Bad Friends - Andrew's 8 Ball Birthday

Episode Date: October 18, 2021

Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com Thank you to our Sponsors: https://betterhelp.com/badfriends & https://upstart.com/badfriend & https://www.meundies.com/badfriends & https://www.bespokepost.com code: BADFRIENDS YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/ 0:00 Andrew's Tour Dates  0:46 Bobby Forgot Andrew's Birthday  5:12 Fancy's Gift to Andrew Pisses Bobby Off  11:50 Bobby and Andrew's at the Comedy Store  22:47 Bobby Binge Watch "Intervention" to Avoid Relapsing   27:12 The Bad Friends AA Meeting  36:07 Jamie Costa's Robin Williams Tribute   40:28 Rudy's Review of Star Wars  45:37 Green Light, Red Light with Bobby and Andrew  50:14 Andrew's Impressions on the new James Bond  52:46 Movies Andrew and Bobby are Excited to Watch  1:04:00 Bobby, Andrew and Rudy Try to Do Tong-twisters   1:21:42 Bobby Sings a Heartfelt Song to Andrew More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Andres Rosende & Pete Forthun Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, come see me live. I'm on tour right now. Androsantino.com for tickets. Androsantino.com for tickets. I'm all over the place. I'm going to San Francisco. Then I'm going to Columbus. I'm going to Pittsburgh. I'm going to Grand Rapids. I'm going to Philly. We added another show in Philly. We added a late show in Philly as well as in Seattle and Portland in the new year. I'm coming to Chicago as well and the New York Comedy Festival

in November and then I'll be up in Albany later in the year. I'm all over the place. So go to Androsantino.com for tickets. Androsantino.com for those tickets. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something.

We're bad friends. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday. You don't know my birthday. Happy birthday to me. Thank you Pete and Andres and George and that's it. Thank you Pete. Thank you George.

Thank you Andres. And thank you Rudy Jules. My heart of hearts. My little brown queen. My little brown bean queen. Oh it's not your birthday. Yes it is. And you had to Google it to know it.

I know but I was wondering the thing that I got you was getting delivered to my house. Oh it's coming to your house. And I'm like oh it's delivered and it hasn't come yet. Let me open my cards from Pete. Let me open my cards from Pete. You make my eyes happy. You make my lips happy.

You make my heart happy. I could keep heading south but I think you get the idea. I don't understand. Pete says happy birthday. I didn't realize how sexual this card was until after I bought it Pete. So very Pete. I love that. Very Pete. And this is from Pete. Let's see what Pete got me in here.

Let's see what Pete got me. It is some socks. Oh Pete thank you so much. This is men's crew. They've got wicking cool comfort fabric. Haynes can't beat it. Thank you so much Pete. You're welcome. That's the president that's coming in the mail.

Let's see what's next man. Great Bobby I can't wait to open yours. I'm sure it's in the Prius right? You want to go get it? It's three days from now. This one's from Rudy. It says friend. In this world where things move so fast and change before our eyes I take comfort in the precious few things that are constant and true. The friendship we share day after day, year after year, Rudy.

Rudy thank you Rudy Jules. This was very sweet. Wait wait wait. How the fuck? Hey hey hey stop for a second. Rudy what did you get me? Let's see what you got me. Whoa! Red Bush! How did she? She's not even 21. Good old fashioned Red Bush. You don't have to be 21 in the Philippines to drink. It's only 18.

Oh you got it from the Philippines? Sure did. Thank you Rudy Jules. Did you? I got it! Did you know that it was his birthday you never told me? Oh and a taco! And a taco! Rudy Jules! Do you want this taco?

Yeah. Thank you Rudy. Rudy and also Rudy left a receipt in here. Oh good in case I wanted to give it back. Thank you Rudy. And my favorite by far, Fancy B, my little sweet prince. A good friend is like sunshine for the soul. Happy birthday. So grateful for you and all the positive vibes you bring to my world.

Andrew, working with you is a real treat. You are funny, hardworking, respectful, talented, and the real engine behind this great show. Bobby doesn't do much and I know it's hard for you sometimes. But let's be honest here. Bobby is a fading, fading star. Andrew, you're a shooting star on your way to the moon. Turning 38 is such a special year and I want to be here to celebrate with you. I love you so much. Thank you for being a bad friend. Fancy B.

P.S. I don't like Bob. Well thank you Fancy B. You're a sucker. Let's stop for a second. Will you stop for a second? And I bought you a present. Here. Let me see. I bought you one. Open it.

Is it money? I knew it was money. See? You don't get to trick me anymore with money. Oh they went right in the cup. That was a good shot. Fancy, what did you buy me? Fancy! Oh the iPad Pro! Are you really being serious? Yes! Fancy B.

There's nothing in there. I bet you money there's nothing in there. Oh yeah? He didn't get you an iPad Pro. Yes he did. What? Fancy B. Wait, wait. What did you get me you fuck?

Fancy, Fancy, Fancy, Fancy. What did you get me you fuck? This is outrageous. Dude, Fancy this is incredible. He got me the iPad Pro and that keyboard that I asked for. Fancy I love you. Love you back. God you're the best, fans. Where's my Red Bull?

Where's my Red Bull? Hey it's my birthday. I know but I'm part of the show too. Not today you're not. Can I get my beverage? Please. Say please. There it is. Fancy what a gift.

That's incredible. Should I open more? Yeah, why not? It's my birthday. I've always wanted one of these. A heavy metal truck. Oh my God this is so cool. Thank you. Thank you guys. I'm gonna have a conversation with George real quick.

This is amazing. I'm gonna have a conversation with George real quick. Oh my God. I want to take this out of the box and plug it in. I wish it would go already. Come here. What me? Yeah, yeah.

This is great. Listen, I swear to fucking God, you do these fucking tricks and stuff. You knew about this to play a prank on me so I can look like a fucking poodle on my own face. And I didn't get this fucking numbed and then you should have fucking reminded me. I was doing it for laughs. I wasn't even supposed to be here today. These guys tricked me. George.

Give me your fuck. George, come here. Come here. Come here. George has nothing to do with this. Come here. There we go. Come here.

Is it okay that I open up? Hey. You have a fucking other thing coming. Can I open up my other gifts? Can I open up my other gifts? Oh yes. Look at this alpha strike this Nerf gun set. That is so fucking cool.

Dude, this is probably the best birthday I've had in years. In years. I'm fucking stoked. Need I forget I had got socks from Pete. Oh my God. Star Wars Lego set. You know what? I'll give that to Rudy because she likes toy stuff.

There you go. Build something during the show. Look at that. I've got my iPad Pro, my brand new keyboard, and I got my truck. And I got my Nerf shooter. And I got my Bush Mills Red Bush. Thank you guys so much. Let's get back to the show.

And my $20. I don't want this $20. It's dirty. Something about it's not genuine. Why? Because I feel as if you just took some paper mache off the ground and you put $20 out of your pocket and handed it to me because we can rewind the tape and saw you do it.

No. It was your birthday and I bought you a present. Here. No. Yeah, I saw you do it. Can I say something? I saw you do it. May I sit talk?

You took it out of your pocket. I'm not... Listen, I'm not doing well. What? Physically? No. More from... This is from Rudy?

Rudy gave me a magic eight ball and a sling game. I'm not doing well. My accountant called me. Is Bobby a piece of shit for not remembering my birthday? A couple of weeks ago. And he said you lost everything. Is Bobby a piece of shit for not remembering my birthday? And that's my last $20.

Signs point to yes. Yeah, yeah. That's my last $20. Signs point to yes. And so when it's a man's... When it's the man's last $20 and they give it to you... Signs point to yes. He's giving you everything.

Signs are pointing to yes. Okay. You didn't listen to what I just said. I mean... You want to ask the magic eight ball something like... Is Bobby, you know... Why don't you ask me something? I'm going to take it out.

Why don't you ask me something you've always wanted to ask you? Because it's my birthday. Bobby doesn't get to bully anybody around. You're acting like a fucking baby right now. You're acting like a fucking baby right now. Does this feel familiar? You're acting like a little fucking child right now. Does this feel familiar to you?

And it's outrageous. But you know what? I'm going to let you act like a child because you are a child. What did you do at your birthday? What did you do at your birthday? What do you mean? Did you not act like a little baby? How did I act like a baby on my birthday?

You left. You left before the party was over. I had a show to do, man! We threw your fucking surprise party! Go ahead and ask a question to the magic eight ball. Is Tito Bobby an annoying, stupid bitch? Shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it. Shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it.

Shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it. Read what that says. I'm not going to move it so everyone knows that it is... Okay, don't... Wait, don't just move it. Just see it and say it into the mic. Go ahead. Here.

Don't move it. It is certain. Fact. Magic eight ball. You did it again. Yeah. Those steroids that you're on has fucked you up. I'm juiced.

You're juiced out and aggressive and I don't like it. I don't like it. It's my birthday. It's not. It's in three fucking days. Relax. This is my birthday. This is not your birthday.

It's three days before your fucking birthday. It's my birthday. Either way, you didn't get me a gift you didn't remember. Yeah, I'm going to get you a gift. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. What?

And the next time we do bad friends, you'll see the presence I get and you will be mesmerized. Wait by the presence. And that stupid fucking painting that you got for me. That stupid painting I got for you. Right? Yeah. Is going to be nothing compared to what I'm going to get you, my friend. Are you being serious?

Yeah. Because I tell you what? I'm going to be dead serious. Okay. Because I tell you what? What? That painting that you got. Yeah.

Very valuable to my heart. Yeah. Very important to me. Met a lot. That painting that you got? And you want to up me a little bit? You know, Segura and Kreischer. You know, he bought him a jet ski.

I'm just saying. If you're looking at it a little bit. I'm pretty sure. Burke Kreischer. By the... Tom Segura. A jet ski. A jet ski.

Yeah. They have a different kind of relationship. They're outdoors now. They're outdoorsy people. We're not outdoorsy people. So buy me some indoorsy stuff. That's indoorsy. No.

Yeah, yeah. You got to be something better than Fancy Be Gummy and iPad Pro with the folio keyboard. That I can't fucking believe. Not only that, I cannot believe that. What did you get me for my birthday? Fancy? Rudy was in charge of the iPad. She...

Yeah, she was. I was partying with her. Right. Right. So did you see that? They just threw you on the fucking bus. They're not your friends. Let me say this too.

Okay. I'm your friend and you're the best Rudy Jewel. I gave you a present last night. Did I not give you a present last night? What are you referring to? On stage when I brought you up. What did I give you? An intro?

Right before that. What did you give me before that? What did I do with the mic? You farted on it. You piece of shit. Happy birthday. You piece of shit. Happy birthday.

You're so repulsive. Happy birthday to you. Bobby brought me on stage last night. Yeah. And he goes... After he's done doing his set or whatever you call it. Okay, stop. Stop.

And then he goes... Yeah, yeah. Should I do it again? And should I fart into the mic? Yeah. And he wraps it knowing I'm next. And then he puts it up in his asshole. Yeah.

Not near it. In between his ass cheeks. It's shoved in there. It's better for the acoustics. It is. It's louder. Yeah, yeah. And it did thump.

It was... It did thump. It was amazing. So that was Bobby's birthday gift. You heard it here, folks. Okay. Can I just say this? Can I just defend myself?

What you don't understand, my friend. Okay. Yeah. Right? And I opened up my dad's... Ashes? Ashes. I don't want your dad's ashes.

But you don't know what I did, dude. I stuck my finger in the ashes, right? Yeah. And I put it around my butthole. Oh, my God. Yeah. And... So when you farted...

No, no, it's not even... You farted your dad into the OR. That's not... That's not... That's not it, dude. It was like... No, I did 24 hours. The first of your father.

I did 24 hours fast, right? Really? But before I did the fast, right? Yeah. I lit candles, right? All my ancestors, right? Come together. Wow.

The spirits came. Right? And I had kongnamul. Oh, you kongnamul? Yeah. I had kongnamul and I had kimchi jjigae. And I had all these Korean dishes. I ate them.

And I didn't poo. Right? And then I... The incense and the candles and my ancestors coming, they came in within me. Then I put the fucking ashes around my butthole. Okay. Got it. And I held a fart for 24 hours.

Just for my birthday. Yes. Did you have a good set last night? I had a good, really good set last night. Happy birthday. Can I tell you something? Happy birthday. What?

I switched mics and you saw that. So... Yeah. And then guess what happened? It wasn't that mic I used. I didn't use your fart mic. It doesn't matter. I gave you your fart mic to go.

He was... Once I farted, he was in the room. You don't know how Korean things work. Oh. Ritual... And also, can I just say this too? Right? Does this have any validity?

Is this any of this real, do you think? Yeah, it's real. Yeah, it's real. It's real. And then here's another thing. I threw the other mic at me. Right? Yeah.

The fart mic. I threw the fart mic. Did I not catch it in the air? Well, I threw it right into your hands. What do you mean? Did you catch it in the air? It wasn't... It's dark, right?

You're about 30 feet away. You threw it... Six feet. 30. We have the video. Do you really? Yeah. 100%.

We can show it. Okay. Show the video. Right? So I caught it in... Do you know why I caught it? It was the fart mic. You caught it because I threw it to you.

It was in the dark in the OR. Look at it. Can I send this to you? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. First of all...

So happy birthday, man. Thank you, dude. I do want to say... Another materialistic shit is as good as what I gave you last night. You had a wonderful set. Let me tell you something. What? This means a lot to me.

I know. And I... And I didn't know... This is way better than any good set. I didn't know that about you. And so it's like, I'm gonna... I'm now... I know that you're into materialistic things.

Mm-hmm. And I'm gonna get you that. Yeah. You're into materialistic things too. I'm into spiritual things as well. So am I. That's why I did that last night at Seance. Yeah, but I'm...

I'm spiritual first material second. Your material first spiritual second. I'm everything first. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. I'm everything first. And there is no second for me.

Right? Everything's 100% with me. You had a good set last night too. You had a fun little time up there. Yeah. Then why did you say that it was whatever he did up there? Well, because it's just... That's part of the show.

I see. I see. I thought I had a very good set. You did. And I thought the lineup last night was an old school comedy. It was back in the fucking day. Back in the day. It went through you, me, Donnell Rawlings, Fahim Anwar.

No, no. Fahim Anwar. Arsenio. It went Arsenio Hall. Yeah. Then Ali Wong. Yep. Chris Spencer.

Yep. Me, you. Donnell. Donnell. Fahim. Fahim. Yeah. That's it.

That's all I remember. Yeah. Because you left. You left too. That's right. So I don't know what happened. You're not hanging out late. But it was a great night.

That was one of those nights that made me feel like the crowd was getting what they paid for. Like that was a banger fucking. The room was on fire. It also reminded me of the first show that I've done since the pandemic, where I went, this is the closest to what it once was. Where? At this club?

Just in anything. You're saying, oh, that show felt like it was back. It felt like pre-pandemic. Pre-pandemic show. Pre-pandy show. Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm excited. Happy birthday, Holder, you know?

Thank you. Thank you. 38. Wow. I know. 38. I've always been looking 40. Yeah.

45, maybe 50. Yeah. Let's ask one more question. Jules, let's throw a question back to the Magic Ape ball. Jules, what do you say? Go ahead. I'm shaking, shaking, shaking. Is Andres gay?

Gay. Gay. Is Andres gay? You can read it. I'm not going to. I just want to make sure that it's not known. People will see we're not cheating. You can't really show the camera.

It says in bold letters, all capitalized. It does. Without a doubt. Without a doubt. That's without a doubt. Yeah. Rudy Jules gives us another one. Let's say a little Magic Ape ball.

Does Pete have a small penis? Does Pete have a small penis? I thought she was going to say AIDS. Does Pete have a... By the way, we can ask the AIDS one second if you want. Yeah. Does Pete have a small penis, ladies and gentlemen? Why'd you switch it?

No, it says ask again later. Why is it even on this? Why did he do that? Why did he do that? Does Pete have a small penis? And it's... Come on. Come on.

Oh. You're the proof. Go ahead. What does it say? Yes. Yes. Real simple. No, that thing's rigged.

No, it's not. It's rigged. It's totally rigged. Okay, Pete, then you ask it a question and we'll find out if it's rigged. Is there any negative answers on there? Of course there. No, there's... I haven't heard one.

You can ask something that you think would give a negative answer. Am I a better comedian than you? Oh, boy. Come on, Magic Apeball. Come on. Do your work. Here we go. What does that say?

Very doubtful. Very doubtful. Yeah, that's Magic Apeball. This thing is fucking awesome. It's awesome. This is the best birthday I've had. Great. Why?

Because I'm here with my friends and my family. I'm here with the Bad Friends family. Ah. People that mean the world to me. Yeah. Okay, that's why. Yeah. I was angry that little doc-doc couldn't even do it today.

The fans like doc. Do you like doc? Because he sits in your seat. What do you think little doc-doc? He's very kind. Kind. Funny. Yeah, he is very funny.

And I'm taller than him. That must feel good. Yeah. That must feel really good. Because he's 80. Yeah, that must feel good. Do you think in a fist... Should we set up a fight between her and doc and see who wins?

I don't know. You think you'd win in a fist fight? No. Boxing? Boxing? It's boxing, not street fight. No, his fist is bigger than mine. Yeah, but you can kick.

You can kick. No. No. She'll try. Yeah, yeah. I think... No, because he's going to do belly shots. Oh.

You know what I mean? Yeah. And she's got a small little belly. She'll collapse. She'll collapse. She'll break in half. How much do you weigh? 115.

Yeah. What do you think he weighs? That's interesting. 150? Maybe more. Maybe 160? Because the density of like a bowling ball is thicker than you think. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's harder than to know. Yeah. Maybe 155, 160. Yeah, you're out of the weight class. But he is thinner than I am. Or no. What is... No, I think...

Thank you. No, I think... That feels good. Well, you dropped some weight. You lost a couple of pounds. Yeah, because I've been exercising every night. Are you doing it every night? Yeah.

She sees it, yeah. What are you doing now? Peloton. Are you loving the peloton? I love it. You know what I do is I do the free ride. What does that mean? I don't need no fucking...

I don't want to say it. Say it. Bald. Uh-oh. Athletic. Black guy. Screaming at me. Right.

Just, you know what I mean? Pull through. One more minute. Oh. All you got. So free ride means turn it on and you can just go. You just push start, right? There's a timer.

What are you looking at on the screen when you free ride? Nothingness. Not even like an outside? No. There's scenic. I don't even do scenic. I don't like scenic. So it's black.

It's black. Right? Do you have headphones on? No, I'm watching my shows on. I'm out. Better Help. Better Help is my favorite thing in the whole world because I use it in my life. You know, I see that I struggle, you know, with my addictions.

I struggle with, you know, my relationship sometimes and this and that and Better Help has helped me. I'm... I think the... One of the reasons why I'm still sober and I'm still doing good in my life is because of this... Is because of Better Help. Getting therapy is important and I think if there's something interfering with your

happiness preventing you from achieving your goals, Better Help works. Bob and I both talked about mental health on this show. We believe in this. It's not a crisis line. It's not self-help. It's professional counseling done securely online. You can start communicating in under 48 hours. That's how quick you can get.

And it's available for clients all over the world. You can log in anytime to your account, anywhere and send a message to your counselor. Better Help is committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches so they'll make it easy and free to change counselors if needed. It's more affordable than traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Bad Friends. That's better H-E-L-P and join the over one million people who have taken charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional.

In fact, Andrew, so many people, happy birthday by the way, have been using Better Help that they are now recruiting additional counselors in over 50 states. Wow. In all 50 states. In all of the states. Yeah. All of your friends, listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com slash Bad Friends.

That's 10% off your first month at BetterHelp.com slash Bad Friends. Bad Friends. Upstart. You know, Andrew, I've had financial difficulties. Same. With my taxes and my credit cards and this and that and I've been in debt before, right? And Upstart is the thing for you if you're in trouble. 16 grand in debt was probably one of the biggest holes I've ever been in.

Stuff like Upstart wasn't around at that time. And Upstart's a fast and easy way to pay off your debt with a personal loan all done online whether it's paying off credit cards, consolidating high interest debt or funding personal expenses over a million people have used Upstart to get one fixed monthly payment with a clear payoff date. If you're carrying a credit card balance month after month, it can feel like you're in a never ending cycle of debt with no end in sight. Upstart can help you make that final payment so you can get ahead.

Yeah, man. You're not alone. The way to debt can be crippling but Upstart can help you get on your path to financial freedom. Find out how Upstart can lower your monthly payments today when you go to Upstart.com slash bad friends. That's Upstart.com slash bad friends. And don't forget to use your URL to let them know we sent you.

We sent you. Loan amounts can be determined based on your credit income and certain other information provided in your loan application. Upstart.com slash bad friends. Upstart.com slash bad friends. Anchor. If you haven't heard about anchor. It's the easiest way to make a podcast.

Let me explain. Oh, please. It's free. Awesome. That's cool. The best creation tool is allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or your computer. You do it from your phone like on the go.

Oh, my God. That's cool. That's cool. And on the bus or the subway you can do it. That's cool. Anchor will distribute your podcast for you so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and many, many, many, many, many more. You can make money from your podcast too.

No minimum listenership. How about that? You can make money with no minimum listenership. It's everything you need to make a podcast all in one place. Where do we have to go, Bob? Go to the free Anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started. See, can you not put the shows on the screen, on the Peloton screen? I don't know how to do that.

You know what I've been watching? So you sit an iPad on top of the screen. I watched every single, I told you this last night, I watched every single intervention, the TV show. I love that show. Ever made from season one to 14 or whatever it is. Yeah, yeah. I love that.

And I love it when it doesn't work out. Yeah. No, because I love it when it doesn't work out. Because at the end of it, right? So good. It's either this, this either happens. It says, you know what I mean? Three months later, that's always a good sign.

And then it's like a tariff. Yeah, and then sometimes it just goes straight to like a counselor. Yeah, he escaped 12 hours since he got here. We don't know where he is. We think he might be dead. He's in the woods. Yeah, we think he might be dead in the woods. The family go through their, like, co-dependency.

Yeah. When it's uplifting, you know, it feels good. I think it is a great show. You know that song at the end makes me sad every time. Play it well, to know. You know that sounds like? Yeah. I have that song on my, um…

Who sings it? I forgot what the band is, but I have it. You know who it sounds like? Who? Who does it sound like? Who's the first person you thought of? Who is like the saddest artist from up there other than Kurt Cobain to kill himself? Elliot Smith.

Totally, I thought it was Elliot Smith. The moment I heard it. It's very Elliot Smith-y. But it's not him, but when I. It's not him, it's not him. But it sounds a little bit like his, the angel, it's sad and, do you watch Intervention?

Do you know about the show? Do you know what it is? But do you know why I'm watching it? Do you know why I'm watching it? Why are you watching Intervention? I'm on the border of relapsing. You're not gonna relapse. I think I am.

Why do you think you're gonna relapse? I just, I'm obsessed with it. With the idea of relapsing? Yeah, yeah. It's really scary. I prefer you to not. I know, that's why I haven't. And we've been, I've been calling you to tell me.

I haven't do it, I've done it because you, because of you. Good. And Kalyla. Okay, good. And the people of my life. Has she helped? No.

She's the worst. When I look at her, I think of weed. He's gonna relapse because of you. I didn't do anything. You make me wanna relapse. Your behavior around the house is outrageous. What you said to, what you were gonna do yesterday. You didn't do what you said you were gonna do yesterday.

And that's fucking outrageous, okay? What did you say in your video? You said you were gonna clean my house, you climbed my car, you said you were gonna clean my car and take my car to the fucking oil changing place. And the light, the in check engine light is still on the car and there's no gas. And you fucking make me wanna relapse.

So if you don't want me to relapse, you do the fucking thing you said you're gonna do. I'll do it tomorrow. But that's what you see every fucking day. I'll do it tomorrow, I promise. Can I tell you something? Yeah. You keep saying that tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.

That's it. It's one more day for an addict to get what he needs. Yeah. That's one more day to have. It's the same thinking of like, I'll quit tomorrow, I'll quit tomorrow. Tomorrow, one more. I'll quit tomorrow.

One more hit, one more for the road. And that's what makes me remind me of relapsing and you're the reason why. Oh. No, you're not the reason why. I'm just, you know, I'll tell you what it is. Yeah, what is it? I wanna get high.

No. No. Hey, I wanna get high, baby. No, baby. I wanna see. You know, just because of the pandemic I think and it's just like, we got out of it. I know this is probably negative,

probably no comedy fodder. It's not negative. I just wanna be real. You be real, go ahead. Yeah, but I'm not gonna do it, right? You promise? No. You can't promise?

I can't promise anything. I can't promise if I'm gonna be alive in a week. Well, that you don't have control of. You have control over using again. Do I? Do I have to go? Yes. I don't think so. You do.

Well, that's the opposite of an addict, right? An addict has no control. But you're an addict in recovery, and an addict in recovery does have control. Right, but am I in recovery? You should be. I should be. But you're not.

I may not. Do you wanna have a meeting right now? Yes. Okay, here we go. Okay. Do you know, have you been to a meeting before? By the way, let it be known. But everyone has to share.

Let it be known. Let it be known, that's fine. But we're not denigrating the idea of addiction and meetings. Right. I'm a big supporter of this, I am. Okay? Mm-hmm.

Addiction's a part of my life. Yeah. My family, so we're not making fun of this. But in this meeting, mock meeting we're doing, you guys are gonna play different people, right? That's right. And your stories have to be horrendous. That's the only way I get out of.

Okay, well, why don't you share first? Right, should I make up a story? I think you should be you. Because you're on the brink of using again. We're just two people who have been coming here for months. You're new to this meeting. Right, I'm new to this meeting, right? So your name is what, Billy?

Winston. Oh, Winston. Winston. Sorry, Winston. Yeah. Raphael. Georgina. Georgina.

Oh, Winston, Georgina. We have our fucking name tags right here. Oh, sorry, sorry. I'm just so drugged out, you know what I mean? Oh, man. Yeah, yeah. He's been using. I've been using, man.

Georgina, this guy's been using. Yeah, yeah, I've been blacking out and so I don't remember, man. Sorry, well, why don't you share? Winston, Georgina. Yeah. I'm Bob, alcoholic. Hi.

Hi, Bob. Hi, good. So, you know, I've been coming to this, no, I've been sober for a couple years now. And I just have these, I don't know what, I have these strong desires. They're not desires. We all have coffee.

Okay. I don't know why Winston would say that. I know what coffee is. Addicts love coffee. I know Winston. I know what coffee is. We have coffee. I get it.

In every corner is a weed store. Yeah. Do you know that? I do. There's that flower play. There's one across the street from your house. Yeah, there's one, yeah, there's one right across. And they have these glowing neon lights that blink.

Weed, weed, read. And then my pocket goes, I got money. Money, money, right? So when I drive by, I don't go in. Obviously I don't go in, right? And I look and I start trembling a little bit and I go, ah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, right? But it's like that never used to be the case.

Used to be, I don't even think about it, right? It's not even an option. So you might relapse on weed. I'm not gonna. We don't want, we don't do it, we don't. We don't want you to. One, two, three. We don't want you to.

They don't do that in the thing. We do in our meetings. Okay, this is different. Sorry, Winston. Yeah. Georgina. Thank you. Tell me your story.

I've been sober. Hi, Georgina. Say your name. Sorry. You've been here for years. Sorry, sorry. Yeah. I'm Georgina.

Hi, Georgina. Wait. Sorry, don't yell at Winston, he's your sponsor. Jesus. He's your sponsor. Sorry. Go ahead. Georgina, I'm a alcoholic.

Hi. Hi, Georgina. Hey, not Winston. Yeah, but if you have some traditional. You have to listen to me, Bob. Sorry, Georgina. Okay, I'm gonna share you my story. Please.

I've been sober for about a week and it's really hard because every time I see you guys, I just want to have fun and I just want to drink and I just want to pass out, be in a club. Yeah.

Wow. And it's really hard. Yeah. We're not laughing at your addiction. We're not, yeah. I thought you said she was been here for a while. She relapses every week. Oh, she does.

Yeah. She does it at the club. Every single week. She leaves from here to go to the club. Is there a club tonight? Yeah. I should come. Are you gonna go?

I don't want to. I can't go. I can't go. This is recovery. Yeah, I'm trying to get sober. She's inviting me to go to a club afterwards. Colleagues. Yeah, and she does this.

Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. All night long. Right. Go ahead. Hey, y'all, I'm Winston. You're, when you shared is different. Yeah. Oh, so when you shared is different?

I'm Winston. You changed characters. Hey, good to meet you. I'm Winston. I've been here before you. You welcome me. No, I'm just saying hello. I'm Winston.

Hi, Winston. Hi, Winston. I am a meth addict who has a slight issue with ketamine. A little bit of an Adderall addiction. Ludes, uppers, downers, squeezers, poppers. Yeah. And I'm into also suppositories. Putting stuff in my tush.

Particularly, I would put Todd tabs in my tush. You know, Todd pods, people, two kids were chewing them. I put them straight in my butt. So I was addicted to that for a long time. I've been sober for a long time. 12 years. And I'm happy to be, and I don't think relapse is cool. I don't think you should do it.

Even if you're Chinese, I don't think it's appropriate. I know given the circumstances of what y'all brought to this country is not okay. But I still don't think you should relapse based on your emotional thrust of feeling guilty about Rona. And I know y'all feel guilty because you did it. But you really shouldn't. And I'm Winston, I ain't gonna relapse, that's my time.

Thank you. Thank you, Winston. Thank you. Georgina, can I get a ride home? I'll drive you home. I have to go to the club. I wanna go to the club. No, no, I wanna drive you home.

I have to listen to that, I'm gonna go to the club. Let me drive you home. All right, I'll drive. I'm sorry. But I want you to call. I know Georgina, but let me just, I know, I know, I know. But with Georgina, right?

If I disappear, you know what I mean? It's because him and I are hanging out. Yeah, but I'm just saying if I disappear off the face of the planet. No, no, we ain't gonna disappear, no. Oh, you can hear me? Yeah, I don't know, I don't know if you can hear me. I'm right fucking here, dude.

I'm sorry, all right, I'm gonna get in your car. Come on in. I think so, we're in the car. Yeah, where we, you go in the opposite direction of my house, I lived right down the street on Ventura. You like the seat vibrators? Yeah, it's weird that this, is this European, this car? Makes your balls feel good, right?

Yeah, yeah, and there's also something sticking out into my butthole. Oh yeah, watch this. Woo! Whoa, that's all the way in. Yeah, buddy. It popped a hole in my new jeans here. Yeah, yeah.

Watch this now. Woo, woo, woo, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I think I'm about to come. I've never come through my ears before. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. Where we going? Skrrt. Where we going, Winston?

We're at the club where Georgine is inside. Come on, man. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Ah! Fun night. Fun night, wow. That's a crazy beating. Long story short, you are not gonna relax.

I'm not. You are not. I'm not! Because this is a comedy show, but we do take addiction seriously on this show. I know. You know what, guys? But at least you're being honest and real.

The fans get to hear the real truth. Well, it's, you know, I like to be honest and real and be forthcoming, right? And I think by sharing that, right, I think if I were going to do it. You wouldn't tell the fans. I wouldn't tell anybody, but I've been outspoken about it. Like, I'll go to a club, comedy club,

and I'll run into somebody that I know that's sober and I'll go, I don't know what, you know what I mean? I'll talk to them on the side, right? So I don't, you know, if I were to do it, I would keep it inside myself. Right. And make a plan. That's right.

Don't wink after you say that. Why? Because that's like going, I'm not gonna kill her. I'm not gonna. Yeah, yeah. Do you think Tito and Bobby's gonna use again? I don't think so. Yeah.

How would you feel if he did break his, you know what, actually make a promise to her that you won't. That's the use. She's broken, I can't even get into it, but she's broken so many fucking promises as a girl. No. I can't do it. First of all, number one, okay?

She's not on my side. No, you're on my girlfriend's side because you guys are blood related. That's true. Right? So you keep secrets from me. You need blood in the house. Why don't you make Stevie move in?

Everyone would die in the house. You mean like burn it to the ground? He would snap and he would, something would happen. Something would, drastic would happen. And I don't think you would want to live with him, but my point is this, okay? I feel it that you get, you side with her. Yeah.

You guys are blood related and I'm nothing to you. I'm just, it happened to be the guy. That's not true. You mean a lot to her. I would like to hear it because I'm vulnerable right now and I'm in a bad spot, so I'd like to hear these. Leave it up to Bobby to sabotage my birthday episode about him.

Make Bobby feel good now. Yeah, yeah. To Bobby, I look at you like a father figure. Sweet. But I'm not scared of you, but I care about you. I don't want you to relapse because it's gonna hurt everyone. Did Jules mean what she just said, Magic Apele? Come on, just shake again or ask again later is meaningless.

Did Jules mean what she said? Come on. Oh, it says, I can see it. It says yes. Okay, I believe you. It says yes. I believe you. Did you see this kid?

So do you know who this guy is? Who? Jamie Costa. Oh, the guy that does the impression of Robin Williams. Yeah, but did you see the trailer? The trailer thing that he did? Unbelievable. Un-fucking-believable.

It was probably the greatest Robin Williams impersonation I think I've ever seen. And look, he's the second picture there. He does kind of have Robin's eyes. Yeah, he does. He has Robin's eyes. But this dude right here is legitimately embodies. Is he impressionist?

I don't know, but I saw online him doing... Why is this guy not on SNL, man? Because now he's the star of a fucking Robin Williams documentary. Really? Or I mean a movie, a Robin Williams movie. He's the star of that movie. I don't think...

Isn't that a movie about Robin? No, I think that he just did the production of that. What? This guy did that? That's not a movie? I don't think that's a movie, no. Am I losing my mind? Look up, Jamie.

I thought that was a movie trailer. No. That wasn't a piece of a film? I think he wrote a scene from, you know what I mean? Something that happened in the past. Another guy, someone else... People are saying they should make a biopic. I read this.

I thought this was that. They should make a biopic. This guy should be the guy, you know what I mean? You know who Robin Williams is? Yeah, he's Jeannie from Aladdin. Correct. That is the best role he ever did. You're right.

And Jumanji. Correct, even better. Even more specific. Jumanji. Yeah. Did you ever see him in one hour photo? Woof, you wanna talk about a fucking creepy role. Really good.

He also did a... That picture of him in one hour photo. Look at the image of him. Now tell me, Jules, how do you feel about that guy? Woof. Yeah. Scary. He's like any member of my family.

Yeah. 100%. He also did Christopher Nolan a movie with Al Pacino. Hmm. Right? Did I get that wrong? Insomnia. Insomnia.

Insomnia. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was pretty good in that too. He's phenomenal. What a... What a fucking... Did you ever see Good Will Hunting? Yeah.

Yeah? Is he in that? Yeah. He's the therapist? Yeah. Yeah, I guess he's a therapist in a way. It's like, have you seen Mark Hamill in Star Wars? He's Luke Skywalker?

Actually, Rudy just saw Star Wars for the first time. You did? Yeah. Which one? New Hope? Mm-hmm. From beginning to end? What do you think?

What do you think? All the people there were white. All the people there were white. That is true. That's a good observation. Well, no. I didn't see any brown people. You saw a black person?

No. Darth Vader's not black? That's his mask! He's white underneath. No, the voice is? He's white. The voice. Who does the voice?

Well, that's true. Yeah. But that's not a black guy in there. That's true. Damn. Because of genetics. Yeah, why would he? You know what I mean?

Why would he spawn princesses? Yeah. In my head. Right. Yes. Well, they should have had the voice there. Yeah. Because the voice, the whoever voiced Darth Vader.

Black guys have the coolest voices. That's why they did that. Yeah, it was an actual black actor that did it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Because they have the deepest. Yeah. Like Doc.

Like Doc. Yeah. Right. But when they lifted it open to the mask, obviously it's got to be a white guy. It's got to be white. That's the one thing that stood out, eh? Was everybody was white?

But you didn't see the second one. There's one black guy and the second one. One. There's one black guy. But he runs a city. That's a good thing. He runs a cloud city. That's like a city.

It's not like he's like a janitor. If he was a janitor at cloud city. Yeah. And they just ran by this guy, right? Hey! Hey! I'm Lando, right? Watch it, right?

He does run a city. Right. So he's the guy at the city. But. What? But. He's untrustworthy. Who knows what he's doing over there?

Cloud city. Cloud city. Yeah. Yeah. It sounds like a drug town. It sounds like a criminals' haven. Maybe. Yeah.

But you know what? I'm going to look at the positive, right? And he's in charge of mining. Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah. And that kind of thing. Mining for, yeah. But you saw the first one and didn't like it.

I liked it, but. Just wasn't the thing. Yeah. And I thought Luke was going to be hot, but he's not hot. Ah, well. Yeah. I mean, if that's your basis on. Right.

Yeah. Is that how you watch things now? Yeah. That you, they have to be hot? Yeah. So if they're ugly, you're not watching it, huh? Yeah. Wow.

I, can I be, can I be very honest? Yeah. I respect the fuck out of that. Meundies. I'll tell you something, pal. You know, I like to be, I like to wear high class stuff on my flesh. On your flesh has to be high class.

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and enter the code BADFRIENDS at checkout. That's boxofawesome.com code BADFRIENDS for 20% off your first box. Because in Korea, right? We're not in Korea anymore. We came here for the freest country in the world, dude. Nobody gonna tell you what you can and can't do. That's what I'm saying is that her,

she has a Filipino mindset. Right. And in the Philippines, right? They look at more of looks than talent, right? Like for instance, we could have, America could have a Philip Seymour Hoffman. Because he walks in, he's not like, you know what I mean? A Tom Hardy looking, character actor, right? Yeah. Rest in peace.

But he's so legitimately skillful. Yeah, he's undeniable. Undeniable that they don't, you know what I mean? Talent supersede. You're telling me Philip Seymour Hoffman would never get famous in the Philippines. I don't think so. I think they would put him in some weird variety show

where they're putting, you know what I mean? Black sludge on him. You know what I mean? They're like bang-dai, bang-dai. And they're just, you know what I mean? Bang-dai. Beating him with sticks. Beating him with sticks. And he's doing a funny dance.

And then they fucking do a, yeah. Then they zoom that. It becomes, you know what I mean? But that's it. That's all he is? Yeah. So they're, their looks first, talent second. You and I would never do well over there.

Yeah. Like if you, no, you would. You could be in the Squid Game. What? You guys could be in the Squid Game. Yeah, but I'm not going to be the, probably the lead. I'm probably going to be like, I'll probably die at the first. And I die right after you. It seems like I'm not going to die.

Right. You know, like the guys are running down and you have a shoot out. And then you're gone. And I'm like, I'll make it up to you. And the moment I turn around, right in my face. Do it. I got a half a second longer.

I've thought about that, right? That first game where we're stopping motion go. Yeah. You're, I swear to God. Number one, you be the guy behind me. So it wouldn't sense me. I know this. And you would duck down and I'd be like,

dude, what the fuck are you doing? Don't worry about it, dude. Don't worry about it. My knee hurts. That's why I'm behind you, right? My back, my sciatica. And then once they say, go, we'll go. And when we stop, you'll push me.

And then I'll get shot. Would you do that? Yeah. Why? Just because. But it's not a game. Because I'm going to die soon too. That's true.

It's like, if we might as well have some fun, die fun. Yeah. Because at least I'll laugh. You'll go, what the fuck? Yeah, yeah, yeah. At least I'll be funny before they're bound to kill me too. Yeah. She would get clipped fast too.

No, she would make it. Really? Yeah. Look at her face. She doesn't even believe it. You don't think you would make it? Um, I don't think so. Maybe in the middle.

Somehow Andres would make it through Squid Game, just because he's just a little sneaky little rat. You know, he's such a little little. Let me see. I'm going to do a motion, and you tell me to stop. OK. Right? I'm going to do a motion and see if I'm going to be good at it,

right? Go. So. Stop. No. Let me just give me another shot. Give me another shot. And go.

Stop. Oh, no, no, you're dead. You're dead. You're dead. So I know I'm dead. You're dead. You do it. All right.

All right. And go. Stop. Stop. Oh, you mean me? Maybe. Maybe. I did have a little shake.

You threw a little. A little shake. You got to let the juice come out. All right, let me try one more time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stop.

Pretty good. Pretty good. Yeah, yeah. But I do. All right, let me try one. Let me try one. Ready? And go.

Stop. Oh, that's good. Am I good? You did really good. No, no, you're safe. Jules, your turn. You have to do one. You have to do one.

OK, you ready? Yeah, yeah. Go. All right. So no. No, you can't stop. You can't stop. Oh, she stopped when I said stop.

That was really good. Wow, that actually worked. That's really good. Damn, that was really good. And then there's another. What's the game after that? Was it the tug of war? Yeah.

Yeah, that was right. Yeah. Yeah. I wonder, OK, let's suppose this team, right? Me, you, right? Me, you, and Jules versus those guys. George, Andreas, and Pete. Easy.

Easy. What? Them. Them. Because of Pete. We're fucked. Because of Pete. Because of Pete, though?

Yeah. Because of Pete. 100%. Pete fucks it all up. Yep. Right? Yep. What about this, then?

OK? Me, you, and George, Pete, Jules, and Andreas. That's actually more interesting. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. That's a tight. We had nothing against you.

Is it because I'm a girl? No! That's crazy. No, it's just because just nothing against you. Nothing against you. Yeah, yeah. I actually, um. Oh, but did I tell you I saw Bond?

I know that we talked about it last week, but I saw it. No, I saw it. I didn't like it. I fucking was in love with it. I loved it. It was too little. A little long. A little long.

A little long. A little long. Right, right. I got up to pee. I've never had to do that. Yeah, yeah. It was pretty long. But I got to tell you something.

Gorgeous. OK. Who was, in your opinion, and we'll move on fast, because we've already talked about Bond. Yeah, yeah. Who was in the movie, your favorite cameo in the movie? Cameo? Well, or had a short stint in the film,

because there were a lot of people that came and went in that movie. Yeah. That's what a cameo is. Yeah, I know what a cameo is. Well, you asked it like you never heard of it before. So who had the best cameo? I forgot his name.

Fancy. Christopher Waltz. Christopher Waltz. With, it's not even a question. He was amazing. It's not even a question. Yeah, yeah. And by the way, this isn't me talking shiz.

Yeah. I like Bottom Tooth. What's his name? Rami Malek. Yeah. I like him. I like Bottom Tooth. Yeah.

He looks like one of those fishes that's on the deep. Angler. He's an angler fish. That he'd be translucent. I mean, look, he's, OK. How do you think, how do you feel about this guy? How does he look? See, they make him look.

That's what he really looks like right now. Yeah. What, you like him? He's hot. Oh my god. Look at that. Yeah, yeah. I mean, this guy, this girl.

That looks like a car GMC is working on. Yeah. OK, so compared to that, to Luke Skywalker. Why am I making fun of him? Yeah, just look what. No. What the fuck? Babe.

Babe. He's so pale. So is he. No, he's so pale, Luke. He's pale. No, no. He's more pale. Let me tell you something.

This guy is a great actor. He's great. He's phenomenal. One of the best. Right? His lines, his edges of his face scare the shit out of me. I feel like he'll fucking cut you with his chin. Right.

But I just am being honest. I'm not being a dick. But I can feel him acting sometimes in the movie. Yeah. Christoph Waltz, it was like watching a guy put butter on toast. It was just like a smooth. And he was so patient with the way he was doing his lines. It's interesting that you say that because I,

when he first came out and his, it was not that energy, but he was like just so in it. Right. And like not trying. Oh, dude. Right. And he slowly builds it. Right.

You're right. I mean, his performance. It was good. Very good. It was good. That's not. I'm not down in the guy's performance. In fact, if I had a movie, I'd probably put it in there.

I might put it in there. Yeah. No, no audition. No audition. No audition. I mean, he was great in The Fucking Queen. He was very good. Freddie Mercury.

That was great. Very good. Great actor. But there were times when, you know, when he was holding the girl, you know what I mean? And he was trying to be menacing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did not like it.

I didn't like. But I thought that opening scene. I'm not giving you any plot lines. None. The girl in that house. Correct. In the snow, right? With that.

Un-fucking-real. Just the way they shot it. So cool. The pacing. So cool. That's Fukunaga. Fukunaga. That's Fukunaga, isn't it?

Fukunaga. It is, right? Mexican. Yeah. Wait, Fukunaga is Mexican? Yep. Carrie Fukunaga is the one who shot that. I didn't know that.

And by the way. Yeah. Pound for pound, one of the coolest shot-bond movies I've seen. And it's just it's done well. It's really well. It's done. Props.

Hard props. One of the previews that I saw during it, by the way, that I thought was going to piss me off. No, wait, OK. So we're going to talk about the previews before Bond? Yeah. All right. I'm going to tell you what I liked

and what you tell me what you like. OK. I'm going to guess. I'm going to guess what you were going to say. Which one? Which one? You thought it was going to piss me off, but I actually am excited to see it.

Ghostbusters. 100%. Go 100%. And initially, I thought this is going to fucking piss me off there and do Ghostbusters again. I already fucking, the all-girl one from SNL. God bless those girls. But fuck off, that was the worst shit

I've ever seen in my fucking life. My friend Katie Dippold wrote it. OK. That's good. It was a bad movie. Stop it. Katie's good. She probably, I'm sure she's incredible.

Great writer. But that movie wasn't Ghostbusters. OK. This version looks great. I'll tell you why. Because it's kids. No, no, it's not. It looks like the youth exploring the history of Ghostbusters

was cool. It's, it remind me of those 19-8. There's like a little magic in it, right? Of like, it's uplifting, right? It's kind of the town. It's just the music, the way it's shot. You have this like kind of magical sensation, right? And then once you realize what it is,

it has the music, right? The casting, you know what I mean? The colors are all right. Like the creatures that are like, when Paul Rudd is in the fucking grocery store and the little marshmallow, you know what I mean? Little stay puff. When that happened, when I saw that,

it was just like goosebumps all over my body. 100%. Here's what, OK. This movie, by the way. Yeah. Answering the call, I'll go back, right? No disrespect. No disrespect.

It just wasn't Ghostbusters is all my point. That's all I'm saying. It just didn't have the juge. Yeah. And this new one, it does. Yeah. And Ackroyd is in it. I know.

Amazing. OK, so that one, I was happy about. Let me guess what you weren't happy with. Go ahead. Go ahead. Matrix. Why? Why?

Yeah, why? I'm saying, why are we doing that? What do you mean, why? Why would I ever want to see that? Why the fuck are we doing it? You're correct. You're right. Oh, I thought you were making something.

I had anything to do with it. No, I'm saying, you're right. I don't know the answer. I'm agreeing with you. Yeah, why, Matrix? Why? Why? Oh, why?

Why? Yeah, I get it. Why? Why? Yeah, why are you doing it? I wanted to say that out loud when I saw it. Yeah. Why?

Now, let me get, so first of all. They're going to fuck it up. First of all, right? If you're going to put Keanu Reeves in it, he has to be Neo. No shit. He's the guy. Right.

Neo. Neo. Carrie Ann Moss. You mean? Yeah. Right. But then you don't put fucking Lord Fishburn in it? Why?

I don't know. Too old? Too old. Someone younger, yeah. They wanted someone younger. No. Was it a situation where he got offered the part and then he went, no.

There's no way they didn't offer him the part. I think they politely have to tell him that they're making the move. We're going a different direction. You're Morpheus. They don't owe him shit. I know, but that's crazy. There's no way.

Studios don't give a fuck. They're about the money. Look, I'm going to watch it anyway. Of course I'm going to watch it. I'll wait in line. I'm going to fucking see it. I'll be the first guy. Yeah.

All right, so. And after I see it, I'm going to love it. I'm going to love every second of it. Yeah. And even if it's bad, I'm going to say I love it. Yeah, I'm going to lie and then when I see Keanu, right, I love this movie I've ever seen. I'm so happy that you did it. Yeah, yeah.

Great job. You're going to suck his dick. You can't just say it was a great movie. You could just go great movie. I never said that. Oh, it sounded like you said that. I never said that. All right.

What other trailer did I did I not like? OK, also, I'll tell you what I liked. What? Did you use another trailer you liked? No. Oh. No, I don't think so. Really?

I don't think there was anything else that I did. There was a movie with Jessica Chastain and like three other women that are fighters that are and then Kumael's movie, that one as well, the Marvel, what is that one called? It's called, don't say it, OK, it's Eternals. Eternal, the Eternals. Yeah. Good. OK.

I mean, here's what. Here's what. I'm happy for him because I root for Kumael because I think he's a good dude. Yeah, he's a good guy. Like, so I'm happy for him. But I understand that. I don't know what it is. I didn't get it at all.

The trailer, I was like, what the fuck is this? And they're running out of stuff. Yeah, they're running out of stuff. Look at him there. Yeah. It is funny he got in such good shape only to put on a full body suit. Yeah, it looks great. That does look like one ab is making its way down.

Yeah, like, you know, when you get, you know, when your balls, one of them goes up into your body a little bit? Yeah. That's what happens when it gets one of my nuts goes up. Now, the veins, did they put that in there? No, man, that's real. No, that's him. Those are real veins.

They talked about it on numerous. That's incredible. That's incredible. Dune. Dune. Dune did look great. Dune looks great. Dune looks great.

That's fine. But I've seen that before I got in the theater. I hadn't seen the Ghostbusters trailer. I hadn't seen all of that. That was so magical. So incredible. But I had seen Dune before I got it. Did you see the Paul Thomas Anderson one, too?

I've seen the trailer about a thousand fucking times now. That looks good. Yes, OK. OK. I think PTA is great. I also think, you know, it's, you know. Rudy won't see it. Why?

No, I want to see it. I'm starting to read the book. What book? Dune. You got to. You got to. My brother and I are a big fan of the original. I know it got pan.

The original Dune? I love the original Dune movie. Yeah, it's good. It's fun. You don't like it. It's a little. It's a little. It's a little.

What? It's horrible. It's a little shitty. OK. But it's fun shitty. But it's odd. That's what I like about it. Because it's because it's because it's David Lynch,

right? There are some weird scenes in it. Like when with Sting and that other. Yeah. That fact that floats. That's Sting thing. That's not. I know.

But that I know. But those two together as a kid when you're watching it. It's cool. It's not just cool. It's scary. It's weird. It's cool. It's cool because it's fucking weird as shit.

Yeah, these two. Yeah, yeah. When this dude comes out, this is the first time I saw a redhead in my life. I'm like, oh, God, that's what they look like. We protested this because he's not a natural. Yeah, look at him. Right.

And what's the fact? What's the fact? I had the fact I show him Sting and that other guy. That guy. That's me. Yeah, that is you. Those are both stages of your life. This is literally my whole family.

That's my family. That's my dad. That's you at probably 22. That's you at 60. 60. Yeah, yeah. Put it a little bit closer, baby. That's me in about six years.

Yeah. I keep up this pandemic 20 that I keep building on. And that's me talking to you. Bobby. Is that me? That's you right there. You become an old white guy. Yeah, that's amazing.

Yeah, but anyway. I got a fart so fucking bad. Yeah, I'm going to watch that in the theater. Yeah, Dune's going to be great. Do you want to watch it? 100%. Let's go. But I thought we were going to go to scary scare nights.

We'll do that too. Why don't we go to Halloween haunted scare nights or whatever the fuck it's called, and then go to the theater there? And what's Dune? They have a theater there. Yeah. Let's go there.

Do they have a theater there? At Universal, yeah. Oh, it's the haunted house. Say it again. No, I'm going to give you another shot. Try it again. Can I? Yeah.

All right. Could you say action, though? Here we go. Do they have a theater there? Yeah. They have a Hollywood, Hollywood, Hollywood. Say it again. Yeah, we can just go after the Halloween horror nights.

They have a holiday, huh? They have Hanada. What is it called, though? Halloween horror nights. Halloween horror nights? Hollowed out horror nights. Hollowed out? Halloween horror nights.

Say it again. Yeah, they have had Halloween horror nights. Halloween horror nights? Yes. Sounds like you're just saying, horn nights. I have problems with my H's and R's. Really? Yeah.

Say, uh, say, Harissa. Harissa. Harissa. Harissa. Say, you know, it's got to be like a sentence with a bunch of H's in it. Bunch of H's? Yeah, yeah.

Do one of those little rhyme things where it's like seashells, seashells by the seashore. Do that with H's. What are those things even called? Algorithms? What is it called, fans? Tongue twister. Oh, yeah.

Tongue twisters with H's. Tongue twisters with H. Yeah. Let's see if we can, um. Oh, let's see any of these. All right, go ahead. Let's see if we can do any of these. OK, but do it fast.

Oh, there. Can we do it fast? Zoom in and more because my eyes are blurry. Jesus. More, more. It's huge. It's like a 800 font. All right, so let me go first.

I'll do the whole number one. Ready? Yeah. Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peck of peppers. I picked a peck of peppers, peck of peck of peck of peck. If Peter Piper picked a peck of peck of peck of peck of peppers, where's the peck of peck of peppers peck of peck of peck? That's a really good.

Thanks. Wait, go up. Let me try. Yeah, yeah, go. Fast, though. Peter Piper picked a peck of peck of peppers. I'll pick a peck of pepper for myself. If Peter picked pick a peck of peck of peck of peppers.

Where's the peck of peck of peck of peck of pecks? It's hard, right? Go joules. Fast. Peter picked peck of peck of peppers. If Peter picked peck of peck of peck of peck of peck of peck of peck of peck of peppers. Or the pick of peck of peck of peck of peck of peck of peck for Dick.

Dick was in there for some reason. What's the second one? I never even heard the second one. The second was just a rap verse. It is? Betty bought up some butter. Ladies and gentlemen, thanks man 13 M&M How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

He would chuck as he would as much as he could as much wood as a woodchuck could if a woodchuck would. You know why you go like that? Because it's reading a sentence. Not only that. What? You did that in the woods of Detroit or wherever you're from. Chicago and you know this. Same. No. Yeah, in the Midwest. Yes. You and your pals, your Jeffrey Dahmer looking friends. Yeah. All right. We're out, right? Let's play a word game, guys. Yeah, in the woods. Yeah, and then you guys would do this one all the time. I wouldn't even be able to do that. Let me try. How much wood would a woodchuck? Zoom in. I can't. It's so big. I know. I have bad eyes. I have bad eyes are so bad. It's fucking huge.

How much wood would a woodchuck would a woodchuck could chuck wood? No woodpecker. Woodchuck. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? He would chuck. He would. As much as he could. As much as he could. As much as he could. As much as he could. As much as he could. As much as he would. As much as he could. If I would chuck, could chuck wood. By the way, that should be the way, if you were trying to find out if an Asian person can get into this country, it would be that. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck wood? There would be no Asians in this country. I know. If you had to read, this is the citizenship test.

You're the guy. Hi, hi. You ready to take your citizenship test? I am. All right. Well, let me tell you something Yoshi. This is not going to be easy But if you fail in saying Toshi Toshi if you fail into where are you going? I'll leave it Toshi. Okay, Toshi. Sorry about that. Sorry. Well, we'd love to have you as a United States citizen Ready. Yeah, all you have to do is read this phrase and that's all you have to do and you're in the country That's it. That's it. That's it. Oh, but you can't screw it up All right, Toshi. So go right ahead number three How much war?

You're out. Sorry Toshi. Am I out? Yeah, you're gone. Oh, you know what? You know what? Oh, we like you. Yes. Let's give you one more. Okay. How fast can I do slow? It has to be very fast. All right Come on Tosh. How much would a wood choker choker if a wood choker could a choker wood. Sorry Tosh That's gonna be the end of it. What about my wife? Oh, man. Would you like to try? Yeah. Yeah, I'll try Oh, what's your accent? What? You come to America all of a sudden? You have an American accent? Did you lose it? Did you lose it? Yeah. I'll try. Oh, what?

She's from Wisconsin. Oh, nice. Yeah. Go. How much wood would a wood choker choker wood. He would chuck. He would. He would. As much as he could. You can't repeat it. You're out. You guys are both gone bad. These are crazy. These are crazy. She sells, she sells. You know when a racist person yells, go back to your country? They should have this on a sheet of paper. Read this or go back to your fucking country. You know what I do? Does this work for you? Red leather, yellow leather? Red leather, yellow leather? Oh, warm up exercise. That one works for me. When I'm acting and I have a long thing to say and I get things jumbled up in my head, when I say red leather, yellow leather, right? That works. It does work for me. Really?

Because another thing that works. What? Watermelon. Watermelon. Yeah. So it's like, you eat it? What? Like, do you physically eat watermelon? No. Oh, what the fuck? No, when you're lip syncing, when you say water well, it usually lines up. Like if I'm talking, let's say I'm saying watermelon, watermelon, watermelon, and you talk, you know what I mean, you're my voice. It'll probably line up. All right, let's try. All right, ready? Hey, this is Bobby Lee, and I got to tell you something. I am a blatant homosexual. I've talked about it on this show so many times. It doesn't work. No, it doesn't work. I'm wrong about it. Yeah, you're way off. Yeah, 100%. Because it looks like you're just saying watermelon.

That's true. It doesn't even remotely look like you're saying anything else. No, I don't know. I know why I know that. Why? Because years ago, like, when I was on a show, I did a pilot called, I did one with Steve Renzizzi and Steve Howie. I forgot it was called. And Steve Howie? Is that Steve Howie? Oh, yeah. It's Zoey Lister Jones. And so I had a lot of scenes where I was like, in the background, and they would be like, you're in the background, Bobby, you're talking. So I just didn't know what to say. So one extra from Chicago, we shot in Chicago, he was like, you know, like a pro extra. A background guy saying just say watermelon. Yeah, he goes, kid, you know what the trick is? I go, what? Just say watermelon. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Over and over again. So if you see the pilot, I guess you'll see him go. I always thought that that would work, but probably doesn't. No, because you're faking a conversation. You could just go anything.

It looks like you going. Yeah, yeah. So did you make any of those Star Wars? Did you make anything yet? Okay, Jules. All right. Do you remember Obi-Wan Kenobi? Yeah, he's the one that Princess Leia made a record with R2D2. That's true. And in the bar, he walks into that bar, right? And when he pulls out his lightsaber and turns it on, lightsaber. Savor with a B. Savor. Not as lightsaber. No, it's not saving light. It's lightsaber. It does save lives, though. So lightsaber. I guess it's called a lightsaber. I always thought it was lightsaber because it saves lives. I guess you're right, actually. Thank you. So when he pulls out his lightsaber. Yeah, lightsaber. What does he do with it? He swishes it around. Did not see it. Did not see it. 100% did not see it. You saw clips on YouTube, didn't you? No, I was watching it. You weren't watching it. I wasn't watching it. Okay, I'll give you another shot. Another question. You want another one? Yeah, give her another one. Okay.

So when they capture Princess Leia, first of all, what's the planet called? No, just listen, okay? It's the most notorious thing, right? They're like clothing brands and bands named after them. So it's like where Darth Vader is, right? It's a spaceship that looks like a planet, right? What's that called? It didn't say that. It does. Is it Imperial Forest? Yeah, Imperial. Imperial Forest. No, it's called the Death Star. No, it's called the Imperial Forest. Death Star is the weapon. No, you didn't see it. You didn't see it. So anyway, when Princess Leia is on the Death Star, right? Yeah. And she in Darth Vader, I want to see her. So there's a scene where they're on a deck, right? What does Darth Vader do? He wants to show her something. What does he show her? He shows her planets that are exploding. That's true. That is true. That's true. That's what he's... One planet. Planet that are... Her home planet. A planet exploding. Yeah, her home planet. That's what I said. Okay. You said planet, you said plural. All right.

That's my action. I'm the last one, last one. Okay, she tracks out my pad, all right? He's the last one, all right. She is right. It is. So when Han Solo, right? Princess Leia... So Han Solo, Princess Leia Luke... Can you say Leia, Princess Leia? It's lifesaver. Got it. Okay. I got it. All right. Thank you. Yes. Princess Leia. So when Princess Leia... My last name is Leia. Yes, I know. It's the only way I can memorize that. I get it. Princess Leia. Princess Leia, right? They escape, right? And now Stormtroopers are fighting, right? Where do they fall into? They fall into a black hole. But then they were saved. Yeah, you didn't see it. You definitely didn't see it. It's one of the most notorious scenes. They fall into like a garbage, you know what I mean, disposal place, right? Yes, where they get ground up. Yeah, and then what happens in that garbage disposal place? C-3-P-O-N. He's not even in it. Yeah, he's not even in there. Someone saves them. How? O-B-1. Okay, you did not fucking see it. You have to watch it again. You never fucking saw it. We're going to do another test next week.

It's so boring. What? How is Star Wars fucking boring? It's not, her generation would hate Star Wars. They have no connection to it. I know, but I want to say this, okay, and I really mean this, right? Sometimes I play stupid on the show. We all do. That's the fun of the show. I know. That's the fun of the show. Like, I don't know what I'm talking about, right? But this is a real thing, okay? Yes. Just listen to me. I think this is very important, right? When you're watching something, you also have to put yourself in that generation of that time it came out, right? So it's like, when I listen to like, let's say a band like The Stooges, right? Obviously, they didn't have the kind of recording equipment and types of things that we have now, right? The effects, right? But I put myself in that era and also you have to think to yourself, where was music at at that point, right? So what you realize what they were doing was innovative and different, right? You have to kind of put yourself there. It's like, when you're watching a history, reading a history book, right? And you're reading it, it's like, you can't go, well, why didn't, you know what I mean?

They nuke like in the 1700s, why didn't they nuke it? Because they didn't have nuclear fucking weapons back then, right? You have to look at what they had back then, right? So when you look at a fucking movie like Star Wars, you realize that it was the first of its kind, right? All those spaceships and stuff, it wasn't fucking CGI. It was actual models, right? They painted that shit, right? And they zoomed in and they did all that shit that was like so innovative. Do you understand what I'm saying? Also, Star Wars, they were put in the valley in some weird warehouse where there was no air conditioning and they were just sweating it out, building this shit. Kind of like us right now. Yeah, exactly. And the studio is like, this is not going to work, right? When fucking Steven Spielberg showed it to his friends, the first original version, he showed it to George Lucas, Brian De Palma, Scorsese, all these legendary, right? He brought them all over, he's like, look at my George Lucas, look at my movie. After the movie was done, they looked at him and he goes, it's terrible, don't even release it, right? So then what George Lucas did is he found a fucking different editor, right? And he made the action be the editing technique in terms of that comes first.

So everything, you know what I mean, is spliced based on the action. It changed the movie, right? That's what you have to do when you watch a movie like that. But to you, there's no, you're like, oh, that doesn't look real. Or, you know what I mean, there should be more explosions. Yeah, Luke, oh, Skymarkers, I don't like his 70s hair, he's not hot. Because he was in the 1970s lady? Yeah, lady. Okay, I'll watch it again. Hey, Rudy, what did we miss from your review? From my review. From my review. Jesus. I said the acting, Luke is, looks acting is bad. The cinematography looks old. Okay. But I like the theme music. The music you liked. Yeah. Okay. In conclusion, it was kind of boring. What do you give it? How many stars out of five? Two. Two stars. All right, you know what? Fuck you. Star Wars, a two star movie. Fuck you. You know what? Look at me right now. I'm going to give you spoilers. Okay. All right. Because you're not going to watch the second one, which is the best one. Wait, make her watch it. No. You should watch it. I'll watch it. No, you're not going to watch it. All right. You're not going to watch it and then I'm going to tell you something.

All right, I'm getting angry. Okay. I'm going to give you some spoilers and everyone's listening so everyone knows the movie. All right. Yeah. Okay. You know Luke Skywalker, right? And Princess Leia, you know who they are? In relation to each other. Siblings. They're siblings. Who's their dad? Darth Vader. You already know this? How the fuck do you already know this? I don't know. I was just looking at. She looked on live. I'm sure it's all over the internet. I'm impressed. Yeah. I'm impressed by how much she hates it. It's actually. Yeah, I've never heard anyone hate it, but you know what? Her generation, who knows? I bet you we have to have fans that are in their young twenties that also hate the fucking movie. I'm sure there's a lot of them. Yeah, they're out there. Yeah. I'm worried. I'm curious to see if you saw a movie like Taxi Driver or something dark. She's never going to like it. Yeah, you're not going to get it because it's like, you know. Like Dog Day Afternoon, she'll hate that fucking movie. Oh my God. What a great movie because it's based on a true story that thing. You won't like that. You should try. We should make you try these on this off week and see which one you actually love.

No, you know, we should do every week at the end, right? A movie reveal. Jules movie reveal. Yeah, yeah. And we'll make her watch classics. You have to watch them. So what am I going to watch now? So let's make her watch. Make her watch Dog Day Afternoon. I think something. That's a phenomenal movie and it also has themes that are without ruining it. There's something that's current in this day and age. I think something's a little bit more dark than that. Raiders. Raiders of the Lost Ark. Raiders of the Lost Ark. No, not Raiders of the Lost Ark. I mean, that's great. That's great. No, he's meaning like something. He wants like dark. What about this? Apocalypse Now. Fine. Apocalypse Now. Great. Or Clockwork Orange. Clockwork Orange. Clockwork Orange. No, you're watching Clockwork Orange. You're watching Clockwork Orange this week, right? Great. She just comes back. She's like, I watched that movie Orange County. It wasn't good at all. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's called Clockwork Orange Stanley Cooper. When the movie came out, it was banned from England. Correct. Right? Or Europe or something.

I think it was England. England, yeah. I think it was the UK. What a weird movie. Amazing. Oh, what a weird good movie. I remember it gave me like day mayors. You know, like night mayors at day. Yeah. I think about it during the day and be freaked out with my eyes wide open thinking about how creepy it was. I remember watching as a kid going, like literally jerking off to the milk bar. Oh, the milk bar is the hottest thing in the world. Yeah. Right. So these, I don't know. Don't give it up. Don't give it up. All right. Those milk bars were like sexy to me. It was a Milko Velo Sept. Yeah. All right. So you're watching Clockwork Orange. Okay. You logged in. You excited. And I want real notes. Yeah. And I don't want you to be texting. Yeah. No, no. Your phone should be shut down. I don't want you to be texting or anything or watching your Anna because I know you have two gadgets sometimes. I know you do that. No, I do you all the time. I see you watching shit and doing shit on your phone. Do you not do that? I don't. Yeah, you do. Let me ask you something. Do you do that? And what do you do that? Do you do two things that want to watch a watch a thing and be on another gadget?

If I'm watching a docu series, I'll do that. But right now I'm watching a movie show called Secession. It's the best succession. Yeah. It's the best. I didn't know about it. And I know. So are you starting from the first season? Yeah. It's so good. And I'm now at the last tonight. I'm watching the last episode of the first season. But there was a couple of episodes before that that made me laugh so fucking hard. Which one? We've all seen it. It's where they go to the fucking that bachelor party. Right. And then Tom. Tom is so fucking good in that show. God, he's funny. Right. Tom goes that girl. That's right. And what he does. Oh, I know exactly. He openly admits that. Yes. Right. Like almost in a bragging way. That's Tom. Yeah. Right. And then at the end when they're walking out, they go, good job, Tom. Like he went around. Everyone knows about it. Right. It's so fucking funny. Beyond. There's also a scene when the daughter is begging to go see her dad. Right. And Maria or the mother or the stepmother, Marsha. The stepmom or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. See, he's not well. You know, give it some time. And she's insisting to go up there. Right. So she just barges up there. She's like, you're not going to, you know what I mean? And there's a scene in a very intimate moment where she puts her hand on her dad.

And he's, you know, he has, he's had a brain aneurysm. He's in and out of consciousness. He has a stroke, right? Stroke. Right. And there's a touching scene where he goes, I love you. You know, you know that he's never said that probably before. Ever. She starts tearing up. Right. Then he grabs her hand and tries to get her hand to touch his penis. Yeah. It's the funniest thing on earth. So fucking funny. Right. That show is so good. It's so good. And I'm excited because of a show like this, because I never, I didn't know what it was. I can't believe you never saw. No, my so popular. I know my friend Jean was like, you haven't seen it. I just, you know, there's so much shit out. Yeah. Too many. You miss it. Right. Yeah. So now watching it. And I have now seconds, the second season that I've never seen. And then also the third season coming out. So fucking excited. Just wait. I'm excited for the third season. Great. You know who kills it on that show, by the way. Kieran Culkin. Yeah, he does do great. I love him. But who's who to you makes you chuckle because it's he's so funny and dumb. Greg. Greg is fucking unreal. Dude, dude. I feel so bad for him. Oh, he's the best. Yeah. Wait till second season. You're going to love it. I just, you know, I'm afraid that he's going to die. He's not going to die, is he? He doesn't die. Thank God. I don't know what happened in the third season. But he's so dumb. So good. I know in the show. Yeah. Is he not dumb?

Nicholas Braun. His name is Nick Braun. He's a fucking great actor. He's friends with people I know really well. Really? When the show came out, I reached out to him online. And I was like, I want to tell you, dude, you steal comedy scenes from that show because it's his nervousness. And he throws away a dumb line. Yeah. The way he goes. So, you know, when he throws away something small, it's so fucking funny. Like he's so out of touch. It's great. Yeah. He's like the characters. Yeah. Fucking phenomenal. Oh, it's a great show. What a great show. Anyway. All right, so listen. Yeah. Thank you for it. I'd like you to sing you, just you, Bobby Lee, to sing me happy birthday quietly, smoothly, sexually in your own Bobby Lee way. Go ahead. May I say something before I go? Yeah. Okay. You know, I could do it comedically. Okay. Okay. I could do it with a smile. But I can also do it real. And in a way, how it really makes me feel about you. Okay. No. No, no, no. But now that I just said that, it makes me laugh. I know. Right. So just give me a second. Go ahead. We're just recoup. I'm sorry. Why does that happen? We can wait. All right. No. Here we go.

You can't smile. I'm not smiling. But just when you would do that, you're so family with your hair. I know, but don't do that. That's like sorry. Don't smile. This is a real moment. Okay. I won't. I'm not gonna smile. Come on. Come on. I need this. You're right. You're right. I love you. Please. I love you. I love you. Please. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Andrew. Happy birthday to you. Thank you, Bob. Thank you for being a bad friend. Thank you, Bob. Huge.