Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - The Best Worst Bad Dates Of 2023 - Part 1 (w/ Steph Tolev and Gianmarco Soresi)

Episode Date: January 29, 2024

On this episode of Bad Dates, Jameela welcomes fan favorite guests Steph Tolev and Gianmarco Soresi to review the 10 best worst bad date stories from our first year. This week, they hear clips from entries 10-6 on the countdown, including rickety cats, leaky roofs, short sweaters, barbells, and gory shopping trips. Next week: we count down the Top Bottom Five!Steph Tolev: @stephtolev on social media, Steph Infection: The PodcastGianmarco Soresi: @gianmarcosoresi, The Downside with Gianmarco SoresiSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Bad dates. Bad dates. Bad dates. Hello and welcome to the best of season one of Bad Dates. I'm Jamila Jamil and after sorting through well over 150 tragic tales where romance went to die, on this episode I'm'm gonna be counting down our absolute craziest bad dates of the year. And joining me are two hilarious comedians

and bad dates veterans, Dramarco Serresi and Steph Tolev. Hello guys, how are you? And well. Good. I'm so happy to see you back. It's so nice. You are two of the most memorable and ridiculous stories we had on this podcast.

The fans fucking loved you. And I'm I'm really honored to be looking back at this. This true volcano of poo and cum with both of you. Uh huh. Mine was less. Mine was less poo and more blood. I guess it was. Mine was mine was blood too. Oh Yes it was. Mine was blood too.

Oh my God. Oh, we're bonding. Are we allowed to find out we were on a date with each other and that was the conclusion? Can you imagine? We blacked it out so much. We're like, I don't know who it is. And we told very different versions.

We were both the hero of our stories. 100%. I was haunted by Steph's story for many, many months. Many, many months. Yeah. But our audience fucking lived for it. I don't know what to tell you, Steph. Sick. People are sick.

It's the issue. They're deep down. They were so into it. Now, the last time I spoke to you both, Steph, you were single. Jarmarco, you are in a relationship. Is that still the case? It's been a while, been a minute? Yes, no, everything's great.

Everything's good. It's going strong. Three years. Still in the relationship. Congratulations. Steph, what's going on? Been in any weird dates? No, I am very happily in a new relationship.

And he just said he loved me last night and I Absolutely smitten and I'm completely turned around and it's like yeah Yeah, I actually went on a horrendous date the day the day I met him the day before I met that my new boyfriend I went on a really bad date where a guy was Quoting my podcast to me after he said he wasn't a fan He's like so you still fucking that pilot or what I And I was like, what? And then he like literally had been listening to everything I said. And then he slapped my ass after I walked into his car

and he went, do you want like a kiss or something? And I was like, and then I ended up meeting my new boyfriend who I love very much and who's moving in with me and it's been two and a half months. What? I got a second. Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Okay, so this man is horrible to use, slaps you on the ass. How do you then in the same night meet? I had a set at the Laugh Factory. Okay. He was in the crowd with his uncle, who was famous actor, comedian Christopher McDonald, also known as Shooter McGavin from Happy Gilmore.

So I went over to Fan Girl over Shooter McGavin, and then Jefferson, his nephew, I thought it was his son, the time was sitting beside him, and I was like, hi, I'm a huge fan. And then Jefferson was like, hey. And I was like, no, no, I want to fuck your uncle. And then I was like really trying to get in there. And then Jefferson slipped into my DMs that night,

and then we started talking. That was it, that was it. That was, and now I just went on a cruise with him last week. He met my parents, I met his parents, and he's moving in. Jeff Markle's face is so mine right now. It's crazy, it's crazy. Two and a half months moving in.

What's the rush? I love this man and I'm obsessed with him. And I've never felt like this in my life. I know this sounds crazy. Just so you know, when you release this podcast, get ready, Steph's gonna give you a note in two days saying, hey, can we cut the thing about the new relationship that guy turned out, he burned down my current place

and he's stalking me. I have to say, Steph, I've never seen anyone look as happy as you look right now. You literally, like, the, am I wrong? Like, the smile is almost bursting off the face. It hurts. I've been, I have had a headache for two days because, like, he was just here and it hurts. We're both on the road a lot. That's the only reason I'll say it's going to work. We will not be here all the time. He works on cruise ships. I'm, I'm gone every weekend, so it'll be, we won't be here that much together. I mean, this is this is cute as fuck.

And I'm so happy. I'm really happy and I'm very happy. And, you know, sometimes the right thing moves, you know, very quickly. And if I'll see you back here in about six months. Yeah. All right. Yeah. There's always options for to end. Yes. 100 percent of right now. Oh my goodness.

I last night I dropped off the airport and he said I love me. And I started bawling my eyes out. Look, I'm psychotic. Like I'm insane. I'm goodness. I last night I dropped off the airport and he said he loved me and I started bawling my eyes out. Like I'm psychotic. Like I'm insane. I'm not like I'm not like I'm not like I love my boyfriend. I don't give a shit if I bawl. And the crowd was like what?

Like it made no sense. Like I'm being I'm being crazy. Just violins playing in your head like all the time. There's a bird. And you feel like all the birds are all there for you. Yeah. All right, okay. Well, before the audience starts throwing up,

because that's happy, happy love is not the point of this podcast. How dare you? I'm sorry. How dare you bring your joy and your love and your romance and your smiles to this podcast of misery? This is a pit of doom.

Bad deeds. Hi, I'm Anna. And I'm Emily. We're the hosts of Wanderi's podcast, Terribly Famous, a show where we bring you outrageous true stories about our most famous celebrities. Our latest season is all about the catwalk queen Naomi Campbell. The years Naomi had to fight to be treated fairly in an industry that was overwhelmingly white. That drive saw her break down barriers and reached the pinnacle of high fashion, but it also got her into some dangerous situations when it spilled over into an anger she couldn't control. In our new season, Naomi Campbell's model behaviour, we tell the story of how a young girl from South London became a trailblazing black icon, but had some very

public falls of how she stood up to the British tabloids and won, and the lengths she had to go to to be the first black woman in history to make the cover of French Vogue. But she risks losing it all when her explosive behaviour lands her in court. Follow Terribly Famous Wherever You listen to podcasts or listen early and add free on Wondery Plus on Apple Podcasts or the Wondery App. I'm Afwa Hirsh and I'm Peter Fragerpen and in our new podcast Legacy we explore the lives of some of the biggest characters in history. This season we delve into the life of Pablo Picasso. The ultimate giant of modern art, everyone has heard of or seen a Picasso work, or the Picasso brand on something.

But a man with a complicated, difficult, personal side too that makes us look at his art in a different way. He was a genius and he was very problematic. Follow Legacy Now wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge entire seasons of Legacy Ad Free on Amazon Music or by subscribing to Wondery Plus on Apple Podcasts or the Wondery app. We are about to countdown the audience's favourite

top 10 stories of absolute dating catastrophe. So let's get started with number 10. This story is from our second episode and it's from Wendy McClendon-Covey on her first date at a guy's apartment. And the entire night she was haunted by his strange little cat. Let's listen. So I see this, this sad little kitty cat sitting on the coffee table This is the Jeff Dahmer store I go over to the kitty

Kitty hi kitty and I pick it up and the guy goes no no no Don't pick up the cat. It might shit himself because it's very old and he's very sensitive and it might shit everywhere. So just leave him alone. So now I feel like I gotta go to the bathroom. Where's your bathroom? Oh, it's down this long dark hallway and two, just go down to the very end

and it's on the left. Like Robert De Niro and Goodfellas. We're all shaking our heads violently. Just a little further, a little further. A little further, a little further. So I go down the dark hallway and I open the bathroom door and I try to shut it, but it won't shut. Oh no.

But I'm like, well, I'm all the way down at the end of the hallway. Oh no, no. So I'm just going well, I'm all the way down at the end of the hallway. Oh, no, no. I'm just going to go for it. This will be quick. That's every horror movie ever. Every horror movie ever. So I'm on the turlet. I'm doing my thing and the door opens wide open because little rickety cat pushed it open with his face, walked up to me and maintaining eye contact with me,

shits on the bathroom rug next to its litter box. Okay, I don't know about anyone else, but I'm aroused. Of course you are, how could you not be? All of a sudden, I'm like, okay, I gotta go, bye. Very abruptly, because I thought I was gonna shit my pants. This steak piccata is not sitting well. Okay, so he's poisoning the cat, is what I'm getting from this.

Ha ha ha ha. Or he's in some really weird stuff. To just drag this story out even longer, please. I'm about to shit my pants all over my adorable outfit. All right. And it was, I gotta tell you, it was 1993. I looked good. Anyway, I made it home and I didn't shit myself. All that to say, it was a very weird night. Poor guy thought I just was not interested because I left so abruptly and because of the weird cat thing and like everything.

It was a weird night. However, we've been married for 26 years. So it worked out. Wait a minute. Is it for real? My favorite thing about this is that while her and this cat were shitting themselves in this bathroom, she had no idea that true romance was brewing

in the other room and she's been married to that man for almost 20 years. Aww, see, love is real. Very, very sweet. I don't know, it sounds like this guy has a thing for things with diarrhea. I mean, he's got the cat, he's got, he's like, don't, don't pick up my wife. You know, he's just.

It's been amazing how many of our dates have involved animals trying to destroy or actively destroying sex. So either of you encountered that in your lives? My dog likes to watch. She's a disgusting. Oh, no, no. I have to lock her out. Well, thank you. At least you lock thing. So I have to lock her out. Well, thank you.

At least you lock her out. No, I lock her out. I was with a woman and we were in the middle of it. And she says, could you hear the dog? It said, oh, he's sad. Can I let him in? And I was like, what? And he's watching us.

And he's like, oh, you chose my style. I mean, it's not. It's. My dog would like like if a guy ate me out, she'd start eating herself out. And I'm like, well, you try to show off, you'll do it better. Like it was so weird. Hers looks like she's doing it better than you,

so maybe take some notes, but like it was like insane. She, every time she did that, and I'd lock her out, then her paw would come under the door. It was so creepy. Oh, that's so wrong. No, our dogs always have to be in another room on like the upstairs floor so that we can have some privacy because it just feels so wrong for them to know what's happening. You know, I just want them to think that we're both virgins.

That just feels really important to me. I want our dogs to think that we were also spayed and neutered. You know what I mean? I want them to think we're all in this together. Just a bunch of eunuchs living as one as housemates. Otherwise it looks like you're showing off to them. You're like, Hey, look what you can't do anymore. Look what you're missing out on. I don't know. My dog has recently, my female dog has started fucking my arm quite a lot

lately. So she's definitely not allowed in the room if I'm having sex. I do know someone who got bitten in the balls while he was doing doggy style by a woman's dog who thought that he was attacking her and then he bit him from the back of his dangling balls. So that's pretty fucking horrific. I mean, very, very dangerous. I like that.

My dog, if somebody came in and assaulted me, my dog would lick them and it's very upsetting. So I think that's, I'd rather that. My dog has no cares for anybody like she's like is a golden retriever she's moron so that wouldn't help me at all I would like that I like the bolless thing that's nice but what's nice for wendy is that despite the fact that she had diarrhea herself and the cat had diarrhea uh she went on to marry that man and they've been together for almost 20 years so you know what who can take you to love all right next up next up, we have Zoe Lister-Jones. Now Zoe had a date with a guy who was a Fregan,

which is someone who takes and eats other people's unused foods. Have you ever come across someone like this? I've heard, I've heard for the first couple years. I think it's an entrepreneurial spirit, but this guy had money for food. It was just his choice. On their dates, he would eat from other people's

abandoned tables at a restaurant, and then there was this issue that I'm about to play for you now. The biggest test was that when we went to have sex, he did have eight barbells in his dick that were... Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh, sorry. What the fuck is going on? What do you mean by barbells in his dick that were... Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh, sorry. What the fuck is going on?

What do you mean by barbells? And I didn't expect that. Well, exactly. I don't say barbells casually, as if we all know what that is. Explain explicitly what that is. I don't know what your story is. Explain the barbells.

Wait, talk about the barbells. What are we seeing here? We have shaft. What's on an inch? Yeah, is this like a peloton? What a pussy. Yeah, so they were 25 pounders sort of hanging. No, so they were like horizontal.

They were perpendicular to the shaft on the underside of the shaft going... Can you picture what I'm saying? Like a ladder? Like a ladder going through with knobs on the outside. the underside of the shaft going, can you picture what I'm saying? So just sort of like, like a ladder, going through with knobs on the outside. That's right. Like folds on the outside, okay. She's like, climb up on that, man. Just stay away to heaven.

At least, yeah. Yeah. Fuck. In chip of tooth. Yeah. And I had never had braces, so I was like really, like, really, like, you know, these are bad.

It's a good thing you did, and you would have been electrocuted. Just to add some context there, this man then told her later that he'd done that for her. That's so fucking creepy. I was, when you mentioned the food thing, I thought you were gonna say he had used condoms, and I was gonna freak the fuck out.

That's fucking foul. Like he told. That's what, I was like, where is this going? That was making me sick. I'm like, was he rinsing them, hanging them inside out, letting them dry? I was in a barf. That's how they used to do it, back in like the 1900s.

You saved a lot of money. John Marco. John Marco. Maybe this guy could afford some fucking food if he didn't spend money on eight. Eight bar. First of all, that's gotta be a big, big dig. If I try to listen, I think I'm fine.

But if I put in eight, I mean, that's the full. They could be very small. They are small. They are small. I mean, it's top, bottom, side. No, they look like I've seen one once. I almost, I almost had sex with a guy out here, actually the first guy I met in LA.

He sent me his, he had three on the top. It looks like a belly button ring, but underneath the skin. Doot, doot, doot, three in a row. And I was like, what is that? Also it's so creepy. Yes. What is it? Is that what it is? Yes, but it's so creepy.

I'm like, are you that bad at sex? You need to add, like, I don't get why someone would go out of the way. It's gross back in the day back in the day. They say, oh, have an Altoid way to blow it up. That says that's as freaky as I'm down to get barbells. Rib rib rib for pleasure permanently. That's just like, I don't even do kegels because I'm like, it's for their pleasure. Suck my ass. I'm not holding in my pussy for no reason to make it tighter. You get what you get. That's what you're getting what you're getting

I'm not adding. I'm not subtracting Leave yeah, I I really enjoyed watching John Marcus face you were making a face as if you were having Dumbbells implanted into your dick right now. Yeah, yeah. Oh God, I can't imagine. It was visceral for you. Wait, so when they put it in, do you have to do it? Do they have to give it to you where you're hard?

Like, or while you're starting, when they make the piercings? I mean, do you have to be aroused so they can see how they set? You know, if they space out, right? Wait, is that the inside or the outside? Are they like? These ones were on the inside,

they were under the skin and just like little bumps. Oh, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I always ask people with dick tattoos, I go, do you have to be hard? And they're like, no, they really hold the skin. But then I'm like, wouldn't it change shape? I mean, is anyone else feeling faint? I'm feeling a little faint. I'm shockingly feeling pretty good. Just thinking about it. But yeah, I would say that it might not be that he's as bad in bed. It might just be that this is the most dedicated lover of all time.

It was a bit much that he would do something so extreme and then claim it was for her, which I think was one of the more intense things I've ever heard someone do the first time they have sex with someone. But yeah, that one was pretty shocking and got a very big audience reaction when it aired. If you meet a Fregan, it's not like it ends there. It's not like, oh yeah, he's a normal guy. He just eats food off other people's tables. There's going to be something going on with his genitals as well. These things are going to go hand in hand. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha £100,000 to introduce someone to your ex. I mean, the answer is still no.

So you shake hands and agree to do it. But it's all about to get a hell of a lot more complicated because the you in this story is Fergie, the Duchess of York, ex-wife of Prince Andrew, and the person who's offered you £0.5 million is an undercover tabloid reporter who's recorded the whole conversation. Oh, and just one more thing, promise, last one.

It's all about to appear on the front page of the News of the World. In the later season of British Scandal, we take you inside the story of the so-called fake shake, the investigative journalist Mazem Amoud, and the series of explosive sting operations he used to con public figures, from Fergie to singer Tleesa and former England football coach Sven Gorin Erickson. Follow British scandal wherever you listen to podcasts or listen early and ad free on Wondry Plus on Apple Podcasts or the Wondry app. Honestly, a million pounds and I still wouldn't

introduce you to him. And that's for your sake. Hello, I'm Elizabeth Day, the creator and host of How to Fail. It's the podcast that celebrates the things in life that haven't gone right, and what, if anything, we've learned from those mistakes to help us succeed better. Each week, my guests share three failures, sparking intimate, thought-provoking, and funny conversations. You'll hear from a diverse range of voices, sharing what they've learned through their failures. Join me Wednesdays for a new episode each week. This is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment original podcast. Listen now wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. Okay, so next up, John Marko, we actually have you.

This was when you had a date with that woman in her penthouse apartment. I'm sure you remember. It was very dark in her apartment. You had gone down on her, but when it came time for sex, you had to run out to a deli to buy condoms, which led to this fabulous moment. So I said to her, I was like, let me run to a 7-Eleven. I was like, keep the lights off, keep the music going, keep the mood. I will be right back. And it was February and freezing cold, I ran like 10 blocks, two avenues to the nearest 7-Eleven.

And when I got in, it was just like one young guy, I, it was two in the morning, I pointed, you know, on the wall they had hanging, I pointed to one of those three-pack Trojan, her pleasure, you know, let her know I'm a feminist. Yeah, yeah, yeah, well, you're a kink. And the guy, the cashier, like, looked kind of like a little bit startled. Not, I was like, it wasn't judging me, he just looked kind of like a little bit scared,

which I thought was weird because he was a young guy, I was a young guy, I thought it'd be like sex. And he'd be like, I got ya. And he'd throw them like a football. And then as I ran off, he'd be like, oh, that kid's gonna be all right. But instead he just gave me this like scared look. And I was like, please, please get the comments.

I'm so hard, we gotta go. And- You've been what, you were hard for 10 blocks. Listen, it had been a long time. I go long spells in between. I was running fast. He'd just done improv. I'd just done improv.

And he goes to get the condoms and I'm paying in cash and I was counting out my money. And as I'm counting it out, I look down and I realize that my hands are covered in blood. And my first thought was, oh my god, what does my face look like? And I look at the shoplifting there in the corner and like, I look like a very sloppy vampire. Like, like, like I'd even like a full rack of ribs

and they were out in napkins in the whole block. And I was like, oh, that's why the guy was acting. So what do you think? I come in the 7-11, 2 in the morning, like condoms quick. Well, the body's still warm. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha That remains one of my... Okay, wait a second. How the fuck did you not taste it? How did you not taste any sort of iron or like pennies down there? That's what I don't get. He had COVID.

No one joking. He didn't. Okay, that's not how it makes sense. Listen, the taste run, it's a wide spectrum, and I'm not gonna be like, you know, like I'm sampling some wine, like, no, you know what, never mind. Like, I'm just, once you're down, you go, and you proceed, and you detach from whatever senses you need to detach from.

And also, there's the flattery of like, wow, she's really wet. I'm amazing at this, isn't there? Yeah. Have you ever had a cut and like, sucked it and be like, wow, she's really wet. I'm amazing at this, isn't there? Yeah. Have you ever had a cut and like sucked it and like, that tastes weird? Like I feel like it's bizarre to not have any sort of like

something's off here. Listen, I listen, no, no, no offense to anyone listening. I think, I think all pussies taste weird to it. No one's ordering pussy flavored LaCroix. Do you know what I mean? Like it's just, it's not like. I thought that's what pumpleple Poo's flavor was. Yes, it's very close.

I wish. Oh my God. That's like when Harry Styles does that watermelon sugar. Listen, Gwyneth Faltrow is seconds away from releasing now a pussy flavored LeCroy. I just say like, when I heard watermelon sugar, I was like, if you've ever bought watermelon from a grocery store and it tasted anything like pussy, you would return that shit immediately. Yeah. Okay.

That's why we don't have Dick flavored cake. I get 100% agree. It's all very strange. It's an act of love. Um, and listen, you know, it just is what it is. He didn't pick up the, you know, you were probably drinking, probably a bit nervous. You were in that, you're quite nervous in that big penthouse apartment like if memory Absolutely, I was like I would like to live here. I better go down

More than normal. Yeah, doesn't matter what it tastes like he he was just doing his job Something I would have been like you're bleeding from the mouth Like I would have been I would have said something as the cashier just to like stare at you as bizarre Yeah, normally 7-eleven's two in the morning. It's not a lot of conversation going on between the cashier, just to like stare at you as bizarre. Yeah, normally 7-Eleven's two in the morning, there's not a lot of conversation going on between the cashier and you. It's a very, it's a big change. Yeah, also is this New York?

Oh yeah, this is New York. So I was the third guy with a lot in his face coming in that day. It's everyone's so jaded. Yeah, everyone's so jaded. That checks out. The, quick, give me a condom while the body is still warm. It's favorite closing line.

I love that story so, so passionately. Thank you again for telling it. Okay, so guys, we have Vir Das, who has a date where he wore a very, very warm sweater on a very hot day that he then swept through and then threw up on multiple times, yet somehow was still able to score with his date, which is unbelievable. And then this happened. And so we're on her bed and I think she kind of climbs on top of me and you know, bands start to come off and, you know, one is standing at attention

and her mother walks into the room while she's on top of me. And I have no recourse but to pull the magical sweater down over my junk. And I don't know if you know this, but wool and junk in Delhi summer is not really a great combination. And she just kind of talks to us for seven and a half minutes.

Is she naked? She's not, she's got a skirt on. And when it was hiked up and that nonsense is happening. And I didn't know what to do. So I lifted like the sweater up to cover my nipples. Like they were breasts. Right? And I think I forgot that my dick was out.

Anything, just not my aerialist. Yes. And then after that, this mother keeps talking to us and I slowly kind of put this sweater on my junk, which is woolen junk. And this mother just doesn't acknowledge the hard on. She doesn't acknowledge the nipples. She doesn't acknowledge the hard on, she doesn't acknowledge the nipples, she doesn't acknowledge anything. And then I discovered that she can't see without her glasses on.

Like legally blind, can't see. Like very close to almost blind. Right. And so we proceed to have like a seven and a half minute conversation where her mom's like, so what do you do and what do your parents do when We're getting into like, you know, like Indian mom questions. What does she think you're just wearing like camel trousers? Like, what does she... Could she not even make out tone?

I don't know. And so I'm just, you know, trying in a very weird way as a man, what you're worried about then, even in this whole thing is you're just like, don't lose wood. Keep it up, you know, like don't lose wood keep it up you know like you're just like. What a fucking nightmare thank god she was blind and I can't imagine a more awkward way to meet one's mother-in-law I don't think I've ever met someone's parent in a more horrific or awkward way in my life.

If you're a parent-in-law if know that they're blind, they're going forward. Let's say you're walking around topless, so you go like, oh, let me do it for the sake of it. But if they're blind, do you just go, ah, dick's out the whole time, you know? Just keep some out of distance. Imagine not knowing, imagine thinking you're out there. You don't realize because you've pulled your sweater up,

you don't realize that your dick is out. And then you engage in a five minute conversation with this woman's mother who you've never met before, having no idea that she's blind, only finding out after the fact that she's blind. And she's talking normally, she's like, how are you? What do you do for work?

And you're like, oh my God, we're not gonna be in this stuff. Why wasn't the girl going, mom, get the fuck out of here immediately? Why was the door locked? Because she's blind. I don't even want to. But talking to your mother while you guys dig this hard, my dad walked in on me and my ex-boyfriend years ago.

Years. But I was under the blankets. And then my dad immediately, my parents' cottage, and my dad immediately got in the boat. And he was out for seven hours. We couldn't find him because he was so horrified, even though he saw nothing. And that was like a second. And like this was like,

and I couldn't look at my dad for a week. I was so embarrassed. And again, I was under the blind, and didn't see shit. But the idea of my dad even coming in on it, I'm like, he was like, oh my God, and left. There's no like, hey, are you guys fucking over there and having a full conversation?

Like that's crazy. That's insane. I really, I really can't imagine this situation. I don't think I've ever had sex in a house that my parents are in or that my brother is in. Oh, you fucking prude. Come on. I couldn't do it.

Live a little. I think for some people it probably adds to the excitement, but for me it's just terror. My family have never had locks on our doors. I just could never do it. I could never ever do it. I think it's even more intense if you're South Asian, which by the way, these two were, which is why it's the boldest shit I've ever heard. This woman is a South Asian legend for sleeping with him in the house, with her mother, and

then her mother opens the door and they engage in a five minute casual conversation. She's a fucking hero. Yeah. I mean, the thing is she's blind, but it's not like her nose doesn't work. I mean, there's other clues that sex has been around. Oh, others. Yeah. I feel like she can hear.

She can't hear him like fiddling around and like she can't hear his direct penis because I feel like I'm able to hear that. What's that? It's a penis lifting. I mixed the sound. Boy, yo, yo. I wish that's the sound it made every time I got a bone. It'd be way more funny.

We'll be right back. Bad dates. This podcast is brought to you in part by Audible. Every year offers us the opportunity to get closer to the best versions of ourselves. This podcast is brought to you in part by Audible. Every year offers us the opportunity to get closer to the best versions of ourselves. No matter where you are on your well-being journey, Audible is there for you. They have an ever-growing selection of stories to inspire, sounds to soothe, and voices that have the potential to change your life.

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Listen now on Audible. I love a good parasocial relationship with a celebrity who will probably never know my name. I mean, honestly, who knows? Don't count yourself out. But my favorite part about these feuds is how they're ignited by the tiniest things. Jada, I love you. G.I.J. and 2 can't wait to see it.

I accidentally laminated my brows too much. It starts small and then it gets so big. We honest Naomi, I'm fearful of you to this day. I don't know her. We all just have to admit, we're addicted. Everybody has opinions, everyone picks sides. Leave Britney Spears alone right now. From Wondering, I'm Sydney Battle.

And I'm Matt Bellasai. And this is Dis and Tell, where we unpack why we get so invested in these feuds. And whether or not our attention only makes the whole thing worse. Follow Dis and Tell wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. Okay, so the next story is number six. This one is from London Hughes. She's a good friend of mine. She thought she had a real catch with a guy who drove a fancy car and then they drove to his slightly crappy, slightly dinky studio apartment where he had a roommate and things only got worse from there because the geography of the room was very complicated for him and his roommate as we will learn now.

["The Room is a Room"] Anyway, I go into his room and I could have left. I could have left at that point, but I still stayed. And me and him were chatting, getting on well, and I was sitting on a little chair which had a little bit of clothes on it that I moved to one side. And eventually I got horny and I was sitting on a little chair which had a little bit of clothes on it that I moved to one side. And eventually I got horny and I was like,

oh, might as well smash. We kissed, I was like, oh, clean your bed, let's smash. He moved his stuff off his bed. He had an air bed, not a real bed, an air bed. So I literally am like, at that point I could have left. Like your room's a mess. You told me you lived by yourself, you have roommates, red flag.

You told me that you were a decent human being. Roommates with only a piece of material. With a piece of material separating. I'm like, cool, you have an air bed. I could have left then, I still didn't. Guys, I have a Netflix special produced by Kevin Hart and I'm fucking a guy on an air bed. Do you understand the levels? I'm so upset by this. Do you understand what? So I'm having sex with him now and it was

raining like crazy in LA and it was freezing and I was like, it's cold, can we put the heating on? And he was like, oh, I don't really have like, like, like, like, like a heating system. He had, like, this old school, like, fire lamp thing that he had to turn on for heating. Like, he didn't have heating, and I still didn't leave. And then, we're having, I'm wrapping myself in his blankets, fucking him on his air bed, the heating lamp is on, trying to heat up the room, and then, because it was raining, the roof starts leaking, and water is dripping on my face.

And I'm still having sex with him guys. At no point did I face off. I can't believe five minutes ago you said that dating apps is beneath you. This is what I'm saying. I have a problem. I literally say all this stuff and I don't live by it. I'm like dating apps are beneath me,

but I fucking this guy in the hair matches. Here you are on an air bed with the fucking rain on your face. And you're still fucking. Literally, you also refer to yourself in your own special as your dating history being a who's who of Uber drivers. Literally, and that is the truth. Because I'm like, why is it that I'm letting this happen? And I'm enjoying myself.

The sex was amazing. But the surroundings, I was like, why am I doing this? And then his roommate, who is a girl, did not like that I was so loud. So she pulled the curtain back and she was like, I! And then he came out, jumped up. Oh my God. And I hid under the covers and I still didn't leave.

And then in the morning, she was on the phone. You stayed the night! I stayed the night. Oh my God. In the morning, she was on the phone like, I just think it's so disrespectful that he's got some bitch here, she's here screaming. And we live in a studio, it's a fucking studio.

And I'm like hiding under the covers. And I literally don't want her to come out. I don't want to come out of the curtain because she might recognize me. And so I'm like. So I'm like hiding under the covers. her to come out. I don't want to come out of the curtain because she might recognise me. So I'm like hiding under the covers, waiting all day for her to go to work. And then she went to work and then I left and I said, you know what, respectfully, sir, don't call me again. I don't think I've ever had sex on an air bed. I have had sex underneath a pool table. I've had sex on a pool table.

I have a five inch scar across my leg from having sex on a pool table. Where is the strangest and like dingiest place that you've had sex? I had sex on the dock at my parents' cottage and then the neighbor Jim Trenner came over and didn't realize and we both jumped into the water and it was fucking freezing.

And then our heads were just like over the end of the dock and like he wouldn't shut the fuck up. Like he's one of those yappers like, yeah, the current's pretty, pretty brisk today, huh? I'm like, get the hell out of here, Jim. And then he finally realized that our bathing suits were on the dock and then he slowly left. Cause he came from the back.

He came from like the top deck and then came down. And that was a nightmare because there's a bunch of fish under the dock and I was so scared of one was gonna swim in my vagina or something. It was a whole thing. But it was a nightmare. Sex on a mattress while being rained on. Dramaco, where is the strangest place you've had sex?

I mean, I guess it's more gross than strange. It was a bathroom at a hostel in Europe, and it was really awful. It really was. Oh yeah. Sanitation isn't a priority at hostels. No, no, no. Very gross, very public.

But I don't know this setup. I feel bad for this guy with the airbag, because I've been there, and that's honestly, I had a woman come over a long, long time ago and she saw my place, I had nothing on the walls and she said, your bedroom looks like a mental asylum. And that truly is when I was like, okay, it's time to upgrade my life.

If it weren't for the pursuit of sex, I'd be living in a box still with a curtain separating me and saving money. We all would, we all would. I agree. At the time, I remember just like, you know, my first relationship was on a single person couch. That's where we had to sleep and have sex. And when we really needed a bit more space, we had to have sex under or on top of a pool table. Those are the only two places, one time under a piano. And it really wasn't like a kinky weird thing

of what furniture can we shag each other under? It was just, we didn't have any money. I personally don't think it's that person's fault that they only have an air mattress. I think they could do something about the leak. I feel like there's a responsibility if there's a leak over your bed, just for your own sake to deal with that.

But also, the curtain being the only thing that separates you from your roommate in a studio apartment, I think is something you need to give a woman a heads up about at least. It's not his fault that he doesn't have money, but there are certain things I feel like he could have done a slight duty of care to address, right? Yeah, I will say too, I think air mattresses have come a long way and Costco right now is making some pretty good ones. They have ones with like a built-in headboard and they're pretty sturdy.

So I don't get them to advertise on this episode now. Thank you for that. Get them to advertise. It's a great couple, makes a good air mattress. My last room, there was a curtain but it was hiding a podcast studio and I don't know what would be worse. A podcast, you find out the guy you fucked with,

that's a podcast or a roommate? It's kind of like- The podcast studio is way worse. I thought you meant there was like a podcast being recorded live. Please be a roommate, please be a roommate, dear God. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Bad dates! Those were some of the biggest tales of romance gone wrong from this season. And in our next episode, we'll be counting down the worst five dates we've heard and you will not want to miss it.

Before we go, can you tell me where everyone can find both of you and what you want us to watch, Steph? Just at Steph Tollev on my Instagram. That's it. Follow me there. come see me live. Amazing. Andromarco. For me, listen to my podcast,

The Downside with Gianmarco Sarezi, and then I'm touring all over the country, just find me everywhere at Gianmarco Sarezi. Wait, my podcast, I forgot, at Steph Infection. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. You like this? She drinks her own piss and she eats her own poo guys. That's it.

Check it out. Thank you guys so much. Bad dates is produced by Smartless Media and Wondery. Created by Robert Cohen. Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Jamila Jamil. That's me. Produced by Stuart Bailey. Produced, engineered and edited by Devon Torrey Bryant.

Also engineered and edited by Karl McGraw. Talent producer is Anne Harris. Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Music by Cushy and Evan Schletter. Executive producers are Will Arnett, Jason Bateman and Sean Hayes. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Cawson and Bernie Kaminski. If you've had a bad date and you'd like to tell us all about it, our number is 984-265-3283 and our email is baddatespod.com.

We can't wait to hear all about it. That's all for this week. We will see you next time for more... Bad dates. Excuse me. It's you. Start. Love. Me.

Hello, Prime members. You can listen to bad dates early and ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen early and ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondery.com slash survey. Being an actual royal is never about finding

your happy ending, but the worst part is, if they step out of line or fall in love with the wrong person, it changes the course of history. I'm Aresha Skidmore-Williams. And I'm Brooke Sifrin. We've been telling the stories of the rich and famous on the hit, wonder-y show Even the Rich. And talking about the latest celebrity news on Rich and Daily,

we're going all over the world on our new show Even the Royals. We'll be diving headfirst into the lives of the world's kings, queens, and all the wannabes in their orbit throughout history. Think succession meets the crown meets real life. We're going to pull back the gilded curtain and show how royal status might be bright and shiny, but it comes at the expense of, well, everything else. Like your freedom, your privacy, and sometimes even your head.

Follow Even the Royals on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Even The Royals early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus.