Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - Therein Hangs A Tale (w/ Paul F. Tompkins and Janie Haddad-Tompkins)

Episode Date: November 10, 2025

On a special new episode of Bad Dates, host Joel Kim Booster welcomes wedded actor/comedians Paul F. Tompkins (BoJack Horseman, Mr Show, Comedy Bang! Bang!) and Janie Haddad-Tompkins (Regular Show, Night Court, Hacks) to hear the epic tale of their relationship! Although they’ve now been married for 15 years, it was not a straight line to get there, and you’ll hear about all the near misses, previous partners, and misalignments they had to negotiate in order to get together. You’ll hear about the fights, the laughs, their worst date, the proposal, their secret to a long relationship, the latex, the leather, the straps…wait, are we still talking about Halloween? Joel Kim Booster: Psychosexual, Fire Island, Loot Season 3Paul F Tompkins: @pftompkins on socials, Varietopia live dates!Janie Haddad-Tompkins: @lebaneselooker on Insta, Weekendwater.substack.com for Stay F. Homekins podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Bad Dates ad-free. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Bad Dates. Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of Bad Dates. I'm your host, Joel Kim Booster, and boy, oh, boy, do we have a very special episode for you today. As you know, on the pod, we normally have sad, sack, single people talking about their relationship trauma. But today we have two success stories that I'm very excited to get into their life and their love story.

Joining me today is a comedian, actor, and writer from The Thrilling Adventure Hour, Mr. Show, Bob's Burgers, BoJack Horseman, and there will be blood. It's Paul F. Tompkins. And we also welcome a writer-director, an actress from shows like Hacks, Nightcourt, regular show,

an American dad. It's Janie Hadad Tompkins. Hello, thank you for having me. So first question, I want to ask you guys is, how's your bladder going? Okay, because here's my thing. I finally have, it's all grownups in here today. Finally, for the first time ever. That's okay. And unfortunately, there's a new segment on this show called Joel stops the show to go to the bathroom and has every guest continue on the show while in my absence. And then we keep it in and I listen to what they're

saying about me afterwards. But it's not a segment that I wanted to add. Okay. It is simply a byproduct of I think almost being 40 and the bladder simply not doing the work that it used to. And I want to check in with you guys now and ask you, are you window seat or aisle seat now on a plane? Well, you know, we're aisle seaters. We're famously aisle seat. I mean, we're placed to be. When we travel together, we sit across the aisle floor rather than somebody being stuck in the middle with a weird other stranger. Yeah, no.

But yeah, I can. Unless it's a two seat. Unless it's a two seat. But I will say that it gets worse and I'm sorry to tell you. I am almost, I'm 57 and I'm almost at the point where getting up in the middle of the night will be a regular occurrence. It happens sometimes, but not all the time. Like I can sleep deeply enough that I go through the whole night. But if I don't, if I'm not getting great sleep for sure.

Oh, honey. And eventually it's going to be like, yeah, this is just going to be a thing. No, I've been. I've been that. That's been my life for years I'm in the middle of the night kind of gal We're night light in the bathroom I literally had my physical

Like this week and I asked And I was like what are like what's causing this And he was like life man You hate to hear it Gravity Gets it gets all of us But I am so glad that we touched down on that first Because it's something that's really been plaguing me

And really been weighing heavily on me But now back to you too let's get down to the brass tacks really quickly and just go through the basics how long have you guys been together in total how long have you been married and how did you meet me yes throw to me yeah i throw to you we met more more on that with janey incredible improv work by the way you i love it when the improvisers just say now it's your turn all right we uh met in 2003 okay officially begin dating exclusively until 2005. Okay, so two years.

What was going on in those two years? Were you pining? Therein hangs a tail. Oh, boy, I can't wait. Now to you. We met through mutual friends. We had a mutual friend who did this regular Sunday early evening gathering at a place called the Cafe Desartis, which is not there anymore.

It's a pizza place. place now. Oh, yeah. And so I was invited there by one of our friends and while I was there, I was about to leave and then this woman walks in and I was immediately struck by her. We started talking. We exchanged email. It was 2003. And we went out on a date which you claim

You weren't sure if it was a date. I didn't know. Wow. But also he knew I was seeing someone. No, I didn't know that. Oh, you didn't know. Oh, you didn't know. Oh, no.

If I thought you were seeing somebody, I wouldn't be asking you out on a date. But it did come up on the date. No, it didn't. When did it come up then? I'll tell you exactly what I could. Oh, okay. So we could, because of course it was a date because we're in our 30s. Nobody's looking for new friends.

No, absolutely not. The position has been filmed. But I was a social butterfly at this time. So for me, I was like, okay, yes. Carefree, skip through life, picking up new people. Hang out, let's talk, let's engage, you know. I mean, it was flirty, but I didn't, a lot of my guy friends at the time, not together, but flirty. Totally, totally.

You were sort of Zoe Dashnell before Zoe Dashnell was Zoe Dashnell. Yes. A lot of people say that. that it's funny that you said that just you know quirky girl making friends in the city adorcaable yeah all right so when did it come up so it came up so it came up when I asked for a second date and then I was informed oh actually the I've been kind of seeing somebody and it just got more serious oh that's right I remember now oh that's right because this person I was seeing found out, I guess through me, that I was, you know, went to dinner with Paul and it sent this person into like a total tailspin.

Well, obviously, if he knew anything about Paul. And he did. Oh, boy. He did because this person is now married to a woman that Paul had a little momentary playing with. I've had one, one-night stand in my life, and it was with this person. I love how incestuous the story is getting so early on in the tale. Oh, yeah. There's a great-old's in L.A., come on.

Yeah. There is a great part of that one-night stand, which is the next time I saw that person, because it happened in New York, the next time I saw that person, the next time I saw that person, someone else, another person that we knew, who was there when we left together, saw, we, we. So we were, you know, standing in a circle in this club, and we say hello to each other, myself and this young lady. And then our mutual friend looks at us both that goes, oh, that's right. I am unfortunately that friend. 100%. It was so innocent the way he said it. Like he literally was just putting it together.

No, I bet he talks to the TV while he's watching stuff too. I'm sure he does. He goes, no way. not them You know That's me For sure By the way

These two people That are now Married to one Another are lovely So Yeah It sounds like There are no villains

In the story No there's no Maybe you Honestly But it's weird To have I'm fine With me

Two couples That have All had sex With each other Oh baby Well Like I'm gay So

It's like It's like Continuing To happen In our culture You have to Understand So when he

found out Like, Paul had entered the chat, and there was no chat yet because it was 2003. But he was like, oh, I want to become more exclusive. And so I had to, like, make a decision of like, oh, I should just tell Paul. And then Paul sent me, which to this day, I regret, I still do not have this email, an email of all emails. Oh, I guess this was back before the cloud and everything, saving everything we did, yeah. It's like an old hatmail.

I don't have it anymore. He was like, you're making a mistake, but... I did not say you're making a mistake. Because I thought that sounds very creepy. You basically were like... What I said was, I said, I totally understand. And, you know, he did say he totally understood. He's a nice guy, but he's no me.

Okay, that does, that is a slight difference. Okay. You're more cocky than threatening. You're making a mistake is like he wrote it for. from a basement. There's a lot else going on. You're right. Bad dates.

Bad dates. After that, we did get together a second time. The following year, we did this every year. Yeah, we kind of did like a... So first year, we had one date. Second year, we had kind of a fling over the summer. And then I got a job. I had also started, I was, I was like probably a year, I was two years into therapy at that point.

So now I was at the point where I was, I was for the first time, like, okay being by myself. I was not like looking for a relationship. Yeah, because it's like, oh, this is a new experience that I don't want to be in a relationship, right? For the first time, I don't want to be in a relationship. And so I went away for this job. Yeah, he went out of the country. Like, so we had started this fling and it was pretty hot and heavy. And then, you know, he got this job in London that was a temporary gig, like a three-month kind of thing or something.

Yes. And, you know, I was just busy, you know, working for, volunteering for Howard Dean's campaign and living my life. Yeah. Oh, my God. Do you remember when that could end a person's political career? insane insane that that's what did it were you working

were you volunteering just like that right but were you volunteering for him when that happened what was the vibe it was just like oh it's done oh my and so okay you can't do that

I guess it's John Kerry now the tan suit that was a big scandal I mean the things the world we used to live in versus the world we live in so it's crazy so anyways you were volunteering for Howard Dean

yes and waiting tables and doing my 17 jobs and auditioning and like trying to run a theater company with my dorky friends and I'm like he's sending me postcards from London and they're very funny and witty you know and I'm just like loving it and then he gets back and I'm like let's just we're going to pick up where we left off that's my assumption yeah but you should never assume apparently I guess not because he was like no I got I got to have my At that point, I was in my, you know, mid-30s and trying, for the first time, I was like, I'm not going to, I'm not going to, like, try to settle down with anyone.

I'm just going to, like, play the field or whatever. But it's like women that age, they're not interested in that. That's the time that they're now. It's like, now it's my time to look for something stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No one was really interested in my offer. So that was disappointing, but we still, I mean, but, like, it didn't, you know, no hard feelings. Like, it wasn't, like, we were still a palace. Right, right. So we still would get together for drinks and I'd ask him to come see our shows, like our theater shows and stuff.

And then. Running a theater company in L.A., that's brave. It was really, that's bravery. The stupidest thing. A story like yours has never been told. Yeah, like five and a half years of just complete anonymity. But yeah, no, so then a year after that, this was the end of 2005. Okay, wow.

Now I'm hitting, like, hey, you know what? I think I really need to focus. Like, all of these guys are, like, they're stealing my life force. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I'm cool because I got all these amazing, like, adult male friends. Yeah, a hero. Yes. Yes. Well, now he's all like, I want to do, I want, we got to give it, you know.

Because we, what happened was I, we got, we were hanging out in a way where we were really getting to know each other. And as I was really getting to know her, I realized, oh, I, I think I'm in love with this person, you know. and because I was seeing because my head was clearer than it had ever been and I was able to see you for who you were and I was like, wow, okay, I want to be with this person but I had already heard that she was not interested in being with anybody

but it was on your birthday at which we were at birds. Oh wow, fancy. It wasn't a milestone. It wasn't like the 11 p.m. Happy hour. It was the earlier one, so. So at the time you lived on Beachwood and I was walking you to your door.

Yes. And I said, I got to, I just got to say something. And it was the, you know, I'm really sorry, but I have feelings for you. I'm really sorry, but. Yeah. Because what a burden to put on you in that moment. Yeah. The initial reaction was not joy, I would say.

I was like, I'm on my artist's journey. Like, I literally just, you know, started it like a couple weeks ago or something. This is terrible timing. She was just a couple weeks into the artist's journey. And so... And then, like, three days later, we go to our friends' Halloween party, this humongous Halloween party. And this is where it always happens, isn't it? You know what, Joel?

Yes. It is. Because... What, were you dressed as? Nothing. Neither of us were in a costume. And that was unplanned. I don't remember.

We did not talk about it beforehand? Yeah. You just... I have like a Gen X thing about me where I'm like, huh. Oh, no, I feel that. I'm terrible at Halloween. I don't like homework.

Yes. Yes. I admire it when other people do it. I really appreciate it. And I also can't do half measures. That's the other thing. Like, if I'm going to go to a costume party, I want to be the best, like, in the best costume

imaginable. unfortunately just don't have the work ethic or the talent to do to accomplish that like I'm you know I'm and also not Heidi Klum who's having a team of people work on her amazing Halloween costumes and until I'm at that point I just like don't don't care I like because I want to be clever but I also want to be hot yeah exactly I want to be huge yeah I can't deal with the the latex the leather the straps the you know it's like we're still talking about Halloween You're just describing a lot of my costumes because I have a lot of like sensory sensitivity

And so like you know I want to feel free Especially if you have a thing on your head Yeah And it's like how am I? It's not and by the way like I would do jobs Where I would get paid to wear a thing on my head a lot And so for me it doesn't feel fun

Yeah Why are you talking about something? Like you know like you dress up as like a mascot got and you rock around like a party. Right, right, right. I don't know about this. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. This is like, Hello Kitty does it. No, but I don't know about you doing. Oh, yeah. Like in grad school, like in Dallas, I had, I worked so many jobs during grad school and one, like, sometimes I would work events. You know, I was at an award show, an Asian American award show recently. This is in the last couple of years. And they gave a special award to Hello Kitty for being one of the biggest IPs in the world.

And they should. And the Hello Kitty came out on stage and accepted the award. And I was like, there's no way that's an Asian person. That's literally Janie Haddad. Or, you know, some like day laborer. Like, it's just not, it's like literally. I was like, there's no way we're giving an award to an Asian person right now. It's just not happening.

It was you. So it was a young girl in grad school trying to make her way. I assume there was no speech. No, no, no, no, no. Well, Hello Kitty doesn't really talk. No, that's the big, a big tenet. Oh, okay. Please don't get divorced on the pot.

But that's like her thing, okay? Okay, so what happened at this Halloween party? Some girl. Ooh. Started flirting with Paul in a way that I don't like. She was challenging. In a way where it's like, oh, she was sad about it. something. And so she was

mopey and victimy. Oh. And appealing to Paul's sensitivity. Yeah. The gall. The absolute fucking gall. But I saw the whole thing go down. You saw the you knew theater. Yes.

And you saw theater. Yes. If I made Roshamon for one moment. This woman was not flirting with me. Okay. She was just sad. I don't know. about that.

I don't know about that. But you thought it was because I had gone on a date, one date with this person. Yeah. Oh. Well, she was like famously a little bit around the fringes of like the comedy men. Yeah. Chuckle-fucker. Yeah.

I didn't want to, you know. That's why I'm here. I'm here to say it. Thank you. Your hands are clean, Jane. So did you march right up to her, smack her in the face? What did you do? I grabbed Paul and pull him in the other room when we started.

started making out and that was it. Hell yes. That's the move. It was hot as hell, yeah. And that was the, when we started dating, end of 2005. Yeah. And then we got, he proposed the end of 2008 after Obama was elected. Oh, wow.

You were really feeling the hope and change, huh? Yes. I think we all were. Yeah, no, definitely. So then we got married in 2010 and I think you're caught up. So, yeah. Yeah. How did you propose?

Well, Paul, Paul, Po, what? Did I just have a stroke on the air? I apologize. It was proposing Paul got mixed together. I'm sorry. So we were at my family's home for Christmas in 2008 in Charleston, South Carolina. And he had visited many times since we'd been together. And we always loved walking on the beach in this one area.

And he decided one night it was like dark and cold because it was the winter. and he's like, let's go look at Christmas lights. I had to get her out of the house somehow so we could be alone, and I didn't know what else to do. I probably should have made a dinner reservation. That would have been my first time. But the thing at all hinted on. We'd had dinner with my family before we left the house. I wanted to get to this one spot, which was the first place that she took me the first time that I went to Sullivan's Island.

Sullivan's Island right outside of Charleston. And so the first time we were there was in the, was in the summertime. And so, you know, it's 4th of July weekend. It was like 2006 or something. Yeah. So we went back to that spot. I wanted to get her back to that spot. But now it's the dead of winter and there's no mood.

We're like in puffer coats and freezing. It's freezing cold. And so he's like, let's go on the beach. And I'm like, hell yeah. I like to go on the beach at night. Like I'm cool with this. Like it feels a little like illegal or something, you know. It probably was.

Yeah, he might have been. And then he starts, you know, talking about our relationship and how he feels. And I'm like, oh, this is so nice. And then he's like, and that's, I want to ask you to marry me or whatever. And I had no idea. You had no idea that this was coming at all. No. You had no sense of it.

Absolutely none. Wow. Like none. Bad dates. Let's get into it. What are your least favorite date memories from dating Paul and or Janie? I would say there were, I think there was twice this happened where we were supposed to have dinner with another couple that we were friends with and we would get, we'd be arguing so much

And we'd get to, like, the block before the restaurant. And it was clear that we couldn't show up. And so we would have to- You, like, fought all the way to the venue. The one I remember. I remember. Yeah, we were parked. I remember two times a time.

And we had to text our friends and say, hey, guys. We're not coming in. We're not going to make it in there. You didn't even have to tell them you were right out. I think, I can't even remember who it was, but we somehow knew they would understand. And they did. They were like, well, I get it. Let me tell you, as a couple that has been on a couple date with a couple that's fighting, it's very uncomfortable. So you did them an absolute service, not trying to muscle your way through that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we did not want to be, we never wanted to be, and I don't think that we are a couple that bickers in front of other people because that does, when you know those. people where they do it every time you see them.

Yeah. It's really like, what's funny is I used to assume on behalf of these couples, like, they got to figure it out, they know who they are, whatever, and then they get divorced. And it's like, oh, yeah. Sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. They didn't like each other.

Yeah. I mean, I don't know if it was a conscious conversation decision to be like, let's not bicker in front of people. It's just that we knew that we would be terrible. Oh, we were not. Yeah, we were not. We couldn't pretend to not be. But we've been around couples at Bicker and it is sad.

That is, I mean, I will say like early, early, early in my relationship, he made that rule. And I didn't quite understand it at first because I was like, well, let's be real. Like, I'm a fucking real housewife. Like, it was like so bravo-pilled that I was like, we must have the fight in front of everyone in the middle of the party. And I'm so glad he did because I do think that. But it goes to what you were talking about. Like in terms of like coming from different backgrounds and sort of. viewing the world differently. It's such a simple thing, but it is like, it takes a lot of work

to understand that the person you're with and fighting with is not looking at the situation in any of the same way you are. Yeah. Because it's like, I think for so long we move through the world and just kind of assume a lot of us that everyone's sort of viewing the world from the same objective standpoint, the same objective POV. And that is not the case. Well, first of all, I want to let you have the floor. What is a bad date memory that you have? I mean, that's the first thing that came in one. Oh, you don't have any others? No, not really.

Maybe the date where she turned you down. I can't imagine that was a pleasant memory. Well, that happened. That was post-date. That happened over email. Oh, that's true. That was over email. Right, right, right, right.

Because I knew it could have just been an email. Yeah, not a meeting. I mean. Not a meeting. Did both of you skirt by dating apps, dating websites, all of that? Yeah. Yes. Wow.

And I, I mean, I feel very fortunate that we met in a very traditional way. In a face-to-face, yeah, organic, engaged. My heart goes out to my friends who are doing the apps because it seems like a lot of work. It seems so much. It is, like, I think our brains are also broken from social media, too, that it is, like, not, it's hard to not view it as a game almost. Like, you know, like, you get the little serotonin boost. from every match you get when you swipe right, you know? And I think so many people get caught up

in wanting just the validation of that. But I know so many people, and especially at this day and age, it's like so common to hear that they met on. Oh yeah, yeah, we know that it's like, yeah, yeah. And it's definitely, it works for the people that it works for. And it's just, there's no good, like, there's just no roadmap for any one person, I think,

to say like what's gonna happen. Because I very much like you, there's literally a Las Coltracist's episode where I say in detail how I don't think I'm meant to get married or be in a relationship. I'm so happy on my own in this moment in my life. And I just think that's okay. And like I finally come to this realization that I just want to stop doing that. And then cut to like months later I meet my now fiance. Was it that soon after? Yeah.

Because I do remember that episode. Yeah. I think that means, I think that is a good evolution. Yeah. Yeah. Because you are like okay with, like you're choosing it, right? No. You're not like desperate or needing it or like forcing it.

It's like you're literally choosing it because you know for a fact that you can be completely happy on your own. Yeah. What is, and you're speaking to me directly now as someone who's about to get married to someone, like what is your secret to longevity? here other than just you know open communication oh gosh and it can be hyper specific to you guys too it does not have to be something that like i can even use right um i think like yeah this is like gonna stump me a little because i i'm like definitely communication definitely

working on yourself i mean that's something that i feel like when i have like learning how to express your needs in a way that doesn't hurt the other person or push the other person in a way. That's something that I had to work on personally. Yeah. Not every argument is a fight.

A lot of arguments are just discussions. You know, trying to figure something out. And honestly, it's like remembering to have fun. That's true. We do have fun. We do have fun. I do think that's sort of A thing that we say to each other a lot is we have a good life, you know, that we have, we have a nice little home, we have wonderful friends in our lives, we have a neighborhood we like living in, we go out and do things.

We did kind of work on that, though. Yeah, we did. I mean, that wasn't like, it didn't just happen. It just isn't happen. No, you have to build it. We made specific decisions to build our lives that, like, connected to community. We chose not to have kids. Yeah.

You know, that was a big stressor probably, you know, yeah, not, no shade on parenting. Oh, not. But I just think, but I'm saying that because I think parenting actually can be really challenging. Absolutely. Yeah. And burdensome, you know, like, can be burdensome too, like, especially like in our country because we don't really help people. There is no, you know, and like, pro life until it's born. Yeah, yeah.

And because of our, our professions and being sort of in show business, we don't have. have that kind of like stability a lot of it is you learn as you go and um you figure things out and then you fix the mistakes yeah yeah yeah i remember the first time we had an argument um after we got engaged i got like weirdly excited because i was like we're going to solve this now this is we're going to this is not just like a fight where somebody has to be right we're going to figure this out because we're a team and we're going to, you know, figure this out. Wait, is this when I screamed and threw all those postcards?

I don't remember that. I just remember, like, I had a stack of the save the date cards that I was like about. I don't remember this at all. Can we go out of fight about the photographer because I had this people-pleasing thing where I couldn't just, like, say I didn't want someone to do something for the wedding. I would be like, oh, we decided. or I'm sick that day or so you're like I would make up lies or something to because I didn't have a good like boundary hygiene you know and and and Paul would get Matt is that what you were talking I thought maybe that's what you're talking about I don't even remember what the specific argument was you need to be you need to just say no remember a stack of postcards flying at your head I truly don't just another day at our house you know what I mean but yeah it was that that feeling of um we're going to figure this out. Yeah. Well, sometimes you get in the thick of it, right? And then you're like,

oh, wait, if I turn right here instead of left, we might be able to get around the thing, you know? Yeah. Do you guys still make each other laugh a lot? Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Definitely. Every day. That's the huge thing, I think. It really is like, it's, and I mean, especially as a comedian, there's a certain laugh that I will get out of her that is the absolute greatest. Like, it's so satisfying. It means everything. I'm sorry about, I'm biased. but Paul is kind of like the funniest. No, I'm right there with you. It's hard not to like get excited when he starts like getting in the mode of something.

Do you know what I'm saying? We're watching a TV show that's bad and then I start going. Or just even the dumbest thing. Like I like watch Chew Crime and stuff. Like if I'm watching Dateline and he walks through and then he starts doing like a Keith Morrison impression or whatever. Like every single time It's just, I don't know It's just funny

Do you have long standing bits? Yes. Like years long running bits Yeah, absolutely. I mean that's the best Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the absolute best. It's funny that you talk about

like watching something bad Because my partner, he says he knew I was like, he wanted to like date me The reason he knew And we'll have to bleep the title of the movie But we went and saw for your benefit In theaters And we were the only people in the theaters

And I No! And we were both just like dissecting it, like scream laughing, like making each other laugh about this movie, Mystery Science 3,000, like in by ourselves in this theater. And he left that movie and he told me later, he was like, I was like, if I can have that good a time watching that piece of shit, then this guy is like in for the long haul for sure. And I did, and I mentioned this on the last episode too, but I did read a study recently. And by read a study, I saw an Instagram graphic that. It said couples who, yes, yes. Couples who, yes, and, or like do bits with each other are much more likely to last for a long haul.

That's so funny you talk about the specific laugh because I feel that so much too. And I think it is like a comedian thing. Maybe not. But like I, like there's when I know I got him. Yes. It's like one of the most satisfied feelings. It's better than like an applause break in a stadium theater. 100%.

It's like the rush that you get from that is like nothing else. It's really, it's so validating. It was learning that you fell in love with me because I laughed a lot. Bad dates. This has been so fun to talk to you guys about your relationship. Is there anything else that you think you are the only people doing? to make it work. Wow.

How are we better than everyone? Yeah. I mean, listen, the bedrock of any relationship, successful relationship, I believe, is shit-talking to other couples. Comparing and contrasting, your success is first, their failures. It is very important, yes.

It must be done. That we're the only ones doing? I mean, relatively, yeah, sure. I guess it's like sort of choosing a different, less traditional like family life like that we didn't have kids we don't have pets

done and Dustin I already broke the big rule marriage is between a man and a woman very not traditional yeah I guess yes you know I had the craziest sensation when we got engaged and I had to like pick my wedding party

and this has precipitated a lot of these conversations that we've been having I suddenly realized like oh my God you have become my best friend in the last fight four or five years. And I have neglected a lot of my closer friendships to the point where it felt almost weird to ask some of these people to stand up for me. And in a way that was like totally

my neuroses. Because like I prefaced it with a couple of them of being like, hey, I know we don't hang out as much as we used to. But I do think you're going to be in my life forever. So in some capacity. And so like, would you do this for me? And I'm sorry if this is weird. You can say no. And everyone was like, what are you talking about? Yeah. I mean, of course they were honored. I mean, that's, like, the sweetest thing to say, too. Yeah, but it just, it felt weird because I was like, oh, I haven't, like, seen these people without JM, like, on my own, like, you know, successfully in what, like, kind of years. But it's been a weird several years. Yeah, no, no, that is very true.

Like, that is very true. That's also true. Like, the times is, I mean, I don't know. It's challenging. Yeah. There's so much that I think that we forget about that a lot, but that in the. where we are today, that, of course, factors into your interpersonal relationships, no matter what they are. It's like, we're living at such a fucked up time. Oh, yeah. That it's like we're,

and we're working so hard to push it away to just live life for as much as we can before it intrudes again. You know what I mean? And there's also the stuff that we have to be conscious of, that it's our sort of moral imperative to be conscious of. And there's other times where it's just like, I can't think about fucked up things right now for like the next 15 minutes I just want to think about just certain weird things that happen like current events things and then you're like oh that person thinks that oh I had no idea you know but that was like it does like change the whole like even COVID like the lockdowns and stuff like we had friends who got divorced during COVID they moved across the country during COVID it changed the entire sort of infrastructure of our friend group really the weird silver lining of

quarantine was oh i really do like spending i was about to say if you guys made through that yeah and you're i i i give couples like the four-year grace period after lockdown to like either shit or get off the pot and um yeah i feel like if you're a couple who made it through that period yeah and are still quite strong now you know four years later or whatever um you you got it you got it like down it was such a wonderful relief it's like oh we do like each other the the big takeaway I have from your love story I think that I'm again connecting to mine is that like it's all well and good to be like fuck the timing but unfortunately you don't have control over that the timing fucks you yeah and like it's so impossible to plan like you know you where you want to be in your life where the other person's at in their life all of these things like have to come together and they'll come together like when the universe decides that it's going to come together like when the universe decides that it's going to come together. Because, yeah, you try to control it, and it's just like, it's impossible. Yeah.

It is. And then you have a decision to make. Yeah. Because you are, like, in control of whether, you know. It's a choice. Yeah. Advice for wedding planning and getting through the wedding. Here's, I would say.

I say do whatever you want to do. Yes, because I'm sure you have people that are saying, well, you have to have this, you know, stuff like that. Right. You don't have to have. that. I will also say, and this is a very unpopular opinion. Oh? Flowers are the biggest rip-off.

Flowers are so expensive. So expensive. By far, the most expensive thing about our wedding with flowers. Well, you wanted that premium bar. We got something out of that. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was like... Those flowers are dead, but the memories of our

drunk guests live on forever. It is one of those things where I'm like, This is a moment where I'm like, I'm glad we're both boys because neither of us care. Neither of us care. Like, no one's walking down with a bouquet. Like, we're having shit on the tables. But it's like, we were like, that was the first thing to pair down. Yeah.

When we realized we were hemorrhaging money on our wedding. So I think definitely have fun. Like, because it's the party that you're going to remember forever, you know? Like, like, just think, approach it. Like, like, it's your fantasy party, you know? Yeah. It's like, it's, remember that the, the, the goal. with the people that you're inviting

is not to impress them but to ensure that they have a good time It's as simple as that It's really a simple thing When you get down to do that. That is so important Because if you're asking someone to sit through a ceremony Yeah. And then the reception sucks Yeah. What are you doing? Yeah. You know?

Oh yeah. Food is important. I mean, yeah. We've definitely Yeah. Over-indexed on the reception Because people talk about that after the fact too. Oh, yeah. They'll be like, oh my gosh, the food at your wedding was so good or blah, blah, blah. And it's like, yeah, because we tasted a bunch of different caterers, things.

And I'm also going to say, be open to a left field suggestion because Cheney's mother, whom I adore, when we were putting together a playlist for the reception, for dancing and everything, she said, you know what, I would love it if you would put American Pie on there. And I said that the eight-minute song. Yeah, I was about to say the longest song in history. And I was like, okay, I love her. I put it on there. It was the hit.

The people were scream singing it. Everyone got out on the floor and I just watched it. I was amazed. Like, this really happens. Yeah. Yeah. Weddings, man. It does something to people.

It really, really does. It does. It does. People, like, they just want to go with the flow. Yeah. Okay, one last story, and then I swear to God, I'll let you go. It's so fun. The first gay wedding I ever went to, they, speaking of long-ass songs,

is that at one point during the reception, they were like, come outside, we have a surprise. And we're like, okay. And we get outside, and Katie Perry's fireworks starts to play. And we're like, okay, I think I know what the surprise is. But then the entire song plays through and nothing happens. And so we're like, what? And then they start playing the song over again.

And about halfway through the second time listening to it's firework, the fireworks finally start going off. But then, because it was mistimed, we had to listen to Katie Perry's Firework for a third time in a row. Three times in a row. song in the time? I think it was the only thing loaded up on their iPad

or iPod Mini. I don't know. But it was just three times and it was like, this is, this is so fantastic. I couldn't have asked for a better gay wedding experience.

It's fab. It's fab. All right. You guys have been fucking fantastic to talk to. I'm really, I mean, I didn't think I could be

more excited to be married than I was, but you guys have really juiced me up. I'm all guest up. It's fun. I'm so happy for you. So,

This was really such a lovely conversation to have with you. And thank you both for being so honest and open and, you know, sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly. You know, it really is appreciated. Bad dates. Janie, where can the people find you and where are you doing these days? Oh, good. Thank you for asking. Well, I'm on, what am I on?

I'm on, oh, Substack, have a Substack. Oh, I love that. Weekendwater. Substack.com. And also that's where our, we have a podcast. podcast, the Stay of Honkins podcast, and all of our bonus content is at weekendwater.substack.com. We are in the bestselling list in the humor category. I don't know where we are in the numbers lately, but at one point we were ahead of Dave Barry.

Okay. Fuck his drag. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So, and then I guess I'm on Instagram and threads. Everyone is begrudgingly on threads. No one is there because they love. threads. Everyone is there because they have an

Instagram account and they're like, I guess I'll look at this thing. Yeah, I feel like it's getting better on threads. Is it? They're like figuring some things out over there. I only look at threads when, you know, in your Instagram feed, it'll say, so-and-so posted a thread you might like. And it's like, you know what? Never the truth.

It's a lot of people complaining about airplane travel. Oh, wow. Incredible. What am I missing out on? My thing with threads is, until you can post whole and pull, I am never going to dive it because let me tell you the porn is the only I have a I deleted my Twitter account

but I do have a burner account where it's just for the porn on Twitter because it's the only it's the only thing it's good for anymore it's there it's the only thing it's good for it but yeah I'm there at Lebanese liquor love it love it love it Paul where can the people find you what are you doing these things if I am on a thing it will be under P.F. Tompkins

so if you don't find me there I ain't there but I am doing my variety show Varietopia We're wrapping up our tour for the year. This month we'll be in Charleston, South Carolina, Louisville, Kentucky, St. Louisville, Missouri, and, of course, Overland Park, Kansas. So go to Varietopia. You can't skip over there.

That's the only show that's sold out, by the way. Everybody else? You think you're better than Overland Park, Kansas? No, you're not moving numbers like that. Copia.com is where you can find tickets. Amazing. Sounds great. I can't wait to see that show when it comes to sort of the Overland Park of L.A., which is Highland Park. Yeah. Can't wait. Can't wait. That has been our show. Thank you so much for listening. If you liked what you heard, give us a rating of review wherever you're listening to this.

It helps people find it. Oh, and some other big news. We have now officially begun to release full episodes on YouTube. you can finally see the visual component of this podcast, which all of you have been clamoring for for years, literal years. And yeah, so check us out on the YouTube page. I believe by the time this airs, we will have started releasing them on the same day as the regular, as the audio podcast. So you can watch instead of listen and view everyone's gestures and act outs

that you here to four have not been able to experience. So, big, big news in the Bad Dates sphere. Yes, news. Yeah. Anyways, until next week, I've been Joel Cambooster. I can't wait to talk to you all again. Bye-bye. Bad Dates is a production of Smartless Media, created by Robert Cohen.

Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Stuart Bailey. Produced, edited, and engineered by Devin Tori Bryan. Produced by Ann Harris. Edited by Kyle McGrath. Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Social media producer is Tommy Galgana. Executive producers are Sean Hayes, Will our, and Jason Baitman. Executive Producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie

Kaminsky. Music by Kushi and Evan Schleller. If you've had a bad date or would like our advice on any dating issues, please tell us about it at baddatespod at gmail.com or call us at 984-265-3283. That's 984-265-3-283. That's all for this week. We will be back for more. Smart. Bless me on.