Bad Friends - A Kid at the Crib

Episode Date: February 28, 2022

New Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com Thank you to our Sponsors:  http://shipstation.com code: BADFRIENDS  & https://betterhelp.com/badfriends & https://current.com/badfriends & https://www.mintmobile.com YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriends 0:00 Bad Friends in Austin and Santino at the Irvine Improv.  4:44 Nice Day for a White Wedding  2:54 Black Magic vs Covid  9:26 Drippy Nose, Tickly Heart and A Kid at the Crib  19:00 Dalí, Einstein and Bobby  24:25 Weak and Cheap 29:05 Butt to Butt   34:06 Doc's Darkest Secret  40:55 Rudy is Back... from a Covid Party  45:54 Bobby's Hugs Styles  58:08 Christian Bale, Robert Pattinson, Michael Keaton and the Best Batman  1:13:34 Bobby and Andrew's Advice to Rudy More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Andres Rosende & Pete Forthun This podcast episode was sponsored by Candy Crush Sponsorships: on for this episode Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey everybody April 15th Andrew and I bad friends is gonna be at the moon tower comedy festival in Austin, Austin, Texas This is and Tickets go on sale soon tickets are about to be on sale Yeah, so check it out. Also, my one of my best friends in the whole world is playing the Irvine improv March 18th and 19th Exactly, and even though I sold out every show I did there. I want Andrew to be sold out, too Okay, so I'm 18th and 19th. Come see me at the Irvine improv sell it out. Andrew Santino comm for the tickets Bad friends anchor if you haven't heard about anchor It's the easiest way to make a podcast way to make a podcast. Let me explain. Oh, please

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Nice day for my wedding I was listening to that. Yeah, I don't even know what that means, but it's other black people at the wedding Do you know what that song's about? No, what is it? It's a nice day to Know what it's really about what is it about so his sister from what I what I and Pete can look this up Yeah, his sister was kind of Exiled from the family so to speak or she was like the black sheep of the family and that song is like saying oh This white puritan, you know this puritanical idea of weddings and it cleans you out and bro And it makes you perfect. I never listen to the song going. Wow. They're excluding black and other minorities

What does it mean it means that they're wearing white Yeah, right and it's also the institution is very clean and white But he's saying it because his sister was like a black sheep of the family and it's like oh It's black sheep means she's black. You're adopted. So you're the black sheep. Oh, I'm adopted. No, you're the black sheep of comedy In the comedy world, you're the black sheep. Dude, don't hurt my feelings right now, dude You're the little you're very vulnerable the little yellow sheep. No, why am I black sheep? Why am I black sheep though because you're the outcast you're the I'm not the outcast. I'm very healthy Did you lose some weight? Yeah, I've been losing weight. I look great. You look coffee. Let's give it up for a way

No coffee. Yeah, I've just had some of that double shot espresso I've been hiking you literally have a fucking Red Bull and a double shot espresso. What does that mean? What do you mean? No coffee. You're having so much caffeine and Tori. No, that's a no coughing. I Said coffee. Why would I say no coffee you fucking ding dog? What do you mean? No coughing? I'm not coughing anymore I don't breathe as weird. You know me. I should breathe heavy. All right, stop. Let's let's test that theory Yeah, let me hear you just it just nose into the mic. Let me hear you breathe calmly But dude, I mean you can hear me like you my face makes a lot of noise. It's it's yeah Yeah, when I like when I smile my eyes. Oh

My eyes crinkle. Yeah talking about a black sheep. Talk about black sheep. Yeah. Yeah. What's up? What's up? COVID or no, are you doing any pussy since COVID or no, man? I've been on lockdown Dude, everyone's been asking where doc has been. He's been sick for no shit four months man Did you die and come back bro? You know what? Yeah, it was a the cough is so fucking crazy with COVID. It's like it keeps you locked down You can't yeah talk you can't laugh So I was like fuck it and when y'all see me up on like nah, I can't do it man Yeah, but now are you regretful that you weren't my more mindful about protecting yourself? Nope

Yeah, it's gonna get you the next time Twice twice I had it in 2020 and I thought I was gonna get it last year, but I made it past the Delta And I was like, okay, I'm invincible then boom You can we do a fan duel COVID versus doc and do a batting thing. Yeah, dude. Yeah, let's do that Yeah, fan duel. You gained weight though, huh? No, I lost weight Sure, what's your weight at right now? I'm at 160 I was at 170. That's pretty good. What did you get down to? You know Bobby lost weight? I'm 163 and rehab You lost weight you lost seven or eight pounds. No, I was at one almost 80. No, bro. I was were you really? Yeah, holy shit

Me too Well, you know what you guys are the same height same size You know that you know the whole thing to two pieces of pod if you weren't two peas in a pod we'd be fucking dude to roly-poly Have you got a roly-poly together or what? No, I'm good. I'm good. I'm gonna get down there and roly-poly with him. Come on Come on, come on. You're sweetie looks. He looks good. Come on. If you want to stay on the show You got a roly-poly with them I got a quickly I reverse that fine. We're judges came back. Oh, can I also can I ask you something? I know you're trying to hide your friend with the glasses, but who's your friend right there?

I have one right there you have right dude. I have one right here You know what this is from what fucking masks I've been traveling on airplanes flying across the country wearing masks I got I got acne underneath my fucking eyeball and on my nose again, but he tried to sneak this me and he fucking got one too Because I'm gonna tell you where this one came from where we come from Chappelle AC. How it's a fucking voodoo Which is worth it. Oh, it's a voodoo dude. I like a lot with him there. They fucking he's doing this flips His voodoo flips. Yeah, he does flip. He does flip. I don't like it dude. He was right or cheerleader or something like that Yeah, how do you feel about that? You know, it's different

You know, I love the start of war Black like that I'm like linebacker, but you doing flips. That's my department cuz I'm five three. That's what the Olympics, right? No, oh, what you're saying is is that if they did an oceans 11, you have that little Chinese man Yeah, you know, they put in a little vase and they snuck it through the thing I don't know. I don't know. I haven't seen the movie, but I know there's a little Chinese man They put a little vase and they correct the thing, right? Yeah Yeah, you so what you're saying that if they did an oceans 11 with all black people that's him right there, right? You would be that guy. There you go. So if we did a heist

We would need doc because he would do the flip you could put him in a little bit I still need to thin out a little bit because I think you wouldn't fit in the face You'd fit in one of those bulbous vases where they We need you to lose a little bit of weight before we get you in a vase Because there's this thing where Bobby would know you wouldn't know you know, but Bobby would know go ahead There's like when you see somebody like over six feet or six, you know, I'm like big Yeah, I'll get kind of like that's a waste right there. You know I'm saying you don't ever be like I'm over six feet

What the fuck are you talking about? I love it though, but keep doing I love being me But I'm just saying though when you see somebody like she fell you like that's a way to do that Right now Because you know what he's talking all sorts Because Yeah, he's five seven dude. Hey, what the fuck you talk Not picking up your call that's a big Bobby. That's a big mark Bobby hates when people don't pick up his call That's a big no, no, how do you pick up your

phone call in mid-flip? Hello He's mid-flip Just give him the phone just give him the phone so you're gonna get up and just throw it They just know you get your speakerphone could come over here fucker What about how you're saying that he's waist his body is wasting his body he's talking shit about shit about how he's you're doing flips He doesn't like it go This is black-on-black crime

Let me say something to doc go ahead let's go step-by-step through your COVID diagnosis and your what happened Who did you get it from? I would say I mean we got you that chair on purpose You are yeah, it's color coordinated with the shoes Did you just buy those shoes because they're they look brand new they are no no I've been here, okay So what was the first symptom? I'm sure it's different for little people like you So what's what what happened? I'm not sure what that means You know what that means. I had uh, I had a running my nose started no dripping. Oh, no dripping

See I like a way. Yeah Then uh, imagine how tiny his cough was All right, so now there's little tiny lungs Oh, so tiny like yeah, yeah like those little poppable bubbles that come in a pocket. That's hacks. He hacks Drop So I got that and then I got a tickle in my chest just like Oh You know I had to take a baby aspirin

Are they shaped with flimstone Maybe a minion or whatever So when uh, I uh, you know, because I work with amazon For a time, right? Yes, which is scary, which is what well amazon is actually good about testing the people So they allow you to be tested twice a week. So that's how I usually remember. I was telling So I had a kid at the crib and I said my nose running it feels like I got covid again Wait, wait, who was at the crib me? No, you said you had a kid at the kid at the crib. No, I said I was at the crib

Uh, you said I had a kid at the crib. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. So I had a kid at the crib And I said my nose was running. So who's this kid that's in your house? There's no kid in the crib All right, I'm safe We have it's recording. Yeah, we got it. We have it on tape. Yeah, and when you rewind I'm gonna be right And you guys owe me a free. Did you guys hear what he said? What did he say? He said I have a kid on the crib Yeah, all right, so listen you had a little tickle tackle Yeah, you had a little dripped up real tall. Yeah, and and then you also realized at some point when a kid was at the crib There was no kid. No, also relax. There was a kid there was you said it and you realized uh-oh black magic got the wrong

Right at some point black magic had the wrong at one point black magic Right look at his nuts it started shrinking and then you realize your nuts were already always that size No By the way, do you know that Corona you had it twice Covid has been proven scientifically certain cases have shrunken people's penises. I swear to god look it up right now They've done they've done genital shrinking. So you mean tell me I went from four to three Can Covid shrink your penis one man in the united states agree and close one man in the united states

Believes the virus irreversibly shorten his manhood. Oh, is he white? I don't wonder. He is white. Yeah, you know He's a denial How funny he said that he's saying that to the girl he's dating. He's like Covid's work my I had a huge penis before this Or what if what if like he's not he's the everyone all every guy gets their dick strong But they're just so fucking scared to say anything. Nobody wants to talk about he's the first guy That's like, you know, I got to say something finally the rest of us are not fine I had Covid, but I guess I should have measured my penis before anytime. I think you're taking strong. Do you think so?

Yeah, anybody at home That's what you do. That's the rule turn off the lights girl don't fucking you don't ever want to See you soft time out You ever do that No, no, I had a girlfriend once she's I had a girlfriend where I never she never showed me her ass. She hated her ass So every time she got out of the bed, she held her ass like this. What yeah, she wanted you to see her butt She didn't want it. Yeah, was it bad? So but one night though. I was doing her from behind

And I had the little switch like switch And it looked and I regret turning it on I turned it right off. It was like flat like this. Oh, it was a table. It was like a tablet when you were having sex You didn't understand it when you were having sex. I would think it was grabbing her hips She had white hips. Oh, she was birthed birthed. She had birthing hips. Yeah. Yeah. So just slam her like this, right? But my hands were flat like this Yeah, yeah Can I ask you a question? Have you ever had a butt so big that it scared you? What? Was she Asian?

Oh Doc, I just asked a question. It is still black history month to be fair. We got a Is it is it? It is. I just asked a question. She was white. Okay But white women are plagued with that same thing sometimes flat butt Sometimes a lot of people play with flat butt. Does he I think fancy has a flat butt. I do. Yeah. Yeah I don't handle cheese. You don't have you have a flat butt. Yeah, I have cake. Can you turn around real quick? I got a lot of cake. Can you turn around real quick? No I

Did this guy He's so rude. He's so rude. I love it. Yeah. Yeah, I love it. It's a covid fuck with your mind, too So go ahead. So what else happened? So, uh, I took the test And uh on a sunday I mailed it in on a monday and I got sicker Then tuesday I started coughing and then they sent me a message in my email saying you got covid I'm like, yeah, I fucking know now. I'm fucking sick like you know, I already know and that's what happened The boy got sick like that and you were at the house. Did you leave the house when you still had symptoms? No doc

Went to the grocery store. Yeah, I know Because I can tell I knew you know, he goes to the store when he gets sick. Yeah, I go I went to cvs And it wasn't because I didn't have no cold medicine already. It's just because I wanted more But you could have just gotten it delivered. Don't you work for amazon? Do you have access to the warehouse? Everything right. So can't you go to the vitamin c aisle and the zinc aisle? I don't work like that. I believe what? Don't call me a playboy. What the fuck happened to you, dude? Covid's fucked your mind up. Can I do an 80s joke real quick?

Can I do an 80s joke real quick? Is the kid in your house willis? Your brother's willis. My brother willis. Yeah, different strokes for you people who don't know google it. Yeah I just want to do it. Can I just throw an 80s joke? You're allowed to. Yeah, thank you So you you went to cvs. Where else did you go while you were sick? I know you went to multiple places Don't front on me. I know you went to a few spots. Go ahead and say it. You went to the liquor store Did you know I don't want to pay the you know, I ain't 14 like that before you get anything you went to the liquor store beyond us Whisky, no, no, we got wine. Oh, no. Nope. Nope. No drinking while I'm sick. Bullshit. Bullshit Oh, you're drunk now? What's in here? Well, you know a little bit of juice, but it ain't

Can I tell you something? When he scoots back in that chair, it is so funny. He's a funny... When he wiggles out in that chair Yeah, it's like when I put my dog on its back and she's trying to get back Bro when God created you he said to all his people, right? Mm-hmm. I'm gonna take my time with this one. Yeah, I want to spend a day on this Go to the kids go to the kids drawer Got the legs, right right go to the mythological section, right? He got golems and stomach Right the door the doorfans got picked up doc like this All right, and now for the height

So they went right down to earth right so you were supposed to be six eight. Yeah, that was God's plan Yeah, yeah, but he knew that I can handle being five three. He's still gonna be sexy You know what heavy props on that. He knew you could handle it. Yeah, did you see did you see genius? Did you watch Kanye West documentary? No Did you they just call it genius? It's called Jean. Yes, J J E N Okay, where's that? Okay. Can we not talk about it when I watch it? Yeah, that's fine. It's on Netflix I like to watch it when it's out. I gotta tell you dude. What was the room? God? I love this dude cuz he's nuts dude I love how he's nuts. He's nuts. It's awesome. He's like you. Well, it's the same way. I like you

I love you because you're fucking crazy. No, I'm not You're fucking crazy, bud Yeah, you are not how you're reacting this normal guy wouldn't do all right say it again then you're fucking crazy You're an absolute psychopath Nut back. Mmm. That's fuck. So what is the meaning of it all? Why are you crazy? No, why are you saying this because look at you? I'm not dude. You're a fucking nut I'm not That's just the way I fucking express my joy it is and I love my joy at first of all, I am not crazy

I'm misunderstood correct. You know what also. I hate when people say I've heard producer say we love on his eccentric Hey eccentric. What does that mean? It means you're fucking crazy But I don't like it because I didn't you you know when you go up Google eccentric, then you'll see like Dolly Salvador dolly a foot of Dolly fucking genius with an eagle. All right. Let's see what eccentric means go to eccentric And what does that mean? Let's see the definition Lee. Why do you say Dolly? It's Dolly Salvador Dolly Salvador Dolly is that Lee? It's Dolly. That is country. Are you what is it Dolly? Dolly Dolly. Yeah If you're Spanish, I'm Spanish. Ask Pete. Pete's an American. How do we say it Pete? What do we say? I say Dolly. Yeah, Dolly Salvador Dolly. No, you said Dolly like I did

Dolly yeah, Dolly, but look at who you're amongst of the eccentric people. Einstein a genius. That's cool. Dolly That's cool. A genius. That's cool. That's you Yeah, you're a white. That's you. Yeah. Okay. Where's Pee Wee Herman? He should be on that list. Why? Y'all got the same quirky weird ass. You are kind of close to Pee Wee. Yeah Paul Rubens. Paul Rubens. There you go. Yeah. God bless. Jack it off in the fucking Jerk off in the movie theater, but but I could see you doing it. No, I wouldn't But first of all, it was a porno theater. Have you ever jacked off outside of your home? Yeah, in my hotel rooms outside of a hotel room. Comic club. Oh my god outside of a comedy club

The work like when I was a restaurant, I jerked off in the bathroom. Okay, every time. Yeah, what do you want? What do you want away? Okay, lunch break. Yeah, I'm slammed right and then I see a hot girl come in and I go I gotta go, you know, and I jerk off. How about at your trailer when you're on set? At the one time Go ahead one time One time I literally thought I was gonna be banned from show business because I was I was you know, I was when I was on spilling up together I was in Warner Brothers lot. Yeah, and I had a night shoot, right? And then I had an early call

So I said, can I just sleep here? Right, you wanted to sleep in the trailer. So I did. No, I didn't have a trailer. I had a dressing room Oh, right. It was just slept on the lot It was physically on in a building in a building and that had a shower or my name on the thing, right? So, um So late at night, I was on my couch and I was you know, the bed couch and I was going on, you know They're Wi-Fi Right and I was looking up like my weird porn, right? And then the next day I was telling one of the actors I go Yeah, he was joking off the weird portal last night. I mean he goes you'd locked in the Wi-Fi

And I go, yeah, he goes Warner Brothers has that record now man. They track all of them. They track all of them. Yeah, I was gonna say. No But that's not true. Yes, it is. Oh, they did? No, after the Sony leak. No, I googled it. No, I googled it. There's no way and I also went to the oh you think they're I went to the cyber unit and I go the cyber unit I do I imagine you walked in he's in the cyber unit Imagine yeah Ship station. Oh my god. I love ship station I'll tell you the reason why Andrew tell me babe because a lot of my business is through

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Happen better help. Oh my god, Andrew during the pandemic pandemic and now even after going to rehab I use better help because I need therapy every once a week. You do you need therapy I love better help relationships take work Andrew. I don't know that a lot of us We'll drop anything to go help someone we care about right? Mm-hmm We'll go out of our way to treat other people well, but how often do we give ourselves the same treatment? Not often I go out of my way to help you out and I don't get enough help myself So this month better help is online therapy They want to remind you to take care of your most important relationship the one you have with yourself

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I'm I'm 27 days of no porn We kick the habit Raise your hand in this room. Let's talk to the dorks in the window. Yeah, you guys have never signed up for porno sites Never never because why because it's free free. Yeah, it's insane to think you guys would do that Hey, do you notice that the three guys that are saying wait like free or what? You got it. Exactly. First of all, Andres is not one of us. Just say Cajun. Can I say Cajun? We're not looking at this color of your skin. Yes, you were no week week

You cheap and you're weak and you justify different things. Yeah, you're the kind of guy, right cheap Yeah, you're the kind of goes to Mendocino farms and guys, you know what? Oh, Ruben sandwiches a little too pricey That's who you are, you know what not all of us our privilege and came from wealth like you. Oh, that's funny We're not all Jack Harlow. We don't all come from Millie. Oh, that's hilarious. This guy You're the guy. I know how much you make this guy makes you can afford the fucking Oh, no, it's Mendocino. It's where I come from I come from regular people. No, you come from Upper little class. No white suburbia. I've seen the photos first of all It's a middle class you with a baseball bet

It's brand new the shit that we had a fucking head dance because of our skulls You're from the most affluent part of San Diego. You're from rich boys San Diego from the ghettos Chula Vista Right by the border, dude, how many bedrooms are in your house? Do I I was how many bedrooms are in your house as a kid? Let me count I have to count how many bathrooms is what I want. Let me count one bathrooms one two We had four bathrooms. Yeah, what the fuck and then we had wait. Well, how many Detroit they had one in the whole city How many bedrooms I one two three four bedrooms, okay four beds four baths. What's the problem? That's upper class

But yes, but you don't know what the building look like. Yes, I do. I've seen photos of your house that you grew up in We put it on the show. It's beautiful. Yeah, it's beautiful How many bathrooms did you have as a kid? It depends on if uh, who I was staying with With Willis When you were with a lollipop gang, did you guys all share one bathroom? Timeout when you grew up as a kid, how many bathrooms did you have in your home? We had a Two that seems reasonable

We stayed in the family two family flat. Yeah, too flat. Yeah, too flat. Yeah, a two-family flat So how many people lived in the two-bedroom flat? Six It wait six in total or six in one flat six and one flat. That's a lot So you're too flat. I made two in total my bad. Oh, so there's four bedrooms. Yeah, two of six people So you slept with somebody? Yeah, who? My uncle The gay uncle? Oh my god, dude. We know now. That was for sale. Oh, no, this is no, this is no, we know now, we know now. Bro, Fancy, help me.

We know now. We know now. You cut his mic off. Put the mic, put the mic. Dude, I get it I know where you're going. Two things. One, putting a knife behind his head, really bad idea Insane, he's gonna kill himself. Two, it's insane that we put that right by his head. Yeah, we'll follow the question. And two, San Diego makes perfect sense now. San Diego? Dude, remember when we were in San Diego in the hotel room and he told a story about his gay uncle? Yep, his karate kid, his karate, see? Oh my god. I'm so sorry, dude. You're a victim. You're a victim. You're a victim. You're a victim. I'm so sorry. Well, you know, hold up, hold up. Yeah, yeah. First of all, that's a different uncle. It doesn't matter. First of all, how are we supposed, I don't think so. By the way, I don't believe it at all. I don't believe it at all. You have one uncle, as far as I know you have one, the gay one. I have three gay uncles. You have three gay uncles? And a gay cousin. And which of the uncles that you slept with in your room? If he has three gay uncles, one of them slept in his room, so one of them was gay.

So the karate incident was with my uncle on my father's side. Right. The other one is on my mother's side. Alright, so the uncle on your mother's side that slept in the same room as you, was he gay? Yeah. Okay. But he also was mentally challenged. What the fuck are you gonna say? He was mentally challenged. I didn't want to put it on there, but you guys fucking asked. Time out. How does that work? You had a gay mentally handicapped uncle that you slept with in the room. In the bed, yeah. Wait, you slept in the same bed? Hey, it's my uncle. We were in the same bed. He was only two or three years old. I'm not inferring anything. What you do, it's cultural. We're not making fun of your culture, dude. We were in the same age. It was gay. Wait, wait. He's the same age? Your uncle's the same age as you? He's two, three years older than me. My uncle's two or three years old. Same size? Please tell me the same size. No. He was taller than me, man. What? Who was the big spoon? Oh, you were the little spoon? No, I wouldn't have no idea. Did you only go butt to butt? You never ever spooned? Yeah. Butt to butt. Always, every night. Did you ever once do it, you know?

Let me ask you a question. Go ahead. Obviously, when you're sleeping, you have no control over what you're doing with your body and whatnot, right? Right. Have you ever woken up and you were face to face with your uncle? Never. Not one time. No. I doubt it. That's impossible. Doc. That's impossible. It's impossible. It's in your heart. It's in your heart. I know what I went through. Okay. I know. Tell us what you went through. I'm telling you. It's not your fault. You can't tell me that. It's not your fault. One night, you didn't wake up and you guys were wrapped all over each other because it was cold. Nah, because he wasn't into sucking dick, man. He was on a cusp, you know what I'm saying? He was right. Wait, wait. What kind of... What do you mean? It's not like a license. He had autism? He had autism? I don't know what he had, because back in the 80s, you didn't get diagnosed. You just walked around and you would just... You just walked around and you got diagnosed. Yeah, they didn't have... Autism wasn't a big thing in the 80s. Everybody know that. So he was just walking around on diagnosed. What the fuck are you talking about? I'm just telling y'all what the fuck going on. We didn't have pedicillin.

But he had... Let's put it to the end, Zoey. He was into slow classes. So he was held back in elementary with me, where he should have been in middle school when I was in elementary. And we're not making fun of that, by the way. I don't like that. What does that mean? What does that mean? We want to give him a shot at... Is he still alive? Is he still alive? No, he died. Oh, shit. What the fuck? How'd he die? He was killed by a gay serial killer. See? Yes. See, fucking ass. Hold the phone. Your uncle was murdered by a guy who was into killing... Who's a gay serial killer. No, he wasn't. He was killing gay people. Yeah, because he was gay. Obviously because he was gay. The serial killer was obviously... I want to kill a bunch of gay guys. That's kind of what it was like. Chop, chop, chop. I'm going to say the penis. So what you're saying is there was a serial killer who only killed gay guys because he wasn't gay. Yes, he was. I don't know. They never caught gay guys. Can we be logical adults? If there's a guy who's a serial killer that only kills gay men, he's obviously gay and repressed and fighting some sort of fucking societal feelings.

Like Mike Pence. What's the word for that, fellas? Like Mike Pence. What's the word for that? Repression. Because I honestly believe not my theory. Well, first of all, you wouldn't rollie-poly at the beginning of the show. I don't have to rollie-poly with Bobby because Bobby always goes to the... You know. No, but I think... Don't do that. I think you exude this mask, right? That I'm this masculine, right? Playboy, tough guy, this and that. You know, me funny guy, this and that, right? But I think you're hiding something. First of all, I think it's hereditary. It is? Both of his bloodlines have a lot of gay people. Both of your bloodlines have it, right? You have this false, like this weird, like that's not even authentic. Are you an uncle? No. I don't have no brother and sister. That's right. That's right. So I just think that, you know, my theory is... I'm not gonna say it. Say it. That you might be... Let's say it on the count of three. Yeah. Alright. One, two, three. Yeah. First of all, let's take a stance on the show as bad friends. We support all people of all genders and colors and creeds. We love all that shit. That being said, I don't believe for a second that you didn't have some sort of experience like you told us in San Diego with the uncle that you slept within a bed. Bro, this ain't Christianity. It's not about what you believe. It's real. What does that mean? It means that you can't believe. This just is, right? Yeah, it is. It happened. It did dis his happen.

It's like this. It's like, you know, sometimes... You're lying to us. It's like a kid who's addicted to crack, right? He finds himself in a crack house, right? And the parents come in. What are you doing? I'm not smoking crack. Oh, sure. What are you doing here? Sure, right. You know what I mean? I think that's what I'm sensing here. Correct. So you replaced the crack pipe with a dick? Correct. Yes. Can we go back? Can you give me something? I'm almost there. Let's go back. Let's go back. Okay. Your uncle was murdered. He was murdered. Holy shit. Oh, that's, I'm so sorry. I mean, that's insane. I'm so sorry. How old were you when that happened? It was 96. Did they catch this man? So you were 48? No, they never caught the man. And that's what they were. That's why the police said that there was a guy going around shooting and killing. What? Oh, my God. Oh, shit. I know. You're the killer. You're the killer. Doc, you're the killer. Oh, that's when he came too dark. Okay. Let's see why. Let's see what happens. Dude, the math is adding up. Bobby's right. Dude, I'm a detective, dude. Right? The math is adding up from me, dude. Detective Lee cracks the case. The point is, is that are your other gay uncles alive? Oh, my God. Wait, wait, wait, wait. You killed all your uncles? No.

You killed all your gay uncles? Well, if you really, well, one of my uncles just passed away a couple days. How? How? We don't know yet. Oh, sure. We don't know. We don't know how. You know. They didn't even let me explain myself. Bad detectives. Bad detectives. What city did you die in? Detroit. Can I tell you what? They just called me two days ago, three days ago, and said he died. Nobody knows. And we have to wait to homicide come in to make sure that he just died. That's it. That's all the information. What about the other uncle? He's still alive. Where? In Detroit. We got to call him. I can call him on the phone. Yeah, because you're this little gay man and you're so, just to hear me out my theory. Can you see right there? You fucking call me a centric and a psychopath. That guy called you a centric. I called you a psychopath. This is fact. I'm not a psychopath. Okay. You think you're not. Let's move on. So my point is, maybe I am. So yeah, you're protecting the family, right? And you just, it's not, you felt some shame, right? You grabbed a knife like that or whatever, sign it, however you work.

You know what I mean? You took out one of your uncles, right? The one that was like mentally, right? You said? Yeah. Yeah. Listen. Which you don't even know what he had. Okay. You don't? Still? Never know. We never know. You probably just like sleep apnea. He just thinks it's something more serious. Yeah. Nah, a little bit slower than that. I used to fight for that dude so much, man. But go ahead. You got into fights because people would make fun of him? Bro. Make fun of him. They used to, man, I've hit people with sticks, bricks. I mean, low dude. And I had to fight these big dudes. Because they would talk shit. Not talk shit. They would like beat him up and then he would come to me because I was the only one there. And then I would be like, man, oh, so I would go fucking. I loved that. I've always loved you so much. I love you man. Yeah, you don't need to bare hands. Just weapons. Go sit down. Actually, you know what? Get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out. You're an hour late. Get the fuck out now. Sit down. Sit your fucking ass down. Yeah, yeah. Root it. Root it. Current. Oh, look at these cards. Look at these cards. I got a little current card right here. Let me tell you what. You know what this is?

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She got sick. Yeah, I hated it. Yeah, it was bad, wasn't it? Yeah. Who gave it to you? Put the mic close to your mouth. I can't believe we're even doing this. So, all these...

May I say something? So, while me and Kalyla, I was in rehab. Yeah, remember when I was in rehab? Yeah. And Kalyla was in Hawaii. Yeah. You decide to go, hmm, me go to a dorm party. Yeah.

Right? And you went to a dorm party, right? And then you got COVID, which means, did you have your mask on during the COVID, the COVID part that you went to? No. So, she walks into our studio. Right.

A bunch of vaccinated people and people have had COVID with a mask on. But she goes to a dorm party without a fucking mask on. Because the peer pressure, everyone's not wearing a mask. And if I wear a mask, I'm the one that's the weirdo. Right, but that's why I don't wear a mask and you guys tell me you wear a mask.

I don't want to look like a weirdo. Correct. When I go to the comedy clubs, no one's wearing a fucking mask. That's why I don't fucking wear a mask. Yeah, that's right. She had on a mask and mask rolls when we went to go eat. That's correct.

I know. She'll go there and wear a fucking mask, but not at a fucking dorm party. Do you know why? She wants to get dick. Hey! I don't want to hear it. Hey!

I'm tired of your dick trolling, man. Stop it. I don't want dick. You better not be getting dicked. Yeah. Why'd you go there, then? Why'd you go there? Because I wanted to meet some friends.

You better not be getting dicked out. Yeah. I'm going to be pissed, dude. If you're catching, if you're catching D's at dorm parties, I'm going to be livid. She, what makes me upset? She never got any D's.

You didn't even get any dick and you got sick COVID instead. You got sick with no D's. No D's, but COVID. What an annoying fucking- What an annoying fucking- God, you little shitbag. Will you ever go to a dorm party again?

No. It's not worth it. It's not, right? No. You got sick. I'm happy that you're okay. How are you feeling now? I'm better.

I feel better. He had it too, twice. Twice? Yeah, he had it twice. Yeah. Talk. He doesn't want to, she doesn't want to talk.

She doesn't want to talk. She doesn't want to talk to anyone. I'm pretty sure COVID's green for some reason, you know what I mean? Wait a minute. What were your symptoms? Did you lose your taste and smell? No, I just had cough, sore throat,

chills, runny nose. Yeah. What did your uncle Tito do for you? He bought me some medicine. Yeah. And I feel like, just, can I just throw this out there? I feel like if I was sick,

you wouldn't do the same. I couldn't agree more. What? No, you wouldn't. I would. No. Can you put it in your mouth? Thank you.

Thank you, Andrew. I apologize. No, I love you. I apologize. So wait a minute. Tito Bobby, as usual, took care, was the man of the house, took care of you.

And did you say thank you? Yeah, I said thank you. But did you give him like a thank you card? Thank you for taking care of me, Tito? No. No, I thought you would just say thank you. No, when you came back upstairs though, and I asked for a hug, what'd you do?

I declined. Yeah. Because I still don't want any germs. Giving it. I don't want it to be to you. Wait a minute. I don't think that's necessary. You wanted to get a hug.

From your little niece that you took care of. She's been sick for two weeks. You just wanted a hug. I just wanted a hug. I didn't see her a lot. So you got out of rehab. You're emotionally wrecked. Not just emotionally wrecked.

I am vulnerable. You're vulnerable. You're a mess. I'm emotional, and I want to connect with other human beings. And someone, Someone that I thought that I view as a daughter, and somebody that I would do anything for.

Anything. I just wanted some physical contact, like a brief, you know, it was, first of all, when we hug, it's never chested. It's side to side. Even she won't even fist bump me or do a little arm thing. What's up with that?

Cause he doesn't like hugs. He doesn't. You actually don't like hugs. But he was vulnerable. But he was vulnerable. That's absolutely. Well, he hugs me. I hug you.

You hug me, but that guy. I hug you. Tackles me. You hug me. I hug you. But you don't hug her. I want to hug her. But she does.

Oh, that's what it is. He doesn't want to hug me. This is what it is. That's what it is. No, but you don't like hugs. He does. Yes, he does. He loves affection.

Dude, I'm addicted to hugs, baby. I fucking drool. I got crazy high for drugs. Especially now that I have no drugs and no porn, nothing. I fucking need hugs, baby. I need hugs, baby. Yeah, man. I'm going to the hug house, man.

And get all fucking drool-y. I don't know what to put through. Drool-y. Drool-y. Do you know how to hug? No. Bro, I do. But the way you said it is like.

Stand up. I'll give you my huggy demonstration. Duck, to my side, that's fine. You want another hug? No, I'm just going to give you drool. I'm not hugging. I'm giving you hug demonstrations of how I hug. And I need a fucking mannequin.

You're the only one my side. I'm not a goddamn mannequin. I'm a human being. That's it, that's it. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. Can you know? Put the clock on. Put the what?

Put the goddamn clock on. You know what I'm talking about. Okay, here we go. There we go. All right. Well, he'll only do things for a minute because he feels like they might be, you know. All right, here we go.

He wants a minute. He'll only do a minute. All right, he's got to pray to God for it. Dude, he always prays to God before the stop. This is my hug, if I haven't seen you, I barely know you're an acquaintance. But you know, like, I've seen you in five years. I kind of like you, but you get to see each other. So what's up, man?

What's up, dude? Yeah, that's it. All right, that doesn't kill me. Okay, so that's cool. No, no, no, that's one example. I have different styles of hugs. Oh, you do? So this is somebody that like, you know, with kids.

Yeah. Or like anyone in high school or early 20s. I don't want to, you know, I go, hey, no, I'm going to like this. So the side? The side, no, no hug out, right? Right. And then when comic guys I'm good friends with. Make you, right?

I'll go, I'll go like do a hand thing and I will do chest to chest like this. Of course. And then with you though. Someone like that. You, right? That was good. I'm like, I know, I understand that. But with you, what I see you listen to me.

I start, I go, I go, I just get like, ah, he can't believe it. He can't believe he sees you. It's you. You're here. I can't believe you're in my space. It's incredible. It's incredible. And he needs to show you his love.

Yeah. And then I think of like, just our history, man. Yeah. History. Yeah. We're the same size. Right. And I also sense just a little bit of, you know, bisexuality.

Yeah. You don't know. I know. I know. A little bisexual. A little bisexual bit. A little bit. Doc?

Tino? He's just in there. That's not, come on. Tino talk. Tino, are you going to? Okay. Let me see how you handle this talk. And then we'll, this will be a little walk.

And we kind of go, we don't say anything. We just kind of lock our eyes up when we're trying. And I have to look at the body. You're not going to get the body. I don't know. I have to do my camera. I just have to lie. I just have to lie.

And then I just, I just, I just have to. Oh That seemed like a pretty normal hug I feel like I've seen those kind of hugs all over the place. Those are normal hugs. Yeah, I'm prison No, no Doc when your uncle said that you were violent He's gonna be kind of hard to get in and out of and that's why I was like this is gonna be perfect for doc Do it do your feet hit the ground? All right?

Real man here. All right, we could get a higher chair. That's it. That's it fancy Yeah, that chair becomes Rudy's chair the pink chair order a higher chair where his little legs don't touch the Please it's over Can I just say this though? I Want to sit be real more more of a real thing. Let's do something real. I want to do something real No, we're being funny, you know, joking joking around. I want to say that, you know doc. I Won't apologize to you. Hmm because over the years. I think I've I've kind of used you like a toy

You're being real I try to be real good. Can I say what I think you really look at me? Yeah, what what you know? You know how they like to have that like plastic butt plug ears, you know how to have a plastic butt and the dude is banging a plastic butt You mean like a fake but like a like a sex doll a sex doll. Yeah, it's not a doll. It's just the butt, right? It's a piece of the doll. Yeah, cuz he always liked the black hole. So that's what I'm there. There you go You know, it's like you lost me you come you lost me. Yeah, so you're at sex doll You click on it and you think it's like he smashed, you know a person and then it's actually a Plastic, but let me ask you this. How long do you watch that video before you go to the next video? Not you got damn business

Yeah, that's all I need is dick. This is what he's talking about the behind Okay, so so that reminds me of You know what's so funny Pete just want to look at that while we were looking realize he's still The porn store like at like the hustler store and I thought about buying that it's so heavy I still have me and it's like I don't want to Walk out You know me with this gigantic fucking And where would you hide in your car in my fucking bowling bag probably

Like I've gone to the real doll like site. Oh, yeah, and seeing like how much they cost How much are they? Well for the last time I checked like $8,500 What for a real doll a real sex doll real that's called they're called real dolls And they're like they got to go ten grand 15 grand your borscher. They're beautiful Dollars You know like a fucking fleshlight is like a hundred bucks. What a real doll looks like dude Realistic sex doll by adult female. Yeah, so you have real doll men for that man, too There's a document on YouTube with their men in the world and they marry them. I've seen

Yes, I've seen a guy Weddings and the and the parents are always like upset almost like don't put a leave on your vision board It's like a poem in sitcom when he pops in oh my god Go to YouTube and search up guy Mary's sex doll because this guy it was so sad his family disowned this dude Yeah, you're thinking about the same guy the Indian guy. I can't live without my real doll. Wow. See you have dinner together Kisses. Yeah, originally when I first got her I called her my synthetic. I know, but you know what they have to do But you imagine. Yeah, what if she what if she left him one day? Or they get married and she goes I don't I don't I don't right but you know what he has to do

Oh my god, it's creepy every year. He has to take the vagina out and Send it back to real doll the company so they can clean it out and fix it. Oh my right I mean that guy the guy who cleans Manufacturing and they're like you're you're starting at vagina clean They say shit they said returns and exchanges that was the department your returns and exchanges. Yeah, but here's the problem Well, there's a lot. No, no, because you know what let this guy be free. He's not hurting anybody He's not harming anybody good for this guy. Here's the real issue. Hmm He's never gonna treat a woman like a human from now on

This is this weird slippery slope Now every woman is gonna be bro a real doll bro if he could get He might not know he can you think that guy's never slept with a woman if you watch the documentary They even say they're like I try to date women like it's southern guy. They're southern for me. Yeah, I try that one But they don't want me. I asked Olivia down the street. She said no It's it seems to me like it's healthy at some point for him to just have sex toys But sex dolls seem to be like you might this is how you turn into Yeah, I know you know that's how you turn into

Yeah, yeah, someone that who yeah, I'm tracking me when that kills a dog If we bought you a sex doll like a real doll I won't fuck it. I know just if we bought when you would you throw it away? $5,000 Fuck you You wouldn't throw that out. You know what we're buying one. We're buying friends gonna buy you a sex doll You know what I'm gonna do. Yeah, I Don't know what kind of

Genital do you want Don't you laugh at your uncle He's asshole What do you mean? We can't agenda? I don't know, you know, it's regular old woman fucking no But I mean, you know, what do you want shave? Do you want beefy? Here's the thing. I don't Here's the thing. Yeah, I'm not into shade. I like whatever you got. I take it But you don't mind that she could be going down all the way to the kneecaps and I'm like, well, look at Rudy's face

Talk about that in front of Rudy Rudy's the one going to dorm parties to catch some fucking dick on the side I won't I won't defy right. Let me tell you something. I think she's 20 almost 21 Yeah, it's just a woman. She's a full grown woman and let me tell you something If I fucking find out that you went to that dorm party and caught Ronan just to get some D And I found out who the dude is that you got the D from we're blowing up his spot He's fucking he's ripping him. We're dripping that guy. We're ripping him Yeah, yeah Baby, I need to know

Yeah, sometimes I think we shouldn't have him on the show Sometimes I'm like, what is he doing on the show? Sometimes I watch him. I go, what are you doing the way his brain fires? Yeah It's incredible. No, thank you Keep going baby you Okay, so some of the game might not have rubbed off from your office, but some of the other stuff might have Would you think of this Super Bowl halftime show? Oh dude, honestly Every loved every single second of it. I got goosebumps. It was incredible. It was incredible people shitting on it for no reason It was great. I loved it. What do you mean? I think that was the greatest halftime of ever

No, I thought Prince was great Whitney, you know, houston was there was a lot of good one great Michael Jackson's talking with the guy popping up man. Come on. I know but still that one was a great one It was just iconic because it was los angeles and it was LA based or something. That's what I loved about it It's it's a good representation M&M that was weird. Are you a hater? No, bro. He's from Detroit. That's why yeah, because look dray is from Compton Snoop is from long beach Kendrick is from Compton. It's just weird to also then have M&M. What about 50 cent?

50 cents from new york. There we go. But he gets a pass, but you also are new york bound as I don't know. I just I'm just saying a new 50 cent I mean, I don't know him hanging upside down like a bat was very weird That I didn't understand. Yeah, I didn't understand Yeah, but you know, was that his idea? I'm sure he was some state some stage director. We're in a club video. That's how he was in the club. He was upside down Yeah, all really. Yeah in the video could have been an argument though. Like no, I don't want to do that But he did at the club. He's like, no, I'm not sure. I don't yeah, but they let him but he obviously said yes

Because they hung him upside down, right? It's not it's not like they were like, okay 50 upside down you go And they told him on the day. He knew they they rehearsed this He called it. It was a it was a callback and then M&M took a knee. It was wild He like took a knee in the middle of the yeah, I liked it. I did not Get up and fucking sing. What are you doing? He finished I know but get up and fucking do it do the thing. No, he finished the song and then Dre went back to the piano and he just stayed a student. Yeah, right there. I didn't like it Okay, what are you doing? Get up. What the fuck are you doing? He's just trying to make a statement

There's another white guy letting me and laying down on the job. Yeah, well It makes all the black men do the work behind you know, it'd be great in the new batman Am I right or am I right or am I right? You know, it'd be great in the new Bats and they all look like 50 cent Imagine like a thousand 50 cent bats backwards. Yeah, and you know, he has this little mechanism and the bats fly It's pretty dope. Do it. It'd be dope, bro. By the way, how bad am I not gonna see the new batman? You're not gonna see it Robert Pattinson. How the fuck are you gonna sell me on that guy, bro?

How the fuck are you gonna sell me? I'm gonna tell you on Robert Pattinson, bro I hated the guy until I saw him in one movie. I don't hate him. He's not fucking batman. He is he's not a batman If you see him in the lighthouse I never seen him in the lighthouse with willem de faul. He's a fucking Masterful actor. I'm not saying he's not a good actor. You're missing the point. He's not a batman Yeah, there is a you have to be a kind of man to be a batman That is not batman That's a fucking light. That is that's a tim Burton character. Tim Barton did batman

Fuck I know god damn it god damn it Let me tell you something go back to what Robert Pattinson looks on batman go ahead and go in batman Yeah, this suit makes anybody look sick, but him without the mask Him without the mask looks like that. Yeah, no, thanks. Yes, that's not batman buddy heroine chic That's emo batman Now you now you this is like batman who cuts. This is batman for your generation. Clark cuts. This is millennial This is for the millennials I am a fucking millennial. Oh, what's before that? Yes. I don't know what's now. What is he? What are you gen z?

Gen z this for the gen z's. Do you want to watch this bat? Stop pulling the mic away from your face? Yeah, he's hot and I think he looks good. Oh, fucking these kids don't know. That's what I'm saying That's why they're doing it What about Zoe Kravitz? You like her as cat woman? Yeah, that's fine. I don't mind her as cat woman can be anybody batman is a certain kind of guy. Yeah Who would you prefer it like who who of the actors right now could do a dope batman? Let me think let me this is a good This is a good one Michael B. Jordan

No, it's time for a black a black man A black batman. He's too hot You just said And that's the only reason why you wanted to see it. You said he's hot batman needs to be not that hot But also not that ugly Oh, she's saying you see you say, you know what it's a remarkably valid point She's right Because every batman has been kind of hot but kind of like whatever. Yeah where alec bought when he was uh never batman

Never batman. Oh god. Damn. What's his name? No, we guess it. Don't give it to it. Don't give it to it. Just throw out names Some of the batmans were named Ben Benjamin button Benjamin button. Yes. That's right one. That's one. Oh, what's the second one? Michael Keaton you fact the original Yeah, okay. What's the third one then don't do this, man. What's the third one? I don't know man. What would y'all be like there? Yeah. Hold on. What's the third one? Yeah

Michael Keaton ain't the most famous that's arguable. He was the original but who's the most who's the more recent franchises what he's talking about Oh, I I can't lie to you. I don't know. Are you fucking serious fucking crazy. Did you never see the dark night? Yeah Who is that? Dan Ben Affleck Man, why y'all why would y'all do this to me? All right, it's fine. We're not shaming you. Yes, I am. Yes, I am. Who put the joker in the dark night?

He fledger. Okay. That's good. That's good enough. Do thank god because I was gonna kick you out the fuck Do you know who the batman was in the dark night? I forgot his name. Fuck off. You guys are dog shit. Christian Bale. Yes. Oh Oh easy How did you not know that? Matthew McConaughey, Chris Bale Come remarkably different one from England. Well, yeah, I mean Matthew McConaughey and Christian Bale You think those guys are close not look, you know, kind of the way they are But can I say something? No, can I say something about Christian Bale? And I want everyone to listen to me right now

When he was a kid he did a movie. What was it called? He did a Steven Spielberg movie and he was the star of it and he must have been 14 12 to 14 years old He was the lead. Mm-hmm. It was called empire of the sun Oh, I know this love that movie 14 he was he was amazing in that fucking movie and that's when your first song watch Christian Bale in a part Look at how cute he is. Yeah And then one of the lines of the movie is I learned a new word today That's the only fucking thing but he's so good in that and that's the most underrated Steven Spielberg movie, I believe

What's the most overrated? ET You didn't like ET We watching it's a little weird. Does that hurt your feelings doc? ET is like The way you said that he was an old man man like I cried on ET man. That's it. No, it's a good movie I'm just saying comparatively speaking to close encounters Close encounters

You compare you compare in space movies. No, Steven Spielberg movies. Fuck fuck. He directed both of them. Yeah, but What? It's not the same close encounters more based on Listen to what I'm saying doc. All right out of all the Steven Spielberg movies ET isn't one of my favorites, right? I like empire of the sun. I think that close encounters the james jaws is amazing. I just rewatch that jaws is so good Yeah, I like is one of your favorites. What Christine? Steven private Ryan amazing All right, so that's all I'm saying

Okay, most overrated fancy Spielberg movie. I don't know. I don't think he has many overrated movies The ones that he he doesn't do well like people shit on them all the time like what like warhorses or like the bfg or What was wrong in the bfg? Nothing. It's okay Like tin tin. I think he he had a problem with editing like ai was way too long Yeah, well, I didn't even see the little robot boy in the middle of the ocean. I did like that Why I don't know. It was so sad. So sad. I think I sometimes I really just rip my heart out a little bit rip my heart out I like that sometimes in movies. I like that movie though. I want to be shredded a little bit. Yeah a little bit

You know, I saw you know, I've been watching brian de palma movies Yeah, what have you watched and some of them are don't hold up You the oh you think you like the more when you were young the untouchables. It doesn't hold up. I mean untouchables is great There's so many weird lines in there That kevin costner says he I don't believe it when he's angry Really? Yeah, come on guys. No, what do you believe kevin costner has? The postman, I don't know Why it hurt why it hurt why it hurt. Yeah, I'm not saying he's a bad actor

But um, what about so we saw someone who doesn't give a fuck about golf. Did you ever like tin cup? I know I refuse to watch Do you guys know tin cup? It's like one of the best like the magical one where will smith plays a magical one. I don't see that that's bagger vans I don't do I don't do any magical black people tin cup Except for you. Let's get some let's get some worth out of you now that you've come in so late What were you late for school? Yeah, what kind of school? I was in school physically doing

Um biology lab No, don't Please don't slap that Just absurd behavior stuff that his stuff that his gay uncle would do Rudy you were doing biology lab at home. No in school. She went to a class. You were physically in school now Wow. Yeah, and she was like, I'm not gonna make it to 445. Wait. Where's your school at? Northridge your Cal State Northridge Yeah, you have push it down if you're gonna try it if you let's see you try to move the mic. There you go big girl

Big girl can go to dorm party get sick. Yeah, talk about the dorm party. I want to know what happened there It was so boring. Why is it boring? Okay, you show up. What are you showing? This Instagram What does it say doc you have to speak into the mic is we're on a show. Yeah There's no secrets, man. What does it say Rudy? He got to be in biology. That's what I'm on in high school I'm a high school record Don't don't don't say anything. All right, just let that sit I want you to take a second because I know you're gonna almost kill him. Yeah, that's what I felt like doing

I know so let's just take a second and not physically. It gets hard for me. It's so hard It's so hard. So you got to be so you interrupted You got it. You got to be you interrupted to get a beat to tell her you got to be in high school in biology That's that's for the hood right there. No, no, no, you know You brag about you in the hood and you don't you brag about you can get a decent grade Now tell me in what part of your current life Are you employing this biology that you learned in high school? Tell us about biology then biology. Yeah. Yeah, the thing you just did

No, I'm gonna tell you about the dorm party Was there biology going on there? There was some kissing so Yes, that's right. Yeah, yeah exchange it. You weren't kissing anybody. No, you swear to god. I promise. No, say you sort of god I swear to god To my mom that I wasn't kissing that I wasn't kissing anyone. Did you hook up with anybody? No, did you get anyone's number? A girl a friend as a girl to be a friend. Yeah Let me ask can I ask you another thing that I've always wanted to ask you right and this is fine This is fine. I'm gonna be very gentle about it. Go ahead. What what don't do this, you know

um Let it rip. I am so are you heterosexual? I can't I think I can be bi you think you both you could be or you are You think you might be might be because you like girls. Yeah this girl's number that you get did she did you like her? Yeah, but as a friend only not attracted but there are girls that you go. Oh, I'd like to hang out with them in that way Can I tell my He's not allowed to ask a question. Yeah. Yeah, go ahead. You're just like your uncle Tito. So it's the same Oh, you're saying that I interrupt. No that you're bisexual

There it is he didn't catch it When you're going down a road, right you see an accent you have to go this way Listen to me man, you think I'm bisexual? Yeah, a little bit. And why? Because you know, you know, I like to wrestle with dudes. All right. Well, I didn't kill my gay Okay, watch your Ted Bundy. Yeah, go ahead. Talk about the dorm party. Okay. So there were only like 15 people in the dorm And it was so tight and it was so hot And then most of them were like couples So they were like just dancing like grinding and like kissing each other

And then there were only three people like me My friend and another friend was just on the side just watching them. Okay. That's when you fucking leave Not stay and get corona. I don't walk into a room people grinding There's no available Get the fuck out of there. That's why we left and then I met another group of friends And then we smoked weed and that's why I got corona Yeah You got corona because you smoked drugs drugs

You know this bad friend show we don't We do not support drug use of any kind It was just a little bit. I don't give a fuck how much it was young lady. Yeah, you are not I gave you right All right, because you still have the drugs I gave you Yeah, I just got mushrooms this weekend, by the way I'm so excited. Oh in Oregon. There's a woman there. Why do you wait? You could have done that a month ago when I was using I didn't want to use with you bud

I have but that was my one of my last things. I was like, I want to do mushrooms I know and I don't I kept ask call it. I called Ari Shafir. I go. Can you get me mushroom? No? He's like, I'm in new york Ari I don't fucking know What am I gonna do? I didn't want to use with you I think you know what you fucking hurts me dude when we had when you were in mexico And you were getting sauced up. I give you a joint

Yeah, you took it and you gave it to donnell rollings. That's exactly correct. And then donnell runs went Oh, man, this is the best one ever. He came up on stage like that. She was fire I get donnell smoked a whole joint On stage Just like Fire son In in mexico, we did drink together. No, you drank when I didn't want you to I was having a drink at dinner and fancy be was getting fucking wasted. No, no one time. No, we were in a one time

I said this no, this is not true. It's not true. You were getting drunk We walked into that bar in the center of the thing, right? And I go You're like, I'm gonna go get a drink and you would do stuff like I'm just gonna get like a seltzer water I did no and I would be the one time I go. No, that's bullshit. I know you're getting get me what you're getting And you got me what you got and there was alcohol in it. So you did get that's not a true That's what it was a true fancy knows. That's a fucking lie. First of all, first of all, fancy knows In fact, we talked about it. Yeah, I gave you a drink that had no booze inside of it. You guys are gaslighting me No, we were protecting you as well. We did the right thing and fancy

I know but what I'm saying though is is like, listen, I'm sober now. I have what stays wednesday Today's wednesday. I have 30 days today Don't please But I have 30 days today, okay, but I still think in my head. I'm like, you know, when I was out there using I always knew soon Right that I was gonna Get to a point where it's gonna be like I can't do this anymore

Right. So in those times when I'm using I would just like my friends to be around and I'm there to support you I'm not gonna use what it was so not fun. It was like hanging out with my parents I am like hanging out. No, no. It was like don't go there. I'm following around like you guys follow me around everywhere Sorry, we're being friends. It's similar to the parker. Go ahead. What do you mean? I mean, and Like he's like your parent on the parker. He can't have shut your shit down Because you're fucking wild What the fuck are you even fucking saying? I am papa. No, this is a 50-50 thing, dude I'm the papa, dude. It's crazy and sane. That's the 50th. You're fucking crazy

We found out we found out he killed his uncles Time out. Let's go back You went to the stupid fucking dorm party and everybody was dancing and you stayed for how long? I stayed for like 20 minutes because there was alcohol Did you drink just a little bit how much? Like this. What do you mean? A bunch of liquor. What kind of booze can I say something to you? But I only drink when there's a party when you say there's a little right. I don't think that's the true number

It's just a little okay. Be careful. I know don't ever do this What's that? Pop a pimple on your nose. Yeah, don't ever tap your finger on your nose, okay? Ever. No, don't ever do cocaine Did you have you ever been offered cocaine at a party? Nobody has offered you cocaine at a party in Los Angeles. No, never. She doesn't go to party. Fucking loser Fucking nerd. Can I say things? I invite her to like shit. Yeah, like I'm going to this thing dope shit dope shit She won't go. I don't want to go loser. Yeah, loser. You fucking loser, dude Really? Get offered cocaine. Don't do it. But you said I I can't do it. You don't do it. Yeah, you can smoke it You can smoke it, but you can't

No, don't do it. Don't do it, please. Have we tried? None of your business, buddy. Have you done it? No Cocaine never smoke crack never meth You're going the other way. Oh, yeah. Oh, I think meth is like pot. Anyway, um Um, no, you know, so you've only done hallucinogenics weed and alcohol Hallucinogenics, uh, yes acid mushrooms. Yeah, and then pills opiates like Vicodin Yes, and then ecstasy. Uh-huh before molly was what it was now. Have you done molly? I've done MDMA. Yeah, okay, and then So do all those. Well, those are uncle No, no, no, I don't do them. I have tried them and guess what? That's why I look like I look you want to you want to turn out like me

Yeah, he looks white You want to turn out like me kiddo? No, you want to be pretty and young. Don't do drugs. Don't do drugs. Look at Pete. Pete's 13 I'm gonna fucking awful. He Pete it's been doing drugs for too many years. Yeah, by the way, what have you done? We already talked about. Yeah, we talked about it By the way, welcome back. Welcome back to Pete and I want to say thank you for Pete Pete because he got over covet He got sick too. This whole family. Oh, yeah, Kobe gang in the building. Hey, have you got a yeah? Have you gotten it yet? Fancy has not either. No, you have I mean like Bobby. What we're immune. I think we're immune Shut the fuck up. I don't really do because Gilbert same thing. Um, can I just be something? Let me say something

You probably were asymptomatic Yeah, no, but that's still kind of ask your ask your wife fancy They they say that 90 something percent of Americans have come in contact with it and you're probably just asymptomatic Yeah, the strong ones You're the weakest guy in this room No, but his insides are strong. No, they're not. Yours are weak. No, they're not. He's never exercised once neither of you That's why then that we still can't get covered. Anyway, let's move on. Um I'll be what about me. Well, I'm going to be like Herman Cain. I cannot wait. Yeah

I take it all back. Yeah Okay, um, anyway, that was a great one great episode great episode. So as a big family Let's say thanks for being a bad friend on the count of three because we're all back. One two three. Thank you for being a bad friend You have to open it. I know what it is Take it out. Oh, let me ask you. Let me ask you. I just saw it. What do you think it is? Taco Bell Yeah So you got me Taco Bell today. Yeah. Yeah, and and and a sauce

Thank you Do you want it doc? I don't want it. No, I don't want it. No, I want it You put it for yourself. It's fucking rude.