Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - The Whispers...Of Tyrese (w/ Zoe Lister-Jones, Lamorne Morris, and Adam Pally)

Episode Date: April 10, 2023

On this episode of Bad Dates, Jameela welcomes Zoe Lister-Jones (The Craft: Legacy, Life In Pieces), Lamorne Morris (New Girl, Game Night), and Adam Pally (Sonic The Hedgehog, 101 Places To Party Before You Die) to discuss their most iconic dating fiascos. Zoe tells us about a suitor who couldn't pass up a free meal, Lamorne talks about falling for a woman on the lam, and losing his date to a man in slow motion, then Adam describes a date night fight with audience involvement. Plus a letter from a listener describes a prom prevented per parental proclivities. Zoe Lister-Jones created and stars in Slip on The Roku Channel, Lamorne Morris will appear in the new season of Fargo on FX, and Adam Pally appears in the Netflix series FUBAR alongside Arnold Schwarzenegger, and is in the movie Who Invited Charlie?See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hello, Prime members. You can listen to bad dates early and add free on Amazon music. Download the app today. I know someone who got out of jail found an old flip phone, had all this Bitcoin on it, pre-Jail, and came out and had like 40 million dollars worth of Bitcoin. And I would say that's a metaphor for my dating life. Both. Yeah. What? Yikes. I'm not gonna even take it at all.

That analogy. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my gosh. Are you the Bitcoin? Are you the phone? Are you the person that finds the phone? I am lost in that analogy. Bad dates. Bad dates. Oh, Jesus Christ on a bicycle.

Adam Pallizo, he listed Jones, Lamour Morris. Hello and welcome to Bad dates. How is everyone? Good, how are you? Good. I'm good. I'm so excited are you? Good. Good. I'm good. I'm so excited that you're here.

This is a podcast that is just about everything that we do and are willing to encounter on the road to love, to shagging, and both. And I have had a very limited dating life because of my personality and therefore I like to my carelessly live through the lives and stories of others. And so I'm thrilled that you're all here and I can't wait to hear your stories. Before we get into that, I just wanna ask you all,

just to put the shoe on the other foot, what is it like do you think to date you, starting with Le Mans? Ooh, to date me. In a word, glorious. You can't do that. So it means a whirlwind for sure. No, I could say there's all those two versions of me.

There's pre-child and then there's post-child, you know. Before I had a kid, I would say I was a fairly adventurous individual. You know, I like to do things, not like outdoorsy or anything, but I'd like to. You just need to sexually. Yeah. Lots of stuff. All kinds of stuff. If they're all going, no.

I just, it's pretty general with me. I like to do everything. I like to experience everything or play or try everything. Not talking sexually, I'm just talking overall. You know what I mean? I was gay and I was playing. Yeah, fun loving guy. But now.

But now, I gotta say, bitch? I was gay and she played. Fun loving guy. But now. But now, I gotta say, bitch I ain't got the time. I know. No, I just, I'm busy, I have a kid, and I would love to do things up, but I'm the kind of guy now that's more laid back and I'll allow you to steer the ship, you know, and I'm still gay.

Because you're tired. I'm tired. Am I focused on that? Yeah, you're a bit tired, babe. A little girl, you know, and I'm still getting ready. Because you're tired. I'm tired. Am I focused on that? Yeah, you're a bit tired, babe. You're a little girl, you know what I mean? So it's just been, it's been a down two and a half, I haven't been dating anybody really. I'm not going to lie to you.

Also, you can't take the same kind of risks as you could when you were adventurous, because now someone's depending on you. So that sort of bungee jumping first day is no longer on the cards. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, well, I don't know. I was in a relationship for so long. I was in a relationship for 17 years. So I haven't also haven't had a ton of dating experience. But Le Mord has had a stroke.

You knew that Le Mord all. I know. Like, I'll tell you. I'll tell you. By the way, sorry, love that you will know each other. Because it means that you can all call each other out on any bullshit that comes out here. Any propaganda that you will know each other, because it means that you can all call each other out on any bullshit that comes out here. Any propaganda that you put out here

about your dating lives can be deconstructed by the friend. I would never call anybody out on that. I would be like, good for you. Yeah, stones from glass houses. Both Adam and Lamoran have played my partners in films. So they could talk about what it's like to to fictionally date me. Yeah, very clingy. Yeah, I would like to know what they what they think it's like to fictionally date me. Well, we were fictionally married. We were fictionally married. So it was, it's a little different. It's a little different.

We were fictionally begging, I think. We were fiction. And I think, between, I think begging and marriage, it does sort of sum up what it's like to date me. It's somewhere between those two things, or both of them at the same time. Adam, what would you say it was like to date you? I think it's probably pretty great to date me.

I mean, the only negative is that I am married. I think there's probably ups and downs. No, I think there's probably ups and downs, you know, from someone who's kind of lived a life and like, I think- This is getting very politician- No, I'm trying to be like- I live a life. I've had an infinite sense. I'm trying to be like, I'm in finished sense, like, live life and entertainment. And so there's a certain like narcissism that I think is probably very hard to date me

in a lot of ways. So I would probably apologize for that beforehand and then hope that it doesn't get too out of control that the relationship can sustain. Oh, it's not just in seara, aren't so I applaud that. I don't know if that's great. Bad dates. Bad dates.

Zoe, your story is called the rule breaker. Well, this was like in college. And I, so I had not yet met my ex-husband. And I started to, there was this boy that was my age in college, maybe a year or two older. And he was covered in tattoos. He had like so many piercings. And I was like immediately drawn to him. He felt like trouble.

It started to like date, sort of casually, but we were spending like some time together. And when we first went out to eat, we went to the Selka, sort of a classic East Village establishment. And as we're passing like a table that's just cleared, he picks up a piece of half-eaten cake off the plate and puts it in his mouth with his hands. And my whole body, my whole body sort of atrophied, I, I, I, what I sat down, I didn't even know how to address it. Like I was doing a bit like trying to shock you.

No. I mean, yes, I was like, I just, I was paralyzed. I was like, so we sat down and I didn't say anything. And we kept eating and the whole time I was like, I'm in such severe danger. Do you know what I mean? I was like, this is, I saw my life left for my eyes, but I stayed with him.

We didn't talk about it. And then we were walking on the street. I was like, we're not going to a restaurant. We're walking down the street, I was like, we're not going to a restaurant. We're walking down the street and we walk past like a patio that has tables. And just walking down the street, he reaches over that patio, he grabs some half-eaten sandwich, picks up and then we keep walking and he's eating someone's garbage. Someone's garbage. So then I had to ask him what was happening.

And he didn't like readily identify as a freaking, although that was like sort of like- We used to know that is for everyone. A freaking was like at that time, especially it was like people that were like dumpster diving, but like to make like, to make a statement about like food waste or the environment.

Yeah, they were people who needed to eat like that. They were people who chose to as an identity. Right. And he was also like dabbling and like, like, Harry, Harry Krishna. And so, like, there were things at play. And so, but I like, I almost would have respected it more if it was like, if he was trying to make a little statement, I think he was just trying to fuck with me.

And then he like, he shaved his entire head and just left one patch of a rat tail in the back. And that's what I started to feel that, you know, it was, I was being sort of, I was being tested, sort of a minute by minute. But the biggest test was that we went to have sex. He did have eight barbells in his dick that were... Gosh. Oh my God.

Sorry. What the fuck is that? What do you mean by barbells? I didn't say barbells casually, as if we all know what that is. Explain it. So, absolutely what that is. Yeah, what was your story?

Explain the barbells. Wait, talk about the barbells. What were you seeing there? Okay, we have shaft. What's on and in? Yeah, is this like a peloton? Like what is it? It's not a pussy.

Yeah, it's not. So, yeah, so there were 25 pounders sort of hanging, Yeah, it's just like a peloton like Yeah, so they were 25 pounders sort of hanging No, so like that like they were like horizontal they're perpendicular to the shaft on the underside of the shaft going Do you like a ladder? Like a ladder going through with knobs on the outside. That's right. Like, fold on the outside. Okay. He's like climb up on that man. But I stay away to heaven.

Yeah. Fuck. You can chip a tooth. And I had never had braces. So I was like really, you know, these are bad. It's good that you didn't. You would have been electrocuted. Fucking badly. really, you know, these are bad. It's a good thing you didn't. You would have been electrocuted.

Fucking badly. And then I knew that I had to break up with him. And why? Well, yeah. Mostly because I didn't like his, his, his pants. No, I was kidding. His dad had a crazy sports car. That was like really cool.

But no, he, and so it was a very like sort of romantic comedy moment of like us biking around New York and me like calling to him from the bike, being like, I don't think this is working. And I just wanted to be able to bike away, you know? And, but he was like, I'm breaking it, he was like, no, I'm bringing up with you. And so riding down the street,

we were fighting about who was bringing up with who on the bikes and then we crashed. Oh my God. Oh my God. We crashed on Houston and we pulled that to get up in the middle of Houston and sort of like part, we did laugh and we parted ways. Wait, so why had he done that to his penis just out of curiosity?

Well, I think because he was, he was like young and experimenting, and I think he was like, look, you know, he was looking to like probably make his parents angry. But was he raised for your pleasure? Like, what is... I don't think that was intention, right? Because also it made safe sex impossible.

Oh, God. Maybe that was his intention. Yeah, maybe that was was this Nick Cannon. So anyway, it was Nick Cannon and I didn't I that was the big the big finish. Oh, man, I can see Nick Cannon liking to ride on the back of a two person bike. Oh, that's interesting, Adam. Were you picturing that tandem? Yeah. That's interesting. I put a tandem bite. OK, so I have one of my best friends

is a free-gonna-jason where he will sit in Nando's as a chicken restaurant that we'd love to go to in London. And he will get out off the table like oh we have a full table of food, a fresh food just for us and if he sees people on tables around us leave half-eaten chicken he will leave the fresh food that has only touched his mouth and he will go to their table and eat their chicken off the bone. Which feels like sucking someone else's lollipop. Like that to me is like, I can take a cake. I can, you know what, I can take a cake.

I'll take a cake. But eating someone else's chicken off the bone, fucking horrifies me. If you don't need to, it horrifies me. I get the point that everyone's making. But for me, I'm just like, then if I kiss you, then who's germs am I getting? Oh, my mouth. I'm sucking, yeah.

Yeah, exactly. In Amanda. Oh, that is foul and interesting. I will say, I have been known to come back to a hotel drunk and if there is room service left in the hallway. Oh, 100%. You have? Yeah, I have got a chicken thing there. A fried shrimp.

I would never grab anything that looks like it's been in anyone else's mouth. Nothing big. We're not animals. I'm not a fuck. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Do you go out of your way to have you ever lifted the lid? Very quietly.

Yeah, okay, my man. My man. Jamilla, look him up. I'm so with you. Yeah, yeah. Look at me. I'm a little bit lister. A little bit palo.

Yeah, you're not going to fold face from not lifting the lid. Oh. Good for us. I'll tell you something. I, you like to share a lollipop. All right. That's a metaphor. And for us. I'll tell you something. I do like to share a lollipop. All right. That's a metaphor. And from experience of being fake marriage,

Zoe, I will say that Zoe will overlook. She still dated that guy for a long time with a letter dick. She dated Latter dick for a long while. Did you ever shank dated Latter dick for like a long while. Did you ever shine the Latter dick? Did you try it? Just to try it. I was too afraid. Yeah, that's fair.

So like Zoe is like a very loving. Like, you know, very loving. Very, very like, like I feel like it, I don't think that if Zoe and I came back to a hotel wasted and I ate like a fried shrimp that that would be a game. A deal breaker. No, I'm trying to imagine you whanging off.

I just try to imagine like, how does one whank off someone with that many bolts in their penis? Do you sort of have to approach it like a recorder? No, no, I'm asking. I'm not asking. It's not about you anymore, Zoe. I'm sorry. Why don't you just calm down?

You're saying like the royal you, the royal you. Yeah, the fingers, do you have to put your fingers in between each? Like a bowl, like a bowling ball, like a recorder and then just sort of do like mini-wanks in between the section. You're going to play like a flute. Wow. You got to live though it. This man is living on the edge. He's really live. We should get him on the show.

Okay. We'll be right back. Bad days. Looking for love. I'm Jujube. And on this season of Queen of Hearts, we're going all the way down to sunny sexy Miami. I'm setting up the hottest singles in South Florida.

Maybe I can find them their perfect partner or someone to fulfill their sexiest fantasies. A man who unconditionally loves me and is a raging feminist and then ties me up rubbing oils on me then surprise gets a girl to lick my another guy to put it in my and as a huge but remember there's a twist. No one can see each other until the very end. wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on Amazon Music, included with the Prime. Download the Amazon Music app now, or you can listen ad free by subscribing to Wondery Plus and Apple Podcasts or the Wondery app.

And we're back. Lemmon, your two stories are called New York stories. MMMMM, and I'm dying to hear what happened. Let's go with the first one. So when I dated in New York, it was probably in the beginning of my outwardly sexual phase, I guess, when I was like, I had just lost my virginity previous to move into New York. Then lost it late, I guess you would say.

I was 19. And then... Does late, I guess you would say. I was 19 and then. Does Inwood's leave sexual being the opposite of that just mean a lot of wanking? Just a lot of porn. Fair, that's fair. No, no, no, no, porn. I didn't read, back in the day it was too scrambled. You know, you have to watch cinemas

and the TV was like this. So I didn't watch porn. You know what I mean? I just used my imagination tentatively. Did you watch MTV MTV Spring Break though? Oh yeah. Oh, oh, oh, oh what happened. I started where I started hosting for BET and I moved to New York. And that's how you all shit.

Whoa. So you're your hot commodity. God, that is not to 100 as well. Oh yeah. I was just out there dangling it. You know, I was like, I was young and new. Everybody was like, oh, he's new. You are dangling that dick?

Yes. Wow. Could you have a windmill? Yeah. Come like, oh, he's new. You are dangling that dick. Yes. Wow. Could you have a windmill? Yeah. Come on, Jesus, not a porn star. Are you the government? I can't carry that kind of back. Oh, that's what wind turbine. Yeah.

I got to work with it. Yeah. So I met this girl during a time when I was like, you know, being outside a lot. I meet this girl, everything's fine. And it was one of those New York relationships where you kind of moved quick and you went everywhere together. You walked to this bar, you go here, you go there. And I felt like I fell in love with her overnight.

I introduced her to my friends, family, you know what I mean. We would, like friends would go inside the Hamptons and I would take her and they would go, oh, we love her. And this is all within like four or five days. You know, it got to the point where we saw what- And the kissing was good, the sex was good, like everything.

All of that. Tens across the board, right? Fantastic. You know what I mean? It was great for her. And it was even greater for me. Oh. She, just like you said, what else did you say to Park?

Roxy, who was hosting at the time. She had these little parties at her house and now would bring out. And so obviously she's like a TV person now. So she's got this cool clothes. She's got all this cool stuff. And she loved the girl that I was dating so much that she would like give her clothes.

They were the same size. She was in her circle. And she was in my sister's circle and all that stuff. Within a few days. Within a few days. Incredible. And every time we would walk into a door, we'd burst the door open and we'd have sex

and be like, door everything off the desk. We would do it just like the white movies. Mm-hmm. To the white movies. That's... No, but so one day we're sitting in my apartment and she says, oh, I have to go visit so family. And in Atlanta, I said, oh, okay, cool. She says, oh, I have to go visit so family in Atlanta.

I said, oh, okay, cool. She says, can you take me to the train station? I'm like, when? She said, now. It's like, oh, that's quick. All right, go to the train station. She get to ticket. It says North Carolina.

And I was like, oh, you, oh, I thought you were going to Atlanta. She's like, oh, I'm gonna go to a North Carolina. I'm gonna get, I have a car there. Then I'm gonna drive my going to Atlanta. She's like, oh, I'm going to go to a North Carolina. I'm going to get, I have a car there. I'm going to drive my car to Atlanta. And I was like, all right, this is a little strange. She goes, she leaves. And then I get a phone call.

I get a phone call from the Federal Bureau of Investigation. The Federal Invest of investigation. They call me to inform me that this woman that I have been seeing, that I have fallen in love with, is wanted. She is a wanted fugitive. What do you mean? She on the run, y'all. She on the run.

Okay, so they'd been tracking her the whole time. Yeah, so she ended up, the weird thing about it was, you know, her, I would get these right. Wait, what had she done? Why was she on the run? It was, it was like, it was major credit card fraud and identity theft. Identity theft.

And how was she able to pull this, like how was she doing this? Was it just by a dating people and seeing their shit? She worked in a hotel. She worked in a hotel. Oh, she's a genius. No wonder you fell in love with her. Yeah, you're in a hotel. She had a whole of the best rooms. My God, that must have been such a crushing feeling like given that you thought you were like in the love of your life. And then you don't know if anything should you feel like what you had was real though.

Do you feel like she was just like playing you for free shit and for a fun experience? Was she hiding out like you know your domain or was it real? I thought it was I mean, here's the thing. When you go to a strip club, you feel like they all fall in love with you. Yeah. A good actor is a good actor. Yeah. Okay, a good actor is a good actor. Yeah. Okay.

Jesus fucking Christ. That's one of the wildest stories I've ever heard. No one ever thinks the FBI is getting involved in their relationship. Good God. No, not it. Unless you're good. Well done for getting out of that un-stolen from.

All right, so you have another story that I also really want to hit. Okay. This is quick. This is the very lovely young lady. She was in town and she was, and she was like, she had like a, like a shoot for Victoria Seagritte or something. We were, I was, I was 20. She was 19 or 20. I was 21. She was, and she's like, she's my age. And so she, um, those numbers just shifted wildly. Yeah. That was the exact opposite. Because I was able to dress.

She was 19, I was 25, she was like, I was able to dress. I was able to dress. Let me start over. We were both of age. That's the most important. Well, I was just saying because we were, this, we were in bars.

So I was trying to figure out at which part in New York this happened, what part of my time in New York. But we were in bar hop. Yeah, that's what he's trying to figure out. Yeah, right and so We must have been we were 40 we were both 40 She had an idea If anything we do know that LeMonde definitely checked her ID because he was in his paranoia era First definitely checked her ID because he was in his paranoia era. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. But we were bar hopping. We met out and that wasn't something that I did. That wasn't part of my... I like to stay at home and play video games, go to basketball games, do stuff like that. We were literally moving around, like going to this bar, it was the best for one night. And I was shocked just because of how beautiful this person was that she was spending all her time with me.

I was like, I'm just throwing it all, too. That was like, why are you? It was weird. It felt like a movie. It was pre-must-ass. She was pre-must-ass. I didn't have the shirt a little more like that. Yeah. Didn't have this. shirt a little more in like that.

Yeah. Didn't have this. My testicles hadn't dropped yet. My voice was like a lot of octaves higher. And so I hadn't truly been that dude. And so we're moving around and having fun and we end up at this bar. And the date's going well by this point. When I say that date's going well.

Are you getting intimate? Like, yeah, we're like. There's been a little bit. Oh the date's going well by this point. I would say that this is a little... Are you getting intimate? Like, yeah, we're like... There's been a little bit. A little bit. We're just holding hands. We're lit. It's fine. We were skipping through like the meat packing district.

Just bar hopping. We were just like, everything was fine. Everything was very picturesque. And we end up in this other bar. It's very dark, very moody. That's a very, like, so-ho-housey vibe to it. It's like, you gotta be this close to see somebody really. And then, we're, you know, we're into each other.

And all of a sudden, the door opens, and Tyrese walks in. Tyrese is a supermodel. Yeah, the supermodel, the same. Act to sing a triple threat. Honour of a Habatchee, Dablin is backyard. Act to sing a triple star. Owner of a Habatchee, Dablin is back yard. And a Starbucks.

Yep. Yes. Does Tyriza know Starbucks? In his back yard. And a Benihana. What do you mean? He has a giant 20 person Benihana table and a personal Starbucks.

Yeah. I don't know. I don't know how else to be more planned about it. I... You know the Tyree's his house. Call the callblocks. You put it in order for a latte. So I'm like, it'll bring you one of them.

And then at night, you go sit down and they make an onion look like a choo choo train. Yes. Yes. Hi. Hi. Hi. Sorry. So Tyree's the supermodel with the Starbucks in his backyard, walks into the room,

then what happens? He's wearing a white fur coat. Oh, not Tyrese, wearing a white fur coat. Jesus, fuck me, Christ, that's like a hype Williams video. Don't say, don't say fuck me, don't say that. Okay, sorry. That's the energy we all got when he opened the door. Yeah, the energy everyone gets when he opens the door. Is that Tyreeze? He walked in, he walked

behind us. He sees me. Now, I'm a TV host of B. T. I hadn't met him before. We had done like something before probably like months prior. And he says, what's up, brother? And he shakes my hand. I'm like, Oh, that's cool. Tyrese is here. He walks around me to the other side and whispers in her ear. I don't know what he said, but I look back and he's walking, taking like two or three steps behind her and he just stands there. She looks at me after such a lovely evening that we had and she goes well, it was nice meeting you. Oh That is no mental she got up She disappeared

Shut the fuck up. Oh, that's so upsetting and confusing isn't't it? Gone, but never forgotten. Say her name. Say her name. Say her name. I'm not going to say her name. She's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's two things going through my mind, right? He, he, he either knew her already. And they had had plans on hanging out. We were, her and I were moving about and she maybe said,

Hey, I'm over here. I'm Tyrese, me at the time right now. I put me over Tyrese, sorry. Um, that's just, you know, the confidence that I have in myself. Good for you. Have you ever spoken to him about it since? Yes, I have. Oh my god.

What did he say? He said, he said, he said, yeah, that sound like something I would do back then. So casual. Oh my god. He said, oh my god. You know, her and I are still friends. Her and I are still friends. We became friends later in life and she, and she Oh my God. I don't see that. Her and I are still friends. Her and I are still friends. We became friends later in life.

And she acknowledges it. It's crazy how someone can be so hot, though, that there's a small part of all of our brains. Even though we're shocked and horrified on behalf of our good friend, LeMont. There's a tiny part, I'm sure, of everyone's brain that goes, it is Tyree. She's this crazy.

I think I've told this story before, but I was once broken up with, and three weeks later, that person started dating Miss Universe, not Miss World, but the most beautiful woman in the universe. So I feel you on some level. Sometimes you gotta date down, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. All right, before things steam up too much. This is like, this is also crazy to be the other guest on this show. And it's like, yeah, I once got broken up with for a rabbi. You know, like, you know what? One of my close friends got dumped. Can you believe that, Prince?

One of my close friends got dumped for Mr. Bean. Oh, right. Even that is amazing. What the fuck? That's great. Bushing great. That makes sense. I don't know.

I feel like that's fucked up. All right. We'll be right back. Bad dates. Celebrity Beef, you never know if you're just going to end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder Woman's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened,

and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling,

and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wonder Yeah. And we're back. Adam, your story is called Date Night. Yes. So I married and dating is, we have children and we schedule these like date nights. It's kind of like the only way that you can, you know, make sure that you're

still connected, you're, you know, not just kind of moving parallels. Like you got to make sure that you're, you know, connecting. And about six months ago, we were fighting like pretty bad. And like my, my daughter, who is eight, was sleeping in our room again, and that is the worst. And it just like fucks everything up. And then you're like, sex starts to become really hard to get to because you're like, can't. Your space is gone. And so like, then when that starts to fade, then you start really to like fucking go at it.

And especially if you have kids and you're like sharing a life, like there's so much. You become roommates who don't have any sleep, which is the scariest type of roommate. And even things like, you know, small things, like bits of your personality. Like I like it when this is done this way and I don't do it that way.

And that's the way I do it. And you guy, if we're gonna be doing this and you're doing it this way, it's like, you know, it's all that all the way I do it. And you guy, if we're gonna be doing this and you're doing it this way, it's like, you know, it's all that all the time. But we had a date, date night schedule. And we were like fighting so bad that like in the middle of the day, there was a moment over text because like we couldn't even get it right over text.

Like, you know, and there is like, where do you wanna eat? I don't know, where do you wanna eat? I don't care. Well, I don't care either. So we can eat anywhere. Yeah. You know what I mean? Well, if do you want to eat? I don't care. Well, I don't care either. So we can eat anywhere. Yeah. You know what I mean? Well, then it's like, well, do you just not want to go?

It's like, no, I do want to go. I just don't care. Well, if you don't care, then you don't care about going. So let's just call it a night and you're like, you don't want to mean you're like, fuck it. So there was even like a mid-date check and where you're like, I don't want to go. And then we, we were like, no, we're going.

And we, we didn't make any reservations and we walked down to this like really cool new ramen spot that just opened. And we had been walking by to bunch their kids and stuff and everyone was like, I want to go there and try it. It's awesome. We like, we walked in, we were like, can we get a table? You can sit at the bar, sit at the bar, we were like, okay, and even that was a fight. I turned, I was like, you want to sit at the bar? And she was like, I guess, do you? And I was like, nah, really?

And she's like, fine, we'll go. And I was like, no, no, we'll go to the bar. We'll go, we'll go. It's like, we'll go to the bar. Then we're ordering. It's just eggshells. It's eggshells, tense. Like the whole time is tense, tense, tense.

And so, something happened. I don't know the exact detail. It was my fault. Tyrese walking. False. I wish Tyrese walking that moment. It was my fault. But I said something that was along the lines of chill out.

No. Whoa. Yes. Yeah. I'll just sit. that was along the lines of chill out. No. Whoa. Yes. Yeah. Oh, shit. And it's such an accelerant, isn't it? It is the most gasoline. I'm trying to describe it in the most total way,

but imagine the whole restaurant being murdered. That's what happened. Like the whole restaurant was murdered. It got so loud and heated and things were being said, you're not worth it. You're not worth it. That the bartender was like, I think you guys should take this outside. And so I was like, fuck, like, you know, embarrassed and whatever. But the fight was so intense that she left. She was like, fuck it.

I don't even want to be on a date with you. And she left. And so then I had that moment where the whole restaurant had just, you know, I'll take it back. They weren't murdered. I was murdered in front of them. And they watched it. And why have you stayed at this point?

She's walked out. Why have you stayed? Do you? Because we didn't have a check. They didn't have a check. Oh shit. So I was like, there was this like Billy Crystal moment like check please, you know, and then after that I was like, oh shit. I don't have my wallet.

Instead. So I was like one second and I ran out and stopped her in the front of the restaurant. And I can only assume the whole restaurant was looking and I was just fucking yelling at me. And I was just like, I'm so sorry, I need your wallet. I don't know how to help. I have. She was screaming, she took a wallet out.

I went, gave it to the guy. So you're in the restaurant. You're in the restaurant waiting to pay. Yes, everyone's looking at you. I said to the restaurant, I just want to let you guys know, that was my fault. I'm in the wrong, you know, I mean, it was so unnecessary for me to even, like, turn and talk to everybody. Like, it was so presumptuous.

You know what I mean? It was a small, you guys are so stressed right, you know? And then just seeing me for 15 minutes, like through an appetite, or get eviscerated to the point where like, she left the restaurant and I chased her down to get the money, come back in.

And then, and so I was like, I just wanna let everyone know. It's my fault. And the bartender from like across the room, loudly, goes, no, it wasn't. Oh! And I was like, you see? You see? You see?

You see? You see? I was like, where is he? And like, it was like, where is he? He and then it was so... We've never gone back to that restaurant. Of course not. And it was really hard. And I still like, six months down. And we're in a much better place.

Like, we're really doing well. And like, everyone's happy. And I want to walk by the restaurant. Like, the insecure like the insecure, the insecure, like, I don't know, desperate part of me wants to walk by the restaurant with my family and be like, see it all worked out. Well I'm incredibly glad that you were able to work it out. I'm very sorry that you lost that ramen place.

That is a true genuine tragedy. It is a day. But also, I love hearing a date story that happens within an existing marriage. That's, we need more stories like that because I bet that shit happens all the time. We only associated with single life, but I love hearing that. And thank you for sharing that story. Thank you all. You're welcome.

Yeah, go on. Okay, let's just say, don't do this. Lamar, don't do this. You don't have to say it. What can you do? Just give me something else to say. I'll tell you what else. I'll tell you what else to say.

Don't say relax. Yeah, don't say calm down. Don't say calm down. Don't say relax. Yeah, don't say calm down. Do not say calm down. Never say calm down is the worst. It goes calm down. Relax, chill out. I think.

At least I was in the order. I think I was in like, you know, lower three. Yeah, yeah. Can you massage for temples and go, ooh easy, easy. Nope. Yeah, no, if you want to lose a finger, that means it's not easy.

Yeah. No way, man. Can you rub her womb and just say Oosa I think touch you saying come on Oosa Oosa Yeah, talk to her like she's a white noise machine I think I think what I tend to do is

Because I'm softly spoken and I become like alarmingly softly spoken when I'm angry, to the point of near silence. I turn into Merrill Streep and the Devil Wears Prada, so it's just a cruel whisper. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, ask, I just say, do you think it would be possible for you to lower your voice? And I think that is the closest you can get. And even that normally means someone will go, no, I can't fucking lower my voice, but at least you haven't committed the cardinal sin of the top three gasoline phrases, right? Would it be possible for you to lower your voice?

You're not demanding. You're asking if it's possible and you're not even asking them to do it, you're just checking if that's a possibility. So for me, that feels like the most fire hazard safe way of deescalating or I sometimes speak in an Indian accent just to throw him. You know, I throw him and then he doesn't know what the fuck is going on or who he's now arguing with and I highly recommend that to anyone regardless of their race Let's all not do that And that's about to start working on my, you know, a little more. As much as you're off base, you're off base.

A little more. I can't keep that one. A little more. Chill out. Oh, what? Oh, my God. Okay. Bad dates.

Before you go, I have one last thing, which is that I asked our listeners to send in some of their bad date stories and someone wrote in something that I thought you would all enjoy. So I'm going to read it too quickly and I'd love to hear any thoughts or questions that you may have. So someone wrote in and said, a few years ago with my high school prom, a few days ago I finally worked up the courage to ask a beautiful classmate to go with me. She shockingly said, yes, I rented a tux, but a corsage for her don't worry,

Tyrease is not in the story, and knocked at her door. But nothing could have prepared me for what happened next. Her mom opens the door, technically wearing a Terry cloth robe, but it was open down the middle. And she wasn't wearing anything under it. Okay, starting to feel like the graduate. I swear to God, I didn't look, but my peripheral vision still made me aware of something that I can never unsee.

Like a stammering idiot, like a mumble is. I can't quite believe he said this. I can see where your daughter gets her looks. Mum is not happy. She calls for her daughter and then I hear what I hope is my date coming down the stairs, but it gets much worse. Down walks her father and I shit you not. He is completely naked.

As he walks down stairs, he sees me and cubs himself with both hands. I'm very close to passing out. And then two things happen simultaneously. The dad walks towards me, removing a hand from his junk to shake my hand. Oh, with the penile imprint, absolutely not. I start to back up out of a reflex. Just then, my date comes to the door and we walk out, so I manage to escape without having

any contact with dad's nut fingers. Oh, that's never said nut fingers again. She sees how freaked out I am and says her parents embrace the nudist lifestyle, bit like you're freaking. Which was not exactly news to me. We get in my car and at the first stop light, my shitty used car stalls, and I can't get the engine to turn back on. I realize my fictional God was giving me an out,

but she says that we can walk to her place and her dad can give us a ride. Possibly a naked ride. I jokingly ask if we should just call ahead to make sure he puts some pants on and she flips out screaming at me that the only reason he walks around nude is because of the fungus he got on his balls when he was in the Marines. Oh my god. Wow. So it's honorable. Yeah. Oh my god. I mean, look at what he did for this country.

Yeah. So you hopped out, slams my dead car's door shut, screaming that I will never understand the word paratism. I correct her, asking if she meant to say patriotism. And the next thing I know, she is throwing her high heels at my face and screaming that she would rather watch her mum spread ointment on her dad's sick balls and go to the prom with an asshole like me. And after some random AA dude helped me start my car, I spent the rest of my prom night with him in my tux getting drunk behind a burg king. Oh babe!

Oh babe! That is a young and scarring experience. That's a big night, prom night. Damn. Oh, God. Oh, God, what do you do? What do you do in that situation? Have you ever had any new dist parents? Well, like, you know, parent-in-laws?

Fucking as opposed to doing that situation. I was, my parents would take me to a nude beach growing up. Oh, no. And so I'd have to see all of their friends, Dix and, wow. And it was gross. I didn't like it, but they were like hippies. Oh.

And my mom, and it's weird when you're, cause like in that story, you immediately assume that they've just had sex. But if they're nudists, they're just walking around that way. Which like, but I think is a young person that is a confusing distinction to make. I remember being on the nude beach being like, is everybody here fucking?

But they were all just friends just being nude. I mean, maybe they were all fucking. Yeah, it's the one. Zoe. Stop it. Zoe. Yeah, I went to a few new beaches when I was little.

They all have fungus. They're all have fungus. Sometimes they have fungus. The longest thing served in the military. Yeah. No, I know. The longest thing really upsets me knowing that he knows They have fungus. They're all have fungus. They're all the fungus thing. They're all served in the military. Yes. No, I know. The fungus thing really upsets me knowing that he knows he's got this fungus and has cupped his bollocks, his fungal bollocks, and then gone to shake someone's hand.

That feels a bit fucked up. What do you think he does with his honorable discharge? I heard he was awarded the purple shark. If he knew that they were nudists, I mean, like Zoe is saying, isn't that something like don't you think that that was part of like, he was probably like, oh sweet, your parents are nudists. Like, you know, I don't know. I think he's conceptually you imagine that they're nude on a beach.

I don't think you think they answer the door to what could be like, you know, an evangelical Christian who's knocking with a survey. A Jehovah's Witness is in through shock with this family. I guess I just feel like when are the nudist hours then? Yeah. I won't say this about the people at home. You shouldn't you be allowed to just have your dick out at home? You should be allowed to walk around but naked. He walks into their environment. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. He walked into their environment. It is prom night. You go see what you go see. You go smell what you go smell. It is prom night. It is prom night. I really enjoy this is the first time I've had everyone turn on a listener and it's exciting. But we are still sorry that he will never be a

parrot, according to this girl. And we are very, very sorry that he spent the shittiest night. I'm with you, mate. I'm with you. I think these bastards might not be. If you hear that the girl you're taking to proms, parents, are nudists. There's a chance they will be naked when you show up. And look happy because there's a chance that you and her might be naked. Exactly, that's what I'm saying. So it's a bit like hearing that your parents clay shoot on the weekend

and then them opening the door with a fucking massive rifle. Yeah, I mean, like, oh right, your place is. You're gun people. Right, oh, we're gone. Oh yeah, you know what, she did tell me you guys are glaciers. I thought walking to Shaq's house and there was a basketball rule across the floor, I would go, yes, check out. Oh, right, we're in Shaq's house.

No, it's a different kind of ball. Different kind of ball. All right, we're going to fight about this all night if we don't solve. So guys, thank you so much for your excellent stories. I've had such a fucking blast. And thank you to our listener for bringing truly the most divisive essay of the entire series so far.

I'm so happy to know that everyone's still alive and safe and well. And I love you all. Thanks for coming. Thank you. Thank you. Wow. Yeah.

Hi. LeMonde Morris will appear in a new season of Fargo on FX, Zoe Lister Jones, created and stars in slip on the Roku channel, and Adam Pallie appears in the Netflix series Foubaar along Arnold Schwarzenegger and is in the movie Who Invited Charlie. They're all so funny, go check out all of their stuff. Bad dates is produced by Smartness media and wonderery, created by Robert Cohen. Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Jemida Jamil.

That's me, produced by Stuart Bailey, produced and engineered and edited by Devon Torrey Bryant. Talent producer is Anne Harris. Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Music by Kushy and Evan Schletter. Executive producers are Will Arnett, Jason Vaatman and Sean Hayes. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Coulson and Bernie Kaminsky. If you've had a bad date and you'd like to tell us all about it,

our number is 984-265-3283 and our email is baddatespodatgmail.com. We can't wait to hear all about it. That's all for this week. We will see you next can listen to bad dates early and add free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen early and add free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondery.com slash survey. Tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondery.com slash survey.