Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - Re-Release: So Horny, So Scared (w/ Punkie Johnson, Josh Gondelman, and Skyler Higley)

Episode Date: September 1, 2025

On a classic episode of Bad Dates, host Joel Kim Booster welcomes comedians Punkie Johnson, Josh Gondelman, and Skyler Higley to discuss their most iconic dating fiascos. Punkie just wanted to hang out and now she’s getting bonked by a Johnson, Josh takes his date to a movie but by the time they leave his last name will be Gonegirlman, and Skyler finds himself in expert mode but he’s more quickly than Higley. If you’ve had a bad date you’d like to tell us about, our number is 984-265-3283, and our email is [e-mail], we can’t wait to hear all about it! Subscribe to our YouTube Channel for video clips. Subscribe to our YouTube Channel for video clips.Merch available at SiriusXMStore.com/BadDates. Joel Kim Booster: Psychosexual, Fire Island, Loot Season 2Punkie Johnson: @punkiejohnson on socialsJosh Gondelman: @joshgondelman on socials, joshgondelman.comSkyler Higley: @skylerhigley on socials  Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Bad Dates ad-free. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

Smart. Bless me. Hey, everybody. Devin Bryant here, one of the producers on the show. We've got a great re-release episode for you today because, well, it is Labor Day, and Joel is at Burning Man. Obviously. Like, where else would you want him to be? Because you know he's coming back with tales to tell. I'm sure we'll hear all about it when he gets back, but until then, please enjoy a repeat performance of so horny, so scared, one of our favorite episodes from back at the beginning of April. I truly think about this punky Johnson story all the time, but all three of these are great. We'll see you back here next week for a brand new episode of...

There's something beautiful about, like, the human desire to connect to such a degree that you're willing to do some of the dumbest things imaginable to get there. And we wouldn't have a podcast if that weren't true. You spit a bar. You spit a bar and don't even. know you spit it. Putting my life at risk for the dick. That's a banged stallion. Yo, you're a fucking lyricist.

You don't even know it. That's fucking chef's kiss. Bad dates. Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of Bad Dates, the podcast. I'm Joel Kinbooster, your host, and as always, I'm here with a panel of incredibly funny people who are all about to share some no good, bad, horrible, traumatic, dating stories for your enjoyment at great personal risk to ourselves and our emotional health. We are sharing these stories so you can laugh at us. So, you know, be thankful for that, because it takes a lot out of us to do this

every week. Anyways, that's the podcast. I am so excited to get into, as always, a little bit of listener mail at the start. I'm very excited about this one. This is from Hillary. Hey, Joel, last month, I was hell-bent on having sex. Hell yes, girl. While on the apps, I met a goofy-looking guy who worked in animation. I felt like beggars can't be choosers. We met for drinks and he showed up in a tie and a vest, it gets worse. Somehow we were talking about drugs and I heard him actually say, you know crystal meth gets a bad rap, but when you're severely horned up, you can overlook almost anything. Before we left, I went to the bathroom. I come out and he is holding flowers. I recognize them because they used to be on our table in a vase. He handed them to

me, still dripping wet, glassy. Somehow, I still bring him home. We get undressed. And he He's got these old-timey cartoon character tattoos all over his chest, Bugs Bunny, Falkhorn Leghorn, Pepe Lepewue, that's a red flag, and just above his junk, the Tasmanian devil. I insisted on doggy style, or else I would have to know what it looks like getting fucked by Yosemite Sam. My question is, at what point would you have called it a day? Oh, Hillary, this is great, because I love when straight women write in describing gay guy

behavior um because that is what happens here um you know it is such um a gay affectation to just sort of barrel on through every red flag that has occurred on the date just to get that d and i'm proud of you i'm proud of you for doing this i personally um don't know that i would have called it at all um i think i would have lived the same journey that you did it is joseph Kambelian in its hero's journey nature. You know, it's sort of the call, the rejection, all of it. It really does scan. But I'm not the only one who's going to weigh in on this story.

I have a panel of extremely funny people with me today. I'm so excited for them all. I'm going to introduce them now. Joining us first is a comedian and an actress, who you know from Saturday Night. She is the host of the Gay and Ghetto Podcast, and you can see her now on her childish and petty tour. And let me tell you, she also really stole some scenes in Bottoms for me. Just an underrated iconic performance in Bottoms. Please give it up for the hilarious Punky Johnson. That's right. You know what? Thank you. Clock it. Clock it. Clock it. Clock. Clock the bottoms performance.

Clock it. Thank you so much. I loved it. Next up, one of my oldest and dearest friends in comedy, he's an Emmy winning writer from shows like last week tonight. And Deez-Samero, he writes a weekly newsletter called The Marvelous. It's Josh Gondelman, everybody. Hello, thank you so much for having me. Such a pleasure to be here on Bottoms Clockers with you. I'm really excited to hear your story because you are one of the sort of undisputed best guys and are such a happy demeanor that I just can't imagine you on a bad date.

So I'm really excited to hear your story. Thank you. And then finally, new friend, someone I greatly admire. He's a writer on After Midnight. He wrote for this last year's Oscars. He's $50 richer because he is the man who is responsible for the infamous Kendrick Lamarjo occurred round the world. And he bet a producer that it would play.

He bet him $50. And boy, did he get $50, which I believe now would get you one and a half Chipotle Burrito. in LA with this economy. But he is so funny. Give it up for Skylar Higley. Hey. Yeah, it's really clear how I'm not like a fancy, like rich person at all because like the

biggest number I could think of in the moment is I'll bet you $50. And he was just like, yeah, I have that, you know, just in my pocket, not even in my wallet. You know what I mean? Right, right, right. And I wrote Adrian Brody's speech. Okay, so ups and downs, ups and downs. Guys, what do you think of Hillary's situation here? I'm glad she did it, and I'd like to think that this guy with the cartoon tattoos, when he finished, he went.

That's all, folks. I'd like to offer a little caution, though. If you tell him he can't wear his vest and tie anymore, what's the rest of his ska band going to say about that? Bad Gates. Let's jump right into it with the one and the only, the icon, Punky Johnson. Now, Punky, give us a little bit of context for where you're at right now, love-wise. Are you in a relationship? Are you dating? Are you a monogamous gal? Are you a player? What's your style?

Can all of the above be an answer? Absolutely. She contains multitudes. Because you never know, man. my shoddy one minute she's like I love you I can't live without you the next minute she's like you're a disgrace you're a piece of shit get out

and I'm just like all right all right and I can't stay out of trouble if I tried bro so I just you know I'm up you know what I'm one with God I love that Joe last year relationship status

and you brought up God like that's how you know it's chaotic I'm with God I'm with God where does your story take place. Bring us there. This one takes place in New York City. This happened actually when I was living in California and I ended up booking a job in New York.

And I knew the, so you know how you have those things where if I'm out there, we'll see each other. But other than that, we don't plan to see each other. It's just kind of we run into each other type of situation. So this was that type of situation. And I had, like the chick, we like hooked up, made. maybe twice before then. And then we decided, okay, great.

You know, we're not going to go past that. And we'll kind of just be friends. We're just like hang out. And I remember I left California. I was like, hey, I'm going to be in New York. Do you want to grab a bite? And she was like, yes, but I'm going to be flying in late from D.C. I was like, fantastic.

So her plane got delayed. So by time she did land, I was hanging out. I was hanging out with some friends. Mind you, I'm in New York for work. So I can't really stay out and play. I can only like go hang out for like a bed After wake up at 5 o'clock in the morning She knew that

Boom So she's like great I'll come out I'll hang out So she comes at about 10 o'clock About 12 o'clock it's time to dip I gotta go to bed I got shit to do At 12 o'clock

I'm like okay I'm about to call you an Uber I don't know what happened But when I said the word When I said Uber She turned into a monster Like it was almost like her head spent the round on her neck. She said, I hate the gig economy.

The gig economy has ruined this country. You will call me a yellow cab, like a New Yorker. Well, they're going to crazy part. The problem was she thought she was coming back to the hotel with me. So I was like, what's going on? What's your problem? She's like, why would you invite me out if we're not going in together? I'm like, I have to go to work.

I have to get up at 5 o'clock in the morning. You know how we are. I just came out here. And if you were available, I would have saw you. I didn't think, and mentally for me, I didn't think it was going to be more than that. So she fucking goes crazy. Now we're in the middle of the street, because I walk off. You know, I don't like the fighting public.

So I start walking off. And I'm like basically like about to run and like cross the street to get away from her because she's fucking yelling at me. Oh, no. Loud in a public place in the city. And I'm like, and I finally, I turn around. I'm like, what is the real problem? I'm so sorry. Oh, God.

I'm like, I'm like, this is my child. Picking up the energy, picking up the energy. I'm like, what is the real problem? Tell me what is going on. She's like, I thought that I was coming to the hotel with you. And I was like, okay, well, you're not. So like, it's not really that deep. She's like, if I didn't know that I was coming to you the hotel,

then I wouldn't have bought this. And she takes out my penis and she jiggles it in, like, in public. And she was like, I wouldn't have bought this. I thought we were spending time. together tonight. It was like, I didn't know. I must have miscommunicated. I was like, I thought we both, we're obviously on different pages here.

It's not your fault. It's not my fault. But I'm sorry, I can't. She's, wait, this bitch is getting back from D.C. Did she stop at the Hudson News in the terminal and grab a dildo? No, no, no, no. She stopped home. She stopped home.

Okay. Okay. It sounds like that was an expensive dick. Oh, no, mine are very expensive. She hums this motherfucker. See, the thing is the gay world. True, that you? Yeah.

The thing in a gay world, whenever I do get down with a woman, they keep them. They never let me keep my penis. What? Is that a thing? Is that a thing like I bestow this upon you? I'm genuinely asking. Like, as a gift. I need shoulder.

I don't bestow nothing. I want my dick. They like $300. I want it. You got to get them back. You got to do that. This is going to go on tour. They won't let me take them back.

She's sending it on fire on the lawn like lesbian waiting to exhale. This is a web series that I would watch, Like a mini series on HBO Max, Punky returning to each of her ex-lovers and demanding her dick back. I want to go back. I don't know what it is with the lesbian community. They don't want you to use it on the women, so they take it. They steal it.

Well, now I turn now to our large base of lesbian and bisexual listeners. Please write in, is this common behavior or is Punky just self-selecting some of the most crazy women in America. It's like you're doing a version of, like, lesbian communism, where it's, like, de-born to us. My energy is mad. Like, I, that's why I keep telling you, I am one with God now. I have to change my life. I cannot keep attracting these crazy bitches.

I have to, if I change my vibe, then everything around me will change. And I'm, so this woman throws a penis at you in the middle of the street. In public. So at this point, are you like, oh, good, my penis back? Or are you like, I get to get out of here? The crazy thing is, I didn't, I was, I didn't say, oh, good, my penis back till the smoke cleared. Okay. Because when she threw it, when she threw it first, it busts me in my fucking, she, she, she, she, she, she, she fucking nails it.

And then I was like, God damn it, motherfucker shit! What the fuck? Now I'm like stuttering because I don't know what I can't believe this is fucking happening. Well, you were just hitting the head with a penis. And I was, and it's bouncy. So it fucking bounces. It fucking bounces like a couple inches or a couple feet away. I run after the fucking dick.

I pick it up. I hide it. I should have let it go because who gives the shit? No one cares about what's going on. Well, yeah. And now the dick has touched a New York sidewalk. Yeah. Which means, you know, um,

You don't often get hepatitis from a dildo, but in this case, very possible. The worst part about it was my friends were like walking at the time. They were kind of like walking out. And it was like, they were all laughing at me. No one is saying, what's going on? They're like, ah, you got these crazy bitches. The people that worked at the bar that we were at came out, asked her if they wanted her to call a police. And I was like, I'm the one who just got hit in the head with a dick.

Yeah. I was just assaulted. No, fuck her. That's crazy. When you plan to meet up in New York when you landed, was there the implication that you would hook up or was it just, hey, I'm going to be in New York, let's hang. Did she bring the penis? Did you get any vibes like, I want to be hitting the head with a fake dick? Do you know that no one has my back with this?

Because if I tell every single time, I tell, now my boy, my homeboys, they all agree with me, right? My female friend all, all of them. my female friends are like, you lean her on. That's the problem. That's the problem with you motherfuckers today. You know, of course she thought you were having sex. Every time you see each other, you kind of hook up. I said, but we agreed to be friends. It doesn't fucking matter. You can't look up with somebody and didn't talk about a big friend. So all of my female friends are telling me I'm a piece of shit. All of my male friends are like, dude, what the fuck are going on with these chicks? This was, Punky, this was the most important job opportunity of your life up until

this point. I think it was fair of you to want to get some rest. Yeah. And I didn't want to be all that, you know, you can look me in my face and know when I stayed up all nights. And I don't care. That isn't it in the way. And instead, you came into work and Lorne Michaels said, did you get hit in the face of the dick last? You, I don't think you're supposed to ask that in a workplace. I know. And wait, can I ask, was it just in her purse chilling or did she have a separate back for it? fucking purse the whole time. Beyonce's got hot sauce.

This bitch got a 12 incher. I wish this had been your like intro, like little film thing at S&L. It's like everybody else kind of like having shrimp and playing checkers. You standing on a sidewalk and just getting hit the face with a dildo. Pumpkin Johnson. And you just trying to dodge shit. Let's post script this. Have you ever communicated with this person again?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, we do. You know, most people upon getting physically assaulted with silicone genitalia would cut contact, I would say. We made it cool. This is one of my closest friends.

Married for six years. Two beautiful children. We cool as hell. Did she apologize or did you apologize? That's the question I want to ask. Nobody apologize. Bad dates. Bad dates.

Now, on to up gentlemen, as I said, up top, very interested to hear the story. Met him while he was already firmly, firmly locked down. So I don't really, I didn't, I never really knew you. single guy. Josh Gondelman, we know you're married, but like, how long have you been married? How long have you been dating? Like, how long...

Lovely, lovely woman you are currently in love with. She's the best. We have been married for just under eight years, and we've been together for about 11 years. And we're in one of those monogamous heterosexual marriages that you read about in the less freaky parts of the Bible. So it's like kind of old-school.

And so this is a story that so i i joel it would not surprise you i don't have that many like wild like oh my god and and and i was just puking cum and and she was just uh shitting come i i um so it's this isn't this isn't that it but it is so in your story the come is coming from the correct orifice and she did come it's only come from the right places that's that's my farms promise This is a story about early days dating my wife. We were in like a third or fourth date. Oh, so this is a bad date about your current wife.

And it was, don't call her my current wife. Your current wife. You're about your first wife. Oh, boy. Yeah. No. I love this because it's sort of a, it's sort of a like Roshaman. Like we know the ending of the story, but like let's, let's hear the trial and tribulations.

get there. Yeah. Yeah. In this story, to quote the poet Taylor Swift, the problem is me. I'm the villain of this story. I love it when you're the villain of this story. So my wife and I, my now wife, then we were, I don't even think we would say boyfriend or girlfriend at the time.

We're planning a date. That's probably our third or fourth date. And she goes, let's see the movie Gone Girl. So romance was in the air. Oh. We go to see Gone Girl. which is very fun, underrated Ben Affleck performance because people just think he's like that,

but that is acting. No, that is acting. This is something you need to know about me. This is the preamble, which she did not know about me because we'd only met two weeks before. But I'm embarrassingly squeamish about, like, movies. And so, like, any kind of gore is too much for me. Okay. Thank you for, thank you for clarifying gore,

because it just sounded for a second, Like, you were like, I don't, the, the idea of seeing something on a screen that big. It's over 90 minutes long. It just makes me really uncomfortable. The dog shouldn't be playing basketball. I know it's not in the rules, but he still shouldn't be playing basketball. My eyes start swimming. There shouldn't be a rule against that.

It doesn't make any sense. But no, you did. Unshockingly, you are not a gore fan. I'm not a gore fan. You are not seated for human centipede. You are not fucking with the Saw films. And you think gone girl, and you think, what a nice fun little thriller. Hey.

About a woman who goes missing. She's, right, she's girl, she's gone. What else is there to know? So this, and what happens is this, the first time I realized this, I was very young. I was a child, I was maybe nine years old, 10 years old, and I was reading a horror book for adults. I was a big fan of the goosebumps and Fear Street books by R.L. Stein. As we all were. Yeah, I mean, a legend, R. L. Stein.

And so I found in the library his, like, debut horror novel for adults. And I was like, well, I'm sick of this baby shit. I'm going to read this grown-up horror book. And it was page 8, someone gets murdered. And I'm like, oh, boy, I'm not ready for grown-up murder. And I'm at school. Murdered by, like, something that they found under the sink? No, this is, like, grown-up murder.

It was even scarier. It was just a guy. I, like, got woozy, and I was like, I should get a glass of water. So I let or get a drink of water. So I left the classroom. And instead of turning to go where the water fountain was, I just kept walking kind of in a daze. And I went face first into the door of the classroom across the hall. And, you know, the, you know, the classroom doors with the windows on them.

Face first into the window, a huge rattling sound, which it was a classroom of hearing impaired children. So they didn't notice, but their teachers came out to help me. They were like, are you okay? So this is like my... What the fuck? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, to be clear, they might have felt the vibration. They might have felt the vibrations.

I really, I went down hard. K-O. first round. So, yeah. It is so funny. I'm just like picturing that scene from children of men when the bomb goes off and he sort of wandering through the crowd. Yeah, no sound with a vibration. Like, no sound going, like ringing in his ears.

Yeah. That's what it was like for that whole classroom that I interrupted. And this is based on reading a book. Yeah. I have a terrifyingly weak constitution and powerful imagination. So we're watching Gone Girl. And I know that this is in my past and possible present. How did you read the book before the movie?

I had not read the book. So I just knew Girl Gone. Ben Affleck to blame, question mark. So we get towards the end where I have it a good time. movie, Tyler Perry's there, just not, he's hanging out. Doing a great job. He's pretty good. Yeah.

And then they get to the scene. There's like a pretty cartoonishly gruesome murder towards the end. And there's a lot of gurgling and a lot of blood spurting. And I'm like, I'm feeling it. I like feel myself get a little lighthead. I'm like, this is a little too much for me. I'm going to pop out. I'm going to get a, I'll get a bottle of water from the concession stand.

I'll be cool. So I tap my date. I go, I'm going to, I'll be right back. I get a bottle of water. It's one of those New York City theaters where there's no seating in the lobby because they don't want people just walking off the street and sitting. So I'm like kind of like woozy sitting against a column on the floor. The staff is coming over to be like, hey, drunk guy, you got to go.

And I'm like, no, no, no, I'm in a movie right now. And they're like, okay, bye. I just saw Neil Patrick Harris get slashed. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I know what's going on. I know where I am. And my phone is... I'm sure you using that voice really helped me.

You were a sober, sober New Yorker, yeah. My phone is dead. So I'm sitting in the lobby. Dead phone, bottle of water. My now wife, then very skeptical date, comes out... The movie ends. Because that's like right at the end of the movie. The movie started up.

Eds, and she comes out and sees me like, uh, and then she's like, I, she was like, what happened? I was like, I was like, you gone girled me. She didn't, you gone girl. She thought I, she thought I was the gone girl. Josh, Josh gone girl man, that's my name now. Wow. And she was like, I thought you had left.

And I was like, I had to like tell her because I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not ghosting you mid-movie, which would be such a gutsy move to just get up 80% of the way through the movie. Oh, sorry, I'm misremembering. My wife is texting me from the other room because she's hearing me bellowing in our office. And she said, the movie had not ended.

She never saw the end of it. She thought I had left and was like, what the hell? And then she was leaving. And I was just sitting there. So, like, I had to explain that, like, no, I'm not leaving. I like you very much. This is not me trying to, like, get out of this budding relationship by, like, running out of a movie 85% of the way through.

I just, I have the emotional tolerance of a baby. And she was like, oh, that's better. And I was like, is it? But it was. And she found this endearing. Did she find this? Deering might be a strong word. She found it not a disqualifiable offense.

Yeah. And did Marith say, well, if we weren't going to watch the entire movie, then why did I bring this and pull out a fake dick and throw it up? She was like, I thought we were here to see Dong Girl. Josh Dong Girl Man.

I want you to find like one of those Christian cuts of a movie that just like removes all of the bad stuff so that you can enjoy Gong Girl. The Christian version is called Still Married Girl.

They really focus on that part. Bad dates. Now, finally, it's Skyler Higley. Someone, a new friend, someone I deeply enjoy being in a green room with. I will say you're one of the best hangs in L.A. right now at shows. That's one. The shit you can talk is. unmatched.

And it's always warranted, I'll say that. Okay. So, Skyler, what is your situation right now in terms of love and dating and what's your style? Oh, my style.

Regular style. Best tie. Yeah. Vest tie. I actually, let me show you my little tattoo here. I got Tom and Jerry, both cheeks. I,

you know, You know, I'm in a relationship we've been together for five years. We are Polly, whatever, or open or whatever you want to say. We're in the timeline of Skylar Higley's life. It does this bad date story take place. This story takes place. I think the second time I ever had sex. I think this is time number two.

It takes place in Salt Lake City. It's easy to remember the first. The second is always sort of, well, Yeah. That happened. Yeah. This is a very well-that-hapened story. Like, that's what I was thinking the whole time afterwards.

Yeah, so Salt Lake City. I remember I was like 18 at the time. Did you still feel hope and change in the air? Or was it something a little bit more dark-sighted? Hope and change was in the air. Hope and change was in the air still. Okay. Okay. It hadn't got that dark, yeah. So probably 2015. Yeah, yeah. I remember it was like, I think before I really moved to Chicago and start comedy, and that was in 2016.

Gotcha. And you weren't, like, am I making this up? Did you grow up, Mormon? Yeah, and that factors into this. Let me tell you. 100%. So, yeah, basically, I was on the apps. I was, I had been at college and I was visiting my family at home. went to Utah State, which is about an hour and a half north of Salt Lake. So I lived the college, came back. And I was just on the app. I got, you know, one of my first matches ever. And then we're talking. And that it's really sort of like, you know, the fun, flirty thing or whatever. And this is the first time I remember ever actively trying to like obtain pussy, not to, not to keep it, but just to, I tried to, you know, the first time I had sex that was

To obtain it. Borrow it. For a time. Because my first time, you know, you lose your virginity and you're like, whoa, this is, I mean, people have all their stories. But mine was like, whoa, that was, I didn't expect that. And this was like, okay. You were like, what's all this stuff that just came out? Oh, it's disgusting. Wait, this gets hard.

And then so, yeah, there was like somebody that I just start talking to. and she's like, you know, come over. She lives about 30 minutes away. She's like, come over. We can, you know, hang out. We can hook up, whatever. We had gotten to that point on the apps. And I was like, of course.

I'm doing, this is, I think, a very gay man story based on how it's going to go. Because we're already like, whatever. I mean, yeah, driving 30 minutes for Dick. That sounds about right. Yeah, yeah. You know, I get in my really shitty car. I start driving and go down there. And I go to pick her up.

from this, like, other college campus, and I'm like, and she gets out and gets into the car. And I'm like, oh, this is cool. So do you go here? And she's like, oh, no, I'm crashing with my friend. And I'm like, you don't go to this school, but you've been just here. And she's like, yeah. And I'm like, oh, where do you, you know, do you go to college? Where do you go?

She's like, oh, I don't go anywhere. And I was like, oh, so where do you live? And she's like, oh, I'm like between places right now. And I'm like. Unfortunately, I'm so sorry, a storyline on Gilmore Girls. Is this happens on Gilmore? Yeah, Lane Kim. I'm doing a Gilmore Girl.

This Lane Kim moves into Yale, doesn't go there. Oh. Does just between places. Yep. I had to shout that out because I know the listeners of bad dates. They are Gilmore Girls heads like me. And they would be screaming at their iPods right now if I didn't bring it up. If I knew on iPods.

If I knew anything about Gilmore Girls, I would. make more references, but I think it goes into a non-Gilmore girl's direction. I don't know. But then she starts, we start like, and I was like, oh, so like where should we go to, you know, fuck? Because if this is not your, and she's like, oh. Sounds like you're headed to the Target parking lot. Yeah, you're damn right.

We're headed to a parking lot. We're going to in my car. And I'm like, oh, I mean, okay. Then she starts really being aggressive about me buying her cigarettes. And I'm like, I don't, I, um, I, I, I don't, I don't want to do that. And I also don't think I can do that. Like, I still think we're underage for this, uh, state because it's like 21 or something. And, oh, really?

I think so. Or maybe it is like, I think it might be, you were making up laws to get out of buying this woman. I'm like, I don't, yeah, I was like, I don't want to. I still, and I still, you know, I'm 18. and not, like, practicing Mormon anymore. But I still have all of this shame and stuff of going on. Oh, it takes a while, honey, to do program.

Let me tell you. Right. It takes a minute to get out of that headspace. I wanted to, you know, I'm like, yeah, I want to have sex. And now we're bringing cigarettes into it. So fucked up. Right. Two sins in one night.

Exactly. But, yeah, then she starts talking. Talking about how, you know, how she's, like, hooking up with so many people as we're driving to this park that she wants to hook up at. Yeah, this does sound like a gay guy experience. Yeah. And she said she's been, like, hooking up with tons of people all the time. And she's just like, yeah, and, you know, sometimes they pay me. And I, like, yeah, just get stuff out of them or whatever.

And I was just in this, I was in this orgy video that someone posted on Pornhub. And then she's trying to, like, get me to look it up. like while I'm driving. She's like, give me your phone. Let me look up this orgy video that I was in. And this freshly post-Morman, like. This continues to become more gay guy behavior. It's very gay.

I have to say. The number of times I've been in an Uber ride on the way back to someone's place and they're like, hey, do you want to see me get railed before you rail me? Yeah. Um, is, is wild. It's like the trailer. You know, you're a young, you know, fresh, freshly ex-Morman. That's, that's, that's not 101.

one shit right there. I'm immediately in the deep end of the pool. And it's, I'm like, these things, I'm just like, I'm, I'm so horny, but I'm also so scared right now. Um, and she's like, gets on my phone. Those are two tough feelings to have at the same time. At the same time. I'm like, I don't fucking, I don't know what to do with this, but I also am like, well,

I drove 30 minutes, which is not that long based on, um, it's long for. sound like the woman, the woman story from the beginning. Exactly. But I was like, we were so horny, but you was so scared. No, I relate to Heather. I relate to Heather. And I hope that this person that I, that I hook up with this story and that guy, that from her story find each other, because I feel like they would be a match.

And anyway, we get to this park. I remember it's like winter. We get to this park. And I, I'm already, I've been so. freaked out and then she's like all right well let's do it and um so she's a romantic yeah she's like let's go let's go for it um you didn't buy me the cigarettes but i guess i'll still do whatever and uh you know the punchline of the story is essentially condom goes on we do about one and a half pumps if that and i'm immediately i immediately come and then i'm like okay let's go i got to go i got

this is over you know and i freak out oh yeah that post nut clarity really You know when you've driven 30 minutes away from your home base. Yeah. And when it's one of the first sort of post nut, I think that was my first postnut clarity that I had had in life where it was just like, oh, oh, why am I here? What am I doing? She's really upset on the drive, like, back to her place and is just not talking and is like fuming and angry.

Not her place. Let's be clear. Not her place. On the drive back to someone else's place. The other place that she lives at, currently. And she's really mad. And I could tell. And I felt really, I just felt all the shame of a thousand years. And I just, I had some weed in my car. I had a good amount of weed in my car. And I was just like, hey, I mean, do you just want to take the rest of my weed? Because as an

apology. And then she was like, guess. And then she grabs it and leaves. And I never saw her again. Well, you better than me, because I remain friends with crazy people. You were sweaty, you were on the verge And it felt like an eternity for you And unfortunately it was only about three minutes I've been there myself Let me clarify, not even that I'm not a minute and a half

A pump and a half It was seconds brother It was seconds You came on the way out You were like Like a fucking rocket thrust propelling you out of her I was a SpaceX

I was a SpaceX out of there I wouldn't even give it to NASA. Bad dates. You guys, that's the podcast. That is three wonderful stories from three wonderful people. Let's just go around the horn really quick. Punky, where can the people find you? What are you doing these days?

What do you want them to know? Guys, I am going with God. No, I'm just waiting. Y'all just follow me on everything at P-U-N-K-I-E Johnson on everything. If y'all in Los Angeles, April 9th, would love for y'all to come check out my stand-up at the improv at 730. I'm showcasing it to Netflix. It'll be dope if everybody came out. Man, make a good show.

Let's pack the house. I don't like going to see stand-up, punky, but I would like to see that for sure. Oh, yeah. Y'all come through. Y'all come through. Oh, and to all the people who's like, oh, my God, I can't believe she's saying that. Stay home. Okay, Josh Gondelman, same question.

Where can the people find you? What are you doing? What do you want them to know? I am at Josh Gondelman on social media. I am Josh Gondelman.com or my newsletter, that's marvelous. Josh Gondman. Substack.com for all my, for my newsletter, which is free and every week, and it tells you where I'm off to, what I'm up to.

I just remember it. I have a substack. And I haven't used it That's our Nobody has to You're a busy guy Skyler Higley Writer extraordinaire

Where can the people Find you? What are you doing? Skylar Higley At Skylar Higley On Twitter and Instagram You'll find that I'm starting a new show

There's a new show If you're in Los Angeles Every other week Byweekly We have a new show Presented by Vulture At the Lyric Hyperion Me and Mandel

Are hosting it And it should be a fun time so please come out to that and if you're in New Orleans on May 23rd I will be at Sports Drink is the name of the club so please come

and that's my stuff amazing and I gotta tell you Skyler I think I said this the first time I ever saw you one of truly the funniest people I've seen in recent memory present company excluded I'm not ranking you but Skylar

is very funny and everybody should know about him go and check him out and support him wherever you can that has been the pod everybody if you liked what you heard today give us a rating wherever you're listening to this podcast five stars please five stars

even if the review is mainly a critique of me and how I host this podcast I love it when they do that and yet still leave five stars because really that's all that honestly matters go ahead and shit all over me but leave the five stars for the sake of the guests and the people who produce this podcast. Honestly,

it's for them. Um, and, um, listen, if you have a question or a concern or story, it's bad dates pot at gmail.com. We love to hear from you. And until next time, I'm Joel Kimbooster. And if I sound a little sad, it's because I've had so much fun recording this episode and I don't want it to end, But it must, and it will right now. Goodbye. Bad Dates is a production of smartless media created by Robert Cohen. Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Stuart Bailey.

Produced, edited, and engineered by Devin Tori Bryant. Produced by Anne Harris. Edited by Kyle McGrath. Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Social media producer is Tommy Galgana. Executive producers are Sean Hayes, Will Arnett, and Jason Bateman. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminsky. Music by Cushy and Evan Schletter.

If you've had a bad date or would like our advice on any dating issues, please tell us about it at bad datespod at gmail.com or call us at 984-265-3283. That's 984-265-3-283. That's all for this week. We will be back for more. Mia