Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - Speed Dates: Nobody’s Quirky Anymore (w/ Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata)

Episode Date: October 27, 2025

On this special extended Speed Dates episode, host Joel Kim Booster sits down with actors, comedians, and best friends Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata to talk about things they’ve overlooked to stay in a relationship, maintaining their close friendship in a competitive industry, doppelgängers, Mona Lisa Vito, A Goofy Movie, and when exactly it was that they first met (disputed). And remember: you can’t teach a dog to jump through a hoop when they’re old. Everybody says that.  Joel Kim Booster: Psychosexual, Fire Island, Loot Season 3Nicole Byer: @nicolebyer on socials, Why Won’t You Date Me, Best Friends ,90 Day Bae, Newcomers, new crowd work specials on YouTube!Sasheer Zamata: @thesheertruth,  Agatha All Along, Best Friends, stand-up special The First Woman Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Bad Dates ad-free. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Bad Dates Sweet Dates. Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of Bad Dates. I am your host, Joel Kim Booster, coming at you with a very special episode of bad dates today. Normally, if you're just tuning in, this podcast covers all manner of bad dates, from hookups to relationships to marriages even. We cover it all. But today, we're doing something a little bit different because we have two very special guests in the studio with us. day. We have a comedian, actress, writer, and Emmy-nominated host of shows like Nailed It and

Wipe Out. She's the author of Very Fat, Very Brave, and she hosts the podcast, Why Won't You Date Me, and co-host Best Friends. It's Nicole Beyer. Hello. It's me. Wonderful, wonderful to see you. And we welcome a comedian and actress from Woke, Home Economics, Agatha all along, and, of course, Saturday Night Live. She is also the co-host of the podcast Best Friends. It's Heshaerza. It's me. Wow. Thank you so much for supporting that. This is very exciting because you guys just took six months off from doing best friends.

Yeah, we're back. What was the rift? What caused you to split up for six months and what reconciled you? Well, Sashir sometimes says really rude remarks when we're not on air. You fucking lying, you bitch. Kind of like that. And I really just got sick of it. You needed space.

And I needed just a little space. Yeah. And now you're glowing. And I hope she doesn't take away the glow. Thank you. She likes it. She likes it. She likes what I mean.

Therapy, talking about it. No, we took a hiatus because we moved network. Yeah, we're looking for a new home and now we're at Headgum. Nice. And it's fun. We're glad to be back. Yes. Talking about friendship, answering questions.

Yeah, because we like, you know, our friendship. Yeah, no. I mean, famously, best friends. And it's also nice to. The media talks about it. The people talk about it. The media talk about it. I am the media.

The media is hot on it. Yeah. As we do every episode, even though we're not doing a full bad date stories time hour here on this episode, I am going to start you off with a little bit of an icebreaker, which we have a panel of experts and listeners who write in with questions that you can ask yourself or your partner or your friends before you decide if someone is the one. And today I want to know from the two of you. What is something that you have overlooked in order because you want to love or like the person? And this can be something you've overlooked in a hookup, a date, or a relationship even. But just something that you've said, you normally would say, nah, but because of the person, you're saying, well, all right. Bad dates.

I'd say a messy room. Messy room. Like a tornado came through, clothes on the floor. It's like, oh, it's been messy like this for a while. And I guess for some reason I was like, oh, well, I just won't go to their place. They'll just come to mine as opposed to like, I don't want. So you can trash, they can trash your place instead. Start anew.

Bring your trash to me. I don't know how people live like that. I don't either. It's so crazy. She moved out and the rats that had started living in her room, came out of the room. Can you believe? They're out of like, there's more to this apartment. Oh, my God.

And then we just had a rat problem or a mouse problem. Well, yeah, please don't miss species them. If they were mice, then they were mice. That's what you go down for after everything you've said. They're not all rats. Nicole, what's yours? Sometimes I'll keep dating people who I know actively don't like me. Oh, yeah, that's a big thing to overlook.

I'll be halfway through the date and they'll like go to the bathroom after saying something kind of rude. I'm like, this person hates me, but I'm going to stick it out. I'm going to win them over. Maybe I could change them. Yeah. I would say that's a very common one, unfortunately. It's sad to say out loud. Yeah.

A couple years now. Yeah. Many people. And what do you think? Like, other than the example you just gave, like, what's a big telltale sign that it, that it should be done, but you've pushed past it. I am a late person. That's just who I am.

It's upsetting. I understand to respect people's time, but I just have a hard time getting places on time. And I say that rather early when I start dating somebody. And if they harp on it, can't accept it, make comments about it, that's an indication to me that they don't like this part of my personality, and I got to get out. because I've been like this for 62 years. So, like, you can't teach a dog to jump through a hoop when they're old.

I, what is it? Oh, you can't teach an old dog nutrition. Jesus Christ. She's dementia's taking her already. It's creeping in. The brain rot is happening. You ever, like, say things, and you're like, this is wrong, but I'm going to follow through?

That's what happened there. Absolutely. You can't just tell me this is who you are and accept it. I have to see that you're also. me meeting me a little bit halfway. I don't expect anyone to accept it. Just tell it people the facts of the matter. The facts are, I will be late. It's news. It's not great.

It's bad. Not an opinion piece. You are just reporting the facts. That is interesting that nobody's quirky anymore. Because I'm like, I do have ADHD, but also I'm a whimsical bitch. Yeah, you are. Everybody knows that about you. And I feel like we should all start embracing our weird things. It was so funny when I was at Burning Man this year, I saw a guy. who was wearing cackies and a button down. Yeah. Business casual.

And I was like, out of all these people who think they're fucking weird, this is the real one. This is the real one. Because like part of, one of the tenants is like radical self-expression. And then we all go and look exactly the same. Like it's a uniform.

And then I was like, that is radical self-expression. Definitely. He's like, I'm comfortable. Coming to Bernie Man and business casual. Everyone in furry boots and bikinis is like, I'm such an individual.

And he was like, left Best Buy. You're like, that's... Sweet days. Sweet days. How long have you guys been friends? Since 2009. I think 2008. Oh, really?

2009. Well, she claims that she wasn't in New York in 2008. I moved in New York in 2009. But I truly believe that's, I met you in 2008. And I feel like your memory is all. It just isn't, though. Let's pull up leases. Leases.

Was it, I mean, how close to it was the Obama inauguration, if you can place it that way? Oh, I was living in Maryland during the Obama inauguration. So, yeah. So that would have been January of 2009. So it sounds like. I moved after that. She said, hope change. I'm going to New York.

Yes, we can. Yes, we can. Yes, I will. I'm moving to New York. So I guess we met in 2009. And was it through comedy? It was through UCB. The great connector.

The great, great, great improv connector. It's connected a lot of friendships. It's connected a lot of young girls with much older men. It is. You said it, sister. Oh, I should say young women. I don't want to get sued. I remember being really intimidated by you when we first met because you had a television credit.

I was like, she's on girl code. I can't talk to her. How funny. I know. And then, I mean, you're obviously, like, sort of immediately disarming because you're kooky. I'm a little kook. But I do remember anyone who was on girl code or guy code, I was like, well, they made it. They really made it.

And it is funny when you get a show like that. I mean, it's my first show. I'm really grateful and thankful for it. But it was really wild to be like, huh, I have to keep a day job, but I'm on television. Yeah. And what do you think being experts, because you have a podcast in it, and that makes you an expert in it, what do you think, and this is kind of closely connected to what we talk about on this show, but like what makes a long lasting friendship work, especially one where you're working together a lot and you're in a very competitive industry where you've quite literally been up for the same jobs before? Like, how is that not fuck you guys up? Because I know that that is something that I struggle with

with a lot of my close friends in the industry specifically. Well, if Sashir gets a role that I also was up for, that means they weren't looking for me. Yeah, because we're very, very different types. So it's like, why would I ever get mad that you got something that truly just means you were better suited for it. And also, you get the money and not some other black woman. Keep it in the family

But also your wins are my wins That's how I feel We've also been really lucky We've gotten to work together so much Like when I was on Grand Crew You were in the pilot I got to do home economics So we just

It's nice when people in the room know we're friends And they just like kind of throw us in things together I will say I feel very similar to like Bowen like obviously like we are similar to you guys in that like obviously we're very different but somehow get put in these same rooms a lot of the time and when I I've told someone exactly the same thing where it's like if they wanted him then they clearly didn't want me and the thing is is you have to believe that you are different enough from this person that everyone else maybe

thinks you are checking the same boxes but I have more I don't know like I believe in my the way I am different, that I am a separate human being from Bowen, no matter how many people want to think we're the same. Has that ever happened to either of you? Have you ever been stopped for, has anyone ever been like, I love you on SNL? Or has anyone ever been like, I love you on, nailed it? Well, our improv group that we performed in was called doppelganger, because people kept coming to us thinking we were that black girl. Like, so insane. That is so insane. It is as, like, I've never met someone else who quite understands that experience of not only being mistaken for someone else, but like someone who is so, like, it just tells you that person is like black woman and then stops thinking after that, you know? And for us, it's like gay, Asian. And then they're like, that's all the information. It couldn't be more. All the information. There's only one. Yeah. Yeah. I think someone congratulated me for getting on a mod team, on a sketch team at UCB when you got on. And I was like, that's not. It's not me.

We once did a show where we asked for a suggestion and someone said, destiny's child. And we were like, whoa. So you saw three black women and we're like, three black women. I got to say it out loud. Yeah, I mean, listen. But joke was on them. We really deconstructed race. You're going to learn today.

Which is like, I wish Destiny's Child would do more of, quite frankly. Has it happened in the press to you yet? Because you know that's how. Yes. There was when. I can't remember what the headline was but it was like Nicole Byer or something and then there was a picture of Lizzo

and I was like, well, well, you know. I hate that. When Bowen was cast on SNL, they used my photo and the Hollywood reporter used my photo instead of Bowens for his cast announcement. The Hollywood reporter? Like, where are the checks?

And then they later, like last year, the Hollywood reporter also, I think this was written by AI. Probably. referred to me as the host of Los Culturistas and then they like apologized

and then Out.com was reporting on the Hollywood reporters fuck up and they also got me and Bowen mixed up in the article and so then like

it was like they were calling out someone else and they did the same thing and it's just it truly feels it makes me feel insane it makes him feel insane

it is and I don't want to be too dramatic about it at a certain point it becomes dehumanizing it's not dramatic it is dehumanizing. It is dehumanizing. humanizing that it's like you simply can't tell the difference between two people who don't

even look alike. I think it's truly just the culture has to keep evolving because sometimes I'll see a bunch of, you know, white men's pictures and I'm like, all of them get to be actors. All of them get to be cast and say. There's seven rogaradians and all of them are named Chris. And they all just look the same. But then in the culture, we don't mistake in them. No.

That's kind of crazy to me. Sweet days. are either of you in relationships right now yes yes both of you wow and how long has it been for you a little over a year and a half that's amazing i really i was like oh i don't know and if you don't if you don't have to answer any of my questions honestly about anything on this podcast you can be really difficult if you want um but uh how did you meet this this person you did okay well and that is like at this point, do you remember when we used to be like, like, oh, no, that's funny.

I never was like that. I was like, get me out there. More people? Yeah, no. Yeah, we met on an app, but it was funny because we have a bunch of mutual friends. So, like, we started dating, and then people would be like, oh, I know his sister, and I actually, like, know him from, it was like, and then my movie. So you guys all do know each other, huh? That got me good.

That was funny. Yeah, a lot of mutuals. That's so cool. In the industry? Not in the industry? Not in the industry. Can you believe? It's really nice and he doesn't care.

God bless, Godspeed. It is so nice to have that person because mine is also not and it is so nice to have that person in your life because they really don't give a shit. No, they don't give a shit at all. You know, there's always like, it is nice to have someone in your life who also is just unabashedly happy and proud of you no matter what. And it's not that my friends who are in the street. aren't proud of me at moments

but it is like this loaded thing sometimes when you you especially right now in the industry where everything is so hard it is weird to tell your friend who you know is struggling hey I booked this thing isn't that exciting and like of course when I do and they find out they're very happy for me but there is like this weird barrier for me where I'm like

I don't want to share this with you know everybody who I know is out of work right now so it's nice to have a partner who's just like that is amazing and that's so nice have you brought him to an award show yet Not to an award show, but I did bring him to a premiere. And he was like, that's so weird. Here's the thing.

I'm not cool. I'm really always excited to be dressed up and out of place. And good for you. We went to the Sonic premiere at Sonic 3. And Keanu Reeves was like doing an interview. And I was like, oh, it's Keanu. And he was like, cool. The thing about you, though, is unfortunately, like,

even though you're doing maybe uncool things, like your energy is like kind of effortless especially around people like famous like I don't know like I've like I get why you'd say you're uncool but like unfortunately you give off the air of being cool even when you're doing something like that shouldn't be cool by any rate it's like interrupting Keanu Reeves on a red carpet like if Anna Kendrick did that boot you know but like you doing it is so funny and listen that was not I think Anna Kendrick would agree with me There's just a certain thing she can't do. Well, she's right outside. And imagine I brought her. She's holding her purse. She's in my purse. So shear, you're also in a relationship right now.

How long has it been for you? It's in three years. That is so long. And it feels crazy because I remember when it was early in you telling me about it. And it feels like yesterday. I know. Yeah. Time flew.

Time flies and you in love. And how did you meet your partner? Also on an app. Also on an app. Yeah. Amazing. That's happening. How did you meet your partner?

In real life? So it's a little bit, a little bit more special than your situation. Wait, how long has it been for you? It'll be, it's four and a half years. Dang. Four and a half years. And yeah, it's crazy. He's a real cutie, and he's sweet.

He is, he is like the best of all the things. What is a love story, relationship, or tangentially related to love experience in pop culture, movies, television, music, that you. hold on to as sort of your guiding light for what you want to feel when you're in love? It's a big question but it doesn't have to be serious. And I have three answers. Oh, I love that.

So my cousin Vinny is one of my favorite movies and also kind of like my favorite love story because Marissa Tome comes through for Joe Pesci in such a beautiful way at the end of the movie and she wants to be of service and she wants to help but he didn't

want to be loved like that because he wanted to win the case on his own but then he realize actually I do want to be loved that way and I do need her help and it's so beautiful it is one of I mean there's a lot of conspiracy theories about her winning the Oscar that year but what are the conspiracies the conspiracies are that she didn't deserve it and someone the guy who read the name or there was like a switcheroo or like something like it's go deep a la la land situation yeah like that literally that um but some people think it was intentional some people think it might have been an accident some people think it happened like

It's one of my favorite performances. No. And the thing is, is I think it holds up so well. I think so, too. In ways that, like, certain performances that have won don't hold up for three years later, you know. And so, yes, I agree. What are your other two? Garfield and lasagna. Every, like, he's just always eating it.

And I love that dedication. That's, like, true love because lasagnas are labor intensive. Right, yeah. You know? Do you want to be the lasagna or the garfield? in the relationship. I'm allergic to cats and I think, I think I want to be meaty. I'd like to be the lasagna.

And you want to be adored. Yes, adored and devoured and admired. And then my third one is Andy Dufrain and Red from Shawshank Redemption. They have such a beautiful friendship and love. Oh. And Andy loves Red and Red loves Andy. And then when Andy, spoiler escapes. He leaves clues for Red to come find him, so then they can, like, just retire together in Mexico.

You know, with the male loneliness epidemic happening in this country right now, they should all watch the Shawshank Redemption. Or go to prison, quite a lot of way. Yeah. It makes one or the other. Lasting friendships. Finally learn how to commune with other men. So, Shere. I'm probably paying in this because it's my favorite movie, but a goofy movie. the love story

between Max and Roxanne I just think is so beautiful because he's willing to cross the country with his dad with his goofy ass dad to impress this girl and it works and I just like the lengths

that he's willing to go to to like get the potential of love and also I had a huge crush on Roxanne so also I was also in love would you drive across the country with your father to get to your current partner? Probably, yeah.

Wow. So that's love, everybody. I actually don't know your relationship with your father, so it could be like totally chill and it's easy. Yeah, I actually took a half country train trip with my dad, like from San Francisco to Chicago. It was very fun. Would you go cross country in a car with just you and Michael Rappaport

to get to your lover? that's tough yeah probably I wanted to make it a little more difficult because your dad seems really chill foof we don't know each other so it's like a lot of like small talk for days I would do it go right to sleep that's fine let him drive you trust you trust him for that that is actually you trust yourself yeah I don't know I don't know I've been quite slainerous on this podcast today so I have to be careful um anyways um that's a beautiful one um and so now um sort of round Founding out the podcast, this has been a lot of fun. Yeah, this has been so fun.

And it's like, I always come in and I'm like, oh, here comes more stories, but God, I just want to chat, you know? And so this is nice. This is really nice. In fact, sometimes I think the episodes run too long because I want to talk about anything but the stories. I just want to chat. I'm a great fit for this podcast. So please tell us this week, what is making you? believe in love.

Ooh. Hmm. This week. And it can be, again, anything for media, pop culture, or it can be something you saw out in the wild. It can be something that just filled you with that feeling of like, love is real. I mean, I had a moment of disillusionment with love because of the Nicole

Kidman Keith Urban News. They're splitting up. And I was like, even then. I really thought they would go to the distance. But maybe, you know, because I think sometimes there's a thought of like, well, we've done this for so long. we may as well stay together, stick with it, but they both chose themselves. Yeah, I was going to say.

So maybe that is. Loving yourself. Love story. Loving yourself to know you deserve to be happy and fulfilled. You deserve just a little better. I was so grumpy and so angry on, what's today? Thursday? On Sunday, I was like, oh, God.

And then I got my period and I was like, life is good. So, yeah, the blood flowing out of me is helping me. believe in love. Your body functioning. I'm going to say something and I might ask them to cut it later. But I don't think we address enough when we're watching reality competition shows that this is something women are experiencing and could like, we watch Project Runway. We've been watching all the old seasons Project Runway. And sometimes we're like, well, she's clearly going through it right now. Like she should, they should take a break. They should take a break and let let her be not going through that process while she's trying to design a dress.

Because of course she's crying. Yes. I, as a woman, have never fucking thought of that. Which is wild. Nicole, what are you doing these days and where can people find you? Okay, so Halloween weekend, the 30th, 31st, and 1st of October to November, I'll be at Madis or Comedy on State in Madison, Wisconsin. One of the best clubs in the country.

One of my favorite clubs. And then I'll be at Helium Comedy Club in Buffalo, New York, the 7th, and the 8th, and the 9th of November. Yeah, and then I'm on Instagram at Nicole Beyer on Twitter. I still like Twitter at Nicole Byer. I don't really post anything, but I like the memes. My algorithm is good to me. Sure. It's good to me, so it must be great.

Oh, and I have other podcasts. podcast. Why Won't You Date Me? Best Friends with Sashir, 90J Bay, which is on Patreon with Marcy Jaro, and then Newcomers with Lauren Lapton. Jesus Christ. This is great. This is so crazy. I have a story to tell you about our old podcast that we hosted together after we get off the mic. But that's amazing. If you have the opportunity to see Nicole Live, you must see Nicole Live. Please. Also, I have a crowdworking special on YouTube. I have two of them. I'm wearing the same thing. But it's because I thought I cut them together. But then I had, I just so good. I did two. What? What?

Amazing. I'm going to check that out because I do love some crowd work. Sashir, what are you doing these days and where can people find you? You can see Agatha all along on Disney Plus. You can listen to our best friends podcast. All my socials are at The Shear Truth. My special The First Woman is on Hulu. Everything I do is on Disney Plus. So if you still have a subscription, you can see myself.

Incredible, incredible. Well, must check out Sashir's stuff. Sashir has one of the most iconic final scenes of any television show I've ever seen. So if you haven't seen that, I get that all along, you've got to dive in. And I will say, very easy to watch if you have not seen any other Marvel property.

It really stands alone as its own thing. And we're getting into spooky season, so very appropriate. Yeah, oh yeah. Great Halloween watch. Highly recommend. All right, I've been Jolkin Booster. this has been a very special episode of Bad Dates. I had a fucking

blast. Me too. So fun. So follow them. Go and see them live when you can. And check us out next week for a return to regularly scheduled programming. Goodbye. Bye. Bye. Bad Dates is a production of smartless media created by Robert Cohen. Executive

producers are Robert Cohen and Stuart Bailey. Produced, edited, and engineered by Devin Torrey Bryant. Produced by Ann Harris. edited by Kyle McGrath. Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Social media producer is Tommy Galgana. Executive producers are Sean Hayes, Will Arnett, and Jason Baitman.

Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminsky. Music by Cushie and Evan Schleder. If you've had a bad date or would like our advice on any dating issues, please tell us about it at baddatespod at gmail.com or call us at 984-265-3-283. That's 984-265-3283. That's all for this week. We will be back for more.

Bad Gates.