Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - Speed Dates: Grading On THAT Curve (w/ Gianmarco Soresi)

Episode Date: April 27, 2026

On an all-new Speed Dates episode, host Joel Kim Booster sits down with road dog stand-up Gianmarco Soresi to talk about EVERYTHING: from dating your manager (it didn’t start that way!) to couples therapy, from open mic days to claughter, being culturally gay, the difference between a physically open relationship and an emotionally open one, the love you get from your siblings, and so much more. Plus, we’ll learn about Gianmarco’s love language, how important it can be to spend time with other couples, and Gianmarco becomes the first person to shout out Before Midnight, hell yeah.   Subscribe to our YouTube Channel for video clips and full episodes.  Merch available at SiriusXMStore.com/BadDates.   Joel Kim Booster: Scrubs Season 10, Psychosexual, Fire Island, Loot Season 3 Gianmarco Soresi: @gianmarcosoresi on socials, stand-up special Thief Of Joy on YouTube, listen to The Downside With Gianmarco Soresi anywhere you get your podcasts! Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Bad Dates ad-free. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Bad dates. Speed dates. Hello and welcome to another edition of Bad Dates, Speed Dating Edition. I am your host, Joel Kimbooster. Now, as you know, normally on this podcast, we invite a panel of guests to talk about their bad dating stories, but on the Speed Date episodes, we slow things down. We get a little more intimate, one-on-one, with just one person. And I dig deep to find out all of their takes on love and pretty much everything under the sun,

whatever we want to talk about. And today I'm very excited about my guest. He's a comedian and an actor. You can watch his comedy special Thief of Joy on YouTube and listen to his podcast, The Downside with John Marcus Seraci. It's John Marcus Saraci, everybody. Hello, hello, hello. How are you, my friend? I'm good, traveling, you know.

Back on the road. Back in the road, not seeing my partner enough. Oh, and see, let's get into it then. Let's really jump into the love stuff here. John Marco, you are a prolific stand-up comedian. Well, thank you. Road dog to the bones. the mayor of stand-up comedy currently, I would say, elected official in the stand-up community.

More dictator, I like that. And fun tidbit that a lot of people probably don't know is you are dating your manager. I am. Didn't start that way. Didn't start that way. Did the manager start first or did dating start first? We met during COVID, lived near each other, became a pod. And it was just kind of inevitable. And there was a third person and she'd always go home. and we'd be like, she would go, I'm late,

I'm going to go home. Be like, night peace. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're going to chill. And originally I posted, I was like, God,

you ever meet someone you just want to start a podcast with? And my girlfriend at the time was like, God, I hate men. And, and, yeah, we started dating.

And we didn't start, I mean, we were working together. She was my muse. I felt the most, most fitting title, yeah, yeah, creative overseer and,

and feedback. And then eventually, you know, the opportunity arose where I was, man, manager lists and and she swooped in. Yeah. It was she was playing the long time. Yeah. It's it's complicated. I have to imagine because I have to say I love my manager, um, but there are definitely moments where he is the

receptacle for a lot of my frustration and um, I are about things that he has no control over, but because he is sort of the manager of my career, there's no one else I can go to. And he knows where all the bodies are buried at this point so I can never leave them. Of course. How do you balance the maybe sometimes frustrating relationship that can occur between a manager and a client and also servicing your relationship? Of course. I mean, she knows where the bodies are buried and she helped me kill them. I mean, it's truly, it's a full service thing. It's, it's, honestly, we're in couples counseling and I think it's fantastic. I also think like whenever we're going through tougher times, I do go like, we are doing a so, a very complicated version of life where we're

fulfilling our ambitions and doing this. And it is complicated. Because like, you know, of course on my end, it's like if I need something on a work front, but it also bleeds into the personal. It's like, how do we separate the two? Our texts. How do we have like a personal thing? But then a work thing comes up. Do you ever say, like, I'm speaking to you now as your client, now you as your boyfriend? Sometimes for sure, if something is very vulnerable, I'm like, I need you to talk to me full on like a manager to a client. Because I worry, don't worry, she sometimes managers and agents have to talk to their clients in a special way. We're self-entitled, but that's part of the thing. That's part of the thing.

We can be bratty. We can ignore when we need to. And there was a feeling of sometimes I was like, I worry with me, I'm the only client you get to be honest with. like what a frustrating asshole they're being. Yes. And sometimes I just need to get the kid gloves. So I was going to, I was thinking it would be the reverse of like maybe she's giving you, she's like not being as tough on you because she's,

no, I think he's being tough. We're both tough. We're both tough gals. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think that's what makes us work. Well, and it's especially complicated because the relationship between a manager and a client is very much like they are your employee, but they're also kind of your boss. Yeah.

And so like how, like, I'm sure it's a, um, mind field to navigate the differences in that. It's like if she books me something that fucks up our weekend, that it fucks up our weekend. I've missed two Valentine's days. I was shooting a special for one. I was in Asia for another. And it's like she was on those emails. Yeah. But like, you know, we've certainly had those where I'll say yes to something my agents get me. And she's like, honey, that's our anniversary. And then it's like, oh, God. And it's complicated. So she does her job really well. It limits our time to get. And she's like, On one hand, she understands more so than a regular partner would.

To a degree. At that. But people will say that. They'll be like, well, at least they understand. And I'm like, yeah, when you miss Valentine's Day, though, you miss Valentine's Day. It doesn't matter if they get it or not. And she, so you guys are, you are a Valentine's Day couple. You're a Valentine's Day couple.

You are celebrating the holiday in earnest. You're doing a special dinner. We're doing it the Monday after. You're doing it the Monday after. Wow. You're moving it. Moving it. A lot of moving.

A lot of. And, you know, she was raised religiously and Jewish, and there's a lot of holidays. Oh, wow. And so we had to go through the calendar and I was like, which of these 50 Jewish holidays matter the most? So, you know, Passover. And recently she was like, she was like, okay, so then Passover is this. And I looked at my thing and I had done a small, like, new material show that was already sold out in New York. And I just have to go, yep, it's clear.

And I'm just like, I got it. I got to cancel it. Yeah. You'll work on that new material at a later. date. At the Passover. At the Passover. Running bits. Is that how much of a problem is that? Like, are you, I see my concern about dating someone that I work with that closely is that like I come home. My partner is not in the industry. I turn off. Like that's not the time for me to be running bits and stuff like that. But do you ever feel like it's impossible to separate and turn off from work mode when you're living and,

you know, partners with the person who is managing your career? Very much so. Very much so. And I think we both like work. We both enjoy. So we do like and we just find our, I think sometimes the dance goes well. But like the idea of like clear delineations just didn't work. It just felt too artificial. Sometimes it's an emergency. On either end, personal or business. So I just think it's more about like are we meeting each other's needs of like being there for each other and caring for each other and making space? And I think very, what I've gotten better about is. is like when there's time off, it's off. And I don't need to figure out some joke or that I can really separate moments, pockets. As long as we have those occasional check-ins, the flow is good otherwise. Do you think you get better preferential treatment

than her other clients? No, I think it's one of those things that because she's so nervous about that being like a possibility, she really is sensitive towards how she's perceived as like a working person. And especially that was her consideration. One of many when we start working together was like, I don't want my other clients to feel that they're being neglected. So I, yeah, I mean, do, am I right there in bed next to her if some email comes in?

And I get to know something a little quicker, sure. Yeah. But, no, I think she's a good egg in that sense. Yeah. Yeah. No, I would like to say for the record. I love Tova. She's wonderful.

I've known Tova for almost as long as I've been doing stand-up. Stand-up. Do you know her from her stand-up days? I remember when she was a stand-up. I remember when she was a bar show producer. I remember every version. I so wish I could experience that. Yeah.

It was a time for all of us. It was like the golden age. It really, really was. I have the fondest memories of being an open-mike comedian. Really? I do. It's easy to romanticize now. You know, like I'm sure when I was waiting two hours,

to do 90 seconds of material at the back of a shitty bar, it was maybe not, you know, yeah, in the moment, something that I was relishing. But it's, it's a lot of fun now. I think, especially because I'm at the position I'm at now, it's really easy to romanticize those times now. Because I look around at my friends. I look around at like Julio Torres and Sam Tiger and all these guys that we were, you know, nothing's together coming up. And suddenly it's fun to like, sit around and be like, look, we did it. We did the thing. And now it's easy to look at, and say like those were the good old days when like I I don't know if I ever felt funnier than really those early years yeah sure well because it was like you no one gave a shit who I was

back then you know and you were going out on stage every single night proving and having to reprove yourself to every audience because no one in the audience ever came there rooting for you necessarily it's why it's why every committee I mean I feel very nervous about like you know I'll tell some joke or if it's any point political thing. Even I'm not trying to make it like preachy. It's just like the moment I say the thought, it's just like, yeah. Applaws. And I'm like, oh, this is not good for me. No. No, I feel that way now too because, like, you know, I would say even a lot of the people who populate my shows now are there because of the movie or there because of something I've done on TV and maybe not even super

familiar with my stand-up in general. Yeah, but it's fresh. It's fresh. It is. And it's, and I don't always trust them, you know? And sometimes I'm like, I think to myself, because like, when I started touring again and I was doing these clubs who, you know, people would show up to the club because they trusted the club, not because they were coming for me. And it was mostly straight people. It was mostly people who, you know, didn't care if I lived or died. And I would have to go out there. And I knew, I knew without a shadow of doubt that that material was golden because it was

working on people who did not necessarily know who I was. And certainly maybe weren't even open to seeing a gay comic and Asian comic, especially at that time, like, you know, 10 years ago. Yeah. And so now I get up and I'm like, everything was so sharp back then. And now I feel a little looser. I feel a little bit more. Sometimes it means you can get to a deeper thought.

Yeah. It's like, sometimes it's like, yeah, you do have a better conversation with a friend you've known for 10 years than not. But in the other hand, it can make you soft and this loosey-goosey. Yeah. Sweet days. Sweet days. I want to go back really quick to something you just mentioned couples therapy.

Is it, would you say, is it mostly prophylactic at this point? Or is it, are there specific things that you are working on in the relationship? Or is it preventative? Is it sort of like, let's make sure that things are stable so that nothing does crop up? I think it's a real mix of like big picture and day to day. And I'm more of like, I like talking about the day to day things because I think it connects to the bigger picture. And then I think like for for my for my for my girlfriend, she she's the fact that I still say girlfriend. It's the bigger picture.

You know? And it's like and it's like okay can we can we have some kind of conversation about do we want children and like what? You know, if is there more to the conversation other than me just going maybe for the next 20 years? Right. And so it really is a mix of sometimes it's preventative. Sometimes it's checking in about. just a moment that's really bothering. But it's hopefully a space to try to articulate with a referee of sorts just to make sure you're staying

in good faith with each other. Totally. I mean, we did it for the weeks leading up to our wedding. And not because there was, again, it was totally provlactic. It was like totally because it was like, well, let's get, let's see. Because we communicate really well, but we were like, let's just see. Let's just get everything out on the table before we go.

And we might go back now. It's mostly a time issue for us at this point. Of course. But there was no, there was no, like, we didn't come there with like, we need to work on X. It's just, you know, we wanted to make sure that we were galvanized as much as possible before we said I do. And I suggest that to so many people. I think if you have the means and the time to go to couples therapy, I think so many people make the mistake of waiting until there is a huge issue. I mean, we've all seen Orna.

We know, you know. And like I feel like it's like if some of those people would have started before the problem became so pronounced that it was unavoidable and unmistakable that they'd be so much better off, you know. I'm just excited because our couples counselor said that I finally came on their social media feed. And I'm like, this is definitely going to give me an edge. Do you, why do you think it was important for you to go to couples therapy beyond just being able to communicate to. together individually? I just think we're both, we both just have strong emotions. I think we came from loud households.

And I do think sometimes people who maybe they had either trauma as a child or they dealt with someone who might have been more emotionally out of control at times, you have that, I have that. And I think you also have a. patience for others who have that, that someone from a more well-adjusted household would go, I'm out of here. You're crazy. And maybe rightfully so.

And I think there was a degree of like we both have these just strong, strong emotional swings and anxiety. And I don't mean, you know, certainly the worst interpretation, but just like so much anxiety and so much obsessiveness and in totally different realms. And you both, both of your professional lives are saying. centered on one of the most unstable, inconsistent, like, insane things. And so, like, there would be times when if we're both having that moment at the same time, and then they somehow feel like they're because of the opposing person, then it just explodes. And so it's just like, I think a lot of, like, talking through being like, we love each other. We are dealing with all these different anxieties, and how do we, like, separate them from each other so we can support each other.

things and self-regulate. And that's why I think we needed it. That's why I was in regular therapy before. I'm a big pro-therapy for those who could use the help. I think that reads, yeah. Yeah. No, a lot of people are in therapy now and you go like, I think there's a lot of bad therapists out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I sometimes you meet a therapist out in the wild and you go, this is the blind leading the blind. Yeah. Like you're in charge of something. They said, I'm in a fight with my therapist. I was like, what do you mean? That's a lot. like your dentist owes you money. Yeah.

What do you mean? What do you mean? Um, what, go, I want to go back to something you said just now about claptor, um, which is what you alluded to. Because you are a political comedian. I think you're, you do it. You pull it off very well. I am, um, always really impressed by the places you go and still be managed to make

it comedic. But how do you, how do you avoid the clapter? The, because like, and let's be clear. Clapper, I think, is something that is often attributed to people of our political leanings, the liberal, the progressives, etc., etc., but let's not fool ourselves and think that it does not exist on the other side, almost, I think, more so these days, because people can go out there and say, there are only two genders without a joke behind it. And it's just, oh, I saw recently. There's a comic who's accusing another comic on killed Tony of stealing a joke he wrote eight years ago. And the joke was, you can't even say the R word anymore. You got to say Democrat.

And he was eight years left for me, like, this guy stole that joke from me. And I was like this. And that's claptor. Yeah. That's claptor. Yeah. 100%. And also, eight years ago, I'm pretty sure you could say the R word.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, that's a faulty premise. He was in a really progressive. But like, how do you, because you're passionate about the things that these issues. these issues. But how do you, do you ever, like, is there anything you, like, an issue or something that you're like, I feel passionate about this. I'll tweet about it, but I won't talk about it on stage.

Yeah, my tweet, my Twitter is like, if you're looking for claptor, my Twitter, I'm not trying to make everything a choke. Right. That's where I get all my anger. That's where the tweets are like, this, this guy's crazy. Someone needs to do something. That's my Twitter. But I think, like, with comedy, in my mind, it's like, okay, I express my views in the

setup. And the punchline has got to be a twist. And the more progressive, I mean, my audiences are, it was a setup. It wasn't even the joke, but I just mentioned, I said when Charlie Kirk got shot, and then I went to a joke, I was doing a furry convention, headlining a furry convention. And when I just said that first part, applause break. And I go like, and I go, it's one of those things I'm like, okay, something's cooking in this country. And I don't think, I don't think the right side really realizes what's up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like, okay, so the punchline can't be about Charlie Kirk or like that he's bad or whatever. It's got to be a twist. And like, you know, there's that fine line where like recently I had one where like the twist was like the, you know, the NRA. When they flowed the idea, Trump floated the idea of maybe trans people shouldn't be allowed to have guns. And the NRA was like, no. And it was like, so the bid is like the NRA, maybe we got to embrace it. And it's like, how can I do the thing that in this room, they'll go, oh, my God.

And that's where I try to find the readjustment. I want this room to go, Jesus Christ, even if they're all dressed as furries. It is the core of every good punchline is I didn't see that coming, you know? And that is, and unfortunately, I think people on both sides of the aisle are just playing for the, for the good feelings of having people agree with you. Yeah. And that's never, that's my thing is that, like, as a. stand up like, I don't give a shit about people agreeing with me. I want them to laugh, even if it's something that is so not so ridiculous or outrageous. I mean, Robbie Hoffman Special is a really

great example of this recently. Like, she gets people to laugh, myself included, at sentences that are patently insane. Yeah. Yeah. Like, things I don't believe that she doesn't believe. Like, you know, I, you know, not to quote Robbie Hoffman Special, but the whole abortion line of like, we're killing babies and that's okay you know and that is like that that's not something i even think she believes it's not something i believe but it's so out there and so like unexpected that you can't help but laugh you know and it's stuff like that that i think like it's far more interesting than going up there and saying women's bodies are their own you know and then just and leave it at that you know course i just the poll is just it's the poll is just there though it's like especially

because like some people go to comedy because they want to like have like, I go to comment I want to like an intellectual heady, laughy like yeah let's and then some people go to comedy I don't know if you feel this as like as a gay comedian but I certainly feel like this with a very queer audience where like

sometimes it's like they're finally here and everyone is expressing themselves and everyone is a queer 20 year old in Lowell Arkansas and they didn't necessarily like want like a big subversion over, over identity.

And that can be that that's the poll. Yeah. That's the pull to, yeah, let's be nice. It really is like, I am not an especially political comedian on stage because quite frankly, it is the unfortunate effect is I walk on stage and I am a political entity no matter what I say, you know, because of being Asian, because of being queer and talking about that stuff. And so I don't like to get into the weeds of politics because it's.

It's just, it's already there. It's sort of running in the background of everything I say anyways. And so I want to get as far away from it as possible at times because you're completely right. I think a lot of queer audiences especially are don't want to be catered to in that way. Yeah. Because it's, again, something that is on our minds all the time always and we're in the news. You know, it's just not something. We want to escapeism a lot of the time.

But it's also you want like, like, like I remember I was in Plano, Texas and it was like 19 year old who just come out as non-binary to their parents. And it's like, I want to do my crowdwork, which is like mean and roasting. And I just got to, I got to navigate that in a space. And I think it's going, it feels good about, I feel good about the work that I'm doing. But it is like this thing where I go like, man, you're a 19 year old in Plano, Texas. You've got a tough life ahead of you. And how do I make fun of you? That's true to me and kind to you.

And I have to have both those things. Yeah. How do you make the punches not so down? Yeah, or you're in such a safe space that you're like, we all see my intention so we can. Well, and that's, I mean, this is the problem. You are a clip king, and I admire you for that because I just simply don't have the skill set or the material, quite frankly, to share clips at the rate that you do. But my big thing and my big worry about clip culture is that there is something so important about the context of the immediacy of a live stand-up show that the religious. that the relationship you create with that specific audience and you have set up the rules and they know who you are, you have set up yourself for them so that you can get away with making fun of a non-binary person in the audience. Because that audience is all in agreement about who you are. But you take that clip out of context and you isolate it on Instagram or TikTok and suddenly you've lost that relationship you have with the audience, you know. And I guess I, how do you approach that part?

of comedy because it is unfortunately now like it is just the reality of how you get butts and seats because you have to be doing this of course i i think it's like tovo will say to me she's like you know people say that i'm edgy and it's like no i've calculated i mean these are all like fine-tuned i have plenty of jokes that i do not put out there or i just retire because it's like it wasn't clear what my intention was so it's just it's just the closer it is to something really tough it's just like really considering before you put it out there. And she is my, she is the person that I say, you know, this joke, what do you think? And she goes, I just feel like it comes off like this.

And you go, okay, I won't post about it. Sweet days. Sweet days. Let's go back to the queer audiences really quickly, because we got to address it. Sure. You have quite the gay following. In fact, I would say there are gay people out there who would prefer you to me at this point. You are someone...

I'm attainable. I find, like, sort of unimpeachably straight because of your willingness to enter these spaces and not feel self-conscious about it. But the accusations are out there, John Markle. The accusations are out there. How do you... How have you... How long have the accusations been out there, first of all? And how is the evolution of you handling it sort of occurred through both professionally and personally?

I think it's this weird mix of like, I've always, of course, been a flamboyant, I was a flamboyant child. Culturally gay. Yeah, culturally gay. I had a teacher in fifth grade. He was a gay teacher at my middle school. And I was like dancing before class, maybe seventh grade. And he said, Jamargo, I'm, he said, Jamargo, I'm, he said, Jamargo, I'm, married to a man, that's the gayest thing I've ever seen.

At seven? At seventh grade. Oh, seventh grade. Even still. Even still. And so there's, it's always been like a, you know, who knows who what's informed by internally and versus people putting on you, but I've always been just flamboyant. And I like that attention of it.

And I think it's, at a certain point, like, like, I got dragged you. I did this Ariana Grande stool sit. Yes, I'm familiar. And, you know, someone says, suck a dick or cut the shit out. And it's like, it's fine. Part of it's like, as a comedian, you got to be like, that's fine. Yeah. That's fine.

And at the same time being like, I did that because I wanted to do it because it was fun. If you have me, if I'm dancing in a circle and I'm just feeling myself, it's very, it's very flamboyant. It's always been. And no one accused me of gay, but at least the teacher didn't accuse me of gay baiting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I sleep with men. That's the most gay baiting shit I've ever seen in my life. Suck a dick or cut this shit out.

And so it's just like, it's a mix of like being true to myself and my comedic sensibilities. And also the idea that like being flamboyant isn't, I understand how it's been like for many reasons it's tied to being gay. But it's like there was a, there's been a fop and there was different times of history where people moved. Hey, listen, we lived with metrosexualism for many years. Yeah. They all realized they were gay and I was stuck there alone. And then I think it's that mix of like, you know, I am cognizant of like I'm doing a second show at Fire Island this year. And I would never do it by myself.

I'm doing it with Jay Jordan. And even Jay said to me, which I had no problem was like, if we have a guest, it should be a queer guest. And so I do understand, like, I try to understand when I'm entering literally a queer space or something that there is a degree of like, being respectful or being aware of it. But at the same time, I like, my podcast co-host, Russell Daniels, he's two big roles, we're playing Rose's mom in Titanic, and then one of the Lindsay Lohan's in Ginger Twinsies. And he's another straight guy. And when he puts on a dress, it's a whole thing.

And I believe there has to be space for that. And if people have problems with it, I'm not going to give a shit. I'm just going to try to just let it go. And I know there was a time that people said that about if he was doing that kind of thing. It might be like, well, it feels like you're making fun of the thing. And I'm like, that's how he wants to express himself. Yeah. And I think it's beautiful.

At what age do you think the people you went to college with started believing that maybe he is straight? You know? I think there's a circle circles. I was, I was straight. In a musical theater camp? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think. Grading on that curve.

Grading on that curve. Yeah. It really was that. thing where I don't think people within the theater theater people who spend time with me people who saw me with my girlfriend right I'm just a softer guy you know do what do you think I don't know what a successful gay comedian looks at what I do and rolls their eyes no because well at least for me I don't because the fact is is that like you to me are one of God's bravest warriors for going to Fire Island and performing, because that is not

a space that I think I would do well in. Why do you say that? Because predominantly gay audiences, especially the ones on Fire Island, I think, are going to automatically, I think, I am entering out a deficit because there is always going to be, for especially a certain generation, a generation above me, especially, we were not socialized to be able to relate to gay men on stage because there wasn't any. And in fact, this is a gibranomism, but I think for many, many years, unless you were a go-go-boy or a drag queen on stage, we did not know how to engage with you because it was either fully sexualized, go-go-boast. Like, we understand that.

Like, you were there to be a sex object or drag queens who are completely desexualized. And so in that way, non-threatening. And so I know how to engage with that. But then when you have someone like me, like, listen, I used to work atlantis cruises and do stand up on those cruises. I had never bombed harder than on the Atlantis cruises because they don't want to see me. They want to see Kathy Griffin or they want to see Bianca Del Rio. They just don't want to see another gay guy talking about there. And there is an element, unfortunately, of sitting back with their arms cross going, I could do that.

He's not funnier than me. And so I actually think that like, if there's jealousy that I have of you, it is that you are coming in with less baggage, I think, for those audiences. than I am because the other problem is, is like you're talking about a completely different experience than theirs. And so it's easier to separate. I get on stage, and if I talk about how gross I am out in these streets, they're suddenly worried in the back of their head about, oh my God,

he's making us all look bad. They're all, you know, it's the representation issue. And so that's a huge worry that you don't have to worry about when you get there. So I don't begrudge you your success amongst queer audiences because obviously I have a huge queer following too, a huge straight following as well. But it, for me, I just because it is never read as inauthentic to me, and your success there

has always felt pretty natural. Like, I don't ever see you thirsty for it in a way that is un-pomely. Well, I saw the time when they were like, I post a picture of me, sure, listen, they go, you're gay baiting. I go, women, feel free to like this too. I feel free to DM saying, that was a great shot. It's just what I'm getting. How does Tova feel about all the gay attention? I think she's more than happy.

It enjoys it. I mean, she was with me on Fire Island, one of the two women at the pool party that changed her and brought us to. And I think there's a certain degree of we, because I was in theater, I was always like socialized with gay people. And then Tovo was raised very religiously. In college, she was in her,

and this is a very religious college, her group was called the tolerance club. And she was president of it. So she's the most progressive essence. You know, we're both, we both have things that don't fit the traditional gender norms and plenty of that do.

But like that's also why we work together and why people also will make jokes about it being a beard or a lavender relationship. Right, right, right, right. Have you ever tried it? Oh, with a guy? Yeah. There's one musical theory camp where a guy tried on me.

I was very drunk. and I was too drunk to assess. I have the go ahead in my otherwise monogamous relationship to do it. So can I tell you what I have thought about though? Yeah. If I ever did is it's like this thing where it's this kind of double thing where if I just, if I hooked up with a guy because I was going to hook up with a guy, I would never claim the mantle of like being gay or somehow part of the community.

that I am an ally to, but at the same time, no one's going to think that I'm straight anymore if that is part of the thing. And it's kind of this no man's land. And it would be more annoying from a like talking about a comedically perspective. Totally. But, hey, just because you dip your tail in the pool

does not make you a professional swimmer. Of course. But I would, of course, I always think of that one actor who was like, they ask him, do you sleep with men? He's like, I'm an actor, of course. Of course. Everyone should try everything in life. thing. Yeah. But not yet.

Not yet. No one, no, what would your type be do you think? If you had to, if you had to, I have thought about it. Yeah. It's this mix where I think part of the struggle is like the subdom conflict in my own self where there's like a part of me that's like, I had a joke where it's like, I'm a bottom, which is tough when you're straight. And it's like, there's a problem. There's part of me that would be like, oh, I'd be with more of like a twinkie guy and someone with like not as much body hair. And then other times it's like I think someone who is very similar to me. What is that? Salt and Pepper? That would be boyfriend twins. That would actually be boyfriend twins. If it was like someone of your size but blonde hair, blue eye, that would be salt.

No, I think it be someone brunette, like someone me, but like a little bit better than me and I'm jealous of them. And I'm mad at them. And I'm mad at them. And I, and I, I mean, wow, you really understand the gay experience. You really understand the gay experience without ever living in it. But yeah, no, that makes total sense. You're on the road all the time. Yes. You're traveling all the time constantly.

Is Tova with you when you're traveling? No, I mean, we're working on more and more. She just came here for a week. But no, I'm alone a lot. And how do you manage that with otherwise monochemous relationship? I mean, how are you just not hooking up with guys just because they're the only option on the road? I think there's a part of me

I'm such a workaholic that like when I just remember there was only a really brief time where I was like single and doing comedy at a place where someone would want to fuck me

after the show it was not that long it's not that big a period and it was always a fucking nightmare it was always like oh because at least with at least with women

it didn't feel like let's go back it's like let's go to another bar and now it's three and that's when I shut. That's when I go, oh, never mind. Three. So I had like one or two hook up to like five in the morning and I was like, I am

miserable. Yeah, I am miserable. Not the best setting for your dick to work properly, either, quite frankly. So that's, I think I'm just a workaholic and like the idea of going out after and I'm a loyal, I'm a loyal. Are you an especially horny person?

I think, I think I'm like a regular horny person, but I self-regulate. I've been self-regulating from, I had a bad... That's a funny way to say masturbate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I self-regulate.

It sounds more health. Yeah. I do a lot of... If I go cut out, I do a lot of self-regulation. It's like, good for you. Yeah. I had the, honestly, the first person I had sex with, I was finishing too quick. This is, right?

We're talking. And then I couldn't get it up for a little. And I was like 18. And I think I had like a full-on. like emotional breakdown, thinking that my body was broken. And I definitely think there's something in that that made me more of a passive pursuer of hooking up. Totally.

Something about, like it was, it really, it fucked me up so bad because I didn't know who to talk to about it. And I thought like I had, I had self-regulated too much. And it was, so it was like, I just had like a moment where I was like, oh, I'm going to lose this. person's going to break up with me because my body is not functioning as it should. And my god, and you probably did not know this or were told this, but like that is the cycle in which you will never get out of it because it's so, it's 50% mental as much as physical. Oh, so much mental. I once had a guy who came over and he couldn't get hard and he, it was like, and I always have, my, my way of handling this is you never address it. You sort of like go down there. And

notice it's not hard, you move back up and you sort of like, because the minute you address it, the minute either of you says, as soon as he says, hey, sorry, oh man, I'm sorry, I don't know what's going on. It's game over because you will never get out of that mind cycle. But this guy, he stopped and he said, do you have a dick pill? Do you have a Viagra or something like that? And I didn't. But what I did is I went upstairs, got an unmarked ibuprofen, you're kidding. You're kidding. Handed him the ibuprofen. And it worked. The placebo effect for your penis is so powerful because this guy thought he had a dick pill in his system suddenly. And it was all he needed to get over the mental hump to actually get hard.

That's so funny. Do you think you're missing out ever as you've now risen to a level of success where I have to imagine your DMs from both genders are just full of, of gross. Can't answer your question. Yeah, of course. It's a nightmare. It's a fucking nightmare. You know, and it's always so interesting that, you know, when I've, gay friends in open, you know, Jay's married and it's an open marriage.

And like, it's nuts, especially at Fire Island, you're like, Tova said when she went to Fire Island, the takeaway that she had, she was like, I don't think men and women are supposed to be together. And it really is this thing where it's just like, yeah, we're on different pages and what we're going after. and every, every, I've been saying, I think the reason straight people were against gay marriage was because gay people show that marriage can be fun. Yeah.

And it's like, it's so, so I see, I know, all I know is that if I was single on the road, A, I'd be like a workaholic and crazy. It wouldn't be like this fantasy version. It's so easy to live in the fantasy version. And it'd be like, I have a lot of stress and anxiety about what that dynamic is of like a fan and all that stuff. And I have, I have, I have,

I've had openers at different times who have, whether it's someone who maybe moved on to them or just someone came up to them on their own and they come back and I'm like, so what happened? And they're like, we had sex, it was a worst night

in my entire life. And I go, oh, yeah, tell me more. What sucked about it? Tell me how terrible it was. But it is crazy and you see how many people, you know, what was that Grohl? The Foo Fighters lead singer,

He just had a kid with someone on the road. There's so, it's a crazy atmosphere. Yes. It's a crazy atmosphere. And I'll be with guy friends, straight guy friends. And you know, they'll see just someone say something. They're like, Jesus Christ, how the fuck do you do it? And I usually like, well, I'm just focused on my jokes.

And I'm a nerd. I'm enough of a nerd. You're almost, your sexuality is almost too joke forward. Two joke forward. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you, is there any part of you that views sex is recreational or is it, that are you monogamous because you view sex as very sort of sacred? No, I don't view it as sacred at all.

You know? I don't view it as sacred at all. Interesting. Not at all. I fully support and understand anyone in a non-monogamous thing. It all makes sense to me. I think I only understand, I understand monogamy more like why, why sleeping around can lead to difficulties.

It is, per my earlier point of dating a manager, it's like, it's a hard thing to do. There's so many complications. And I do feel I have some gay friends who will talk about like their open life in a way that makes it seem like

the greatest thing that has ever happened. You're living God's divine chosen life. And then those that I get really close with, I'll hear like a story of like a third they had to break up with, with their partner and you go, I say the worst part about Jay is every couple years, even though he's married, I still have to meet his new fucking boy. See, that is honestly, that is so foreign to me and my partner because for me, sex is can be recreational. And that's the kind of experiences that I'm

having outside of the marriage. Now, sex with my husband is not recreational. And it is very, it's very different kind of sex that I'm having with my partner that I save for my partner and that emotional connection. But it is this thing of like, I actually just met a guy over the weekend who has a husband, who has a pup and a boyfriend. And the husband has a lover and a boyfriend as well on the side. And that just seems like too much. That's so much work. My relationship with my husband is so much work every single fucking day. I can't imagine trying to split that work amongst a pup and a boyfriend. That just seems like too much responsibility. And this guy was also telling me that he was struggling right now with jealousy over his boyfriend because his boyfriend has another boyfriend.

And I was just like, the thing about the beauty of my open relationship is it is, it is not like fully released us from jealousy, but I don't find myself getting jealous over my partner, you know, having experiences outside of the relationship. Because for me, it is so much more important that we maintain emotional monogamy than physical monogamy. And so I could never, I don't think, and you know, life is long, who knows, but I don't think I could ever do the poloom. moly amory thing like because on one hand the effort is that the the labor involved in maintaining every relationship in your life is already too much but also i i would feel like i met a straight couple recently i might have told this story in the pod before but it is like they were telling me

how they met and they were like we both have partners we had partners when we met but we didn't cheat we never hooked up we didn't cheat but you know we texted every day and facetime it at lunch and we go and see movies when the other person wasn't out of town but we didn't even touch we didn't even cheat and for me i was like i told them i was like i could get you give a shit who he fucks, but if he was texting someone every day and FaceTiming them at lunch and all this, then that and the other thing, it would be the biggest betrayal that he could ever do to me. And that, and so, like, in that way, like, if he was forming and building an emotional bond with a boyfriend on top of me, that would kill me. That would kill me. For sure. I just think,

I mean, part of it, it's hard not to talk about it without speaking in a gendered way. Right. Because I, it clearly, this is part of the, there's something overarching of a difference of like, I just think I could talk to my friend Russell about like, oh, a sexual attraction in a way that, again, when my, when my girlfriend goes to Fire Island, she goes like, this is a, just, guys are just different. Yeah. And when you witness it at a, when you witness at a party where everyone's on the same page, you're like, oh, you. you're seeing, in a way, I'm like, yeah, this is what I'm holding back all the time, but with more women. You know, but it is, it's a fascinating. But your experience wouldn't be the same. If you were at a pool party with all single women, it still wouldn't be as charged as an all gay pool party would be.

Because, and I think that it is a combination of women maybe being wired differently just from the jump, but also the way that we're all socialized is very. different. So it's a little column A, a little column B. But yeah, it is like one of the greatest injustices, I think, that, you know, whoever designed the simulation that we're currently living through made women get hornier, the older they get. And men, the horniest they are when they're younger. And never the twain shall meet, you know, unless there's an age gap relationship. But it is, like, it is, that is, that is not so to me. But back to that couple that I was talking about, it is so fascinating to me. And I would love to hear your perspective on this, because I find that most straight couples, especially most monogamous couples in general, have this line that they're like,

if we don't cross this line, then we're good, we're 100, we're solid as long as we do not cross this line. But they have absolutely no 360 perspective on the health of their relationship because they're not talking about anything else. And I do not believe that nonmonogamy is better than monogamy. At the end of the day, I think it's a very individual choice that whatever works with you and your partner. But I will say, I do think my partner and I talk and communicate about a lot of things most monogamous couples do not talk about. For sure. And so I guess like the question for me is, is like, how do you, do you view, how do you engage

with the 360 health of your relationship beyond just like, okay, how do you decide you're good beyond just I'm not hooking up with anybody else? I think, I mean, this, partly it's like the couple's counseling. And it's also having conversations about even, I think sometimes for some couples, being in a monogamous relationship that's kind of set out by a historical precedent means never having to talk about sex. And it's just a lot easier to not to kind of be vulnerable in that way. It's a very specific kind of vulnerability. And so I think it's like the 360 is just like trying to still talk about those things, even if you're in a monogamous relationship of like, what is it that you're feeling?

What are you struggling with or what do you want? And then it's also with the emotional. It's like, I agree with you, too, that the idea that you're going to see movies secretly, oh, my government would kill me. I mean, like, that's a huge thing. And that separation is just absurd. I think seeing the movie alone would be far worse than, you know, a peck on the cheek or whatever. So we just, we just try to talk about, I mean, I think the couple's counseling encourages us to talk.

And then from there, it gave us, like, ability to address each other when we're feeling things. and struggling with things. And because our relationship has so many different dynamics to it with the working together, I do think we're analytical and we explore as many elements of what we're feeling every day in a healthy way. Yeah. I will say being open has really only galvanized my commitment to my husband because I'm fucking some of the craziest people you will ever experience in your entire life. And every single time I come back home and I'm like, well, thank God I'm not out there in these streets anymore. in the way and looking because it's just like it's like it's such a great reminder that I have found

someone sane who loves me who understands me and sees me and then I'll go out and have an experience with a lunatic and it's like thank God I get to go home now like that is like it will only keep me like more and more committed every single time sweet days let's get on to some of the specific questions I usually ask on the speed dates. What is your love language, John Markham? Oh, I'm big on, is touch a love language? Do you a little touch, yeah? Yeah, I'm really, I'm just really physical. I like to be, I like to be pet, I like to be hugged, I like to be rubbed, and usually that's what I need emotionally more than anything else. Is Tova into that? Yeah, I don't think her family is very

touchy-feely, so I feel like she is, and then other times I have to, We can both be overly prescriptive in crises or whatever. And I go like, I just need touch and kisses. So is that, so that's the way you want to receive love. Is there a different way you generally show love? Like, is your love language towards Tova different? The things you do for Tova different. She's taught me that her love language is more gift-oriented.

Really? And I have, I have, yeah. I mean, there's so many different things, but certainly like the feeling of being thought of. And let's talk about that. because I am, I am my, the way I show love is I think primarily through I love gift giving. And I think a lot of, that is the one love language that gets shit on the most because people think it is about materialism and about buying things for people. And it is so not. It is about remembering one random thing that they mentioned six months ago. And then you're out at a store and you see a thing that is associated with the thing that they casually mentioned, didn't even ask for a gift for.

And then you bring that home on a random Tuesday. April, not even on a holiday. Yeah. And then that is, and it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's stored this, I listened and stored that information about you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that or is she looking for our Tiffany bracelet? Uh, I think both.

I think both. But definitely like, it's, it's like, oh, you went to the store and you didn't give me a little treat. And in my mind, I'm like, I'm like, what? I went to get milk at the grocery store. And it's like, so it's, it's a mix. She definitely wants these, these nice gifts, but it is, it is what you're saying about, like, and it's, it's one of those things.

were like, I think I'm good at physical touch, and I also want physical touch. She's an excellent gift giver. Like the things that she puts together in her head from this memory where I go, like, I don't even know how I have this memory to do it. When we our first, I think our first anniversary, I had moved before I met her. I'd moved from an apartment in Harlem. I'd lived in for eight years. And I posted an Instagram story of leaving the apartment. And one of the things was a painting that a friend had made at a housework. painting or whatever. Story, I met her after all of this.

And then for this anniversary, she went on that Instagram story, got the painting, the picture, and put it onto

like a pillow. So it was a pillow of this painting that I didn't even know that she would have known this painting.

So it was like, it was so complex and thoughtful and unique. And because of her skill in that,

I think she, oftentimes, I think she's so smart certain things. She'll get frustrated with people. And I'm like, I don't think they're, they think as well as you do in this arena. You think they're being like, they're like, they're being neglectful. Like, you're just really good. Yeah. And so I've tried to step up my gift giving in that sense, because she every time knocks it out of the park. Yeah, I've bodied

my husband every single birthday. Every single one. Every single one. And it is, and the thing is, is I don't, that's not necessarily how I need to receive love. I think acts of service is like how I prefer to receive love. So it doesn't bother me. It's not a competition, but I win, hands down, every single time. What's best gift you ever gave? The best gift I ever gave? I would say for his, the birthday a couple years ago, our first date was at a piano bar in San Francisco called Martunis, where it's like one of those piano bars like the duplex in New York, where you get to go up and say like, hey, do you have this song? I want to sing it. We both sang songs to each other. And that does not really exist in L.A. Not in the same way it does at this bar in S.F. or a New York,

And he always laments how, like, he would love for there to be Martunis in L.A. And so what I did is I found a bar that had a piano in it. I rented it out for the night. I hired a piano player. I told him, we're going to a seat. I have a show, and I'd love for you to I said, Julio Torres is on the lineup, because he wouldn't come to the show if it was just me. But he is, his favorite comic is Julio Torres. So I lied and said Julio was on the lineup as well, just to get him to come to the show. And he walks in. It's a surprise. prize. I had flown in like six of his friends from San Francisco, two of his friends from college. And people, we got to sing around this piano for the night. And I recreated martunis. I had like a

sign up that said martunis and stuff like that. And that I think is one of the better gifts that I've given him. That's incredible. I've had original songs composed for him. I've had an original song. You know, it's just, I'm, I'm a, it's, unfortunately, though, I've set myself up to fail for the next several years. I know. I know what you mean. There's not a lot of, there's not a lot of places to go from there. Other than communication, because I think that's probably the knee-jerk response to this. But what is a piece of advice you would give to our listeners to make their love lives better, either with their partner or if they're single or something like that?

It's a pretty open question, but let's just leave communication off the table. Oh, gosh. I mean, obviously I think I do so deeply believe in couples counseling. But I also think like I think spending time with other couples is it can be very enlightening. And it can be a thing of like, well, why aren't we doing what they're doing? You can be comparative about it. But I think it also gives you a sense of like other dynamics, how they deal with other things. It just gives you a sense that you're not.

isolated in issues or in good things or in just seeing how they navigate or how they tease or I just, when I was in, when I was in Japan, it just so happened to be that Mosha, Kasha, who I knew already, and his wife Natasha were both there and we spent all this time together with them and they had a kid. And I thought it was just so delightful just to watch them navigate, you know, and there was no fights of any kind, but just navigate, oh, I wanted this and this happened and this and it just made it made our problems feel smaller it felt communal and you just get to see you just get to see how other people do it and it it can give you tips and tricks or it can just make you feel like oh she does that thing too and he does that thing too so i i think spending

time with other couples is that's a really good answer i i agree i think that it's so instructive and for me i see it the same way as i view stand-up sometimes whereas i find that that I get so much more out and I'm inspired so much more by bad stand-up than I am good stand-up. I often walk away from a bad stand-up set and it helps me figure out a premise of my own or fix a joke of my own

because I'm seeing the mistakes happen on stage in front of me and it's the same with couples that we hang out. I find I, when we hang out with a couple that is on the brink, we come back and we are like so, so like, so like happy and like, oh, like that's, Like, this is how not to do things.

And then, like, we really figure it out. So, like, I'm constantly looking for couples who I know are on their last month. And say, like, come over for dinner. Please, you know? Like, it's, it's, who's afraid of Virginia Woolf in my house every single night? But we're the audience for it. We're not George and Martha. That's an incredible answer.

So on with my last two. In terms of pop culture, is there something from a movie, a television show? a song, a book, anything, a poem, that you sort of hold as a model for like what you really, you say like, that's what I want or wanted when you, before you were single, or like, that's what love looks like to me

or feels like to me. I think like, and I've never rewatched them because it's one of those things I feel like I'm fine with how it sits with me. It was the before sunrise series all the way to that third one. Yes. Because I remember watching that third one

and it was like, I broke it, I had a long relationship in college and then it ended and then I was in a painful period but watching that movie it was something about where they were still together but it wasn't necessarily this like glowing fun thing it was like it was like yeah and you're with someone and it's hard and you love each other and it's beautiful and it's tough it's work it's work and there's been past pain and I just remember I just think that like that they made a movie that said that because so many movies movies as a cynic so many movies end with uh i love you oh my god it ends like when harry met sally

another great movie but it ends with you want to spend the rest of my life with you and it ends before the work begins yeah yeah yeah and and i think like and then there's the nihilistic version you know there's like uh the graduate where it ends where they get married and then their faces drop and you're like oh my god they're stuck they fucked up and then the last one before midnight felt like no they're together and yeah it's working it's it's tough sometimes, but God, oh, look at that sunset. Isn't that beautiful? Yeah, that is awesome.

That's such a good answer to that. And then finally, before I let you go, what is something that you have seen or experienced out in the wild this week that is making you believe in love? So I'm staying with my sister in L.A., and, again, this is not romantic love, but it makes me feel more connected to family. And, like, I don't see her that often.

night she needed help moving a fucking carpet under a couch and it was such a mundane task one that I'm being honest I'm very spoiled I would have hired a task grab of me and and you know it's just this thing where I was doing it and I wasn't like annoyed or I wasn't looking at the clock I think of it all the work I needed to do still and it just was like I'm with my my sister and it's we're we've known each other forever and it was like it just just, there's some nice moments with my siblings particularly where I'm like, oh, yeah, family and I think a relationship at the end of the day, a real relationship, it's a family thing.

And it's like, oh, this is so fulfilling, not necessarily fun. I wouldn't be like, let's any other carpets you want to do, but it was like, oh, I feel not lonely. I feel I have purpose. And so I just think of it. And my girlfriend was just staying there too and, you know, watching her. develop a relationship with my mom and my sister and them have their own dynamic and texting. And it's a beautiful and wild thing to ingratiate someone into your family, you know. And my family's nuts in a lot of ways. Tova met my dad the day he was getting a quintuple bypass.

It was an emergency one. We went down and he recorded his, he asked her to hold the phone. And she just met him while he read between me and his new girlfriend, who's a year younger than me, that he was leaving a third of his will to this new girlfriend. And Tova's there holding the phone. And there's that. I remember the first time my mom had Tova. My Toba just flew into Vegas. My mom was in Vegas for some reason.

She said, you dressed comfortably? And I heard, I was like, oh, my. What? Savage. Savage. And that's all we, we're not even going to dinner. That's all you said. And now I'm going back with her to the room.

room and God bless her. She's, she has relationships with both. She can have a phone call with both of them. And God damn, that's better than me sometimes. Yeah, I hear that. I hear that. That is amazing. And the couch thing is so interesting. There is something so satisfying sometimes, as much as we, I am like you would hire a task rabbit. But there is something really beautiful about simple problem solving with those people. Like you set out to work together on a task and you completed it and you did. well and there's there's few things that are more satisfying or again like bringing people together than experiences like that that's a beautiful

answer. John Marco, thank you so much for coming in. This was such a lovely conversation. You're one of the best yappers in the biz. I gotta tell you. One of the best yappers in the biz. Tell our listeners where they can find you what you're doing these days if they want to see you on tour, etc., etc. Yeah, I'm on tour all over America

I'm announcing a Europe tour eventually this year, but just find me everywhere on socials at John Marco Cerasey, spelled with a G or Google Jewish Italian comedian. It's still the first to come up. My stand-of-special Thief of Joy is on YouTube. It's free. Check it out.

And my podcast is called The Downside. And Joel did one of our first ever live episodes at JFL. I would love to do it again. And The Downside available wherever we get your podcast. All right, you're in here first. Folks, go check him out. If you liked what you heard today, please give us a rating and review.

As always, I only read the five-star reviews. I don't pay attention. You're invisible to me if you leave a review below five-stars. So if you have feedback, make sure it's a five-star feedback. And we will be back next week with another episode of Bad Dates. I can't wait to talk to you then. Goodbye. Bad Dates is a production of Smartless Media,

created by Robert Cohen. Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Stuart Bailey. Produced, edited, and engineered by Devin Tori Brian. Produced by Anne Harris. edited by Kyle McRough. Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Social media producer is Tommy Galgana. Executive producers are Sean Hayes, Will Arnett, and Jason Baitman.

Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Komensky. Music by Cushie and Evan Schleller. If you've had a bad date or would like our advice on any dating issues, please tell us about it at baddatespod at gmail.com Or call us at 984-265-3-283. 984-265-3283. That's all for this week. We will be back for more.