do something a little over the top here. I'm going to do something a little over the top here. I'm going to do something a little over the top here. I'm going to do something a little over the top here. I'm going to hookup therapist and editor. How the fuck do I respond? Now, this person did not leave a name. So I'm going to do something a little old fashioned if you followed my podcasting history and give them a name based on their problem. And let's see, we've got a writer, we've got an edit. It's Fran Levenbitch. That is the name of this reader. That is the name of this reader, Fran Levenbich. Because here's the thing, it is so crazy.

I at first was like, when he was interested in reading your writing, I was like, well, this is an act of like, you know, interest in you. That's nice. And I understand a certain impulse. When you find out someone is in a creative adjacent career, the first thing you must know about them is if they're good at what they do. And so I understand the first half of the email where he's coming from in that. And then he sends you the short story. And this is where we get into territory. That is, again, I keep saying it every single week. Are straight men OK?

You know, that is like, we need a wellness check on half the population right now, because this is crazy. This is crazy behavior, not only to send you a story, but also a story about your ex-girlfriend expecting what? Feedback from that? Listen, my rule of thumb, and I've said this on the podcast before, is more than two dates, you owe at least a text being like, hey, this wasn't match.

Like three dates, especially. Less than two dates, I think ghosting is totally fine. You owe this person nothing. I think he has actually subtracted a date from your history with him by sending this short story to you about his ex. And I think you all owe him nothing. And I think you cut your losses and you leave and you never speak to this person again, because first of all,

leaning on a journalist to try and get an in in the writing industry, what an idiot, a fool, I would say even. There, I can think of like no worst profession right now to lean on to try and break into writing. Do you know what journalists are dealing with right now in this industry? I, listen, I get it. I consider myself a journalist on this very podcast.

And so I want to get right into it with our guests today. They are journalists too. They I'm sure they have questions and advice of their own. First off, we welcome a comedian who's performed in The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. Heard of it? Very funny, very nice, love her to death. Please give it up for Ali Makovsky.

Yay, thank you. Hi Ali, welcome, welcome, welcome. This next person is a singer-songwriter who just released It Happens All the Time. And I'm sorry, to me, still owns the song of the summer with hire any of the remixes, any of it. I have never seen this person performed at the Queer T. Awards. OK, not an easy audience, an audience full of drunk, apathetic gay people who do not want to be there

and certainly do not want to listen to live entertainment. And then this person comes out and sings their fucking face off, and everybody pays attention. I've never seen anything like it. I'm such a huge fan. I'm so glad they're here. Please give it up for Vincent, everybody. Hi. Oh, love you. Love your work. And finally, this writer, performer, and director

from Curb Your Enthusiasm is one half of the comedy duo Sid and Olivia, and co-host of the podcast, Sid and Olivia Talk Shit. I have no idea what order the episodes are being released these days. So you may have already heard her comedy partner, Olivia, who had a very wonderful story. And Sid was actually prominently featured in that story as well. So without further ado, please give it up for Sid Heller. Hello, welcome, welcome, welcome. Hi, thanks for having me. You heard what Fran Levenbitch had to say about this man sharing. It is, we're all

creatives. We've all dated non creatives. And it is a tricky thing to share what you do for work because there's always a chance that they will do this. They will use you as a creative writing class or as like a like a test. You know, they want it. They like it's it's difficult because they want to know you're good at what you do. And then sometimes you get this where they want you to tell them how good they are at what you do. Have any of you experienced this personally? All the time. I mean, as a musician, I can only imagine. how good they are at what you do. Have any of you experienced this personally?

All the time. I mean, as a musician, I can only imagine. I can only imagine. Yeah. I also think I personally, I'm calling myself out. I would be a monster if I was dating someone who is like a beautiful singer, because yeah, I would want your validation constantly. Well, like if we were on a road trip,

I'd be like, I'm just singing casually. Thoughts? Do you think this is a teachable moment? Do you think that this person should expend the emotional energy to educate this man on why what he did was weird? Not my circus time, my monkeys, leave it. Exactly. Leave it. Exactly.

Leave it. My favorite saying, my favorite saying. Bad dates. Bad dates. Bad dates. Bad dates. Bad dates. Bad dates.

Bad dates. Bad dates. Bad dates. Bad dates. Bad dates. So let's get into our own horrible, no good, bad dates stories. You guys, we're gonna start up in what is,

for me, the top right corner, and that is singer-songwriter Vincent. ["The First Time I Met You"] Now, Vincent, give us a little context for your dating history. Are you currently, you mentioned you're currently seeing somebody. Are you a serial monogamist? Are you a whore? Are you a, you mentioned you're currently seeing somebody. Yeah. Are you a serial monogamist?

Are you a whore? Are you a serial dater? What is your vibe, would you say, leading up to this point? I'm a serial monogamist. Oh, really? I just don't have the time for multiple people. That's interesting. That's not what I've heard about you.

Oh, it's so funny that you're pretty much just someone. It's so funny to me. No, I just, I like one person, about you. Yeah. Oh, it's so funny that you're pretty much just someone. It's so funny to me. No, I just, I like one person and not to say that I have not been a whore and I won't be a whore in the future, but I just, I'm like, I have to invest all my time in this one person because I don't have the wherewithal to do it with other people. No. You're like, there are big plate people and there are small plate people. And this is not a value judgment by any means. Like some people, they can go to the buffet and they're getting surf and turf and salad and soup and the Asian section, okay?

And some people are like, I need to just focus on this chicken right now. You know, they can't fill the plate. And that is what you're giving me right now. Is this bad date story? Where are you, where in your history is this? How far, how long ago is this bad date story? Where does, where are you, where in your history is this? How far, how long ago is this? Pitcher it, Sicily, 1940.

No, it was literally like, it was like five years ago. Okay. LA, and I had. Terrible place. Terrible place, awful place, do not date. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had to go to San Francisco to ship one in. Smart. Yeah. I met this guy online. Francisco to ship one in. Smart.

Yeah. I met this guy online. We had just been chatting back and forth and when I say online, I mean Grindr where you meet the love of your life. It's just where you go. Like took a risk and was like, sure, I'll go on a date with you because no one ever asked me to go on a date on Grindr. That's very true.

He was cute. I went and did a full background check because I will not be a victim. And we like full background check using what service are we talking? My cousin's a police officer, the full service of the United States government. I will not be a victim. That is such a good connection to have.

Yeah, I thought you meant like, no, I checked Facebook. Nah, babe, I sent the full fucking name. I said, hi, look it up. Wow, yeah, check the aliases too. Check the aliases too. Where's his mama from is what I needed to know. So we went on this date.

The entire time we had been talking, maybe we spoke for like a week and a half before we went on this date. He was single according to him. We go to Lavo, which everyone has been to here in LA. It's very nice, very expensive. And I was poor at the time. So I was like, sure, I'll go on this date with you

because you're gonna buy dinner, and a bitch loves a meal. And so- Now, this is interesting, though. How did you know he was gonna pay? Oh, there was no other option. Oh, okay, I see. Oh, you have to understand. The way that I was going into this,

no, you asked me on this date, you're most certainly paying for it. Yeah, it is a difficult thing. Same-sex relationships, there's always a question, and it usually is like, if I'm the artist, you're most certainly paying for it. Yeah, it is a difficult thing. Same sex relationships, there's always a question and it usually is like, if I'm the artist, you're paying. Yeah, maybe you called me. I could have been at home eating ramen. So we get to the restaurant, we're having a lovely time.

He keeps checking his phone and I'm trying to realize, I'm trying to figure out, I'm like, is everything okay? Do you need to leave? Is something wrong with your dog? Like make up an excuse because maybe you're just not enjoying yourself. It's not that. He looks across the table after about 30 minutes of continually checking his phone,

and he goes, my husband's coming. Whoo! And I... Do you hear those sirens? The sirens are coming for him. They're coming for him to arrest. That is... Why is he coming?

I'm mid breadstick and I go, you're who? And he goes, my husband's coming. I told him that I was at a business meeting and he's coming here now because he doesn't believe that I'm at a business meeting and nothing's lining up. And he goes, can you play along? Ah! Wait, here's the thing.

So not only is this man implicated you in his misconduct, his cheating, he's now asking you to do improv on top of it? Could you imagine not even being paid? We didn't even find out about the husband in the background check? Nothing. There's nothing on England that indicates a husband. You can't trust the police, apparently. You heard it here first, everyone. You can't trust the police. This is a new take, a hot take. You can't trust the police. What really pissed me off about it is,

you're ruining my meal. Because this is going fine. But the food here is everything. So he goes, can you, I just need you to play along. I told him that I was at a business meeting and we're here to, and he works for a company that helps artists and things like that. And I was like, okay, sure, why not?

Why not? In my head. Because I was going to say, Vincent, no offense, but I was like, if you were, if he was going to say, I work at Deloitte and then he shows up and your business meeting is with you, uh, gorgeous, gorgeous, but not giving consultant, I will say. Whatsoever. Certainly not. Yeah. So, okay. At least it's in the arts world. That makes sense. He was in the right place. Um, I go of course, I'll try my best to help him.

But in my head, I'm like, I'm about to rain down hell because you've ruined my night. You've ruined. I thought I was going to have sex and a nice meal. And so the husband comes and she comes in hot like mama's hot. And she doesn't know I'm already on her side. Whatever you say, bitch, I'm behind you because I understand that you've been foiled. Comes in and goes, hi, are you here for the business meeting? I was like, I am here for the business meeting. But my name is Vincent. I'm behind you because I understand that you've been foiled." Comes in and goes, "'Hi, are you here for the business meeting?' I was like, "'I am here for the business meeting,

but my name is Vincent. I'm an artist. I met your husband on Grander and he thought that I was gonna be able to play along with this immediately because I don't want any part. I want no fucking drama, Mom. I want no drama.'" You said, you said, "'No, please.' Not, yes, and.' I will not be a victim.

I love that. Yeah. Immediately, he looks... Incredible. "'Cause I'm not, what I'm not gonna do is play this game because we're in a public place. Yeah. Immediately. Incredible. What I'm not gonna do is play this game because we're in a public place. We're at a restaurant. People are now looking at us

because the husband has not sat down yet. Turns to the husband and he goes, "'You're a fucking piece of shit.' At this point, I sit back because my meal has arrived. The waiter's looking at me. It's dinner theater. It's dinner theater. It's a show, babe. Yeah. And at this point, the waiter's looking at us and he's like, hi, waiter's like looking at me. Do you want us to like? It's dinner theater. It's a show, babe. Yeah.

And at this point the waiter's looking at us and he's like, hi, he's like, Moshe, do you want me to like, and I'm like, oh bitch, bring more wine. This is great because I love this. For about 15 minutes, he is reaming him out and I'm not talking at like a PG level of volume. She is giving her the works.

At the end of the chastising, he looks at me and he goes, I'm really sorry that you had to be involved in this. This is probably not fun for you, but you're here with my husband. I said, incorrect. Your husband asked me here, I'm a guest. I am sorry this has happened to you. I want you to enjoy your night.

They get up to leave, to which I politely say, I'm so sorry, I need one of you to leave a card. Cause I don't have any money for this fucking restaurant. Yes, yes. I'm not gonna be a victim. I will not be your victim. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I love that you opened it up to the husband too.

I need one of you to leave a card. Because this is a household problem and I am against. Yes, exactly, exactly. And as they laid down the amex, you sang Rihanna's Take A Bow. And they backed out of the restaurant. Bad Dates. Bad Dates. Welcome back.

We have another story to move on to. I'm really excited, actually. Ali. I know you've been in a relationship for a minute. Is that correct? Is that standard procedure for you? Were you like lots of boyfriend girl? Were you date or girl? Were you hookup girl? What was your your MO? Yeah, no, I'm kind of a reformed whore, I guess. Yes. I hoed it out for a while.

I was just sleeping around and then I feel like I started to age out of it. OK, like I just was like, OK, I've given it away too much, which, you know, was fun. But then I was like, OK, I want to put on my like big girl like relationship coat. And so that's kind of where I'm at right now. I love that. You got that at Urban Outfitters, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I was in the back clearance. Beautiful coat, beautiful coat. Love it. Love that coat. Now I have to ask you a personal question. At what age did you feel you had aged out of being a whore? This is a very important question. Well, I feel like I had really done, I'd gone hard in the whoring.

And so even though it's might seem young to kind of age out of whoring, I feel like I really put my time in for the years that I was doing it. Yeah. You were a prodigy. You were a prodigy. Yeah, I was a child whore.

Oh no. Wait, that's your memoir. That's your memoir. Child whore, that's your memoir. Child whore.. Yeah, child horror. That's your memoir. Child horror. Yeah. Yeah. So I kind of, I mean, I guess when I was 25, I kind of got...

Wow, that is early. You're like an Olympic gymnast where it's like, okay, that 25, we're done. We got to get out of the game. It's too much on my body. 25 is actually where the cutoff is. My bones and too high. Too many injuries. Yeah, exactly. I love that. It's too much on my body. 25 is actually where the cutoff is. My bones and too many injuries.

Yeah, exactly. I love that. I think I probably still would be sleeping around if I wasn't with my boyfriend, but it just kind of worked out where I was ready to try and settle down a little bit and it's worked out thus far. It's all timing.

It's all timing. It's all when you meet the person, when you're ready, et cetera, et cetera. It's all about timing. So where in your past though is this story coming from? This story is coming from high school. And yes, it's coming from, I believe, my senior year. Thank God, almost legal.

Yes. And what was happening around senior year was I had just gotten out of a two year relationship with a guy who went from a different school and he was real. And when we were together, we really kind of, it's like MGK, Megan Fox, it was like, he's my twin flame. like he's my world. And because of that, I kind of had no friends. I had no social life anymore because it was just me and him.

That happens, yeah. And so my senior year, I'm single, I'm slutty now because I've lost my virginity. I was like, I'll sleep with anyone, who cares? Love that. But I was still trying to like build my social status at school back and prom was around the corner and I had no prospects.

And being a whore at your high school did not help your social prospects at all? No, in my head I was like, no, it'll be cool. I'm a cool girl. Yeah, that's what I think. Yeah. No, that's how I worked at my high school. I got to tell you. I think some people knew how to be a whore. And I think I just found this out recently.

I found out that there's like a blowjob girls and there's sex girls. And I think the blowjob girls are very cool because the guys want more. But I'm like, just put it in my hole. Let's get this over with. Why am I doing all the work? There was a third category at my school and these girls were extremely popular and this was Titty Fuck Girl. There was at least, I can probably think of four

off the top of my head right now who would not do anything sexual, but let them stick it between their tits. That is so genius. And those girls were like the queens, the queens royalty at my high school. Yeah, that's so smart. And now I know like when I have children,

if I have girls, our sex talk is gonna be like, you don't have to have sex, but like feel free to give as many blowjobs, as many mouth titty fucks, because you really still, I don't know, it's so smart. But yeah, I think I was letting them move too quickly. They didn't need anything else. And so I was struggling to find a prom date,

and it's my senior year. I have to go to this prom, this is so important. And I- And you didn't wanna go with a gay guy. What are the many gay guys I'm sure who would have taken you. So I went to Winter Formal with my friend Justice. But I was like, I can't just...

It can't just keep being me and Justice. Like, I need a straight man to... Like, maybe this will lead to marriage. Who knows? I could be, like, a high school... The phrase, I went to Winter Formal with Justice, is, like, poetry. It is, like, one of those... Your second memoir. The phrase, I went to winter formal with justice is like poetry. It is like one of those most beautiful sentences I've ever heard.

Yes, I went to winter formal with justice. But you couldn't take justice to prom. I needed some yin and yang. I'm like, I've done the gay high school dance event and now I need my straight hetero high school dance event. And so I had no one to go with. All my friends were getting dates and I was stressed. And I'm also, I'm a tall, I'm a tall bitch. I'm like about five, eight, five, nine. Okay.

But I'm going to be wearing heels. I have to wear heels because I'm in high school. When else am I going to be wearing heels, I have to wear heels. Because I'm in high school, when else am I gonna be wearing heels? Where, what year was this around? This is 2012. Okay, so we were well past ballet flats, I feel at that point. Yeah. Especially for prom. And as a high school whore, I needed heels.

I needed to be wearing heels, I needed to be wearing a short dress, like I needed to be wearing heels, I needed to be wearing a short dress, like I needed the look. And so I'm in my history class at school and the teacher, so hot, so handsome, I loved him so much. He was talking about prom. I wish it was going where you think it's going.

I wish that. Well, you kind of set it up that way. We were so excited. Oh my God. Oh my God. I was like, it's date line up in here now. If that were the story, I would not be on this podcast. I would be settled down with a family.

Oh my God. So my hot history teacher is talking about prom to the class and I'm like, I need a date. And I'm hoping that he'll be like, of course I'll take you. You're my favorite student. You're beautiful. You're perfect. Like I see, I see you.

However, he did not take me to prom or offer, but he was like, why don't I put it on the whiteboard? And during the class, maybe one of the students, because I had requirements. I was like, I don't really care. I just need this photo to look good. I need prom to look good visually. And if I'm wearing heels,

I'm gonna be roughly six foot, six foot one maybe. And so we found a man, a tall man, and we went to prom. We didn't have sex, nothing happened, but I just feel like that was kind of a more pure date where my teacher was trying to set me up. The only problem was that I really wish it was just me and the teacher.

Yeah, it is strange. I do wonder how that would play today. A teacher sort of prostituting out a student writing on the board, who wants this bitch must be tall? Seems seems like in this climate, I don't know how it would fly, especially if they were young and hot as well. Yeah. Have you checked in on this teacher?

Is he so hot? Oh my God, yeah, of course. I follow him on Instagram. He's still hot. He's a girl dad. He has three daughters. Oh, even hotter. I hope someone's given them the talk one day

about the blow jobs and titty fucking. They deserve the hierarchy. Women have options. That's what it's all about. That is what it is all about. And that is such a refreshing, mature, life-affirming lesson to take away from the time your high school history teacher

hooked you up with a 6'1 guy. It's not where we thought the story was going, I'll tell you that, not when it started. But you can find that story on Pornhub. And we're back. This is Sid Heller. Sid, same question that I gave Vincent and Allie. Give us some context.

Are you in a relationship now? Have you ever been in a relationship? Do you like relationships? What's your style? What's your vibe? My style, right now I'm with someone, but my style usually is that I'll get into like a little bit of a three month fling and then I run away. And it's very fun for everyone involved,

everyone loves it. Yeah, you operate like a gay man in a lot of ways in that. Yeah, I do. And I've been told that in multiple facets of my life. But yeah, I just kind of like, I'll start something and then I go run, run, run as fast as I can. And so there was like a series of flings I had that were all like three months each

with a variety of different types of people. And the one, yes. The one you're with now, how long have you been with him? It's been like three-ish, almost three years. Oh, three years, three years, three years. Okay, I thought you were literally about to be like, it's coming up on three months right now. We're coming up on three months and we're about to leave. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And what we get into your story, I am curious to ask, because I was I

that was my M.O. for most of my 20s, most of my 30s until I met my now fiance. What do you think changed about this current guy to get you to three years? That what, at three months, what was different at three months with him than with any of these other guys? He, and I mean this in a, I mean this with love. He wouldn't let me leave. That's tea, that's heavy tea, babe. So it was a room situation you were dealing with.

Yes, and I mean it with love. I do mean it with love. But he yes, he was very much like, oh, I understand you. You're going to run away. No, you're not. And and he's very nice. And did he give you? I will say, like, did he give you like a long enough leash that you felt comfortable enough to stay?

Like, was he like, was he giving you like, you know, was he like holding on to you saying you're gonna stay or it was Was it more chill like confidence of like no, I know you're gonna stay It was it was more that one. It was like he would he would like make Like a beautiful risotto and be like you're not gonna leave you're gonna eat the risotto. Like it was very much Okay. Now we've entered into like, Forest Witch territory. We've gone from room to Forest Witch. But no, I like that.

I will say, as someone who would oftentimes abort at two or three months too, I tried to do the same thing with my current partner and for the first time in my life, I said, let's ride this uncomfortable feeling out and see what's on the other side of the uncomfortable feeling. And I'm so glad that I fucking did that

because every time I run into that uncomfortable feeling and I say, let's ride it out, let's ride it out. Every time I come out the other side, loving him a little bit more and in a little bit of a different way. So that's my advice to everyone who's listening who is a three month and then run person is give it a second. Just give it one second and see if you feel differently a week later

is all I'll say. Absolutely. But we're not talking about your successful three year relationship right now. No. We're back in the runaway bride period of your life. Yeah. And yeah, paint the scene. I was a runaway bride. In this specific situation, this person ran from me, and you will see why immediately. I do love when the storyteller is the villain of the piece, as opposed to the other way around. I don't know if I'm the villain, but I'm definitely unattractive. So I guess the thing is like,

if your goal from listening to this was you wanna be attracted to me, I would say just turn it off. It's like not for you, turn it off. So basically I had this fling with a guy. He was very anxious. I really liked him a lot. He was super sweet.

I would say a big downside was he had never been in like a long-term relationship and he was a runner. And I was a lot. He was super sweet. I would say a big downside was he had never been in like a long term relationship. And he was a runner and I was a runner. So I was like, Oh, I'm gonna I'm gonna make you stay because now it's a competition. Really weird. Yeah. You're on a 10k now bitch. Like, buckle up. I was like, Yeah, I was like, just watch your shit is high school. I'm an Olympian. Just fucking watch me, I'm gonna make you fall in love with me. And he was really sweet, but I had clocked something he had said early on in the relationship, which was, I'm still getting used to the fact

that women have bodily functions. That was an early on thing. And how old was he, roughly, if you don't wanna give the exact age, how old was he roughly? It was late 20s, and I will say he was very sweet, and I think that most of this was like the product of society. Sure. Was he homeschooled? I'm just saying 26 years is a long time to only just now getting used to the bodily functions of women. I think it's mostly that he just hadn't been in like a long term relationship.

Had a lot of. Yeah. It was it was like a lot of that and very sweet trying his best but just like not quite ready for a long term relationship. Not ready for the realities that happen when you're at home. Like good on the date like good in the fantasy of the date. But then when you close the bathroom door, you know, things happen in there. And he was not prepared for that.

Absolutely not prepared. He like really didn't realize that like women poop and pee. Or he just like didn't like the idea of it. I think he knew in theory, but I think he wasn't clear on the logistics, maybe. He wasn't. He was not privy to the logistics. Yeah, it's a Schrodinger's cat kind of situation. He knows the woman is in the bathroom, but he'll never open the door to find out

whether the woman is shitting or not. We'll never know, we'll never know. He knows the waste is dispelled, he does not know how. So, you know, it was one of those. Very smart guy, but didn't really, this was just not his thing. Was he very smart? He was, you know, he was.

I think he just wasn't, you know, this was just not his arena. Biology, biology, not his strong suit. And that's okay. Some people are not that sighted brain, you know? And that's okay. So naturally he invites me to this like overnight trip with his friends, which I was very excited to go on,

but I was like, great, I have a goal now and it's I can't poop. I don't poop on this trip. I will not poop. I have never pooped. Cork it, I'm not pooping. I basically am going on this trip with his friends to like, you know, Big Bear.

And we're driving up there and it's me and him and his friend. And he and his friend start talking about like, you know, Big Bear, and we're driving up there and it's me and him and his friend, and he and his friend start talking about like, God, I hope no one gets altitude sickness. Like, I hope nobody like gets, you know, sick from the altitude. And I think I was just like desperate to prove how like cool and chill I was, and then just like overdid it with being like,

ha ha, only pussies get altitude sickness. No one ever get altitude sickness. Yeah only pussies get altitude sickness. No one would ever get altitude sickness. Yeah, I would never get altitude sickness. I'm fucking awesome. Like I don't, it was like fucking weird. Really had it out for the fact that no one would ever get altitude sickness. And then finally-

I'll be honest with you, Sid. I'll be honest with you, Sid. Been to Denver many times, been in a lot of mountains, never gotten altitude sickness. Think it is fake. Okay, so that's a brag. So that's a brag. Um.

Didn't say otherwise. Didn't say otherwise. Okay, so you're bragging. But we, so we get up the mountain, everything is going really well. Everything is really fun. We're like taking shots, everything's great. We sneak off to go to the shower. We have sex in the shower because like, oh my God really fun. We're like taking shots. Everything's great. We sneak off to go to the shower.

We have sex in the shower because like, oh my God, fun. So fun. Yeah. And we're having sex in the shower. More fun in theory than in practice, I will say shower sex. Can we all agree on that though? Absolutely. Absolutely.

I think it's okay. I have so much fun in the shower. I have so much fun in the shower. You need the the shower. I have so much fun in the shower. I guess I don't like- You need the right shower. It needs to be like a flat tile floor, huge glass windows. It can't be in your apartment. You can't have too much of an angle.

It's like a rain shower in a fancy hotel. Oh yeah, I have. Absolutely. Okay, well that explains it. I think on a regular at home basis, it's very difficult in the right settings. It can work. Totally.

Outdoor shower sounds nice. Yeah, outdoor shower sounds great. Like a ledge or a step for a foot is always a nice thing to have. So crazy every time I do these kind of things, I'm like, my dad's totally gonna listen to this. So we're having sex in the shower. It's, uh, again, good in theory, maybe logistically not great. A little bit, sometimes someone's getting waterboarded

when you have sex in the shower. It's just inevitable, you know? And who doesn't love that? Yeah. Um, yeah, so, then, uh, you know, I find, I, like, suddenly am overcome with this like heat that feels like it's not coming from the water. And my head feels a little like dizzy. And I start thinking like, is this altitude sickness? And I hear myself say, Oh, I'm gonna faint. And then

I do. And he catches me. A prince. And a gorge. Okay, Prince Charming. Rom-com moment, saving a woman in the outdoor shower. Yeah, that's hot. And as I come to, I realize I am coming to to him slapping me across the face.

Oh, oh, whoa, what a jump, what a jump. Because, now to be fair, in, whoa, what a jump, what a jump. Because now to be fair in his brain, and I said this person is very like anxious, he was like, oh, you need to stay awake. I think he was thinking of concussions. Okay. So he slapped you? He hit me across the face and you know what?

I agree that maybe that was fine. Optics-wise not great, but in the context of this moment. I agree that maybe that was fine. Optics-wise, not great, but in the context of this moment, in the context, we'll let it go. We can't dwell on it. It was okay. He's a good person, just a fear response. Also, it's like if he doesn't know that women poop in pee

or how they do it, he's not gonna know how to help someone fainting. Correct. Teed, that's correct. And how to help someone fainting. Correct. That's correct. And that's true. He's like, seen a movie, maybe in a movie someone got slapped. He's like, you have to slap someone who's fainting. That's the only medicine.

Totally. And he hits me across the face. I come to, I look at him and he goes, Sid, oh my God, are you okay? You just fainted. And I was like, what? And then he immediately goes, oh my God, are you okay? You just fainted. And I was like, what? And then he immediately goes, I wasn't gonna tell you, but when you fainted, you peed and farted. But why did he tell you?

So I would say he did say I wasn't gonna tell you, then immediately told me. And you know what? Sometimes we have to go with our first instinct. First instinct is sometimes the most correct one. I will say, Joel, that I think the first instinct of slapping was not the one we should have gone with.

Right, right, right. The first instinct of not telling, I would say maybe go with that one. But also if you're in a shower, like yeah, like you're peeing everywhere, like who cares? Not only that, I was unconscious. Can my conscious self really be judged

for what my unconscious self does? I think no. And maybe honestly, there's a part of me that maybe is scared now that he believes that women only fart and pee when they're unconscious. And that's part of the mystery for him is like, he wasn't sharing that news with you to embarrass you. He was sharing it as though he were having a eureka like discovery moment of like, oh my god, this is when it happens. That actually makes so much sense because he did preface it by screaming Eureka! Bad Dates. You guys, listen, that's the fucking pod. We did it, y'all. We did it. We heard some

incredible stories from some very funny people. I want to run through really quickly. Vincent, where can people find your music, find you, follow you? What, give us the lowdown, give us the T, because I know people will want it. You can find me anywhere they sell food. My name is Vincent. It's V-I-N-C-I-N-T. I have music on every platform. I make really stupid TikToks. You don't have to watch them, but just follow me there. Great. And that's all. Wonderful, wonderful.

Ali Makovsky. Where can people find you? What are you doing these days? I'm on tour. You can see me do stand-up. I do have a shower sex joke right now. Hot, fresh, off the press. You can go to AliMakovsky.com.

You can find me on social media at notallymac. Love it, love it, love it. Definitely go and check her out. So fucking funny. And finally, Sid Heller, where can people find you? What are you doing? What would you like to plug? I'm at Sid Heller on everything, but a better one to follow is with my better half at Sid

and Olivia. And yeah, we have a podcast on Spotify, wherever you listen to podcasts called Sid and Olivia Talk Shit, it is very stupid. Love that, love that, love that, love all three of you. Listen, if you had a good time, as good a time as I did recording this podcast, please leave us a review and a rating wherever you are listening to this podcast now.

Please make sure it's five stars. I say this every week. A couple of people have done this lovely thing where they've left really negative reviews, but still left five stars. And so I encourage you all, even if you have notes for me, even if there's a note, even if you did not enjoy it at all, go ahead and express yourself,

but just leave the five stars too on top of that. That's my one request. But seriously, your ratings and reviews help people find the podcast and you know you want more people to find this podcast, don't you? Listen, I have been your host, Joel Kim Booster. I've had such a great time. We will be back next week with even more terrible, no good bad date stories. Bye bye. Bad Dates is a production of Smartless Media created by Robert Cohen. Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Stuart Bailey. Produced, edited, and engineered by Devon Torrey-Brien.

Produced by Anne Harris. Edited by Kyle McGrath. Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Social media producer is Tommy Galgana. Executive producers are Sean Hayes, Will Arnett, and Jason Bateman. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminsky. Music by Kushi and Eben Schleder. If you've had a bad date or would like our advice on any dating issues, please tell us about it at baddatespod at gmail.com or call us at 984-265-3283. That's 984-265-3283. That's 984-265-3283. That's all for this week. We will be back for more Bad Dates.