Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - You Were Her Alabama (w/ Jessica Michelle Singleton and Michael Turner)

Episode Date: November 3, 2025

On an all-new episode of Bad Dates, host Joel Kim Booster welcomes comedians Jessica Michelle Singleton and Michael Turner to discuss their most iconic dating fiascos. Jessica accepts the proposal but things just keep coming up, and Michael has a golden opportunity if he can just work out the calculus. Such sickness! Joel Kim Booster: Psychosexual, Fire Island, Loot Season 3Jessica Michelle Singleton: @jmscomedy on socials, new special Hi Y’All, new horror movie Big BabyMichael Turner: @turnercomedy on socials, Don’t Tell set Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Bad Dates ad-free. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

bad dates hello hello and welcome to another episode of the bad dates podcast i am your host jol kimbooster back back back again with more tales from the trenches might bring on some of my funniest friends and they mine their dating history for the worst, the most painful, the most embarrassing dating stories they have in their repertoire, and they present it to you for your enjoyment. So, you know, have a little bit of respect, a little bit of gratitude, people, because this is not easy. It's not easy for people to go back to those dark, dark places in their past,

but we do it because this is what the culture needs, I guess, now. It is. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. We need to remember. Shame and embarrassment.

Yeah. Honestly, that is something that this culture needs a little bit more of shame and embarrassment. Remember when we used to get embarrassed, everyone? I don't. I don't. It's been so long. Those voices that you heard are the aforementioned funny friends that I have brought to the panel today. Let's jump in.

We have a comedian who is currently on tour. Her don't tell comedy sets have millions of views. And her album, Horny for Death, opened at number one on iTunes and Amazon. Guys, it's Jessica Michelle Singleton. Hi, thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here. I want to talk about Don't Tell in a second. But next we have a comedian who also has a very popular set on Don't Tell Comedy and has been featured on Netflix as a joke radio.

He is currently traveling the country with his Road Warrior tour. It's Michael Turner. What is good. Guys, what is it like to have a viral don't tell comedy clip? Because I got to tell you, I've recorded two and have not let them air them. Really? I've just like, I want it to be good Because it's like those

Don't Tell is sort of like I mean That's the new comedy central It's better than having I guarantee you more people have seen your Don't Tell sets than my Netflix special I can almost guarantee Netflix is like such a cool

Obviously I think we're all aspiring to that But it's like How much are you reaching new people versus reaching your fans that are already on Netflix? And let me be clear I didn't bomb either of these sets that they recorded But it was just like, if I'm not leaving on an applause break, then I don't want it going on the internet. That's such a high standard.

I don't think I've ever loved on a proxback. My last joke is usually the most angry the crowd isn't. They're like, actually, I like the first day, man. You're chased off the stage. Yeah, and then you're like, I have to get out of it. And then I know I've done well. Yeah, I had, I've done two sets. And the first one, it's like two different versions of like, all right, I'm just going to like one, two, three dive in with putting the sets out.

because the second one I felt I was like, it was fine. I delivered the jokes really strong, but the crowd was kind of mid. But I also looked so good. I'd like spent all the money on hair and makeup. That's the other thing. So I went back and forth with do I get rid of it?

My first one, I don't say this lightly because I wouldn't say this about myself. I murdered in the room. Yeah. No, I've seen that clip. It was like immediately post-pandemic. I had gained a bunch of weight but not bought new clothes. I'm bursting out of my clothes.

So I didn't want to put that one out for a different. reason. I was like, oh, I'm going to get eaten alive. But it turns out being too fat for your pants gets comments that really boost your clips. Yeah. Are the millions of views... Big Fupa energy. Yeah. I think most of my views are from people going, I would never have sex with that pig. And I'm like, we did it, guys. We did it. It's... Engagement's amazing. I was fortunately happy with both mine, too. I did, like, one of the first ones they ever recorded in post-pandemic, too. I just did one recently. And yeah, I did... I also I'm probably too arrogant, though.

I walked off, like, nailed it. Yeah. Watch out Ralph Barbosa. It's been so long. Like, it's A of all been so long since I have, like, truly bombed.

But it, but it's been so long since I have had the confidence, any confidence leaving stage. Like, no matter what. Like, I'm just like, that could have been better. I was better once.

I'm probably, self-awareness is a... Based on my service-level knowledge of your culture, I think it might be an Asian thing. You know what? I am a doctor. So it is, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it might be, that's, yeah, it's nature, not nurture, I guess.

Yeah, just in you, you're like, I could always be better. Yeah. Before we dive into the stories, once again, we have a compatibility question for the panel. This is a reader submitted question. And that is what activity have you sat through just for the hookup? Can I consider listening to terrible conversation from a man who thinks he's funny, an activity? That is. I mean, listening to anyone trying to.

Specifically not just a bad conversation, but a bad conversation because they're trying to be funny. Trying to be funny. It's like a, maybe it's just all men all the time, but I feel like there is this unique element that comes with being a female comedian where the man hears that and they go, well, I got to show you I'm funny. Oh, no. And you're like, I want to rip my ears off. I can't imagine. I do not envy being a female comedian because I can't imagine the type of shit that you deal with men for sure. That's gross.

Because I, I mean, they're horrible. I know at least being a male comedian, I know I'm the funniest person in this situation. But I know that I'm never going to sit down across. That's the arrogance to me. But like, dudes trying to be funny are the worst dudes. Anyone trying to be something they're not is like, oh. Humorish. It would be effortless for it to be effective, I think.

Yes. But I have a similar experience, not with straight men, but with gay men. because unfortunately every gay man who hears that I'm a comedian nine times out of ten will be like well I'm funny I could do that I could do that yeah yeah and it's a very it's like it's like it must be I must be a very male impulse to do but like and I and the thing is is recently at a party this guy came up to me and we were talking about what we did and I mentioned I was comedian and I was bracing myself for that response and he was like wow he was like people tell me I'm funny at like

brunch but it's way different to be funny on stage in front of people and I was like Thank you. Thank you for respecting the only one. It's so hard. Yeah, but I will say, to be fair to a lot of gay men, I would say, like, my normie gay friends are much funnier than a lot of my comedians. Just off the cuff in, like, in a not, again, in an effortless sort of not trying to impress anybody away. Absolutely.

My best friend from college, gay man, and if he ever did comedy, it's like over for the rest of us. Yeah. Like, he's just, I would say, obviously, you guys have only known me for here a little bit on the pod, but I don't have any gay friends, but what I'm saying is, mine is like, this is sucks because it's so recent and I hope he doesn't listen to the podcast, but I fuck somebody in the cast of the Broadway's Aladdin. That's so funny. I was going to say that I have made men sit through terrible musicals, in their opinion, to fuck me. Um, and he was like, and the, the worst part of this is, is that we had already hooked up, but then he was like that, like, post-quitally, like, do you want to come to Aladdin tonight? And I was like, what are you going to say at that point? Which is like, you've already come. So like, the answer, knee-jerk is no. But you're like, I never want to see you again. But I liked this person enough. So I went and saw it. It's just like, if I'm not, I don't live in New York anymore. I don't get a chance to see a lot of Broadway anymore. Yeah. If I'm going to see a Broadway show, it's probably not going to be Aladdin. Aladdin. Bad dates We're going to start with Jessica

Jessica now you were You had talked a little bit about your boyfriend Just now How long have you been together? Sweet angel Three years now Which is a record for me That's good and honestly

The thing is Oh this was you didn't meet during the pandemic then No I was dating someone for way too long during the pandemic where it's one of those, our reaction to the pandemic was stay together instead of we should have broken up very quickly. That is a lot of people's reactions, I think. And I think we are finally reached, like this year, I would say, if you made it through lockdown together and you've made it this far, then it's for life. It's done. You're done. But like there was, there were a lot of drop-offs, I think, in the last couple of years, even after

lockdown ended because they were still holding on to the trauma bond. Yeah, you're like, oh, this was just trauma. I, yeah. I just. didn't want to be alone during a pandemic it turns out what that was. And then you it takes some people a couple years after the you know the lockdown sort of honeymoon to realize what was going on in their brains. Now you got a little post

pandemic penis. Yeah yeah I met my part of your own we call that. Pandemic penis come on a big old gurzy. Come on a big old dick he got a big boy. But previous to him you had a pandemic relationship were you a serial monogamous or were you someone who fucked a around like I somehow was both not a cheater but like I've had a lot of relationships uh but

in between relationships you're getting it in I'm getting it in but also my relationships a lot of them were like oh we're hooking up for a while and it's like I guess like we're still yeah not exclusive for a situation I didn't do a lot of like classic like courting like you must date me and most of my dates to start it off are their hookups yeah no and that definitely counts here on this podcast. No, listen, the podcast is going for a while. We've run out of the people who dated. Who has time to date?

First of all, if you're dating, you're not a great comic. You have a Friday and Saturday open on your schedule? Are you kidding me? Well, and the people who have these, like, I have a friend who, I'm not kidding, was like, I won't hook up with a man until I am 10 dates in. And I was like, you better have the best pussy on earth. Oh, my God. That's such a buildup.

Yeah. Because that's the, I tried waiting a while once, and it was like, I really like this guy. and then the sex was like, oh, oh, I've made a grave error. Yeah. Ten weeks you can watch an entire HBO season. Yeah. There's crazy that there are people who wait into marriage. Like, oh, that's crazy.

I can't. Just, this is the best day of my life. And then the guy just like in three seconds is like, oh. I know. Yeah. So anyway, this was, I was home for the summer in Alaska. from, I think, college. And I met a man at, we have a bar in my hometown called Chilku Charleys.

It's top-tier dive bar. And how long has it been night in this story? Oh, it has. There is no night in this story. Oh, it's all day. Midnight sun. Yeah, no, it's, I think Daniel Tosh had a great joke about going there and you, like, at 2 a.m., you leave the bar with someone.

You walk outside and you go, never mind. Oh, the daylight. It was midnight sun. So people just go crazy. in the summer just drinking and staying up all night and I met this guy who was in the military which is a there's this bar has a lot of military men there's a military base uh and we were just chatting and shooting the shit and he was funny enough I was funny I was carrying the call but I it was like one of those moments where I was like I'm not hooking up with you we have to

I have to get to know you I thought I was being so I don't know like I'm I'm too good you have to take me out if you want to hook up with me And him taking me out was us just meeting at the bar. I mean, that's also, let's be clear, like, I, that is totally fair. Yeah, me going, you got to earn it. One more drink. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the next day, like night we, like, meet at this bar, we're drinking, we're playing pool, whatever.

And I am, I have this problem. I don't have it anymore. But in my early 20s, I had this thing where I fancied myself a big drinker where I'm like, I could drink you under the table. And I'm like, I am in fact already under the table. You couldn't hang. I can't hang. So I was like blackout betty all the time. Just a mess.

Tough. I remember though. I was the same way. I went through a slapping phase in my mid-20s. I tore someone's shirt once. Oh, I would slap. I would slap. Like really good.

It was not. Yes. Sometimes. And it was boy, the apology tours of my mid-20s. My bad. I slapped you. I threw a drink on someone at my own 21st birthday.

and I thought it was funny. It wasn't like an angry. I was like, I thought it was a bit. I don't know. It was just like, eh. And I'm like, wasn't that fun? He was like drenched. I had to get carried out of the party by two guys that worked with my friend at Petco.

Oh. Whoa. And they are the sweetest men. I think they were like completely sober. And I was just retold this story. My friends look over. My friend Maddie is like, where's Jess? And he looks over and I'm being carried out by two men.

And I was like, I'm going home with these guys. Oh, no. And they just obviously brought me home and tucked me in and just were like with my roommate. Wow. That's good. That story sometimes doesn't go well. Yeah. Two roads diverged in the yellowwood and one was Dateline. And you really narrowly miss.

When I think about, I'm honestly a little offended. There was no ever even a close call. But I'm like, no one even tried. I mean, who had me in their car and they were like, it's not worth it? Oh, no. Just me. You were vulnerable in your entire 20s? Yeah, they could have.

It's tough. They could have chopped me up and they're like, not, she's going to talk through the murder. I have to get her out of here. Yeah, I'd kill her, but she's insufferable. Yeah. So anyways, I'm shooting whiskey. We're drinking beers. I'm doing all the things at this bar, playing pool, crushing it in my drunk mind.

Yeah. He's loving it. I'm cute and fun and silly and whatever. So after the bar, we go get food at some shitty diner. And I was like, I'm starving. And I ordered. I've never. once before this or since ordered a chicken fried steak.

But for some reason... You're lost, babe. I've had some nice. And you know what? In the right moment. This is a testament to like the codependent part of me that I have worked on since, but that was like, I had this, I think I had this thing where I would kind of adapt to the person. That I'm like, what are they like?

I'm kind of that. I'm going to mirror you a little like me. It grosses me out now. And I'm like, you poor thing. You sweet. Just be yourself. You're going to be fine. That's 21, though, for everybody.

For sure. Like, who knows themselves well at 21? Like, it's just a bunch of people mirroring each other and they're mirroring somebody else. And it's just, like, two mirrors in front of each other trying to figure out. Trying to figure out, who am I? And he was this just delightfully good-looking ding-dong from Alabama, who's in the minute. I'm like, I don't know if that's why I was like, Jake and Brian State or if he suggested, I don't know. I'm sure he says.

He said on Sacramento. I inhale chicken fried steak and eggs and potatoes and all the things, and he's like, come back to my place with me. And I was like, I'm not, I don't go home with men unless I'm engaged to them. And then he proposed to me with a ring made out of aluminum foil in the parking lot of this diner immediately, which is just like, okay, will you marry me? This is the classic. First of all, but yeah, actually a pretty good bounceback for him. I'm in his corner so far. I'm in his corner so far.

I suggested chicken fried steak, and he quickly proposed. Well, you're going to probably be in his corner the whole time. So we go back to his place, which I didn't realize was an army barrack that he had a twin-sized bed in. And there was another twin-sized bed, and I was like, what do you have a roommate? And he's like, he's gone. He's not here. And I'm like, cool. Yeah, he's deployed.

He's in Iraq. So we start hooking up, and your girl goes down on Mr. Alabama, a fresh chicken fried steak. in the tank. Oh, no. And I, yes, it's going exactly where you think it is. I lost. Was it a white gravy or brown gravy? Oh, it was white. It was a chunky white. Yeah. And not the kind of white gravy.

No, no. I thought I was getting his white gravy. In fact, I spewed on this man. I have a weak stomach sometimes on these. No, it's a gross. And I was like, oh my God, I'm sorry. And he's just like, it's fine. Let's get in the shower. This man is a menace.

but then also his roommate came in at that time and the lack of shame I used to have he's like going to the shower and his roommate comes in he's like what's going on and I was like I threw up on his dick what can you do these things happen his roommate was probably like they don't they don't that does not happen and then we took a shower together and this is stop and he was this guy is continuing to bounce back where was he on the

anger scale here Honestly, it's one of those things Did he want to Do he want to shower and resume? Yeah. Wow. Which part of me now is like, what a... Yeah, this is my fiance.

Honestly, till death do you part. I mean, truly. What's a little throw-up? In sickness and in hell. And yeah, and such sickness. Yeah. But then there's this fucked up, like, groucho-Marxie part of me that is like, dude, what's wrong with you?

Oh, yeah. Kick me out. Yeah. Yes. I see that. And we shower. This part is a little. little spotty, not in a scary, sketchy, he's a bad guy, but just, part of it was my brain going,

let's try to shut this memory out, but we get out of the shower and tried for like 30 minutes to do they're like, we'll, I'll stay the night. I was doing like, I'm staying in his twin-sized bed and then very quickly just popped up like the exorcist. It was like, I can't stay here. I have to leave. And this was Alaska in the early, like, 2000. teens, there wasn't like Lyft or Uber. Uber hadn't gotten there. Yeah, yeah, which I'm now realizing. I thought there had been, but I'm

now remembering that I had to call my friend Mindy on my little, my cell phone reception didn't work in Anchorage because I was on like Sprint. So every time I'd come home, I'd be like I'm on my mom's phone. Just take my mom. So I call her and I'm like you have to come get me. And I didn't

even think about the fact that like she can't get me off. Yeah, oh yeah. Yeah, she can't get on base. So I am like just drunkenly stumbling to the gate. And I'm like, and she picks me up. God bless her, the wing woman of a lifetime. And that, I mean, that's the whole story. But he like kept trying to stay in touch.

I got to say, you stumbling in what I imagine was like a mini dress holding your heels to the military base. I'm like, that's a Katie Perry music video. I've ever heard one. Yeah, I felt like a plastic bag. Trash. That's a trash bag, Katie. Kesh or at the very least.

Oh, Kesha. Early Kesha. Any street would be Kesha, but at a military base, that makes it Katie Perry and my friend. Yeah, that is, that's hang the American flag. I am a hero. And did you ever talk to this man again? You know what? We talked back and, like, we hung out a few more times and talked back and forth.

You hung out again? Yeah. Oh, damn. Did you put out? No, actually. Poor guy. Wow. Okay, but wait, let me back up.

He ended up going back to Japan. where he had been stationed and he was briefly stationed in Alaska, I found out that he had like an actual, like, wife. Oh, wow. So I was ready to award this man a purple horse. So a little bit for perseverance. He was pushing

through a lot. In retrospect, I was like, you know, I'm glad I threw up on your dick. Yeah. Yeah. I thought he was maybe one of the first good men that I've ever heard in one of these stories. No. And he's a polygamist. He's a, yeah. The marriage was null and forward immediately. Yeah, I was like, how could you? But, you know, I would like to tell you the first and only time I've thrown up on a dick, but there have been a couple others.

Really? You're a multiple dick thrower upper? Yeah, I got three in the can. You got a hold of that guy reflex. That's like, I have slowdown tattooed on my hand. And it's because I talk too fast on stage, but it's, it could in theory serve a double purpose. You really, yeah, you can't hang. It's always alcohol induced too with the dick throw up or is it just, is it ever just a stanky dick. One time. We don't have to investigate. We don't need to get it.

I got to say it. I'm curious. I haven't come across this. Let's take this off pot. Bad dates. And now turning finally to Michael Turner. Michael, you mentioned your girl. How long have you been in a relationship?

Going on three years now. Okay, wow. Both for you. Yeah. And that's like hitting the good mark where it's TikTok, my friend. Yeah. Okay, I'm glad you said it to him, but not to me. But my boyfriend can't take me out to a nice dinner anymore because I go, what's this?

Anyway. No, we're fortunate. And then we started in a classic L.A. way. We started actually, when we met for the first six months, we were in an open relationship, which was interesting. Wow. But, yeah. You don't hear that from your community very often in these days. Yeah, I'd never really experienced.

Certainly more in places like L.A., but what were the sort of basic parameters of that situation? You could, so it was open and honest communication. I think in hindsight, the best thing we did was start that way. Because if I had to hook up with any, if I ended up hooking up with anybody, she could ask any questions she wanted if she wanted to know about the hookup, but also like she wanted to see their Instagram, whatever like that. All that stuff was very, it was the most honest I ever had to be on the front end of a relationship. I'll never forget when the last hook up I had was a chick that she liked me through comedy,

she ended up going to a show, whatever, whatever, and we end up going back to her place, and she has a stripper pole in the middle of her Venice studio. And this is her thing. She does like IG stripper pole dancing, whatever. And she was attracted. She had a great body. She can do stripper pole things. and she's doing that and I'll never forget

she ended up going upside down on the stripper bowl and give me a blowjob, upside down. Whoa! It was one of the coolest things. I remember being like, this is one of the coolest things I've ever experienced. That's crazy. Also, I think I love Kiki.

I was like, I was literally like, if this acrobatic blowjob, and it's like rare at our age to experience a blowjob in a different way. you know because you've really had it all which ways at this point to get a new position for a blow job and then to still be thinking about someone else that was that was that was the night i didn't even come that i remember from that i was like that poor woman yeah upside down blowing you going you gotta be fucking kidding yeah not a dollop of yeah not a little bit of gravy so michael um you uh have alluded to some you know different periods in your life where you were not boot up where in your timeline does your story take place

I would say I was probably like maybe six years into comedy so it's probably like 2017 something like that I was what age would I have been there probably like 30 and I'm 38 now and I was in Phoenix

in the comedy scene and we had I had some relationships here and there and there was one girl that was like kind of a consistent hookup and one night we were out and we end up I remember she asked me to just go one more bar she had a friend at the bar that we were going to Scottsdale Old Town Scottsdale and we end up going there and we meet up with the friend and I remember she linked up with

the friend and immediately I was like all right cool they're friends they're hugging shit I go get a drink I come back they're like making out and shit and I was like all right oh my god am I getting pushed out of this what's going on blah blah and I was like this is cool because she also the girl that was hooked up with was definitely bisexual she was she definitely hooked up with women here there too and so i was like all right well maybe she's leaving with this girl whatever i'm kind of winding down the night this is i didn't really meet the other girl they're just going at it and she comes up to me and the night the bar is closed and she's like hey we should go back to your place and i was like well this is excited yeah

this is the first time i probably i'm all of a sudden i'm like all right this is my chance and when it comes to you, you're not begging for it, you're not pushing for it, you're not planning for it but when it's just dropped in your lap I was like, this is pretty freaking new. You're like, oh my God, it's happening! Because I didn't know how to like, it was really

cool. A lot of calculus has to be done to get to that moment. And then I'm an Arizona State grad. I don't have the fucking capacity to figure out some of this shit, dude. And so like, I'm like, all right, this is pretty neat. Don't fuck this up. And many ways going to Arizona State

is worse than not going at all. Yeah. Anyway. But also, the one thing they do to teach you there is probably how to navigate a threesome, but I didn't go to that class. That's actually a class. I didn't go to that class. So then I'm like, all right.

So then I'm like, all right, so then I'm like, all right, how do I do this? What do I do? First of all, let's get an Uber back to my place. This is pretty neat. Go there. I'm also, like, trying to navigate it in a way where I don't know this other girl, so I'm trying to make her comfortable and whatever, right? Yeah, not uncomfortable.

Yeah. And so, and also, this is 27. We're balls deep in the Me Too movement. And I'm so arrogant with my comedy crew, I'm like, I'm going to blow up eventually. I can't have this on my... I can't have some bad blemish on my thing. Not because you didn't want... You wanted her to feel safe and comfortable.

No, no, no, no, no. It was about your career. It was about my career. Which I guess is like, thank God for the Me Too movie. Yeah, exactly. Honestly, whatever keeps men in line. Yeah, yeah. If they need fear...

However we get to that answer, I guess. If Harvard didn't go down, I'd have been in there like... like a savage. Oh my God. Old Town Scottsdale's behind me. I'm winning me. You're wearing a monocle. You're just like got a cartoon villain mustache.

Like obviously I say that to say like I'm definitely hyper aware in a level that is just like, all right, navigate this in a way where everybody's comfortable. Don't be a monster about anything. Yeah, yeah. I know I'm horned up and I can be, you know. No, and I think to be fair to you, what you're saying is the Me Too movement sort of made you think about these things. Have the thought before you take the action.

on a different level. Because horny brain is a different brain. So I'm ubered up. We get the Uber. And then I'm like, I'm all right. I don't want to get like too weird. I don't know this other girl that well. I was like, let's let them sit in the back and I'm in the front.

That was a bad move. I should have created physical contact to some degree in the back. And I hadn't established physical contact in the back. Then they're in the backseat. I'm in a preist with this guy and in the front seat. And they're still going at it. And I'm like, this is pretty neat. And then they're like,

But I'm still kind of an observer at this point. I'm like looking. I'm like, this is awesome. They're like, they're taking the top off. Titties are out. One of them is arching their back and kind of going into the front seat area where me and the driver are. I'm looking at the driver. Again, now I'm not worried about anything other than I'm hyper aware of the Me Too movement and my Uber rating.

And I'm like, and I look at the, and I'm looking at the driver. I'm like, man, my bad. And he looks at me and he's like, you don't need to apologize for anything. Yeah, I was going to say, this is like a five-star experience for him. are one of the best rides I've ever had in my life. Tadies are out in the back. People are having fun. I'm in the front seat being like,

I think they're cool with me joining this in a little bit. More bad dates after this. Bad dates. Bad dates. We end up getting back to my spot. He drops me off. This dude thinks I'm the coolest dude who's ever interacted with him in his life.

And then we're back and I get back to the room. and they're still hooking up, they're making out, and at this point it's like double dutch. I'm trying to like, where does daddy get in? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got all my clothes off, they got their clothes off. You're standing there, I'm like sitting there. Oh, I am not, you know, I'm, I was probably had another 15 pounds on me.

I'm in like, for some reason, earlier in the night, I was like, what about the bright orange underwear's? Tough look for your boy. A caution? Tough look for your boy. In 2017? I know. Oh, my God.

And I am, then I'm like trying to, trying to get in, try to do it. I'm providing drinks. Is everybody okay? That's so funny. It is tough. I went to get beer. I come back. They're on the floor in my bedroom.

I'm suggesting the bed. They're like, what about the floor? And then my girl that I'm comfortable with, I'm like, all right, it makes most sense to start making out with her, get in there, and then kind of get in with the other girl. That's so funny. I do finally get in. And it was at this point, and it was at this point in the night where everything started like making sense. I made out with her. And then I look at the other girl.

the other girl, the only thing I knew is the other girl and her worked together at a strip club and that she was a dancer and I didn't, I didn't know that much about her, but I knew that was her background. I looked at her and we kind of start maybe kissing and then I see in her eyes and she was so fucked up. And it was at that point where I realized, oh, she's on like pills drugs. You realize she's like too fucked up? Fucked up. Yeah. And then I'm like, and then she also has that moment too where she comes to and she looks at me and she doesn't recognize me

at this point she's that point fucked up and then she's like where are we what are we doing yeah you were her rock bottom 100%

she's like what is going on in my life you were her Alabama literally the night goes from me thinking I'm gonna have a coolest threesome

in my bedroom too then this person's so fucked up she now is like where are we all this shit I'm trying to explain what's going on

the other chick is not really helping that much she's drunk but she's like not helping the situation and it goes from that to me

now being like, all right, I got to babysit this chick. And now I just have a girl on my hands that just broke up with a recent boyfriend. Oh, God. He's in an abusive relationship. He's potentially coming over with a gun. And that's how quickly it escalates from like, Daddy's rock hard looking

to two chicks up to the floor to like, what the fuck's going on? It went from porn parody to take it real fast. It was like that movie hostile. The first half is a porn. The second half is a horror film. And then I'm asking about getting water. I'm like, is everything cool, blah, blah, blah.

We probably take 45 minutes to an hour to, like, calm down. We're, like, sitting on the couch at this point. And Daddy's still like, once. Let's not go out, Michael, please. Is there an angle? Oh, no, that part of your brain. After an hour, it all settled down, and she's cool again. And I was like, do we have a chance?

And we're sitting there on the couch, and I remember being like, all, let's see if I can settle them in. And I don't know. Maybe see if something can happen when they're more sober. Now we're all sober. I turn on Guardians of the Galaxy, too. they end up they called a lift within 10 minutes they didn't even make it past the fucking credits

you can't show them a Marvel sequel you gotta go with the hits you gotta go with the origin story original they were like we can't follow the continuity here I don't know these characters so Kurt Russell's Chris Pratt's dad now what's going on? That was so funny but that was yeah it was like it ended up

cool to bad and what did you learn Michael that you have taken with you on into your dating life Guardians of the Galaxy 1 is the move That's been our pod, you guys. This has been, wow, even with just two of you this week, so much content. Maybe too much.

Yeah. No, I would never say that. But, Jessica Michelle Singleton, where can the people find you? What are you doing these days? You can find me on all the social medias at JMS Comedy. And I have a new special that is linked in my bio. It's going to be coming out. I'm going to move it over to YouTube in the next month or so.

Amazing. It's called Hi. y'all look for that anywhere. Oh, and I am in a horror movie that has its premiere at Screamfest, L.A. on October night. It's called Big Baby. Amazing. Congrats. Thank you.

Go and check that out. Now, Michael Turner, where can people find you? What are you doing these days? At Turner Comedy on all social media, Instagram, TikTok, all that good stuff. I'm on tour right now, so I'm going, I do a tour where I go every city, the Cincinnati Bengals play a football game in. I do a show the night before, go to the tailgate, do some content. So check out Turnercom.com has all the dates there. I'll be on that tour till January.

So hit me there. I did drop a don't tell set on their YouTube special. So definitely check that if you guys want to support any way you can. And I appreciate you guys. I got to tell you, I'm not completely sports illiterate, but didn't know Cincinnati had a team. Yeah. Wow. Sometimes the team doesn't realize that they have a team.

I think Ohio really needs to rein it in with. amount of cities. They have too many of them. Too many of them. They can't all have a team. They're all the same. They're all the same city. Well, I'm not going to go into my Ohio city ranking now. We don't have the time. You guys, I'm Joel Kimbooster. Once again, if you have any thoughts, feelings, questions, or concerns, you can email us at baddatespot at gmail.com. If you liked what you heard today, please go and give us a

rating and review wherever you're listening to this. It really helps people find the podcast. And until next week, that's the pod. Bye-bye. Bad Dates is a production of smartless media Created by Robert Cohen Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Stuart Bailey Produced, edited and engineered by Devon Tori Bryant Produced by Anne Harris Edited by Kyle McGrath

Associate producer is Maddie McCann Social Media producer is Tommy Galgana Executive producers are Sean Hayes Will Arnett and Jason Bain Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Komensky Music by Cushie and Evan Schlever If you've had a bad date or would like our advice on any dating issues, please tell us about it at baddatespod at gmail.com or call us at 984-265-3283.

That's 984-265-3283. That's all for this week. We will be back for more. Thank you.