Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - The Fussy Tops (w/ Ophira Eisenberg, Adam Cayton-Holland, and Molly Austin)

Episode Date: April 21, 2025

On a new episode of Bad Dates, host Joel Kim Booster welcomes comedians Ophira Eisenberg, Adam Cayton-Holland, and Molly Austin to discuss their most iconic dating fiascos. Ophira has to check a few times but it turns out her date is not in fact saying he’s into “math,” Adam finds himself in the hookup of his dreams but can’t find the right words, and Molly has to summon all the New Jersey at her disposal in order to tell this guy what’s what. If you’ve had a bad date you’d like to tell us about, our number is 984-265-3283, and our email is [e-mail], we can’t wait to hear all about it! Subscribe to our YouTube Channel for video clips. Subscribe to our YouTube Channel for video clips.Merch available at SiriusXMStore.com/BadDates. Joel Kim Booster: Psychosexual, Fire Island, Loot Season 2Ophira Eisenberg: @ophirae on socials, ophiraeisenberg.com for live datesAdam Cayton-Holland: @caytonholland on socials, adamcaytonholland.com for live datesMolly Austin: @mollyoaustin on Insta Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Bad Dates ad-free. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

Smart. Less. Media. Have any of you experienced like setups by friends before? Because I have and I have always found it deeply offensive because it is a mirror you are now looking through

or at of a reflection of what your friends think you are. And that can be dangerous. Have you never had one that was flattering through or at a reflection of what your friends think you are. Yeah. And that can be dangerous. Have you never had one that was flattering, that you're like, aha, OK, this is a flattering recognition? It's only been beneath. Never not once.

OK. All right. Never not once. It's always been desperate. Yeah. It's like getting a six-year-old to do your self-portrait. You're like, wow, OK. Wow.

Yeah. Oh my god, I didn't realize. Yeah, that's the size of my nose. Got Okay. Yeah. Oh my God. I didn't realize. Yeah. That's the size of my nose. Got it. Oh, hello and welcome to another episode of Bad Dates. I'm your host, Joel Kim Booster.

And as always, we are bringing you another episode full of no good bad date stories. And I always have to clarify that on here on Bad Dates, a bad date can include anything from a hookup to a marriage. We run the gamut. It is not just bad dates anymore. It is everything that involves human connection with a terrible person. Or maybe I don't know. I don't know what the stories today. They could be the villains of their own story.

It's always fun and exciting to find out. But before we get to our panel today, I, as always, have a little bit of listener mail to get into. This one's from CJ. I'm in college and met a guy who goes to my school on a popular gay dating app. We can say the name, but we won't. The conversations were great so we decided to meet for dinner. He was cute and charming and I thought the date was going very well. However, in the middle of the meal, he looks up at me and asks, so are you into math? This was a little weird, we already had the what's your major conversation and me being a chemical engineering major was wondering if he

assumed that my major involves a lot of math. When I told him I did math a lot with my major, he was really surprised by that. He said he doesn't do math, but is interested. He started asking a few weird questions that had nothing to do with numbers. When I finally understood that he was not talking about math this entire time, but math. Ah! Once that realization dawned on me, I apologized and had to tell him that I am not nor have any interest in math. We ended the date as many gay dates end in college and hooked up on his twin size bed in his dorm room. So is this worth another date? I don't really want

to be around this guy's future drug use, but he is an excellent top. Okay, CJ, I'm going to get real with you, babe. No, this is not, this is not worth it. This is not worth it. This is your this is there's so many other faces and tops on that gay dating app And I know it's college and finding a good top in colleges is a high bar to clear It's hard. Nobody really knows what they want or doing in college I know this from personal experience both as in a college student myself and later as someone who fucked college students.

But before I let you go, CJ, though, I do have an esteemed panel of guests. I don't know what their experience is with meth, but we're about to find out. Joining us is a comedian, writer and actor known for the series Those Who Can't. He just released 20 years in comedy and all I got was his lousy special on YouTube. Adam Keaton-Hallin. Hello, Adam. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Hey, Joel. How are you doing? Good to see you. Good, good, good. We also have a comedian writer who hosts the podcast, Parenting is a Joke. You can watch her special, Plant Based Jokes on YouTube.

It's Ophira Eisenberg. Well, hello. Strong opinions on this. Oh, I can't wait. I can't wait. And we have a writer, actress and comedian who has been featured on Comedy Central. Her comedy album, Zero to New Jersey is on all streaming platforms. It's Molly Austin. I'm so excited about this panel. This is all three of you old, old friends in comedy. I've known you for about as long as I've been doing comedy. So this is really exciting to have you all three on at the same time. What do you make of CJ's email here, folks? I just like that this person just threw it out

in the middle of dinner. You into math? I just like that. You know, you into, you know, I think that's very forward, just curious. And I like the idea of an extended conversation. Yeah, yeah. It's not just like, I mean, I think, and also,

I don't know, you're just like, hey, there's more fish in the sea, are there? Are there? Like maybe you should work with what you got. Yeah, no that is- See what you can do with this. That is very fair. I don't know which college he's going to either.

You know, like it's one thing if he's at like NYU, where there, trust me baby, go over to Tisch, there will be plenty of options in that theater school C for you. But if you're going to like a small liberal arts school in like Kansas, then yeah, the options are dwindling and you might even have to go. I don't know, I can see no better marriage

than between a meth addict and a chemical engineer. Oh, well, how can you put it like that? It's a very good pairing. It is nice. For a second, well, how can you put it like that? It's a very good pairing. It is nice. For a second, I thought he was asking CJs like, hey, did you do Matt? Cause if you did Matt, then I cannot have any part of this. And I was like, so what did Matt do?

I thought it was all, that's a Matt situation. Yeah. There simply aren't enough gay people to care if someone is already hooked up with Matt. Because trust me, they probably have. Everybody hooked up with Matt. Because trust me, they probably have. Everybody's hooked up with Matt. I can say as a person who's accidentally done meth before, yeah, if you're someone who's making a plan to go do it, you should only be doing meth by accident. Accident.

Do you know what I mean? I get it. I accidentally did heroin for 11 years and it was like, okay, that's the only excuse. From time to time. Bad Dates. Bad Dates. We're going to jump into some stories. We're starting with Ophira Eisenberg today, a veteran of the pod. First time with me as host. But Ophira, I know you've probably gone over this in your past appearances, but for my benefit,

let's talk a little bit about where you stand now relationship love-wise, where you at, what's your style, are you a serial monogamist, are you somebody who's only had a couple of long-term love flings, what's your deal? So I'm currently just married to a man like it's 2002. Whoa. But I formally, I did not want to be with any one person.

I thought that's ridiculous. That's playing the wrong game. That's for when you move to LA. That's not for living in New York. It's not for living in New York. And at the time I felt like that was a really counter to how a lot of people were dating. So I would date, I would go on dates with random dudes, and I would be like, I do not wanna know your last name.

And they thought that was hilarious. Yeah, operating like a gay guy, I love it. Yeah, that's what they kept saying. Yeah, and I was a fussy top. That's my favorite Motown group. Looking for meth. Love fussy tops. Great record. So now tell us where you're at for your story. Where in time and place, where in your journey? So this would have been, yeah, before I was married, before I dated the man who is now my husband, but not much before that because I was in a real, I was in a, I was like, I was speed

dating, but there was no formal thing. I was just like, how many people can fit in? Running through them. Yeah. Yeah. And honestly, it was, it was word of mouth. I was doing a lot of word of mouth. So people were like. Just handing out flyers. That's the move itself is called word of mouth gun. You were getting recommendations,

like a restaurant or a vacation spot, yeah. Like, you know, I have very, I don't have the greatest way of speaking nicely about myself, but I was a good time. And people knew that, I have very, I don't have the greatest way of speaking nicely about myself, but I was a good time and people knew that so it traveled. Okay? So I really actually, I think this was like a friend of a friend. This was one of those extended friend of a friend of friend was like, we know this guy, he's amazing.

You guys should go on a date. So I was skeptical. So I did not make a date. Like usually I'd be like, let's meet for drinks at eight. But I was like, no, drinks still at six. I did it at six. Oh, happy hour date. Happy hour date at a bar in the village. Cause I was like that way, you know, it's early

and what we'll just hang up for an hour and then take off. And then if things don't go well, you still have time to fit another gentleman in. Thank you. Now you're understanding where I was at. Yeah, and then you can also, if you just wanna go hang with your friends, you can be like, guess what happened to me? And it's fun, you've arrived with a story.

You have arrived at a podcast recording before they were big, yeah. Yeah, a mini moth. So this guy shows up, he's pretty good looking, which I was like, fantastic. That's nice. But let me tell you, I, you know, I am who I am. But this man sat down with me grabbed my hand and started pouring affection and compliments at me in a way that I was not used to. He was just like, oh my God, I cannot believe.

You are amazing, you are so beautiful. I can't believe I get to, you know, and I loved it. Was he a fan? No. Was he a fan of your comedy? Oh God, I did not have enough of a comedy career for anyone to be a fan, but I love that. No, he had no idea.

I mean, we a little, that's like some light love bombing is going on. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Is what's happening, yeah. So I loved it, trust me, I did not. I was kind of like more and more and more, but then, you know, whatever, 10 minutes into this, we grabbed some drinks, he's still doing it. I was like, so what do you do?

He was like, no, I just want to know about you. To the point where I was like, what's something's going on here? Something's weird. Yeah. Because I know I'm not this great. It's a sad state of affairs, unfortunately, that you were immediately suspicious

because he was too nice. And that unfortunately is not the rap that most straight men that we talk about on this podcast have. I know. And asking me questions about myself, Red Flag. Yeah, huge Red Flag. While offering nothing about himself at all? Not much, not much.

Okay, got it. Exactly, thank you. That feels like someone who's trying to lure you out to the desert, I'm gonna be honest. Like someone who's like, no, don't ask me about me, just tell me about like the things that you like that I could tempt you into an unmarked van with. I don't like that.

Right, so speaking of unmarked van, I feel like you're looking into the future. So it wasn't quite an unmarked van, but we're sitting at the front of the bar, there's a window there, and he keeps looking out onto the street, like keeps gazing onto the street. It's kind of weird.

And then finally, he's like, oh, because this SUV pulls up, and he's like, one second second and he runs out of the bar I'm like what's going on and he hops in the SUV For a few minutes and then comes back out big smile comes back in the bar. Hey, do you want another drink? I'm like, okay go grab the drink goes to the Go to the bathroom. Girl, you're being trafficked. Sit right down.

Are you being trafficked? I'm not being trafficked, but I love that. I would not be amazing. You love the option that somebody would want to. This isn't a Brooklyn apartment. I'm on an island. Yeah. No, so you can't.

He's like, sorry, I'm Ben Bailey, the host of Cash Cab. I just had to do a quick session, but back to you. We're recording, sorry. I can't remember what in Cash Cab was like the daily double like thing, but that would be great, yeah. So, but he sits back down and he is just like, oh my God, you're amazing, blah, blah, blah.

You're so gorgeous. He's stroking my face. He's like, I can't believe it. And then he's like, I'll just be right back. And he goes to the bathroom. And then the third time he is like, just overcompensating with all this flattery and goes to the bathroom. He sits back down. I look at my watch, it's like 645. And I go, Hey, are you doing coke in the bathroom? And he's like, yeah. And I was like, is that what that SUV is? He was like, Oh, yeah, yeah, that. Yeah. And I was like, Oh, I go, yeah, it's

like Tuesday at 645. He's like, Yeah, why did you want some? And I was like, I, you know, I usually do that Wednesdays at noon. And I was like, I was a little bit like, and I literally went, Do you have a problem? Yeah. He didn't like that. And he said, why? And I was like, uh, and then I, I totally was like, it's Tuesday, it's 6.45 and you're on the first date. Like, what are you doing? And then he was like, he basically just turned it around. He was like, the only problem I have is that I don't know what to do with such a beautiful woman. And I was like, you know what,

this guy's a loser. Obviously, I thought it was literally, I was like, this guy's a loser, but he's very good looking and I am loving this attention. So, oh, well, he's got a bit of a cook problem. This will be fun for the night." So we made out. See, no stone unturned. Keep going. I'm right there with you. I was recently in Atlanta, and it was a Wednesday night having sex with a guy, and he did so many drugs without me knowing that he passed out

while I was inside of him. And I was like, baby boy, this is a Wednesday night. Oh, man. Like, this is tough. This is tough to get over for me. It's a huge ego blow to me. But again, you know, it is the weeknights that where suddenly I become the morality police. Right.

And like do whatever, boot it, toward it, inject it on the weekend, sure. On Wednesday, No, no. It's a little much. Yeah. And I was like two IPAs in, but you know, I wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't Ophira's snow day on my end. And, and I wasn't doing it, but I was, we made out. And then I was just like, yeah, let's, you know, let's keep going. Cause I was like, oh, and then I was actually, I was trying to Google quickly on the slide cause I couldn't remember, I was like, is coconut make him not hard or hard? Like, does it affect?

Yeah. And so, but I was like, oh, we'll figure it out. And I had a roommate, so I was like, hey, do you wanna go, but we can't go to my place, because my roommate's home, too awkward, can we go to your place? And he was like, oh yeah. And then basically admitted to me

that he was a married man in Long Island. I knew it. I knew it. Whoa. Kids probably. That's knew it. With kids, probably. That's the SUV of it all, right? That's what's going on. OK. And then I was just like, ah, that, you know what? I guess I do have boundaries because that was my boundary and my limit.

You were. And he was he was married a man in the where was he living? Long Island. Yeah. And see, and you didn't care about the wife. You were like, where was he living? Long Island. Yeah, and see, and you didn't care about the wife. You were like, I ain't going to Long Island. I'm not gonna go out. So Ophira, tell me, what did you learn from this experience that you sort of took with you into your next dating experiences, if anything?

Any red flag lessons for the people at home? Well, it's just funny because we were talking about our wonderful, the wonderful person that wrote in, took the time to write in for you. I was like, ah, maybe you can work with meth. And then you guys were like, no, no, you cannot work with meth, O'Fara, you cannot work with meth.

But I found, I mean, listen, I wish I did more drugs. I always talk about how I wish I did drugs. But I don, I mean, listen, I wish I did more drugs. I always talk about how I wish I did drugs, but I don't really. And I know, I know, I just find some of them too ridiculous. It's the company, but if I could do them solo and alone, I think I'd be fine. Oh, yeah, that's the healthiest way to do drugs, I gotta tell ya. Yeah. Yeah. Bad Dates.

Bad Dates. We are turning now to Adam Kitton-Holland for his story. Tell me now, Adam, where you're at with your love life now and what was your MO when you were single? You know, I'm a married fella. I've been married for almost seven years. I got two kids. I got two strapping boys, six and four. They're tearing their father apart at the seams.

But before that, I was pretty hesitant to settle down. Yeah, I gotta tell you, Adam, you have the hairline of a man with no children. So they can't be tearing you apart too, too badly. I guess it's getting grayer fast, but yeah. Oh, maybe, but that's just Anderson Cooper, you know, it's hot. No, you're right.

I'm seasoned, I'm erudite, you got it. Exactly, so tell me where in your life does this story take place? It's a young man's story, a young man's tale. Maybe you'll relate, it was in Spain. I lived in Spain twice. I studied abroad there, classic story. And then I graduated from college and I had a friend

who had a Fulbright scholarship to go to Santiago de Compostela. It's like right above Portugal. It's a tiny little town, got a big university and it's got a huge cathedral. So like you may have heard of the Camino de Santiago. People walk across the top of Spain and arrive there a huge cathedral. So like you may have heard of the Camino de Santiago. People walk across the top of Spain and arrive there at this cathedral.

It's a beautiful old medieval tourist town with like 60,000 college kids. And so I was 22 and a buddy had an apartment and I was like, can I come? And he's like, yep. It's the pig and shit, yeah. Dude, the best. And so our weekly debauch was at an Irish pub

that was like, they do trivia in English. So we'd go and do pub trivia every Monday night, I think. And there was a bartender, Adriana. We all just like loved this woman. She was just kind of a. Just even the name alone. The way you pronounced it. I love that.

We all instantly had an image of this woman pop into our head at the way she's the way you said it. Curvaceous Spanish seductress behind the bar at the dumb pub and I'm 22 playing trivia every night just trying to get her attention. And I guess I kind of whittled her down. I wore her out because eventually one night she decided she liked me and she's like, I'm going to close up. Why don't you just hang out?

And I was like, fuck yes. This is all in Spanish by the way. I wanna put that out there for the listeners because it makes it hotter somehow. Yeah, muy caliente. Super caliente in Santiago de Compostela. But so I'm hanging out with Adriana, like long story short, I'll cut to it.

We start fooling around and it's going very well. And she's- At the bar? I love that it's going very well. In the manager's office downstairs, it's locked up. It's a closed bar after hours. I love this cross. The register is right next to you as you're fingering her.

Like the cash from the night. So the trivia is going, bar trivia is going. We're just hooking up. This is fucking. So we're in the manager's office. going, we're just hooking up. This is fucking. So we're in the manager's office. We like, she goes down on me. I'm like, this is fucking amazing. And I realized I was about to come.

And I realized I have no way of saying what's about to happen. I lack the fucking language skills. Like I've never had a bilingual hookup like this. So I'm just like trying. I'm like, you got to say something. You can't just surprise her. That's so rude. So I said the phrase, the first thing that popped in my head, which was this, I said, uh, Viene mi leche, viene mi leche. Which Joel probably knows. It's like, my milk is coming. my milk is coming. And she like, she fucking exploded laughing.

And then I exploded the other way, all over her and the face and hair. And it was just like a what the fuck moment by her. And it quickly turned to like, not funny. Like, what are you doing? And like pissed off. And I was like, lo siento, no, no sabia que decir, blah, blah, blah.

And she was just like, fucking Christ, you baby. And just like kicked me out of the bar. Oh, a 22 year old load too. That is a lot of cum. That is a lot of cum. You know, and that, that Northern Spanish cuisine. You and I are not too far apart in age and it, I'm not shooting ropes anymore, I gotta say.

It is not the same as it used to be when I was young. And you felt like you couldn't, just through your vocalizations, indicate where things were at? You know, every other time. You couldn't pull her head off of your penis? I mean, there's a lot of things I wish I'd done different. But. He was 22, his frontal lobe wasn't developed yet.

Yeah, that's true. I was still in my lizard brain. Who is a child? Yeah. No, I mean every time previous. You could only think of the word milk. I like that you just searched through the little catalog of Spanish in your brain, what do I have?

Honestly, it's genius. What do I have? It's white, it's liquid. She clearly understood. She understood, but then it was ugly. And like, yeah, I mean, every time before, and I think every time after, I have said, I'm gonna come, I'm coming. Like, I don't know why you feel the need to announce,

but you do. Yeah, it's the polite thing to do. No, it's polite. Absolutely. And you could've tried English, it may have worked. I should've just said, I'm coming. If you said stop, hey stop, I think that would have read for her, even as a non-English speaker.

But no, but no, then you would never, then yeah, the fact that you got banished from trivia by your own volition is really- I didn't get banished, I went back the next week because I'm a competitor. I'm a competitor. I was there the next week. This is bigger than Adriana or me. This is trivia.

Oh, hilarious. But she was like, fucking wouldn't even acknowledge me. Nothing happened. It was just like, that was the moment. That was the night. She'd never acknowledged me after that. Here's the million dollar question. Sure. Which I think I know the answer to, knowing that you are a 22 year old straight boy at this moment who has just ejaculated. But did you offer to reciprocate in that moment? Joel, Joel, I think your your instincts are dead on. I was like, well, I'm done. Wish things had gone a little different here, but thanks for a lovely evening and good night.

Like it was just totally, yeah, I'm done. And you got a little something right here. You got a little something right here. Something about Mary. Anyway, I'll see you next Monday. I love what you guys are doing with this trivia. It's a lot of fun. Yeah.

Bad dates. Bad dates. Bad dates. Molly Austin, good dear old friend Molly Austin, where are you at these days with love? I am single as of December. I just lost my last boyfriend to conspiracy theories. So rest in peace. That is a tough one. Can you you get, can you let us in on what flavor of conspiracy theory? It's like RFK centered.

He was watching Joe Rogan because he thought he did a good job interviewing the guests. And he started rubbing beef juice on his face because Joe Rogan was like, you know what I mean? And I'm just like, oh boy. He likes sin and stuff like that. We get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm? And I'm just like, oh boy. He like zin and stuff like that, we get it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay. So I'm so sorry, we've spent so much time on your trauma. This could have been your- The biggest dick of all time. She's leaving us on red on that one. That could have been your story altogether, but I know you have a real bad dating story

to get into as well. -♪ Piano playing the piano. -♪ This is actually kind of along the same lines. The date in question is a second date. I'm just gonna back up to the first date real quick. Real quick, yeah. Real quick, I like to run my first dates like a Mariah Carey meet and greet, right? Like, I like them in, I like them out.

I'm like, you know what I mean? Like, we're seeing it, we're seeing what it's, you know, it's just like a little handshake. It's a little like, what's your, you know, let's get a picture. It's a vibe check. Cause people can show up from the internet and be freaks. Nightmares.

So that's my, cause I'm online dating, right? So this is, so my meet and greet happens. He asks a really thoughtful question, which I loved. He said, what do I hope to get out of the experience of online dating? And we have this big conversation that was really lovely. And one of the things I said was political synchronicity because of this breakup that I had just had. It's a bare minimum for me.

It's like flossing. It's a bare minimum for me. It's like flossing. It's a bare minimum. It's not like an aspirational partner. It's what I need to get in the door. I completely understand. I completely understand. Okay. So now we're on the second date. And it starts off weird. And it starts off weird. He orders, the waiter comes up, she asks me what I'll be having, I go to answer. She and I are making eye contact and he shouts our order out. Oh no.

We'll be having. And I was like, huh, that was weird. And she walked away and he goes, sorry, was that okay? I don't even really know how to be anymore. And I was like, Oh no. Oh, he was going with, sorry, was that not woke enough for you lady that I ordered for you? Right. Exactly. Wow. And right away I'm ricky ticky tabby, right? I'm just, I'm up here.

I'm like, uh-oh, because I have like looked into this stuff so much that I know what that language means. And I very smoothly, you know, bring up the election. And I mean, so smooth, you like, he had no idea. He had no idea. I was like, wow, Molly, you know? You're like this JD Vance charisma, am I right? Do you feel divided? You're like, this JD Vance charisma, am I right? Do you feel divided? Well, I was like, well, I brought up a conversation very naturally and he was like, yeah, I think it's just like such a shame that people are like splitting up like over this stuff.

And I was like, yeah, you didn't put religion on your, you didn't put religion or politics on your profile, you know, like Where are you with that? He goes on this long ass boring story about how he's raised religious and whatever, blah, blah, blah. And then at the end of it, he goes, and I very reluctantly voted for Donald Trump. He snuck it in there, like sneaky. Oh, reluctantly. Like sneaky. And he said it very fast. He said it fast. Because I have already, and when I tell you, I just start blacking out.

Because I'm like, did I imagine saying this on the first date? What did I just say? Do you know what I mean? Did I not have that conversation? Because I felt a sense of relief after I had it because I can't deal with this anymore. I feel competent in this area to have this conversation. And I, you know, he's got a daughter and he's got two sons. And I'm like, I should have this conversation. So maybe at least he walks away and like thinks about what thinks about what he's done to tell his friends like this shrill liberal woman

I went on a date with yelled at me at dinner like you won't give him. Wouldn't even touch it. Yeah. Well, I did get a little shrill. I'm fucking pissed. I told you what I wanted and you just ran right over it. He's hunky. The first date went well. I like a hunk.

You know what I mean? I like a hunk. Nothing wrong with that. I like a big arm. I like a thick thigh. I like it. The issue is that all the conservative guys on Hinge are hunky and then all the liberal guys look like they have obscure food allergies. Does that

make sense? Yeah. Yeah. It's tough to find a gym rat in the straight world that is- Not into Joe Rogan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gosh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gosh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not, not like, yeah.

Who can like literally wield a hammer and it's not Thor's hammer? Like a real one. Yeah. So then. And I'm taken. So I get it. It's been hard on a lot of us, Adam. Yeah.

Really hard. And thank you for, thank you for acknowledging it. I recognize the struggle. So now I'm getting real New Jersey about this and I can feel it coming. And it's like, you know, I could have been the guy who like really treated you well and like really like would like take care of you. And I was like, you know what, dude? No, you couldn't because you already voted against my rights. You already mowed over my boundaries. You're already treating me badly.

I think you're stupid, so I could never fuck you. Like, this is me in the restaurant. I'm fist pumping right now. We're all standing and clapping. Yes. I was like, you have a daughter. You should be a shit. Like, I went nuts. I went, you know,

a little shrill and I was like, you don't know how to navigate the internet because you're old. I said, I said, go fuck yourself. I was like, no, I said, you know what, dude, go fuck yourself. Like a maniac. But can I tell you, I did go out on a nice day after that with a hunky guy who doesn't hate women or trans people or people. It was so it was so nice. And I was like, they do exist. They do exist. And his arms are big.

And I like that. Yeah. And you're allowed just because you're progressive doesn't mean you can't be shallow. Like, I'm sorry. So shallow. I only like I'm so tired of liking men because they have good hearts. I'm so tired.

If you're Eisenberg, where can the people find you if they'd like to hear more about your life and your comedy and your career? Yeah. If you want to come to some live shows, you can just follow me at OphiraE everywhere or have a website with all my live dates. OphiraEisenberg.com. Highly recommend. Highly recommend this next gentleman as well. Adam Caton-Holland. Where can the people find you? Yeah. Got a website. AdamCatonHolland.com.

C-A-Y-T-O-N-H-O-L-L-A-N-D on all the socials. Got a new special out, touring constantly, all sorts of things. Come find me everybody. Amazing. And finally, Molly Austin, where can the people find you specifically? GPS in Jersey, where are you at? Where can they show up and see you? You know, I really, I'm not really working on anything other than my mental and physical health.

So... And you know what? Totally fair in this climate. I'm trying to get shredded, you know? And that's where I'm at. Be the hunk you wish to see in the world. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. And I'm trying to, I'm all about that paper.

So you could Venmo me and it's the same as my Instagram handle, which is Molly O Austin. But yeah, that's pretty much, I'm just trying to be happy. Check out her Instagram and check her out in the gym, fellas. Yeah, baby. That's what she's looking for. This has been such an incredible episode. Thank you to all three of my incredible guests.

If you like what you heard, please give us a rating and review on iTunes or wherever you're listening to this podcast right now. It really helps us out. Five stars, especially even if you hate me and have criticism for me, as I always say, I love the reviews that give us tons of notes, specifically me, and yet still leave five stars. That's really appreciated. I don't think the part matters ultimately what the content of your review is as long as you leave those five stars, baby.

That has been another episode of Bad Dates. We'll be back next week with another panel of guests talking their own harrowing bad dating stories. Cannot wait to see you there. Check out our many episodes out on Thursday's Speed Dates. And that is that. I'm leaving you now. Goodbye. Bad Dates is a production of Smartless Media created by Robert Cohen. Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Stuart Bailey. Produced, edited, and engineered by Devon Torrey-Brien. Produced by Ann Harris.

Edited by Kyle McGrath. Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Social media producer is Tommy Galgana. Executive producers are Sean Hayes, Will Arnett, and Jason Baitman. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminsky. Music by Cushi and Eben Schleder.

If you've had a bad date or would like our advice on any dating issues, please tell us about it at baddatespod at gmail.com or call us at 984-265-3283. or call us at 984-265-3283. That's 984-265-3283. That's all for this week. We will be back for more Bad Dates. Bless me I