Bad Friends - Bear Friends with Bert Kreischer and Tom Segura

Episode Date: March 29, 2021

Listen to 2 Bears 1 Cave: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/2-bears-1-cave-with-tom-segura-bert-kreischer/id1468013270 New Merch Out Now! badfriendsmerch.com   Thank you to our Sponsors: https://babbel.com code: badfriends & https://www.upstart.com/badfriends & https://www.meundies.com/badfriends & https://ritual.com/badfriends YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Audio Subscribe: https://apple.co/31Jsvr2  0:00 Santino's Tour Dates   1:09 Tito Bert and Tito Tom Intro  5:45 Bert's TickTock Knowledge  8:41 Rudy Schools the Boys on Grateful Dead & John Mayer   10:42 Tom DJ's at a Party with Questlove  15:45 Rudy Eats a Box of Uncrustables & the Boys Call Bobby and Andrew  26:14 Jo Koy's Tabu  29:12 Bert Does Accents  31:48 Rudy Does a Bert Kreischer Impression  36:28 Bert and Tom Discuss In and Of Itself  39:52 Second Call to Bobby and Andrew  47:59 Script Reading: Mean Girls  56:36 Script Reading: Good Will Hunting  1:06:50 Third Call to Bobby and Andrew  1:10:16 Bert and Tom Sing Daddy Why You Die   More Bert Kreischer  Bertcast Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/c/bertkreischer Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bertkreischer Twitter: https://twitter.com/bertkreischer Tickets: https://www.bertbertbert.com  More Tom Segura  Your Moms House Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/c/YourMomsHousePodcast Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/seguratom Twitter: https://twitter.com/tomsegura Tickets: https://tomsegura.com/  More Bobby Lee  TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com  More Andrew Santino  Whiskey Ginger:  https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino   Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com  More Bad Friends  iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/    Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod    Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/  Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom   Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart  Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast  Producers: Jenna Sunde, Joseph Faria, Andrés Rosende  This video contains paid promotion. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Merch! We got that merch, baby. Look at that. Listen, the other day I was walking around the house and Jules was wearing a Rudy was wearing this sweatshirt and I saw the bag and I put Joe in my heart. He was drawing her heart. Rudy put down those knives. This is an authentic Bad Friends sweatshirt. That's right. And if you want to be cool. Go to BadFriendsMerch.com or you're on YouTube. Look down below. There's all the on the merch

bar. You can click on one of those sweaters down below or whatever else we got there and buy yourself a Rudy hoodie. Also, I'm going to be Salt Lake City, Dallas, Houston, Boston, Atlantic City, and then a bunch of other stuff. Go to AndrewSantino.com for dates. AndrewSantino.com for dates. I'm on tour. Yeah.

And I'm going to be nowhere. You're not doing stand up yet. Yep. Come see me live. AndrewSantino.com. All right. You want to be Bad Friends? Anchor.

If you haven't heard about Anchor. It's the easiest way to make a podcast. It's the easiest way to make a podcast. Let me explain. Oh, please. It's free. Awesome. That's cool. These are there are creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or your computer.

You do it from your phone. Like on the go. Oh my God. That's cool. And on the bus or the subway you can do it. That's cool. Anchor will distribute your podcast for you so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcast and many, many, many, many, many more. Many, many more.

Go ahead. You can make money from your podcast too. No minimum listenership. How about that? You can make money with no minimum listenership. It's everything you need to make a podcast all in one place. Where do we have to go, Bob? Go to the free Anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started.

How are you doing today, Bob? Welcome to fucking, what is it called? Bear Friends. Hey guys, don't fix your dials on your, dials, what fucking year is this? You've got to tune into the right show. Get ready to unsubscribe. Yep. My name's Bobby Lee.

And I'm Ditto Andrew. Tito Andrew. Tito Andrew. Tito Andrew. I can call you Tito Tom. Okay. Oh, come Tito Tom. And Tito Bert.

Oh, just Bert. That sounds weird. Wait. No, but it sounds very like, like, okay, Tito Bert. It's good to see you. You know why we do this at 4 p.m., right? Why? Because the guy that normally sits there sleeps till 3.

So that's when he does the show at 4 p.m. This is amazing. We do our show at 10 a.m. I can't wait to do a podcast where you only get 200,000 subscribers. Who fucking made out on this deal, huh? I know. The fucking bad friends are all of a sudden on a hit podcast. Yeah, it's pretty cool.

And now all of a sudden we got to fucking lift them up. We got to come into this shit box and listen to this fucking dope out there. So is this, should this be like someone's, like, is this where people would shoot heroin at, this building? This looks like a fucking storage unit. It's kind of sketchy, right? I like it. Jesus.

Jesus, they have beaten the fuck out of you, haven't they? I know. You can come to us. You know you can be honest with us. You don't have to be like, it's cool here. I like Andrew and I like Bobby. You can tell us the truth. I don't like them.

Thank you. That's what I'm talking about. Thank you, Ms. Giuliani. Yeah, thank you, Ms. Giuliani. So, Ms. Giuliani, how did you hook up with these guys? I'm just out of curiosity. Um, Attica Lila. Oh, wait.

Are you related? Yeah. Did you just get a tattoo? No. Wait. Oh, wait. Do you live with them? Yeah.

I know who the fuck you are. Okay. Who the fuck is she? Oh, no wonder. I just put the mask together. I was like, she's Filipino. Yeah. Of course.

You are really good at doing this, man. I'm sitting here going, Jesus. Is she like a fucking kidnap or something? I know. Like blink twice if you need to get let loose. I know. She was like, I was in the Philippines. They promised me some modeling work.

They grabbed my passport. Next thing you know, I'm sitting here on a third mic on a fucking mediocre podcast. This is some fucking ginger talk to a fucking Korean guy. A guy who looks like an organism. Be honest. Hold on. Cheers. Cheers.

To bad friends. To bad friends. How bad is it to live with Bobby? Oh, that's right. You live with Bobby. Yeah. Live with Bobby. Um.

How gross is he? So what time? Yeah. Like what time does he get up to work out? Work out? Like exercise. I was joking. He wakes up around, I guess, two.

Oh, because he's probably up all night reading. Playing. Playing? What does he play? Like high and go see his stuff? He plays Call of Duty. Is it weird to you that a guy that sleeps till 2 p.m. and plays all night actually has a career, like an owns a house?

Yeah. Yeah, right? Does it, do you go like, that's America? Like, you can kind of be like, hey, I don't really try, but. It's confusing, but he does it. So. Yeah. What do you think's worse?

Like every night starting at like, say, 4 30 until maybe 10 o'clock at night, but then gets up and works out at eight in the morning. Do you think that's more self-destructive or a guy who starts playing video games at nine o'clock, eats sour patch kids all night and plays until like six in the morning and then sleeps till three? Who do you think's got more of a problem? The second one. Right?

Yeah. Do you think Bobby would be better off if he just started drinking and using drugs again and never touched a video game? Yes. Right? Like, I think I'm saving my own life. Now let's pick apart Andrew. Okay?

Okay. Now, had you ever seen a redhead before when you saw it not in the Philippines? Wait, was it exciting or gross when you first saw him? I thought it was really weird. Yeah. His beard was really red. But that sounds like you're leaning more gross than. Gross.

Like when you saw him, you just thought he was holding his breath really hard. Yeah. Like the only thing I know is like, like when stray dogs in my village have that little dart that comes out, that looks like you. Yeah. Do you have like a pejorative term for redheads in Tagalog or something? No. What would you...

I mean, if you wanted to insult him. They've never seen one. Well, yeah. That's like in America, what do we call those little animals that put on a cape and then do flips off a wall? Oh, we don't know what that is. That's only in the Philippines, right? What are those called?

Um... I just saw it on someone's Twitter feed or on TikTok. On TikTok, there are these little animals that put on capes and they're like this tall and they run around the Philippines. Those are dogs. Dogs, yeah. God damn it. It's on someone's TikTok.

I just saw this today. I'm obsessed with TikTok, by the way. You are? Yeah. That's a new obsession for you. Do you do the dance? What the... I don't do any of the dances.

And I'll tell you why. What do you do? Why? I just... I really like a lot of this knowledge I've accrued off TikTok. Mm-hmm. Like... Like those little animals that run around the Philippines with capes on.

Yeah. And run off the wall. It's an animal. Okay. I'm going to explain it to you, George. See if you can find it. Oh, George is going to struggle, but go ahead. It's an animal that runs up a wall and does a flip backwards off the wall.

How about this, type in mythical animal Philippines. What mythical animals do you have in the Philippines? Like, in our Northwest, we have a Bigfoot, right? Yeah. And then in the way, way, way north, they have the Abominal Snowman. I just realized, you sit here and you work with a fucking fancy bee. Yeah. Isn't that rough, knowing what they did to your country?

Who's fancy bee? Fucking the Spaniard, man. Oh. I don't know what they did. They would have come here, would have come here. The Spanish people were the first people in the Philippines? Well, they weren't the first people, but they went in there and they were the best people. Yeah.

They fucked it up. Yeah. Really? Sure. Was that why? They resent them. That's why there's Catholicism there. Really?

Oh, Tom's Peruvian. They did the same thing to his people. Yeah. Except his people hit up on the top of a mountain at Alts, dude. And it took those guys forever to get up there. And then they killed them all. Like, forever. Like, 60 of them.

Kill the fucking country. So wait, Philippine mythical creatures that everyone should look out for. Molto. Do you know what that is? Molto is just a monster. Okay. Keep going. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We've all got those. You got those. Let's scroll. Let's scroll. What about Aswang? Aswang? Yeah, Aswang. What's Aswang?

What's that? It's, I think it's just a... Is it this big? No. It's a lady. I think she's really what? No. It's a mancuculum.

Mancuculum. A witch? A witch. It looks like a witch. God, this is so funny. She's kind of a cute witch. I couldn't understand who you are. Now I totally know who you are.

How about Diwata? Diwata is... Sigbing. Is it Sigbing? A little creature? No, it's not. I don't think so. What's the little creature?

It's called a fucking Chihuahua. Oh, I... What, what? Is it the windy? Is it the windy? I don't know. Look at the windy. George, get the fuck on it.

God. I saw a real one on TikTok. Are Duwinda real? They say it's real. They say it's real. That sounds like no one's captured it on TikTok. No, some guy got one on TikTok. They say it's real.

It's like Loch Ness Monster. I wish you could go through and see the TikToks that you did. Your wife got me addicted with TikTok. She creates the best curation. Dude, some people... It's in her story. She always puts up the craziest one. I saw John...

John Mayer. Yeah. Let's talk about John Mayer for a second. The singer-comedian. Same one. Yeah. He does all of it. This guy never paid him any mind in my life.

I know these friends of Chappelle. I'm sure he's probably a really cool guy to hang out with. Yeah, I'm sure he is. He's never paid any mind. His music hit when I was already out of college. Have you ever heard of John Mayer? I know he's part of the Grateful Dead. Perfect.

So, wait, is she right? By the way... Well, he tours with them now. I was like, he's done it all as part of the Grateful Dead. He toured at... I guess for more recently, took the Garcia slot, I think. Oh, yeah. Well, that's the only one open.

Oh, well, I don't know. He's like, Bob, scoot over. I'm going to take your spot. You play Jerry. I'm going to play you. Yeah. Yeah. So, he...

I guess he's really big on TikTok. Like, he's into TikTok. I didn't know that. I guess. I don't know. But I never... The music came out when I just moved to New York. So, like, I never...

I wasn't... The music I was listening to then was more... I don't know, limp biscuit corn. Yeah. That's why I never really listened to him. And then I... When I moved to LA, it was when he got into comedy. And you know how comics are when...

Other people get into comedy where he's like, okay, whatever. Yeah. But he was friends with Sherrod, so I was like, he must be a cool guy. I didn't know anything about him. He made a TikTok today that made me laugh so fucking hard. Can you play my TikTok?

I don't know. I put it on my Instagram stories. Pull up my Instagram stories. I think we can play his TikTok on this show, right? Sure. Okay, ready? Here's the song. I'm going to play a bit of my song,

Whiskey Whiskey Whiskey for you. I don't have a harmonica. I'm just going to play it without the harmonica. Because of this. Two, three, four. He didn't like it. That was funny. Did you like it?

Wait, did you get it, though? Yeah. No, no, maybe you should watch it again, baby. Again? I'm joking. I just thought it was fucking funny. All right, whatever. You said that shit really fucking made you laugh.

Hard to shit this morning. Why? I don't know, man. I just... Oh, by the way, write down, I can be a DJ. I could be a DJ. I could be a DJ.

Dude, I'm DJing. Hold on. That's my thing now. I'm DJing. Wait, when are you DJing? I'm DJing a party in three weeks. You are not... You know that...

Yeah. You realize that is like legit fucking money. Yeah. And you don't have to do anything. All you have to do is put... Let's put your hand to your ear and go, Yeah. Yeah, I have...

One, two, three, four. And smoke comes out. Smoke comes out. Confetti. I have a travel case, dude. No, you don't. Yes, I do. No, you don't.

Yes, I have a whole Serato setup. Yeah, I'm doing it. A Serato? Yeah. Shut up. Yeah, man. Show me what you got on the thing. I want to see your setup.

Hey, wait, do you know how to DJ? Yeah. Bro, I... Do you have videos of you DJing? I could send you a video. Yeah. For real, like when you DJ, do you play mashups

or do you do your own just beat and then just play it? Yeah, I did a thing in the program where... What's Serato? It's the actual software. So, the software that you plug your MacBook into and it tells you the BPM beats per minute of every song. So, you can...

So, those little boxes with all the squares that light up... That's different. So, you can put drops in there. You can queue things up so that you can have... You program songs to start at certain points, you know? It's a whole thing, yeah. And so, how hard is it to learn

because it looks pretty simple? Yeah, it's easy, man. You got it. Yeah. Wait, this is back, is this when you started DJ? That was right before I decided to take it seriously. Like seriously, scale of one to 10. What?

Are you a better DJ than John Mayer is a comedian? I don't know, I don't wanna, I mean, I heard he's really funny actually. Okay, so I don't know. That's my question though. Yeah, so I don't know, I don't know. Okay. Could you-

I sold out a party. No, you didn't. I sold out a party. Oh, hold on one second. Sold out, how big, how many people? Couple hundred people. For real? Yeah, but it's after I do a show.

Oh, so you're going, how much does it take us to your gig? 20 bucks. 20 bucks. And so you're going to do a show, then you're going to a club, and you're gonna DJ at a club for another 20 bucks. So you're doing three shows that night,

and the last one's just you up there. And that's gonna go until like three in the morning. Yeah. Oh, so that's a hard-earned 20, but then you're playing the whole time. Well, yeah, I mean, no, because they'll, they have somebody else here that can kind of like, he puts his hard drive in and then he can-

Okay, give me an example of someone that is famous that DJs like you, that you can DJ like. That you're like, oh, if you watch Deborah DeLuca. Oh, you know who my idol is in DJing? Questlove. Let me see Questlove.

Can you play some Questlove, but then just we can hear it? Do you know how to do that? I feel like we're losing you, Rudy. Rudy? No, I'm listening. Okay. It's just, I don't know if I believe that you DJ.

Why? Is it because he's overweight? No! Why? It's because he doesn't have a full head of hair. It's because he doesn't have long hair. What do you expect a DJ to look like? And what doesn't Tom have?

What excuse does Tom not have? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm asking all the same questions. And has anyone ever cleaned this mic? Just out of curiosity. No. I wouldn't imagine so. That's, that one I would be more scared of than this one.

No fucking shit. My lips been touching it. I'm a little freaked out. This, this, he's my idol. Okay, so this is the kind of DJ you're doing. Yeah. So this is what you do. Well, hold on.

I don't know what he's doing yet. And they'll say, DJ dad mouth, dad mouth, dad mouth. Yeah, I have that all that shit program. For no way. I swear to God. For real. I swear to God. And they'll be like, two bears, one cable,

cable, cable, cable, cable, cable. Bad friend, friend, friend, friend, friend, friend. You got it. See, and I have my MacBook set up just like that. Her body, her choice, choice, choice, choice, choice. So basically, basically, let me, let me get this right. Well, see, here's the thing.

As a DJ, as a DJ fan, like if you're a fan of yours, a DJ, then I'm just a fan of the same music you like. You don't really create music. I don't create music. You just like play a little bit of a song and then play another little bit of a song and then do some like.

But it's about a vibe. So you go like, what, what's the vibe? Like this guy, this is a vibe right here. But it's like a laid back kind of like rhythmic, almost like electron. That's what it sounds like from, from where I'm at right now. It sounds like, it sounds like a nice. It's like you're at a lounge at like a nice hotel.

That's what this, you know what I mean? New York hotel and they have like a lounge kind of going. That's what this feels like. But the one I just said, I'm gonna do is a little more hype. I don't know enough about DJs to know about this guy. So I don't know. All I know is like. Questlove is very famous.

As a DJ? As a personality, as a musician, as a, yeah. As a DJ, as a, sure. Questlove, I'm surprised. Oh, I know Questlove. That's who we're talking about. Oh, I know, I know Questlove. I know Questlove is.

Yeah, yeah. Questlove was born on like 1971, right? Yeah. He's professionally known as, I was thinking of question mark love. Gotcha. Not Questlove. When you say Questlove, you gotta say his,

his real street name. Hey, take a look at this. What? Look at this. It's like she's trying to catch a bird. Oh yeah. Oh shit. Don't you, did we schedule anything fun for them

when they're at our studio? Cause this is fucking awesome. No, not at all. She doesn't even, I don't think she really knows what she's doing. I think they told her to do this. She doesn't know what she's about to do. Do you regularly eat those?

Yeah. No, you do not. I do, Tito Bobby buys them for me. No, you're fucking lying. I, I'm not. Can you throw them on? Can you throw them on? Are you being serious?

No. I can't give you one. This is a bit, this is a real big bit. No. Why can't you give them one? Cause I'm really hungry. I just came back from school. You're gonna eat all of them?

Yeah, there's only four. You're gonna eat four right now? Yeah. How, you're so hungry from school? Yeah, I didn't eat lunch. What are you, what are you, a physical trainer? What are you studying? What do you go to?

I'm still in high school. You're in high school? You're in high old are you? 19. What year are you in high school? Senior. Hey, wait, is this a whole bit? Is she even Filipino?

Oh yeah. Are you from Guatemala? No. All right. Jesus, this isn't real. This is real. This is a bit, this is a bit. I don't think, let's find out.

Yeah, let's see it. I don't know why I'm gonna call Santina. I'm gonna call her fucking Ann. Tom. She loves you. Who? I did, what's it called? What's it, Tiger Belly?

Yeah. Man. Hey man. Hey man. We definitely haven't started yet because Bobby's late, but also, I don't wanna like talk shit or like come off like I'm not appreciative of this, but like the dog answers the door and I say,

hey man, great to see you. And he goes, let's get this going, you f*** it. That's what he said to me. Jesus. Jesus, enough. What is that about? And he goes, I just, I don't get it. I don't know if that's his thing now.

He's got a lot, he's got a lot of pent up like Jay Anger deep within, you know? He does. Yeah. And I don't know, he was like, I'm on break. When I said, hey, will you help me set this thing up? He said, I'm on break. And he was in the second room there just eating nickels.

He was just telling nickels. That sounds right. He does that because he thinks they're pennies. Now, let me ask you something. There's no way this is a f***ing reel. So, Giuliani's over here and she's f***ing just going f***ing ham on these uncrustables. Yeah.

So, you know, they're Bart's favorite treat. And then I go, hey, can you throw him one? She goes, there's only four and I'm hungry. The kid's got to eat though, but well, make Bart do something for it. You know what I mean? But I mean, four? I mean, what the f***, she weighs like 80 pounds.

She can't just eat four? Dude, we let her eat only on the show. Otherwise, she goes back in her cage when she goes back home. She doesn't get to eat until we pay. So when we film, she's allowed to snack. And then after we film, she goes back in her cage. But I will say this, make Bart do some semblance of a competition to get one of those for her.

She loves competition. Okay, I'll do that. And let me tell you something else just before I let you go here. We were really excited to work with like a high level producer. And that sh** is not happening over here. No, it's not.

No, no, no, it's not. Is it the Mexican kid or the, what is he, Argentinian or whatever? Is he there? I don't know where the f*** he's from. He looks like he's from North Africa, but yeah. He's atrocious. And is, is, is a pink thick there, George?

Yeah. And it takes him f***ing 30 minutes longer to search for sh** than it takes native. He couldn't even search Questlove. He's right here. Tom doesn't like what's going on at the studio. He's mad. What's going on?

Dude, it's terrible. I mean, f***ing Rudy won't share her snacks. F***ing the fancy B is he's just like, he's holding his pinky up when he talks to us. Like he's real fancy. And then George is terrible at everything that a producer would do. Okay, can I just say this?

Yeah. At least we didn't have to drive nine hours to get to the f***ing studio, you piece of sh**. But your studio sucks. Hey, this studio is like three blocks from my house, Bobby. What if I live in Nevada, you piece of sh**? All right. You f***ing gas money, you f***.

I'm sad. My dog almost died today. You piece of sh**. I have to drive all the way out. Are you f***ing? I'm sad. Have you ever f***ing talked to me like that again? You have another thing coming, okay?

All right, bye-bye. All right, bye. Jesus. That went well. Yeah, that went really well. I feel like we solved a lot of issues. By the way, I wish Nadav was really like his genuine country self to them.

Like genuinely, like the way you get attitude from him. And you go, I don't think you meant to say it that way. And he just has his mask on and it's up on his eyes because he's overweight and he's just breathing and his glasses are all fogged up. He got vaccinated because he's so fat. Are you serious? Yeah.

So they have a thing if you're like morbidly obese, you do a thing online and you can get it. So he got it and he was like bragging about it, you know? Like he's like, oh, I'm so fat that I can get vaccinated. So then- I wish. By the way, I look jacked just in my arms for real, right? Bro, super jacked.

Like just, I mean, this is like- That's crazy. When you see this, you're 19. I have a hard time talking to her right now. Can I, I'll ask for him. I'm children. Do you feel like, like that's a nice bod? Nope, I don't even want to know the answer.

I just eat your uncrossable. It's a big arm. It's a big arm, yeah. Well, yeah, you're 19. You're around high schoolers all day. Yeah. Do you feel like it's a dad bod? Yeah.

But like a respectable one? Yeah. Babble. Oh my God, I love learning. See, learning a second language is traditionally a little bit tough to do because usually you do it in school. Yeah. But you just weren't that good in school. Yeah, now thanks to Babble, the number one selling language

learning app, there is an addictively fun and easy way to learn a new language. You know what? I've tried other sites and books and whatnot. This is the easiest way to do it. By far. I think I took German in high school three times for some reason, and I couldn't learn two words.

And now, I know more than I thought I could ever know. Whether you're traveling abroad, connecting a deeper way with family, or just have some free time. Babble teaches bite-sized language lessons that you'll actually use in the real world. Yeah, that's right. They can usually teach you stuff instead of just like,

how do I get to bathroom? Yeah. Babble designs their courses with practical real-world conversations in mind. And you can choose from 14 different languages, Spanish, French, Italian, German. It's also the science behind this, buddy. Yeah.

Yeah, it's scientifically proven to be effective. It is. Babble's speech recognition technology helps you improve your pronunciation and your accent. Right now, when you purchase a three-month Babble subscription, you'll get an additional three months for free. That's six months for the price of three. Just go to babble.com and use promo code BADFRIENDS.

That's babble. B-A-B-B-E-L.com. The code is BADFRIENDS for an extra three months free. Babble, language for life. Upstart! Oh, my god. You know that credit card, buddy? Yeah.

The one that you're afraid to look at, because I have a lot of them. I have two of them that I'm afraid to look at. Three of them. With the balances. And you've been avoiding it. Your debt is not good. It's time to confront it.

Upstart can help you face it and finally pay it off. You don't know what's going to hit you. And if you've got multiple credit cards, tracking balances, due dates, and stuff, you want to get that out of the way. They're the fast and easy way to get a personal loan to pay off your debt. All of it is online.

Oh, my god. Whether it's paying off credit cards, consolidating high interest debt, or funding personal expenses, over half a million people have used Upstart to get a simple six-monthly payment. I would all consolidate it into one thing. That's what it does. That's what it does.

A five-minute online rate check. You can see your rate upfront for loans from $1,000 to $50,000 if you're in heavy debt. And if debt is taken over your life, you guys, time to get a fresh start with Upstart. You can get approved the same day and can receive funds as fast as one business day. Yeah.

Find out for yourself how Upstart can lower your monthly payments today when you go to upstart.com slash bad friends. That's upstart.com slash bad friends. Do not forget to use our URL to let them know we sent you over here. Loan amounts will be determined based on your credit income and certain other information provided by your loan application.

Go to upstart.com slash bad friends. How did you end up moving in with Bobby? And when they said, you can move in with my boyfriend. He's a movie star. You were like, whoa, Jet Lee. No, I didn't really know him. So I didn't care. You didn't know him at all?

No. Like you'd never heard of him or anything. How bad are the Philippines that you're moving with Bobby's better? That's a pretty good question. I guess. Did you live in the Philippines and then came here to live with Bobby?

Yeah. How long ago did you move here? Last year. Last year. So did you only have a year left in the Philippines or no? Yeah, a year left. Jesus.

We need to get more children on our side. Yeah. Are you opening a third? Yeah. Are you fucking serious? This isn't real. How often do you do this? This isn't real.

I'm hungry. Every day you do this? Every day you eat four uncrustables? You would have been perfect for our show. You're like Krispy Kreme donuts. Yeah. How many donuts can you go through like a Krispy Kreme? Six.

You can just rip through six. Oh, if you're going to box a donut, do you want to fuck up some donuts? We get George to run down the yum-yums. Yeah. It's right down the street. Did you eat dinner? Will you eat dinner?

Yeah, I will. What will you have, you think? Eggs and rice. Eggs and rice. You're keeping it real fucking old. Oh, my God, do you know what I had the other day? Motherland fucking dessert, huh? Do you know what I had the other day?

What's that? I took pasta in... Fried egg. The greatest fucking thing I've ever had in my life. You've never had that before? Never had it in my life, and I will have it every day now. I just made a big thing of angel hair pasta. And you put that in a pan?

I take the pasta, and it's cold. It's out of the fridge, and it's got butter in it and garlic, little capers, a little bit of lemon, and I kind of let it... I toss it a little bit, just get it warm. And then I run it like a circle around it, like put a circle, like a toilet, and then I put an egg in the center, and then close the top. Put Parmesan on top of it.

Wait, but do you mix up the egg in it? No. You just let it... Sunny side up. Sunny side up? It's the best thing I've ever had. And then you add the yolk when you're done? So then I put it on a plate, and then I very slowly...

I take my time with it. I've never taken my time with anything. I have a little pasta, I put it in a little squirrel, and then I break the egg yolk, and I have the egg yolk in the center, and I dip it in the egg yolk, take a bite. Dude, it's the best thing... You're making me fucking hungry right now.

It's one of the best things I've ever had. I feel like I could eat fucking four-on-crustables right now. I could fuck it up. I've never enjoyed something more... What's like a typical breakfast in the Philippines? Eggs and rice. Eggs and... like scrambled eggs and rice, or like... Fried.

I wouldn't mind. I'll tell you what I wouldn't mind. Yeah, fried. A fried egg on top of some rice. Oh, and you guys have... Hot, hot sauce. My Filipino friend went to a store and brought over these Filipino sausages, too. Oh, you're from the Philippines!

Do you wipe your ass with your hand? Leaves. Leaves. Ah, Joe, Joe, yeah. See, I wipe my ass with my fingers sometimes. Hold on. Don't look at me. You just said leaves.

She just went like this. Okay. So, wait, so... Joe, what's the bowl in the Philippines that everyone has? It's called a... Bowl. Not a bowl. You know what we say?

Baol. Baol. No, no, no. Joe Koy sells them on his website. They're like... What are they called? Tabo. Tabo.

Tabo. Tabo. Tabo. Tabo. Tabo. Can you imagine if I did that to you? If you're like, you want coffee? Let's go.

Coffee. Say it. Coffee. Okay. Joe Koy has something and I thought it goes by your toilet and you dip your fingers in it, wipe your ass, right? Yeah, some people do that. Yeah.

It's fucking awesome. But do you still use leaves when you're here? No. She goes... She's going outside. Hey, where are you going? Why not though? Why don't I get a bunch of leaves and then bring them in?

Because there's a nice bathroom inside. Oh, okay. So, I want to ask in Jesus. I don't mind. What kind of leaves? I wouldn't mind trying to leaf. Yeah, what kind of leaf? Any kind of leaf as long as it's like ground and big because you don't want thin.

Can I tell you? Can I tell you already? Then you get dookie on your hand. Can I already tell you? Yeah. When she said leaves, I assumed it was a handful of leaves, like small tiny leaves. Yeah. And you just kind of just were like, I just hope none get on my finger.

And then you said big. I went, yeah, that makes more sense. Yeah. I'd go out to the fucking bird of paradise to grab one of those. The leaves are for an outdoor dookie though, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Oh, you don't go out, get some leaves, come back in?

Yeah. I would. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Taco Bell or Taco Bell just got a brand new. They have leaves. No, they got a brand new.

You're going to get a lot of leaves for this Taco Bell. They just got a brand new cheese, cheese lupa, fa lupa. What? Is it Taco Bell's got a brand new thing? I don't know. That's the fancy B. Just type in Taco Bell and then news. Case a lupa.

Case a lupa, it's only 610 calories. That looks like a fucking just a talk, man. The case a lupa. That's some fucking bullshit. Right, fancy B? I haven't had it. Yeah, that thing is shit. I mean, is that even a thing?

Hold on, hold on, hold on one second. Are you proclaiming that thing is shit or should we try it and decide if that thing is shit? I'm proclaiming it. You're proclaiming it? Yep. This is a guy who knows. Oh yeah. I know my tacos.

Did you say tacos? The word is tacos. Tacos. We're very specific about accents on our show. Name a country, I'll do an accent. Oh, this is a fun game. Go ahead. Argentina.

Argentina. There you go. Really good. Okay. Okay, ready? I'll say it already. But no, hold on, I'll do a full sentence. Hi, I am from Argentina.

I'm so sorry, my cow got into your yard. However, let me grab my bolederos. I will catch him, bring him back over to my house. I'll make a little bit of that green stuff I like to make and put on my meat. And then we will have some Argentinian beef. All right, next one. Frans. Frans.

Hello, we, we miss you. I'm so sorry I gave you her a piece. I was smoking and I could not talk properly as I drank my wine and came on your teeth. We, we miss you. Very good. How about Australia? Okay. All right, mate.

Let me get these aborigines out of here. Get my kangaroo and I'll catch this cookie and I'm going to throw it in the back of my big truck. You're nailing it today. Keep going. Germany. I'm from Germany. I like to be tied up and shit on.

That is my thing. Cause I am from Germany. Kind of fading off there. But yeah. It was good. First three. Greenland. Greenland?

Hello. I am from Greenland. Very nice to have you in my country. A lot of people assume that Iceland has green stuff in Greenland as I stop, but it's not that way. I'm from Greenland. Would you like a piece of whale? Keep going.

Russia. Oh, hello. I am Russian. Are you the machine? You are? Okay. I think my accent is probably your part back to France. I think I'm going back to France.

France? Nailing it. Nailing it. Korea. Korea? I'm not going to do that one. Do it in honor of Bobby. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Hi, I'm Bobby. I'm Bobby Lee. I take my shirt off. I have a small dick. All right. Yeah. Yeah, I don't do. I only do white people accents because it's racist to do other than that.

I think. Right. Is that how that works? Yeah. Wait. So you, oh. You do. Do you give them permission?

Can you do? Can you do a? Okay. You're not Korean. Filipino. Okay. Filipino. Is that it?

Did that sound like it? No. No. Okay. Ready? You do my accent to me. Okay. And just word for word.

Really, really try to make it sound like me. Okay. Okay. Hi. I'm Burt Kreischer. Again. Hi. Let's go word for word.

And then we'll piece the sentence together. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This will be good. Okay. I'm Burt Kreischer. I'm Burt Kreischer.

Wow. That was really good. That was really good. That was really good. That was really good. Okay. Okay. Ready?

Keep going. Ready? Okay. And. And. I have AIDS. I have AIDS. Well, if that's not memeable, I don't know what is.

Yeah. That's pretty good. That was pretty fucking great. That was really great. Do you want this? Yeah. I would. Okay.

I'll get it. Okay. I'm going to get it. So are you familiar with who either of us are? No. Oh. How do you say thank you in Filipino? Salamat.

Salamat. With a T. Salamat. Salamat. Salam Alaykum. Salam Alaykum? I don't know that. Is it from Salamat?

Is that. Same. Same? Are you Catholic? Yeah. Me too. What do you know for Easter? Nothing.

You're not going to pray? No. You're going to go to church? No. He has risen. We just don't do that. Jesus. These are nice and cold too.

Can I tell you? She's three deep already. Watch this. Wait, wait, wait. Let me see. Let's see. American. Yeah.

You're American all right. All right. All right. I've been sleeping like shit. Really? But yeah. I had to fucking call Bobby and figure out how to do it right because I've been getting up to pee at like 3.34 and I don't go back to sleep.

I stay awake. Stay awake till like 6.30 and then get up. With panic attacks? No. But just like my mind runs and then, you know, I've been getting pretty high like with edibles to go to sleep. I think I'm getting too high like I'm, I'm like buzzing. That's what I'm afraid of.

I'm afraid. That's why I'm afraid to take edibles. So I'm afraid I'll take it and then wake up with searing anxiety attacks. Hmm. That could happen. It's already wake up with anxiety attacks. If I drink, I wake up with anxiety attacks. If you drink.

So don't you have them pretty often? No. I didn't quit drinking by just stopped for a while because I was like, this is killing me. But you didn't just drink the other night? Yeah. Last night. But I'm not drinking tonight.

Okay. But you have anxiety last night then? Yeah. In the middle of the night. What time? Searing anxiety. Like really? Yeah.

And I go, I go, don't look at your watch. Don't look at your watch. Don't look at your watch. And then I look at my watch. I'm like, I don't know. I swear to God, there should be a game show. What's your anxiety about? Death.

Death? Mm-hmm. I'm fucking my life up and I'm dying. From what? Just drinking too much and partying and not eating right. Kevin, another one, by the way. Are you going to eat it or? You ate three fucking uncrustables?

Yeah. Did she really do this all the time? Yeah. Jesus. That's unbelievable. I need like, I'm like thirsty, thirsty today. You are? What do you want?

Oh, yeah. I'll take a water. I'll take both of them. I have a problem with excess. Have you ever gotten drunk before? Yeah. Oh, for real? What's the drinking age in the Philippines?

Any age. Just get down. For real? What was the first time you got drunk? How old were you? 12. No, not drunk, but I... You drank at 12?

I drank at 12, but I got drunk at 16. Um, do you have any questions you'd like to ask me? Um... Do you know who I am? You're a comedian? Yes. Do you know which one's Bert and which one's Tom? You're a Tito board.

You're a Tito Tom. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Okay. I love that Tito shit. Have you ever seen them just stand up? No. Do you ever watch stand up?

Um, a little. Who do you like to watch? I like... Wait, John Mulaney. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, everyone does. Like, give us someone that, like, no one likes. Yeah, I mean, Jesus.

Joke away? Hey, do you... For real? Joke away? He's fucking hilarious. All right, he also sells stadiums out. Let's give us, like... Give us, like, a fucking obscure one.

You're like, oh, you know who I really like, which I didn't think you'd know about, is... Uh-uh, yeah. Do you like Bobby stand up? I don't watch. Do you like Andrew stand up? I don't watch. Kind of mean and racist?

I don't watch any of their stand up. Yeah, I think you, by the way, you made the right choice. Yeah. Hey, did you like my recommendation in and of itself? Ooh. On Hulu? Could not sit through it. Why not?

What was the point of it? That's an interesting question. Um, what do you think the point of it was? Um, I'm sh... I had to be, I had to have a really great secret ending where he was related to everyone. Secret ending? Or something.

Had to have something, because I was... I mean, I don't mean to shit on it. I'm sure that guy is extremely talented. He is, he is. He's a... But here's the other thing is like... I did a podcast with him. I know, I saw that and then I was like...

And you're like, I don't want to give away your show. And so I was like, okay, it's going to be a good show. And I started watching him with Leanne and Leanne Saaja Kunt. Do you guys have the word Kunt in Philippines? Um... What is it? We can say Pisti or Putangina. Putangina?

Putangina. Putangina. Putangina. Putangina. Putangina. And that's the fucking Spicks did that. They came there and they give you Putangina. He can say that he's Spanish.

Um, the uh... I hope you don't think I'm apologizing for Spick. And I'm his friend, I can say it too. Putangina. Leanne just goes, I don't get it. Like five minutes in. Five minutes in? Yeah.

So now I'm like, she's... Because it takes a little longer because he's like, this is the gross. Yeah. And so, and Leanne's like, I don't get it. Where is this going? Where is this going? And I'm like, hey, can you stop please? Because I'm trying to enjoy it.

And she's like, okay. Yeah, that's how to ruin it. Yeah. And then she's like, it's slow. And I was like, babe, it's not slow. It's just, he's building to something. Yeah. And then I'm rooting for him.

I'm like, please do something fucking big. Oh yeah. And then 45 minutes in, 47 minutes in, he's still kind of hadn't done anything big. And I'm like, I mean, he brings... It was interesting when he's like, all right, can the person that was here at the last show stand up and then the person stands up. Yeah. You'll be here tomorrow.

You don't know what's going on. They don't know what's going on. Yeah. It's like building to something. It was just at 47 minutes, I was sober and I was like, it needs to speed up. Okay. Like there's not a lot of action. And then I'm like, I'm definitely not watching, settle, settle, settle.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, no. Because I'm like, I don't, can't trust your fucking, your, your recommendation. You should see the feedback on my recommendations. No. Yes. Have you guys seen In-N-Out of Itself? Yeah.

Fancy, did you like it? I loved it. Have a fuck. Bro, listen to me. Okay. Okay. Saying that you didn't get it and tapped out is an endorsement of the show. And zero, zero, zero is unbelievable.

It is unbelievable. So you think the guy that did In-N-Out of Itself watched it and he goes, yeah, I didn't want you to watch it. No, I don't think he said that at all. He's a, he's a really, really nice interest. Very nice. But by the way, his face doesn't change in a podcast or that show. Yeah.

Yeah. It's almost like he's got, like he's got a shit, but you don't know where the bathroom is. Like he's like this, like. He would laugh at that. I'm assuming he would laugh at that. I saw, I saw him on the podcast and as soon as I saw him on the podcast, I go, all right, I'm watching In-N-Out of Itself.

And I start watching it and it's, I mean, he's good like with card stuff. It was really good. Yeah. But I need something big. Okay. There's big stuff. I'll tell you what. I'll watch the rest of it tonight.

I'll give you a feedback tomorrow on our podcast. And now, just so you know, zero, zero, zero is, is, we're not talking about the same type of thing at all. This is a crime saga, insane story. Eight episodes. That's it. They're only doing one season. They spent $165 million on eight episodes.

For real. Yeah. It better look like 165 million. Hey, man, this is a shit show. It's so rude. It's so rude. What's the problem? Everything's a problem.

The fucking, the chairs, goddamn, Rudy, your staff. You know, I come in here, dude, I come in here, dude, right? Speak English. Speak English. Go ahead. Oh, that's very funny. I come here, right? And I say, kind of the larger guy that works here, whatever that, the guy, Bert.

Yeah. The circle, right? And then I come in here. I say, Hey, Nevada, right? Nevada. The guy, other guy, did you write so nice, even though it was 20 minutes late, so nice, right? 30 minutes late, right?

What are you doing over there? That woman that in there, her name is Jules, she's, she's my daughter pretty much. They're trying to steal her food. That's crazy. Hey, I guess what? What? Bert took one of her own crustables. Oh, shit.

Let me talk to Jules. Okay. Yeah. That's at the home next stage. Did the Bobby? How are they? Very kind. They talk like a white person.

Hi, Roddy. Hi. Hi, Bobby. Hey, Bobby, everything is good. Everything is good. Oh, my God. She's fucking died up. Okay.

Bye, Tito Bobby. Hey. Hey. Hey. Tito Bobby. Yeah. Hey, I got to tell you something. I'm gonna kick your ass and hit your bottom.

That was fun. Tito Bobby, huh? The only underwear I use on my body is Miondies. I got them on right now as well. Miondies believes that comfort is about more than what's touching your skin. It's about feeling comfortable in your skin. And that's what I feel when I'm wearing Mionies. Me too.

I like their styles. I like the way they fit my body. That's all I have in my underwear drawer now. You have a beautiful little body. I love your little body. Thank you. They go from size XS to 4XL. So whether you're a teeny tiny or whether you're a big bulky person, it doesn't really

matter. They got you covered, baby. I just like their patterns too. They're cute. They're cool. You can always tell. They go, oh my God, I know that that's a me undies from afar if I'm looking at an underwear drawer because they just look specifically cute and nice.

They are very cute. Never run out of undies or worry about skipping laundry again with a me undies membership, by the way. This is cool. Each month replenish your basics and build from your collection with styles that are anything but basic. This is cool because you should be thrown away your underwear and replacing it more often. Most people, some people let it linger.

Jules has had the same underwear for 14, 15 years. It should change. Love your butt and get the membership. Me undies has a great offer for our listeners. Any first-time purchasers, you'll get 15% off and free shipping. Me undies also has their problem-free philosophy if you're not satisfied with any product for any reason they'll refund or exchange it. No caveats.

No questions. No caveats. So get 15% off your first order on free shipping. Go to meundies.com. Bad friends. Ritual. Oh, my God. I love vitamins, Andrew.

Well, you should know what you're putting in your body. A lot of people don't know what they're putting in their body, and Ritual is clean, vegan for multivitamin. It's formulated with high-quality nutrients and bioavailable forms so your body can actually use it. I'm going to tell you what this doesn't have. It doesn't have sugars, GMOs, major allergens, synthetic fillers, or artificial colorants. I hate artificial colorants.

You know, like phony stuff. This is all real good. It's a multivitamin that contains key nutrients that your body can actually use, all right? There's nothing shady in there. It's also got vitamin D3, which, you know, you'll ginger loss. I would be dead without D3. I need it. I need it.

You'll always know what nutrients you're taking and where they come from. Thanks to Ritual. It's one of a kind, visible supply chain. They tell you what's going on. Look, if you're not taking a multivitamin, you're missing out on key nutrients your body needs. It's good for you. Yeah, it's so convenient, too.

Get key nutrients without the BS. Ritual is offering our listeners 10% off during your first three months. Visit Ritual.com slash Bad Friends to start your ritual today. Ritual.com slash Bad Friends. That thing's just staring at me. Yeah, you really, I can tell. Fuck up some Taco Bell, because I don't feel like eating on a podcast counts as calories. It doesn't.

And plus you worked out today. I ran five miles, five and a half miles. Do you think I could run the LA Marathon? Maybe. I did. Yeah. That's a good trick question for someone. Does it look like I do triathlons?

I do. Yeah. I worked out like crazy. It doesn't show. Like my body doesn't show it. All the arms show. Those arms are no joke. Let's see.

How much do you curl? I have no idea. Like 50 pounds. 50 pounds in each arm. 20 times. 20 times. That's cool. How's that deadlift going?

Three out of five. Just like that. First time. First time for three out of five. And then right now, I do 60% of that weight, 12 times, four different sets. And then I do 75% of that weight, six times, 12 different sets, or six times four different sets. Look at you, man.

Yeah. I'm really lifting weights. My back is strong as fuck right now. I believe you. I feel good. I love lifting weights. I really am turning into a meathead. Like when you, like you ever get up and you feel good and you've been lifting weights

and then you go in the mirror and you're like, God damn, I look fucking good. And then you hear your wife go, it's not that bad. Do you think Bobby's ever gonna have kids? He wants to, but Kaleila doesn't want to. She doesn't want kids? I didn't know it was like that. I figured it would be the other way around. I definitely thought it would be the other way around.

I definitely would guess it's the other way around. You know what she said about you? Who? Kaleila. What did she say? She was like, I love him. I'm pretty amazing. Well, you would take it like that.

Wait, say it again. She was just saying how she had the best time podcasting with you. Because we're both, we both have the same OCDs. We have a lot in common. Really? Like we're both very broken people. Like all our fucking eccentricities all dial into the same shit. Really?

Yeah. Cause what I did is, before I did their podcast, I got a COVID test and then sent it to them and more masks going in and then told everyone I was taking a mask off. And then she was like, just, you know, she's worried about the COVID and she was like, just thank you for doing all that. It means a lot. Oh wow. I didn't do any of that.

Yeah. I know I walked in here. You're already raw dog and everyone talking on the phone. Yeah. I'll take the private jet to fucking place. Shut up. Did you ever float in a private jet? No.

Oh, you should hang out with Tom. Shut the fuck up. He goes every week. He's got a hot tub in it. Hey, I think you're going on one pretty soon. Where are you going again? It's pretty far. Isn't it pretty far?

No. That sounds like a long flight. Change the subject. Okay, okay. Interesting how that works. Yeah. You walked into that one, didn't you? I walked right into it.

Yeah, you sure did. All right. Let's read a script. They wrote scripts for us. This is the same reading. Hey, Andres. Yes. Were you offended by my use of the pejorative word spic?

No. I'm from Spain. Yeah. That means you're a spic. You know what that stands for? No. Okay. So, those words were used with Mexicans.

No, sir. Okay. So then, yes, I'm offended. I have no idea. I'm not... Wigs freak me out. Yeah. I guess you're Andrew.

Oh, this is... Where's your wig? I don't have. Okay. Katie is sitting with Regina. You are Regina. I'm Regina? Yes.

Okay. Do I look good? I'm playing a woman in this? Yes. I love you, our woman. Do you guys do a script every episode? Not every episode. Just this one.

Wait, you're who? I'm Regina. And who am I? Kate. Katie. Wait, and who's Rudy? Gretchen. Okay.

Where's Gretchen at? She's in there. Next page. Okay. I'll read the action. Okay. Okay. Interior.

Cafeteria. A few minutes later. Katie is sitting with Regina and her best friend Karen and Gretchen. These are the plastics. Why I don't know... Why don't I know... Why don't I know you? I'm dyslexic.

Why don't I know you? I'm new. I just moved here two weeks ago from Africa. What? I used to be homeschooled. What? My mom taught me at home. No.

I know what homeschooled is. I'm not... So, actually, you've never been to a real school before? No. Shut up. Regina looks at Gretchen excited, then looks back at Katie, if she was staring at a unicorn. Shut up. I didn't say anything.

You know, you're really pretty. Thank you, though. You agree. What? Oh, this is from fucking Mean Girls. Yes. Oh, okay. Oh!

I'm like, wait, this is a fucking... They stole this from someone. So, you think you're really pretty? Oh. I don't know. She grabs Katie's arm to look at Katie's bracelet. It's a white brown leather band with decorative holes punched in it. Where did you get that bracelet?

I love it. My mom made it. It's adorable. It's so fetch. What is fetch? It's like slang from England. Regina rolls her eyes. So, if you're from Africa, why are you white?

Oh, my God, Regina. You can't just ask people why they're white. Regina, could you give us some privacy for like one second? Sure. Regina Gretchen, turn around and whisper. Okay. Let me oust say that we don't do this a lot. So, you should know that this is like a huge deal.

We want to invite you to have lunch with us every day for the rest of this week. Oh, okay. Great. So, we'll see you tomorrow. On Wednesdays, we wear pink. Can we take that from the top now that I know what movie this is? Let's do it one more time. I've never seen this movie.

Oh, it's fucking fetch. It is so good. Yeah. It is fucking. It's a really good movie. And can I just say that I think that if we're going to give second shots to people, if we're bringing back Paris Hilton, right? Yeah.

And now everyone that ever made fun of Paris Hilton is getting canceled for it. Then we should bring back fucking Lindsay Lohan. She is awesome. Is she gone or something? No, but just no one's giving her a second chance. And the fucking world trashed Lindsay Lohan and she was an awesome fucking actress. An awesome actress. I'll tell you right now.

If I have money, I put her in a movie. Yeah. In a heartbeat. She was fucking awesome. Freaking Friday with Jane Curtin. Not Jane Curtin. Jane, never mind. I hope you get to make a movie someday.

All right, let's go ahead. Here we go. Here we go. And from the top. Take it from the top. Read our action a little faster. Great. Hold on.

Stop. Stop. You have any direction? I don't know. I don't know what I'm reading here. Yeah. And right now you're in like sloppy dressed. You're like dressed like a hippie.

Oh, okay. Your mom is, you're really smart, but you don't want those, these girls to know that. Okay. And you've never interacted with people because you were born in Africa and your mom home schooled you. Okay. And so you don't know how to interact. So like when, when we get to the part where I say, where I say, uh, so you think you're

pretty, like I'm trying to trick you because I'm a mean girl. Yeah. Right. So you just like kind of confused like, no. Okay. Okay. All right. So wait, you're catty, right?

Katie. Right. Katie. Yeah. Katie. Katie. Okay. Okay.

Here we go. Let's try it from the top. Are you ready? Yeah. And also maybe you set up Rudy's character too. Who the fuck's Rudy? Oh, Rudy. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Rudy, you're, you're stupid. Okay. So you're played by, you're played by, um, uh, Jennifer Love Hewitt. Is it Jennifer Love Hewitt? Amanda Siegfried. Is it Amanda Siegfried? Yep. So you're kind of stupid.

Okay. So that's so fetch. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Can you do that accent? Let's try to get that accent off the ground. Ready?

Okay. Here we go. Cat. Can you do like a valley girl? Oh no. That's so hard. Like, oh my God. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Do this. Watch it. Ah. Ah. I'm going to say all the words like that. Oh my God.

There you go. You got it. You got it. You got it. Great job. Great job. That was really good. You're killing it, Rudy.

Okay. You guys eat like four uncrossables every day. I had rice and egg today. I wanted an uncrossable. I wiped with leaves, you guys. You guys have had leaves. That's so bad. Okay.

Okay. So really, really bring that accent. Okay. Andres. Okay. We're going. Yeah. Interior.

Okay. But you're really selling your own passionate language down the fucking drain here. Can you read it with a little like, read it like we're in bed. Okay. Okay. Yeah. There you go. Like you're talking to a woman.

Like your name is Anigo Mantoia and I kill your father. There you go. Katie is sitting with Regina. Ooh. Right. Come on. Do it like that. Yeah.

Sexy. Okay. Let's not do it like you're just checking to see if we have stolen cigarettes in our backpacks. Interior. Cafetria. A few minutes later. Katie is sitting with Regina and her best friend Karen.

These are the plastics. Why don't I know you? I'm new. I just moved here two weeks ago from Africa. What? I used to be homeschooled. Wait. What?

My mom taught me at home. And I know what homeschooled is. I'm not. So actually you've never been to a real school before? No. Shut up. Regina looks at Gretchen excited. Then looks at Katie again as if she was staring at a unicorn.

Shut up. I didn't say anything. You know, you're really pretty. Thank you. So you agree. What? You think you're really pretty. Oh.

I don't know. Regina grabs Katie's arm to look at Katie's bracelet. It's a white brown leather band with decorative holes punching it. Where did you get that bracelet? I love it. My mom made it for me. It's adorable. It's so fetch.

It's like, what is fetch? It's like slang from England. Regina rolls her eyes. If you're from Africa, why are you white? Oh my God, Regina. So good. You're killing it. You're killing it.

You're killing it. You can't just say, you can't just ask people why they're white. Katie. Katie, can you give me some privacy? One second. Regina and Gretchen turn around and whisper. Okay. Let me just say that we don't do this.

We don't do this a lot. So you should know that this is like a huge deal. We want to... Keep going. Keep going. Start the line over. That was perfect. You're doing great.

You're doing great. We want to invite you to have lunch with us every day for the rest of the week. Okay. Great. So I'll see you tomorrow. On Wednesdays, we wear pink. We wear pink. That was fucking awesome.

Oh my God. That was fucking awesome. You really take direction. I look good. Give us another scene. Come on. Give us another... We're so in the fucking no.

This looks so good. This is fucking fun. Here you go. What do you got for us? All right. One of you can be the director. One of you can be the... Rudy's Will.

Rudy's Will. Rudy's Will. All right, Tom. I think I should help direct Rudy in this. Yes. Okay. And then Tom, you play Sean. What's this from?

Or do we not know? I know what it is. There you go. Yeah. Okay. Let's read it one time. Okay. Let's read it one time.

I already know what this is. And Rudy is Will? Will. Okay. Rudy's Will. Okay. Sean. Interior.

Sean's office. Day. Sean looks to turn. It's Will. He's standing in the doorway. I can come back. Sean smiles. A beat.

Will sees a file on Sean's desk. What's that? Oh. This is your file. I have to send it back to the judge with my evaluation. You're not going to fail me, are you? Sean smiles. So, what's it say?

You want to read it? No. Have you had any experience with that? 20 years of counseling, you see a lot of... No. Have you had any experience with that? Yes. It sure is.

It sure ain't good. My dad used to make us walk down to the park and collect the sticks he was going to beat us with. Actually, the worst of my beatings were between me and my brother. We would practice on each other trying to find sticks that would break. He used to just put a stick and a wrench on the kitchen table and say, choose. Got to go with the belt there. I used to go with the wrench.

The wrench? Why? Because fuck him. That's why. Is that why me and Skyler broke up? I didn't know you had. Do you want to talk about that? I don't know a lot, Will, but let me tell you one thing.

All this history, this shit, look here, son. I'm sorry, I got so lost in the acting. Will, who's been looking away, looks at Shawn. This is not your fault. Oh, I know. It's not your fault. I know. It's not your fault.

I know. It's not your fault. I know. It's not your fault. Don't fuck with me. It's not your fault. I know. It's not.

I know. I know. I know. Okay. Shawn takes his arm, puts him around Will. Ben Affleck shows up. This, ladies and gentlemen, is good Will Huntington. Never seen it.

Are you serious? I swear to God. Okay. Here. So you're Robin Williams, okay? Okay. So you need to really vary your accent a little up. Like, you got to really Robin Williams it up.

Yeah. I would take the wig off. Yeah, sure. Now you're going to need a Boston accent. Selfie, if we can. What is that? Okay. You're going to pack the car.

Okay. Pack the car. Pack that fucking, fuck that guy. You ever know who Bill Burr is? Fucking fuck that guy. Hey. Got that. Okay.

That's a really good burr, man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Ready? So let's work on. Let's work on.

I can come back. Okay. I've never worn a headband. It's almost like a bird. Like a Boston person sounds like a bird that's standing outside your window and wakes you up in the morning. I can. I can.

I can. Okay. So then let me hear that. I can come back. I can come back. That's perfect Boston accent. That is a perfect Boston accent. So if you can say that now, here's the only thing I'm going to need you to do.

Okay. These are the two notes I'm going to give you when we get to, you guys really connect when he says, when he says the wrench, why I need you to take your time. I want you to look down and then I want you to look up confident and you're confident right now. Okay. And I want you to smile at Tom and with your Boston accent, go cause fucking that's why.

Okay. It's a little, I mean, you're going to do the Boston better accent, better than that. Like you're going to smile like fucking confident cause you're about to lose your shit because what I need right here, it's not your fault. I know. Smiles. I know. Like this, like this.

Ready? I don't want to, I don't want to give you a line reads, but like this, the first one, I know. Right. And then he's going to go, Hey, it's not your fault. And then you're going to go, I know. And then he's going to go, it's not your fault. And then you look him in the eyes.

I know. Okay. And then when he goes, it's not your fault. I want you to, now you're about to cry while I'm getting chill bumps. You're about to cry. Can you cry on command? No. Okay.

Bite your own lip like this. Can I throw something at you? Will that freak you out? Maybe. Bite your own lip. And I want you to start crying. Don't fuck with me. Okay.

Don't fuck with me is when you start to go. Don't fuck with me. Okay. That's when I want to see emotion. And then he's going to go, it's not your fault. Then I want you to go around the thing and hug her. It's not your fault. And then I know you're falling apart.

Okay. At the end. So you need to build to that. Smiles. Serious. I know. Right. And then, hey, don't fuck with me because you don't want to cry because you're a guy

from Boston. And all you've ever done is like sip beers and shoot pops and fucking kick cars. Cows. Ready? Cows and cats. Cows. Say, Cows. Wildbuggers.

Cows. Yeah. There you go. That's a Boston accent. There we go. There we go. You got your accent. You got your accent?

Wait. Say it again. Okay. Cows. No, I can come back. Say I can come back. She wants you to say I can come back the way you want her to say it. Oh.

The first line. Oh, oh, I forgot to do it. I can come back. Oh, no, I'm lost in my accent. Can you play a Boston accent up here? Type in Boston accent. YouTube. This is his exact accent.

If we could hear it. Voice. Huh? That's your voice. Okay. No, I mean, no, I would have to put it on to do a really sharp one. Go on. You ready?

Teach me a little Boston. Boston accent. What should I say? Like the word ma, right? Ma. To your mother. Yeah, that's what you would say. Is ma downstairs?

Any sort of the Eastern accents acceptable, okay? So just there. Fucking ma. You don't buy. I don't buy. And feel free to, if you don't like the word. Also, if you want to do it with like another nation's accent that works too. Okay.

Okay. All right. All right. I can come back. Okay. Okay. Let's go. I might not be the best dialect coach.

I'm, I'm digging it, but let's start. Okay. Here we go. Interior. Sean's office day. Sean turns to look. It's Will. He's standing in the doorway.

I can come back. Sean smiles. You're killing it. I keep there. Sean smiles a beat. We'll see the file on Sean's desk. What's that? Oh.

You're doing great. You're doing great. You're doing great. You are. This is your file. I have to send it back to the judge with my evaluation. You're not going to fail me, are you? You're killing it.

You're killing it. Sean smiles. So what's it say? You want to read it? No. Have you had any experience with that? 20 years of counseling, you see a lot of... Nah.

Have you had any experience with that? Yes. It's starting good. My dad used to make us walk down to the park and collect the sticks he was going to beat us with. Actually, the worst of the beatings were between me and my brother. We would practice on each other trying to find sticks that would break. He used to just put a belt, a stick, an orange on the kitchen table to say choose.

Got to go with the belt there. I used to go with the wrench. The wrench? Why? Because fuck him. That's why. Perfect. A long, quiet moment.

Is that why me and Skyler broke up? I didn't know you had. Do you want to talk about that? I don't know a lot, Will, but let me tell you one thing. All this history, this shit, look here, son. Will, I've been looking away, looks at Sean. This is not your fault. Here we go.

I know. Yeah, there we go. There we go. More accent. It's not your fault. Let's smile. Let's smile. Let's smile.

I know. It's not your fault. I know. It's not your fault. It's your first time. I know. It's not your fault. Don't fuck with me.

It's not your fault. I know. It's not. I know. I know. Hard rock. I know. I know.

I know. I know. I know. I know. I want to direct a high school musical. орart. If I was you, it would be 칠. What?

You don't want to do that. You don't want to see meattle. Brut together. Brut. Brut is your goer. Will Tom, but Matt Damon you were fantastic. You're fucking amazing. Can't believe this piece of shit. It's an answer in the phone

God, I think people are gonna be blown away. I'll Bobby Bobby You think I'll answer yeah, what if it were a ring went down on a bum bum bum Super offensive Elizabeth Banks struggles with a Boston accent. Hmm. What accent do you think I have? Really crazy, I think that America is just like accent free. They're not answering those guys are too good to answer I forgot I had a wig on Is it feel good wait, you're not gonna do it cuz Lee doesn't want it Did he just call right back he did

Santini Brandy Hey, hey, oh my god, what the fuck is that? What happened? Oh my god, Tommy Tom Bobby just hawked up what looks like a tonsil stone That's no shit. I'm not kidding. It's the size of like an M&M. Hey Hey, that's huge. It's on your table. It's gonna stay there. Oh, listen What's up, Rudy just fucking won an Oscar. She's got shot. She's an actor, man. She's an actor Like we we know how dope she is by the way. Yeah, the crew over here is loving us and And like this is a completely different level a new level

Yeah, you should you should Nikov Nikov said slow down a little bit. Yeah, you guys are crushing way too hard for the Like he's like usually yeah, yeah, hey listen, we need to bank some shows go ahead and do a second for us Hey, but I feel like Rudy's ten times the actor Bobby is I feel like it's gonna cause some problems at home Oh, his face just dropped. Oh my god. Oh my god, dude. No, he's touching his face But wait, why why doesn't he has nervous when he touches his face? Hey, when he gets sad, he touches his face. Why doesn't he ask her for help when he has auditions and stuff? She's she's an accent

Dude, you're getting him. He's touching the mic. Oh What was the harm of sanitize the mics? Oh, yeah, no, the dog sanitize Okay, okay Okay, okay, what did he just say? He's saying pretty racist shit, but just give him a second Yeah, he says he wants to poop on the table. Oh, that sounds like a Bobby move. Oh, man, that'd be great. It's so fun doing this It's a really good idea. I'm so glad we switched team Why the fuck would we do that? Tell the dog is he listening? Yeah, tell me his phone's ringing

Jesus Sanitize the mic, please Sanitize the mic. He said yeah, first of all, you guys got corona. That's true. Now. I already had it. Yep. Bobby is impervious to it How's he impervious? Because you know, they say if you're His blood type is soy sauce. They can't get it. He eats birds. Oh You might honestly you might hey, let me see where they are. I want to see how close they are Yeah, he wants to see can they see?

All right, hold on. Oh, Bobby's on my side. Yeah far Bobby's mad right now. He's pissed off that you said that about the acting thing. Oh really? Oh He thinks it was done. Okay. Okay. All right. All right. All right. I love you. Bye. Do you want to ask any more questions to us? Do you like bad friends? All right, that was a good episode. I think yeah, it was a lot. Thank you for being a bad friend. Is that how it ends? Yeah, hang on. Let me let me make sure we've covered all the subjects We didn't sing a song. Let's fucking go. We didn't sing a song. We should sing one song. Why?

What's a what's a good? What's a good song that incorporates? Bad friends daddy why you die? Oh, yeah daddy why you die. What's that song? That's it. You know daddy why you die? Daddy why you die when you die? I love you daddy daddy daddy. I love you Why are you dead daddy? Please come back. It's just me and my man brother. Dad brother. Daddy. Come on. Try to do it. Try to do it. Play with us. Ready? We'll sing it. Daddy Daddy daddy daddy daddy you're dead daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy dad daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy Daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy There's an elephant in my backyard and it won't stop honking. Come on, sing with me.

There's an elephant in my backyard and it won't stop honking. It's gray and it's big and it's ears flap like telephone bus. Have you guys ever heard this song? I went fishing and guess what I caught? Okay, here we go. Here we go. You ready? Ready?

I think you know it in the beginning. Oh, I went fishing. Guess what I caught? I caught a telephone. I got a telephone. And it was on a motorcycle. Is this a special needs song? Is this how they teach?

I want to sing this song. I want to sing this song. Let me tell you why I love you. Okay. Okay. Ready? Oh, let me tell you why I love you. It's your eyes and your nose and your mouth.

And you listen, listen. By the way, this is so much fun. Wait, you do a song to me. Okay? You do a song to me. What's the name of the song? Anime. The name of the song is anime?

Okay. Here we go. Let's start it off. Start it off with ready? I like white changes with big eyes. And they're so petite. I don't think you and me in the game were playing. In the game we were playing.

Okay. Look into your camera, God damn it. He just started singing a song. We did it four times. We did it together. Just now when I was 19, she just started singing. I said, what's the name of your song? She just said anime.

And I go, oh kids, what's the name of the anime? She goes, I like watching anime because of their big eyes. Did you think I was going to guess that? Did you think I was watching anime? You thought we both watched anime? You thought we both were drawing the big eye character? Oh, I'm sweating. I'm fucking sweating.

We did four fucking songs and you don't pick out what we were doing. Oh my God. Oh my God. She just started singing. Why did you like the anime? They liked her features. I like big eyes. I like big eyes.

I get lost when I watch anime. I like to battle in a blanket. Oh, okay. Rudy, you're the best. Rudy, if you ever want to come over to Two Bears One Cave and have a safe place. It's on. I'm fucking sweating.

I got to take this fucking shirt off. Oh, my daughter's going to put this on. It's going to smell like fucking armpits. What? This shirt is a small. Why is she going to put it on? Because it's hers. Oh.

It's not my shirt. It's not where I define my daughter's shirts. Like Bobby puts on her shirts. So what does it show? I can't believe that she just started singing. That was great. Because their eyes are making their features are exciting and the stories evolve.

There is fantastic artists involved with the animation. What the fuck? How do you not know this, man? I can't even do it. What did I say? I can't. I can't. I can't fit yours.

I can't fit mine. I said, what's the name of your song? And she just goes, anime. I've been waiting for this all day. I don't know what to tell everyone about anime. It originated in Japan. I have so many friends who like anime also. Sometimes when I'm in school, all I do is think about it.

Look what's behind her top is fucking anime. There's unsuspecting violence that you'll never know is coming. Oh, fuck me. Look in your goddamn camera. Is this at the same time? Yeah, yeah. Ready? One, two, three.

Thank you for being a bad friend. Why is Jules Rudy? Dito Angus said that about Rudy Giuliani. Giuliani? Yeah, Giuliani. Yeah. And that's how they named me. That you're like him?

No. Yeah, you have a lot of similar characteristics. You do. I mean, I see it. I mean, I physically see it. I was going to say Andrew Cuomo, but yeah, Rudy Giuliani. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So what did you have in common with him, though, besides like you both in Italian? I think, I don't know, maybe just in space. I see that. Yeah, I see that. Let me see. Smile once. Let's see.

Oh, yeah. She smiled like she was selling you the teeth. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.