Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - Speed Dates: A New Worry Job (w/ Keri Kenney-Silver)

Episode Date: May 4, 2026

On an all-new Speed Dates episode, host Joel Kim Booster sits down with Klonopin personified, the hilarious Keri Kenney-Silver (Reno 911, Superstore, Cake Like) to discuss all kinds of things, from Burning Man adventures to modeling good behavior for your kids, from her Netflix series The Four Seasons to romancing an entire city, and all points in between. Keri is loaded with insights, Joel comes away from this conversation unbelievably relaxed. Plus: Keri brings gifts (and they’re probably not cursed)! Also, stay tuned to the end for an announcement about what’s next for Bad Dates!   Subscribe to our YouTube Channel for video clips and full episodes.  Merch available at SiriusXMStore.com/BadDates.   Joel Kim Booster: Scrubs Season 10, Psychosexual, Fire Island, Loot Season 3 Keri Kenney-Silver: The Four Seasons on Netflix, Margot’s Got Money Troubles, Wishful Thinking & Gail Daughtry And The Celebrity Sex Pass coming soon! Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Bad Dates ad-free. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey folks, Joel here before the episode today. I just want to let you know that I am on tour right now. And you can see me in many, many cities around the U.S. hitting a lot of cities I've never hit before. Next up, on May 6th, I'll be in Tampa, Florida. And on May 7th, I will be in Fort Lauderdale. So if you want to see me there, please go to my Instagram at I Hate Joel Kim. There's a link in my bio with all the rest of my tour dates and links to tickets to those specific shows. I hope to see you there. Speed dates. Hello, hello, hello.

Welcome to another edition of Bad Dates. I'm your host, Joel Kim Booster. Now, this is another speed date episode for those of you who are just joining us. Bad Dates normally includes a panel of three guests that all tell stories of terrible, no good dates. But on the Speed Date episodes, we slow things down a little bit. We get a little bit more intimate, one-on-one with a very special guest. We're really excited about this episode, but stay tuned to the end of the episode because we have a very special announcement about the future of bad dates.

But without further ado, my guest is an actress and comedian. You might know her from Reno 9-1-1 and the state. You can watch her right now in Netflix's four seasons. Season two is out May 28th. It's Carrie Kinney Silver. Hello, Carrie. I love that we both have three names. I know.

It is a special club, I think. That's why we're friends. Sarah Jessica Parker. It's just the three of us. Yeah. Michael B. Jones. He's not in the group yet, but I did get his application. Because we don't know what the B stands for. It could be in anything. He claims it's one thing, but we're going to investigate.

We were just chatting a little bit before the episode began. A little interesting to debate about you and I is that we have both perforated our eardrums before. I myself have perforated it now, so cannot hear out of my left ear. You did it. Real breath. in a riot girl band. I was in an indie rock band back in the 90s and we didn't know from earplugs. Although I would say that I think the rest of my band was wearing earplugs. I never did. Wow, they never pulled you aside and said, hey. I couldn't hear them because I had lost my hearing. What was the name of the band? Cake like. We're on Spotify and Apple Music and all that stuff. Yeah. And you can find us on still on the YouTube. Oh, wow. And what did you play? I was the bass player and lead singer.

That is so sick. And so it was my left ear as well. Wow. And this is, you were pointing to your left ear. It will heal. It is awful. Yeah. And it's amazing how much your, when one side of your body is off in that way, it affects your whole system.

But I promise you it will heal. Well, thank you. That's what my doctor says as well. What to do is you stick like a steak knife, just really gently. in there and just sort of move the flaps around so they close up. Just a little self-surgery. I'll do it for you. Okay.

You're so kind. You're so kind. Multi-talented too. I mean, you're a musician. You're a sketch comedian. You're an actress. You're a mother. Come on.

She's a mother. Absolutely. You can do anything and everything. I remember Carrie, I think the last time I saw you was when we did that clueless reading. Yes. That's what it was. Which was very exciting. And I remember talking to you then about something we've both experienced, something that I like that you did not, which is Burning Man.

Your husband famously for your birthday took you to Burning Man. I don't know if it wasn't my birthday. It might have been. But he did take me to Burning Man. But here's the thing. It was early on in Burning Man when people didn't really know. It wasn't a common thing. And our son was a year old.

our only child. Yeah. And he said to me, I'm going to take you away for the weekend. I said, no, no, thank you. I, no. We have a baby. We have a one year old, yeah, barely a human. And so we put him in a crate and gave him some crackers.

And he was fine. No, my mom watched him. And he said, listen, your mom's going to watch him. We're going to go away. It's just going to be one night. We're going to go away, not even a whole weekend. And I said, well, where do you, we're planning on going? He said, I can't tell you, but.

pack a backpack, small one, as if we were going to a cocktail party on the moon. This motherfucker. Wow. I will say having been three times, it's not a place I would surprise someone with. No, well, it's gotten bigger too. Yeah. At the time, though, I will say he knocked it out of the park because he knows me so well that he had pre-planned.

So we got off the airplane in Reno. and I was like, dude, you're taking me to Reno, like for my one night. People escape Reno. They do not escape to Reno. I was trying to escape. I was in the middle of shooting Reno. I was like, you're going to bring me to Reno. And we walked across the tarmac to this like essentially a Volkswagen with wings that I swear the door was duct taped.

We argue about this. But I swear the door was duct taped closed. Believe women. And I didn't know where we were flying. And we, he's at one point, he's so loud and he's just sort of pointing down. And I look and I just see this like we're we've landed on the, we're like flying over the moon. And there's this crazy shape of what I start to realize is tents or people or something. And we land right there.

And he walks us over to our friends had a camper. And he had a tent. He had a cooler filled with dry ice and sushi. Oh, that's brave. Or lobster. Something that is really putting your life at risk. He really was trying to take me out. Yeah.

It didn't work. But no, but it was like in hindsight, such a beautiful thing. And then a couple hours went by. We had some drinks with friends. And we went and watched the man burn. Oh. And then everyone said, okay, so I'll meet you. We're going to meet you guys over at the rave at like 4 a.m. on 10th and butthole or whatever the streets.

I don't remember. And we're like, yeah, for sure, for sure. And we go into our tent at like midnight. We put in our earplucks. We share an Ambien. The next morning we wake up, we take our little Volkswagen airplane back to Reno. And then we're back home. And it was really, it made for a great story, but it could have gone horribly wrong.

And one and done for you, I assume. Well, yes and no. My best friend wanted to do it for her 40th birthday. And I thought, okay, here we go. Because now it's a thing. It's a thing. It's a thing. So I was getting ready.

And I thought, okay. this I know what this is. And it didn't end up happening. We did something else. So, but yes. So I think one and done. Yeah. You saw the man burn.

I think that's one of the most special parts of the week. And so you've been twice, he said. I've been three times for twice the entire eight days. Oh my gosh, Joel. I know. And listen, I don't want to subject our listenership to talking about it for much longer because it's not interesting. I always say that like,

Trying to explain Burning Man to someone is like trying to explain your dreams to them. And like no one needs to hear that. No. Like Burning Man is impossible to describe, but that will not stop a burning man person from trying to describe it to you for three hours in the corner of a party. And by the way, I am that jerk who describes my dreams to people. My poor family every morning. They're like, really? You weren't really flying, but you felt like you were flying and all your teeth fell out.

Wow. What do you think that means? All your teeth falling out. I have heard that that has something to do with control. because I had this dream one time, I'm doing it. I'm doing it on the podcast. I'm doing it because I think it's so fascinating. I had this dream where I had one giant upper lip and everyone was hanging from my one giant tooth. And I later found out supposedly somebody said it has to do with control. So that makes so much sense, right? Like I'm trying to keep this one one shred of control of tooth that I have left in my mouth and people are hanging on it. What do you think you were trying? What do you think is your issue with control in real life that brought you this dream? Well, it's gotten much better.

I'll tell you what will help you with control real quick as having a kid. Ooh. So, yeah, because you can put things in front of them and you can say, here's an idea. This might be something you're interested in. This might be. But they're their own people and they're going to do their own things and be interesting. We just got super lucky that we have a kid who's insanely talented and interested in things. And I'm not a kid anymore, 20 years old.

So, but I will say in those beginning years, I felt like, okay, I have to make this, I have to do everything right. And that is just, it's not the way to be. That's really interesting. That's really good to hear. So I think in the next six years is when we are planning on having kids. Yes. And congratulations, by the way. I actually brought you a present. Oh, no, you did not.

I did. I brought you a wedding present. Oh, my God. Well, I'm going to open it live on the pod. Okay. This is a visual medium, everybody. So if you'd like to see what the gift is, you have to go to YouTube and check it out because I won't be explaining it. And it's a pay-per-view episode.

So if you send $60 to my Venmo, you'll get to see what Joel's opening. Oh, my goodness, Carrie. This is so sweet. Now, this is a little bit of a double entendre. So it is a heart. It feels like stone or crystal, right? Yeah. But it's petrified wood. What?

Yeah. What is the, what is the like spiritual meaning of petrified wood? Isn't that a great question? And did she leave the price on the back? No, she didn't. Good. Good. I don't know. We'll have to Google that and hopefully it's not a bad thing. I hope so too. I mean, something in the shape of a heart that that's that's that beautiful. I feel I can't be a bad thing. No, no, no. Why would they, if petrified wood meant like cursed energy, I don't think they'd shape it in a heart.

Unless they were trying to trick someone. Unless you're trying to really implant a bomb. in my relationship. I did get it at a black magic shop. And it was in a basket that said curses. So. Sweet days. Sweet days. I want to talk to you about kids in a second, but I want to back up a little bit and talk to you about your husband.

You have been married since 2004. Yes. We are coming up this June will be 22 years. 22 years. That is. crazy. I know. I, like, I, you know, having been married for less than a year now, it's so fun to think about the future. But what, um, what drew you to your husband in the first place, would you say? Um, at first I was not drawn to him. We were, I shouldn't say it that way. We were friends.

We both were dating other people. We were working together on a show. He's a cinematographer. Ooh. He, he shot like the Big Bang Theory and two and a half men and shows like that. He's doing Leanne right now on Netflix. You know, it's really, I used to, I used to, you know, I used to, to say all the time it was my dream to end up with a cinematographer. They are, they're a special breed. It really, well, it was like, they know the, they're in the industry, they understand the hours that we work and the demands of the job, but they're not an actor, which is paramount. And I can come home from a shoot after two months and I can say to my husband, oh, I'm so tired

because last night we had to do that sex scene and he'll be like, how did it go? You know, and I'll be telling him all the funny things that happened and he's like, great, I love you, Yeah, there's not a lot of people who completely understand what we do. I will say it's been the biggest adjustment for my husband who works in video games. So again, sort of like an adjacent industry. But he finds it completely insane that I can tell him what time I start work, but I cannot give him an accurate time of when I'll be done. No, you can't give him an accurate time within 12 hours. No. Because maybe we don't get to you today.

Exactly. Or maybe we move that scene up because it's raining and I'm back in. three hours. Three hours. Or you're sitting in your trailer for seven. I always say acting is 90% sitting. Yeah. It really is just waiting and waiting. Easy's the job in the world. But so he's a cinematographer. He's a cinematographer. You were working together. How did you go from friends to lovers? I didn't see him in that way at first. He was just like this comfort to me, which I feel like a lot of cinematographers are, especially for actors. It's just sort of, Sometimes it's just you and them.

Sometimes the director is off at Video Village and we're not seeing them directly, but we're looking in the eyes of the A camera operator or the cinematographer, or they're coming up to be right in your space to sort of look at how the light is falling. There's something very gentle, a caretaking, quiet, you know, relationship between an actor and a cinematographer. And so he just was that comfort to me on the couple things we had worked on. but we were dating other people, so didn't seem that way. Then I had quit dating. I was done.

I was like, this is enough. In fact, one of my best girlfriends said, enough. Like, you need to be alone for a while. Are you a serial dater? I was a serial dater. I see. I see. And she's like, sister, you work so much.

Just like, be alone. Enjoy just your friends and your time alone and your apartment that you haven't gotten to enjoy. And I thought that is really valuable information until she was coming to visit me from New York, which is where I'm from. And I had moved to L.A. And I said, I just booked this job while you're here. I have to do a table read.

But there's this guy, Steve Silver. He's a cinematographer that I know from this other show. He can keep you company while I'm doing the table read. And then, you know, we'll go off and go to the beach and go shopping, whatever. We finished this table read. this is the girl who had just told me two months prior, like, enough. She's like, this is who you should marry. I was like, what?

What? That's my friend, Steve, and he's dating someone. She's like, he's not. And I was like, he's not. And then literally, because my friend saw him in a way, I was, my type, I think was different or I don't know, whatever it was. But I wasn't drawn at the time to like this soft kind, carrying energy.

I had been in a cycle of, they were not bad people. Sure. But it just was a, just a different energy. So I think the minute she said that, I turned, I saw him across the stage and I saw him differently.

By the end of that pilot, we were running into each other backstage to give each other our numbers. And like literally, we haven't been apart since that day. That is so incredible. And this friend, I mean, do you think it would have happened

naturally without her sort of steering you towards him? I honest to God have never thought of that. I don't know. I don't. I don't know. What about him? Like,

what about him convinced her that she should go against her own advice? Yeah. So, and P.S., this friend had been dating the same guy since college. So I'm like, well, easy for you to say. Right. You're done.

And they've now been married for almost 30 years. So I think what it was was that he was a grown-ass man who wasn't on the prowl, who was very successful with his job life balance and was just happy to be alive, happy to spend his time gardening on the weekends. If a woman came into his life again, great. But it wasn't like he was out looking for ladies and, oh, let me try these few. And I immediately, I already knew his caretaking energy just from how he was so professional at work that it just fell in naturally and felt safe and has ever since. That's funny. I mean, it really is true. If you build it, they will come.

And in this case, I mean a full-ass life outside of your partnership. Yeah, if you build a television pilot and then you get the job as one of the main actresses and you bring on a DP who is single, you might come. Yeah. And it did. Now, listen, we're not without our, it's not a fairy tale story. I mean, we have, of course, 22 years of, I'm an actress. I'm a Tasmanian devil. my life is we're a circus family.

My husband works insane hours. I work insane hours in insane places. But I think at its core, we were two people who were, I was 34. My husband's 11 years older than I am. So it's like we were, we've been there done that kind of feeling. Neither of us had been married, no children. So that's really encouraging to hear. because your husband is probably going to be the age that I will be when I become a father.

Yes. Was he concerned about being an old dad? No, you know what? He just has sort of that DP vibe where he's not really concerned about much of anything. He's a really real Kuna Matata. Except for lighting. That is serious business. That will literally keep him up at night.

The wrong for now. No, but I was definitely more the worry. not about his aid, not about that, but about just everything. I think it's instinctual for a mom. I think I just also used to be a person who thought, if I don't worry ahead, then we're going to get hit by a bus. So I'm going to pre-worry about everything and that way when it comes, I'll be ready. And it didn't serve me.

So I don't live. Wait, it didn't? Because this is how I am. Listen. I was like nodding along like, yep, that sounds very. right? And so of where it landed me was, I felt physically, emotionally, spiritually unwell. And at the end of the day, I looked at our kid and I went, okay, this, this, here's one example that I spent 24 hours a day while I'm working, while I'm wifing, mothering and worrying and fixing and engineering. and at the end of the day,

here's this happy, adjusted, talented, interested, 20-year-old. Now, was that because I worried so much? No, it wasn't. In fact, he probably would be less of a worrier if I hadn't worried so much. I mean, how, but listen, then how did you do it? Because that's my biggest worry as a future parent is like,

How do you make sure your kid isn't an asshole? Oh, because that's my biggest worry. Yeah. I do not want to raise little assholes. Yes, yes. Well, we, I'll tell you two things. First of all, there is half of it, which is people are going to be people. Okay.

So, you know, you can, you know, there's kids that they take in vans at night to, you know, because they're out of control. And it's like horrifying. And then there's kids that, like, is the one sweet kid in a family. of like troublemakers that you know you but I think there's a large part of it that they come out who they are and then I think you are a guide rail but but you have to be um you have to be an example so every time I mess up which is often I show my kid I say look that was uncool I did it at the farmer's market this Sunday the three of us we go to the farmer's market Sunday and we spend some time. And I just got snippy. We were trying to make flight arrangements.

And I was like, well, I need to know now. And if I'm making these, sounds totally very much. And I could hear myself. And I'm thinking, I thought to myself, if someone at the next table is hearing this, they're probably like, well, that's not, that's not a lovely day for that family. And then I thought, well, if that's the case, then check yourself. So I just stopped for a second. I said, we don't have to deal with this right now. And I got home and I said to, to, My son, listen, I'm going to apologize to you because there was no reason for that attitude. So trying, even when I'm messing up as a parent, as a person, trying to make it right, but not make the, this I think is really important. Don't make the resolution invisible.

In other words, if you and your husband are arguing and your child sees it, you go into a bedroom and you come out an hour later and everyone's happy and we're going to go to dinner now and it's never discussed again, then they don't learn about resolution. That's so smart. So sometimes we would even play out. We'd resolve a situation and come out and I would say to my husband again, hey, by the way, I'm really sorry about eating that last pickle that was in the jar because I know you really wanted that and I took it anyway. And oh, that's good. You know. So, to like show. So were you doing this even when he was young?

Like, because I think it's easy as, as an older adult or I've, so I've heard, to do that kind of thing when your child becomes an adult too, because they're easier. But you were doing this all throughout childhood. You're making me sound like an exemplary parent. I was a normal fucking parent. I was just a normal like, oh, well, I screwed that up. Well, I didn't do that correctly. well, here we go again, you know, running around with like we're in the grocery store and he's got one sock on. You know, I was a very normal parent. So it wasn't, I'm not saying to you, here's this sage advice from someone who did it all right. But I can tell you what I wish I had done better was not worry as much. And there are going to be times when they're going to act out. And it's usually because there's some big emotion that they can't handle.

or some physical feeling or something. And you deal with that. You deal with it moment to moment. But the idea of this big giant umbrella of worry, you'll suffocate under that umbrella. Yeah. I mean, that's my life now. I totally am a warrior.

I am trying to stay three steps ahead of every bad thing that will ever happen to me. How is that working for you? And you know, it's a lot of ulcers. Yeah. And I have never once avoided the bad thing from happening. It just happens at a different time where it's a different kind of bad thing. So I think you're absolutely correct.

And I think the idea of not keeping your conflict with your husband behind closed doors is so important because I have to tell you, my parents, they never let us in on any of that stuff. They only fought in front of us and then would go into the bedroom and then, would come out and wouldn't be fighting, but wouldn't necessarily be talking either. My parents slept in separate rooms from the entirety of my childhood and never once explained it. Never once talked to us about it. Never once did they let us in even a little bit. It was just this mystery. That is still a mystery to this day. I do not know what happened. This was from the time I was maybe two years old to the time I was maybe 27, 28 years old. And then I came home and my parents were suddenly in the same bedroom again and everything was hunky dory and it was it drives me fucking

crazy and it's driving you crazy and it's something that now you probably judge your relationship against when there's a chance that there's something as simple as maybe there's a sleep issue maybe there's a CPAP involved maybe there's who totally who knows it might be very innocent but it's led the the lack of conversation about it has led you to so i would say what i'm offering you is based on all of my enormous mistakes and enormous wins, I would say if I had to do it again, I would, in all areas, but especially parenting, I would worry less. And what I mean by that is something that I've started doing more lately in life in general, which is to slow the hell down, to take a moment in the morning by myself.

I have a full morning, sorry to use this buzzword, but ritual that I do that involves some like centering and gratitude, God forbid, and, you know, staying off of my phone and just really trying to be present and positive about the day. And I'm doing it now before I walk into spaces as well. Because the world is just on fire. And I think it's very easy for anyone. I don't care if you don't have a single bill to pay and you don't have children or a spouse or a job to worry about.

It's there's a rumbling vibration that I think if you're the slightest bit human is probably getting to you. I have to do it like food in order to straighten out my day. And sometimes I have to stop in the middle of the day and re-center. This is really annoying because I just, no, I literally just had this conversation with someone. I am the biggest, like, pessimist in my day-to-day life. And people keep trying to explain manifestation to me and positivity to me because I'm the type of person where if I take out something to sell like a show, this happened recently. And I was like, well, it's never going to happen.

No one's going to want to buy this. No one's going to want to produce this. This is stupid. This was a bad idea. And that's my mindset. going into it. And of course, I was right. But then the question is sort of, was I right because it was a self-fulfilling prophecy? Or if I had gone in with a little bit more positivity, would something have changed? Would I, if I manifested success, would the universe have rewarded

me? And I'm not sure, I'm just not sure where I am in the belief that my attitude could change the outcome. Okay. This is my take on this, because I've thought a lot about it recently. I don't know why, for some reason, the word manifestation has been rubbing me so wrong recently. And I figured it out. And it's because it's an action, because it sounds like work. I'm like, I have enough work to do. We have a household, a marriage, a job, career. Still parenting, of course, will always be all the things that we all do, that we're all doing.

So this idea of like, now what do you want me to do? now I'm going to have to get out the vision board? Like now what am I supposed to do? But it occurred to me that what for me, what this has meant recently is, in fact, the opposite of putting forward and positive force of work to visualize future and plan and more a letting go of the negative possibilities. So I walk into a room now and I think to myself, what if this is great? What if this works out?

So that's not like, okay, I can see that this, they're going to love this. And then we're going to buy this new car that we wanted. And then we're going to have that. And then, oh, I better start wishing for this. Oh, God, I have to think about my kid's health. I better start wishing for health. It becomes a new worried job that I created for myself. But if I say, what if this works out better than I ever imagined it could?

Wouldn't that be something? Yeah. And it just is like more of a release for me and then more work. That is so, I'm so glad we had this conversation. Me too, I mean. I was like, I don't need one more thing to journal about. I'm not getting out the dream journal. I'm not getting out my manifestation journal. I'm not doing that. But that I feel like I can do. I've had to strip away more. And I'm also, I don't know if this is age or, where we are in in the timeline of our country or the world or feels like the end.

I don't I don't know if if this is just whatever it is. Oh, but no, it's not the end. Maybe it's going to be fine. What if it all works out? Yeah. Okay. I mean, I have to say that to myself sometimes 100 times a day. Sometimes I'll go a whole day and say, wow, I didn't have to say it one time.

I just think that something about this time in my life and I've shared it with other friends. in our age group and I've noticed it with them as well. So I don't know if it's specific to that. But a lot of us have said it's really interesting. I just don't care as much anymore what people think of me or and then that and I don't mean that in a bad, you know, in a. No, of course. What I do want though is to leave every room that I've been in feeling a little bit lighter and a little bit brighter. if I can.

So in other words, you don't have to think about me in any certain way, but I would like to bring to that space something that maybe was missing. Is it humor?

Is it quiet? Is it listening? Whatever it is, because and then if when I leave that room, someone's like, oh, Jesus, we're not having her back again.

that's okay. And that's a new one for me because I used to really, as part of my worries, worry like, I'm not going to be enough or this project isn't going to be enough. This pitch isn't going to be enough. This performance isn't going to be enough. This parenting I'm doing isn't going to be enough. And you deplete yourself and I guarantee you 100 percent. You most certainly will not be enough if that is your attitude. Yeah. Sweet days. It's crazy because my version of this is trying to control everyone's impression of me in such a, in a way that is impossible to do it. Like, I am so aware, like, I've seen tweets about myself that are like, Jolkin Booster is so rude, blah, blah, blah, this, that, the other thing.

And it's like, oh, I'm not allowed to have a bad moment in a bad day with a stranger because that's going to be their impression of me. have to make sure that at all times I'm on my best behavior and socially. I am kind and gracious and, you know, polite and, you know, saying thank you, all this stuff. Like, all stuff that, like, I should, like, is good to do and it's good to be that way. But, like, recently I was at a party and someone who was blackout drunk spilled their drink on me all down my front. And I'm so fucked in the head now that my very first instinct was, my very first instinct was to go, oh my God, I'm so sorry. And I'm like, what the fuck am I doing?

Apologizing to this idiot. I can relate to that. But I'm so hyper aware of it that I'm like, nope, got to, you know, got to do that. And it has broken my brain and my spirit in a lot of ways. And it will break your health eventually. Yeah. It will. The older I get, the more, you know, you feel that cellular stuff in your body.

And what I would say to you about, for example, the example that you gave about the person on the internet who said, I met him, he was a jerk or whatever. My brain immediately goes to not, what did Joel do that day, or he should watch himself, or, oh, I've seen that side of Joel, or anything like that. Where my brain goes is, what is that person like and what was their day like that they felt like they had to go on the internet to insult a stranger? Yeah. So that's why I say when I, when I'm coming into spaces, it's not about look at me, I'm bringing, you know, I'm sprinkling glitter everywhere.

And when I leave, everyone goes, isn't she great? What it is is about like it just an energy. So if I think to myself, oh, I should, I've never done this in my life. But to, if I wore the kind of person that is writing, oh, I met Joel Kim, he's a real jerk. Like, do the opposite, right? go be super nice to a cashier for for no reason because they're a human person who's in your face. I had a great experience the other day when I was checking out at our local grocery store, a very small little town, little neighborhood.

And the woman who's been our cashier forever and ever said, your son was in the other day. And I have to tell you, he was so kind and just went on and on asking me questions about myself and my family and telling me all the things he was going to cook. And when I got home, I said to him, I'm so proud of you. And he didn't even remember the interaction. And I said, you know, you see how little it takes to change somebody's day to make an impression. And that is contagious. And if you're doing that and you're doing that and you're doing that and I'm doing that, then we can fill this definitely painful space that we're all in with just a little bit more joy and heal ourselves. And the great thing is, is like, again, I feel like some people have like senior superlative disorder where they do that kind of stuff because they want to leave every interaction being like most likely to be great. Most likely to make a friend. Most likely to fill the room with positivity. So you've got to check yourself and your ego. I know I'm not doing that. The way I know I'm not doing that is because I'm the person that when you say, hey, would you like to come to my party? I arrive to your party. and what I'm thinking is, thank you for having invited me to your party.

I'm sorry I came. So I definitely am not walking into any space going, you're all welcome. Wow. I mean, talk about a book title for you, Carrie. Yes, yes. Thank you for joining me to your party.

I'm sorry. I always thought my book title would be that my mom always told me that people would take me more seriously if I wore eye shadow, which is a true quote. Yeah, and I am wearing it today. So this is serious business. That's why I'm absorbing all of your great advice for the first time. It's all bullshit. The eyeshadow.

This, Mabelene. It really changes everything. It really changes everything. Let's talk really quickly. Let's change gears. I want to talk about four seasons a little bit. Great show. I love, I mainlined the first season on a plane, and it was just the most delightful thing.

And it is an interesting setup, because your character, the four seasons for those of you who haven't seen it, you idiot, go on. and watch it right now. Stop the podcast. His words not mine. His words not. Is about a group of friends who are in their, later in their marriages. And your character specifically. Thank you for not saying lives.

I don't know. Here we go. Your character specifically is divorced, gets divorced, spoiler alert from her husband, Steve Correll. Unwillingly. It was not her choice. And it was very. it was very much not her choice. And so I want to talk specifically about that experience.

What is that like for you to live that kind of experience when it is so anathema to what your real life experience is? Oh, my parents were divorced. And the film itself, the original film in 1981, written and directed by Alan Alda, who plays my dad in the show, I loved as an 11-year-old. And Tina and I talk all the time, like, how did she loved it too as a kid. And we're like, who are these, why, why do these two 11-year-old girls love this movie about people in their 50s divorcing? But I, I, there, you know, there was something about watching, I don't know, I loved it. It was truthful. It was, it was beautiful. I could resonate because my parents were, were getting divorced. So I have a lot of experience with that. But when you're working with

Steve Carell, all you have to do is show up. And when you're working with writing, like Tina Faye, and Tracy and Lang, you just show up and you say the words. And I'm telling you, if you can simply be present, it's all there for you. It's all, I can't, I feel like I really can't take much credit for it. Well, it's a beautiful performance, and it is a scary performance, I find. Like, I watch it with so much, like, anxiety and dread in some ways, specifically this stuff with your character,

because it's my greatest nightmare and fear is that you could do something you could be in a partnership with someone for 20 plus years and then suddenly like that they're done. And it was all a lie. Yeah. Or how much of it was a lie? Yeah, of course. I think everybody feels that way.

But once again, you know, I'm speaking now to Joel as Carrie, not as the character, Anne. I would say pre-worrying isn't going to fix it either. But yeah, it was. was emotional. It was very emotional. And shooting those scenes, like they kind of, they kind of do live with you and, you know, felt very, very real. The, again, the writing is, to me, I've never

experienced writing like that. So, um, there wasn't a lot of, of homework to do around it. It was just really about presenting it. But, um, season two, I think will be very satisfied. for people who enjoyed season one and and took the ride along with Anne. She's still on the roller coaster, but this season is a hilarious and intense, another intense roller coaster. I can't wait. I can't wait for those four seasons. I will say the worry about divorce is like, it's in the back of every married person's head

to some extent. But it is the one thing I don't worry about because I feel like I know too much. Yeah. How could he ever? Well, now with the advent of cell phones and ring cameras, it's never going to happen. I am genuinely not concerned because I just can't imagine my life without him. I know that sounds so lame. Yeah, that's real lame, Joel.

I know he's right in the same spot. Like, it's just not going to happen. Yeah. I just know that. And I wish I could bring that positivity to other areas of my life. And now, after this conversation, I will try. I will do my best. Okay.

Heading into the endgame of the episode, you've done this already so, so many times, many times over. But what would be your piece of advice to me and our listeners? How do you make a relationship last as long as you've made it last? What is the secret? Well, I'll tell you my father's... This is slightly unrelated, but my father's toast at our wedding was the greatest wedding toast I've ever heard. He's been married to my stepmother for over 40 years. And he got up and picked up his glass and in front of the entire wedding party, he put his hand on my stepmother who looked up at him lovingly.

And he said, Carrie, Steve, may the two of you be as happy as we thought we were going to be. And they love each other. and, you know, they've traveled their road too. Advice. I mean, I don't feel like I want to give advice in this scenario. You've given me so much advice already. Is it good advice? I don't know.

It's just what I've been doing. And I tend to hit brick walls before I learn things. Like people will be going, look out. There's a brick wall. And I'll be like, I've got it. You Wiley Coyote right into higher gear. And I'm just going to push through it. and then inevitably hit the brick wall.

So I would say I love the sort of theme of not worrying that we have today, which I feel like you maybe needed today, like I did too, a constant reminder, to not think big picture, like when you say, I don't think we're going to get divorced. Are we going to get divorced? Is there going to be divorced in our future? You have, you most, this is what I say to, to my kid all the time. If you are constantly thinking,

what if bad thing? What if bad thing A? What if bad thing B? What if bad thing C? There is a chance that you are going to manifest. She's air quoting that bad thing because your energy is moving towards this bad thing. But if your attitude about it is I'm going to make today, as good as I can make it,

I'm going to be as honest as I can today. I'm going to be as kind as I can in this moment. I'm probably going to mess up in the next moment. I have to apologize because, you know, I lied. I did take the last pickle. But, you know, whatever it is, minute to minute, just be there. Worry is about the future. Yeah.

And the past, which we already did it. And we screwed up the things we screwed up. We're not going to fix them by rethinking them. Just be present. Just be present and honest, I would say, is the hard knocks lesson I've learned. You, this whole conversation has been like clonopin personified because I feel so at ease. Don't get addicted to me, Jill. I'm a married woman.

I need to take two now. Cut to TMZ. Joel and Kerry see making it out. No one would see that coming. That would shock a lot of people. And I think it would be good for both of our careers. I really do too.

If that happened. Sweet days. Sweet days. Okay. So the question that I ask every person who comes in here, I have two that come to mind. And the first one is, what is your favorite in pop culture, depiction of? of love. This can be on movies, television, music, books, any play, if that's your jam. But like, what's a relationship or a moment or a character that just to you, when you think

about your ideal sort of love and relationship and marriage, like what comes to mind? I have a weird one for you. Oh, I love a weird one. I might be breaking the rules. There are two books that are always by my bedside. and I think of them as romance novels, but they are not about people. They're about a city.

And I have such a romance with New York. It's, you know, where I spent a lot of my childhood and then my early adult years and started my career and met all my friends. and I have it's such a, there's no other word for it, such a romance with it. And there's a book by E.B. White who wrote Charlotte's Webb. So like this is, he wrote, it wasn't intended as a book. It was an essay, I believe, for Parade Magazine.

And it's from the 40s. And you can read it today. And it's simply about New York City. I mean with all the grit, with all. the doubt, with all the smells, with all the bads, and there's something so romantic about it. And then there's a newer book by Colson Whitehead. He's a Pulitzer Prize winning novelist, but he wrote a book called, a series of short essays called The Colossus of New York. And it's these love letters to each sort of borough in each neighborhood. And, you know,

I think about when I'm there, there's a romance about it. There's a romance about memories there, but there's also just a romance about, you know, the possibilities and artists and youth and pain and struggle and all these things. So I don't know if that's a real kind of answer you're looking for, but to me, like, that's a longing and a love and a love. a push and pull, and all the things, not just the pretty things, which I think is important in a romance. I think it has to be real, honest, gritty, raw, push and pull. Sometimes it's great. Sometimes it's really not. Yeah. Yeah. Because that and mean, that is living in New York, man.

Listen, I think, you know, no argument from me, New York is the greatest city in the world. I think everybody knows that and accepts that. I don't think I could move back. I don't think I could move back. That's okay. I don't think I think people should live there once in their lives. I say that too, yes. And but but I fully understand that. Absolutely. Why live here? Do you think you could go back? I think we have talked about having a place there to go to when we want. We have lots of friends. Our family's still all out there and my family's still out there. And and, and, but we have talked extensively about also having a little place there. But I go there so often. that is still very much a part of our life. But there is something I love about sitting at my home here

and reading these books sort of in the dark and romanticize while I'm not there is almost feeds me more in some weird way. Absence makes the heart grow fun. There you go. I always say New York is so fun to visit, so difficult to live in. And L.A. is so hard to visit

and quite easy to live. is the thing. But, you know, it's hard to romanticize LA in the same way you romanticize New York. I know there are people out there who are screaming at their iPhones right now. But it's just easier to romanticize New York. It's been done many more times. We have more examples of it. I fully agree with you. And I also think part of that is because the business, you know, is moving out of Los Angeles. So there was, I feel like maybe 20 years ago, a romance about Hollywood, about L.A. about going to this studio and then I have to run to this studio and then I've got a test here and this and really now it's this sort of amorphous space of oh I'm going to go to Atlanta and then run to Canada right and there's the center feels like it it gave way yeah it really there's not like what what do you romanticize yeah the Chipotle by your house I mean I do have listen oh that's what we're having for dinner tonight. I can tell you that. I will be there. Final question for you, Carrie, is

what is making you believe in love this week? And that's a very nebulous question and you can give us a nebulous answer. Yeah, no, it's what I touched on before. This idea of I can actively go out into the world to the mail box center and to the grocery store and to a voiceover session. And I can do it with a sort of closed energy and pessimism or going over my schedule in my head or going over my own concerns or whatever it might be consuming me in that time that I think needs my attention right then even though I'm somewhere else standing in front of another actual human live person. And I would say lately the activity of the exercise of intentional connection with people has given me back tenfold in the

love department everywhere I go every interaction there is a piece and I am really enjoying that it started as a sort of an exercise and now I just look forward to to interaction that that probably speaks a little bit to the missing New York because there was so much interaction, not as much here in our cars. But I really try and connect. I really try and connect because I need it back. I need people. I love that. I love that answer. You guys, you got to check out the four seasons. Season two is out May 28th. In the meantime, Carrie, where can our listeners find you if they're looking for you? Well, you can rewatch season one of the four seasons still on Netflix, of course. The whole season.

is only four hours long. It's bite-sized and delicious. I'm going to pop up on Margo's Got Money Troubles. Love. I'm in a beautiful film called Wishful Thinking with Lewis Pullman and Maya Hawk and that we don't have a release date for, but it just won one of the top prizes at South by Southwest. Oh my God, congratulations. And I pop up in Gail Daughtry's Celebrity Sex Pass, David Wayne and Ken Marino's new movie with John Hamm is phenomenal. And that's coming out with, I don't know what date as well, but that's been sold. Yeah. You can Google it. Guys, you can Google it. So on those things. Amazing. Booked and busy. May 28th, the four seasons. I'm so excited.

You've got to check it out. It's so delightful. It really is. And speaking of delightful, Karen Kenny Silver, this has been a really delightful conversation. I cannot tell you. I feel like so it is and like I am excited to go home. and be a positive person in a way that I was not when I walked in here. Oh, Joel, I've always felt like this about you. I'm always drawn to you. I'm always drawn to you. Thank you so much, Carrie. Folks, that has been another Bad Dates episode. If you like what you heard today, please go give us a rating and review five stars only.

I don't look at anything below five stars, so you're shouting into a vacuum if you do it. Bye. Bad dates. Folks, it's Joel again with a special announcement. announcement as promised. Starting today, we won't be releasing new bad dates episodes for a few weeks, but stay tuned to this feed because we'll drop an official announcement about when we're returning very soon. We've got some exciting things planned for after the hiatus, and I cannot wait to tell you about it. In the meantime, while you're waiting for new episodes, we want to hear

from you. Do you have a relationship question that only my brilliant guest and I can tackle? Leave us a voicemail at 984-265-3-283-283. That's 984-265, 3283, and we might answer it on an upcoming episode. And to give you a little tease of a new segment we're trying out, is there a text exchange with someone you're dating or crushing on that you can't stop obsessing over? Like, is this guy not into me or is he playing it cool? Why did she take so long to respond to my LMAO? Why did he send me a dolphin emoji?

Our crack team of experts will analyze your funniest or most confusing texts and help you figure out what's going on. Just send screenshots and a little bit of context to Bad Datespod at gmail.com, and we might look at your text on an upcoming episode. Thank you so much, and we will be back soon, I promise, with more updates. See you then. Bad Dates is a production of smartless media created by Robert Cohen. Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Stuart Bailey.

Produced, edited, and engineered by Devin Torrey Bryant. Produced by Anne Harris. Edited by Kyle McGrath. Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Social media producer is Tommy Galgana. Producers are Sean Hayes, Will Arnett, and Jason Baitman. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Komensky. Music by Kushi and Evan Schleller. If you've had a bad date

or would like our advice on any dating issues, please tell us about it at Bad Datespod at gmail.com or call us at 984-265-3-283. That's 984-265-3-283. That's all for this week. We will be back for more Red Gates Flash