Bad Friends - Andrew & Bobby Hide a Body

Episode Date: August 23, 2021

New Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com Thank you to our Sponsors: https://www.babbel.com code: badfriends & https://www.liquid-iv.com code: badfriends &  https://www.meundies.com/badfriends & https://bluechew.com code: BADFRIENDS  YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriends YouTubeAudio Subscribe: https://apple.co/31Jsvr2 Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 Andrew's Tour Dates and Special Merch Announcement 0:47 King Fancy and Commoner George 5:00 Patton Oswalt Sports Betting Commercial 11:32 David Moyes or Andrew Santino? 14:32 A Gift from the Bobby Lees 17:49 Can We Get Away with Murder and Kill Fancy? 37:46 Rudy's Prison Time 41:28 The Philippines and its 7,000 islands 49:17 Bobby's Visit to the Dentist 54:37 On the Phone with Jack Duby 59:22 Cambodian Police Training 1:07:06 Georges Sorel and the Invention of the Bucket 1:12:43 On the Phone with Steebe Weebee 1:16:29 Joe Pytka, Michael Jordan and Space Jam 1:18:52 Very Expensive Magic Cards More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Andres Rosende & Pete Forthun Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey Bad Friends, I'm on tour. Go to AndrewSantino.com for tickets. I'm all over the US. I'm going San Francisco, and Boston, and Seattle, and Portland, and Atlanta, and I'm everywhere. So go to AndrewSantino.com for tickets, AndrewSantino.com for those tickets. Also, Bad Friends fans, 20% off the entire site. For merch. For merch. This week from the 23rd to the 29th, go to BadFriendsMerch.com. BadFriendsMerch.com. 20% off. 20% off. The entire site. The entire site. Go to BadFriendsMerch.com. For merch. Okay. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends. Look at that. Who wrote that? That's Prince, that's Prince P.D., Prince P.D., P.P.D., and that's King Fance. Who did that fancy?

Look at this. Congratulations. FancyBee has 35,000 followers. And what does George have? And what does George have? 29. Oh, he went back up. He did. He was down to 18. Yeah, I think we're doing a disservice. I think by promoting it, because there's always going to be- People feel bad. It's like this. Yeah. It's like when you look at like people, there's like people buy really bad music. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Because their tastes are bad. Like Pete, what would Pete buy at the store? He's at the record store. Hi, I'm the guy at the record store. Yeah, yeah. Hey man, what's up? What were you looking for album-wise? Uh, are you Pete from Bad Friends? Yeah. Oh, dope. I am. What kind of music can I find for you?

I don't know how to pronounce it, so I'm just going to have to- I wrote down- Sound it out. Yonny. Yonny? Yonny. What? Yeah, we have Yonny. You do? Yeah, of course. And then he works here. Yonny comes out and he's like, what's up, buddy? Yonny? You like my music? I don't know why he's from Transylvania. Jules. Yes. Yeah, she just woke up too. The amount of love I got in Denver for Jules was crazy. Really? And thank you for answering. They loved it so much. Comedy works. I love that room. They're finally back. It was the second week. Marin was before and they're finding their sea legs and all that stuff and they were just like, dude, so happy to be back. What are you doing?

I'm just walking through the- Here, you know what I said? Do a Christian pale. That's what that's like. Oh, good for you! Fix the camera! How can I work like this? Under these conditions. So everyone asked about Rudy and I broke them the bad news that you are actually going away to college to University of New Mexico. Do we tell the fans now? Yeah. She's going to University of New Mexico. What? You don't want me to share it? No, it's fine. Well, so you're going to University of New Mexico and we're losing you in how many weeks now? Two weeks. Two weeks. She's gone. Yeah, she's gone. Dang.

And we're not going to have a replacement. I don't think we should. Yeah, we're not going to have one. Who could replace you? I don't know. Yeah, it's a rhetorical question, but that is fine. I don't know. I don't know. Who could replace you? Let's think about that. And someone that we know. Who could replace her that we know? Well, it's got to be somebody brown. Who do we know? Nobody, really. We don't really know anybody. No, no one can replace you. We got a gift. Well, why does it have to be that? What? Why do we have to replace her with a brown girl? Yeah, a brown girl. I just feel like it's, you know, that's like brown girl corner.

What if like a white girl with a patch on her eye? If you can find it, I'll take it. Do you have a fat white girl in mind with a patch on her? That's Tourette's or something, like a patch Tourette's? I like it. You know what I mean? I tried to watch Motherless Brooklyn on the plane. Did you watch that? No, what is that? Did you see that, Andres? I did. Motherless Brooklyn was with Sam Rockwell? Edward Norton. Edward Norton. What's the difference? Yeah. Edward Norton, and it's in the 1950s and they're gangsters. Oh, I saw that behind the scenes. And he's got a tick. He's like,

you know, he does the, do the autistic tick, do it, or whatever. Yeah, do the tick. Tourette's? I don't know. I don't know. Do Tourette's tick. CUT! Yeah, that's right. That's what he does. CUT! And it was terrible. How bad was that movie, Andres? Pretty bad. One of the worst I've ever seen. Really? By the way, Bruce Willis is such a hard ass, like lovable hard ass that we've loved for years and years. In this movie, you don't buy it. Yeah, he's, he's phoned it in, I feel like.

Dude, 100%. He looks like a guy that like, whatever is in front of him. Yeah. He'll go, all right. Fine. What's the money? How much? How much? I'll do it. I'll do it. Yeah. That's like I just saw Patton Oswalt was doing a, What was he doing? I love him. Please don't. No, I'm not saying he bad, but he just threw me for a loop.

What was it? He's doing like a sports betting commercial. And I was like, what? Yeah. That guy's never picked up a bat. Or a ball. Don't be rude. But no, what? Dude, because Babe Ruth was fat. I didn't have anything to do with his weight.

I just mean like his athletic prowess seems low. Babe Ruth doesn't seem athletic. Sure he did. He looks like a baker. What kind of baker though? Like croissants or like scones? No, no, like an old school, like back in the day. No, look at him. He was cool.

That does not look like a baseball player. Look at how he's sliding. I know. He's like. Oled. Oled. Bread. That's what they promised him. His contract was bread.

He would get a loaf for every home run he hit. Yeah, yeah. How many loaves did he get then? No, he was actually, that was kind of. Wow, look at the face. Look, his face looks like a baseball mitt. I mean, Jesus. I mean, honestly, does that look like one of the greatest

baseball players of all time? Yeah. No. Is he? Well, he's one of the best hitters of all time. Yeah, I mean, he's legendary in top five of all time. Yeah. Babe Ruth.

Yeah, Ted William. I mean, yeah. Strawberry, Daryl Strawberry. No, Daryl Strawberry. I mean, he's the best at doing cocaine and playing baseball. I know, but I'm just trying to think of all the baseball players I know. Let's name all the baseball players.

Let's not do that. Let's do this. Let's do it. All right, all right. Here we go. Rodriguez. Which one? There is one, right?

Well, which one, though? Do I get like 18 of them? It's such an easy. That's 18 of them. They're such an easy Rodriguez. Who's the most famous Rodriguez you know? Rodrigo Rodriguez. No, Alex Rodriguez.

A-Rod. A-Rod. OK, you got one. And that's the one with the Jennifer Lopez. That's the one we used to have. Now, now, Benny, now, Benny, Benny, Benny, Benny. OK, so we've got A-Rod, we've got little Manny. Manny.

Another Mexican last name. Manny. Trumpet. Yes. Manny Trumpet. Manny Trumpet. OK. And he played for the, please don't.

Come on. Sioux Falls. The Sioux Falls, Idaho. The Sioux Falls, Idaho. Whoa, who's? The Idaho's. Oh, the Sioux Falls, Idaho's. Yeah, the Sioux Falls, Idaho's.

There he is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Manny Trumpet baseball player. I did something. Pete's on it today. And then you have, come on. What else do you have? Come on.

Gene Robinson. Gene Robinson. Robinson. Robinson. Is there a Robinson, though? Caruso? No, no, no. Is there a big Robinson guy?

Stop. Don't look at, don't. Pete, Pete, Pete, don't show him. Robinson is his last name. He was a black guy. What was his name? He played for the Dodgers. Jack Rob...

No, I'll be real, though. Yeah, you're right there. Jack Robinson. But girly version. Jackie Robinson. Jackie Robinson. Robinson. Robinson.

Robinson. Jackie. Jackie Robinson. Jackie Robinson. Right. Okay. This is really good. No.

What? Can you name any professional baseball players? No. Okay. Good. Thanks for trying. It's like, bring anything. Connor.

Connor. Connor McGregor. Connor McGregor. Connor McGregor. Yeah, he was very good. No, he's the UFC fighter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's not very good.

Knock you out, play baseball. No, no. But the only sport that I know is I know a lot of soccer. Football. Football. I know about... I can name probably 300. Okay, so for me,

soccer is the only sport I don't know. I can name five. I can name 300, 400. Maradona. That's very good. And then the easy ones. What country did he play for? What was his nation?

Maradona. Espana. No. No. Shut up, fans. Maradona. It's a South America? Yeah.

It was Ibrassil? No. No. Portugal? No. That's not... Argentina? Yes.

Yeah, sorry, Tina. Yeah. Blue, blue. I did know blue. Okay, blue stripes. Okay, I did know blue stripes. I see. The blue stripes, I do know that jersey.

Okay, okay. Obviously, Pele, even though he's gone, but still, Pele counts. He's still alive. Nobody's not even playing anymore. He's still playing very good. No, he's not. Pele's still alive.

And then my very own. My very own. Alexi Lalas. Alexi Lalas. Love Alexi Lalas. Okay. That's a very good one. I thought he was so cool when I was a kid.

Okay, what else? The dreadlocks. What else? Well, then there's Beckham as easy. Yeah. Then there's like Wayne Rooney. Good one. England, I know him.

He was great. Great. And then I know like... Then the easy... You know 10, probably, then, because there's so many big ones that you're missing out on. But those guys, but I don't know like...

Okay, like there's a guy. Nolan Aronato. Uh-huh. You don't know who that is. No. Right. Like you could name me 10 soccer players like that that I would never...

No, like Ryan Giggs. Never heard of him. He was one of the greatest soccer players of all time. Yes, that's what I mean. Nolan is one of the best. From Wales. Um, yeah.

There's uh, Freddy Youngberg. One of the best. That sounds fake. It's not. He was also... You would fuck him. Let me... Freddy Youngberg.

Let me see if I'd bone him. Yeah, yeah. My tastes have gotten better with athletes. Oh, I could name you some soccer players that you would fuck. Name them all. Freddy Youngberg. Model. Freddy Youngberg model. Right there?

No, that's not him. Youngberg. He can... There it is. Did you mean... Go just click on did you mean bud? No. Is he a...

The black guy for England? No, man. Just... You're spelling it wrong. Just do soccer. Freddy Youngberg soccer. Yeah, soccer will help you out a little bit, Pete. Is that him?

No. Go up to... Yeah, I mean you could... Yeah, one of them is like... Yeah, him. Oh, young G... Oh, yeah. No.

That's him playing, though. That's him... He's sweating in the middle of the fucking game. That's what I find in a model. That's what I... Put Freddy Youngberg model. I find them the most attractive when they're sweating. No, no, no, no.

Yes, I do. Freddy Youngberg model. Is he cute, Jules? No. See, no, he's not. There we go. Now go to the like... No.

Oh, no. Bro! Look at the tattoo. Zoom in, it's a panther? I know, but look at the line between his pelvis there! What did he call that line? Fuck-gutter... Yeah, I have to fuck-gutter.

I will stick my tongue and just go right down to the channel. You would. Yeah, channel and go right to the fucking stick. Yeah, yeah. Whoo-hoo! Hot! My mouth- correction coming in hot. Ziddee-dee... Ziddee-dee-dee... Ziddee-dee-dee Ziddee!

Hot! He's hot. Alright, Ziddee... He is hot. You know who's hot now as an older man? Erecantona. Cantona! Do you know what cartona?

Yeah. What about Ronaldo? Hot Ronaldinho not hot not hot fucked up teeth. Who's the ugliest in the soccer player? Oh, dude You got to look at this. So it's the best one. Who is it? So there was a coach manager named David Moyez, okay? And um, David Moyez, right? Yeah used to play soccer. Yeah as a younger man. Yeah Look up David Moyez soccer Young as young young. He looks good there. No when he was young Okay, go do good. Go ahead and say it go ahead go ahead and say it

Go ahead and say it Rudy. Go ahead Rudy. Say it It looks like you. Yeah Go to the second one, right? Go to the second one with that one. I mean look how bad he looks. Look at his teeth fixed Yeah, but that's the original one. I think well, how about the fourth one in go four in up. Yeah Is that him again? He looks all right there. Not bad Yeah, I guess he got older look better, but and then and then go down two pictures down straight down pop to yeah He looks fine there. It's like it worked out for some reason. Yeah. Sometimes it does that life Wow. Yeah. Yeah, I mean I got better looking as I got older

There was a kid in school where he made me blow him We'll be right back You know what did you what do you mean? No, I don't know what you mean and um No, let's just put it just say that he made you kiss his peepee Maybe yeah, okay. Okay, but then later in life. He didn't look so good You think your peepee made him bad? Maybe yeah, maybe I have like that that effect. I know Kalila has been looking a little bit rougher lately After you have sex with someone they just become this like decrepit. Yeah

Yeah, maybe but maybe I but then I realized like later. I've looked him up and he looks not as good. Why'd you look him up? Did you want to go out of anger? Oh really? Maybe he made you have sex with him I didn't I had sex with him. Let's just move on. No, let's stick in Let's move on man. Well fine. You could file a lawsuit. I've seen this come. Have you seen the commercial that's been playing where they're like It's so it's so weird. It's like we're fighting for justice I don't know what law firm it is, but it's like fighting for justice respect and something else and it goes Were you sexually assaulted as a youth and it goes by the following organizations and it's like the catholic church

Boy scouts of america. Yeah, they name like the biggest perpetrators Of this whole thing gigantic class action action lawsuits, but they'll never really get them. They won't can you move them around? They shift them around. Yeah, they should they just keep like like little chess pieces Yeah, they keep moving them around. We have by the way side get off of this topic. I got a gift. We got a gift Yeah, we got a gift from the bobby lee's The band the bobby lee's our friends great. You remember these guys? Yeah, I loved them So by the way, not only do we have a gift from the bobby lee's we have another band You know how I reached out to you know how we talked about the lala palooza in chicago

Yeah, okay We named a bunch of artists and one of them that we named we tried to give a boost to was do you remember his name? We named his song. What was his name? I forgot his name. Take a guess. I don't remember. Well. Yeah, but that's the project Jack is good. What's the what's his name jack? What fancy jake duby jake duby jack duby jake duby So jake duby Has been killing it since we talked about him. Oh, yes, and he wants to talk to us He does I presumably to say thank you. I'm sure because he's gotten a bunch of streams. Yeah So we're gonna call jake duby in a minute. All right, but this has bobby and your bad friends

Thank you so much for having us on your show. We're playing else it in la if you guys are around Let us know we'll put you on the list sam mackey nick and kendall. Awesome. So look what they gave us Awesome. They gave us um sweater. Let me see. Let me see. That's really cool. That's a cool looking sweater Dude, and they gave us and they gave us records here. Look at this The bobby lee's we both got a record. You don't get a record because you don't have a record player Yeah, and also you don't deserve one to be honest. This is girth circles. That's a magazine. They gave us Awesome. Anyway, cool stuff in here. Very cool stuff shirts You want a shirt rudy? Yeah

Great And there's a hoodie for me And there's some other shirts. Anyway, we'll look at all the shirts, but thank you to the bobby lee's Let's give a shout out one more time to the bobby lee's. Please go see them. They'll be here in la you'll see the bobby lee's We'd love to support. I've been watching. Can I just tell you what I've been watching though? I watched No, man, I have so much watching stuff to tell you. It's insane. What'd you ever seen? No, you tell me first Well, I've never seen forensic files. Never seen forensic files Ever no, I used to watch this show called autopsy on HBO

But I've seen all of them never heard of that. It was one of the original ones the way before Forensic files. Okay autopsy was great. What's the original original? I think autopsy was the original 60 minutes has to be the original of this kind of stuff. Look up hbo autopsy Autopsy was great. But what did you just saw you just watch forensic files for the first time? Yeah, and their autopsy is brutal because autopsy this guy right here this show This dude right here. They show they show shit like they show the bodies really bought. Yeah, the robot. Yeah I need it. I need an hd. You do you want to see all of it? Yeah, yeah five dead men do tell dead men do tell And this guy looks creepy himself

They always get a guy who looks creepy, but doctor. He's I think his name is not biden doctor Dr. Biden. That's joe biden not just joe biden doctor. Um, bait it. Oh, what's his name anyway? But you mean they have one in autopsy where They were in a like a fit. There was a fair Like a county fair like a county fair in like upstate new york or whatever sure and this happened in the 60s And there was like a ride where you get on the ride Right and it was a scary ride and there was like a mummy that went You know, you know the mummy

Yeah, you remember the mummy in uh, the the the madder horn. Oh, yeah, how unscary that is It wasn't freaky at all. Yeah, well it was It was always kind of broken. It was yeah You flick that guy off Yeah, but there was one where that so the mum was and then it was an actually a dead person in the mummy What yeah, yeah, they put a dead guy in there Somehow there was a dead guy in there. Wow. Yeah, so with that if you know, that's pretty scary. That's what scared me That's scary. That was scary. You see his eye fall out or something. Yeah, but in forensic fire files. I was thinking to myself

With with dna testing and all that stuff. Yeah, the new technology Do you think that you and I could create a murder and get away with it today? Yeah, impossible I think we could you do. Yes. How could we do it? Let's see if we let's try to kill. Okay. Let's say we kill jewels. No, no, we're not jewel. That's she's a girl We have to kill a guy fancy be George George We kill do you hear what he said? George George George George. That's very boss. Boss the plane. Yeah, George George. George George George. Thank you. George audience

No, so we kill fans. Obviously. Oh we call few fans. How do we do it? But here's the problem he's not he's got a why he's not single so it's tough So there's something traceable there. You have to kill a single guy. Okay pizza Pete's not single either Dammit, we got to kill someone We know that single because they got to be alone See that's her Oh you want to die. Well, we have to kill someone that's like kind of yeah Yeah, we can't kill a girl though. Why not?

In the scenario we could maybe. Yeah, in this scenario, we could kill Jules. Yeah, but I don't want to kill her. She cleans the kitchen. I'll kill her. She cleans my kitchen. All right. That's right, that's true.

She does all the work. All right, let's back it up. Let's just say we kill fans. Oh, let's go fans. Okay, so we're gonna kill Fancy B. Cause he doesn't have kids though. No, no kids. What the fuck it?

Yeah, yeah, we'll kill him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But his wife is cool, so we gotta get her on our team first. No, that's not how you do it. Do we kill her? We don't even know, we don't get in touch with her at all.

Oh, okay. There's no, we, it's, we can't trace her. Okay, so how would you plan on killing him? Let's think. My instinct is something, what does Spaniards hate? Yeah. Like what do they hate? Mexicans.

So we take him down to Mexico. He's coming with us. We're doing, we're doing. Check it out. He's going down for your birthday party. We're gonna go to Mexico? No, no, no, we don't do that. No, we don't do that.

No, just, just, let me just. Please. We do, because that, this is what we do. We go, we're doing a remote piece for Matt TV. Not Matt TV for bad friends. Right on. Same show. I just woke up, sorry.

Yeah, me too. All right, so. So we're doing, we're doing a piece. We're doing a bad friend sketch for bad friends, right? So before we go there though, we go down to T1 a beforehand, right? Scope it out. No, we gotta get somebody to kill them.

Oh, there's so many people down there that would kill. Right. So we come down with cash. But we can't pull out. Is there any way you and I could pull out cash without anyone knowing that we'll pull out cash? Her money? Mm-hmm.

All right. That's money. That's money. There's money laying around. Right, there's laying around, so. She's got some cash saved up. Yeah, yeah, okay. And I have the guy in Mexico, I know who it is.

One of the little chicklets kids that sells their guns. He's not gonna do it. How do you know? How can he do it? Because we're gonna get $100. You put cyanide in the, cyanide in the chicklets? There it is. Oh, chick, mister, mister, chicklet, chicklet, right?

And Fancy's like, oh, does my breath smell? And we're like, yeah. Your breath smells. And do you pack the chicklets with cyanide? Every single piece of gum has cyanide. But then we might kill other people. Oh, big deal. But what if he sells it to a, you know what I mean?

To who? A family? A soccer mom or something. Big deal, she's gotta go. All right. All right, all right, all right. Babble. Oh, I'm learning a new language head through. See?

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hey man, we gotta go down and shoot a sketch. Okay. Are you coming down, fans? Of course. See, he's coming. And I go, we don't need sound or a crew. It's just us three. We'll just do a gunk gorilla style.

One, two, three. One, two, three. And you have to be on the camera and you're gonna just go down with us. Are you into that, fans? I'm so excited. He's so excited. He's so excited.

All right. So we take him down to Tijuana. Right, and then it can't be like, it can't be in like, Tijuana's packed. Slammed. It really is. All the time. All the time.

Too many people. So we have to go to La Fonda Beach. Okay, we'll go to La Fonda Beach. All right. Kind of desolate. A little desolate. It's gotta be a beach. Let's do a sketch on the beach.

La Fonda Beach, right? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. We have the kid there, right? And... Chickle, Chickle for sale. Chickle set for sale. And I'm gonna go, we don't have any money on us. Of course not.

We already gave the money to kid five grand. Five grand? Yeah. It's a murder dude. That's too much money. No, no, no, no. It's a murder. They would do it for way less.

Three grand. Three, two, I... 2,500. I refuse. It's a principle. Give him a hundred bucks. All right, a hundred. A hundred bucks.

A hundred dollars for murder. A hundred bucks. Yeah. Yeah, we gotta give him more to help us get rid of the body. So a hundred to start. No, we don't have to get rid of the body. What are you gonna do with it when we kill fancy?

We could do it this way. Okay. We could... Chickle, Chicklets. Yeah, Chickle, a gum for sale. Oh, we want gum, fancy, right? Go get us some gum. Go get us some gum.

He pays for the gum. What if the kid charges a hundred dollars? A hundred dollars. A fancy, a hundred bucks. You know they're gonna murder you. This is cyanide, it's expensive. So he gives him the... He pays the money.

And then we all day long before we even, you know what I mean, run to the Chicklet guy, we say to fancy, do your breath stinks. It stinks. Have you smelled your breath lately, fans? Yeah. Stinky mouth, bud. So we'll go Chickle, Chickle, your breath.

He buys it. Please. Please eat it. Eat it, right? He chews on it. He would die instantly. Instantaneous. Instantaneous.

Gets right into his bloodstream. Right, right, right. Maybe a couple minutes. He falls over. On the beach. Yeah. Face first in the sand. At that point, why can't we go murderer?

To the little kid? He didn't hear it. No, we can't do that. Why? Because he's a murderer. Murderer. He didn't hear it. He didn't hear it.

Right? He's like, he doesn't speak English. He doesn't? They don't speak English. A little bit. They know like... They can get an interpreter. Chicklets, chicklets.

Yeah, he can go, you know, these guys... Redhead in the Korean. $100. $100. These guys gave me only $100 and the cops are like, $100. So what would we do with the body? Now we have to just... Now we have to kill the little kid.

No, we've got a couple. No, no, no, we can't kill the kid. Why not? Because we're not mass murderers or on a killing spree. So we only kill one person. We just want to kill one person. All right. So what we do is we hire two other guys.

I see this is getting too thick. The problem is you have too many people. Yeah, yeah. The spider webs grow. Then they know people. They tell people. I got it. Yeah.

We spray paint an X on the beach. Pretty on the nose. Right. Okay. Right. For like a pirate? No. The X is where we need...

This is where it's all got to go down. Just, maybe not a straight... Maybe somebody just draws an X, you know what I mean? With their hand. Okay, that'll go away. But yes. Yeah, yeah. No, we tell the chick like I, right?

To draw a big X. Big X. So we know exactly when, you know what I mean? Right. You're going to be all that, right? Okay, so what's the X for? X is near the X, we have already a pre-hole. We've dug a hole.

Yeah. Near the X. Yeah. Not right under the X. We have to give them another $100 though, to dig the hole. Now see, that's too much money already. What? I think a hundred bucks is all we can afford right now.

We can afford? No, that's what we can spend. That's in the budget. How about... I have an idea. What is it? Whoa, here we go. I love this.

Chop Fancy's body into pieces. Doing the day on a fucking beach? You can do it at night. You can do it at night. But there's no... No, you can. All right, so... Let her finish.

All right, I have an argument against that. So you can cut, let her finish. You can cut it up at night. What are you going to use? Just any knife that the kid, this one. Good, perfect. Okay. Well, then you're going to have to go.

You're coming with us. You're coming with us. I'll be the one to chop. Do you feel comfortable enough chopping up Fancy? Yeah. Wow. What would you cut first? Head.

Head first. Head first. Go in head first. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You might as well. And then what else? And then after chopping into small pieces, just throw the pieces on this beach.

In the ocean? Scannerin' around like it's fucking graffiti? Yeah, cause maybe there's sharks and they're going to eat it. On the beach! There's sharks suntanning on the beach. They're gonna get you. Hey Raul, where are you going?

I'm going to sun beat on the beach. And maybe there's going to be human meat. Mexican sharks. Raul! Raul! Hey Alejandro! Yeah, yeah, yeah. The idea is insane.

Why wouldn't you just throw it in the water? Yeah, in the water. That's what I'm saying. Okay, well you said the beach. You definitely said on the beach. Oh, okay. All right, all right. In the water!

No, we don't bring her. We don't bring her. She's too suspect. She's way too suspect. She'll get us caught immediately. You just scattered it on the beach? She just throws an arm on the beach. No, you have to create.

Two small pieces. How small? How small? That's, oh, like little. Little tiny, little tiny pieces. You know how long that would take? Tiny pieces, so hours and hours and hours, yeah. 24 hours it would take.

And someone would see you saw him through his bone. Yeah, yeah. And then we're yelling at you going, hurry up! And you're just on the fucking foot part. Imagine me sitting there having a drink, you smoking a cigarette, we're yelling at her, hurry up!

Hurry up! Yeah. She's right through fancy's arm. We can't do that. We can't cut them into pieces. I got it. Go ahead. I got it.

We got to meet someone down in Mexico who's got a boat. There we go. We got to spend how much? Well, how much can you rent a boat for in Mexico? About 50 bucks, 60 bucks. Lou, do boat rental. Dude, dude, dude, let me just say something, baby. Let me just say something, OK?

Mexicans aren't dumb. It's not Mexicans. It's just cheaper in Mexico. Yeah, but we're not going to go, hey, dude, how much is your boat? He's going to owe 50 bucks. Can we put a dead body on it? Yeah, he's going to be like, I need 10 grand.

We're not going to tell him, because guess what? When he gets out there with us, no, we're not killing anybody. I want to kill more than just fancy. You're going on wild. Why can't we just kill more than just fancy? We don't want to kill innocent people. All right, look, we can rent a yacht, or we can rent a sailboat for like 1,200 a day, the whole day.

In Mexico. Yeah, that's a lot. But that's also, I can't do sailboat. Why? Do you not have a sail? Do you not have a sail? Dude, there's a guy that does it. We can't have anybody with us that I couldn't kill anybody.

That's true, that's true. So it's either we can take someone we can kill, or we've got to figure it out. You'll figure out how to sail. I've seen enough movies. Can you imagine using sailing? I've seen enough movies. What?

What side is the right side of the boat? What side's the left side? What are they called? Sternum. Sternum? Yeah, yeah. Sternum is the left side? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And what's the right side? The anchor. Anchor. That's right. Thurman and anchor. Well, then you know what? I think we're going to work out just fine. We're on, I'm on the sternum half.

And I'm on the anchor side. Yeah, yeah. Without a doubt. We pulled the guy up, we call him the guy, he is no longer fancy. If I call him fancy, I might get emotional. Yeah, your heart is in it. Yeah, yeah, I might be like, whoa, what do we do? So we kill the guy.

Yeah, yeah. And let me tell you something. Piece of shit. He is a piece of shit. That's what we call him. Right. We kill the piece of shit. Just piece of shit.

So we have the piece of shit, and you know what do we put his shoes in? His shoes? What do we put his shoes in? Concrete. Cement. That's right. Quick try. Quick try, cement.

I don't know how that works. His foot's already in the shoe. You put concrete in the shoe? No, dude, you get two five-gallon buckets. You get two Home Depot five-gallon buckets. You put quick dry cement in there. Right. Literally, put his feet in there.

Put piece of shit's feet in there. Within 10 minutes, it's solid as a rock. Right. And then we throw. So then I'll have nightmares. Just seeing in my dreams. Him float to the bottom. But he's just floating forever, just waving his arms like this.

But don't look. I'll just toss him in, and you need to look the other way. Have a cigarette. Look over the anchor side of the boat while I'm tossing him over the sternum side and just. OK, we throw him over. I throw him over, and he's going down to the bottom. Right.

This is at night, by the way. I've never sailed during the day or night. I know. You should be sailing. You should be probably sailing during the day. We'll die. Yeah, we'll die. Yeah, yeah.

All right, so then maybe. You sail. I'll sail. At night. At night. Yeah, yeah. There's not a lot of wind. Yeah, I know.

That close. Yeah, yeah. That's fine. We'll go deep in there. Yeah, we'll go two or three miles out. Yeah. So now he's at the bottom of the ocean, and we're good. So we come back.

But isn't that we come back. We make it back. Make it back. And our getaway driver is there. Yeah, Rudy's there. And she doesn't know anything about it. Yeah. Hey, thanks for picking us up.

And she's going to go. OK. She's sleeping. I know. She's going to go, where's Fancy B? Say it. Where's Fancy B? Wait a minute, I thought he was with you.

He's not with you? That's the best horror film line. I thought he was with you. I saw you, and I saw Fancy B and both of you. Yeah, he said, OK, Bob and I said we were going to go take some photos him and I and walk along the beach. And Fancy said he was coming back to see you.

I never saw him coming back. What do you mean you never saw him? I don't think I believe you. I was waiting for the three of you. Sounds like something's fishy with you, pal. See this? Right, that's very good. What's going on?

We sent Fancy up to see you, and he left us like 20, 30 minutes ago. Yeah. What have you been doing? Sleeping. Sleeping where? In the car. Really?

Yeah. That's interesting. That's interesting, because look at that sign right there. It says, no sleeping in cars by the beach. Yeah. So what's going on? I didn't do anything. You didn't do what?

I didn't do anything. You killed Fancy. No, we can't do that. That's ridiculous. What are we accusing her of? She killed him. No, no, no. We have to help the police find out how she killed him.

No, we dispensed. No, no. She's a murderer. That's not a murderer. No, no, no. Bro, you're losing your mind already. You've got to calm yourself. No, no, you're going hog while.

I know. Dude, we've got to stay relaxed, dude, because we're going to be in an interrogation room. OK. Right, so we just go. I guess we don't know where. So we would go straight to the police. Right, we lost our friend.

Yeah, we got in the car. We thought he was with us. I mean, we have the camera. What's on the camera? Nothing. We were going to shoot a sketch here in the dark with no lighting. Where did he go?

Did he go to pee or something? We don't know. We turned around. He was gone. He was gone. Yeah. So then we go back to LA? Yeah, we go back to LA.

Yeah, we go back to LA. And then what happens? We get a new producer. No, no, no, no. Dude, they're going to look for. People are going to come to us. Well, then we have to be on the run. Now we're moving on.

No, no, no. We don't need that. You're acting great. We're moving to Yuma, Arizona. No, you're not doing this with me. I bought us a house already. You're not doing this with me. I call my real estate agent.

You're acting guilty already. You've got to act cool, man. OK, so we just stay where we are. No, we have to first go. Then we come back to LA. We go to the fucking police department. Why wouldn't we go to the police down there? We already went down to Tijuana.

And then we come back to LA and we go. Because we're concerned we don't know what to do. So we go, listen, we went to Tijuana with our friend Fancy B, you know what I mean? And just to scare me out, this is the cop. I imagine they write down, they're like, Fancy B. And we're shooting a sketch. We have a podcast that's into that.

And we turn around, he was gone. We don't know what to do. We went to the fucking Mexican police. You know what I mean? What's so funny? It's just funny to hear it. We went to the fucking Mexican police. Now we're going to the regular police.

Now we're going to the regular one. The legitimate one, you know what I mean? And we don't know what to do. And they're like, OK, so then we would probably have to call his wife. Oh, no. Yeah, you do it. I can't do it.

All right. Hello, hello. Oh, hey. Hey, it's Andrew. It's Andrew from Bad Friends. Oh, hey, hey, yeah, what's up? I don't know how to break this to you. What?

But Fancy B was down in Mexico with us, and there was an accident. What, what, what, what kind of accident? Meanwhile, you hear me in behind you, and we're going, just don't, just play cool. Boy, it's fucking cool, man. I'm too nervous. I am.

Yeah, there was an accident. And he got lost, and we don't know where he is. Well, it's an accident. He's just missing. Well, I'm saying he went missing by accident. OK. So what happened? So you?

We went down to the beach. Yeah. If I'm being honest with you, I think Rudy has something to do with his disappearance. What the fuck are you doing? Nothing. What the fuck are you doing? I know what I'm doing.

Shut the fuck up. So listen. I don't know what's going on, but Bobby and I went down to the beach to shoot a scene, and we came back up, and he was up by the van supposedly with Rudy, and he was gone. So he never made it to the van. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

That's me. Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up. So yeah, that's what happened. Let me give you the phone. Yeah. Who is this? It's Bobby. Oh, hey, Bob.

Hi. Are you OK? Hi. Are you sleep well? Did you kill my husband? You would blow it immediately. Oh, that's, I'll play you cool. That's not playing you cool.

Hi, did you sleep well? Yeah, I've never met him before. Yeah, so you would never ask someone you never met. Have you slept well? All right, dude, let me do it again. No, you blew it. She knows. LAP is at every fucking door.

We're going down. Give me another shot. That was rehearsal, all right? Give me the phone. Give me the phone. Yeah, so. What ended up happening? What happened?

We got out of the car. We cheered. Are you cringy? Are you cringing your teeth? Yeah, I'm so upset right now. What's wrong? We turn around and. Where is my husband?

I think Jules killed her. We would totally bail. We'd be like, Jules did it. And I'd take the phone back. Jules did it for 100%, call the police on Jules, click. Then the best part is, she gets deployed to the Philippines. We never hear from her again. That's it, it's over.

No, she would get tried here as an adult. No, she would call the Philippines. She could try here as an adult. We can't fucking do that. We can't throw other. We have to, OK, we stay with the plan. Google, what does a Filipino get for involuntary manslaughter? How much time?

How much prison time is she going to face? You think it's a lot? In the Philippines? No, here. She's going to get tried here. A Philippi, well, it doesn't matter in our law, but what race you are. Yes, it does.

You're not paying attention to the law. Voluntary manslaughter, sentencing, penalties. There we go. All right, so how long does she get? Sentencing, what does it say? Case by case, 10 years, bro. Can you do 10 years for us? That's nothing.

That's fine. You would do 10 years for us? Probably seven and a half with good behave. Yeah. We'd send her money into her. You know, they all get cards now. Oh, you know what I would? I would sneak into my, I've always wanted to do this.

Sneak in stuff in your butt? Yeah, sneak hair and balloons. I would sneak in hair and balloons in my butt. And I would always wanted to see if I could get away with it. Could you imagine you, you'd hear like, right. And then what I would do is I've always imagined like get the hair would be gross. You have to puke it out?

No, I would have it in my butt, that I would stick it in my mouth. Why? And do a European kiss with you. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's how it works. You want to shoot, when you're in prison, you're going to want to shoot a heroine.

It's terrible. Well, or sell it because it's good for money. No, just use it. It'll be, I'll get you a high grade shit. Well, it's going to be in your butt then in your mouth. I'll get it from the little boy from the chicklets. He's my dealer, right? Why don't you just poop it out and give it to her from there?

Because you can't, they see your hands. You're not allowed to like kiss or touch any, you're not allowed to touch. You can do a European kiss, I think. You can. But how does she get that? Or how about I do a cough? And the bag goes, and she goes, when she catches it.

Right, and she doesn't get, it hits her face, and now she has to pick it up. Yeah, you're right. She wouldn't be able to do that. She wouldn't be able to do it. But you'll serve 10 for us. Seven and a half with good behave, you'll do it. Yeah, you'll do it.

But do you think you'd fight the first person in prison? No, I'd be too scared. So what do you do? You know, first day in, you have to establish yourself. You've got to be with the white supremacists. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you gotta be with the gangs. You gotta choose your clan. Who's your clan?

The Nazis? And here's the black guys? Go with the Nazis. Go with the Nazis. But don't they, they don't like me? Yeah. No one's gonna like you. Yeah, no, no.

No one's gonna like me. But I mean, you can prove yourself to the Nazis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With your knives. Okay. Your knife work. Look, look at these guys. Do you think you could be like one of these fellas?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's your group. No, that's- Those are Nazis. That's all Nazis. What did you type in? Prison gangs, type in prison. Nazis.

They're just called white supremacists. Yeah, prison white supremacists. Asian prison gangs. Ooh, this might be your clique. Look at that third picture. It looks like just a bunch of break dancers. That just looks like- That's your clan right there.

That's your clique. Hey, go with the Asians. Yeah, well the guy in the far right looks white. Oh, that's true. They look weak. You know what that is right there? What? Is MS-13.

That is? Yeah. Respect MS-13. I think MS-13. You've always wanted tattoos on your face. Would you be willing to get an MS-13 on your face? Yeah. Really?

You'd do it, huh? Yeah. But at the end of the day, what would end up happening is that- She would be the boss. No, what would happen if just the cops would be like, she didn't do it, you guys did it. We're gone by then.

We're in Yuma at the house I bought us. No, no, we didn't get the house. Why can't we get the house? Because you don't think that they can find us there? In Yuma? Yeah. No, dude, it's kind of on its own little paradise. Here's what we do.

It's a three bed, three bed. I bought it already. I bought it already. We get, right? What's the, you know, bombers, Richard Klinkensky? Ted Kaczynski? Ted Kaczynski. Yeah.

We get Ted Kaczynski's on the Montana Mountains. Isn't he dead? Yeah, but we get his fucking- Oh, get his old shed? His shed. Oh, get his shed. You and I can live in there. Okay.

Right. And- They're never gonna find us out there, you think. In Ted Kaczynski's shed. Well, they might be able to hear us fucking. Me undies. Guess what I'm wearing right now? Me undies.

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To receive your first month for free, visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank blue chew for sponsoring the podcast. That's the shed that he lived in. I can imagine the FBI, you know what I mean? Oh, they brought the shed back. Is it in a museum somewhere?

Yeah, I think it's in a museum, yeah. They brought it back. There it is. Wow, does that look so creepy? I know. He lived there for like years. It was over a decade, wasn't it? And he was building bombs the whole time?

Yeah. Dude, if you had to be a recluse like that, what part of the world would you move to to be alone? If you're one of these people that has to be alone and like build chaotic machines and hate on the real world, where do you live? I wouldn't build a shed like that. I would build like a bunker.

No, what I would do is in Torrey Pines in San Diego, right, there's a side of a cliff. Am I kidding you? This is not made up. No, no, but it's so beautiful down there. It's like this. Right, but somebody had chiseled a house along the side of a cliff.

What do you mean? I'm not kidding you. Like chiseled a house out of a cliff? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, maybe in Torrey Pines, I don't know. House chiseled out of a cliff? There's no way you can find that.

You could literally go there and you walk in and there's like a makeshift, somebody chiseled a bed. Wow. Right, so I would probably chisel something. So you'd be a chiseler. I'm not good with woodwork. Right, wood's expensive right now. No, but I just don't know how to chop it.

I don't know how to deal with it. Well, then you think you're better at chiseling than woodwork? I know how to do this. I know how to do this. It's much harder than that. Why? Because you're going through stone, dude. Something to do.

Something to do. What do you do out there? You're right, no, you're right. All right, so you're moving to Torrey Pines and then a chisel place. No, no, no, I would probably go to like, you know, a mountain range. South America somewhere, find a mountain range.

Right. And chisel a little house on the side of a cliff. That sounds kind of quaint and cute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where would you be, Roode? If you're running away, you're gonna be a recluse and you wanna live in the middle of nowhere, perhaps gonna cock some kind of evil plan.

Where are you going? New Zealand or go back to the Philippines? Go back to the Philippines. The Philippines would probably be too safe for you. Cause you get, that's New Zealand. That seems much more risky. How many islands are there in the Philippines? 7,000 something.

What? Yeah. Cause there's, I literally was like 50. No, no, we were in a boat. Remember we took the boat. How many islands are in the Philippines? We took a boat in the Philippines and we would go to these little remote islands.

And no one lives on them. No one. Yeah. 7,640 islands. Yeah. No one lives on them. That's insane. I never know.

I thought it was like. The best is when you go to a small island like that and the water is so blue and no one's ever been on it, right? And it's just like, it's magical. It's your own little paradise. Yeah. The islands sometimes are as big as this room.

Well, that's gotta be, that's can't last that long, right? What do you mean? Because of the changing of the ocean. Maybe. Yeah. Maybe it was a Hawaii at one point and then that sea level, yeah. 7,000 though?

Do you know any of them that are little secret islands that you're aware of? No. Is Epstein's Island there still? No. I don't know. Great parties. I mean, rangers.

Tell me what, tell me what island you know. Is there a secret island that used to go to when you were a kid? Yeah, but I forgot the name, but we all, there's. Isn't there one that's haunted with witches and stuff? No, that's just a place. That's just a regular part of the normal. Wait, tell me the story of that.

It's near somewhere in Cebu and they always say that there's witches there that live there and kids should be scared because they take kids and they just eat kids. Oh, look at this. Eskado pension house, a four story building located in Eskado street in Cebu city. Believers claim it's haunted.

Stories maintain that a monthly work, that a monthly, that monthly a worker parish during its construction. Fort San Pedro historical, wow. So look up the Eskado pension house, I wanna see it. Oh, that definitely looks like witches and, no, that's not it, it's the first one. That's not it.

That's it. That's it? Gotta be. It's a modern. It looks like a fucking Marriott. Witches don't deserve to live in a more modern. No, no, they don't. It looks like a Marriott courtyard.

Yeah. Anyway, these little islands, I always think about maybe living in one on one. I wanna take a vacation. I wonder how much money you would go there. I would badly, I wanna go bad. I've never been to the Philippines, I wanna go. Believe it or not, they have these,

like really cool hotels and stuff like high-end hotels. And they have great chefs. Well, you almost made me throw up. Okay. I burped. I've been eating all day and I burped up something. What was it? Something from yesterday?

Like a bean or something. That's one bean. I imagine just one bean making its way up, like I'm coming out. I'm having these like. It's called heartburn. Yeah, but I'm having, I'm always kind of like burping up food. It's acid reflux.

That's what it is? Yeah, you should check it. But I get chunks of food. That's what that is. I think it's, oh, so I went to the dentist today. Let me see. No, you didn't clean. Wait, let me see.

Oh, it looks good. So, you know, I haven't been to the dentist in a decade. Yeah. And so my teeth is hurting. My teeth is hurting. All of them? Two of them. One down here, one up here.

Uh-huh. And so I've been taking ibuprofen. Advil every day. It hurts so bad and I just, because I go to New York next week, so I'm like, maybe I'll just go to, and then Calela's like, you got to go. And I know, I don't know a dentist.

You don't have a dentist that you go to. I used to go to this place called Best Western Smile, whatever, but it's too far. It's a dental office in a Best Western hotel. I don't know what it's called. Like ran a room, get a taste plane. No, but then, so I went to see her dentist. Calylas.

And the dentist made me laugh because I didn't tell him, because, you know, I'm missing 19 teeth, and I have code badge in Javidas. And I didn't explain that to him. He found out fast. He opened my mouth and gets the first, gets the, no, the first two words out of his mouth was. I'll just tell you what it was.

That poop, question mark? No, no, no. He goes. That poop? No, he goes. Oh boy. Did he really? Oh boy.

Oh boy. Right, and I go, my teeth, my teeth are hurting. And he goes, what teeth? Which is funny, right? This guy's great. Great, great. And then, but I need a root canal on this. Ooh, I've had one.

Yeah. Oh my God. I've had 15. What? Yeah, I've had so many. 15 root canals. Yeah. Why?

So many? Maybe seven. That's so many. Maybe seven. I lie. I have one down here. So I have one out here, and then maybe one up here. Why don't you just start taking care of your teeth?

I brush. Do you floss? Oh. The bean, there's a bean on it. There's the bean? Yeah, yeah. When you say you brush, how many times a day do you brush? Night.

One time? At night. You never brush in the morning? No, because when I'm sleeping, I'm not eating. But when you wake up. That's my theory. Your first thing when you wake up, you don't brush? At all.

Holy shit. Why? You should. Why? I didn't eat a sandwich while I was sleeping. No, but you don't just brush just because you weren't eating, bud. What happens?

You brush your teeth because that's bacteria grows in your mouth. Is that what it is? That's why you don't have that many teeth? Is that what it is? So look at it like this. If you don't take care of your neighborhood and clean up the streets and repave once in a while

and fix the sidewalks and fix the street lights that are out, people are gonna leave the neighborhood, aren't they? I never thought of it that way. Your teeth people are leaving the neighborhood. They're leaving the neighborhood. In the root canal? Yeah. The other people coming in.

Drug dealers, criminals, prostitutes, that's just moving in. Yeah. So you wanna keep your neighborhood nice. But also the next question I had was, do I have gum cancer? And? I don't.

Thank God. So that's good. That's huge. That's huge for me. But you know you can get it pretty easily if you don't take care of your teeth at all. I know you have really bad gingivitis and he goes, and I think you should get implants.

Because when I was in Hawaii last week. Like all of your teeth? No, just get these done. Oh. Because in Hawaii last week, I just wanna mention there's this kid actor, his name is Martin Martinez. Shout out to Martin Martinez. He's 23 years old.

Okay. And he was on Magnum PI, shop Magnum PI. I took him to dinner because it was his birthday. 23 birthday? He's 23rd birthday. Is he a cutie pie? Pretty cute, I tried to set him up. I've been selling.

I figured. I've been selling. She doesn't like him. What don't you like about him? His photos on Google Earth. Bring up his picture, Marty Martinez. Martin Martinez. Martin Martinez, by the way,

shame on his parents for doing that. What? Martin Martinez. Pick a better first name than your last name. That's like me being Santi Santino. He's a cutie patootie pie. I know, I mean, he's got talent. That's like you being Lee Lee.

And he's got a Johnny Depp vibe. Look at how thick his hair is, beautiful. Yeah, beautiful. You don't like this guy, why? He's posing too much. He's posing too much. Really, what do you want, you fucking? Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Look at how chicks are, man. She doesn't like posers. No, but it's like they have so many conditions. They do. He's a good actor. He's cute. He's a nice kid. He's age appropriate.

But he doesn't pose well. Well, that fifth picture in the red shirt up there is really, this is, what did he put that up for? I don't get that. It's fine. That's cool. That's a cool pic. Yeah, that's cool.

What don't you like about that? The watch, the hands, the clothes. Look at the clothes. What is he looking at over there? Maybe jewels. But anyway, we're eating dinner and he ordered a steak, right? And I don't tell new people that I don't have any teeth. And I have to chew steak with my front teeth.

Yeah, it's cute. It's like a little rabbit. So I'm sitting there like this. Like a little rabbit steak. And it takes me like five minutes. I'm going to be kidding. Five minutes just to get one chunk into enough pieces. What's so funny?

Into like a swallow, right? Just that you need like liquid food. Yeah, I was doing this. And he goes, what are you doing? And I'm just like, I think I need implants because it's insane. That makes me feel sad. It's insane what I'm doing. Well, should we start to go fund me for your teeth?

No, I can afford it. You can? Yeah, I'm going to. Then let's knock it out and let's do it. Shout out to Marty Martinez. Happy birthday, bud. Yeah. By the way, I want to show you something.

Jake is on the line. Oh, Jake is here? So let's get Jake on. Let's get Jake on. All right, let's hear from Jake. This is our good friend Jake Dooby. Yeah, I know here. Hello, Jake.

Hey, Bobby Lee here. What's going on? Hi, cutie. I mean, guy. I open weird. When I said cute, I just looked at your photo and I just in my head, I was like, oh, he's a cute guy. But it wasn't.

I wasn't hitting on you already. He is hitting on you right now, Doob sir. No, I get it. And I like Doob sir, too. I've gotten, I get Doob sir, Doob squad, Puby. Puby is cool. I like Puby. Jake, Jake, Puby.

I get a lot of different things. How old are you? How old are you, Doob? 22. Right on. Right on. Hey, we want to say congratulations on graduating from USC.

Thank you. When did it happen? Did it already happen or is it happening? In May, I graduated. So it did happen. Congratulations. Congratulations. Congratulations.

Let me ask you something. So we didn't know who you were when we. I did. Bobby didn't know who you were. I have his album, so go fuck yourself. Oh, you do? Yeah. OK, OK, what's it called?

Doob sees on planet Earth. Doob sees on planet Earth is right. Right? Shit. That's a good album, buddy. Jake. Anyway, so Jake, we didn't know who you were when we saw the Lollapalooza.

Line up. Line up. And we obviously could have been anyone on the last name on the thing. Right. But you know what, I have to say, to be on a poster with all those talented people, that must have felt good, right?

Yeah, honestly. Did you submit? No. And that's the funny thing is people were like, you're like, how the fuck did you, how did you get it? Like, did you apply? I was like, it's not a job. You don't just apply.

They just reached out. I don't know. Like, people are like asking me how you get it. And I was like, to be honest, I don't know. Like, they just reached out. So you have no idea how I think I know how it happened. I think they did somebody that works a lot of blues. They're having a meeting, right?

There's somebody going out line up, right? And it's like, all right, we got the lineup. We got the 300 people, right? And is that it? And then some hot chick in the meeting goes, or guy, or guy. Yeah, or guy. Hey, I love Dubster. I love Dubster.

And they're like, who? And they're like, and they looked it up. Yeah. And they all probably wedded themselves. And they saw how cute he is. Yeah, yeah. And they love the music. They love the music.

Love the music. The music's great. Yeah. And then they go, just put them on the end. Put them on the end? Yeah, yeah. Make them in the caboose. That's probably the most likely thing.

Well, Dubster, we're glad that. Where are you from, bud? I can hear a Southern accent a little bit, or a draw. Yeah, I'm from Lexington, Kentucky. Right on. But genuinely, Dubster, we're happy that you called on the show. And we hope that you think we got a couple streams for you online.

Do you think we helped? Yeah. I got a million BNs in comments letting me know that I was on the podcast and that a bunch of people commented, like, bad friends sent me here. Hell yeah. And then I got, let's see, I'm trying to think of the exact number, I got probably 3,000 more monthly listeners in like

24 hours. That's great. And now that you're on here, you're going to get more. Let's grow the Dubster fan base. And I hope some of the bad friends family starts listening to Jake Duby and go check him out and support him. Dubstee is a part of her family now. He is.

And we're going to, let me tell you something, bud. All right. Just by talking to you on the phone right now. Seemed like a good guy. You seem like a good guy. And we're all, you know, in the beginning, you know, him and I were kind of joking around this and that. But you know what?

I think it's turned into a love affair. I love you, Dub. We love you, Dub. Love you guys. Well, hopefully we'll talk to you in five years when you're selling out fucking Madison Square Garden. And we better get backstage passes. We better get backstage passes.

We fucking helped. We helped. You all got passes to any show automatically now. OK. All right. Thank you, Dubstee. Appreciate your brother. All right.

Bye, Dubstee. Bye, Dubstee. Nice dude. What do you think? Bring up his photo so she can take a look. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We can pimp him out now because we own him a little bit, right? We own him.

We manage him. We manage him. That's what I mean. We're his managers. Good looking kid. What do you say? Do you like that pose? Is that pose OK for you?

No. No. So were you fucking it? Dude, you're such a brat. Look at him there. Look at the second picture in. Look at how cute that one is. You don't like that pose?

What's wrong with that? I want someone like Adam Driver. Oh, God. Oh, God, come on. Ooh. That's what he. Yeah. Look, you like the driver.

It's fine. It's fine. So someone sent me this clip and they were like, you're going to love this. This is how they train the Cambodian police department. Like what they do is they train these guys and they got to go through this rigorous training process, kind of like our military.

But then at the end, they got to stand in line and stuff like that and just take it from the head guy. And I don't mean just like not full metal jacket yelling at you. Yeah, physical. Fucking them up. Oh, I love it. This dude fucks them up. Look at this.

Look at how great this is. This is incredible. God, just punch. Ooh. Oh. Oh. Look at that kid. Oh my god.

Oh. Oh my god. It's kicking so hard. That one's my favorite when you just trip somewhere. Because he hadn't done that before. So the guys, he's going to kick me in the stomach. So we tighten the stomach and he tripped. It's funny.

Some of them are 14 and some of them are bald. It's like the gap of the age is insane. They're laughing a little bit. They're smiling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my god. Oh my god. See, he's smiling.

That guy's smiling. So it's kind of part of the thing you have to like laugh it off. Yeah, yeah. That's Cambodian Phil. By the way, Cambodian police, they don't mess around. Yeah. Oh, there's more? You don't have to play.

You don't play all of them? Look at this one. Does he kick them when they're spread leg? Yeah, yeah. Oh, he spreads their legs more. Oh, yeah, they want to see if they can get all the way down on the ground in the splits. Can you do the splits?

Yeah, but my question to you is push pause. My question to you is that what if this is all the trading is when they're actually on the field, right? They're just standing around waiting to get kicked. Yeah, we need to get kicked. The criminals are like, we're running away. And they're like, we have to wait. Well, if the criminals attack them,

they're probably good at like just standing there. And taking the hits. And taking the hits. That's actually true. That's good. Maybe they just take the hits. Do they have guns? Yeah.

Do they have guns or is it just they just have to fight with their fists and their legs? I think they have guns. In Cambodia? Do the Filipino police, are they mean? I heard that they used to do those things, but they stopped. Did you see, there's one video, I can't even show here.

Let's show it. There's no way. We must. So there's a cop, an ex-cop, right? He lives in a house in the Philippines. It's on video, online, right? And he has an argument, right? You saw that one, right?

Is it bad? It's pretty bad. So he, some guy was making noise, or some neighbor he doesn't like. He comes over, this cop with a gun, and the grandma's like, we're sorry, we're sorry. You know, we won't make the noise or whatever, right? What was the noise?

I don't know, he was probably playing Pearl Jam or something. Got it. Right? Viteology? Probably. OK. Yeah. And she's like, don't please find him.

Better murder, he's like, turn it off. He was taking a nap. He comes to the next door, and the grandma's like, still not. And he just goes, I am hot. Whatever, they're your language. I apologize, right? Sounds right. I am hot right here, and he goes, no, no, no.

And he just goes, papap, papap. He kills them. Yes. Side unseen. On video. On video. That's so awful. You see everything, and it's so brutal.

How about that, for real? The Afghanistan President just left. Dude just left. Goodbye. Yeah, some of those photos are so hard. If you were president of that country, would you leave too? Be honest. Well, I'm Korean.

In Koreans, we just, the captain never leaves the ship. Right, so you'd stay? I would stay. You gotta, right? Yeah. What would you do if your country was overthrown by the Taliban or the version of the Taliban in the Philippines?

Do they have terrorist hate groups in the Philippines? I think so, but I don't really know the names of them. They're just not that popular yet. They're like the Jake Doobies of the Philippines. Please, please. What do you mean? He's part of our family. No, but I'm saying that he's not popular yet,

but they're gonna get there. They're gonna get there, yeah. The Abu Sayyaf primarily operates in the Southern Philippines members, traveling to Manila and other provinces. It was reported that Abu Sayyaf, what is it? Abu Sayyaf. Yeah, so exactly how he said it.

It began expanding into neighboring Malaysia and Indonesia in the early 1990s. Abu Sayyaf, one of the smallest but strongest of the Philippines, Islamist separatist groups. Let me ask you a question. Shout out to Abu Sayyaf. When we went to the Philippines, remember we went to the Philippines

and we went to the, you know where the kids were, where they were poor? Yeah. They were running out of their huts naked. And we had a bunch of food that we bought. What's the poorest area? I know what that area is called. It's near where I lived before.

Really? Yeah, yeah. So we went in there and it's this gigantic field with these huts and these terrible, right? Sad. Yeah, they're like shacks. Yeah. And kids are running out with no pants.

Little kids, bigger dicks than me, all of them. No pants? Yeah, there's going, you know, we had these spaghetti and a bunch of food for them. And like, what's so funny? Spaghetti. It's so specific. It's cheap and cheap.

Yeah. And fruit drinks. Okay. Yeah, like grape rink, whatever. Okay. And, but then there was like, I'm like, why don't we just eat the, there's sheep there, lamb.

No, those are their pets. Wasn't there lamb there? Yeah, there was, but I don't know, they're pets. Yeah, they're pets, bud. But eat the lamb first. It's a pet, you can't eat lamb chop. How about this? So eat the lamb for, I'll give you a spaghetti.

You can make them kill and eat the lamb before they get a spaghetti. I mean, it just feels like it's ridiculous. There's a bunch of lamb laying around. This is right next to your neighborhood where you grew up. Yeah, a little near like 10 minutes away. Wow. Yeah, it's so sad.

Did you ever go, did you ever go over there? Or no, you never went over there. No. No, oh my God, cause she's too classy, huh? No. Do you think you're better, do you think you're better than those? No.

They have air conditioning. I just don't go there because I don't know anyone. Oh, they had air conditioning. Well, no, your house though, there was a point though you guys did live in, like, what was the worst house you lived in? Near that. Yeah, so what was that, was there?

What was it made out of? Cement. Okay, but was there, was there water? Was there running water? There was. Do you get hot water? No. No hot water.

Just cold water. Yeah. You took cold showers when you were a kid? We have this kabo, there's no showers. So we just, it's like a. Bucket. Yeah, and we just shower with that. Wow.

And you heat the water? No. You don't heat the water. You don't put it on the stove or the fire? Was there, was the toilets work? No. Is it pooping a hole, right? Yeah, no, we used the bucket to flush.

The bucket, whoever invented the bucket. Genius. Genius. Who invented the bucket? I mean, it's like. What a cool guy. Here's what you can do, right? You can put cement in it and drown people.

And kill fancy people. Right, right? You can fucking poop. You pooping it, right? You could wash the poop down. You could wash the poop out, you could wash yourself. You can play the drums on the street. Right.

The bucket drummers. Flip it around. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Amazing, right? You can poop in it later. Right, right. And if you're a bad kid, you can stick it on your head. Right, and stick it in the corner.

Stick it in the corner. Get over there bucket head. And you're like, boo, with the fucking bucket. The bucket, whoever invented the bucket. Well, I'll tell you who invented it. It's Delana Sorrell in 1837. Sturdy and rustproof, galvanized buckets. You would think the bucket was before that.

1837? Yeah. Now, they weren't using buckets. This was a bucket, your hands were a bucket. This was a bucket. Because in Game of Thrones, where they put the bucket on the, is that a bucket where they stick the rats in? It's more like a, it's more like a,

not really a bucket. I don't know. What is that? What would you call that? A carry-all. I don't know what that is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that it?

Is that Delana Sorrell, the guy that invented the bucket? Look at this guy. That's the guy. He should. George Sorrell. Yeah, the best inventor in the world. Where was he from? Yeah.

Click on the Wikipedia page of him and see where this guy was from, the bucket god. But it's not even that, it's basically like this. How do you pitch a bucket? So, you know, it's like a cup, but bigger. But we already have big cups. Bigger than that one. Like a big, big cup?

Yeah, like a big, big cup. For what? You don't need that much. A venti. Oh. You've been to Starbucks? I get it. A venti cup.

I guess that makes perfect sense. There's the first bucket right there. There's one of them. That's it. Whoever invented that? Well, we saw George Sorrell. Yeah, amazing. What a great guy.

You know the simple stuff like that? Who invented simple shit? I know. You think about that? The simplest stuff. Yeah. Who invented? Like the, well, I mean.

What? What? What were you going to say? Like who invented the wheel? A caveman? Marcus? Are you kidding? Marcus invented the wheel?

Marcus, he didn't have a last name. Who invented the wheel? Trump, apparently. That was a picture of Donald Trump. I invented the wheel. The wheel was invented in 4th century BC in Lower Mesopotamia. It's Iraq.

So 4th century BC, they invented a wheel. But it took them thousands of years to get a bucket. To get a bucket. Yeah. Probably look lazy. I think once you get the wheel, you're like, we're done. Oh, that's true. Look at the fucking wheel.

The wheel is dope. Because people are like, what are you going to carry stuff in? You're like, right here. Yeah. You just carry stuff in your hands. Or you would just drink. You know what they used to do before buckets for water? Yeah.

You'd have the fattest guy drink as much as he could and then he'd have to puke it back up. Yeah. Like a bird, like a bomber bird. And just puke back up. Who invented, you know how they have cock fights? Yeah. And there's like little knives.

Oh, little knives on the cocks? On the cocks. Yeah, little knives. Little cock knives. Who invented cock knives? Cock knives. It does sound like a German would make it. And on to Henwood has little tiny knives on his fingers.

Because it sounds diabolical like a German would make that up. A little tiny gas masks. All right, gas masks and knives. He will come in on a Mercedes and have little tiny knives on his fingers. That's amazing. The cock knives. Who invented cock knives?

That's a genius thought. That's a genius thought. It really is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the guy, because the guy that invented it, right, those was the first cock. And somebody probably went, that's not fair. Because his cock was beating the shit out of all the cops.

You're the terminator of all fucking cock. Yeah, the best cock. You're just like slicing things out, yeah. Limbs going all over the place. And all these cocks were like, they were trying to tell their owners, this guy's cheating. This cock is cheating. Yeah.

This cheating cock. Yeah, yeah. What if we had suicide cock bombers? Oh, yeah. A little vest. And the cock gets in there. And he opens up and like, yeah. But it would be like, truce.

I mean, it would be draw. It's a draw. But still, you can bet on a draw. You can bet on a draw. Tie winner place, yeah, dude. You can bet on a draw. You can bet on a draw. You know what I want to know?

Who invented jockeys? The little guys that got on horses. God made them. No, dude, they're made in a lab. No, no, no, no. Have you seen how small those people are? No, dude, I think. Because they're not quite LPs.

They're not little people. But they're not. But my brother Steve. Not jockey enough. Why he's. Average height and weight of a jockey. Do average height and weight of a jockey. Wait till you see this.

Steve is bigger than these. I'm telling you, they're so small. But they're not LPs. Yeah. They're not like our buddy Brad Williams. Yeah. Average 4'10 to 5'6. No one's over 5 feet tall.

It says 5'6 there. So my brother Steve. It says 2. That's the maximum. 108 pounds. Yeah, but I'm, listen. Listen to me, OK? I'm calling your brother right now.

No, no, no. Stop. I want to call him. I'm 5'3, like as we proved. 5'2. Not 5 fucking 2, bro. How tall? 5'2.

5'2. She saw. She was there. I'm not fucking 5. I'm not 5'2. Dude, you say. I'm not fucking 2. Just because you yell it loud enough doesn't mean it's not true.

I'm not 5'2. I'm 5'3, because I said I was 5'4 before, and now I'm 5'3. No, dude, she was proof. It was 5'2. No, it's fucking. OK, still, you're way more than 110 pounds. That's my point. It's just that.

You couldn't be a jockey. I know, but if I lost the weight, I could. Look at this bullshit. It says 5'5 on the fucking internet. That's 5'5. The internet does a lie. Bullshit. Yeah, yeah.

5'5. That's bullshit. Yeah, there we go. Type in how much is Bobby Lee worth. This is how off the internet is. It'll say a million dollars. One more? Yeah.

Stevie? Yeah. Hey, babe, you're on the podcast. What's up? Say hi to your brother. Hey, Steve. What's up, Bob? Steve, we were talking about if we could be a jockey,

like a horse jockey. How tall are you? I'm 5'4, 5'5. No, Steve, Steve. See, maybe they got that mixed up. Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve. They said Steve Lee is 5'5. Steve, Steve, Steve.

Bob Lee is 5'2. Steve. How tall is your brother, you think, for real, Steve? 5'4. No, lower. You're taller than me, Steve? No, you know what? We're probably shorter.

Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe you're right. Yeah, maybe you're right. I'm 5'3. So we can trust none of this information. I'm 5'4. I think I might be 5'4. You're 5'2.

You're 5'2. No, no, there's no way I'm 5'2. There's no way. I'm 5'2. If I'm 5'2, you're 5'2. If he's 5'2, you're 5'2. No, but I think Bob shrunk over time. I told you, you shrunk.

I didn't shrink over time. Yes, you did. When I met you, that's impossible. When I met you, you were 5'4. When I met you, you were at least almost 5'5, see? Thank you, Steve. No problem. Love you guys.

Love you. Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, Steve. How much do you weigh? 135. See, it couldn't be a jockey. So that's what I'm saying. He's smaller than your brother. OK, OK.

Has to be 20 pounds less. Yeah, all right. Steve, Steve, no. Steve, could you lose 20 pounds? Do you think by the fall, we want to enter you in a race? I mean, I would have to run every day, change. It would be a whole lifestyle. Are you committed?

I don't know. What can we talk about it? Because I don't want to be put on the spot to become a jockey. All right. All right, buddy. Bye, buddy. Bye, dude. Love you guys.

Love you. That dude's the best. My brother? Your brother is the best. He's great. So we can't make him a jockey. What I was wondering is, is that did they do a little people?

Careful. Little people. You don't want the little people committed coming after us. The LPC will fuck us up. A guy like Brad Williams, who's a little person. Who's a good friend of ours. Who's a good friend of ours. Yeah.

Could Brad Williams, did they try at first? Let's just try a little person. They put a little guy in there. Yeah. And then they started resting. And the guy just flew away. Pew! Is that what happened?

That's how Brad ended up in California. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was from Kentucky. Yeah, maybe that's how it was. Maybe that threw him so hard and it appeared. I wonder all the things that they tried. Like who could run the, who could be on the horse the? Yeah.

Let's try a baby. Yeah. Yeah. He's light. You think a baby can't control it. Well, you just strap him on. Right, so he's just on the side of the, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Like a saddlebag. Yeah. He's like a saddlebag. You put him in the saddlebag. You put him in there, his little face is sticking out. Well, what are the rules? Do you have to control the horse? Or could you just smack the horse's butt and let it go?

Maybe if the horse is smart enough. Yeah. Yeah. You meet, it meets the baby and you go, saddlebag baby, you go. Yeah. Why do we even need to put the baby if the horse can do it on his own? Someone's got to be on the horse to make it official. That's true.

It's got to have some kind of body. Right, right. I wouldn't, yeah. Have you been to a horse race before? The fucking hell, why? You've never, the Delmar Fairgrounds are right next to your house. There's no way, there's no way. You used to, you grew up down the street from there.

I knew where it was. I was just like, I would drive by and go, yeah, I'll never go there. Why, too white? I saw a movie called Let It Ride. What? There was a movie called Let It Ride with Richard Dreyfus. I've never seen that. Yeah, I was going to say, it sounded like a casino movie.

Yeah, but it's with horsies, right? Is it with horsies? Yeah, it is, there's horsies in the background. Yeah, there's horsies in the background, right? So, Let It Ride, here's how I know I saw the movie, OK? Because I used to. Because you saw the movie. No, no, no, that's not why.

Because this is an interesting thing, OK? Is that I used to do a commercial, commercials with Joe Pitka. I know him. Yeah, the violent guy. Yeah, yeah. So there was a legend where Joe Pitka was, he directed Let It Ride. Right on. And a Fox executive gave him a note in a scene.

You know how it like sometimes, you know, caught and the Fox guy just had a note. He's like, why don't we. And Joe Pitka headbutted him in the face and broke his nose. Cool. Right? And then he was banned from making movies again. I like how that's such an innocuous.

You're banned. But. You don't get to make movies. He made Space Jam. Space Jam 1. One, Joe Pitka did. Because Michael Jordan refused to do it without him. How did he know Michael Jordan?

Because Joe Pitka is the Steven Spielberg of commercial directing. And Jordan did Gatorade with him. No, Jordan did all his commercials through Joe Pitka. I mean, I want to know what was the first Joe Pitka commercial he did with Jordan. I don't know. Because that would have been the thing. So when I found that out, because I used to work for Joe Pitka.

What did you do for Joe? I've done like. Oh, you mean you did commercials. Ten commercials as an actor. And I heard that story on set. And so I. Wow. Yeah.

Joe Pitka. Oh, I've seen. Yeah, I know him. Go down to director. Go down to director. Oh, there it is. Go to the very first thing he directed. Keep going all the way down.

All the way down. OK. Up, up, up, up, up. So Pepsi. So you have Pepsi. And then he did Hershey's Syrup, Messy Marvin. What was the thing you think he did? Oh, look, he did with Michael Jackson.

Let it right. No, no, no. But I'm just saying before that, he did something with Jordan. So look, he did a bunch. Oh, he did Dirty Diana. Yeah. Dirty Diana. He also did Bo No's campaign.

Oh, I love Bo No's. He also did when Michael Jackson's hair got caught on fire at the Pepsi. There you go. He did Hair Jordan. Nike, the Hair Jordan with Bugs Bunny. Yeah. Which, oh, that's genius.

That's eventually led to Space Jam. How many years later? Look at that. Nike Hair Jordan, when the Hair Jordan shoes came out, was 92. Do you know what the Hair Jordans are? No. Look at Michael Jordan Hair Jordan shoes.

I had these shoes when I was a kid. These were like some of the coolest. It's so funny how he was so fucking good at putting his name on great designers. But the Hair Jordans were the shit. Shoes, shoes. Yeah, well, that's them right there. OK.

The 7s. Look at how fucking cool those are. You don't even like basketball shoes? Those are fucking cool. Those are dope. But when those shoes came out. Are they expensive? When we were kids, they were.

Well, if you wanted to buy an original Hair Jordan. The Hair Jordan 7s right now? Right now. Brand new. I can tell you, or the 6s, I mean. I can tell you how much they are. I can look up right now. How much do you think they'd be worth?

Rudy, how much do you think those are for? 300? No, I would say about $10,000 for Hair Jordan. Not anymore. No, no, no. Well, because they've remade so many of them. No, the original. What is the original?

1994? Yeah, Hair Jordans. OK, 92, I mean. 92 Hair Jordans. Authentic Hair Jordans. They won't take any bid under $5,000. Yeah, I mean. So they bid it, and probably $10,000.

Wow. The original OG 92s of the 7s right now in my size? Yeah. $5,000. Yeah. Wow. 300. You don't know anything about shoes.

They're the originals, he's saying. You can buy them now for like $250. But he's talking about the ones from then, if you could buy them today. Yeah. I would never. What? I mean, I know you buy expensive shoes, but I would never.

Rick Glassman calls me there, then he goes, so you want to go in on it? In on what? A magic card? Oh, yeah, you've seen these, right? They owe him a magic card. And I go, how much is it? He goes, well, if you and I pull together $100,000,

we can get it. I go for a card? Is that really what they're worth? Oh, yeah. Wait, really? Magic cards. How much are they worth? Like the prime ones.

$100,000. For a fucking card. What's the most expensive magic card? Oh, I'm going to lose my mind. Did you ever play magic? No. Did you play magic? Do you even know what it is?

Yeah, those are the ones. 10 most expensive magic cards. Yeah, these ones. Time vault. What I don't understand is these are just cards. You use these cards in a game, correct? How much is that card? Ah, dude, we're talking about $1,000 to $3,000.

Oh, go down to number one. That's why it's going backwards. Maybe number one. All right, let's see what it is for number one. $250,000. Holy fucking shit. Yeah. What is that one called?

The Black Lotus, of course. $250,000. What does it add? Hold on. It adds three mana of any single color of your choice for your mana pool that is discarded. Tapping this artifact can be played as an interrupt. It's a piece of cardboard.

This is like nerd porn. This is porn. I know, but that thing right there? They read that and they're like, it's three mana. If you get a high. Any single color of your choice in a mana pool. I know. I know, but if you get a high grade, it's $250,000.

I just think there's no way that's worth that. The market. It is. It is, because I saw. How long can that last? I saw an anti-grode show. Because let me tell you something. Baseball cards when we were kids,

they're going to be so much one day. They went down in value. This is way higher. I saw an anti-grode show, right? And this guy had this wife. She just went to the team. She's like, my fucking stupid husband, fucking nerd. Over the years, he's been buying these matches.

You know what I mean? I want to throw him away, but what are they worth? And the dude, what do they call him? Nerds. No, but the guy that. Oh, dorks. No, the guy that assesses. Weeners.

That guy, right? Yeah. She opens it up and you can see come. Forming on his thing. Yeah. And he started, he started doing, you know, a shake. He's like, do you, do you happen to have the original sleeves? And that's card was in the thing.

The black lotus. The black lotus. And all of the ones that are expensive. And where's her husband? Was he dead? No, he was just at work, probably. And she stole him. She stole it.

It's like, ah, she threw it in the trash or bring it to the anti-grode show. And then she left him. She took the money and was like, I'm out of here. She might have. Fuck that. But I can't believe how much they are. How about this?

If any of our fans are into magic cards and you have a valued card, we'd love to talk to you. Yeah. Look at that thing. We'd love to talk to somebody that has a. Look at how they curate it. Like they handle it with gloves. Like it's fucking forensics.

It is. Yeah. That's forensic files. Imagine this though. If he bends it a little bit, there goes 50 grand. 50 grand. That's when you take him down to Mexico and you put him on a boat.

If I was a lab guy, I would just go behind him and just go to rip it apart in front of him. That would be a fucking thing. And run? Yeah, and run. If you guys are into Magic the Gathering, anybody has 250 grand. Anybody has a really cool one that we can talk about?

We'd love to hear about it. And so if I had a time machine or I could go back in time, I would just tell myself. Because in the early 90s, I think these came out, I would just be like, just buy. Because a box was, back then, full of these cards was probably like 60 bucks, right? Yeah, maybe.

I would just buy, just go to every store and buy every single box. And just put it in a fucking closet. That's what you do with a time machine? You go right back just for Magic cards. You would do anything else. I would tell myself to buy certain things, like certain stocks and stuff.

Stocks, I would do stocks. Yeah, I would do Magic cards as well. What stock would you go back and tell yourself to buy? Probably Apple. Apple. No? 100%. Yeah, yeah, way back in the day, though.

I do Facebook, but then I'd also tell myself, you got to sell it at some point too, because Zuck is going to lose his mind. Right. Zuck Zuck is going to lose it. YouTube probably? Google. Google, YouTube, all that stuff.

Google is YouTube now. Yeah, with all, and I would just put 100 grand, 200 grand. Every time I ever had, and I would borrow it from friends and be like, let me tell you something. If it doesn't pay off, you can physically kill me. But how would you do that? Because you're from the future. So how old was I when Apple stock was at its prime?

Probably 40 or 50 or something? No. 45? No, fuck you. In my 20s. Right, in your 20s. Right. Yeah.

So I go back in time, I would have to have cash to give me. You had no money back then. Right. So how would you do it? You got to buy the stock, and I'd be like, I have five bucks in my pocket. It's actually a great idea for a movie. You go back in time to tell yourself,

kind of like how back to the future he goes back and tries to give him the sports almanac. Yeah, yeah. But like this, you go back in time, and you tell your loser self, you're like, hey man, you got to go get money to be able to buy these. So the whole movie's about, how do I get the money to be able to invest in things

so I can make money in the future? That's a really good idea. So you teach your dumb self how to rob banks, and that's so funny. That's so funny. If you as an adult had to go back and teach your young self, how to get money enough to invest in stocks? Yeah, how stressful would that be? You know the knowledge.

You know if you could invest, you could be a millionaire. But you have to convince him. Oh, god. That's pretty cool. That's pretty cool. Write it up, Rudy. Are you tired? No.

Yeah, she is. Go ahead and thank everybody, and let's get out of here, Rude. Thank you for being a bad friend. Great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.