Bad Friends - Asian Joker v Dave Blunts

Starting point is 00:00:00 To support sustainable food production, BHP is building one of the world's largest hot ash mines in Canada. Essential resources responsibly produced. It's happening now at BHP, a future resources company. Hello! Hello there, mate! Bye! I'm Bean-San Toast!

Starting point is 00:00:18 And we're going to London, England July 18th and then July 19th we'll be in Dublin, Ireland. Tickets are available right now. We never go to these places never go to these places once the show's done. You we no come back We no come back. Yeah. Yeah, so you gotta go you gotta go So go to bad friends pod.com for those tickets bad friends pod.com You two are bad friends Who are these two idiots? White dude and Asian dude

Starting point is 00:00:42 You two are disgusting You two are disgusting. A you two or something. We're bad friends. Let me tell you something. You texted me today and you said, are you mad at me? Never. Yeah, you do.

Starting point is 00:00:56 You get angry and you know what? I've never been mad at you. You have Dollywood. Do you cancel sessions that are important to us? Yeah. I know, that's what I'm talking about. It's an inner lingering slow burn of anger. Hi Rudy Jewell.

Starting point is 00:01:12 Look what we got for you. A normal chair. Rudy. Rudy. Rudy. Yeah. I haven't seen you since last year. Do you miss me?

Starting point is 00:01:20 I miss you, but you're going over to Tiger Bell. You're doing that all the time and you're really breaking my heart a little bit. No, because I- No, no, no, no. We embraced you. Not just Tiger Belly. Oh yeah, she's on-

Starting point is 00:01:32 Trash Tuesday, baby, where the money is. So here's the problem. And the followings and the glamor and the glitz. We gave you your start. Nothing! She dropped us, dude. Well, you know what we are? We are the guy that she dated before she got famous.

Starting point is 00:01:50 Exactly. And she drops us. No, she got famous. You know, the first guy that you dated. I'll even do one you better, dude. Yeah, give it. Right? We're the hot guy, right, that she dated.

Starting point is 00:01:59 I disagree with the first part. But just hear my point. We're the medium guy. We're the medium guy. But then she blew up and went uglier. Oh, yes. That's hear my point. We're the medium guy. We're the medium guy. But then she got blew up and went uglier. Oh, yes. That's what I meant. That's what I meant.

Starting point is 00:02:09 Interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I'm gonna go just, I'm gonna go down. I'm gonna go downtown. What's been going on, Jules? I've just been dissecting animals. God bless with one. God bless you. Rats and earthworms and the crickets.

Starting point is 00:02:24 How are you dissecting earthworms? Those are so small. You're using the tiniest little knife. Yeah, and it's really fun, especially with the rats. You love dissecting rats. She went too ugly and also just ghosted the hot guy. Well, as soon as, here's what really happened. But tell me the science behind it.

Starting point is 00:02:42 As soon as she left this show and you and Kalyla broke up and she started to get away from our show. Yeah. That's when she was like, I don't need to talk to Tito Andrew ever again. And she- That seems to be the truth. It's the truth.

Starting point is 00:02:55 That seems to be the reality of the situation. And that's okay. Did I show you nothing but love for four years? Pure love. It's the kind of love Mother Teresa gave to the poor. Same. Exact same. Yeah, yeah. It's that kind of un Mother Teresa gave to the poor. Same, exact same. Yeah, yeah, it's that kind of unhinged, no, unhinged, that's not the right word.

Starting point is 00:03:09 Undying. Undying love, that's what I meant. Anyway. Ladies and gentlemen, Rudy Giuliani is back. Rudy Giuliani is back in the studio. Are you happy to be back? I'm happy. Who of the people here are you happiest to see?

Starting point is 00:03:21 Let's go in order, happiest to least happy to see, go ahead. First is you. Thank you. Thank you. Andres. Yes. Carlos. Awesome. Macon.

Starting point is 00:03:31 Love that. And Bobby's separate, you're separate, it doesn't count because she sees you all the time. She sees you all the time. I'm not even on the list, what? You're. I cannot believe it. Let me ask you lady.

Starting point is 00:03:41 I see her every day. There was a fire long ago, right? Yeah. Right, was there not a fire long ago, right? Yeah. Right? Was there not a fire long ago? The great Chicago fire? No, the great LA fire. Oh, the lovely LA fire.

Starting point is 00:03:51 People are running, you know what I mean? Ah! Yeah, running, right? Help! Right, I get a call. Can you harbor and take care of little jewels? Yeah. And the dogs.

Starting point is 00:04:02 And I said, kindly, my heart is out to you. My heart goes out. And you know what happens to that heart? They pee on it. They piss on your heart. Yeah. You piss, you squat on his chest and he piss on his heart. In the yellowest tea

Starting point is 00:04:16 you've ever seen. Wow. Yeah, Jimmy Oh Yang yellow. Wow. Yeah, that's the most yellow you can get. Right, very bright. That is a bright star. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:04:24 Well, I'll say this, I'm glad that you're back. I love that's the most yellow you can get. Right, very bright. That is a bright star. Yeah. Well, I'll say this. I'm glad that you're back. I love that you put McCone last. He is the least important of the crew. Although he did have a fun time at my special and then he went and jumped in the, what'd you do? You jumped in the lake?

Starting point is 00:04:37 Yeah, at a polar plunge. He did a polar plunge and all the proceeds went to, so all the proceeds went, it was for Special Olympics. So here's what they do. All the money they collected, they all the proceeds went, it was for Special Olympics. So here's what they do. All the money they collected, they rounded up all of these strong people to throw handicapped people into the lake. Handicapped people?

Starting point is 00:04:53 Yeah, people with Down syndrome, they threw them in the lake. That guy doesn't have Down syndrome, does he? He does. Well, he does after he gets out of that lake. Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, he shaped Down syndrome, but I don't think he had it.

Starting point is 00:05:03 Down syndrome shape? Yeah, yeah, the shape, yeah. So what, the money I I donated to you went to where I hope it didn't go to you And how much did I donate? None? Exactly. I don't believe in it. You didn't give him any money I don't believe in the fucking cause it's for Special Olympics Go ahead It is it was all for Special Olympics. I said that in the text. That's why I gave it to him. I thought he was doing a joke,

Starting point is 00:05:27 like you were in the special, I didn't read it. Well, I know you didn't read it. I just heard, I just read Special Olympics and he's trying to make fun of me. You think he's attacking you. He's attacking me, so I didn't read the whole thing. Yeah, don't put that in there next time. But you don't get anything.

Starting point is 00:05:38 But, whoa. I am happy that that money went to there. So you jumped in the river. I told you not to jump in the lake you I could have just given you the money Was it cold 12 degrees outside? How cold was the water water was 33 degrees? Love it. And how long did you stay in for no chance you lasted? No, I was under and we doubt immediately you went head underneath. That's smart. That's good It's deep enough to where you kind of have to have you ever done a polar plunge

Starting point is 00:06:03 Have you ever jumped in a freezing cold Lake or body of water only you go naked No, I was wearing short shorts all the special Olympics kids were naked for sure They can't keep the clothes. I mean, I'm tired. I was up, but let me say something. You're tired. It's 7 p.m. We did this we moved this shoot till nighttime. You got back from San Francisco at 9 a.m. What'd you do today? Okay, so all weekend I did not sleep at all. You were doing shows? I know, did not sleep.

Starting point is 00:06:32 How? It was so cold and the heat was too heat. I don't like when the heat's too heat, you know what I mean? What is your perfect optimal room temperature in a hotel? Probably a 70. You know you can set that right on the thing. I know, but what happens is it's so cold through the window.

Starting point is 00:06:46 It combines and there's a horrific. Oh, it's like when the Atlantic and the Pacific meet. It's like, no, I'm more like an angel and the demon. Oh. And they're dancing in the air. And I don't really like that. Dancing in the air, you know? Did you have a hotel with a bathtub?

Starting point is 00:07:04 Because I had one. It's a combo. You see at the hotel with a bathtub? Cause I had one. It's a combo. You see at the hotel, Zoe? The Zoe. The Zoe. Yeah. Is it not Zoe? I don't know.

Starting point is 00:07:12 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did that last time. I didn't this time, but it's a combo tub shower. I don't like it. But you know what I do like? And it's polite. Okay, sometimes it's a combo shower bath, but if you want to take a fucking shower,

Starting point is 00:07:23 you have to actually go in the tub and do the shower, and then you get wet. Get out. But you know what this clever fucking friend has? A little window. Oh, you put your arm through it. You put your arm through it and you open it. I remember that.

Starting point is 00:07:34 You remember that? Yeah, that's right. And it's a clever little zozo. Smart. I like it. I don't like the shower tubs because I feel like I'm going to slip, and that is exactly how I die. I'm already prone to slipping in bathrooms

Starting point is 00:07:43 hitting my head on the thing. Well, we've heard the story. I know. So I don't need to do it and say, and they have earthquakes up there, imagine how I die. I'm already prone to slipping in bathrooms hitting my head on the thing. Well, we've heard the story. I know. So I don't need to do it and say, and they have earthquakes up there. Imagine. I imagine. Imagine if it happened to me twice.

Starting point is 00:07:50 But I hadn't been in back to Cobbs. That was the last time I was there is when Ken Jeong attacked me in the green room. How long ago is this? Like 15 years ago. So I pointed to all my openers, this is where it happened. And I positioned the chairs.

Starting point is 00:08:05 He turned around like this. How nice is Cobbs? Honestly, and then after that, I did a MySpace corporate show with Al Madrigal, Ian Edwards, Natasha Leggero. Ask everyone that works there. When I got off stage, I started to cry. I bombed so bad.

Starting point is 00:08:24 And then I went into the kitchen. Well, MySpace isn't even around anymore, is it? That's how long ago it was. And I got off stage, I started to cry. I bombed so bad. And then I went into the kitchen. Well, MySpace isn't even around anymore, is it? That's how long ago it was. And I got on my hands and knees and I vowed to the gods, I'll never play her again. I've always had bad luck there. At Cobbs or in- Yeah, so I haven't been there for like 15 years.

Starting point is 00:08:37 Cobb, MySpace is still active. Can you believe that? It's still active, yeah. I wonder what my page looks like. Go to Bobby Lee on MySpace. Let's see what that looks like. I don't think I, there's no way, they gotta get, guys, I got rid of it, they got rid of it.

Starting point is 00:08:47 It's gone. JoHinge profile picture. JoHinge profile picture. You never had MySpace, did you? I had, my aunt made it for me, but I just didn't know what to do. They didn't have internet back then, so they had to physically make it.

Starting point is 00:08:59 They physically make a space for, this is my aunt. This is MySpace. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she sits in a little fucking hole. This is my honor. This is my space. Yeah, yeah. And she sits in a little fucking hole. They just go around all day, around Cebu going, that's my space, that's my space, that's my space. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:09:13 And then you draw your friends, right? Your top 10, you draw the faces. On the walls? On the wall, yeah, yeah. On the walls with fire? It's really good, yeah, with fire, yeah. So it's cool. Tell me what's been going on in your life, Jules.

Starting point is 00:09:22 I am interested to know. Well, I'm graduating. By the way, look at this, look at this, look. Hold on, look at my finger.'s been going on in your life, Jules. I am interested to know. Well, I'm graduating. By the way, look at this, look at this, look. Hold on, look at my finger. What's going on with you? It's been doing this. Look at him. Oh my God, he has that disease.

Starting point is 00:09:32 Parkinson's? Give me back that polar plunge money. What's been going on? I'm graduating this May, so if you guys wanna come. No, we don't wanna come. To your graduation? I'm going. Of course we wanna go.

Starting point is 00:09:44 What did we talk? Of course we wanna, we'll do it. We wore a suit, what did we happen? You know what, we'll, you know come. To your graduation? I'm going. Of course we want to go. What did we talk? Of course we want to. We'll do it. We wear a suit? What do we happen? You know what? We'll dress like men in black. No, just casual.

Starting point is 00:09:51 Okay. No, you know what we'll do? We'll get the suits from Dumb and Dumber. Oh yeah. Can we wear those? Let's pull. We're going to be bright. I want to wear those.

Starting point is 00:10:00 I'm going to bleach my hair. I want to wear funny goggles. Dude, Dumb and Dumber suits. Can we, look at that. You and me, that's a hundred. We have to wear them. We're going wear funny goggles. Dude, Dumb and Dumber suits, can we? Look at that, you and me, that's 100, we have to wear them. We're gonna dress up. That's you and me.

Starting point is 00:10:09 Are you gonna really do that though? I'll do it with you. Yeah, let's do it. Okay, it's on May, so I'll get your ticket. On May, well, so school worked well. Can I tell you? In May. Yeah, May, okay.

Starting point is 00:10:21 So it's in May. Yeah. And then is there an after party? I mean, I'm not going unless there's an after party. There's not. You're not throwing a graduation party? There's gonna be a rager. No.

Starting point is 00:10:31 You have to throw a party, that's how. How about boba milk tea? You love that. A little boba tea party. Yeah, yeah. You know what? We'll set it up. We'll get a boba truck.

Starting point is 00:10:38 Boba truck, boba milk party. Let's do that. Okay. Okay. That sounds fun. Look at that, that's what we wanna do. We wanna party. And you gotta throw your hat.

Starting point is 00:10:44 And then three years from now, they're from the SOTUS, they work at fucking Chipotle. That sounds fun. Look at that, that's what we wanna do, we wanna party. And you gotta throw your hat. And then three years from now, they're from the SOTUS, they work at fucking Chipotle. That's mean. Underneath there, it should just say, corner flower right underneath. I'm off today, I'm off today. You're getting back.

Starting point is 00:10:54 I'm getting back. You're fine, we're gonna hum right into it. So. What are you gonna write on your cap? You have to write like an inspirational quote, you know that, right? I have to write? I mean, people do that, that's like a thing, right?

Starting point is 00:11:04 They write something inspirational on the top of their hat. We're all stories in the end, just make it a good one. A, Canadian. Canadian, yeah. Count all of your blessings, something your dreams, I can't say, remember your dreams. Jimmy Buffett said that, a man of many quotes, it is five o'clock somewhere. I want negative ones though, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:11:28 Create chaos, like a joker. What would jokers say? So incelly. What? Like into the joker. It is so incelly. By the way, eat the rich, no? Yeah, eat the rich.

Starting point is 00:11:40 Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so funny to write that on your cap. They're gonna frisk her, then they're gonna think she's gonna shoot up the graduation. I mean, you're already wearing a long gown. Why would a Korean joker feel like? A Korean joker. A Korean joker.

Starting point is 00:12:03 Where we were at? Enjoy the kimchi. Enjoy the kimchi? Where we were at? Oh, girl. Oh, girl. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha was actually a Korean joker? Yeah, he was targeting a fentanyl? A feminist group. Oh, a feminist group, yeah. So he was an anti-fem, no, no, no. Activists harassed and targeted by anti-feminist groups. He kept following us and shouting. We were terrified.

Starting point is 00:12:34 We were in South Korea? Yeah. That's insane. We support the women. We really do. That's crazy. Did you get pussy in San Francisco? No, what happened was this,

Starting point is 00:12:41 and I did one of my old school high school tricks. Oh. Oh, you wanna guess what it is? I'll talk about it. Yeah, you show up to the party. There's no party. High on drugs. No, no, no, no, no.

Starting point is 00:12:52 You go in the corner, you masturbate, you go home. No, you go cute. You go cute. You go cutesy poot. Right, so what happened was she came to a show. So there's this girl I met years ago on Instagram, very pretty, and then she kind of like disappeared from the DMs.

Starting point is 00:13:05 But then she's like, can I get a ticket? Cause they're sold out, right? So I get her in, I do come up, some high school friends came up, then she comes up. And then I invited her to dinner with the gang, and we go to the dinner. And then I kissed that show for some reason, 10 dudes. From stage.

Starting point is 00:13:22 She don't kiss 10 dudes with us. I know, but I did. 10 guys? Yeah, I just, everyone would do it. Wow, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then she was like, how come you don't kiss me? So in the car ride, I had made her drive by,

Starting point is 00:13:33 I go, let's just do a kiss, right? I went like that, we kissed like that. A peck. Just a peck, and I go, let's do it again. Right? Whoa, a little stronger peck. Yeah. Let's do it again.

Starting point is 00:13:45 A little Gregory peck. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Samuel French. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you pro-Harbor it. Right. Right? And then we just made out the whole time in the car.

Starting point is 00:13:52 Whoa. How long is the make out now? In 2025. Well, here's the deal. I don't get the- Well, here's why. I don't get the- I don't know.

Starting point is 00:14:02 Yeah, yeah. I don't know. Like, because if I'm making out with my wife, it's because we're hooking up. You're making out as a setup. I'm saying how- No, I'm making up because, remember I haven't been jerking off?

Starting point is 00:14:13 Right, what are you now? You're loaded for a month? Like 12 days or whatever. Pretty good. Right? Not last night. Yeah, you had to. Right?

Starting point is 00:14:21 And then my penis went, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. old boy Dave woke up Yeah, and then um And when you you know when you're when you're making out with somebody it you know your body It's just biological right right you're just super horny. Well. That's that's the that's the man. I just you know four pumps and a fucking marshmallow came out Yeah, it was so thick it hurt. It's like wood glue coming out of your people. Oh, it hurt so bad

Starting point is 00:14:56 It was just it was like although it was like a pancake batter. Ah, yeah. Yeah, like am I ancient mind? But what's going on around here? It was like, you know, it was like I know you I know you meant pancake, but you said can cake and somehow, can cake is thicker than pancake. It's thicker, it is the way thicker. I agree, it's the thickest. I meant to say can cake.

Starting point is 00:15:13 Can cake batter is the thickest. Yeah, yeah, can cake batter is the best. What is can cake? So wait a minute, little kissy session, and then never talk to her again. That's it. I don't know. Maybe more.

Starting point is 00:15:22 Well, you know, and this is a message to everybody. Beep beep beep beep beep. I don't know. Maybe more. Well, you know, and this is a message to everybody. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Beep beep beep beep beep. You're high, huh? Me? Yeah, yeah. Why are you giggling at that then? Because on Transplanting Laughs.

Starting point is 00:15:33 Okay, so may I make a message to the women? You may. Ladies and gentlemen, a message for the women. I'm ready for a relationship. Oh my god. He wants to settle down. But the dam has to break. I don't know what that means.

Starting point is 00:15:49 What? I don't know what that means. Well, I'm a poet. I know. And so just figure out what that means. All right, Hemingway, let me think. Yeah. The dam has to break means.

Starting point is 00:15:59 Yeah. Oh. That's right. I get it. What is it? You want a squirter. Is that, no? It's just a part of it. Yeah's right. I get it. What is it? You want a squirter. Is that, no? This is a part of it. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:16:09 Now what I'm saying is, is that, I think I used the wrong terminology. I think so. I think so, yeah. What? Your penis has to break? No, no, no, no, no, no. Well, you do have to break them in

Starting point is 00:16:17 like a new pair of shoes. Yeah, yeah. You gotta break in that wiener. No, I mean, just the, the next person I like and that, you know what I mean, there's intimacy and stuff, I think I might go for it for long-term-y. Really? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:16:31 But it's gotta be the one. It's gotta be the one, yeah. You're ready, ready. Yeah, because you know, some people treat me like I'm still open micro-bob. Who's that? Open micro-bob. Who treats you that way?

Starting point is 00:16:43 You mean women? For 30 years, what? You mean women? Yeah. I, what? You mean women? Yeah. I don't treat, no one treats- They're just always like, yeah, like, you know, I can do better. Oh.

Starting point is 00:16:50 That kind of mentality. And I'm like, I don't think so. I don't think so. No, in LA you can. What? You can do better than the comedian in LA. It's like the city where Leonardo DiCaprio lives. You can do better?

Starting point is 00:17:02 Yeah. Like if you're dating celebrities, like you can go way higher. He's shooting today. I could tell he came with a couple loaded. He's ready. Okay, oh God. Even these chamolais, like such a handsome guy.

Starting point is 00:17:13 I understand what you're saying dude. Have you ever had chamolais, pancake batter? No, I would. Exactly. I would. Yeah, I know you would. I would too.

Starting point is 00:17:22 Fucking perv. I would have it, but I wanna say, let me direct you, okay? That's rude. And what I'm saying is that Leo's one guy, right? And he wants, I know, but he wants 25 or younger and supermodel. That's not my demographic.

Starting point is 00:17:42 No, the girl that I made out with last night was 33. That's good. Do you understand what I'm saying? Mature. Yeah, I understand. Yeah, you understand what I'm saying? So it's like, you know, I'm not, this is not the same pool that we're fishing from. I apologize, Emperor.

Starting point is 00:17:54 Yeah. What I'm saying to you is that I've seen your pool as well. Oh my God. Okay. And I can expose some stuff. I can expose stuff about you as well, right? I went out with a girl. This guy flew out all the way to New York.

Starting point is 00:18:05 Oh my God. Also, first of all, you're in a pool, you're in a pond. Let's be very clear. Yeah, exactly, thank you so much, right? Also, but also, you flew to New York to go see somebody? That's why you went to New York. I wondered why you left. Yeah, exactly.

Starting point is 00:18:16 I thought it was for big. Well, actually, I told you before. Wait, no, you told me you were going out there, but not to see somebody. Yeah, oh yeah, that's right. And I wanna say, like, Ali Wong in her book. Ali Wong in her book, right? She says-

Starting point is 00:18:27 She has a book? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. There's a little paragraph about me. Oh, that's so nice. And then when she came to LA, I didn't hit on her. I showed her around, right? I met her places and I go, this is where you eat.

Starting point is 00:18:37 This is where the good clubs, this and that, right? I showed them the ropes. There's no sexual intention there. And you know that that's what I'm like. All my openers are women and they're all just friends. So what you're doing right now. What you're doing is hiding in plain sight. Like Predator.

Starting point is 00:18:55 Just like Predator. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like Predator the movie. Ship Station. Live. Live. Live. In general, it can be chaotic.

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Starting point is 00:22:53 You're jet setting now because of the show. Of course. And it's great and I'm proud of you. Thank you. I do want- It can end. Oh. Bob, what I-

Starting point is 00:23:02 Well, let the emperor speak. You know, I treat you like a peer. All of you guys. So great. Maybe better than a peer. Yeah, like Alex Costa, you know him? No clue. All right, he works for me.

Starting point is 00:23:15 What? On Tiger Belly. Alex, why? We go into Panagonia yesterday and I'm gonna buy something. He goes, Bob, can I buy me something? I go, yeah. And I go to this register and I'm gonna buy something. He goes, Bob, can I buy me something? I go, yeah. And I go to this register and I'm ringing things in

Starting point is 00:23:29 and it's $600 and the thing I bought was 80. What did he buy? This fucking complex winter jacket. Yeah. Right? You bought it though. Yeah. You did.

Starting point is 00:23:40 Yeah, yeah. I was so livid. Right? And what I'm saying is you guys treat me like that too. Like we're peers and I wanna say this to you, right? And it's not a threat. It's an order. Right?

Starting point is 00:23:49 Yeah. This is Trump and Zelensky. It's, I'm Zelensky. I'm Zelensky for sure. Oh yeah, you attack me first. No, this is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're Putin.

Starting point is 00:23:59 I like that. Yeah, you do. Yeah, you're closer to Putin. Yeah, you're closer to Putin. So what I'm saying to you is that I love you, right? I love you, too But it could end the dream could end. I'm aware. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you too McCone and you too Actually been good he's great and also let's be real about the Patagonia jacket That's you fucking loved buying that you love that, You know you did because it's a power move now.

Starting point is 00:24:27 Now you have that over that kid. Remember when I bought you that fucking jacket? And shoes. That's what I'm saying. You're gonna use that as that's chess. You play chess. A lot of people look at you and think checkers, Chinese. No, no, no one thinks checkers.

Starting point is 00:24:39 Everyone thinks chess. Guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or my gal or whatever. Pie gal. A lot of people look at you and they think pie gal.. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or my gal or whatever. Pie gal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of people look at you and they think pie gal. Pie gal, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:24:48 But you're actually playing savant level street. Russian opening. Chess. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, seriously, you are. Because he's done this since I've known him. A castle, en passant. You know what en passant is?

Starting point is 00:24:58 It's all moves. En passant. And you have little pawns all over the place. Yeah. Right, and you're the queen. You are the queen and you've always been the queen. I'm the king? No, buddy, you're the queen. I'm the queen and you've always been the queen. I'm the king? No buddy, you're the queen.

Starting point is 00:25:06 I'm the queen. The queen is by far the most powerful piece in chess. You should know that, you play chess. I'm the king. You're the king, okay, you're the king. Because we're partners. Bishop, Andreas. Rook, rook, rook, rook.

Starting point is 00:25:17 Yeah, he's a rook. That's a rook. All ricks. No, no, no. McCone is a pawn. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, pawn, pawn, yeah, yeah. What is... Carlos, you know, honestly? Yeah, knight, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, angles, angles, angles. Precise to tact. Watch this, watch this, watch this. That's how good she is at attacks and angles.

Starting point is 00:25:46 You ready? Yeah. You have the floor. Your mom's a hoe. Okay, see? It's an attacked angle. You little fucker. That was so good.

Starting point is 00:26:03 You little fucker. You are a good fucker though. Well, so she is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was bishop moves there. Yeah, that's great are a good fucker though. Well so she is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was bishop moves there. Yeah, that's great. So we have it all figured out in the studio. He's so mad at you.

Starting point is 00:26:11 You don't know about this guy? Those little things, they seep into his. You know what's really funny? Look at it, look how red his face is. You know what's funny? You said to attack. I know. I could never be mad at you.

Starting point is 00:26:22 Yeah. It really, it kind of sucks. Yeah, it sucks. Like if one of the Yeah. It really, it kind of sucks. Yeah, it sucks. Like if one of the clowns did it, Yeah. It would be a fight. Do you remember when she was mad at us? Oh yeah.

Starting point is 00:26:31 That was the most heartbreaking two weeks. I broke my heart. It really did hurt my feelings. Yeah, what? It hurt my feelings. What, your mom's a hoe? Yeah. Yeah, it just settled.

Starting point is 00:26:44 Yeah, it just settled. It does just settle. Yeah, it settled right? Now I see the river is. Yeah, yeah. I'm mad. It was, yeah. I knew. No.

Starting point is 00:26:51 That was good. No, never in a million years. Wow, but you planted a seed. Congratulations. It was very good. It was very good. Yeah, yeah, very good. And you know what another thing you do

Starting point is 00:26:58 that drives me crazy, my friend? What? Since we're doing this. Yeah, get it out. What? Why is it when I recommend you something, you never watch it. But when anyone else recommends it, you watch it.

Starting point is 00:27:10 Like what? Like I've been asking you to watch different things and you don't watch it. And I've been telling you. See, see what, like now, notice? Did you notice? I saw. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:27:22 I've been telling you that? Yeah. Go ahead. I've been telling you that. Yeah. Go ahead. I've been telling you I'm busy and I'm so tired that I can't watch any show. It's so funny. Can I kind of counteract that? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:27:34 You live with me. Yeah. Right? Do I have ears? Yeah. Do I hear you playing shit down there? Oh, wah, wah, wah, you know what I mean? Doh, doh, doh, doh, wah, there? All kinds of fucking ages yet. 24 hours a day and she's giggling.

Starting point is 00:27:55 Right, right, right. And I recommend nothing. Nothing. Yeah, it's ticked off. It's different. It is that is you don't ever raise your voice like that to me. OK, it was a different because you can just scroll. You don't ever raise your voice like that to me, okay? Why is it different? Because you can just scroll.

Starting point is 00:28:07 You don't have to think about it. You don't have to actually like watch it. It's just scrolling. I gotta stop. My TikTok time is bad. It consumes my life. One day, I'm not gonna lie, I did six hours. I do too.

Starting point is 00:28:22 That's a lot. It's a lot. Anytime I'm on a flight and it has wifi, I'm TikToking. And the government has us. Well. You wanna enslave us? Well, the good government, the Chinese government,

Starting point is 00:28:32 the good one we love. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the one we love, yeah. Back then they did it with religion, right? Now they're doing it with TikTok. Now they're doing it with TikTok and capitalism. Get ready with me. And we're all slaves, right? And I love it.

Starting point is 00:28:44 Get ready with me to become a Chinese slave. I love being a Chinese slave. Me too, we're there. Nezha. Guys, ever download. Nezha. Did you see it? The what? Nezha. He recommended Nezha, you didn't watch that, did you?

Starting point is 00:28:54 No. Nezha 2 is out, okay? It made $2 billion in China. It's the greatest animation move I've ever seen. You better watch it before they make a third one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What did you say, did we ever what? Did you guys ever download the other TikTok app? What seen. You better watch it before they make a third one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What did you say? Did we ever what? Did you guys ever download the other TikTok app?

Starting point is 00:29:07 What? Red zone or whatever it was? Red line? No. Yeah, red pipes. What is it? The, what is it? It's the red note.

Starting point is 00:29:15 Red note. So was it close? It's- When I said red line, was that close? Did you hear that? It's already in Chinese. It's all in Chinese. Was that close?

Starting point is 00:29:23 Yeah. Thank you. It's named as Tsou Kung Chu, a Chinese social media app that allows users to share and discover different content about fashion, travel, and more. Similar to Instagram, with a layout similar to Pinterest. There was a Mongolian guy in my show,

Starting point is 00:29:36 and I kissed him in the lips. Yeah. And he just came here from Mongolia, and he stood up in petrified and he goes, I don't know what going on. Yeah. Like he was like, I don't know what going on. Like he was like, I don't know what going on. Imagine a Mongolian guy who's like literally never been to the United States.

Starting point is 00:29:52 That's his first trip. Look at that. Look at them. They're all data from fucking goodies. They're still dressed like that. That what a peaceful life. Don't you want to do this with me? Dude, zoom in.

Starting point is 00:30:02 That's so funny. I just realized, look at his hat. I realized why they like Spider-Man. Why? Look at those eyes. That's the closest superhero they have. Might as well do it with Mongolian Spider-Man. Might as well do it, there's a window open.

Starting point is 00:30:19 Let's go. Sparta Ma, come on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, and there's no fucking buildings or trees yeah so they're doing trees and there's maybe trees yeah yeah trees spiderman spiderman from tree to tree you will see anyway this Mongolian spider-man that is kind of it doesn't make sense when you see the mask now. I've never even thought about that. Wow, yeah.

Starting point is 00:30:48 Oh, what a cute guy. And it was Chinese Spider-Man. Yeah, Asian Spider-Man is out there. That's so cute. All right, so what else in your life, Jules? I wanna hear what's going on besides you being tired, which is the narrative that's been happening for the five years I've known you.

Starting point is 00:31:00 I'm just living with little Bobby because of the fires. Yeah. I have all the dogs, school, work. Well, I could see you working at Chick-fil-A, and that would help us because I'd like to eat it more often for free. Yeah. I also want to do that for free food.

Starting point is 00:31:15 Well, then go get a job at Chick-fil-A. There's one near here. Well, I need a visa. Oh yeah, can you buy the five million gold visa for me? What does that mean? Trump says giving us will sell five million gold dollar. Wait, sell $5 million gold card to wealthy foreigners. So you have to pay $5 million. Yeah. And then you get a really easy path to, so apparently it's not even that much money for a lot of people. So it's going to attract like grifter. $5 million is not much money. Every country has a gold visa, which is like, if you invest enough money in the country, you're going to.

Starting point is 00:31:49 Well, I understand that, but this is just your buy, outright buying a visa for 5 million. If you're an entrepreneur who's invested and has work here, then it's different, but this is, you just pay 5 million. Buy a house or whatever it is. Wow. Yeah, but the guy that's doing the rice on his head,

Starting point is 00:32:04 you know what I mean? He can't go. If he had a dollar for every grain. That's true, that is the guy that's doing the rice on his head, you know what I mean? He can't go. If he had a dollar for every grain. That's true, that is true, that's true. We're gonna be selling a gold card. I love that it's a gold card. Yeah, it's crazy. You have a green card, this is a gold card.

Starting point is 00:32:16 I love, dude, he puts everything in toddler perspective. Yeah. You have a green card, this is a gold card. But do you know why he's doing this? Because Elon Musk and the tech stuff, remember? Yeah. And so- You mean all the Doge shit?

Starting point is 00:32:29 What? All the Doge stuff? Like the Doge employees that are clearing out the government? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's a lot of tech people from other lands and then Trump goes, I don't know if we, you know what I mean? And he got, there was a controversy.

Starting point is 00:32:41 So now I think this is a way for them to get in. $5 million is insane. So you're telling me enough people, that's a very limited amount of people that have $5 million laying around. That's why they do it, yeah. But I mean, but then it's like a tease. No one's ever gonna, how many people can really do it?

Starting point is 00:32:59 I mean, I guess Chinese money, maybe a lot. There's a lot of billionaires in China. Doesn't China have the most billionaires in the world? Of course, yeah. Yeah, but they're the most people. I know, but no, but even still per capita they have the most billionaires. Really? By far. We don't even have that many. We have the most billionaires. We do. Yeah. Oh, wow. We're the best. Holy shit. There's Indian billionaires.

Starting point is 00:33:21 Do it. What? I am the Cody King. Yeah, that's it. Do it. Do it. What? I am the Cody King. Yeah, that's it. I will be a billionaire. Wealth and technology, pharmaceuticals and energy. Wow. Wow, Germany. We made a lot of mistakes.

Starting point is 00:33:34 Yeah, yeah. But we're back. Yeah. Russia. Of course. We stole this money and killed, they killed for all that money. Yeah, wow. Russia will kill you. Yeah, wow. Russia will kill you.

Starting point is 00:33:45 Yeah, well... 813 billionaires. Do you want that card, really? I was wrong. I thought... If you gave it... What would you do for us if we got you a five million dollar gold card? And let me preface this by saying we're not doing it. Yeah, yeah, but what...

Starting point is 00:33:58 Well, if you were gonna do it... What would happen? You would do this podcast every week. You're basically buying her. That's like a buy... You bought a human every week. You're basically buying her, that's like a buy, you bought a human. Yeah. That's like you would buy a human,

Starting point is 00:34:08 which by the way, you know this is gonna enact human trafficking, for sure. That's inevitable of what this is gonna do. There's no way this is a positive program. So what, yeah, what could you even offer us if Bobby and I got a bunch of investors to give us enough money to pay for you to become a $5 million gold card citizen,

Starting point is 00:34:24 what do we get in return? I can clean, I can cook, I can wash the dishes. You've never cooked me anything, bitch. Because you never asked. You never kicked me one thing. Today I woke up from my nap, bacon. You cooking bacon? Love bacon.

Starting point is 00:34:42 Yeah, yeah, bacon throughout my house. None for me. You cook bacon and don't leave extra? No. That's insane. Yeah, yeah, bacon throughout my house. Yeah. None for me. You cook bacon and don't leave extra? No. That's insane. Yeah, it's insane. That's crazy. Another thing she does is, do you not like me?

Starting point is 00:34:51 Because even when we live together, we never see each other. That's because I wake up in the morning, you wake up at night. We don't see each other. There is fact that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But even when you're there, trust me, you don't leave.

Starting point is 00:35:05 And what do I give you? Donuts. Old fairy donuts, right? Like the pistachio. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, guess what you've gotten me as a gift. Zero. A burden.

Starting point is 00:35:17 A burden. You're a burden. Trust me, light, let me ask you something. Everyone in the room, when you cook bacon at home, you cook the whole package. No. What? What the fuck are you talking about? What are you talking about? You don't cook the whole thing? I'm not going to eat 15 strips. I know.

Starting point is 00:35:36 I know. Three. No, what you do is you cook the whole thing and then you have some for the dogs and then you have some in the fridge that you make later with a sandwich, so it's cooked already. Oh, that, I never thought of that. It's the best. Every time I do it, you cook the whole fucking, you don't do this? I do it.

Starting point is 00:35:52 I microwave my bacon. Maybe this is some Midwest shit. I've never been into a house back in the day when we were growing up. You always had to have extra bacon, because what she's doing is violating you. She's cooking in your home, not leaving leftovers for you.

Starting point is 00:36:03 It's a complete violation. It's a complete violation. I agree. It's a complete violation. It's a complete violation. I agree. It's a complete violation. You cook the whole fucking sleeve. You leave some for Tito. You give some for the dogs. Here's some to bacon, Tito Bobby.

Starting point is 00:36:11 No, but- Rappa, Rappa, Rappa. Rappa, Rappa. Tito Bobby doesn't even eat like cold stuff already. You heat it up. No, even then he doesn't eat leftovers. Once it's like- Oh my God!

Starting point is 00:36:25 There it is. I don't. You don't? I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't. Baseline fact. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't. But don't say it out loud.

Starting point is 00:36:34 Yeah, don't tell anybody that. No, but honestly, you cook the whole sleeve. Maybe that's in the Midwest because every house you go to, they would cook the whole sleeve. You absolutely wouldn't save it. It doesn't make any sense. Also, once you've opened the package of bacon,

Starting point is 00:36:44 slimy, sloppy, greasy bacon, you put it in the thing, it's a thing, it's a spill, it's a thing, it's a fridge, it's a nightmare. Don't do it. Cook the whole sleeve from now on, you cook the whole packet, and you go, take the baby out, you cook your bacon. And you give some to the dogs.

Starting point is 00:36:56 Or do you not feed the dogs bacon? Let me ask you another question. Who gives the dogs treats? You. Exactly. Do you buy any treats they already have their food no no no yeah she's doing Filipino rules that's insane yeah yeah we're in America get one meal a day yeah I know that's what it

Starting point is 00:37:13 is you have to understand the dog's food the dog's food is to keep it alive treats are to keep it happy and engaged exactly I just give it like once a week what it's insane and also she measures the food you only get this Whatever you We have dog ozempic now, yeah, they do they make it right What's up? What wag govi? Something yeah, that's fucked up. You've gotta feed dogs treats.

Starting point is 00:37:46 That keeps them happy and engaged and fucked. Trust me. My fear is when she leaves one day with the dogs, they look at me with sad eyes. Yeah. They go, daddy. They do. Bye bye.

Starting point is 00:38:00 You know what I mean? Bye bye. Yeah, yeah. I feel so sad about it. You know what you're basically doing? It's like when a prisoner, they slide the meal through the door slot. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:38:07 Giving them regimented door slot. They're not even satisfied by that. That's so they can get through the day. You gotta go get some more treats. And I wanna say another thing, okay? God damn it. Let me just say another thing, okay? They move out of my house, right?

Starting point is 00:38:19 I have a dog, older dog, named Remy. Yeah, I know. Right? Perfectly walking, spine fine. Fine spine. Perfect eyesight. Mm-hmm. The next, I know. All right? Perfectly walking, spine fine. Fine spine. Perfect eyesight. The next time I see it, right? Broken.

Starting point is 00:38:29 Not just broken, 50 pounds less, twisted spine. Oh! Legs, you know what I mean? Gray eyes. He's blind. Gah, gah, gah! I go, what are you doing? You gave a dog spine a bit,

Starting point is 00:38:40 but then made it go blind? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Give it some fucking. No treats, dude, that's why. No, cause he's just getting all the- Okay, you're right. Do you ever give the dog like peanut butter or anything like that?

Starting point is 00:38:50 Sometimes. God, dude, what? The joy, you're like ripping the joy of a dog? There's a pill though that, have you seen that you can extend the dog's life already? I'm buying it already, get on it. Yeah, where is it? Get the pill.

Starting point is 00:39:02 Biohacking your dog's life. Second, oh my God, second drug for canine healthy lifespan extension receives what, a grant? FDA support. Oh! You can do it already. Zoom in.

Starting point is 00:39:11 A developmental drug that aims to extend the healthy lifespan of senior dogs is received in acceptance by the FDA Center for Veterinary Medicine. Oh! For Remy, we gotta get it now. The drug is called LOY002. LOY002 targets age-related metabolic dysfunction

Starting point is 00:39:25 and is also designed to improve quality of life in canines aged 10 years and older, weighing at least 14 pounds. Remy's older than 10. Remy's 10 pounds. One pound, one pound. He's 10 pounds? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:39:36 Well then if you fed him some fucking treats, maybe we could get him the LOY. Well he has to be 12. It says, what did it say? What did it say? It said 14. You gotta fatten up Remy, dude. I wanna get her this.

Starting point is 00:39:46 You gotta get him that. You gotta get him fattened. All right, you want Remy to live? Yeah. We're gonna fatten him up, okay? By the way, fat and happy is the way most people like to live. They like to live like that.

Starting point is 00:39:55 Okay. Yeah. This is great, I wanna buy this immediately. What a great day. How do you inject it though? You inject it or do you feed it? No, no, it seems like it's a pill, right? Or it's something they chew on.

Starting point is 00:40:03 Pill, yeah. By the way, I don't know if you ever have to give your dog pills. We just had to give her pills when we were back home because she was sick. Oh no. But by the way, impossible. She won't eat it.

Starting point is 00:40:13 And we bury it in the treats and the food, still knows it's in there. We'll eat all the treat and then spit out the pill. Yeah. You're fucking genius. She's a genius. It pissed me off. She did it every time.

Starting point is 00:40:22 We buried it, then I put it in a, oh my God, you know the Kong chew toy, you know? And I put it in there with all sorts of fucking bullshit. She cleared it out. Around it. And left the pill. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking little asshole.

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Starting point is 00:43:04 Dude, welcome. Welcome, dude. Welcome, my dog. Good to see you, bro. Good to spell it, B-A-D-F-R-I-E-N-D-S at adamandeve.com. Dude, welcome. Welcome, dude. Welcome, my dog. Good to see you, bro. Good to see you, dude. How are you? Pete, good to meet you, by the way. Usually you say hi to people when you walk in and say-

Starting point is 00:43:12 Yeah, you don't walk in during the headlights. Your boy Pete just walked in and he starts fucking snooping around. Is this your dog? Is this one of your closest friends? Yeah. Yeah. Dude, you have Chinese eyes?

Starting point is 00:43:25 First of all, welcome Dave Bluntz to the show. Thank you. Dave Bluntz, give him a round of applause. You're a rapper. You make fantastic music. Am I the first rapper on here? Yeah. We had MGK on the show.

Starting point is 00:43:38 I don't know if you qualify him. Yeah, yeah, I qualify him for sure. Okay, very good, yeah. He makes music in general, but you do just rap. Yeah, yeah. But you can- A blending of genres, yeah. A blending of genres.

Starting point is 00:43:49 And we'll say for the audience that didn't get to see before, he brought his friend Pete, who's his boy, who's snooping around. Yeah. Hey, I told him to come in here first to check it out, you know what I'm saying? I feel you.

Starting point is 00:43:59 And you know, Pete did his job, but usually people say hello. Pete didn't do that. Pete just aimlessly snuck around. And Pete's your second guy. So you had another white guy before him? Yeah, that's my manager, yeah. Where did you find this white?

Starting point is 00:44:09 Uh, man, he found me. He found you. Yeah. That was pretty easy to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hell yeah, hell yeah. Dave, so you found this, this guy found you, and this is your new manager.

Starting point is 00:44:21 Is he with you? He's with you every day? Pretty much, yeah, every day. You trust this guy? I do with my entire life, yeah. I like to hear that. Yeah. This is your new manager. He's with you every day. Pretty much, yeah, every day. You trust this guy? I do with my entire life, yeah. I like to hear that. This is our manager. This is Rudy.

Starting point is 00:44:30 Say hello to Rudy. Yeah, Rudy, that's our manager. She's a genius. She's a genius. She was the head of Sony at one point. Well. For real? Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:44:37 Oh, shit. This is like an emotion. Yeah, yeah, it's way down. What the hell? Thanks, Dave. How did you end up here? That was good. Okay. Tell them how you end up here? That was good. Okay.

Starting point is 00:44:45 Tell them how you ended up here. Because I don't have a visa. She needs a visa. Yeah, she needs a visa. Okay, but how does that like, with Sony, where that isn't- She doesn't work for Sony. She doesn't work for Sony.

Starting point is 00:44:57 Okay, okay. No, he's fucking around. Okay, my bad. But we are trying to raise, it's his niece. We are trying to raise money to get her a visa, a $5 million gold visa from Trump. We're interested to know if maybe you would want to donate some of the proceeds.

Starting point is 00:45:08 Nah, man, I just got money, man. I got real shit, bro. I'm not in the donator. What's your favorite drink? Water, man, you see, I'm glad you guys got this for me, water. This is my new found favorite drink recently. No alcohol.

Starting point is 00:45:21 I've been on my health journey, you know? Not on alcohol or lean anymore You know I'm saying it's just water for now. Are you smoking weed? No, I quit weed when I was like 20 How old are you? I'm 24. I Was smoking from the time I was like nine to twenty nine nine years old Wow Give us your story about how many got calories is How many when you're nine,. When you're nine, how do you smoke weed at nine? Bruh, I used to hang around older kids, so they were like teenagers and shit.

Starting point is 00:45:52 So yeah. Where'd you grow up? In Iowa, fucking Iowa, middle of nowhere. What, like Des Moines? Nah, nah, it was a town called Davenport. Davenport, Iowa. Oh wow. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:46:03 And you're kicking it with a bunch of trouble making nine year olds and somehow someone has an older brother that wants to smoke weed and you're not. Yeah, ragtag, misfit group of kids. You talk to any of these guys anymore now that you made it? Now that you're on? No, no, no. Not that I changed up on them,

Starting point is 00:46:17 we just grew apart over the years before now. Before now? Yeah. So what is your circle very small now? Yeah, it was pretty big at one point, but you know, a bunch of shit happened. People change up. Yeah, now it's pretty small now, yeah.

Starting point is 00:46:33 You care to share what happened in your circle? Did people steal from you? Nobody was stealing from me. Just using me pretty much, using me. Oh man. I have a show that I do called Bad Friends where my partner uses me pretty much using me. Oh man. I have a show that I do called Bad Friends where my partner uses me very much. You use him?

Starting point is 00:46:49 Yeah, he does. I'm a user. How? He's a user baby. In what ways do you use him? Well, he does all the business. That's right. And I just show up.

Starting point is 00:46:57 That's right. Okay. Would you fire me if that was the case? Well, that's your, is he good at what he does? Very. And you're good at what you do not really the best Okay, well then shit man. It's a give-and-take it is Thing that I cannot say you can see whatever you guys want to make sure I have a fucking gun load. Yeah

Starting point is 00:47:17 Okay, he wants he doesn't have a gun in the building. You know, I don't make sure there's no alright cool No, but it is funny cuz I've seen a clip with him with a gun before. He was like pointing at me. I just want to make sure that there's no. You can say anything you want. But he doesn't have a gun though. I don't have a gun. He does not have a gun.

Starting point is 00:47:33 I have a little tiny yellow gun. Oh, that's, okay. Pew pew. Pew pew. What do you want to say that you can't, that you think? I just want to make sure. Just before I get to going crazy, you know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 00:47:43 And go. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just want to make sure I just before I get to going crazy, you know I'm saying and go Yeah, I mean I've seen some of your work you don't say crazy things I Say pretty crazy. Yeah, he does in my music. Yeah. Yeah Man, thank you. Thanks. Oh shit hard are inward But that's you what you you're black. Yeah, yeah, but they still have a problem with it on Twitter. Oh, they do, okay. They have a problem on Twitter, that's Elon, huh?

Starting point is 00:48:10 Elon doesn't want you saying the N word. I don't like Twitter, man. Twitter is just like, fuck Twitter, man. Fuck Twitter. I don't like Twitter. Well, you can say the N word on here. Go ahead and say it a bunch if you feel like it right now. Okay, thank you. I don't really wanna say nothing I'm putting on the spot.

Starting point is 00:48:23 That's right. I appreciate that though. Yeah, say whatever you want But I'll you know, if I feel like saying at one point then I will but put on the spot right now Like three white guys looking at me. Yeah, I'm cool right now Definitely not three white guys. That's a Mexican guy on the left the Spanish on the right and a vagrant Okay Offend you may say something it's an officer go go ahead say something man. It reminds a vague, okay. I don't want to offend you. May I say something? It's an obvious thing.

Starting point is 00:48:46 Go ahead and say something, man. This reminds me of, remember in The Dark Knight? Dark Knight, yeah, the movie The Dark Knight. It's a great movie. That guy that was in prison, right? And he exploded, look at the cell phone right there. Where? In his belly.

Starting point is 00:48:58 Yeah, it was sticking out, you know what I mean? That brought you back to The Dark Knight? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That situation, remember? Oh, he ate the cell phone. Yeah, he ate the cell phone night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That situation, remember? Oh, he ate the cell phone. Yeah, he had the cell phone in his belly. Yeah, yeah, that's stupid. So dumb.

Starting point is 00:49:11 Boy, I sure have some bad friends. Yeah, you do. Yeah, you do. I'm sorry, it was not funny. Cut it out. No, no, it was funny. Every time he makes a shot at you, you have to take one back.

Starting point is 00:49:20 Yeah, take one back. Hit him, hit him. And I got another one for you. I don't know, man. You're a good guy, man. You're my favorite movie ever. What is that? What's that?

Starting point is 00:49:29 Pineapple Express. Oh, wow. I can't. You had the scene where you were in the van. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't. What the shit, is that fucking Bobby Lee right there? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can't.

Starting point is 00:49:38 And it rewinded like three times. Yeah, I can't. Now you feel bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, right there. Okay, so that's me in Ken Jeong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, in Pineapple Express. Now can I ask you in that movie,

Starting point is 00:49:47 would you like more the Express or the Pineapple? Probably the Pineapple. Pineapple for sure. For sure. Pineapple for sure. You haven't seen the movie, have you? I don't, I have no idea what it is. Okay, yeah, yeah, no, it's not.

Starting point is 00:49:57 We had a whole storyline, and they cut the storyline out. We really did. It's on the- Isn't it like the DVD? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Dave's even seen that

Starting point is 00:50:05 That's how much he loves and respects you and here you are shitting on him saying he eats Oh, you know I used to watch mad TV as a kid Wow you did yes Oh, I told you I said what you said he was eating a cell phone No, I just were it's the visual remind me of the movie cell phones. I don't need cell phones, man I saw you eat tell him that you don't eat cell phone. I don't eat cell phones. Can I guess? Go ahead and guess. Waffles. You like waffles? Blueberry waffles, yeah.

Starting point is 00:50:28 I'm a blue waffle fan of the blue waffle. Love blueberry. Fried chicken. All right. Everybody eats fried chicken. I love it too, I had it last night. What else? You do, I like this game.

Starting point is 00:50:39 What do you think he eats? Probably Chipotle. Nah, I've never had Chipotle. You're not good at this game. You've never had Chipotle. You're not good at this game. You've never had Chipotle? Nah. That is shocking to me. I've never met someone that hasn't had Chipotle in my life.

Starting point is 00:50:51 Do you like tacos? Nah, not really. Collard greens. Yeah, see, he's pretty good at this game. Yeah? Or not. Okay, what else? Go ahead, Bob. Take it away.

Starting point is 00:51:02 Why are you covering your face? Memphis barbecue. Why is he covering his face? Because we'll put another image in here. Yeah, I want to put another image in here because I feel like what I'm saying is bad. Okay, okay. Yeah. What would I eat?

Starting point is 00:51:13 Go ahead. This is your shot. Rice. It hurts, but I love it. Now we're on the same playing field. Okay, eat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, come on, come on.

Starting point is 00:51:23 Get deep. Shit. That's right. Shit. We eat shit. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, come on. Come on. Go get get it get deep. Um shit. That's right Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, what else baby? Come on? Um, I don't want to say the obvious ones say it like that So I'm saying you should commit to that though. Say it. Yeah. Yeah. All right, fuck it feline cats Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Hell yeah at night. He turnseline cats. Meow. Yeah, yeah. Hell yeah. At night he turns into one. At midnight he'll be like, yeah.

Starting point is 00:51:47 Yeah, I do. Yeah. This is funny. If you say fucked up shit in your, on your, like in your raps and on YouTube, but you're a very reserved, calm, sweet guy in life, you don't have that, uh... I only use it when I need to, you know? I don't really feel like I don't see Bobby Lee as a threat. No, right.

Starting point is 00:52:03 You know what I'm saying? I don't feel offended by anything he's saying. You like a threat. No, right. You know I'm saying I don't feel offended by anything He's saying you like me. Yeah, I'm a fan I'm a fan for I'm fanned out right now. Oh, wow. Well, that's great. Yeah, so um, what kind of size mattress? What what type of size mattress are you sleeping on Bobby I thought you sleep on the twin grip for about yeah Yeah, yeah. You know, I'll say that was rude. Honestly, I want to be honest with you.

Starting point is 00:52:28 Well, we're not going to cut it out. Why? Because you asked a real question. Yeah, and what I want to say to you is this. You sleep on a twin mattress? That's very good. See what I mean? He's opening up.

Starting point is 00:52:39 Well, it's actually a- Okay, I feel like you have like a car bed or some shit. He has like a very like kiddies type bed. Yeah, there we go. You know, you come in here and I'm being a child and I'm like, I'm gonna just state the obvious. You have child-like- He is a talented young man.

Starting point is 00:52:57 Yes, sir. He's extremely likable. I could see you on a sitcom. Me too. Yeah. You wanna act? Yeah, at some point, yeah. Let's do a scene. All right. Yeah. You wanna act? Yeah, at some point. Let's do a scene.

Starting point is 00:53:06 All right. The title of the sitcom, way different strokes. Way different strokes, okay. Or it might have a stroke. Yeah, it might have a stroke. Why does it have a stroke? Okay, go ahead, go ahead. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:53:19 But let's have your character name for the show. That's Sheila. Yeah, yeah. That's Marmaduke. Okay. Hi, Marmaduke. That's Marmaduke. Okay. I'm Marmaduke. That's Marmaduke. Hello, hello.

Starting point is 00:53:28 And what racist name are you guys gonna give me? Jerome. I'm Uncle Bub. Okay. You can name yourself. And you name yourself. Jerome. Jerome, yeah, that's good.

Starting point is 00:53:36 I'll take it, man. All right, I'm Uncle Bub. That's Marmaduke, and that's Sheila. Hi, Jerome. Hey, Jerome. You wanna have breakfast? You wanna sit down and have breakfast with us? Well, shit, I don't know if I really wanna have breakfast today, I'm already.

Starting point is 00:53:49 Let me stop you right there. Yeah. I can't. I got a name like Jerome, I have to be. I like it, that's a great choice. It's a little too Steve Harvey for me. No, no, stop, stop the process. Hi, Jerome, what'd you have for breakfast?

Starting point is 00:54:03 Well, shit, I already had me some grits before I came downstairs, so I don't really know if I'm too hungry today. I made you some breakfast. Wow, thank you, I appreciate that very much, but like I said before, I already had me some. It's grape flavored ozempic. Oh my god. Hey, Uncle Bub here. Kids, get your stuff. We can finally get out of these housing projects.

Starting point is 00:54:29 We gotta go. Hold on, this communist bastard just offered me some fucking. Don't call me communist, Uncle Jerome. I'm from Cleveland. I think it's a hit. What's that, Lee? That's Sheila. Sheila, you don't see nothing?

Starting point is 00:54:42 Jerome, do you want blueberry waffles? Very good, Sheila. Very good, Sheila. I can't finish mine. How many did you make, Sheila? I made 10. You made 10 waffles. How many did you eat?

Starting point is 00:54:56 One. All right, nine for you. So you want the- I'm gonna make 30 more. All right. Marmaduke. I'm in a mood. You are. I'm in amaduke. I'm in a mood. You are.

Starting point is 00:55:07 I'm in a real mood, I'm sorry there, Jerome. Well listen, I want you kids to work this out when I go to work. Okay, bye. Bye. Dad, dad, say bye to dad. All right, Pops, I'll see you later. Bye bye, Pops.

Starting point is 00:55:19 I love you the most, Jamal, you know that. Thank you, but my name's Jerome. Well. In this house, you're Jamal. Yeah, all right. You get your own house, you can call yourself whatever you want. Just me and dad, leave. I love you.

Starting point is 00:55:31 We can get ready for school, bye dad. I love you. You motherfucker. And then when he leaves, I change to my real voice. There it is. I'm not going for none of that shit no more. Yeah? Well, I'm tired of using your fat as a blanket.

Starting point is 00:55:42 I'm tired of you peeing in mason jars and hiding in your bedroom. It stinks up there. You know what, Jerome? I love you. Fuck you. And then the credits go down. Credit, wow.

Starting point is 00:55:59 TV continues. Well, call ABC. Yeah, there's a show somewhere. If we can get that. Sony, call your friends at Sony. There's a show somewhere. Dave, what's the deal?, call your friends at Sony. There's a show somewhere there. Dave, what's the deal? Are you on tour?

Starting point is 00:56:08 I'm getting ready to go on tour. You are? Yes, and I'm going, it's gonna be the best tour ever. Who opens for you on tour? We're still setting all that shit up. But yeah, I'm going on tour April 12th. It begins.

Starting point is 00:56:21 April 12th. Yeah. Inglewood, you start here in Inglewood, California? No, no. I started in Phoenix, I believe. Phoenix, there we go. Yeah. Dallas. Wow, so could we come to it?

Starting point is 00:56:31 Would we get comped or backstage, all that stuff? Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Shit, you wanna come to the Santa Ana show? Yeah, Santa Ana, we should do that in May. Yeah. Let's go to the Santa Ana show, dude. Hell yeah.

Starting point is 00:56:42 That'd be fun. It's a consolation room. Are you selling good tickets right now, huh? You're killing it. That shit's selling Ana show, dude. Hell yeah. That'd be fun. It's a consolation room. Are you selling good tickets right now, huh? You're killing it. That shit's selling pretty good, yeah. They're coming because they want to see the crowd surf. Yeah, they want to see you crowd surf. Yeah, I announced that I'm going to be crowd surfing

Starting point is 00:56:54 at one city on the tour. I don't know what city it is. It's just going to speak to me in the moment. I got to be honest with you. I don't know. Why is he laughing? I'm not too sure what, I said that's funny. Well, no, I was just.

Starting point is 00:57:04 What's funny? No, no, no, no, no's funny. Well, no, I was just. What's funny? No, no, no, no, no, no. Boy, I sure have some bad friends. Yes, you do. Very good, very good. That's the name of the show. I love you, too. Signs right there.

Starting point is 00:57:13 I do think I am curious to how the mechanics are gonna work. Of what? On you surfing in a crowd. Yeah, man, I mean, shit, my fans are going to hold me up as I dive into the crowd You're gonna jump from the stage. So you're fine triple H the rock

Starting point is 00:57:31 Bodybuilder I mean, I mean, I hope that the rock is a fan of me there Arnold Schwarzenegger, I mean who's there dude. I mean Dave. Let me listen my man. I was like a 12 year old skinny kid there, dude. I mean, Dave, let me listen. My fans like a 12 year old skinny kid. What the fuck? It's kind of like when you know, a mom can move a car, you know, yeah, listen, my fans, I don't have bitch ass fans, bro. Okay, my fans are like really strong minded. And so I feel like that'll just transfer over. Okay, so physical strength. Tell me this you have

Starting point is 00:58:04 you ever crowd surfed before? No, no, hell no. Okay, but you are gonna do it at one of these shows. Andrew. Yeah. Talk him out of it. What is he, okay. Talk him out of it. What is he saying?

Starting point is 00:58:14 He's asking me to talk you out of doing it. I'd say that, I'd say that, what the fuck, that's crazy. He said, talk him out of it. Nah, nah, there's no talking me out of it. He's saying, please, dead serious, please talk him out of it. I'm just gonna die. Someone's gonna die is what he said.

Starting point is 00:58:25 They can hear you in the mic now. Dave, you're gonna pick a show to do this. You're gonna crowd surf. You're gonna jump from the stage. Yes, yes, sir. Wow. That brave man. I mean, I don't wanna crowd surf.

Starting point is 00:58:34 I'm afraid of breaking neck. You don't want him to do it. What is he like? Why is he talking to you and not? Because he- I'll tell you why. Okay. Can I tell you why?

Starting point is 00:58:44 Go ahead, go ahead. My bud. My bud. I feel like I'm being you why okay. Can I tell you why go ahead go ahead bud? My bud I feel like I'm being the mean one. Yeah, and he's playing the nice guy. It's good cop bad cop Yeah, yeah, and I feel like the things I'm saying I'm gonna get fucking lynched for not lynched Two days after black history crucified crucified forcified, crucified for. Honestly, I swear to God that wasn't a thing. Interesting choice of words. I swear to God that wasn't a thing, I swear to God. I swear to God. Oh, I get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:59:12 I'm gonna be crucified for and you're gonna be the saint. Here's what it is. You feel like society's gonna move you to the back of the bus. Better, better than Lynch. That's better than Lynch. That's what I feel like, yeah, yeah. That was a good one, but it, better than Lynch. That's better than Lynch. That's what I feel like, yeah, yeah. That was a good one, but it was better than Lynch.

Starting point is 00:59:28 You feel like the whole country is gonna see this and they're gonna sick dogs on you. Is that what you're? That's what I'm saying. You feel like people are gonna watch this show and go, Andrew seems to be getting along with Dave. Bobby, we should hit with a fucking fire hose. Yes.

Starting point is 00:59:44 These are all things that have happened to black people. What? No. That's me, you know what? Oh, that's funny, it's funny. I'm not a soft ass bitch. I know you're not, and I'll tell you something, right? This is serious business.

Starting point is 00:59:59 We're talking about serious business. Okay, let's get to the serious business. And what I'm saying to you is that, you know what I mean, the civil rights movement. It was... What about it? What are you mean, at the civil rights moment. It was. What about it? What are you just saying, the civil rights, what about it? What I'm saying is that, you know what I mean,

Starting point is 01:00:11 we fought hard, you know what I mean, and lost heart. Who is, you, who is we? I'm, I'm. What were you doing during this time? He was actually a yellow panther. He was around back then. Yellow panther, okay. Well, I did my own speech.

Starting point is 01:00:24 Okay. You wanna hear it? Hate speech? No, I did my own speech. Okay, you want to hear it hate speech? No, you want to hear my you want to hear my speech? Had a dreaming That white people would do the all laundry I Had my own speech that night. Okay that night. Yeah night. What specific night? What you know me when the civil rights movement was not just one night the dark night? What specific night? You know what I mean, when chocolate- The Civil Rights Movement was not just one night.

Starting point is 01:00:44 The Dark Night. He's talking about the Dark Night. I feel like he thinks it was just one singular night. It's so right. It was the Dark Night. Okay, oh yeah. Yeah, so when Martin Luther had this great speech, I did my own speech.

Starting point is 01:00:53 Okay. At a Chinese restaurant. Yeah. It was four people there. Yeah. But, you know what I mean, it moved those four. Yeah. Yeah, it really did.

Starting point is 01:01:01 Okay, oh yeah. I'm telling you, but we're bonding worlds here. We're bonding, really, we're like, do you prefer, like, let's see you and I win a war. That's excellent, okay, go ahead, go ahead. Let's see you and I win a war. Okay, we're in a war. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:01:14 Yeah. I'm fine. Wait, before I, can I just say something because you mentioned war? Yeah. Did you know that now they're not gonna allow transgender people in the military? That's pretty crazy. That's crazy.

Starting point is 01:01:26 How do you feel about it? How do you feel about it? Well shit, I don't really, shit, I don't go to war with any of these bitches. Bad rap. That's right, I get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a pretty good, you guys like that one?

Starting point is 01:01:37 That's a really good one. That's a really good use of the word. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, it's a really good one. I've been, yeah. I've got that line up. I've been working on that joke. Bitch ass N.

Starting point is 01:01:44 Yeah. I've wanted to use those three words so bad in conjunction. it's really good. I've been yeah, I've got that lineup. I've been working on that bitch ass And yeah, I've wanted to use those three words so bad in conjunction. It's pretty good, man I like saying those words say it all I just got it Andrew say and I want you to say it right a sequel to a movie and tell me the movie that he needs to be in yeah a Sequel to a movie that he needs to be in fences that he needs to be in? Yeah. A sequel to a movie that he needs to be in? Mm-hmm. Fences. Yeah! Wow, that's...

Starting point is 01:02:09 Fences. Wow. Fences. Yeah. Did anyone win an Oscar? What? Did anyone win an Oscar for that movie? Yes.

Starting point is 01:02:20 Driving Miss Daisy? Come on, man. Boy, I sure have some bad friends. There we go. I have a little dick. Okay, all right. Look at me, little guy. A big guy. Whatever. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 01:02:30 I have a little dick. I have malfunctions in my body, right? A malfunction? Yeah, and I've had people tease me in my whole life. Why are you talking about your body like it's a machine? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've had bull- I've been bullied. Okay, yeah.

Starting point is 01:02:44 I've seen it. And we have the same cause. Same cause? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been bullied. Okay, yeah, I've seen it. We have the same cause. Same cause? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You mean same cause. We're in the same group. I don't think I wanna be in that group. Yeah, yeah, but you are.

Starting point is 01:02:54 I don't think I'm in that group. I'm in a group, it's not that group. You remember when we used to, in casting directors, you'd be like, we're looking for white, Hispanic, and other. Right, you're other. We're other. Okay, I'll take that.

Starting point is 01:03:04 He's saying, bonding you as minorities is what he's saying. Yeah, we're other dudes. Okay, for sure, other. Right, you're other. We're other. Okay, I'll take that. He's saying, bonding you as minorities as well. Yeah, we're other, dude. Okay, for sure, yeah. I feel it, man. Minorities, for sure. And you're a success. And you're killing it. Thank you.

Starting point is 01:03:15 What a resilient young man. Thank you, you know, of all, against all odds, I'm doing it. Yeah, dude. Yeah. Resilient. Oxygen tank on stage. Yeah, you don't have one now. No, I'm doing pretty good right now

Starting point is 01:03:27 I'm in I'm on my health journey, you know, I've put down the cup and I've picked up the water So no more no more Promethazine. Oh, I'm not gonna say no more. There's a picture right? Hold on. Yeah You literally have an oxygen. Yeah. Yeah, that was front of 20,000 people my god more than that probably yeah United so let's be real for a second. It's my hometown Yeah, Shirek. Okay. Can we help you? I don't think I need help with anything Because yeah, I'll be real with you and this is and I see I say so boy No, I'm not gonna say any bullshit. I'm not gonna say any bullshit. I'm gonna go ahead go ahead

Starting point is 01:04:01 No, because you know, I was dear friends with Ralphie. Yes. And I never said anything. Rest in peace. I never said anything. Right. Yeah, and I've always regretted that I didn't. It's like, when people have a drug addiction at the store, I always go up to them,

Starting point is 01:04:15 if you ever want to go to a meeting, I'll take you. And I always do. Well, for your reference, Bobby isn't. A recovering alcoholic. Yeah, I know that for sure. So what I'm saying is that, jokes aside, is there anything we can do? Because it's like, at the end of the day,

Starting point is 01:04:27 we want you to get healthy here. Mm-hmm, and I'm working on that, you know? But what are you doing? What am I doing? I'm exercising, eating correctly. Okay, good. Drinking a lot of water. Good, good, good, good.

Starting point is 01:04:38 You know, I recently got out of the hospital and that was like a wake-up call for me of sorts. What happened? What happened that made you go to the hospital? Bunch of bullshit. But yeah, I'm doing good now. You're fine. You're fine.

Starting point is 01:04:50 Did you have a serious incident that made you go to the hospital that? Yeah. But I'm chilling now. You know what I'm saying? I'm making the changes. What he's saying is we want Dave Blunt's around. We think you're very talented.

Starting point is 01:05:01 I appreciate that. I think you're very talented. I think what you can do for me is just emotional support. There you go. You know what I'm saying? A couple atta boys claps. Atta boys. Atta boy.

Starting point is 01:05:11 And yeah. So are your parents still together? My mom, well my dad passed away when I was young. I'm so sorry. My mom, she's my everything. His dad died too. Yeah, I'm so sorry, buddy. Rest in peace.

Starting point is 01:05:21 Another thing you have in common. We have so much in common. We might be like. Bloodhurt. Did we just become bad friends? Yeah, yeah we so sorry, buddy. Rest in peace. Another thing you have in common. We have so much in common. We might be like, Bro, blood hurt. Did we just become bad friends? Yeah, yeah, we did, yeah. I wanna do a movie called War Babies with you. War Babies, yeah, I'm not gonna war any of these.

Starting point is 01:05:34 No, our father was black, and he did a couple of wars in different places. He was a love war. And then we're offspring of that black man. I'd watch that movie. I feel like we could sell that. I don't know if you could. Yeah, yeah, I don't think so.

Starting point is 01:05:49 Not just like Netflix. We could probably do a 2B release. I would love to see it. I think we could do a 2B release, you know, Plex, free movies and stuff. I feel like it might end up on YouTube. It's gonna be a YouTube film. War babies.

Starting point is 01:06:00 So you live in LA, where do you live? I live in LA now. I recently moved here, well, back in June I moved here. You like it? Yeah, I didn't like it at first. Then I went back home to visit and I'm like, I ain't gonna have to fuck out of here and get back to LA. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:06:12 So now I love it, this is my new home now. Good, dude. You're gonna be touring from here, it's hard to tour from LA. There's two guys that tour from LA, it's tough, I will say. What do you mean, it's hard? Well, I mean, you're flying across the country and you're- Oh no, I don't fly, fuck all that.

Starting point is 01:06:24 I'm going on a tour bus. Oh, okay, so you're flying across the country and you're- Oh, no, I don't fly. Fuck all that. I'm going on a tour bus. Oh, okay, so you- When's the last time you flown? When I came here. When I came here, when I did to the Chicago, like the fucking United Center, we drove there, bro. That was 30 hours. That was the worst mistake of my fucking life.

Starting point is 01:06:39 That's a far drive. Yeah, bro, I was on the fucking- I'm not trying to be funny. Oh, just, can I just finish for free? Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead. So yeah, man, we drove there and it was in a Sprinter van. Far drive. Yeah, bro. I was on the fucking not trying to be funny. Oh, I just can't finish So yeah, man, we drove there and it was in a Sprinter van. Why does he look like he can't like are you good? Why did you like get away from the mic and like turn I'm really listening, okay But no, you're not like you was you turned away. I've slanted ears, too Oh, okay. All right, I believe it this way. God you're being racist

Starting point is 01:07:03 Yeah, all right. I like that jacket it this way. God, you're being racist. Yeah, all right, all right. I like that jacket by the way. But, nah man, yeah, it was in a fucking Sprinter van and that shit sucked. It was 30 hours, nonstop driving, we didn't stop at all. And the fucking seatbelt buckle was poking me in my ass, at least I hope it was a seatbelt buckle. Right, never know what a Sprinter van is.

Starting point is 01:07:21 But now you're gonna be on a tour bus. Yeah. We did the tour bus, him and I did. Yeah, we did. And you can't poo. I swear I've heard you can't shit on the bus. But now you're gonna be on a tour bus. Yeah. We did the tour bus, him and I did. Yeah, we did. And you can't poo. I've heard you can't shit on the bus. Yeah, you can't shit. I've seen that in the show.

Starting point is 01:07:30 Well, you physically can't. It's also an uncomfortable, the bathroom is small, the toilet's against the door. You can't do it. Yeah. You cannot do it. Mine's got a pretty big bathroom in it though. Really?

Starting point is 01:07:41 Yeah. Okay, because ours didn't definitely not have a big bathroom. We had to put shit in the shower because we ran out of storage space. But go ahead and ask the question. I don't want to. Go ahead. I can't. I can't. Why? The time passed and it's like it's rude and I don't like it. What was it? I don't like it. Yeah. I can't. It's the timing. You know how in comedy there's timing? Yeah. Comedic time. Yeah. Yeah. It had to be there. I don't have the confidence to say it. I'm gonna guess... Yeah. As a comedian. Okay, good. I'm gonna guess that it had something to do with the flight. Oh yeah, we can talk about that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's talk about it.

Starting point is 01:08:13 It wasn't gonna be funny, but I was just curious about... When people see you get on the plane, do they get scared? I mean imagine it. My uncle in Germany who's bigger than you have to buy the whole aisle. The whole aisle? Like the aisle that people walk down. No, the row. The row, the row.

Starting point is 01:08:35 The whole row. No, you get the row, right? No, two seats though, two seats, not the row. Okay. Not the row. Good. Not the row. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:08:44 And they don't get scared, so that's good. I've answered my uncle, no. I the row. Good. Not the row. Yeah, yeah. And they don't get scared, so that's good. I've answered my uncle. No. I love you. Do you have a girlfriend? We recently just broke up. Oh no. You're free.

Starting point is 01:08:53 Yeah. You're free, dude. You broke up with her, right? How did that happen? Uh, yes. You like the white stuff? Kinda, it was like a mutual thing. You like the white stuff.

Starting point is 01:09:03 What flavor? Yeah, what flavor do you like? Man, come on, bro. What flavor? You like vanilla? Give me it, it was like a mutual thing. You like the white stuff. What flavor, yeah, what flavor do you like? Man, come on, bro. What flavor, you like vanilla? Give me it, man. I'll give it right now. French vanilla, I bet. Okay, it's not even necessarily white.

Starting point is 01:09:12 That's just my track record, is white. I'm attracted to all of them, you know, but- But not Rocky Rowland. I shoot for black, but I land at white. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You're an LA now guy? I don't really like LA women, man.

Starting point is 01:09:26 I usually go outside of LA for the women. You like Chatsworth? Chatsworth? What's that? What do you mean, surrounding Los Angeles? You mean out of California as a whole? No, I usually be like flying bitches out type shit. You be flying bitches out.

Starting point is 01:09:40 Oh, shit, that's the best way dog. Yes sir. Congratulations, Claire. We gotta fly these bitches dog. Yes, sir. Congratulations, Claire. We gotta fly these bitches out. Yeah, you gotta fly them out. And you putting them up first class? Nah. No.

Starting point is 01:09:51 Coach, right? Coach, baby. Spirit flight. Spirit, yeah, spirit middle. And what if they, cause he likes to, he often, not, sorry. Sometimes Bobby has friends that fly out. Okay.

Starting point is 01:10:02 But I'm curious to know, do they stay in a hotel or they stay at your house? They stay with me, man. What if they say, I want a hotel? Would you get them a hotel? Those ones I usually just go, ah, I don't think it's gonna work out. It's not gonna work out?

Starting point is 01:10:13 Yeah. You know what, you know the signs. He knows the signs. Yeah. You know when they're using you? No, no, I don't. Now, no, I don't. What do you mean?

Starting point is 01:10:22 I don't know when they're using me. Oh, you don't know? It's hard for me to tell sometimes. Sometimes they do. Sometimes they do, yeah. So you've flown somebody out. Most of the time they do. You've flown somebody out.

Starting point is 01:10:30 Yes. And you realize that they were using you. Yes. And that hurts. That hurts. It hurt because she was living with me, yeah. Oh. Yeah, yeah, I know, I know.

Starting point is 01:10:38 Oh, man. But that's happened, has it not happened to me? It has, damn. It has? He's gone through that. And so, did they ask for money and shit? Yeah. And they say, will you buy me shit? Yeah. But these ones, man, these are like real trench bitches. Do you know what a trench bitch is? I can guess. Google a trench bitch farm. I don't

Starting point is 01:10:54 think you'll be able to find it. Something from like World War II pop up. Oh, that's a song. Who sings that? Oh, Black Youngster. Black Youngst- Yeah. Yeah. Black Youngst- Let's see photos of some trench bitches. Let me read the lyrics, please. Oh, shoot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't know this was a song. I put my life on the line, I'ma break up with you ho.

Starting point is 01:11:11 Don't do it white, do it like they do it. Let's go. Maybe we should sing it together. Yeah. I put my life on the line, I'ma break up with you ho. It's over. You've been disrespectful. I hope Crazy House come get you ho.

Starting point is 01:11:22 Pistol by the dresser, cause I'm sleeping by my pistol, ho I don't tongue wrestle when you speaking on my bitches, ho I can't put I can't put my bitch before my bro cuz my bro, that's my bro But my bro, he got a no then he can't disrespect my ho. She ain't just no wait She ain't just no any ho she's something like my mind ho even though she my side bitch, I buy her a Range Rover. Wow. That's really good.

Starting point is 01:11:48 That was good, that was good. Yeah, that was really good. I like how you did the Rover thing. Rover, yeah. And he didn't even do that, I wrote that for you, black youngster, so reach out to me. Can I see a photo of a trench ho?

Starting point is 01:11:57 Wait, hold on, hold on, the next lyric literally says, trench bitch. Trench bitch. She don't give a fuck about rich bitch. I keep my, oh, so you like a trench bitch. This means she is- She's from the trenches. She's from the streets.

Starting point is 01:12:09 The trenches. Right. The trenches, yeah. She's not used to luxury lifestyle. Our generation calls them real ones. Yeah, yeah, the real ones. Trench bitches, yeah. Anyway- Well, listen up, Dave Bluntz.

Starting point is 01:12:21 You gotta come back here. You gotta come back. Yeah. We love you. Do you have any burning questions to ask us before we wrap up the show? Well, listen up, Dave Blunt. You gotta come back here. You gotta come back. Yeah. We love you. Do you have any burning questions to ask us before we wrap up the show? Anything that you wanted to say? Well, I do want to ask, man,

Starting point is 01:12:32 when we get in a new season, Dave. Oh, never, it's over. It's over? Seriously, it's over? Yeah. Like, bro, no, come on. No, it's done. That was one of the things,

Starting point is 01:12:41 that's one of the requirements when Hamas returned the Israeli That's a true story no no when Hamas returned the hostages they said but no more date no more date And that was part of the deal is it seriously done my night. I know bullshit. No it is. That's my favorite Oh, I'm sorry. It's done. Yeah, it's damn. He kind of left on like a cliffhanger almost. Yeah. Well blame Hamas blame Hamas How come you didn't get Bobby a role in the show that's a really interesting That's a really interesting question That I'd really never had the answer to I mean I can give you the answer good

Starting point is 01:13:18 We really only worked with people that really kind of were you know What that was like legit actors. Aw. The show was filled with really good actors. Gator wasn't even, he had no roles before that. Yeah, no, that's right. I was being facetious. No, you know, I had no control over the show.

Starting point is 01:13:34 I wish I could have got Bob on the show, but he... Dave doesn't like me. Dave doesn't like you, that's right. Seriously? Let's just move on. No, dude, no. Hollywood doesn't really work that way. It doesn't work that way.

Starting point is 01:13:44 Well, I wish it did, but if it was my show, clearly, we're making our own shows together, but when you're on somebody else's show, you can- You guys are having a show together? Yeah, we have a Hulu animated show. We do, and we have a game. And we would love to have you in it. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:13:55 Hey, hell yeah, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shit, yeah, let me know, I'm down. You'll play Jerome. Hell yeah. No, we'll make him like a pixie or something. What's the, okay. What is the animated show about, if you guys want to.

Starting point is 01:14:06 We can't leak it yet. Okay, okay, okay. But we'll, I swear to God, we're gonna use you. Dave's on tour, go to, what is it, davebluntz.com? Dot co, dot co, some bastard took dot com. We gotta get that. Oh, we gotta get them.

Starting point is 01:14:19 Yeah, davebluntz.co. Go to davebluntz.co, he's gonna be down there in the Crescent Ballroom. Oh, Phoenix love, dude. House of Blues, Cambridge. He's going to Texas there, a bunch of Texas dates, Atlanta, and New York, the Market Hotel in New York. Well, Dave, do me a big favor.

Starting point is 01:14:36 We appreciate you being on the show. We end the show by you saying something that you really feel deep in your heart to Rudy Jules. If it's a truth, you need to tell her, or something very powerful. Give her a powerful message. To her? She's young, yeah, she needs kind of a little bit of advice.

Starting point is 01:14:51 How old is she? What are you, six? Yeah. Yes, six. No, she's 20, what, two? 23. 23. Okay.

Starting point is 01:14:59 Give her some life advice that you've learned. Life advice, you know, shit, you know, you're in your 20s. This is the time to fuck up and make all the mistakes. Do drugs, be in a relationship that's bad for you. You know what I'm saying? This is the time to do it now. Yeah. So when you're 30, like, you've been through shit, you're like, all right, now it's time for me to,

Starting point is 01:15:20 you know, be a good person, citizen. Level out. So, yeah, yeah. Level out. I like that. So yeah, yeah. Now I want you to look in that camera right there and say thank you for being a bad friend. Thank you for being a bad friend. Woo, yeah, woo, yeah

Bad Friends - Asian Joker v Dave Blunts

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