Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - The Psychic Mediates

Episode Date: August 3, 2026

Comedian Steph Tolev and musician-comedian Jefferson McDonald join Joel just four days after getting engaged — and they're still mid-argument when they sit down. To help sort out what's really going on, Peter Antoniou (AGT Season 16 semifinalist, Pretty Psychic Tour) comes in to read the room, call out old patterns, and dig into what makes this relationship different from all the others. They dive into coffee runs, angry dads, wedding party drama, and a very public proposal.   Send in your own listener questions by emailing us at [e-mail] or leave us a voicemail at ‪[phone]‬‪. Subscribe to SmartLess Media on YouTube for full episodes, and follow @intimacycoordinatorshow on Instagram and TikTok for clips.   Joel Kim Booster: @ihatejoelkim · Loot Season 3 (Apple TV+), Fire Island (Hulu), Psychosexual (Netflix)   Peter Antoniou: @peterantoniou · psychic comedian; America’s Got Talent; touring show Pretty Psychic Steph Tolev: @stephtolev · Netflix special Filth Queen; Tires (Netflix) Jefferson McDonald: @jeffersonmcdonald4real · actor, comedian & musician   Produced by Brian Baldinger and Anne Harris. Associate Producers are Maddie McCann and Katherine Calligori. Editor is Jacob Vaus. Executive Producers are Will Arnett, Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, Robert Cohen, Richard Korson and Bernie Kaminski. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Intimacy Coordinator ad-free. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey folks, welcome to another episode of intimacy coordinator, and boy, do I have a barn burner for you guys this week. I bring together two of my comedian friends, Jefferson McDonald, and Steph Tolloff, who got engaged mere four days before this podcast was recorded. And so since they are in this very new state, freshly engaged, I wanted to bring in the big guns, Peter Antonio, who is a psychic slash mentalist, depending on your definition. And between the two of us, we tag team this couple, not in that way. and try and dig deep and figure out, you know, what works about their relationship, their fighting styles, who's planning the wedding, what they like about each other, what they does like about each other, we're prepping them in all the right ways, and it gets pretty raw and real, right up top.

You will find out very early in the episode, why. So, buckle up and enjoy this episode. Today I have three very special guests in a very special time in two of their lives. I cannot wait to get into it. I'm so excited to welcome Peter Antonio, comedian mentalist. and semifinalists in America's Got Talent Season 16. He is a West End veteran, a Las Vegas headliner, currently on the Pretty Psychic Tour,

and he just so happens to be able to read your mind. Whoa! Steph Tollev, Canadian comedian and an actress, her debut Netflix special Fifth Queen is streaming now. Hell yeah. You may also know her from Bill Burr Presents, Friends Who Kill, Old Dads, and Hacks. And finally, last but certainly not least,

it's Jefferson McDonald, comedian, musician, and an actor. You may have seen him in Fifth Queen, and he is the nephew. of Shooter McAvin. Wow. That's right. Save that for now. That's right.

You got the same face. Amazing. So I said this before we started airing, but I'll say it for the posterity's sake for the podcast. Congratulations, Steph and Jefferson, freshly engaged. How are we feeling in the way? It was a couple days ago, right? It was. Three?

When was it three days ago? We just got a huge fight the car, so it's like the most inopportune time. We just fought the entire drive here, so I'm in a bad mood. This is actually amazing. This is actually amazing because the whole premise of this episode of the podcast was we are going to counsel you and prepare you for marriage. Me being an expert having been married for six months and him being a psychic. So I feel like between the two of us, we can work out whatever tension is happening between the two of you. You couldn't feel it psychic.

It's here right now. Were you picking up on that? Yeah, that was definitely some tension. I just thought you hated me. That was all right. I'm seeing. I don't trust. Psychics.

That was a little bit of me. That was a little bit of me. You're picking up on that. Yeah. No problem. I wouldn't trust me either. No, it wasn't bad. It was she had the coffee.

She was outside. She was knocking. I was watching Nick's highlights. I didn't hear. I was outside dinosaur coffee on Sunset Boulevard. Carr is whizzing by me, holding two coffees, screaming his name, slamming my knuckles against the window. Not my window, the other side window, too.

She's just in the street. Wait, this is the car? Right now. He's in the car. You know where Dinister Coffee is in sunset. Car is whipping by. I'm there going, yeah, fair side. Holding two coffees.

Right outside of the window. I can't hear that. There's trucks going by. screaming, screaming, banging. Did she get you? Nothing. You would think. No, she's not in front of the car. She's like behind me. So to be fair, you should have gotten in front of the car. And to be fair,

that's crazy. You didn't notice her. It's crazy. If she's not a coffee, hand it on this side where I can roll the window down. Well, that's where the car cars are. It's unless you don't have peripheral vision apparently. This is, thank you. This is what I'm at. Why would I go to your side? We're in a rush. Peripheral vision. We had 10 minutes to get here. I was running late.

Had to get a coffee. So I was like, we'll stop quickly. And then we left you in the lobby for 10 minutes. And then we left me. So all this happened for no reason. Wow. It all happened for no. We screamed each other the whole way here. I blasted our Lady P.

Are you good at fighting? No. Pretty, you know what? We're pretty. Well, we're pretty good. We do fight a lot. Yeah, all the time. But you know what?

We resolve it pretty quickly, which... This time we didn't. We came right to a podcast. No, we didn't have time yet. Maybe by the end of this. Everything did happen for a reason. We want to resolve this. Yeah, we're testing intimacy coordinator right now.

Let's see. You're really, will we ever be, I thought this is going to be, I thought you were going to be, it was all of, and just like excited to talk about the wedding. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's been all up for three days. We've been doing pretty good since the engagement. We did three days with no money. Now the days since last fight goes back to zero. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, the clock reset.

Counting down again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We both have no patience and attitude problem, I believe. We both have a short temper, a short fuse. We don't hear what we say. What comes out of our mouth

doesn't really register. We're very, yeah, we're very short fuses. Do you guys go for the jugular pretty fast? Would you say? I don't necessarily think so. I just think that we naturally are prone to screaming and saying things that can be hurtful without thinking about it. Both of us have a father also named Peter that was very angry and short-tempered,

and I think we both have that quality. Yeah, we both had very angry Peters in our lives, Peter. I'm here to make, no, I'm very not angry, so I'm here to make amends for the Peters here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I also enjoyed the fact that you answered that with the Obama thumb as you were, we don't. Check us out on YouTube. This is a visual medium. You've got to check out the Obama thumb.

Okay. Right. So, okay, before we go further into solving YouTube, I didn't want to ask Peter, since we have him here, you've never met Stefan and Jefferson. You were picking up a general vibe, which to be honest, like, I'm not psychic and I think it was tangible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think you had to be.

But is there anything else without having met them your skill set? What were some things that you've picked up on that might at least, at the very least distract them from their anger right now? Oh, I think, like, I mean, I'm not sure we can distract them from their anger, but I think it's always interesting. I think, like, yeah, where you say like, oh, you know, I'm not psychic and I picked up. I think a lot of that, like, picking stuff up, like, I think when people think of psychic, they're picturing like, you know, Professor Xavier knowing everything that's going through everyone's brain.

And a lot of, like, nothing I do is like supernatural in that way. I think I'm just like more tuned into it. And like, especially when I'm doing my live shows, I've got a whole crowd full of people. So I'm just like scanning for like, who's giving decent vibes that I can get into? But yeah, I think it's sort of interesting the weird, the weird sort of dichotomy of how similar you both are. And then like even in that answer, like how violently different you are. where I think like you're much more like emotionally led. And then the Obama thumb says everything about that.

I'm going to craft this as an answer, which I think probably pisses you off a lot more. Yes, it does. Because you're like, no, just tell me what you feel. He doesn't have tear ducks. And you feel, yeah, you feel like you're saying what you feel. But it's always through that filter of like, let me make sure. Because in the same way that like with angry Peter dad for you,

it was like let me like push back against this because there's that. For you, it was much more about like, making the placator. Like, let's just get this all going. Let's keep everything a little bit more steady. That makes a lot of sense because I think that my house, we were so angry all the time that my dad was that I sort of, anger and yelling in my house was sort of emotionally detached.

Yeah. Very different from her. When she starts yelling, the tears start to come with me. I'm like, I'm just getting started. So I'm like, okay, let's try to calm it down here. It's the politician. And like, I don't always think that you're arguing to, you're not arguing because you're angry, you're arguing to, like, win the point.

It's like a performance for you. Like you're, and I think sometimes you are angry outwardly to a level that you're not really angry inwardly. You're just like, this is the thing that I'm doing. Exactly. And then that ends up. And then she goes, oh, he's really angry. So I'm going to get even angrier. And that's where that spiral happens.

But to defend myself, I have cried once at the end of, Babe, when the pig puts the sheep in the corral in that moment when farmer hogget when it locks that click, the tears come flying. I did a music degree and there's a composer called Rossini who was famous for only having cried twice in his life. Not when any of his three wives died, but once when an opera he wrote got critically panned and the other time was when he was having a party on a barge and the Taduckin rolled overboard and he wept for the loss of beautiful birds. Was this the first ever turduckin made? Because he's not... Wow. He hasn't been around.

I always say that if I die, he'll be scrolling on Tinder while my body isn't buried yet. Wow. See, where does that come from? Reader mine where this kind of sick stuff comes from. No, because you have no emotion. You have zero emotion at all. Zero emotion at all. You do not have tear ducks.

You don't cry. Have you ever cried in front of her? Was Babe in front of her? Babe was the one time. Well, we watched it twice, so it has happened twice. No, I moistened up. There was an episode of... Love on the spectrum.

Moistened up. Loved on the spectrum. Nothing with us. Nothing. Our fights are nothing to him. Never. I got to tell you, she is not moistening up. I've never been drier in my mouth for now. I have to say.

Drier. It was like a little cloud. So after just hearing that initial salvo from Peter, how are you feeling? Is any of it wildly inaccurate? Is some of it? No, I think it sounds actually quite accurate. Really? Yes.

Love that. I also feel like your British accent really helped. If you were American, I feel like I would be like this. fucking pervert. That's why I moved over here. In England, people know this is a poor voice, but like over here they're like, oh, a fancy man. Jefferson, you're not Canadian, are you? No, I'm from New York. Okay, so only two

coming off four and a half hours. Great. So, after that initial salvo, I want to check in about, like, the fight and where we're at energy-wise with the fight. It's like breaking news. Every 15 minutes, I'm going to be checking on you. Well, here's the thing, no, I feel like we fight. Well, one of the questions that you're

going to ask, I already have the answer. You were going to ask was one thing that people don't know about us. We fight all the time. The internet's a lot. Everyone sees us online. They're like, oh my God, you guys are meeting for each other. You guys must have fun all the time. I'm like, if they saw one day with us like,

fuck you, like losing our minds, I'm like, the internet's a fraud. So I would say that like, that's one thing people don't know that we do. We're liars. All the time. No, we're still in love. We're very transparent about. Yeah, we're very in love. We've just very passionate people and we have very short fuses.

Is there any thing? Is there any. part of you right now as you are now freshly engaged that is worried about that I am yes this is I was like really like oh this has changed everything and then this has been the first fight since this and I'm like nothing I got to tell you nothing will change too even after the wedding if like it your your relationship does not shift at least I have found um Peter who has been in love at one time as his manager very cryptically told me when I asked um it's nice yeah it's nice that my own team are looking at me going oh oh oh yeah yeah you know

Tough love life on that one. At one point or in time. What are you doing to solve that? With anything. We need to do something. I don't like that. I go for very long runs. That helps.

That's what you go for himself. He goes for runs. I go for a long run. I try to resolve things pretty quickly. I'll come back and be like I will always acknowledge work. Because I know I see the history of my relationships and, you know, the commonality and a lot of them falling apart is I was involved in all of them. You know, I probably mucked it up somehow. So I definitely, you know, try to figure out what it is that I did wrong and say, hey, I'm sorry.

Are you trying to resolve it or are you trying to just box it away? Because I think that sometimes your tendency would be to be like, let's just, let's end this. Well, how can we resolve two angry people with anger issues? That's a big task. Okay. So that's a bigger thing. I just, I guess, if anything, I'm resolving whatever that particular. It's a stopgap.

It's a band-a-it. It's a stopgap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If it's a box, maybe it is a box. It's box this one in for the day. But where are we putting these boxes? I don't like the boxes. Where are the boxes open?

I feel like... She wants to go through your shit. I need to go through the shit. I don't like it. He does boxings up. There'll be something where he'll hold in for like four weeks. And then you said this. I'm like, I don't remember saying that at all.

I don't know what the fuck that was. She brought something up the other day about that. I was like, I don't remember saying that. Okay, but that's... I only do that on occasion when you have a couple that you don't haven't let go for a couple years. Like, you know. You want to bring that up? Oh, you want to bring that one up?

I don't think you want to bring this one up. He liked the comedian's bikini pictures and I almost lost my fucking mind. That's not what I was thinking about it all. That's the side one. Oh, yeah. You're going to have to off mic tell me who the comedian was and then I'll render my judgment. Oh, I will. I wanted to talk really quick because I remember talking to you, you haven't had a shit ton of relationship.

No, and they were very bad. Yeah. Yeah. And I remember talking to you when you first started dating him at some show, and you were talking about the things that made it different with Jefferson. Can, do you still feel that things are running differently than your past relationships with Jefferson? Yeah, I don't think I fought this much with anybody before. No, no, no.

No, no. No, I do. It's really flipped. I've never, like, I've never been with somebody who is so, like, similar. with me in like terms of drive in terms of like family and who does make me laugh who I do find very attractive which really helps you guys are gonna have the most angry fuck after this podcast I can sense it I thought we're interrupting now we're all gonna have to like clear out as red lights go down in the parking garage oh yeah I do yeah I know I do think I do there is

there is there is say something Nice. I thought this was your turn. That was me. I was saying it. That was my speech. See, I feel warm and cozy now. Oh, good.

This is nice. I would love Jefferson. What is your relationship style or habit? Like, were you jumping from a relationship relationship, lots of girlfriends, lots of situationships? What's the deal? I had, for the last 10 years, they haven't worked out because I was on the road so much. Doing ships, six-month contracts, which were just killers to any relationship. So in this relationship,

I just determined, you know what, I can't do that anymore. I want to be home or see her at least once a week or every two weeks max, because I know that that's been a relationship killer for me in the past. So I think that's really helped. Us being able to work together on occasion has helped, but that can be challenging too. Sometimes she'll come and see me out on the road. We're just on the road so much. So for me, I'm always trying to think.

I know that's been my life and it's led to the demise of so many relationships. How can I make that? work this time. And we've been sort of finding ways for that to work. Is there, was your decision to sort of shift your behavior and your modus operandi when it comes to relationships? Is that to do with Steph or is that to do with you deciding I'm in a place now that I need to like figure out how to make this work? I had never, I'd always been very coy when dating about let's be official on Facebook. Let's post together. Do those kinds of things. I was always sort of a ghost

just floating around that nobody could pin down but this is one time where I said I'm in love with this woman this is it let me be more vulnerable it's been very hard for me to be vulnerable my whole life

just you know those are the things that we've inherited What about stuff made it easier to be vulnerable? I don't know because I'm like I'm much more public than those other people you were with you were like some nurse from like Wisconsin

and I'm like hey here's my pussy on the internet every damn day yeah no you're right You know, my mom was hearing about, yeah, that first blow job he gave me on the ship. And all of a sudden my mom's calling me being like, you're not posting that on Facebook. It's like things were already becoming public in a weird way. So I just thought, well, I've always been closed off. Let me just be vulnerable and open myself to a relationship as fully as I can because I haven't tried that before and everything else failed.

And, you know, I just love the shit out of her. And I thought, let's just try to make this work. I know it's never going to be 100% easy, but it's gotten us this far. Peter, you've gotten to know them a little bit better. What's your read on what is different about the other, what they like about the other person that makes them different? Oh, I think that, like, I think something that, like,

sort of became clear during that as well is when, when Jefferson, when you're talking about, like, the distance in your relationships always was the downfall, I think that that is almost the kernel of the argument and the problems now, though, because previously you've had space to, like, call off, like, oh, I don't need to think about that. I'm going to be on a ship for a while. And I think maybe that is the kernel.

So less about what they like about each other. We'll get to that in a second. But yeah, that was something that became very clear of, like, oh, you had a coping strategy. And I think that you've done the work that very few other people do are being like, oh, like, when you talk about being vulnerable, I think previously vulnerability in weakness sort of felt on top of each other. And I think starting to pull that apart to be like, you're going to. can be vulnerable and be seen by someone else and that doesn't necessarily make you like

at risk of being hurt in the same way. I think that's separating those two. But yeah, and then getting that feedback from your mom and I think that having that space previously in relationship which allowed you maybe not to argue as much and have space there and having new coping strategies now is one of the struggles that I think has thrown up because I think sometimes more in this relationship than in the past you've gone, oh, I don't know how to deal with this. And part of that is because I have to see her tomorrow as opposed to being on a issue. Really quickly. Steph said that she's never fought with someone more in a relationship setting.

Is that true for you, too? Have you ever fought with someone this much? Done a lot of fighting with people over the years. Got it. So I can't say that I can sympathize with it. That's kind of standard for me. Yeah. Huh.

Yeah. Wonder whose fault that is. It's important to us. Oh, okay. I didn't know it was blame game time here. I didn't be she coordinated. But I think that. But like, I think that this might sound negative, but I think that it's true is that I think

one of the things that both of you like about each other is clear is that you're a challenge for each other as well. And not just like the argument, but in every area where there is always the other person. Like you mentioned drive there. I think that like, yeah, that being pushed. And I think you both really respond to being pushed. You're not someone who wants to like sit on their lowers. You're going for other things.

There's something about, I think, our personality defects are in some ways assets for us. other ways professionally. Yeah. I just think that those insane, that the insane drive that she has and whatever I have going on is very helpful, but we don't, it's hard for us to compartmentalize that. And because I can't talk. Go ahead. You're doing a great job.

We're proud of you. I can't take words any more because I'm showing you. Something that I've seen like, yeah, doing readings for couples for years is that like, very rarely couples are perfect. You're just looking for the person who is mentally ill in the right way that compliments your mental illness. I just think our mental illness is the same. That's what it is. And I think that makes you, I think slightly different.

Yes. But yeah, I think that like, but that means you understand each other. And I think that probably one of the roots of some of these arguments are, I understand exactly where you're at and you're not doing it the way that I would do it. and that annoys me do you both have like are you both generally speaking with other people are you good at seeing

the point of view of other people like I think so yeah you yeah yeah I think that I am a pretty I think that as comics we kind of have to be a little bit yeah yeah I think we can see that more I can be annoying to the point where she'll get annoyed when I'll defend someone else that she's pissed on being like they maybe did it because of that

and oh my god my husband been as the devil's advocate like that too. And it drives me fucking nuts. That I'm like, really? This is the person you're going to stand behind? This is the hill to die. Yeah, this is the hill to die. I'm like, why?

To my credit, though, two weeks later, you'll be fine with that person and they'll be back in the house. So I'm like, I am not going to be like, oh, I hate this person now. I'm like, let me just wait and see how this goes. There's a couple people led. There's some, yeah.

I don't need to bring up their names. No, this is, yeah. Joel's going to be like, I need all. We can believe. This is going to be a roll call after the show. Tell me the bikini one. We'll go through some things. We were talking about it just a second ago, but we're all comics.

You both are comics as well. I can't... This situation was a nightmare in my head, dating another comic. I know it's a little... You have more selection than I did, certainly at the open mics and bar shows. How have you guys... How does that play a factor into your relationship, if at all? Well, it's a little different because he's more into like, he has his own show.

It's like music and like stand-up and like he's not just a straight-up stand-up. So when we met, I was doing stand-up and he was doing these like shows on the ship where he like plays music and does crowds up. So then he kind of started doing more stand-up with me. But he wasn't like I didn't meet him at a mic. Got it, got it, got it. I didn't like, he wasn't like trying to do the same thing. I was just doing plays in that Rock and Roll show I was doing. He doesn't want to be like I'm obviously going, I'm going full-floor stand-up.

You want a stadium tour. Yeah, that's not what he's going for. So it's like, I think that makes it, unless he is and he just never told me that. I think that's helped us because it's not the exact same thing. It's the same like business, but it's not the same exact. So there's not necessarily the same level of competition that you would have. Yes, exactly. If you were just, you know, another person who wanted an Netflix special.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so that's less of it. Do you think that's true? Yeah, I think that, I think that, again, Well, so going back to like pushing each other, I think that, yeah, it's like you're different, in different streams enough, but also constantly pushing each other. And I think that like it's a different sort of jealousy where like when he gets an opportunity, it's not you going, oh, I want that opportunity. You go, oh, like, he's got something and that's great. And now what's the next thing that I can do?

And it's, yeah, so it's matching, but not in a, I want to tear that person down. Because I think that's, you see that so often in comic relationships where it's like, oh, like, you know, my partner just got something. and how can I ruin it for them so that I get it? And I think it's a very different vibe here. We are not. I mean, I bring him on the road with me all the time. He opens me all the time now. I'm constantly giving his name to people.

I'm setting his shit out. Like, I'm not like that at all. Yeah, no, I think, yeah, and that's clear. Yeah, he's in the beginning of my special. Like, he played, he wrote the music for the opening of my special. Like, I'm not, I'm trying so hard to get people to see how talented he is. I'm not like that at all. And it's interesting.

I mean, there's a couple moments where you've critiqued like a thing they did. because when I started out, I was brutal. My first set, comedy at Carlson, where I couldn't see the light, and I was up to there, like, anyways. I didn't know, yeah, I didn't know what was going on. He got off stage and you're never opening for me again. That was dog shit.

I hate that. Yeah, and it was bad. As soon as I stepped on stage, I didn't remember what the hell I was doing. Correct me if I'm around Jefferson. You were slightly younger than Steph? Two years. He just has good skin care regime.

Everything is some fucking pervert. I'm not Krista Lee over here, fucking 14-year-olds. Here we go. I'm just saying. Pay attention whatever this speech is. I'm just saying. People keep coming at me in line saying I'm some pervert and I'm like, I'm 41, he's

turned 39 a Monday. No one said that, honey. I'm just saying he said younger. What do you think that's about? Peter, what do you think that little speech was about? I don't like being called a pervert, okay? Yeah, no, I know a trap one I say one. I'm not wandering into that.

You don't like being called a pervert and yet you are the look at my pussy queen. No, I'm a pervert. I mean, I don't want to be called like a predator. Like, that's my thing. I'm like, he's of age. He's 39 years. old for fuck sakes. I didn't think he was underage, certainly.

The skincare was that great. We're not working that well. A CW sophomore in college at best. Yes, okay. Why marriage? Why did you decide now and why, you know, there are plenty of people in our profession who have been partners for 10 years

and don't plan on getting married. Why this specific thing and why now? Well, I grew up in a pretty normal family with people married, and my siblings were getting married. I didn't necessarily know it was going to happen. That was never mind. So my marriage, my marriage is not normal because it's two men and it's not a nuclear family. Is that what you're saying, Jefferson? Exactly.

You are weird. I'm a fucking weird out. No, that's not it. Well, Peter, confirm that that's not it. Come on, tell him that certainly wasn't it. Welcome to Joe Kemper. He's just canceled. Surprise.

I had always wanted to be married when I was a kid And then I went through a long phase of thinking This isn't gonna happen This is a disaster and then We just were we were on a path where everything that we were doing We were building this life together And I thought Here's an issue too is I showed her the wedding venue

Like month into when I met her And told her it was the wedding venue? He goes, we should get married here And I was like, wait what? And then he got sewed my head I've never even thought about marriage until him and then him like showing this beautiful venue I'm like okay you want to marry me

I'm like this is early in the relationship but then I was like I never Yeah I was tossing around marriage material I wasn't really thinking this through You really were and it got really in my head How long have you guys been together? Two and a half? Two and a half? A little over two and a half now maybe?

I'm also like I'm 41 I never wanted to I after my last disgusting awful boyfriend before I met him I'm like I'm never getting married I'm a lesbian again Didn't last long Last of me going on, I went on Tinder once, I'm like, I'm still not lesbian. Despite what the viewers look at and think when they see me topping.

And the thing is, is if anybody would love to opt out more than stuff. Like, I haven't met them. Hey, I would love to. But as soon as I met him, I kind of realized that I did want to marry him. I didn't think of marriage until him. And we did buy a house this month. Well, we have a house. It feels like marriage is simply.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that is true. Is there anything that, like, is there anything different about the experience of being in this relationship with him that sort of caught you off guard from your experiences before with other people? I literally never wanted to get married until I met him. Like, anybody else I had been with, I never really thought about marriage. He was the first person that I thought about it. And that was surprising to me because I was like, I don't care. My sister got married.

I'm like, eh, let her. She can have the kids. I don't, I don't really. It feels like we already are married. So this is just a little extra. Well, we are. It's just everything about our lives is so entwined. And people know about us, sort of, but they don't.

It just feels like we have something that's exceptional that I've never had before. And I think a marriage to you would be awesome. It would be fun. It will have our family there to celebrate. My mom's going to love it. Your parents. Yeah, you're into the idea. Yeah, my dad did still think I was a lesbian.

So he asked for my hand of marriage. Your dad seems excited. He wrote on the Facebook thing. He was like, congratulations, son. Like, okay. Very cute. You know, that's nice. I will say as someone who also never thought they wanted to get married, and I asked my husband to marry me.

And the shift there was, again, I felt like we were already married. But then there was the thought of like, why not just be, you know, boyfriends for the next, however many years. And the thing about a wedding, this is part of it for me, was, you know, when you tell someone, you're, you're right. writing a book, but you haven't started writing the book yet, but now you have to start writing the book because the next time you see that person, they're going to be like, how's the book going? And it's like a form of like, you know, being accountable to people. That's what my wedding was, is I'm going to gather all the people I love the most in this world and say in front of them that I'm going to do the work to make this work no matter what. And so now every time I see one of those

people, you best believe I'm going to be like, fuck, I have to do the work because I said it in front this person, you know, I don't want to embarrass myself. So that's one thing. I think it's also an opportunity to like we're we're like interacting with people and like everyone in your family is like also involved in your relationship and weddings can also be a great moment to like honor that as well and be like this isn't just us two getting together these are two families getting together and friend groups and stuff and taking a moment to like honor that as well because i think yeah it can it can feel a lot of pressure being like oh what this is just about us too but then breiland is like no this is like the weaving together of two different life tapestries, and that becomes a bigger thing.

Well, this is an interesting thing, because I always ask to ask couples this as well, which is, do you think, after two and a half years, do you think that you have sort of melded your two lives into one or living sort of separate but parallel lives, or one of you has been folded into the other's life? I think we've melded. I feel like we've melded. Yeah. And I feel like I've learned, obviously, a lot from you.

I feel maybe you feel the same. same, I don't know, but I feel like we've kind of pushed each other in a really good way. In some good ways. Other ways, obviously, now from being with us for a few minutes, you see we have things we've got to work on. But the real good thing about is like she's been so inspiring. I've learned so much about her. I mean, she's the funniest fucking person on the planet when I see her. So, you know, getting to work with her is like, I want to be with her.

But also it's like, if I disappoint her and I muck up. up on stage, like she lets me know it. So I have to just be like compartmentalize that in a different way and be like, don't let that affect the relationship. But we definitely have melded in a lot of ways. I feel like he's been super involved and nice. Like his family helped out with the special. They were there like as extras and like they watched both of tapings.

They come to like, they just came to see us in Boston. Like they come to like big shows. It's been very sweet. It's been very nice to see like, yeah, we fully melded. We're doing like, we're already doing the craters. Christmas one year here, Christmas one year here. And that's like, some couples never do that. And they've been married for fucking years.

We've got the calendar out till like 20, 27. Yeah, we sit down. Yeah, we sit down. We have all our weekends planned and everything's like we figure out when we can do. Yeah. We're supposed to be in, we're maybe going to be in Spain right now, but my dog is cancer. Okay. Wow.

So sorry to bring it down even more. Yeah. You're having quite the moment. We've been, I really am. We've been dealing with that. Kind of whiplash for you. It's actually been. Dog, you know.

Well, yeah. House dog. The house too, my God. You really have a hurricane going on. It really is a lot. You're just mainlining the list of difficult life things. We've actually been the three in the same literal month. It's been pretty fucked up.

What do you think wedding planning is going to be like for the two of you? I'm doing it. We were kind of over here. She's doing it. Okay, but first of all, I mean, I've already got the venue. My family works at the venue. Awesome. And the guy who owns this, it's beautiful.

I probably shouldn't even name the venue because I know the people are going to undercut us. Yeah, we don't need that. I'm creeping up on us while we're trying to exchange vows, psychopaths. So that's gorgeous. So I was saying that you're going to cover a lot of them. Yes. The stuff.

Although once in a while you say something. We were kind of arguing about something yesterday in front of your friend. We were arguing about who he wants to be, the bridesmaids. Oh, yeah, that's a big one. She has one sister. I have seven brothers. and a sister and these are like strapping lads. And I thought, okay, that could be a good image

walking down the aisle. I don't like, we're 40 years old. I think it's comical to have 15 people on each side. That's what 20-year-olds do. In my opinion, us two, two people. That's nice. It's civilized.

His brothers can all walk in and they all fine. I just don't like the way it looks. I, I had six. But in my defense, Steph, I did get a little fucked up and forgot I had asked people. Okay.

So I had to then go to my husband and say, I fucked up and forgot. And so now we have to have six in our wedding parties. So I agree with you, though, as a someone who's almost 40. It is embarrassing. That's why I think that's my opinion. And it's like they can be ushers. That's fine. They're all going to be there.

I just think for photos and the whole thing, it's silly. Can I give you one piece of advice that it sounds like probably doesn't apply necessarily, but I'll say it for the people listening at home. The best piece of advice we got before planning our wedding was something about weddings makes you think you care about something that you have never cared about in your entire life and before you have the fight,

step back and really stop for a second and consider do you care about this thing you're about to have a fight about? Because there were a couple times in my wedding planning process where I was like, wait a minute, I don't give a shit what the napkins at my wedding look like.

If you have a strong take on that, then go to town. And actually, we kind of apply this to life too, which maybe sounds like something that might be helpful for you too as well. Just in general, stopping back and genuinely considering if you care about the thing you're about to fight about.

Because it actually sounds like you don't fight so much as bicker, like small little bickering and then maybe one drag out fight. It doesn't sound like it's damaging. The voices get raised over dumb things and then it just is loud for no reason. What happens when the stakes are high though? We really don't fight over anything.

Large. I don't recall a single thing. Today's big fight was coffee. Literally, yes. It's never like a serious. Yes. It's literally never like anything about like our relationship or like our future. It's always something so fucking stupid. That's why maybe don't get so emotionally invested. Because it's coffee. I like that he keeps looking at me like I'm going to back you up on this.

Come on. Come on, buddy. Read my mind. I need help here. With regard to tough fighting arguments. etc. What do you think you can give them based on what you've picked up today? Yeah, I think that like it feels like a lot of the, what's the core of the argument is being heard by the other person. Like the actual thing don't matter. I think what you're both looking for is like confirmation like, hey, you understand how I feel in this moment. And I think you both, I think you both do, you just have a slightly different communication style. So sometimes you get to

the end of an argument and you're like, we both agree, why are we yelling at it? other and I think that like yeah taking a little step back and realizing there are other ways to be heard because I think that yeah like as we established like from your family the way to be heard and the way to be like acknowledged was to be loud so that is your like default mode to like you know and start that saying like when you've got a hammer everything looks like a nail I think that like oh I want to be heard in this moment so I'm gonna be loud because that's what I know how to do as opposed to be like right how else can I make sure that like he understands

that was dangerous and scary standing on the road and he needs to just say oh sorry and then that can be that and like i think sometimes those moments where you can be like right what let's be quiet now because i think that like in an argument if one of you got quiet the other one would be like oh shit this is this is much worse and like would shock out you get quiet sometimes and it just goes the shout out that would be scary i don't think i've ever seen stuff that's quite i have a question for you though if he had like maybe you'd been out there for 15 seconds and he finally looked up saw the phone let you in and it wasn't quite as long as it was. And then he said, as Peter suggested, oh, sorry, immediately.

Would that have quelled your anger? Yes, it would. It would have. 1,000 percent. One thousand percent. Do you believe that? I don't know that I believe that. Because you're not paying attention and then he immediately got defensive. If he just went, I'm sorry, I was watching Nick's highlights, which you said, if you literally said that, I'm sorry, I was, I was distracted. I would have went, okay, there's no, to me, really, you would have. Why would I have gotten more angry? That's my thing. I don't just keep, I don't want to argue, especially we're coming to do a podcast together as a couple.

We never do this. Why the fuck would I want to argue the whole drive over here? So I really do think that if you had just been like, I. Granted though, I mean, we were in a very heightened situation before. You were screaming, driving like a lunatic because we were already late. And it was my fault that we were late to just to put out there. I mean, apparently. And then ultimately it was our fault that you sat in the lobby.

Yeah. I had been ready for an hour, but when she was ready, then I had to put my shoes on, and it took me a long time to tie my shoes. So it kind of started down a weird... That feels like it needs more questions. Yeah, I'd actually like to know more about this, but we don't have it. He was ready for you. I'll show the shoes on the podcast.

I don't know. Why would you even wear those shoes? No one can see them. I don't know, honey. Anyways. As we end, I have one last thing for each of you. And for you two, I would like to know what is one thing about the thing about the next thing. the other that makes you really excited to spend the rest of your life with that person.

Be sweet. Who first? You go first. Thumb rustle for this? Okay. There are quite a few things. Oh, here we go. I mean, when I first asked her, and it was the first real time we hung out with each other

when I asked her to be my girlfriend, I just knew from that moment that I didn't want to be apart from this person. There was something so engaging about them and something that clicked with me in a way that I hadn't clicked with anybody else. And all the boxes weren't necessarily there for what I thought this person was going to be, but there were even more boxes. I didn't even know that I needed and wanted in a relationship, and I was just so excited about it.

So I understand whatever, we're blabbing about things that we don't like it. But for me, it's like 99% good. Yeah. And I think we work together so well, and I just love her to death. So I really love what you just said. It was so beautiful of just like, there are more boxes that I didn't even know. Because I very much feel that way about my husband, too. It's like for both of us.

I don't think either of us were the person that we envisioned. But again, it's that thing if the boxes just shift when you fall in love like that. And so, Steph. I was going to say I love his penis, but I guess I need to say something nice. That gets me out of a lot of scrapes. No, I also, I literally, you know, When he asked me with my girlfriend, I don't think I've ever felt that happy ever in any relationship I've ever been in. And then the more I got to know him, the more I was like, yeah, I hate using that term soulmate because I find it cheesy, especially at 41.

But I do, I legitimately think he is my soulmate. And I feel like we. It honestly sounds like you guys got engaged when he asked you to be his girlfriend. Like when he asked you to be his girlfriend and when you asked her to be your girlfriend, I feel like that was when you were saying, but you weren't allowed to say. I'm going to be with you forever, but you weren't allowed to say that because your brain was like, that's crazy. But it sounds like you guys have been pretty much solid since then. Absolutely. Peter, you've watched a lot of this transpire now.

What piece of advice would you give generally to our listeners at home about successful relationships? And what piece of advice would you give these two more specifically about their relationship? I think for general, something that I've seen crop up, I mean, a bunch of readings is people get an idea. of what relationship should look like. And we're talking about the boxes there. They've got, and I think that doesn't just mean about the other person, but like, how should we live? Like, how do we interact?

And I think that, like, one of the benefits that, like, being a comic or being a performer give you is that, like, you can't live that normal life, so you do have to. But, like, when I'm giving readings to, yeah, normal couples, I think that one of those, I did a reading in a show a couple of months ago where a woman and our husband live, like, 10 miles apart from each other in their own houses.

and they had just, and she was very self-conscious about it, but she was like, this is just the way that our lives work. And like, we love it. We, like, we still madly in love with each other, just like, this works for us. And it was so interesting, posted it online, seeing the comments as well, of people just being like, well, that's not a real relationship.

And you got like, none of that shit matters. Like, what you are with this other person, and it's your job to negotiate what that relationship looks like, regardless of, like, how Disney's told you a relationship should look like. And I think that a lot of people, are scared to interrogate that, like, do I want this? And like, the way that you've described wanting to be married to each other is the perfect. Like, I can't imagine my life without this person.

That's why. But it can be so easy to be like, well, we've been dating for three years. We have to get married. And I think that, like, yeah, just for general relationships, my advice always is, like, really interrogate why you want that next thing and what it should look like. And I think for the two of you, I think just, like, the thing I want you to always go back to is what is so clear in the way that you talk about each other is the admoner. you have for each other. And I think that that's something that, like, is worth always keeping in the front of your mind and having even maybe like a physical reminder of, like, a little note in your wallet or something.

Just for those moments when, like, you know, he's left the wet towel on the bed and stuff, just to be like, oh, I really admire this person. Because I think that's something that is a real key to a successful relationship. It's not just like, he's not just heart. She's not just like, she doesn't just listen to me. Like, I admire that person. Like, even if you weren't in a relationship with each other, you'd still look at each other and go like, oh, that's someone that like makes me want to be better

and I look up to and like that does things that feel important. And I think that's clear from the way that you've talked about each other. And then just making that a muscle that you work out to remind yourself of that just allows that sort of love to flourish so much more. Final check in. How are we feeling? Where's the anger level at? Mine's down.

Oh, no, that's good. Hey, that's good. A success. That's the direction we want. That's all I really wanted was to see you guys to leave for it to be down, at least. We don't have it. It's down for Jefferson, though. I'm angry.

No, I feel great. I think this was productive. I'm really happy for you guys, and I've known stuff for a long time. You know, we see each other at shows. We're not like besties or anything like that. But I have heard stories and bits about some of the other trash bags that she's dated. And there was a mark of difference in the way she talked about you when you guys first got together. So I'm really excited to have met you and happy for Steph and both of you.

If you guys have questions about your own relationships or stories you want to share with us, please leave us a voicemail at 213-379-9-851. We give advice. If you have a text exchange that's very confusing with maybe a situation ship that you want to figure out what the fuck they're doing, email us screenshots at intimacy coordinator pod at gmail.com. That's intimacy coordinator pod at gmail.com. Before I let you guys go, this has been, first of all, a really fucking great episode. I thought I do say so.

In fact, I'm so glad you guys fought before the episode. Because it really added a nice little spice on the top of what would have just been a conversation. So in the spirit of leaving here down, what is one thing that's making you believe in love this week? And it can be something you saw, something you read, something you heard, anything. Something that's making you believe in love? my dog's doing really well right now Oh great Pimo's working and it's

You know there's been a lot of people reaching out Sending positive vibes whatever And it could be working so That's really I'm so happy to hear that I could say about him But I already said nice things about him Yeah I know

Yeah No I'm still thinking about the fact that My penis is the favorite thing about a relationship Uh What I mean Our engagement was very sweet Yeah you're engaging

It was within this week. Yeah, yeah, it was very sweet. Actually, wait, you have to tell us about the engagement. We'll pause on this. I want to hear your answers, Jefferson and Peter. But how did you do it? Oh, well, it started a long time ago. Okay, well, we're at the end of the podcast.

A lot of people keep asking, met the ring. She wanted this specific one. So, I mean, after I found that, I knew that I wanted to do it on our yard of the new place. Oh, that's great, yeah. So I just thought that we could make a nice memory at our new spot. That would be a cool idea. And she had one request that Susan, our dog, be involved. The only issue is that Susan's got cancer.

So I was like, I don't want to end up at the vet after this. But we got great news 30 minutes before I proposed. The vet called, said her platelets are good. Everything's good. And I kind of had everything sort of going. But had we gotten bad news then, then it would have certainly been delayed. So it was like the universe was aligned. Everything was working out perfectly.

My sister's birthday was the next day. So I had the video set up, said that we're going to send a birthday video to my sister. and then I tricked her, so we got that nice video because I wanted that there, but I didn't want some weirdo hiding in the bushes. I just didn't want that. I wanted it to be intimate, just us. And the dog was literally there, like, sitting under the ring.

And the dog sat perfectly where she needed to, and it was a really magical moment. And then we kind of blacked out. I got on my knee, and she was like, what are you doing? I was like, this is it. I told her, this is it. It's happening. What?

I was so serious. Right, yeah. Sobbed. That's amazing. My engagement video, I proposed in Korea, and our tour guide, you can hear her at the end of the video, we're on this fishing boat with a bunch of Korean men who do not care that I just proposed.

And you can just hear her at the end of the video go, okay, now everyone clap. Please clap. Please clap. She did Jeff Bush at the end of my engagement video. Honestly, what a gift. What a fucking gift for that. Okay, that was a beautiful story.

Jefferson, what's making you believe in love? If you can think of something other than your engagement. What's making me believe in love? The Knicks winning two games. The Knicks winning two games in a row. No, they lost last night, so now I'm sad. About that, that's not helping. But I just see, like, I don't know, the support from my family, the support from your family,

and sort of that union of our families kind of coming together and all the support. But we've gotten so much support and love from people for this. It's kind of crazy. So I don't see why you wouldn't just jump in when you love somebody because people, love love and they want to support it so I'm just... They love so much they love love so much that it's been the best post I ever posted and I really thought my Netflix special would get a little more love and it did not

It always comes back to business with this one Yeah she gets little jealous when a post with me does too well That could be a problem I mean get ready that is the thing I did not conceptualize accurately about getting married is how much people like how much you are the center obviously you're the center of the event but you really don't realize, like, everyone is showering you with so much love. It's like, it's unlike anything. Really surprising.

You don't have any big events that just happened to you, so you can't escape this question in a real way. But what is making you believe in love this week, Peter? I think just getting to experience other people's stories, like just, yeah, getting to hear you two talk about each other, and that's like one of the benefits of doing what I do is, yeah, getting to see other people stories and just see how many different forms love takes. and also, yeah, not just romantic love, but you're talking about like the family and stuff like that.

I think it can be so impactful. I think it's sort of very easy to like live in a state of snark, especially like at the moment where everything's so bad that it's just your impulses to shut yourself down and roll your eyes at everything. And then just like, just the willingness to open your eyes and look, just in small ways of those sort of demonstrations. One of the biggest demonstrations of love I've ever seen was I was on the night bus home from a gig in London. and there were two friends stood next to each other and the guy said, I can't hold it anymore, I'm going to be sick. And the girl said, if you're sick,

they're going to throw us off the bus and we will have to walk for 40 minutes. And he said, I'm really sorry. And she held her hands out like a bowl and he vomited into her hands and they stood on the bus until the next stop and then the doors opened and she threw the vomit out,

wiped her hands on her dress and then they remained on that. And I have thought, I have never loved another human. being to that. That is and I think that made me, that was the first

That's the benchmarking now. Yeah, I was like, yeah, that's what I need. Put that in the vows, guys. Wow, would you hold your vomit for you? Maybe we will. Maybe we should puke on each other up there during the bus. You're cupping your hands too much. You can plate effect.

Oh, wow. It was quite impressive. Well, I have a disc issue in my back and my husband had to take care of me yesterday. So that's what's making me believe in love. This week is him cleaning the kitchen for me. What a treat. You guys, this was a real, real fun episode.

I'm really happy that you were able to come and that you didn't veer off the road in anger. Yes. He made it. Peter, pretty psychic tour on tour now. And you're also going to be in Vegas soon, correct? Yeah. Yeah. So I'm in Vegas, June and July, with Shin Lim.

And then I'm on the road after that August onwards and we're announcing more dates. on Labor Day. Great. So if you want to find those dates, it's Peter Antonio, and Antonio is spelled A-N-T-O-N-I-O-U. Because these British motherfuckers love adding a U

where one doesn't belong. We lose at Scrabble a lot. I hate the extra points. Steph, Fifth Queen is now streaming on Netflix. You're also probably on the road right now. Yeah, non-stop. On the road, non-stop. Check her out on socials

and figure out when she'll be in your city. Find Jefferson on socials. at Jefferson McDonald the number four real wherever you are you want to have a parosocial relationship with him

I think that is the handle for it you guys that has been our show thank you so much Peter thank you so much Steph thank you so much Steph thank you so much Peter this has been great if you liked what you heard today

please give us a rating and review wherever you're listening to this podcast five stars only as always I do not read anything below five stars so if you have a note put it in a five star review thank you so much See you next week. Bye-bye.