Bad Friends - 5th Badiversary w/ Chris Distefano & Dr. Phil

Starting point is 00:00:00 You hear that? Pfff... Ugh... paid. And... done. That's the sound of bills being paid on time. But with the BMO Eclipse Rise Visa Card, paying your bills could sound like this. Yes!

Starting point is 00:00:15 Earn rewards for paying your bill in full and on time each month. Rise to rewards with the BMO Eclipse Rise Visa Card. Terms and conditions apply. Hey! Hey, oh my God. I'm shooting my special. Who's doing a special tonight, today? This week.

Starting point is 00:00:29 This week, I mean. This week, this Friday and Saturday, the 21st and 22nd. Minneapolis, Minnesota, I am in your city this week. Come see me shoot my special. All but one are sold out. The Late Friday Show, come see your boy. Go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets. Andrewsantino.com for those tickets.

Starting point is 00:00:45 AndrewSantino.com to get tickets. And also... That's right. On Bains on Toast. Bains on Toast. London, England. We're coming to you. We're coming to London, England July 18th. July 18th and Dublin, Ireland afterwards. We're going to... Dublin. London and Dublin. We're playing the OVO Arena in Wembley. No association to Drake. Yeah. And then Dublin, Ireland on the 19th. We're playing the OVO arena in Wembley, no association to Drake. Yeah. And then Dublin, Ireland on the 19th were playing the 3-e arena. The tickets are regular sale now. They were artist presale and now they're on sale.

Starting point is 00:01:13 Regular. So go to BadFriendsPod.com for those tickets. BadFriendsPod.com. Who are these two idiots? Woo-hoo! White dude and Asian dude. Woo-hoo! You two are disgusting. Woo-hoo! Oh, you two are something. We're bad friends. I'm so sick I can't do the podcast, but I can go to fucking Miami with Jake Paul. Uh-huh.

Starting point is 00:01:36 I'm so sick I can't podcast, but I can go to Miami for Jake Paul. I'm so sick I can't podcast, but I can sit on a five and a half hour flight to Miami. Interesting. For Jake Paul. Interesting stuff. I'm so sick I can't podcast but I can sit on a five and a half hour flight to Miami interesting for Jake Paul I'm so sick. I can't podcast. Yeah, Jake Paul. We heard I'm on my way. Yeah, I'm on my way I'm so sick that I'm gonna go to promotions for bad friends. Lie lie lie lie lie I'm so sick that I go out of my way right to risk my life and my health and my family's lineage

Starting point is 00:02:03 Right. Yeah for my best friend and your family's lineage, right? For my best friend Andrew. Your family's lineage is in jeopardy already. Don't even get me started, dude. This guy goes to Jake Paul's party for the Super Bowl and goes the day before, I'm sick dude, we can't pod. Oh, it's still the same. And I say, you still gonna go to Miami? No answer.

Starting point is 00:02:18 Yeah, right. He was always there. Yeah, no answer. That's why he didn't answer. Yeah, I'm so sick that I bow to the king. Jake Paul's the king? I guess. Jake Paul's the king.

Starting point is 00:02:29 Let me say something right now, dude, right? You know, we're like in Game of Thrones, dude, right? I went to the Lannisters, dude, right? Oh. When I'm just a peasant, I could get my head beheaded, right? I did it for our fucking farm. White Walkers are coming from the north, right?

Starting point is 00:02:46 And I risk my life and limb, right, to go down there to bow to the king, right, for us so that we get saved. And he does this, do you understand? Ring ring, hello Jack Powell. Oh, you need me in my rammy? I'll be right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:03:04 Who else gonna be there? Ring, ring, ring. Ring, ring, ring. Ring, ring. Dude, I love stumping you. You fuck me up. You know that you weren't that sick. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Lady Fred always trumps work. Yes. Lady Fred always trumps work.

Starting point is 00:03:46 Did you bring us back any Celsius? What? Any Celsius? Yeah, I got an order. Did you have to, Jake had something to do with that? No, they're prime. Oh, prime, sorry. I bring back any prime?

Starting point is 00:03:55 Well, let's get that back because the joke doesn't work now. Do it again? Sorry. Bring me in. Did you, did you bring back any prime? I am no thrifter. Bring me in. Did you bring back any prime? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:04:07 Even those thrills too. All right, explain to us. Explain to us who was at the Super Bowl party. By the way, you hate football. Yeah. You look like a football. So Carlos went with me. You do have pigskin face.

Starting point is 00:04:22 Yeah. Just in the face. I don't know, man. You look like a black skinned face. Yeah. Just in the face. I don't know man. You look like a field goal kick football. Sorry. All right, who was at the party? You look thin though, you do look good. T-Dot.

Starting point is 00:04:35 I mean real though. No, I swear to God, as soon as I came in, I said you look thinner than I've ever seen you. I thought maybe you're on some. He is. Are you? Wigoby, Wigoby. Wigoby? Bring up the photo of him from his Instagram he posted on the set of Theo's movie. You look good. I thought maybe you're on some. He is. Are you? We go V. We go V?

Starting point is 00:04:45 Bring up the photo of him from his Instagram he posted on the set of Theo's movie. You look good. No, you really do look good. Everyone I know was like, bro, is Bobby losing crazy weight? I was like, yeah, dude, he's on it. There it is.

Starting point is 00:04:56 No, no, no, it's the next one there. He's standing up. Look at that, dude. Wow. Skinny. You look good. Look at my belly, dude. Oh, I mean, it is compared to,

Starting point is 00:05:03 yeah, David Spade does look like he has the hiv. You look good, and if honestly, if I just blacked out the face with that hair and that outfit, you look exactly like my Aunt Colleen. Ha ha ha ha. Shout out Colleen. You look literally exactly like my Aunt Colleen.

Starting point is 00:05:17 Dude, I'm already drowning on this podcast. Ha ha ha. No, it's like the nom, dude. It's like I'm just being pelted, dude. This is Hamburger Hill. Ha ha ha. I'm on Hamburger Hill, and there's no other way nom, dude. It's like, I'm just being pelted, dude. This is Hamburger Hill. That's what it is. I'm on Hamburger Hill, and there's no other way out, man.

Starting point is 00:05:28 What side would you fight on in Vietnam? You're on Hamburger Hill. South. No bun. No bun. No, yeah, you should. Protein style. Yeah, yeah, protein style, Hamburger Hill, dude.

Starting point is 00:05:36 Wait a minute, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You do look fantastic in this photo. You look thin, you look good. Are you being real? Your skin looks good. Yeah, man, you look good. David Spade looks even better.

Starting point is 00:05:46 He always looks better. He looks even thinner. He's twiggy wiggy. He's so skinny, man. He looks like he has Cisco and Ebert jaw cancer. Oh my God. Yes. You know Spade, he never overeats.

Starting point is 00:05:58 He never has a bad month. I've never seen him go, dude, I got a cut back. Like you and I have phone calls where it's like, buddy. You called me, Santino called me and he didn't know that Jasmine was in the car. He called me and told me that he had to get back in shape because he was on the road so much and he looked at himself in the mirror naked

Starting point is 00:06:16 at a hotel room on the road and he started crying. And my girl heard it. Dude, I got out of the shower, I saw my stupid little ugly pale body. They had one of those big mirrors right, I got out of the shower, I saw my stupid little ugly pale body in the, they had one of those big mirrors right as you got out of the shower. And I looked at it, started crying. Instantly was like, look at my little penis,

Starting point is 00:06:33 my pale frumpy body and just bawling. I was like, I gotta go to the gym dude. I just sad fat, but on the road, you're eating, you're not sleeping right, like you're traveling. I couldn't get the head of my dick out of this tube. What? What?

Starting point is 00:06:47 What do you mean? Oh shit. What do you mean? Here we go. What tube? What? What do you mean? Well the tube is the stem, the shaft.

Starting point is 00:06:55 Oh, it went in? Oh. Yeah, but I couldn't get it out. Right. It was like gum or something in it. You're not circumcised? I am circumcised. That's the tragedy of it all.

Starting point is 00:07:04 That's the tragedy of it all It was like a turtle right that his head couldn't get out of the shell. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, right. So then I had to do a thing where I was like Like that anyway, and they made it sound like pop pop and it came out and then I held it with my two fingers So that it wouldn't like you know mean dry that way, you know, yeah Well look there you could see you got you know I don't know why I just shared that information because you were like you guys't like, you know what I mean, dry that way, you know? Yeah, but look there, you could see, you got- I don't know why I just shared that information. Because you were like, you guys were sharing about,

Starting point is 00:07:28 you know, the mirror and stuff, right? I just goes, this is what happened to me. I don't think hotels could have mirrors. I'm drowning, dude, I'm drowning already because it attacked me so badly. No, you never look good in a hotel mirror. It's disgusting. Also, by the way, you're not drowning.

Starting point is 00:07:41 And if you do remember Vietnam, you guys ended up winning, You know what I mean? Stale mate. Stale mate. But that's a win. If a tie is a win, and you're gonna tie with the United States, that's a win. Yeah, man, you love soccer.

Starting point is 00:07:52 That's a tie is a win. Yeah, I guess a tie is a win. Yeah, a tie is a win. Well, you know, when you both come, it's good. Yes. Yeah, that's true. Sometimes you come, right? And the other person doesn't come.

Starting point is 00:08:04 That's right. And then you're like, I'm And the other person doesn't come. That's right. Right? And then you're like, I'm tired or whatever. That's most of my sex life. Yeah. Your wife. Muy bueno, por favor. Oh my God. Si papi.

Starting point is 00:08:15 Yeah, yeah. If you, she was, I tell ya. If she had a cock, right? You'd be in. I was so nice to her at the Hulu party. Yeah. Was I nice? 100 her at the Hulu party. Yeah. 100%.

Starting point is 00:08:27 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I didn't like your face. Why? You think I was being too nice? I wasn't hitting on her. No, she doesn't care. I was just looking at her and I go, she's so beautiful. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:08:35 You know what I mean? Very nice, very bueno. She is gorgeous. Yeah, she absolutely is. You got everything going for you. You got everything going for you. Watch this transition. Look at this.

Starting point is 00:08:43 Yeah, yeah. Special out on Hulu. The guy is playing Madison Square Garden. Madison Square Garden. September 11th, 2020. On 9-11. That's what it is. Really. Now are you donating any of the proceeds to FDNY? If we can get ticket sales above 7,000.

Starting point is 00:08:55 Yeah, okay. Yep, anything under that, Poppy's gonna have to keep that. Now do we get spots on that show or what? Yes, should. 100%. Not being real. Do we get spots on that show?

Starting point is 00:09:04 If you guys, I swear to God, if you were in New York, you could absolutely come do spots as long as I could promote you. 100%. No, I'm kidding, kidding. Tickets are going good, tickets are going good. Stay positive. September 11th, a memorable day for New York City.

Starting point is 00:09:18 Are you nervous that if you don't sell out, that you'll look like a tragedy? Like that. That's the- That's if you don't sell out the garbage. And there's me running away from- I was gonna say, yeah, there's Bobby dressed like a burglar from the 1920s. The Hamburglar.

Starting point is 00:09:33 That's the Hamburglar Hill. Yeah. Yeah. Yes, that, yeah, so, no, I'm not nervous because it's just been a dream of mine and it's gonna be good. And they say President Donald Trump might come. Seriously?

Starting point is 00:09:47 Well, because all the presidents always go to the 9-11, so they were saying that there's a possibility that maybe they'll come at night. Wow. Wow. Yes. Does he like you? Does he know you? You guys know each other?

Starting point is 00:09:59 Son knows me, Trump Jr. Wow. He said, he never told me anything about his dad. When everyone was getting Trump on the pod in New York and out here too, they offered, they said maybe he would zoom in with me, so I said I can't, no. No one wanted to do this. No one did?

Starting point is 00:10:15 AOC, can we get her? Yes. You should get her in and I'll come run in and smell the seat. No, AOC, let's talk about her, right? Yeah. In a club. Pass.

Starting point is 00:10:26 You're in a club. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. Would you go, sir? If I, I mean, look at my family. Oh yeah, yeah, you would just drown in that way. Of course. In that weird way. That's what I want. If you're, if you're, if you're from any US territory, I want to have sex with you.

Starting point is 00:10:42 That's what it is. So I like girls from the US territories. Puerto Rico. Any trips to the Gulf of America coming up for you? No. Swimming the Gulf? No. If you look at the map, I think they changed it on Apple Maps.

Starting point is 00:10:56 There's no way. They did? Yeah, look. Only in the US. Yeah. One of our boys in the group chat, they posted on Facebook, Gulf of America, like they posted it on Facebook, Golf of America, like, you know, like Proud,

Starting point is 00:11:07 like look at this, whatever. And then one that he didn't realize when he sent the screenshot to the group chat on Facebook, there was a comment from like this gay guy that was like, haven't seen you at the bars in Long Beach, big boy, when you coming back? Who do I send it to? You're gonna put it?

Starting point is 00:11:20 Carlos. Carlos, all right, I'll send it to you, Carlos. We would die in laughing when you just get caught being a big guy. I'll send it to you Carlos. We would die and laugh and when you just get caught being a I think Gulf America. I like them wanting to buy Greenland. That's a good one. Are we gonna do with Greenland, Canada? It's just another oh, I don't know what what could we do there hot topic headquarters? Yes. Is that where it goes? No, I want to do one there. Let's we took over Greenland, what shops do we have there? In Greenland? That's pretty smart.

Starting point is 00:11:45 Let's do it. What shops will we have? What we do. Hot Topic, many, like the where, CEO, obviously a Hot Topic there. Yeah. Okay, Woo Woo Women. Yeah, I like that a lot.

Starting point is 00:11:55 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Auntie Annie's Pretzels. Ooh, yummy, Panda Express. Gotta be there. Yeah, but cause they're Eskimos. Could we throw in a Sbarro? Yeah. Sabaro.

Starting point is 00:12:05 Sabaro. What is a Sabaro? The best mall pizza in the world. Oh, I thought it was a car. Hey, guess who'll be the fashion designer for Hot Top? We've got a brand new fashion designer. Guess who it is? Who?

Starting point is 00:12:15 Kanye. Yeah! Yeah! Kanye! Have you seen his website? Have you gone to Yeezy.com? Did you see a Super Bowl commercial? Bro, oh look, they're blocking the site now.

Starting point is 00:12:27 Oh God, really? It's down? Yeah, it's down. He was selling t-shirts. Do you know this for real? No, no, just tell me everything. Dude, I'm not joking. We can Google it still to find it.

Starting point is 00:12:36 Is it right wing? He was selling a white t-shirt. Oh yeah, I'd say it's right wing. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Whoa. He was selling a t-shirt with just a swastika on it. A white t-shirt, $20.

Starting point is 00:12:44 Right. You gotta be fucking, no. But he was- I swear to God. No, look at- Oh, that's why I saw, I saw Jewish people wearing the same symbol, but with a flick off.

Starting point is 00:12:56 Yeah, to Kanye. Yes. That if you, if you, he paid $8 million to do a Superbowl commercial in certain regions that he just filmed on his iPhone from the dentist office. Yeah, he was sitting in a dentist chair. Yeah, but doesn't somebody own that brand already? The swastika?

Starting point is 00:13:09 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Hitler, I think they're licensing that. Who has happy birthday? Hitler. Hitler, yeah, yeah, yeah. He has happy birthday and he has a swastika, no? Right. Can't he sue him?

Starting point is 00:13:18 He probably- That's ours? It's probably in court right now. You know, he also owns the black happy birthday. Oh, I don't, let's sing it. Happy birthday to you. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Happy birthday.

Starting point is 00:13:30 He owns that one. That, yeah. He owns them both. Yeah, that birthday. Yeah, I like that one. Yeah. I love all black, like Merry Christmas. Yeah, what is that?

Starting point is 00:13:41 What's like Jingle Bells is good, right? Black Jingle Bells. What is that one? I don't remember. Yeah, you do.? We'll take Jingle Bells is good, right? Black Jingle Bells. What is that one? I don't remember. Yeah, you do. I think you know it. Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells. Really good.

Starting point is 00:13:53 No, that was bad. Cut that part out. No, no. I committed my fucking throat crack. It didn't sound good. Why did you set me up? You sing Black Jingle Bells. Happy Kwanzaa to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, happy Kwanzaa to ya.

Starting point is 00:14:06 Happy Kwanzaa. Well, shout out to Kanye, selling shirts with swastikas on them, dude. What are you doing? He says that it's the Hindu symbol. Is that what he said? Not the Nazi thing. He said it's the Hindu and that we're all assholes. That he's just sending a Hindu symbol for freedom or peace or whatever it is. If you had a record company, would you sign them?

Starting point is 00:14:27 Yeah. No, be real. No. No. You wouldn't. I guess you're a startup. You're a startup. I'm a startup.

Starting point is 00:14:34 Yeah, yeah, record company. Yeah, I would. You have no like band, singer, you have signed nobody. You have no money. He's the guy. Yeah, and you're like, he goes, hey, yeah, I'll sign with you. Would you sign him? I would. I could separate the man. The man from the heart. He's the guy. And you're like, he goes, yeah, I'll sign with you. Would you sign him?

Starting point is 00:14:45 I would. I could separate the man. Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, we'll probably buy the Cosby show too. You know, just like the backlog of it. Just do it all. I support black owned business. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:14:55 Cosby, Kanye. That's exactly right. I got every Diddy. I got Diddy fucking oil. Yeah. When I went on the website, I was like, there's no way this is real when it was still up and sure enough it was there for $20 Mm-hmm, but I have empathy for him. I want it you do

Starting point is 00:15:12 Well, he's definitely going through some mental illness. Okay, you only get one of these no, no, no, he's done It's too many times. No, dude. He's done this way too many times. Wait, wait So but he hasn't he hasn't addressed his mental illness. You get one Nazi explosion. No. You get one. Where I come from, you get six. You get six Nazi explosions where I come from, okay? So it's like, this is fourth.

Starting point is 00:15:35 Where I come from, you can't even buy a condo unless you've had a Nazi explosion. Right, right, right. All these shirts, if we trace where they went, they all went to Staten Island. That's it. Yeah. But there's no empathy there? I went, they all went to Staten Island. That's it. It was all boxes. But there's no empathy there? I mean, let's be real for a second. Well, I get what you mean, but I agree with Andrew

Starting point is 00:15:50 in the sense that if this was the first time he ever did this and he came out of left field, we'd be like, okay, let's get this guy to the hospital. But this is like the 30th time he's done something like this. Yeah. He is a genius musically though. Sure. Just like Hitler was a genius in speech, in free speech.

Starting point is 00:16:03 Right. But do you think his mental illness has something to do with his talent? Huh? Like the reason why he, like he's accessing things as, I don't know much about mental illness. No, no. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:16:14 He's gone. I think this is him grasping for reality and grasping for relevance because he is so lost. He thinks this is how I get a pop again. Dude, he did, he bit into the system. He dated the most famous woman in the world, made a family with her. And then when he realized that he wasn't really making music

Starting point is 00:16:33 as much anymore and no one cared about his music because other artists overshadowed him, he was like, well, I need another pop. So he does this just to make noise again. So someone goes, so we're doing this, Kanye, Kanye, so it's out again. Yeah, it's what, like that's what he had his girl dress in that like naked see-through lingerie on the red carpet.

Starting point is 00:16:51 Yeah, he trolls her around naked. Look, open that up again. Look at that. Wait, go back. No, no, no, go back, Carlos. This is DeStefano's buddy's post. So he posted golf of America. Yeah, and then zoom in.

Starting point is 00:17:00 Mark Elias wrote, bring your beautiful butt back to Long Beach. There's a short of a handsome man there. And we've always thought this guy may be kind of gay. And then so we said, hey, what about that? And then he just hasn't responded. That's so funny. Cause he thought he was just sent

Starting point is 00:17:14 to the Gulf of America post. Wow. What a dick. Yeah, no, Kanye went, he went. He went nuts. And then he wears this see-through lingerie shift with this girl on the red carpet. And that's what I'm gonna wear on Kimmel tomorrow.

Starting point is 00:17:27 Are you doing Kimmel tomorrow? I'm doing Kimmel tomorrow and I forgot, I don't have an outfit, I'm just gonna wear this. Just wear that not- Are you doing stand-up or just a guest? No, just a guest. Oh, cool. I'm promoting my special on Hulu,

Starting point is 00:17:36 comes out February 21st. Oh, that's amazing. Andrew's got a special coming out. I know. Him too, he did. Oh, and Bobby. And guess what? And hey, guess what?

Starting point is 00:17:43 They had one comic a month, one comic a month for 12 months, and guess what they gave me? guess what? They won Comic a month, won Comic a month for 12 months, and guess what they gave me? Black History Month. God bless. That should tell you something. That they believe in me to get the black vote. Not Roy Wood Jr., they believe in me.

Starting point is 00:17:53 When does Roy's come out? It already came out. It came out already. Yeah, so they could've easily just given. They could've switched you guys. Yeah, but they, yeah, they could've given me my month, January 6th, and they said they gave it to Roy. They did a reversal. They did a reversal.

Starting point is 00:18:06 They did a reverse. Roy came out in January and I came out in February. They're trying to break the norms. That's fine. And I like it. I like it. I like it a lot. This guy's excited.

Starting point is 00:18:15 He gets to shoot his special at the end of the year. Ooh, where are you gonna shoot it? I don't know what's going on. Where are you gonna shoot it? San Diego, I think. Has to, gotta shoot it at home. Why in San Diego? That's from there. I was born there, it? San Diego, I think. Has to, gotta shoot it at home. Why in San Diego? I'm from there.

Starting point is 00:18:26 I was born there, I was raised there. I've been a little stressed out about it because I've never done a special so I'm like kind of trying to map it out but it's hard. You should shoot it at Poway High. Yeah. I think that'd be the coolest thing in the world.

Starting point is 00:18:36 Really? Shoot it at the school that didn't put you in the Hall of Fame. You should shoot it on Hamburger Hill. Oh in Vietnam? Yeah. That'd be sick, dude, with one of those big straw hats. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Poway High, we should shoot it in Vietnam. Yeah. That'd be sick dude with one of those big straw hats. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:18:47 Poway high, we should shoot in the auditorium. Somebody asked me, do you have a theme? Do you have a theme? No. What do you mean a theme? Someone's like, well do you have a theme of your podcast? Your special, I go, I need a theme? No, I take my fucking clothes off

Starting point is 00:18:59 and I dance around in my underwear for my closer. What'd I do? Yeah, I feel like, is that an attack? No. Yeah, yeah, I think that's an attack, dude. No. Yeah, you have yellow teeth. I do, you have yellow skin.

Starting point is 00:19:11 That's true. I do have yellow teeth. Duche. Thank you. Duche, my friend. I think you should, remember when I first met you. When I first met you, you still were in those like box, or those tighty-whities.

Starting point is 00:19:27 Oh yeah. I think you should have a big, huge pair of underwear on stage, like stained underwear hanging, like a massive one, and you're in the bald sack portion, and you come out of it, it's me! That'd be sick. Oh wow. That'd be sick.

Starting point is 00:19:42 Yeah. I met you, you used to wear tighty-whities. Yeah, I know. Oh, I kinda. You still I met you used to wear tighty-whities. Yeah, I know. I kind of. You still do? I don't know what I'm wearing now. Well, when I met you, you did. Yeah, so you look good.

Starting point is 00:19:51 You really do. You lost weight. Wow, look at your fucking junk, dude. You have a really like a relatively big penis and big balls. You have a big package overall. Well. God bless you, sir. You have like optimum.

Starting point is 00:20:02 You have a nice package. God bless you, sir. No, you really do. And you're always very nice to me. And I remember when you took me, sir. No, you really do. You're always very nice to me. I remember when you took me out for sushi in New York, you were always very, very nice to me. Well, you know why? Why?

Starting point is 00:20:11 And I have a saying, I'm gonna make it up. Go ahead. When you see brethren in other. No, no, you got it. Oh, thank you. No, this is it. Can I get it? When you see brethren with two peas in a pond within each other you have to really big

Starting point is 00:20:29 Right, thank you. Don't you think though? Thank you. What don't you think guys? I remember the very first time put that as a shirt Yeah, yeah, I remember the very first time I met Bobby We met on the opium Anthony show and he was very nice to me and he sat down and took me out right after the Opie and Anthony show and talked to me about comedy and how this is really hard venture to do and congratulations for getting into and all and all this serious talk when just moments before, I'm talking about maybe 15 minutes before, he was eating bull dick on Opie and Anthony. They had little bull's penis and he was taking bites out of it

Starting point is 00:21:05 and then he was telling me to take comedy seriously 15 minutes later at a TGIF Friday. It's in Conn Square. I remember, I remember. Yeah. Almost everyone in these photos are dead. Yeah. Wait, wait, really?

Starting point is 00:21:16 Vic. Oh yeah. Carl, unfortunately, whoever that top magician guy is. Yeah, yeah. I'm sure he's dead. That top magician guy, were you in the room with us when this top magician guy on Opie and Anthony? I don't remember.

Starting point is 00:21:28 So I forgot what his name was, but anyway, he has this trick where it's like a magical card trick or whatever and then you're blown away and then you're like points over there and the card was on the wall outside the studio. And this is his trick, but he's got someone who helps him do it, whatever, and like it's all distractions. And Club Soda Kenny, you guys know Club Soda Kenny, right?

Starting point is 00:21:47 Club Soda Kenny, who was like the security guard for opening Anthony forever, because he just doesn't like that shit. While we were all distracted over here, Club Soda Kenny saw the helper put the card on the wall, and Club Soda Kenny took it off the wall. So the guy pointed at the wall, and it wasn't there. Club Soda Kenny was like, I got the card.

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Starting point is 00:26:15 No. Just Google like World War II Japanese propaganda American. Look at the faces that they used to make on these. I got, I hope we can find them. They are, it's fucking insane. I mean, this is one of them, like. Bro, bro, bro. Little kids posters.

Starting point is 00:26:32 That's the most interesting photo. Look at that. I can't even look at it. You, wow. Look at what it says, Jappy so happy when this happens to you. Oh my God, it's so racist. Give me another one, I love them.

Starting point is 00:26:45 Yeah, it's so, what does it say? Watch out for the driver? Those are fine. Dude, that's insane. That's insane, dude. Jappy's so happy. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah, they have so many.

Starting point is 00:26:57 They're catchy. Don't blab. Lose traps help the Japs. That's what it is. Lose traps help the Japs, so don't. Go down, go down a bit. Yeah. Jesus Christ. There's a bunch of them. That's what it is. Loose traps help the Japs. So don't. Go down, go down a bit. Yeah. Jesus Christ.

Starting point is 00:27:06 There's a bunch of them. Let's see if it. Oh my, what's with the teeth? Yeah, that's what they would do. Well, they all got veneers early on. Yeah. Yeah. Is that Joe Coy?

Starting point is 00:27:15 Look at this, this is their big slogan. Open trap, make happy Jap. Yeah. Oh my God. Fucked up. Wow. Jesus. Oh, did you ever see that, like from the eighties, that German commercial? Oh my God.

Starting point is 00:27:26 What was this? This is the enemy. He's carrying like a passed out white woman. Oh my God. It's brutal. Yeah. Or just recently in the eighties, there's that German commercial was going viral.

Starting point is 00:27:35 German commercial about like washing a Chinese person. Like they put, you ever seen that one? Yeah. It's crazy. I don't know if we could play it, but it was nuts. Tokyo kids say. The kids get bigger and bigger. Oh my God. Yeah. Wash up crazy. I don't know if we could play it, but it was nuts. Tokyo kids say- The kids get bigger and bigger, oh my God. Wash up early, rush outdoor, give Jeff time for win war.

Starting point is 00:27:50 Wow. Jesus. That's how we used to roll. I'd like to meet this artist. Yeah. Does he do flyers? Can he do Bad Friends flyers? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:27:58 Can he do, yeah. Oh, that's okay. That's my dad. What it is. Oh yeah, there we go. The propaganda stuff is, by the way, people are gonna look back in a hundred years, look at our propaganda.

Starting point is 00:28:09 We just don't know ours yet. Right. No, no, explain. Well, we gotta have propaganda shit out there that's so digital under the radar. We don't even know it's happening. You know what I think is a big thing that we're doing right now?

Starting point is 00:28:20 What? Top Gun. Wouldn't that be considered propaganda for the military? Top Gun, the movie? Yeah, like even the Navy gave Tom Cruise an award this year. But not the new one, the old one maybe. The new one's just fodder. No, the OG one was-

Starting point is 00:28:34 The new secretary of the minister of defense, whatever his name, the guy from Fox, wants the Top Gun people to do the commercials and everything for him. Really? Yeah. Really? Well, the movie was great. Right, it really was. It was so good, dude. It was so good. Really? Well, the movie was great.

Starting point is 00:28:45 It really was. It was so good, dude. Yeah. It was so good. Top Gun was, I went into it being like, is this gonna be as good as Top Gun, the original? It was just as good. Mad Frag was so good.

Starting point is 00:28:53 It was incredible. It was so good. And by the way, less, less gay. Cause the first one, the thing I loved the most about it was all the gay stuff. Oh yeah. And they took that out. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:29:01 They took out all the gay stuff. I would be edging myself every time the plane went up. The plane went up? Before they could pass out, I would just fucking. You would not as soon as they broke the sound barrier? Yeah, that was me as soon as they broke the sound barrier. I mean, this was a gay love story. It was.

Starting point is 00:29:15 We've talked about it. What Top Gun was? Haven't we talked about this? This was a gay love story. I never talked about it with you. It's 100% a gay love story. It's an unrequited gay love story. I never saw it.

Starting point is 00:29:24 That's why I told Top Gun. Yeah. I saw Maverick, I didn't see the first one. It's a hundred percent of gay love story. It's an unrequited gay love story. I never saw it. That's why it's called top gun. Yeah. Maverick, I didn't see the first one. Bottom gun. Bottom gun. You never saw the first one? I saw Maverick, that was good. Wow. I'm shocked you never won.

Starting point is 00:29:33 Tell me about the gay story. Well, look, I mean, look, they have these like beach volleyball scenes and it's also this love relationship between Maverick and Goose, right? No, and Iceman. Yeah. And it's like this beautiful, unrequited love story.

Starting point is 00:29:46 They can't be in love, so he's gotta pretend to like that girl. Oh, I saw this. Right. I remember. He doesn't like that. Could you imagine that girl, the woman who was in the first Top Gun,

Starting point is 00:29:55 she just got so old and out of shape that they just couldn't put her in the second one? I know. What was her name? They had to replace her with someone else. Yeah. That's gotta feel awful though. She looks great. No, there was another photo. That's not no find a different one. There was one photo

Starting point is 00:30:09 I was like what oh, yeah, I mean, I mean she doesn't look bad. Is that the girl that wrote Harry Potter? Yeah Yeah, yeah, but she was a dime dude I remember watching that being like whoo the amount of movies that Tom Cruise made that I jerked off to, like Jerry Maguire. I used to, I had that VHS. All day. That first scene. When Cuba Gooding Jr. comes out naked. Yeah, give me the money, Jerry.

Starting point is 00:30:31 He's like, out air dry. I'm like, ah! My favorite was Rain Man, Rain Man. Oh, come on, Dustin. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I jerked off to that. Jerk off to that. Kmart sucks, right?

Starting point is 00:30:42 All fucking day, dude. Yeah. Love jerking off to that. By the way, I? All fucking day, dude. Love jerking off. By the way, I just rewatched Tropic Thunder. So good. I just watched it, just traveling again. Maybe one of the best movies, like maybe one of the funniest, funniest movies I've seen in years.

Starting point is 00:30:55 Can I give a confession? I've never seen it. What? Oh, you gotta watch it. I gotta watch it. I'm gonna watch it in blackface. He was so good in it though. Oh yeah, he was great.

Starting point is 00:31:04 He was great in that, yeah. Oh, Tom Cruise is the best. The guy, did you see his, during the Super Bowl, he did like one of the intros or whatever, whatever that was for the pre-tape, you know? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, this guy, he's just saying a beautiful script and I'm in.

Starting point is 00:31:19 He's the last movie star. And he grew his hair out. His hair looks exactly like Bobby Lee's hair right now. I don't know, I think Kimothée Chalamet is gonna get there. No, this guy's the last original movie star. Really? grew his hair out. His hair looks exactly like Bobby Lee's hair right now. I don't know, I think Timothy Chalamet is gonna get there. No, this guy's the last original movie star. Really? Tom Cruise is the guy. I know, but eventually, you think

Starting point is 00:31:31 Timothy Chalamet is the future? Yeah, he is. He is, he is, but I don't know that you can have A-list movie box office success like Tom Cruise had. I don't know if any of that will ever happen again. I really don't. Google Tom Cruise total box office. And look at his hair.

Starting point is 00:31:44 Let's take a guess, hold on. Tom Cruise total box office. And look at his hair. It's got, let's take a guess, hold on. Tom Cruise total box office. I'm guessing he's upwards of. Billions. Yeah, I was gonna say five or six billion. Yeah, I was gonna guess $8 billion for total box office success. Across everything.

Starting point is 00:31:57 Go ahead, McCone, what is it? $12 billion. Wow, I got closer. What do I win? That's insane. A kiss from Fancy. Oh, great. Love it. Air kiss. You mean again Oh great, love it. 12 billion dollars.

Starting point is 00:32:05 You mean again? Highest, dude 12 billion box office. 12 shmilly. Look, no shot at Chalamet, he'll never reach that. Only because the box office isn't earning like that anymore. That's what I'm saying though, but relatively though. Sammy Jackson's still top in the charts with 14 billion. Scarlett Johansson.

Starting point is 00:32:20 What? Robert Downey, 14. All the Avengers movies. Yeah, you gotta remember, these are the- Oh! Oh, Zoe Saldana. If you took away the superhero films- Tom Cruise is the only one. Right. Wow.

Starting point is 00:32:34 And Tom Cruise is in no su- Well, arguably, he is the original superhero. Right. Right. It's hard to- He is. But it's not a family franchise the way that Avengers is. Avengers or Avatar. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:32:48 Avengers or Avatar, another gay shit. Okay. There it is. Oh no. Ladies and gentlemen. Harry Potter and Two Girls, One Cup, yeah. Seen them, been there. What's up, Bob, Drew, Chris?

Starting point is 00:32:59 Dr. Phil. Ladies and gentlemen, let's welcome Dr. Phil to the show. He just popped in. Woo, see ya. That is unexpected. Hey, Dr. Phil. Had to put my tie on. Last time, let's welcome Dr. Phil to the show. He just popped in. Good to see you. That is unexpected. Hey Dr. Phil. Had to put my tie on. Last time, I wanna be clear.

Starting point is 00:33:08 Can I get some more juice in the headphones, Bob? What's his name, the kid with the syndrome? What's his name? Whatever you wanna call him. Yeah. What does your mom call you? Fancy. Huh?

Starting point is 00:33:21 Hey. Why? You look like a Make-A-Wish kid. So fancy's kinda- Wow, you're coming in aggressive. I love it, yeah, yeah. Why? You look like a Make-A-Wish kid. So fancy. Wow, you're coming in aggressive. I love it, Dr. Riegel. Well, last time I was here, I was riding a gummy, a THC gummy. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:33:33 I think we can cut to a clip. Great, you don't have it? Okay, well. Last time I was on a gummy, and I felt like I didn't bring it. Even though the episode, I know it got some downloads. Hell yeah. And some uploads.

Starting point is 00:33:47 But I just wanted to be more myself today. Good. Yeah, good. Good to see you. Dr. Phil, great to see you. Are you someone that dabbles often in THC gummies? I tried to. One time I took 80 milligrams of THC. I thought it was CBD though.

Starting point is 00:34:02 I was having some, my apnea machine didn't work and so I popped in what I thought was CBD. Next thing you know, I'm taking my hoodie off and I got stuck in it for four hours. I thought I was gonna fucking die. I watched 19 episodes of Naked and Afraid. Fancy, I know you like that show, right? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:34:20 Hell yeah. Dr. Phil, I wanna let you know, I don't know if you're aware, you probably should be, and you're very worldly and knowledgeable. I'd like to be on the internet as much as possible. I know, I heard. Our good friend Chris DiStefano here, sitting next to you. Love you, big fan.

Starting point is 00:34:33 I know you guys know each other. Love you. He's playing Madison Square Garden in New York City on 9-11. Boy, that... Yep. 9-10 was taken? Yeah. But you know, here's what I love about you.

Starting point is 00:34:47 That's like fucking your ex in front of your wife on Valentine's Day. Yeah, that's what I did. That's what I did. And I, you know, it's 9-11, the tickets aren't on sale, the pre-sale code is Hamas. We'll be right back. That is a great, first of all, I'm a big fan. I'm sitting here with three of the best comics working today, but The Garden, that's a, you know, I once got a hand job in a secret garden. Oh, yeah? Well, it was the movie, but I was 15, you know, TMI, YOLO, fuck it.

Starting point is 00:35:15 No, I just finally got 910 was taken. That was funny. I just got high, just clicked. I knew a couple that got married on 9-11 because it was cheaper. Yeah, just clicked. I knew a couple that got married on 9-11 because it was cheaper. Like no rabbi or priest wanted to touch anybody or do a prayer because they thought it was an inappropriate day. But you know, time, we've moved on.

Starting point is 00:35:39 Yeah. Dr. Phil, I heard there's a rumor on the internet that you're converting to Judaism. Well, look, most rumors are true. Yeah. Remember when there was that rumor that Tom Hanks was snorting ibuprofen in the back of a Chuck E. Cheese? I heard that.

Starting point is 00:35:52 Yeah. Yes, I remember that. Yeah. Well, you guys are good at improv. But, but, but, but my favorite. Oh, hey, guys. Well, we did say yes. Yeah, yeah, we said yes.

Starting point is 00:36:03 That's what I'm saying. We're standing, yes. Okay, yeah. That's what fucking improv is. Yeah. Bob, I, guys. Well, we did say yes. Yeah, yeah, we said yes. That's what I'm saying. We're yet sanding, dude. Yeah, that's what fucking improv is. Yeah. Bob, I love you. And about that rumor, Andrew, is, look, I've been to quite a few bar mitzvahs, only a few bat mitzvahs.

Starting point is 00:36:16 I'd like to get more bat mitzvah invites in 2025, but have I been to a circumcision? Yeah. Have I fucked a fat Jewish gal? Yeah. Have I had a kegel or kugel, kugel in a Jewish? Kugel? Kugel.

Starting point is 00:36:33 I've had kugel, but kugel is a noodle, it's a Passover food. It's a Passover, it's the Jew food that's like squishy fish. Oh, oh, kugel. It's like lasagna for Jews. I said kegel, we'll fish. Oh, oh, Kugel. It's like lasagna for Jews. I said Kegel, we'll edit this out, I meant Kugel. So I've done it all, so I figure why not

Starting point is 00:36:52 just jump in to the deep and without a light preserver. I've swam with sharks, you know. I've done a dolphin mating call just to impress a girl that I thought was a guy, you know. Sure, we'd like to hear it. The dolphin mating call? Well, this'll be the first time I've ever done it live, so apologies if it's not spot on,

Starting point is 00:37:09 but basically it was a girl that I thought was a guy and my friend said, you know, he's really into dolphins. Excuse me, Dr. Phil, hold on. I'm gonna be a dolphin. I'll be a male dolphin. I'll be a female dolphin. Oh, I love this, okay. Because I can do that.

Starting point is 00:37:22 So, okay, yeah. I have the ability to like, you know, trans, you know. No, I've seen the dictator, you've got range. I'm trans. What? Not trans? No, I didn't say this is it. So, let's just take it back a sec, Bobby.

Starting point is 00:37:34 Whatever. Okay. Yep. Can I just, ready? I'm, right? Okay. That's it, that's it. How good are we at improv now, Dr. Phil? Okay. Yep. That's it. That's it.

Starting point is 00:37:45 How good are we at improv now, Dr. Phil? Yeah. Yeah. Welcome to the show. I would actually love. Dude. I would love. We should have an improv group, dude.

Starting point is 00:37:54 We should go. Amazing, dude. Here we go. What would be the name of our, if this was the foursome, and by the way, people would come watch this foursome. Yeah. Okay. Whether it was to change a light bulb

Starting point is 00:38:02 or put our fingers inside of each other or take a suggestion from a crowd. I think it should be called doctors orders. Oh my god. Nice doctors orders. Chris come out and come out in lab coats. You do a dolphin. Okay No, this guy's never seen a dolphin. Never seen a dolphin before in your life. That was a kid being trapped in one of those Nordstrom rats. You know when kids used to hide under the clothes That was the kid calling for his mom.

Starting point is 00:38:24 Actually, shut up Bobby, shut up. There was a kidnapper than one of those Nordstrom rats. You know when kids used to hide under the clothes? That was the kid calling for his mom. Exactly. There was a kid, shut up Bobby, shut up. There was a kidnapper under the clothes trying to cover, go ahead, Bob. I don't remember when kids tried to hide under the clothes. Why not? I don't know. Did you ever do that?

Starting point is 00:38:37 Well, yeah. Hide underneath what clothes? The department store, they had these, there's these circular. Oh, I did that. Remember the rack of clothes? I did that, I did that. That's how I would hide from my mom's boyfriends.

Starting point is 00:38:46 Wait, hold on, hold on a second. That's what I'm talking about. Exactly. Preach. Wait a minute. Your mom, your dad owned a lady clothing store. I remember, yeah. What was it called?

Starting point is 00:38:56 Fashion Gal. Fashion Gal. But. Really? Let Dr. Phil sit with that. Fashion Gal. You didn't ever go to a fashion gal? Well, I did, but not to shop.

Starting point is 00:39:05 No, sick. Oh, that was good. Now, what kind of clothes and women, who was the clientele? What was the- Fat ethnic women. Yep. I was gonna guess that, but I want you to say-

Starting point is 00:39:15 Samoans. Yeah, it was like a Lane Bryant for like Samoans and stuff. Got it. Lane Bryant. Now, is Lane Bryant based on a true story? Like, is this shot, is that actually some tub? Like is there a real Lane, like if you're a woman and your name's Lane, you're already 0 for 2.

Starting point is 00:39:30 Lane Bryant. But Bryant, it's like, I think of Lane Bryant, I think of Bryant Park, I think of Kobe Bryant. So I'm thinking of big stuff. Yeah. Right. There's Fashion Gal right there. Yeah, my parents owned that. You sure that wasn't a Rub-N-Tug?

Starting point is 00:39:41 What it looked like. Well, it really does. I mean, look at the font. That's Rub-N-Tug font. Tell me that's your dad's Jag out front. Did your dad drive a Jag? No. That's my Mazda Miata to the right. How is that on there?

Starting point is 00:39:49 That's weird. This is a photo of someone who took this, a fashion gal who was a huge fan and sad that it's gone. Yeah. What it is. The RIP fashion gal. Rest in peace fashion gal. And while we're at it, RIP Betty White.

Starting point is 00:39:57 Yes. Can we just, in the last- Is she dead? Yeah, she died. Oh, she died. I'm pretty sure. She is in the last- She's in the last- She's in the last- She's in the last- She's in the last- She's in the last- Just in peace fashion gal. And while we're at it, RIP Betty Watt. Yes.

Starting point is 00:40:05 Can we just, in the last- Is she dead? No, she died. Oh, she died. I'm pretty sure. She is in that category of like her, Bob Barker, also RIP. RIP. And look, it's not just the Whats that are leaving us, but I think that there's something

Starting point is 00:40:16 about what she did, almost 100, right? Mm-hmm. No, 101. I can't do math. What is that? She's 99. 99. 99, yeah. The other way around. If you get to 100. She died in Brentwood. She was killed by OJ. What if OJ was, wouldn't it be great if he was like, I swear I didn't do the first one, but this one was all me.

Starting point is 00:40:38 Dude, unbelievable. She's fashion gal. She would shop at Fashion Gal. 100%. 100%. You know what I just saw today? Motley Crue's private plane crash%. You know what I just saw today? Motley Crue's private plane crash. I know. Today. Into what? Nobody was on it. Into another plane.

Starting point is 00:40:51 No, no. Somebody's girlfriend, Vince Neil's girlfriend was on it. Oh shit. And the pilot died. They all lived. Dude, this is like the fifth plane crash. I'm freaking the fuck out. I'm freaking out.

Starting point is 00:41:00 What the hell? Look. I'm about to John Madden everywhere and just get on a fucking Greyhound. Buddy, he was smart. He was very smart. This just crashed, was this today or yesterday? Why? Yesterday.

Starting point is 00:41:10 Like they ran out of gas in the sky? They landed, they landed, it like skidded off. Something happened with the landing gear and it hit another plane and the pilot died. People on board did not die. And it was Vince's girlfriend, is that what it says? Did she die? No, no, they're alive.

Starting point is 00:41:24 The pilot's the only one that died. Just the pilot. Crew member killed when small jet owned by Vincent Neil crashed into a plane upon landing in Arizona. But how does this happen? How does this keep happening over the last? See, I'm getting a little scared. It feels like way too-

Starting point is 00:41:35 Well, we fired everybody who works at the airport, builds planes. That was on purpose. Even the gal at Southwest. Well, they were fucking migrants. But the drones. Kidding. Even the even the gala itself. Oh, they were fucking migrants Drones kidding you need that that's connected the drones and the planes going down. Yeah, you'll school friend and her friend We're arriving on the plane and we're injured I'm flying out to Boston tomorrow. So this is exciting. All right, let's change the mood. You guys seen Oppenheimer love

Starting point is 00:42:00 Love good segue. Dr. Phil loved it. Yeah, really good. Little long. Yeah, yeah. I'll watch anything with RDJ, Robert Downey. Same. What about RFK? You watch anything with him? I'm working on my RFK impression. Let me hear it.

Starting point is 00:42:14 My guess is small fry. Pretty good. I like that. And a Whopper Jr. It's not for me, I'm trying to lose weight. It's for the worm inside my head. There was a comic, there was a comic the other day. All right.

Starting point is 00:42:31 We'll cut that. You know what, leave it in. Leave it in? Yeah, clip it and I'll send it to him on Facebook. There was a comic, a black comic, and I don't hear what else he said. Godfrey? But he goes, yeah, probably.

Starting point is 00:42:44 But he goes, probably but he goes uh he goes uh he goes yeah he was like RFK he was like I like that motherfucker but he sound like he talking into a massage chair. Wait that's so funny. So funny. There's certain lines like that that are just so yeah yeah I'm a big just, I don't need a setup or a premise. Just give me something like that. Give you some jazz like that. Yes, boom. That was jazz comedy.

Starting point is 00:43:10 One-shot zinger. Yeah, the beep-bop-boop-bop, that was jazz comedy. And it's not just because he was a black comic. No, white premise can do jazz comedy too. 100%. Mitch Hedberg was the king of jazz comedy. Oh my God. That was a jazz comment.

Starting point is 00:43:23 Are you gonna try, are you doing standup now, Dr. Phil? There's a rumor that you're- Well, we're doing a live tour, adamraddacombie.com for tickets. Who's that, is that your agent? The guy who, sounds like it. Yeah. It's just the producer of the show.

Starting point is 00:43:33 He also brings me crustables when I'm hungry. Love. But we're doing a big national city theater tour. Yeah, you can go ahead and cut to it right there. We're going to- You put the, go back. Denver, Chicago, Boston, Atlanta, Nashville. You put your agent on the main page there?

Starting point is 00:43:47 Yeah, he been with me a hundred bucks. Sounds like a move. I'm pretty, you know, I got enough cash, so now it's just about helping others out. You are flush with cash now, Dr. Phil. Dude, that guy, go back there. This guy, cause that's your agent, that guy just looks like a fucking gay dude from Seattle.

Starting point is 00:44:02 Yeah. Yeah, right. That's your eight, normally they're like, Jew-y guys, but this guy is just like, literally like a fucking gay dude from Seattle. Yeah. Yeah, right. That's right. Normally they're like, Jew-y guys, but this guy's just like literally like a fucking- Well, you can be both. You can be Jew-y and gay. He just looks like a cum-gosselin' homo from Seattle.

Starting point is 00:44:14 1000. Look at the way he's leaning on that thing. It's almost like he's leaning on a cock. Oh yeah, like just a Seattle- In his mouth, he just got to take his shirt off, you know? Yeah. He's like, oh, look at that. Said, look at that shit. Oh, just like, he looks like he's just on his shirt off, you know? Yeah. He's like, oh, look at that set of, look at that shirt.

Starting point is 00:44:25 Oh, just like, he looks like he's just on his knees in the public market. You see outside the original Starbucks. He looks like Fancy was on the balcony and goes, would you like to suck my penis? And then Adam goes, no, I'm good. And then he kept pulling him down. And he goes, on second thought.

Starting point is 00:44:40 Yeah, let it happen. Let it happen. Right. Anyway, big National Theater Tour, yeah. Great. Go see the boys. Surprise guests everywhere. Let it happen. Right. Anyway, big national theater tour. Sure. Great. Go see the boys. Surprise guests everywhere.

Starting point is 00:44:48 They're all selling out. Just go get your tickets and bring your family. While you still can. While you still can. Dr. Phil, I'm surprised you're still doing this, you're touring around because, and you're going all the way till October. Well, no, we're going to about July. October is where I think, I put my dates on Adam Ray's standup dates.

Starting point is 00:45:03 He's got a big fall standup tour, but the Dr. Phil show goes through July. I think we end in Reno as you do at the Grand Sierra Resort and Cum factory or whatever. Yes sir. God bless. Were we supposed to do Dr. Phil? I don't know. I think you guys are, well, the guests aren't announced,

Starting point is 00:45:19 but you guys are on one. What are we? I don't know. Do you know? I have no idea. We'll find out. We'll find out. We'll be right back. We'll keep her right here. But I don't know. Do you know? I have no idea. We'll find out. We'll find out. We'll be right back.

Starting point is 00:45:26 We'll keep her right here. But I think we can. All right. We'll figure it out. You gotta go to Boston tomorrow. And then once you get back from that, we'll tie things down. We'll talk.

Starting point is 00:45:35 Dude, I had a harrowing moment in Vegas. Honestly, one of the saddest things I've ever seen. Recently? I just got back yesterday. I'm sitting at a table. I was like, I'm gonna gamble before I go to this gig. And I'm sitting at the table and this guy was so blacked out and I mean like couldn't really, he was barely there.

Starting point is 00:45:51 And I'm seeing him, I'm looking at his chip stack and I'm like, oh my God, dude, he's got thousand dollar chips, right? And then he's got the casino gives you credits, right? So they're throwing him $25,000 chip credits when he runs out of, cause he's running out of money. He's just betting, he's not, he's smoking, he's laughing, he goes, who's the new guy?

Starting point is 00:46:06 To me, I go, hey, I'm Andrew. He goes, hey, I'm Chuck, I'm Chuck, man. And he's smoking, he's hitting on the wrong stuff. And then at some point, I said to the pit boss, I go, I gotta be honest with you, I think this is a little unfair. And he was like, what do you mean? I go, this guy's betting $10,000 hands, right?

Starting point is 00:46:22 And he's doubling down, he's splitting them all. And he's losing, I'm watching him lose 40 grand, 80 grand, I'm not kidding, within, let's just say 10 minutes, let's say 10 minutes, quarter of a million bucks, out the window. Wow. And he stood up, went and smoked, and I go, you're gonna cut that guy off, right, and the pit boss goes, we're familiar with him,

Starting point is 00:46:39 he's gonna be able to keep playing. Wow. Oh my God. I was like, are you just robbing this guy? Oh yeah. Wow. You're literally robbing this guy. Oh, I saw a guy black out in the Tropicana RIP, got knocked down for a baseball stadium to the Jesus Most and Holy Ghost,

Starting point is 00:46:50 but he was throwing his roulette chips across the casino. No, it was dice. He was doing craps. Threw his dice, black out. Imagine just being like, what if you were trying to mock a child, right? And the kid was like, do you have a quarter for the wishing well?

Starting point is 00:47:04 You were like, yeah. And you had it, and then you go, fucking suck your own dick, and you tossed it. That's child, right? And the kid was like, do you have a quarter for the wishing well? You were like, yeah. And you had it and then you go fucking suck your own dick and you tossed it. That's the way he was throwing the dice. And the security went and got the dice, I swear to God, and put it back in his hand. Oh yeah. And I remember being like, he doesn't know where he is.

Starting point is 00:47:16 And they were like, yeah, but he wants to double down. That's why there's no state income tax in Nevada. Because of that guy. Because of that guy. It's the greatest country in the world. Dr. Phil, you really want to be engaged with something. Bobby Lee, a huge NFL football fan, big fan of the Super Bowl,

Starting point is 00:47:29 he went out to Jake Paul's Super Bowl party. I heard. To party with Jake Paul. Who won that game, by the way? I was on a plane back. What, did you watch the game? You went to the Super Bowl party to not watch the game? Yeah, I got on a plane back.

Starting point is 00:47:41 So you went to the party on what day? Sunday. That's when the game was? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you left during the game. It started, I went, bye bye, and I got on plane back. So you went to the party on what day? Sunday. That's when the game was? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You left during the game. It started and I went, bye bye. And I got on a flight. So you walked in.

Starting point is 00:47:49 Yeah, because you know, I went there. Is that a dolphin? That was a dolphin? What, what the what? Oh, you saw it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought it was a dolphin. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:47:58 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here comes a lie, Dr. Phil. Strap in. I can tell. All right, so we went there to pod with him. And then when the party started, we got on a flight, and we went home. Carlos was with me.

Starting point is 00:48:09 He could defend me. What was he defending? I wasn't there to watch the Super Bowl. I didn't even know what the Super Bowl was. You were there to drink Prime Shots with Jake Paul? Yeah, yeah. I went and did a pod, and then we left. You don't know what the Super Bowl is?

Starting point is 00:48:21 Well, I know what it is, but I don't know who was playing. I found out Sunday the Eagles, Philadelphia, and the Kansas City Chiefs. Can you do an eagle? Yep, pretty close. Yeah. That sounds like the dolphin. It's like, yeah.

Starting point is 00:48:33 Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, right, right. It's a dolphin trying to fly. Go, go! Okay, that's very impressive. Let me really try. Okay. Geek! No, no.

Starting point is 00:48:44 What about a chief? Could you do a chief? Could you do a chief? Well, this is gonna get dice. No, no, no, no, do achieve what is gonna get dead I've never seen yeah primeval do you see that no I heard it's fucking so good though is I got a Madison Square Garden, September 11th. Prime Evil, Prime Evil. Right here and right here. Prime Evil, do you see that? No, I heard it's fucking great. I got a Jake Paul question. Oh my God. Because I watched that fight with Tassin,

Starting point is 00:49:13 and then they're big on the promo videos, right? They put out a video of him and Logan being like, I fucking, I was born with this guy, and now I want to fucking kill him. And that got my attention, Chris, because I've been dying to see two brothers just fight to the death, you know? Luke and Owen Wilson, been waiting for that to happen.

Starting point is 00:49:32 Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Shit, I don't know. Name another brother combo, Chris. Oh, Macaulay Culkin and Kieran. And Kieran Culkin. And Rory, do three way. He let him. No, no, no.

Starting point is 00:49:41 I need three ways. I need a three way. Oh, what about Eric versus Lyle Menendez? Love. Love that. They give them a gun, they blow their heads off. Loser gets their head blown off. Shotgun to shotgun.

Starting point is 00:49:51 Alec and Billy Baldwin. Yep, that's a good one. Oh, that's a good one. Where's Stephen in that? He's with Corey Culkin, or what's his name? Rory Culkin. Rory Culkin. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:50:01 David Hawking, Stephen Hawking. Oh. Yeah. What about Barack versus Michelle Obama? Yeah, that would be a good one. Oh, my God. Okay, how about fraternal twins? How about like... How about conjoined? I'll raise you.

Starting point is 00:50:17 Ooh. I only know one. Those girls. Yeah, yeah. The girls that are tied together. Can I be honest? I pay upwards of $60,000 to watch them fight. Was it Britney and Abby?

Starting point is 00:50:30 Right. But it's, who has the bigger head? That's the person that's gonna win. No, it's not true. You do side bots. Okay, that's very true. You have to do side bots. Yeah, all right, I'll take it back.

Starting point is 00:50:38 And what is it, one of them's married and one's not? One of them's married, but they both get to get played with, I think. Do they have one vagina? No, I think it's two. No, they have one. Well, let's married, but they both get to get played with, I think. Do they have one vagina? No, I think it's two. No, they have one. Well, let's cut to a clip. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:50:49 And also this, you know this, right? They control their individual arms, right? But they have individual legs, so they have to coordinate. Imagine. So they're just constantly marching. So one person going, right, right, right, right. I don't think they need to tell each other.

Starting point is 00:51:03 Yeah, I think they just know. In their mind. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they still got brains, Bobby. right, right. I don't think they need to tell each other. Yeah, I think they just know. In their mind. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they still got brains, Bobby. Yeah, I understand. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:51:11 There we go, look at that. Imagine one of them. Here's a breakdown. Not in the mood to hook up and you just gotta be there. So here's what throws me off. One bladder. Right.

Starting point is 00:51:19 And one urethra, but two kidneys. Two stomachs, okay, two stomachs. Two stomachs, like Jeff Ross. Yeah. Oh! September 11th, 2025, after Square Garden. Oh my God, I like the way you advertised. That's it, baby.

Starting point is 00:51:35 Yeah, you go hard and then you go deep. That's what it is. Fucking bastard. So funny. Dude, that is crazy. So we should set up, Dr. Phil presents family feuds, family fights, family is crazy. So we should set up Dr. Phil presents family feuds, family fights, family real fights. Look, I'm trying to get out of the daytime game.

Starting point is 00:51:51 I'm obviously in the nighttime game, but I would love to host a show. I try to host Kids Say the Darndest Things. Yeah. We had this kid on, Nathan from Burbank, right? And he said the N word in the first 15 minutes. Wow, wow, wow. And he wasn't even using it in a funny story or context. Well, like Carlos does. Go ahead, Carlos. Yeah, Carlos in the first 15 minutes. Wow, wow, wow. And he wasn't even using it in like a funny story

Starting point is 00:52:05 or context. Well, like Carlos does. Go ahead, Carlos. Yeah, Carlos, the floor is yours. Thanks a lot, Carlos. Do one of those funny N word stories that you do all the time. Question for Dr. Phil.

Starting point is 00:52:13 Oh, hold on. We have a question for Dr. Phil from the booth. Fancy, go ahead. Do you have dinner? Take your time, sound it out. At STK in San Diego. Did I or would I? What the fuck are you asking me right now?

Starting point is 00:52:25 Did I? Did you have dinner? When? Dr. Phil, this is actually a really good question. Recently. In STK? STK the Steakhouse in San Diego, did you have dinner there?

Starting point is 00:52:34 Well, I've had dinner with MGK at the All of Garth. But let's go back to your question, STK the Steakhouse. I'll tell you why he says it. We were at the STK in San Diego. We were. And the waitress came up to our table and she was vaguely familiar with us. She didn't know who we were.

Starting point is 00:52:49 Yeah, yeah. That's what I was trying to do in a nice way. How does that make you feel? Because you guys are pretty recognizable. Yeah, and they- I couldn't fucking care less. But what really bothered me, I took- You thought it was Chuck Norris and Margaret Shell.

Starting point is 00:53:00 Hey! September 11th. I had a fork in my hand and we said we're comedians and she goes, you know who came in here was Adam Ray. Love Adam Ray. We love Adam Ray. That's what she said. And I took the fuck and went, what?

Starting point is 00:53:15 Dr. Phil's agent? Oh, my agent, yeah. Yeah, your agent. Okay, he did go there. It was, yeah, that's right. That's near the Yandahs, right? It's in the basement. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:53:24 The basement of the Yandahs and they have like shrimp tartare, and they got, they like light up, they put like, put a Roman candle in your Kobe beef or some shit. Yeah, it's all fireworks and charades and charades and charades smalls there. There's a lot of fun flair.

Starting point is 00:53:37 It's like an exciting time to be alive when you're there. She loved Adam Ray, she said. Well, we took care of her. Adam Ray was here. We loved, we loved Adam Ray. And then Bobby said, you took care of her. Adam Ray was here, we loved Adam Ray, and then Bobby said, you know, look, we always leave more than 20%. But in this instance, he goes, let's just leave 20.

Starting point is 00:53:52 Yeah. Just 20 for this one. I respect that. Do you like to eat out a lot? Let's go to the phones. Bobby likes to eat out a lot. Every meal is out. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:54:03 He doesn't cook. I don't cook. But do you order in or do you go out? I. Every meal is out. Yeah. He doesn't cook. I don't cook. But do you order in or do you go out? I usually postmates or DoorDash. What's your favorite DoorDash order? Every day is a different day. I love that. Bobby, you look like you eat a lot of chicken fingers

Starting point is 00:54:14 and applesauce. You look good, Bobby. You do. Yeah, so you're saying that I'm fat. No, no, no. You've gone like this since last time I've seen you. No, you don't understand. I'm saying that you have, you eat your fun the way you eat

Starting point is 00:54:27 and you eat like you're very young and youthful in the way you eat. You're not here eating quinoa. By the way, worst diet therapist of all time. You imagine sitting down with him, he's like, you're not fat, your tits are getting longer. Yeah, you're not fat, you're just young. So I had another one of those vomits.

Starting point is 00:54:43 So when we flew in from Miami, I went and got Chinese, not because I put, I took Ozempic, I mean the Wigovy. Wigovy. Wait, what? Wigovy. Is that Korean Ozempic?

Starting point is 00:54:53 Yeah, it's Korean Ozempic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also it's my Xbox screen. So I was eating, I was sitting at my kitchen table. Korean Ozempic? No, Wigovy. And I started eating the food. Okay.

Starting point is 00:55:04 And then I just. Diarrhea. No, the whole table was red vomit. What? Yeah. Did you black out when you did? And then I ran to the fucking thing and I vomited all over the fucking kitchen sink.

Starting point is 00:55:16 You were throwing up blood? Yeah, yeah. Bobby, that's bad. Bobby, that happened to me when I landed, I went to McDonald's on Manchester and I threw up while driving on Los Cienegos. Yeah, so what do we eat? That's the last time we're going to P.f. Chang's I'll try crab fried rice. Oh, that's right

Starting point is 00:55:29 It was the crap. No, you might have got the noro virus. They have that no no no it was crap fried rice I just say that okay. Yeah, because that's a sound scary than noro no, but we I threw up Did you really thank God because I was like what the fuck is going on? Yeah, and the red was because of the skittles It wasn't that because no blood. Yeah, I like red licorice and skittles. Yeah, I the fuck is going on? Yeah. And the red was because of the Skittles. It wasn't because of the blood. There's no blood? Yeah, I had like red licorice and Skittles. Yeah, that's what it was. I get concerned about the blood though. Yeah, yeah, no, it's not blood.

Starting point is 00:55:49 Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Oh boy. Happy birthday dear Matt and Ryan. Oh boy, bad friends. Happy birthday dear bad friends. Happy birthday to you. Five years.

Starting point is 00:56:11 We're five years old. Wow. As of today? Today. As of today, this episode. What kind of cake? Carrot. Carrot, for me.

Starting point is 00:56:17 Yeah. Can I eat it with my hands? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You know he will. We got it at the same supermarket that Bobby got his, you know. Oh yeah, go ahead. Pregnancy test. Beautiful piece there. Yeah. You know he will. We got it at the same supermarket that Bobby got his, you know. Oh yeah, go ahead.

Starting point is 00:56:25 Pregnancy test. Beautiful piece there. Delicious. Oh my God. Thank you. You really did eat it with your hand. Can we blow it first? For a fucking asshole? No, no, no, wait, make a, let's do it together.

Starting point is 00:56:35 No, you're sick. Go ahead and blow. Yeah. What'd you wish for? What? Let me guess. Yeah, Jake Paul. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 00:56:46 I love Jake Paul. One's not enough? One Paul brother is just not enough for you? Get in there. Dr. Phil, would you like a piece of cake? I'm okay. I'm on Atkins. And now being involved for anything for five years is a big deal.

Starting point is 00:56:58 Look at you. You're like a drunk chick eating Frosted Flakes at 4 a.m. So five years, let's talk about the five years. Five years. Pretty incredible. Five years. I let's talk about the five years. Five years, pretty incredible. Five years, I've never done anything for five years. Stand up, stand up. I thought it was longer than five years, to be honest. You played FIFA for five years.

Starting point is 00:57:13 Oh, that's true, that's true. I thought it was much longer than five years. Only started like right in the beginning of the pandemic? That's right. Exactly, congrats, guys. Thank you so much. We're very happy and we wanna thank the fans very much for being along for the ride for this,

Starting point is 00:57:24 it's been incredible. And also get that there's cake on your headphones, AirBub. Good boy, good boy. This is closer, September 11th. Oh yeah. Gonna lick cake up. He's gonna eat carrot cake on this. You know how Reverend Bob Levy used to eat blue cheese?

Starting point is 00:57:38 Love. I'm gonna eat carrot cake out of somebody's ass. Tell me this, what's on your rider for Madison Square Garden? Great question. Honestly, to be honest, I'm gonna have a pizza from my local pizzeria, Joe and John's pizzeria, shout out Joe and John's pizzeria.

Starting point is 00:57:52 Staten Island? No, fucking Ridgewood Queens. Ridgewood Queens! What was the place where you took us? Oh, that was in Staten Island. That was at restaurant Staten Island, after we were at the apartment. We had pizza. We had pizza at that joint, and it's in an apartment complex, it was that restaurant in Staten Island after we were at the apartment. We had pizza.

Starting point is 00:58:05 We had pizza at that joint, and it's in an apartment complex, it was on the first floor. Oh yeah, we went to Staten Island. Staten Island, yeah. It was really good. I forgot the name now, damn it. I'll always have, that memory,

Starting point is 00:58:18 I don't know why, it's ingrained in, I liked it. I loved it. That was a pleasant day. Also a wonderful day that we had. Yeah, yeah. We did, that was a nice day. It was a nice day. In Pete Davidson's old apartment, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember. Oh yes, I remember that, yes was a pleasant day. Also a wonderful day that we had. Yeah, yeah. We did, that was a nice day. It was a nice day. In Pete Davidson's old apartment, right?

Starting point is 00:58:26 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember. Oh gosh, I remember that. I remember. Yes, yes, yes. So that, but I'm gonna have pizza, and I'm gonna have- Gushers? Tequila, no, not gushers, Dunkaroos.

Starting point is 00:58:37 Oh, wow. We're gonna have Dunkaroos, and then I'm gonna have a cake from this German bakery that I love. Kanye, Kanye owns it? No, well, it's interesting you say that. It's a black forest cake, and the reason why I'm gonna have that, I think it's simple.

Starting point is 00:58:50 Dude. Sorry. Just say forest cake. No need to bring a ration to it. Yeah, that's insane. It's a Kanye forest cake, and I'm gonna have it because this actual bakery, which is from Ridgewood, Queens,

Starting point is 00:59:01 which is a historically German neighborhood, when the, remember when the Nazis sold out the garden in 1937? This bakery did the catering. Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow. So it's symbolic. That's insane, they sold out the garden. They did.

Starting point is 00:59:14 Oh my God. They did, and that's gonna be my background, is George Washington. Is this real, the Nazis sold out the garden? I swear to God. They did, they did. Who wasn't the opener? Who was he?

Starting point is 00:59:23 Gerbler. Ladies and gentlemen, this next guy coming to the stage tours colleges and clubs all over. It's Hitler. It's Hitler. It's Hitler. The man you came to see, it's Hitler. Guys, he's backstage right now.

Starting point is 00:59:41 He can't hear you, put your hands together. Oh. What is Hitler's come out music? What was his walk out music? He's backstage right now. He can't hear you. Put your hands together. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. What is Hitler's come out music? What was his walkout music? What did he put? What did he come out?

Starting point is 00:59:51 The Aqua Barbie girl. Yeah. Yeah. He comes out. He came out to, ah, freak out. Freak out. He loved Nelly. He was doing, if you want to go and take a ride with me.

Starting point is 01:00:04 I thought you meant Nelly Furtado. There you go. Kanye breakfast. He came out to Kanye. He was doing, if you want to go and take a ride with me. I thought you meant Nelly Furtado. There you go, Kanye breakfast. He came out to Kanye. He probably would. What a wild guy, huh? Only Nazi t-shirts now? They're gone though, they took them down. We looked earlier in the podcast, they're gone.

Starting point is 01:00:16 So we were trying to buy, Carlos wanted to buy one. So now he's got no merch. Yeah, nothing. No. Nothing. But yeah, he doesn't even have a website, but he still sells more merch than me. But I did hear if you guys still want one of those Swastika shirts,

Starting point is 01:00:27 you can go to A Kill Tony Live, they are selling them there. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah. I made my mustache fall off. Dr. Bill. I gotta say this. Of the five years we've been doing this show,

Starting point is 01:00:42 little bit emotional, reminiscing. Please. It is genuinely from the bottom of my heart, the greatest thing that's ever happened in my career. And I mean it without any joke. It's the greatest thing that's ever happened in my career and my life. And thank you to the fans.

Starting point is 01:00:55 Thank you so much. We mean the world to us. Yeah, thank you. Gay! No, that's all, you guys are really, it really is amazing to see, I mean. Change our lives. You're the top pod. No, we're not a top. We're just, we're just, you guys are really, it really is amazing to see, I mean. Change our lives. You're the top pod?

Starting point is 01:01:06 No, we're not a top, we're just, we're humming along and the people that come along for the stupid ride with us, it's the best. It's the most, it's the most, you know, Dr. Phil, when you do shows, it's the best, the people that come along for the ride. It's wild, it's cultish, but what you guys have created isn't just a fun backdrop, you know,

Starting point is 01:01:21 you got diversity, you got characters in the booth, the guest always has booth, the guest always has fun, the table is proportionate to your bodies, the live shows are fun, there's a pubeshot every other night. That's right. The banter between you is maybe the best, and again, not to get emotional, maybe the best banter out there. There was a time when I was a big, like, you ever watch Sharon, Lois and Bram? Love Lois and Bram. They had great banter out there. There was a time when I was a big like, you ever watch Sharon, Lois and Bram? Love Lois and Bram.

Starting point is 01:01:46 They had great banter. Great. And then here comes, you know, here comes Siskel and Ebert. Man, but they were on the wrong page more often than not. You guys always, yes and, you support, but you also encourage and you divulge in a way that most people can't, you know? Chris, take it away. You guys are, it's really amazing to see how- Thank you for being a bad friend.

Starting point is 01:02:11 And you guys are- Is that it? I thought we were gonna sing a song. We do, we have to sing a song to end the show. Thank you for being a bad friend. No, we do have to sing a song. Chris gets the first verse and then Dr. Phil, and then you and I will close it out. So guys, for being a bad friend. No, we do have to sing a song. Chris gets the first verse and then Dr. Phil and then you and I will close it out.

Starting point is 01:02:27 So guys, this is a bad friend song to thank the bad friends for coming along for this ride with us and two of our very good friends and special guests, Chris DiStefano, a special out on Hulu and he's playing Madison Square Garden September 11th. Please go see him, New York City and the surrounding areas. Go see our boy and Dr. Phil, of course, represented by Adam Ray,

Starting point is 01:02:45 his agent, Adam Ray Comedy. They're both on tour. They're never gonna overlap. Two separate entities. You won't catch them in the same room. We love them both very much. Go ahead and take it away, Chris and Stefano. So, just a song about bad friends, the five years.

Starting point is 01:02:58 I don't need to explain it, man. You should just be able to. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I love to see bad friends you brought together United States and Korea and it said it couldn't be done but you did it hun.

Starting point is 01:03:15 Dr. Phil. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. You walk into a store late at night Looking for some gum and a Jew on Jew fight But you don't, you don't know what you got into So you fill your car with gas You get your ass kicked by the guy at the front station Cause he ran out of condoms and you're looking to

Starting point is 01:03:47 fuck so you gotta drive home with a boner filled with cum oh mom what have I done I've got nothing on the radio so I'm gonna turn on my favorite show The 50 50 podcast okay, go ahead I feel like you're you think that you're the captain of the ship I am Thanks for being a bad friend! This is a 50-50 podcast. Okay, go ahead. And I feel like you're, you think that you're the captain of the ship? I am. We're, no, we're like the lighthouse. We're the two dudes in the lighthouse.

Starting point is 01:04:31 I'm gonna be a ninja Turn it off! Turn it off! Okay, it's off. Alright, if I was that Asian lady, I'd already- I'm gonna chop, chop, chop, chow down, take chow down to Chinatown. I'm almost aown I almost a ninja She almost a ninja?

Starting point is 01:04:46 Oh, are you cleaning a knife? Yeah What is that for? Um, I just bought it Bought it Wha- What? Wouldn't it be funny if I fucked you, ate you, and then I walked across to the island as a resort?

Starting point is 01:05:04 But I wanna say this right now for the record. Yeah. I like it. You look good doing it. Yeah. I don't. I'm going to do it. Don't. Hey, this is great. Anytime. Ha! Anyway, for the record. Finance advice. Finance advice. I just saw a matador in my head pull a finance advice. Koreans didn't have slaves. Do Koreans have slaves? Yeah, Google that. We were kidding about the Koreans. Korea had the longest unbroken chain of slavery

Starting point is 01:05:35 of any society in history, spanning 1500 years, fuck off. That's not what it says. Had the longest unbroken chain of slavery of any society Gay no more I am delivered You know, I have a question when you when you When you were my age and you were pooing Does your asshole like bleed a lot?

Starting point is 01:06:14 Just let that sink in who are you gonna vote for D O N A L D T R U M P MP, duh, no, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, batteries. Finally I'm not gonna have those embarrassing moments at TSA. Oh that is a game where you do one word. You do one word. One word. One word. Everyone says one word. Is that what it is? Not the sentence? You say one word and then you try and keep the cadence of an actual story. Yeah yeah you want to try that? Okay just a word. Yeah see Jules you're playing number one and number two. This is how it works. No this is How you? works Who celebrates Thanksgiving on the second Monday of October

Starting point is 01:07:23 Who celebrates Thanksgiving? You know what? No. Why'd you raise your hand? Because I wanna go first. Go ahead. Go. Jews?

Starting point is 01:07:33 Wow. That's definitely not. Well, that's the show. We're canceled. Well, Jews. That kid is Chinese on the right. Yeah, that's me. There's no doubt in my mind.

Starting point is 01:07:48 Well, we need a test. Yeah. Look at that, if you saw him on the street, you'd go, who's that little Chinese kid? Yeah, like he looks like a Chinese guy that sells pineapples in the black market. 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I tell you that a few episodes ago? Can I tell you about the Toh Toh?

Starting point is 01:08:04 She's Chinese too. Yeah, is that your Asian accent? No, why are you doing this? Grizzly animal in Chicago your mom It's just a joke Relax. Yeah, my mother's very pretty. She's a beautiful woman. Unlike your cross-eyed mother. Well, don't, you don't have to fucking get some... I'm a Bobby mother.

Starting point is 01:08:33 I'm Bobby mom. Simp. I'm a Simp. Fuck. Yubi Simp and hard. Hard. Out of a failed hope of winning some entitled sexual attention. Oh, that felt good, so now I don't have to feel bad for your little heartbreak.

Starting point is 01:08:46 Fuck you. Mr. Herrera, what is it? Yeah, how far away is this private investigator? He's just taking out an iPhone four feet away. Like look Bobby in the eye right now. Let's see your confidence level. Tell him to go fuck himself. Look him right in the eye and say, go fuck yourself.

Starting point is 01:09:06 Do it. Go fuck yourself. Whoa, that was so believable. I love it. Man, this is good. I like this new rune. Do more, do more. Look him right in the eye and do it.

Starting point is 01:09:18 You're a fat piece of shit. Shit. Ready? Do for another one? You're not my blood and I don't respect you at all. Oh my God. It looks so real when she says it. Wow. That was a good one.

Starting point is 01:09:39 That was a good one. No, one more, one last, one last. You want another one? One last one for the room. I like it. It's so magic isn't last one for the world. I like it. I like it, I like it. I can't wait till Attica Lila leaves you. Oh my god.

Starting point is 01:09:52 Oh that one hurts. That one stung. He's getting hit a little bit. Oh fuck. Wow. I'm in the middle there. Look. Zoom in. Zoom in, zoom in. Bye. Yes. Ancient train technique. If do right, you can defend.

Starting point is 01:10:08 Aye! How tall are you? Five, three. There's no way. Who's taller, you or I? That's a good question. I'm five, two. No, you're not!

Starting point is 01:10:17 Yeah, yeah, I'm five, two. No, bro, no, you're not! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bro, you, bro. You're five foot. No, don't do that! And then I plug in my iPhone whatever I have a phone right Samsung Samsung

Starting point is 01:10:33 All right, Samsung, yeah, does it matter what kind of TV I'm looking at or to Shiva Yeah, yeah, so I assume just by your thinking I'm wearing a kimono What else would you be wearing at your house? So just all right out in public Right. Yeah, come on. Oh, I have a sword a sword And your hair is in a bun must be and what's in it? What's what's holding your hair up? Chopsticks, that's correct. Oh, you raised this fuck.

Starting point is 01:11:10 All right, for some reason. For some reason, I'm wearing regular clothes. You're wearing regular clothes at the liquor store. But when I get home, there's gotta be a Montossi where I put the... Come on. I don't want it. You ever kiss someone of the same sex?

Starting point is 01:11:24 Yes, I do all the time. Once or twice. No way. Or I love kissing people regardless of their sex. Third. No way? Yeah, I suck dick. I suck dick, but never fucking. Well, why can't we make that the same thing? They're not the same thing. They're not the same thing! I know! You went to third base instead of first!

Starting point is 01:11:40 I know, but kissing somebody is so sensual. They're saying, did you ever hit a single? And there's some passion. And you saying, did you ever hit a single? And you're like, well, I got a triple. Yeah, that's not what the question is. Over the years, and you may disagree with me, I've learned a little move called dodge. You think you're quick enough to dodge a fucking elephant?

Starting point is 01:11:56 Yeah, let me answer this, right? You think they're like a race? That's not an elephant. An elephant would fucking kill you. That's not important. You didn't even move. So I'm in the patio make me go all the way around the point we're gonna make me go all the way around you're gonna make me go all the way around You gonna make me go All the way around Daddy I love you Daddy why you die

Starting point is 01:12:36 Happy Father's Day Daddy Daddy you can fly Daddy I miss you Why are you dead? Daddy, I need you Laying on your bed I'm sorry I took photos of you while you were dead And sent it to the heart says what was in my head

Starting point is 01:13:14 You were dead and I ripped out my phone I can't fucking believe I did that shit I'm all alone I miss you daddy

Bad Friends - 5th Badiversary w/ Chris Distefano & Dr. Phil

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