Bad Friends - Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel

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Starting point is 00:00:26 Conditions apply to all benefits. Visit pcfinancial.ca for details. You two are bad friends! Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends.

Starting point is 00:00:42 Ho hum, down in the bayou. We got legs that are tired, lights that flicker in the night. Ho hum, my old black legs are skimming through the sand with my weepy eyes and my sour soul and I'm coming around. What's up? That was improvised. Oh hum. Oh yeah?

Starting point is 00:01:10 You know the oh hum? As you track through the woods with your bow. Yeah dude. Oh hum. Where your porridge is cold but your anus is numb Ho Hum Where the donuts are old fairy and they're filled with cum Ho Hum Oh home! My Mexican friend is dumb but he's got no Julio Iglesias.

Starting point is 00:01:50 I don't know. Damn, dude. I couldn't do it, dude. So close. I'm so tired. No, you got it. But anyway, thanks for the donut. Have you had one of these?

Starting point is 00:01:58 I have. No, you haven't. Dude, let me see. No, you haven't. Why? I didn't eat it today. Get a pistachio, dude. Man. Yeah, I'm gonna prove a point here.

Starting point is 00:02:06 You know what the fans love when we eat on the show. Well, just take a bite. I will take one little bite of a stash. Do you guys want some of this? Oh my god. Is it soft? Yeah. Well, let the flavor sink in.

Starting point is 00:02:22 Let the flavor sink in. You know what my biggest problem is? Do you think Paul Hollywood just goes eat and then says it? He does. He does this. No, sometimes he does this. Let me tell you something. I don't like that it's got like cre-cream in it.

Starting point is 00:02:38 Oh, oh, oh yeah? I don't like cre- You got cream inside you and people eat that. Hrrr. Man, you are tired. Okay? There's cream in everything, dude. In titty milk.

Starting point is 00:02:56 Dude, a lady last night, a 68 year old lady pulled out her titty in my show. That's your crowd? Yeah. And I go, I thought the joke I said was what comes out of their cottage cheese? And it got nothing. And then my second show that's in Houston, I hear a thought, a thump, like a big thump.

Starting point is 00:03:20 And I looked to my right and there's a 600 pound man. I'm not kidding you, laying on the floor, face first on the floor like this. Going home. This comedy sucks, I'm taking a nap. So wait a minute, there's a big fat dude on the floor? Right. Oh, you are coming.

Starting point is 00:03:44 Well, thanks for showing up. Yeah. So this guy is laying on his, like he is, I think he's dead. So there's two choices, right? Piss on him? No. No?

Starting point is 00:03:55 Pretend it's not happening. Right, yeah. Just keep going. Right. Because it was off to my right, so I see staff, the managers, trying to revive them. And I'm going, yeah, that's what the Chicano said, you know, whatever.

Starting point is 00:04:07 And then I just look to the right and I go, what's going on? And they go, we don't know, man. It's packed. Sold out. And it's now, people are just rumbling. Oh, there's rumbling. Yep, now people are rumbling, right,

Starting point is 00:04:22 and I'm going off to the side looking to see, you gonna be okay, man? He's 600 pounds, right? It takes him like 20 minutes to get the fuck out of there. Right. Right. Right. And then, um, they got a forklift in the and then, um, you hear him breathing outside, you know how hard it is to restart the room. And then- You hear him breathing outside. You know how hard it is to restart the room? Oh yeah. Bro.

Starting point is 00:04:46 Dude, I had a guy, I had like, I had a stroke in Nashville in the balcony at Zany's. No. I was like, am I gonna do this show now? In the middle of your act? Yeah. And you stopped. Well, there was like a big commotion.

Starting point is 00:04:59 And then I was like, what's going on? And then they were like, it's a medical emergency. And I was like- I know. My thought was dead, somebody died. Yeah. You know, cause that happened, that's going on? And then they were like, it's a medical emergency. And I was like, my thought was dead. Somebody died. Yeah. You know, cause that happened, that's happened at almost every show I've done.

Starting point is 00:05:08 So then this morning, I get a direct message from some guy. I want to let you know, dude, that guy died last night. No. Yeah. Carlos. Carlos, what the? Carlos. That's not funny.

Starting point is 00:05:19 Carlos, man. Carlos. That's not funny, dude. That's funny, Carlos. Stop it, dude. I can't believe it. I can't believe it. Stop that. Ho-hum, dude. Dude, ho-hum die. Ho-hum die, dude. All right. That's insane, dude.

Starting point is 00:05:28 Carlos. You're sick. You're evil, Carlos. Right? So I get it. So I get it. Then I start calling the management. Don't.

Starting point is 00:05:36 What? That's not funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stop it. Yeah. You want to tell them? I mean, you should tell them. You should tell them.

Starting point is 00:05:44 You should tell them. You should tell them. You should tell them. You should tell them. You should tell them. Then I start calling the management. Don't! That's not funny! Stop it. You wanna tell them? You should've seen my reaction. I read it. I was like... OMG. What? What's OMG mean? Oh my god. I was oh my god-ing.

Starting point is 00:06:00 And then it took me a while to get a phone. And then the manager goes, no, he went and got a pizza. Okay. No, and got a pizza. No, there was a pizza place. I guess the medics came. He stood up and went straight to the pizza place. No, I'm not kidding. Could smell the cheese. Yeah. So I'm like, oh, so he just went to the pizza. He go, yeah, yeah. Those pizza plates that you went to earlier. Oh, it's good pizza. Right. Thanks for fucking on my show. I hate what, you know, when, like when I was in Phoenix, the sirens went off and the, you know what I mean? I don't know what you mean.

Starting point is 00:06:28 You mean the fire alarm? Yeah, fire alarm, I mean. The sirens went off. Well, the stand up, yeah. Gay nightclub next door? Yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah.

Starting point is 00:06:37 So, yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. Get ready for the ho-hum, ho-hum, ho-hum. Dee-dee-dee-dee-jay, ho-hum. Yeah, that wasn't going on.

Starting point is 00:06:47 Look who's here. Yep. Look at how brown she is. Damn, dude, get out of the sun. You know, she was just in Hawaii for two weeks. It shows. Yeah, it shows. It shows.

Starting point is 00:06:59 That's not how you, that phrase doesn't go there. Okay. Yeah. It's supposed to be facetious, the it shows. So if somebody goes, yeah, I went to five years of college. You go, yeah, it shows. That's what that is. She goes to Hawaii for how long?

Starting point is 00:07:13 Two weeks. Yeah, you don't go it shows. You go, oh, that's nice. So try it again. How long did you go to Hawaii for? Two weeks. That's nice. Dude, just do it shows. I think it shows it's good. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:07:25 That's not good. That's true. That's nice. So hey, Carlos, bring up that. I saw a Filipino girl online. It reminded me of you. No, I'm serious. Okay.

Starting point is 00:07:38 Not her. That's not it. I have it. But I want Bobby, just on this image real fast. How do you like your coffee, it says? Which one of those two tones are your coffee? Because your mind might change when you see the whole cup. Oh, can I tell, I love this game.

Starting point is 00:07:53 Yeah. I love the tone coffee game. So what kind of coffee, do you like it with a lot of cream or not that much cream? Me? I thought you were asking her. Anybody can answer. Or, well, I just, I like a lot of cream.

Starting point is 00:08:06 You like the far right, a lot of cream. Yeah, let's see what the full cup looks like. What a mocha, yeah. Jules, do you know her? Thank God I didn't do cream. Oh my God, thank God I didn't do cream. No, on the left? The right.

Starting point is 00:08:21 No, on the left, the right. Look at the teeth. Zoom in a little bit. Zoom in. Pinch on that. You pinching on it? I gotta tell you something. The tattoos, the tattoos aren't distracting enough.

Starting point is 00:08:35 No. I thought this was fake, right? I thought it was like a fake. No, I've seen her face before. You know her. No, in my TikToks, my algorithm shows her sometimes. Really? Yeah, I do.

Starting point is 00:08:45 I love her. Yeah, yeah, I love her. The one on the left's sexy though. Hot, yeah. But the one on the right... The one on the left... Can I ask you a question? They don't have dentists.

Starting point is 00:08:55 We should do a dent... Dentists in the Philippines? Google Philippines. There's dentists in the Philippines! I don't think so. What the fuck is that? I don't know. What is that?

Starting point is 00:09:10 I don't... And if you had two teeth, come on. How much wood would a wood chuck chuck? Dentists in the Philippines in Cebu. Let's see. Wow. There's three places on... Three in the whole fucking... 70,000 islands, three places. By the way, new dental clinic, because the old one didn't make it. Wow. How many? There's three places on. Three in the whole fucking.

Starting point is 00:09:26 70,000 islands, three places. By the way, new dental clinic, because the old one didn't make it. Yeah. What's the first one? Cebu Dental Care. Give me reviews of Cebu Dental Care. Reviews. 4.9. Pretty good. That's good. Let's read it though. Yeah. I had an excellent experience at Cebu Dental. No, no, no, no, no. Do the accent. Oh, sorry about that. No, no, no, no, no. I choose. Do the accent.

Starting point is 00:09:45 Oh, sorry about that. Yeah, do the accent. I had excellent experience at Sabu Dental Care Center. That's Indian, but I like it. Service outstanding. Yeah. Prices reasonable. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:09:57 By the way, this is written by, these are all Americans. This isn't real. Yeah. I love it. The one star is two stars. I would not return there. We had only dental checks and cleaning and polishing, painful and useless and expensive. Dude, 300 years ago, when you had a toothache,

Starting point is 00:10:10 what the fuck would you do? Pull it out. Really? They used to pull them out. Even if it's coming on. Oh dude, that's when you know to pull it out. Right, so if you got a little pain, you would start pulling it out?

Starting point is 00:10:21 Yeah, why would you keep it? It's only gonna get infected. They're not gonna do anything with it. Wow. It is crazy to think about people from like over a hundred years ago who had good teeth. Yeah. Like back in the day, they used to use like some whale extract

Starting point is 00:10:37 from like the- Whale blubber. To make cologne or perfume for women. Oh, right, right. You know what I mean? Just different ways of, makeup was what? Back in the day. Flowers.

Starting point is 00:10:47 Flowers. Berries. Berries and flowers. Yeah, berries, no blood, no. In Transylvania, there's blood. I'm kidding, I don't know. How was my rule? Hey!

Starting point is 00:10:56 Hey! See, that's why I set it up, that's good, yeah. I'm a bit slow today. What did you, what did, why'd you say berries? Did you, did you ever use berries as a kid for makeup? No, but- On your lips? No, but there's a tradition where like,

Starting point is 00:11:13 if you get your first period, you have to put your period blood all over your face. I'm really glad you're back. I don't know if it's just in the Philippines, but that's what- It's just in the Philippines. It's definitely just in the it's just in the Philippines, but that's what you do. It's just in the Philippines. It's definitely just in the Philippines. I've never heard that before.

Starting point is 00:11:27 But you do that. Why women are using their period blood for face masks. Oh, that does work then. No, she's saying when you get your first. First period, I don't know, I don't do it every period. Well, there's a... There you go. Despite this culture, the use of menstrual blood

Starting point is 00:11:41 is something that has been done traditionally superstitiously for years in the Philippines. it said if you wash your face with period blood, you'll be blessed with acne-free skin during puberty. Did that work? No. No. Yeah, yeah. And then you have to jump like 10 times to like...

Starting point is 00:11:55 What? That's a transition. Wait, jump like 10 times to what? Just jump 10 times to, I think... Shake it loose? No, just jump. What is it? Is the cork up there? You need to cork a wine bottle? to, I think. Shake it loose? No, just jump. What is it? Is the cork up there?

Starting point is 00:12:07 You didn't cork a wine bottle? Yeah, like that. My grandma did that. But you jump up and down for what reason? I think to have a longer life. I think that's it, yeah. Dude, tell me the song you guys sing when you do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:12:22 No song. There's no song? Tricky cheeky cheeky cheeky. Yeah, yeah. Tricky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky cheeky Come here, I'll fuck it, I'll give you one. It's when you have a, it's like a muscle cramp. Or there's like a buzzing. How do they say Charlie horse? What do you call it? Charlie horse?

Starting point is 00:12:53 You're right, Charlie horse. Why would you laugh at that then? I just imagined Koreans saying it. Well how do you say it in Korean? Zoom in, how do you say it in Korean? So if you had a Charlie horse, right? Kyung yook Kyung yong. Yeah, yeah. It's easier So if you had a Charlie horse, right? Kyung, yook, kyung, yung. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:13:05 It's easier to say Charlie horse. Charlie horse. Thank you, kyung, yung, dong, dong. Yeah. All right? All right. But you do this, my grandma would go, I don't know how to speak Korean,

Starting point is 00:13:16 but she goes, lick your finger, tap your nose three times. That would get rid of a Charlie horse? It really did. No way. Yeah, when you have a Charlie horse, anyone listening, right, do that, it gets rid of it completely. Wow.

Starting point is 00:13:28 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm excited for my next Charlie horse. Yeah. I never heard, we didn't have any- Well, you must have wise tales. Wives tales. Wives tales, wives tales, right? Wise wives tales.

Starting point is 00:13:40 Yeah. You mean we have anything like that? Yeah, it's like, I'm trying to think of some white ones. What are the white ones? Well, it's like, you know, if, you know. My dad said, you know, if you watch TV too close, you go, grandpa gonna die.

Starting point is 00:13:55 Yeah. Stuff like that. You know what I mean? I mean, grandpa died already. Well, yeah, you know what they say, if you masturbate too much, you get hairy hands. Yeah, that's one, that's a wives' tale. Hair would grow on your hands.

Starting point is 00:14:03 That's a wives' tale, yeah. Do the Philippines have wives' tails? Like would grow on your hands. That's a wives' tale, yeah. Philippines have wives' tales? Like that, like something like a superstitious thing. Yeah. It's not true. Like if you wipe blood on your face after your first period, you won't get acne.

Starting point is 00:14:14 Or like if you watch, if you've seen like a naked body or like porn, then you will have like a big bump on your eye. Oh, a stye. A stye. Yes, you get a stye in your eye. Oh, a stye. A stye. Yes, you get a stye in your eye from home. Yeah, yeah. Wow.

Starting point is 00:14:30 You get a cataract? You get a cataract? Wow, never heard that before. Okay, look at this one. Some of the Filipino culture, go up, some of the Filipino culture, the superstitions, avoiding sweeping at night, don't sweep, right? What is that, don't sweep?

Starting point is 00:14:43 What does sweeping at night do? I think- right? What is that, don't sweep. What does sweeping at night do? Let her guess, that's a fun. Sweeping at night, what is that? Sweeping at night. I think it's just to, something with ghosts or like- Okay, did she have it right? It's a sweeping at night sweeps away good fortune and attracts bad luck.

Starting point is 00:15:00 Don't look at the screen. What about cutting your nails at night? Why can't you do that? Trim your nails. It will not grow't you do that? Just trim your nails. It will not grow back. No, but that makes more sense. Evil spirits. Don't ever sleep with wet hair in the Philippines.

Starting point is 00:15:12 Oh, because you will have white hair. Wow, wow, that was fast. What does it say? It says you go blind. That's not true. That's not true. Hold on. What the fuck?

Starting point is 00:15:24 We love it. This is amazing. Maybe different islands have different things. That's not true. That's not true. What? Hold on. No, no. This is amazing. Okay, not- Maybe different islands have different things. I don't know. All right, this says not going home right after a wake. Like after you go to a funeral. Oh, because the spirit will follow you.

Starting point is 00:15:34 That's literally what it says. That's great, bingo. Itchy palms, itchy palms. Itchy palms. You can do pack pack to get rid of it. Oh, if you do a pack pack. Pack pack. Cleansing ritual.

Starting point is 00:15:42 Didn't we do a pack pack on this show? Okay. We love Filipinos, by the way, for the record. Theyansing ritual. Yeah. Didn't we do a pack pack on this show? Okay. We love Filipinos, by the way, for the record. They're our favorite people. How about not taking a home, not taking food home from away? So after a funeral, you don't take food home, right? I take food home.

Starting point is 00:15:55 Okay. Well, yeah. Okay. Itchy palms. What about itchy palms? Um, itchy palms? Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:16:03 When your hands are itchy inside your hand. You'll die. Sure. This just says it's a sign of good luck to have itchy palms? Yeah, when your hands are itchy inside your hand. You'll die. Sure. This just says it's a sign of good luck. Two more. Biting your tongue. Biting. If you said like a...

Starting point is 00:16:13 Oh, if someone's talking shit about you. Damn! Is that true? Yeah. Fuck yeah, dude. What about the tabi tabi po? Oh, that's... I told you about this.

Starting point is 00:16:23 Like when you're like going through like a Quiet area or like a big tree you have to say tabi tabi po or else like the the mythical creature You've never fucking said this before talking about like I've never heard you say tabby tabby topo before Give me an example. Give me example. Give me example. I told you this I've never been to a po before. Give me an example. I told you this before. It's Halloween. We're trick or treating.

Starting point is 00:16:48 I'm dressed up as a fat minion. And you're at what? Soap. We're in the forest. We're lost. Where does this tabi tabi po... Okay, so like when there's a big tree... We're walking by a big tree.

Starting point is 00:17:04 It's quiet. Redwood. You're walking by a big tree, okay Yeah, it's quiet And you're going through Redwood, redwood Yeah, you're going through it You have to say Tabi tabi po Tabi tabi po Tabi tabi po Tabi tabi po

Starting point is 00:17:13 But if we don't, what happens? Then, like something bad will happen to you They made a movie, guys Tabi tabi po Tabi tabi, tabi tabi po They're going to Go back to the list, go back to the list There's one more

Starting point is 00:17:24 Wait a minute, so you're going, by the way. Yeah. Also, soap? I don't know. Your soap? I don't know. Mythical things in the middle. Yeah, you think your soap?

Starting point is 00:17:33 Yeah. Soap, okay. Jumping at midnight. Well, yeah, what about jumping in the middle at midnight? It's just for good luck. Grow taller in the new year. Can you wear red in the Philippines? Do people wear red?

Starting point is 00:17:47 Yeah. It says it's gonna increase your chance of being struck by lightning. Wow. Don't look. What is a sukab? Sukab. Sukab.

Starting point is 00:17:57 Sukab. S-U-K-O-B. Sukab. I don't know, that's not- Maybe a little tree. That's not miskaya. There's a little tree you walk by. Sukab, sukab, yeah.

Starting point is 00:18:04 Oh yeah, what about kapdigsagang? You know that, twin bananas. Kapdigsagang. That's not- Maybe a little tree. That's not- There's a little tree you walk by. So cool. Sukup, sukup, yeah. Oh yeah, what about kapdigsagang? You know that, twin bananas. Kapdigsagang. Kapdigsagang. Twin bananas, yeah. If a woman consumes a twin banana, she'll have twins? I don't know.

Starting point is 00:18:17 Mm, that's interesting. What about scattering coins in a new house when you move into a house, you scatter change everywhere? No, but we bring rice and salt. Okay, so. Whenever somebody says, these stereotypes aren't real, you're like, well, they are.

Starting point is 00:18:32 Yeah. It's very funny. You bring salt and rice to what? Salt the floor and rice the floor, right? No, you just put the rice somewhere and then put salt around it. Yeah. It's like for good fortune,

Starting point is 00:18:44 like the spirits, bad spirits won't come. Could I put carpaccio on there too and just eat it afterwards? No, you can't eat it! Why, I can't. The Italians are like, when we buy a new house, we put that mortadella on the floor. We do a little chant called Hungy Hungy Hippos.

Starting point is 00:18:59 Wow, it's so strange. Avoid mirrors opposite the front door. You can't have a mirror directly across from the front door. That's so strange. Avoid mirrors opposite the front door. You can't have a mirror directly across from the front door. That's bad luck. Covering mirrors is bad luck in Filipino culture, it says. Placing a chick on a coffin, like a baby chicken on a coffin. That's that.

Starting point is 00:19:20 I don't know. Oh, cool. Let's cut it out. You know what, fancy, Spain has a lot of weird supers. I'm sure you guys have just as many weirdo ones. You know Spain's got some stupid ones. What is? Oh, the grapes at midnight.

Starting point is 00:19:31 Remember, we did that one time. It's the dumbest shit on earth. That is not superstitious. Yet, it's supposed to wish you good, you're supposed to have, then you have good luck. That's just a fun. No hats on the bed. In Spain, considered bad luck to put a hat on your bed.

Starting point is 00:19:43 Well, that was in the movie Drugstore Cowboy. Drugstore June? No, Drugstore, you ever see Drugstore Cowboy? No, I've seen Rod Stone's Cowboy. Gus Van San directed it with Matt Dillon, and there was a scene, they steal drugs from pharmacies. And- It's like Drugstore June.

Starting point is 00:20:00 Yeah. And Matt Dillon, one of the, I think Heather Graham sticks a fucking hat on the bed and then Matt Dillon goes ape shit because now they're gonna have like six weeks of bad luck. Whoa. Yeah. And it, I went to Buckwild last night. You went to the strip club Buckwild?

Starting point is 00:20:19 Yeah. Why'd you do that, bud? Because the club that I played, they knew the manager. I bet they did. And a Samoan guy showed up, and he drove me like 45 minutes outside of the city, and I went to Buckwild, and I drove 45 minutes back really quickly after that.

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Starting point is 00:23:04 Light, agile and stylish for all you smart commuters Find your pulse today Learn more at Can-Am motorcycles calm What have you been doing you went to Hawaii yeah, and I've been surfing that's why I'm like really town You really yeah, you are really town. Are you getting good? I don't know. This is what Trump was talking about. They come here, they surf all day.

Starting point is 00:23:31 They don't do anything anymore. They're surfers. Are you scared, you must be scared. I don't know. Ice is coming. But then they're also saying like even with visas, people are getting deported. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:23:42 What island did you go to in Hawaii? Oahu. Oahu? You guys like that. People are getting deported. Yeah, what island did you go to in Hawaii? Oh, wow. Oh Whoo. Mm-hmm. You guys like that. Well, they only have a place they own a place out there. I know yeah I know yeah, it's fun. You surfed all day and then you ate ate Poke yeah all day. It's all you do right? Okay. I'm gonna go in a couple months. I'm gonna show Hawaii theater I'm gonna do a show there. You're doing a standup show? Yeah. Wow.

Starting point is 00:24:07 Come out, it'll be fun. No, thank you. Why? You know what's so funny? I drive to your fucking shows and do guest spots. Yeah, cause they're great. I know, but I don't think you would ever go to a different city for me.

Starting point is 00:24:20 Of course I would, that's silly. Yeah, why not Hawaii? Neil Brennan's gonna go. Well, there you go, you got a white. No, no, I want several whites. He's the number one white, Neil Brennan? What is that? Oh, that's it.

Starting point is 00:24:31 Friday, June 6th. Yep, June 6th, come. Uh-oh, who's here? What's that? You know who he is, crazy. Oh, there it is. Yeah, they're a crazy face. There it is, there's crazy boy.

Starting point is 00:24:43 He's crazy. There it comes, not so. He's nuts. Who is it? You'll know. You'll know when you see, you know, you can't tell from the whistle. That's, yeah. Corporate comedy's coming.

Starting point is 00:24:52 Corporate comedy is coming to town, coming to town, AGT. You ever see America's Got Talent? Yeah. You ever seen America's Got Talent? Yeah. Do you like that show? You like that show? It's okay. Yeah, ever seen America's Got Talent? Yeah. Do you like that show? You like that show?

Starting point is 00:25:06 It's okay. Yeah, I know, me too. See that. You fucking freak, get in here. That's his bait whistle. Whoa. Whoa. You're safe.

Starting point is 00:25:20 You're safe. Whoa. How we come out with my gun, dude. Please sit down. Please sit down, Howie. Guys, Howie Mandel. Howie Mandel's here, everybody, ladies and gentlemen. Howie Mandel. Howie Mandel.

Starting point is 00:25:31 Yay. We love Howie, Howie. You've met Julie Hemp before, right? You met Julie. She's the best. Are those Rick Owens? What are you wearing there? What are you talking about?

Starting point is 00:25:41 Your shoes. Sketches. These are Snoop Dogg's Sketches. Oh, really nice. I have a Sketches. I'm Your shoes. Sketches, these are Snoop Dogg's sketches. Oh, really nice. I have a sketches, I'm an ambassador for sketches. Why are you laughing at that? What's this a weird thing to say? You know what's great about Snoop Dogg?

Starting point is 00:25:54 Yeah. Tell us. I think the best part about Snoop is he's really reserved himself. He doesn't do too much. Right, he says no with magic words. He's like Kevin Hart in that way. He says no a lot.

Starting point is 00:26:04 He really does. Like Snoop, can you name any products that Snoop's like Kevin Hart in that way. He says no a lot. Really does. Like Snoop, can you name any products that Snoop's attached to? Or anything he's doing? Name anything. Not or, not. Sketchers. Sketchers.

Starting point is 00:26:13 These are actually, these are called Sketchers and they're slip-ins because you don't even need, the laces are nothing. You slip in, you slip out. We're doing ads for Sketchers now. I'm doing ads. Howie. Howie. Howie Mandel is here, one of our favorite people. How're doing ads for Skechers now. I'm doing ads. Howie. Howie.

Starting point is 00:26:26 Howie Mandela's here. Howie Mandela's here ladies and gentlemen. And Howie's brought his family. That's your son. Your whole family. And I've met you before? No? I don't think so.

Starting point is 00:26:36 Who else is there? Is it your daughter? No, I don't have my daughter. Who did you bring Alex? Your wife. Alex, who did you bring? Your girlfriend? She's a friend. Are you seeing her? No. You guys are just friends? did you bring Alex your wife Alex who did you bring your girlfriend are you

Starting point is 00:26:45 seeing her hmm you guys are just friends how old are you oh dude he's 35 Alex are you married him no she married I live vicariously through my son on Instagram oh you do yeah he's got a model rescue service I've talked about this before I mean what do you have to do? He's really nice. What he does is he takes in like wounded models and nurses them back to health. And once he feels that they're able to talk about commitment, he kind of just

Starting point is 00:27:17 Yeah, yeah. Sends them back. Andrew, how are you in the master room? It must be such an ordeal. Okay, I got it. And I got the I want to take it. OK, OK. But the wall up.

Starting point is 00:27:33 I mean, what the fuck, dude? Yeah, I use a glory hole on myself. Wow. I have to reach around the wall. Wow. I want to get any. Do you still old man? Do you still mess? This is like a bad episode of Kung Fu. Old man, do you still masturbate? Old man.

Starting point is 00:27:52 But how would you, do you still or no? I'm doing it, that's why I got my legs crossed right now. Oh I see, I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I do. Wow, it's incredible. I do. Son, I still masturbate.

Starting point is 00:28:04 Are you glad you showed up with me? Yeah. Can you give them a play by play? Pardon me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, she wants to know more. I mean, do you watch things, Howie, or do you? Yeah, I watch videos of people washing their hands. Very good, very good. Is that good? Yeah, that was really good.

Starting point is 00:28:18 Did it bother you that I brought a whistle? Yeah, no. I like the whistle. I like the whistle. I love the whistle. The whistle's my new thing. I'm gonna make that my thing Mmm, you're the guy because there's so many there's so many people out there. Look at her face. How concerned you are You can what are you concerned about? Well, cuz women usually have practical uses for whistles. Yeah. Yeah, I just don't understand It's hard for a man. That's a whistle. Well, what do you do?

Starting point is 00:28:41 What's the line you blow? Yeah, yeah now do you do? You blow it. You blow it. Whistle. Whistle. Yeah, yeah. Now, do you understand? No. No. What do you mean? Why do you look like you're in pain?

Starting point is 00:28:52 I don't know. Are you in pain? Yeah, yeah. You're really enjoying me. That's her disposition. No, she's always like that. That's her disposition. I live with her.

Starting point is 00:29:00 Really? I know you live with her. I met her at your house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the thing is that you have a very pained look on your face, like there's a problem. That's my normal face. Well, it isn't normal.

Starting point is 00:29:09 I'm telling you it's not normal. Julia, is there like a Filipinos got talent? No, but we have a lot of Filipinos on the show who have talent. I know. They do, the guy that can sing with two voices. That's, that guy's the best. Wait, what's his first name?

Starting point is 00:29:30 Marcelo Marcelo. Yeah, he is. Oh, yeah, I love Hernandez from SNL. No, he does. Oh, no, dude He is the most talented singer you've ever heard in your life He does deep voices and then he has a like angelic voice on top of it that do voices like he does a duet with himself He will fuck you up this guy. Yeah, the greatest singer Kills Freddie Mercury, kills anybody. Wow. What do you mean wow? I'm telling you right now the Philippines rule. That's a bold claim. Play some. All right there we go. Just do the first one. See how Zanzar on the table. This is how he jerks off. Oh wow. He sings to himself like a pretty girl The same guy

Starting point is 00:30:11 It's good That's what oh you you're not impressed. I think andrew can do it you could do it Try it in from where you're from. They have leprechauns jumping up and down a fucking rainbow and you think that's not that's not good It's not good. Are you kidding me? Can you do better? Yeah? Here we go, we're all gonna sing it female partner the lyrics dude, I Got it. Yes, I'm tone Here we go there here we gooming real good. All right.

Starting point is 00:30:46 What the fuck? Tail as old as time. Right? Yeah. True as it can be. Barely even friends. Then somebody bends. Unexpectedly. Go ahead. friends then somebody bands unexpected me. Go ahead.

Starting point is 00:31:10 Just a little. No, no. I do the girl. Small to say that is the girl. What are you doing? You're not even in. Oh, you're not even tuned, dude. Your perception.

Starting point is 00:31:21 You're playing the Russian boxer. Yeah. I didn't realize. Women can't sound that way. Oh, I know. Oh, dude. Yeah, you're playing the Russian boxer. Yeah, I didn't realize it sound that way. Oh, I know you're oh, dude Yeah, you're right. He can't let it go later, man. You're right way to go guys See what you do way to put yourself in the corner. The worst singer here is you Can you sing one of them sing one line? Yeah, here we go. Here we go

Starting point is 00:31:40 Just a little change Not bad Horrible, it's not bad. It's Not bad. Horrible. It's not bad. It's horrible. It's not bad. I'm a professional talent judge. That sucks.

Starting point is 00:31:50 But can you sing? Thank you Rudy. What gives you the right, Harry? Whenever I'm watching that show, what gives you the right to go, oh that's good singing? I don't say it. You're a comedian. I say I like it. Maybe it's not everybody's taste. I like it. You just heard her. I don't see it. You're a comedian. I say I like it. Maybe it's not everybody's taste.

Starting point is 00:32:05 I like it. I just heard her. I don't like it. I don't like it. I see how that works. I'm telling you I don't like it. The other judges, two people in the room, you guys like it.

Starting point is 00:32:16 You're, and I'm being honest with you, and this is not television and it's not network, you sing like shit. Oh my God. It's gonna break her heart. It's gonna break her heart. I'm gonna daughter to me, dude. Don't cry, Jules. Oh my God. Break her heart. Don't talk about her to me, dude. Don't cry, Jules, don't cry.

Starting point is 00:32:27 No, I know. You sing like shit, I'm being honest with you. And I don't want you, because I care about you, I don't want you to think you're good and then go out into the world and be disappointed. And I feel like I'm doing a service. How many years you've been on that show? 16.

Starting point is 00:32:43 It's time to get off. I wanted to say that, but thank you for saying it. It's time to wrap it up. It's a long. Alex, what do you think? How do you feel? Does he need to wrap it up? Do you want dad to get off the show

Starting point is 00:32:55 and get back home to taking care of you? Taking care of him? Well, he's 35. He's obviously stunted. He brought in a beautiful woman that he's buddies with. Yeah, but he's moving out in the next couple of weeks. We are so excited. You still live at home? No. Where do you live? Here, you live in a beautiful woman that he's buddies with. Yeah, but he's moving out in the next couple of weeks. We are so excited. You still live at home?

Starting point is 00:33:06 No. Where do you live? Here, you live in LA? Santa Monica. Santa Monica, beautiful. I wanna live on the West side. I know this- Ask me where I live.

Starting point is 00:33:14 I know where you live. Santa Monica. But you're a great father. You've been a great father. I have been a great father. And I know a little bit about you. Been friends for a while. Yeah, we've been friends for a long time.

Starting point is 00:33:23 I'm a wonderful person. You are such a nice guy. You're a great guy. No, can've been friends for a long time. I'm a wonderful person. You are a great guy. You're such a nice guy. No, can we just keep this going? Yeah. I'm a wonderful. You really are. And how fucking lucky are you guys and you

Starting point is 00:33:32 to have me on this episode? Huge. This is. Huge. Wait, wait, wait. Huge. No, what are you doing? No, I mean the numbers will go down, but it's not.

Starting point is 00:33:41 Huge, not about numbers. Yeah, it's huge. Really huge. Not about the numbers, it's about the soul. Well, it's like, you know, guy, check this out. You know, there's some art house movies that no one watches, but this is an art house episode. Yeah. Yeah. You know, like that new movie companion.

Starting point is 00:33:56 No one saw it, but people love it. People love it. Like the critics. So that's good. So, you know, that's we don't lose money on the YouTube. It's not about making money. It's about doing quality stuff. And this is quality. This is right.

Starting point is 00:34:08 Feeling quality. This is if you've done a bunch of these episodes of this one. How do you feel about this one versus some of the other that you've been a part of? You completely honest. Well, when they said that someone from AGT was coming, I thought it was Simon Cowell. What are you saying? I just thought that. And then what you're trying to say is you were ready for Simon Cowell and then when I showed up you went fuck this is like a surprise they went they lowballed me.

Starting point is 00:34:37 Well it goes Simon, Heidi. Who's on it? Heidi's not on it anymore. Yeah but still Heidi still. It's Mel B. Mel B. Mel B B and then Sophia Vergara Yeah, and then are you for I mean, what do you work? Where are you in the ranking people that have come and gone? Oh my god, you're still there. I replace you know

Starting point is 00:34:54 I replace you're the Kenan Thompson of it. Let me let me guess I know Howard Stern. No, okay I was there with Howard Stern. I replaced David Hasselhoff The Hoff after the cheeseburger incident, huh? That's why, that's why the nickname for our show is Jew Watch. Regis, Sam Donnelly. Now I don't know who that is. Yeah. Oh, those aren't judges.

Starting point is 00:35:18 That's our executive producer. Oh. Regis was the first host. He was? He was the first host. Then he was followed by Jerry Spr the was the first host. He was he was the first host and he was followed by Jerry Springer became the host who's Jason Raff? He was executive producer and then Nick Cannon became the host. Mmm, and then I like the big black guy

Starting point is 00:35:36 That's a very Cruz. Yeah, I like him. He's my favorite. He likes to be called what you just called him Is he not a big black guy? Yes, okay good, but he likes his name And if somebody if I was under there that little fat annoying guy from white is. Okay, good. But he likes his name. And if I was under there, that little fat annoying guy. From White Chicks? No, I've never met him. He was in White Chicks. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:35:52 So who's on still now? You. Me. Simon. Simon. Cardi B. That's Mel B. He can't make his melon Cardi out.

Starting point is 00:36:01 Cardi would be a good get. So you, Simon, Mel B. And Sofia Vergara. Sofia Vergara. And? And? No, that's it. Terry Crews is the host.

Starting point is 00:36:10 Terry's always been the host. Right, Nick was the host. No he hasn't, before him was, and then it was Tyra Banks. Yes. Howie, can you look at Simon, just be real. And just look at him, lock eyes with him, and go, enough of that.

Starting point is 00:36:25 What is that? What does that mean? Enough of that, you know? That looks, it's amazing what you're able to do. You're like a Korean Jim Carrey. Hello, I'm Simon Cowell. Wow. If people just tuned in now

Starting point is 00:36:37 and didn't know they were watching this, if they're watching on YouTube, they would, that's uncanny how, because I sit with them daily. There we go, look at it. But do that and then look at that. Put it side by side. Look, look! I know, I got it.

Starting point is 00:36:50 Sitting side by side. We know how old you are, dude. I'm old. Yeah, but you look good. For my age. And you've had no face work. I have no face work. Exactly.

Starting point is 00:36:59 Because we like natural beings. Yeah. Right, look at, believe it or not, no face work. I had testicular liposuction. You know? I had testicular liposuction. Yeah. You really got them sucked?

Starting point is 00:37:13 I try. I try, I want to. I'm old, I'm gonna be 70 this year. That's incredible. That's incredible. What's up for the 70th birthday? Can I ask you also those pants? Are those USPS pants? I swear to God, the woman that delivers my mail, I wear the exact same fucking pants. I'm not even kidding.

Starting point is 00:37:27 I'm wearing ladies' mail pants? Ladies' mail pants. M-A-I-L. I love what you did. There she is. There's my girl. That's from the neighborhood. Oh my God.

Starting point is 00:37:35 I am wearing mail. Alex, I want to say about your dad though. One of the greatest guys to ever live. I'm a man of my word. I'm a man of my word. I'm a man of my word. I'm a man of my word. I'm a man of my word.

Starting point is 00:37:43 I'm a man of my word. I'm a man of my word. I'm a man of my word. I'm a man of my word. I'm a man of my word. she is. There's my girl. That's from the neighborhood. Oh my god I am wearing male Alex Alex. I want to say about your dad though One of the greatest skies to ever live, but he's also fashionable. Yeah, he is very fashionable. Yeah, always. Why do you dress all Midwest? Why do I? Yeah, I Mean just a standard like, you know solid color solid color. He's very like, you know elect You know, solid color, solid color. He's very like, you know, elect, he dresses like that. If you look at my son, and I know he's off camera, but if you look at him, he's dressed exactly like my wife.

Starting point is 00:38:11 I see. Keep it in the family. Yeah, that's what he does. Howie, so if, I've never seen you buzz somebody like it's not good, there's an ex buzz. No, I do it a lot. Really? Yeah, probably more than anybody.

Starting point is 00:38:24 Like if I went up there. You don't watch the show. Like if I went up there. Yeah, probably more than anybody Like if I went up there watch the show like if I went up there, I really watched the show I went up there and like no music and I was just like Buzz you know who you just did no, I won't buzz because there's a fine this Urien retriever Urien retriever. It's why you are Urien Retriever. Urien Retriever. It's why you are... That was embarrassing. Urien Retriever. Dancing. Okay.

Starting point is 00:38:49 Maybe she does it. This is what you just reminded me of. Did she make it? No, but it's so fucking funny. Wait, this is what you just looked like when she was dancing. Go to the dancing. Go to the dancing.

Starting point is 00:39:02 Tell me this is not Bobby Lee. ["Bad Boys", by The Bad Boys, playing in background.] That's what I'm saying! That's exactly what you just did. That's what I just did! That was Bobby Lee. Dude, that's... yeah! Oh, oh, Simon, oh really? I bust your face, Simon.

Starting point is 00:39:21 No, good dancing. Look at it. Isn't that you? So why don't you come on and do it? You can make a... And at that season, LeAnn Huff was there, who is a dance expert and put her through. Well, this is what the big black guy like.

Starting point is 00:39:41 I think this is why America's in debt. This is why we're in the hole, man. Why? Because of Urien. What is Urien? I didn't understand. Her name is Urien Retriever. Okay.

Starting point is 00:39:54 Her name is Urien Retriever? I thought that was an animal. I swear to God. No, Golden Retriever is an animal. Urien is her name. Oh, although she looks very different there. There she is. But you're looking at shots of her not dancing.

Starting point is 00:40:11 When she dances. I like the dance. I think she's cute. Take it away. You should have her on the show. She lives here. Really? Yeah, single you think?

Starting point is 00:40:19 Yes, I know she is. Great. You keep up with everyone who's ever contested on the show, I've heard. I keep up with everybody. You know that he's got the cell phone number of everyone who's ever contested on the show, I've heard. I keep up with everybody. You know that he's got the cell phone number of everyone that's ever tried to be on the show. I don't have a cell phone, but I DM everybody.

Starting point is 00:40:30 Yeah. I do. Do you want to meet Urien? No, but you know the one that you gave, I think a golden ticket to it, what's it, Grace Thunderbolt? Grace Thunderbolt? Yeah, what's her name?

Starting point is 00:40:39 Grace Thunderbolt, the singer. I think you're thinking of Grace Vanderwall. Yeah, that one. Yeah, Grace Thunderbolt. She's so good. thinking of Grace Vanderwall. Yeah that one yeah grace yeah yeah great grace Thunderbolt she's so good I want to talk to Urien. Howie what are you gonna do for your 70th birthday? I was kidding Howie don't call her I'm gonna call her. Oh Howie you're single. Howie! What? Here she is. Howie don't call her dude. I'm gonna call her. Oh my god well let him call her you never know what you'll get out of that. I'll tell her to go on she's she's on FaceTime. Maybe okay I'm gonna do an accent though for sure

Starting point is 00:41:10 Hey mom mom mom Bobby mom yeah, and she my mom when I sent her the flowers She like ease and she loved every single one of the flowers. Yeah, she's your mama right I did I love my mom and I love your mom and you know what moms deserve the best Especially here on Mother's Day when it comes to flowers is only one place. I trust to get it every time This is a fact I've been using these guys for so long way longer than they were a part of the show but one eight hundred flowers calm So simple every single year you pick something elegant and cute and sweet and colors that match your mom's style

Starting point is 00:41:39 Oh, and right now when you order one dozen roses Andrew they'll double it to two dozen free Twice the beauty twice the love and all no extra cost baby man Don't wait show mom how much he means to you with a gift that says it all go to win eight hundred flowers calm today And give mom their flowers. They deserve them Okay to claim your double your roses offer go to 1 800 flowers comm slash bad friends That's 1 800 flowers comm slash bad friendsflowers.com slash bad friends that's 1-800-flowers.com slash bad friends 1-800-flowers.com slash bad friends Square! Support for today's episode comes from Square your all-in-one business partner making your day-to-day easier from point-of-sale systems and payments to inventory and

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Starting point is 00:42:49 make all the difference. When I first started touring, by the way, I used Square, the Square on my phone. I would plug it in. I remember that. For merch, I had to do that because a lot of places didn't take cash anymore. And also, people don't carry cash anymore,

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Starting point is 00:43:10 Get everything you need to run and grow your business without any long-term commitments and why wait? What are you doing right now? You can get up to $200 off square hardware at square.com Go slash bad friends that's square Sqare.com slash go slash bad friends run your business smarter with square get started today at I'm Nelson Fresco, President and CEO of Miele Canada. Until June 30th, every purchase of a Miele dishwasher or laundry machine supports the preservation and restoration of Canadian forests through the Miele Forest Initiative. Join us in making an impact today for a better tomorrow. Visit Miele.ca to learn more. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, here we go. I don't know. No, do not do that. You're you're doing you're doing retriever

Starting point is 00:44:07 I'll do that I'm a golden retriever. No, you're in the doctor stop that you stop that. Oh, well watch I'm just practicing Look, oh, let me yeah, let me leave a message. No Howie. There's no way her real name is Retriever. Yeah. Pretty stuck on that. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:44:38 A million followers though. Yeah, killing it. She's a dancer. I know. People love dance. Well, yes, she did. Well, not enough you didn't put her through. I didn't have, because other people didn't get it.

Starting point is 00:44:50 I get it. It was a fucking Simon. Oh, Simon. He doesn't understand dance like I do. Who do you really love working with? Truly, truly, truly. Who really good do you work with? There you go.

Starting point is 00:45:01 You know, I really enjoy that person a lot. I enjoy Sofia Vergara. She's great, huh? You should hang her on. Beautiful. Well, it enjoy that person a lot. I enjoy Sofia Vergara. She's great, huh? You should hang her on. Beautiful. Not only that, she's funny. And funny. I've never noticed her looks.

Starting point is 00:45:11 Yeah, oh yeah. Really? That's not how I view people. He goes right to that beautiful thing. I think smart, sweet. That pudgy Asian grass, that's just good. Okay, dude. Why are you making fun of somebody

Starting point is 00:45:22 that looks exactly like you? Yeah, that's why I can do it, right? a little if it is you you can do that's right If they look like you and it's not you you can't you fruit What are you saying? I guess it can be fruit Kiwi fruit. Yeah, I like I've asked I've asked but I am really interested. What is what is 70th birthday gonna be? Yeah, that's a big deal. I'm gonna throw it myself. It's gonna be a surprise. You're surprised at the surprise?

Starting point is 00:45:47 Are we invited to your party? I'm not telling anybody. No, I'm in a planet, but I'm not gonna tell anyone. I'm gonna park way down the street. And then I'm gonna hide behind my door and wait for nothing. I don't wanna celebrate. All kidding aside, I'm not celebrating.

Starting point is 00:46:03 Do a party. You're not gonna celebrate your 70th birthday? I don't want to. I don't like birthdays celebrate. All kidding aside, I'm not celebrating. Do a party. You're not gonna celebrate your 70th birthday? I don't want to. I don't like birthdays anymore. Why not? I'm fucking 70. Yeah, but 70's a big deal. Here's the thing.

Starting point is 00:46:14 She's never gonna get there. Do it for her. How old are you? 23. These people go fast. They go fast. I was more than a decade older than you when you were born. Yeah

Starting point is 00:46:26 You know, I'm the thing about me. Look at me. I'm young. Yeah, you do die soon No, you're not I am not you're gonna be like that one guy. Um, who's the one guy that didn't die soon. He's 99 What's his name? But even that you're gonna be like that 29. 29 years, which is even older than, so I've only got another 29, no I'm gonna. You got a long time. You got a long time, dude. How many more appearances on this podcast

Starting point is 00:46:53 do you think I've got left in me in the rest of my life? Yeah. Who's seg? Honestly, ask AI how much longer Howie has to live. Yeah, ask how much longer will Howie Mandel live? And then three years from now, you're gonna be still doing that show and the Androids are gonna be,

Starting point is 00:47:08 meh, meh, meh, meh. Are you gonna wait to air this, like to the day before this says? And then that way, this people will go through the roof. We usually hold this stuff out. If you die, this is gonna be a banger. Yeah. It's impossible. Would that be great for you?

Starting point is 00:47:19 It is impossible. Think about how great. Look at that. Zoom in. It is impossible to predict how long any individual will live including? Public figures like howie mandel life expectancy depends on many factors including genetics lifestyle choice medical conditions and even chance However, howie mandel like anyone else will live as long as his health and circumstances allow No one can know for sure how long probably the next four years fuck But you're gonna you're gonna go for a long time you're healthy go well you exercise I do and you exercise your brain daily That's pretty astute. Yeah. See?

Starting point is 00:47:45 But you're going to go for a long time. You're a healthy guy. You think so? Well, you exercise. I do. And you exercise your brain daily. That's just as important. That's what they say.

Starting point is 00:47:53 If the noodle is activated. Is that what they say? They say a healthy brain is a healthier life for sure. Do you ever see life in the blue zones? Do you ever watch that? No. What is that? The blue zones, I know what it is.

Starting point is 00:48:04 The blue zones. It's the areas in the world where people live the longest. And they say that- And they have a series? Yeah, they did a Netflix. Is Okinawa a blue zone? It was.

Starting point is 00:48:13 What happened? Godzilla. Godzilla. Oh, fuck. Yeah, it's a green zone. When he goes to- I kind of focus on life in the Jews zones. It's life in the Jews zones.

Starting point is 00:48:21 Yeah. Yeah. They don't live long, but they complain about everything. Yeah. But Howie, I wanna say something. Don't. I do, no, I really don't. I really do, I really do though.

Starting point is 00:48:34 I think, Sayan. May I? Go ahead, say what do you wanna say. You know, I act a certain way when I'm around you, but really I'm like. You act a certain way? Yeah, I try to be confident around you, like I'm the guy or whatever,

Starting point is 00:48:44 but it's like at the end of the day, I've always been a fan of yours. Like when I, you and Arsenio, you know, doing that tour together. Yeah. Yeah, and I just love both of you guys, so it's like. You've got the shit all over your. What is it?

Starting point is 00:48:56 Just a lot of shit. You didn't brush your teeth for this fucking thing? I just wanna say that I'm just. You didn't even brush your teeth? How big a fan could you be if you got. You just like you don't even. You wouldn't even take care of yourself. How in the hell comes you didn't even floss.

Starting point is 00:49:09 So how, what time do you go to bed at night? Are you sending me to bed now? No, no, no, no. I do wanna know. Yeah, what time do you at night? I feel like you don't get good sleep. I don't. Exactly. I don't.

Starting point is 00:49:19 Yeah. Because I don't. You think too much. I can't sleep. Yeah, you think too much. I don't know what's going on I know what it is. You've told me I'm a mess your mess. Are you told me what it all help? You know can I tell you what it is? Yeah It's you you keep going you can't sit down because when you sit down

Starting point is 00:49:41 Yeah, you started thinking and then I get all fucked up I get fucked up you keep going and you have to constantly work work work work work? I got a fucking therapist. I know and you didn't make me happy thinking I'm gonna live for a long time This is too. It's too tiring. Yeah, but you need help. I do do you think or no Alex? You think I get help. Yeah as I sit here. I'm incredibly medicated. Okay. Yes. What are you on? I'm a gun. I don't tell my but I am on medic. I'm a really person. You. Yes. What are you on? I'm a gun, I don't tell my, but I am on medic. I'm a Ritalin. You're on medication.

Starting point is 00:50:07 Yeah. Oh, right, right, well, that's healthy. That's good. If you feel good, do you feel at bay? You feel balanced or you feel held back? I feel numb. Okay. Is that good?

Starting point is 00:50:18 No. Is that good? No, you gotta feel stuff. Hey, Howie. Will you shut up? Howie, back in the day, at the comedy store days, because you know him and I still go to the store a lot. Yeah, I go sometimes.

Starting point is 00:50:31 You see me there. I know, but are there guys that you didn't like that are still around? Oh yeah. We like this kind of talk. Who used to be, back in the day, who did you have a little bit of a clam with? Nobody was nice to me.

Starting point is 00:50:42 Let me throw some names out. Okay. Dice, how was Dice? Nobody would. Let me throw some names out. Okay. Dice. How was Dice? He was nice to me. He actually, and he came on my podcast and talked about how he took some of my material.

Starting point is 00:50:53 He stole from you. Roses are red, violets are blue. You are schizophrenic. I am schizophrenic and so am I, was mine. Wow. And then he did it. But he says that. I love him now.

Starting point is 00:51:11 Who else? Have you been watching him lately? Who else stole that? Have you been watching him? Yeah, he's great. Yeah. No, but on his Instagram where he goes up to people and he says, take a picture with me.

Starting point is 00:51:19 Yeah. And they don't know who the fuck, he's hysterical. He's hysterical. And now he's got John Lovitz with him. He... Do you know what the line you just said? You know who else stole that? You know where that's from?

Starting point is 00:51:28 Rosa red, violence or blue? I'm a schizophrenic, so am I. You wrote that? I wrote that. Do you know what movie that's in? No. That's in, that's in. You don't know either.

Starting point is 00:51:39 That's the beauty of it. No, I do know. This is crazy. My brain just went blank. You know, a lot of shit of mine got stolen when I was a kid. No, no, it's Richard Dreyfuss and fucking Bill Murray. It's what about Bob? It's in what about Bob?

Starting point is 00:51:50 The scene where he is in the mental hospital, he says, there it is, Rosa Red, Violet's Blue, I'm a Schizophrenic, and so am I. Right there. I called that. I wrote that in 19... But you know, something else to think about. I remember that fucking clip.

Starting point is 00:52:00 Can you sue? No. You know, I tried to make suits originally. One of my... Look, they made a fucking meme on it. Oh my god. I remember that so vividly. They stole that from me No, I didn't see he did he heard me do it and then he did it now That's to put it in a movie. He came on he well this I don't know. I didn't know why did you do that to bill burr? I oh, I'm feel so bad. I Feel bad. Why would you told me to go? Myself I would you people want to beat feel bad. Why would you?

Starting point is 00:52:25 You told me to go fuck myself. Why would you go? And people want to beat me up for it. Why would you go to the king and trap him? You want me to be honest? What are you trying to do, dude? I tried to do something nice. I thought I was doing something nice.

Starting point is 00:52:38 Don't you think it's nice to bring family together? Yeah, but if you're not honest before. It's kind of like the whistle. It's called a surprise. It's a surprise. That was a whistle. Yeah, but if you're not honest before. It's kind of like the whistle. It's called a surprise. It's like, it's a surprise. That was a whistle, yeah. Yeah, that was a whistle. So, what was that all about, guy?

Starting point is 00:52:51 Billy Corrigan came on my show and told a story that he'd never told before. It wasn't even a bit that I planned. Yeah, yeah. The plan was, I was, Billy Corrigan was on, gonna do my podcast, and I said, you know,'s this will be funny I'm gonna just say that Bill Burr is doing the podcast and we'll never cop

Starting point is 00:53:10 to the fact that you're Billy Corrigan and I'll talk you'll answer questions as Bill Burr he goes nah I don't want to do that but do you know my Bill Burr story and I said no I don't know your Bill Burr story I said I never told it before can I tell it on your show I go mean, go ahead. Tell me your Bill Burr story. So he told me that his mother or stepmother told him that there's a famous comedian who has a really good chance of being your brother. Yeah, you heard the story. I'm not going to. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But maybe the audience hasn't.

Starting point is 00:53:38 Do you want me to tell it again? It's that's what it's. It's Billy Corrigan story. Billy Corrigan said that his father was a... But the problem is is that... Was a... Okay. A tranderer. Yeah. A musician who, you know, had fun.

Starting point is 00:53:52 He did meet and greets. Right. You know? And he, like me, didn't shake hands. He just put his penis in it. But I mean, it doesn't make any sense because Bill Burr and Billy Corrigan both knew their dads, right?

Starting point is 00:54:03 I don't know. Individually, did they know their dads? Like did Bill see- They know who they think their dad is, yes. Oh, they never physically saw their dad then? No, they physically, just because a guy lives in your house with your mother doesn't make him your dad. Very nice, very good. I never thought, yeah.

Starting point is 00:54:20 Let's see somebody steal that. But is Bill mad? Is Bill still mad? Not Corrigan Burr. Yeah, Bur's see somebody steal that But is he is bill mad is bill still mad not Corrigan burr yeah, burr's mad burr's never mad I know he's not mad. I've never seen burr mad. I don't think I've ever seen burr upset. He introduced see internalizes it I think he's mad He talked about being on the rich are you guys fucking here right now? Is this a comedy show? That was irony. Oh yeah, oh sorry, my bad. Dude, I'm off today. I'm off. What the fuck are you doing?

Starting point is 00:54:49 Yeah! Is he ironic or what? Ironic! Oh, very good. He cut out the part where he's always bad. Are you gonna cut out the part where you told us that we didn't react properly? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's so good.

Starting point is 00:55:01 You edit that out and then you just get the- No, no. The audience at home will get it. We have to let them get it, you know? Sometimes you can't feed it. So then, Bill Burr was on my show just to promote his upcoming- Hulu special.

Starting point is 00:55:15 Hulu special and the fact that he was gonna be on Broadway and all that. Gay. All right, go ahead. I have to say, whenever I hear the word, I'm sorry. That's instinct, I apologize. Hulu? Gay. All right, go ahead. I have to say, whenever I hear the word, I'm sorry. That's instinct, I apologize. Hulu? Gay.

Starting point is 00:55:27 Yeah, so then what, so anyway, what I was, so I said, I called up Billy, who does work in my space, because he said he was going to. Anyway, I called and I said, Billy Corgan works in your space? Yeah. What is he doing there?

Starting point is 00:55:49 A podcast. He's got a fucking podcast? Uh-huh. Everyone's got a podcast. It's called the Magnificent Others. Is that what it's called? Uh-huh. Is it going well?

Starting point is 00:55:59 I don't know, I don't look at numbers. I'm not here for numbers. I just- No, since his band was Smashing Pumpkins, the podcast should be called Picking Up the Pieces. Yeah, that was a good one. I feel like that would have been more in line with the- My favorite album of all time, Gish.

Starting point is 00:56:12 The Gish. Do you remember Gish? Oh yeah. The very first one, Smashing Pumpkins. Smashing Pumpkins is phenomenal. Phenomenal. What city is he from? One, two, three.

Starting point is 00:56:19 Chicago. The best. Yeah. Can you ask him if I want to do it? Okay, I'm sure he'd love to have you. Yeah, I'd love to do it. I'm sure he'd love to. You want me to phone him now?

Starting point is 00:56:28 I'd be so nervous to meet him. Yeah, he doesn't want to meet him. I'm a huge fan. Yeah. You know, it's like- I phoned you. I can't believe. You know what?

Starting point is 00:56:38 Anyway, the point is, he was in my building. How did they never cast Billy Corgan in fucking FX is what we do in the shadow? I know. It's like, dude. It's incredible. No hair, no makeup. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:56:52 No, but look, honestly, I'm not kidding when I say this. You got to let us throw you a 70th birthday party. Let us do it. Let us do it. I'll do it. No, I'm dead serious. I think it's important. It would be great to celebrate with bad friends.

Starting point is 00:57:02 Can we do it? Bob, can we really? I would love to do it. All right. I don't wanna start right with you, but I have to say it. We get it, you know John Mayer. Let's move on.

Starting point is 00:57:10 Oh, man. Oh, wow. Wow. We went to the show this week, yeah, we get it. But anyway. I know, you went to Vegas. I'm not allowed to wear the shirt of the fucking man. Hey, hey, hey, hey, look who I'm friends with.

Starting point is 00:57:22 You know what's funny about that? Fucking disgusting. I know that. Am I not back me up? Not everybody can get that. It's so gross. I asked you to be on the podcast this week and you could have said, no, I got things to do,

Starting point is 00:57:33 but you were very specific. I was. About telling me I'm going to Vegas to see the dead. I said I'm going. Yeah, you did that. That's what he does. I think I have the. I did, I go, I'm going to Vegas.

Starting point is 00:57:43 Did you go backstage? No. You go backstage? No You didn't? No. You didn't see John one time? Nope You stopped three times You're lying, Eli Yeah, yeah, three times. Had lunch? Meals? No. Yeah, yeah, yeah No. Nothing. Did you get it for free?

Starting point is 00:57:58 Did you get it for free? Oh yeah No, I pay. Are you out of your fucking mind, Howie? I pay! This guy is the cell my friend role with Shaquille and Humphreys and all those guys Have you seen Shaquille Humphreys play ball? Guys got handles his big hand. Oh, you're a good seat if you're sitting in Tracy Morgan's puke

Starting point is 00:58:19 Yeah, so my point is is that he went had a jolly time. Had a great time. Yeah. You know. He's jealous. Who's the most famous person you know? Everybody. I mean, it's such a dumb fucking question. Such a loser fucking dumb question. Take your headphones off and walk outside.

Starting point is 00:58:37 Go smoke. Where are you going? He's gonna go shorten his life. How come the guy doesn't come? Oh, there he is around the corner again. Come on, sit down, sit down. I don't want you to pass out. I don't like your shoes, can I get you Skechers?

Starting point is 00:58:54 I'm supposed to spread Skechers. I would love to know that deal. How much money is Skechers? Keep that Matteo kid away from me. You know how I got the deal? That's gotta be so much money. You know how I got the deal? AGT?

Starting point is 00:59:04 No, you know how I got the deal really? I think I be so much fun. You know how I got the deal? AGT? No. You know how I got the deal, really? I think I've told this story before, but I'm going to tell you. I don't want to hear it. Okay. Let him tell the story. Is that rude? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:59:16 I'm sorry, Howie. I went to Skechers because I like... I'm not plugging. This is the absolute truth. I like the slip-ins because I don't like to touch laces. I don't want to touch the fucking shoes I don't wanna touch the fucking shoes. So when I'm not doing a show, I go there and I bought the slip-ins. I walk up to the counter.

Starting point is 00:59:31 This is in Marina Del Rey. You could check all these. These are facts. I walk up to the counter. The girl at the cash register says, "'Are you Howie Mandel?' I said, "'Yes.'" She goes, "'Oh, you're obviously an ambassador.

Starting point is 00:59:41 "'You get 30% off.'" I went, obviously. My wife was standing behind me, she kicked me. She goes, you don't fuckin' bullshit for 30 bucks whenever I was getting off. But then she goes, so she gives me, I pay for the shoes, she gives me 30% off, and then she says, I can't find your name in the computer.

Starting point is 01:00:03 Oh my god. That's what I said. I went, oh my God, I don't know what the fuck is wrong. But they give it to you anyway, right? She goes, I'll give it to you anyway. Here we go. Here's what you gotta do. You gotta take the shoes, hold them up, I'm gonna take a picture of you

Starting point is 01:00:16 and send it to the head office. Whoa. My wife is kicking me, you fucking idiot. You're so embarrassing. And then they take a picture of me, they send it. So wait a minute, 30% off? You got it with this riveting story, and it's this. Okay.

Starting point is 01:00:31 There's an ending to this riveting story? So let her fucking end it! Sorry, I'm sorry. Okay, so take the photo, you can edit it out with this, and then what happens? Two weeks later I get a call from my agent that said, a sketcher's called, and I go, for 30 fucking dollars they're calling,

Starting point is 01:00:47 they found me, they tracked me down, and they said they want me to be an ambassador, and they made me do a commercial telling this story that I told. Wow. See? It's not a great story. I love it, I love it, it feels so good.

Starting point is 01:01:05 What, did I fuck up? He interrupted you with the fucking photo, I love it, I love it, it feels so good. What, did I fuck up? He interrupted you with the fucking photo and then it fucked up the fucking rhythm of the story and then look at the rhythm. Look at his shirt. Look at his shirt, dude. The jealousy is so gross on you. Who did you go with?

Starting point is 01:01:17 Oh, let me guess, Jason Bateman, Ryan Reynolds. Who knows, Howie? That's where he's in line with. did you go with I went with army hammer You know, I just had him on did you yeah, yeah shit I know I was gonna make a fucking joke and you didn't even let me get it. I'm so sorry I'm off to the comedy show. I'm so army. I was gonna say 30% off. Did they owe you money? I mean fuck dude now it doesn't work Thanks, man.

Starting point is 01:01:46 Yeah, my rhythm's off. I was trying to sing it, I was sketching. This is not live, guys. You could re-edit this in post. Now he fucks it up all the time. No, post. My rhythm's off. Was that irony again?

Starting point is 01:01:57 Just for my clarity. Thank you. Thank you, you got it. So last week, I had Armie Hammer on it, and my daughter who I do, I have a, my daughter. I like your daughter, she's sweet. She's not. I think she's hot.

Starting point is 01:02:07 She wouldn't do the show. Fuck are you doing? She wouldn't do the show. She's old. You can't. You guys think she's hot? Well you can't say she's old. She's 40.

Starting point is 01:02:14 Yeah, she's hot for 40. And Alex is handsome. Just, just. Why can't I say that? It's, it's, it's, it's. No, no, you know what dude? I think what you're doing. It doesn't sit right.

Starting point is 01:02:22 Let me say that again. With you? She's hot, she's hot. Why are you offended? Say your daughter again. I'll start it over my daughter who I do my jacklin Love it It's she's so ugly. Wait, wait, there it is. That doesn't sit right when she talks That doesn't sit right with see look at that piece of shit. No

Starting point is 01:02:41 What do you want then guy? Say nothing. All right, say it again. My daughter who I do my podcast with. Yeah, yeah. Better? Go on. I don't have it, the timing was ruined. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:02:55 No, no, but your daughter? She wouldn't sit in the room. With Army. Yeah. Right. Oh, she's one of those. Well, she doesn't want to be bitten. Oh, no, that's what? Yeah, bitten. He's Spanish. Oh, she's one of those. Well, she doesn't want to be bitten. Oh, no, that's what?

Starting point is 01:03:06 Yeah, bitten. He's Spanish. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. If he wasn't, it was like a speech impediment. Yeah. Is that true? That he likes to eat people? Ask Howie, he had him on the show.

Starting point is 01:03:18 He said no. Yeah, I don't think he's, I don't know. He said no. He doesn't eat. Your Honor, he said no. He didn't get charged. I, that is true. He didn't know he said no he doesn't your honor. He said no he didn't get charged I said is true. He did never eat anybody never eaten a person. I think it'd take a lot to eat somebody I also think he has podcasting chops. I've seen clips. I like it. Don't say chops because Yeah, um wow did you give him like

Starting point is 01:03:40 I'm always so worried. Yeah, oh wow. Did you give him like, Why don't we go ahead? Did you give him like a fork and a fucking knife? Like thanks for coming on the show. Sit down, don't get this away from the guy. Well he was a nice guy. I would imagine that if people,

Starting point is 01:03:54 some people don't watch a whole podcast, so if you tune into that episode halfway through and you don't see my daughter, you're gonna assume he ate her. Right. Right, right. That's why we'll show clips without her there with no explanation and people will go.

Starting point is 01:04:08 I want him to hear the show and be like, why would how would he talk about me like that? So fucking bummed. That's your army hammer. I've never heard of a guy, I don't even know how he sounds. Oh, let me try. How does he sound? My name is Harman Kahn.

Starting point is 01:04:18 Yeah, see we did the same kind of thing. That's exactly it. I'm Harman, I was on the movie with Johnny Depp where he plays the Indian. Perfect. That's a flawless impression. Lone Ranger, right? L Jepord. I ain't where he plays the Indian perfect That's own ranger. Oh ranger ranger. That's a lone ranger Chancho. What's it? What? Chancho Chancho, I'm off. I'm really off Chancho. Yeah, I have a sleep it sees a bit of a Ranger Chancho is when they had when the Lone Ranger had a Chinese sidekick

Starting point is 01:04:44 You know fuck you man making fun of the Chinese. I don't know what I'm doing. You said Chancho. Oh, you're right. I love you so much. I put the CH into for the Chinese. Look at him. Chancho is Native American. That's the cologne commercial he does? Is that what that is? That's the Lone Ranger.

Starting point is 01:04:54 Oh, that is. That movie, what are you talking about? He doesn't do a cologne commercial? He dresses the exact same, Johnny Depp. Sauvage. Johnny Depp. Look at Sauvage. Dresses like that? No, he doesn't. Look at Sauvage. So look,. Look at Sauvage. Dresses like that. No he doesn't. Look at Sauvage.

Starting point is 01:05:06 Sauvage. Look, he looks the exact same. I've never seen this. What's the difference? Show me the difference between the two photos. Sauvage. Sauvage. You never seen that?

Starting point is 01:05:14 And then Tonto. That's his sketch. Well you're right, exactly the same. You know what Johnny Depp looks like? Go back to the Tonto one. Argus Hamilton in the 70s. Can you imagine that guy walking into his bedroom? It was a cocaine joke, Howie. It was a cocaine. Oh I'm laughing. Yeah, yeah. Argus Hamilton in the 70s. Can you imagine that guy walking into his bedroom?

Starting point is 01:05:26 It was a cocaine, oh I'm laughing. I'm laughing. Can you imagine him walking into his room looking like that and saying to his ex, you made a poo poo? You know what that is, right? No. His ex-wife.

Starting point is 01:05:40 Look at that photo. What's that Argus Hamilton joke? He goes, I didn't like cocaine, I just liked the way it smelled That was Argus. Yeah. Yeah, yeah his ex-wife Johnny Depp's ex-wife made a poo poo in the bed Have you ever done that to a boyfriend's bed? No, but I sometimes fool myself in the car Do you remember what I you see my food yourself in the car. Yeah, how a Uber not pooper. He see my poo. He's seen your poo. Yeah, yeah

Starting point is 01:06:12 With that accent you sounds like imagine that was a sitcom your it's always like a bad line Yeah, we don't get that over with do another one. I mean you're yeah. What do you mean who has you're like fucking? Let's do that again. Let's do that again So, you know from the room. Yeah, that's right. Oh, yeah Yeah, it was that kind of line right? How did you see the I will not White was out Tommy was out. Yeah was out. Yeah. Yeah. So I've seen my poo. I've seen it He said he's a my poo who hasn't there. It's a good read Yeah, yeah, who hasn't seen your poo. Yeah, why did you see his poo?

Starting point is 01:06:52 He relapsed in Cancun and he got shit all over the walls Well talk about missing anyway That's true. That's literally That you and Bobby That's true. That's literally true. Is that you and Bobby and Ken Coon, that picture right there? No, that's those two guys now.

Starting point is 01:07:08 Yeah, is that your poop on the wall? And on your face? By the way, did this movie bomb? Yes. It did. What a bummer. He was the man from Uncle also. Oh yeah.

Starting point is 01:07:18 Also the Winklevoss twins. The Winklevoss twins. Call me by your name, Timothy Chalamet, he made that movie too. Social Network? Yeah. Such a call me by your name Timothy Chalamet. He made that movie too social network Yeah, yes such a good movie. I love Timothy Chalamet. What's a kid's name? What's spider-man? I love the Andrew Garfield that kids phenomenal to the fuck does that have to do with anything we're talking he was in he was in Social network. Oh, okay. I named the whole cast How do you poo in the car? Why do you poo in the car? I just had diarrhea and I couldn't hold it.

Starting point is 01:07:47 Okay. You never shit your pants, Howie? There's no, yeah. There's no way. But she's 70 years old. Like it's always in the car. Yeah, I'm 70 years old. I've done it many, many times.

Starting point is 01:07:57 I can do it on command. You have a leaky butt now? Cause you're old? Good question. Very good question. Are you serious? Yeah. question. Very good question. Are you serious? Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:08:07 Nope. Okay. It's still tight. Yeah, I got a tight ass. Hey, Jules. These are all hard. It's a gaping hole. It's like being on 60 minutes.

Starting point is 01:08:18 What are you doing? What are you eating? What are you doing there? Donut. What is he doing to it? I have diabetes. If I don't eat this, my blood sugar gets really low. But what are you doing to it before you eat it? Donut. What is he doing to it? I have diabetes, if I don't eat this, my blood sugar gets really low. But what are you doing to it before you eat it?

Starting point is 01:08:27 He chops it up. He chops it up. You chop up a donut? Yeah, yeah. Try the other one. Who eats a donut with a fork? I've never seen that. People who are friends with John Mayer.

Starting point is 01:08:37 But I've never seen somebody eat it with a fork. I gotta be honest with you. Yeah? It's the only way to eat it. These people use their hands. I mean, you of all people. You should know. Why touch it?

Starting point is 01:08:51 So Andrew, can you teach me how to do this? Yeah. So I did a movie with Billy Armstrong from Green Day. And we're talking, we're gonna get makeup together, right? And I'm trying to like get his number, right? But I don't wanna directly, you know what I mean? I don't want to directly, you know what I mean? So I start like angling, you know what I mean? Like yeah, you know, so Jawbreaker started

Starting point is 01:09:10 when you started, you know, I'm trying to get into like, you know what I mean? I can never get it to a place where I can get his number. I can tell you the hands don't help. I mean, I wouldn't give you my fucking phone. I got Billy, check it out, dude. I love your shit, dude That's not good

Starting point is 01:09:28 Billy Billy Billy no no oh fuck Looks like doing well if you're gonna use your hands you should have held up fingers Okay, well I can't if you held up fingers like if you just if when you're talking to him you just go You just keep talking. Hey Billy. I love the stuff you do really and he'll go what's with those numbers and you go what those numbers aren't yours and he goes no my number is and then you get it no really that's how I would do it all right hey Billy man I love your music good thank you well no here you check it out if I'm saying something wrong, go, stick your finger up. You got it. Right? Right?

Starting point is 01:10:06 Hey. Really? No. Yeah, yeah. Okay, go ahead. Billy, Billy, what's up, man? No? Yeah, what's up?

Starting point is 01:10:13 You never say that. I know. So, are you in makeup? Are you sitting beside him in the makeup chair? What's up, playa? No, no. What's the movie? What were you doing?

Starting point is 01:10:20 Shit, dog, what's up, brah? Oakland! No! Yeah, yeah, yeah. From San Diego. But he's from Oakland. But you're from San Diego. Yeah, yeah, yeah. From San Diego. But he's from Oakland. But you're from San Diego. in the makeup chair. What's up playa? What's the movie? What were you doing? Shit dog, what's up bro? Oakland! No!

Starting point is 01:10:26 Yeah, yeah, yeah. From San Diego. But he's from Oakland. But you're not! I know, but I know that he is, so I go, what's up Oakland? No, huge. Okay, all right, so.

Starting point is 01:10:35 You're not Marshawn Lynch. Let's be real, I'll do it real. Okay. Hey man, thanks for putting me in your movie, man. Oh, you're in his movie? Dude. What movie was it? He wrote a movie. When? when what some of these are first?

Starting point is 01:10:49 But he called you You don't have call you went to my agent. Oh and then age the engine goes. Yeah, Billy wants you in the movie So I said yes, so I show up so I'm like, what's up Bill? Thanks for putting me in your movie, man You you're welcome. Okay, cool Anyway, I haven't seen you in like 20 years, dude. And you and your wife were so nice to me back in the day when we used to hang out. 406-9734.

Starting point is 01:11:13 That's how you do it. Yeah, that worked. It worked, didn't it? How'd you get John Myers? I'm gonna need you guys back on set, so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How'd you get John Myers? His phone number?

Starting point is 01:11:22 Yeah, I know how. Are you good friends with John Mayer? What was that? Yeah, gay guys. You just go on AGT right there? What was that? How was your experience here, Howie? Did you have fun?

Starting point is 01:11:35 That's a goodbye, isn't it? What's that? You have time this week to come do mine? I'm leaving tomorrow morning. Howie, Howie, he's never coming back. Let me be your agent here. He's never coming back. Where are you going tomorrow morning?

Starting point is 01:11:49 Miami. He is. A golf thing. With John Mayer. Yeah. I actually am going with John. John is going to fly me out. And I'm busy too.

Starting point is 01:12:01 We come on? No, you know why I won't come back on the show No Because I don't do anybody else's podcast because I already do ours and mine and that's all I want to he can Do me too. No, that's a lie. You do all that you do shit all the time I have I've been slowing down. I look at me today. I was all over the fucker But ask these guys ask these guys that true do I do other shows? Well, you're starting a new one right now No my own. Yeah. Yeah. No, but do I do other people's you shows? Well, you're starting a new one right now. No, my own. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:12:25 Yeah, no, but do I do other people's shows? You're not doing- You're getting rid of Whiskey? Whiskey? I probably gonna, Whiskey's gonna be around for a little bit but I have to do the golf show. It's a show, it's a podcast, but it's a web show. So why won't you do mine?

Starting point is 01:12:35 I'm gonna do one too then. You can. I will do my Star Trek one. Andrew, you didn't say that. You're more than welcome. Okay. Dude, honestly, I'd love to fold this podcast. So why not you?

Starting point is 01:12:44 No, forever. No, no, this thing is done for me. I won't do it then. You can do yours. Fuck, do everything you want. But end it. The fans, I'm sure the fans would like that though. But you won't, so you won't. But it's two good organizers, you and Adam, just two like guys that'll hunker down.

Starting point is 01:12:58 You said I will in July when I'm back from the tour. It's four episodes. Do it. What is that? I said, you want to do the tour? You said, I will soon. Then I said, okay, give me a month or times. And you go, I will in July when I'm back from tour.

Starting point is 01:13:12 And then I read, are you ready for podcasts? Hey brother, I shell in a bit. We're playing catch up on our two shows, but I will. It's true. I will. And then I come here and say, so you ready? You go, I don't do podcasts. Yeah, sometimes he has to be direct.

Starting point is 01:13:28 I don't. After a lot of my kids. Color me wrong. I'm texting him right now. I just got a DM. It says, I don't do podcasts. I'm Andrew. I'm Andrew.

Starting point is 01:13:36 All right. So anyway, I gotta tell you all kidding aside. I love you. I love you. I love you. I think you're really funny. Thank you, we love you. I watch everything you do. You're also really, both of you, really good actors.

Starting point is 01:13:49 No, no, no, no. He's better, he's a better actor. You gotta potty train yourself, young lady, and then you'll be somebody I'll appreciate. Okay. Okay, no, I'm serious, you gotta stop pooping. It's just sometimes. Yeah, but there should be no time.

Starting point is 01:14:04 Is it weird that Howie Mandel's sitting next to you or no? No. Okay. She's used to it. You're used to it, right? Because my assistant, my assistant Melanie, the first time you called her, she called me freaking the fuck out. But this girl.

Starting point is 01:14:17 She goes, what the fuck, Howie Mandel just called me. And do you not remember? I go, who's that piece of shit? Yeah, you gotta remember, and do you remember when I came and did your show and she sat right beside me? Yeah. And you said, do you know remember? I go, he's a piece of shit. Do you guys remember? And do you remember when I came and did your show and she sat right beside me? Yeah. And you said, do you know who he is?

Starting point is 01:14:29 Yeah. And what did she say? No. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I spent the next 20 minutes explaining deal or no deal to you. That's what I remember.

Starting point is 01:14:37 Yeah. I remember that. And at the end of it she was like, no deal. No deal. Howie, can you look in the camera and go, thank you for being a bad friend? Thank you for being a bad friend. I knew the whistle was coming. Woo, yeah, woo, yeah

Bad Friends - Ancient Korean Wise Tales w/ Howie Mandel

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