Bad Friends - 3 Bears 2 Caves ft. Tom Segura

Episode Date: October 5, 2020

Merch Is Here! http://badfriendsmerch.com/ Thank you: http://meundies.com/badfriends & http://upstart.com/badfriends & http://bluechew.com code: badfriends Subscribe to our YouTube: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube 0:00 The Sad Bamboo Merch Promo 8:40 Tom Segura's Sklar Brothers Podcast Prep 12:30 Bobby Learns About Micro-Aggressions 19:30 Redneck Hello Kitty Fans 26:30 Rudy's Reaction to Filipino-American History Month 30:20 The Piss Collector 45:15 The LA Comedian Exodus 52:50 The Poway Haunted House 59:20 The Selfie Sent to Oliver and Kate Hudson 1:05:40 Rudy's Suggestions For Bobby 1:13:05 The Cabin & The Comedy Store Documentary More Tom Segura 2 Bears 1 Cave: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/2-bears-1-cave-with-tom-segura-bert-kreischer/id1468013270 Your Moms House: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/your-moms-house-with-christina-p-and-tom-segura/id503482646 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/seguratom Twitter: https://twitter.com/tomsegura More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com/ More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com/ More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Produced by George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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It's everything you need to make a podcast all in one place. Where do we have to go Bob? Download the free anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started You know at first I was like I'm on a show It's pretty cool But after a while sitting here listening to these morons And not once Does anyone ever think to get me some water? I'm tired man

Well, I guess I should tell you we got merch Go to badfriendsmerch.com Oh now you give me water you You two are bad friends Who are these two idiots? Why me? I'm an Asian dude You two are disgusting Who are you two or something?

We're bad friends Hello, hello, hello, wow Welcome to another episode of bad friends We've got red red is not here reds not here reds doing a movie in Beirut You know, it's called the Nuremberg effect. Yeah, he's in a movie called Nuremberg effect. I'm actually I'm doing a movie right now in North Korea It's called the impossible chopstick and That's a fucking microaggression. Is that it's not it's a microaggression. It's a microaggression. Yeah. Yeah, is that you're Bobby?

Yeah, everywhere he goes. He's doing a movie. It's it's him Brad Pitt Tom Hardy and some other people Small budget yeah, yeah Like a million around the world. So he's a shooting New Zealand next week. So he's gonna have that set there And then I fly to Peru then I finished the movie in Peru. That's great What's crazy is I start right after that I start a movie With the rock the rock and I are doing like a yeah, it's called transitioning and It's called the rock in the hard place, bro Rock in a hard place. Yeah, and you know, that's a very that's a very busy schedule

Yeah, dude, but it's like that's who I am. That's who I want to be Yeah, I mean, I would honestly with that schedule I never would say this to somebody but I would I think that's appropriate to tell you that I think it's time to quit podcasting Yeah, you know, I mean like I mean, that's Tom Hardy Tom Hanks the rock like you're fucking you're there now You're done with this. I don't know but but it's like It's you guys, you know, I mean, I mean Bobby Lee Tom Segura You think your names aren't ranked as high as Tom Hardy and and and Tom Cruise I don't I don't think so. I don't and I think I think they would mock us if they met us. Yeah

Can we start with this last night? Yeah, Papa's trying to sleep, you know Papa Papa. That's me Papa likes to sleep and I'm about to get to bed and then all of a sudden, you know, sometimes I'll cap the night off with a You know going on the internet so whatnot and then, you know, you get the news that Trump has the COVID right and then I didn't sleep for 12 hours. I was just laying there Just fucking reading reading and what was your first emotion when you found out? I prayed You did not I didn't as Jules knows as Andrew knows. I'm a Jesus freak

I believe in the Lord and I got my hands and knees and I'll tell you the fucking prayer I didn't okay. I tell you the heavenly fathers, right? Yeah, to you to which is each his own So I follow up with that, right? Wait, dear Lord. Wait, who are the heavenly fathers? Because that's a Okay, Cleopatra because he's up there, right, right? We've got Jesus Yeah, he's a he's like the captain or whatever. Oh, he's got all there. He's captain of the team. I think we've got a noisy Moses some people call it noisy. Yes. I call it Moses We've also got the Holy Ghost and he's like the ninja of up there. Yeah, you can't release He's not really around you can't see you feel like the Holy Ghost is Asian. He could be yeah

Yeah, Holy Ghost has like a cloud mask on yeah, it looks like COVID but a mask, but like he's got the eyes You know ninjas are so so yeah, and so Holy Ghost is like a cloud ninja. How much did you try? Did you dress up as a ninja as a kid? Yeah, multiple times and it's pronounced. Holy Ghost. Holy Ghost. Oh Holy Ghost, yeah, that's a microaggression and it's and so Wait, you're not a friend. You're not offended by that. What the Holy Ghost? No, because that's what ninjas are. Holy Ghost

I mean, that's what yeah, that's what all it. Yeah, I'm very offended. I'm offended by it. Yeah, but okay Okay, I'm very offended by it. That's what I was making. Yeah Yeah, a lot of things that he says is a very offensive. Bobby As an athlete person trying to survive in this world. Yeah, I try to let it go and I try to survive trying to survive The guy has like five television shows and five movies going right now shut shut up. I fuck you all right Fuck you be rude with Tom Hanks and Tom Hardy and all the time. You have five movies going right now I got nothing going. All right. I don't know why you liar I don't know. Does he does he make racially charged statements like that with the words and everything often?

He does Like the other day he goes. Hey, he just calls about he goes. What is the direct translation of Qingchong? And I go yeah, I go I think Qingchong is just just you know, I mean Generic thing that like white people say to Asians. Yeah back in the day. That's not that is not true Yeah, I said I called you when I said does Qingchong mean anything. I didn't know. Yeah Yeah, and I said no, it's just it doesn't and so he hangs up and then an hour later. He goes You know when you drive it and I don't think it's safe for you to drive at night And I go why not and he goes because you're not gonna be able to see much

Yeah, right. So I go that's not true. I have great. I can't see Um peripherally, why can't you see peripherally because my eyes are slanty's wait. Is this a true sting? Yeah, seriously, I can only see a straight ahead and it's also like this. Yeah, right like a horse like a horse blinder It's a horse blunder. Yeah, and it kind of you know me, you know It kind of moves off like this. Have you considered the surgery where they open it up? I refuse Cuz I don't want to see that much Yeah, I don't want to see everything right, I just want to see this much, right? All right, so your eyes are right so I go no, I could see this much on the road

So it's fine, but so my prayer. Let's go back to the prayer dear Lord. I said all that's right and I go please In your heavenly arms, right? Mm-hmm. Please cuddle. Please cuddle our great leader Donald Trump Yeah, and make him good the strength of America is behind him right make him good and make him fine And he does not deserve this. Yeah, nobody does Right and dear Jesus in heaven's good name Amen to you and all well, that's a really nice prayer. That's a really really nice That's what I did when I found out that he had it I did the prayer and then you go into the conspiracy theories

Right one of them being right. He's faking it. Mm-hmm. I heard this sympathy. Yeah, I don't buy that conspiracy theory I don't either because what do you Andrew because? You'd have to get so many people involved. Here's how you know go ahead that that he's actually sick His whole thing his whole persona is based on like I'm tough. I'm strong I don't need that that shit doesn't apply to me things. Don't bother me the very fact that he would allow Himself to be taken to Walter Reed hospital believe that's right That's that's something that he would not want to do. They also landed the helicopter as close as they could to the door Yeah, no, he's sick. He's they pull it up right to the door. They're like we will die if we do that

We have to do five feet away. You know, maybe it's like Yeah, and he barely he made it like the blades are gonna go So he did he did make it in there and yeah, you're right. I think his ego wouldn't allow. Absolutely. That's why you know It's real. I think yeah, but you know, I feel but then he's really he'll probably they'll probably say like he was on a Respirator temperatures 106 when he comes out. He'd be like not that bad. It really wasn't bad I'm a strong guy and strong guys. It just doesn't fuck with yeah But it really is I was telling Andrew earlier because we waited three hours for you to arrive and And we would have waited forever. I am sorry. I already apologized. I'm sorry. You are the Thomas sir. Thomas

Sir Thomas, okay, and we know I'll tell you this this is a this because this is actually just more wholesome Than the only other time that I completely forgot. I was scheduled to do a Yeah, so this is the second time today. I said a big tennis match, you know, I was out in the sun I got home Showered and laying on the couch and literally Andrew's like, let me know when you get there and I was like Right and I just panicked. Yeah got my kid dressed and I was like, yeah, you guys got to watch them And I just jumped in the car and the last time was in 20

God, I want to say this is 2012. Holy shit But I remember it like it was yesterday and I had agreed to do the Sklar Brothers podcast Which is one of the best they're great. They're great guys and they're like, hey Will you you know come on on Friday and we'll see you at noon and I go. Yeah, okay. I'm jerking off looking at my phone Watching porn like stroking my and it's you know, the the iPhones thing It's like Randy Sklar and I'm like and as soon as I see his name. I'm like fuck. So he's like, are you close?

And I was like to coming. Yeah And then I just had to do the whole thing where I couldn't I mean I didn't want to tell him what I was doing Yeah, he knows now Randy when he texts me I come anyway. It's really strange. Yeah moment thing I see just just just yeah, I'm gonna be honest with you I never have ever and asked them have called them by their name. Yeah, because I don't know who's who I Really don't I go. Yeah. He's go. What's up? The brothers are in town if I see them Where's your other better half? I'll do something like that. I've never felt more in sync with you Because I absolutely refuse to try they're like it's and sometimes they do the thing where they're like, hey, I got the glasses. It's Jason

Yeah, so, you know, I don't know the difference, but they're great guys. They are a talent. Um, I this ching chong really not mean anything I think ching chong means um Hello, maybe can we can we just address something about it though? It's it's a fun thing to say Yeah, it's unfortunate that it has negative, you know, racial connotation because it really it really feels flows off the tongue It feels like tell me tell me you guys have seen there is a very offensive mean, okay It's it's a mentally handicapped Asian guy and he's a maestro of an orchestra. I know exactly what you're talking about and it says and a One and a three and a ching chong potato. Yeah, and it's easily the funniest meme I've ever seen in my entire life Yeah, right. Is it offensive? Yeah. Yeah, it's just very funny very fun

But also like it also it would be nice if it was acceptable to use for like, you know what I mean? Like let's say you were like, hey, you know, my my mom made this dish and I was like, what is it? And then you could be like just some ching chong shit, you know You'll see comics if you walk into a green room. Yeah, there are some comics and they can't help themselves They'll go When I walk in they do that too when you walk in when I walk in and then you and then I've been conditioned to laugh at it But it hurts. It burns. Really? Yeah, it burns because you but you have to go You've seen it 30 million times in your life, of course. Yeah. Yeah

They go kong and then they giggle. You know what I mean? People are really doing that. Oh, yeah When you walk in the room, yeah, well tell tell Tom about you learning about micrograph. All right So yesterday I went to I was just googling things. This is before I found out that Trump had COVID And then I went to my high school, you know, I'm obsessed with my high school So I went to Poway High School. I googled that on YouTube and then they go wait. You're obsessed with your high school He wants to be in the high school Hall of Fame. They don't respect me. He wants to be in the alumni the notable alumni They don't like me. How are you not in the notable alumni? I'm not by them. Oh, right. Yeah, because I just a big high school. It's pretty big. Yeah, they

Um, they don't find me to be a credible, you know, entity when it comes to like fame Hmm, right. They think that that's kind of hard to believe man Well, they have people that are like if you look it up We've done this before on the show where you go you googled, you know, they're you know notable Yeah, alums alums and it's like, you know, Ving Trang who you know plays the violin Oh, the orchestra. You how many seasons were you on Matt TV? Eight. Come on, man. Like that alone. They don't care But it was on the air for eight fucking years 17 Well, the show was on air for 14 years. The one that you were on. Yeah, but I was on the show the last eight years of Matt TV

Wow. Yeah, so I met you on the street. I met you on the street when you're doing that I remember that. No, you don't what a great day. You don't remember it I have a vivid memory of meeting him on the street. This is he says this all the fucking time Go ahead. Tell him it was a fucking you're with some tall blonde really tall. Was she cute? Yeah She was like six one And then look at it. I was super I was like excited to meet you. Yeah, and we started We started riffing Like a bit right there on the street. Yeah, and you hopped on my back. That's right. Yeah, you don't remember that

You don't remember that. I do. I hopped on your back and I go, um, I Whipped you and I go No, that's not the bit. Nope No, it was about a fire rescue thing. I was rescuing you from a burning building Tom, let me just say something when I see people with your body type. Yeah, I always jump on the back Just body type meaning, you know, I can do deadlifts. No, no, no body top meaning that you're not You know, that's probably fat like some people we know Right and you're but you have a thickness to you. Yeah, I'm a thick boy

Yeah, yeah, and and it's that's not a bad thing and you can you believe he's saying this Bobby? You're basically like You're just a squished figure of a taller fat guy Bob That's you're just if somebody accordion to taller fat guy Jules like that one. Yeah Hey, Andrew It's true. What you talk like you're not like you call him thick. You have such a rotund belly. You have a potbelly. I'm fat Yeah, yeah, I'm not denying that. Yeah, but you say you jump on his back because I'm smaller Yeah, it's gonna jump on a fatter fat guy's body

Right. It's not the reverse. I get crushed by him. Is that in the code? Which I would crush you. I don't think you would I think I'd be able to handle your way Yeah, don't get offended because you're you're doing us a favor. Hey, hey, hey, hey, you're very handsome But I mean you're you're also taking jabs at my body, you know, that's that's a that's not even a microaggression That's that's really not part of like society today to come after my my physicality That's true. I'm very sensitive about it. Yeah, but can I just say something right now? I want to tell you I found out what microaggression was because I went to the Poway High School YouTube What's the name of the high school how a high school Poway? Yeah, and Hawaii. No, it's in San Diego

Okay, and they did a a video on microaggression. Okay, and I didn't I'd never heard of the word before You've never heard of this. No, and then I was laughing at their at their sketch sketches Yeah of what a microaggression is because I thought it was a comedy video But then at the end they're like don't do any of these and I go, oh fuck This is my what my life is based on right so then I realize that my comedy is based on microaggression I mean for those of you, we don't know I'm gonna just tell you the the definition of it if I may. Okay Microaggression is a term used for brief and commonplace daily verbal verbal or behavioral Indignant indignities

Whether intentional or unintentional that communicate hostile derogatory or negative. I just said that's so Asian dracotory or Negative attitudes towards stigmatized or culturally marginalized groups That's a lot to digest. Yeah, so I'll give you an example. Okay, and this is what you shouldn't do. Okay, if you see If you're hanging out with your Mexican friend. Yeah Yeah, right. Yeah, and you go a paid room or a horse that holds that how or Frank sure it could be Frank It could be Frank. It could be Frank. We don't know. Okay, right? And that's what my point is right. It could be Frank Castilla Romero's sancho, right? Okay, and what do you do? So I go Frankie. I just want to let you know man, you know, I don't think you don't act Mexican to me

That right there is a micro a micro aggression, right? He go hey, bro Right. Yeah. Hey, bro. What do you mean, bro? Right? Yeah, I go. It's just that you don't know how to play an almanacchi Right, bro. You know me. Yeah, you know me. I do rap though, bro or whatever it might be, right? I don't think you know that that's a micro aggression Is it a micro aggression if I go like hey Bobby? Yes, it's a sushi place across the street. What's it like? Yes That's a fucking micro aggression. Why but it's it looks like a good spot I know but you would you ask Andrew that? No, it's fucking red

You wouldn't want his opinion because he has no good taste buds, right, right? He likes boiled. Yeah boiled ham Beef and cabbage, right? That's what his types of people, but if there was a pizza place across the street, right? I'd be like hey Andrew, what's up with that pizza place, man? Right exactly. Yeah, it's good Delicious, right? I think I'll get a slice on the way out. That is a micro aggression. Apparently it is right Yeah, you but here's the thing though. Yeah, are you of the mentality that like and I'm glad that we're Getting into these micro aggressions and and putting it out there. Are you like this is fucking nonsense? No, what I'm trying to do is because this is you know, they say about the pendulum swinging. Yes, right? It's swinging the all other way. Yeah. Yeah, and so I'm just trying to adapt to a new world

And I'm gonna tell you this right now. I want to change What do you want to change? I don't want to do no more micro aggressions. You could do it to me I like it. You like the micro aggressions. Oh, I love them So wait, do you like when you walk in the green room and they're like Like all that or yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I do what yeah, I thought you just You know what? I also love I love you know I told you about that guy go that I was on a flight and some redneck comes up to me and goes He didn't he wanted you could tell you wanted to talk to me. Yeah, how to bring it up

So he just goes hey, man, I go. What's up? He goes my daughter She she she loves Hello Kitty That's all he said. Yeah, just to spring up. You know, I mean conversation Yeah, and be see as an ethnic person. I know where he's coming from that he's trying right. He's trying So for me the trying in itself, you know what Bob? Yeah, to be fair the guy that created Hello Kitty you look Strikingly like that's the problem That's a good point. Why would I be in the middle seat of a Southwest airline seat? Because you're just trying to save some money

See so his assumption is man that guy's group E That guy is group E. Hello. Hello. Can you guys look at you guys group E or Southwest like the rest of us? Yeah, yeah, he's a common man. You should have said how'd you know it was me, right? How'd you know I played along right now wait when he did that because you at that point can go What the fuck are you telling me that for right? But what it how do you sure? I know like John Cho Yeah, John Cho would have been like hey, man. That's fucking crazy what you just said He would have said that Yeah, yeah, but I would have been like, you know, I mean what I was like was like amen. That's cool. Yeah

I think it's good stuff, too. You did. Yeah, I love it, too. I think he was like I'm just saying yeah I know that you know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I could have gone like yeah, you know what when I was creating Hello Kitty That would have been fun. I was gonna make him black Yeah at first, but I'm like, I don't know man Hey guys, my favorite underwear of all time is me undies. That's all I wear on the house. It's comfortable I love the designs me undies believes that comfort is about more than what's touching your skin It's about feeling comfortable in your skin. Yep. They are so soft. They're the only underwear that I love They're so soft on your body and you can't tell you're on underwear

You know when you can see somebody and they look like they're wearing underwear and it's embarrassing It's showing through their pants. Yeah, not with the undies also my my my genitals I don't know if we can talk about my genitals. Yeah, we can but my genitals are beautiful and they're the jewels of the sea And they are they need to be protected. Yes, and they feel so comfortable in me undies underwear It really does and it will I like it because for the guys, it's got a little dude pouch So it's got a little pouch what I mean. Yeah cups here and and for the girls It's got a little camel a little camel cup. Yeah, it's got a little camel like a little camel coffin for the dudes It's got a little pouch for you and your fellas

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You should immediately act like whatever they reference is what you started, you know, I mean right if somebody was like Hey, man, I love that a crouching tiger hidden dragon. You know when I was writing it. I didn't know what where I was going to go And then we'll be like wait you wrote that. Oh, I thought that's why you said that. Yeah Yeah, or they say you meant meant my favorite food is Chinese china food. What's so funny? You know, my name is pf Yeah, right and my family started. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I started pf tanks. I'll be like what the fuck really? Yeah, you know, and you know that fucking beef that we do this the double beef. Yeah You know the double beef is like, you know, Chinese people usually cook it one time Right, but I was the one right because I'm pf, right? Let's do it twice twice

Yeah, I mean, you know, you're just gonna freak them. They'll be like, I'm sorry. This is my friend Johnny Chesanges, right? He started the refried They fried up one time right Johnny tell him and Johnny be like, yeah, dude. We fried it twice and like look look What's the hottest asian shit right now? I'm trying to think what's like of uh in the last well crazy rich asians I was about to be alone. No, no, no, that's black black matter What's it gonna be? You know, we talked about those uh, uh, those pop groups and then yesterday I'm open twitter You know, you go to the trending page. Yeah, and it was that a pop star. They're like

Oh, we saw his pack of cigarettes in his pocket and that was a trend worldwide trending topic That is one of the pop singers is smokes. Yeah, it's crazy. I didn't know the group or anything But there's like a million tweets about this kid smoking Well, that's that he's the that's the bad boy. That's the bad boys. He's the bad boys. He's the bad. Yeah. Yeah Hey, also, I want to announce we talked about it before the show Uh, Joe Biden said it on his twitter. It's national Filipino awareness month. Oh boy. Wow. Well, congratulations. They're jewels jewels Yeah, that's exciting. How do you feel about that jewels? I don't know because I'm not Filipino-american

Oh, it only applies to the nine guys Wait in america. They're Filipino-american. You're not Filipino-american. No, but I'm I'm from the us and I'm just I'm staying here to study. So you're from the us. No, philippines. Oh, okay. Yeah. Why are you nervous right now because thompson girl's a big star? No, yeah, she googled you and she's a big star. She gets really flustered. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, don't get so nervous Everything's like he's just like everyone else Wait, you're just here studying. Yeah. Yeah, how long are you gonna study? Um, I'm thinking about going to college here. Oh, what are you studying now? I'm in I'm in high school senior senior year. You're a senior in high school. All right. Yeah, and so when um

We were talking about jerking off, you know, that was cool. Sorry about that You know, sorry jules. Yes. How's high school going? Yeah, it's comfortable now. Yeah, how's high school? Wait, do you only have you have children in here all the time? She's our um, she's okay. So, you know, I'm dead. I'm you know, I'm dating kurosawa. Yes. Yeah, and kurosawa is from The island of the philippines. Yeah, and um, I apparently they have families of as well over there like everyone else. Yeah And she has um a sister her name is honey And honey has a daughter

Happens to be her. Okay, right. So she yeah, so that so kurosawa is your aunt. Okay. Yeah Yeah, so are you are you staying with them? She's been living with us since the pandemic. How horrible is that to live with him? It's okay That's great that you said that that's the honest that's an honest reaction. Okay So we're started there. We started there. So let's get some of the let's get some specifics Specifics out. What what is something that I do that you don't agree with? Uh, maybe mostly everything. Okay. Well, that's now an attack What about the booger collection? What about the booger collection jewels for the fact that he makes you clean up?

Um, he puts boogers in my room I get the side And then I told him not to put it and then he said you can't tell me what to do And he was serious. Yeah Bobby, why are you torturing her like that? That's how how is that? Tom he's 49 years old And he puts boogers On the sweet child. Yeah. Fuck you. Fuck you. All right. I'm sorry. I apologize

But I just want to say this to defend myself. I've never had a teenager in the house before. Yeah I don't I didn't buy the book. Yeah, right. There's no instructions. Yeah, so I just don't know what to do Yeah, Bobby, there is no book But if there was it certainly would say don't put boogers on them And if I read that in a manual of some sort then I probably wouldn't But at the time it seems I don't know what to talk to her about. Right. So I'll walk into her room and I go house school And she's like, it's okay

You getting good grades. It's fine And I'll just go I don't know what to do. I'll put a booger on the wall I mean, you know, yeah, why is that the solution that doesn't seem like that. How do you get to that step? Why because I get uncomfortable because I don't know what to say and how to Mold her, you know, I mean her mind, right? Because you know as a I guess I'm a parental figure, right? I don't know how to I've never took a class or anything. So it's like I can't help it with school work She's like, you know, b equals minus 12 b and pi equals the Bunsen burner and I'll be like that's way out of my pay grade

Here's a booger You know, I mean just to have some sort of interaction. How do you like the is he a good uh partner to your aunt? Yeah, yeah, he's he he makes her laugh. He makes her laugh. Yeah, he's obviously a wonderful lover as well Yeah, you've heard about that Yeah, you met my rabbit style Is that what you're saying? I was just making Yeah, and then you know how you know how you know how girls are always like I just want to a guy who's funny Yeah, right, but but and then once they get the guy that's funny. They realize you also need other characteristics

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and so she has she's like he's funny Yeah, yeah, yeah No, I have other skillsets at say. Yeah, what are they? Okay? I'm gonna tell you um I'm funny. Yeah, you know, I'm also the one we have covered. Okay. We got the cover. Here's another thing I do I don't have a problem with her What what? Yeah, I don't have a problem with her What do you mean? There's nothing that she does that bothers me who?

Uh carousawa Nothing bothers you about her not really, you know, I mean, it's like I I let things pass by like to me What's like a thing that could bother you but you're like I'll just I'm not gonna say anything Well, she does she thinks that I'm um That I have um She thinks that I'm not coordinated Okay but that's not really so she'll say stuff like um

Be careful walking down the stairs In my mind, I'm like, bitch. I've walked down so many fucking stairs. You don't even fucking know I'm a stair master, bitch But you keep your my mindset and so then I'll walk down the stairs and you know, I mean and be careful Yeah, right and be very careful. What your weight for some reason your weight you do lean forward when you walk Yeah, so so what do you weigh? Oh my god, I weigh about he's top heavy. I'm top heavy. I weigh about 175 That's it. Yeah, but four 11 four four 11 four 11. That's not good

175. Yeah, how much do you weigh? 235. Yeah. Yeah, but you're tall. How tall are you six eight? Yeah So there you go Yeah, but like so that's a plus plus muscle you muscle weighs more than fat. Yeah, right? So she'll say stuff like don't play candy crush on the freeway And I'll be like that sounds like that she's supposed to say that That to me it doesn't though Right. It bothers you that she's calling you all my eyes. I'll go

And I'll put the fucking phone down. Right. Right. There's just certain things like, um Oh, here's a thing Hey, what's for dinner tonight? And she'll be like, I don't know. I was thinking about making sam and we had sam and last night Yeah, right and I'm a man that needs variety. So you're like, hey, fuckhead. I'll just get the pizza I'll go in my head. I'll be like if I'll go. How about if I'll make a pizza? She goes your blood pressure And I'll be and I'll be like I'll eat the fucking salmon that in my mind, right? Yeah But in my mouth, I'll go, okay, we'll have salmon. Yeah So that you know, it bothers me

But I don't like but every but if you know, she had she Has so many problems with me Right. Yeah. Yes. What do you mean? Yeah, I mean just what how could you not like What what do you you say it like it's like can you believe she has so many problems like yeah, dude It'd be fucking mind-bending if she was like, no, it's all good. He's super easy to live with Wait, so I mean that seems right, but also jules as a roommate for now What six seven months or something? Yeah more

Uh, what are some things you think he could work on in addition to not wiping boogers on your wall? um Maybe more responsible because he was he almost burned the house last week. Oh, okay I was burned up more than once. Yeah more than once. How did you almost do it in the kitchen burner? No, what? Well, um, as you know, um, I'm down to two cigarettes a day Okay, that's that's something I was very well aware of. Yeah, so as you know, and that's a good thing and And and I thank you for starting with as you know as you know and I want the people on twitter to like, you know Back me up on that and congratulate me. I think that's a big deal, but sometimes I forget to

To put out there. This is a big boo boo. I know it is and I'm admitting it right now Right. I mean made him right. I sometimes were you sleeping with it like was it one of those? No, no I just go outside and I'll I'll be like I'll I'll google stuff and I'll go micro aggressions. Yeah And just read a bottle. Yeah, that's Crazy I do this all the time a bad person, you know, and I'll just put the cigarette down. I'll go inside. Yeah Yeah, instead of putting it out. Yeah, so that's not a good thing another thing that I do is I pee in her favorite plant In whose favorite plant

No, not yours Well, no because there's a bush outside that she she really likes and I don't give a fuck about no bushes I've never been a bush fan by the way. I don't care about weeds. I don't give a fuck. You don't like any bushes Yeah, I like trees You gotta breathe Right, but I'm not just a big bush. Yeah, but I'm not like a fan of vines When you can ask you this when you reach back to the old country when you're when you're talking When you're talking to the fam and they're like, what's going on? Are you like we need to get kalayla out of here?

Like or do you go we need to save her things like that? No, no, okay. All right. Just making sure. So anyway, there's a So she'll go she said Will you please looked at me right in the eyes? We have three bathrooms at home Right. Just pee in the toilet Right because this is start piss you you're pissing on that plant that I like And I know but I'm out here. I don't want to go back in there. So I'm smoking and I'm googling microaggressions And I do you have are you enclosed like are other people seeing you piss? No

I purposely put the shades down if I'm gonna do it Shades Right because I do it outside Okay, there's a bush outside. So I'll I have a machine that does it. Okay. So go Tom, yeah, the mistake is you're saying do neighbors see you? Yeah, Bobby just does that so no one inside his own home watches and piss in a bush Yeah, I don't want them to catch me. But what about the neighbors? No, because I have like enclosures Enclosures. Yeah, so um Enclosures. Yeah, so then I'll pee on the bush and then she'll go what the fuck

And I'll I'll turn around I'll turn around. Yeah, fuck. Yeah, she puts up with a lot. Yeah. Yeah. She caught me again And I go this is the last time. Yeah, but why why do you like you I think you do that as an act of defiance Yeah, I need to defy a little bit That's my lie because That's been my whole life Is to defy against the rules? Because if you take away drugs and alcohol, which they have You know me which I have I've weeded drugs and alcohol out of my life, right?

And then you along with the pandemic, right? No weed. No, I mean a a so I you know along with the pandemic I can't leave the house really because we're really mindful about it. You know me. What is there left to do pee on the bush? Oh, that feels yeah, yeah pee on the fucking bush. There's nothing else to do. That feels good. That feels good to me It's like I'm going. Yeah, I got this actually that makes more sense. Thank you so much You know makes more sense. So he they don't even know this. I'm gonna admit something And I have to clean it up but If you look in the garage, yes, there's a lot of like I drink um creation

Juice creation juice. Yeah, it's like it's a it's a company called creation It's a juicer that makes and they're like 13 to 15 dollars for a bottle of fresh fresh juice So I get fresh fresh juice and during the day and I'll get like five or six bottles And I'll be playing video guys. I'll just down a fucking creation juice. He's spending $350 a day on juice. So I'll drink it and then I'll be playing warzone I'll play ground war so you're like, you know in the battle of 45 minutes And it's not less. You can't just press pause in it because you're it's live. Yeah, so I'll have an empty creation juice And I'll just go fuck it and I'll just pee in it. Yeah

Right. I'll go fuck it. I'm not going right out peeing it And I'll throw it away later, but then I forget Right, and then next, you know, you have 15 bottles of a piss bottle. Yeah Everywhere look at her face. Yeah, she doesn't look like she doesn't look happy. No. Yeah. Yeah I mean this is again. You're like, this is what my aunt said Which you know, this doesn't come out until a couple days So I'm going to have to go tonight and throw away all those bottles. You got to throw those away

You got to so you don't do anything like that at home. Well, no one pees in bottles Nobody pees in a bottle in a car In a road trip. Yeah. Yeah, like a grown-up not at the house You've never done it. I've never peed in a bottle in my house And that's my bad. I haven't pissed in the backyard before. There we go. There we go. That's another thing. We have a comment That feels good. Have you done that? Yeah, I pee in my backyard when I yes, I pee in my backyard I don't feel bad for peeing on the plant

Yeah, but but but I don't get yelled at for peeing on so it's a weird it's a different thing though Like if Andrew if your wife was like, hey, there's just one spot though. I really appreciate you not pissing here And then you go, well, that's where I'm gonna piss every time That is weird. Yeah. Yeah, I think about it. That's weird. What else do I do? Um other than that, um Well, I invite ants ants. Yeah. Yeah I have a drawer. I have a drawer of of ants why do you have a drawer of ants because um

At three and four in the morning. I need my snacks Oh, yeah, so I have some flowers. What time do you go to bed six in the morning? So I have my sunflower seed and you sleep until Tom he goes to bed at six a.m. And then he's up 30 minutes before we shoot this show. He got about 3 34 p.m. This is wild dude. It's great It's great. It's america It's american life. It's american life. It's american choice. It's called freedom. Does she does she mimic your sleep schedule? No, no, she's already like this morning or this afternoon. I woke up and um, I go, uh, I always stretch my arms out, right because they're in pain

Because I sleep like this. You know what I mean? So I'll go. Ah, you know, you're You know, I mean my bones like yeah, I mean disconnecting and stuff. Yeah, and then I'll look over to see colisland. She's gone Yeah, and then she's already like she has her yoga. She should of course. She's done things She's done a lot of things. It must be grocery went to the beach. It must be crazy though for you on a job To go from this schedule to they're like, all right call time is uh 5 30 and are you just like, uh, I don't sleep Really? Yeah, and you work the whole day like I like the last job. I went. I was in hawaii. I was on magnum pi I was in every single scene Right the whole week. I was it. I was the first one they picked up the last one they dropped off

I didn't sleep for five days But by the sixth by the fifth day, I was just like You know what I mean? Like I couldn't say a word. I was so tired Guys remember the days when you were always ready to go? I do. Let me say something andrew. I've been using bluetooth in my life, right? And it really does work. You know what I mean? It is so um Viral and um Hard it gives you it gives you what you need bluetooth brings you the first chewable with the same FDA approved active ingredients as viagra

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Tom you you saw those episodes of magnum pi. They're so good Those are actually you don't want to fuck you. Those are some of them. No, I'm being seared. Tom and I talked about it He goes dude. He texted me and he goes dude. I didn't know bobby was in magnum pi and I said, yeah And he goes he's fucking killing it and I was like, I know who said that I said it Who do I play on it? It's like Kevin Is that not the right name? No, it's not. What is it? Yeah, if you were even remotely close, I would have given you it Kelvin. No, I don't play kelvin. Who do you play? gin

gin Completely different gin like that even this not even the ballpark gin like that sounds like a that sounds like a micro Aggression, what it sounds like a micro aggression. It's a micro reaction. Yeah calling you gin Your name could have been your name should have been Kevin less racist, but gin. Oh, here comes a gin very racist Yeah, I don't have an accent in it. No, that's everyone else. Oh, here comes You do that. What? No, well before every line I do but not doing I do an american accent I go, oh, what's up?

Magnum This is a great character. Yeah, it's a good good. It's a choice. That is a good choice. It's a massive choice But yeah, what's going on here guys? Is that your grandfather behind you? No, that's me. See that's not a micro aggression No, it looks like your grandfather It doesn't that's me. Yeah, but you realize that I'm right when I say that does that look like andrew's grandfather Let me see Yeah, okay. Yeah, it does. Yeah. Is that your grandfather? Yeah, it's my granddad. That's cool He looks just like you

Do you want to talk about moving time? It's not a done deal or anything. You know, we're just like very bobby bobby bobby was worried Bobby said, why is everyone moving? I'm worried that everyone is moving. Yeah Okay, because I think I gotta put a stop to it You know, I just doesn't everyone I don't know anybody that's not except for this fuck, right and sebastian monoscalco. They might leave too And now he's talking about Hey, maybe denver

Denver's awesome. Yeah, I love Denver. I love Denver too. Yeah, but I just fucking bought a house. I can't move yet. Why? So I like where I live. Okay, that's fair then. I don't I don't want everyone to move but now you need to I was looking at houses in Austin and there's a couple I like there you go and um If I go there, I don't know what to do because I you know, here's the thing. It takes me. I'm like an animal You know, I'm like a snow leopard. Yeah, right. I have to memorize everything. We could either move I don't think she wants to either because her family's here. Her whole family's here Yeah, her sister and her mom and stuff. You know, I mean, that's her family. I'll live in LA though

They live in LA and it's like, you know, it's like and and and and my friends are moving You know, I don't know Joe. I I love Joe Rogan I think it's his fault though No, I don't really think so because this exodus. I mean, you know, you can point to him But there's a huge exodus outside of like our world. You know, I mean New York and LA specifically Let me ask you something. What are the benefits? Well, there's a couple big ones. Tell me like it you went specifically Austin

No, just yeah to tell me Austin and tell me why what are the benefits of moving out of LA? Well, okay, so One one. I mean, that's a big one. Obviously. There's zero state income tax Whereas in California, we have the highest state income tax in the nation Not only that we are now in a big deficit because of covid and more than likely when this new proposal hits the floor They'll raise the highest rate to a new highest rate. Okay. Okay. They'll have three tiers of tax rate on them. Okay Um, then there's other things like lifestyle, right? There's so so some people You know, like you can love wherever you live But like in let's say if you were going to Austin

You had more than likely if you looked at those houses have like bigger yards, maybe a bigger house newer things like that Less congestion little less people but a city like that has it offers a lot, right? I mean, they have huge music scene great restaurants And they're they're on groovy whites. They're groovy whites. Yeah as somebody that tours a lot It's definitely a lot easier to tour from the middle of the country than the southwest corner. That's a good point Um, you know, I mean it look but the thing about cities is it's a feel thing You got to go and like you spend time, you know in Denver or Nashville or wherever you might go and and it's a thing that you have to feel like you want to live there

like like Bobby like Bobby said he was thinking about Portland and You know Portland might be right for you Bob. I feel like the very a very strong bob vibes when I'm in Portland I'll tell you the reason Portland is not aside from like the radicals the radical things that you were saying, you know What was I saying? I was talking about how they've been protesting for like a hundred and seventy days straight Yeah, I just like it took the weather. I like it and it's the one of the worst weather one of the worst weather cities in the united states

I just like rain I like the mood you like the rain. I like trees. What about Seattle rain? That too that would be by the way as well. No state income tax. No state income tax at Seattle, right? That's right, but I'll tell you the benefits of LA. Okay, okay for me korea town Big big benefit. Yeah korea town. I lived there. Yeah korea town. First of all, we had Korean food last night How good was it? It makes me cry. It was so good. How good Really good. Really? Do you like Korean food? Yeah. Yeah more than Filipino food?

Um, maybe equal equal. Wow. Wow. See, thank you. So korea town. First of all, where am I going to go to a spa? You don't think that like Oh, so you think that austin has a 24 hour spa with old korean men washing my back No, I need that But you need old korean men washing my shit. You need that specifically. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I need korean men How you doing bob? You know what I mean? I need that right I need so I there's definitely some good korean food. All right, so I need 24 hour korean spa. Okay. I need korean food 24 seven. I can get korean food 24 seven 24 seven you can get there. Oh, yeah

I can go to hodori. That's a 24 hour. You know, I mean, why don't you go? Why don't you go to the original korea town and go to Seoul? Why don't you just move to Seoul? That's a good place has so much korean shit. It does. Yeah, I've heard. I've heard. Yes. I've heard good things So why don't why don't you move there because I don't know anybody there. All right. Why don't you step over? Secondly, let me finish. Okay. Why don't you step over the dnz and go and to the north and see what's going on over there? Yeah All right, so here's the third thing. All right, aside from korean shit. All right, um I know right now you guys are reacting to the moment Which you should never do right people react to the moment. Oh man the moment's crazy

Comedy clubs aren't fucking up and running and whatnot, right? This is a good point. We'll write right inevitably they will right Bobby's just mad that Everyone is leaving la and he's building up this defense mechanism Which is talking shit about everyone moving because he's sad that everyone's leaving. Yeah, but I understand that that makes sense That makes sense to me, you know Because he doesn't want to be in his little booger castle all alone. Yeah He wants other people to still be in the city will change is scary and it's uncomfortable and it's so scary. Yeah

I'm so scared about it Are you gonna tell do you want to tell tom? Do you want to tell tom that you you guys adopted a baby? You guys adopted a little child. What? Yeah, tell tom you've got to be terrible at this. Yeah natron. Williams natron. Williams. Yeah And we got it. You got it in the natron. Williams. He's a second year senior at alabama. Yep And they adopted we adopted him. That's really cool. He's living in the um the attic of your place I don't have one somebody's

That's your son. Yeah. Yeah natron. Williams is my son. Right. Do you think you'd be do you want to be a dad? Bro, I would coddle that thing Fucking for days on end. Yeah, I would mold and create life I would shape I would shape its mind to be Mm-hmm unpenetrable I would teach it. I would don't say unpenetrable when you talk about your kid. It's such a weird word. He won't be Will you tell me another dad story? So what up? What do you mean? You told me great stories about your dad. Oh my dad. So what a beautiful

Dad I had now. Did you ever when your dad would say things? Did you ever talk back or did you learn? Oh, yeah, yeah, if you looked at my dad in a funny way. Yeah, hit you in the face Really? Yeah You'd say you looked at me weird, right? Yeah, I go I just looked at Hey And you would cry and he's something who would chase you down the hallway Stop looking at me like that. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you know, I lived in uh, or then you would like Your dad would my dad would come home, right?

I'd be sleeping on my bed. My dad would come home And I could hear him park his car And then he would open up the garage. So my garage. It's the this is the garage door Then it was my bedroom Steve's bedroom, right? Then a guest room and then my parents room at the end of the hallway You would hear the door open. You could hear them do a fucking sprint Right and run every night he would do that. Why would he sprint because That part of the fucking hallway was haunted

So you're spreading through it My brother got possessed My brother got possessed. I got possessed once I had to go in the swimming pool to get unpossessed. Okay What what What are you talking about? Okay, what do you mean? You had to go in the swimming pool to get unpossessed. Can we call him? Yeah, my brother was on last week. Now check it out. Okay, and we've talked about this before We believe that on our side of the house We lived on an Indian because the town was called Poway

We lived on an Indian burial ground. Oh Poway High School. Yeah. Yeah, I know some famous alum Yeah, and that's called a callback. All right, and that's why you're good and that's why you're the best in the game Thanks, and that's why you're great and countdown appreciate All right Yes, so then we lived in it. So my brother, right His eyes rolled back one time and he did start going convulsing and my aunt And my uncle and my dad had to hold my brother down And he was convulsing right because they thought that he was being possessed by native native spirits

So one day I'm taking a nap. Yeah, right and I can't move my body Like something's holding me down Why are you smiling? I'm just one way. No, that's fuck you man. And that's why I that's why Fuck you man. That's why I have a hard time. Andrew. He's look at he's not even fucking paying attention He's tweeting. I'm I'm reading about Pahue High School. Yeah. Yeah, so I something's holding me down, right? And I go I can't get up Wait, why why'd you have an accent for that? Because that's my inner voice. Okay. Okay. I wouldn't say that out loud. I can't get up. I can't get up

Right Right or whatever, right? He has an accent. His subconscious has an answer, right? And I go Ah, and I fought it, right? Yeah, and I didn't know what to do. So I just run, right? Into the laundry room outside the door and I jump in the winter cold swimming pool And then the with all my clothes on yeah on And I get to the surface and the possession was gone, right? So we made the mistake of telling my dad this The two incidents. So for since we lived in the house, he would run through our part of the house

I mean, what did he think when you told him the stories because no, that's in your mind That now real, right? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. There's no ghost here Expensive house, right? Yeah, right. But then he would park and run. Yeah, right. Yeah, that's fucking Sabotage for sure. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, I didn't have a lot of um, did I tell you about so here's the thing When my dad died, I don't know about my family. So when my dad, I was in the room when my dad died Right video of a long prolonged health issue. Yeah, he had um stroke I don't know. I'm asking I just told you why you said it like

Hey dickhead, how'd you not know? No, I told you. No, you asked me. Okay. All right. No, no, no to stop All right, I hate when white dudes do this. Wait, whoa, whoa. What I get a lot, but um I hate it when people do this when they when you asked me to stop When you asked me a question and I answer you Accordingly, and then you go and then you do some defense. I apologize. You're welcome. You had a stroke Right, and then how long was the but this is something that I remember. Okay So the the nurse goes or the hospice nurse goes Any moment now

He's gonna die What's so funny? What's so funny? Just the idea of just a nurse going any moment now I don't know how that's funny. It's gonna it's gonna happen. Yeah. Yeah. Are you guys ready? Yes He goes at any moment and one and a two and a ching chong Right So then uh, so then my mom goes Carl Carl uncle hon my dad's brother. So my dad's brother

Left san diego Right to drive to phoenix. That's where the hospice hospital is. All right. Yeah And he's not there yet. So my mom goes call him Right, so I call I go. Where are you? He goes He died My uncle goes he dead I don't know, but he's gonna die and he my uncle goes don't let him die yet. Hold on Right, and he hung up the phone and I I didn't know what to do. So I looked at my dad. I go

Can you don't die yet? Is that a weird? Yeah. Yeah, but I get that 15 minutes. Your uncle's almost here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah My uncle shows up My uncle hon shows up My dad's already dead Right my uncle I go we I go dude. He died right my uncle walks in the room He looks at my dad's body. Mm-hmm. He goes. Okay. Okay. Okay. He gets back in the car Then he drives back to san diego. That's it. He didn't say anything else

anything So I said I don't want to go you could have just stayed home. Yeah. Well, is this dong yung's? What is this dong yung's? How do you remember dong yung? Well, how would I forget dong yung? No, I have I have um Nine uncles and aunts. What? Yeah. Yeah. She's dong yung is just a part of it. Okay. Yeah, yeah But yeah, so that's so this guy was just like, okay, and then turned around and got in his car and drove away Yeah, he could have done that or just stayed home. Well, he could have been like You know, do you guys want me to stay or no? He didn't do that. Nothing. No And he didn't cry. Did you guys have did you guys have a funeral procession so people can look at it? No, no anything

No, we went um, well then my mom goes Do do surfy. Do what? selfie I have on my phone. You want to see them? It's they're tragic And she she wanted a selfie with the family. You know, she shows she did this one You're right. Yeah, so my dad's dad, right and my brother and she get in get it, right? And she did this and I was just like You know what I mean and she goes it's not working I know because I go it's weird that you want a selfie. She goes do the timer

I go what timer on your phone time time time So I did the timer so I set it up. Yeah, right and I had to run around my dad's body Yeah, right and then do a photo right and we did do it like three or four times because it clicked Too early. So it was my mid body. They got my mid body into the she wanted this moment. She wanted the moment Yeah, well in in order for them to get his pension plan They needed to do a series of setup shots. So they did a christmas photo Yeah, yeah, yeah. Easter photos. This was all for a bunch of proof of citizenship or I don't know. Yes But my mistake was I sent the photos immediately to the Hudson's

Kate and Oliver Hudson Why because at the time Oliver and I were on a show together And so I just wanted to show him that my dad died And I know exactly I was the wrong move. Yeah, what he said because Kate Kate and Oliver All the work goes, dude, your dad's not really dead in the photo, right? And he goes, yeah, yeah. He goes, you don't send that to people.

He told you. Yeah, and now Kate's disturbed. Of course. Yeah, and I go, oh, that's my bad. Yeah, that was definitely weird. But also. Yeah, you want to see him? Well, no, no, I really feel like that's one of the times

when white people get to go like, you know, they're fucking, you know, they're different, you know what I mean? So this is probably what they do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they're like, yeah, let's not be judgmental about it. Yeah, can I just show you a photo or not? OK, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, god, it's so bad.

You've seen him? Yes, Bobby. Yeah, yeah. Would it horrify you? No, it won't. I actually really liked your guy's song that you came up with afterwards. Yeah, Daddy Why You Don't.

Oh, Daddy Why You Don't, thank you. That was really, is that on iTunes? It should be. You know, you could really make some money on that. You think so? Oh, yeah, that's just a banger, dude. Yeah, yeah. We actually want to do a remix with Vin Diesel

to Daddy Why You Died. Yeah, I bet he would. Yeah, we're out to his publicist to see if he will. Oh, that's really sad, man. And who is this? My brother. That's your brother? And that's mom?

He's just passed here? Yeah. It's very sad, man. Thanks for showing me. I can't, see, I can't deal with real shit. Yeah, I know. You have very, you have like high level comedic wiring. That's like a lot of comedians fall into this.

Yeah, my therapist even is confused. Yeah. She's like just constantly writing notes. Yeah. And go, and then it's like, she goes, I've never, she goes in all my history of being a therapist. And I'm a therapist for a lot of comics and a lot of actors and directors and whatnot in the business.

I've never even witnessed anything like that before, the way you think and the way you behave. And I go, there's no technical term for what that is. And I go, is there no hope for me, Doc? And she goes, we'll figure it out. Yeah. Yeah. But you know what?

That means no. But those types of real things make you uncomfortable. I hate it. It's like, you know, last. But you also had kind of a traumatic upbringing, man. Yeah. Like even when like Kalaile says something real, that's her name, not Kurosawa.

Let's just get that out of the way. I didn't know that. Thanks for telling me. Let's get that out of the way an hour and a half into us say Kurosawa. Kalaile, just your wife, Christine. What's up? That is good, yeah.

That's her name, right? Yeah. Christina. Right. Provinskis. Right. So does your wife ever do this? I really have an issue.

And then you go, what? Yeah, of course. And then she goes, she tells you what it is. Yeah. And it's really deep and emotional, right? And it's a big problem. And my body just gets all tingly. So I just feel my body go, right?

And like goosebumps, right? And my mind gets hyper-focused. Yep. Like this, you know what I mean? And it's almost like an out-of-body experience. Yeah. And I just can't believe, you know what I mean? It's so real.

Yeah. Right? Do you ever get that? Yes. Yeah, I think part of that, though, is the fact that guys, we don't communicate on that level. Like if you've hung out with just guys in college or at the comic, no guy's going to come at you.

Like guys just don't. But women do. Women do communicate on that level. Yeah. It's like I was never taught that, you know what I mean? It's like I was never taught like real emotion. Even if a guy, like Andrew's never come up to me and goes, hey, can I just, you know, can I tell you something, bud?

I go, what, you freak? You redheaded freak of nature. I'll say that, right? Yeah. And he'll go, don't call me that, man. That's what hurts me. Hurts my feelings. I go, you're a fucking albino freak.

You should kill yourself or whatever it might be, right? It's very cool. Yeah, but that would never like. We would never have that kind of emotional conversation. There's times, there's times when I try to get real with you and you don't know how to fucking handle it. Yeah. Yeah.

No, I say, if I say to you, I'm being serious, Bob, like it really, it upsets me or I'm not okay with it. And then you just like, OK, OK, you don't know how to. I don't know how to do it. You're right. And you know, and I'm glad we're talking about it now. Right? I think we should get it out of the way.

Is there something that's bothering you about him right now? No. Well, in this very moment, no, because he's been a good boy. So I've been very happy with it. I think the real question is, like, Jules, what do you think, Bobby? What do you want to tell him?

I think the Bobby should be more active and participate more in the family. There goes those feelings. This is the thing that she was saying. It's like, I don't wake up, right? And I don't go, hey, guys, I have a plan today. Right. And they're like, what is it?

Messiah, a master or whatever, right? And I'll go, let's go to the beach. I have it all planned out. You just roll with the flow. Right. I wake up and people just tell me, we're going to the beach. And I'll go, all right, let's go. But you will go.

I do go. Yeah. Well, two weeks ago, what was it? We got to go to a baby saiyans. How could he purchase? What was that thing we went to? Baby shower? No, it's the first birthday of the Jessica's baby.

Whatever it is, you know what I mean? You mean a birthday party? A baby saiyan? I don't know what it was. I mean, some sort of cultural event. How do you think he could participate more? Would one thing be getting up at a more reasonable hour? Yeah, and he never went to the beach with us.

He doesn't like to go. Did I not go to the fucking, you fucking ungrateful little lady? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, my bad. I apologize. But did I not, right? You know what I mean? Did I not listen to me, little one?

What about that one time we went to the beach and we got the Mexican food? We just went there and watched the beach and ate Mexican food. We didn't swim. Oh, so you want me to go out in the cold water? Yeah. And swim against the current.

I'm with you, Jules. And the tide. OK, I'll do that. And I'm going to say this to you, little one. Well, who was the guy, were you here when we went to Hawaii? And Kalilah was like, we're swimming with sharks today. And I go, you know what? But I wasn't there.

It doesn't matter. It happened. And I was the one that was like, you know what? I'm going to get involved. I will swim with the sharks no matter what happens, if I die or not. By the way, you have to watch a Netflix show called The Octopus Teacher.

Oh, yeah, yeah, I saw the trailer. But what else could he do? What else could he do to get more involved? I feel like he's always in a bad mood. It feels good, huh? It feels good? Well, hold up, Red. It feels good?

OK, you know what? I'm going to say this to you, all right? Just stop, all right? Number one, you are always welcome to live in my house as long as you want, all right? I love you like you're a family member. Even if Kalilah and I, for some circumstance, we break up, right?

I've already told you this, that for the rest of your life, you can always ask and ask things of me, and I will be there for you, right? And I will always be there for you, OK? And you're very impactful for my life, and I really do. I love you. And I know that you just betrayed me right now in front of the podcast audience,

and I know that that's your nature, right? But you know that my heart is in the right place. So you have to do some self-inventory, my friend, all right, and some analysis, OK? And analyze where you're coming from, lady, because it's a grateful attitude that's going to get you at the end, OK? That was a real moment, Bobby.

Thank you. Good job. You're welcome. What, any OK? Anybody, like, worth noting that went to PewDiePie High? Yeah. Well, no, this is something about Poway. Poway, there is a Ghost of America site,

and Poway is on here multiple times. And somebody's, what's the name of the street that you lived on, Bobby? I don't remember. Ranch Hollow Road. Ranch, Ranch Hollow Road. Yes. Shut, shut the fuck up.

Shut up, there's no thing on Ranch Hollow Road there. I would like to know the history behind Poway Creek. I moved to Poway in October of 96. I've been here since eighth grade middle school. My parents moved to a new house in the Shea Homes District of Ranch Hollow Creek. I have noticed that my parents' house is indeed haunted. When I stay there overnight to get chills,

I walk outside to have a cigarette. I witness strange sounds before I go to bed. One night while using my computer, I heard a rattling sound on my desk because if someone was throwing chains onto it, the doors will open and close. And the only way for me to seek relief is to dip inside of the old Poway Creek.

Yep, that's exactly it. I wrote that, didn't I? No, this is real. I know it is. I don't know where you're getting that from. But you know what? If it's real, I believe it. There's a ghost of America site.

I believe it. And the girl said, I knew that natives had dwelt along old Poway Creek before the houses were even built. I also know the neighborhood I shifted over the years. Many dirty little Asian people had moved down to my parents' street. And they've ruined the neighborhood and the community

significantly. Perhaps it's some of their old, gross, dirty ancestors that are mucking up the town. That sounds dead on. Yeah, yeah. Ghost of America. That sounds crazy, dude. Yeah, Ghost of America.

So Tommy, I want to say this from the bottom of my heart. I know I did your podcast, which is a very successful one. Probably one of the best in the world. And I really appreciate the help. In fact, you did your podcast, I think, before I did Tiger Belly. How long have you been around? Doing podcasts about 10 years.

OK, so you were. You're one of the forefathers. And I appreciate that you paved the road for us. OK. Thanks, man. I'm being real. Oh, really? Yeah.

OK, thank you. And I've reiterated. I don't remember jumping on your back. I do remember the one time that I did meet you when we did the oddball tool. That's right. For me. That's right.

That really says a lot about your heart. And I know that you were like three or four hours late to this podcast. We waited here forever. I know. Yeah, I know you did. I wasn't three or four hours late. Anyway, you probably wouldn't do that if it was anybody.

Like Rick Assman's one. You'd probably be there. I forgot. And I was upfront. And I admitted it. I appreciate that you came, even though me and Andrew are headliners. And we have some weight in the business as well.

Yes, you do. And I did yours. I was on time. You were on time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I honestly thought all jokes aside. Yes. All jokes aside.

Go fuck yourself. No, I'm kidding. All jokes aside. I really. All jokes aside. I honestly like when we were because, you know, when he's he's in Beirut doing the movie and I don't know what to do, we had my brother on last week.

And it's like, who do we get? And it's like, we threw out a thousand names and you were at the top of the fucking list. And I literally went, there's no way we're going to be able to get them. You came through for us. You're here, right? I honestly, I know I'm a fucked up guy and I have.

I just need a lot of help peeing on things and setting things on fire. I just have a lot of things, you know, I have a lot of problems, but I'm a damaged guy. But I'm trying to get better. But I really hope that the rest of my life that you will be in it, even though you'll, you know, move away and whatnot.

I honestly think, you know, like Bert was here. But I think that you're ahead now. Yeah, I mean, yeah, yeah, I would. I would think that that was already a thing for you. I mean, Bert did put me on his TV show. He did. Oh, yeah, the one that we're on, the lock happened. Oh, yeah, yeah, the cabin, the cabin.

That'll be good. Oh, dude, I loved it. I had so much fun doing that, too. Yeah, what was it? What did you guys do? What did you guys do on your episode? Bert and I, Bert called me, goes, bro, you're so funny. I can put you in the woods with me in this cabin. And we can just have a great time. And I said, absolutely.

And I went up there, dude. We went water skiing, we went fly fishing. So I don't know. I just hope it stays in the final cut. I'm sure it will. I mean, that sounds like a lot of activities. I'm sure they'll keep one in. Yeah, I went up there.

It's odd, though, because the lineup of it were real credible people. It's odd that he would have, we'd go underneath that and go, let's get underneath people to do one. Jesus. It's just because if you look at the lineup of it, it's like, headliner, headliner, credible, credible. I mean, talent, talent.

And then he went, let's go open my kind of with it. And let's do one with Andrew. So it's odd that Netflix would check that off and whatnot. But congratulations that you were in it. Yeah, what does it call again? The cabin. Yeah, the cabin. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's got Tom Hardy, Tom Hanks, the rocks in it. The rocks in it, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, there are some very, there's some really, there's some really credible comedians on there. Kaylee Cuoco, everyone knows she's a great touring headliner. Love to see her in there. There we go. Yep.

Patty Negri, who's that? Huge, huge. Vegas act. Yeah. Vegas act. Yeah. She's the pre-opener for a caretop. Yep.

Caitlyn Jenner, she crushes. Love to see her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Joelle Michaley, Joelle Michaley. Very funny. Very talented. Very funny, yeah. Very funny.

Yeah, she's a script supervisor for the West Wing. Yep. Yeah. Well, look, I'm glad that I made the final cut. Yeah, man. You're going to love your episode. You know, your little bitch little thing that you just did, right, that, oh, I'm not in it.

Oh, why not? How about this? Fuck not. All right? They're doing a showtime, right? Documentary on showtime about the comedy store. Yeah. I've been there for 22 years.

If you look at the poster, I'm not on the poster. Why not? I don't know why. Who's on it? Who is? Who? He is. He's on the poster?

He's in there with Richard Pryor and all that stuff. So I don't know why he's bitching, right? Some people get stuff. Some people don't get stuff. But we all get stuff at the end. Yeah. Good philosophy. Did you guys get paid to do the birch show?

Yeah, like $100,000? Something like that. Something like that? I donated it. Yeah, I donated it. It's nothing to me. Showtime, showtime. Let me have showtime.

They sent it to me. Yeah, yeah. I heard that. I heard that. They gave you the network? They gave them the network. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's crazy, dude.

Yeah. Not really. Not when you look at my track record. So I just, yeah, I'm going to be taking over showtime. That's really cool, man. That's great. Congratulations, man. Yeah.

No, yeah, no shit. Congratulations, Bobby. And also, CBS. So you'll never get a job again on CBS. Ooh, burn. Fuck you, Bobby. Fuck me. Fuck you, Bobby.

And my fucking heritage. I love you guys. I'm going to go back to my set in Beirut. OK, go, go, go. Thank you so much for coming. Get some rest. Yeah, get some rest. Get some rest and some water.

And have fun. Yeah, be in Beirut. Get the movie good. Hey, Bobby, have fun being up for the next. 11 hours. Thank you. I will. I haven't had my first meal yet, so I will have that.

That's awesome, man. OK. And thank you so much, Tom, for being here. I had a good time, guys. It was really fun. Thank you, Tom. Kill it. It was great.

Tom, when you sign off, will you look in the camera and say thank you for being a bad friend? Yeah. Before we go, right? Yeah. Everyone, make sure you check out my friend's movie. All right. It's called The Opening Act.

Thank you for being a bad friend. D. Byrne in The Opening Act. It's got Ken Jeong, Bill Burr, everyone's in it. Yeah, yeah, me. You're in it? Yeah, I'm in it. You played the waiter. I'm the cop.

It's great. Guess what? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get to do some fun cop shit. Yeah. So, you know, me and Andrew auditioned for this opening act. We didn't get the part, but.

Five times. Yeah. We read five times. I went to producers now. You did? I went to producers, yeah. Who are you auditioning to be? Jimmy Yong and Ken Jeong's part.

They both hit me out. Yeah, but it's a lot of Asian men. It's a funny movie. It's got great people in it. Bill Burr, Tom Segura. I went out for Bill Burr's part. Yeah, yeah, and you didn't get it. I didn't get it.

It's fine. You know, hopefully one day Steve will use me. I actually, I watched it the other day, and this is a weird thought to have. Yeah. But I'm being totally honest with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I enjoyed that you weren't in it.

Like, at the end of the movie, I was like, I'm glad Bobby wasn't in it. Yeah, I was like, this is so much better. That's good. Thank you for being a bad friend. All right, I'm going to chuck you out. All right, bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye. Mm. Yeah. Daddy, I love you. Daddy, why'd you die? Happy Father's Day, Daddy. Daddy, I can fly. Daddy, I miss you.

Why are you dead? Daddy, I need you laying in your bed. Daddy, I love you. Why did you die? Yeah. I'm sorry I took photos of you while you were dead. And sent it to the Hudson's. What is wrong with my head?

You were dead, and then I whipped out my iPhone. I can't believe I did that shit now while I'm alone. Daddy, I love you. Why did you die? Daddy... Mm-hmm. Fuck you, George. Yeah.

Woo! Yeah! Woo! Yeah! Woo!