Bad Friends - Barbie & Ken Breakup
Episode Date: October 23, 2023Tour Tickets: https://badfriendspod.com Get MORE Bad Friends at our Patreon!! https://www.patreon.com/badfriends Thank you to our Sponsors: Morgan&Morgan, ButcherBox, Shopify & Vroom • Morgan & Morg...an: If you’re ever injured, you can check out Morgan & Morgan. Their fee is free unless they win. For more information go to https://ForThePeople.com/badfriends or dial Pound LAW (Pound 529) from your cell phone. This is a paid advertisement. • Sign up today using code BADFRIENDS to receive free turkey + 20 dollars off your first order at https://butcherbox.com/BADFRIENDS • Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month tiral period at https://www.shopify.com/badfriends • You can buy a car from Vroom entirely online. So, next time you need to buy a car, just grab your phone, go to https://Vroom.com, and check out thousands of cars. YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 Barbie & Ken's Evil Spirits 7:44 Carlos Misbehaves at Santino's Party 13:10 A Barbie Girl in a Barbie World 19:20 Bobby's Spiritual Awakening 26:06 Does Everything Happen for a Reason? 33:15 Bobby Lee is a Dodo 39:13 Carlos Wants to a Taxidermy Bobby 46:33 Santino's Advice for Trick-Or-Treaters  59:49 A Fancy Jigsaw Shocks Bobby More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Juicy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jetskijohnson/?hl=en More Fancy SOS VHS: https://www.youtube.com/@SOSVHS Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/  Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod  Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.net/ Podcast Producer: Andrés Rosende This episode contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey, we are in trouble. We have what this is our last leg. This is it, baby for 2023.
Important leg. Important leg. It's your favorite leg. Denver, Colorado.
This weekend, we're in Denver at the Bell Co. Theater. Denver come out and see us.
Then we go to Milwaukee. Milwaukee. Then we go to my hometown Chicago, Illinois.
That many apples and we're to get them.
I'm a lesson. Then we end in Madison, Wisconsin. Guys, what you guys are with the best
dates left. That's it.
That's all we've got.
Check it out.
Check it out.
Denver, Milwaukee, Chicago, Minneapolis, and Madison.
Go to bedfriendspod.com.
Badfriendspod.com.
Come on Barbie.
Let's go party.
Uh, uh, uh, uh, I've never seen.
You've seen Barbie.
I've never seen Barbie.
I don't even know how they talk.
They're telling this.
Well, I'm Ken and that's my girl Barbie.
Hi, and I'm Barbie.
That's not how she talks.
How do you talk?
I'm Barbie.
No, that's not how she talks.
That's how she talks.
Yeah, all right.
Trans Barbie.
What did you just say?
Stop.
Stop.
They're all trans.
I've seen the dolls.
That's right, they are, they are.
Okay, guys, we have a weird thing happening on the TV
Well, first of all, can we wish everybody a happy?
Hello, what's going on right are you go right into bits happy?
Hello, hello, and we have a shot over
These two idiots
You two are disgusting
Something bad friends I'm Agedin. You two are disgusting. Are you two or something?
We're bad friends. Tt-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t Come on Barbie, let's go party.
It hurts.
Does that how it sounds?
So anyway, welcome to Halloween.
Halloween Halloween.
Halloween.
And be careful because you can indirectly summon evil spirits during the holidays.
Halloween and you know, you're inviting the demon
to come into your lives to be careful.
I agree.
I agree.
I agree to that.
I'll ghost this morning in my house and I'm actually not.
Tell me about your ghost.
I'm not joking.
Describe it to me, the ghost.
So I was looking up, we were cooking breakfast this morning
and I looked up in the hallway.
There's a little hallway that goes into my living room
and then into another hallway.
And my dog will often sit and stare at that hallway.
And she sits and stares at it all the way.
By the way, your dog.
Yeah.
The best black dog I've ever seen.
Yeah, I know.
We got rid of the white one.
Wasn't good enough.
Yeah, I mean, that dog was doing slam dunks.
Yep.
Did you hear her rap?
It was like jiggling. Yeah. Have you hear the rap. It was like jiggling.
Yeah.
Have you met the dog?
It was like, if you put down it like cardboard box,
flat, it starts break, it's the best.
It's the best black dog.
Yeah, anyway, go ahead.
No, but my dog will sit there, right?
And she'll stare at the hallway, creeped out.
All the time.
All the time, so that's-
And then this morning, I looked up from eggs
and looked back down and a vision went by.
And let me describe it to you.
Please, please, let me close my eyes.
All, Lanky, long, shitty, wispy hair.
It sounds like okay.
Okay.
And it's awkward and it kind of hunches when it walks.
So it has a very forward hunch. Almost like...
It was Arish of here. Oh yeah, it was there.
Yeah, he was like, he just slept over.
Oh, I see.
Yeah, he was just going to get there.
Cause the hunch, and the way you, okay.
Exactly, he slept over.
No, but no demon, go back to the demon.
Good demon, demon.
Long, like one of the tree people.
You know the tree people that have long,
like daddy long legs, like?
Lord of the Rings, tree people.
Yeah, the tree people.
Long. I have no idea what those people look like. Oh, you never tree people. Yeah, the tree people. Long.
Honestly.
I have no idea what those people look like.
Oh, you never saw it.
I know, I don't know.
Fuck it.
I don't care.
So anyways, long.
What is the Slenderman?
Slenderman.
Yeah, Slenderman.
No, Slenderman is a Jewish demon.
Yeah, Slenderman.
The Jewish demon.
Slenderman.
Slenderman.
Those two different.
Slenderman.
And Slenderman is my accountant.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's your business man. So my accountant was at your, yeah, he was there. Oh, I see.
And he kept walking to the house and he goes, you have to do your text. Oh. So he's always
at my house doing that shit. Yeah. Yeah. So I saw the, I saw a vision of the body going through
the hallway and I got goose. Do you call him goose pimples or goose bumps?
You say bumps, bumps. What do you say? Um, what, I don't, I've never gotten them.
You've never gotten goose bumps before?
Never.
Our, our skin doesn't do it.
Asian skin doesn't, goose bumps.
No, we don't do shark, we don't do.
You duck, you guys duck bump.
We don't have awakenings.
You guys duck bump.
We goose bump, you duck bump.
Yeah, no, I, I do, I get fucking goose bumps as big as coconut balls.
What is a coconut balls?
You mean a coconut? I just woke up so, you know, when I just woke up, I don't know what I'm saying. Coconut balls. What is coconut balls?
You mean a coconut?
I just woke up so you know, when I just woke up,
I don't know what I'm saying.
Yeah, I get goosebumps because coconut, coconut.
Coconut.
Pfft.
No, but I get them.
I mean, what's the lesson about a goose bump?
What's the last time you got a goose bump?
People cheer.
Yeah, dude, I'm getting it right now.
Yeah, that worked.
Coconut balls. Whoa, yeah, or when I'm getting it right now. Yeah, that worked. Coconut balls. Whoa, yeah.
Or when I have a spiritual awakening.
Give me one.
Did you have one recently?
I went on a spiritual awakening in many, many years,
but you know, I had one when I was the bigger,
well, let's talk about later,
but I never really shared it,
but I had the craziest where I went.
This is where I went.
There is no coincidences at all.
And this is the Lord's work.
This is the Lord's work.
And I can share it, but anyway,
can you tell me to go back to the thing?
I'd rather you share it.
You're deep in the middle of the world.
You're talking about a demon, you're fucking house.
Let's go there.
Okay.
All right, so more slenderman was in the house.
More slenderman walking through the house.
Yeah. Filthy flowerman was in the house. More slenderman walking through the house. Yeah.
Filt the flow as he hated the house.
It was dirty, it was, we didn't clean.
But I immediately got this feeling in the pit of my stomach
that someone had died in the house.
So I texted my real estate agent and I said,
did anybody ever pass away in this home?
He blocked my number.
Whoa.
So what that means to me is he killed someone in the house
while he was selling it.
What I think was, this is my, my brain.
He was showing the house, someone was criticizing it.
You know when you go through a house,
you're like, I don't like the fixtures.
His door seems a little, he couldn't do it anymore.
Well, I was at your house last night.
Do you remember?
It jerking off.
He was jerking off.
Yeah, he was jerking the guy off.
He goes, by this house. Oh no. Yeah, we had a little miniking off. He was jerking the guy off. He goes, buy this house.
Oh no.
Yeah, we had a little mini get together.
It was a great get together.
I ran into people that I hadn't seen
the long time decrease.
The Christ, yeah.
And then dude.
And this is, I'm kind of mad at you.
Why?
In fact, I'm furious.
What did I do?
Because you know that kid Matt.
Yeah.
He did Fairfax.
Yeah. You know him, right? Yeah, he did Fairfax. Yeah.
You know him, right?
Yes, yeah, he's a good friend.
So check it out, dude.
Last time I was like, he goes,
yeah, and I offered you that thing.
He did, yeah.
On Fairfax.
He offered you a role in an animated Fairfax.
And I go, wait, it's you, yeah, Matt.
Cause I know of known Matt,
but when you called me and said,
do Fairfax, you never said it was him.
I'm sure I did.
No, you didn't. You just gave me what the money was and I was like, no. Well, that's rightfax, you never said it was him. I'm sure I did. No, you didn't.
You just gave me what the money was and I was like, no.
Well, that's right.
Yeah, you said no to the money.
I don't know if he reached out though, I would have done it.
Here's what it sounded like, boy.
It sounded like this.
Hey, my buddy Matt is making this show called Fairfax.
That's actually a cool show on Amazon.
It's an animated show and it's offering you X amount of dollars.
That's what I said.
What you heard was, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah through. So you're a great party. Another thing I saw was, oh you had some...
What are you talking about?
You walk in, you go, okay this is Andrew Santino's private mini party.
Elite only.
No.
Elite only, right?
In my mind.
Yeah, it should have been.
I was driving up to your house, I was like, oh fuck,
who's gonna be there?
Chris Pratt.
Right, yeah.
You know what I mean?
It's some other guy.
He was cleaning the pool. I was, yeah. Anyway, I walk You know what I mean? It's some other guy. He was cleaning the pool.
I was, yeah.
Anyway, I walk in and I'm like,
oh, that's pretty good.
That's pretty good.
That's pretty good.
You know, some producers there.
Yeah, some, yeah.
Yeah, it's some high tech, right?
But then you had mixed in with it borderline homeless.
Yeah.
Well, when you refer to that,
you're talking about, I'm like,
oh, it's not fancy. Well, here about, yeah. Oh, it's not fancy.
Well, here's the deal.
Yeah, it's not elite.
We needed someone to get ice, and I said,
Oh, he goes,
Dan, do you mind if I stop by?
And I said, you can be there for 15 minutes.
Yeah.
I said, drop off the ice 15 minutes,
then you gotta go.
But the worst person that showed up, by far,
let me guess.
Go ahead, one, two, three, Carlos, obviously.
And here's what cars, Why, why what car why why and I'm gonna tell you
I know you think I'm kidding around he tried to hook up with my wife twice hit on her two times drunk as fuck
Drop the multiple shit on the ground. I picked it up. I picked it up barely barely dude, and here's the funniest part late at night
I'm not making anything up. I
Got there's a bag of Tostitos chips
Right yeah, I hear from the fucking other room. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Yeah, and hailum like a pig and he's spilling all over the floor. Yeah, and I go dude one at a time. Yeah, one at a time
And he goes as a hyena pa. Yeah, right? So it's like the crunching
Look at like this with your hand. Yeah
So he's digging in there and he's crunching them and it was little and I was like buddy one chip at a time
That's not go they're not going anywhere. Yeah, they're your chips and those chips say
What did you say?
What was your response?
I don't remember.
I just was trying to get them all in at once.
That's what you said.
That's what I said.
What are you doing?
Also, if the chips were closer to the mouth,
they start whittling away because of his breath.
Oh my God.
They jump off.
The chips are like, yeah, you know what I mean?
They just, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm saying. Yeah, dude, it was, he was struggling. I'm sorry, yeah, you know what I mean? They just, no! No!
You're insane.
Yeah, dude.
He was, he was showing.
I'm sorry.
No, and then I'm, but you're a good guy, but you're a breath.
Come on.
And then on top of that.
On top of that, so little patio, we have a nice little patio.
Beautiful patio.
Everyone's hanging out.
I put out in the case that there might be bugs.
It's just little spindles with little thing you light it and it's for bug, you know,
bug off, like little off-candle.
And draw this way, this way.
Time out, you shut your mouth.
This fucking guy uses it as an ash tray.
Dude, Bobby.
Bobby.
I, I, I, I, I,
I, you might as well just ask it in that baby's head.
It was a baby there.
Oh, no, no, it gets worse, hold on, hold on,
let me get to that part.
Now, only to use the off-candle thing as an asterisk,
he's smoking, sharing cigarettes. Yeah, dude. Next to my buddy's pregnant wife.
Yeah, dude. Lunatic. Lunatic. You're a lunatic. It was a joint. Yeah. Yeah. No, you smoke a cigarette. Then you guys smoke joints.
Then you smoke more cigarettes. Next time, if you're gonna bring Mexicans, bring the darker skin one. That's right.
Because these lighter skin ones, they're arrogant.
Well, you know, what do they think they're above it?
And he didn't even help to clean up,
which, you know, a darker skin,
they would have done it.
Yeah, they would have also built a gazebo
and helped with the sense.
Dude, rip in butts next to my buddy's pregnant wife.
And I mean, huffing down cigarettes,
they took no breaks.
It was chain smoking weed in cigarettes.
How long, honestly, though,
cause I left, I was there for an hour, maybe you're there for an hour and a half.
How long and be honest was Carlos there for all night. One of the last ones to leave to midnight.
Yeah midnight, third. Yeah. One of the last ones to leave. When did McCone leave?
In my mind, he was never there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but his physical presence. Yeah, he was around
the same time. They left together because you know, These two are up to no good together all the time. Did most of the people stay a lot of people kick a lot of the people had to kick it
And also, you know, those nice people that wanted to stay late to talk to the old lady was nice and what did we do by the way
You want to talk about a dual Halloween birthday party?
We served ramen for you
That's true that I was wondering why there's so much ramen here for you. We had homemade ramen
You get some homemade ramen. That was good. there's so much ramen here. For you, we had homemade ramen. Wow. Did you get some homemade ramen?
That was good.
It's really good.
You made home?
We make the broth from scratch and then we get the fresh noodles from the market.
Wow. Is it good?
I mean, it was so good.
You didn't have any?
He already ate.
No, no.
And you know what he ate before that?
Ramen.
I wanted to get it when he brought it.
Well, if I knew that you were going to have ramen, I would have got the ramen.
I just assumed you said I'm probably gonna go to dinner
and I thought, well fine, here's an idea.
Why was it friends?
Anyway, my point is, okay, so back to the,
oh, and then you said something,
and then you get you to the state,
and then what else?
You look good, Barbie.
Okay, thank you.
Honestly, when I see you,
I realize why I'm in love with you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, party. Do you know that song that I'm singing? No, but I don't want to know.
But I don't want to know.
Look it up.
Who do you who wrote who sung that?
You don't know this song.
I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world.
Life is plastic.
It's fantastic.
Vote for Trump 2020.
For to get him back.
Is that the lyrics?
Yes.
We should vote for Trump.
And who sings it? Barbie. Aqua. Zoom into the lyrics? Yes. We should vote for a jump. And who sings it?
Barbie.
Aqua.
Zoom into the lyrics and let me see if I can get this.
Hiya, Barbie.
Oh, is that the part of the lyrics?
I'm saying it to you, it's the beginning of the song.
Hiya, Barbie.
Oh, let's do this as a dialogue.
Well, we're trying right now.
Right, so you're trying to.
All right, all right, so okay.
Hiya, Barbie.
Hi, Kim.
You wanna go for a ride?
Sure, Kim. Jump in. I'm a to. All right, all right, all right, okay. Hiya, Barbie. Hi Kim. You wanna go for a ride? Sure Kim.
Jump in.
I'm a Barbie girl.
Okay, listen to the beat.
Oh, that houses to the dialogue still.
No, that's the song.
Uh, uh. Uh in plastic, if fantastic,
you can brush my hair,
undress me anywhere, imagination,
life is your creation.
Very good, dude.
That's very, very good.
Okay.
Come on, Barbie.
Let's go party.
And then you have to go like this.
Oh, oh, oh, yeah.
Ready?
Come on, Barbie.
Let's go party.
Whoa.
Whoa.
What? Whoa, whoa, whoa. What was that? That was a real orgasm, dude. Ready come on Barbie. Let's go party
What what what what was that that was a real orgasm, dude? Did you really just pop one? That's a real orgasm, dude when I do fucking orgasm singing dude. It's real it does see do it again
Come on Barbie. Let's go party
Is that what you sound like when you shoot? Yeah, dude, you don't like it? I do not. I do not, but I'm not the girl so it doesn't matter.
What I do is I give them the little um, plug ear plugs. Oh, so they can't hear you.
I put them in right when I'm about to come. Oh, I put them in.
Do you know what Carlos said to me last night? No joke. Hey man, this area, this area that you live in has a ton of good prostitution spots.
Oh my god. Did you say that?
Are am I making that up or not? No, I did say it's the suburbs. What the fuck are you doing?
Oh, it's the yeah, it's the valley. Yeah, but but he literally goes this is a hotbed of prostitution spots
Did you say that I did I did I did say that okay? So don't make it sound like you didn't know I was embarrassed of my words
That's why you said it to the entire party. Well, I was just trying to tell you in some
Everybody heard you were outside talking out like you literally go this is a hotbed a prostitution spots
and i got to tell you i woke up and i'll know you don't remember what happened
last no i remember a little bit and i was like oh no i'm calling you right now
let me see how you react bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb Bob. Bob. I haven't picked up yet. I know I just like to talk. Oh.
Bob. Hello. Bob. Carlos. Wait, what? Who is this? You don't have call already. It's me. No, Andrew. Yeah. Okay.
Carlos have my house last night. Trump. He sucked your house. What. Okay, Carlos left my house last night.
Trump.
He sucked your house?
What?
You said Carlos sucked your house last night?
I gotta go.
I know.
Is that your cousin's girlfriend?
He doesn't have a girlfriend.
Who is that girl though?
Then she's a single girl.
There's just girls that were there.
There's people that were there.
Yeah.
She's pretty cute.
Are you interested? No, but who is she?
You're interested who is she though? Well, I'm not telling you on air. Okay, but I mean are you interested?
There was something about her eyes. I like the eyes too. What eyes were I like when women's eyes are close together. Yes
This is interesting. I always get girls with cross eyes and close together. What do you mean? She doesn't have cross eyes
They're like you know what she told me. Well, you mean? She doesn't have cross-eyes.
You know what she told me?
She's never been in a relationship in her whole life.
God bless.
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Different is calling.
So a long time ago, when I was 17 years old, I got sober.
Yeah.
Well, that's it.
What do you guys think?
I'm coming.
No, so I got sober and I was very active
in, you know, local San Diego recovery scene, right?
I had a sponsor and, you know, and all that stuff, right?
And so then after about five years,
I fucking quit going to meetings, right?
And I started doing stand up,
because it filled my heart.
Right?
And then I just, it got to the point
where years went by and I didn't know
anybody from the thing anymore.
From what thing?
Oh, from the recovery or anything.
I didn't have a single number.
I didn't know, but I hadn't been to a meeting
many, many years.
And then when I was 30,
when I had almost 13 years of sobriety,
when did I relapse when I was on that TV?
Yeah, that was the first time you relapsed.
That was the first time, right?
So, but that was an opiates run.
That's bad.
I had a vikin' addiction.
Pills are so bad.
So bad.
It was fucking bad, dude. At one point, how many
Vicodin pills were you taking a day? Do you remember? Probably anywhere 40 to 60.
In a day? Yeah, they said Brett Farve takes that. I do Brett Farve's numbers.
I hung out with him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I could throw football. He's like, come on,
man, take one. You're like Farve, chill out, dude. I was taking a lot and there was 40 is insane.
And there was this sketch guy, I can't see his name.
No, don't.
But he's like a 500 pound Mexican dude.
Who's a fluffy?
No, who else does sketch comedy?
Gabriel Iglesias. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Sandborn, I remember saying right now would look at the window and he would just roll down the hill
You know me it's a roll down and you that fucking bags of hills. Joey DS. It's somebody like that. Yeah, right anyway I almost died right and then what happened was I
Went through a withdrawal that you wouldn't believe and I went to a hospital in San Diego and I was desperate
I was dying and and what they did was they
Abby my manager she booked me at a place called the optimum
optimum
Health Institute
It wasn't a fucking rehab. It was a it was a weak grass farm
Oh my god, so I show up. I'm detoxing up a vikin and I'm in a room Abby has a room next to me
Did she really into weak grass?
No, she's like, I wanna lose weight.
So you can detox here, but I could also lose weight.
She was shoe-horning her weight loss.
You're a fucking rehab.
So check it out, I'm at the optimum health.
I wake up, I'm shaking, I'm going through with the,
they don't have pills or nothing.
And then they're drinking, you get weak rest for lunch.
Is that dangerous? Can't you die?
I could have died.
Yeah.
And also, I need recovery.
I need to go to a meeting.
And I was desperate, dude.
I was a board.
No, I said an inch.
Stop doing the board it.
I'm sorry, I don't like the board it.
I'm sorry, is this boring?
No, not at all.
Here's a spiritual lake, any part.
It's fun for me.
Yeah, here's a spiritual lake.
So one night I go, I swear, I fucking God. I's spiritual league any part. It's fun for me. Yeah. Here's a spiritual league of it. So one night I go,
I swear to the fucking god,
I need to go to meet you.
This is not a recovery play.
I go, why am I here?
And so I go, I go, give me money.
She goes, why?
I need money, give me money.
She's giving me like 40 bucks.
She goes, why I go,
I'm gonna leave this place tonight at 11.30.
I'm gonna hop out of the fence. I'm gonna round, it was in San Diego. I was gonna run tonight at 11.30. I'm gonna hop out of the fence.
I'm gonna round, it was in San Diego.
I was gonna run down this hill.
It was probably like a quarter of a mile, let's hill, right?
And I know that there's an in and out,
some from San Diego, around there.
There is one down there.
So I run down the salt, right?
And I go to the in and out, and it was like,
all they had was weed crest.
No, I ate, you know, hamburger,
and then I went, there was a vans next door
And also what yeah, I'm gonna go to the vans. There's always a vans next year
Yeah, and there's 24 hours yeah always and and I was also like crying
Desperate that I was desperate. I was praying to God when I was running running like I need help. Yeah, I feel lost and
So this is gonna so cheesy. No, I feel lost. And so this is going to so cheesy. No, I like it. Barbie, come on. Okay, hi back. So
here, so I met the vlogs and I go, you know what, I'm
with an apple. Oh, no, what guess? And Adam came out and you
were Eve, and you started. No. I thought that was, what?
I thought, and nothing to do with a pipe,
those who was something to bubble go.
Oh cool, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I didn't think so at all.
So, all right, so here, this is the cheesy part.
What kind of apple?
For me, I like Laksins superb.
I would imagine Fiji for you, but go ahead.
I like Fiji, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, red lips is good. Oh, so good ahead. I like Fiji. Yeah, Fiji.
Red delish is good.
Oh, so good.
Golden delish is so good.
Very good.
Anyway, let's give me a move on.
Washington, there's so many.
So I pick up an apple.
Right?
And I hear Bobby.
The apple is talking to you?
No.
Oh.
What?
Yeah.
No.
And it turned around. And there's a dude right behind me and he seems familiar.
You know him but you don't remember?
Yeah, it's been a while.
Like I, it was he a teacher of my older man.
Older man, right?
Older man.
Yeah, that used to fuck this guy.
I don't, you know.
I mean, 50-50-50-50.
Yeah, 50-50-50-50-50-50-50, right?
And he goes, it's me.
Will. Smith. No. Okay, 50, 50, yeah, right. And he goes, it's me, Will Smith.
No, okay, sorry.
Some random guy named Will.
Okay.
Some random guy.
And I go, dude, you were my first sponsor.
You know what I mean?
When I was 16, you know, I mean, whoa.
And he goes, yeah, dude, he goes, what are you doing here?
I go, you know, I relapse and then I, you know,
if I get it and then, oh, I ran down the cell,
I told him the whole story, right?
And I go, I go, what are you doing here?
He goes, I was speaking at an A meeting in Arizona
and I was driving back.
Wow.
And I'm on the freeway and I'm like,
somebody told me to come here.
I just sort of got, I sort of got, he says this.
Whoa. And he goes, and he goes, and I walk in, and there you are.
And I go, how you like them apples?
You didn't say that.
It's not, no.
Sorry.
He could have though.
And then he goes, I have all your,
like you want to call, I have everyone's number.
From all the numbers, I lost the cast.
From, right.
So I got, you know, Dan, old man, Dan,
old man, Dan, right?
And I got all these guys numbers.
And then that week, everyone picked me up
at the optimum health institute to get you back,
to take me to meetings.
It was a very essential, we, I mean, part of that.
And I stayed sober for 17 years after that.
That worked.
But to me, that felt like a spiritual awakening.
That is very deep.
That is an actual spirit.
It's probably coincidence.
No, I don't believe so.
I've never asked you this.
Do you believe the things happen for a reason?
Like it's sort of like pre-planned destiny?
Destiny, or do you think it's just random chaos?
You know what I mean?
It's tough.
What do you think?
It's tough for me.
What do you mean?
Because my answer is gonna sound annoying.
I wanna know for real.
Well, it's gonna like be annoying.
I'm okay with you,
because I was really bothering me.
No, you look so pretty.
I know my kids can't do it.
Well the hat, but please leave the hair.
No, please, if bothers are gonna be my,
I'll leave the hair out there. You look so pretty with the hair. I actually looked at you a few times and I thought you fucking can't do it. Well the hat, but please leave the hair. No, please, if bothers are getting my eye, I'll leave the hair out there.
You look so pretty with the hair.
I actually looked at you a few times
and I thought, you fucking sexy little Korean shit.
That'd be great.
What's your name?
Dutuy-ne.
Oh, Dutuy and I, where are you from?
Oook Island.
Oook Island?
Oook.
Oook, like oak trees?
No.
What, what no?
Oook, my back.
Oook, my back? Oook, my back island. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, No. What? No? Oh, come on back. Oh, oh, come on back. Oh, oh, come on back. Yeah, yeah.
Anyway, so what do you believe? I believe that
there is a part, there is things that are out of our control that I'm not saying it's supposed, it was supposed to happen.
But I do think you do things in life that lead you to where you're definitely supposed to go.
We were supposed to do this show and it was kind of unbeknownst to us.
Like, you do believe that.
A little bit.
That when we met that day at the store and became friendly with each other years and years
ago, the universe was like, these energies will meet again. And I do kind of believe that. I don't know why. I don't, I, I'm not saying like,
we're destined to have a huge podcast and, and, and go and tour the, no, I'm just saying,
I believe that the universe wanted us to continue to come back together.
And just like partially, if I'm going to be honest, I think the universe wanted me to
be there for you and you to be there for me for my reasons, for your reasons, me kind of helping you get sober again
or this show kind of reinvigorated a part of you
as a comedian and as a person and I don't know.
And then you for me get more balanced.
I understand that, but then how do you explain
the kids that die in like,
I'm not gonna say, I like, in Darfur,
they're born with HIV.
It's a war, war, war, war, in D'Arfur, they're born with HIV, it's a war torn country,
they die as babies, I mean, what is their destiny?
What do you mean, they met with...
I mean, did they have a destiny?
I know, but that was their destiny.
Yeah.
To be born with HIV, did die in a war?
No, of course not.
No, I think that, I think that, like I said,
no one's life is perfectly mapped out, but I think that when things happen in your life sometimes, it's out of your control.
Life is a mystery.
Life is a mystery.
But no, why do kids get that's why I don't believe in one omnipotent being.
Why would you give children cancer? That's why I don't believe in one omnipotent being. I would, why would you give children cancer?
That's insane.
Yeah, I believe when I die, I'm gonna open my eyes
and I'm gonna be in some sort of machine, right?
And it's gonna, it's gonna open up, right?
And I'm gonna have a bunch of people,
I kind of vaguely know they're gonna go,
that was fun, right?
Oh, that's cool.
And I'm gonna go up and I go, whoa.
And I was, I'm gonna be at some sort of arcade
in the future. The dude, whoa. And I was, I'm gonna be at some sort of arcade in the future.
Yeah.
But dude, that was only three fucking spectics.
So they played you.
It's their time, their money.
Spectics.
Spectic.
I go, spectic, that's our money, right?
Yeah, dude.
Yeah, you wanted to, you, because you did the,
a factory and a comedy one.
Yeah.
You're gonna check out this other one.
It's so much fun. That one that's successful.
You could be home hardy.
Oh, there's a timer.
Yeah, but that's 40 seconds.
That's spectacular.
So hard to get 40 spectics.
Yeah, I don't have 40 spectics.
And I'm gonna like realize, holy shit,
it's all gonna come into me.
I go, oh my god.
And I'm gonna look at my body.
I'm gonna be like nine foot nine.
That's how tall I am.
Doubt it.
Yeah, I'm seven foot three, but everyone else is nine.
Nine right?
Right, right, right, right.
And I'm not even, you know, I'm speaking a different language.
I'm like, ah, you know what I mean?
And I'm gonna go to my fucking,
and I'm gonna realize, oh shit, I washed dishes
at this truck stop in space.
Right, and I just, I'm gonna realize
the three spectacles that I spent right was my month worth of month
month of life that was your lifetime life my life's the savings back to the
day my mom's like why did I pick the fat Korean ride imagine you're a
beautiful handsome like male model in that other world yeah you picked this
body and this thing could you thought it'd be funny to be a comedian then you
go back to watching dishes and you realize the whole time, you'd rather
be a hot guy that watches dishes and stuff. Right. Then pays three spectics to be a Bobby
lady. Yeah, but it'll be interesting. I think that's what's going to happen. I'm kidding. I would
pay so many spectics to be you. You're worth all the spectics. If everyone's life is a ride,
like let's see how much spectics it would be. Yeah. Like Carlos' ride. You know the ones
at... We're future people, we're aliens or whatever. We're at an arcade that has this thing. You know
that you know the rides at six flags that do like just like 80 loops in a row and then it also goes
backwards. That's his fucking shit. Mine's scared straight. Like if you're in trouble, you're a teenager
in space. They make you be me on earth. If you were a roller coaster. They're gonna wake up, they're gonna die,
they're gonna go in and they're like,
oh wow, glory holes are bad.
You're right.
They'll learn something.
Not bad.
But if they did your ride at the arcade.
Oh, okay, okay, yeah.
I just, are we on the right?
How many?
Frequency?
Frequency?
Oh my God.
He's not, you know why?
Cause he's hung over and he's guilty.
No, I had a burger.
I've been drinking water all day.
What did you do when you left my house?
I woke up the next morning. Where did you go? Did you go get food? I went home?
I didn't you didn't go through a drive-through no
What do you think it's gonna happen when you die? Don't give me heaven. Give me something else. I don't have it
I don't fucking when you die what's gonna happen nothing this? No, I think I'm reincarnated I
Believe in reincarnation. I think what can do what? I come back.
I mean, this time, I kind of know a grasshopper.
Holy shit.
I'll tell you why when I was a kid.
Wow.
Kids were killing grasshoppers in the neighborhood.
What kind of fucked up kids were you hanging out with?
I went to a terminally mentally challenged school.
These kids were killing grasshoppers
and I stopped someone from doing it and he was like,
why? I was like, I don't know. I don't like it. I didn't like it. And I thought,
that's going to be me someday. And something's going to save me. Wow.
And the universe paid itself off that day. Wow.
There was a weirdo in our neighborhood. You just reminded me. He go catch fish down by the water
and he'd throw them against the wall.
What a fucking asshole. Dude the first I remember the first time I saw it and I was like he's gonna kill people when he gets big
He'll kill people. He would just throw a fish against the wall. Yeah, and he was so crazy But no one could say anything cuz he would have beat the shit out of us
He was huge. He was like a he was like a fat one. I was lower than the other one
He was like a fat goon and he would catch fish and be like
In a check it out. Yeah, he was huckin against the wall dude, and was like a fat goon. And he would catch fish and be like, he would check it out.
Yeah, he'd huck it against the wall.
Dude.
And we were also scared to say anything.
I imagine if that happened to us,
we get dragged into water
and a fish throws us against the fucking coral reef.
And that's what you'd get.
I'm already drowning.
I hope that's what he would get.
That's why reincarnation is real.
Oh, wow, dude.
I think so.
I think I'm coming back as a grasshopper.
What would you think would happen?
Because I indirectly killed a bird. Dude, that's weird. You said that. think would happen because I indirectly killed a bird.
Dude, that's weird, you said that?
I thought I think you'd come back as a bird,
but a flightless bird.
Whoa, like what do you call it?
You're a dodo.
It's a thing of flamingo.
Just a dodo.
A dodo, what's a, don't call me that.
You're a dodo.
I'm a dodo bird.
No, he's a dodo.
This is a hundred percent of bobbily.
That's not you, that's a hundred percent.
I guess that is me. Look at that. That's me dodo. This is 100% of Bobby Lee. That's not you. That's 100% you. That is, I guess that is me.
Look at that.
That's major.
I just woke up.
It's three.
Look at that.
Yeah.
And look at all happy.
Oh, you're so happy.
That is Bobby Lee.
Whoa.
A flightless bird.
The only reason they say these things survived so long
is because there was no predators.
Really?
Nobody wanted to eat it.
Wow.
I think it's a lot of time.
They were in Australia, right?
They're still alive.
I don't think there's a lot left.
They're still going.
Are they still around?
Extinct.
Don't it became sick less than 80 years later
because the deforestation, hunting, and destruction
there, yeah.
Yeah, so they did die out.
We can bring them back.
They've got to be able to bring these things back.
I imagine all the things, man, that we fucked it,
extinct. Well, dinosaurs weren't our fault. back. Imagine all the things, man, that we fucked it, extinct.
Well, dinosaurs weren't our fault.
I know, but after that, man.
What, like, what things do we extinct?
Well, I know there's like two snow leopards left.
No, there's more than two.
How many snow leopards are out there?
There's six, seven thousand, not bad.
Four, dude, four species of antelope, four thousand
is a lot that good, that's not a good number.
Okay, Boston was about that, like 4,000, 5,000 people.
That was a lot of snow leopards in that.
The Boston, the arena that, or the theater we played in Boston, you tell me if that was
where all snow leopards, you wouldn't be like, that's a fuckload of snow leopards.
Oh, let me think.
Spread across the world though.
Yeah, yeah, that's a lot.
Too many.
Plenty. Yeah, it's the animal's? Yeah, yeah, that's a lot. That's a lot. Too many.
Plenty.
Yeah, it's the animals, humans of K-Buff.
All right, the Stellar C-Cow,
which is also Carlos' mom.
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I gotta be honest with you,
most of these animals that we've extinct
were pretty unattractive.
It's like we killed all the ugly ones
and kept the cute ones.
But why, like, you know,
people get killed for like tusks.
It's, it's,
if you're an animal with a tusk,
you know, right, or horns,
or any of that kind of stuff,
you're pretty fucked, huh?
No, no, what do you mean?
Well, I mean, that's the why people got,
that's why people killed them for like,
hey, look what I got.
Not all of them.
People took elephant toss for ivory
because it was a, it was a tradable good.
I'm not saying that.
What do they use ivory for?
No one.
What do you use ivory for?
Well, it used to be piano keys for one thing,
but ivory can be used for a myriad of things.
Counter tops, tables, I mean,
wow, that's why they killed them. Jewelary piano keys, yeah. That be used for a myriad of things. Counter tops, tables, I mean, wow. Figured they killed them.
Jewelry, piano keys.
Wow.
Yeah.
Chess sets.
You ever played chess with ivory chess pieces?
Whoop.
They're nice.
Whoop.
Very nice.
So interesting.
I've never played chess.
A collector's mentality, people have also been known to use bribe government officials
because it's rare than money or gold.
Right.
People go on those hunting expeditions and they get elephant tusks.
They're like, Trump's kids. Yeah. Yeah, they go on those hunting expeditions and they get elephant tusks.
They're like trumps kids.
Yeah.
Yeah, they got to do it, right?
They got to do it.
Go get me a tusk.
Hahaha.
Have you ever been to somebody's house
who has like dear antlers on the fucking wall?
No.
Not you.
Never.
But it's the same.
Yeah, I've never thought of it creeps me out.
Yeah, I've never seen a hunter's lodge.
Yeah, why would we go?
I know, I want to go to a hunter's lodge.
I mean, I've been to, that's not true.
Well, I've never been to like a guy's house that hunts,
but I've been to a place to hunt.
Yeah, it's interesting people do it,
and they have the half the body of something, something,
on the wall.
Yeah, right?
No, it's usually the head.
Oh, it's the head.
Why do they do humans?
Why don't... Steps up, let let's just let's again. The way you
asked humans in was something that you
been thinking about for so long for so
long and you were like and you looked at
me like we're I'm about to bond with
Bobby. You go, humans?
Fuck yeah, that's what I've been thinking about.
Yeah, but if you die, and I had like a Bobby,
like your original body, like in my living room
that'd be insanely awesome.
Like the top Bobby.
No, you wanna keep his dead body in your living room?
Well, I mean, they make it all nice and stuff.
Like they do for the long life.
They make it all nice and stuff. Yeah, they like make they put wax on him. Do you mean they?
Who's they? They petrify him. You mean you're talking about like taxidermy? Yeah. Do you want a taxidermy
Bobby? That's just the top like sticking out of a wall. Like his bust. Yeah, exactly, but you know,
not like standing free. It could come out of the wall like a TV. Oh, cool.
Yeah.
So when you have people over, you're like,
that's my old buddy Bobby.
Yeah.
And what expression do I have?
Let me guess.
Let me.
What?
What?
What?
Was your friend taking a shit when he died?
No, no, he's Asian.
Yeah.
Oh, he's Asian.
He's Asian.
If you had the bust of me in your house,
what would my expression be? Very stoic and serious. Also look like I'm taking a shit. Oh, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's he said that. Cause you know he's been waiting to be like, don't you guys think slavery's like not that bad?
You know what I mean?
He says stuff like that.
You know he says stuff like that.
Yeah, it's deep inside.
No, I'm not pro slavery.
Yeah.
What about,
sounds like there's a butt coming at it.
What about formaldehyde?
Yeah, if you put me in a tuxedo and a top hat.
Yeah.
And I'm just floating in formaldehyde.
No, they dip you in it. They don't, you don't float it. They dip you in it. Well, so what's the stuff that they put with the frogs? Cato and a top hat. Yeah. And I'm just floating in formaldehyde. Is that great?
No, they dip you in it.
You don't float it.
They dip you in it.
What's the stuff that they put with the frogs?
They put in the jar.
Like an independent say.
Well, yeah, they put a jar and that liquid.
What's that liquid in the jar?
That might be formaldehyde.
That's what I'm saying.
But I don't think you could float in that.
I think when they do that, they put it inside of your body.
Look up.
I think they put formaldehyde inside of your body.
But it probably works to be on a jar.
Real like a like a Disney like Walt Disney's head. Yeah. Well, he's
crowd genically frozen. Isn't he frozen?
I think I put them in jars. There we go, dude.
Man, it's just like that we got to go to the head.
Well, that's just Halloween. Here's
Oh, there I am. That's had a Portuguese university in its well
perspective. See, this is perfect. That's kind of looks like you.
Yeah.
I know, dude.
So doing that, but my whole body, yeah, just a good idea, dude.
And this would be all, too.
Oh, cute.
You wouldn't want that whole body.
Imagine how weird your penis looks floating in a jar with you.
Oh, that's right.
You know, I think about that all the time, like, you know people
say they slip in the shower and they die. You know, that think about that all the time. Like, you know how people say they slip in the shower
and they die, you know that happens a lot,
like they're slipping the tub.
And I think, I would please God don't let me slip
in the shower and die because they see you,
what are you in?
And you're wet with your little penis is wet.
And it's tiny because you're in the shower.
Like your little wet penis and your dead.
That's why I got rid of my fungus.
Because you don't want to die.
My left foot, remember I had a fungus on my back. Yeah. It's all gone got rid of my fungus. Because you don't want to die.
My left foot, remember I had a fungus on my left.
Yeah.
It's all gone, but the reason that my biggest fear was,
if I died and then I had to find my body,
my brother would be like, yeah, that's him.
Look at the foot.
Look at his foot.
I gotta get rid of that.
You gotta get rid of it.
Like my dick.
Why do you care about your dick after your dead?
Listen, what I'm saying is, I'll tell you,
I used to have a joke about it,
but I wanted to die with clothes on
because it genuinely scared me,
because paramedics are gonna come in the room
and they're gonna go, dude.
No, they're not!
Yeah, they are.
No, they're gonna be,
Santino, look.
If it was a murder scene, no.
But if it was just, I had a heart attack.
They're gonna laugh, they're gonna go,
dude, that's the bad friend's guy.
Look at his little naked wet penis.
Like if I had to identify your body,
you know the unzip.
Yeah.
And they look at your face, right?
You're not the unzip.
No, no, no.
I'm gonna go, can you zip it further down?
No, not you.
I wanna go.
I'm saying the paramedics walk in, the corner walks in,
and they go, don't touch it,
you know, we're trying to leave the body alone
until you know, paramedics go,
and they all get in there and they're looking at me in the shower, and the water's like, you know, we're trying to leave the body alone until, you know, Paramount is going to, and they all get in there and they're looking at me
in the shower and the water's running and I'm wet
and my penis is tiny resting against my balls
and I'm dead and you know, one of them's gonna go,
it's not even that cold in here. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You think those guys don't make jokes sometimes?
If it's a murder scene, no.
But if it's just a regular death,
you don't think those guys make some kind of,
how do you deal with it?
This is what I would do.
This is what I would do.
I'd see your body and I would look at your head
and go, oh, fuck, I'm a huge fan.
And I would look down and I'd go.
See?
I'd say, yes.
It's a little, you know what I mean?
Everybody's penis is gross and water is so.
Right, right.
When you get out of the shower,
yeah, unless you're like hooking up and you have a hard on,
when you just get out of the shower,
your penis is so weird and wet and like sad.
And like a little, you know what,
it looks like one of the extinct animals that we had,
one of those little,
yeah, it's gross dude.
Huh.
You look at your penis after you take a shower, huh?
Looking at it the whole time.
I'm trying to kiss it.
Yeah.
I'm doing stretches.
That's why I hurt my back.
You might take though.
It goes, if I pull it out right now,
don't even see it.
I'm not going to.
But it's in my body.
Oh, it goes.
It goes all the way in.
It's the whole thing just goes in my body.
Do you know why you know why it does that?
It wants to stay warm.
It gets closer to the warmth.
Is that why?
Yeah, it squiggles in.
That's why your balls go up stairs
when you're in cold water.
I stalled.
You stalled?
I stalled your wife's joke.
What?
I stole it.
What joke?
With the white, the little people.
Oh my god, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I said it on a podcast.
That's okay.
And I didn't give her credit.
That's okay.
I just feel like I was a thief. That's nice. That I didn't give a credit. That's okay. I just feel like I was a thief.
That's nice.
That joke was so good.
Yeah, that was my wife.
It got a huge laugh.
What pod?
I don't, I'm trying to think about what,
but I remember thinking when I said it,
I was like, oh my God, what am I missing out?
But I was like, but I was like,
oh, I have to tell them that I said that.
Yeah.
They don't want you guys to think that I stole, you know what I mean?
That's okay.
But that's nice to say that to the audience. I mean, this will never cross guys to think that I stole, you know what I mean? It's okay.
But that's nice to say that to the audience.
I mean, this will never cross paths, but it's-
Tell people the joke.
You tell people the joke.
You're the one that told it.
Well, you said, you're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- We're- Little people have bad breath. Yeah. And then your right is proposed.
It's because their assholes are closer to their mouth.
Their esophagus is so short.
And when she said that was like, dude, that's the funniest thing I've ever heard.
The very good joke.
She knocked that one.
That's a whole minute.
That was very good.
That was fucking so funny.
Very good one.
I got to tell you, we have...
Nevermind.
And I just said, let's just say it.
There's little people couple in our neighborhood
and they went trick or treating last year.
And they went as full size people.
They were stills.
That's clever.
No, they didn't do that up here.
No, I was like, that's genius. No, they didn't do that, I'm kidding. I was like, that's genius.
No, they didn't do that.
Wow, they didn't do that.
But I am excited to feed the little kids candy
because I love, I get excited.
In fact, anybody who doesn't decorate their house,
if you live in a neighborhood where kids come through,
right, well, you're in the hills.
No one's gonna come up in the hills.
But if you live in the flats,
if you live in a neighborhood that's not hard to get to,
and you don't decorate the house a little bit
and you don't hand out candy, you're a piece of shit person.
And I mean, you're a piece of shit.
Because I remember what it felt like when I was a kid,
and we would go to houses that were decorated,
and it felt like what a fucking cool, weird night
where people you never met before open up their home
and they give you candy.
And it just, and we're all in this together.
It's like a mob mentality but for good.
And then there's people, I remember houses
that never turned, they turned all the lights off
and they never decorated and there was no candy.
And I wanted to fucking break all their windows.
You're lying.
And we'd egg those houses.
When I was a teenager, we'd egg the dark houses.
If you didn't decorate, you got egged.
And I think today, kids should be doing that.
I think you should be egg in houses that don't decorate.
You know what I would do?
Smoke meth?
No, I would address up to right,
and when they'd bring my dog out and open it, they'd go,
trick or treat.
You know what I'd go?
I'd be like, I'd have my own basket, I'd go,
trick or treat!
Oh nice, yeah, yeah, yeah, reverse psychology.
And then they would have to give me their candy.
Smart. Smart. Has that ever been done? Oh yeah, got a good, yeah, reverse psychology. And then they would have to give me their candy. Smart. Smart.
Has that ever been done?
Oh, yeah.
Got to go.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, by a mentally unstable person.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Imagine what Halloween is like in a mental institution.
All right.
Everyone's just going around.
Yeah.
What do you mean?
Imagine a mental institution during Halloween.
Yeah.
They dress up like normal, wealth, like full functioning adults.
Yeah. And they have full conversations like,
how was your 401k, Mark?
They pretend to be totally normal.
Yeah.
That's cool, man.
How's your wife and your kids?
That'd be cool.
Oh, dude, there was an old woman in our neighborhood
who used to hand out change.
That's good.
And this is so mean.
Then the kids would, when they would leave, they'd throw it at her house. That's good. And this is so mean, then the kids would,
when they would leave, they'd throw it at her house.
Cause they would.
Well, it was like panties.
She'd give you like more panties.
Oh, wow, wow.
So kids would walk down the street.
They would throw it at her house.
Yeah.
And it was like mean, but funny, but like also don't give
people panties.
What the fuck?
Yeah, or don't put razor blades in the apple.
No, no, not in an apple.
You got to be way more creative nowadays.
What do you mean?
You gotta put in something that's a little bit tricky.
I mean, if you put in a Reese's peanut butter cup,
I gotta tell you, it lays per-
Like what would you do?
A titsy roll.
You could unwrap that.
You put a needle in there, yeah.
Not a needle, but what's fun to put in?
By the way, I think this is-
Oh, dude.
I think this is lore.
How many times did they really find out?
Who's taking the time to do this?
And also, you're gonna be able to find the house?
Yeah, well, no, you're not,
because you're getting to the camp.
All right, all right.
Wow, let me look at that.
Whoa, dude.
See, this is my problem.
Who does that?
Somebody did that.
They put a nail in a fucking kit cap.
Yeah, somebody's a piece of shit.
What a piece of shit, dude.
But you know what's crazy?
That's Carlos, yeah, Carlos.
Carlos and I have caramel apples this year.
What's insane is they say check your kids candy.
Do you think parents go through all of their kids
can't they be hard to do?
Oh, way.
Would you let your kid trick or treat
when your kids old enough?
I think so,
because I never had Halloween when I was a kid.
You guys don't do anything like that?
Now, it's universal,
but when I was growing up,
they had carnival and things like that, but it wasn't as fun as
DSTLSWERTUS, right? That's Mexico. Yeah, right. That's the real one. Oh, I love Mexicans. Yeah, this is maybe this the dopest
VLODO that's the coolest. Yeah, so cool. So what is it called that's calling that makeup?
The Calaberas, the Scalcs, Scalcs. What is this called in Spain?
This is the other of those mortals,
but we don't celebrate it like this.
Do you say that's what those
were our religious day?
The day of the dead?
Yeah.
But you don't celebrate anything like that, huh?
No, no, no, no, no.
That would have killed so many people
for somebody's rights.
Right.
So you're afraid they'll all come back
and it's like in Killa.
Yes.
This reminds me of Coco.
I don't know if you saw Coco,
what am I saying?
Yeah, that movie made me cry, too.
Of course, what do you mean, bald?
If you didn't cry, Coco, you're...
That movie made me cry, I didn't love Coco.
If you didn't cry at almost every Pixar movie,
you're a fucking weirdo.
Okay, what's the most you cry at an Pixar movie?
I know right now.
Go.
Up.
The month.
The month, the month, huh?
Yeah.
The beginning, yeah. it'll break your little fun
It'll hurt but the rest of the movie you don't cry, but you cry there. Yeah, when his wife dies beautiful montage
I didn't cry at all for inside out that wasn't a cry for me
I didn't cry and I didn't cry that I liked it though. It was good. Yeah, I didn't cry there
And then what was one with the with the black guy who's a jazz musician?
Error Griffin It was good. Yeah, I didn't cry there. And then what was one with the black guy who's a jazz musician? So.
Error Griffin.
Yeah.
So yeah, so do you see that?
Yeah, but I didn't even cry either.
I didn't see it.
Is it good?
It wasn't good.
No, it wasn't that good.
Is it an Asian one?
I think that.
Yeah.
Mulan.
Mulan.
That's not that.
Oh, that's not.
Yeah, Mulan.
I'm not talking about Pixar.
I'm talking about Pixar.
Yeah, the color of Pixar.
The turning red. Turning red is my documentary. It's also not not turning red. Is it about Asians who drink? Yes, I never saw the first person saw that the first Asian lead movie is what it is
The first Asian lead Pixar film. Yeah, it's turning
Yeah, is that you Bob?
Yeah, and all of the kids got to meet Bobby Lee that day. I did one movie called wish dragon
But I don't think anyone saw it show me wish dragon
Oh, that's so cute. Is it all Asian? Yeah, are you the dragon? No, I'm like a henchman
Cool who plays the dragon a famous Asian guy at Jackie Chan
Really I think so he can barely speak English
What does that say there you are that you playing the henchman?
Oh constants woo Jimmy. Oh, yeah, that's me. That's me. Oh, there's oh, that's great. Yeah
I mean that must have made some good money, huh?
I've never heard of this.
Is it not out? Maybe it's not out?
It's out! It's been out for years! Fuck you, man! You never heard of that!
Hey, box office mojo.
And they watch everything.
It's bad. Box office mojo, that movie.
Dragon, whatever.
Whist dragon, box office mojo. Let's check it out.
It made 21 million holy shit. That's bad
That movie probably costs like 300 million to make
Whoa
It's bad wait 21 million it was never a United States release right only put it there
They also only streamed it will do wish dragon budget. Why why would I I play a handsomere who gives a shit's not your fault? I do nothing. Wow, they lost four million bucks. No, plus all the market. Right. So they lost 50 million
bucks. Dude, can you imagine being part of a production company? That's a great rating though.
6870. It's really good. Yeah. Can you imagine me in the production company and they're like,
this is going to be it. It's going to be this beautiful animated Asian movie. It's going to crush.
Yeah. And then they're like,
we lost 50 million.
It's funny, you know, you have literally no control
of like when you get, no, no control.
You get it, you go, me?
I hope it works.
You want me?
And then you dream.
Yeah, you go, you know, you kind of go,
oh, this is gonna be it,
and then I'm gonna do other things.
And this is gonna be my Ted Lashow.
It never, it's always like that. And then you're like, oh, I'll is gonna be it. And then I'm gonna do other things. This is gonna be my Ted Lashow. But it never, it's always like that.
And then you're like, oh, I'll wait back in line.
Yeah, I'll back, back where I belong.
Like a couple of years later, you get something else
and then you go back in line.
It's really, when people hit a home run,
it's in front, no people do though.
Yeah, it almost never happens.
Yeah, I know.
The point is it almost never happens.
But people, yeah.
You know who I think is gonna hit a home run soon?
Oh, fancy. Oh yeah. I actually think something's coming for him. You know who I think is gonna hit a home run soon? Ooh, fancy.
Oh yeah.
I actually think something's coming for him.
You know why this universal thing?
I swear to God, I feel like something's coming.
But what I do wanna say that I'm not happy about
is this SOSVHS and how we deserve residuals for it.
You know, it's, it's,
he started that on the heels of this place.
He's utilizing all of that.
On my back.
On our back.
You started it on my back dog.
And also, are we gotten paid for that? Do we get paid for that?
You guys get anything you want. Really?
Okay. Okay. Give me a white kid. No, no.
The numbers are okay. No. You know, they're good. They're good. They're good.
They're it's good for a guy who literally never did podcasting. So he came to us. Right.
It's you know, some people you you give them a little
Give them an inch and they take a mile, but you they take the whole empanada. I've seen you on stage before. Yeah
Do I have you see them at the live shows? Yeah, you know, do I watch him when we're doing? No
And when he walks out I could see the crowd sharing. Yeah, then I can see his ego and everything
He just gets out like it's a drug. Yeah, not right. Gink to it. Why do you then why do
the. You're projecting your project. In. Whoa. I'm not
tired of fight. Dude, I'm not projecting. Dude, you better leave Barbie alone.
You saw me going to stay. I'm I'm shaking. He is a little excitement. Yeah.
Yeah. You know what? George hasn't. Yeah, George's sick. George has it.
He loves the fame.
What about you, Carlos?
You know he loves the fame.
He's fucking eating it up.
Yeah, it's nice.
What is your Instagram following growing?
Yeah.
Are you getting a lot of DMs?
Because I saw you at I'm Boston.
Remember what I whisper to you.
Yeah, it was so weird.
What I was pretty, what do you say?
What I whisper to you on stage.
Do you feel like you're a big deal?
No, she said that to me when I grabbed him out of the elevator at the hotel
Do you feel like you're a big deal? No, and then I yelled you're projecting on to no you are a big deal act like you're a big deal
So not true bro if your actions
Coral it with how you feel, but I don't act like I mean his head is big is getting bigger for sure
Yeah, yeah, you have like when you pick us up at that hotel stuff to go to the venue
Yeah, you have this when you're walking this way guys and you're like almost like get out of the way
Yeah, I'm trying to do my job well important people are coming through and when I look at you
I go just calm down dude. You're not that big of a deal. It's because you were probably power hungry.
A little bit, dude, be honest.
Like, yeah.
Are you a little power hungry?
It's just a tiny bit.
Okay.
That's okay.
At least you're not just ready.
I admit it.
Yeah, projection, see, you like it too.
You think I, dude, I'm like, not me, dude.
You think me, you think me?
Yes.
I think you.
Bobby, are you giving me an example why I'm power hungry?
No, I think you like power. You like fame. No, I know, when I'm at the venue, I don't, I think you Bobby. Oh, well, you can even example why I'm power hungry. No, I think you like power You like fame like no, I know you when I'm at the venues. I know I don't I
I'm scared that's so not true
Who asked more of a star him or me? I
Think you you
You hide in the green room. That's what shite stars are to. That's the stars do. Oh, they do.
Andrew says hide in like the stage hands. Where we hide? I go say hi to everybody. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I want to talk to them. Yeah
They're probably for every time I meet a stage and I go are you related to me? They're probably family members of mine. Yeah
Is many laborers I have what do you what is this video? Oh, gosh? It's actually the big foot and also what we what we do?
What can we do this? What is this? Oh, yeah. Well, let's see this real fast. What is this?
A new big foot video. It's pretty crazy. Dude, I saw this. Tell me if you think this is bullshit.
I've never seen it. So this couple from a Colorado train says they captured this. Huh.
And it's a video of a big foot. Okay. Now loop it again. Go backwards. You can see. Look at that.
Oh, wow. It's a big foot. Shut up, fancy. Oh, wow. God, damn it.
What do you think? I like how they, fancy. Oh wow. God damn it.
What do you think? I like how they're highlighted, like you didn't see it.
Wow.
What do you think?
Any head down, I just, I gotta say this.
If this was coordinated, pretty good timing
on a moving train going on a Colorado,
because this is far away.
Yeah.
Wow.
That's not no big put, dude.
But if Bigfoot, who is that?
What is that?
It's like a Duncan Trussell.
You think that's DT?
No, but it's that type of dude.
You know those guys are like,
I'm gonna live in the wild.
I'm gonna do something fucked up.
Yeah, yeah.
Or a Shafir, yeah.
Like Harry out there,
I wanna be detached from society.
I just don't get it.
That's a hairy thing.
It's weird. You can't really tell, but I can't tell, dude't get it. That's a hairy thing. It's weird.
You can't really tell, but I can't tell, dude.
But it's in the middle of nowhere.
They did say it's in the middle of nowhere.
Also, of all the places that I thought Bigfoot would be,
not in Colorado.
Yeah, also.
I thought it'd be way up north in Canada, like.
And he decides in open sun, sit in the middle.
You, he would sit behind a tree or under why would he do this?
Well, he's going to get food or somewhere. He's pulling take a shit. Yeah, oh yeah, that is weird. He does blend in really well. Yeah
What do we think do we think this is real?
I gotta see a body then I gotta see we gotta kill it. Well, we gotta kill it. Yeah, I gotta kill one and see.
What if that's, what if that,
what if when Jesus came back, he came back as Bigfoot?
Wow.
That's how he hit it.
All these years, he's just super-faceted.
He's just having fun with us.
What is this thing?
What is this?
Yeah, what is this?
Let's do it.
Oh, no.
Hey, Andrew.
Hey, Bobby. You've been really really by friends.
And now you have to prove that you care about the ones who look so hard for you.
We have been to glory holes and milk and tables for you.
At least one of us has.
All you want.
Anyway, in front of each of you, there's
a color. Please put it on. It's won't work unless you put it on. So please put it on.
I'll wait. Yeah. I get it all. I don't want to be shocked. Does it hurt? Yeah Yeah, it's for sure it hurts
It's not on let me see set it off. It's not on it's not on it
It's my con got it wrong theme. So this is a barking thing. It doesn't work. It's just out now
Do we believe these fucking guys? No for real but come got the wrong one so I can't I don't do the remote control
So how does it work you have to bark?
Really put it on in bark. Oh, you put it on bark.
Root, Root, Root. Wait, put it on. Get your arm. That's big.
It's your throat. No, it doesn't know if it's a throat.
Nothing. This is them fucking with us just making us bark at these
collars. That's so funny. I'll be fucking ass on it.
That was good.
That is very fucking, dude, that's very good.
Fuck you!
No, that's good, you got us.
That was a very thing, dude.
If you fucking do something, Carlos, I'll fucking eat this shit out of you.
I'm dead, so I'll fuck you up.
Fucking dick.
I want to say something Carlos. Yeah, what's up? I will give you a thousand dollars in cash if you
There's no remote I promise you I'll give you ten grand the fucking
Okay, we're obeying the orders. Okay, so obviously Spanish.
I mean, dude, it's so funny when you hear me,
he's like, dude, people have done so much for you.
Of all the people that speak clear, coherent English
at the studio, I found it to be a lot more menacing.
Yeah, with the Spanish actor, it's a little bit more menacing.
All right, let's see the rest of the video.
Is it, is there something that's gonna?
You have to answer two or three questions correctly.
For everyone answer, you get a shock and surprise.
Ha ha ha ha.
Answer wisely.
Oh, okay.
What did bad friends start?
What do you want to know?
What year?
Yeah.
Oh fuck. No, this is good. start what do you want to know what year? Yeah.
Oh fuck.
No this is good.
Now I wish we did have the shockers.
2020.
That's right.
What is what
This is just for them to have yeah go what is it do it this is the solve way at this point this has nothing to do with us
Get it out
Oh my god
Oh my god you can't get you can't get through it
What is college's birthday? The month of the birthday month April
I can't hear what he's saying
No surprise. Yeah, no shocked. I'll thank yeah
We'll part of Spain is fancy from
We'll part of Spain is fancy from
Southern that's that's not true
The fucking hard dude what the fuck dude I fucking that's not fucking funny. I fucking told you not to do it dude
Dude I'm not putting the fuck fuck you dude
Got it wrong baby. You lost
It's not fucking funny dude. You just said that it wasn't fucking, he the fuck. Happy Halloween!
And thank you for being a bad friend! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!