Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - Pope Everything (w/ Matteo Lane, Bob The Drag Queen, and Margaret Cho)

Episode Date: August 7, 2023

On this episode of Bad Dates, Jameela welcomes comedians Matteo Lane, Bob The Drag Queen, and Margaret Cho to discuss their most iconic dating fiascos. Matteo experiences “La Dolce Nervosa,” Bob makes a splash, and Margaret guides us through a marathon of madness. If you’ve had a bad date you’d like to tell us about, our number is 984-265-3283, and our email is [e-mail], we can’t wait to hear all about it.Tickets for Margaret’s tour can be found at margaretcho.com, information about Bob’s appearances can be found at bobthedragqueen.com, and Matteo’s march and tour dates can be found at matteolanecomedy.com.This episode was recorded prior to the SAG-AFTRA strike on July 14th. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You know, they should do celebrity cops. They should bring back cops with just celebrity cops. It's just, it's your favorite celebrities getting slammed on the pavement. What you gonna do when you, that folks come and play you. That's a good idea. That's a, but I mean, like, I think either being the cop

or like a Steven Sir Gaul situation. Oh, yeah. But like, we've invited Beyonce that are going to domestic abuse call. Yes, it's incredible. Bad dates. Hello and welcome to Bad dates. A podcast that celebrates the absolute fucking disasters that we could all face in the road to love, to shagging, or both.

I'm Jimmy DeGamell and I'm inviting some of my absolute favorite people to discuss their most iconic dating plus to fucks. Now we've all had them, it doesn't matter how hot, smart, funny, rich you are, and if you don't think that you've had a bad date, maybe that's just because you are someone else's bad date and you haven't thought about that. So maybe you can think about it now. Well I introduce our fantastic guests. So let's meet our three hilarious people we are honored to welcome the legendary Margaret

Cho who is a Grammy and Emmy nominators down at comedian actress and singer-songwriter, Bob the drag queen stormed into our consciousness when she was named America's next drag superstar on season 8 of RuPaul's Drag Race, and is one of my favorite people on the planet. Hello. Well, thank you, hello, Jimmy. Hello, hello. And we welcome the very, very funny and charming writer

and comedian Mateo Lane. Mateo is the co-host of podcast Inside the Closet. Guys, thanks for being here. Oh, thank you. This is the gay episode I'm assuming. Yeah. For pride. Yeah, this is... June. Oh, thank you. This is the gay episode I'm assuming. Yeah. For pride.

Yeah, this is... June, come through June. It's coming through. Oh my goodness. I can't think of three people I would rather have in a group telling me all of their best and most sorted stories at Margaret. Can I just start with you and ask you what's it like to date you? Well, I find I think I have an avoidant attachment style where as soon as we start going out you'll never see me again and I'll never text back and I just don't tell. I mean I'm so

anti anything but then I'll become obsessed. So I like somebody so much that I don't wanna see them. I get really weird about anything like romantic, and I think it's because I may be asexual and a romantic. Oh, right, right, right. It's just like a new revelation that you've discovered asexual and a romanticism. Yes, because I spent so much time having sex with the unhoused.

Did I really... I mean, I've heard a lot of them are very good in bed. You never know. Bob, how is dating you? Because, I mean, again, I've had you on my other podcast. We've spoken about polyamory. We've spoken about your incredibly refreshing attitude towards dating. What would you say as the experience of dating Bob?

Before we talk about your experience of dating others, you're asking because I mean, I'm down to one boyfriend. Down. Count down. It's like a American idol. That's so exciting. He didn't bring me this Pepsi. I'd be down to zero.

No. Also, can I just down to zero, no. Also, can I just say to you before we get started? There's something so, as an American, and there's something so funny, by hearing British people talk about sex. It's like the words you all use are so like, like a bang, a shag, a snog. It's like, I've had a bang bang snog.

What's up. Do you? Yeah. Neg people on dates. The only reason I want to be that is that it's such a big part of your sense of humour is the fact that you're sort of like gently pushing people's buttons a lot of the time to kind of see what they're made of and if you can connect, do you do that romantically? Yeah, I definitely, I mean, I definitely tease my partner and my partner is in, you know, and my friends

and everyone in my life really, if you're in my life, I probably will find out what the limit is. And then I will respectfully step back once I've crossed it. That's a lie. So Bob and I are best friends. I've been best friends for eight years. And there's been lots of tears shed. My tears I mean me. Bob loves to argue. Bob wants to argue about literally anything. I'm not arguing by myself. You're there with me Mary. You just started arguing right now.

I never said I like to argue but I always always say it. Whenever someone goes, you're like, I'm not arguing by myself. I'm not by myself yelling into a voice. Someone's arguing with me here. Some like somehow Bob and I, I can't remember the exact context of it, but I swear like one of our first conversations was you reading me about having had the same hairstyle for 30-40 years.

Like. So. So. I was like, what is, I was like, what is behind the bangs? We must know what's behind the bangs. It is a multitude of clitorisers, all right? Oh, you mean?

All right, Matteo, how is it dating you? Thank you for being here. You know, my history of dating is hot men that hate me and anyone who needs a green card, I'm very available to help people with that. I think the longest relationship I've had in New York is making eye contact with a man for three stops on the train. Like, I just don't date.

I should be the dating type. My mother is a talent in Mexican and very like domesticated in like loving and home in this. And I want that, but then in practice, it's quite difficult. I'm like kind of more Margaret where I like living alone and I like being independent. It feels good. Bad dates. Bad dates. Mateo, you are bringing me two bad date stories, correct?

Yeah, because one's just more of an opinion. I want everyone's opinion. So I want to share the story's story. But this is titled Italy Stories. Yes, well, as you know, Italians tend to be quite dramatic. No. Just historically. So I was in Rome and to find people on Grindr, you know, it's just such a cluster fuck and everything's a placebo, a placebo, a placebo. So I'm a placebo and, um, means I'm a bottom. I anyway, so I, but I was like, you know what, I've never like been on a date, date in Italy,

it's just always like with my cousins or something like that. So I found this guy at a hot, hot body it's just always like with my cousins or something like that. So I found this guy at a hot hot body and we were messaging it. He kept asking for my face pick and like usually in Grindr, like Bob, maybe you'd agree, like there's a there's a verification process to an extent. I mean, usually my verification process is like, do you have a grammar? Okay, I'll fuck you, but you know, you know, you know how to use a semicoloncolon getting this colon, but... So he was like, meet me at this place at this time, which I'm sure his text didn't have that accent, but... I think it did. It did.

I mean, it did. Yeah. So I went to go meet him, he selected this bar, so I go to this bar and, you know, the windy streets in Rome, I'm like kind of like double checking and there was this. The one bar. Yeah. So the one bar in Rome is a gay bar and it's called it's called coming out. And they will they I know. I know. It's well not only is it called coming up for a closeted like culture and a lot

of ways. It's right next to the the Coliseum. I'm like, oh yeah, just put it next to the eighth wonder of the world. Sure, no one will find you. So, if you remember, how do you, how do you know who's gay in Italy? Like I've been to Italy. I was like, I can't decipher who's the gay ones and who's not.

I look like I'm crushing pussy. Like you. Yeah. Yeah. Ah. But the gay accent still exists. I look like I'm crushing pussy But the gay accent still exists in every language you can still hear the gay accent Oh my god, okay, so what is it? What does it sound like? I don't know, I'm just a teacher, I don't know what to buy

I don't know what to buy, I don't know what to buy I don't know what to buy, I don't know what to buy It's like, we just are all the same How do you say gay in Italian? Guy Guy, I love that That's a lot of stuff Guy, yeah, they did just throw an accent on guy weekend the guy So you you head to the conspicuously titled coming out and Yeah, let's go eat. Let's go eat it. Fags drink here. No one will not work

So there's like if you like a couple blocks down where you want me to meet him It's like the streets are a little darker and he's littered. If you could find the darkest part of the street, he's just hiding in this shadow. Oh, my God. It hadn't clicked me that he wasn't out. You know what I mean? It hadn't clicked that he was closeted.

So I was just like, you know, French. Did it click to you that he might be a murderer like? Oh, okay, Kase, let me just tell you, let me explain something to you. Okay. This never comes into contemplation when we're looking for dick, okay, never. Have a picture of a knife and a severed head

in your profile picture, and I'll be like, I think he's really cute. Okay. He's into crafting. Okay, so he's hiding in the shadows like Batman. So I said, do you want to go get a drink? He's like, yeah, he says, go, come on, let's go. He's like, whispered to me.

So we go to the bar and he's, this is his energy, just sort of like looking around the whole time and that date was one hour. It was all an Italian. The date started with the art. This is how Italian, it was a mini opera. We started arguing almost immediately, which Bob knows me.

I do argue a lot, but I do. And I wasn't even there. But you were there in spirit. And we started arguing because I said he was 34 and I said, you know, what is with the secrecy? And he was like, I'm not out yet. And I was like, oh, well, you know, that's okay, but like, are you ever gonna come out?

No, never, my family will never accept me. I'm like, okay, I was like, well, do you feel comfortable being here? He's like, no. I was like, so do you wanna go somewhere else? He's like, no, because this is what Gaze do. And I was like, I, like, so then I start arguing. I'm like, we can go anywhere else,

but like, you should probably come out to your family then, because, you know, this is, and he's like, he's to your family then because this is, and he's like, he's like, you know what you did, and he told you, you're so no guy. And then we started to make out. And I'm not gonna tell my parents that I'm gay, and then we literally started making out. And then in the middle of making out.

God, this is so on the nose, I love it. Go up. In the middle of making out, he pushes me back and yells to himself, he goes, I I'm Francesco, what have you done? And that was it. That was the day. I never saw him again. Yeah, it was kind of wild. And then the other thing I had, this is real short. I just want everyone's opinions on this. So there was this guy. You're the one at fault. Yeah, okay.

This guy had been begging me for a long time. He lived in another state that when he comes to New York, can we go on a date? And he was very cute. And I was like, okay, that's fine. So he's like, this is in the morning. He's like, we're going to go on a date. It was Valentine's Day with the other kind of. How would you met? How would you met Instagram? Right. Okay. Right., for gay guys, the hook up apps don't stop it, Grindr, everything's a hook up. One of my friends, his main hook up app is Uber Eats and I'm not kidding with you. I'm not kidding with you. I'm not kidding with the driver.

And Mateo, you know which one I'm talking about. I'm talking about Kurt, of course. He's like a monster diner. I'm gonna be fucking a driver. Oh yeah, if you bring me a hokey, I'm gonna choke down a lot more than just some carbs. Oh, I Bring me a foot long and an a-tissue.

We're doing anything. We're using smoke signals. One puff is a blowjob. You know, it's pretty, but anyway, so he begged me. We made the plans the morning of. It was on Valentine's Day, which is weird. And he was like, you know, we'll get dinner at 630. I was like, okay, that's fine. Dinner is fine. 630. That's my kind of guy. So, yes. 630 AM. Jamil was like, ooh. Remember that

Bob, Bob, I've only kissed six people. Like, it's the main reason that I have this podcast is to learn about the day too well. So how do you know why? You need to get, you're 6.30 a.m. in front of a SWAT team. That's the, you have to have your day. Exactly. In front of my mother, yeah. Go on. So Mateo, you've met this person on Instagram. So he said 6.30, I said that we made the plans at 11 a.m.

So at 6.25 I text and say, him here a little early. It's at the Satellin Place I go to all the time. So I'm sitting there. I sat there for 40 minutes. And he's every, now I don't know how to get in the train. Now I'm trying to get in Uber, now I'm trying to get a cab, now I'm trying, and I'm getting more and more mad

that I'm like, I could have done anything else. I'm sitting here, it's almost 45 minutes late. Like he had all day to figure this out. Like I just was boiling on the inside and I wasn't believing his excuses. So I just was boiling on the inside and I wasn't believing his excuses. So I just, I told the waiter, I was like, I had a glass of wine, I was like, I'm just gonna pay for this and go.

My date never showed up. And of course they were like, No Mateo, you know pay for the wine. So I just left, I got a- Was it Francesco? It was Francesco. It was, we were back at coming out. So I just left and a full hour after our plan date.

So at 7.30 he texted me, I just got here, where are you? And I said, I'm at home. And he was like, well, I told you I was running late. And Bob, I said, we've both had all day to make the time to get to this restaurant. And I figured it out. Like, you're an hour late. Sorry, I'm not wasting my time. Okay. I'm not going to find your

baseball if you can't even find the restaurant. This is my this is how I can tell you if whether or not you should have waited longer a scale of one to 10. How hot how hot is this guy? Yeah. One to 10. I mean like a like seven but on Instagram, he manages up to a nine. If he was a nine in real life, you should have waited another week. I'd be waiting right now. I would be waiting right now. He would be doing the podcast from that restaurant.

Yes, I swathe laws in New York. I have one more. I have one more. Can I just get one more? Thank you so much. Did you guys run out of bread? Yeah, I think for a first date, it's just so disrespectful. And immediately puts you on the back foot.

I think you did the right thing. I think I would have backed off about half an hour is my limit. Yeah, half an hour is your guys' time length, Margaret and Bob. What's everyone's? Probably half an hour, probably. Oh my goodness. All right, we'll be right back off to this. Fat beats.

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You can listen ad-free on Amazon Music or the Wondery app. And we're back. We are going into Bob's story titled Still Need My Hat Back. Okay, so years ago I used to, I wear hats now all the time because I don't have any hair. But back in the day, I was wearing hats just kind of like a fashion, I'm like, I'm going to wear a hat as a fashion, I'm going to have this one hat. It was from Walmart and it was black with like little like, skull bones on it and it's an ACDC. Now, I didn't listen to ACDC but I just really loved rock and roll apparel

from Walmart. It was huge in time. It was like 2005, when Walmart was really big in a cell. I was so into skulls and all of that stuff and wrist cuffs and everything about like of that era, lots of dark eye makeup. It's a way to be like a nightmare before Christmas girl

without being that strange. Without having to apply it for a job at Hot Topic. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I love that look. Same. So I'm in Mizzula, Montana. So I'm walking down the street and I see this guy

in front of me who's hot. And I was like, I just recently come out of the closet and I was like, I'm gonna, you know what? I'm far from home. I'm just gonna hit on this guy and if he doesn't want to, he doesn't want to reciprocate, it's not a big deal because I'm literally leaving town in like three days. I'll never see him or anyone here ever again. I'm gonna be bold and I was like, and this was a, he's before, grind it when you had to hunt for dick in the wild. Um, I was getting some free, some free range dick.

You know what I mean? Some grass fed free range dick. Uh, when you had to get that dick by hand, right? And you had to get the dating scene. It's in town. Yeah. So I, so I see this guy and I, and I'm like, I'm, he's with all of his friends and I'm by myself

and I'm like, hey, I have no game as the kids call it, no Riz, right? I just run up and I go, hey, can I have your phone number? Oh my God, pay. Also, to pay the picture, I have long locks, like dreadlocks down to my shoulders. I'm six foot two, I'm long locks, like dreadlocks, down to my shoulders. I'm six foot two, I'm probably 165 pounds, which is very skinny for someone who's six two.

So you have to imagine, I'm walking up, like, you know, Jack Skellington, in Nightwear for Christmas. Can I have your phone number? And he kind of goes, you're kind of cute, but I don't know, no, no, no. And then I go, okay, it's fine. It's fine. So I go to karaoke with my friends later than night.

He's at the club singing karaoke. I am a carry. I'm a carry. I have been a karaoke superstar for years. When I get energy, I give a performance. I went, I'm a karaoke. I give a performance. I have several. I either do baby got back. I will do you out of no Elena's more set. Oh, and my my mom is a devil went down to Georgia by the Charlie Daniels band. I go I go I don't even look at the screen. Oh, I'm like turn the screens off. This is a concert now. So I do an amazing performance. He's completely enamored by me and I'm like, turn the screens off. This is a concert now.

So I do an amazing performance. He's completely enamored by me. And I'm like, now I'll santa up and ask you again, and you can't say no this time. And of course, he said, yes. Meet me here this day, this time. Oh my God. This is like new for you.

And you are already carrying yourself with such strength and conviction, I love this. Well, Jamila, I was drunk. I need to add in that I was wasted. So somehow you agree, he's probably drunk too. So I mean, I think the work was called the Iron Horace, but I was so nervous, I tell my friends, I was all at your shows, I'm going to this day, I don't know what to do.

So I ended up, they were doing, selling $2 comic cosy shots. And I gave the guy like 25 bucks, I was like, give me as many shots as I can get with this. So I ended up taking, and this is not a joke, and not an exaggeration at all. I took 12 comicikaze shots. And then I topped it off with a shot of Jim Beam

on top of all of it. Oh my God. So when I- You were so skinny, so skinny, so young. Uh, 13 pounds soaking wet with rain boots on, okay? I am absolutely destroyed. And then I go on the date. I need to make that very clear.

This is before the date has even started. I take all these shots and then the date begins. So I get to the date and I'm obviously starting to black out, like I kinda don't know where I am or who I am. So I get to date and and I'm obviously starting to black out. Like I kind of don't know where I am or who I am. So I get to date and I remember being like, we got like, how are we gonna get in here? And I remember being like, I don't know where I'm gonna go. And the guy was like, don't worry,

you're gonna come home with me. And I was like, eh, eh, eh, eh. So then I kind of just remember like waking up in his bedroom and we were at we were, we were mid-coitus or we were, we were, we were snogging as a, I'm sorry, but you know, I'm so sorry, Paul. It's so the least offensive thing you've ever said to me. That's fine. Keep in mind, Bob only apologized because you didn't get the laugh you wanted. He was like, Keep it my babboly apologize because you didn't get the laugh you wanted.

She was like, what? You better say I'm sorry. With snorkeling we all, you're both wasted. You're now working up a little bit drunk, made snorkeling. I never fell asleep, but we're still, it's all, I'm just kind of like a like a night of the living dead, just kind of like traveling through all this.

And then my other memory is waking up and I am being like violently shoved out of his car. Like he's screaming at me. I'm back at the University of Montana. He's like, I can't, it's just like, it's just sounds like, you're the one who I was supposed to be. Like it sounds like that in my head. And then I'm just like, I must have been great.

And then I wake up in the morning. And then I called him back the next day and I was like, oh my God, my hat, where's my hat? Oh, I need my hat back. So I called him and I was like, hey. Have you seen, I just want to have you sound, if you have my hat, I don't have my hat. And he was, are you fucking serious?

And I was like, yeah, I really do what my hat, and he goes, do you not know what you did last night? And I was like, yeah, I really do what my hat. And he goes, do you not know what you did last night? And I was like, what did I do? And he goes, you, you peed in my dresser. And I was like, what do you mean? Because you open my dresser like it was a toilet. And then you just started peeing on all of my clothes. You went from drawer to drawer, drawer to drawer, just pissing on all of my clothes.

I have no memory of, I have no memory of doing this. And I was like, I am very, very sorry, I apologize, I'm so sorry. But the question remains, I apologize, I'm so sorry, but the question remains, but the question remains, do, do you have my hat? I never, I never got that hat back. That hat is, that has long long. Yeah. You know, so I, I, this was not my, this wasn't a one time thing. I peed on a lot. I don't drink anymore, but I used to pee on stuff. All I was constantly peeing on stuff. What's the craziest thing you pissed on?

On my roommate when he was asleep. No. No. Now do you want to say that I did leave out the part of my story where there was also a cocktail and a Pope and a... I thought it would be red on the... I thought it would be repetitive.

Oh, imagine if we reunite you. Imagine if this show reunites you. What a fucking... How do you think you recognize you when you saw you on Drag Race? I'm hoping that he didn't know who I was. They never clicked because I... I mean, I've told the story myself at this point, but... You'm pretty memorable.

You're pretty memorable. Especially after that start. But I really like it. Yeah. Anyone who went on a date with me before the year 2009, I, I really, I apologize. An amazing Miyakulpa to end this, I'm really, thank you both, that was fucking insane. Oh, good. More off to this. Bad beats. This is so stupid. Thank you for all that was fucking insane. More off to this.

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SNM clubs on 14th Street and also in the meatpacking district. And so this is somebody I met at 14th Street, they had recovery meetings for queer, polyamorous, kink-focused people in recovery. So this was a Saturday. The roles of the tongue. Yeah, there's a lot of different things, but it was like, you know, people would go to the meeting in like bondage gear,

but daytime bondage gear, so you would just have your slave sit on the chair next to you in a unleash or something. You know, that kind of thing. but I worked at a BDSM collective in San Francisco called Stormy leather and so I was at that time helping them open up their retail dildo store so I was just kind of doing a lot of work there so it was just a world I felt great. I felt. Yeah. Great. Hopefully, maybe it's a little bit.

It takes the old jazz song, Stormy Weather, to Stormy Weather. I truly love that. I love it. It's fabulous. And so I would go to play parties and I would set up like toys at play parties. And one time I saw my second grade teacher with another teacher from our school, from my grade school, with her, they

were the two teachers. and one was the other, they had the other teacher on a leash and just walking through the party. Do they rec- Do they recognize you? No, because I was an adult. Okay. That's how I'm selling dildos.

No way, my students are a dildo. I feel like you worked like a Jason to the adult industry when you were younger though, right? With the number of jobs. Yeah, exactly. I was a fun sex operator. I also worked it with, for literal toys at F.A.O. shorts. You don't want to get those jobs mixed up. You don't accidentally stock the wrong shelf. You bring the nutcracker to the sex party. Whoops. Okay.

But so we went out on a date and they took me first to a religious themed bondage BDSM, a huge dungeon in... Show the Vatican. What was actually in a beautiful brownstone. And we went there and the owner, the proprietor of the dungeon, was dressed in full Catholic, everything, Pope, everything.

But with like a holocaust somewhere. Yeah, I must have been underneath all of the goes like a zipper or something. Yeah. May have had a butt plug in there. You kind of just said a great drag name. Pope everything. Well, everything.

Pope everything. That's a great drag. Yes, and you. They do the whole thing in Latin. Oh, my God. It's real slow. It takes you a long time. It's really great. It takes a long time.

It feels like you're helping the town. It's really great. What a great idea. So this place was filled with religious artifacts and religious antiques and reliquaries. It was a really high end place. And before we went in, my date gave me a booklet of Big Mac coupons.

Obviously. So, you know, just as a little, like a promise ring, but a promise ring we're gonna go to McDonald's after this. I appreciate you. Here's a Big Mac. So we walled sent you this place in the proprietor. Of course, we were all a Pope outfit, Pope everything. And so he had a big parakeet, like a columbot, not like a white

cockatill, is it a cockatill? It's a white giant bird. Lovely. Who was perched on his arm while he was doing massive lines of cocaine. I think the word you're looking for is twink. his own. But the bird was really squawking, so twink, probably, squawking and aggressive. So very much a twink. And there was a painting behind the Pope where he was having anal sex with Ronald McDonald. Was he topping Ronald McDonald? It was Ronald's topping. He was topping Ronald. Got it. And the bird is painted in portrait.

Perfect. And so everything is in the portrait in the room except for the cocaine, including the Big Mac. So I offered him a coupon from my Big Mac booklet and he started to really get really angry and say, how dare you? Do you know what these people do to the fucking rainforest and like just was in the birds like flew off his arm and sort of squawking and like rolling around the room and then I was like, we gotta go. So we left.

Oh my God. I'm in a shot because to me, Ronald McDonald really gives off top vibes in my opinion. I was like, Ronald McDonald, bottoming just did not fit my fantasy in my head. I know. Sure. With those big shoes, he's not gonna be like bent over

looking at those big shoes. Right. Bob, who of the McDonald's family is a bottom? Oh, the hamburger is a party bottom. And grim is a butt plug. Grimmis is literally a butt plug. And the hamburger is a messy, Messi, meth out, gaping hole, full of poppers, K-roll bottom. Yeah. And Ronald's a toxic top, for sure. A toxic top. So so far, we are at the most intense first day I've ever heard of.

This is that's just the beginning. So we went to a BDSM play where it was an environmental immersive experience. And I realized that the only audience members were myself and my date. Now, the play consisted of about 50 individuals. It seemed like 25 people because it was 25 people with their hair braided together.

So it was 50 people who had 25 of them shared one braid. So two heads, one braid. Oh my God. The thing is, I have to pee a lot. I was just thinking this. I was just thinking. If I could go pee, that ruins it for everybody. I sure.

Maybe you're in a kink club. That, the better place to be. If you're partner with the right person, peeing is not an issue. No, peeing is a good thing. It's a bonus. Yeah, absolutely. You're right.

Well, I get to develop a ball. Well, we realize that we're the only audience members. So we're just, we're standing there. And then the MC comes on. So there's one other person who's kind of like the Joel Gray and Cabaret, MC in his tailcoat and fishnets and heels, but also like a ringleader, like it was really sort of steampunk,

but also kind of drag, but also very, it's Cabaret. So amazing. Opens the play and all of the people that are sharing a break start spinning. So they look like tops. It's like a fidget spinner, but it's two people. And they're spinning and their hair is like kind of going in like one like link between them.

It was really strange. And then they know drugs. No drugs. Are you sure you said no to put everything's drugs? No drugs. I'm not trying to guess like you, Margaret, but this is getting crazy. It's so crazy. Are you sure you weren't just high at a Claire's watching people get their fairbred?

At a Claire's. It seems like that, but I was also wearing the same shorts and fishnets that the MC was wearing. So that was something like, oh, there's something about this, this kind of like mirroring me. And I also realized I was getting so nervous by the spinning that I started my period. And I started to bleed really. A little bit, you know, when you can tell

when you're like starting, when you get stressed, super stressed out, and then you just sort of start, you kind of feel it and something's weird. And then the MCC looks at me and he says, I need a fat woman, bring me a fat woman now. And all 25 of the 50 braided together hair people grab both my arms and carry away from my date and drag me to the center of the room next to the MC.

And at that point, I started to believe so hard that the blood was running down my legs. Oh my God, this is like a David Lynch movie. I pulled away and I told my date, I'm sorry, I have to go. And I never saw them again. I just got a cab. It was not even 9pm, yes. You stopped by McDonald for your big Mac.

I did get one later. Yeah, I was on my period. Fucking hell. No wonder you've got a romantic, if this is the sort of thing I've had overload. Yeah, too much. Too much. Too much. Too much. Christ. Any any lessons to be learned? Really from that series? Well, don't do cocaine

with your animal right up on you. You know, your animal absorbs the energy that you're put now. So if you're coaked up, so your bro is gonna be coaked up too. Ha ha ha ha. Margaret, well done. You've officially brought the weirdest date on this entire podcast so far. It was like a movie. That was great, that was great.

That was great. That was great, amazing. Guys, you have been a true dream. These stories will live on with me and with our listeners. I think forever, especially yours, Margaret. Okay, don't Margaret that. I'm gonna have, that is top, especially yours, Margaret. Don't Margaret that much. That is top, that is top, top. I'm going to have fever dreams about that for the next three nights, for sure.

But I'm just so happy that you're all safe and you're all sound. And Bob, that you've stopped drinking. Yeah. Mark, can you so sure as to say, bring me a fat woman? I really feel like that is what. That would be good. You guys have been the fucking best. Thank you so much for coming and sharing and spilling all of your tea

and all of your stories and your trauma and horrors. I really appreciate you so much. This has been so fucking fun and funny. Anytime, and probably. And I hope that if you venture back out into the dating world you will come back and tell me more tales. No, I love it. You'll welcome anytime.

Of course. Very sure. You can find ticket information for Margaret's comedy tour on her website at margritcho.com. Bob's comedy special, Bob the drag queen live at Caroline's is available on iTunes. And you can find upcoming appearances at bobthedragqueen.com and find out more about Mateo's upcoming

performances at MateoLaneComedy.com. Bad dates is produced by Smartless Media and Wondery, created by Robert Cohen. Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Jemida Jamil. That's me, produced by Stuart Bailey, produced and engineered and edited by Devon Tori Bryant, also engineered and edited by Kyle McGraw. Talent producer is Anne Harris. Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Music by Kushy and Evan Schletter.

Executive producers are Will Arnett, Jason Vaatman and Sean Hayes. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Coulson and Bernie Kaminsky. If you've had a bad date and you'd like to tell us all about it, our number is 984-265-3283 and our email is baddatespod at gmail.com. We can't wait to hear all about it. That's all for this week. We will see you next time for more bad dates. Hello, Prime Members! You can listen to bad dates early and add free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen early and add free with Wondery

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