Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - The Sewage Of It All (w/ Zach Noe Towers, Greta Titelman, and Priyanka)

Episode Date: October 9, 2023

On this episode of Bad Dates, Jameela welcomes Zach Noe Towers, Greta Titelman, and Priyanka to discuss their most iconic dating fiascos. Zach’s parking lot make-out is more gore than score, Greta tries to double-dip but the night comes unzipped, and Priyanka goes looking for love in several wrong places. If you’ve had a bad date you’d like to tell us about, our number is 984-265-3283, and our email is [e-mail], we can’t wait to hear all about it.Zach Noe Towers: @zachnoetowers on InstagramGreta Titelman: @gertiebird on InstagramPriyanka: @thequeenpriyanka on Instagram and TikTokSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

If I were to be in a relationship, it would have to be open for sure. But at that same time, I just talk to people who have been with their partner for a long time, and either it's a sexless relationship, or it's fraught with stress, and they're retraumatizing themselves constantly. And I'm just like, what are you? You know you don't have to, right?

Guys, guys, guys, can you hear that? It's the sound of everyone listening to this breaking up with their partners. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm free on. Welcome to bad dates. Hello, how is everyone? So good. So good. So good. So good. So good. So good.

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Oh, it's because it's a new space. It's like you get to be a new character in the hotel room, right? Yes. True. Yeah, and you can get the sheets all damp and not like wash them. Yeah. Okay, I feel the complete opposite.

I feel like when I'm in hotels, I honestly am more neat and more organized because I don't want to be embarrassed. I don't want some fucking person coming in to clean up the room and then seeing me being like, oh, this girl is disgusting. Okay, sorry. What are you doing in the bedroom with me to that sort of reaction? Anything can happen. You never know.

What's going on? Are you all right? Blood swiping tears in. I want to know, before we tell Enneville stories, just what each of you are like to date, right? Like how do you feel about dating? And what would you just, like how do you think other people feel about dating you? Pranko, we're gonna start with you.

I think that I've had a lot of failed relationships, so I'm gonna say that I am on it. Like I'm a kind of person that gets a project and then like obsesses over it, so I'm a little bit of an OCD lover where I'm like, okay, so we're gonna go on dates now and then it's gonna happen for us. That's scared a lot of men away.

And so I think that it takes a very specific kind of person to date me because I'm so intense. But the more that I got broken up with the more jaded I got, the easier I got today to actually. So the more heartbreak I had, I became more chill. Well, that's, I think that's good. It's slightly traumatic, but fairly good. Granted, what about you?

I think that if I could go back to younger Greta, I would say, you don't need to suck everyone off. You know, I would say, why not? I don't need to, cause it's just like, they didn't need it. I had nothing to, I almost felt like I had something to prove, you know what I mean? And it's like, and I was like, they don't need it. I almost felt like I had to prove what I mean. And I was like, they don't need that. I can keep that to myself. So, Olympic sucking.

Yes. I'm sorry. What about you? I do think everyone should get sucked off. I'm an avoidant person when it comes to relationships. So, like, I am the king of short term relationships. Like, give me... I mean, the short of the better. 45 minutes. Okay. So, like... 45 minutes to three hours. Like a day. I don't think that counts as a relationship.

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All right well Zach I want to get into your bad date stories first. Tell me about vampire weekend. Okay. Vampire weekend, it's two stories. And it has nothing to do with the band, just to get that out there. But this first one, okay. Do you know when you're on a first, maybe a second date, and you haven't kissed yet,

but you know you're going to. Like that tension is building. You both have co-signed. Like, you've done the gentle touching. It's just a matter of time before it happens. And then, like, you're in the car at the end of the date. And the engine's off, you're unbuckled, you're ready. And it's like, that tension is growing, growing.

And you finally kiss, and it's an amazing kisser. Like, it's a great, you guys are matched. It's perfect. You're getting sloppy. You're getting all, like, covering each other's, like guys are matched, it's perfect. You're getting sloppy, you're getting all like, covering each other's like, you know, spit and everything. And then you actually stop for a second, lean back, and realize that the other person has had a massive nose bleed.

And you're now both covered in his blood. No, no, no, no, no, no. You know? Wonder you don't believe in love? Wait, is that what all of the wet slop was that's what a lot of the wet was a lot of it I went on this date with this guy and he was like come over to my house And he took took me into this like basement and it was like he was a whore a hoarder And there's like shit everywhere and then we started to make out. We sort of kiss my neck And I was like, oh yeah, daddy, I love that.

We can do like that baby. And then he took like a bite out of my neck, like a bit and then it broke the skin and I started to bleed. And then I was like, I thought I was gonna be like stuck in this basement and my life was gonna be turned into like a Netflix one of the mystery series.

Oh. That's right, that's why I thought, I was like, did the same thing, was it the same guy that this happened to you? I thought you we were like victim with the same person. Wait, so maybe, how long were you, give us a visual, how long were you kissing for? How much of, I mean, how much of his blood went into your bottle?

A lot, a lot, a lot, and this is the thing. You know how you go in for like maybe like, maybe 30 seconds at a time without either person opening their eyes. Like if you really into it, you're just like, you're finding your way with your mouth and everything. And then yeah, so I'd say about,

it was like 30 to 45 seconds of blood smearing. And then a lot of like, I think you even would have been okay with that with saliva though. Like I can't stand a super wet kiss and it's different strokes, different folks. But like, that is something that, where I feel like then I could be just kissing a dog.

You know what I mean? Like it's just, I, I, it's too much. I completely agree. I don't like when like spit is like pulling in the mouth. Like that's disgusting. So good. Oh, great.

But I will say horniness definitely takes the front seat. And I don't think I noticed as much that it was a little chew wet from my legs. The violence that just plays. Yes, and your feelings. And this was in a Taco Bell parking lot. So I was also like, I was close to a place I felt very safe at, I think. Not the Taco Bell parking lot. I didn't even look at the blood, it was the shocker.

I'm shocked that it was Taco Bell. I'm shocked that all this blood and this romantic kiss was happening in a car. Okay, like, first of all, do not make it sound like that is the worst thing that's happened in a Taco Bell parking lot because it's not true So what did you do? What about you? How did you respond to this? Like were they alarmed? Do they always have nose blades? Has this ever happened to them before? These are all great questions. So I had no clean-ex or anything So I was using my like extended warranty to kind of stop up blood.

No. And yes, and this is the thing, y'all. He was like a polygetic, but not enough. Because I was like so, I was so shooketh, and I was like, oh, you know, it's okay. And he goes, yeah, it happens. I'm like, no. No, it doesn't. It doesn't happen.

That is way too casual. That never just happens. No. It's real. Thank you. So how did this day end, right? You've used your extended warranty of your car to mop up this man's, like, the blood bit that you want now wearing?

Yes. First of all, who knew an extend of warranty was good for anything, but it turned out. It is. I, you guys, in an M night shomalon twist. Yeah. I love this. He didn't want to see me again.

What? That's because he was embarrassed. He was embarrassed. That's why he wasn't. He let all of your face. He really wasn't together in the picture of this guy. He's like, I think he was like all, like he like had, he was an eternal student. He like never had a job.

He was just like always like learning and reading a book of poetry and like living in one of his parents like a home. Okay, so it was a cocaine. That's what I'm getting from this. This is a cocaine. Let's parents like a home. So it was a cocaine blood, no, that's what I'm getting from this. This is a cocaine. I first thought he was a hemophilia, but this is, that's more like, yeah, a layboy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100%.

Well, you know what? He's fucking lost sack. Yeah, fuck that guy. What is he doing now? Should we call it? Yeah, we're, no one knows. I don't know. I don't know.

He's still at that taco bell. No waiting for you to come back. He never left. No, still bleeding. So you, you have another story about going to the desert with someone. Can you tell me what happened? So the only back story you need to know is I,

I, as a hutch and cacchella. I had him, I made a Cocella boyfriend. This is in my 20s. It was just someone that I did drugs with all weekend. He could have been a jar of mayonnaise for all I care. I was just bonded with him. I fell in love with him on Molly listening to Lana Del Rey. That's gay, gay drug users pinnacle. So the next, or like two weeks later,

he was like, I'm going to Vegas with my friends. I want to bring you. So he drove through LA, picked me up, we went to Vegas, and it was just like a bad trip. I wasn't on drugs anymore, so like the veil had been lifted. And so I was like not as into it as he was. And then we went like out and like going out in Vegas is just like a bad idea always. But we all got hammered.

I was with a gaggle of his friends. And then towards the end of the night, he was really drunk and I was trying to get him back to our hotel room just for safety sake. And then he left with two other guys to have a threesome. And then the next morning he had to drive me back to LA. Just casually move on from that. Yeah, really like blew over that fact. Okay, so you're in a room together. He excuses himself. Does he say where he's going? Does he invite you?, we are leaving the club, the club, if you will. And like, it is only the club, it's there.

Yeah. I was trying it, me and his friend were trying to get him to go the direction of our hotel, and he was with two dudes, and he was like, no, fuck you guys, why don't you guys suck each other's dicks? I think he thought I was into one of his friends, and he left with this couple to have sex with them. And then you had to drive back to Ella with him.

The next day, and this is another in-right, Sean Lentus. He was really into me. He really, really liked me. He was trying to show me a really good time. He just got fucked up out of his mind, made a huge mistake, and then the whole trip back to LA, he was just upset, and then he was mad and then we were laughing.

I was just like, How the people who don't know how long that drive is? Because it's pivotal information. It's four to 14 hours, depending on what luck you get. It was bad, you guys. It was really bad. It was the most intense drive. And what happened to him, have you spoken?

I have a spoken. He's one of my Bay Area friends, and he's actually a friend now. Oh. Okay. But it's been years. There's no hard feelings. No hard feelings. This happened when I was in my 20s, so decades ago.

So hard feelings at the time, very, or could drive home. Very awkward drive home. It was just more like, I guess the bad date of it was the drive home. He is like, yeah. 100% because that's so long. It's a never ending journey. And it went from this romantic gesture. Like we had this beautiful, you know,

Lana Del Rey infused love affair. And he was like, I wanna take you to meet my friends. And like, And exactly the way a Lana Del Rey song would want it to. It's actually, you know what, I'm sorry about the way through. It would be, she would be disgusted by a happy ending. Yeah.

You did, you did Lana good. You did it right. I feel like also in three-some situations, like, it's kind of good that you didn't go to the three-some or have a three-some because I've've been in three shows before where I've been asked to leave what was it why we're hooking up everything what was fine and then the guy was like I'm at top I never bottom I'm never gonna take it and then what happened was he ended up bottoming in this situation and then the dynamic of the other two change and they were mad at me for being the top E and they were like the boy

friend looks at his now bottom boyfriend and looks him dead in the eye and says you don't love me. And I was like holding butt cheeks being like this can't be good. And then they looking me and they say and this is after I started drag so instead of calling me Mark my boy name they're like Priy, I think you have to leave. So it felt so even weird that they called me Priyanka in this sex situation. And I, like, I was like, okay, I'm just gonna like head out and I was like naked in the hallway

getting my clothes on while they were arguing with each other. It was the best way. This is the best way to be forced to leave a threesome. I thought it was like, we're not into you anymore. Please, Skadaddle. You broke up a relationship. You Lana Del Raid that threesome. Well, I am a pop star in the making. You gotta do what you gotta do. You really do. You really do. I need an album of material. Anything to write about. God, that's not your fault, honey. Someone, yeah. Someone looking, someone else in the eyes, as someone else has inside of them

and just saying, you don't love me anymore, is... You don't love me. That is the most intense thing I think I've ever heard that's happened during a threesome. And I've heard some shit on this podcast. Yeah, it was wild. And that's not even my bad date story, imagine it. Oh my goodness.

Wow. God. Well, Zach, I can understand understand given some of these experiences, in particular why you have not yet settled down. And may you never, if you don't want to, we'll be right back. Bad dates. Bosch legacy returns, now streaming.

Matt has been taken. Oh God. His daughter. Maddie! He's in the hands of a madman. What are the police have been looking for me? But nothing can stop a father. We want to find her just as much as you do. I doubt that very much.

From doing what the law can't. And we have to do this about way. You have to. I don't. Bosch Legacy. Watch the new season now streaming exclusively on FreeVee. And we're back. So Greta, I would like to get into your story. It's called Revolving Door. Yes. I'm very curious. Okay. So my story, do you, everyone knows Raya?

Everyone knows. It's sort of started as a celebrity dating app and it's now become like sort of creators and you have to get, it's very hard to get on Raya, right? Someone else has to recommend you and you have to have enough Instagram followers. Yes, I recommend you. But the way that I got on, I was on it in, let's say, 2014, 2015. It was the very beginning of this app. And I got, I was in like, I felt like I was in a beta testing group because I got on

it because my friend was friends with the guy who is one of the founders of it. And it was kind of like, hey, will you join this app as an experiment? Less so, like, this is an app for celebrities and whomever else. So I get on this app, and there are truly, it felt like there were 100 people on this app. It was just the same creative director in a hat, like black and white images in front of a vintage Mercedes, like very curated.

All professionally taken photographs, which I think is so... Yeah, it is. I agree with one show. A thousand percent. Yes, it's disgusting. Yeah, yeah. Nothing that was taken out on a fun drunk night out.

Someone has taken a professional photograph of you at the gym. Yes, and I matched with these, I was like matching with all these people and I was having fun because I was treating dating apps like video games, like I was like trolling people, having a good time, swiping, yes constantly, just to, I don't know, it was fun,

I'm weird and disconnected. So I matched with these two guys that were in LA, I was in New York at the time and I was planning a trip out to LA. And one of the guys that I matched with is a director, and I swear he was like, whenever we would talk, it felt like he was mining me for scenes to put in a screenplay.

Like he would send me messages that were like, that were like, the night is misty. I'm cold laying in my bed, the Southern California air, creepy into my life. You know about that, right? It sounds like one of Andrew Tate's tweets from prison. Oh!

What? I'm dead. I mean, it was so, and I just thought this guy was such a clown, but I was truly, it's me, but I was showing my friends, being like, look at the way that this person messages me. But we made a plan to meet up in LA.

And by the way, his whole profile, he was one of those people that said his name, and when you went to his Instagram, it was like 35 millimeter everything. And it's like a film. No. Awful, awful. No.

Anyway, so there was him. And then there was this other guy who was a model from Kentucky. He was his family, bread race horses. He was a model from Kentucky. He literally reminded me of Smith Jared from Sex and the City. He was like, he was also giving this kind of, even though he wasn't originally something to call on the fan.

Free range boy. Yeah, and I grew up on the East Coast. I grew up on the East Coast where like, I was having sex with guys in fucking blue half zip Patagonia fleeces and like, she just grossed. So this man fleeces and like, just gross. So this man, I was like, oh my God, he's wearing high socks and vans.

He has like long, shaggy, blonde hair. And all that he wanted was for me to sit on his face. The only messages he sent me was about face sitting. So I get to LA and I'm like, okay, I have this lined up. I have this model who I'm gonna sit on his face and then I have this weirdo director who's gonna take me out for a drink and I'm gonna have a great time.

I meet up with the model guy, the first night I get there. It ends it up not working out because my friends are there, his friends are there. We had to push kick our face sitting to the next night when I was going on a date with the director guy. So I thought, perfect, a go on a date with the director guy. So I thought perfect, I'll go on a date with director guy, definitely not gonna fuck director guy,

really just going on a date with director guy to shame him. And then I'll meet up with model guy and sit on his face. So the next night I go to the bar that I'm meeting director guy and I get there early and I walk in and who's the bartender? No model guy. No. Yes. No. Oh my god. Model guy Sexy model guy is the bartender and he's fucking dumb as bricks bless his heart But he literally was like are you here to visit me? And I was like, I know nothing about your life.

I didn't even know that you worked here. Because if I knew that you worked here, I wouldn't fucking be here right now. And then he asked me who I was meeting. And I didn't in a state of panic. I didn't know what to say. So I said, my cousin. Now you can imagine when director guy came

and was all over me, starting to like kiss on me, whispering in my ear, kissing on my neck, all of this shit. He was like, wow, this girl's so fucked up. Thank God I never let this incest demon sit on my face. I'm never going to talk to her again. So then he like stopped making eye contact with me, sent over the other bartender to take care of us

because he was like so weirded out, blew it with him, such a goddamn shame. So now I'm mad and I'm drunk, director guy is drunk, director guy is so lame talking to me about his improv team, literally, hell. And then he offers to give me a ride home, which he shouldn't have been driving, not good, not condoning drinking and driving at all. literally hell. And then he offers to give me a ride home, which he shouldn't have been driving, not good,

not condoning drinking and driving at all. But I was staying at my aunt and uncle's house in Beverly Hills. So he kept on telling me about his BMW. We get to his BMW and it is like from 2002 entry level three series, honey. Okay, none of the doors, why did he keep telling you about his fucking BMW?

His 35 millimeter BMW. He loved his car, just like an insecure shell of a human being. So I get into his car, he takes me, oh, just wait. And then he takes me to my aunt Nunkal's house, pulls into their driveway. I go to get out of the car and he looks at me and he says, that's it. And as I stated, I will complete a job, no matter what it is.

And I took that as a fucking... What was he expressing, always he asking, like, that's it, or that's it? In my mind, I took it as a... That's it? I think he was asking for more. So then I said, don't play these games with me, honey. So I pushed him in the back seat and we attempted to have sex in the back seat of his car, but here's the thing.

His car filled with dry cleaning plastic and pretzels all over the back seat. And... I got to turn back furious. I... I... I mount him. I mount him. I mount him. And he literally comes in...

But 20 seconds. And then his lights are shining into my uncle's house. My uncle comes out of the house, asked what was going on. I popped out of the car, and I said, I just fucked this guy. And then now, my uncle...

She got up. My uncle to this day, will be like, hope you don't bring into our driveway for any fun, like parking the car in the driveway. Like, why did you tell your uncle the truth? Because you were drunk. I think I was so mad. I was like, I should be sitting on a model's face right now.

And here I am having sex with this improv loser in the back of a shitty BMW on top of dry cleaning plastic and there are pretzels everywhere. And I'm so annoyed and I wanna get out of this situation and Greta, why did you even have sex with him in the first place? And then actually, if you weeks ago. I'm gonna hide the way, sorry, that's one of my favorite things about the story, is the fact that he's like, this prick is just like,

that's it, which is the least charming way I've ever heard anyone proposition someone for romance. And then to quote unquote teach him a lesson, you give him exactly what he wants. And then Chris, honey, the grace to resist the urge to when he came after 20 seconds say that's it. I'm very proud. I would have gone there.

I'm very proud of you. That's much more gracious than I would have been after the way that he proposed that sex. Yeah, he's so gross. And I've literally, I've blocked him from my mind and what made the story resurrect in my brain is I was walking down Hillhurst the other day and I saw him.

And like he looked at me, yeah, and I looked at him and he was like, we're screwing away. I guess this is, you know, this is a podcast. So I need to say, I just did an iconic screwy away acting job, which is when you kind of hide your head and screwy away. Did you do a great job? Yeah, and it was just awful.

And now you know this gorgeous bartender when he sees me, you know, win the Oscar for being white flop, he is gonna feel like that girl fucked her cousin. And that's just something that I, that still haunts me to this day, that someone out there thinks that I'm having sex with him first and that he's my cousin, no less.

My cousins are much better than this man. Because I'm too much better looking. Someone has just texted me the word, calm gutters. And I think it might be because of you. Greta, tell me what it means. Oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. So the thing about, oh my god, I love, I love someone just text me where it comes gutters.

It was Priya and his mom, she said. She's going on, it's something in. My mom was like, ask her about the come gutters. No, I'm not going to do so well. Well, I'm so upset because this model guy, he was like a Calvin Klein, like Abercrombie and Fitch vibe model, and his body was insane.

And I had, because I was fucking all of these, like, you know, pale, frail East coasters, I was dying to see this man's com gutters. And I was like, I come on it. You filthy woman. It is when, it is when, it is when anyone, it can be anyone can have them. Okay, it's not just exclusive to model men.

It's when you're like so cut and like so shredded that you have like these lines. Oh, the Brad Pitt fight club. Yeah. Yeah, we're talking Brad Pitt fight club com gutters, honey. We're saying you have so much come that it's built over into the, yes, yes, you like to picture come flowing down a man's body. Oh my God.

Imagine it come, it's blue. I think down Brad Pitt's fight club body. No. But also then it can't be his come. It's someone else's come if it's blue. I mean, no, I guess he could have's fight club body. Right, but also then it can't be his come, it's someone else's come, if it's splooching. I mean, no, I guess he could have come on his chest, but it's the gutter, really. It is the gutter.

It's the sewage of it all, but I see what you're saying, and I'm far too literal about it. And this man had gorgeous come gutters that I saw in his riapro file that I felt underneath, his shirt, because we did do light kissing the night before. We did make out the night before and I knew what was in store for me and I just was like,

this all could have been so simple. Had I just canceled on this director flop and I could have been sitting here today and been like, this man's face got lost in my pussy for hours, but no, I don't have that story to tell. I don't have that story to tell. And I know well, you know, cause now, now I don't know where he is.

It's another story that feels like a movie. I mean, that's just, yeah, that's amazing. That's insane that that happened to you. And I'm very, very sorry. And maybe it's, you know, you're in a relationship now otherwise I was gonna say maybe you could find this man again. But we are all, I think. He's probably still working at that bar.

Honey, I've gone back. If you think I haven't gone back, I have. And we're all going back after this episode. Well, thank you for that fantastic story. I loved it. Every second of it. All right, we'll be right back after this. Bad beats! Deep in the enchanted forest, from the whimsical world of Disney Frozen, something is wrong. Airendel is in danger once again, from dark forces threatening to disrupt the peace and tranquility. And it's up to Anna and Elsa to stop the villains before it's too late. For the last ten years, Frozen has mesmerized millions around the world.

Now, Wondry presents Disney Frozen, forces of Nature podcast, which extends the storytelling of the beloved animated series as an audio-first original story, complete with new characters and a standalone adventure set after the events of Frozen 2. Reunite with the whole crew, Ana, Elsa, Olaf, and Kristoff for an action-packed adventure of fun, imagination, and mystery. Follow along as the gang enlist the help of old friends and new as they venture deep into the forest and discover the mysterious copper machines behind the chaos. And count yourself amongst the allies as they investigate the strange happenings in the

enchanted forest. The only question is, are Anna and Elsa able to save their peaceful kingdom? Listen early and add free to the entire season of Disney Frozen Forces of Nature podcast, along with exclusive bonus content on Wondry Plus. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app, or Wondry Plus Kids on Apple Podcasts. The seaside town of Ambul is cold, gray, and run down. So when a wild dolphin appears, it's the miracle everyone's been waiting for. It was like a magical draw. I'm going and nothing can stop me. I must meet this dolphin. Some believe Freddy has healing powers, others that he's an alien. Everyone wants to swim with him.

It's just... Oh, this world, you know. Until one day someone is accused of taking things way too far. Alan Cooper committed an act of allude, obscene and disgusting nature. A tabloid scandal leads to a court battle that grips the whole country. By behaving in an indecent manner with a bottle nose dolphin. From Wondry and Blanchard House, I'm Becky Milligan. And this is Hooked On Freddy. Listen to Hooked On Freddy on the Wondry app, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back.

Okay, Priyanka, you are up. Your story is called Hungry for Love. Hungry for Love. I mean, I am a sucker for love. I love love more than anything. And if it's one thing that I dreamt of my whole life, it was finally falling in love with somebody. And because of that, I became a serial data.

I was on all the apps, Grind, hinge, tinder, scruff, trying to find love, also dick, but very specifically, let love. Scruff. I finally got, what is scruff? Scruff is an app that you go on to find, like, be scruffier guys. Yeah, it's a bit scary.

I felt like a dog dating aphazard. It was gonna be. We'll fit people. You can hear the weppy button. Really? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

It's called you when wolf is when you holler. Yeah, like nudge somebody. Like a poke. I wolf it, my boyfriend. Do you? Yeah. Yeah, when he looks at the brain. Can I hear it?

Really good. I just let out a little rough. Wolf. Oh, yeah. There we go. A live action. You're like a live action gay app now. It'd be great if I did like a really realistic one,

wouldn't it? Like a really disturbingly intense, disturbing, but in public. Well, DMX, on the red carpet. Sorry, okay, Friang, you were saying. So I was really trying to find love, love. So I went on this date with this guy and it was not good. Okay, I just knew it wasn't a good date.

We didn't have any chemistry. So what I did while eating dinner, we ate pasta, and salads, and bread and shit, I just started to ask the waitress for Shasta Tequila because it because like, you know what, this is not going well, but maybe there's a slight chance that maybe if I have a drink, you know, we'll fall in love. Or like maybe if I have two drinks, like the chemistry will really start to take off. So kept drinking, kept drinking,

and we're like, you know what, let's go to the gay bars and like, let's go dancing. Like, let's have a great night out. So we meet my friend there, who has like, who was like, oh, like I have a year or stuff at my house after the bar, like come out and pick it up and then go home and was like, okay, but let's go dancing for us out of the sky.

And, you know, we're like, dance. So we walk in and I'm like, chugging like long island ice teas. And I'm just getting drunk. I'm just getting drunk. I'm just getting so drunk. But I'm just trying to fall in love. Like I just really want the wedding, you know, turn this guy into my like,

my prince charming and with each drink, it's not happening, but I'm really, really trying here. So then we're like, I'm like wasted, blackout drunk and I'm like, let's leave the bar. I gotta go. You know what, sir? Like you were great.

Thanks for the day, but like peace out, buy it. We're work out. I'm sad and depressed now. Me and my friend get into the Uber to go to my friend's house to pick up his bags and look over and the man that I just said, buy two is sitting beside me. He like came into the Uber. He's like, okay, I'm actually your place now.

And me being drunk was like, okay, sure, whatever you need. Red flag. Yeah. Red flag. Back. Do not love that at all. Not living for it. So then I go, we pull up to my friend's house and I start having the spins.

I'm like, oh shit,, it's about to come up. All this food that I just ate, all these drinks, I just said, I gotta, I gotta, so I'm like, I look at him, I'm like, I'm gonna go, oh, should pee, I have to pee, and I'll be back. So then I go outside, I'm like, pull down my pants on the side of a building.

I start peeing and puking at the same time. Oh. Oh. The guy comes up behind me and starts like, my pants on the side of a building, I start peeing and puking at the same time. The guy comes behind me and starts like touching me like softly. No. You know? I'm like, no. But he's trying to touch my penis while I'm peeing. Oh my.

I'm not like, is this guy, I'm like, this guy, I think this guy's as fucked up as I am not understanding what he's doing, always into some really freaky, deaky shit, I don't know. That is some people's thing. It is, and that's, hey, that's fine. And then until I finish puking and peeing at the same time, very synced. And then I get my bag for my friend, I'm like,

I gotta go home, buddy. You sleep next time, fucker. Get into the Uber, the guy follows me in the Uber. So I just basically like, block out sleep and then wake up at my apartment. So I get out of the Uber. But now it's like for some reason, I'm like, maybe I am into this guy.

Like so desperate for love. So just like, wanting it so bad that I'm like, you know what? If he loved me at my work, So just like wanting it so bad that I'm like, you know what, if he loved me at my work, the awful, is gonna work out. So then I'm like, okay, baby. Not irrational, it's not irrational. You know what I mean?

Thank you, Greta. So I'm like, I'm gonna go, I'll be back. I'm like, I leave with the front of my bit by building. I have the spins, I'm like, I have to go get something behind my building. Like what? I go behind the building and I puke because it keeps coming up.

And then I come scaling around the corner and I'm like, oh, I can't find it. Guess we have to go upstairs. I don't know what this guy's thinking at this point. He's like, it's okay, let's go upstairs. So we go upstairs. We try to do the hot thing that you see in movies where you start making out with my like vomit breath

We're like The whole time that vomit breath is gonna come in It's yeah, and it was like it's like if you if you really want to dive into that It was like long on ice cheese to Keela and like pasta as Caesar salad and like pasta and like a Caesar salad, you know? God, not the Caesar. Beans, please. Oh, so then we start like trying to like break through the door. We're like kissing like baby, ooh, and I'm like,

oh my god, I thought I'm loving my life. Oh my god, I can't believe it. And then we start, we get on the bed. And then like our pants are like pulled down halfway to our thighs. And then we both pass out like nothing happens. Like it's like our little flaccid wee weez or just like on our, like, just like,

no cum gutters, we're used at that night. So then, randomly, I don't know what time that was, but randomly, I wake up and it's like a wake up puke. I've ever had this happen to you before where it's like, there's no, you don't wake up feeling, you wait your like, yeah. So I throw up a little bit on his leg, he doesn't feel it, lullah, lullah, lullah, and I go, finish the rest in the sink, okay. And then I'm just so fucked up, like the hangover has sunk in, I'm like, why is this, you know, in your vomiting, you're like, why is this happening

to me, I've been a good girl. I've done everything I had. That was nice to everyone. I didn't really anyone in high school. Why is this happening? And then I go and fall asleep all my couch outside of the bedroom and I'm like, okay, I'm just gonna fall asleep here. He's gonna leave and then I can just like nurse this hangover and like get Chinese food

and just binge eat on my couch and watch television and just get over this thing. Loved and loved was not my favorite. So I fall asleep. And then I wake up to this man standing above me, be like, hey babe, hey, call me babe. Okay, at this point I'm over love. I'm like, it ain't happening, bitch. I'm like, he's like, come back, come back to bed.

And I'm like, what do I do because I'm desperate for love? No. You go back to bed. Okay. No. No. I say, okay. Have some because I'm desperate for love? No. You go back to bed. Okay. No. No. I say, okay, have some self respect, Priyanka. No.

So then, I had into the bedroom hung over as all piercing, ha, ha, ha, headache, anxiety is through the roof. And he is like, let's like finish what we started. He pulls out his rock hard dick. And then I have to sit there with a hangover, with a blanket over my shoulders, giving him like a no-loop dry hand job. This guy sounds like a monster.

This guy person sounds really unbeaten. But also like, are we picking up on like the sneaky brag, the silence of that Priyanka saying that even while pissing and vomiting, with vomit breath, and now hangover, a raging river, and three more vomit. Someone still got rock hard for you. But I'm not available.

I'm not intoxicatingly undeniable. I'm the most intense serve I've ever heard on this podcast. And it was not missed by me. All right. I still want you doing. I see you. I see you. You know me. How was that? I was going to get you the pressure that some people put on themselves to be attractive to someone else and truly like forget come got it just like regular Gata and still so hot that you get laid crazy. You gotta do, I mean, and then I just sit there just trying to get him to go.

He finally went and was like, okay, well, this was so good, like, should we like watch a movie, we like cuddle on the couch now? And I was like, I think, and then I finally like got, you know, courage and was like, I think you and then I finally like got, you know, courage. And I was like, I think you have to go. And days after he tried to chase me, but I was like not having it at all. So we don't know if you mean that literally or figuratively, because he's been so creepy up and to this point. That story was so appalling and graphic

and brilliant. Thank you so much. Very visceral. Very visceral. I feel like I was there with both of you. Yeah. I can taste it. Yeah. I like how like, while visceral, very visceral. I felt like I was there with both of you. Yeah, I could taste it. Yeah, I like how, like, while I told that story, all three of you were like, it's just staring dead into the lens of the camera. And I was like, oh, you all with me on the street. You could smell the vomit.

Think about three gripping stories, truly. I'm gonna think about these for the next fucking 80 years. I think I won a lot of money. But I'm glad, as ever, everyone's alive, everyone's safe. I can't believe some of the lengths that people will go to to just finish what they started. You're better people than I am. I am so quick to get the fuck out of there.

I'm so ruthless. I'm a proper fucking fascist. Like, I am there. Yeah, I'm very strict. I'm a proper like fucking fascist like I I'm very strict bad dates All right, so before we go I just want to quickly play you a voice male from one of our listeners They send in their best and worst stories every week and this story is from Madison Hi dad date podcast. I absolutely love the show and it inspired me to write it about my

bad date. Always consider myself a late bummer when I came to dating insects. I wasn't waiting until married and I wasn't expecting my first time to be with someone I loved, but I was determined to make it memorable. Fast forward to junior year college and studying abroad and visiting that one for a weekend. My friends and I end up at a local bar where I hit it off with this handsome Irish lad. Many drinks and boarding later, our only option was to head back to his friend's place. We shack up at the guest bedroom and he proceeded to go down at me. Few minutes in, I feel what can only be best described as a beast thing. A few minutes later, I look up to find that his entire lower face is

covered in bright red blood. Those man's fit my vagina. Blood stains everywhere. And to my surprise, he wanted to get back into the hooking it up. It was in that moment. I realized that two options. If the hell out of there. Or I could have sex with this guy. And that my friends is the story of how I lost my virginity to an Irish empire. Thank you. Oh my God. Yeah. That of law. I'm concerned, though. Today's podcast is called Blood Common Vomits. On it's an early morning. I've been begging the producers to stop scheduling this before lunch. It's too much.

It's too much. Oh my. Like the bite on the, what I imagine is like, hurt. Maybe I'm a jargon. It's like, you guys, like to nibble giant. Do you guys like to nibble on, do you guys like to nibble on vaginas? Like, is that a thing?

Does that feel good? That does not feel good, that I can imagine. I'm not biting so hard that it's a beat, that's not a nibble, like that's a, a bee sting, it's a bang, crazy pain. Like that's a, that's a salt, really, like that's an attack.

That's crazy, like that's someone who's seen way too much of porn and twilight. Do you know what I mean? It's like they... Oh, okay. ...something's the same with me. And porn, twilight, and like Lars von Trier movies. I'm like, this is too much.

Or just any French film ever. It's just the dreamers, isn't it? Oh, God. This is... That was such a... it was so perfectly timed. That story given everything else that we've said today. It's just, you know what? This is an episode that's about never giving up.

The Unone of You are Quittin'. That's what we learned. This is a perfect theme of people who don't quit. And I'm fucking admire every single one of you, including you, Madison I'm fucking admire. Every single one of you, including you, Madison, you fucking legend. I hope that your vagina has healed now, and I'm thrilled to have heard that story.

Everyone, you've been so fun, and I feel like I know you're so well now, and it's been such a joy to learn these stories. I feel like we've really gotten to understand each other in this episode. Before I let you leave, which makes me sound like the guy from Soar, will you each tell me anywhere that people can find you and what you have coming up right now, starting with you Priyanka?

Yeah, you can find me after the Queen Priyanka on Instagram, and take talk and Twitter and all the other things. I have new music coming out of a single called Bad Bitches Don't Cry, which is about not giving up in Trisley. That's cool. Oh, circle. And I'm everywhere.

We got new music. We have TV shows. We have everything. So just follow me and come follow along with the chaos, please. Zach. You can find me at Zach Noe Towers, it's ZACH, N-O-E, T-O-W-E-R-S. And I'm going on tour soon. Um, so come see me do stand up live.

Um, that's on my Instagram, link tree, etc. Sponsored by Taco Bell. Yes, yes. You know what? Okay, I have to say, we were at Taco Bell because of the dessert balls. The cinnamon balls. Have you guys had those? Oh, yeah, they have the cream in the middle. Yes. They're amazing, they are amazing.

If you're willing to try them and you don't like them, Venmo, or Crest Me and I'll pay for them. Hi. And Gressa, you can follow me at Girty Bird. Alright, well, I wonder if you're all booked and busy because you're all fucking hilarious. Thank you so much for coming. Love you.

Thank you. Bad dates is produced by Smartless Media and Wandery, created by Robert Cohen. Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Jemila Jamil. That's me. Produced by Stuart Bailey. Produced, engineered and edited by Devon Torrey Bryant. Also engineered and edited by Kyle McGraw. Talent producer is Anne Harris.

Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Music by Kushy and Ebb and Shletter. Executive producers are Will Arnet, Jason Bateman and Sean Hayes. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Coursin and Bernie Kaminsky. If you've had a bad date and you'd like to tell us all about it, our number is 984-265-3283 and our email is baddatespod at gmail.com. We can't wait to hear all about it. That's all for this week. We will see you next time for more bad dates.

Thank you. Smart, less, me, you. Hello, Prime Members! You can listen to bad dates early and add free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen early and add free with Wondery Plus in Apple podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondery.com Slash Survey.

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