Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - Re-Release: Frozen Tips and Kissing Cousins (w/ Nikki Glaser and Esther Povitsky)

Episode Date: February 26, 2024

February? No, no. Date-U-Ary! For the next few weeks, please enjoy repeat performances of some of the Bad Dates team's favorite episodes, this week introduced by our guest Esther Povitsky! Check out Esther's new film Drugstore June, in select theaters from 2/23: https://www.drugstorejune.comOn this episode of Bad Dates, Jameela welcomes comedians Nikki Glaser and Esther Povitsky (My Pleasure, Dollface) to discuss their most iconic dating fiascos. Nikki takes us on a ghosting rollercoaster, Esther’s blind double date goes the opposite of good, and we learn a lot about the dealbreaker that is “Cool Beans.” Plus, a letter from a listener rattles off a truly heroic series of her top dating disasters. If you’ve had a bad date you’d like to tell us about, our number is 984-265-3283, and our email is [e-mail], we can’t wait to hear all about it.You can hear Nikki Glaser Monday through Thursday on The Nikki Glaser Podcast, and tickets for The Good Girl Tour can be found on her website NikkiGlaser.com. And check out Esther Povitsky’s podcast My Pleasure, with new episodes every Thursday.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hello, I am Alice Levine and I am one of the hosts of Wondries podcast British Scandal. On our latest series The Race to Ruin, we tell the story of a British man who took part in the first ever round the world sailing race. Good on him I hear you say, but there is a problem, as there always is in this show. The man in question hadn't actually sailed before. Oh, and his boat wasn't sea worthy. Oh, and also tiny little detail almost didn't mention it. He bet his family home on making it to the finish line.

What Insued was one of the most complex cheating plots in British sporting history. To find out the full story, follow British Scandal wherever you listen to podcasts, or listen early and ad-free on Wondry Plus on Apple Podcasts or the Wondry app. Hi, I'm Anna and I'm Emily. We're the hosts of Wondry's podcast Terribly Famous, a show where we bring you outrageous true stories about our most famous celebrities. And our latest season is all about the one and only Katie Price. You might think you know her, you might have an opinion, but there is way more to the former glamour model than just her cup size. Yes, this is a woman who's gone from pin up

to publishing sensation. We all have teenage dreams, and for Katie it was simple, massive fame, and everlasting love. I just wanted to kiss a boy, just one boy. Well, she does kiss a few boys, but there are plenty of bumps along the way. And when I say bumps, I mean terrible boyfriend choices,

secret dates with spiky haired pop stars, and a tabloid press that wants to tear her apart at every opportunity. And she surprises even herself when suddenly she becomes a role model for a whole new generation of young women who want to be just like her. Want to hear more? Follow Terribly Famous wherever you listen to podcasts or listen early and add free on Wondery Plus on Apple Podcasts or the Wondery App. I'm Afwa Hirsh. I'm Peter Francopern.

And in our podcast, Legacy, we explore the lives of some of the biggest characters in history. This season, we delve into the life of Michael Gorbachev. This season has everything. It's got political ideology. It's got nuclear Armageddon. It's got love story. It's got betrayal. It's got economic collapse. One ingredient that you left out, legacy. Was he someone who helped make the world a better place, saved us all from all of those terrible things, or was he a man who created the problems and the challenges of many parts of the world today? Those questions about how to think about Gordbacherov,

was he unwitting character in history or was he one who helped forge and frame the world? And it's not necessarily just a question of our making. There is a real life binary in how his legacy is perceived. In the West, he's considered a hero. And in Russia, it's a bit of a different picture. So join us on legacy for Mikhail Gorbachev. Bless me. Hi Bad Date Family, it's Esther Pavitsky and if you have not yet heard this episode, I'm

so excited for you because we had the best time recording it. Nikki Glaser is so funny and Jamila, she just gets us. Like she just knew all the right questions to ask. I had so much fun recording this, so much fun listening to it. So I can't wait for you guys to hear just how bad our dates were. Like as much as it was fun, it's a little disturbing.

I'll let you figure that out for yourself. But I also wanted to tell you guys that I have a brand new movie coming to theaters called Drugstore June where I wouldn't say I go on a bad date. I'm more of a bad ex because I it's a you know, based on some truth couldn't get over an ex for many years. You can watch the trailer online or you know. Anyways, Drugstore June will be in theaters in New York and LA February 23rd. And then we'll be expanding cities in select theaters March 1st. And you can get tickets and find more info on showtimes and screenings and all that stuff at drugstorejune.com.

I cannot wait to share this movie with the world. We've got Bobby Lee. We've got Miss Pat. We've got The Funniest People. It's produced by Bill Burr. You really can't go wrong. And please enjoy this episode of Bad Dates. It is a wild one. I dated this guy and I really liked him. One date he said, cool beans, seriously? And I could not, I didn't know what happened. I was, I liked this guy so much too. He told our waitress, cool beans, about some update for our order.

And I go, is that because she talked about the edamame, are you literally saying cool beans? Like what? I asked him. That's the prettiest thing I've ever had. It's so petty. Oh my God. Now I'm wondering if I say it. I could totally say that. No, you could say it and it would be adorable. But he, you know, he deserves a woman, not me. Some amazeballs woman who will accept him. Hello, everyone, and welcome to Bad Dates, a podcast that celebrates the absolute fucking

disasters that we could all face on the road to love, to shagging, or to both. I'm Dramila Jameil and I'm inviting some of my absolute favorite people to discuss their most iconic dating clusterfucks. We've all had them. It doesn't matter how hot, how smart, how funny, how rich you are. And if you don't think that you've had a bad date, then maybe that's just because you're someone else's

bad date, and you don't know it yet. So while you now process that, and while we all process that, I can see a look on Nikki's face. Oh, God. Let's get on with the show. Hello to our guests. Today we have the excellent, excellent, hilarious Nikki Glazer joining us. Nikki is an incredible stand-up comedian who was hosted Not Safe with Nikki Glazer and F-Boy Island, and she hosts the Nikki Glazer podcast on iHeart Radio. And I'm so excited that she's here. And also Esther Pawitsky. Hi, Esther, by the way. Hello.

It's nice to meet you for the first time. You will have seen Esther and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend alone together and Dollface. And she hosts the podcast My Pleasure. We all have podcasts. I now think it's a prerequisite to allow anyone on the show if they don't have their own podcast. Oh yeah. Yeah. You can be friends with non-podcasters in 2023. I'm crazy. Wait, Nikki, are you also freaking out that when she said that you could be someone else's bad date? Like, I, it just flooded, I'm flooded with times where I was definitely that. One of my worst dates was where I thought, I thought it was great. I thought it was the best date I've ever had. And it, we didn't get a second date,

making it therefore probably the worst date because I thought I was like, had found my boy, my long lost boyfriend that I've been looking for for years. And this guy had, it was not mutual. And I had no idea. I thought I could really read people. And it's, and now he's famous.

Oh, that reminds me of an E contest I took once in college where I thought I did really well. I thought I got an A and I literally got an F. So I can really relate to that. Whoa, did you have the wrong Scantron or something? What happened? No, I just was going through my college classes completely delusional and that I knew better

than everyone else, clearly. I think that's quite legendary. I personally, I love people with a deluded self-confidence. I think they're the greatest, especially women in particular. I fucking live for that shit. We have to all have that a little bit to get to where we are right now with each of us having 16 podcasts.

There has to be, to think that people want to listen to us talk this much, there's gotta be some delusion. You gotta believe. Are you running out of your own bad dates to talk about, Jamila? Or are ones like coming for you? Well, I haven't been on many dates

is why I have this podcast is because I haven't been asked out a lot. And even if I have, I probably wouldn't have known it because unless you're inside of me, I don't know if you like me and this is a vibe. But obviously post me too, that's very complicated. I really relate to that because I didn't date until, I had my first boyfriend was 24,

my first kiss was 18, and that was like on a dare or something. I didn't date either. And I really don't like dating because I hate the pretense of we are sitting down to decide if we're gonna have sex and then maybe be together forever. Like that is in the air and it's too much over.

Oh God, I've never even thought about it like that. You know, it's too much pressure. It's too much pressure over a bowl of ramen or whatever the heck you meet for. It's just, there's too much weighing on it. So what would you guys say it's like to date you? You know, we're gonna talk about your experience of dating other people, but how is it to date you?

Do you have a sense of this? Mm, Esther, you wanna take this one? It's been a while since you've been out there, right, Esther? Yeah, I don't think I should even publicly share what it's like to date me. I think like, it can't be good, whatever it is. I think I honestly, my current partner who is my fiance, whose last name I also have,

even though we were not married yet, it was just I took his last name more as like a chess move. But she, it's complicated. Wait, Pizzk is not his last name. No, I'm so I change my name on Instagram. Oh, not legally yet, but his last name is King. So I'm going by Esther King. I didn't know that.

Oh, that's cool. So but anyway, so he is my partner. We are till death do us part. But after like, we started dating a little bit into the relationship, he told me he was like, you know, our first kiss, you were really excited. Like, he totally told me basically that I was a bad kisser. And that I just like had too much, which is I kiss like I'm in middle school, I just give a lot of energy.'m so happy there's a lot of time doesn't it so much tongue right I say if it's it if you think you're kissing style is Going to beat mine mine is like if it's rock-paper-scissors, and I beat everything like mine

I'm the opposite. I'm like wartime rations with my tongue especially at first first. Like, honestly, it's like World War II. It's, you need a voucher. You know, it's- People are making soup out of- There's a long line. There's a lot of broth being made from my kisses. Jesus, that's so funny. Do you get into tongue later?

Like, are you big tongue now? Yeah, yeah, I mean, I wouldn't say big, but I think I'm a modest tongue. It feels like the depression era rather than during the actual war. So it's still modest. People are waiting in lines to kiss you, yeah. Anyway, this is helpful.

Bad dates. I'm gonna start with Nikki. Nikki, you have an intriguing title to your story. I have never heard it before. It's called Leave It in Las Vegas. Okay, so this kind of goes back to a guy that we met and we kind of met under a circumstance where our romance was kind of secretive and like people didn't know, but it was like under the radar, it was all very sexy.

And- Was there a reason for this? Was he married or- No, no, it was just work related, you know? Like a showman's kind of thing. And so I, he pursued me really hard out of the gate. He was not someone that I would have ever been attracted to, but it was, he liked me so much

and seemed to pursue me so much, it worked. And it was the first time I had actually given into that and been like, this guy actually seems to think I'm pretty great and you know what? I'm gonna trust him and actually go for this guy that likes me a lot. So as soon as I was like in and I kind of shut down other things that were going on so I could focus on him, go for this guy that likes me a lot. So as soon as I was like in,

and I kind of shut down other things that were going on so I could focus on him, as soon as I shut those down, he lost interest. And he had been begging me to kind of shut those down. And so I was abandoned in this situation. But then, you know, he would come back around. And we lived in separate cities after we met. We kind of had this little romance.

It fell apart and then the job ended and then we're both on separate coasts and we would stay in touch on FaceTime. And this was the weird thing that had happened to me before. How in touch? Were you just talking or were you wanking on FaceTime? Well, this is it. Okay, so we had not had sex at all,

but we had hooked up when we had been in person in the same city, right? Right. And then on FaceTime, there was never any mention of the romantic vibe we had. There was never, it was like we were buddies, but we would still talk about meeting up to do those things. So it was this weird thing of this guy would never

compliment me about my looks, anything sexual, there would be no flirtation. And it was really driving me crazy because I know I had just seen him, I'd been in the same city, we had hooked up, we had had this whole thing. And then I flew home and worked FaceTiming every day and it's just like buddy, buddy talk. And it's getting to the point where he-

And you wait, this is the guy, I feel like I've spoken to you about this person before, where this is the guy who you would even compliment to see, right? If he compliments you back. Yes. That guy, that prick. I would like answer the phone with like,

I would put my chest in the freezer before we talked and wear like a white shirt. I remember sticking my chest in the freezer so many FaceTime that I could see like a low angle with like just a perfect silhouette of my nipple. So he'd say something and he never said anything. I was so thirsty and it was so, have you ever been with someone like that

that is like can't give you compliments? Like cannot tell you you're pretty, can't tell even though he's getting hard and like you're being able to get him to ejaculate. So clearly there's something that's horny about you for him, but he can't say it. I date English people only. So we're all too embarrassed to tell each other anything

to say anything. Okay, so maybe this is- We don't give or receive compliments. Like, so no, I don't understand what you're saying, but. I've also been mid- sex and say to a guy, you're so hot while he's fucking me. And then he did not respond. What?

Like that killed me. I'm like, you're so hot. And then it's just dead silence. Like he does not give the compliment back and also read your freezer nipple trick, which I love. And I'm going to use that on everyone I know. But I have done a similar thing where I put peppermint oil on my lips before a FaceTime call to like make my lips look,

yeah, to make them look puffy. See if they notice to like try to get a lip compliment. It went on like this for a while. And then eventually one day he took, he was like kind of feeling sick and he couldn't get to sleep so he took Ambien and then he called me and I knew he was on Ambien but I didn't know like what the deal was with Ambien and like how it affected you. It makes you very racist.

Go on. The one time I took it I did like delete Twitter from my phone. Just in case that was a side effect. I was like, I don't know what this thing does. I've heard stories. I don't feel that's in my heart, but I got to get. I took the white sheets out of my apartment. I go, I don't know what I'm going to do with these.

Like take too much. So. Sorry. OK, so he had ambient. This dude, he's, no, he's on ambient and I'm talking to him and then now suddenly he's getting a little bit sexy. Like he's starting to like kind of get a little horny and then it leads to us having phone sex,

first time phone sex and also making plans about seeing each other going away together. And I'm like finally this guy, I knew he had a, I thought it was like maybe like one drink, you know, like it impaired him that much. I knew that things were coming out because he was impaired, but I didn't realize what was going on. So the next day I went into work and I was like,

my friends all knew, I was doing a radio show at the time, my friends all knew I was like so into this guy, not getting what I wanted. And finally I'm like, last night it happened, we told each other everything, we're into each other. I feel like, I feel like he's my boyfriend, it's just gonna take like one time to see him. And then this is on.

And this could be real. And it was the best day I've ever had. I was skipping around New York City. And then later that night we got... So that scene for 500 days of summer, right? Where suddenly you're in a musical. Things are turning into cartoons. I was so happy.

I remember how on top of the world I was because I had conquered this guy that seemed so disinterested in me, but I knew it was there because of the boners and the common number thing. And I knew that was like, I knew, if you could hook up with me in person, it's there somewhere. So then I go home that night to FaceTime him again,

and it's back to kind of like buddy, buddy. And I kind of made some slight joke about what we had talked about the night before, like kind of sexy. And he was like, what are you, what is that? And I go, oh, you know, it's the, you know, we were doing last night and he was like, I don't remember anything from last night. And I was like, what are you, nothing?

And he was like, literally nothing. I was on Ambien. I was blacked out. And I go, um, well, you said a lot of things that really affected me and he goes, he was like, sorry, oh God, that, yeah. Ambien, it really is bad for me, I react to it wrong. I just, and there was no sense of guilt or embarrassment. So he becomes kind and emotionally,

so that's the side effect for him. He becomes kind, sexual and emotionally available is his side effect from Ambien. And then not being on it, he becomes cold and I go, do you want me to tell you what you said so you can, you know, because I wanted him to know what, and he goes, no, I don't even want to know. I don't, I'm embarrassed. Oh my God. And he wanted him to know what, and he goes, no, I don't even want to know. I don't, I'm embarrassed. Oh my God.

And I was like, I was so hurt. And I would love to say that I was like, I'm done with him. But instead I kept talking to him. And then months later he came to town and was like, I would love to have lunch with you. And I'm like, back on, ready to forgive him. Oh, Nikki. All under the water.

And I go to meet him and he held my hand. And he was like, can you please hold my hand? I was like, no, ew. And he's like, please just hold my hand. I need to tell you something. And I was like, okay. And so I held his hand and which was just like so magical because he never held my hand except to like one time he,

when I went to his hotel to blow him before he left town, I like took an Uber to downtown LA before he had to flight that morning to like go hang out with him. And I just like waited for his assistant to leave who was just hanging out way too long. He could have like told him to leave so long. We had like two hours together and he waited to like one hour 45 minutes to be like,

hey, could you run down and get me something? I'm like, finally this guy is leaving. It's only enough time I blow him. And then he holds my hand as he walks me to the elevator and he does this hold where it's like interlocking. And I'm like, oh my God, yes. It's like such an intimate handhold. And then he bowls me into the elevator.

He just like, the elevator comes, he doesn't walk me in, he just lets me, he releases me into it. And even then I was like, we're gonna be together. Cause he like also gave me the sweatshirt that he was gonna give to Goodwill. And I was like, I like it.

And he was like, do you want it? And I was like, oh my God, boyfriend sweatshirt. he was gonna give to Goodwill and I was like, I like it. He was like, do you want it? And I was like, oh my God, boyfriend sweatshirt. I was like smelling it all day. Like thinking it was, it's so embarrassing. My friend was like, it's brand new. It has a sticker on it. It's from a bank, from like a promotion. Like this is not his like varsity jacket.

But I was like, mm-hmm. It's so like baggy and I'm a little girl in it. I'm pulling the sleeves. It's an extra small. So that was even before. Six months later, I was in Las Vegas, and I was doing a show. And he was in town for something.

And he was like, I'm going to come to your show. And I go, OK. And it was a little bit flirty. I go, here we are. Back at this. And it's like three in the morning, one of these where you're like, come on. And so we go back to his place. I'm I have to leave for the airport at I'm getting picked up at five.

So I have two hour window to like make something happen. We go back to his place and he just makes a beeline. He goes through this big suite. He makes a beeline for his bedroom and he just gets in bed with fully clothed, takes off his shoes and gets in bed fully clothed. Jean's the whole thing. And so I am just like, okay, it's not touching me or anything. I follow him and I'm like, I'm going to play this fucking game.

So I get in the bed, same, fully clothed and we're just laying there like two kids, like, like I felt like I was in bed with my cousin, like looking at the ceiling, like talking about life and I'm fucking furious because I have no time and this guy is not doing any kind of sex stuff. We're in his bed and then he starts to fall asleep. In his clothes next to me, I've wasted my whole day. And I asked him a question and he goes, what? And I could feel him kind of like jolt.

And I go, are you falling asleep? And he goes, why are you mad? I go, aren't we gonna? And he goes, why are you mad? I go, aren't we going to hook up? What is happening here? I just like, what is going on? And he goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And I go, I am, he goes, is that what you wanted? I go, I'm in your bed.

And he goes, I know. But like, and I go, why do you have your clothes on? And he was like, I don't know. I just, and I go, you know what? I go, this is just so weird. He's like, I know it is weird. And I'm like, okay, maybe he's nervous or something. And I go, because I wasn't know I just and I go you know what I go this is just so weird he's like I know it is weird I'm like okay maybe he's nervous or something and I go because I wasn't gonna make the first touch I had to like and he goes are you sure you want that and I go yeah I'm pretty sure and

he goes am I gonna get me tooed are you sure with this because this was like me time and I go I am in your bed. I took my shirt. Like how could the signs be more clear? So then he finally acquiesces and starts touching me. So yeah, we hooked up. I got nothing out of the deal, of course. And then he got, I just wanted it to be over.

And you didn't have an orgasm? No, not even. I mean, so far from. OK, so far from. So far from. And that's not entirely his fault. I think he did try. I want to go on record and say he did try. I was just so angry.

I think that's so worse. I mean, honestly, I really don't begrudge women faking orgasms because it's sometimes too hurtful to them to be like, you're... No, I disagree. I'll fight you on that on a separate podcast. I will fight you to the death. That's why they don't get better. We are enabling.

When we do it, we are enabling. Sometimes we go for the difference. We are sending a bad shagger off to the next woman, knowing me. You're so right. I mean, with no warning. Okay, I take that back. I take that back.

So this time he did not hold my hand, walked me to the front door of his hotel and just let me off into the hallway, didn't even bother bowling me into the elevator this time, and never heard from him again. And to be honest with you, I never got a date out of it. I never got an actual like weird dating, so it doesn't even count.

Like that's so often these guys that would be bad dates. There would be no dinner. There would be no like courtship. It was, it doesn't even count as a date. It was just me making myself available to win this guy was available to let me hang out with him. Thank you, Nikki. That story was a fucking ride.

It was a ride. It was such a relatable and amazing ride. Thank you. I definitely relate to it. And also I agree, don't fake orgasms. I will never do that. But I did it in high school. And I have to say that when my high school boyfriend dumped me, he would not speak to me.

But the one power move that I made at the end of that break up was when I told him I faked all of our orgasms. And that didn't he. Ice cold. He called me back right away when I told him that. Yes. So if you ever, even if whether you fake or don't fake, Ice cold. He called me back right away when I told him that. Yes! So if you ever, even if, whether you fake or don't fake,

always keep in your back pocket that you can tell them that you are faking it and ruin their lives. That's so painful. Okay, we're gonna be back right after this. Bad Gates. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries, Myhalla Harald,

a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make the list. Bishop Gray is all coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at the list on her own, she reluctantly accepts an

invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. When I say the word history, what do you think about?

Horses and buggies and dust and a bunch of white dudes riding their horses and buggies in the dust. Facts, definitely not enough melanin on all those history books. But we are about to flip the script on all of that. From Wondery, this is Black History for Real. Together we'll weave Black History's most overlooked figures back into the rightful place in American culture

and all over the world. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. And after that roller coaster, it is time for Esther's story. Esther, your story is called Last Minute Surprise, and I'm dying to find out more. Okay, mine is very quick and almost I would say hack compared to Nikki's, which was so vulnerable

and like took us all on a journey of like, of relatability. So please no one be too excited for this one. But I don't know why clearly I'm like, obsessed with high school still, because mine is from high school. They're formative, it's formative years. Yeah. It is, thank you.

Yeah, yeah. So basically, I was newly single after I got dumped by my boyfriend, and I was like, for the first and only time in my life, I was open to going on a blind date. Right. Like I was just so, I needed to meet anyone that I could possibly meet. And a girlfriend of mine that I took dance class with, she had a new boyfriend and she, so she wasn't from my high school. So she had access to all these guys that were like new and exciting. And she's like, my new boyfriend has a friend,

he's single, and I think we should like go on a double day. I was like, perfect, this is exactly what the doctor ordered, let's go. So we go to California Pizza Kitchen, and we all are ordering our margarita pizzas and buttering our bread, and it's just great, like, you know, mid-2000s uh midwest vibes and I was working there in the mid-2000s shut up you work at a CPK imagine yeah I worked at CPK it was the I think it was the hardest test I've ever taken to memorize

that menu and like I remember the flashcards and everything but yeah I as soon as you said the buttered bread I remember the the plates with the three pieces. And yeah, it's good. It's a good day five. Yes, oh my God. In a mall? Yes, Old Orchard Mall. The first time I ever tried a brownie Sunday, was it a CPK?

Like I owe them a lot. Formative moments. Yes, I used to go there all the time with my friends. I worked at Johnny Rockets in the mall. So we have similar histories. Okay, so we get there. I'm sitting next to my friend. We're sitting across from the boys in our booth.

And I'm like, he's cute. OK, like he's tall. He's Jewish. He's really kind and sweet. Like it's just going great. Like he's attentive. We're having our side convo. And I'm like, wait, I'm not, I'm, I will say this, I'm not like instantly attracted. It's not like, oh, he's so hot.

But it's like, this is going well. Like this is good on paper. Yeah. And like he's, like I said, just what more do you want than like an attentive, curious person who wants to get to know you on a blind date. I don't know, it just felt, I felt heard and seen and it was really comforting, right? Like it was just a comforting conversation. And the date goes on and you know, we basically like the check comes and he goes, wait, what did you say your last name was?

And I'm like, oh, it's Pavitsky. It's like, whatever, it's Jewish and like old and weird. And he looks at me and his face completely changes. And he goes, I think we're cousins. Oh! He's like, my last name is Yale, Jason Yale. And I'm like, instantly, I'm like, oh my God, I remember this kid, this guy from his grandma's funeral. No! I'm like, oh, no'm like, oh my God, I remember this kid, this guy from his grandma's funeral.

No, no. I'm like, oh no, no, no, he's correct. Like it all flooded back to me. I remember being in his basement at his grandma's funeral. Like this is my cousin for sure. My God. And I was just so embarrassed. And I was like, okay, cool.

Just because you were definitely flirted at this point with your cousin. Like there had been no kids. But also that feeling of familiarity you mistook for like, oh, this is going to go somewhere. But actually you've just been in a basement with your mutually dead grandmother. Yes.

And like that it's like the comforting warmth I felt was just like a guy talking to his cousin. It wasn't anything more than that. It was like he had your dad's eyes. Or something like that. That's what I was like. Oh no! Oh, the warm feeling of being close to your own DNA.

Yes. That warm buzz that you get. It just, it so checks out too, because my dad famously like doesn't talk to his relatives. So I grew up having no real relationship with my dad's side of the family. Like very much my mom's side is like the people

we spend holidays with. And so I just, I never would have known if he didn't say anything. Like thankfully his mom, his mom's maiden last name is my last name. So that's why he was able to put it together, but. Wow. Yeah, that hurt.

So his mom was sisters with your dad? No, his mom might. So my dad was an only child, but he had like many, many cousins. So it was my dad's first cousin's kid, exactly. Oh my goodness. You see where I come from, where I come from that's not that big a deal,

but I think it would have been fine. I think your kid would have been not like. You have to be several cousins removed, but still it's a little bit weird. Yeah, it's not good, but it's still, I mean, what a bummer, that's so funny. Did you guys like laugh about it? I mean, was it instantly like comical

or was it like gross, Let's get out of here. I think it was somewhere right in the middle because I don't remember having a hard fun laugh, but I remember having a late uncomfortable laugh. I'm like, okay, let's wrap this up. This is great, but we're, let's move on from this. And I, yeah. But also like sometimes people are on the pill and apparently some contraceptive pills, like, you know, you're supposed to be attracted to other, not brother is the way that the expression goes. It's in like people who are as far from your DNA

as possible and those make the strongest or whatever like in. But the pill sometimes fucks people up and makes them attracted to the opposite. So attracted to people who are more genetically similar to them. And so it's actually not necessarily the right person for you. Do you sometimes hear about people going on the pill and no longer being attracted to their partner?

I just started the pill today cause I'm freezing my eggs. So they're like, Stay away from your family, Nikki. And I have a reunion coming up. No, that's so interesting. My boyfriend even like, She's going to be sitting in the back in the kitchen, like freezing out her tits in the refrigerator.

Yeah, my eggs aren't the only thing I've freezing. I'm just in there. Oh my God, Esther, I'm so glad you found out before anything physical happened because that shit would scar you the life. Thank you. Or maybe not, because Nicky, I do have a hot first cousin. So it's like, you know, that wouldn't have been that bad

if things had gone down, you know? But I have a question for you guys. Like, do you believe in this theory that like, your like smell, body smells are supposed to indicate whether or not you're a good fit? Like, I've had guys who love the smell. Faribun, do you mean? Yeah, yeah, like guys who will literally like sniff my armpits and like smell my breath and be into it.

But then there's also guys who are like so repulsed by it. And I'm like, is that? That's disgusting. Like is that, you know, it's so extreme. No one's just like okay with my existence. I really struggle. I hate perfumes or aftershave of any sort. I can't stand smells.

And so, especially the artificial smells. So I really have to fit the body odor of the person that I'm with because they can't hide. That you can't hide from my nose because I won't let you douse yourself in anything because I have such a strong reaction. So I personally am pro the pheromonal indicator. Right.

I, so I don't have any body odor issues with my fiancee, but I do feel like a lot of the times like our breath, we have, we bump on breath together. That's all right. That's different. I think breath is different. Breath is dependent on like what you eat and your gut health. So I think we're not going to stress about that. Okay, thank you. That makes me feel better because we were recently having sex and I was just like, your breath is so bad. And I was scared to say it, but I just had

to be honest as to why I was avoiding his mouth. And then he just burst it out at me. He's like, so is yours. And I was like, we're on the same page, carry on. That's love. That is love. Did you stop to have a mint each or no? No, we just avoided each other's faces. I would stop to have a mint and that's how we know there's something wrong with me.

Everyone would be given a mint or a small lid of mouthwash. All right, well then during this next break, everyone go and sniff yourselves and then maybe wash yourselves and we'll be right back. Yeah. Bad dates. Bad dates.

Bad dates. Bad dates. Bad dates. Bad dates. Bad dates. Today, hip hop dominates pop culture, but it wasn't always like that. And to tell the story of how that changed,

I want to take you back to a very special year in rap. 88, it was too much good music. The world was on fire. Yeah. I'm Will Smith. This is Class of 88, my new podcast about the moments, albums and artists that inspired a sonic revolution and secured 1988 as one of hip hop's most important years.

We'll talk to the people who were there. And most of all, we'll bring you some amazing stories. You know what my biggest memory from that tour is? It was your birthday. Yes, and you brought me to Shoddy. Shoddy. Life-sized, hard-work cut-out. This is Class of 88, the story of a year that changed hip hop.

Follow Class of 88 on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. ["Hip Hop Song"] And we're back. Okay, so I've heard such fabulous stories in the two of you and I'm so deeply grateful for both of you to come on here and share with me and to trigger my deep dark memories.

I also put out a question onto the internet to my followers to see if they had any of their own horror stories. Normally, I get three or four DMs from different people and then I read them out on the podcast. However, one person, one woman, her name is Maddie Bonanzio, had so many horror stories all of her own that she gets this episode section dedicated just to her. And it's an iconically bad list of things that she has witnessed on dates. It made me want to stay inside forever. Okay, so this all just happened to Maddie, who is now, by the way, getting married to

someone that she loves. And so it's all ended up happening. I think that. Jesus Christ, did she have to kiss a lot of frogs? All right, I'm just going to, I'm going to run through them and stop me if anything triggers a memory or a thought. So she says, a man told me on a first date that his favorite food is live baby octopus because you can feel them struggle in your mouth. Oh my God. You thought cool beans was bad. Imagine how much of an odd, scary serial killer deal breaker that is.

That is so disturbing. Like, what city was she in? So I never go there. I'm scared. I don't know. I don't know, but it's very don't fuck with cats vibes, in my opinion. All right, so she says on a second date,

she went to dinner at a man's apartment and he had a full BDSM outfit that he bought for her, even though they had never discussed this in any capacity, including her shoes somehow in her size and she has unnaturally small feet. Oh my God. I would feel seen kind of because I'm kind of into that, but...

Well, for you it'd be like the pretty woman necklace. Ha ha ha ha ha. Also, I have a size five, which is a very small foot. Oh yeah. And when people, like, I'd be like, oh my God, like you knew? That's so thoughtful. I don't know.

I'd be a little like complimented. The audacity of this guy though. Jesus. I have ginormous feet. I'm a 10, so I feel like someone would have to show up with two separate canoes And I would presume they were shoes for me. Alright, she says a man. This is my favorite one A man cried on our first date after making out because and I quote this just confirms I'm gay No

That's my favorite one that I've ever read. I actually can't believe, I mean so happy for him that he's like solidified his journey, but oh my god crying into your mouth after a kiss, kissing you feels so wrong that it has qualified his sexuality as not being to do with you is amazing. But counterpoint, like it's almost kind of a compliment. It's like, well, he knows that if I'm not doing it for him, then no one, no one will.

100%, I love that way of looking at it. And you know what? From having spoken to this woman a little bit and going to her Instagram, I bet it's that because she rules. Yeah, it's got a bad. So I like that, I like that. That's a better spin. Mine was naturally a British negative one about me.

The next one is also very good. A man ghosted me, then texted me two weeks later saying, sorry, my ex tied me to my bed frame. Oh my. I would probably follow up with that and be like, I need to hear the story, let's go out. Of course you would, yeah. You would be instantly wet from that. The guy's excuses are not fucking writing back.

You know, no one's bad at texting, no one loses their phone, no one breaks up. That's how desperate they are for excuses because there are none anymore not to text back. I think I might try that now with people. Just make them think I've been kidnapped, you know what I mean? Just give it a really dark taken sort of spin.

So I mean what a trooper that woman is, I'm so happy that she's found her person and is now living at. And God knows that she's found her person and is now living at. Yeah. And God knows that she's really done her market research with these people. So we know that that's a good guy. Yeah. Because she's got enough self-respect to have walked away from these clowns.

But I don't know how these guys exist out there. Just having these lines and like how many people have come before her to hear those kinds of things and like like, I mean, this is what the show is. There's women probably faked orgasms, Nikki. That's what it is. It's a culture of women who didn't fucking say. Part of the problem. That's annoying.

I will take that. Yes, I've changed after this episode. I will no longer do it. Even with myself, sometimes I do it alone. Oh my God, there's nothing funnier than not wanting to hurt your own feelings while masturbating. Guys, you've been an absolute dream. Esther, Nikki, you're both so delightful and kind and funny, and I'm so happy that you're

currently in happy relationships. And should that ever change or should you ever have a horrible old memory of research, please come back anytime. I love to. Thank you, girl. Hell yeah. You can hear Nikki Glaser Monday through Thursday on the Nikki Glaser podcast and tickets for the Good Girl Tour can be found on her website, nickiglaser.com. And don't forget to check out Esther Pivitzki's podcast, My Pleasure, with new episodes every Thursday. Bad dates is produced by Smartless Media and Wondery.

Created by Robert Cohen. Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Jamila Jameel. That's me. Produced by Stuart Bailey. Produced, engineered and edited by Devon Torrey Bryant. Talent producer is Ann Harris. Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Music by Cushy and Evan Schletter.

Executive producers are Will Arnett, Jason Bateman and Sean Hayes. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Cawson and Bernie Kowinsky. If you've had a bad date and you'd like to tell us all about it, our number is 984-265-3283 and our email is baddatespod at gmail.com.

We can't wait to hear all about it. That's all for this week. We will see you next time for more... Bad Gates. Excuse me.