Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - Sometimes Balls Get Hungry (w/ Joe DeRosa and Sal Vulcano)

Episode Date: December 18, 2023

On this episode of Bad Dates, Jameela welcomes comedians Joe DeRosa and Sal Vulcano to discuss their most iconic dating fiascos. Joe goes out with a ten, but the argument goes up to eleven, and Sal’s date is FULLY vested in her 401k, and will have the surf and turf. Then, a listener writes in about a date that was going so well, until she got it right in the kisser. If you’ve had a bad date you’d like to tell us about, our number is 984-265-3283, and our email is [e-mail], we can’t wait to hear all about it.Joe DeRosa: Taste Buds podcast with Sal Vulcano, We’ll See You In Hell podcast, tour dates at joederosa.comSal Vulcano: Taste Buds podcast with Joe DeRosa, Hey Babe podcast with Chris Distefano, tour dates at salvulcanocomedy.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Once someone came and a little bit went on my fringe and I that's really upset me It really likes specifically What's your fringe? My bangs, my bangs That's why I have them because there's just jizz everywhere in Hollywood Listen, your forehead walked away scot free that day. Sal and Joe, welcome to Bad Dates. How are you, you well? I'm fair. Fair to quite fair. You know, it could always be better, it could always be worse. Yeah, Sal, I haven't heard any of your dating stories ever. We have known each other since 2018.

So when we first started making television together. It's been that long, wow. Yeah, you're one of my very close friends, and yet they're still an intimate part of you that I don't know, and I'm very excited to get to know it. And it's so nice to meet you guys. Nice to meet you. So before we get into everyone's worst date stories, I just want

to get an idea. I think the audience always needs like a sense of someone's dating philosophy, who they are in a date, what they're like today. And so I guess I'll start with you, Sal. How do you feel about dating? Do you enjoy it? Are you a fun date? Would you say? Yeah, I'm a fun date for sure. I don't think I've ever turned in. I don't, well, maybe once. I don't think I've really ever turned in a bad date report card on my end. You know what I mean? I think I've always upheld my end of the bargain and then some really.

I'm attentive. I look to make the joke when I see it. I usually cover the bill. I like to, you know, I like to get to know the person. You know what I'm saying? I don't want to go on dates where it's not gonna be like, where we can connect. Like so I wouldn't get, you know what I'm saying? I don't want to go on dates where it's not gonna be like where we can connect, like so I wouldn't get, you know what I'm saying?

So I think, What's it even if it's a shit date, you're just gonna power through and turn it into a sort of adventure? Oh, I'm gonna do all I can, but if it's a shit date, outside of either our control, I'm gonna do all I can. If it's a shit date because of the other person,

I'm gonna try to pull the rip cord on that. How do you do that? Do you have a like a friend who's there to get you out? I go like that and then it's just kind of... You whip your dish out. Yeah, we might say that. No, I pull the rip. No, I've done that. We've all done that, right? You guys done that? Where were you say, all right, like text me at this time, call me at this time. And then if I want to stay I'll stay and if not, I'll this will be the thing to call that.

I have that with my roommates, but I probably shouldn't have just said that publicly because now anyone who goes my date with them is never going to believe even if they have a real emergency. But they, they just write emergency to me and then I call them with an emergency. So I'm on standby all the time. Yeah, it's a full time job. I never did the emergency out, but I have no problem saying this isn't going to work. It's just...

I don't tell me what a breakfast date wants is. She goes, I can't wait to have kids and I go, this isn't going to work. And then did you leave? I just said, she goes, what do you mean? I go, if I got a girl pregnant, my first thought would be to kill myself. She said, okay, I want six kids. And I said, let's just this is it. And we laughed and that was the end of it.

We finished breakfast, it was fine. You know. I like that. On the podcast, we have flirted with the idea of a bad date's bell that we could just give everyone where no questions asked when you're done, you just ring the bell and then you just tap out of the situation and anyone can use it. It just goes in the middle of the dinner table or whatever at the bar. In between the two of you and someone just grabs it and shakes the bell and then everyone

gets their coat and leaves. No questions asked. But that apparently is a bit sociopathic. Probably it could be that easy. I know, I know. I think one of the best date scenarios is pre-movie going to the grocery store and saying, let's go to the grocery store, let's find fun stuff to sneak into the movie. Oh, that's good.

And you do like a 35 minute, let's just peruse. We've got some time and 35 minutes. Wonderful. I'm saying you go early. So you can walk the store and really have fun and take it all. Well, first of all, I think 35 minutes is way too long as a precursor to the movie. I don't know what you guys are looking for. Really? Second of all, 35 is very specific. Not 30. 35 minutes. How big is this super market that you're going to? What the fuck is happening? How long does it take you to get around? It's not a game show. We're not dashing through with a cart.

You're going to take time to talk. That's your first mistake. Fat beats. Hello listeners. This is Mike Corey of Against the Odds. You might know that I adventure around the world while recording this podcast. And over the years, I've learned that where I stay when I travel can make all the difference. Airbnb has been my go-to place for finding the perfect accommodations.

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Joe, your story is, lady, I'm calling the cops. What happened? Um, well, I was out, I was, I was visiting a friend in another state and my friend is a bit of a homebody. He doesn't like to go out and I was, I had a hotel and you know, he didn't want to go out for the night I go out and I end up Lomba hold meeting this woman who is Way out of my league like a 10 she's gorgeous and

She didn't know me at all until we admit and then she definitely didn't know me from standup Joe question before you? Sure. What number out of 10 is do you consider the girl out of your league? Before. I said I don't think I'm gonna start to creep over the back fat wall. So, I'm just astounded at this point because I'm like, this girl seems interested in me, she's beautiful.

And it wasn't even like she saw the show. And now she's like, Oh, you're funny. Like, let's whatever. Like this was all just kind of organically happening. And I was very excited about it. Anyway, we hang out. We're having drinks. We're getting buzz, but not shit faced. We're drinking at the same pace and blah, blah, blah. And around, you know, one a.m. or so, I say, you know, would you like to come back to my hotel room? I am not telling the story to make myself look like a good guy in any way, shape or form. This is just what happened, okay?

I'm not adding myself on the bat, nothing like that. So we go back to the hotel. Yeah. And we get into the room, and it's pretty obvious like we were and you paid off our student loans. Pay it off our loans. We get into the room and we both know like why we're there and whatever. And the thing happens where I look at her and it's like it's like the movie The Thing.

Like the eyes, something shifts and I'm like, oh no, and I can suddenly see she is hammered. Like hammered. And I was like, and she starts kind of like trying to initiate and I go, listen, you're really, really drunk. I don't think this is a good idea. Sleep in the bed.

I'll just sleep over here or something. Don't worry about it. It's fine. Like, I don't want to do it. I'm trying to do the right thing. She starts getting indignant and she's going, I want to have sex. I want to have sex and I'm going,

okay, that's very flattering. Thank you. I mean, there's so much humble bragging that is happening right now. Is anyone else picking up on this? She's like, she hasn't even seen my show. She doesn't even know her popular I am. It's just based on my looks and my scent.

No, it's not my, it's, it's based on her lunacy. It's based on her lunacy. I promise you. The, I'm not, this is not a backpack. She's like, oh, you're dicks too big. And I, so she's going, I want to have sex. And I'm going, no, we, I, we can't have sex. You're too drunk.

She starts screaming at me. Screaming at me violently screaming at me. Sayingreaming at me, violently screaming at me. Saying what? Come in my face. Yeah. Come on my bangs. Going, I don't understand, just fuck me. Just fuck me.

It was like, Linda Blair shit, it was why. No, but she's also got the wasted horn, hasn't she? Do you know what I mean? When you get to that point of wasted, where now it's like, it's fucking die. And let me be very clear. She is very obviously blacked out. She is on another planet right now.

It's frightening. And she's screaming, just fuck me, God damn it. She's screaming it. I start yelling at her and I'm going, I'm not gonna have sex with you, God damn it'm going, I'm not going to have sex with you. God did it. Good job, right? Now we're screaming at each other.

It gets so loud. It gets so loud. My hand to God. Security comes to the room. Security comes to the room. They knock on the door. I open the door. They're clearly, they look alarmed.

There's a woman screaming. They're like, sir, what is happening in this room? Is everything okay? I go, guys, quite the contrary, do you think what's going on here? She's screaming at me because I won't have sexual. They're like, open up, we heard a woman screaming, I'm not gonna fuck you, I'm not gonna fuck you.

I'm right. They go, guys, I'm just trying to do the right thing, screaming at me. They're like, okay, okay, buddy, they literally laugh and leave. Does she confirm it? Wait, does she, I mean, the police are in the room with her. How did she respond to the police? Not police, just hotel security. Oh, hotel security, fine, but does she corroborate? No, she just kind of sat there like,

she was like, indignant in the corner like that. Like she just didn't say anything. And I didn't know what to do. So like, she pulled the YouTube, she pulled the YouTube. She pulled the YouTube. So anyway, she eventually literally tires herself out from screaming like a lunatic and passes out. Next day we wake up, she's like,

hey, what's going on? What was last night? How was that? I was like, listen, you got a little nut. Don't worry about it. It's fine. Don't worry about it. We'll call today. It's fine. Don't worry about it. She's like, cool. She leaves the next night. I'm in the hotel again. The front desk calls me. They go, there's a woman here. She wants to come up to your room. Should we let her up? I go, does she look like XYZ? They go, yeah, I go absolutely not.

Do not let her into my room. She then calls my cell phone. I pick up, she shit faced again. She shit faced again. And she's like, just let me up to the fucking room you asshole. And I'm like, this is insane. Like there's something wrong with this person, right? I hang up, I have to get up the next day at 5am

to go to the airport for a very early flight. I leave, as I'm leaving, she's in the lobby still at 5.30 in the morning from the night before. I look at her like, what are you doing here? And she looks at me like, you know, she's, she's, she's like, still fucking, it's, it was so crazy, right? So anyway, I get home, I go to my therapist, either the day I got back or the next day, I'm telling my therapist the story and I'm very shaken up about it because I'm like, this girl was so drunk and she doesn't remember anything and security came and I was trying to do the right thing, but this could still look like the wrong thing.

Like I'm all freaked out. I swear to God as I'm telling my therapist the story, my phone buzzes. I look at it. It's a text from the girl and she says, I'm so sorry about everything. I'm going to my first day a meeting. I'm getting sober. So I was this girl's bottom. Wow.

I was your bottom. She was like, this pig won't have sex with me. I hit it. I hit it. So. So you got to go to got to go work up in. Yes. And the title of the story comes from the fact that I told all of me in Salon, Mark Norman's good friend Keith Robinson, the story. He's a very Keith Robinson. It's a really

funny comic. And I told him the story and he made fun of me for a week straight and he would go, hey lady, hey lady, I swear to God, if you don't stop trying to suck my dick, I'm gonna call him. I'm gonna suck my dick. I'm gonna call him. I'm gonna suck my dick. I'm gonna suck my dick.

I'm gonna suck my dick. What the fuck is wrong with you Joe? I was like, I'm not, I was just going to. Was it a bit of an ego based having this very beautiful woman hunt you down? No, and that's why I preface this with none of this story is me giving myself a back pat as being a good guy or stroking my own ego. None of this was flattering, None of it was exciting. It was a situation where a person who just happened to be very attractive clearly had an alcohol issue. And

that alcohol issue sent them into the place of wanting to have sex with me. And I was very aware. You're aware of that. If you're an average guy like me and all of a sudden this girl looks like a model wants to have sex with you and she's been drinking, there's no party that's like, yeah, I got it. I know what I'm doing here. You're like, no, she's shit-faced. I know a few people who have that sudden moment of blackout. It is wild how fast it happened ice to live with someone where she'd be fine, fine, fine, and there was like a magical number of drinks

that would suddenly send her from completely okay and just sort of slightly tipsy to fucking hammered, start taking her clothes off and then just peas were ever she's sitting. Yeah. So we got banned from like three different bars for life because she just took off her jeans and would piss into like the velvet couch.

It was insane. Yeah, no, it was one of those ships and we, I have a few guy friends like that. Some of them have quit drinking, some of them haven't, where you call it like the corner turn. You're like, whoa, Blake, what happened? You know, you look across the barn all of a sudden the guy's got his shirt off and you're like, what, dude, what, what happened, man? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, so. Well, I really enjoyed that virtue signaling humble brag. I thought no, no, that's like a crazy, it sounds like a fucking crazy date and it sounds like you handled that as best as anyone could. Thank you. I'm glad I'm glad that everything ended on like a nice peaceful note and I hope that led you got some nice help. I hope so too. I wish you were. Yeah. We'll be right back. Bad dates! Hi, it's me, the Grand Poova of Bahambad, the OG Green Grump, the Grinch.

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Listen now, only on Audible. And we're back. So, Sau, your story. I got what I would call a polar opposite story from that. Ah! Yours is called Ruby Tuesday. Ruby Tuesday's Ruby Tuesday. I got set up with a girl.

I forget what her name is. This was, I'm going to call it, let's call it 20, 23 years ago. It was about two, the year 2000. I was working at prerential securities, right? I got set up with this girl. Well, as a security guard. No, I was a business systems analyst. Okay, fine.

I have a degree in finance. I'll stop you in a room. Okay. So someone set me up with this girl. So I didn't know what she looked like yet. And we were gonna go on a blind date, and she lived in Jersey. And I went to go pick her up.

And it was kind of late already, and there's nothing that I do in in Jersey and so she gets in the car She's looks good. She's good looking girl. You know it's dark hair nice figure She's wearing leather pants or make fake leather which I thought was very very very enticing But you know, I didn't know where we were going so I don't know if she was overdressed But we ended up going just settling on a Ruby Tuesdays, okay? So we're in like a parking lot of the mall, we go to a Ruby Tuesdays and we sit at a table

and waiter comes over and I'm like, you know, I just had a vodka soda. That's it, a vodka soda. And then he turns to her and he asks, sorry, you know, what can I get you? And she says, I'll have a black in tan, which is a heavier pint of beer. And then she says, I will have this strip steak.

And she says, I would like also to do the extra shrimp skewer on the top of it. So I was like, okay, bold. I mean, I don't know if we even have enough time for the eat all this. I don't know. Clearly she has no bones about it. She's not like, I, bold. I mean, I don't know if we even have enough time for an eat all this, I don't know. Clearly, she has no bones about it. She's not like, I'm not gonna order a steak topped with shrimp

just because he didn't order anything. So, I was like, all right, I'm trying to get a handle on this girl, you know? Does she ask you if you wanted to order anything or no? No, no. She just ordered it. I was like, all right. She's just on her own journey, okay.

Immediately. So she orders that. So what talking and she's eating steak, and she's eating shrimp off the skewers and stuff. And then you know, wait, just she finishes that. Waitress comes back says, you know, another round. I said, sure, I'll have another Vakasota. And then she orders another black and tan and a brownie alla mode Sunday.

She sounds like a legend. Yeah, so she, so I'm like, damn, right? So she eats at all. What we're talking and I end up driving her home. Otherwise, it seemed to find she was cute. She was definitely cute. So the next day I'm going into work and I used to have a friend of mine that lived on the island.

He used to drive us to the ferry. So he used to pick me up. And we'd drive to the ferry and then take the ferry over to Manhattan because we were coming from Staten. And we worked in the very first building off the boat. So we'd go together. This is to this day still. And I know many.

This is the biggest, but had I ever met in my life. My buddy Dan, right? So much I'm not even exaggerating. He would pull up in my house and he would beep the horn. And I'd look, go to the window to wait until I'll be down. And the inside of the car was a complete hot box. Like it was barely, you barely saw him from the smoke. And I didn't smoke.

I didn't smoke at all at that time. And I would go get in the car. The smoke would pour out. He's completely bloodshot. In hindsight, probably shouldn't have been driving. No. So, we're on the way to the boat and I tell him about the story and I tell him everything to happen.

I just told you, now we get into work and we used to work in these cubicles together and we had like a four person cubicle. And he's stone 24-7 this guy, 20, I work everything. So he's still stone. He's going bathroom and go this guy, 20 work, everything. So he's still stone, he's go bathroom and go outside and smoke and come right back. It was a scene, man. So I'm up out of my desk about two miles over,

talking to someone about something. And you know, my phone rings at the desk. Now, in this office environment, when you don't pick up after like three rings or something, it bounces to the next phone, which is his phone. So I hear the phone ring, I don't think anything of it. And then I'm talking, I'm talking, and then I hear him pick up the phone, and I hear him like, you know, Pranet, you know, he used to say, Pru, you know, and then he just starts talking, and I can't hear anything. And then, and then I go, he goes, oh, yeah, you're the girl that went on a date with Sal.

And she goes, and he goes, he goes, I heard you had that steak and shrimp, huh? He says that to her. He says, I heard you got the steak and you topped it with that shrimp, huh? And he's, oh, you shit. And I'm like, oh, my God. And I just like, I'm like, look at, I'm like,

what are you doing? Don't you know that? Is he making it out like you weren't happy with her having eaten steak on the shrimp? Well, we had the same reaction. Like, I couldn't figure her out. We had a laugh over the fact that she went in that hard with the order.

Yeah, who picked up the bill, by the way? I did, of course. I did. I've never got a bill picked up for myself. I should, I should. I should. I think that's amazing that you went for drinks. You ordered a three-course meal

and then fucking charge you for it. That's insane. I couldn't tell if she, like, she has balls, but I can't tell if I like the balls or I don't like the balls. I don't know yet. You don't like those balls. Those balls.

I don't know if I'm good. You never know. I mean, because those balls could translate into balls that I do. Listen, guys, those balls could have been hungry. All right, sometimes, sometimes balls get hungry. Exactly, she got hungry balls. So I'm mortified, right?

And he's saying it to her, like mocking her, like, hey, heard you like, went all out on his dime, you know, like that's how he says it. Fuck. So he hangs out with her. I forget the circumstances in which I can't, like we connected again, and how the fallout was from him saying that.

I think that it was just avoided. And I thought she wasn't gonna talk to anymore, and I thought she was gonna say something, but she didn't. So we went on a couple, like one other date, right, another date of that. It was fine. My car got hit on that date when it was parked in a lot

of the place that we went. So that sucked, right? She just said, she's bad luck. So we didn't go to dinner on the next one, right? We didn't go to dinner. We didn't go to dinner on the first one. Right. Right.

We hung out at a friend's house, and then I also think we went and hung out and up, like, by the beach, everyone used to hang out like park their cars hang out by the beach We had a couple of good dates in there and she just it was you know, it was the grunge era Just that he tell onto the grunge era So if you picture like these chicks from like like a genie she don't want she was like almost like a Janine Garofalo actually That's not too she wrote that's who she reminded me of back, you know back in that day She had the glasses. She had the jet black hair,

and she kinda had that vibe to her. She could be in the movie singles or something like that. So fourth date, back then I used to go to disco techs, right, I would go to the nightclubs, right? So we go to this nightclub with Jersey. Not disco tech. Yeah, that's fun.

It's more fun to say disco tech. And I used to go out with groups of people. So we went out with like a bunch of my friends, their girlfriend, some of them single, but I would say we were out with a good 15 people. And we went to this nightclub in Saraville, New Jersey. It's now called the Starland ballroom. It's a music venue. It used to be called the Hunkabunca.

All right. So we're at Hunkabunca. And all she's going on and on about out of nowhere is is she was she had talked about it before but she keeps telling me how she's she's just keeps bringing up that she's fully vested in her 401k which I was like okay like I that's great you know but she like how does she keep crow barring this into She's literally like she it wasn't even like apropos of what we were saying. She just be like, well, I'm, you know, I'm, you know, I'm in a good position because I, like I said, I'm fully vested in my 401K.

I would even like, I had to almost like, I felt weird not to be like, so tell me about the vest thing, you know, like, like, so, yeah, like, tell me about, like, let's break it break it down like tell me about the numbers, you know So I'm roped into a long conversation about her 401k right I didn't see anything long term But I was like I'll casually date, you know, I'm into it. You know, she was attractive So she meets all my friends. They're all talking laughing. She sees them their character good people She knows me now four dates. I was set up with a mutual friend.

She knows who I am right now, you know what I'm saying? I know about the girl's 401k, right? So we're on the dance floor and we're dancing. I'm laughing and it's good vibes. You know, we're dancing. Sometimes you don't click with someone in a danceway and sometimes you kind of do. It's going good.

And we're all surrounded by friends everywhere. And we're joking. And we're dancing like 20 minutes. And I have yet to get even kissed this girl, never mind come in my face immediately, right? Oh, God damn it, fuck me. I've yet to even broach the subject of any of this. And so I'm like, all right, it's been four dates. We're having a good time.

She knows me, she knows my friend, mutual friend set us up, we're a couple of drinks in. Like, why is she on this forte if she wouldn't wanna hook up, right? So on the dance floor, I like, we're like dancing close and I just lean in to go kiss her. And she pushes me back

to the point where I go back like two or three feet, like she shoves me back. And I'm like, oh, like maybe she's joking, you know, because it wasn't like I went in for a fingering. I just went in for like, I was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like,

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it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like,

it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was me back, I look at her, like how do I take this? And she holds up her finger, like the Ken Bay Mutumbo, and she just goes like this to me. Just, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, the carpet. And I'm like, she's joking, right? And I'm looking at her and she's not. And like all my friends are looking at this and everyone's like, what the fuck, you know? And so it was real weird. And then like we danced a little bit more after that,

which is like so weird to like then still dance together. And you know, I took her home, I dropped her off and said, good night, whatever. The next day, I got this like five paragraph email that was like just a rant. And it was about how like I, I shouldn't assume, I don't know who I, I think she is or who I think I am. Something like, it was very like,

just out of nowhere. And I remember one line specifically. It's the only line I remember. It was like five paragraphs of like chastising the situation, which I was like this person. Chastising you for having tried to kiss her, for having thought that four dates, and meal means that you get a kiss.

Yeah, right. Yeah, and. Right. And I didn't do anything. And by the way, can I ask a question? When you paid for that first dinner, was there even a fake reach on her part for the moment? No, no. No.

No. We've all been stuck on that since it happened. We've all been upset about the male. That's why I said, you don't like those balls. That's what I mean. That's a I said, you don't like those balls. That's what I mean. That's a real self. She's not interested in dating, and then she's also like, just pick up the check.

That's a real double-stand. That's kind of shit. I thought the foundation was laid for a French, and I'm saying. So the one line I remember from the thing is, I don't know what type of girl you think I am, but I am an independent motherfucker of a chick. Oh, no.

That's the one. You called it, Joe. You called it. Thank you. Thank you. I remember reading it. I had that reaction reading. I was like, oh, like just cringe.

And I never even responded to it. I might have responded to be like, oh, like just cringe. And I never even responded to it. I might have responded being like, hey, oh, you know, I might have responded with just like the voice of reason, just being like what I just said to you. She's like, hey, sorry, I didn't know you were gonna, like, you know, take it this way, but, oh, date just so nice, you knew me and it's all,

whatever, but I was like, you know, take care and I never talked to her again. So it's the actual opposite. I put in four dates and then I got shoved away and told no in my face. I do think that on a rolled call, maybe not at the end, but on a rolled call in between those four dates that she called because she used to call my job all the time. I used to talk.

She did tell Danny about her 401K as well. She mentioned her 401K as well. She mentioned a 401K. Or, you know, you know, why she mentioned her 401K because he said, I heard about your fully vested in your 401K. That's so funny. That's amazing. He did me no favors, man. But, but I guess that sounded like something to her that wasn't like me shitting on her. It sounded like, oh, get this. This girl's fully vested, you know? That's amazing. I think it's okay to not want to kiss someone after a few dates.

Like, I think that's fine. I think chastising someone and then ever using the language of, what does she say? She's an independent motherfucker. Independent motherfucker of a chick. Oh, calling yourself a chick in and of itself, unacceptable. Unacceptable. All of it is very bad.

But I'd necessary for her to push me away in public surrounded by my friends and wag her finger in my face. Yeah, it's really strange. I mean, look, that works for some guys. Some people really like being treated like a dog, but you were thankfully have self-esteem and we're not one of those guys, but it sounds like she's got some slight

anger management issues, but she's very healthy, appetite for life. So that's... Yeah, I agree. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to do anything physical with somebody after a few dates. The weird part to me though is the like, hey, like own your ship.

You're like, hey, I'm not really sure where I stand on this. So maybe I offered a chip in on the shrimp's killer. He's still upset about the dinner job. She was a one of a kind, so she was definitely a one off. So I was alright. What you didn't see was in the upper room of the Ruby Tuesdays was a murk you and got a going now what are your shrimp skewer? Now now now leg your finger in his face But Anna boys here. I'm Scotty Landis.

And I'm Kurt Brownwell, or you may remember me from my episode of Bad dates back in May. Now we're here to tell you about our podcast, Banana's. New episode's drop every Tuesday on exactly right, the podcast network behind my favorite murder. Every week we're joined by a fun guest to chat about the strange, fascinating, and just playing Banana's news from around the world. Like the delivery robot that ran straight through a crime scene. Or the lady who took an astray cat only to find out it was a mountain lion. And we've been joined by hilarious guests, including Kristil Alonzo, Sashir Zamada, and

now Jamila Jamil. They're the best in the biz. Tune in for these wild headlines and hear Jamila stories like the time a bee caused her to break her back. Or crazy anecdotes from her time spent working as a DJ. We had A-Blast. Follow bananas wherever you get your podcast. You can listen early and ad-free by joining Wondery Plus.

Before you go, our listeners like to write in with some of their nightmare bad dates, and I would like to read you one now from Shannon. So Shannon says, I met this very cute guy and we met for a picnic. I brought wine, he brought food. It was really wonderful. The conversation was so good. We thought that we should get dinner. It started to get a little cold, so I suggested we head back to my place so I could get changed

and grab a jacket. We still have some wine left, so we decide to finish it before dinner. He ducks to the bathroom at the back of the house and I come out of the kitchen with a glass of red wine in each hand. He comes up behind me in the hallway and grabs me around my arms, like a weird bear hug, and I think he was about to tell me he was having a great time. But I jumped a little because I was surprised, then through my head back I hit his nose with the back of my head, which knocks him out.

Now he's falling forward. I cannot break my fall because I have an unconscious man falling on top of my trapped arms. I go face first into the floor and knock my front to teeth out. I'm bleeding and trapped. He finally comes to so I can get out from under him. I have glass in my chin. No. I hand hands and no front teeth.

I am a spectacle. We collect my teeth and I try to find an emergency dentist but there's nothing in his town that's open. I put the teeth in milk which is an old wives' tail that I've never heard of before and he promised to take me to the dentist the next morning and stay in my spare room. The next morning I awake, needing stitches, in pain and go to grab my teeth. But sadly, they have been tipped down the drain because in the middle of the night, he needed a glass for water.

Needless to say, there was no second date. Fuck me. Every sentence was more insane than the next. That's crazy. Yeah, the first episode of this podcast, I told my bad date story, which involves someone's teeth all flying out of their face. But this is, I think this is actually worse.

The fact that she never got those front two teeth back, that would have cost her like $4,000. Yeah, that's pricey. Shit, that's pretty pricey. If I get my front two teeth knocked out, I'm finding somebody. I'm not just gonna let it clad up and go to bed. It does seem a little late. Keeping gum wounds. Also, too, you're resting at all on this guy who you don't even know. let it clad up and go to bed. It does seem a little lag. Keeping gum wounds.

Also, too, you're resting at all on this guy who you don't even know. You don't even, like, you don't go, I'm gonna call maybe a parent who are sibling to take me in the morning. Have a stranger. Listen, she's in his town, it's the middle of the night. This could be somewhere really remote. But I forgot about that part. What a fucking nightmare. she's in his town, it's the middle of the night. This could be somewhere really remote. But, Okay, all right, I forgot about that part.

What a fucking nightmare. I'll tell you the silver lining though, at least the guy knows what she wants for Christmas. Oh my God. I'm sorry that happened to you, Shannon. What's a fucking amazing story though, so maybe worth it just for that and for bringing us great joy.

Gentleman, you've been an absolute delight. Thank you so much for telling me your stories. I feel like I have very deep insights into all of you, especially Joe's hang up about meals on dates. Thank you. Not to say it was me brother. Lots of love. Thank you so much. Before you go, will you tell everyone where people can find you and where what it is of yours that we should be looking at or reading. So, on the road with my new hour, joederosa.com for all show and phone and ticket links touring now through into the new year. So we're always adding dates, so please come see me.

I'm probably coming to your town or close to your town. And then Sal and I have taste buds together every Monday new episode on the No Press Network channel on YouTube. And then my other podcast we'll see you in hell available on Patreon. Patreon.com slash WSYIH podcast. Amazing. And Sal. Yeah, I'm on tour to all my dates at SavoKanoComedy.com. I'll be 20 something cities through the end of the year right now. We're always adding, no. A lot of Nila Noi and Georgia coming up. And then I got the podcast with Joe. And I got another podcast called Hey Babe on that same thing with Krista Stefano.

It's the No Presh Network. Amazing. All right, well, I love you lots. And it was so nice to meet you, Joe. Bye-bye. Great to meet you. Thank you so much. See you later, everybody.

Bye. Bad dates is produced by Smartless Media and Wondery, created by Robert Cohen. Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Demetre Jamil. That's me. Produced by Stuart Bailey. Produced, engineered and edited by Devon Torrey Bryant. Also engineered and edited by Karl McGraw. Talent producer is Anne Harris. Associate producer is Maddie McCann.

Music by Kushy and Evan Schletter. Executive producers are Will Arnet, Jason Daetman and Sean Hayes. Executive producers for Smartness Media are Richard Coulson and Bernie Kaminsky. If you've had a bad date and you'd like to tell us all about it, our number is 984-265-3283 and our email is baddatespot at gmail.com. We can't wait to hear all about it. That's all for this week. We will see you next time for more bad dates. Hello, Prime Members! You can listen to bad dates early and add free on Amazon Music.

Download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen early and add free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondery.com slash survey. free with Wondry Plus and Apple podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.