Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - Speed Dates: Breaking Up / Drink & Drugs (w/ Grace Campbell)

Episode Date: December 7, 2023

On this episode, Jameela welcomes comedian Grace Campbell to share her opinions about the best and worst ways to break up, and to talk about dating under the influence. Make sure to check out Grace’s new podcast, 28 Dates Later, and, if you missed it, her previous episode of Bad Dates (also featuring London Hughes).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Bad dates. Sweet dates. Hello and welcome to Bad Date. I'm Dremita Dremill and this is another speed date addition. And today we are talking about how to get out of a relationship with a bad date and joining me is my very, very funny friend Grace Campbell. You know, there's a lot that we hear of people who don't know how to end a bad date and people who don't know how to end a bad relationship. What advice do you have, Grace?

I've been thinking about this a lot because I had to reject someone recently and I wanted to just go through them and my friends. I know, I know, it's really bad, but I'm being honest. My friends told me I couldn't and it was the wrong thing to do. So then I spent ages like delivering how to do it and then they're like writing this really long text. And then he just wasn't bothered. And I was really upset. I was really upset. Like he just replied, being like, yeah, no problem. Like, hope you're well. And I was like, I wanted like heartbreak, and I did not get that.

I have a friend who did that and then ended up harassing the guy. Faith is and just being like, you have a fucking nerve. Don't find it. It was fully phenomenal. That's how I feel. It was so insane that she didn't feel

like the rejection was taken badly enough. I also had another girl like, I really pissed off with someone that she was dating, and he was being really shit communication, and she wanted to be able to give him a taste of his own medicine by blanking him, but she never got the chance because he's been tamed. Yeah, I mean, let me tell you, Jamila, I'd be a mountain times, but I'd been like, well, when he messages,

I'm not replying for two days. And then he never messes it up. Six years later. Yeah. Ha-ha-ha-ha. I, um, I want to broke up with someone over email, because they were just so nice that I couldn't bear to do it to their face.

Oh. And also, um, That's how old you are that you were using email. I know. Just such a cunt. So I worded it in the most insane way. I can't even believe that I did this. I can't believe I pressed send on this. I was like, because it's not, I didn't want to completely end it,

but he'd said he wanted to get married and I moved to, you know, to where his parents were and start having children immediately, and I was 26 and I don't want children. And so I was like, oh, I don't like, I really like spending time with you, but I don't think that I, you know, I want all of that. So I was like, let God, this is so embarrassing and it's not gonna come off well,

but basically I was just like, I essentially pitched a sort of phone contract to him as a relationship, I was like, do you think we could be on sort of a more of a payers you go sort of thing, like a day to day thing, rather than a lifetime contract? Up, that is so you, that is so you, you have sent me to my core.

That is so like your logic. To be like, yeah, that's a really good idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Team Manclay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a really good idea. When you saw that, I felt like a familiar template, you know, for all of us to understand.

Yeah, it is a familiar template. It is. He never spoke to me ever again. He never spoke to me ever again. He never spoke to me ever again. No. No, and he started dating Miss Universe like a month later, which really got back at me.

Wow. Yeah, it was really intense. I was like, not the most beautiful woman of the world, most beautiful woman of the fucking universe. You never spoke to me. How do they even know? How do they even know? Exactly.

What do you think is a good way to dump someone? Because I'm getting the vibe that you don't think it's my mobile phone analogy. Like I might be misreading that, but I'm not sensing that you think that's the one. I think it's better that you did it than go sit someone. Yeah. I think that is bad, but I have done it.

And like, I'm avoid it in loads of ways, so would rather just someone get the hint than me actually say it. I think the best way to do it is to be completely honest, but often when, because I've been on the receiving end of it, when like I've been dumped by someone I barely know, and they'll say something like,

oh, like it's just too soon after, like getting out of a relationship or like my head's not in the right place. And whenever you hear lines like that, they just don't feel valid or real. It doesn't really make it. It's not you, it's me. But for this generation, yeah.

But sometimes they are true, but there's no right way to do it. It's a horrific experience to go through. It's unfortunately part of human life and human existence is rejection. But I don't think there's like the perfect way to do it, but I think being as honest and truthful to yourself as you can be is the best way, because then you at least know that you've done the right thing, and I guess it's

good karma. Yeah, now that I'm old, I've come to the understanding that the way that I would most like to be broken up with, whether it's true or not, it's just for someone to say it's just a lack of a connection. I'm just not feeling that spark and it's not even necessarily anything about you or me. It's just not there and it either is going to be there or it's not going to be there. And so I don't want to force something just because I like spending time with you when I know fundamentally I don't feel that thing that I need to feel to make something special. And I think if someone were to say that,

then it's really hard for you to be offended because there's pheromones, there's chemistry, there's all kinds of things that don't matter how good you are, how good your job is, or how fun you are. That is also real. I've met plenty of people who are amazing on paper who I just don't feel alive with. And that's okay.

I just don't know, I don't know. I think maybe sometimes I'm really good at acting and so you know, not to brag, but I do think sometimes I make men feel like I'm in love with them when I'm not. And then when I say sorry, I'm really not feeling it, they're like whoa, whoa, whoa, because I think they thought I was in love with them.

Yeah, but that's just a behavioral misdemeanor. Yeah, but in my, yeah, that's true, but it's also because I'm a really good actor. Right, any casting directors listening, please cast Greg. But yeah, I don't know, for me, it just feels like the most diplomatic chill way where you don't have to make it personal, you personal you have to tell them how they gave you the IK Or make them feel bad about themselves or self-deprecate yourself or go through six months of trying to get them to dump you Which I can tell you is very expensive and boring It's it's best to just be like that. It's just not there. I don't know why and then what there's not someone can say back to that No, nothing someone can say back to that and that's what you want you want the conversation

Ender you want to stop and that's what I like I want someone by saying that they No, nothing someone can say back to that and that's what you want. You want the conversation, Andy, you want to end stop and that's what I like. I want someone by saying that they reminded me of someone that I used to know who I hated and that's why I couldn't see them anymore. That still feels slightly personal but I agree with you that's less personal. Okay, well thank you. That's a very good closer. It would be really funny because if not to brag but lots of people listen to this podcast. And but it would be really funny if loads of people now go out and say that verbatim. And then people start to pick up on a pattern

from the sociopath that is me that put that into the dark guys. And then eventually you get dumped with that line. Oh my God, James breaks up with me. I've been 10 years. I was 10 years, he's like, I'm just not, like I just haven't really felt that line. Oh my God, James breaks up with me after 10 years. After 10 years, he's like, I'm just not like, I just haven't really felt that spot. I just don't feel the spot.

And I never. I would deserve that. I would deserve that. So I'm encouraging this on, like kind dishonesty. But I am a fan. I don't believe the truth is that you free. I believe the truth will leave you put in prison for the rest of your life.

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Sweet dreams. So, Grace, there are some dates where drugs and alcohol can save a really bad date, but also where they can ruin a good one. Do you have any extremes of this that you've endured on the road to love? You're already smiling. Um, I, yeah, I mean, obviously. Well, I don't know because I'm T total. I've never, I've never been a drinker on a drug. I know that since you've known me, I'm much less of a drinker, but I used to drink so, so much. And I used to get so drunk

on dates because I just wanted them to be interesting. And then I would go end up like at a rave of them to eight in the morning and then we'd go home and like try and have sex, but they'd demand a taken like too many drugs and couldn't get a boner. And then I'd just be there like with a really dry mouth, like my mouth feeling like it's got sand paper in it, like, why am I here, like, soaking up? So I used to use alcohol and drugs to make dates, more interesting, and actually, what was called about the process of this podcast, when I went on 28 dates, is,

at the beginning, I would drink on every day, and then by like the fourth or fifth one, I was like, it's unsustainable for me to go on 28 dates and drink on every single one. So then I actually stopped fourth or fifth one, I was like, it's unsustainable for me to go on 28 dates and drink on every single one. So then I actually stopped drinking on the dates, even on ones that were like at drink appropriate times or like in pubs, because I started to think like, I'm being recorded to it and listening back to me

when I'm a bit drunk and like, some of the things I say. What did you, no, give me an example. Like there's an episode that where I went on a date with a guy training to be a therapist. And I, so rude, but like, I was like, how old you in, he was like, I'm 29 and I said, I was like, laughing. And I said, who's gonna want a 29 year old therapist?

Like, what are you doing? I was like, when are you gonna be a therapist? He was like, when I'm 30, I was like, no one is gonna want a higher, a 30-year-old therapist, I'm sorry, you have no wisdom. And I went on this like, ramp, and then I had to listen back to it. And I was like, I'm a horrible person.

So it's made me think a lot about how I come across on dates, because I think I come across as quite obnoxious and like quite critical. And I think I think that's flirting Right, it's that because you enjoy someone being like that with you because you are my friend who most enjoys Being taken the piss out of I do I love you come alive when someone starts renting it Yeah, and I think it's my love language So I think when people take the piss out of me

It's like when I'm dating a guy and they really take the piss out of me. I'm like's my love language. So I think when people take the piss out of me, it's like when I'm dating a guy and they really take the piss out of me, I'm like, oh my god, we are in love. At the end of the fact, they just hate me. Yeah, I was gonna say is that like a toxic aftermath of like when we're told, when we're little, that if a boy pulls our big tails, that he really likes us.

I don't know because I feel like, I feel like so much of my personal humor is me rinsing myself. So then I feel like when other people get on board with it, I'm like, oh, you're like getting, you get the vibe. And then other people, like I've dated guys, where I'll make a really self-debruciating joke about myself. And they'll be like, babe, don't say that about yourself.

I'm like, get out. Yeah. Yeah, no, no, I can't have that. There's also a story that I told on this podcast before, which was about a guy who I had to meet at 7, but he got off work at 5, and he just couldn't figure out what to do with that time. You know, just like, do some sit-ups or get some laundry done.

So he decided it would be better to just drop acid alone. And so he did a ton of acid, and like LSD, and then turned up at the movie and didn't know that we were watching. I mean, he was battered. He was all over the place. And we were watching 2001 Space Odyssey, which is already like a really trippy film. So if you're, if you've dropped acid and then you watch that movie, he screamed or gripping

the chairs for an hour straight. And it was amazing. It took him this long to throw us out. We got thrown out and I've got a lifetime ban from the print shows. The print shows. That's so weird to take acid before a day. That's just normal behavior.

That is so English. I know, it's really weird. I also like lips with a crack head. It's, I think because I'm so straight-laced, there's something that maybe people who love drugs feel drawn to or something, do you know what I mean? Like she'll keep me on the straight and that. It was like a weird perceived purity or something.

But also you have the vibe of someone who isn't, like how do I say this? You think I seem drunk all the time? Yeah, you wouldn't think of a beauty total. No one listening to that. Everyone who's listened to bad dates How do I say this? I seem drunk all the time. Yeah, you wouldn't think that you're too total. No one listening. Everyone who's listened to bad dates presumes I've been drunk the entire time.

I know. And actually when you're like socializing, you're very intoxicating and you seem intoxicated. So the big reveal is going to be in a few years that we found out you're all actually a massive alcoholic. Yeah. And I've met all of these dates in my drug term.

Yeah. So have you, you've never had like a drink drug disaster, just you've just noticed that you've never been a drug addict. Oh yeah, like I've thrown up while like giving heads. Oh my god. Oh my god, you can't say that casually as if like, oh yeah. That's quite a really bad gag reflex and I've been too drunk before and given head and thrown up on a dick. On the dick. On, oh, yeah. That's quite a really bad gag reflex. And I've been too drunk before and given head and thrown up on a dick.

On the dick. On the dick, yeah. I would imagine that ended the night, but I know there are some stories I've heard in which it doesn't. I'll say this guy, he was, I was with him for a while, he would, he would, he would, he'd put up with a lot of stuff. God, it's amazing how some people can just, the nothing can deter them.

I'm the opposite. It takes anything. Anything. Anything. I'm the opposite, it takes anything. Anything. I'm very, I have had, I've had some crazy things happen when I'm having sex. And it just, we just move on. I don't know. Yeah. We're a trooper.

You're a legend. I'm a trooper and I, and I feel like it takes quite a lot to gross me out in sex. In any other environment, like I can't change my own bins, but in sex, or I haven't opened the fridge for like six months, so I'm scared there's something in there that smells, but in sex, like nothing will stop me. Grace, you have your own podcast. It's called 28 Days Later. What is it? Where can people find it? It's called 28 Days Later. It's out on I Heart Radio in the US, and then everywhere else, I don't know in the UK. And I went on 28 first dates with complete strangers, and it was really intense,

and I learned a lot about dating, and I learned a lot about myself, and I met a lot of freaks. And you can listen to every single date. So it's a crazy thing that exists and that people can listen to me on dates, is actually jarring. And they are wherever you find your podcast, this is such a brave show that exists and that people can listen to me on dates. It's actually jarring. And they are wherever you find your podcast.

This is such a brave show that you've done and I'm really glad that people love it. I'm so brave. Thanks for coming. Love you. Love you. Bad dates is produced by Smartness Media and Wondery. Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Jameela Jamil. That's me.

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