Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - Where’s The Toxicity? (w/ ER Fightmaster, Michelle Buteau, and Julian McCullough)

Episode Date: May 20, 2024

On a brand new episode of Bad Dates, guest host Marie Faustin welcomes comedians ER Fightmaster, Michelle Buteau, and Julian McCullough to discuss their most iconic dating fiascos. ER’s date starts a hairy fight in the cut, Michelle’s tale of internet deception gets hijacked by short kings, and Julian scrimps and saves just to make Rent. If you’ve had a bad date you’d like to tell us about, our number is 984-265-3283, and our email is [e-mail], we can’t wait to hear all about it.Marie Faustin: @reeezy on social media, @whyare.yousingle on Insta for ticketsER Fightmaster: @GenderlessGapAd on social media, new album Bloodshed Baby out in JuneMichelle Buteau: Radio City Music Hall taping on June 6th, The Circle Season 6 on NetflixJulian McCullough: @julianmccullough on social media, hosting Nate Bargatze’s Be Funny Tour, tickets hereSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Smart. Less. Media. Media. Media. If I meet somebody at a show, I might not wake up tomorrow. Like, I'm very

kidnappable and and adorable. So I... You are kidnappable. Thank you. Good for you. I always wish I had a sex slave kind of look, but maybe one day for a handful of years, I was like, forget the dating. Let's just have one night stands and see what happens. Because like you guys, I'd rather do three or four shows in a night, bank these jokes, hang out with my friends and then just like have some interaction with somebody between my legs. Wow. Hi everybody and welcome to Bad Dates with me, Marie Faustin, your single by choice host. The name of the show is bad dates. So clearly the show

is all about bad dates and great stories. Stories like how I went on a date yesterday with this guy and the date was fine. Right? I'm not even going to say it was a bad date. It was fine. But I wasn't thinking anything that he was saying was making me think, Oh, I'm going to kiss him later. You know, So he walks me home, we get to my door, I have the key in the, okay, see you, okay, God bless. And he says, wait, you forgot something. I turn around, because I'm like, what did I forget? And he grabs my face and he kissed me.

And I started laughing. No to his mouth. But he kept trying to keep the kiss going. And I just kept laughing into the back of his throat. And then we separated and he was like, Oh, do you want to try that again? And I said, No, thank you. And then he texted me. Well, that was awkward. Oh, my God. Oh, not the follow up.

Why would you follow up? Because men have no shame. They need it. Right. First of all, are his hands clean? Why is he touching your face? He grabbed me. It was like the back of my head.

I was like, what? Cameron Diaz. He was like, no, I just don't know how you get so far off. So like I don't I don't when I have been the first kisser, I'm like, they're going to be into this. Right. And they are. Yeah. You know what it is, though? It's like sometimes people, especially like somebody's men,

they're not used to someone being nice to them for more than two hours. So they're like, this is my chance. Shoot your shot. Maybe they don't like my personality, but I can win them over with this kiss because I've been practicing on my pillow and my second cousin for so many years. So this will really win them over. And it's like, no, you got to read the room.

But also sometimes I've been out on days where guys wait too long to kiss me. I'm like, I'm sorry. Are we Amish? The moment's gone. Hurry up. Right. Like, are you calling me ugly, sir? Yeah, like, why are you not kissing me?

Where is the toxicity? Anyway. Yeah! Where is the toxicity? Where is the toxicity? Let's talk about these sexy voices that you've been hearing for the last couple minutes. Come on, Segway.

I know you better do it, Marie. You can do it, Marie. It's giving Sade better than y'all. So let's talk about who's here in the studio with me. First of all, the very busy, the very booked, the fantastic Michelle Butoh, comic actress Twin Mom. I know, taxpayer. Well, I just want to, before we forget, let everybody know that you're shooting your

next Netflix special at Radio City Music Hall on June 6th. Wow. History make it. You're the Beyonce of comedy. Oh my God. I'll take it. Not with these knees, but I'll take it. I can't believe I can't believe I'm the first woman to tape a special there. That's insane. We need to have bragging about it.

I'm going to shoot my special on the fifth so you can do yours. Another voice that you hear in the background is writer, actor, producer, who you've seen on shrill and Grey's Anatomy. E.R. Fightmaster makes some noise. Hello, everyone. E.R. Fightmaster, also a hilarious writer on Survival of the Thickest. Wow. Wow.

Okay. Yeah. And an accomplished musician. Thank you, Michelle. Thank you. Well, can't they do? Also, wait a minute, ER, aren't you the first non-binary actor on Grey's Anatomy? I'm the first, one of the first non-binary actors on network TV.

I think if not the first. Oh, okay, wow. You're the Beyonce of Grey's Anatomy. A lot of people say I'm the Beyonce of just like a lot of things. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a history-making episode. And speaking of Beyonce,

Beyonce's actually here with us, actor, writer, comedian, who's currently the host of the Be Funny Tour with Nate, I don't know how to say Nate's last name. Bargatzi? Bargatzi. He's not on the pod, it don't know how to say Nate's last name. Bargatze? Bargatze. He's not on the pod, it doesn't matter. No, he's not here. Make some noise for Julian McCullough.

Julian, your claim to fame is that you're the first white man that hasn't me-tude someone. Yeah, I can't tell you how proud I am of that. Yeah. It's really. That's huge. Bad Gates! I'm Afua Hirsch. I'm Peter Frankopan.

And in our podcast, Legacy, we explore the lives of some of the biggest characters in history. This season, we're exploring the life of Cleopatra. An iconic life full of romances, sieges and tragedy. But who was the real Cleopatra? It feels like her story has been told by others with their own agenda for centuries. But her legacy is enduring and so we're going to dive into how her story has evolved all the way up to today. I am so excited to talk about Cleopatra Peter.

Love Cleopatra. She is an icon. She's the most famous woman in antiquity. It's got to be up there with the most famous woman of all time. But I think there's a huge gap between how familiar people are with the idea of her compared to what they actually know about her life and character. So for Pyramids, Cleopatra and Cleopatra's Nose.

Follow Legacy Now wherever you get your podcasts. Or you can binge entire seasons early and ad free on Wander E+. Alice and Matt here from British Scandal. Matt, if we had a bingo card, what would be on there? Oh, compelling storytelling, egotistical white men and dubious humour. If that sounds like your cup of tea, you will love our podcast, British Scandal,

the show where every week we bring you stories from this green and not always so pleasant land. We've looked at spies, politicians, media magnates, a king, no one is safe. And knowing our country, we won't be out of a job anytime soon. Follow British Scandal wherever you listen to your podcasts. I only just recently found out that only half of us have an internal monologue and I feel like almost every comedian absolutely has an internal monologue that's like full of anxiety always like second guessing every move we make blah blah blah and everybody else's moves and I just found out like a year ago, basically on TikTok, that half the population, if they're not being asked a question,

they're just sitting there. I literally don't understand what that could possibly mean because like, what do you feel? Like you're a fucking, just you're idling? Like, what are you talking about? What's going on? The brain doesn't even work that way. It looks.

Speaking of the brain not working, I think that's the perfect segue for ER story. There we go. You know what? That's gotta be the most insulting segue. Listen, this is what I do, baby. I liked it. It kind of puts me on my toes. Well, yeah, let's talk about your bad date.

And obviously it's all people here listening. So if you hear something, say something. My bad date was my fault. Oh. Oh. And it was my fault because I was too honest, but I'm just going to kind of like lead you into it because we were at this club and I saw this pretty woman and she, I had started,

I had kind of had started to see her around the community a bit and it just had been like kind of clocking her in that way that you do when your own relationship is failing and we were ordering a drink next to each other. And she- What's your drink? At the time, I'm sure it was a hundred tequila shots. Like I'm sure I was probably trying to die. Like, I'm sure I was, I was probably trying

to die. We're not so different, you and I. I'm surprised they booked us at the same time, because I feel like we're just kind of like identical twins. Yeah, basically. We don't meet two, we meet three. We're at the bar and we kind of look at each other and I, it was one of those times where you realize that she's also been clocking me and she put her phone down on the bar table

and she slid it my way with just like the page open to the numbers and I was like, type, type, type, type, type, type. No words, just vibes. Just vibes and she said, who are you here with? And I said, my girlfriend. And I pointed to my girlfriend. My girlfriend was crying. So and she, she laughed. This is how you know this community is different than the straight community. Because if you ask any guy, if they have a girlfriend, it's like, even if they're with them, they're like, it's like, let's talk about something else.

She's more of a sister. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my life coach. I'm here with my life coach. There's like a person around, if that's what you mean. Yeah, no, she lives in my house, but it's more of like a pet situation. Yeah, my roommate that I fuck sometimes.

Yeah. And I know her mom. Yeah. I met her whole family. Well, so that happens and I just, she becomes like this brain worm for me and my girlfriend and I continue to fight. We actually fight into the streets that night. We like end up sitting in broken glass having one of those prolonged, prolonged gay fights.

I just have a question about fighting in public. Are you, uh, make a scene fight in public or are you like try to control it, but everyone can tell you're just like, like that. I've dated a lot of, um, pains in the ass. So my, our fighting style is they're crying and I'm like, please, please, please, please, please. No, no, no, no, no, no. Hey, no, listen, listen, listen, listen, let's just do this. Let's just wait right till we get home. And I completely hear what you're saying.

No. That's my fight. That night she, we got home and she was like, I'm gonna go on a break. And I was like, perfect. Bye. Yeah, perfect. Let's not contact each other.

I texted this person from the bar and I was like, you know, how are you doing? And do you want to hang out? And she said yes. And so we met up to have drinks and this is when it becomes my fault. So we start to have a really nice day where we like go out for coffee because it's like I'm nervous and I haven't been on a date in a while

and I don't wanna like necessarily get in trouble, all plausible deniability with the person that I'm actually dating. So I'm like, let's just go for coffee. This is an interesting person, she's in the community. And then we go for coffee and we're like- Why not get diarrhea in the middle of the day? Yeah, yum.

But first, diarrhea. Yeah. But first. Don't talk to me until I've had diarrhea. Maybe it's time for lunch, right? And so then we go have lunch. And so it's going well. And then we're at lunch and we get a margarita and I'm like, maybe we should go to the bar. And at this point, we've been drinking a little bit and it's been a full day and we somehow

get into pubic hair. Get into, I'm sorry? Talking about it or physically into it? It's on the rim of the margarita babe. It's on the rim. Yeah. In Chicago, a Chicago Marg is just pubes around the rim. Yum. Get me some Tums. It's good. It gets in your teeth, but God, delicious. That's, that's interesting because my nickname is deep dish, but go on I'm listening Oh Okay, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I'll see what's up out well, so she asked me if there's any type of

like pubic haircut that I don't like and I was like, I mean I kind of like Pussy so really anything's good except that fucking Hitler mustache cut you know like when girls have just like like a like a centimeter of hair right above the lips and it's nowhere else it's like it's just it's giving World War II. Are we calling that the Hitler? It's such an important thing to do that's called the Hitler. Oh okay.

And let's like itch your lip too because it's like right there like it makes no sense. Just take it all off. Why? Why? Why? Just hit the top of your lip. Why there? I thought we were calling that a soul patch. That's not what we that's not what that is. No that would be underneath. That would be if you have it on your gooch. Flavor saver. If you had it in your taint, that would be underneath. That would be, if you have it on your gooch. Flavor saver. Yeah, if you had it in your taint, then it would be a soul patch.

That's a soul patch. But if it's a thug. Now I feel attacked. Now I feel attacked. And really you call it a whole patch. The S is silent. But I said like the Hitler, and there was just a moment of silence and she went

No, well, that's what I have Wow Oh What Oh who? Sorry who self identifies it as a Hitler. That's what I'm saying. Thank you for saying that Thank you for saying that because I laughed I wouldn't be like, I have the Hitler. Like that's not. No, I know. I don't know. I don't feel comfortable with this follow up, but I am here for it, McCullough. I don't, you think I'm comfortable? You better be the Ryan Seacrest of people's pussy hair. You better be it, boy. You better. You better. You better be the Steve Harvey. This is coming from someone who also has a Hitler down there. I just don't call it that.

She said, well, that's what I have. And I laughed because I was like, actually for the same reason you're saying, I was like, no, she never identified as having that. Right. Like that would be impossible. And also why did she fucking ask me that? Why did she fucking ask me that?

Because I'm like, I straight up, if I was asking that question, I would have been like, do you have a pubic hair preference? Cause I'm gonna be I straight up, if I was asking that question, I would have been like, do you have a pubic hair preference? Cause I'm going to be serving full bush. So if that's not your thing, let me know now. Yeah. Yours first. Right. But I was, I was tricked and trapped. I was tricked and trapped. And I'm so, I don't want to be reminded of what that man did when I'm going to flavor town.

So did you go to flavor town or like, wait, to be reminded of what that man did when I'm going to Flavortown. Yeah. Yeah. So, did you go to Flavortown or like, wait? I'm not an animal. Of course I went to Flavortown. Okay. But I will say we dated, I can't like set the relationship up in such a way that for the rest of the time that we had together, I was like, I had to make her feel better about it. Do you know what I'm saying?

That's not your responsibility. Of course not. I do appreciate that she checked in, because obviously this has been a conversation with other people before. She checked in to gauge the situation, the Tim. And it's one of two things. One, she's not making good decisions.

Like I used to wear fucking bootcut jeans to the airport with the platforms. So we all go through a fucking phase. Okay. Two. Just to the airport. Well, all over, but mostly, why would you do that to the airport?

You know, espadrilles to the airport, bitch. Get your life. Espadrilles to the airport is wild. Well, so is a Hitler stash on your pussy, but are you doing? Espadrilles to the airport is wild. Yes. Well, so is a Hitler stash on your pussy, but we're out here living life and going through the journey. Okay. So let's talk about where the rest of the hair went.

Was it lasered? Was it waxed? Was it? Yeah. Are we talking peaky blinders or? You guys, it actually was lasered. And so we dated for, I'm gonna say, I don't wanna like fucking out her ass too hard,

but more than a year. Wow. And she had lasered it into that shape. And then like, can we just give a shout out to those poor laser people just doing that shit? Do you bring in a picture, like it's a hair salon, do you bring in a picture of Hitler and go like this guy? You say, can I have the number four? like it's a hair salon? Do you bring in a picture of Hitler and go like this guy?

You say, can I have the number four? And it's just Hitler? Yeah. I mean. And you point to it like that. I used to do that with eyebrows, so. The number four? Can I have the number, yeah, literally.

Holy cow. I don't understand getting your pubic hair in a way that's like, this is what I need. It's like, isn't it kind of adornment for whoever you're with? Like I've never gone to masturbate and been like, I need my pubic hair to look good for me. I don't care what mine looks like. The thing about lasering is like,

it sucked because then when we were like dating, she was like trying to grow this hair back out. But when you laser, it like comes back in like thin and one at a time. So then it was like Hitler, like the Hitler mustache, but like a chin hair here and there. You know what I'm saying? Like Hitler going through puberty.

Yes. Like an old lady that's in denial about her beard. Yes. None of these are good. And it was hard. Again, I feel so attacked. Like so attacked. So attacked.

We'll be right back. Back gates! Have you ever felt like escaping to your own desert island? Well, that's exactly what Jane, Phil, and their three kids did when they traded their English home for a tropical island they bought online. But paradise has its secrets, and family life is about to take a terrifying turn. You don't fire at people in that area without some kind of consequence.

And he said, yes ma'am, he's dead. There's pure cold-blooded terror running through me. From Wondery, I'm Alice Levine, and this is The Price of Paradise, the real-life story of an island dream that ends in kidnap, corruption and murder. Follow The Price of Paradise wherever you get your podcasts, or binge the entire season right now on Wondry Plus. Hi, I'm Anna.

And I'm Emily. And we're the hosts of Terribly Famous, the show that takes you inside the lives of our biggest celebrities. And we are really excited about our latest season because we are talking about someone very, very special. You're so sweet. A fashion icon. Oh, I actually just put this on. A beautiful woman. Your words, not mine. Someone who came out of Croydon and took the world by storm.

Kate Anna, don't tell them where I live. A muse, a mother, and a supermodel who defined the 90s. I don't remember doing the last one. Wow, Emily, not you. Obviously I mean Kate Moss. Oh, I always get us confused. Because you're both so small. How dare you. We are going to dive back into Kate's 90s heyday and her insatiable desire to say yes to absolutely everything life has to offer.

The parties, the Hollywood heartthrobs, the rockstar bad boys. Have I said parties? You did mention the parties, but saying yes to excess comes at a price, as Kate spirals out of control and risks losing everything she's worked for. Follow Terribly Famous wherever you listen to podcasts, or listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus on on Apple podcasts or the Wondery app. Michelle, let's get into your bad date. I really want to know what happened to you. I remember when I first started internet dating back in the day, it was like a job application.

You had to write paragraphs. Oh my God. It wasn't just like click, click, click here. Here are some pronouns and this is who I'm down with. This is like you had a, it was like a job advocate. I was like, what in the LinkedIn is going on? And, um, filled it out. Yahoo! Personals took me like three days. I was like, this is so long. What? I had a spell check. Are you talking about there? Yahoo! Personals. It took me like three days. I was like, this is so long. What? I had a spell check. Are you talking about? There, there. What is Yahoo Personals?

Yahoo Personals? I can't tell if you're joking or if that's real. Y'all mind your business, everybody. Go on, Michelle. Thanks, boo. I'm so glad I brought my bodyguards. Yeah, y'all shut up. Y'all know what Yahoo Personals is.

No. Hey, can I ask you a Yahoo personal question? Oh, Jesus. Yahoo. Christ on a cross. So, like, not a chat room, but like an actual... This was like an actual, like, yes, it was Yahoo. Like, I had a Yahoo email address, and then I was able to...

Bitch, okay, so anyways, met this guy, and it was like the quintessential Internet date he was so much shorter than he said he was Do men not know how no eyes or inches work Why do they think they can lie about it? Why like we're not gonna find out like I'm out here being truthful And I was like oh, and this is like you know this is this is before catfishing was a thing right? Wait are there pictures at this point before you meet? You know there is a picture you can definitely upload it took a minute

But it was just a very close picture of his face, okay definitely upload it took a minute, but it was just a very close picture of his face. Okay. It was like a picture you had to take and then scan and then upload it. You had to go to Kinko's and get your credit card out and put it through a machine and make sure it waited in line for that computer. You know what I mean? Like there was steps to what we would do back in the day. You might as well send a three eyed raven to be like, are you up?

And so when I met him, I was like, oh, okay. That was my, in the first time it happens to you, you're just like, wait a minute. Is Ashton Kutcher gonna come out? How much is the discrepancy between how tall he said he was and how tall he turned out being? He said he was 5'9", and he was about 5'4". Oh, no, that means I'm 5'9".

Oh! That's unreal. So I am, you know, I'm around 5'6", and then I wear heels and I present tall, because, you know, I have- You got that big, beautiful hair. I got the big, beautiful hair, I got the big, beautiful cheeks, top titty meat,

I'm out here with my espadrilles, like, I'm out here. Being 5'9". You're a lot, meat. I'm out here with my espadrilles. Like I'm out here. Being five nine. You're a lot, Michelle. I'm a lot. That's it. And you kind of float. It's really beautiful to see in person. Oh my goodness.

Thank you so much. The first time I met you, I was like, we got ourselves a seven footer. And it turns out you were just a... Yeah. Yeah. You. It was those espadrilles, baby.

They get you every time. It was the espadrilles and the quiet confidence in my lower spine. And you know, even hugging him, I was like, it's already a motorboating situation. And I was looking at him for him to say it first. It was an elephant. Hey! Hey! How was the traffic? It was an elephant. Hey! Hey! How was the traffic? Hey, little guy.

Because now I'm catching up with him, we're talking, and we're at the bar around the corner from Comedy Village, Boston Comedy Club. We're around the corner at a bar, and we're at a high top table, and he needs help getting up on a chair. Yeah, and his feet are swinging. His feet are swinging. Kinda. the corner at a bar and we're at a high top table and he needs help getting up on a chair. Kind of. And so I'm looking at him like, but I'm looking, and this is the first, and it

happens a lot, I know, but when it happens the first time, you're like, what? I didn't even know this could, could happen. And so I'm looking at him like, is everything he's saying a lie? Right. You know, like, did you actually come from Jersey City? Do you actually have that car? Like, are you do you actually drive at Acura? Are you actually like, do you have a job? Right? Yeah. But his shirt was so nice and ironed. I was like, and there was like pleats in his pants. I was like, this is that means he lives with his mom says, look, it's, you know what? I learned that he lives around the corner from his mom. He found something in the same neighborhood and I was like, that's weird.

But he found something in the same house. She found something in the same neighborhood and he was like, cool. When they have their own door and a different key, they, I guess, become roommates. I don't know. Yeah. This was a little door inside the big door. Like a pet door. It was like a hobbit house door. Yeah, it was like a half door. He only opened the bottom.

I'm not going to shame small kings because the thing is, I wouldn't. No, it's about the deception. I don't mind. It's about the lies. Yes, I don't mind. But I do realize that, you know, at the end of the day, that people are lying about this because they know that nobody will meet them. And that makes me so. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Michelle Fros, this the short kings came for her. Yeah. Well, they control the Wi-Fi. I don't know if you guys. Oh, my God. They control the whole thing. That's so scary. I'm here. I'm here. OK. Oh, you. That was my look, because I do think the short kings dunk home. But anyways, I went out. I think the short king's dunked on.

But anyways, I went out, I think I went out on like three more dates. What? His personality was that good? Or his dick was that big? His personality wasn't that good. But you know what it was? He was nice. And I realized I hadn't been with a nice person.

Did you like hook up with them, hook up with them? No, there was no chemistry there. Because for me, even if you're gonna be small, I want you to be scrappy and honest. I want you to like love this shit out of yourself so hard that no one can tell you anything. I realize that comes with time. But what I did learn from that was like,

it is nice when people hold the door open for you. And you know, and when I say pay, like, I've always been like, I can pay for my own way. But the fact that he was like, I'd like to pay for you because I want to treat you nice. And I don't expect anything. I was like, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. What in the city Hawkins is going on? Yeah. Who is this sweet liar? The sweet petite liar. If you can't be honest about your own height, because you're insecure. Oh no. But the way he looked up at me, E.R.

Like a baby. Like a beautiful baby. Holding a little red balloon in one hand with his little hat with the little spinny thing on it. Aww. Bad Dates The early 2000s was a wild time Spinny thing on it. Aww. Bad dates.

The early 2000s was a wild time for reality TV. There seemed to be an endless supply of shows that delivered entertainment for us, but trauma for children. I'm Misha Brown, the host of Wondery's podcast, The Big Flop. Each week on The Big Flop, comedians join me to chronicle the biggest pop culture fails of all time and try to answer the age-old question, who thought this was a good idea?

We recently looked behind the scenes of what was really going on at Abby Lee Miller's dance studio. Abby's biggest misstep wasn't screaming nonsensical catchphrases or throwing chairs on television, but instead, she was choreographing financial fraud in plain sight. Join me to break down all the wild details of Abby Lee Miller's story. Follow The Big Flop on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to The Big Flop early and ad-free right now

by joining Wondery Plus. I really feel for women because that I, I have heard before many times that like women will see a guy more than once because he's nice and that's how rare nice is. Yeah. And that's why, and that's why you're here. Yeah. Wait, me personally. Yeah. And that's why, and that's why you're here. Yeah. Wait, me personally? Yeah. Michelle, you know I'm not nice. Yeah. Well, let's see how nice you were in this story

that you're about to share with us. Are you a mall cop? Cause you got segway, sis. All Blart, baby. In high school, I was a senior and I wanted to impress my girlfriend and she liked theater. She liked musical theater. I didn't really understand what musical theater was. I knew what like a cat's t-shirt was, but like I literally had no frame of reference. Like it was not in our house. Hey, what the fuck is that? What's a cat's t-shirt? Like the play Cats. But a shirt.

Okay. You know how their shirts were everywhere? Yeah, I was like, a cat's t-shirt, is this a saying? I had no idea. Thank you so much. It's a euphemism. It's a style of pubic hair. I knew what a cat's t-shirt was. She had a cat's t-shirt. No, ER wants to know because ER is a cat-zaddy.

Yeah, I am a cat-zaddy. Oh, you are? Then you are, I have good news. There's a play called Cats. Cats. And it is. I went, I saw that shit. And you know what?

Not a single fucking cat in the play. It's just a bunch of perverts and cat outfits. I heard the play is pretty bad. Yo bro, it's fucked up. It's pretty bad. So my point being, I didn't grow up in that kind of household. I didn't being, I didn't grow up in that kind of household. I didn't know, I wasn't exposed to it.

I think like seeing Sound of Music when I was six was my only frame of reference for what a musical really was. So I find out she really wants to see, she tells me she really wants to see this movie or this new play called Rent. This is in 1996 or 97. And it was a Broadway play.

I, I, I'd never been to New York city. This was in South Jersey. I splurged for Broadway tickets, which is like unreal to anyone, really. But like to a high school kid, it was like all my money. And we drive into the city. I'm scared. I'm nervous the whole time. I'm trying to like be tough, but like, I'm scared driving up the turnpike into the city. It's very, I'm nervous the whole time, I'm trying to like be tough,

but like I'm scared. Driving up the turnpike into the city, it's very nerve wracking when you're 17 years old, right? So we go and all I remember is we sit down in the theater, we find it and everything, it's packed. I'm kind of excited, I'm kind of nervous. I don't think at this point I'd ever been to like a live, like a play. And I was like, this is close and this is weird.

People are gonna come out and act right in front of us. Like it's just making me cringe. Like the idea of it, it was too intense. Anyway, the play starts and it starts like with him singing the words that he could be saying. And I'm like, why is this in my head? I'm like, why is he singing? And then they go with their full song.

Do you hear like, is he singing like, the exits are two, you're right and left. Pretty much. He's like, we find ourselves in the East Village. And I'm like, you can just say we find ourselves in the East Village. So I'm seeing the first original Broadway cast of Rent. And I don't know what a musical is. And I also don't realize that this musical in particular,

there's no dialogue. The whole thing is something. And I realized this about four minutes in. Will you light my candle? Will you light my candle? Yes. I have since found out that many people are a fan of this work.

It's for crack, but yes. I'm a huge fan. Rept is the 525,600 minutes. Yes. That's how long I felt like I was sitting in that chair. It was... Why did you go on like a, you went on like a 65 year old's date.

Like you drove into the city. You got a little matinee. We went to Elaine's. You got soup, you got the soup. So my point is the feeling I got about three minutes in when I realized this whole thing is gonna be a song and it's gonna be like two hours, and I hate this. I hate this feeling more than anything I've ever felt.

Like, I... It's like someone put a bowl of your least favorite food you've ever had, but you didn't know you'd never tried it yet. And then you take one bite and you go, oh, I hate this, I would never wanna eat this, but you have to finish the whole bowl. It was like somebody put a huge bowl of green beans, like soggy green beans in front of me,

and I had to eat the whole thing. So I'm just trapped there, and I see the guy next to me, he's like a business guy by himself in a suit. He's asleep. Like he bought these tickets to like get a nap away from his family. And I was, like, so jealous that I couldn't fall asleep. But oh my God, like,

it scarred me on musicals forever. Like, I'm only now getting into it a little bit. Like, Jesus Christ Superstar has some good jams, but like, mainly sitting in a play while people, like, choreograph, dance, impromptu song, like I can't take it. It's just not. Oh yeah. Thank you for being honest about it. Because a lot of people aren't. By the way, but Taye Diggs, Rosario Dawson,

Idina Manziel, they were, these were all on the stage. I couldn't appreciate it. Oh wow. What is wrong? Yeah, you were just too young. You should have gone to see Cats. That was the first Broadway show I went to see. And I was not Cats, Lion King. I was like, both?

That's the first one? Yeah, what a terrible, I'm so sorry. I also thought, you know how expectation versus reality is like a big bummer. Like if you go to drink something, you think it's orange juice, then it's milk, you like throw up. I thought it was a gritty play.

Like I thought it was gonna be like a gritty, like play about New York and like try and make it. Listen to what you're saying. Like this is Gotham City. Yeah. Like I thought it was gonna be like a gritty like play about New York and like try to make it. Listen to what you're saying. Like this is Gotham City. Yeah. And rent is not gritty. There's nothing gritty about rent.

Okay. It's crazy. Thank you, Lady Dambury. So that was a terrible date cause I spent all my money on this thing that I've never disliked a piece of art more. But you two are still together, right? And we got married the next day. The next day.

The next day. At prom. And there's nothing worse. Bad dates. Let's get your projects. What are we working on? Where can people catch you? We'll start with you, Eeyar.

Right now I am writing the second season of my favorite show on TV, which is Survival of the Thickest starring Michelle Buteau. I love her. Michelle is so talented, but the weirdest experience I've ever had is I ran into Michelle at the airport and people who didn't know who she was came up to her and kept being like, girl you gotta be on TV. And it happened literally the entire fucking time. At the airport? At the airport! We ran into each other and people would come up to her and kept being like, girl, you gotta be on TV. And it happened to literally the entire fucking time. At the airport, were you jacked? At the airport, we ran into each other

and people would come up to her and just be like, you should be on TV. You should have your own show. And she was like, I do, I do. So I'm writing. You are not gonna believe this. I'm writing that right now and I am putting out an album called Bloodshed Baby.

It'll be out in June. I really like it. And I'll see you on tour in June. Those dates release soon. Amazing. Michelle, who should be on TV, where can people catch you? Oh my goodness. If you guys are in town, please just make a trip.

I will be at Radio City Music Hall June 6th, taping my second Netflix special. I'll be the first woman ever to tape a Netflix special or a comedy special rather at Radio City Music Hall. Wow. So please come for that one night only historic fucking big titty moment. Yeah, we only need 6,000 of you. That's it.

I know. It's actually 5,500 with the camera kills. So if you want to come and bring 4,000 of your friends, do it. And don't forget to tune into Netflix sometime in 2025 for the second season of Survival of the Thickest that E.R. Fightmaster is working so hard on. And they are fucking amazing. This show could not happen without their voice and every other little fucking beautiful soul

in our fucking writers' room. Also, the Circle, season six drops April 17th. And you can catch, I don't know. I think it's like every every Wednesday, there's like four episodes. And then there's also season three of Barbecue Showdown coming out sometime in May on Netflix. She doesn't stop her. This working woman in the biz.

Yes. And then also, if you guys feel like going to a movie theater, check out my movie Babes with the Atlantic Laser. And then also, if you guys feel like going to a movie theater, check out my movie Babes with the Atlantic laser. And you know what? We've got a really funny, hilarious cameo from your house. I'm in that. Thank you so much. I can't wait to see my face for two seconds on screen. Look, there are no small roles. There's just small minded people. And small men sometimes. Julie, where can people catch you?

Yeah, Julie, can you follow that? I have been. Yeah. That was so cool to do Michelle not last. I've been on tour and I'm touring with Nate Barghetti who is selling out literally, he's doing in the round arenas everywhere. He's doing sometimes two a day. Wow. Wow.

Like we just did the Phoenix Suns arena. It's 18,000 people sold out. What the hell? I did that yesterday. I love this. Or two days ago. That's awesome. Good for him. I love this for him. And I love this for you.

That was his special taping. And every Wednesday through Sunday, basically, I've been doing a different arena every night with Nate since January. And it's crazy. It's, I offered my talents as host because you need someone to wrangle a crowd that size up front.

And it turns out, and I will say this because I'm old enough I can own it I'm not insecure anymore I'm really good at it and it feels really good to be able to like do something that I don't think a lot of comics can do yeah as well yeah thank you guys so much for doing this yeah thank you I love you I'm so hungry I gotta go I also gotta go thank you guys thank you guys see you next week for more bad dates and great stories. Bye.

Bye bitches. Bad Dates is produced by Smartness Media and Wondery. Created by Robert Cohen. Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Stuart Bailey. Produced by Anne Harris and Devin Torrey Bryant. Engineered and edited by Devin Torrey Bryant and Kyle McGraw. Talent producer is Anne Harris. Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Executive producers are Will Arnett, Sean Hayes and Jason McGraw. Talent producer is Anne Harris. Associate producer is Maddie McCann.

Executive producers are Will Arnett, Sean Hayes, and Jason Bateman. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminsky. Music by Krusche and Eben Schledder. If you've had a bad date, please share it with us at 984-265-3283 or write us at baddatespod at gmail.com.

We would love to hear all about it. That's all for this week. We'll be back next week for more. Bad Dates. Smart. Last. Media. Hello Prime members, you can listen to Bad Dates early and ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today.

Or you can listen early and ad-free with Wondery Plus and Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondery.com slash survey.