Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - The Basics of Hate-Scrolling (w/ Yassir Lester, Chelsea Devantez, & Alaska Thunderfuck)

Episode Date: September 7, 2026

Joel Kim Booster brings together three guests he’s almost scared to put in the same room — writer/actor Yassir Lester, writer-director Chelsea Devantez, and Drag Race All Star Season 2 Winner, Alaska Thunderfuck — to dig into how online identity messes with real-life relationships. The icebreaker is pulled straight from Chelsea’s movie Basic: name the person you hate-scroll most. The group swaps stories on jealousy-fueled Instagram deep-dives, building an entire villain out of an ex’s social media, and the specific chaos of getting deep-liked years after a breakup. Alaska shares the surreal experience of getting DMs after announcing her engagement, ranking her fiancé against her ex (“in the bedroom too”). Plus: where to draw the line between staying authentic online and protecting your partner from strangers with opinions.Subscribe to SmartLess Media on YouTube for full episodes, and follow @intimacycoordinatorshow on Instagram and TikTok for clips.Joel Kim Booster: @ihatejoelkim · Loot Season 3 (Apple TV+) · Fire Island (Hulu) · Psychosexual (Netflix)Alaska: @theonlyalaska5000 · Mary Todd Lincoln in Oh Mary! · Drag Race All Stars Season 2 Winner (Paramount+) · Race Chaser PodcastChelsea Devantez: @chelseadevantez · Basic Short Film · Author of I Shouldn't Be Telling You This (But I'm Going To Anyway) · Glamorous Trash: A Celebrity MemoirYassir Lester: @yassir_lester · The Gutter (Hulu) · Black Monday (Netflix) · Substack Produced by Brian Baldinger and Anne Harris. Associate Producers are Maddie McCann and Katherine Calligori. Editor is Jacob Vaus. Executive Producers are Will Arnett, Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, Robert Cohen, Richard Korson and Bernie Kaminski. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Intimacy Coordinator ad-free. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey folks, Joel Kim Booster here, here with another episode of Intimacy Coordinator. If you're new to the podcast here at Intimacy Coordinator, we handle everything that's intimate from sex, love, dating, relationships, marriage, all of it. And today, I have three guests that I'm actually a little afraid to have in the same room. That's Yasser Lester, Chelsea Devontes, and Alaska Thunderfuck. And we're getting into all of the things about us online, our online identities versus our real life identities, how that plays into our relationships, all the crazy things we do online that drives our partners nuts. And what is the best way to present yourself online that

is true to yourself, but also protects your partner as well? It's a crazy ride this episode. You guys, I'm really excited for you to watch it or listen to it. Let's jump into it. First off, though, we have, yes, sir. He's a writer on girl. He was a writer on girls, writer-producer and star of Black Monday, co-writer and co-director of the feature The God and currently writing for the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Period. It's also full disclosure, married to our next guest, which is going to make this episode either very sweet or very dangerous.

Yes or Lester, thank you for coming. Next, Chelsea Devontes. Emmy nominated writer, former head writer of the problem with John Stewart, author of the New York Times bestselling memoir. I shouldn't be telling you this, but I am going to anyway. And host of glamorous trash and most relevant for today she wrote and directed the new film Basic, which is about exactly the kind of online spiral. We're here to talk about today. Chelsea, thank you so much for being here.

Thank you so much for having me. And last but certainly not least, uh, the legend herself, Alaska Thunderfuck, winner of Rupal's Drag Race All-Star Season 2, a recording artist five albums deep, co-host of Race Chaser and co-writer and star of the off-Broadway hit Drag the Musical, a true multi-hyphenate and a personal icon Alaska welcome today. Thank you. Thank you guys so much for coming in to. today. Today we're going to be talking a little bit about like sort of the separation of the online self and the in real life self and how that plays into relationships and love, et cetera, and intimacy. But before we do that and dive in, I want to start with today's icebreaker, which is I'm going to adjust it a little bit just in case anyone was struggling with it because I was. This is ripped right from Chelsea's movie Basic. Everyone named the person you hate scroll the most extra credit if it's an ex's new partner and you have zero actual evidence against. Also, if you don't want to say the name, you can describe them as the kind of person you hate. If you don't want to get granular with it.

I was wondering if you were struggling because you're so healed and don't do that. You were struggling because you didn't want to drop that name. The people that I would name are active players in this industry. Yes, that's correct. This episode could just be bleeps if we wanted it to do. I think we all know that. Yes. Well, the movie came from my personal life.

And seven years ago when I did the short film, it hadn't, we hadn't really come out with like, we're all looking at everything, right? And it's disgusting. And so it was groundbreaking in the moment I chose to be brave. And so, but I will say I'm at a weird place now because after writing the film and like really healing this part of myself that was looking at all kinds of exes of current partners who may or may not be sitting next to me in this. Oh, my God. I mean, making it plural is crazy. Well, I'm pretending I'm with you at Alaska. I'm Thruple T's. I'm now in a really weird place where I miss those messed up

endorphin hits of the hate scroll, but I've healed the certain people I've needed to look at. And so I'm looking at weird stuff. Like every time someone on threads recently was like I was supposed to be a chef at this guy's event and he won't pay me and here's

text messages back and forth and he's threatening to ruin me and I don't know her and I don't know him. I've checked his Instagram like every day to see how he's dealing with all of the people she sent to comment on his Instagram and he's loving it. In what way is he

responding? Thank you for the engagement. And this man is supposed to be like he's in like the healing space and so it's not a good look and I just be checking every day. That is crazy. Threads really is where that threads I had to delete off my phone because the algorithm on threats is

diabolical. It's all evil. It knows that the only thing that I engage with on threads is when I'm scrolling, waiting in line for the bathroom, a little fucked up at a bar, and I see someone say something insane. And it's usually someone with 16 followers that I should never have

seen. Never have known about. Crazy thread in the first place. And yet it incites me to such, like, violence that I have to respond. And then all it does is show me that shit. So I finally had to delete it because it was So toxic. Oh, good for you.

And did it take down your Instagram account when you deleted it? Because remember when Threads was threatening to do that? They're like, if you delete this, we're taking all your meta down. That's crazy fucking weirdos.

Um, yes, sir. Okay. Here's the thing. I want to be the opposite of you. And I am going to name name. But they are all friends, but I still, like,

I hate scroll any light skin dude in Hollywood. Because I'm just like, what? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's going on with you that's not going on with me? So I'm talking about a tone bell. I'm talking about a Tony Baker. I'm talking about a Kendrick Samson. Like, these are guys.

Yeah, it's exactly. I'm like truly like, and here's the thing. Me and Kendrick don't know each other. But the other two, I'm good friends with. So I could just text them and be like, how's it all going? But instead, I go to the Instagram. And again, like, I'm just like, oh, so you're playing Orlando tonight. Are we?

Oh, someone's damn Orlando. doing it big. Oh, someone's hosting Netflix's drinking competition show. I don't drink. You know it's bad when someone's like jealous that someone's in Orlando? Yeah. And I'm like, oh, wow, someone got a good graphic designer for the Orlando flyer, didn't we? I basically have that with like any gay or Asian comedian.

You got to. You have to hate on your own community a little bit. It has painted us into this corner. Yes. We have to now pull the ladder up. Fuck. A rising tide does not raise all ships. No.

Only my fucking shit. It was raising all ships for like four years. And then last year they're like, we're done with that. In fact, we're going to make you pay. Yeah, yeah. There's no ships. They're just like, they're all on a plane. So we're like, we're also just floating the ocean.

It is in the fucking ocean. Finally, Alaska, who is someone that you hate, Skrill? Well, I want to start by saying, am healed. And I don't scroll anything. I stopped. No socials. Because I was having panic attacks because of conspiracy theories.

So I stopped and now I'm like, oh my God. I feel so good. So do ever open any socials? I do because I look at my DMs. Yes. And I have a group chat. That seems like a scary place to be though. Your DMs.

Oh, no, it's great. But what if I hear me out started DMing you conspiracy theories? I would proceed with caution, but I probably would. Because it came from you. Yeah, okay. It's just so crazy. The thing about conspiracy theories today in the current time we're living in is any of them could be true. I know, and that was the problem.

Like the sky is made of LED screens. That kind of shit. The fact that the biggest conspiracy theory that the president is running a secret pedophile ring turned out to be fully true. Exactly. Early in the pandemic, Chelsea came to me and was like, have you seen this? Like, they're selling kids on Wayfair. Wayfare, yeah. And I was like, do not fall into this trap. We are stuck in the house. Like, I can't deal with this. There's already virus outside. And then like, you know, like, I think 2023, I was like, okay, I think maybe, I think maybe you were right. That one was a bad conspiracy. I do need to circle back, though. So you never feel the need to scroll or look

anyone up? Not now. No, I have been not scrolling at all and it's been amazing for my mental brain. How many months? It's been a few weeks. Okay. But to answer the question, Megan Trainor. That would be very gratifying these days.

And it's not hate scroll. It's just like, oh, that's, oh, that's wrong. Oh. Ooh, the two toilets. The song is wrong. The clothes are wrong. The look is wrong. The marketing.

is wrong. Everything is wrong. And I love it. We love you, Megan Traynor. Two toilets. She really... She famously shits side by side with her husband. They built a home and they built toilets toilets next to each other so that, and she said to the press so that we could shit next to each other because we're so in love. And I'm not saying this would be gross. But like, that means they're also like scheduling it? I don't know. Maybe they're just on the same rhythms. Yeah. If you eat at the same time, you're drinking the same amount of water.

That works. I definitely, I agree with all three of you. I think I hate scrawl, all those people. Just to be on theme, though, like the last person that I obsessively hate scrolled was my current husband's last boyfriend when we first started dating. Okay. Because this man was blonde hair, blue-eyed, looked like a Bella Me model. Like, I was like, if this is what he likes, then I'm fucking toast.

Yeah. And then I met him one time. And I was like, never. Never mind. And wait, what happened in that one time? Well, now I'm very good friends with him. Like, I somehow, I somehow developed this very close relationship with him. And in fact, the only disagreement that my husband and I had about our wedding was, I was like, I would like to invite Chris.

And he was like, I'm, it's not even that there's any animosity there. It was not, and it was like a fine breakup. He was just like, I'm not close to him. And I was like, well, I am. So. This is the twist upon twist. Yeah. It's a happy ending.

I say really great advertising for my film. Everyone go see BASIC. Yeah, it is. There's much longer story there, but we don't have time to get into it. Shout out Chris Barnes, if you're listening. I love you, man. You just said, I love you. I do.

I do. I really do. He's the sweet. And I want to go on record and say, that's not my journey. No. Well, let's start with Chelsea. I want to talk a little bit. I want to dive in with Basic really off the top.

Basic is a feature-length anxiety spiral as how it has been described to me about a woman building an entire villain out of an ex's Instagram You said that this is ripped from the headlines of your own life Would you like to expand on that a little bit? Yeah, and I love that we have booked my husband

Yeah, that was late in the game Decision Okay, so I want to say that This is a bad habit of mine Like I had done this to men I was dating who had the personality of like that wall. And I was like, who have you been with? And then I'd be like, I don't even really like you, but like, where were you before me?

And like, should I compare? And so I think it was just very toxic. And then I get into this relationship, obviously I love my life. And we're probably two years into it. And one day we're both in the couch watching TV. I opened my Twitter. This is how long ago it was. I had Twitter.

And I saw that a girl he had gone on three dates with years, prior to meeting me had deep liked a tweet in my feed that was a year old. So she was back. She was back there. And you know she did not mean to do it. Or she was playing psychological warfare game. Exactly. This is

where the film comes from. Because I was like, oh, she made an oopsies, she's stalking. And then she had liked a retweet. So I had retweeted the comedian Chelsea Peretti. So I was like maybe she forgot for a second. She was on my feed. That she was reading a really funny Chelsea Peretti tweet.

The Chelsea Peretti tweet was re-self-hate there's better people to hate and I said or is she sending me a message that I should hate myself so I go deep The bugs are in the wall The bugs are in the wall

I go deep into her socials And it is at this point where I'm like Wait a minute The only reason I know that someone he went on three dates With years prior to me to me Just Deep liked a tweet of mine Because I have already stalked her And I recognize the handle

And then I was like, wait, this isn't even about him anymore. Now it's me and this woman. We have two unreliable narrators. Both of them are probably villains. I see a movie. And I love when the two leads of a movie are both women. And I love unreliable narrators. And I was like, oh, it's a film.

And so I was like, I'll either start a fight with him or I will shoot a short film. I did both. Pre-production lasted the entire fight. It was probably like three weeks. And then I shot the short film and now we're here. I think you were saying there are two unreliable narrators and you were referring to Yasser and the girl that he went on three dates. And I was like, wow, you're really starting the pot off on an acrimonious note.

I'm an unreliable narrator for her. She's an unreliable narrator for me. Who knows what he's saying? I'm innocent. I'm innocent. I'm just a guy. I'm just a guy who went out. Not trying to get into how the movie ends up turning out.

But how did this turn out in real life for you? Did you ever meet this person? then did you ever, how did you cure yourself from obsessing over? I fully cured myself by taking the part of me that feels like aggressively feminist and like women must rise and take over and putting that in one character and then taking the part of me that was looking at her feed being like this fucking slut should die, taking that part of me, putting that in another character and then I just made them deal with it. You excised it through art.

I exized it through art and I've always thought, oh my God. God, I hope I run into her one day because now I get to thank her for this movie that's starring, like, Late Meester and Ashley Park, and it was my directorial debut, and I've never run into her. It's like she dropped off the face of the earth. Was she in the biz?

Adjacent? Adjacent. Adjacent. Which is annoying. Grading. Was she Megan Trainor? She wasn't Megan Trainor. She's had money.

It was so annoying. Okay. Yes, sir. Why did you choose Chelsea over this woman? Chelsea won the gunfight. Yeah, yeah, so, you know, hated each of them a pistol, and I said, had you even thought of this woman when this was happening with Chelsea?

I mean it sincerely, and like, and I've tried, in the past, I tried explaining this, but, like, in the same way that you had no ill will towards dear friend Chris Barnes who we all love, I had the same thing, like, it was just like such a non-issue. It was a nice lady, you know. Like, I was just like, you know, like, did it just fizzle out? Yes, like, it was just like that. And, you know, like, there was nothing that actually like, actually, you know what? I can't.

I can't super front. There was like one weird thing that happened regarding another actor that again, I'll tell you guys. That she had a crush on. Yes. And like. So it wasn't that yes, sir. But we had already stopped. Yeah, we had already kind of like not been hanging out.

And then she like sent me this like email like, I. I'm still in love with so-and-so. And I was just like, if you are in love with them, like, then we are not, like, we're in the same way. Two completely different types of guys. I was just like, go with God truly. But let's think about this.

This person fizzled out with Yasser. Sends him an email, I'm in love with this famous actor. They're like, okay, they never speak again. Three years later, he's dating someone else and she's a year deep in my feet. Why? Well, maybe you were the one that got away. I know.

But it's, I think it's that thing more than anything where, like, People just can sense you're happy. And then they're like, uh-oh, you know what you mean? That's an emotional. It's an emotional machine gun. But like, because there's no other reason. Again, we had not spoken. And if we had, it would have been like, hey, what's up?

You know what I mean? Like, it was such a nothing. So, like, I met Chelsea, like, literally maybe two years a year and a half after that. Like, it was, like, so much time at that fast. They were not even connected in your head. Like, when she said her name for the first, I was like, who is this? I was like a friend, I guess. Like, I mean, it was like so hard to even describe.

That is what I did though. I was like, I was like, oh, it was just like, okay. Uh-oh. We're dealing with this now, huh? But it was like such. I think it was funny to, it's funny now to think that like, I was like, oh my God. Like, are they cheating behind my back? Is this how she's telling me?

Did it? Only to know that it was like literally nothing, which I think is what's possible online. Yeah. You can just take yourself to hell and back. Oh, totally. And Alaska, I want to turn to you. you and I'll open it up to everybody as we get from the other to sort of the self-identity online a little bit. You've, you are a famous TV personality for an audience of famously cool, calm,

collective, normal, very well-adjusted. Well-adjusted fans. But, I mean, you're, we were telling, you're not so much on socials anymore. I know, we've met out socially many times, and I know, sort of the gap between. But how would you explain the gap between Alaska that many people sort of know from the show or maybe from socials when you were on it versus who you feel is who you are in everyday life? Yeah, there definitely was like a point where, so I did this show called Rupal's Drag Race. Oh, yes, I've heard of it every night at my house. And on All-Stars 2, which was the second All-Stars, I had a mental.

breakdown on the show. And so I, everybody loved me so much and I, the fandom and I were in a relationship. We were in a romance. And one episode of television aired and suddenly every single one of those people hated me, hated my mother,

hated like everything. Like, like, and so that really helped me be like, oh, so this isn't like, real. This is a real thing. So it was very like, I need to like hold some stuff back. That's just for like, just like

normal human being stuff. You know? Yeah. Did it affect you though? Like when they were like, whatever they were saying to you, did you have a moment where you're like, oh my gosh, is this me? Or were you always like, okay. Okay, freaks. No, this is me. It was like the greatest showman. This is me.

No, because I was identified with it. I was like, this is great. that you know so yeah so it took some time and distance but we love to see the journey yeah

I'll say as some I was recapping that season for Vulture and I remember I you didn't lose me you can go and you can check the files you can check the files

oh thank you I think maybe because I I've had a mental mentee B or two myself who hasn't had a mentee B and so I saw a lot of myself in you What about you guys? I mean, as comedians, we've all traversed social media for many, many years and built online identities a little bit.

Like, do you feel like yasser that people might know from Twitter back in the day or Chelsea that, you know, the same question for you. Is there's a wide gulf between who you actually are and who you present online or is it pretty in line? So I have a theory. You know how people would say like, oh, when someone gets drunk, like oh that's not them or you could have the theory of like no that's the real them that's my theory with social media your social media is more who you really are

than who you are in person like if you are going nuts on social media it's like that lives inside you somewhere and to that I say and I am a cuckoo person on social media welcome to me I will also say that I watched that season and every season

and I worshiped you in that season It's also the first season I ever watched because that's the, when we started, was it near the time we started dating? Yeah. Anyway, it's a good fun. Yeah, big fans. And no, I guess now I'm trying to think of like, is your social media you? I think maybe five years ago, I believed that that was the real you. Now I think the feed is so fake and everything is so dead that nothing is real anymore.

But yeah, I think, I think luckily I have a book podcast and so the people who listen just like love to think. and be thoughtful. So I mostly get like 95% beautiful interactions, but the 5% of horrible interactions I get live with me forever. And I should quit the business. It's so crazy. I recently, I haven't gotten off socials completely.

I'm still on Instagram for professional reasons, but I deleted everything else and I turned all the notifications off on Instagram day, which was a huge thing for me. Because this is what was happening with me is that, I don't mind if people hate me for reasons that I think are in line with who I actually am. Like, if you hate me because I'm Asian.

Right. And you're a racist. Like, go off queen. You know, if you're homophobic. Yes, that's fair. You know, I am gay, so you should hate me. You know, if you hate me because I'm a progressive, if you hate me because of the way I dress, whatever. What my problem, and I was becoming a little too accessible in the comments, is when people would say things about me that I was.

I was like, that's not true. Yeah. And the thing that I had to really come to terms with is other people's conception of me is none of my business anymore. Okay. Which is a famous RuPaul quote? Is it? Really. Okay.

Well, people think of me as none of my business. Okay. Well, maybe she incepted that into me for sure. Because the thing is, the more I tried to control how people were perceiving me, the worst, I just looked like a fucking lunatic. Yeah. And in fact, like I, so somebody said to me. a couple months ago, like, right as I was like coming to this conclusion, that they were like,

oh, well, Joel is like, it's like a badge of honor for these people when they get you to react. Like, these people who have, like, this is, like, they aren't expecting you to respond. And when you do, that only just sort of enhances the... I just realized I have tea from my hairstylist. Okay.

Okay. That is like one of the sentences you loved here. door, you know? Well, it comes from what you were saying of, like, these people are loving this as a badge of honor. So my, let's hope he cuts my hair again. He knew someone who knew someone who knew someone who knew Ben Savage who was getting into politics in Los Angeles.

And when people were really leaving horrific troll comments on, like, his political policies, he had the time, found them and called them all and was like, hello constituents. So smart. constituents like can you tell me like how you're feeling like what you're thinking and every single one of them was like I am so sorry yep I am so sorry I never would have said that if I thought you were going to look in my face know my eyes and like I don't I don't believe that L.A. should be sat on fire or like whatever they had said now is this story true I don't know it's a friend of a friend of a friend through a hairstylist who has only cut my hair once and T from a hairstylist you can only

trust but I do think we know enough anecdotal evidence of like of that being true of either loving the interaction through trolldom, or if you actually looked someone in the eyes, they would not want to say it to your face. Well, and I don't know if you've found this to be true, but every time I have responded to a shitty DM that is in the filter, filter, filtered, I would say almost, like, probably eight times out of ten,

the person almost me at your response, oh my God, I never thought you'd see this. I'm such a huge fan, like, blah, blah, blah. And I remember what that was like. I was a shitty gay guy on Twitter for years and years and years who would say the most crazy things about celebrities because in my head they were not real. Jennifer Lawrence was not a human being to me

at the time of tweeting. And so I felt like I could say the most incendiary, heinous shit about like any of these people because they weren't real. And so like I understand where it comes from, but it is just like, it's so crazy when I'm like, but what are you, what did you think would happen when you sent this?

Yeah. What was you? This is actually, this is how I usually respond again when I'm like drunk in a line for a bathroom and popping off in the DMs. But it is like a lot. I usually ask, what did you hope would happen from this interaction? That is a good. And even when they are a little aggressive, they don't really know.

Because I remember I get a lot of shit for having a white husband, as I'm sure you'll get shit for having a white wife. People love it. This is my thing about being an interracial relationship with a white person. It's like racist hate me and civil rights leaders also hate me and it is like a thing. I'm like just like in my DMs like HOTEPs, redneck's me. But like I, this guy, the last time I got really incensed was this guy was like I posted, I rarely post photos of us on socials because I don't want to like subject him who's a normal person to these crazy people. But I posted a photo of us last summer and this guy sent me a message that was like,

you know this white boy wouldn't be into you if you weren't. who you were, do better, Joel. And I was like, and I just responded to him and I was like, what do you mean by do better? Yeah. Like, in what way can I do better in this context? And he, we went back, he could not articulate what he made. He basically just kept saying like, you know, like, just do better. Yeah.

And it was like, these people don't even, a lot of people don't even know why they're mad, you know, or can articulate why they're mad. And, well, I have a theory on that, actually. And it's, it's, look, it's not point proven, but the feeling that I have is that you can take it with anything. They, interracial relationships, whatever you want to choose. When they come at you, it really comes down to them thinking that it should be them. And ever, like, any time, like, it's been with, like, jobs or whatever it is, they come at you in a way that makes you feel like you've done the wrong thing. and then would it always, every time,

if you can get to them actually saying what the do better is, it's that, A, they think they would have made a different decision, which they wouldn't have, or that they just wish it was them in your position, and you're always like, it's so weird, like, because at the end of the day, like, and I mean this sincerely, like, I have no,

I think I'm extremely talented, and I'll always, I'll scream that from the mountain tops. But, like, I'm not, welcome to a breakfast, everyone. But in terms of, like, having an eagle, go about myself outside of that stuff. I really don't. Like, I'm just like, yeah, like, you know, again, I'm an idiot

online in the same way that so many of you guys are. Like, I feel very, I don't know if you guys follow basketball player, Kevin Durant at all, but, like, he, to me, I'm like, yeah, that's my guy. Like, he, like, starts a burner account. He defends himself through the burner accounts. He gets caught all the time.

He talks about his teammates, too, like, current people. His own she double by night. Yeah. It's very... So, like, I get... I weirdly get the anger. I understand why they have anger, but I don't understand why you're bringing it to me because

really what it is is like... It sounds so corny to say, but so much of it is really jealousy. Because like the do better really... Like, if anything, they're just like, I low-key have a crush on Joel Kim booster. It's also hard because like I understand... And this is... Somebody had to explain this to me and now I've really internalized this, especially when comes to the race stuff and the interracial stuff,

is that like, there is so much racism structurally in the world that we all deal with that like, if you're a person of color, especially a gay person of color, you do like navigating these spaces as a non-white person is really difficult. And you've probably, this person has probably faced a lot of rejection or a lot of racism or a lot of strife that has nothing to do with my experience.

And I finally had to say to him, like, I'm so sorry, that you have gone through, you are experiencing this amount of pain, but you don't fucking know me and it has nothing to do with me and my relationship. And the tough thing is, like when people, like people love to be like,

Jolkin Booster only dates white men or only fucks white guys. That's an indefensible thing. I can't just now go on and be like, actually, here are the five, nine white people that I fucked just last week. You don't know my resume. And it's just like,

I think, I think like what we've all sort of discovered for ourselves is at a, you just can't, you have to let it go. Yeah, yeah. Because these people will never know. Well, here's my question for you. You try. Did you invite him to the wedding? No.

Billings only. Um, well, talk, because, um, Basic hasn't come out yet, but I'm interested to hear from you as someone who was in a very public relationship with a lot of, um, people had a lot of opinions about. out. How much of a say do you think the public gets to have about your love life? Well, none. Is it ever fair? Is it ever fair? Like, would you, like, when you are, when we see a celebrity dating someone that we think is bad, I'm not going to, I was just about to bring up I know. I knew you were about to and I was like, don't do it, no, do it, no, no. And then, and then people check you online. Is it ever fair or is it just always like?

Well, didn't Michelle Williams get free because Twitter followers were like you're dating a scammer? Which Michelle Williams? The black one. Oh. But I love that we asked. We call it the Destiny Child one.

The Destiny's Child one. Well, the white one. This is why people are mad at risk. Well, too comfortable, aren't we? I wish I had Google up. But, yeah, I think, you're allowed to be enough upset as if you would be for a friend

only if there's something deeply red flag. So like, I think, let's pretend this example I gave is true. I think she was accidentally dating a grifter and the followers outed him to her. Like, she was saved the way you would hope a friend would save you. Now let's say this story

is not true. Monsters ruined her life. But like, I would argue there's, again, I won't say names, but there's an actress who got divorced and was in a very, we'll say, spiritually enlightened marriage and then started now as with a man who very publicly did something very terrible to his female partner before the person he's with now.

Senator Bullock. I think about that one a lot. That's a good one. No, no, that's a little... This is pretty recent. It's the past year and a half. Blind item. But like that one, I'm like,

I mean, the guy's on video. Terrible thing. So when people are just like, this ain't it, like, you know what I'm saying? I'm like, they're right. This ain't it. You know what I mean? Because you're also publicly being like, they're different with me. And you're like, they're not.

I think it has to be extremes like that. Like they were criminally prosecuted for a crime. Maybe don't date them. But anything below that is sort of like not your business. Yeah. It's like you're going to love who you're going to love. Right. Do not quote Woody Allen on this podcast.

I'll be the judge of that and I say you can Speaking of great relationships Woody Allen Yeah no it's it's exactly right Like if it's an extreme and you're protecting the The like hooray Yeah but also I can see someone thinking to themselves I'm protecting them

How do you gauge like well The person I'm talking about is that's 100% They're like vibe It's like I'm saving him from what was like a media fire store. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The fire store was, I mean, yeah.

I'll ask, are you in a relationship right now? Well, yes. Oh, that's, what? What a rock? Wow, look at that. What's their full name, address? This one's fake. This is the real one underneath that.

Is this person adjacent to the industry in any way? Yes, he like works in the world of theater and he's like been on TV shows. He's done like a lot of things. Got it. So, and he understands. what drag is. That's important. So that's great.

Matt Herman, I love you. Is this relationship played out more publicly than your last one or less publicly? Was it an intentional decision on your part to have it sort of be less public or more public or the same? Yeah, I think it's like, I think it's right in the like middle zone because it's like I don't want to be like, I'm going to protect my partner completely and no one's going to know that we're together because that's like hard. but I'm also not like you know here's

every aspect of our entire lives so like people know because I talk about it all the time and I love them and that's great yeah have you had any like public inquiry that has like crossed the line

about your relationship or anything that like because you're forward facing has given you like has been an obstacle in the relationship when we first like announced that we were engaged. We got some weird stuff. Like we got like DMs or like,

you know those screenshots of like you write it out on Instagram story and then you screenshot it and then you send it. It was like that saying things like, you're not right for Alaska. Alaska's ex was better and she loves him better. And he's better in bed than you. Oh, my God. I'm like, what?

Who are these people? With such intimate knowledge. Yeah. What? The bedroom skills, too. It's crazy. Wow. That's intense.

That's a lot to go through. Yeah. Especially, like, after you get engaged. Yeah. I just kind of want to be happy. Yeah. I know. Yeah.

Yeah, it's weird. How does he handle it like the, this sort of attention? Like, did he get the same amount of DMs, or was it mostly concentrated it in your filters. Oh, they sent them to him. Oh. Yeah. They sent it to him.

That's crazy. And he has dealt with it the absolute best that, like, way better than I would have. Way better than, like, anyone could have. So, like. But it's also like he won, you know? So it's like, what is he's mad about? You know what I mean? Yeah.

Sure. Yes, they were better, I guess, you know. But the thing is. they weren't. You're the only one who actually knows. And I'm sure you chose forever with the person you wanted to do that forever with. Did you, you two as comedians, and you can answer this too if it's applicable, but like, you both, you have made a, we've all made careers of cannibalizing our own lives in some regard or shape or form. What is the protocol for talking about each other in your work?

and do you ever use your partner and your work in a way that might feel invasive to them? Huh. I'll start. I'll start. I genuinely like, you know, there's, you know, stand-up bits about like fun, stupid stuff around the house or whatever. But one of our biggest arguments was I wrote a joke.

Like, and keep in mind, I was single at the time. This is very important. I wrote a joke about how like I made eye contact with a woman and she started dating me even though she was like covered in ketchup or something it was just like a very dumb It was a joke about settling

It was a joke about settling Me and my partner settled for each other Yeah and like I settled for a woman Who had like ketchup like all over her face or something right? Very vivacious And so Hit her, hit her every single time And when we started dating

I just want to be clear for the listeners at home He was saying like the joke was a hitter Oh yeah not Yeah He was not physically abusing her. Hit her. I would have separated the syllables. But I kept doing the joke and Chelsea was like,

we are together and people know we're together now and they think I'm just some monster covered in ketchup. And I was like, first of all, I'm not changing the joke because it is one of the best, it's one of the best jokes ever written. But no, but I was like, the joke is so idiotic. like who cares? That was my take on it. But we would be like, you know,

I'm a comedian too, so I would like love going to the shows and he would do a joke and I would see people turn around and look at me as if he had just outed that we settled for each other and I was like, look,

I don't care, but I don't actually want people to then take a false truth. He also has a joke about having a daughter. He doesn't have a daughter. And so then I would also have people being like, so yes, there's a dad. And it's like, I don't know how to explain comedy to you,

but like all great jokes are lies like that was that's my my my thought process is like if it's funny it's funny right whether it be true or not and so she really hated the joke so i really hated the joke so i eventually changed it all that stuff but like it really was like a point of contention with us and the thing that i give her is that more than anything i'm like okay well it does make her uncomfortable in the sense that it doesn't feel like a joke and it does feel like what you're talking about it's like this blurring of reality yeah Like it feels like a joke to me, but when everyone is going to then treat it as our reality, it's just like, is it that funny? Yes, sir.

Couldn't you have just said the last woman I dated at the beginning? No, because it went as a whole sequence. As you know, you know, the longer you make the timeline of a joke, people think it's less funny. It happened last week. Yes, exactly. It happened earlier today. On the way over here. Exactly.

It's got to be the current. It's got to be the current, Chelsea. Real mess. but in terms of that I don't think that like I mean this is the corniest version of it but we are like at least I

I feel like you know she made a movie you know I'll post about that it's our anniversary it's a birthday like blah blah blah I like talking about like the fun stuff you know but like and then it's like we have

three dogs we talk about like our dogs a lot but like I definitely the idea of just like you see these people who are just like day to day we did X, Y, and Z, and then blah, blah, blah. And then when they break up, it's like the entire world is invested. And you're like, that is so awful because you're not mourning. You know what I mean?

You're then playing damage control. And like that feels awful. So it's like I'd rather like, it's, you know, like again, the fun stuff is out there. But for the most part. We try and be protective also because people will couple us up a lot as a comedy couple. And then as the woman in the couple, they're like, he must write all the jokes. And I'm like, oh my God. It's like 65%, 70%

So we try that way And then I will be so honest And this is so corny and cringe But it's a podcast So we're here for that, I think hopefully I actually don't share a lot Because I think it would be It would feel gross and cringe and bragging

Because he's a great husband No, this is my thing I don't have a lot of jokes about my relationship And it's actually very deeply frustrating Because this is my first relationship And I thought I was like Comedy Gold I'm finally in a relationship

a long-term relationship. I'm married now. Certainly this will be a well that I can return to. And unfortunately, because he's so normal and I'm very happy, that's not like the funniest place

to write from. It's also so annoying when people are like, baby brought me coffee in bed this morning and flowers and you're like, fuck you. But to be honest, he does this shit all the time.

So what am I going to be like, great husband? And then I'll probably get trolls being like, you should kill her. No, none of us want to be, I think, influencers that have centered and sold their relationship as the product

because that leads to the embarrassing we are breaking up videos where those two gay guys fist bumped at the end of it. I need you to send me that, never saw it. You talk about him a little bit on the pod. Actually, you talk about it a bit on the pod. Have you ever said anything that he's been like, hey, actually?

Let me think. I don't think so. No, you keep it pretty PG. I do try, yes, I try to keep it PG, exactly. Because I do love him And I love talking about him And he's around and he's in my life And we do stuff together

He's really good at screen printing T-shirts So when we do like a show I design a shirt That's just for that show And then he screenprints them And then he comes on stage and is like Here it is So that's like

The level of like Participation Lopez You I want to talk a little bit about because we just touched on like couple influencers and how that's not what any of us want. But Chelsea, you did throw a rather untraditional wedding. Thank you for giving me all the credit too because he was shooting a movie nine days up until the wedding and it was so amazing because it meant he artistically designed it with me and then I

got to produce it. Why don't you want to those who aren't aware like what your wedding featured? Okay, thank you. Did you see that quote from Tom Holland recently where he was like, no one, no one. compliments my work more than that umbrella lip sync video I did than any other thing I've done. There's no complication I get more than my wedding. And I'm just hoping one day to do something that beats it. It was my wedding. It wasn't ours. It was my. No. So our wedding, we did some crazy things. We came with crazy bits together. We told our audience, we were like, our audience.

We told everyone who came, we're like, we really want to take a picture with like every single one of you. So like as you exit the wedding, like we're going to be in this back room here, like come through it and we'll take a photo with you and then we hired doubles of us to stand back there and take photos and just prank all the guests. I will say the original original idea from that part

of it was that we were going to hire porn stores that we thought kind of looked like us. And then we couldn't find any end times and we just got like they were very funny look likes and one of them ended up off the top of my I should have hit you up. We had a basketball quarter wedding. We had a secret talk about room.

We had a museum of us so you would go in and it like a museum of like we had our first date date outfits up on manikins we had a comedy museum we had really we had a really dope confetti cannons when we did our kids we had a gospel choir i had them soundtrack our vows which is like really key because whenever you have a soundtrack underneath something you're like oh this is this is the most moving thing ever so i was like and we're gonna go ooh and we're gonna go ah no matter what he's saying and so it's the most right so everyone's like these are the most romantic vows ever and i'm like they had a soundtrack babe smoke machine or fog machine Yeah, we have a spotlight.

The vows. He did. Okay. Okay. So this is actually very important. We weirdly just had a conversation about this a few days ago. Yeah. So I, so we independently wrote our vows clearly.

And then our friend Robbie was to look over them and say like, hey, there's some imbalances. Mine was pretty much like 50% funny, 50% cry, cry, cry. Robbie told Chelsea like hers were perfect. But hers were actually 75%. funny, 25% cry. And this is because I was like, these are wedding vows, I know we're comedians,

but like, we're going to get real here. Yeah, yeah. This little angel was like, Chelsea, they have to be all funny. It's all our friends from the industry. Like, we know our love, but like they've got to be funny vows. I then put aside my poetry.

I was like, dang, I got to write some jokes here. This man cries and gives the most beautiful speech I've ever heard in my life. I look down, I have fully punched up my vows. I was like, why did you do this? But because of this, this is very important, this is very key Alaska. So because of this, and I went first.

So as she's going, she's just like, bang, joke, joke, joke, joke. And I was like, I just cried in front of all these people. Like, an idiot. If this woman does not cry, I am walking out of this wedding. So at the very end, she gets very, like, earnest. And I was like, I literally, like, on top of it, all being beautiful, I was like, thank God.

Thank God she said something. that made me feel like we're equals. But it's so funny because he had told me to make it funny and then of course, you know. I was like, did you have any trepidation about putting your wedding out there like that? Because I posted our wedding video,

which was just like a compilation, like a three minute video. And I was so worried, I was like, this is going to, this feels like a love is blind, like interstitial. Yeah. And like people are going to drag me to fucking hell.

But I was so proud of it that I wanted to share it. But like, did you have any trepidation on it? Well, we actually didn't allow anyone to take photos of the ceremony. which then made them think maybe they shouldn't take a lot of photos. And I said no to all the magazines or anything like that because it just didn't, I don't know, I just didn't. And then so people just put some stuff on their stories.

And that went, I don't know why that went viral. So you didn't necessarily. We actually didn't. So then I was like, oh, well, people, they posted, like we had a basketball court. It sounds, I mean. Such a good idea. It was, get it.

Oh, we had a billboard. We had a billboard of our moms outside of the building. Yeah, anyway. Yeah. My husband bodied me with the vows. He was like, he literally was like, you have to go second. Like you are, this is your job

and I do not want to follow you. And then he took it. He fucking annihilated me. And this was everybody after the wedding ceremony. They would be like, Joel, your files were so great. J.M. Oh my God. That's us. That's me and Yasserville. Yasser, you took my breath away.

Chelsea's so funny. My husband literally in his vows three times said I hope you bomb Oh my gosh Huge laugh lines How are you Are you writing your own? We're like so not there

We'd love being engaged So we're like so like Yeah someday Probably like next year we're gonna get married Yeah Am I going to write my own vow No I'm gonna use AI Yeah

Just Claude do it Just plug in some facts That's all you need. Yeah, we're going to write up. I want to, we have to start wrapping up. This has been such a fantastic conversation I don't want to. But how public is your wedding going to be, do you think? We're going to do a fake date announcement, like Taylor Swift, so that the helicopters aren't, like, noisy on the day.

We love. Yeah. We're actually going to do, like, probably a. family type one. Because he's from Indiana. I'm from Pennsylvania. So like somewhere over there. He wants to do a river boat. Oh, fine. So down.

Rolling on a river, drag queens every hour on the hour. Have to. And then like we'll do like an LA party and like a New York party just so like everybody can. I think that's the best too. Because more costume changes. More clothes. And they all feel equally important. Yeah. Final question just to sort of wrap up this topic. What is something? you do online that your partner would be or is mortified.

It actually weirdly goes back to something you brought up earlier. So I'll go first if that's okay. Don't get too deep. I'm not. I just argue with anyone who remotely. I'm like, I'll go through the trouble of like plugging in their username into Google, finding out what other sites it matches on, then finding them on Facebook,

and be like, I know you live in Spokane, Washington. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I will end this for you, for real, for real. Like, chill, you know. Yeah.

And she's like, that is a 22-year-old child. The reason I gave him that look is because he is a little demon online. To the point where I want to be like, I wish you guys knew what a softie he was. And then I'm like, ooh, gross. Why would I? You know, you're like,

man's really a softie but yeah he's a little he's a sharp little knife I as am I and I think that's why I think that's yeah but you know what it is and I was thinking about this for real when you were saying it earlier it's because they're in real life if me and you for whatever reason we're getting into it right there is so much ramp up that needs to happen we need to process like you said this okay now I'm saying this back and blah blah online it's like people just they throw the dagger out there first thing. So you don't even have, there's no mental ramp. You just, you're like, okay,

well, now I'm pulling out a sword. You know what I mean? And so like, I wish that, and I genuinely wish I was better at like, okay, maybe I should have a glass of water. But instead, I'm like, why don't you and your whole family drown? Yeah. You know? I love that. I admire that. Don't put that in France.

Thank you. Alaska. I don't have that. That is my answer as well. Like, you know, totally. I get, like, he's like, why are you responding to these people and calling them like I you know morons and losers which they are but like it doesn't uh necessitate that Chelsea yeah well no yeah absolutely that we were laughing so hard because there's been so many times where I'm like take this down take like what are you doing posting like

you're actually so that's what I get on him about because also he's just like the sweetest guy but you would never know it and I think with me um gosh I don't know I I do this photo every Father's Day where I get the most naked, most scandalous, hottest-looking photo of me I can so I can post Happy Father's Day to whoever the fuck made this. And it's just as much tits out as I can. I think in the beginning when we got together, he's like, oh, you're like really going to, like, show them everything. And this year, he took that photo for me.

He was like, let me get the right angle. No, that's not the thing that gets me. No, what is it? Yeah, no. I don't, if there was a thing where I'm like, it's that I don't like when you something sometimes comment on like, and this is to the us knowing too many people thing. Yeah. Or you like comment on like something a celebrity is done.

And I'm like, uh-oh, I might know them. You know what I made? Because we had that conversation before. We're like, no, no, no, I worked with them. No. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And it sucks because like if you say it and it gets clipped on a podcast, suddenly it's

a pop cray bottle. Yes, exactly. Right. It just becomes a thing. Yeah. What's something that your fiancee hates that you do online in Alaska? I think just the. Just that like I have no idea what's going on.

So he'll be like, oh, I saw that thing you posted today. And I was like, I don't know what you're talking about. Because Jess, thank God for Jess. We like discuss what we're going to post that week. And she just posts it when we say we're going to. So he uses social media like a human being. Yeah. And so yeah, it's, I have no idea what's going on there.

My husband knows if I'm looking at the comments of a YouTube video or an Instagram, post by the look on my face while I'm looking at my phone from across the room and he'll be like put it down. Put it down. Which is adult. The amount of times where I'm like, what are you doing? There's a certain level of quiet that she gets where I know it's Reddit. I know that she's reading something on Reddit. I'm like, what you doing over there, pal?

But I'm going to tell you, Reddit is where all the good discourses. It really has come back. YouTube comments have come back. Like, things have taken turns and I'm getting great discourse in some long form. forums. When I got off of Twitter when the Russians stole my account and I let them have it, I realized suddenly my husband, I was out of town and he was texting me and he was like, oh my God, the guy who pushed in front of the girl to do the Apple dance, push in front of kombucha girl to do the Apple dance of the Charlie concert is at Akbar. And I was like,

I don't know who we're mad at anymore. Wow. You may have you the villain of the day is anymore. Because that's so, specific and I was like wow totally missed that yeah totally missed it it's so sad you said that and I was like oh I don't know if I would have recognized her but I do know that video um okay you guys this has been such a fantastic conversation um I hope any of the normal people listening at home could relate to anything we said today yeah because quite frankly we were talking about some pretty high level issues when it comes to being public facing but um if you have questions or or a piece of advice, a story, a confession, a situation you want us to weigh in and send it our

way. Leave us voicemail at 213-379-9-851. That's 213-379-9-851 or email intimacy coordinator pod at gmail.com. Voice memos welcome. The more unhinged, the better we might be them on the show. Okay, so before we do plugs really quickly, I want to get one last thing. It's the question I ask every guest at the end of the podcast. What is something that made you believe in love this week that you saw consumed witness? I saw literally on the way here. I saw a video of a dog who had just been adopted and the owner was taking out the trash, but the trash bins were kind of far away.

And the dog started freaking out thinking that the owner was leaving. And when he came back, the dog was like crying and he was just hugging him and like, it's okay, it's okay. And it's just like, the fact that all of us, any living creature has the capacity, to love is just so incredible. And there's a soft beach. And there's the soft sea. It just really made me.

Yeah. I will say, Yasser sent me a video this morning of someone taking their pet cow to the beach and they got to see the ocean for the first time. Something a cow needs. I didn't know what cow needed that, but then I saw it and I was like, everybody got to have a pet cow and they got to take it to the beach. Did the cow like the ocean?

Yeah. He had a really beautiful time. I guess that makes sense. I'll go with that one, the cow with the ocean. with those. Mine's animal related too. My husband, my husband is a dog and I am a cat. That's the dynamic.

And he found this video of a sick dog whose best friend was a cat, and the cat just kept bringing things over to the dog and then cuddling the dog. And it literally almost made me cry. This is like why I can't be on the internet. I would have. I was like, that is it.

Okay, that's been our show. Before we go, Yasser, where can people find you and your work? What would you like to plug today? My film The Gutter is on Hulu. Search the Gutter. Darcy Cardin. Darcy Cardin.

Shameek Moore, Student Sarandon, Paul Reiser, all of our favorite comedians, Jay Ellis, Rel Battle, Kim Fields. There's a ton.

Jack A. Harry. If you want to get screamed at, Instagram, at Yasser underscore Lester, come say something crazy to me. See how I respond. Poked there.

Chelsea, what would you like to talk today? My film basic is coming out in theaters, but it's not out yet. So I don't listen to my podcast, Glamour's Trash. Follow me at Chelsea Devontas. And if you make a weird comment to me, I just ask if you're my dad.

Alaska, what are you doing these days? What would you like to plug? And where can they find you? I just encourage everyone to go to Alaska Thunderfuck.com and find out what town near you I am coming to because I'm probably coming. I love it. And you can listen to the podcast, Race Chesa,

with Alaska and Willem. Or we talk about RuPaul's Drag Race. Do you perform? Everything must be leopard. I have. Yeah. That's your favorite one? Legitimately, I was listening to it like four days ago before I thought I was going to be here.

I think it's a masterpiece. Well, thank you. Well, thank you. Leopard print elephant is a good rhyme. It is my favorite bar of that song. Okay, anyway. And you were doing it before the girls were having AI and Magami write the verses for them. So let's celebrate that.

that. You guys, this has been Intimacy Coordinator. We'll be back next week with more intimate conversations. I'm your host, Jolken Booster.

If you liked what you heard, please give us a five-star rating or review wherever you are listening to this. I don't read the ones that are less than five-star. So if you have a note, contain it in a five-star review.

Thank you so much. Goodbye.