Bad Friends - Bad Friends Battle Rap

Starting point is 00:00:00 You two are bad friends. You are these two idiots. Woo! Like, dude, you're an Asian dude. Woo! You two are disgusting. Woo! Are you two or something?

Starting point is 00:00:10 Bad friends. Can I tell you I went to something like a belly room, and I knew he was in the audience, and he really wanted to see all of us go up. Yeah. And the belly room has a window to the main room, so I knew you just went on stage. So I bring McConaughey, I could tell he doesn't know

Starting point is 00:00:24 how to get anywhere. Yeah. so I take them down the back Stairwell through the kitchen to get to the main room and when we get in the kitchen he goes Wow Wait, stop sorry, you're messed up the time People are gonna think he burped if they're listening Do it again. I feel like you're gonna do something else. No, I'm not, I'm not. Do it again.

Starting point is 00:00:50 Okay, so I bring him down the stairwell to get to the main room. And right when we get down there, he goes. No! Sorry, sometimes I get... Day terrors. I knew that was gonna happen. Let me get the straight. So he was upstairs in the belly room. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:01:09 Through the little window, he heard, I heard it. You heard Santino being announced in the main room? I text him. Santino's on the screen right now. Exactly. So then you go, let's go. But he went ahead of you?

Starting point is 00:01:19 No, no, he was like, he saw the text and he looked up and he's like, like, I don't know what to do with myself. Right. And then he went down to the kitchen. I wave and I, I, oh, like I don't know what to do with myself. Right. And then he went down to the kitchen. I weigh that I, I, I, I showed him how to get down the kitchen. And then when he went to the kitchen, he went, let me get the, get this, he went.

Starting point is 00:01:32 Whoa. No, he went. Wow. Wow. Wow. Not well. Wow. And is there a panda in it or ninja assassin?

Starting point is 00:01:41 Did anything happen in the story? Well, that's why I was like, why is he so amazed by the kitchen, but he just really loved that place. Why don't you make up that story again and tell it to me? Can we just let that story sink in for a second? Yeah, it's sunk in on me. It's sunk. Why don't we get, do we know any writers?

Starting point is 00:02:00 I know, because they're on strike. They're on strike. Yeah, bring them in here. Maybe we could write this down and maybe this is a movie. That's how interesting your story is. Kind of sounds like a film. It's a film. We got to get Mel Gibson in it.

Starting point is 00:02:11 He's in already. Oh, right. We should get Steven Segal. He'll do it. Yeah, yeah. They're the bartender. It's an action adventure or comedy. It's got everything.

Starting point is 00:02:19 Thriller. I was a roller coaster. It was the level of the movies you guys are doing. I know, I know, because when he was going on the stage with the kitchen. I was like, oh, that's the end of the story. Yeah, that's right Then you then you am night channel Wait, is this your one year episode? Yeah, let's give it up for Jetsky one year. She's been on the show. Wait, is this your one year episode? Yeah. Let's give it up for Jetsy. One year she's been on the show.

Starting point is 00:02:47 Your last episode. I ain't gonna say that fucking story. We're really not coming through. That's just, yeah. McCone's lurking in the back. Fancy, don't ever leave the board again. That's like when you leave the boat. I don't want the captain to leave the wheel.

Starting point is 00:02:58 Don't let one of the skippers fucking take the wheel. You know, I don't want to crash, port side. Congratulations on one calendar year being on the show. Yeah, I have a last longer I have a story give it So oh my god, so today I woke up this morning where I got up for my bed and you can't believe what happened I went down my hallway and I got a cup of coffee Wow, oh yeah, I went whoa whoa. Yeah, that's a good story. Thank you, man Tell you tell me one

Starting point is 00:03:32 My dog jumped up on the ottoman oh Wait and she spun around and then sat down only fuck and she looked back at me and I was like wow Pretty cool. Whoa, dude pretty cool. dude. Pretty cool. Whoa, dude. Pretty cool. It's pretty cool, story, dude. I worked late last night. I worked a regular shit. It's just like that, senpai.

Starting point is 00:03:52 That's it. I'm sick. I want to go back to theaters. Where did you work at the store? Yes, I worked at the store last night. I worked back door at the store. You were stressed out. I was really stressed out.

Starting point is 00:04:02 Why can't you leave? Bobby was stressed out because Kanye was there and nobody recognized him. Kanye was there. What did you stop? What did you say? You told me, nobody recognizes me tonight this sucks. That's not what he said.

Starting point is 00:04:13 Yes, that's not what I said. And you're full of that blasphemy. That's not what I said. Was Kanye there? Kanye was there. What was Kanye was there? What was Kanye was there? Yeah, what was Kanye?

Starting point is 00:04:22 Will I am? Will I am and Kanye was there? The weekends were there. Colley was there. Yeah, Colley was there. I am and Kanye is the weekends were there Collie was there. Yeah, Collie was there. Yeah, everyone call me. I Know Mako no Sui. Oh, tell it quality. Yeah, Talib quality was there. Yeah, well with Kanye And we're not together They were all there and I did not say that I just said That's not what I said kind of though. It's not kind of but you know tell them what I said

Starting point is 00:04:51 It's different tonight No, no one knows who I am That's what I remember you say Why would I say that's fuck the grossest thing anyone can we go back to Kanye was there? Okay, let's go to Kanye. That's insane Kanye was there with will I am well I was a quality and Khalid I was with a young lady in the patio and Then we look out and Kanye's running across sunset from the store and he I guess he couldn't get into the show pal show Why do you leave? I don't know why he left. Wow. He could definitely get in. Did he say anything? Anti-Semitic He did a hand thing like,

Starting point is 00:05:25 by store. I say later. Right. Now that makes sense. Yeah. Whatever. You think he'd hate the store because it's owned by Jews. It is?

Starting point is 00:05:35 Oh. Oh my God, I'm playing somewhere else now. Holy shit. Gross. You think he would not want to go there. That's really weird that he showed up. Yeah, he showed up. Yeah, he showed up.

Starting point is 00:05:45 It's a Jew place. If they should just call the Jew store. They do, they used to. Or a Jerusalem too. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Because it's like, it's so Jew-y.

Starting point is 00:05:56 It is. Yeah, yeah. And we love it. We fucking love it. I mean, $19 for a die-cog, but that's fine. That's how I listen. I dare last night. Where was I last night?

Starting point is 00:06:05 What did I do last night? You rested last night. Remember you told Kisa you were taking a night off. You went coughing in the day yesterday. I did need to rest. And then you said I'm resting. But you should have been there last night. God, I would have been there for Kanye.

Starting point is 00:06:14 I had so much stuff. I do stuff about him. I do a joke about him. Yeah, you weren't, because he had people around him, right? A couple of guys around him. Yeah, because I had the help in the lot at one point, so many on Tarage came in and He was the whole cast of on tarage was there

Starting point is 00:06:30 Was Lloyd there for some reason the cast of Glee what yeah Dancing and hopping around they all drove in separate cars. It was a man. Get a fuck it. That's wild Yeah, I think what I said was I think what I said would be cut That's wild. Yeah. I think what I said was, I think what I said would be cut. What? What? Could I just say something?

Starting point is 00:06:48 Please. Anything that I say to you, can you just keep it to yourself? Because I have things that I can say about you. Do it. I have something I'm not going to do. I'm just saying, you made me look like a fool. I'm going to let that go. I don't remember what I said, but probably I did say that.

Starting point is 00:07:03 But just don't say that stuff. It's because I said that story and made myself look like a fool, so it's trying to make you the target. Oh, that was cool. Yeah, smooth. But we were, we liked your story. We loved it. Oh, my God.

Starting point is 00:07:20 So, fancy, show that video that I sent to you. I really want to show you something, Bob. I think this is revolutionary stuff right here Good Huh That's good That's good. That's good. That's good.

Starting point is 00:07:43 Oh, clever. So good. So good. By the way, so I found battle wraps in the Philippines. Yeah. Are huge. I propose you and I go do a battle wrap in the Philippines. Okay.

Starting point is 00:08:02 Bad friends battle wrap Philippines. I need a brush up on my telek to gala. I know everything he just said. Why did too? Yeah, I can understand it. I'm talking it. I say something. I know you to the class. Yeah Oh Yeah Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,est ça. Tu sais, quand on fait un pancaquet, on va mettre une chambre, et puis... On chante ! On chante une chambre !

Starting point is 00:08:28 Oui, oui ! Oui, oui. Excusez-moi, mais... Excusez-moi, mais... Oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, hey, I think I got the boat. But I got the boat. But I got the boat. Yeah. So I think we should do a bad friends battle rap in the Philippines.

Starting point is 00:08:54 I swear to God we did so much fun. No, I was just think we were done. Yeah, that was so fun. We should do the whole episode like that. But I found these videos online. They have millions of views and people are obsessed. They're pushing them around. And I think somebody said bad friends,

Starting point is 00:09:08 battle rap, Philippines would be the echelon to me of us traveling internationally. So I think we should go over there, do a show, do a bad friends battle rap. Well, I mean, we went out there, get our, the show. The show. I know, when does that come out?

Starting point is 00:09:21 Fancy? It's coming. Oh, it's coming. You know what that means. Yeah, nothing. Yeah, nothing at all. Well, he edited it. It was coming. You know what that means. Yeah, nothing. Yeah, nothing at all. Well, he edited it. It was anywhere.

Starting point is 00:09:28 Let's move on. OK. OK. What do you just roll your eyes at me? Do you never? You just did though. No, you just did that one. Oh, I see.

Starting point is 00:09:37 Yeah. He's getting cocky ever since, dude. He's getting real cocky. Why? I don't even want to say it. It's going to get. It's going to hype him up. Where's the cocky? That's something. He's got a fucking podcast now. And he's like, cocky why I don't even want to say it's gonna get this gonna hype him up where's he cocky he's got a fucking podcast now and he's like all you know I did it did you do it no I'm not doing that he texted me and the police come

Starting point is 00:09:55 talk to me for a bad about that bad about that and you know what I said yeah great yeah I should have said not to spawn into that guy here's another thing here's what did you do what movie did you? I don't remember but I remember being angry because I was there I had to wear Yes props. Yeah, and wardrobe. Oh, wow. Who does wardrobe for a podcast? He does Also Bobby ruin it You know, I have a script I he decided to yes. Oh, you think he was gonna follow the script right come on I know that's your fault. Yeah, I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it soon because I'm I'm proud of the script. Right, come on, I know. That's your fault. Yeah, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it soon,

Starting point is 00:10:25 because I'm proud of the kid, and I wanna help him out. What are you, Aaron Sorken? I have to do a word for word, the way you wrote it, to look at pieces of shit. All right, your producer. I'm not, look, I want you to pull up a photo.

Starting point is 00:10:37 I'm not saying, I'm not trying to make a joke or anything, but do, Joan of Hill, somebody saw another photo. This guy, you know how he gets big and skinny and big and skinny. There was a picture that came out of somebody show me today that I was like, man, it looks concerning. Like Jonahill now. There's no way. No, it was kind of wild. It's got to be on images, maybe images. Now that wouldn't it. There he is. He looks good. No, no, just click images bud, the word. Yeah. Um, I think that's it.

Starting point is 00:11:07 That's actually the one right there. He looks good. Yeah, but look at the whole body. He's got. He's got him in the whole body. He looks great. He looks great. He looks ripped.

Starting point is 00:11:16 So skinny and jacked. Yeah. What's he doing, dude? Oh, is that where you're, of Zampic? Oh, oh, oh, oh, Zampic. What's ozampic? It's like, is it a weight loss drug? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:11:28 Yeah. Whatever the case, dude, he's looking, the kids looking great. Shout out to that kid, but I saw a photo and I was like, he's got kind of like a Tom Hanks cast away thing. Yeah. Top, but down below, he little Tom Hardy. Tom Hanks up top, Tom Hardy down below. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:11:44 Skinny tattooed, right? Like, look, he's fucking great shape. So I'm like what is he working on this doesn't look like just life stuff This looks like he's working on a movie thing when he looked like that in a YouTube movie right with Eddie Murphy This is the most like in shape. I think I've ever seen the guy that Eddie Murphy movie He looked good, but this is like fucking crazy. Yeah, he's jacked, he skinny muscles out. I just had to say, he's tough each. I do remember, he's the nicest guy. Yeah, I'm not saying anything negative. I'm saying he must be planning for something is my point because he's looking like.

Starting point is 00:12:12 He's such a nice guy. Have you met him? Yeah. A Jules? No, no. Jules, I know. She'll be here soon. I saw her yesterday.

Starting point is 00:12:21 What happened? Nothing, I went to her other house. You went to go see Jules and Calyla at their house. So she Calyla goes, let's watch a movie. So I go, I had her yesterday. What happened? Nothing. I went to over the house. You went to go see Jewels in Calyla at their house. So she collided goes, let's watch a movie. So I go, I had some time. You know what that means. What? No, no, no. I want more.

Starting point is 00:12:33 I want more. That was with a young lady last night, right? No, popsicles. Do you see her? Yeah. How was she? She looked kind of like to Calyla. Calyla too.

Starting point is 00:12:41 She was very pretty. Every girl that came in looked like Calyla. That's a good question. I've never said that to you. I know you haven't. No, never. And I wouldn't cross that line. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

Starting point is 00:12:50 I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

Starting point is 00:12:58 I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.'s a bad thing. Have you never had blondes before? Sarah, Highland. She's kind of dirty blond. She, you have a blond blonde?

Starting point is 00:13:06 Oh, no. Like a platinum blonde? No. Why do you think they wouldn't like you? What is it? Maybe it's God's law. God's law. Yeah, maybe it's a prophetic God thing.

Starting point is 00:13:17 What is God's law? Son, you will not get top of the line. You won't get top of the line. You'll get 9.5. 9 is still pretty good. But not 10. Why not? Is that God?

Starting point is 00:13:31 Is that pretty good God? Yeah, but why not God? I would say Korean God. Because Korean God fancy? What does Korean God sound like to you? Why not? No, that's a new Korean God. Andrew, you know Korean God

Starting point is 00:13:45 My son Eight out of a dead yeah Out of a dead yes, what do you think God says what do you think God says about you fans? You think you have a better God than some of us. You're the Spanish God. Yeah, yeah, yeah, perver He's probably a perver perfect. You can't be you can't be much of a god He's out whistling at women in the street. You can. Fucking perv.

Starting point is 00:14:07 You had a perv god. So wait, you went over to the house and what happened? You watch a movie? Yeah, and the movie is the most triggering movie I've ever seen in my life. What's it called? Soft and quiet. Cool.

Starting point is 00:14:19 I know. I mean, it sounds awful. Let me see. It's soft and quiet. It's on the fucking Netflix. Have you heard of it? Yeah, 2.1. They shut it in four days. Yeah. Yeah. What's it about? a horror movie. Well, I mean it's it's it's I it's a strict to say it's a horror movie. Why what is it? Where does it land? Oh, it's a Blumhouse It's a Blumhouse movie. So you think you know me it's a horror movie, but um

Starting point is 00:14:46 Oh, fuck it. I'll just talk about it. I don't give fuck. I'll talk about it. Do it. All right A bunch of so it's shot in one shot So basically it's it's it's one shot. So it's like the whole there's no cuts steady cam the whole time Yeah fake it's fake because I could see like when they pointed a sky. Yeah, you have to cut at there. But bird bird man cut. It's a Burman Yeah, but it's still seamless that you can't you don't know where the cuts are so like from beginning to end It starts off with a teacher Elementary school teacher. Oh, yeah What you doing crayon stop

Starting point is 00:15:26 No, no, no, I like it. Go. Yeah, and it's after school. She has a pie. It is after school Right. Hi, yeah, the anybody listening. Well, don't want spoilers. There's no way to save without no I like you like it. This is how all good movie start after school with a pie wink wink What else happens? So then the football team comes in, don't they? And then you see her go out in the from the school, it's pretty, it's like 4 p.m. or whatever. She's a little kid and a little kid goes, what do you have? You say I have a pie and it shows the woman, white woman, walk into a forest.

Starting point is 00:16:01 She finds a church. Well, yeah, yeah, she's a white woman. Wondering as they do. She sees a bunch of other white female friends in the church, and it's this meeting. Oh, wow. What? Was Kanye there? No.

Starting point is 00:16:16 Oh, I thought this, okay. It could be, he could have been it because watch. Okay. And you know, this is now 15 minutes, you know, it takes a while for it to get there. She opens up the pie, and on the surface of the pie is a swastika. Seriously?

Starting point is 00:16:31 Swartika. Oh shit. Okay. You love it now. No, yeah, I want to see it. You see? Did you see that? Before I was just like, oh teacher,

Starting point is 00:16:39 wandering woods, swastika, you got my attention. Right. Right. And then they seem to have a meeting out KKK meeting. Really? Yeah. And that's the film. Oh, it's the beginning of the film. You said it was a comedy or is it a horror? To me, it's a comedy. To me. Yeah. And then that's the meeting. There's a bunch of old white women in the room. Well, not even old. It ranges from early 20s to late 50s.

Starting point is 00:17:07 Wow. These women, right? And then? What's the significance of the pie? What do you mean? They eat it. But why a pie? There is something.

Starting point is 00:17:16 There's got to be something. Is that significant? Well, there's got to be something about the pie, right? Because you could have put a swastik on anything. They could have done pizza. They could have done it on, you know, it's sort of lasagna would have been fun. It's one of those pastries to call lasagna.

Starting point is 00:17:30 It's a very American thing. I'm American. How do you do it on the lasagna? It's hard to read. Are you, you think I've never put a swastika on a lasagna? You do it with the cheese, you weirdo, and then you flame pro. You gotta come, you gotta come to Wednesday nights. I keep saying come to Wednesday nights.

Starting point is 00:17:46 That's when we do those on your show. Oh, your friends are there though, you know what I mean? Yeah, and we'll sneak in. All right. So they put a swastika on the pie, that's it. By the way, it's not really, what do you call this? This isn't like a spoiler, it's on the internet, right there. Yeah, there to show it.

Starting point is 00:18:00 So it's not that hidden. Yeah, and then they go, and then the priest walks up to the main lady and goes get the fuck out of here like I guess they're not even supposed to be there. The priest is like yeah I don't have any we got some kids coming in. Yeah and so the and the one of the women goes well let's go to one of them owns a store so they go to a store and they see these two they seem maybe native two girls, but they could be Hispanic, I don't know. That's exactly what the producer said.

Starting point is 00:18:29 They seem Hispanic, but we don't know. We're not going to say. We're not going to say. They're credited as brown people. They could be half Milano blacks. Tough word, tough word, but I love it. Good for you. What?

Starting point is 00:18:44 Is that, that's all you said? I think that's it It's Milano like the cookie. Oh like a listen Milano. Pepper farm Milano. Is that is a listen Milano? She is yeah, that's what they could say Comes from Pepper farm Milano. I knew it. There's something I didn't trust about her same So anyway, and they basically tell these two girls, the store's closed while they're in the store. Yeah. Then we're just gonna get in wine and they go,

Starting point is 00:19:08 get the fuck out of here, that type of thing. And then they go, you have to buy the most expensive wine, then. And you know, when you tell a minority that they're like, well, I can do it. So they buy a $300 bottle of wine. Yeah. And then when they were leaving, they were like, well, I can do it.

Starting point is 00:19:25 So they buy a $300 bottle of wine. Yeah. And then when they were leaving, there was some sort of altercation and then the women go, let's go to their house and fuck them up. What? Why?

Starting point is 00:19:36 I don't know why. That's what's so infuriating about this movie. Did this movie do well? Yeah, it got 86% on Rotten Tomato. It was a South by Southwest movie in that time. It's a TikTok movie. So people are like talking about on TikTok. Yeah, he got 86% on Rotten Tomatoes. It was a South by Southwest movie in that time. It's a TikTok movie, so people are like talking about on TikTok. Yeah, okay.

Starting point is 00:19:49 It's one of those where they can't, people can't even get through it. Did you get through it? We didn't want to. But you finished it. And we're like, we look at it, we climb and look at it, like this is so fucked up.

Starting point is 00:20:01 That's how I feel about succession. Really? Every time I started a new episode, I'm like, I don't wanna do this anymore. It's like, it's like, it's taxing. It's right, am I wrong? It's exhausted. I did it, it's like abusive.

Starting point is 00:20:13 We'll they won't they won't they won't they won't they? It's like, so anyway, they go to the, they find, they go to the woman's house. These two, their sisters. Let me guess. What? Swalves to Capai. They only ate the pie.

Starting point is 00:20:25 There's gotta be another one. But they took a shit. So maybe the same pie. They did a shit with the swastika. So hard to do. Pretty talented. Pretty talented. And then just, you know, if you want to watch the movie,

Starting point is 00:20:37 I'm going to give it away now. Give it away. They kill him. Oh, wow. End of movie. End of movie. End of movie. It did movie. I got it.

Starting point is 00:20:50 No, no, no. No, no, no. End of movie is powerful. That's not what I meant to say. That is. Yeah, what you're saying is it moved me. Movie. End of movie. And moved me.

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Starting point is 00:24:06 Empieza hoy mismo en MailSimple.com. Vas a vendrato públicos de marcas competidoras en número globales de clientes en 2021-2022. Oye, y si este fin de vamos a las piezas de mi poepio? ¿Qué dices? Pero si tu pueblo está en Mordor. Nada, está don Mirández, lo tenemos chupado. Primero cojamos un tren a Zaragoza. Después cojamos un bus a Estaca Latalla. No te li es.

Starting point is 00:24:26 Este verano viaja de puerta a puerta y sin complicaciones con Blá Blacar. Siempre encontrarás una cercana, incluso a última hora. Gracias a tu próximo viaje. ¡Ya! Blá Blacar, blá Blacar. ¡Let me ask you this! Ya. Let's say you are...

Starting point is 00:24:40 OK, not for you. You're sober. You're going to a dinner party of somebody fancy, very famous and... You got it, I didn't mean. Uh, Jake Chill and Hall. You're sober. You're going to a dinner party of somebody fancy very famous and you got a name Jake Jellin Hall. I love hell. I know you do. Yeah, let's say he says Bob. I want you to come over for dinner I don't know the story Jake Jellin Hall tell a love story. No What do you bring it up? What do you bring to Jake Jellin Hall's house? Why do I have to bring anything? See this is interesting

Starting point is 00:25:02 Wow, you didn't even think about you so you wouldn't show up to Jake. You know I was house with something as it as like a You know, hey, thank you for having us if he's like we're doing a UFC party. Why would I bring gloves? I mean what the fuck do I bring? Well most people bring booze or food or Gift of some kind of unique fun thing I've never brought anything to anyone's house But what I'm telling you is you want to leave a better impression because you're such a lovable fun guy. If you also bring something, they'll remember it forever. It'll be like, man, I love Bobby Lee. And you know what he did? Yeah. He brought over a slinky, just one slinky and gave it to me. Whoa. That would

Starting point is 00:25:36 stay in there for the, am I wrong? For the rest of time. Because your presence is wonderful. And then if you gave something small and fun, I know what. It's cute, but I'll switch out a couple of the colors. Genius. So that they could never get inside. That was fucking genius. There's like one more green than red. Uh huh. So they're just confused.

Starting point is 00:25:53 Like, we can never solve this, right? What would you give as a fun gift if we go into a famous person's house? What's a fun? Jake Gyllenhaal? It doesn't matter. For you, just make it up. Whoever it is, but what's the fun little quirky gift?

Starting point is 00:26:03 Maybe origami. I could like. You would make origami for them. No, I'd bring a bunch of paper and some instructions. And then everyone can do it together. It may be like a fun. Sounds like another kitchen story. Wow. That could be fun.

Starting point is 00:26:18 So you would bring them work. No, but some people think it's fun. Yeah. Well, you were doing origami the whole trip the whole time on the bus on the bus How many did you make there was a bunch on the there was seven on the windows on the windows? So of the same animal by the way lazy But you did a swan we've sit been there to not you know, but it was like a handicap swan I know I know it's like one wing one wing was

Starting point is 00:26:46 I thought it was a fucking T-Rex because the neck was crooked. It was all cricket But the wind wings but um what would you bring to a nice party? Oh, that's easy drugs drugs What kind though? I probably bring mushrooms and maybe some other stuff Oh, yeah, you're gonna show up to Jake Jill and I have mushroom, they don't do drugs. I guarantee you he likes mushrooms. No, they don't. I'd be willing to bet my bank account, Jake Gyllenhaal, my sources. At all.

Starting point is 00:27:10 I'd be the guy with mushrooms, and if there's like hot girls, there's some guy, they'd be like, oh, he's the guy with the mushrooms. I'd be like, yeah. What about you, fans? I would bring a nice bottle of wine. Right, but this is the, that's what I'm saying.

Starting point is 00:27:22 That's a standard answer. When he brought up the wine in the shop, I thought, wine is this go-to thing? And by the way, every time I brought wine to somewhere, they don't give a fuck. So now, I don't do it anymore. I bring a unique thing from around that. Something fun. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. It was cute without a fucking thing. It's fucking something fun. Level up. Level up, something fun, and interesting and new. Mushrooms is, you obviously would bring that. Look at you. Right?

Starting point is 00:27:47 But surprise them. Okay. Mm. Here we go. Your writers, so go ahead. Hey. Easy one would be swastika pie. Swastika pie is really unique.

Starting point is 00:28:00 There probably is a lot of swastika stuff on eBay, so I would get them like a belt with a swastika on it Cool Very cool, the other thing that I do is cook in something Spanish that is very unique and banana and Panadas tortilla Okay, I don't know if I would do it to Jake Jake Jell-Holk, but if Jake Jell-Holk, listen if you're right now, you want to invite me to your party, I'm going to surprise you with something fun. What am I going to bring?

Starting point is 00:28:29 I'll tell you what. I know what I would do again. Go ahead. I would bring one single shoe of a child. Whoa. A little tiny shoe. Whoa. And you know what, I'd hand it to him.

Starting point is 00:28:40 We'd never talk about it ever again. Or dress up as a movie character for one of his movies. Okay, Jellin Hall. Yeah. See, one of his movies. I'll take you on hold. See, this is funny too. I know what I'm going to do. What? I would as a wave. What?

Starting point is 00:28:52 A gigantic wave. From what? Oh, I know I've seen that movie. Day after tomorrow. Yeah. Oh, very good. But you don't agree. It's a love that.

Starting point is 00:28:59 I love that. He would love that. He'd be like, what? I go, remember? He would. Yeah, he would remember. And then I'm just sitting there watching you have seen a wave costume You let me just honor fucking ruby, but you have to be a frozen wave like that. Yeah, yeah It wasn't a frozen wave. I did freeze. It did eventually free and so I freezes. There is a scene where a

Starting point is 00:29:22 Wave a gigantic waves Yeah, that's it. What are they called you should know tsunami is there it is bingo What is what's the root origin of tsunami? Why is it called a tsunami? Do you know? It's a Japanese word. Yeah, I'm going and in Japanese it translates to big wave big wave That's right. Mm-hmm. We added the tea used to be called tsunami, but we added the tea. Yeah, we wanted to be a little different to tsunami Exactly to tsunami because it sounds like you know sashimi tsunami. Why you had to separate it. Yeah If you were Jake what was your what character would you dress up as? By the way, no, he might listen to this and also invite you to his house one day. Yeah, so what movie character?

Starting point is 00:30:05 Probably the rabbit from Donnie Darko. I'd really stand out and people like Great movie and then I'd sit next to you the whole time because I know you or if it Tom hands What would you dress up as Tom? I just realized I wanted to dress up as I want I want to be the animal from Okcha from Okcha He'll look at the animal from Okcha remember Okcha. Look at the animal from Okcha. Remember Okcha? Remember that movie? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:30:27 The pig. Huh? The pig. It's, yeah, it's a pig. It's a big oversized pig. That's what I want to be from Okcha. Super pig. And who's in that movie?

Starting point is 00:30:34 He is. Jake. Jake's in Okcha? Yeah. He's the pig. Oh he is? No. No.

Starting point is 00:30:41 But I want to be a big pig. But you know what that sounds like? Well, you could go to wherever that girl's name it. Bobby Lee It's tell me that's not me and you When we go out for a night on the town. You think we don't look like that to most people Yeah, I've actually walked into a restaurant. I've heard somebody go Oh, yeah They think that it's you and me out on the town. Yeah, that looks more like Falcore from never-ending story than anything else

Starting point is 00:31:00 So Tom Hanks movie what would you show up as as a character? That's good. Philadelphia is easy, isn't it? That's what I was thinking. That I take it right. I know. Well though, at that point, right, if I know, we would like try to beat each other. Who would be more A.D.? Yeah. I'd be way, I'd out A.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D. chance. You know, I would get AIDS. Tell me what.

Starting point is 00:31:25 Good, I would get AIDS, and I would weigh you. And who would you get it from? What? Needs. So I'm already there. Way ahead of you pal. What time Hank's movie would you do? I would be like a FedEx delivery driver.

Starting point is 00:31:37 From what? From Castaway. Oh, okay, that's a long stretch. That's a stretch, a stretch for that. Oh yeah, he was a, but he was he was like a more corporate level on it He was never wearing the outfit Yeah, he wasn't he wasn't on the plane Yeah, character he played no, but you know, it's like then you think explain like well, I know you're not a FedEx

Starting point is 00:31:58 I mean you were corporate, but I'll be the snowman from the the train from Elvis. What? Elvis. Man, you're stretching all this fucking bullshit. Well, it seems to me that you haven't seen a lot of time. It's smooth. But I don't want to be from the berms.

Starting point is 00:32:15 I'm just being a dad. And then they just place a lot of like old man. Man called Otto. Big, if he literally is playing an older man. Well, he's playing you could show us a bummer made. But that's not him. That's that's from splash. It doesn't matter. It's from but he'll get it. Have to play. Yeah, it's just something he'll get it.

Starting point is 00:32:35 Fine. I'll be forced out. No, no again. Yeah, hacky. Okay. One of the weird little bugs from the green mile that comes out of the big guys mouth. You could be that That's kind of more See what I mean that's more up your alley. Yeah, I'll be the bug This is fun game. What so give another what Tom hangs movie? How about this what what actor? Give me let's do another what Tom what what I was gonna say Tom crew. Oh Sandra Bullock That's a good one. I would show up. Was she the blind side? Yeah, I would be Michael or I show up as a big black

Starting point is 00:33:10 I and I would commit I do ball blackface. Yeah, and I would gain 600 pounds. Wow You know what I would do. Well, it's for the party. Yeah, you got to mean Eric Griffin together Would play a bus From speed Would play a bus from speed. I couldn't do it by myself, but Eric was like the bulk of it. He's the bus. Yeah, yeah. And I could be honest, showed as a driver. I'm Bobby Choo-Choo, man.

Starting point is 00:33:37 Yeah, that's true. That's a pretty good one. Yeah. That is very good. What would you do? I've never seen any of your movies. Sandy, you've never seen a sandy flick no I have I'd probably be like a misconjiniality for love me a good sandy flick by the way yes she's one that

Starting point is 00:33:53 like we can't lose the most likable she's so not offensive I know what you then you find out that she's like addicted to fentanyl and she's nodding out on what's it called in Philly? Have you seen her? No. They caught her on the side of the street. Look at Philly fentanyl. They got, look up Sandra Bullock,

Starting point is 00:34:10 Philadelphia fentanyl. She's on the street. They caught her doing fentanyl on the side of the street nodding off. It's insane. Do videos. I don't know her. It's not her, does it?

Starting point is 00:34:19 It can't be her. Do images. It's gotta be. You'll see her. Yeah. Look right there in the top fifth six photo up keep right boom that's her and Philly she's not that's stupid. No it's not dude you're seeing stuff and then this one there it is not

Starting point is 00:34:37 looking good. No she's been nodding off on fentanyl. No but he you don't believe me that's your choice. She's just walking on the street, man. On fentanyl. Okay. Look at what this is, what's going on in Philly. He knows. By the way, have you seen what is going on in Philadelphia? No. The show, go to just Google search, Philadelphia, fentanyl.

Starting point is 00:34:56 I don't even know the name of the street, but there's a prominent street in Philly where people are nodding off on the side of the road. But that's every American city. No, no, this one's like crazy. It's crazy bad. But people are like halfway up, like that guy, go down a little bit, down, four, down, down, down one more, one more down,

Starting point is 00:35:13 this one. So this is what everybody looks like now. Everybody is half nodding, they're, it's like they're trying to suck their own dick, but they're trying to stay away. I know what you do when we're there. Fentanyl, we're going to fill it. Well, hum this The thriller

Starting point is 00:35:30 And then walking on the street we could do a thriller thing Hey The Luna Can you probably say it a little bit? Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh It's terrible. It's terrible. It's an epidemic. We're sorry, but it's Because this is I gotta tell you It's terrible it's terrible It's terrible. It's terrible. It's terrible. We're doing, but I know there's it. That's what's right. Kensington, right? Look, look that up. Oh, that's it.

Starting point is 00:36:31 Kensington Avenue and Philly. It's the most prominent area of fentanyl use in the United States. Oh my God. So sad. So tragic. It's wild. But they are. It does look like Thriller. Imagine if one guy was not enough and you walk by him and you just pop to him and I learned. You too. You too. You too. You too. You too. You too. You too. You too. You too. You too.

Starting point is 00:36:50 You too. You too. You too. You too. You too. You too. You too. You too.

Starting point is 00:36:58 You too. You too. You too. You too. You too. You too. You too. You too. You it was. Good friend of ours. One of our favorite homies on earth, J. Larson.

Starting point is 00:37:08 Oh, the J. Larson's here. I had no, hello, Captain, how are you? Get to see you. J. Larson. Great to be here. J. Larson's down there. J. You live still on the west side of what? I'm on the west side, yeah.

Starting point is 00:37:21 Yeah. You like it over there? Yeah, love it. Can I just say my favorite thing is that there's not even glass right there. They're just like in a takeout window West Side, yeah. Yeah. You like it with her? Yeah, I love it. Can I just say my favorite thing is that there's not even glass right there. They're just like in a takeout window. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what they do with the Hispanics. Oh, okay.

Starting point is 00:37:32 If you're right there. Okay, first of all, you made it about, you made it racial and although that may be true, we don't need to communicate that to the public. Right. Don't make it about race. Yeah. You're back there because you're below us. Yeah, that's why I do love that he's the widest Hispanic I've ever seen in my life. They both are Carlos is Mexican. Yep.

Starting point is 00:37:50 That is Carlos and Andre's we couldn't find more light skin Spanish people on earth. No, you know, they said they and they add. Yeah, lots of white. Jay, let's play again. Do you remember the one time that you were mad at me? Ooh, I want to hear it. Oh, yeah. But I think there's more than one. No, that's the only I could only think of one, but you know, the more than one time you were mad at me. Time. No, I remember the. Yeah, when we were times when we were going to run your special and you didn't show up that time. Yeah. You know, it's funny. What? I just went on a date with a girl, and we matched on a dating app, went on a date, and she's like, yeah, you know,

Starting point is 00:38:30 I, the first time I started being interested, no, actually I never want to do. You said it. She goes, I started being interested in you, and she goes, I want to see Bobby leave run his hour, and he didn't show up. And I remember everyone was so bumed that Bobby wasn't there, but then you went up,

Starting point is 00:38:42 and you had such a great set, and I was like, who's this guy? Amazing. Stolen. Stolen. Right out from under you. But the thing is, I love Bobby Lee and always, always have. And I was more, I wasn't mad at you.

Starting point is 00:38:55 I just wanted you to care more because I, I think everybody loves watching you do stand up. That was right. That sounds like a good story though. Sounds like a great story. Wow. It's mad at me for a lot of while though. How long were you mad at Bob for? I don't know.

Starting point is 00:39:09 Not long, maybe two, two and a half years. I honestly thought it took a while because we were, there was like a weirdness between us today. No, because yeah, because you're fucking weird as fuck. Yeah, you're weird. That's unsalting. Wait a minute. Unsalting. Unsalting. Unsalting. No, you're weird. That's unsalting. Wait a minute. Unsalting. Unsalting. He just

Starting point is 00:39:28 learned unsalted so he gets these confused all right. Because it says when we go out with something's unsalted, he goes, that's insulting and I go, Bob, it's unsalted. He'll just mix these things up. Yeah, yeah. Are you trying to, honestly, look, are you trying to say that for any genuine? I, you're not strange, you're strange in a good way. No, you don't think you're strange at all. Listen, I'm gonna say booby. Uh, booby is right. By the way, write it down booby, 100% booby now.

Starting point is 00:39:56 I think you've grown a lot emotionally in that it used to be that you come up and you'd be like, hey buddy, and you give a hug and then you try to slap me in the dick and then you would leave. And now you come up and you genuinely look at me hey buddy, and you give a hug, and then you try to slap me in the dick, and then you would leave. And now you come up and you genuinely look at me, like, hey, how are you? You know what I mean? That you're growing as a man, that's great. Would you say that I'm far? Would you say this then?

Starting point is 00:40:13 Yeah. That I was once weird. Yeah, I think you were just worried about, about you would, you thought I was gonna be mad at you, and so you were gonna be awkward, but I was like, I still love you, bro. Yeah, yeah. I just don't want any fucking bad so you were gonna be awkward, but I was like, I still love you, bro. Yeah. I just don't want any fucking bad feelings between us.

Starting point is 00:40:27 There are no, there's another time that we, that we have to follow y'all. No, not at all. Okay. I imagine there was. All right, let me get the looks. Sintino had me prepped, he's like, and he was following out,

Starting point is 00:40:39 following out to other comics before. Yeah. Yeah, but I don't look at this as a falling out with you. Yeah. It's funny. I have falling out. Every comic has falling out with other comics. Yeah. It's a part of the world or the business of like, she's too young to know it. You have your haddy? Not like, no, like I've drifted away from people, but I think that's different. No, we're talking about. No, thank you. Don't need to see you ever again. Not, no. That happens in our business because we're too close. We're on top of each other all the time.

Starting point is 00:41:07 Yeah. So you eventually go, no thank you, I'm okay. And then you gotta navigate it because sometimes they're famous or whatever and they're doing well. So it's like you do it in your own way by ignoring. Yeah, well, we all have our own way, but you know, for the most part is. I have a list.

Starting point is 00:41:22 I know. You have a list of what? Of people you don't like. No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. J, if you're going over to a famous man or woman's house,

Starting point is 00:41:33 they invite you to a dinner party. What are you bringing? I mean, you got to bring about a wine, right? Yeah, that was the initial thing was wine. They're not going to want you to bring food. But we said nowadays, they don't even care about the wine. No one gives a shit anymore. They fuck it off. They usually go. Oh, thank you Yeah, and then they throw it away

Starting point is 00:41:49 So we said you got to bring something else a little bit more fun or memorable I said a Rubik's cube missing a couple of colors That's not what I'm starting with I was thinking maybe you bring like you make like a pre-made High-end cocktail for everyone. If we're not fucking with wine, we're like, but if they're bougie and they do it right, they're gonna have everything dialed in food and drink-wise. Anyway, so maybe the Rubix is the play.

Starting point is 00:42:15 I don't know about missing the colors. No, you wanna fuck up a little bit. No, not missing. We add extra colors to the red. It's different colors. Yeah, they'll never be able to solve it. They'll never be able to solve it. Got it, yeah.

Starting point is 00:42:24 It's unsolved But you think you're gonna just sit down and be like, hey guys, everybody hold up. We got a rubix. Let's solve this real quick You know those guys can solve it in six seconds. Yeah, Rick Lassman can yeah, yeah, oh anybody with autism I think that's part of it. I'm gonna do it. It's like they you're born with the way what's the world record on solving a Rupus I'll tell you right now. What give it before I look get up. I'll say it's 3.8 seconds. I'm gonna say 47 47 I'm saying 7.4 7 seconds. I was thinking minutes original. We'll go for it. I stick to your bad answer Don't bail out on a shitty answer. I know it's wrong now with your guesses. You're way Rubik's cube world record talented nine year old Chinese. Oh, wow.

Starting point is 00:43:07 Six nine six. I was pretty close. I said to your plan. Have you ever seen this? Can you just put, show them? You're not going to believe this shit. It, I've never solved one. I mean, either have you ever solved one?

Starting point is 00:43:17 I've had one. Never. Oh my life. It's still not, you know, I've never solved it. And I don't care if I ever do. I don't ever, I see it. I threw it. I am, I gotta be honest. I'm never solved it and I don't care if I ever do I don't ever I see I threw it I am I gotta be honest. I'm blown away. He's Chinese

Starting point is 00:43:31 I mean of all the places think yeah, he would be from that's not that's a white This is just to see him do it. That's an old standard white No, no go go go go right ready look at it. That's 4.22, this is the new world record. Oh, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, So they process what it looks like, and then they go. But I feel like there's got to be a category where you don't get to look at it first, because that to me seems like the real challenge. Not looking at it. All right. Well, am I wrong?

Starting point is 00:44:13 It's hard enough. Then make it hard enough. Yeah. You know what's so funny about the human mind? I bet you, at some point in the future, not looking at it and looking at it, they'll be able to beat the looking at it before, because that's how dedicated the mind is.

Starting point is 00:44:26 Or there's just gonna be two records. There'll be two records, right? Ah, well, he looked at it. I wanna say something. I wanna say something that's gonna be controversial. You might have to cut it out, but. No, no, leave it in. All right, leave it in.

Starting point is 00:44:35 So, the people are doing the oral skinny. A fat guy wouldn't be able to do it. I'd be thinking about food the whole time. But fingers are too big. Oh, is that what it is? I don't, I so you have to be nimble. No, is that controversial? I look Google is there any fat Rubik's cube chip. I love it. This is controversial for you Well, well, I've said something. Yeah, it doesn't always work that way though because the hotdog champion is skinny The hotdog show we chestnut. Yeah, he's skinny, but the insides fat

Starting point is 00:45:03 No, yeah, no he's skinny fat. There was a thing called skinny fat where he's bigger than he looks. He's not fat, but he's just got more space than he's. No, I mean, they're pretty skinny. I think some of them have seen. I can't. I don't even understand. How does he even find out that that's the skill set that he has? See, that's another thing, right?

Starting point is 00:45:22 Like with sports, with sports you go you can see athleticism started you go wow the kids got a thing of the thing this is a dare like in college she was like she said for real we del taco used to have 25 cent tacos on Tuesday night so we would go to the dorm and there's a couple of guys we would all usually just get a few tacos but there's a couple of guys that were like I I'm gonna see how many I can eat. And they would battle and whoever ate more, the other guy would pay for him. And there was one dude on our hall that was a little tizzy. He had a little tizzy.

Starting point is 00:45:53 Interesting cat. Wouldn't look you in the eye. He looked dizzy. He looked you on a third button down. Sweet kid, he could eat like 20 tacos. No shit from Del Taco. House them. 20 tacos and still be fine.

Starting point is 00:46:03 Didn't like pass out to throw up. He felt ill, but it was fine And I think it's one of those moments like that that people go I think I have a weird capability of eating way too much food good old boy go to a full body one They can't tell from the um chest up. I can wonder. He's bigger than you think He's got a pistachio commercial back right now. He does the Joey chestnut. That's not big He might have that like, look at those arms. You're good, you know, but he's just,

Starting point is 00:46:27 I think he's got a big, maybe his can is good. Yeah. Seed. Oh my God, probiotic is so important for your stomach. You gotta be able to move. You gotta be able to move in there, right? And I have irregular poops.

Starting point is 00:46:37 I always have. I've always had it right, but now I've been taking seed and now I have regular poops. I take this every day and I really feel good about it. I gotta tell you to balance your life and your health is the most important thing for me to have an easy stomach. So I feel good during the day and seeds DSO1, daily sinbiotic. This is a prebiotic and probiotic and one capsule combined.

Starting point is 00:46:59 Everybody poops, so make it a healthy one. That's what my grandfather used to say. That's what he said. Seeds DSO1, daily sinbiotiotic helps promote healthy regular poops by simply taking two capsules per day. It's really that easy. In fact, I'm going to take two right now to let people know. Go ahead.

Starting point is 00:47:14 I do it. Okay. So here's two capsules. Look at how cool and futuristic this bottle is. Yeah, it is really cool. DS01 daily symbiotic is an effective way to start supporting your gut microbiome, which ultimately impacts your skin, heart, and various other connections within the body. What's in it, you ask?

Starting point is 00:47:29 24-strain broad spectrum probiotic and prebiotic formulae for digestive, gut immune, and additional systemic benefits, 53.6 billion AFU, okay? This is going to help you feel better and move better. And everybody poops. Why not get your poops in line and line them up good? You want it, Mike, and smooth. Go ahead, try it today. Start a new healthy habit today.

Starting point is 00:47:48 Visit seed.com slash bad friends. Use the code bad friends to redeem a 30% off your first month of seeds DSO one daily symbiotic. That's seed.com slash bad friends and use the code bad friends. In college, we used to go to parties. If we went to a flat house and they had a pool room, they'd always had a pool table. We'd still one ball. We'd always still one ball Did you ever get the full set? No, no, no, no, we'd always just like to steal a ball because it would fuck because you You now they have to go get yeah, and you can't buy one ball Amazon didn't exist back then some pledge got

Starting point is 00:48:19 His ass here. I know I love one ball. We used to steal one ball all the time my dad fired three employees because of me and I never told anybody Could I stole 14 grand from my dad safe? Hold on What the fuck Bobby? I used to steal a pool ball. You stole $14,000 not in one shot even still What was your what was your like average when I was using when I was 17 when I was using drugs? Okay, every Friday my dad would he had six clothing stores in San Diego. Fashion go. Right. So he would go. He would go to every fashion go and pick up money in these brown paper bags that were stapled and then bring it back to our house put in the safe and then Monday would deposit. I don't know what he did that way. And you knew the safe combination? No, I said, I had it in my license.

Starting point is 00:49:08 So I'll do that for you dad. Scumbag. So I would go, I bought a stapler and open the bag and would take a couple hundred bucks out. So funny. I love that the big investment was a stapler for this whole operation. But I gotta just need a credit.

Starting point is 00:49:22 Now I was able to back together and he in his mind, he thought it was like His employees we fired them So through the law store job. Yeah, yeah, and now I'm sorry. I had to do math And now your dad is dead because of all this yeah Wherever you wait you think he's dead of the stress from the firings Yeah, because he knew those people were good people yeah, no, and I think his dad because he knew those people were good people. He had nothing to do with that. Yeah, no, and I think his dad died honestly, because those people were good people.

Starting point is 00:49:47 He knew it, he felt bad, and he thought something was a foot. And sure enough. That's what I wanted. But you think you stole around 10 to 14,000 hours? Yeah, a lot. Did you? Yeah. How much?

Starting point is 00:49:58 You know, I used to steal from my dad. My dad kept his wallet in his top sock drawer, and if it wasn't on him and it was in there, I know that's because he's in the shower or he always kept his wallet on it. Like he wouldn't know because you heard the shower run it. If I knew he was in the shower, I could get in there and get the wallet. But he would always keep like, he always kept cash, but he would keep a couple hundred bucks in his wallet at any given time. But if he had broken a hundred during the day, I could snipe a 20 or two out of there.

Starting point is 00:50:25 But if I took a hundred, he'd if I took 100, he would know. Hunter, did you ever get caught? One time he said something to me about, I think he had asked, he forgot if he gave me money to get me and my sister, pizza. And he's like, did I give you cash for that? And I was like, yeah, I think you did. And he's like, did you give me the change?

Starting point is 00:50:43 And I was like, I think I did give you the change. And he's like, yeah, I'm short a little bit of money. Did you, you gave me the change? And then I immediately got to my room. And then I, oh, I found it. Yeah. He knew in my jeans. Very good.

Starting point is 00:50:56 Very good. I found it, dad. I'm sorry. That was, but then I think he put it together. He, I, that I must have been sniping. But a hundred dollar bill would have never, that's insane. He's a con. What would he want to punch you But a hundred dollar bill would have been, that's insane. He would punch you. Well, he punched me in just for regular days, but...

Starting point is 00:51:11 Well, in the face, I just like in the show, I got a body shot. He just covered body shots. I got a body shot. No, he wouldn't punch me. I don't know. I actually don't know. Like every kid steals from their parents,

Starting point is 00:51:22 I don't know what they would have done if they found out that I was Thievering. Hmm. Did you guys steal? Did they have that in Mexico? No. What about in Spain? You don't steal from your parents? You don't steal at all. No, pieces coins. Hold on. Did your parents have money? Yeah, look at them. Yeah. Okay. Well, if your parents have the money to give you, then it's a different story. But if you're like, right, needing to get something, you know, did you ever steal money? No, I did still buy it in. No, my stepdad had a pill bottle in the bathroom, and I would just get one pill at a time, similar to your story, I went and take the whole thing.

Starting point is 00:51:58 Can't you take the whole thing? You're a little bit off the top. You never can, yeah. This is how I know you're from Arizona. Oh yeah. Yeah, we're going for money, you're going for pills. Yeah, I never stole money. I'd steal money when Oh, yeah. Yeah, we're going for money. You're going for pills. Yeah, I never stole money I'd still money when I worked at the coffee shop when people wouldn't tip I would like add a dollar to the receipt

Starting point is 00:52:11 Okay, I sold that's like fraud. That's not even Yeah, straight up Prison you go to prison for that. I made it. I made it out, but yeah, I still I'm fraud Sunday delight from who? From my roommate Alex Sonny Goliath. From who? From my roommate Alex. So what?

Starting point is 00:52:26 And you know what happened? He yelled at me and he goes, I know you're fucking drinking of, and he started putting a red marker where he left it off, and I would fill it with water. So eventually it was just water. Oh my God.

Starting point is 00:52:38 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I never stole from my roommate, I never stole from roommates. No. I was always so scared of that thing. Yeah, I mean, it's like, well, I liked them. You didn't like your roommates? No, no, I was like, but also the only time I ever had an inclination was I wanted a new phone

Starting point is 00:52:56 and I couldn't afford it and they gave me rent because I was the responsible one. And I thought, I should just fucking go by that fucking phone and not give the rent money and then we'll figure it out later, but I didn't do it I did poor though with I remember doing I was 24 what I was like I need a phone so bad Wow, and I was gonna do it. I didn't do it. I'm glad I didn't do it But I really thought about because when you have the cash in your hand, you're like I could do it Never gonna know. Yeah, what would you do then you would have to make up the money though? No?

Starting point is 00:53:24 Yeah, but I at that point you're you're so you're so horny from the thing I'm gonna do it. I'm never gonna know. Yeah. What would you do then? You would have to make up the money, don't know? Yeah, but at that point, you're so horny from the thing. Hey, you're running on that high. Hi, dude. Yeah, yeah. You don't care. You're just gonna do it. I mean, we used to steal, I've talked on the show,

Starting point is 00:53:35 I used to steal from McDonald's constantly. Yeah. My buddy, Chris got, they got fired for stealing cash. We just steal food and sometimes a couple of bucks, but those, What do we call them stealing? They would steal, those guys got fired. They stole a couple of hundred bucks every week.

Starting point is 00:53:48 I think they would, I mean, they were, I did too when I was bartending. You would like, bartending that's part of the course. You have to steal when you bartend. It's part of the game. It's part of the game. Do you remember,

Starting point is 00:53:58 what the hell was his name? Pete Johansson. Oh yeah. He used to work at the Roxbury on sunset back in the 90s and his bar manager would come over to him at the beginning of the night and be like make sure you're taking a little for yourself tonight because you're not taking a little you're taking a lot And that's like what goes down with bartenders. Thank you. Yes, when you're but when you're poor They kind of fight you have with the roommates or particulars Is it gonna be a phone bill and my we were I was living silver like

Starting point is 00:54:26 In case it looked the phone will go who called Santa Monica I mean, it's like like that those kind of fights. Oh, yeah, you're so hungry and you have no money. Oh, we used to fight terrible The toilet paper fight was endless was endless because it was like I'm not buying it It's like well, I'm not fucking buying it until you get a bathroom that's of your own. When you're not with sharing bathrooms, always an argument in a fight. I already bought it, you fucking, you buy it.

Starting point is 00:54:52 I bought, and then finally one of you gets an office job and you're like, I'm gonna steal it from the office. So I've steal toilet paper from my office constantly. I literally get it back in, load up on whatever I could get from the office, and then come back home and I'd have toilet paper turkey There's always Delhi meeting in office, you know, I would there's always Delhi me There's always somebody go get some PA had to go get done me so I get toilet paper turkey Penson printer paper and printer ink. I used to steal printer in the ring

Starting point is 00:55:20 Gold I used to steal that constantly from the old office Wow, and they never question it because the guy wasn't keeping inventory, he would just put it on the thing to go get and then assume an executive was just printing a lot of scripts. We ever, you guys are ever in point where you didn't eat at all, like you were just starving. Yeah, literally starving.

Starting point is 00:55:37 When I first moved out. For daily. I would say, just to the point where I ate ramen for like a week and a half straight every day. Yeah. But I did it for I would do ramen in the morning and then at night I tried it at least like buy like a from the grocery or the 7-11. I mean, not the grocery store.

Starting point is 00:55:56 I buy like an old sandwich, you know? First of all, you can't buy it old. What do you mean? Like, you guys throwing that out, I'll take it if I have price. Dude, at 7 11 Let me tell you everything there's all everything is Nothing new nothing new Well, let me say this now that you're so you're both single Bobby's yeah, how is it? What is it like is it?

Starting point is 00:56:16 Are you miserable or are you killing it? What's it like so aggressive tell me well clear I'm not sucking dudes tongues right now. So buddy I'm gonna say boy well. Is it going well Jay? It's when it is you know when you have kids And it's not that it's a different situation, you know, yeah, what about you? He's having a tough time why I think he doesn't really He's standards are ridiculous and my standards? I think he doesn't really, his standards are ridiculous. My standards do high.

Starting point is 00:56:48 And then he meets somebody that is probably wonderful and he just bales on them or he just checks out. I mean, like he did for his, when he was supposed to rush out. He's an hour set. Yeah. Like for your hours set. I don't even remember it.

Starting point is 00:57:00 But he does, but he needs advice. Help him out with this. I mean, what are your standards? Why do I have to be so high? Because he's a special little prince. I don't know, maybe it's, I don't know. I just, I like what I see, you know what I mean, Donald? Yeah, dude, I know it, but I think I'm like,

Starting point is 00:57:17 with even with the weight, I'm like a 7.7 and a half, I feel like you're a solid like 455, right? He's like 45. What do we have there? Well, I know, but I think what you do for living raises that number or no. I think, yeah, I think people enjoy laughter and charm and you have that and you are adorable.

Starting point is 00:57:35 Yeah, you know what I mean? So yeah, but I mean, I think it comes down to sometimes you just like, what do you think's Bob's flaw, Juice and why he hasn't found a new thing? Well for one I think it's okay to have high standards. Yeah thank you. I think you know what you want and you shouldn't settle. But you've been talking for a quick smash. But for a quick smash. I was with you. Stay with quick smash. That's where I was going next. Well I mean you should get a quick smash. Probably the key. But he'll smash anything. No, well, you've seen me with hot girls, but I see it with other ones

Starting point is 00:58:10 As well, that's true. Yeah, don't think you well when you were wrestling do you wear a mouth guard? Mm-hmm Do you remember when you're back in the days and they'd throw it in a boiling fucking fucking pot of water? You always did that you just bite down on it and your dad was like not that hot It's steaming hot Yeah, and you've cinched the roof of your fucking mouth with it. I always hated doing that. I was like, just let me use an old one.

Starting point is 00:58:30 He's like, you gotta get a new one. The old ones don't work. And you sit there, he'd boil it my dad. And he would take it on and be like, oh, I hear, put it in your mouth. shove it in your skull. Yeah, yeah. Sins your mouth.

Starting point is 00:58:42 I hated it. The dropping the weight for the tournament before is the worst. What you're wearing, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you. Do you know this I just I just brother was really good to yeah athletic no seriously They were really good. I'm super athletic. Well that that's again. Don't do that. We've talked about this That's not true. You're good at the some things and athletic means you have a broad range of athleticism across a border What it means? That's literally what a look at what a fuck athletic means. What do you think it me? What other sports you get at? Tennis starting wrestling to miss I was on tennis team in high school the physical equalities that are characteristic of athletes such as strength fitness and agility.

Starting point is 00:59:29 So you're not across those boards. You don't have strength. I could be if I wanted to be. Well, and if I think agility quick as fuck, bro. Like the flash still that's me dude. All over the place, right? What's the other one? I like that I could be a strength fitness and agility.

Starting point is 00:59:46 Yeah, I could do all that shit. I just don't want to. I like pizza. Yeah, and if I was black, I'd be in the NBA. I don't like that such a bad argument. I could if I was if it did. You're making me mad because the thing is that I'm not I could prove it to you, but I don't want to. It's bullshit then. Then it's fake. No, because just because I don't want to prove it. It's not real then. All right.

Starting point is 01:00:04 It's not real then. All right. It's not real. If you want to show me your athletic show. Are you athletic? Don't insult me. Don't insult me on our show. Are you athletic? He's athletic.

Starting point is 01:00:15 100% of athletic. Me too then. No, you're fucking not. Because you played golf. I played many sports my whole life. Me too. No, you didn't. You played, you wrestled, and that was a way.

Starting point is 01:00:23 And tennis team. What years on these things? Oh, I was on the high school tennis. He looked at the yearbooks wrestling and get the yearbook. He actually, it's like the wicket, pd page for it. I have photos on my Instagram. You did one year of tennis. No, years, I played with Michael Chang.

Starting point is 01:00:38 I was good. Look at, look at that. That's me and my brother wrestling. That's fine. First of all, it's a picture of you in wrestling uniform 35 years ago. Yeah, no that was in high school 35 years and then look at look at the third to photo up there. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,, that's a high that guy. Yeah, well, it's on you see the photo fuck face Yeah, no shit, but you're in the same weight class. That's me break dancing dude Wrestling break dancing I do it all he is multifaceted

Starting point is 01:01:14 Breaking is athletic. Let's be honest. There is eating chicken wings. There is eating chicken wings. Let's go down That's who you are. Yeah That's you that's the Bob I. And I know that guy right there. J. Larson is a good old friend of ours. We've both known for a long time. Who's a hilarious comedian. And we would highly recommend you please watch J. Larson's special on YouTube. What's it called? We'll link it. Yeah. fans link it, please in the description. I appreciate that, boys. It's called Sounds Like Bruce. Sounds like Bruce.

Starting point is 01:01:48 Okay, Bruce. Which is a phrase from arguably not just Jay's or one of the best jokes I've ever heard. If you know it, you know it. If you've seen it on the internet, people probably, some people, I'm assuming a lot of people already know. But it's a good call to one of the best jokes I've seen on the internet. What is this? Bobby sent this to me.

Starting point is 01:02:14 Bobby sent this to me to, we gotta go to church. You sent this to me. I did not say you that. I'll show you the d.A. I think I did, yeah. You did. Yeah. And he said we need Jesus. I did not say you that. I'll show you the day I did you did Yeah, and he said we need Jesus we need Jesus This man is just beating his patrons with a bell

Starting point is 01:02:36 And and they're taking it. Yeah That's a Sunday morning by the way where is What's that? We do know where it is? Temecula no Temecula California my friend no. Temecula California, my friend. No, we don't know. I don't know where it's from. He sent it to me and just said we got to go to church. I just felt like the Lord calling might me.

Starting point is 01:02:56 You want to get beaten, Paul? I deserve it. You think so? Yeah. A little bell. Don't you deserve it? I think it's pretty dogmatic to want pain and pleasure and I get what it means to you. It's one of those things where you kind of go, you know how you see a cooking show and

Starting point is 01:03:11 go, oh I'd love to eat that meatloaf. What? I want to know what that feels like. To be in a church and get beat by your preacher? Well I mean it's not like he's repeatedly doing it so maybe one swac, you know, my buns will jiggle. Just one swac if it's fine. Yeah I don't think. Yeah. And we just want to know what that feelsiggle. Just one swag of it's fine. Yeah, I don't even think.

Starting point is 01:03:25 Yeah. And we just want to know what that feels like. Let me make a mens real fast. All right, sorry. Okay. Go ahead. You are athletic. No, it's okay. Look at me.

Starting point is 01:03:33 I've seen you do things that are very athletic, okay? And you're strong in your smart. No, no. And I care about you. No, no. And you have a good penis, a regular, nice regular penis, okay? Okay. No. You don't want it? I don't want it man. You really made me mad shut up Shut up fuck you no fuck you you shut up a fucking guy. I just said it's nice stuff to you

Starting point is 01:03:57 I know but you know and then you said no 45 minutes your week you got nothing I didn't say week once I didn't say got nothing once did I think as your week you got nothing did I didn't say week once. I didn't say got nothing once did I fancy? As your week you got nothing did I say anything like that? No, I was just implied is Implication yeah, you you don't think I can take implications. I know what they mean. What did they mean? That means I could read through the lines between the lines. What do you mean? What what is that? I'm calling me a little bitch. No, I'm not No, I'm not and you when you get to get with your white jockey friends Yeah, I'm not and you when you get to get with your white jockey friends Yeah, I'm calling you out dog We're fucking bullies getting together right and you team up on a little of a little guy of us three

Starting point is 01:04:35 The only guy that could be a jockey would be you That's another joke No, I just say this the only reason I say you couldn't be a jockey is because they're very athletic. They're very very athletic Look at what you guys do What do you mean try you or you come to my podcast and you fucking treat me like that both of you He's been saying it was his the whole time. Yeah, I know he thinks it's his all right all of you in the room Hear me roar. We love you hear me You need a chill you to fuck you need to slow down. You're a part of the whole thing

Starting point is 01:05:07 Oh Right no I've had enough of it. I'm drawing the line right now. I love you right. I'm 51 I'm athletic. I could be you're right you could be yeah even more I choose not to I agree I like that all right And I will fuck you guys out one day. Thank you for being a bad friend. Woo! Yeah!

Bad Friends - Bad Friends Battle Rap

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