Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - Speed Dates: No Wishing, No Washing! (w/ Laci Mosley)

Episode Date: March 23, 2026

On an all-new Speed Dates episode, host Joel Kim Booster sits down with the Scam Goddess herself, Laci Mosley (iCarly, Florida Girls, A Black Lady Sketch Show) to talk all about dating scams (utterly despicable), scamming billionaires (absolutely fine), Laci’s current relationship status, negging culture, what she learned from Love On The Spectrum, and the sheer magnetism of Diane Keaton. Plus: has Laci ever been scammed herself?!    Subscribe to our YouTube Channel for video clips and full episodes.  Merch available at SiriusXMStore.com/BadDates.   Joel Kim Booster: Scrubs Season 10, Psychosexual, Fire Island, Loot Season 3 Laci Mosley: @divalaci on socials, @lacimosley on TikTok, listen to Scam Goddess anywhere you get your podcasts, visit Ticketmaster for Scam Goddess tour dates! Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Bad Dates ad-free. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Bad dates. Speed dates. Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to another edition of Bad Dates Speed Dating Edition. This is, of course, the Bad Dates podcast if you're just tuning in for the very first time. Normally, we have a panel of guests who come in and talk about bad dating stories, but on the Speed Date edition, we slow things down a little bit, which I know seems sort of anathema to what the title says, but we get one on one with one of my very special friends and we talk about whatever the fuck we want to talk about.

And today, joining me is a writer-comedian and actress from shows like I Carly, Florida Girls, and a Black Lady Sketch Show. She is the host of the podcast, the book and the series, Scam Goddess, which has won her two Webby Awards. And you can see her live on tour this spring. Yes. With the show, it's Lacey Mosley, everybody.

Hello, Lacey. Welcome to the Sirius XM Studio, where normally you record, but today you're in my house. I'm in your house now. Does it feel weird? Yes, it does. I started reaching around for paperwork and shit. And then like the walls are blue and it normally red for me.

No, but I like what you've done with the place. They changed the colors of the walls? Yes. Wow. These are your walls. They're blue for you. I feel so special. You are so special.

In fact, yeah, I have a whole new appreciation for the team here at Sirius XM. Before, I couldn't care if they lived or died. But now I understand the work that they're putting in. Before, I would hit them with a Mac truck. Yeah. Now. Now? Not so much. Before we dive in, I have some, I do have some love and dating and stuff, questions that I do want to get to. But I want to talk to you very quickly about your own show and the premise of your own show, which is, of course, very simply, scams. Scams of all kind, big scams,

small scams, everything in between. But let's talk a little bit about dating scams. You've covered dating scams on your show before. Give us a run now. What are some of the most notable dating scams that you've covered on your show. One, I find, like, dating scams to be pretty distasteful. They're kind of, like, really hard for me because they're so interpersonal. Yeah. And it's, like, this person just wants love or a relationship. And, like, I find the violation of that to just be incredibly disgusting.

Like, you need some coin. I understand you need a coin, okay? You run into a scheme. But to manipulate someone's, like, life like that, and I mean, like, to think of names specifically, it's so funny because the dating scammers are all. always the ones that I can't even remember because I remember the scam, but the name and the face of the person, I'm just so detested. But obviously there's like the love fraud that happened with the Tender Swindler. Of course, the number one that everyone thinks of. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There was also one with a doctor, doctor, who convinced a journalist, like a pretty prominent journalist that he was going to get married to her by the Pope in Italy. I remember this one, yes. And she was such a smart woman. She was so excited. He kept leading her on and giving her money from her and eventually she like put on a wig honey and she went to italy and she like skr-skirt pulled up um which i thought was very admirable and very journalistic i mean you're right though there is something i i love your show and i love scams there is something about some of the scams when somebody scams like say a rich like billionaire out of some money it's almost like go off queen yeah like who cares we almost we almost celebrate yeah i almost

And when it's somebody that rich, I'm like, well, who's the victim here ultimately, you know? But when it's somebody who you are taking advantage of their loneliness and their desire to have a human connection with somebody, that is vile. That is diabolical. Elderly love fraud, which we've seen an incredible spike in since 2020 when people were locked indoors, you know, 2019 to now, COVID is still around. But the elderly love fraud. And sometimes it's hard because it's like, I always say, like, please call your grandma. please call your auntie, like go visit them because you don't want them getting on Instagram and thinking that they need to send Bruno Mars $6,000.

And with AI now these days, it's even crazier because some of these voice, you know, like mimics and things like that, it can be so crazy. And if you aren't keyed into all of the ins and outs of what people, what's, if you're not listening to your show, basically, then like, how would you even know? Because it seems so crazy that someone would go through the trouble to do that. And AI is getting better and better. at faking it. And like one of the biggest love fraud demographics for like elderly white dudes I recently

learned about is women's golf. If y'all haven't looked it up, look up women's golfers because they are so baddies. There's some baddies golf in these days. And they've kind of revolutionized the sport or like the WNBA where now people are tuning in and taking notice. But you know, the demographic who really loves to watch golf is still like, you know, elderly white dudes. So now they're getting on these women's Instagram and then the scam, like they're leaving

a little thirst comment. Then the scammer is DMM. them from a fake page after they like the thirst comment and pretending to be them all the way to the point of making AI, like personal little videos like, hey, Richard, it's your girl, like, and scamming them. Well, can I tell you that I discovered this recently? So if you are on, say, like any of the gay subredits, there's a certain kind of gay man that loves to get on and complain about how trans women have now taken over Grindr because there are, there's this influx of trans profiles

on Grindr. And first of all, even the influx, not that many. It's not a problem, baby. It's like there's not enough of them for their, like, like get over it, like, like block, keep scrolling, babe. We're still the majority. But I found this out. It's not even real trans accounts because what happens is these AI algorithms that create bot accounts. They create pretty much an equal amount of gay bot accounts and trans bot accounts. But most gay men are smart enough to know when they're engaging with a bot and they disengage. And it doesn't bear fruit for these people that are trying to scam. Unfortunately, the straight, quote unquote, straight men or chasers that come on Grindr,

looking specifically for a trans woman, are not smart enough to know when they're being scammed by a bot. And so the algorithm that's creating these bots says, oh, the only traps that are actually getting people are these trans accounts. so they create more and more and more of the trans accounts and less of the gay accounts because they're like these guys are the only ones dumb enough to fall for this. So every gay guy, if you're out there complaining about the presence of trans women on Grindr, I have to tell you there's maybe two on the grid at any time. The rest of them are bots and you have the straight men to blame for their presence. It is crazy.

As if we needed any more reason for people to sling vitriol at trans people. Exactly. And then AI was coming in like, hey, we got some discrimination for your ass. But I guess they're not leaving anybody out. Because the first AI stuff that I saw was like in 2020 when they were like, oh, Levi said that there weren't enough diversity in our ass. So we got AI Negroes. And we were like, no, we wanted you to hire models not to put an AI black in here. It's so crazy.

And so I was like, don't worry. We got discrimination for you. We're going to steal your joy, steal your job. We're also going to poison all the people in Memphis and use up all the fresh water. Like AI is literally just hell. It is hell. And it is his, it's like, babes, I get it. It's fun to say like, hey, chat, GBT,

can you make up a song about me and my friends? You know, that's hyper-specific. Here are the details. But is it worth draining a lake for? No. Like, I just think there are reasonable and useful reasons to use AI out there. But that's not it. I just feel like we would.

doing so well without it. And I don't need facial recognition and I don't need the government monitoring. I recently saw a cafe that they had monitoring where they could see how fast, like the baristas were working. They could also see how long each customer was staying in place there so that they could see customer turn over. And I was like, okay, this is we real surveil. It's one of those things too where like, where everybody was having fun submitting their photos to like get AI generated art based on their photos. And it's like, baby, what do you think they were doing with your photos? It's just like you're you're like buying into the police state um so that you can look at a like a cartoon an anime version of yourself yeah wake up also like when has the corporation ever wanted you to have

fun even the ones that are supposed to be like having fun like a theme park like they want you to go and spend all your money exactly and at certain points that's not fun they don't want you just have free fun that's not a thing it's not fun it's not fun but here we are happy days Sweet days Lacey, have you ever been scammed personally? Oh, yeah, of course. In what way? I mean, I had a lot of fun scams happen to me in this industry.

I've had... I'm trying to give you, like, a specific one. Do you want one related to dating or do you want one like... Well, let's go there if we're going there. If you're here. I once met this guy in a boxing class. I was in college and he overheard me

speaking Spanish to someone which is something I like to do when someone else speaks Spanish because my Spanish is like and I don't get to practice It's the best way to learn, yeah So like, you know And so he comes over and he was like

Oh, you speak Spanish And I was like yeah He was like I've seen me in this class a few times I was like yeah, I've seen me in this class a few times And he was like, what do you mean you've seen me in this class a few times? You in this class too, right? But I guess he was trying to be like, you know, cool or whatever So I was like yeah it's part of my electives

Blase, Blaseie, Blase. He's like, oh, I'm Puerto Rican. Like, you know, so we can speak Spanish together. And I was like, oh, that's cute. And he was like, you know, if it's not weird, like, could I like take you out sometime? And I was like, okay. And he was kind of cute. So I was like, okay.

Yeah. Isn't that the dream to meet someone in a boxing class? Right. Like not on the abs, not on some like weird setup in the boxing class. That's like what you want to happen. Yes. And I was in college at the time. So, you know, it was just cute.

And I thought it was cute. So cut to, we're going to do lunch. So we're also keeping it cute and chill. It's not like some dark bar where we have to get drunk or, you know. I like a little day. Daylight safety. Yeah, I love a little daylight safety. So he texts me like maybe 30 minutes before or something.

And he was like, oh, I left my wallet at home, but I just got to campus. And I was like, oh, okay, what do you want to do? And he was like, well, you don't, do you want to just meet in like one of the big dining halls? And I didn't think that was weird because I was in college. Yeah, yeah. The first time I'm meeting you, like, that's not a big. deal at all. So we went to this place called Market. And we get up to the market thing and I swipe in and I had like unlimited dining swipes and so I swip in. I mean, your girl had them swaned sometime. And so I swiped in and then I turned back and he was like, yeah, the wallet so I don't have my swipey. I was like, okay. That's all I swipes. And then we get in, we get our food, we sit down, we start talking. And he's like, yeah, sorry. I just got back. I commute to Can So I left my wallet and I was like okay cool

Well that's fine I don't care as a swipe right so I'm still kind of like yeah yeah yeah whatever and so then he starts telling me about his I was like what do you do like and he was like yeah how I work part-time and so I do that he was like I recently just changed jobs and I was like oh where were you working before and he was like oh, I was working at the bank and I was working at the bank and I was working at the bank and I was working at the denise and I was like oh okay well the bank and I'm in college so I'm like the bank yeah I thought you was gonna say Chapoile yeah right right okay after the DNI see the DNI see the day and I see the DNI see I And so I was like, oh, why did you leave that job? It sounds like a good job of benefits. And he was like, oh, well, I actually kind of got fired. And I was like, oh, damn. And then I was like, well, how did you get fired? That's crazy. I'm still not judging.

And he was like, oh, like a little like insider trading thing. And I was like, insider trading? At the bank? At the bank? You traded inside the bank? Interesting. Interesting. So I'm like, okay, but you're not in jail.

Right. So how back of the event? Yeah, he didn't do a Martha. No. So I'm still kind of on board. And so then I was like, what happened? Like, I'm very fascinated at this point. I knew I loved scams.

Right, exactly. You were a journalist then. Yeah. I was telling me more. So, yeah, I put on my Diane Sawyer wig. I was like, yeah, go ahead. And so he was like, yeah, it was just a situation where I, like, I kind of got a tip because we had some knowledge of just, like, this big account transfer or something.

And so I bought some stock. And it was actually all good and fine. I didn't buy a lot of stock. But then I told a couple friends. at the office. And so they reported me and so I got fired. I'm like, well, I'm lucky we only got shit canned and you were putting in prison.

But also what's disappointing me about this is that you did insider trading and then you bragged about it. Like, come on, if you're going to do crime, be smart. You're stupid criminal. Exactly. That's really what turned me off. And you need my swipes now?

No. That was really what turned me off. I really just shriveled up like a raisin in the sun. Right, it's not the criminal activity. It's being bad at the criminal activity. Yeah. And bad in a dumb way. Like, you went and bragged about it.

And I was like, oh, okay. So now I'm just trying to change the subject. And I was like, so how long have you lived here? I know you said you're from Puerto Rico. And he was like, oh, no, I'm not Puerto Rico. I'm half black and white. And I was like, but. But you said.

But you have said. And he was like, oh, I was just trying to impress you. Huh. Okay, baloney. That is. Now that would impress me if it was by baloney. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Then I would have been onboard again.

But why would you say that? And also, why not keep it going? Why give up the gig so quickly? He gave everything up. Like, it's so incredible. Like, I thought that I just did that to impress you still waiting to be impressed. You know, like, it's like, well, you don't reveal that until you've actually accomplished the goal, which is impressing you, which it doesn't sound like he's done at this point. Cherry on top, he wasn't a student.

And that's why when he said, oh, I've seen you around a couple times. at the boxing class, he really meant that shit because he wasn't enrolled in the class. I guess they just had just pay to take a class. Oh, no. Yeah. And thank God this was during the day. What did you do then? You know, I had to get some class.

Oh, okay. I thought you were about to say you like fully hooked up with him. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Could you imagine? Honestly, if he hadn't bragged about the insider trading thing, you know, he could have still been formidable. No, yeah, because ultimately, let's be real.

real victimless crime. Yeah. What's not on outside of trading? They're all doing it. Who's yeah. Who's, yeah. Who's actually being hurt by this? Who's outside of trading?

Yeah. For real. Nobody. That's tough. And that was such a, that was an early one. That was an early one. And did this contribute to your love of scams and and getting to the bottom of them at the end of the day?

Absolutely. Because I was fascinated with his pathology because he was just lying to lie. Like, why are you telling me you Puerto Rican and you not? to impress me, as if I'm going to be more impressed by one race than the other. I'm looking at your feet of top, I'm looking at your body. I'm not going to be like, what race are you? Like, who I look like a Klan? Did you try to

speak Spanish to him at all, either? I think that's why I was asking him, because I was going to just flow the conversation with that. At least I can get some practicing, you know what I mean? I'm obviously never going to see this person again. But yeah, no, I don't think he spoke it either. That's tough. Now, we haven't spoken, we actually haven't gotten

to Kiki in a minute, but are you you are you are you what's your dating status currently right now oh very single very single that is um honestly a travesty i'm looking i'm looking at the material in front of me i'm i'm looking at the success i'm looking at the verb i'm looking at it depends on how you look at it like either you date somebody and they make your life way worse or sometimes you're singling you're better off no totally i mean it should always be out of somebody and they make your life better it should always be out of yeah let's be real let's if it's not additive then what are you doing When was the last time you were seeing somebody?

Was it the one that I know about? Probably, and that was many years ago. And is it more, would you sort of say it's a choice right now? Wait, you talk about the girl or the guy? The girl. Oh, okay, I guess I was more recent, but still many years ago. Yeah, yeah. And I wouldn't call that serious.

No. I mean, no. No. So would you call it a choice right now? I think it's been a choice for a long. time because anything I've ever wanted in life I've really fixated on and I've really gone after. And I think one of the reasons I love celebrating weddings so much is because I think cynics look at them as like, oh, they're just like wanting to throw their love in our face or their wealth or

whatever they think. But I really think that it takes so much work and effort to find someone that you really like click within the world, maintain your relationship, grow it. And sharing that love with all the people around you who likely had a hand in helping is a beautiful. thing. I literally just came from a wedding in France and it was one of the most beautiful weddings. It was a gay wedding too. It was one of the most beautiful weddings I've been to and it felt like community and so much time. I mean, that's the thing for us when like we and I've talked about this before but I think like there was a moment when we there was a moment in our relationship where it's like we could have just been boyfriends forever. That's fine. Like we didn't necessarily,

I didn't necessarily think that the institution of marriage would change or make our relationship it more important or make it more serious or what have you. But I think that there was a moment where you know how when you tell somebody one of your friends like, hey, I'm writing a book. And then because of that, you got to write that book now because they're going to check in with you. And they're going to say, hey, how's the book going? And it's, and if you, and you don't want to have that egg on your face saying, oh, fuck, I haven't even started writing the book yet. To me, the ceremony of having a wedding, obviously we wanted to throw a, don't. best party, you know, to celebrate our love. But for me, the vows and doing that and saying all that

in front of our community was the equivalent of us saying, we're writing the book and now you're going to keep us accountable to making sure that all those things I said to him, all the work that I promised to do to make sure that this lasts, you are now a part of it. You're in on it now, too, all the people that came to our wedding. And I'm, and I am asking you to make sure that you're holding us accountable and saying, hey, remember when we flew to San Francisco and sat there and watched you say that, you better make good on that promise now. And it's the people that I trust the most in the world to do that and to support, not only say, hey, remember when you said that thing, you got to do that, but also support us in doing that and making sure that it's not, you know,

a nightmare and that there's, it's not just us alone doing that. So I totally agree. I think that a wedding can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. But for me, it was about involving our community in that promise. And that was actually almost word for word verbatim what they were sharing. You know, there was no one there who didn't know both partners. You know what I mean? And we were all like the grooms and bridesmaids. There was only them standing there and us around them. And it was really beautiful. Oh my gosh, it's made me a little bit more. But I just got back. Sweet days. What are you holding out for?

You're very successful right now professionally, I would say, and that takes a lot of time and energy. Is it something that you're, is there a sort of a moment or something you're waiting to happen in your life? Or are you sort of more like, if it comes along, it comes along, I'm not seeking it out? Or is there something that needs to happen for you to seek it out? Well, one, I feel like the biggest scam I've ever heard when I get dating advice from people is like, love happens when you're not looking. No, it fucking doesn't. Nope. No, it doesn't.

Okay? I go to work. I go home. Where I'm going to look around. My living room, ain't nobody popped up yet. So, you know, you do have to put yourself out there. You do have to, like, you know, maybe try a pottery class or, you know, my mom always said, like, single people are looking for someone everywhere they go, which is something that I didn't even understand. Like, I know that I'm on the spectrum, pretty high on ADHD spectrum, which.

People love to self-diagnose themselves with on TikTok. Right, right. Thank God for TikTok. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what I learned was, like, I watched the show Love on the Spectrum on Netflix. And when I was watching it at first out of like kind of like anthropological curiosity and then I was like, wait a minute, I need to watch this because I got to learn. I was like a conversation.

We roll the ball back. Roll it forward. I mean, we ask a question and they answer and we keep the coming. And like it like I spent so much my time like trying to be funny and charming and talk about my life and like I thought like being successful would make me worthy of love and then I realized like I can't I never really feel like I can relax around people. It's very difficult for me to trust people because I'm like, what if you ruin my life? What if you kill me? People have made decisions partner wise that have absolutely ruined them or killed them. So I take it very seriously

and then if you would see my dating history, you would think I absolutely don't. But it's because like if I'm not dating the person that I feel like is really worthy to be in my life, I'm probably like laid up with some bum or some fucking crazy person because I know I can just relax and not even have to try to be like a human because I don't have to impress you because who the fuck are you and why would I care? Right. It's interesting because the thing is about intentionality is first of all, I had never been in an adult relationship until I met my husband, my now husband. And it was a very intentional thing because I said suddenly at the age of 33, I didn't have time. You know what it's like. We were hustling when we had day jobs and we were trying to make this

other thing work? Who had the time? Who had the time to focus on a relationship? I certainly didn't. And so I just never had room. And so when I suddenly did at 33 coming out of the pandemic, I said to the universe, I'm ready. I want this. Here's what I want. And I think that was so helpful. And the difference is, is that, like, yes, it can happen to you, maybe when you're not necessarily looking for it or or been that specific in the way that I was. But you still, when it happens, have to intentionally, create space in your life for it to happen. And it is like a shift in thinking that has to come. It doesn't just like, you don't just trip and fall over a boyfriend and suddenly you're in a relationship. It just, you have to be intentional at some point for it to work. And I think so many

people are either like forcing like when they, when people tell them like it comes when you're not looking for it. Then that just invites so many people to try and trick the universe. Yeah. I'm not looking. I'm not looking. I'm not looking. I'm not looking. And it's like, babe. you're looking. Right. I just don't think that's a thing. And another thing

that I loved about love on the spectrum is like, it was like treat dating like you're just trying to make a new friend. And I was like

I make new friends all the time. So I don't, and I love my friends and I have very good quality friends. So I look at it like if I'm attracted

someone, I'm just trying to be your friend. I'm not trying to like go on a date with you or like see what what it is or flirt. Like I really just want to try to be your friend.

Right. And if that works. Yeah. Then maybe there's something there. I just think that also, if I'm being completely honest, I grew up in a very judgmental household, and there's something

about being seen that terrifies me. Like, you're going to be in my house. You're going to wake up with me. You're going to see how late I might sleep in. Like, you're going to catch me without a wig on. You might see you some straight backs looking like I just set it off. Like, you're going to see me. And I don't feel necessarily

comfortable with that. Right, right. And it's like I think I was like, I definitely understand where you're coming from there. And I spent so much of my time before I met my husband. And even like at the beginning stages of meeting my husband too, trying to curate a version of myself that I felt was presentable. And it took so long and so much trust to let those walls down that it's like that

amount of work doesn't come along in like somebody that you are just like, I don't know, on a third date with and not excited. to see. Yeah. You know, and that's the thing. It's a constant refrain on the show where I'm like, if you are, like, so many of my friends are dating just to date. And it's like, they're not even enthusiastic about the people that they're going on a

third date with. And it's like, baby, if you're on a third date with someone, you shouldn't be like, yeah, I don't know. We'll see where it goes. It's like fine. He's cool. I like him. I think.

I don't know. And it's like, oh, enthusiasm is the name of the game. Like, even at the beginning of my role. relationship. I was enthusiastically looking forward to seeing him every single time I got the opportunity to see him. And that's how you should feel about the person that you're dating. If it's not there at the beginning, I'm a firm believer that it's not going to happen over a time. And I, and I've been wrong about this. People DM me all the time. Oh, I was friends for a while. Whatever. But you know what I'm talking about. Yeah, I do. You know, like, you know the difference between

like being like, yes, of course, be friends with someone first. like what you were saying. And you might not necessarily see that as a love connection right away. And you might not have that gut feeling right away. But it's like if you're even like lukewarm on the person as a friend first, when's that going to happen for you? I mean, I never, I don't think I've ever felt that way like going on a date. And as you shouldn't. And also I used to rethink that like having butterflies around somebody was like indicative of me being excited about them.

And then I did a lot of research into that. it's actually your nervous system warning you that you don't feel safe. And so if you're like looking and they text to you and you're like, oh, they text me and you feel like that it's because you didn't think that they would because they've been switching it up.

They've been wishing to watchy, okay? And this ain't no damn launch mat. Okay, I don't want to wish on watch. I don't do that shit. And so that has been my experience with anybody that I've really seen. And then also because I'm not actively looking, I feel like I'm targeted by people who don't,

they don't want the best for me or they want to tear me down. I can't tell you how many people have shown initial interest in me. And then I could tell very early on that they were the type of person who likes to see a woman have a lot of spirit and break it. That's so crazy to me. And it's crazy to me. So I had to realize I have to be the chooser. And I don't really.

I have to put myself out there enough acting, like pitching, working. There's so much rejection in my life. And you're telling me on top of that, I have to be the one also scouting out my partner because I can't trust the universe to bring it a, a decent person to me. They're just going to bring people and try to fucking kill me. So there's a lot that comes with it for me, but even saying all this aloud,

I don't feel as negative as the things that I'm saying. These are just thoughts that I've had and I think more so explanation for how I got here. Yeah. But I think through a lot of therapy and a lot of growth and even being able to recognize these things, I'm excited for the future. I really think there could be something out there for me.

But also, if there's not, that would be goldberg quote, still lives in my head when they were like, when are you going to date somebody moving? She's like, I don't want somebody living in my house. Yep, yep, yep, yep. And that's totally fair too. Because, like, you were, what you were saying, like the people who want to tear you down, it is such a, I find, and I speak to women on this podcast all the time, where it is this sickness

that some people have, where they see a successful person and they think they can handle it first. But it quickly goes into, who do you think you are? Yeah. And I'm going to make sure that I'm the one who tells you who you are actually. And it's always couched in either empathy or jokes. It's like, oh, I, oh, everybody loves. And in this community.

Yeah. Like, oh, you really think you're something. Like, bitch, yes, I do think I'm something. Do you? You should want me to be something. The nagging culture that has sprung up over the last, you know, decade plus years, that it comes from pickup culture, pickup culture, pickup art. culture that like came from now is like heavily tied into in cell culture too is like they don't

think that people should feel good about themselves or that if they feel too good about themselves then they will feel too good to date you and so you have to bring them down to your level and it's so toxic it's more like endearing to be insecure to those types of people and a perfect example I was at a party and um and I've had so many people do this type of shit to me look there are days where Lacey's going to be just like this. You know what I mean? But I like to make jokes. I like to, I'm a personality.

Sometimes I'm extra because I'm just fucking extra. It's like, oh, you don't always have to be performing. Bitch, sometimes I'm just like this. If you don't like it, move the fuck on. Like, I was at a party and it was a Halloween party. And I was dressed as the general and I had a cartoon carboard a shack. And I was walking around with the general car insurance. And people kept wanting to take pictures and stuff.

I had made like this girl. woman, she was really chill and kind of cool. We had started making a conversation. Every now and then intermittently, somebody would come up and be like, oh, can I get a picture with Shaq? Or like, can I get a picture with both y'all? It's a Halloween party. Everybody's turning up, having fun.

And then at one point in the evening, and this is after we had sat down, we had exchanged numbers, and she was telling me about a Spanish group where they only speak Spanish. I'm like, oh, you got me in Spanish. I'm like, okay, then you got me everything. I come, I'm coming. And something, she's cool as fuck.

And she was like, can you tell me something? And I was like, yeah, what's up? And she was like, do you like constantly need to be the center of attention? Oh, bitch. A immediate turnoff. I got up, walked away, did not speak to that lady again. And told her friend and she said that to me when I left the house. Like, I was, but I was so caught off card because I thought we were having a nice time.

And also, like, in this moment, I literally have on a white mustache, white eyebrows, a general hat, a Gucci belt, a smoochy ass shorts. And I'm carrying around a cardboard cut out of shack and it's fucking Halloween. Right. Like, why are you actually? being like, yeah, it's not like you're at the fucking book club right now, acting a fool.

And the thing is about people who resent people who are the center of attention, who think that, they think that you're working for it. But quite frankly, sometimes when you're charismatic, the attention comes to you. And it's not asked for.

And it's not something that you're working that hard for. And it's like, you know what? If you're mad that I'm the center of attention right now, be mad at the people whose attention came to me. Right. I literally was standing stationary in the kitchen. I'm not walking around doing bits.

Like, we were having a conversation. That was actually true. But yeah, but that was my example of just like, if I see that, immediately I'm running. Like, I don't even give you a second chance. Don't try to dim your light. Like, yeah. Yeah.

You get that dimmer, oh, baby. Get your hand off that light switch. I'm leaving. No, no, no, no. Full overheads. Fluorescence. That's what we're talking about. Statio of lights.

Okay. I want what Beyonce got. This is just so interesting. And it's so tough because I, of course, only see you as like, the most beautiful, funny, intelligent person on the planet. And it's a mystery. And you, I put you in the mystery column of, like, why isn't this person locked down?

And it's nice to hear that this is not something that is plaguing you. It is something that you are, you seem very self-possessed right now. And so, and your life's so full otherwise. So it's not like you're missing out on anything. But, um, I can't wait to see how this turns out. That'll be very foreboding. What would you say if you had to put something label on it?

But like what are you looking for right now? Like if I know that you have not put out into the universe, you're not actively seeking. But in terms of what has it worked for you, what has worked for you in the past, what is the thing that you think the next, the shape of the next person has to be? And you identify as queer. Yeah. Yeah. And so that shape could be a lot of different shapes physically. But what do you think is going to work for you this next time?

Well, what I've been journaling about is I call this person like someone who likes to open the curtains in the morning. That's not me. You know, like if you, I feel like a lot of my adventures in life have come through work or hanging out with other people who want to like do something cool. And I'm like, oh, yeah, I'll come along. Like, I like to tag along. Every now and then I have an idea of something that I want to do. But I like someone who, you know, wants to go on a trip. And I'm like, okay, let me know what I can help with in the planning.

Or like, as simple as like, we should go to the farmer's market today. You know, that's a good idea. Like, sometimes those things don't occur to me just simply because, like, I feel so overstimulated when I'm outside with people. And so I'm either in or I'm out and I have to, like, mentally recharge. And it's just like a stress thing. Well, when you're so, like, I get this. I understand what you're talking about completely because when we're both so busy with work,

that it feels like we're doing a lot. And it feels like we're out in the world, you know, engaging and whatnot. And you forget when you're so work-focused sometimes that you have to like be, there's other, there's ways to interact with the world that aren't work-focused too. And it's so easy to forget about that. And sometimes you do need somebody to say, let's go to the farmer's market, because you, quite honestly, I forget that's an option sometimes. Yeah, it's out there on the Sundays and the Wednesdays and farming and do.

And it's like sometimes I go outside and I go someplace and just remember how beautiful the world is. And it's not that I'm like in my house just like depressed and like and I've definitely started to limit how much activity I have on certain apps because it's just so much doom and gloom. It's like I have to stay alert. Like let me know when they may and I also let me know if we're running or we're going. And then, you know, but then after that I'm like, okay, I got to put this away for a second. But I really, and not to say that this person has to be like my travel planner. But I just feel like some people have like better traits in that area.

And I love to tag along and learn. And then, you know, I'll start suggesting things that, you know. And somebody who's grounded and level-headed, I find that I do really well with people who. And this is not a hit on this person. This is a very dear friend that I've known for a very long time. There's an aspect of her personality that I've loved so much my entire life that I've known her. I don't know if you know, Camilla Benpornia? Mm-mm.

Okay, Camilla, she's an actor. But she's one of the most level-headed people I've ever met. And not in a way where she's suppressing her emotions or she's like, you know, repressed or like passive-aggressive. Not like that. It's just like if she has an issue, like she can talk about it, like an adult, there's no screaming, there's no yelling. And like, she gets places early. And she's like, I don't know. Her nervous system just seems so regulation.

Like, I find this with my partner is also very level-headed. And the way he can give someone a note to, without it being drama, without it being a thing, without it turning, without it descending into shit talking or like defensiveness from the other person is remarkable to me. Because I remember when we first, when I first started dating him. And he was hanging around my friends. He would say, like, our friends, and this is, and this is not necessarily unhealthy what we were doing, but it would be like, God, I can't believe so-and-so was late again. They're always late. They cannot show up on time.

It's so annoying. We cannot depend on them to do X, Y, Z. And I remember he had just been introduced to my friend group, and he said, has anyone told them? And we looked at him like he had five fucking heads. And we were like, wait, what? That's an option? like no of course none of us have told them why would we tell them that's just going to cause a fight

that's just going to make them feel bad that's just going to xyz and he was the one who introduced the idea of feedback to my friend group because he gave he started giving notes like that because his thing is is he will not talk shit unless he's willing to give the person a note which is like the most level-headed mature like alien thing to so many of us see I'm good with that Like I, everything I say behind your back, I've already sent to your face or like, whatever.

And I usually try to couch it in like a joke or like a whatever, but sometimes I am like, but seriously, like, you know, it will make me feel better if we could work on this or whatever. I'm, because I was judged so hard in my youth and still am by a lot of my family and just their communication to me, some have improved. But I'm so used to harsh criticism and it felt like love. And I confused it as love, which is also a journey of why I was finding so many critical people in my life like that. But now I understand that we can just have a conversation and it doesn't have to be like picking me apart and telling me I'm too much. And honestly, if my personality makes you uncomfortable, then you've got to hit the door, baby, because that's not changing. Now, if there's something I said or did that it's something that's actionable, then we absolutely can talk about that because I want everybody in my life to be happy and I want to contribute to their happiness. But I confused the two for so long, but now I know which one is which.

So, yeah, someone who is sharpening iron, sharpening iron, but at the same time, enjoying you for who you are. So that's the kind of person that I'm looking for. And, you know, just somebody, I don't want a woo-woo spiritual person. Like, look, I got some sage in my house, okay? But if you go over that threshold, it's getting weird. Yeah. Oh, good-looking L.A., babe.

I know. I'm honestly not looking in the entertainment field anymore. Maybe an executive, but like I don't want to date anybody who does what I do. do. I always said like a good, give me the B camera up. You know,

like, isn't that the dream? Give me the D.P. Yeah. Careful now. Careful now. But yeah, no,

that's what I was always looking for. And I found somebody, I found a producer. So, you know, a video game producer. So that it's like completely sort of lateral

but still understands the creative aspects of my job. But does it, there's no competition. There's no, you know, There's none of that and they're not too in it and they don't care. They don't care that much about it. You know, like, because I think the problem with people in our industry in this town especially that makes it really hard to date them is that once you're at the level that we're at too, it becomes so uncool to care.

Or to be excited about your success or to be excited about what we're doing. Because it's like, yeah, that's our job. Of course we should be, you know. We're at a peak. We're all peaking at the next summit. Exactly. And it's like, oh, I was at this event, but I wasn't at this part of the event. And it's like, I can't live like that. No. And it's like, and if you are excited for your own successes, your own accomplishments, suddenly

you're arrogant. You're like, it's like, oh, like you think you're all that because you, you got this, that. The other thing. And it's like, there's a fine line. It's like, you still need people in your life to celebrate those things to gas you up. And there are, sometimes when you're dating somebody in the industry, you, you You're like, the mindset becomes, this is our job, so I'm not going to be excited.

I'm just going to be like, yeah, this, I, of course, I'm at the Emmys. Like, that's what we should be doing. Like, so much joy stolen from me when I, drives pretending that I'm looking at the next thing. And that's also such a plaguing question in our industry. There was like, what's next? I'm like, bitch, I'm at the what's here. Can we be present? Right, right.

I got the billboard right there. Can we talk about this? But I'm like, no, so next is I'm going on this tour and I'm doing this. But it's like, we're feeding it. a capitalistic machine that is never going to allow us to have peace or joy. So I'm excited to have someone where I can be present. And to have, oh my God, biggest thing, to have someone where I'm excited to go home. Like, working with Danny Pouty, like, and I'm mentioning specifically because shout out to him, I just want to give him his flowers. Like, when we were

on set and like shooting going Dutch and stuff, like, if there was time where our time zones in Ireland and the U.S. linked up, he's on the face time with his kids and he's like showing us to his, There are projects, but genuinely excited about his family. And also, like, he would leave work at work. He wasn't going home texting somebody, a coworker, stressing about something that didn't go right during the day because he was on the phone with his family. Right.

Because there's more important things in life than work. Right. Like, I love what we do. I think it's very important. But at the end of the day, like, I'm not doing open heart surgery. No, and you know, there are so many people in this industry that we've worked with that don't care if their families ever die. And it's such a different, it's such a different thing.

Because Maya was the same, Maya is the same way on set on Lute. Like she is like, no, actually, I want to drive my daughters to dance class. So we will not be working an 18 hour day today. Like that is not the C for her because of, and it goes back to family. And it's something that I've learned from her that I really want to model because I think does so many people in our industry fetishize the work in a way where it's like, it should feel hard. It should feel brutal.

Consuming. Yeah, it should feel all-consuming. And if it's not all-consuming, if you don't feel like you have given every single ounce of energy, blood, sweat and tears, every single day, then you're not actually creating art. And it's like people like Danny and people like Maya have really shown us that it's possible to have that balance and still care about the work and still produce good work. But it doesn't have to be draining. It doesn't have to like, and I will say it's actually kind of a problem because, as a stand-up and as a person who works in this industry, you get it. It's like hanging out is such a big part of it.

Sometimes putting in that FaceTime, the social aspect of it. And it's so hard now because I'm like, I do the show and I'm like, actually, I'd like to go home. Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, yeah, I would like to spend time with my fucking husband. Thank you very much. So it is, it does become an issue. But I know that that's all going to come to you. And I know it's going to come to you in good time because you're putting that energy. You're putting good energy out.

And that is what you're going to be. going to get back. Sweet days. Speed days. Before I let you go, we do have two little questions that we always ask on the speed dates. And that is, the first one is, what's your favorite, most memorable or most influential example of romance from pop culture? It could be a song, a movie, a relationship, a person, a scene.

anything. It's a pretty open question, but anything from books, movies, television, music, etc. That springs to mind when you think of like, that's the, that's what I want. I have to say that it's the magnetism of Diane Keaton and something's got to give. Hell fucking yes. Like, you can have love at any age. Fine-ass Keanu Reeves saw her in the hospital and was like, what's up, baby boo? And she also had the more age-appropriate guy. You know, like, it was just, it just showed me that society has really put a lot on women where there's some expiry date when really it's just that our minds have developed and the cerebral cortex is there you can't trick us no more and to see a beautiful intelligent woman in her all cream and white walking down the beach with her own fancy house and her own life and then the magnetism of that

I was like it it blew me away I was like I want to be that yes where is nancy meyers rescue us nancy Myers. Where have you been? Like, oh, yeah, we need more of that. Yeah. We need more of that. I think it's so much more interesting. And yes, so much more inspiring. That's such a good poll. And you know what? It's funny. A lot of people

have referenced Diane Keaton on this. Not any, something's got to give, which is wild, but she's an inspiration to us all. What is something that's making you believe in love this week? It's been a short week, but in the last seven calendar days, what's something

that's making you believe in love. I mean, I literally, one, I loved hearing about your relationship. So that's a very short term. I can use that one, which is great. But also being at my friend Luke and Austin's wedding. And it being so, like, but their parents couldn't make it. And some of their parents are dead. And we all were working so hard to like, you know, if there was any little detail or anything,

like somebody need to grab them, whatever, whatever. They obviously had like wedding staff and things like that. but there were just so many friends showing up and being like, what do you need? Do you need this? Or like, can we help you with that or whatever? I went to a Sephora because last minute, like we did makeup on one of the groups.

And so I helped them color match. And then I was terrified doing it because I was like, oh, fuck, this is your groom makeup. Right, right, right, right. Your photos are going to be cranky. And like, doing that and just seeing how everyone in that room and in that, you know, place was so excited and happy to be there

and gave up like a week and a half of their lives to go, you know, travel around and support and love on these people and there wasn't any real drama nobody was acting you know it was all love and I was like wow like I know there's people in my life like that for me

and I would love to share something with them like that one day oh my gosh oh that's so beautiful and so real because this is the thing I think that sometimes both wedding goers and the people throwing weddings forget and this is something that we really realized and didn't and thought about it

during the planning process but also didn't really feel it until the day which is that it's a reciprocal thing where it's like people are putting in a lot of work to show up for you but we also put in a lot of work to make sure that they felt like they were a part of something and and that it was fun that obviously it was a fun and an amazing experience for them but also because they were putting in all this work to show up for us and it's the cyclical thing and I think it is so like I think oftentimes the balance is off sometimes I think people are like you're showing up for me

this is my day and like you're putting in the work and I think sometimes people are like where is the open bar where is you know you know and it's like I came for it who's the DJing exactly yeah it's so beautiful what you're talking about just even the little active service of doing their makeup like you know my my family um chose not to come to my wedding which is you know whatever it's it is what it is I stopped it I never I haven't really conceptualized my parents coming my family coming to my wedding in a long time. So when that was like the case, it was like, I grieved that years and

years and years ago, so it didn't. And that's exactly. Exactly. I have found out the family that fills in the gaps. And when you stop expecting certain things from your family, it was such, it puts such a fine point on this, on this sort of the way I've lived my life for the last

couple decades, which is I have found people that provide for me that, you know, service, serve the needs that I have that my family who I love cannot be everything to me. Yeah. Cannot be like provide everything for me emotionally. And you just find the people that can fill in those gaps. And it's wonderful. And when you stop expecting certain things from your family, it is, you are so much freer and so much better off for it. And if you're struggling out there

because your family isn't coming to your wedding or whatnot, like trust me, you will have people there who are going to fill in those gaps. And it's going to feel just as powerful and just as important and you will feel just as loved as if your blood family, what have you, would come to your wedding. Absolutely. And in this economy, if people are coming to your wedding,

you're coming because they want to celebrate you. Holy shit. Lacey Mosley, thank you so much for joining me today. As I said, up top scam goddess is going on tour. Where can people find tickets for this tour, find information on the tour? Scam goddess of ticketmaster.com. The first date is March 26 in Chicago.

And then we're going to bop around. And that's at the House of Blues. But if you're going to Scam Goddess and Ticketmaster.com, all the dates are there. I'm going to San Francisco, New York. I'm coming home to Dallas. Y'all better not disappoint me. I'm going to the punchline in Irvin. And I bet I should see some cowboys.

I better see some fans and some red. But yes, I'm very excited to do that. And yeah. Yeah. Catch this energy live. I got to tell you. I don't be crying. Who's in the room with it right now?

The energy is infectious. The energy is important. The energy is lovely. where can people find you online if they're looking for to follow you day to day? Listen to my podcast. Scam Goddess. So I can warn you about the scams

and we can laugh together. And then Scam Goddess, that Scam Goddess Pod on Instagram. and then D-O-L-A-C, D-I-V-A-L-A-C-I-D-D-A-D-A-D-L-A-D-A-D-L-A-D-L-A-D on all platforms and Lacey Moosey on Tick-Tac. And that is that. Thank you for tuning in to another edition of Speed Date. I'm Joel Kambuster. If you liked what you listened to OudtD-T-E, please give us a rating five stars. And nothing below that.

I won't be paying attention to anything that's five stars or under five stars. I'm Joel Kimbooster. I'll see you next week. Goodbye. Bye. Bad Dates is a production of Smartless Media, created by Robert Cohen. Executive Proocer. are Robert Cohen and Stuart Bailey,

produced, edited, and engineered by Devin Torrey Bryant. Produced by Anne Harris. Edited by Kyle McGrath. Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Social media producer is Tommy Galgana. Executive producers are Sean Hayes, Will Arnett, and Jason Bainman. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Komensky.

Music by Cushie and Eben Schlever. If you've had a bad date or would like our advice on any dating issues, please tell us about it at Bad Dates Pod at gmail.com or call us at 984-265-3283. That's 984-265-3-2-83. That's all for this week. We will be back for more.