Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - So Horny, So Scared (w/ Punkie Johnson, Josh Gondelman, and Skyler Higley)

Episode Date: April 7, 2025

On a new episode of Bad Dates, host Joel Kim Booster welcomes comedians Punkie Johnson, Josh Gondelman, and Skyler Higley to discuss their most iconic dating fiascos. Punkie just wanted to hang out and now she’s getting bonked by a Johnson, Josh takes his date to a movie but by the time they leave his last name will be Gonegirlman, and Skyler finds himself in expert mode but he’s more quickly than Higley. If you’ve had a bad date you’d like to tell us about, our number is 984-265-3283, and our email is [e-mail], we can’t wait to hear all about it! Subscribe to our YouTube Channel for video clips. Subscribe to our YouTube Channel for video clips.Merch available at SiriusXMStore.com/BadDates. Joel Kim Booster: Psychosexual, Fire Island, Loot Season 2Punkie Johnson: @punkiejohnson on socialsJosh Gondelman: @joshgondelman on socials, joshgondelman.comSkyler Higley: @skylerhigley on socials, show at the Lyric Hyperion in LA! Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Bad Dates ad-free. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

Smart, blessed, media. There's something beautiful about like the human desire to connect to such a degree that you're willing to do some of the dumbest things imaginable to get there. And we wouldn't have a podcast if that weren't true. You spit a bar, you spit a bar and don't even know you spit it put my life at risk for the dick Yo, you're fucking lyricist you don't even know it Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of Bad Dates, the podcast. I'm Joel Kim Booster, your host, and as always, I'm here with a panel of incredibly funny

people who are all about to share some no good, bad, horrible, traumatic dating stories for your enjoyment at great personal risk to ourselves and our emotional health. We are sharing these stories so you can laugh at us. So be thankful for that because it takes a lot out of us to do this every week. Anyways, that's the podcast. I am so excited to get into, as always, a little bit of listener mail at the start. I'm very excited about this one.

This is from Hillary. Bad dates. Hey Joel, last month I was hell bent on having sex. Hell yes, girl. While on the apps, I met a goofy looking guy who worked in animation. I felt like beggars can't be choosers. We met for drinks and he showed up in a tie and a vest. It gets worse. Somehow we were talking about drugs and I heard him actually say,

you know crystal meth gets a bad rap, but when you're severely horned up, you can overlook almost anything. Before we left, I went to the bathroom, I come out and he is holding flowers. I recognize them because they used to be on our table in a vase. He handed them to me, still dripping wet, classy. Somehow, I still bring him home, we get undressed, and he's got these old timey cartoon character tattoos all over his chest.

Bugs Bunny, Foghorn Leghorn, Pepe Le Pew, that's a red flag, and just above his junk, the Tasmanian Devil. I insisted on doggy style or else I would have to know what it looks like getting fucked by Yosemite Sam. My question is, at what point would you have called it a day? Oh, Hillary, this is great, because I love when straight women write in describing gay guy behavior because that is what happens here.

You know, it is such a gay affectation to just sort of barrel on through every red flag that has occurred on the date just to get that D. And I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you for doing this. I personally don't know that I would have called it at all. I think I would have lived the same journey that you did. It is Joseph Kimbellian in its hero's journey nature. You know, it's sort of the call, the rejection, the all of it, it really does scan. But I'm not the only one who's going to weigh in on this story. I have a panel of extremely funny people with me today. I'm so excited for them all.

I'm going to introduce them now. Joining us first is a comedian and an actress who you know from Saturday Night Live. She is the host of the Gay and Ghetto Podcast, and you can see her now on her Childish and Petty Tour. And let me tell you, she also really stole some scenes in Bottoms for me. Just an underrated iconic performance in Bottoms. Please give it up for the hilarious Punky Johnson. That's right, you know what, thank you. Clock it, clock it.

Clock, clock. Clock, clock. You know what? Thank you. Clock it. Clock it. Clock. Clock. Clock. Clock. Clock the Bottoms performance. Clock it. Thank you so much. Loved it. Next up, one of my oldest and dearest friends in comedy. He's an Emmy winning writer from shows like Last Week Tonight and

Desus and Mero. He writes a weekly newsletter called The Marvelous. It's Josh Gondelman, everybody. Hello. Hello, Josh. Thank you so much for having me. Such a pleasure to be here on Bottoms Clockers with you. I'm really excited to hear your story because you are one of the sort of undisputed best guys and are such a happy demeanor that I just can't imagine you want a bad date.

So I'm really excited to hear your story. Thank you. And then finally, new friend, someone I greatly admire. He's a writer on After Midnight. He wrote for this last year's Oscars. He's $50 richer because he is the man who is responsible for the infamous Kendrick Lamar joke heard around the world. And he bet a producer that it would play.

He bet him $50 and boy did he get $50, which I believe now would get you, um, one and a half Chipotle burritos in LA, um, with this economy. But he is so funny. Give it up for Skylar Higley. Hey, yeah, it's really clear how I'm not like a fancy like rich person at all, because like the biggest number I could think of in the moment is I'll bet you $50. He was just like, yeah, I have that, you know, just in my pocket, not even in my wallet. You know what I mean? Right, right.

And I wrote Adrian Brody's speech. Okay, so ups and downs, ups and downs. Guys, what do you think of Hillary's situation here? I'm glad she did it. And I'd like to think that this guy with the cartoon tattoos, when he finished, he went, that's all, folks. I'd like to offer a little caution, though. If you tell him he can't wear his vest and tie anymore,

what's the rest of his ska band gonna say about that? I'd like to offer a little caution though. If you tell him he can't wear his vest and tie anymore, what's the rest of his ska band gonna say about that? Hahahaha! Bad Dates! Bad Dates! Let's jump right into it with the one and the only, the icon, Punky Johnson. Now Punky, give us a little bit of context

for where you're at right now, love-wise. Are you in a relationship? Are you dating? Are you a monogamous gal? Are you a player? What's your style? Can all of the above be an answer? So fucking literally, she contains multitudes.

Cause you never know, man. My shorty, one minute she like, I love you, I can't live without you. The next minute she's like, you're a disgrace. You're a piece of shit. Get out! And I'm just like, all right. And that's acceptable to you. I can't stay out of trouble if I tried, bruh. So I just, you know, I'm, you know what? I'm one with God.

I love that Joel asked you your what? I'm one with God. I lived at Joe last year, relationship status, and you brought up God. Like that's how you know it's chaos. I'm with God. Where does your story take place? Bring us there. This one takes place in New York City. This happened actually when I was living in California and I ended up booking a job in New York City, this happened actually when I was living in California and I ended up booking a job in New York. And I knew the, so you know how you have those things where

if I'm out there, we'll see each other. But other than that, we don't plan to see each other. It's just kind of, we run into each other type of situations. So this was that type of situation. And I had, like the chick, we like hooked up maybe twice before then. And then we decided, okay, great. You know, we're not going to go past that. We'll kind of just be friends. We'll just like hang out. And I remember I left California.

I was like, hey, I'm going to be in New York. Do you want to grab a bite? And she was like, yes, but I'm going to be flying in late from D.C. I was like, fantastic. So her plane got delayed. So by the time she did land, yes, but I'm going to be flying in late from DC. I was like, fantastic. So her plane got delayed. So by the time she did land, I was hanging out. I was hanging out with some friends. Mind you, I'm in New York for work, so I can't really stay out and play.

I can only like go hang out for like a bit after wake up at five o'clock in the morning. She knew that. Boom. So she's like, great, I'll come out. I'll hang out. So she comes at about 10 o'clock, about 12 o'clock, it's time to dip. I got to go to bed. I got's like great. I'll come out. I'll hang out. So she comes at about 10 o'clock about 12 o'clock It's time to dip. I gotta go to bed. I got shit to do At 12 o'clock. I'm like, okay, I'm about to call you a uber. I

Don't know what happened. But what is so chivalrous when I said uber She turned into a monster It was almost like a head spilt around on her neck. She said, I hate the gig economy. The gig economy has ruined this country. You will call me a yellow cab like a New Yorker. Well that, here goes the crazy part. The problem was she thought she was coming back to the hotel with me. So I was like, what's going on?

What's your problem? She's like, why would you invite me out if we're not going in together? I'm like, I have to go to work. I have to get up at five o'clock in the morning. You know how we are. I just came out here. And if you were available, I would have saw you I didn't think mentally for me, I didn't think it was going to be more than that. So she fucking goes crazy. Now. Now we're in the middle of the street because I walk off, you know,

I don't like to fight in public. So I start walking off and I'm like, basically like about to run and like cross the street to get away from her because she's fucking yelling at me. Oh no. Loud in a public place in the city. And I'm like, and I finally, I turn around and I'm like, what is the real problem?

I'm so sorry. Oh God. I'm like, this is my child. Picking up the energy, picking up the energy. I'm like, what is the real problem? Tell me what is going on. She's like, I thought that I was coming to the hotel with you. And I was like, OK, well, you're not so,

like, it's not really that deep. She's like, if I didn't know that I was coming to you the hotel, then I wouldn't have bought this. And she takes out my penis, and she jiggles it in public. And she's like, I wasn't about this. I thought we were spending time together tonight. And I was like, I didn't know. I must've miscommunicated.

I was like, I thought we obviously on different pages here. It's not your fault, it's not my fault, but I'm sorry, I can't. Wait, this bitch is getting back from DC. Did she stop at the Hudson News in the terminal and grab a dildo no no no she stopped home she stopped home okay okay it sounds like that was an expensive dick oh no mine are very expensive she hums this motherfucker the thing in a gay world whenever I do get down with a woman they keep them they never let me keep my penis

What? Is that a thing like I bestow this upon you? I'm genuinely asking like as a gift? On each shoulder? I don't bestow nothing. I want my dick. They like $300. I want it. You gotta get them back. You gotta do that. Gonna go on tour. They won't let me take them back. She's sending it on fire on the lawn, like lesbian waiting to exhale.

This is a web series that I would watch. It's like a mini series on HBO Max. Punky returning to each of her ex lovers and demanding her dick back. I want them all back. I don't know what it is with the lesbian community. They don't want you to use it on the women, so they take it. They steal it.

I, well, now I turn now to our large base of lesbian and bisexual listeners. Please write in, is this common behavior or is Punky just self-selecting some of the most crazy women in America. It's like you're doing a version of like lesbian communism where it's like, do you belong to us? My energy is mad. Like I, that's why I keep telling you I am one with God now. I have to change my life.

I cannot keep attracting these crazy bitches. I have to, if I change my vibe, then everything around me will change. And I'm... So this woman throws a penis at you in the middle of the street. In public. So at this point, are you like, oh, good, my penis back? Or are you like, I gotta get out of here?

The crazy thing is, I didn't really... I didn't say, oh, good, my penis back. Or are you like, I gotta get out of here? The crazy thing is, I didn't say, oh good, my penis back, till the smoke cleared. Because when she threw it, first it busts me in my fucking No! She bulls eyes, she fucking nails it. And then I was like, God damn it, motherfucker, shit! What the fuck? Now I'm like stuttering, cause I don't know what,

I can't believe this Well, you were just hitting the head with a penis and I was and and and it's bouncy so it Bounces like a couple inches a couple feet away. I run after the fucking dick. I'll pick it up I hide it. I should have let it go cuz who gives a shit Now the dick has touched a New York sidewalk, which means you don't often get hepatitis from a dildo, but in this case, very possible. The worst part about it was my friends were like,

like walking at the time, they were kind of like walking out and it was like, they were all laughing at me. No one is saying, what's going on? They're like, you got these crazy bitches. The people the people that worked at the bar that we were at came out, asked her if they want her to call the police. And I was like, I'm the one who just got hit in the head with a dick. I was just assaulted. No, fuck her.

That's crazy. When you plan to meet up in New York, when you landed, was there the implication that you would hook up or was it just, hey, I'm going to be in New York. Let's crazy. When you plan to meet up in New York, when you landed, was there the implication that you would hook up or was it just a, Hey, I'm going to be in New York. Let's hang. Did she bring the penis? Any vibes like I want to be hitting a head with a fake dick? Do you know, do you know that no one has my back with this? Because if I tell every single time I tell now my, my boy, my homeboys, they all agree with me, right? My female friends, all of my female friends are like, you're leading her on.

That's the problem. That's the problem with you motherfuckers today. You know, of course she thought you were having sex. Every time you see each other, you kind of hook up. I said, but we agreed to be friends. It doesn't fucking matter. You can't hook up with somebody and then talk about being friends. So all of my female friends are telling me I'm a piece of shit.

All of my male friends are like, dude, what the fuck is going on with these chicks? Punky, this was the most important job opportunity of your life up until this point. Like I think it was fair of you to want to get some rest. Yeah, and I didn't want to be all, you know, you can look me in my face and know when I stayed up all night. And I don't care to be all that you know you can you can look me in my face and know when I stayed up all nights and I don't

And instead you came into work and Lorne Michaels said did you get hit in the face of the dick You I don't think you're supposed to ask that in a workplace I know no and wait can I ask was this just in her purse chilling or did she have a separate bag? Or fucking purse the whole time Beyonce's got hot sauce this bitch got a 12-inch I wish this had been your like intro like little film thing at SNL when it's like everybody else Oh You standing on a sidewalk and just getting hit in the face with a dildo. Punky Johnson! And you just trying to dodge shit?

Let's postscript this. Have you ever communicated with this person again? Oh yeah! Yeah, we do! You know, most people, upon getting physically assaulted with silicone genitalia, would cut contact, I would say. We met cool. This is one of my closest friends. We married for six years. Two beautiful children.

We cool as hell. Did she apologize or did you apologize? That's the question I want to ask. Nobody apologized. Now, on to a gentleman. As I said up top, very interested to hear the story. Met him while he was already firmly, firmly locked down. So I don't really, I didn't, I never really knew you as a single guy. Josh Gondelman, we know you're married, but like, how long have you been married? How long have you been dating? Like how long? Lovely, lovely woman you are currently in love with.

She's the best. We have been married for just under eight years and we've been together for about 11 years. And we're in one of those monogamous heterosexual marriages that you read about in the less freaky parts of the Bible. So it's like kind of old school. And so this is a story that so I, Joel, it would not surprise you. I don't have that many like wild like, oh my God.

And I was just puking cum and she was just shitting cum. And I, so this isn't, this isn't that, but it is. So, so in your story, the cum is coming from the correct orifice and she did cum. Don't only cum from the right places. That's my farm's promise. This is a story about early days dating my wife. We were on like a third or fourth date and-

Oh, so this is a bad date about your current wife. And it was, don't call her dating my wife. We were on like a third or fourth date. And also this is a bad date about your current wife. And it was, don't call it my current wife. About your first wife. No, I love this because it's sort of a, it's sort of a like Roshamon. Like we know the ending of the story, but like let's, let's hear the trial. Almost didn't get there. Yeah. Yeah.

And in this story, to quote the poet Taylor Swift, the problem is me. I'm the villain of this story. We love it when you're the villain of this story. So, my wife and I, my now wife, then, we were, I don't even think we would say boyfriend or girlfriend at the time. She, we're planning a date. That's probably our third or fourth date. And she goes, let's see the movie Gone Girl.

So romance was in the air. Oh. And we go to see Gone Girl, which is very fun. Underrated. Incredible film. Ben Affleck performance, because people just think he's like that. But that is acting.

No, that is acting. And that is acting. We this is something you need to know about me. This is the preamble, which she did not know about me because we'd only met two weeks before. But I'm embarrassingly squeamish about like movies and so like any kind of gore is too much. OK, thank you for thank you for clarifying gore because it just sounded for a second like you were like I don't

The idea of seeing something on a screen that big It's long it's a really uncomfortable The dogs shouldn't be playing basketball. I know it's not in the rule My eyes start swimming against that But no, you did. Unshockingly, you are not a gore fan. You're not a gore. You're not seated for human centipede.

You are not fucking with the Saw films. And you think God girl and you think what a nice, fun little thriller. Hey, about a woman who goes missing. She's, and then she's, right, she's girl, she's gone. What else is there to know? So this, and what happens is this, the first time I realized this, I was very young. I was a child, I was maybe nine years old, 10 years old,

and I was reading a horror book for adults. I was a big fan of the Goosebumps and Fear Street books by R.L. Stine. As we all were, as we all were. I mean, a legend by R.L. Stein. As we all were. Yeah. I mean, a legend R.L. Stein. And so I found in the library his like debut horror novel for adults. And I was like, I'm sick of this baby shit. I'm going to read this grown up horror book. And it was page eight. Someone gets murdered and I'm like, oh, boy, I'm not ready for grown up murder. And I'm I'm at school murdered by like something that they found under the sink.

No, this is like grownup murder. This was, it was even scarier. It was just a guy. I like got woozy and I was like, I should get a glass of water. So I let her get a drink of water. So I left the classroom and instead of turning to go where the water fountain was, I just kept walking kind of in a daze. And instead of turning to go where the water fountain was,

I just kept walking kind of in a daze. And I went face first into the door of the classroom across the hall. And, you know, the classroom doors with the windows on them, face first into the window, a huge rattling sound, which it was a classroom of hearing impaired children. So they didn't know, but their teachers came out to help me. They were like, are you OK? So this is like my... What the fuck?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so good. Well, and to be clear, they might've felt the vibration. They might've felt the vibrations. I really, I went down hard. KO, first round. So, yes. It is so funny.

I'm just like picturing that scene from Children of Men when the bomb goes off and you start wandering into the crowd. Yeah, no sound with the vibration. No sound going, like ringing in his ears. Yeah. That's what it was like for that whole classroom that I interrupted.

And this is based on reading a book. Yeah. It's not even a movie. I have a terrifyingly weak constitution and powerful imagination. Yeah. So we're watching Gone Girl and I know that this is in my past and possible present. So how'd you read the book before the movie?

I had not read the book. So I just knew Girl Gone. Ben Affleck to blame? Question mark. So we get towards the end where I'm having a good time. It's a fun movie. Tyler Perry's there. Just not. He's hanging out end where I have a good time. It's fun movie. Tyler Perry's there. Just not, he's hanging out.

Honestly? Doing a great job. He's pretty good. Um, and, and then they get to the scene. There's like a pretty cartoonishly gruesome murder towards the end. Um, and there's a lot of gurgling and a lot of blood spurting. And I'm like, I'm feeling it. I like feel myself get a little light head.

I'm like, this is a little too much for me. I'm going to pop out. I'm going to get a, I'll get a bottle of water from the concession stand. I'll be cool. So I tap my date. I go, I'm going to be right back. I get a bottle of water. It's one of those New York City theaters where there's no seating in the lobby because they don't want people just walking off the street and sitting.

So I'm like, kind of like woozy, sitting against a column on the floor. The staff is coming over to be like, hey, drunk guy, you got to go. And I'm like, no, no, no, I'm in a movie right now. And they're like, OK, bye. I just saw Neil Patrick Harris get slashed. Yeah, exactly. I know what's going on. I know where I am. And, and my phone is sure you using that voice really helped me. Yeah, you were a sober, sober New Yorker. Yeah. I my phone is dead. So I'm sitting in the lobby.

Dead phone, bottle of water. My now wife, then a very skeptical date, comes out of the movie ends. That's like right at the end of the movie. The movie straight up ends and she comes out and sees me like, and then she's like, I she was like, what happened? I was like, she was like, you gone girled me. She didn't. You thought I she thought I was the gone girl. Josh, gone girl, man. That's my name now. Wow. Yeah. And she was like, I thought you had left.

And I was like, I had to like tell her because I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not ghosting you mid movie, which would be such a gutsy move to just like get up 80% of the way through the movie. Oh, sorry. I'm misremembering. My wife is texting me from the other room because she's hearing me bellowing in our office. And she said the movie had not ended. She never saw the end of it. She thought I had left and was like, what the hell? And then she was sleeping and I was just sitting there. So like like, I had to explain that, like, no, I'm not leaving.

I like you very much. This is not me trying to, like, get out of this budding relationship by, like, running out of a movie 85% of the way through. I just, uh, I have the emotional tolerance of a baby. And she was like, oh, that's better. And I was like, is it? But it was. And she was like, oh, that's better. And I was like, is it? But and she found this endearing.

Did she find this? Dearing might be a strong word. She found it not just not a desirable offense. Yeah. Yeah. And did did Maris say, well, if we weren't going to watch the entire movie, then why did I bring this and pull out a fake dick and throw it at you? It's there, yeah. She was like, I thought we were here to see DONG girl.

Josh DONG girl man. I want you to find like one of those Christian cuts of a movie that just like removes all of the bad stuff so that you can enjoy Gone Girl. The Christian version is called Still Married Girl. They really focus on that part. Now, finally, it's Skylar Higley, a new friend, someone I deeply enjoy being in a green room with. I will say you're one of the best hangs in LA right now at shows. The shit you can talk is unmatched.

And it's always warranted, I'll say that. Okay. So Skyler, what is your situation right now in terms of love and dating and what's your style? Just sort of- Oh, my style. Um, regular style. Fast tie.

Yeah, fast tie. I actually, let me show you my little tattoo here. I got Tom and Jerry, both cheeks. I, you know, I'm in a relationship we've been together for five years. We are poly whatever, or open, or whatever you wanna say. Where in the timeline of Skylar Higley's life does this bad date story take place?

This story takes place, I think the second time I ever had sex. I think this is time number two. It takes place in Salt Lake City. It's easy to remember the first. The second is always sort of, well, that happened. This is a very well that happened story. Um. Like, that's what I was thinking the whole time afterwards. Uh, uh, yeah.

So Salt Lake City, I remember I was like 18 at the time. Uh, and. Did you still feel hope and change in the air or was it something a little bit more dark sided? No, hope and change, hope and change was in? No, Hope and Change was in the air. Hope and Change was in the air still. So it hadn't got that dark yet. So probably 2015.

Yeah, yeah. I remember it was like, I think, before I really moved to Chicago and start comedy, and that was in 2016. Gotcha. And you weren't so like, am I making this up? Did you grow up Mormon? Yeah, and that factors into this, let me tell you.

100%. So yeah, basically I was on the apps. I had been at college and I was visiting my family at home. I went to Utah State, which is about an hour and a half north of Salt Lake. So I lived the college, came back and I was just on the apps. I got, you know, one of my first matches ever. And then we're talking and then it's really sort of like, you know, the fun flirty thing or whatever. And this is the first time I remember ever actively trying to like obtain pussy. Not, not to keep it, but just to,

I tried to, you know, the first time I had to obtain it, to borrow it, for a time. Cause my first time, you know, you lose your virginity and you're like, whoa, this is, I mean, people have all their stories, but mine was like, whoa, that was, I didn't expect that. And this was like, okay, I can do this now. What's all this stuff that just came out?

That was disgusting. Wait, this gets hard? And. And then, so yeah, there was like somebody that I just start talking to and she's like, you know, come over, she lives about 30 minutes away. She's like, come over, we can, you know, hang out, we can hook up whatever we had gotten

to that point on the apps and i was like of course i'm doing this is i think a very gay man story based on how it's gonna go because we're already like whatever um i mean yeah driving 30 minutes for dick that sounds about right yeah yeah you know i get in my really shitty car, I start driving and go down there and I go to pick her up from this other college campus and I'm like, and she gets out and gets into the car and I'm like, oh, this is cool. So do you go here? And she's like, oh no, I'm crashing with my friend. And I'm like, you don't go to this school, but you've been just here?

And she's like, yeah. And I'm like, oh, well, where do you, you know, do you go to this school, but you've been just here and she's like, yeah, and I'm like, oh, where do you you know? Do you go to college? Where you go? She's like, oh, I don't go anywhere and and and I was like, oh, so where do you live? And she's like, oh, I'm like between places right now and I'm like, this is unfortunately I'm so sorry a storyline on Gilmore Girls is this happens on Gilmore. Yeah, we have him I'm doing a Gilmore this lane Kim moves into Yale doesn't go there Oh does just between places. Yep I'm I had I had to shout that out because I know the listeners of bad dates

They are Gilmore Girls heads like me and they would be screaming at their iPods right now I didn't bring it up If I knew anything about Gilmore Girls, I would make more references, but I think it goes into a non-Gilmore Girls direction. I don't know. But then she starts, we start like, and I was like, oh, so like where should we go to,

you know, fuck, because if this is not your place, and she's like, oh. Sounds like you're headed to the Target parking lot. Yeah, you're damn right. We're headed to a parking lot. We're going to in my car. And I'm like, oh, I mean, OK. Then she starts really being aggressive about me buying her cigarettes. And I'm like, I don't I

I don't I don't want to do that. And I also don't think I can do that. I still think we're underage for this state because it's like 21 or something. And I think so, or maybe it is like, I think it might be 19. You were making up laws to get out of buying this woman. I'm like, I don't, yeah, I was like, I don't wanna,

I still, and I still, you know, I'm 18 and not like practicing Mormon anymore, but I still have all of this shame and stuff of going on. So I'm like- Oh, it takes a while honey, to do program. Let me tell you, it takes a minute to get out of that head space. I wanted to, you know, I'm like,

yeah, I want to have sex. And now we're bringing cigarettes into it. So fucked up. Right. Who sins in one night? Exactly. But yeah, then she starts talking about how, you know, how she's like hooking up with so many people as we're

driving to this park that she wants to hook up at. And this does sound like a gay guy experience. Yeah. And she said she's been like hooking up with tons of people all the time. And she's just like, yeah, you know, sometimes they pay me and I just get stuff out of them or whatever. And I was just in this, I was in this orgy video that someone posted on Pornhub. And then she's trying to like, get me to look it up, like while I'm driving. She's like, give me your phone. Let me look up this orgy video that I was in. This continues to become more gay guy behavior. I have to say the number of times I've been in an Uber ride on the way back to someone's place and they're like, hey, do you want to

see me get railed before you rail me? Yeah. Um, is, is wild. But, um, you know, you're, you're a young, you know, fresh, freshly ex Mormon. That's, that's, that's, that's not one-on-one shit. I'm immediately in the deep end of the pool and it's, I'm like these things, I'm just like, I'm, I'm so horny, but I'm also so scared right now. And she gets on my phone. Those are two tough feelings to have at the same time. At the same time. I'm like, I don't fucking, I don't know what to do with this, but I also am like, well, I drove 30 minutes,

which is not that long based on... It's long for... You sound like the woman, the woman store from the beginning. Exactly. But I was so hardy, but you were so scared. No, I relate to Heather. I relate to Heather. And I hope that this person that I that I hook up with this story and that guy that from her story find each other, because I feel like they would be a match.

And anyway, we get to this park. I remember it's like winter we get to this park and I, I'm already, I've been so freaked out and then she's like, all right, well, let's do it. And, um, so she's a romantic. Yeah. She's like, let's go, let's go for it. Um, you didn't buy me the cigarettes, but I guess I'll still do whatever. And you know, the punchline of the story is essentially condom goes on, we do about one

and a half pumps if that and I'm immediately, I immediately come and then I'm like, okay, let's go, I gotta go, I gotta go, this is over, you know, and I freak out. Oh yeah, that post nut clarity really hits you when you've driven 30 minutes away from your home base. Yeah. And when it's the one of the first sort of post nut, I think that was my first post nut clarity that I had had in, in life where it was just like, Oh, oh, why am I here? What am I doing?

She's really upset and on the drive, like back to her place and it's just not talking and is like fuming and angry. Not her place, let's be clear. Not her place. On the drive back to someone else's place. The other place that she lives at currently and she's really mad and and I could tell and I felt really I just felt all the shame of a thousand years and I just I had some weed in my car I had a good amount of weed in my car and I was just like hey I mean do you just want to take the rest of my weed because as a as an apology and then she was like Yes, and then she grabs it and leaves and I never saw her again

Well, you better than me because I remain friends with crazy people You were sweaty. You were on the verge and it felt like an eternity for you. And unfortunately it was only about three minutes. I've been there. So let me clarify. Not even that. I'm not a minute and a half, a pump and a half.

It was seconds, brother. It was second. You came on the way out. You're like, wow, like, like a a fucking rocket thrust propelling you out of her. I was a SpaceX. I was a SpaceX out of there. I wouldn't even give it to NASA. Bad Dates. You guys, that's the podcast. That is three wonderful stories from three wonderful people.

Let's just go around the horn really quick. Punky, where can the people find you? What are you doing these days? What do you want them to know? Guys, I am going with God. No, I'm just kidding. Y'all just follow me on everything at P-U-N-K-I-E Johnson on everything. If y'all in Los Angeles, April 9th,

would love for y'all to come check out my standup at the Improv at 7.30. I'm showcasing it to Netflix. It'll be dope if everybody came out, make a good show, let's pack the house. I don't like going to see standup, Punky, but I would like to see that for sure. Oh yeah, y'all come through, y'all come through.

Oh, and to all the people who's like, oh my God, I can't believe she's saying that, stay home. Stay home. Stay home. Okay, Josh Gondelman, same question. Where can the people find you? What are you doing? What do you want them to know?

I am at Josh Gondelman on social media. I am joshgondelman.com or my newsletter, that's marvelous, joshgondelman.substack.com for all my, yeah, for my newsletter, which is free and every week and it tells you where I'm up to, where I'm up to, what I'm up to. I just remembered I have a sub stack and I haven't used it in a long time.

That's all right, nobody has to. You're a busy guy. Skyler Higley, writer extraordinaire. Yeah. Where can the people find you? What are you doing? You're a busy guy. Skylar Higley writer extraordinaire. Yeah Where can the people find you? What are you doing? Uh Skylar Higley at Skylar Higley on Twitter and Instagram. You'll find that. Um, I'm starting a new show There's a new show if you're in Los Angeles every other week bi-weekly We have a new show presented by vulture at the Lyric High period me and Mandel are hosting it. Oh And it should be a fun time.

So please come out to that. And if you're in New Orleans on May 23rd, I will be at Sports Drink is the name of the club. So please come. Um, and that's my stuff. Amazing. And I and I got to tell you, Skylar, I think I said this the first time I ever saw you, one of truly the funniest people I've seen in recent memory, uh, present company excluded, um, I'm not ranking you.

Um, but Skylar is very funny and everybody should know about him. Um, go and check him out and support him wherever you can. Uh, that has been the pod everybody. If you liked what you heard today, give us support him wherever you can. That has been The Pod, everybody. If you liked what you heard today, give us a rating wherever you're listening to this podcast. Five stars, please. Five stars, even if the review is mainly a critique of me and how I host this podcast.

I love it when they do that and yet still leave five stars because really, that's all that honestly matters. Go ahead and shit all over me, but leave the five stars because really that's all that honestly matters. Go ahead and shit all over me, but leave the five stars for the sake of the guests and the people who produce this podcast. Honestly, it's for them. And listen, if you have a question or a concern or a story, it's baddatespod at gmail.com. We love to hear from you. And until next time, I'm Joel Kim Booster. And if I sound a little sad,

it's because I've had so much fun recording this episode and I don't want it to end, but it must and it will right now. Goodbye. Bad Dates is a production of Smartless Media created by Robert Cohen. Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Stuart Bailey. Produced, edited, and engineered by Devon Torrey Bryant.

Produced by Anne Harris. Edited by Kyle McGrath. Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Social media producer is Tommy Galgana. Executive producers are Sean Hayes, Will Arnett, and Jason Baitman. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminsky. Music by Kushi and Evan Schleder. If you've had a bad date or would like our advice on any dating issues, please tell us about it at baddatespod at gmail.com or call us at 984-265-3283. That's 984-265-3283.

That's all for this week. We will be back for more bad dates. Smart. Bless. Media.