Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - Slutty Dolphin (w/ Jenny Zigrino, Brent Morin, and Jono Zalay)

Episode Date: December 1, 2025

On an all-new episode of Bad Dates, host Joel Kim Booster welcomes comedians Jenny Zigrino, Brent Morin, and Jono Zalay to discuss their most iconic dating fiascos. Jenny’s date tries to hypnotize her into a different understanding of the phrase “open relationship,” Brent’s date belongs either in the Hall Of Fame or jail, one of the two, and Jono has an absolute Bad Dates first: the story takes place on his wedding day! Always listen to your wife! Joel Kim Booster: Psychosexual, Fire Island, Loot Season 3Jenny Zigrino: @jennyzigrino on socials, jennyzigrino.com for tour dates!Brent Morin: @brentmorin on socials, brentmorin.com for tour dates! Jono Zalay: @jonozalay on socials, jonozalay.com for tour dates, new album Beat Life To Death! Tickets for our live show 2/01/26 at SF Sketchfest:  https://www.ticketmaster.com/sf-sketchfest-presents-bad-dates-with-san-francisco-california-02-01-2026/event/1C00636D18DCF468 Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Bad Dates ad-free. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Bad Dates. Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to another edition of the Bad Dates podcast. I am your host, Joel Kim Booster, here to bring you more, no good, bad, terrible tales from the dating trenches. If you're just tuning in for the first time this week, the Bad Dates Podcast, is exactly what it sounds like from the title. I bring on some of my funniest friends and they tell you all about bad dates, bad hookups, bad marriages even.

We run the entire spectrum of love experiences here on this pod. And boy, oh boy, do I have a good panel for you this week? I mean, they're good every week. But this week, especially good because I've got a bunch of people who are very, very funny. Joining me today is a writer, actress, and comedian

who has appeared on Comedy Central HBO and Netflix is a joke. She's currently on crowd control on Dropout TV. And you can see her Don't Tell Comedy Set or see her live on her afterbirth tour. It's Jenny Zagrinow. Hello, Jenny. Welcome, welcome. We also have a comedian and an actor from shows like The Standups, Mary, Happy, Whatever, and Undaatable.

His Netflix special is I'm Brett Morin. It's Brent Moran. Hello. Hi. Welcome, welcome. And last but certainly not least, we welcome a comedian with a PhD in neuroscience, which he earned by giving cocaine to rats. He's appeared on The Late Late Show And Netflix is a joke His third comedy album is Beat Life to Death

It's Jono Zillay, everybody Hey, I'm definitely the least of all of us No, no, but I mean, you're a doctor It's true Doctor, you really are a doctor I mean, I don't practice But I can rub it in people's faces You can say you are too

I make Starbucks write it on the cuff If somebody were screamed on an airplane We need a doctor, do you stand up? Oh yeah, I mean I want to let everyone know How much work I put in to not help And then you sit down immediately. Exactly. When they yelled out, is there a doctor on the plane?

Do you yell back? Not practicing? Yeah. Retired. Help me, my rats. They're very sick. They need some help. They need cocaine immediately.

They're very sleepy. And for the listeners, we're not doing cocaine. You sniffed in during the intro. I did. I sounded a little coax. I mean, we're not doing cocaine. I can't speak for anyone else. Let's do it.

Why am I sniffing after all? Okay. So, guys, Before we dive into your stories, we always hear at bad dates. Start off things with a little bit of an icebreaker question. We have a panel of experts behind the scenes coming up with these questions. Also, some of them are submitted by listeners like you. If you have an icebreaker question or a concern about the podcast or just a story you'd like to share, please email us at bad dates pod at gmail.com.

I swear to God, somebody is checking that email address, but not me. The icebreaker question for the panel today is, what is a Halloween costume that you, would consider a deal breaker Now let's just stop really quickly and take out blackface from this Let's take out racially insensitive costumes Because I'm sure that's a deal breaker for all of us in this room To some extent

So let's make it a little bit more fun What's just something that would annoy this shit out of you If your partner try to dress up is this I thought of two Okay, let's go One is very relevant, it's in the news Okay, a Nazi A Nazi

That's a pretty bad one That is a bad one. And we have seen, I just saw the guy in Georgia. Yeah, the guy in Georgia. Which, look, I'm going to say this. It was a really pretty accurate-looking costume. I have to imagine there were some e-bang going on, some grandparents involved, some deep in the back of grandpa's closet. That's an original, you know?

That was authenticity. Boss first look, you know? I don't know what we're talking about. Oh, so in Georgia, a college. I think it was a college student, or it might not have it. It's always a college. It's always in Georgia. A Nazi youth.

A Nazi youth had a full-on like SS outfit and tried to get into a bar and they were like, you can't get in here. Wait, was it even Halloween? It would mean, it was like, you know, Halloween time. Oh, Halloween time. At the time of recording, we are about four days out from Halloween at the time of recording, but all month for some people. Yeah, it was.

The question is where, what was the meaning he was at beforehand? is, I guess, the more concerning. What was the bar that did let him in? That's the question. So he dressed up and it was a very impeccable outfit. So that's that one. And the other one would be a baby. A baby.

The guy was dressed as a baby. I'd be really upset. Well, because there's, oh, the question would linger in the back of my mind the entire time he's dressed up as a baby. Yeah. How much is he liking this right now? Oh, he's loving it. How much is he liking it?

A little too much. think most people who dress up in babies, there's something else running just underneath the surface there. That's a little uncomfortable. There's a little youth touching. Yeah. Or just the kink of being a baby. I mean, I love that you went right there, Brian.

Well, you know, it's like when the girls I've known who do baby voice, you know. Awful. You find out there's some past sexual problems. There's always trauma. There's always trauma. When you dress up for Halloween, you're giving

a window into your trauma sometimes. Oh, that's true. I didn't even think about that. It's your, you're either super attention seeking on that day, you're super slutty that day, you want to fuck, or you're a Nazi. Like, those are the three options. Yeah, those are the only three options. So we'll do a poll online, you guys pick your options. Which one are you?

A slutty baby Nazi? Slutty baby Nazi. That's fun. It's creative. Johno, what's a deal breaker ice costume for you? Here's, like, it's actually, like, the laziness that's on display is what I have a problem with. And it's the single-use plastic costumes, the ones where you're just going to wear it that day. It's all, like a Spirit Halloween, like, oh, I'm a milk carton.

Oh, I'm a slutty nurse. It's something that you're going to wear one time, throw it away, and then all of a sudden a dolphin has to eat a slutty dolphin costume. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's, like, you clearly didn't put any thought into it. So why are you even doing it? Straight out of the bag, straight into the ocean. Exactly. Exactly. Let's not be wasteful with it.

If you want to be creative with it, go for it. But like, don't just like... Go to the thrift store. Right, through the pieces. Absolutely. Buy something that you can use most of the time. Exactly. Yeah.

I appreciate that. I appreciate that. Yeah, Spirit Halloween really filling up the ocean. Oh, yeah. Single used costume. I do hope that someone hears you and does a slutty dolphin costume. Yeah. See, that would be the original tape.

I like that. And like, as long as you use it for more than one time, let's not just be wasteful with it. A slutty dolphin is sort of a hat on a half. I mean, they're all slutty. Famously, dolphins are, they really get around. Dolphins fuck. Nazis of the sea. Nazis of the sea.

Well, there's our quote. The title of that, Nazis are Nazis of the sea. That's a really good pull, Jono. And then finally, Brent, what would you say is your? Well, you know what I was thinking about this question? And the thing is, is I'm not a big. Halloween guy, you know, not a big, I know, which by the way, could be a deal breaker for any girls out there. But, yeah, I remember I was in college and everybody was going to this

party and I dressed up as SpongeBob. I don't know. And they didn't let me in. So I had to walk. Yeah. So it's one thing to not get let into a party when you're you, but when you're SpongeBob in Boston, it's like, yeah. There probably wasn't even. They probably would have led the Nazi. That's the thing. That's her a swastika. They didn't let me end. And then, of course, I'm walking home.

It starts raining. And this fucking car of kids, other college kids, drove by. And it was actually pretty funny, but they go, yeah, soak up that water, Sparta, God. I will say this year for Halloween, my partner, so we, our bachelor party was he got a house with his wedding party in New Orleans. I got a house with my wedding party in New Orleans. Wow. We only overlapped, like, twice. for like one of the big Halloween parties.

And his entire wedding party and him dressed up as Velma. Okay. And that, that really got me. That really got me. And they, let me tell you, they were disgusting. These people, these men and one woman, I've never seen someone look so disgusting dressed as Velma in my entire life. They all looked horrific.

We're talking Velma from Scooby-Doo. Okay. Not Velma from Chicago. Okay. Although that would have been really funny If they were all Velma from Scooby-Doo And then there was one Melma Kelly Yeah

Bad Dates We're going to start with Jenny's degrino Jenny Before we dive into your story Give us a little bit of context For where you're at Lovewise Now are you currently in a relationship Are you a dater in general?

What's your vibe? I'm currently single and I just got back on to online dating although I'm already over it. It doesn't take long. It's a minute.

You're like, well, this sucks. This is hell. I kind of took myself out of the dating scene a little bit because I was like I had, I was like moving in between places and, you know, I was trying to figure stuff out

and now I'm very much decided that like I'm freezing my eggs I'm having a kid on my own in a year I don't care I'm done and I'm moving to Germany Hell yeah I mean if there was I love that you started this podcast

by lamenting Nazis and now I'm going to the source I'm going straight to the well They are snappy dressers with apparently a lot of compassion for genetics Yes and so my So my So now set

the scene a little bit for us. Okay. Where in your timeline does your story take place? This takes place in my 20s. I'm going to say this is 2016. Okay. Like 29. And it takes place in a city called Oklahoma City at a convention called NACA.

Oh. Are you familiar? Okay. So for those of you who aren't stand-up comics listening to this, NACA, Why don't you explain it? Okay. It's a very specific. It's the National Association of Campus Activities.

So if you were in college and you saw a comedian or a lecturer or a magician or a, you know, a pop rock poetry, slam dunk basketball team, like they got them from NACA. So it was NACA, Oklahoma City. I had a raging cold. I was so sick. and it was me and, you know, some comics. I think that, oh, what's his name from, the other guy from, uh, shit. The Burgers show?

Bob's, no, no, Keenan and Kell. I think Kell was there. Oh, Kell, yes. I think Kell was there. The Burger Show. I couldn't think of it. Good burger, thank you. I was like, all that?

I don't know if it was all that. Wasn't he in all that? Yeah, he was in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he was the host of it. And, you know. Very Christian. Very.

Is he? Very Christian. Okay. Yeah. You know what? Good for him. Yeah. I mean, not for you.

Yeah. No. Not for you ultimately. Ew. Gross. He ain't getting any of this. Latka. See?

Thank you. And so I performed and I think on my showcase, at the end, the final act of the showcase. was a hypnotist I know and he was kind of cute which is so rare for magicians Was he kind of cute or did he hypnotize you and they think he was cute? We'll never know

we'll never know because I also just make bad dating choices anyways so he's pretty cute I feel like if I tell you what his closing bit is it gives it away as to who he is you think that we are familiar enough with the hypnotist scene.

We're not hip to hypnotist. So his closer was that he looked very much like a celebrity. Okay. And so he would get the kids on stage and hypnotize him to think that he was a celebrity and then they would all act as if he was.

And so they would go crazy and like cry and it was so weird. Can we guess a celebrity? Sure. Somebody that makes you cry when you say. Harry style? I was just going to say that. It's the only one I get to confirm nor deny.

But I'll tell you off the air. Well, we know what is Halloween costume. Well, we know how we feel about Harry Stiles. So we like, somehow our booths were like next to each other and his agent and my agent and we started hanging out. And this was when I drank. So I was so sick. And I was like, great, let's just keep drinking alcohol. So then we went to a bar.

I was drinking a bunch of whiskey. which is a cold ease for sure it's good yeah it's good for you I felt alive yeah old school medicine yeah exactly so we're hanging out and then his agent I could tell knew that like he was into me and so his agent made the quiet exit to where it was just wow that is unusual behavior from an agent I got to tell you normally they're not great at reading the room oh the agent was like I'm gonna leave because my hypnotist is getting some work you know he's about to get hired or did the hypnotist say the right word to cue this is so fun so we end up making out i think again i was drunk we make out i do remember

the elevator ride and making out in the elevator and you know being like oh my god this is so crazy and and um and we ended up you know having sex in the whole hotel room in Oklahoma City. Hell yeah. Really fun, really great. And then I was like, oh, you're booked at this other NACA. We should do this again. This was really fun.

So we make plans to meet up at the Reno NACA. Oh, Reno. I know. Reno or dreams come true. Oh, boy. So I'm so, I'm excited. Like, I'm excited because. You think this is going to, at this point, you think maybe you'll move things off NACA.

Oh, my God. This is such, like, a fun narrative. like a comedian and a hypnotist meet at an aga-condition. And then they fall in love, and then they have, like, weird little, you know, artist babies. Then my life's complete, and I can quit, comment. No, but that's always the goal. But I was, like, so excited. And I think I, too, was probably off the heels of some breakup.

And we ended meeting in Reno. I get the hotel. He meets up with me. And it's a little weird. How so? Like, he's just a little colder, you know, like, there's like a, like, something's up between the first NACA. Maybe, like, a month and a half. Okay, so not that long.

So it's just like, okay, maybe we haven't talked for a bit, whatever. We go on the stairs. Was there much communication in between NACAs? I think there was, like, a little bit, a little bit of FaceTime, or not FaceTime, but, like, messages, Instagram, whatever. Little DMs. I think I had his number. I don't, I must have deleted it now. But, so we end up meeting and we're, like, going to perform.

I think we're going to perform like that night and we end up like hooking up and having sex and everything's fine and I'm like oh my god this is the story of my dreams and he is like sitting in the bed like staring forward okay and you know I'm like what's wrong what's going on like where are you at buddy and he goes I have something to tell you oh I hate that and I was like that's never good oh no what is Miss it. Don't, don't, don't. You're in love with me? So he tells me that he's in an open relationship with his girlfriend. Oh. And I was like. You got to leave with that.

Leave with it. And then I was like, okay. And then you're like, well, okay, so the dream of us being together is dead. But at least like, okay, now I have a fun, like, little fuck, whatever. That's fine. Nice. And then he goes. on that he actually is not like he was in an open one but when we met he wasn't in an open one

like they had closed it and then now it was like really closed and so he so at what point so he wasn't in an open yeah yeah this is crazy so he had been he'd cheat he basically was like I'm cheating on my girlfriend right now why even bring up yeah why even bother bringing up the fact that you were once in an open relationship just to be like it didn't count when I had sex with him. Like, you slipped in at the wrong time. But yeah, so he confessed that he'd been cheating on his girlfriend. Twice.

Twice with me. That would be like, he might as well have just been like, I was single at one point. Yeah. This would have been fine. Had the situation been completely different. Had I not been single? This would have worked. I'm reeling in the bed.

I'm like, oh, my God. And then I think I was like, I'd gotten the bed for two nights. So I was like, yeah, you can stay. Like, you can stay here. Oh, he was staying with you. He was staying in the hotel with me. Oh, wow. That's crazy behavior.

So he stayed in the hotel with me, completely cheating. And I think that, like, then he, like, went downstairs and gambled. Oh, it's like. Wow. Yeah. And then we, like, had to perform. So then we had to perform. And it was the same thing where we were, like, backstage, getting ready.

And he's, like, trying to be friendly and, like, we're trying to pretend, like, nothing happened. Like, this never happened. this is nothing, whatever, ha, ha, ha. And I, yeah, like, I have to do my same set, and then he does his same dumb shit where people think he's a celebrity, and I'm just in the back being like, he's a liar. He's not really that celebrity.

He's not that celebrity, nor is he single. And, yeah, and then we, like, I just had to, like, deal with the humiliation for two days. And then asshole didn't fucking pay me for the hotel room. Whoa. Didn't fucking pay me. And then kept trying to, like, talk to me after through Facebook messages being like, hey, I have a new bit I'm, like, working on and you're a comedian. Do you want?

I just was like, go away. And so finally, I think like after a month after, he, like, left me alone. But it was like, like, made me so anxious. And then I was like, did I fall for this guy? Or was this, like, did he hypnotize me? Is this real? And then that started off another

long journey into fucking magicians. Oh, no. He was the hypnotist was the gateway drug. He was the gateway drug to fucking magicians. How many magicians would you say you fucked? Well, probably three. Wow.

Three, well, including him. So one and then two others. And then I also, that year was crazy. That year I also fucked an amateur pro wrestler. Whoa. Well, that's okay. That was the first Trump administration. Right.

We were all dealing with stuff. What a different time. It was before he was elected. We were still feeling ourselves and like feeling free and living life. You were like, there's going to be the first female president. I can fuck a magician. I can fuck anybody. Yeah.

Two magicians. Three magicians. Get at me. What? You had a table at the magic castle. Oh, my God. You know what? I would have fucked him again to get into the magic castle.

Oh, it's so hard. Yeah. All you just know a magician. What happened? But you stopped fucking magicians. Why? Because the last one made your libido disappear. I will say, they work hard.

They have a lot of shame that they've had to deal with in their lives. Good with the hands. Yeah, they're ready to get there. They got wands in their pockets. You know, you never know. So what would you say, Jenny, is the lesson that you took away from this situation, that you have carried on with you into now your light is on again. Your cab light is on.

You're ready to go. You're riproar it. How would you say it has affected your behavior to avoid this kind of situation? Probably asking someone if they are in an open relationship and or have a girlfriend. That's the first step. That's like the first step. Well, I think only really only with like people who work in the entertainment industry because they are sneaky fucking people. Okay?

We all know. A bunch of tricksters out there. So ask that. And then also make them pay for the hotel up front. Stop paying for stuff. I think maybe 2018 was a year I stopped flying out to meet people. Yeah, because I would meet. I was the girl that was like, we'd hang out and meet up and maybe have one little dalliance.

And then I was like, I'm going to fly out to see you. I'm going to book a show in Oklahoma. You are the prize to be won. You are flown out, Jenny's agree. Yes. So from fucking all those magicians, I've learned that truly I am the prize. Yes. There's no tricks here, baby.

Bad dates. All right. Next up on deck, we have the comedian and actor, Brent Moran. Oh, shit. Brent, give us the same context as Jenny did. What is your dating style? Where are you at right now, relationship-wise? What's your story?

All right. Well, I'm single. and okay with it. I'm alone but not lonely is the best way to describe it. Yeah, that's what lonely people say. But also, well, I like being alone. But the thing is, is like,

maybe because I'm 39 now, I just, I want the next girl to be somebody I might spend my life with. Yeah. You're not fucking around anymore. Yeah, I'm not running around and getting in trouble and dealing with, you know, apps or all that crap.

So Brent, where in your timeline And does this story take place? Well, I was thinking about this. I was like, okay, because there's so many, I think. But you've got to think about the impressionable ones, the ones you can't forget. And this is back in high school. Whoa. Yeah, we're going back.

Formative ending. No, yeah. Maybe the starting block of Brent Morn as a comedian, maybe. All right. So let me set the scene. I was 17 years old. Good age. I was working at a chain restaurant as a to go boy

Because I couldn't be a waiter I'm not 18 yet Oh wow So I had this I didn't realize this is the toch No I was in a mall You know I guess I could say the restaurant

Ruby Tuesdays Okay Go have a Ruby Tuesdays Didn't realize that Ruby Tuesdays was boxing out High School students from being Servers at the restaurant You had to be 18 because I can't serve alcohol If I'm not 18

Oh I see I see I see But I control the mall I controlled the mall, you know, because people would order food in the mall. It was like, you know, it was like fast times a little bit. Wait, is this the Connecticut? Are you near Manchester, Connecticut? Yeah. Oh, my gosh.

That's the root-tys. It's right near the Funny Bone at the Hartford Funny Bone. Do you ever do that? Yeah. I know exactly where it is. I have met that salad bar too. Really? Yeah.

Well, I used to work there. Oh, my. Shout out. You're a celebrity at Buckland Hills Mall. Shout out. Well, this is bad because now this might, who knows. What's going to happen? You get barred from Ruby Tuesday.

Well, Ruby Tuesday's not the problem. The girl might be. Anyway, I was 17, you know, I was spiked hair. Maybe I had frosted tips. I don't know what I was doing. I was just around. And then, you know, some of the girls at work there went to like Yukon or they were, you know, there were some pretty girls.

I'm 17 years old. I'm, you know, full of it. Like just feeling myself. Well, no, I was insecure as shit. I get it. Everybody was love. You know, like that feeling as a teenager. You just had the energy and hope all the time.

Just full of count. Yeah, yes. An energy, hope, and no fucking experience. Yeah. So I'm working there. And some of the waitresses were like, ooh, the cute to go boy. So I was also like, I don't get that at school. So it was also, it was a new experience for me.

And this one waitress, she was drop dead gorgeous, about maybe 23. So she was a woman of 17. And she liked me. And she wanted to go out. She had to do all the work because I was still a virgin and still scared of women. And this is something that you don't really notice until you're older. But you got to wonder, what did that 23-year-old woman? That is.

Yeah. See a 17-year-old to-go boy. Six years? Six-year difference And it's not just six years It's like two very different places in your life Presumably she's graduated college at this point Yeah, she's figuring it out

Yeah, have you gone to therapy about how you were a victim Yeah, Mary Kay LaTerno Over here It was just like, wow, I must look mature Yeah, I could have been illegal too Anyway, that was the point of not wanting to bring it up But I don't think it is find her next. No, Romeo and Julia laws, statute of limitations. There's no.

You're good. Also, it's not going to matter because here's what happened. So everybody, my buddy, my buddy got me the job at Ruby Tuesdays. And one of the things he kept telling me was like, there's a girl that works there that everybody's in love with. Like, every, she gets like 10 numbers a day, people give her, you know, who are eating there. And like, all the waiters want her, all the cooks want her. And I said, wow, I can't wait to, see her not even meet her anyway she ended up liking me which really pissed my friend off and I pissed the cooks off too pissed everybody off yeah like why him why the new kid why did the go boy she's a predator yeah she's a bad person she was a beautiful woman who had everything

I needed anyway she was like uh let's let's go out and I was like okay I just like had my license I I picked her up she had her own place which was blow in my mind. Yeah. And I swear to God, at 17, she is a woman, you know? So we go out, we go to eat. I'm nervous as hell. But where'd you take her?

Ruby Tuesdays. You deserve everything that happened to you in this story. We hit up Applebee's. You know, keep it in the chain family. I'm working off to go tips. Yeah, you got that discount. And I'm still lying to my parents about where I'm going because I'm not bringing updates or anything. My parents thought every week and I was going to the movies 50,000 times ago, but I really wasn't.

I had strict parents. So we do that. And then she was like, let's go see a movie. We go in Manchester, we go to see a movie, a movie that no one's really in. And we're sitting next to each other. And I'm too nervous to make a move. She's also kind of sensing it. So then she kind of puts her hand on my leg.

And this is like blowing my mind. My penis is tingling. I'm just in a 17-year-old, oh, my God, the most beautiful woman ever, is liking me. Yeah. This is, yeah, this is like a, this is animal house. This is like an 80s sex comedy that's happening right now. So then she goes, are you ever going to kiss me? And I was like, oh, sorry.

And then he threw up in your mouth. So I had to move the Coca-Cola because I got the big one, you know, just a cup holder. And we're making out in this movie. I'm not watching a movie. I've heard of people making it out in a movie. I've never been the person doing it, right? But we're in the back. No one's watching.

And then she's like, let's get out of here. You know, it's like 30 minutes in the movie. And I paid for it. So I was like $5,000. And she goes, you're pretty cool, huh? And I was like, yeah. In what way? In what way have you been cool in this situation yet?

I know. Liar. I remember if she has like a high school, it's like, what are you on the football team? something you must be really cool when I was thinking in my fleece to go vest and she goes I bet you can find a party right now I've been to a high school party in so long who is this person she was an angel she was an angel oh my god and I said yeah I was lying through my teeth you know so I was like yeah pretty cool you know I guess I can find a high school party I'm not really in the high school parties anymore I feel like they're all children you know trying to act older than I go to poetry reading yeah but luckily because I didn't know if there was a party I hit up a friend I go quick I need a party he goes there's one right here

so I went all right let's go and so we went to the party at Kegger I walk in it was like who's that movie with the porn a girl next door where Emil Hirsch walks into the party with her and then everybody's like who the fuck you know and I'm a junior at the time so all the seniors are like this 23 you're a junior and High school, what? And she's like, jail.

Dude, it was, I was the cool, all the lacrosse kids and shit are like, brad, like, we don't, we're not friends. Yeah, yeah. But I'm bringing her, like, who's, what's up with that? And then I had to leave because, like, the coolest kid in school who was like, you know, he was about to be a freshman in college, was like privately talking to her. Oh, yeah. He's handsome and tall.

She wanted you to bring her to that party so she could trade up and get a senior. That's what it felt like. Uh-huh. So I was like, let's go. So she goes, want to go back to my place? Now I'm really losing it. And, you know, and she asked in the car there, are you a virgin? And I said, no.

I was. But I was like, full verge, not at all. Full verge? This is a movie. Oh, my God. And so I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So we get to her apartment. I walk into the apartment.

It's somebody's home that's not, you know, parents upstairs type. shit. Yeah. So I'm like, this is like a movie. Like, I'm like, I'm in her kitchen. She has a kitchen. Like, I remember thinking that. I don't know why. And she goes, you're cute. And I went, well, thank you. She goes, no, it's just cute. How shy you are. Wait, I have a real quick question. Yeah. Was there any alcohol involved? No, I hadn't drank yet. You were sober. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Wow. I'm surprised she didn't ply you with alcohol. Yeah. Yeah. So then she goes, I'm being defensive as a 17 year old would i go i'm not shy you're shy and she goes oh am i and she like pulls me in and we start making out and then she goes come on man up and so i didn't know what to do but in movies

i've seen this so i picked her up and put her on the kitchen counter okay yeah oh wow okay she was like okay and we start going at it and she's i had a button-up shirt and uh she starts taking it off. And I'm thinking, this is like a movie. And I'm also in my head thinking, how do I have sex? I've seen movies, but like, how does it work on a counter? How does it work? You know, like I can't figure it out. And she's buttoning it and then out of nowhere, she rips it off. Yeah. She rips it off and you just hear buttons everywhere. And my instinct, I talked about this in one of my specials, but my instinct was I just went, my buttons.

Because it was my dad shirt. Oh. And I bet she was like, yeah, your button. No, she goes, what the fuck did you just say? Like it took us both out of the moment a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. And then she goes, let me go, let's move this to the bedroom. Give me a minute. You know, I said, do you have a bathroom? Because now I'm trying to, you know, did I already orgasm?

Like, I don't know what's going on. So I go to the bathroom and she slips into, you know, thong and whatever. Mm-hmm. Yeah, and she's got like a silk robe. It's like, it's straight up. Mrs. Robinson over here. Yeah. And while I'm in the bathroom, I notice there's a razor that's not a woman's.

There's two different toothbrushes on two different sides. I did there was like males like bar soap I was like I don't think women use bar soap yeah we don't yeah wait really we don't everybody wow or yeah so I've been lied to by dove commercials I'm a little bit like and then but I'm also like maybe she's got a roommate I don't know yeah yeah that's and I walk out of the bathroom and I'm kind of in the hallway because she closed a bedroom door because she's preparing I guess I don't know what she's doing. Maybe Coke.

Spinning web. And I'm just kind of looking at shit on the walls. And I notice a photo with her and a guy. And it doesn't look like a brother. Doesn't look like a friend because he's kissing her cheek and wrapped arms around her. And I'm like, then she walks out in the silk robe and the underwear. And I'm like, oh, my God. Yeah.

And then, but Mr. My Buttons, I can't help but go, who's that? Yeah. And she goes, don't worry about that. Oh, my God. Some worry. Do you have a boyfriend? Yeah. Don't.

You know, he's an asshole. And she starts making out with me in the hallway. She's trying to get a 17-year-old murdered is what she's trying to do. Right. Well, then what happens is somebody's trying to open the door. Wow. And she goes, fuck, fuck, fuck. And I go, is that him?

And by the way, the guy looked like a fucking Navy SEAL, like a man. Yeah, right. And she goes, fuck, you got to get out of here. Like the whole attitude changed. She, like a bad movie. She goes, you got to go. You got to go. And I go, wow.

She goes, he's not supposed to be here. You know, he's an asshole. We got in a fight. And he's supposed to be staying with his friend. You got to go. Okay, he's fucking violent. Oh. And I said, how the fuck do I get out of here?

And she goes, window. And I go, window. You know, because we're on the second floor. And I, full adrenaline, this guy opens the door. Why do you have the fucking door locked? And he walks in and I can hear them. And he goes, why are you fucking dress like that? Who the fuck is here?

And then I'll never forget this, though, because I'm hearing all this. And she had a window in the bathroom. So I'm in the bathroom. I'm trying to open the window. And it's a little stuck because of that goddamn weather in Connecticut, you know? Yeah, yeah. It's older. And he goes, who the fuck is here?

And then I hear, whose buttons are these? But I get the window open And I'm literally like Where the fuck am I going to jump out a second story window? And then he goes, bam, bam, bam on the bathroom door And he goes, get the fuck out here, dude. And I went, oh, fuck it. And I jumped out the fucking window.

Landed in a bush. I hear the guy he is looking at me through the window. He goes, get the fuck back here. And I'm thinking, oh, shit. Now I got my shirt open, like Will Smith and Bad Boys. Running down the street trying to get to my car, my dad's car. And also because I had to get home for curfew, I realized. So I'm literally running to my car.

I start the car. This fucker comes running at me with a golf club. Whoa. And he fucking tries to hit the windshield. I pull out, he knocks the side mirror off. Not dad's car. Yeah. And I get away.

But I'm not over it. I don't know if this guy's going to show up to Ruby Tuesdays. I'm actually more concerned about what my dad's going to say about the mirror because I don't know how to explain that, you know? So that was the end of that date. And then the next day I have to work at Ruby Tuesdays. And I get a call for a to-go order and it's her guy. No.

And he goes, are you the to-go boy? She ratted on you? She told him straight. up that you were the to go boy and i said i said uh yeah and then he goes good luck with her oh that was he let me live because i think he realized how scared i was on the phone yeah and i think he realized he must have realized that you what a psychopath she is yeah she's yeah she's the problem i guess i always just saw it as a beautiful unbelievable person but I guess you guys are right.

No, she's a super villain. She's a villain. She's a villain. She is bad. Bad dates. Bad dates. Turning now to our final storyteller of the day, John O'Sillay, give us a little bit of context.

Where are you at right now, relationship-wise? What's your strategy? What's your deal? I have been married for almost four years. It'll be four years next to. week. Congratulations. A piece of shit.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. Found love. I found it on the dating apps. Yeah. So although it was like, I will say I was getting sick of dating apps. I'm also on the board. It's like it's not very fun to be on there.

But she was very new to it. And I felt like she probably would have gotten off it pretty quick after that. So it's like you got to someone. There's a window. Right. Exactly. He's tired. They don't know any better.

Yeah. So like she was just out of a long-term relationship. I was like one of her second matches or whatever. So we started dating. 2019, got married 2021, the pandemic really

sped things up. If you can make it through, any couple that made it through that period, I think is like, yeah, either married or divorce. Exactly. You were living together

during a pandemic? We moved in after a year, like at the beginning of the pandemic, basically. It was like, oh, we're already dating. We, you know, let's just be our own bubble.

Let's go through this together. Right, exactly. Yeah. So, like, we hit it out. We get married. We're planning our wedding. So like this, the date,

I guess, and I was on, like, I also will say as a general strategy for dating apps, is have a bit. Like, do, like, as a way to just, like, a showcase or whatever, who you are or whatever, like, have a running gag or whatever. So, like, my whole thing on, like, hinge, I think it was that we met was just, like, that I was trying to screen out undercover cops or something. Yeah. Where I was just like, who are you into?

Someone who's not undercover cop, are you a cop or that kind of thing? And then just like, what do you like to do on a Sunday? Not commit crimes. I tell you that much. That's really, actually, that's great advice. I think that's a really funny idea. And I think, like, that's what you got to do on dating apps to have fun with it. Sure.

To stand out above the rest is just, like, have a running gag. Or, like, I like to think, like, if you're going to, like, have a fish in your photo, like, all the fishing bros or whatever. It's like, have the fish in every photo just in different contacts. Really mean into it. You know, just like, oh, you're friends with this fish. This isn't just some conquered. Yeah, make out with the fish. Yeah, that's true.

This is my best friend. Yeah. Like, have it be, you know, at a party with. you like all the things like I have friends I have a fish friend I wonder does is that if that would translate to a woman to like if for my profile because men don't value humor funny women I actually do as much as I value funny men like when a girl writes on the app something so self-awareness is a big turn on for me yeah so like when you can you know admit something like hey yep I'm starting this conversation you know yeah or you tell a story and it it's not what you

thought it was and she can go well that was a horrible story like that's just like oh you like him a little mean yeah that's what i'm hearing i like them a little mean so jonah where in your timeline does your story take so um we are this is the date of all dates it is our wedding day oh wait a bad date on your wedding yes here's what happened so we've never had this one before this is a bad dates first i can't wait to hear right this so yeah this is a bad date's first i can't wait to hear Right. So, yeah, this is the bad date of all bad dates. I mean, obviously, we're still married. It's fine. But so we're, you know, had gotten engaged after two years. We're planning our wedding, you know, I think it's like 10 months in advance. We put a lot of effort into it in the, you know, as much as you can during the pandemic. Yeah. We, you know, book a venue. Like, this is all for the reception. So, like, we're only going to have a big party, semi outdoors for COVID purposes. So we do have a big formal gathering. But my wife is also. also an introvert. She doesn't want to be like the center of attention for like the ceremony.

And like the ceremony, like we're not religious either. So it's not like, oh, we need to go to a church to do, you know, under the eyes of God where. So we plan out a thing as like, oh, the day before we'll exchange vows with just our wedding party, our closest friends and family. We'll have it be, you know, relatively informal. We'll go to like what would have been a rehearsal dinner that night at like a pizza place. We'll go in a bar crawl. We'll get our full wedding the next day of like the reception.

Yeah. The formal of it. The most fun part. Yeah. Yeah. So we're playing this. I was like, oh, let's do like, you know, something outdoors again because it's COVID. So she's like, oh, let's just do it in our courtyard. You know, like, it's a, you know, we're living in those few. This is nice. But I was like, I also, by the way, suggested that, like, since it was relatively informal and I would have a normal suit the next day, I was like, why don't I, one of me and my groomsmen for the vow ceremony, just wear matching Adidas track suits. Right? You know, and like, here's, you started it as a bit. Yeah. Right. You're going to end things over that. To my wife's credit, who has an amazing sense of humor, probably the funniest person I know who's, you know, not a comedian.

Yeah. She's like, oh, I would love that. She, like, leans in. She's like, absolutely, let's have some fun. Let's, like, show, you know, how much, you know, be semi-casual, fun, whatever. We're just getting married in track suits. She's wearing a dress, of course. She looks great.

But me and my groomsmen are looking like a gang. So we, she's like, yes. do that, but I also suggest, like, in it, like, I'm kind of, she's taking more the lead on, like, the formal reception. I'm taking more the lead on the vow ceremony. We're getting, we got my dad ordained, you know, on the Universal Life Church, the like five minutes and you become a priest kind of thing. So, like, we don't have anyone outside. It's just our family and friends. It's going to be fun. It's going to be cool. And I was like, let's go to a park. Let's just, like, at first I was thinking, like, let's go up to, like, the Griffith Observatory in Los Angeles, beautiful view.

we'll just stand there for 15 minutes exchange vows and this beautiful vista and then we'll go to the pizza place like what could possibly go wrong yeah seems reasonable to me right and then i was thinking about like two days beforehand i was like you know what i'm thinking it might be because like as much as i love the griff the observatory it's kind of a hassle to get up and down from there and we're taking ubers everywhere it's like we don't want to make it a whole like waiting for an uber for 20 minutes up in the top of a mountain uh so i was like there's also a beautiful park like almost like just beyond walking distance in our neighborhood. Barnes doll park.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Beautiful. So, yeah. So it has a Frank Lloyd Wright building in it. It's like you have a view of the observatory in the Hollywood sign. Like it's, it also has a view of the city. It's, it's, it's, everything is about it is cool.

And it's chill. It's casual. I tried, you know, email and see what's up. Never heard back from anything. But what I also didn't realize is that it, since it is has a Frank Lloyd Wright building and it has a museum in it, it's also not exactly a public park.

It's not like, it's open to the public, as any park would be, but it's technically a private property. So we, on our, it's a Friday evening, we show up, we take Uber's from my place, pile into a couple big ones, drive like a mile and a half to Barnesdale Park. We get out. We go in this one little area where there's like these trees lining the street, the little walkway. Frequoid Wright building in the background. Everyone's gathering there. We're starting the ceremony. It's, you know, we have our vows ready that we wrote personally and everything.

My dad's begins. He's, you know, it's like, hey, we're all kind of gathered here situation. And, like, you know, like, in movies, they have that scene in the wedding thing where it's like, if anyone has any objection situation. So, like, that doesn't exist in a real wedding ceremony. It's not part of the legal vows or anything like that. But what I've discovered is that there's a group of people that are allowed to object to your wedding, and they are the police. Oh. Because we don't even begin our vows.

Full circle. 30 seconds into these vows. Yeah, that's six cops. And I cannot emphasize how many this, well, it was six cops surrounded our wedding party. Oh, no. And they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what's going on here? Whoa. and like they sent six cops for a group of white people yes I know well not all of our wedding party

were white oh that's why they got yet they said the extra you know it's like 12 white people and three brown people and they were like not today yeah not on our watch yeah no one gets a free one that's the other thing is we were just like why why pay it for a venue to just exchange jobs yeah yeah so we're it's but they're like are stopping the thing and like they're like hey what are you doing here not allowed to take photos. You're not allowed to gather. You're not allowed to, like, this is an event. And I was like, what do you talk? We're just standing in a park. Yeah. What could we possibly be doing wrong? And they're like, what are you doing? I even had like a plan for if in case we got interrupted from us. I was just like, it's our rehearsal. Right? So, because like we are not, I'm not

in a suit. I'm in a track suit. I was going to say, you're all in the tracks. It's a little relative. It's like, oh, we're just gathering in a park. We're just practicing our vows for tomorrow or something like that. Just to throw them off the sense. they're like, it doesn't matter. We've already been called. Someone snitched on us. On a wedding? On, apparently, yeah.

Well, what I'm guessing now in hindsight is someone saw seven guys in track suits walking out of an Uber and we're like, uh-oh, like, the Jabowockeys are here. Or some breakdance crew, some havoc. They're going to start a flash mob or terrorize everyone. Yeah. Yeah. So they would not. And like my father-in-law, he's, he's an ex-cops.

So, like, I was like, he's trying to talk to them out. I was like, let me just daughter exchange vows in this thing. They wouldn't say no. They were like, it doesn't matter. Like, we've already been called. We have to. And like, they're trying to make it sound like, oh, we don't want to do this. Like, of course they have.

They're hard. They're fucking hard over breaking up a wedding. Right. So, like, we were just standing there, by the way. We were not doing anything, like, menacing. And they did six police officers from this. This is what our fucking tax money is going towards. Six police officers who are breaking up a nondescript wedding at what should be a public part.

But okay. Yes. Open to the public at least. So we have to pile back into Uber's, go back to my courtyard, as my wife had always suggested. And then I have to, of course, amend my vows on the way there to reflect that, yes, she was right the whole time. Of course. So, like, these cops are, like, putting me, like, they're making. me oh and one on the first minute

that we're married. Like, I'm starting in the red. She hired them. She snitched. That's what I'm She snitched on you. I would only love her more. Oh, yeah, tracks suits were a great idea, money. Oh, my God, you're so funny. Oh, you don't want to do it in a court like I? I'll show you. There's a tip line. I would love, if you're in the police and have the evidence of who called the cops on us. But anyway, so we got, basically they broke up our wedding.

We have to go back and do it in our courtyard. You know, like, thankfully no one got arrested or anything like that. But it was like, she was cackling, laughing the whole time to her credit. Like, so she had a good, like, because I was worried at first. It was like, oh, no, I planned this. Yeah. This is like, this is, a wedding day is stressful for the most chill of brides. Yeah, yeah.

This is like, I'm ruining her life right now. This is her special moment and she got the fucking cops to kick us off property. Yeah. So, like, I'm like, this is like, I've screwed. am I she going to go through with it still but she had she was laughing the whole time um oh that's great and and he ended up like you know doing it in our courtyard and then going off and having the good rest of the weekend but it was like and like and specifically the cop one of the many i guess reasons that we weren't allowed to be there as despite it being

open to the public was because i think of the frankloid right buildings they're like these are these are copyrighted images you're not allowed to take photos here which is... Thank God we have the police. Right. Yeah, yeah. She's protected our private interplectual property rights. Yes.

And everything that he owns. Sure, AI isn't giving them credit. A national treasure. Yes. So, Jono, I think I know the answer to this question. But what is the lesson that you have taken now with you into your four-year-long marriage from this experience? It's always listen to your wife.

Bad dates. That is the podcast this week. What a barn burner. Now, before we go, Jenny Zagrino, tell the people where they can find you. What are you doing these days? You can find me at jenniesagrino.com or Jenny Zagrano on Instagram and who cares about the other ones. But I'm currently touring my show afterbirth, which is it's about how, you know, even starting over in life is really messy. Yeah.

So if y'all are starting over or you. you all just want to laugh and feel good. Come see my show. Jenny Zagrano, one of my faves of all time has been for many years. Do you want to hear what you gave me at that party? Oh yeah. What did I give you at that party? We were

doing a show together in Echo Park and you and I were hanging in the back and you had just done a joke about poppers and I was like, I've never done poppers and you were like, would you like to? Oh, wow. And then you gave me my first poppers and they're great.

Special memories. They were so glad it was me. I'm so glad it was me, Jenny. I'm so glad I drew the cops away from you guys. You could, you're illegal drugs in the back of a comedy show party. It's an illegal gray area. Come to my show, bring me poppers, and I will be very happy. Brent Morin, where can people find you and where can they bring you poppers if they should choose?

I wouldn't say no. Ask me twice. I'm in. It's a bad quality I have. Well, Brent Moran. dot com. We're actually rebuilding that site and just I'm going to go with you on this one

Instagram, Brent Morin I'm going to do a tour in the new year to shoot my next special. I'm not sure where it's going to be yet shooting wise and where we're going to stream it helpful information

so just you've got to really focus on me for a while to figure that and I was be in the new season of Bad Monkey with Vince Fong. So check that out. It's been great shooting right now. We'll be done soon

and it's a good season. Trust me. Check him out. Bad Monkey Season 2. John O Zillay, where can the people find you? What are you doing these days? I am at Jono Zillay.com or at Johno Zalai on all social media. J-O-N-O-Z-A-L-E-Y. I have my third album, Beat

Life to Death is dropping on November 7th. It will be able to be streamed on every place you can listen to music and stream stuff. And, you know, I'll want tour dates on my socials. Great. Two great titles, by the way. Yeah. Really?

I struggle with that. Me too. That's why I went, I'm Brent Warren from my special. Do you want to know what it was going to be, I'll tell you what it was in me called instead of after birth, because it was, it has changed and evolved, but at first it was about dating the special, and it was going to be called genitals. Yeah, I got to say, I'm really glad you went after. I, my genitals.

Yeah, I bet you do. All right, everybody. I'm Joel Kim Booster. This has been another episode of Bad Dates. If you have any questions, comments, concerns, or advice that you need answered on the pod, drop us a line at baddatespod.gmail.com. And if you liked what you heard today, rate and review us wherever you are listening to this podcast. It helps other people find the pod.

And until next week, we will breed back with more Bad Dates Tales. I'm Joel Kemposter. Good night. Bad Dates is a production of smartless media created by Robert Cohen. Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Stuart Bailey. Produced, edited, and engineered by Devin Tori Bryan. Produced by Anne Harris. Edited by Kyle McGrath.

Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Social media producer is Tommy Galgana. Executive producers are Sean Hayes, Will Arnett, and Jason Bateman. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminsky. Music by Kushi and Eben Schleather. If you've had a bad date or would like our advice on any dating issues, please tell us about it at baddatespod at gmail.com or call us at 984-265-3283. That's 984-265-3283. That's all for this week.

We will be back for more. Thank you.