Bad Friends - BEST OF 2020!

Episode Date: January 4, 2021

Thanks to everyone who told us their favorite clips of the year. Enjoy! And also thank you to our sponsors: https://betterhelp.com/badfriends & babbel.com code: badfriends & http://hellotushy.com/badfriends & https://www.hellofresh.com/badfriends90 Subscribe to our YouTube: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube 0:00 Highlights Montage 1:25 Ep 19 - Daddy Why You Die? 3:38 Ep 5 - Staycation 2020 6:58 Ep 22 - Pandas, and Horses, and Sheep, Oh My! 9:32 Ep 32 - Happy Birthday, Sleepy Bobo ft. Chris Distefano 10:26 Ep 3 - Shoot the TV 17:47 Ep 25 – The Ying and Yang of Earthquakes 23:55 Ep 4 – I love Titanic and I love to Bowl 30:23 Ep 1 – Bad Friends with Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee 35:57 Ep 42 - The Fight & Rudy's Gotta Boyfriend 44:01 Ep 41 - No Thanks Giving! 51:16 Ep 32 - Happy Birthday, Sleepy Bobo ft. Chris Distefano 56:18 Ep 15 - Rudy's Getting Kicked Out 1:00:45 Ep 37 - The Bad Friends Halloween Spooktacular! 1:06:48 Ep 33 - Brotherly Love With Steebee 1:10:31 Ep 13 - Bad Friends Drinking Game 1:10:56 Ep 28 - Bad Friends Beef! Featuring Erik Griffin 1:16:18 Ep 42 - The Fight & Rudy's Gotta Boyfriend 1:18:16 Ep 32 - 3 Bears 2 Caves ft. Tom Segura 1:22:07 Ep 37 - The Bad Friends Halloween Spooktacular! 1:23:06 Ep 26 - Bobby Floods the House and Rudy Gets Payback 1:26:14 Ep 43 - Living Someone's Dream and Chris Rock Hates Us! 1:33:23 Ep 35 - Pumpkins, Andy's Pandy, and Bobocopia ft. Rick Glassman 1:37:04 Ep 23 - The White Cheeks 1:41:25 Ep 13 - Bad Friends Drinking Game 1:43:44 Ep 37 - President Lee Addresses the Nation and Santino Is Back! More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com/ More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com/ More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Produced by George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Jenna Sunde, Joe Faria, Andrés Rosende Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Anchor if you haven't heard about anchor It's the easiest way to make a podcast. Let me explain. Oh, please. It's free. Awesome. That's cool These are there are creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or your computer You do it from your phone like on the go. Oh my god That's cool the bus or the subway you can do it. That's cool Anchor will distribute your podcast for you so it can be heard on Spotify Apple podcast and many many many many many many many more. Go ahead You can make money from your podcast too. No minimum listenership. How about that? You can make money with no minimum listenership It's everything you need to make a podcast all in one place. Where do we have to go Bob?

Download the free anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started You're cutting that part out. You're cutting that part out. You're cutting that part out. You're cutting that part out. Fuck you. Homeball Relate. No lemon head. This is you. Hey, I'm Andrew Satino. Your house looks like a fucking anthropology store It's light and nice. It's fucking bullshit. You're living in a bugger cave. Fucking piece of shit Don't talk shit about my mom. The hovel is what I like to call her. So you're saying because we're real friends You don't care about white pieces shit you look down on others. This is my holiday This is my holiday. You look down at other people's culture, dude. You're so annoying. You know what rat leather is?

Rat leather? Yes. Is it what your mom, is it what your mom uses to make your clothes when you were a kid? No, rat leather is similar to the stankiness of your mom's vagina. Okay. Is a professional workspace do we can get sued? You can fucking angry for no reason. I'm asking a question. Don't point it at me. Don't fuck around. Don't point it at me. Yeah, and keep it in. Don't even edit it out. That's what you are. That's what you are.

Cut that. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? White people and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Are you two or something? We're bad friends. Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey, hey. Welcome. Welcome to another episode of Bad Friends, everybody. Yesterday was Father's Day. And oh boy, I miss my dad. And the thing is, I wanted to write a Father's Day song. And I told you I was going to do that, too. Yeah, you promised me. And I thought you weren't going to do it. I'm being serious. And I forgot about it. And then we were sitting here outside waiting for you because you were late.

I wasn't late. I was getting you sugar-free Red Bull. Rudy, was I getting sugar-free Red Bull? Yeah. See? Okay, but were we here before I called them? Dude, you called me. It doesn't matter. No, no, you called me.

Can we do the Father's Day? What's you angry about? You always do this to me. You trample on me. Trample, trample. You trample on me. Trample, trample. You trample, trample. That's you. Trample, trample. Yeah, yeah. Go ahead, trampley.

So, you know, while we were waiting for you, because we were early. I got sugar-free Red Bull, you go. Yeah, and I wrote a song real quick. Because I write a lot of music on my garage band, so I just came up with it. I have an old, older, like, weird song. You know what I mean? So, I wrote a song for my dad. Okay, let's hear it.

All right. Daddy, I love you. Daddy, why you die? Happy Father's Day, Daddy. Daddy, I'm cute. Daddy, I can fly. Daddy, I miss you. Why are you dead? Why did you die? Daddy, I need you. I need you so badly. Laying in your bed. Laying in your bed. I'm sorry I took photos of you while you were dead and sent it to the heart says what was in my head. You were dead and I whipped out my phone. I can't fucking believe I did that shit. I'm all alone. I miss you, Daddy. I love you. Okay, there we go. That's a song. Very good.

And I have another thing that I do that I don't really talk about, but if I'm on an elevator and anyone over the age of 60 walks onto the elevator. You hold your breath. No, I'll get off the elevator. Any time. Every time. Why? Because especially if I'm alone in the elevator, because if this person dies, I'll probably

just leave. Yeah. You know what I mean? And because I don't want to, I don't know how to call and I don't know who to call. I don't know what papers to sign. I don't know who to interview. I got shit to do. You don't have to do almost any of that.

If you died in an elevator and you're just by yourself, you can't just leave. You would just go, somebody died in there and then they show up and then the paramedics help them. Okay, so let's get this, let's play this out. Okay. All right. I'm in an elevator. Yeah.

Old man walks in. Old man walks in and then he goes, hello young man. I was in the Korean war. Because old people always say something like that. Or they always say, you know, I love that Chinese restaurant down the street. And I'll be like, okay, cool. Oh, my, my heart. Dead, right?

Elevator open. I call. Hi, um, is this, is this the hospital? I don't know who to call. Is this hospital? Well, you got to call 9-1-1. Oh, fuck. 9-1-1.

9-1-1. Yes. Well, an old man died. What's the address? I don't know. I'll be right back. And I can run outside. I got to look at the address.

It's 55443. Sir, what street are we on? Tamberlin. Tamberlin. What's the date? California. California. Oh, fuck California.

Tamberlin. 9-9-5-5-4-3. California. Tamberlin. Okay. Well, then, um, the ambulance will be there as soon as possible. Could I leave? No.

You have to go back in with the man. Go in right now. Oh, fuck. I started to run back in. Oh, fuck. I got to do something. I got to put my mouth in his mouth. I blow.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I fucking chest. His bow was just lost. Oh, fuck. Yeah, yeah. I leave the elevator. I'm leaving the elevator to go back outside. I'll probably have a cigarette.

Now, by this time, though. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sir? Yeah, yeah. Were you the man that called the police? I am the one. Okay. What happened to the man?

Where is he? He's at the elevator. He does shit right now. Come with us right now. Come on, let's go inside. Come on, let's go right in. Oh, shit. Is that him right there?

Of course. No, there's another dead guy around the block. Sir, I don't need your attitude. I'm just trying to find out how this man died and when he died. Did you make him shit or poop? Yes, I didn't want to die because I didn't know what to do. So you caused this man to throw up and have diarrhea inside of this elevator? Well, because I put my mouth on his mouth and I blew it.

Turn around, sir. You're under arrest. Turn around. You're under arrest. What the fuck? I have an audition. You're under arrest. That's it.

That's what happens. That makes perfect sense. If there was an animal you had to have sex with, though. Forced? Yeah. Probably sheep? I'm from Ireland. I think they do that shit all the time.

Yeah, sheep. I think because it's soft. Yeah. And they're... Don't laugh at me. Yeah. I think because they're soft. Yeah.

And even if they get upset, they're just like... So it's not that bad. For me, it would be panda because they're so cute. Well, I didn't even think that's true. And you could... Here's the thing. If I was having sex with an animal, I wouldn't want them to think, hey, hey there. Right?

Somebody fucking me. I wouldn't want them to think that. You just want it to be a thing. No, I don't want them to go, hey there. Well, then if you fucked a big animal, then they would... But what I would do with a panda is you give them grade A bamboo. Oh, like high end. They love the chew that shit.

Why goo bamboo? Right. So I'd be like, here's bamboo. They'd be like, hey there. And then I would... You know what I mean? And they'd be just so focused on... But don't they get so fucked up from the eucalyptus?

Is that... Eucalyptus is... Is that pandas? No, man. Who eats eucalyptus? Sloths. Sloths. And they black out, right?

They just pass out. Yeah. Yeah, they get really fucking high. Because sloths, they go, whoa, sloths live in trees. How can you get them? Because I thought about this. Right? Honestly, I don't know why I thought about this.

In Papua New Guinea, there's a lot of sloths, right? I didn't know that. There is, right? Yeah. So what they would do is they would go to Papua New Guinea, right? And sloths, you don't know, I Googled this. I don't know why. I don't know why I researched this.

But sloths, they come to the ground while they take a shit or they go to the bathroom. I've seen this. Right. I've seen this in Costa Rica. They come to the ground. Right. Yeah. So imagine a bunch of sloths in the tree, right?

Where you going, Johnny? And sloths like... I gotta take a shit. I gotta take a shit. I'll be right back. And as soon as he lands, 50 dudes come out, they form a train, right? And then he's trying to run away, right? And he's like...

And his buddies are going, run, Frankie! And Frank is trying to run, right? And he gets on the tree, right? He's already been raped 40, 50 times, right? And people are like jumping up and tagging him, right? And just ripping him from the tree. Well, as he goes up, the taller guys get to go. Yeah.

The taller guys, right? I mean, that would be a nightmare. They'd be extinct. The place for you, because this is from my family to yours. This is Happy Birthday in Korean. Let's all sing along for Bobby, so let's do it. You're welcome, dude. That was so nice.

They'll do shit like that for you in North Korea. No, they don't. Yeah, okay. Can I say this? Yes. Yes. All right? Have you ever met anyone from North Korea?

Yes. No, you haven't. Yes. It's like an eskimo. You've never met an eskimo. You've read up a lot of the books and the fairy tales. What the... You could play with them in video games, maybe, but you've never met one.

Your energy needs to change. Get it going. Go get your Coke. Go get your Diet Coke. Your energy needs to change. Your energy needs to change. What? I came in here, you were all fucking...

No hellos. Nothing. I said hello. No, you were like in your own world or whatever. I'm fucking working on the show that you're on with me. I'm fucking working on the computer and we're getting stuff done. Get your thing. It's gonna be a good one.

I'm taking your fucking... I'm taking your fucking... Don't... Get me this fucking thing, man. No, don't. Seriously. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. Bobby, don't.

Back up, then. Back up, then. That's dangerous. I'm serious. Back up, then. Back up, then. Put it on the safety. What?

Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't point it. Don't point it. Back up, then. Don't point it. Don't point it. Don't point it. I want this. Put it down.

I'm gonna shoot you with this. Put it down. Put the safety on. Put the safety on. Back up. I swear to god. It's not even on safety. You can fucking hurt someone real bad.

Don't shoot it. Back up, then. I will not shoot it if you come. I have a boundary. Do not cross the boundary. Put it on the desk. I will shoot you with it. If you don't fucking sit down No, no, no, no, I'm not keepin the safety on yes

Dude, I'm leaving. I'm not gonna record today. I will not shoot you. I promise you if you if you get anyone near me Sit down I know how to unsafety it friend. I will shoot I will shoot you sit down. I promise you I will shoot you. Yeah, I'll never do I will we'll never talk again. That will fuck Yeah, you know how dangerous that is. All right, sit down then No, I will not Just sit down And don't do that. All right, well then just sit down. I won't know

Don't talk about safety. Don't talk about safety is don't talk about safety is oh my god Don't talk about safety. Don't point that at me ever again. I won't you pointed at me No, I didn't No, I tend to you my style. No, I you walked in and I showed you the gun All right, I showed you the you didn't shoot my fucking hat. Give me the gun here I will shoot your red-headed face. Don't point it at me. Get back up. Don't fuck around. Don't point it at me Back up right here. No, I'm not gonna put it there. Put it here. I need to protect myself Give it to me. Why are you so angry because that can fucking really do I'm not gonna hurt you

I need to put the safety on. No, let's start the podcast. I will not fucking do it Yeah, give it to me. Put it put it down. It's fine. Give me it. Okay. I will shoot your head if your attitude Doesn't change. Look, I'm being 100% serious with you. I'm being 100% serious as well If you shoot me yeah with that gun. Yeah, if you fucking shoot me. Yeah, I'm I'm I'm dead serious I'm dead serious my hands these hands. Yeah, we'll fucking pummel your stupid face until it's city silly buddy I will knock all your teeth out. I'll stomp your fucking neck in I'll beat the living shit out of you Interesting if you shoot me in the face with that. Yeah, you're fucked Okay, look at me in the eyes. You're fucked if you if I shoot you in the head with this

Yeah, and you beat the shit out of me. Yeah, you're fucked. Why you'll see why because I you think that this is the only Weapon that I have right now. That's my gun. I had I know I Have other weapons as well. Give me my gun. No, let me just have it. No, Bobby You'll get it at the end of the podcast. I want it. All right. Let me ask you another question may I Mm-hmm if I shoot in the head if you shoot me in let me just follow this through please and you beat the living shit I mean Listen, would you end this podcast forever? Mm-hmm. You swear to God if you shot me in the fucking head Yeah, with a with an airsoft gun. Yeah, those are rock-hard BBs. Yeah. Yeah, they're not even the plastic ones, right?

I would beat the living shit out of you and then I'd make you do a podcast with me and that would be our final podcast I'd make you do one. I'll fucked up. Yeah, and bleeding and dripping and no teeth. Yeah, and me with a bullet I should George Yeah, okay Yeah, don't point it at people. I'm not gonna throw it. I look at my hands on even on the trigger dude It's supposed to be on the side It's gonna be on your feet your trigger finger should be on the side of the gun like don't point it at me like this like this Yes, yes, okay, put the safety on I'll put the safety on you don't know how you have to pull back on those things and

It's not on Yes, so the S. No, dude. It's not on look. I'm gonna show you Yes, put it up now put it away put it down. Okay, that's it now. The safety is off. You just turned it off again It's this S route the red that's it's gonna fire right now. Okay It's not gonna fire. Okay good point point it at the plant shoot the plant shoot the shoot the plant Yeah, okay good You know what my fucking you know what you know what my friend I shoot the screen The TV. Yeah, we'll just see what happens

It'll it'll close your eyes close your I turn around Are you gonna do it? Yeah, but that's it. That's my TV. How much is it? I don't know. It doesn't matter. It's a fucking TV like what then we got to go get a new one. All right, I I kind of want you to do it now And I wonder but if you do I'm cool with it. We just have to go get one I'll go buy one now. I Know that's what I get a better one. Here's my only fear. What I don't care about the TV It's a piece of shit TV, but the cameras. What if it hits one of the cameras?

Those odds the odd if I look at They Rick it bounces the balls gonna bounce everywhere. Let me odds of it shoot your hat again right to me Let's Yeah, it's gonna ricochet it right in here. Okay, if I aim it like this, it'll hit George in the face I'm not gonna do it. God, dude. If you do it Thank you, I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it. Yeah Do it really I'm gonna do it. You know the balls. I

Don't know. I don't have the balls to shoot my own TV. Yeah, you're pussy. Oh My god, dude, I'm so scared you're a pussy you're weak, right? That's what it is. If you shoot me, I honestly Yeah, I don't need to do this podcast me neither Well, if they shoot me we're dead. This is it. This is it the last one we do. You're right. Okay. Say goodnight Then take out your penis. Let me shoot your penis No, I would never shoot you hold out your hat though. Can I shoot your hat on? No, no shoot the screen or nothing I don't want to shoot the fucking TV. Then we're gonna get a new TV. You're weak. That's it Be a man Bobby in life. This is for showbiz. This is for entertainment purposes

It's gonna ricochet and bounce off and hurt. I'm gonna turn around And it closed my computer All right, ready? Yeah, three Two no signal one. Oh Right in the middle. Holy shit. You did break it And it says no signal By the way a ricochet and hit me right in the shoulder. No, really? I swear to God. Oh my god. It did hurt. It did break it Oh, I'm so sorry. That's all right

Why did you do it you fucking said to who's kidding? What would you do that? It was kind of fun. It was fun. Uh-huh Hey everybody, okay, talk about here today. I oh Jimmy Kimmel Jimmy Kimmel I Don't want to I don't want to do this Bob. I don't want to do this. I don't I don't want to Jimmy Kimmel he He's not gonna host the show for a while. So I I'm going to Try to get the job there to do the whole things. You have to fucking do it. I can't forget. I don't know what to say Give me any joke to say I do comedy, too

No, you shut the fuck up. Okay, here we go Hey alive around the world is the world is absolutely insane right now. What's going on around the world? Everybody talking bang here. Oh boy. What go on in the world right now? It's crazy is 150 million Thousand people died from corona and boy. Melania Trump. I do I fuck her I Fuck her Oh, okay, so I saw this how they said oh boy. What going around this town right now? Holy moly shit 150,000 million people died from COVID-19 Donald Trump wife Melania. I stick it

Oh shit, okay There was a guy who was raising sea turtles and check this out and he's selling them He's selling them at two shells of pop He sees a This guy's getting a good. He's getting a killer deal on that. I don't talk about the Maloney The BLM Like a live a they matter and you know you go to the protest right you stood sign Do not do that to the black right and you know one time I went to a protest

And I saw a woman protesting with her when she looked like You know Maloney No, but she I she'd not do it was not her because this was an LA Okay, so this is not her but she looked like she looked like Maloney so she brought that thing I was Getting to the two like a black lives Getting to that right and then I hit like this to her hit right and I look at her I go in the one day your night could go come bang bang

She's not there Yeah Okay, oh my god, what's going on with the Y2K The Y2K man 2000 everything is gonna be wiped out. There's a What If you we never we're never gonna get this gig if you do that Oh my god, Andrew my favorite thing in the whole world is better help. I was a miserable guy, you know This before this year because I had never done therapy, but through better help. I

Get therapy. I'm so much more happier and freer. Look, it's incredible. It's helped me out You start talking to somebody in 48 hours. It's not a crisis line It's not a self-help line. They match you with your own licensed professional therapist and you can like start Communicating in under 48 hours. It's like and it's like they match you up with the perfect person. They really do If you want to change it's free to change with somebody so traditional offline counseling is quite quite more expensive financial aid is available for for you guys here and during these tough times Oh my god, people need it real tough people need to talk to somebody and you really should use better help Want you to start living a happier life today?

It's also more affordable than traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available Yeah, and so many people have been using better help that they're recruiting additional counselors in all 50 states visit their website and read their testimonials Testimonials that are posted daily visit betterhelp.com slash bad friends. That's better H.E.L.P And join the over 1 million people who have taken charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional Bob Tell them the special offer that we got a special offer for bad friends listeners get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com Dot com slash bad friends that is better help.com slash bad friends Babble, you know what Andrew? I was always thought I always thought that I was too dumb No, learn a different language. No, you're not Babble. I've been learning French. I've been learning Spanish espanol. Check this out

Donde esta el baño Andres see that's great. Yeah, see I'm doing a good job I'm learning look it's it's a it's a language learning method There it is you can speak a new language within weeks Babble is a language learning method that designed to get you speaking a new language within weeks with daily 10 to 15 minute lessons That's so easy. It's so quick and it's super interactive right Bob. Oh, I love it. It's it's easy to use. Yeah It is it honestly. Yeah, no joke If you sign up for Babble, you'll you can you can see how quickly you'll start picking up stuff very fast And it's and it's also street slangs. It's not just like it's it's it's how naturally people talk to each other

Not this technical stuff right other services. Yeah, biblioteca. It's not really formal. It's a lot more loose and fun Realistic and you can speak 14 different languages on my god Spanish French Italian German etc. etc. etc. Speak the language like you always wanted to with Babble Tell them what we got for him Bob and right now Babble is offering our listeners three month free with a purchase of a three month subscription with promo code bad friends visit babble.com and use promo code Bad friends on your three month subscription. That's Babble B A B B E L.com use that promo code bad friends Babble language for life I want to do something real fast because everybody loved it when we did a little scene reading and I'd like to do a scene reading right now But I don't know what movie it is. It doesn't you'll figure it out almost right away

I want you to put on this if you could And I'll put on one of these things so we're going to be doing a little classic scene reading and I'll put on you have to put on that you put on one of those around your neck as well I'm going to be doing a little little classic scene reading here for Bob This is one of his favorite movies he said this so we have to abide By what Bob likes and wants I forgot I have to take my headphones off But we're trying to get dressed here

Yeah, let undress let undress to the directions that would be great. All right, give me those scripts are right there What do you mean what are the beads for yeah, you got to put them on okay? Okay, put them on and put you are you gonna put back on your headphones or no? Yeah, you don't have to if you don't want to Give me a script and give him a script. This is something that the fans really wanted and also something that you love What is that? All right, so you're gonna be the role of Rose and Andres is gonna read some of the scene direction Okay, go ahead and what what movie is this you'll figure it out almost right away Is it the notebook it would be almost impossible for you to not figure out the notebook nope

But you'll just figure it out almost right away. You're close. Okay, so guys ready Interior rose sweet What 1912 like in a dream the beautiful war work Just project a little bit more Get the project a little bit more because you know you're acting as if you're the director Yeah, you know he went to they went to film school. I know they did Just a little bit more right slow it down a bit. Okay start from the top. Go ahead. Okay. Here we go Interior hold on one second my phone's ringing

Hold on it's Rogan. I'm not gonna answer answer answer it. Yeah. Yeah. No, he won't want to be on the show. Okay Okay, hold on. Well, let's start from scratch. Here we go. Let's start from scratch. Go ahead. Okay Interior rose sweet Like in a dream the beautiful war work and sat in upholstery emerged from the rusted ruin That is overwhelmed by the opulence of the room He said his sketchbook and drawing materials in the marble table Will this light do Don't arrest me good life

That is true. I am not used to working in such horrible conditions Hey money He crutches next to the painting stacks against the wall Isn't he great the use of color I saw him once through a hole in this garden fence and giving airy She goes into the adjacent walking wardrobe closet his sister girl He sees a go to the safe and it starts working the combination. He's fascinated Calluses insist on lugging this thing

everywhere Should I be expecting him anytime soon not as long as the cigars and brandy hold out clunk. She unlocks the safe Glancing up she met his eyes in the mirror behind the safe. She opens it and removes the necklace Then holds it out to Jack who takes it nervously You hold it to me give it to me What is it What is it? Is it a sapphire? What is it? What is it?

Is it what is it? Is it a sapphire a Diamond a very rare diamond called the heart of the ocean Sad gazes up the well beyond his comprehension I want you to draw me like your French girl. He looks at her surprise and then we cut to Into your bedroom that gets laid on his pencils like surgical tools. His sketchbook is open and ready He looks at us. She comes into the room wearing a silk kimono The last thing I need is another picture of me looking like a child at all As a paying customer, I expect to get what I want

She hands him a dime and steps back part in the kimono. The blue stone lies on her creamy breasts Her heart is pounding as she slowly lowers the rope Jack looks so striking. It is almost comical. The kimono drops to the floor Tell me when it looks right to you She poses on the D1 setting like a cat into the position we remember from the drawing almost Uh, just bend your left leg and a little and lower your left your head eyes to me. That's it Text starts to sketch. He drops his pencil and she Stiffles her laugh

I believe you're blushing Mr. Big Artist. I can't imagine Mongea Monie blushing. He does landscapes Tied on Jack as his eyes come up to look at her over the top edge of the sketch back We want him to finish We have seen this image of him before in her memory. It is an image she will carry in the rest of her life Push slowly in On Rose's face Wow, I don't know. You still don't know what movie it is. How can you not know what movie is it? Jack Rose a draw me like one of your French girls. I've never seen what movie is it Titanic? What yeah, so these people had to get along with you for two more months. Yes, I'm like Jesus

It's gonna be the worst two months, but then I go, but I'm in Thailand. I'm single Right, so maybe two nights after that. I went to the lady boy district Just just a look two nights Yeah, because it's by the hotel three blocks from four blocks. So you go down to lady boy district. What happens? And I'm just kind of cruising. Hi, baby. Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna come inside. Yeah, if they touch me I'm an American, you know me. Don't touch me. Oh, do you think you get a better deal because you they know you're Asian? If they say no, I think they look at me the way I'm dressed all that that I have no money Really? Yeah, they think that I'm the guy that like steal sake, but do you think they upcharge for for for white man?

No, I think I think that they have these desires to marry a white man and They're gonna just like a pretty woman, but in Thailand, you know So that way you walk around I walk around I'm looking but I know that they have dicks So I know but in my head. I'm like, can you see that don't they tuck their dick? You can't see they're wearing like little short panties some of them. I swear to God if the circumstances are right You would Blowjob you got a blowjob. No, I would get one you would but you wouldn't do sex. No Because I don't I don't like asshole love

Hmm. I never liked it, but the way that they groom it that I think it's supposed to does it I don't like asshole love. I also heard a story once. Have you ever had anal sex? One time with Kalilah No way. Yeah She will let you fuck her in the ass one time Well, I first stuck my finger in there a couple of times. Yeah, I've done Yeah, I do the finger and I go up and down side to side to get some room going I don't like it too tight. You put you're doing like a yeah, like a crucifix like a crucifix like a crucifix

And I did a pentagram. Yeah, I might have done a swastika. So that I stuck it in there. It was so dry Well, yeah, it was so dry. It's a butthole. What do you think? Yeah, it doesn't get wet. It doesn't get wet I don't I didn't even come. I think I washed my dick and fucked her You washed then you went in. Yeah, you should have washed after did you wash after? No, I stuck my penis in the dirt hole. Mm-hmm. Then I go I not into it So I went and washed my dick and then I did vaginal sex Yeah, okay smart, but then what happened was um And I didn't know where to go for like to get regular women like a brothel

Oh To get you were in the lady boy district. Yeah, but I didn't know where to go to get regular just a prostitute Yeah, so I didn't do it. I just but until one day I had four days off You know how like sometimes you're in a different country stretch It's a big stretch and you have near you're not so what I would do is I would go to lobby and just sit there and drink coffee And the but by the bar no in the hotel lobby and then you just wait for someone to approach you No, I would just sit there all day. I didn't know I didn't know anybody really. Yeah, it was really sad, but then to

I gotta say it say it to movie executives from the Asian Movie company. Yeah, we're there. They walk by me and they go I go, I know you guys and they go. Hey, you wanna And I go I already I didn't know what that meant You know, I just got up and I just followed them and they took me to this place called Amsterdam It's not enough. It's a place called Amsterdam. Got it and you go in there and it's a restaurant at first You sit there and there's a fat madame You know, I mean, you know that there was always a fat lady that no one would ever fuck but she runs the place

Yep, and she's very funny. Yeah, and then there was like a all-female. She's the pimp. Yeah rock group going Run it be run it be, you know, that's what I got Run it be run it be, right? They beat you. Yeah, they're pretty sure. Yeah. Yeah, right as a gentleman Right, and then um, and then we ate fruit What? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, because you're gonna. Yeah, I don't know They just brought this the biggest fruit plate. I don't know why. No, I don't know why do you know that fruit makes your cum taste better? Oh Oh You've never heard that before ate a lot of it. You've never you guys know that don't you sugar high sugar high sugar content makes your

Seamen taste better. Why that's why they did that. Wow, so I'm eating it and then um, I go what I just turned it out go what happens and They go then we go to another room and in this other room is football bleachers I'm not kidding you like we're going to see like a game about to happen like a USC football game Bleachers, but instead of fans There's women. Mm-hmm. Yes, and they're just lined up They're all sitting there like I was gonna do my one-man show, right?

And I sat there and I go, how does this work? Do I just grab them? What the fuck up and the fat madams there? Yeah, and she goes no you look at the number So they have a pin and they have a number and then they have letters on the number. What? Yeah So any you know like this is sex slavery. It would say 237 and it would say B 237 Come on and it would say SM Which means supermodel and they were higher right and then there was like they were more expensive Yeah, it would say yeah, it would say zero V V is what Vietnamese. It's like dope pennies

It was fucking amazing same kind of brain fuck up same brain fuck Yeah, and keep it in don't even edit it out. That's what you are That's what you are Cut that cut that out or bleep it Do you look like a fool? You know, it's like so funny It's like when one people do foolish things like that and they say that they go into a thing like what you're doing You're frozen. I know you're frozen right now because of shame. No, no, no No, you're going like this. No, I'm listening to your bullshit. Oh shit. How do I get out of this one?

No, it's not getting out of it. My I'm faster than you. I'm funnier than you. I'm stronger than you I'm taller than you. I'm better than you in literally every physical way and mental I get out of this one. You're a you're a little tiny golly I don't round me. I shaved a booger rat Moron and that's where you and you're a stupid you're going to names. No, you're an action Going to name calling you call me an artard Yeah, but we're gonna cut that out so it doesn't even we're not we're leaving an artard. You said it to me You called it to me three times

Just apologize for making a mistake. No. Yes. You made a mistake I'm not apologizing Thinking something was something else. I said, no, it's a Rubik's Cube movie Yes, and Rubik's Cubes are two different things. It's the point of the film. It's not the fucking the fucking item It's that I oh, yeah, there was a kid. It was the champion. He got taken over and I'm thinking oh It's a fucking Rubik's Cube. Well, how would you Magnus? It's not even called your name. I don't know the title of the fucking movie. Fuck man You made a mistake. You look like a fool and that's all. No, it's only because you ran into it with your car No, it could have gone. Oh, yeah, it was a Rubik's Cube. No, it was really sad to watch you just now

Just please and like go through that fucking thing. Yeah, you're you're you're go ahead. Go me name Oh, I'm fat fucking weak. Yep. Yep. Yeah, I wouldn't be able to survive in a forest fact Yeah, the fact unless there was a fucking bakery then there are a lot of in a tree I'm alive. Am I not that piece of shit? Am I not alive? I hope your fucking feet There we go now. That's you diabetic fucking turd game when white listen ladies and gentlemen bad friends friends fans when your teeth Smoking let this listen and your little rat mustache. So when Andrew bullshit ass dick makes a mistake, right? This is how we what are you resorts? No, it's only when you go at it with me And so I want to let you guys know that we do need a therapist because he has massive issues

Look at him. He's trying to laugh it off But I see it in his eyes when Bobby goes after me. Yeah after I said, oh, yeah No, yeah, I said that the wrong then I have to attack you back. No, you put me up against the wall. Yeah, what do you want me to do? See Yeah, you see what you did. What see what you did you ruin my vibe? I? You fucked up my vibe. I love it and you've never listened to the scorpions once That's true. Yeah, you fucking poser you fake fuck cut that out. No you hollywood cut that part. No Part out you we're cutting that part out George. You're fired if you fucking keep that in fuck you then fuck you George get fired

You fucking come to hire someone else cut it out. Andre's you touch that fucking You don't cut off the scorpion. What are you gonna do? What are you gonna fucking do? What is so angry about I just See then you had look like You had look like a fool, but just let's move on. No, I move on Let's move on. Oh, yeah, it was a rubric you move on. No, don't do that. All right. Don't go low Can you breathe you started it? I didn't start it. Andre's get on the fucking mic and say who started listening right now Shut the fuck up. See you're gonna be aggressive. Andre's who started it Say it see that we don't be a say it Wow what yes

Stop everything stops. Oh Wait, wait, wait, what's up? She said Tito Bobby cuz she knows that's up Say the mic she did Tito Bobby. I love you. I started it. Yeah. Yeah When he was wrong you immediately humiliated humiliated him you could have just yeah, but was he not wrong Yeah, but it wasn't go ahead. It wasn't a big thing, right? Well, he made he mistake like a It yeah, yeah, exactly. Thank you. Thank you. Andreas. I have some defense here. No, he's not defending you What were you saying Andreas?

But he mistake a chessboard with a little cube, right? Is that is that a big both puffer? It's a medium-sized medium size. Yeah, and I my response was medium size. No, it wasn't. Yeah, how big was the response Jules? You said the R you said the R word over and over Leaving it in because we need to teach you a lesson. No, so I'm gonna let you know All right, don't point it or put your finger down put your little fat finger down. All right You you just betrayed that finger down now. You betrayed me. Just I know that all right, and you know what? I'm glad I'm leaving tomorrow And you're lucky that I'm leaving tomorrow

Jules, I love you. You're a good friend Bob this holiday season. I want you to clean your hole. Okay, cuz it's usually dirty. I have been cleaning it with hello Tisha, what are you talking about? I use to she use to she has not been cleaner. I've seen it I've had a swampy asshole your whole life for my whole life 49 years live there Mm-hmm, and I'm not talking about poo. I'm talking about like real creatures 100% I've seen him come out of there and so since and I also have saved on The toilet paper. Yeah, we don't buy it as much anymore I installed the the tushy here in the studio and it was easy to install

No, this holiday season make your hole feel better with tushy people don't know what a bidet is And they think it's some something fancy. No, it's not it's not you can get yourself a hello tushy for how much Bob $79 $79 imagine a powerful spray Run up the hole right cleaning out the tush is that about the old-fashioned way, right? But days used to be thousands and thousands of dollars. I now these are good for Everybody dude We have one here at the studio that Rudy refuses to use cuz she doesn't even use the bathroom here But me and Bob use it and we use it at both of our houses the hello tushy bidet attachment comes with a 60-day risk

Free happy butt guarantee 12 month warranty stop wiping your butt start washing and join the millions of happy hello Tushy customers right now hello tushy is the perfect gift for the whole of days get it for a friend get 10% off plus free Shipping right now at hello tushy comm slash bad friend. That's hello tushy comm slash bad friends or 10% off and free shipping Hello tushy comm slash bad friends. Hello fresh. Hey, Bob. I can't cook that. Well. I'm not a so smart I love and I don't want to leave the house. Let me say something, okay? You know when I get hell open fresh delivered to my house, right? And it has fresh ingredients. Yeah, and it's also there menus and Instructions recipes that I can follow. They're easy to use. It's America's number one meal kit for a reason

I use that at the house me and the old lady I'm not good at cooking and I don't know anything about anything. It's delicious. And all you have to do is follow their instructions It's delicious. It's it's it's actually and it's healthy too By the way, no, he's a healthy. It's like, you know during this pandemic, you know, it's good to have like home cooked meals Yeah, and it's easy to get all the ingredients in one spot. I love that man. I do love it You guys if you if you haven't tried it, you absolutely should It is great delicious meals And it's so easy step-by-step on how to use it go to hello fresh comm slash bad friends 90 use the code bad friends 90 to

Get $90 off including free shipping. That's insane Hello fresh comm slash bad friends 90 use the code bad friends 90 to get $90 off including free shipping To your home to get a delicious meal to you me and Bobo highly recommend it if it's balloon. I'm walking out Is it balloon? Yeah Let's try No way Let's try I'm gagging right now. I never had it. I won't do it. Can we open it? No, you know, I'll open it

No, will you look honestly? Yeah, don't be off. You know what dude? White piece of shit. You're fucking you look down on others. This is my holiday Other people's culture dude. Yeah, and stop being like this. That's what this whole thing is about. Yeah, so give me the balloon Yeah, yeah, don't eat. Don't you fucking take dude. I'm gonna throw up. You're gonna eat it. All right You're gonna watch me throw up. That's fine. We can we're not gonna. I'm not gonna eat, but that's so fucking rude It's my people dude. Okay, bring the balloon. I'm not gonna eat it. Yeah No, oh my god, so now honestly, where do you get the balloon? Put it there. I'm not gonna get this at Vaughn's. Where do you get this at? Where did you get it?

Or so you just break this open Get him over a napkin. Oh, yeah, give me a napkin because I've never had this before. Don't be a dick dude No, no, no, I'm not feeling your heart. I'm gonna take my jacket off because I'm sweating for some reason I'm scared All right, so people for for people that remember Belute is a Filipino we talked about it last Yeah, yeah, give me the napkin, right? So you just crack open the top. Okay Crack open the top Don't oh

Oh my god, it's so hard. It won't crack. It won't crack. You can crush it like this Oh my god, oh fuck this fucking cracked. Okay, that's fine. Okay Okay, first I'll tell you what it is This is like the movie aliens remember the movie aliens first of all smell it smell it Smell it bro, bro, give me the garbage can I'm gonna throw up And I had good ramen I had ramen that I like Yeah, so so There's juice all over the place there's

I'm gonna throw up. Oh my god No, I gotta get out of here I have to get out of here. I'm gonna throw up honestly. That's so fucking gross All right, so Fuck all right, so I'm gonna throw up. What is this part? I can't see What is that part? That's the foot or the foot Oh my god, that's the foot. What is the yellow though? I have to know the body part. I don't look at either. It's fucking asshole It's a yoga part. All right. How about this Andrew? This is my nightmare

I know I'll eat a little bit of this you eat a little nope. Yeah. Yeah. I almost threw up now I don't care. I'm gonna throw up. Oh god It's good Oh God It's so fucking gross god get that the fuck out of here get it out. No, no try it. No Let's open the whole thing though I don't think there's any duck there

I'm gonna throw out look at look dude. Look at this part. Oh My god I'm gonna throw up. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh, there's no face My god, where did you get this? This is Ed Vaughn's Oh my god, yeah, you should be ashamed This is what I get for joking about Thanksgiving earlier I

Drenched this table George in in in oh my god and bleach My god, is this the most disgusting thing I've ever seen in my life. I mean, I'm not even kidding. No get it away Get it away Yeah, dude, George get this the fuck away Oh my god Are you gonna eat this can you eat that No, you're not gonna eat that. No, she'll eat that won't eat that. There's the new one eat it Here here's the trash can oh

Oh My god, I'll be right back if you had a ranch. Are you being real? No, I need to wash my hands. Yeah Yeah, because I fucking coughed into my Rudy how How much how much is a blue dig One dollar 25 cents 25 that's what a little bird's life is worth 25 cents Rocks are more expensive by far. Yeah, we you know what's so funny We for people that didn't see the other episode we talked about balloon

It's a baby duck that they eat in the Philippines and they just what do you got salt? Oh my god. Are you really gonna eat it? Yeah, yeah I have how do you know if it's not rotten? I mean it smells rotten. Is it rotten? I'll try I don't think so. Oh you try first and then you for stomach hurts Then you stop what the fuck the Philippines that kind of what kind of system is that I just I can't and you and you eat it one whole bite Everything no Do you eat that

Oh my god, look, I respect the culture. No, I do And you know what I want to say what I'm sorry to the Native Americans for what they did Yes, why I'm getting reflective. Yeah. Yeah, because so sorry because what what Western Europeans did to the Native Americans is Disgusting and it's not funny and it's gross and this is giving me perspective Well, I don't know if there's a problem I can ask a question. Yeah, so she likes this actor. What's the actor that she likes? Six and his spate and some Hispanic actor that you like Michael Pena. No, if it's him I'd kill myself Fluffy. No, it's a real glacis. Yeah, so anyway, I go She was we're hooking up and I go blow me I go blow me like that actor the guy that you like, right and she did things

That she's never done before to my day because she pretended you were who some other actor, right? I got an I want to know who it is shaft and she started licking my balls, right? And they should spit on it and she was like sucking on that. I like I was like and I go stop I go stop doing it like that and I got mad. I go That's you do it better for the other guy. Yeah, of course But that's okay, but that should be okay in a healthy fantasy fantasy fantasy fantasy fantasy You don't do ever fans. You don't ever think she's somebody else. I want those moves too. You just got them You got exactly. Yeah, but for me. No, well, you're not you anymore. Yeah, you're not you anymore

You've been together too long because if I'm you know our girl today do it like Natalie Portman I wouldn't go and do all your man's spin and do the whole fucking thing You know you sit and have a conversation whether she's Natalie Portman now award-winning actress. Yeah. Yeah, what do you mean? Do you ever visualize she's somebody else? Or when I'm in my mind, maybe yes. Yeah, do you do it? You have to yeah, you don't have a choice. You have to what do you mean? Once you've had sex with your significant other enough dude, your mind has to make make up that there's something else Yeah, absolutely, man. We do role-playing. Oh, you do what role-play? Okay, I'll say it and then and then I'll see if it's okay to say it. Yeah. Yeah, we'll see if it's okay

Hold on we do camps. We do camp stuff like you're camping. No, like we're in a summer camp Like she's a counselor and you're a student No shit dope. What is her name? Does she have a counselor name? No, I just call her counselor counselor Like counselor Kalilah. Yeah, and she's like yes, little boy. How old are you in this fantasy? Are you Jewish? Do you put on a yarmulke? Jewish summer camp, but I've asked about like Jewish Jewish people do I've surrised this I could do. Yeah, yeah So, um, no dairy go ahead. So I um, Yeah, I'm a kid your little boy and you're what happened. Did you be bad?

Who are you bad by the lake? Look at her. Look at her. Is it uncomfortable? No, it's fine. Do you want to her out? She can get out of the room while you tell this nasty story. It's not nasty. Well, it's beautiful. Okay. Yeah, so I'll go like Did you get in trouble by the lake? What did you do? Huh? What did you do bad boy? She's like come here, Tammy She'll give me a name. Tammy. Yeah. Yeah. What did I do wrong? I'll do it boys. Yeah We're like, you know, yeah, and she's like, you know, you know I told you, you know to put away the equipment and you didn't have to put over the equipment Right, you left the balls out. No, but I know I was playing with um Johnny and the boys or whatever And then she'll go like, yeah, but when I say something so let's take your pants off

You need a spanking. Okay. I'll go Okay All right, and I'll slowly write meanwhile like when she sees the underwear it's just Already, right? Hard as a rat. I like it. Yeah. Do you have on little boys underwear for the course? Of course. Yeah. I only have tidy wetties. So I It's one pair. There's a brown streak and it's only wet and tip that it's a tip. There's a tip there And then she'll go, um, lay on your back. I'm gonna give you a spanking, right? And I'll go I'll lay on my back, but how can you spank me if I'm on my back?

Right, right. She goes, you're clever, Timmy, right? And she goes, you know your magic step? I go, you need, you need my pee pee It's your magic step. And I go Right, yeah, take out your pee pee. What are you gonna do? I'm scared. Oh, I would say that. You scared? I'm scared Yeah Right. Yeah. And then she, okay, you know what I mean? Let me kiss it like a lollipop. I'm already coming Sure. I mean, the juices are just like, you know what I mean?

It's like bubbling. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like little fucking cum bubbles. That's hot. Right, right. That is hot. That's fucking hot. Then it's like, you know what I mean? But then it turns into Well, I'm Timmy and she's on top of me, right? She'll go She'll switch it up Which is I don't like She's like, I'm Mark now No, no, something like that. She'll go like, you know

Do you like it, Mark or Frank? So I have to be a play a different character. Oh, she wants you to switch Right. So like she's now Fucked everyone at the camp. Oh Yeah, you know what I mean? Like she's like a serial. She's like run a train on me But now it's now it turns into like it's very aggressive Right, right where like I've already now I'm mark and I've already heard the rumors Right, right. You know what she's been up to. I knew all the things and I don't want to because maybe I'm gay or whatever Right, so it turns into me trying to get. Not maybe. Yeah, what? Not maybe. Yeah

No, we are he may have something good. He may have nothing. You never know with him He's a fancy B Fancy B Our special guest is Andreas the fancy B Rosendey. We're excited He's gonna be giving us his stand-up comedy stylings and if he's good enough He's gonna open for me and Bobo when we go back on the road. You ready? You ready? Okay. Yeah, I'm ready. Let's hear it sweetheart. Okay. Wait a second I'm ready. Yeah, wait a second. He has to wear his dice jacket. What's up? What is that a rack of dvds back there?

Or is that books? Oh, oh Coming back for more uh, I guess you really need some talent in this show Who produces this shit by the way because I want to see in george. You know, I'm missing you How bad do you have to suck at your job? that you get replaced by a high school girl and the show gets better. He has a massive degree, right? And what, laughing too hard?

Wow, it was so loud in there that the neighbors called animal control because they thought you guys have a hyena in the room. George reminds me that I came home alone. If you grew up to have dancing, you want to be a comedian. Oh yeah, you really want to understand that. Your comedic inspiration is done in Kruger. Because you suck, but you don't know how much you suck. My comedic inspiration, Freddie Kruger.

Because I kill every time, even in your dreams. Anyway, so let's talk to someone else. Who else was here? Oh yeah, let's go to our favorite mood of bad friends. Rose, hey Rose, what a journey you had. You let Mayo head out for this shit. I don't look, Rose or Jules or Rudy. You have more nicknames than what you have said in the show.

He loves that himself. It looks like you auditioning for the quiet place every time. But still, you got more lines in than Bobby in The Wrong Kisses. Oh, he takes out the mic. He's slapping it and he loves it. Wow. What? Are you saying something, Jules?

You have to speak into the mic. You know who they might grow? Like Andrew Aboud speaking on the set of The Disaster Artist. You're angry. I can take it. Because you smell like George's breath, which smells like walls. Because he sucks so much of it. Jules, I wanted to understand your struggles.

So I saw 90 days, he was saying. And yeah, Rose is dead. He lives on a pig farm. So how did you manage to find the only place in America that is born and lived with a pig, living with Bobby Lee? He lives in American dream, cleaning Billionaire's houses. That sounds more like the Mexican dream to me. Yeah.

I think about that. I also came here looking for the American dream. But mine doesn't include a knife in my hand. I have some sci-fi dreams, girl. Living with Bobby Lee is like living with a puppy. Except you can fully train a puppy. You don't want to play video games. That's a real life.

You came here as a teenager, and now you have to raise one. Wow. Anyway, that's all I got for you guys. Yeah. Hey, let's heckle you. Now we get to heckle you. Sure thing. Yeah.

Yeah, look at it. What's up, Pablo Espresso bar? I like that jean jacket. Who's is that? Tell me that's your girlfriend. This? Yeah. No, this is George's.

That's even better. That's even better. All right, see you. Andres, we love you. Great job, buddy. You're really fun. Thank you. Bye, buddy.

You're the guy who's fine. What a champ. What a guy. I brought a Ouija board. No, no, no. I can't do it. Please. No, I'm not doing a Ouija board.

Let's contact your dad. Please. No, please. No, no, no. Wait, stop, stop, stop. Put your hand, it's just one hand. No, hold on. It's one hand.

No, no, no. Let's do it. You want to get haunted that night? It is real. I know. And we're going to respect it. We're not. We have every idea.

So am I. I know it's real. So? You just have to say goodbye. You just have to say goodbye and it closes the door. You start on Ouija. Here's the rules. Put your mic back.

Here's the rules. You start on Ouija. Oh, that's not good. Blowing out a candle to begin is a bad omen. Oh, boy, is that not good. Now that's actually scary to me. I know, but that's what it's supposed to do. It's a Crickle Crackle candle.

Put on your headphones and get your microphone near your mouth. Okay? The proper way to do this is for you put a hand and I put a hand. Okay? All right, here we go. Bob, hold on. Listen, listen to me. We're going to contact your pops.

Okay? What's his name again? Robert E. Lee. Bob Lee. We have to say goodbye at the end. Otherwise, his spirit will still remain. All right? Now put your two hands on.

Two hands. Okay. Now calmly and slowly, the bravest amongst us asks the first question. Okay. So go ahead. Dad, are you in heaven? I'm not touched. I am not moved.

Look. Yeah, you are. No, I'm not. You have to be. No, I'm not. I promise. I'm moving. What is it?

What is it? Tea. Tea? Yeah. What does that say? I can't read. I can't see it. What does it say?

TG? TG. I don't know what it is. What's TG? He said TGI Fridays. He loved TGI Fridays. Are you being serious? Yeah, he loved TGI Fridays.

That's his favorite fucking restaurant. Well, let's ask him another question. Obviously, he's having fun. This is fun. See? There's a TGI Friday in heaven. Oh, wow. Let's ask.

Okay. I want to ask him a question about you. Do you miss Bobby? Okay. Do you miss Bobby? Lightly. Lightly. Put your finger.

No, don't lean your weight on it. Should be like this. I'm not. You're pulling. I'm not. I'm not. Lightly. No, I'm not.

I'm not. You're so strong. I'm not. I did not pull it. I tried to pull it. I wouldn't pull it my way. I'm not pulling it. Come here.

You have strong fingers. I am not pulling it. You have strong fingers. Do you miss Bobby? Bobby? I'm not. You have to be pulling. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. No, I'm not. Oh, you gotta be kidding me. I'm not.

You're pulling it, pushing it, why would I? No, I'm not. What's that? It says you. The letter you. Does he miss you? No, so what was the question? Does he miss you?

Okay, let's get the other letters. All right. What is that? M. U.M.? Oh, I know what it is. What's U.M.? So ask me if I'm the dad.

Ask me. Mr. Lee, do you miss Bobby? Oh. So he doesn't, okay. No, he's thinking about it. No. Oh, he doesn't know. You didn't know.

Or are you at the University of Montana? Is there a university of Montana? Of course there is. No, be real. Home of the Buff Bluffs. Yeah. The Buff Bluffs are out there. The Buff Bluffs are out there.

So maybe that has something to do with it. Because my dad lived in Montana for a bit. What? U.M.? Bobby, Mr. Lee, tell us, what's the one thing that you would ask Bobby now about what's going on in his life? What do you want to know about Bobby? Yeah, what do you want to know about me, dad?

Yeah, we do. Oh, my God. What? What is that? G? You have to re-center it. Go back to the Ouija and re-center it. Put your fingers on lightly.

Why are you pulling? I'm not. Oh, my God. A? G-A. Why? Why? G-A.

You are pulling it with your fucking phone. Say goodbye. Say goodbye. Goodbye, dad. Goodbye. How many days now? Fifteen days. Fifteen days of no pornography.

Wow. Wow. Wait, how bad was your problem, Steve? It wasn't that it was bad, bad. It was that I didn't like what pornography was doing to my mind. Sure. Sure. Because I realized, I mean, because you know, we're messed up.

I mean, I'm not blaming him. He definitely, I know. I have nothing to do with it. I know, I know. Don't clump me in with your shit. But I just remember, it was a progressive thing as far as, I remember younger, this was before the internet, like him having like a DVD. He had a whole collection of them and I would take one or two.

How many? Three. You? He could have filled up like an Amoeba record, like a whole store. I mean, yeah, you know those, what are those booklets? You know those booklets where you put CDs? You know those big black, thick booklets? He had hundreds of those.

Just collections, like the Beatles collections, collections, collections. Yeah, just collectors. Just failed. Failed. Failed, sorry. But the rest, hey, but Steve, Steve, let me ask you though, what was the, so what, what was the reason that you quit? Like what was the moment?

Well, I just, well, I realized that it affected just my, like my relationship. Sex life? Yeah, or just, it just kind of like, it not only desensitized me, like as far as, because I noticed too, like when I was like, like I would be on Pornhub or X videos, my searches would be a little bit more further, like going kind of outside the box, you know? Like what? Give us an example. Well, it started with just like POV doggie or, you know, something like that, or, you

know, cream pie, or, you know, just like you're, I don't know if that's standard. That is, that's right in the middle. And then it started going into like crackhead cream pie. And then, well, I'm not done there though. So it started with that, and then, then it started progressing to grandma. Yeah. Like grandmother stuff. Yeah.

Grandma cream pie. Yeah. I was, I was like looking at granny. He goes, he goes, he goes, I was looking at grandmothers. He goes, Bob. I go, yeah. He goes, do you ever masturbate to grandmother? To grandma.

I go, I go. Like who doesn't know? He goes, oh, okay. And he's hung up. So just the, just the type of. Why are you like grandmas? Well, I'll tell you how it makes you feel afterwards. When you're, when you're laying there and you had just ejaculated watching a grandmother

getting cream pie'd. You don't feel so good about yourself. No. I wouldn't. I think you would. Yeah. I mean, that walkie-chame to the bathroom to clean up is a lot more worse than I would. Especially if it's still playing in the background.

Yeah. The Bad Friends drinking game. Here's how you play. Every time Bobby Lee says. Thing is, is that the thing is, is that because the thing is, is that the thing is, is that the thing is, is that the thing is, is that the thing is, is that your thing is, is that have a drink. Must be legal drinking age to play.

But whatever, dude, we're not the fucking cops. Okay. Wow. That's really nice of you. But I'm doing this for you because I really want you to quit smoking. You care though, really? Yeah. See, this is what's annoying.

Is it for anything? This is the crux of what we're talking about. Let me say it right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why do you, here's my question for you. Why, why is it? Why do you have to assume ill intent with everything that either one of us are doing when it comes to our friendship towards you?

Automatically. Yeah. It's just automatically. There's some kind of, I have no agenda. I have genuine love for you. I'm going to tell you why. Well, let me explain something real fast. Yes, it's on the show because I think it's entertaining to put on the show.

But I knew the only way you would take me serious is if I put it on the show. If I said I'm going to get you hitting on therapists off air, you'd be like, I don't want to do it. Fuck you. Shut up. Leave me alone. I'm just going to give you an example. That's true. I'm just going to give you an example.

This encapsulates my relationships with you Hollywood types. Oh my God. Oh my God. I'm a man of the people. You're the most Hollywood people. You're the most Hollywood people. You're the most Hollywood people. You're the most Hollywood people.

You're wearing a $9,000 shirt. What? You're wearing a $9,000 shirt. This is $90 a shirt. More. You're the most Hollywood person. You're the most Hollywood guy on earth. I know.

I take a very big offense to that. Oh, you're the Hollywoodist motherfucker. I'm a man of the people. Oh my God. I grind it out with the fucking common folk. You complain constantly about not being around common folk. That's true. That's true.

You say stuff to me. You know what you said to me when we had dinner at the house? What? About the steak thing? And I said, oh man, I should go get steaks. And you go, ew, ew, no. Have someone bring us steaks. That's what you said.

Yeah. Postmates. Was he complaining? Postmates. Because he's always telling me I'm complaining. Yeah, he's complaining. But all this motherfucker does is complain. Yeah.

I'm going to tell you. But the narrative is out there. All these fucking idiot ass fans like, oh, you're complaining. You're going to get griffin. Because anything he says. So I got to have fat Lando for the rest of my fucking life. You know, all this shit that these people say to me. And that's one of these narratives, right?

There's some other fucking complaints all the time. We commiserate with each other. But then you put it out there like I'm the only. I'm just going to tell you a story of that encapsulates my fucking relationship with you. Hollywood type. I'm going to say that again. Go ahead.

We're not Hollywood. All right. So I have a friend named Steve Byrne. We know him well. Okay. So he calls me one day and he says. Is this an Asian beef? It's not an Asian beef.

Okay. No. Because he happens to be half Korean. I love Asian beef, by the way. It's delicious. Mongolia. Yeah. Go ahead.

He calls me one day and he goes. I'm doing a movie. He says. Right. And I go. Okay. Cool. I want you in it.

Thank you. A week later. When I'm supposed to shoot. Right. I see Jimmy O'Yan. I mean Steve Byrne's movie. And. He's good.

He's a good actor. And he's very funny. Listen, I picked Steve. I would pick Jimmy O'Yan. I get that. He's really good. Go ahead. I see the him or dat fan.

You know what I mean? Either or. Either or. All right. All right. All right. Anyway, you see Jimmy O'Yan. You see Jimmy.

He's shooting the movie. Right. So I call Steve and I go. Yeah. I thought you called me for the movie. Because yeah. You know, I just. I'm going to use Jimmy O'Yan.

Yeah. You know. But it was my feelings for her. No. Because that's what I expect out of you types. This is not. Steve Byrne has nothing to do with us. Well, Andrew.

Andrew. Andrew. I was like, if I said. Hey, let's do a podcast. Together. Yeah. And then you go. I decided to go with Andrew.

No. I can see you. Hollywood types. No. You. Listen. You're a Hollywood motherfucker. You.

You a Hollywood motherfucker. I already told you. I already told you. I already told you. I already told you. You two Hollywood types. I said. I said.

Right. Stop. I said. You know how he is like. Yeah. Well, he's a bully. He's aggressive. He's a bully.

He's a bully. Shut up. Shut up. And he's cornering me into a fucking. Like, you know, it's like. And you know, I'm nice. You're nice. And you took advantage of that.

And didn't tell me. Like you wanted Steve Byrne to tell you. No. That's not true. All right. I'm just saying that I already called you. Would you have wanted a respectful call from Steve Byrne being like. Bobby, I've actually decided to go in a different direction.

Would you have liked that call? Would that have made you feel good? Right. And that's why I called you. You didn't. This is the same call. No. Yeah.

I called you and I said. Man to man. Right. Friend to friend. Right. Oh. Yeah. And I said, you know what?

Was I on that call? Yeah. I called you. So he threw me under the bus. He goes, he's a bully. He blamed everything on me. By the way, this wasn't even my idea. Whose idea was it?

Yours. My idea. Kalyla was the first one that said, you guys really should. The fans in the last belly said, you should, you should, you should. So then it was, you should, you should, you should. And then we finally just, I said, do you want to do one? I'll do one. Are we going to do one or no?

And then you said, well, you know, Griff had asked me before, but it never worked out because then we did belly. And then you said to me, no, we can't do a show. And I said, okay. And then I said, do you want to do one or not? After the third time we did the show and well, you guys should just do one together. So don't put it on me. No.

You're twisting my fucking mind right now. How? You're a mind twister. How? That's true. No. To Talia. To Talia.

He's a mind twister right now dude. I am upset to leave everyone here in LA and um, it's not true. I do. And I love- You're so excited to go to Hawaii. I'm so excited, but I'm very excited as well. And I'm so grateful for my life. I really am.

I love everything. I look around my life, I walk out, I walk outside my, I wake up and I walk outside my house. I look, see little jewels sleeping in a room and the dogs, you know what I mean, running around and I look at my beautiful girlfriend. You're about to say wife. Soon to be wife. And I-

Are you really going to get married? I'm going to marry her. Yeah. When? Soon. Well, the fans want to know. I just don't know how to do it. The engagement?

Yeah. Would you have a ring? I'll get one. Well, that's probably the first step. You have to get the thing. I'll get Etsy or something. Get it? Not on Etsy.

eBay. Etsy. eBay. Etsy's cheaper. Is it? I don't know. Probably put it in a cupcake, but then she won't eat the whole thing. Right.

She's not, yeah. And then you got to eat more of it. You know what you should do? What? Have one of the dogs eat it and then it'd be like, oh my God, we have to take them to the vet and they go to the vet and then they cut the dog open in the ring inside. Yeah. And the dog is hemorrhaging.

Hemorrhaging. And while it's bleeding out, I look out and they find the ring, I go, will you marry me? Perfect. Oh, wow. That's a good one. I hope the dog doesn't die. Yeah.

But if it does, you're already at the vet. Or stick the ring inside my anal canal. Canal canal. Canal, right? Yeah. And I'll say finger me, right? Will she? And then she fingers me with this.

I go, no, with this finger. Use your ring finger. Ring finger, right? And she, and right. And then boom. And then as she pulls it out. Yeah, it's on. Will you marry me?

That's perfect. Pretty good. What else is another one? Oh, Rudy, are any of these good? Do you think? A good way for a girl to get proposed to? I like the dog going. Yeah.

The one where. Of course you do. So creepy. I know. Because everything that I do, right? You don't like. No, no. She likes how sadistic it is.

Yours is dirty. And this one was death. She likes death. Oh, she wants sadistic and death. Yeah. Like Rudy's the kind of person there. All right. Well, then I stick the ring.

Right? If you walk into a green room, there are some comics, and they can't help themselves. They'll go, come when I walk in. They do that too when you walk in? Yeah. And then I've been conditioned to laugh at it. But it hurts. It burns.

Really? Yeah, it burns. But you have to go, ha ha ha ha. That's a good one. You know what I mean? Like you've seen it 30 million times in your life. Of course. Yeah.

Yeah. Which is when they go, gong. And then they giggle, you know what I mean? People are really doing that. Oh, yeah, yeah. When you walk in the room. Bobby. Yeah.

Well, tell Tom about you learning about micrographies. All right. So yesterday I went to, I was just googling things. This is before I found out that Trump had COVID. And then I went to my high school, you know, I'm obsessed with my high school. So I went to Poway High School, I googled that on YouTube. And then they go. Wait, you're obsessed with your high school?

Yeah. Because it's so pathetic. He wants to be in the high school hall of fame. They don't respect me. He wants to be in the alumni, the notable alumni. They don't like me. They don't like me. How are you not in the notable alumni?

I am. I'm the comedian. But I'm not by them. Oh, right. Yeah, because I just. Is this a big high school? It's pretty big. And they don't find me to be a credible, you know, entity when it comes to like fame.

Hmm. Right. They think that like. That's kind of hard to believe, man. Well, they have people that are like, if you look it up, we've done this before on the show where you go, you Google, you know, they're, you know, notable, um, yeah, alums alums. And it's like, you know, Ving Trang, who, you know, plays the violin for the orchestra.

How many seasons were you on mad TV? Eight. Come on, man. I'm not alone. I bet they don't. They don't care. But anyway. That thing was on the air for eight fucking years.

17. Well, the show was on air for 14 years. The one that you were on. Yeah. But I was on the show the last eight years of mad TV. Wow. Yeah. So I met you on the street.

I met you on the street when you were doing that. I remember that. No, you don't. What a great day. You don't remember it. Yeah. I have a vivid memory of meeting him on the street. This is, he says this all the fucking time.

Go ahead. Tell him. I'm tall blonde, really tall. Was she cute? Yeah. She was like 6'1". And then. Look at it.

I was super, I was like excited to meet you. And we started, we started riffing like a bit right there on the street. Yeah. And you hopped on my back. That's right. Yeah. You don't remember that. You don't remember that.

Yeah, I do. I hopped on your back and I go, I whipped you and I go, Gallup on. No, that's not the bit. No, it was about a fire rescue thing that was rescuing you from a burning building. Tom, let me just say something. When I see people with your body type, yeah, I always jump on the back. Just body type meaning, you know, I can do deadlifts, no, no, no body type, meaning that you're not, you know, fat like some people we know, right.

And you're, but you have a thickness to you. I'm a thick boy. Yeah. And it's, that's not a bad thing. You can you believe he's saying this, Bobby, you're basically like, you're just a squished figure of a taller fat guy, Bob. That's all. You're just if somebody accordion to taller fat guy.

Jules like that one. Yeah. Hey, Andrew. It's true. Why don't you talk like you're not like you call him thick. You have such a rotund belly. You have a potbelly. I'm fat.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm not denying that. Yeah. But you say you jump on his back. Yeah. Because I'm smaller. Yeah.

A smaller fat guy is going to jump on a fatter fat guy's body. Right. Right. It's like the reverse. I'll get crushed by him. Let's go. Every fucking time. Oh no.

Oh my God. Oh no, no, no. You're such a fucking brat. What do you want? I want her to ask me how I'm feeling. And how often do you genuinely ask him how he is? You make, you make me sound like I'm the bad guy. Get closer to the mic.

Don't back away. Yeah. You don't, you don't hear me. Yeah. Damn, for me, I don't hear you. No. Get closer to the mic. Get closer to the mic.

Get closer to the mic. What? More to the mic. Get closer to the mic. Say- Get closer to the mic. No. Get closer-

Get closer- Get closer to the mic. Don't go away. Hey. Talking to the mic, just keep your mouth- Right where the mic is. A lot closer to the fucking mic. A lot closer to the mic.

What? Get closer to the mic. Talking to the mic. Talking to the mic, yeah. Talking to the mic. Yeah. Talking to the mic. Talking to the mic.

Happy Halloween! Get closer to the bike! This mics actually get close to you. I think we should just like... We can take over. Do you think the show would be successful if we would do it? Maybe. Right?

Maybe. Look, we even have some of the homeless plus clothes from Tito Bobby. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Hey, welcome to Bad Friends. Hi. Right?

And I can just like yell at you. That's a breeze. It's like, you're late! You're late today! Why are you late? Right? You just have to do nothing. This is the easiest job in the world.

Yeah. They don't even know how much we do. Can I still have my knife? Yeah, I think you should have your knife. Okay. That's it. There you are. If they interrupt us then...

Then we use that? Yeah. That would be nice. It would be so nice. I think this would be so much nicer. You talking now? You starting? No.

Why don't you start the podcast? Let them start the podcast. All right. Is it on? Everything on? Yeah. Okay, go ahead. Welcome to Bad Friends.

Hi. We decided to take over Bobby and Andrew. Yeah. Because this is such an easy job. We just get to talk and shout at each other. Right? Right? And be mean.

Be mean. We could be good friends instead of bad friends. Yeah. Right? We're way nicer. So what did you do today, Juliana? Did you sleep until like four? No.

I slept until five. And I woke up because the constructors were coming to our house because yesterday Tito Bobby fled the house. Well, we were on the beach. I didn't fucking... Shut up! Shut up! Right.

So what else happened? And then the floor is broken and then we have to move to another house in a week. How did he do that? I don't know. He couldn't hear it, but I don't believe him. Was he playing video games? He was doing yoga. Nah.

He was exercising? Yeah. Oh, wow. You guys are doing a good job with him. What about you? Tito Bobby, can you get closer to the mic? I am closer. Closer.

This is it. It's right into my mouth. No. Closer. I'm closer now. This is the way... You can't get any closer than this. That's what you do.

To read a scene from Hunter Hunter, her favorite show. And we'll let the fans decide if this is quality material or not. What am I going to play? Which one am I? Andres. I'm Calua. I'm Calua. I'm Calua.

Calco? Yes. Which one? You're Cal... Well, go ahead and tell us how to say the name. You're the expert. I'm Calua. Calua.

And Icalco. Icalco. Do I get... This is my wig that they got for me. Do you want to wear this? No, you can wear it. It's not going to fit on your head. I don't need it.

Well, because I need to look Asian. You guys do look Asian. I'm the only one in here that doesn't look Asian, so I need to look like an Asian. Okay. Do I look Asian? No, no, no. That didn't work? I don't look Asian?

No, you look better. I look gooder. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I look more good. Calua, and who's Rudy? Nothing. Rudy's not in this. I'm going to read.

Oh, you're going to be the narrator. Yeah, because we can't hear Fancy B. He's too tough to make out. Okay, here we go. This is a scene from Hunter, Hunter, Rudy's favorite show. Look at her smile. Look at her face. See, we try to make her happy, too. Okay, ready?

Yeah. Go ahead, Rude. Previously on Hunter, Hunter. These suction cups saved me. Anyway, aren't you an octopus? Oh, don't call me. Don't call me an octopus. Intro sequence. Hunter, Hunter.

Go ahead. Two bees and monsters, vast riches, hidden treasures, evil hunts, uncharted frontiers. The mysterious unknown, the people who are captivated by the magic in those worlds are called hunters. A mob of assassins attacks Killua after he and Gon split up to stop the selection. One of them is Iqalgo, an octopus Khmira ant. Aren't you an octopus? Don't call me octopus!

I need to find a new horse or I can't catch up my next shot, I'll let the Orphal Sibli take it from me here. But out of nowhere, Killua jumps on him, grabs his gun and attacks and attacks himself to a rock using the Khmer arms. Yo! We meet again. Oh we do. Long time no see, you know.

Can I ask you something? Sure go ahead. Why didn't you dive underwater to escape? You should have an advantage in the water. Don't tell me you can't swim. Where? It's the blood, right? When they smell blood, your bodies in the water go berserk and ask the injured, no matter

who it is. With those wounds, if you went in there, you'd be torn to shreds. Am I wrong? Where? I suppose that one way too. Andres, you're the dragonfly. Or dragonfly. Ikago, did you finish off the kid?

No, he can change his voice. Right, try to change your voice. Or anything. Cut, do it again. Cut, lead him into it with your oh well line. Oh well, I suppose that's one way too. Ikago, did you finish off the kid? Same voice, didn't even make like a small attempt to change the voice.

Not even a shift or anything? We're gonna do it one more time. One more time bro. It's not even hard, I'm curious. It's not hard at all. Oh well. Oh well, I suppose that one way too. Oh, Ikago, did you finish off the kid?

Oh my god. He's fired. You're fired too. Right, no wait, let's give George a shot. George, go ahead, try to be the dragonfly. Oh well, I suppose that one way too. Oh Ikago, did you finish off the kid? Pretty good.

You're hired. No, we were still fighting. Who are you talking to? He screwed up. Wait, wait, do we change roles there? Yep. Yep, let me do it again. Okay.

No, we're still fighting. Oh, you're talking to. I screw up. Right, you can, you all can communicate via telepathy. Talking to your boss, it's that guy who was flying over me, right? Wait, now look here. Oh, so... Hey, Ikago!

Anthony! He's Spanish. He's Spanish. He's Spanish. It's so funny, he sounds more Hispanic than Andres does. You could say that what I might be doing, yes, we're still fighting. A dragonfly creature flies in the forest. I think, Jules, you're the creature, but you should do a different accent.

Okay, ready? A dragonfly creature enters the forest. Oh, sorry to interrupt you. Let me know if you learn anything. If he sees a dozen of dragonfly flying around inside a cave, the enemy would go suspicious. I won't be able to send my satellite. Dragonfly inside! Very good, Jules.

Back in the cave. Let's make a deal then. If you tell me about his power, I'll spare your life. You have 10 seconds to answer. Kill or throw the Khmer arms in the water. The sea creatures go crazy, devouring it. Eight seconds left. Ikago is puzzled.

Six seconds. Ikago's mind wanders, dreaming. I want to take him for a swim. I wouldn't give anything to fail, being a trove of nothing forever. Do similar if so and I'm mistaken. Octopi are ugly, squids are squirrific. I think they look divine. Two seconds.

I won't betray a body. Ikago cuts his arm off and falls in slow motion. Yes, I could see that in your eyes. I can only hope that in my next life, I'll be born a squid. With quick moves, Killua catches Ikago rescuing from a certain death. Because you're a cool guy. In different circumstances, we could have been friends. Wow.

I kind of want to watch the show now. Are we close? Your voices are very different because Killua is an 11-year-old. Oh. Oh. What's Kogago? Ikago is an octopus. He has a squeaky voice.

Why does he keep saying, don't call me an octopus when he is one? Because he doesn't want to be an octopus. Where does he want to be? A squid, because all of his friends bully him. Oh, this is deep. I wish that's the context that we should have had. Well, if you read scripts, you'd know context. Lesson is learned here.

That's pretty impressive, though. I got to be honest with you. At first, I thought that was going to be like a Fui, and I really did like it. At first, I was like, this is stupid, but it's really good, huh? Yeah. Could we try three crazy Andrew over here? He's crazy. You're nuts.

Yeah. I'm a goof. Yeah. Could we try and actually get in it for at least 10 minutes at some point in this podcast? I think we should do an improv game. What do you think? So you say a sentence of a story. Just Andrew.

Andrew has never said no once, if a camera is going on him. Just an old-fashioned second city improv game, you know what I mean? I know FSS. I'll make it up. I don't even know if this is a game, but you tell me one sentence of a story, right? One sentence. I'll do the second sentence, and we'll just keep going. Jules, you have to get in.

Oh, that is a game. We do one word. You do one word. No, no, no. Jules. Word. One word. One word.

Everyone says one word. Is that what it is? Is that the sentence? Say one word, and then you try and keep the cadence of an actual story. A phrase or a word? Which one do we do? Just a phrase. Let's do the phrase.

One word, I mean. Let's do a word. Okay. Just a word. Yeah. So, Jules, you're playing, number one. And number two, this is how it works. No.

This is... How? You. Works. We'll be right back. Yeah. But that's exactly how it is. You're supposed to say it, but it's fine, all right?

Jules. You not want to try it? Jules. I'm ready to go. All right. Once. There. Was.

A. Pumpkin. Gourd. In. Connecticut. And. It. Went.

What did you say? Went. Yeah. This isn't going to work. Get closer to the mic. Yeah. You have to get closer to the mic. Yeah, you can.

She's got to speak up. She's got to speak up. You've got to speak up. No. And louder. Put the mic to your mouth. I'm sorry. I vowed never to say that again.

Fuck the mic to the mouth. Okay. All right. Don't get angry. All right. Here we go. Ready? So.

Once. There. Was. A. Woman. Named. Clarine. And.

She. Swam. Very. Well. What? All right. Stop. Stop.

Stop. Stop. What does that have to do with the swim? No, stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Right.

You know the last one we did it's just fine. It's the first improv game. The last one we did we brought up the pumpkin and I'm just saying there's just so many you know nouns that you could you could appear. Right. Anything. Anything. Right.

Anything. The ever on the earth. You know what I mean? Whatever. So let's start over right and not use we're starting complete so this time don't use previous words so that you can you know Okay, why don't we Bobby? I have a question. Yeah, how about the three of us try to explain this to her real quick by using the game? Okay. Oh, yeah, why don't we do that? Yeah, okay first you have to talk directly in to the microphone Then you must explain to the audience that we are not that smart

I really like this podcast so One last one. Yeah, let's do one. But I want I want Rudy to start it. So yeah, you have to start it Rudy Okay, one Time I ate a pumpkin It's like I've known you hold on is that music. Oh, are you cleaning a knife? Yeah, what is that for? I just bought it. What what I just brought it at home. You brought that knife? Yeah here. I Asked at the Kaleila if like I can play with it and like maybe decorate it here and she said yeah, wait wait

Who's knife is that I've never seen that knife before in my life No, I bought it at home and then I brought it here. You bought it in the mail. Yeah, and you brought it here Yeah on Amazon. Holy you brought that And and what is that knife for? I thought that I could play with it, but then I Thought also that I could like decorate my table. Oh you want to decorate your table with a fucking that's her station Hunting knife. That's your station. You're allowed to do whatever you want to your station This is really weird because I did not see dude. I heard a sing sing and I'm thinking use it. No

No, I'm serious. I heard sing sing and I'm thinking oh something someone's got music on in their headphones No, but if she's cleaning the knife. Yeah, it's kind of rusty. What did you know? This was you brought this you saw her bring this in. Um, I swear to God on my mother's life That I did not see her bring that into the car No, I did You remember when we um got out I Grabbed my hand at the back. Is there a sleeve that it goes in is there like a leather pouch? Yeah, yeah, I think you cleaned it enough stick it back in the pouch. Can I see it? Yeah, yeah

Holy shit This has the dried blood of soldiers on it. Look at that. That's the dried blood of men. Yeah, where did you buy this rude? Amazon yeah, but like from up from looks like a guy Um, yeah, there was a haze a handmade. I Don't know but it was like 25 dollars. Do you want to cut something? That's all it was is 25 dollars? Yeah, let me see. Do you want to cut? Should I cut this as hard as I can? No, why? Look at the hold on to it. God. I don't trust you with it so much. Give me the fucking knife say please please fuck no Jag off you're giving you a fucking weapon. I'm giving you a weapon really. I don't have Amazon

I can't get a knife and get a knife and bring one yourself. I will I Want to bring other things as well? Okay? Give me the knife put your hand out real fast. Let let me do the knife game. You know the knife game All right, do it see what happens. Okay, go ahead Put it more in the middle. I can't really all right ready. Oh Man, this is so fucking No, because you'll stab me on purpose as a bit. No, you're gonna do it as a bit I wouldn't do it because you would do it and then you'd go. Oh my god. I was just kidding. No. Yes, you were

You have no trust with me. Uh-huh. Yeah, put your fucking hand down or I'm leaving That's not fair. If you stab my fucking hand. Yeah, I'm dead serious. Yeah, I'm gonna fucking beat the shit out of you I do you don't think that that's gonna be a yeah, be a man slow No, don't go faster Rudy Rudy, why do you have this you have that? I thought I don't know get close to the mic it Rudy Rudy get close This is important. You thought what I thought that I could decorate. I know but but get candles and you know Photographs, that's what people use in America. Yeah, but then everyone's like saying that I'm Rudy with a knife You are Rudy with a one dream, but that doesn't make you who you are

Because you had a dream, but it's also nice. She does like nice like knives. Oh my god She's a spooky girl. Oh, that's right. That's right. It was Mother's Day So we put together a little video some of the fans sent in Mother's Day pictures. We really appreciate it We want to say thank you for that Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, you fucking piece of shit. Don't talk shit about my mom the hovel is what I like to call her Yeah, so this is a lot of the fans sent in Pictures of their mom and we put together a little something for Mother's Day. Let's enjoy it Isn't our pitch pictures of our moms or it's it's our fans mom our fans. Oh, that's great. Yeah, let's see

Don't make fun of them by the way, this is no way they mama. Oh, yeah Beautiful women Listen to the song, you know it Go ahead girl. I Want to take your mama out for date night Make her feel alright give her conversation till the daylight cuz she is so damn tight. I Pick your mama up in a Ford flex that I borrowed from my last ex Leave your purse mama cuz I got checks tonight gonna be about mental sex

We hit up TGI Fridays take the scenic route forget the highways There's no such thing as my way. It's about you mama you my baby When dinner's done take your ass straight home walk you to the front door. So you're not alone Kiss your hand and say thanks for the love you shown get back in my car and then I'm gone So you respect like the queen you must be you never stutter always speaking directly You ever need me mama you just text me until then you stay so damn sexy Happy mother's day mama. Happy mother's day mom. Wow You would have been better is if we've done that video, but you get sick that

that Lip-sync what cuz at first when we were playing the video. I thought Andrew singing this live. Wow. What a talent I don't remember the lyrics. I wrote it. Let's just try it. Let's just try it one real quick By the way, by the way, I do want to say this seriously some of the fans sent in a lot of fans sent in pictures of mom beautiful mother and some of the fans mothers passed away and And it's a lot of some of these photo served moms that are not with us anymore Which I just want to say we appreciate, you know Bob knows about a loss of a parent So it's cool that people included their moms that were gone. It was a big deal. I thought it was very nice

Thought it was very nice. That's why the song is not disrespectful. It's very respectful Okay, obviously if I'm running mm-hmm. I know my frailties, right? I'm not like Trump or I'm like, I know everything Right. I trust me. Yeah, I know my frailties. You'd go back. I know I'll be fucked. Yeah, right So I'm gonna need somebody right that you know, I mean could really Imagine imagine how big your teleprompter would need to be you can't read the TV. That's three feet away No, I would never read the prompter. I would so what would you do with speech is you'd improvise every speech every speech All right, here we go a national address right now. You're you're the president of the United States. Oh god, not this Yes, we're gonna do it. You're gonna look right into your camera right there. No, no this one right here

Right that one straight ahead. Which one right here? I want you to make a national address to the country to tell them that we're not gonna be funny about it I want to be real. Yeah, of course. That's what they need out of you Yeah, because a lot of times when I do these improv's I I lean toward funny. Don't be funny. I want to be real. This is real All right, okay, so I want you to not laugh. I'm not gonna because that's not funny. Tell her She's the one that does it. All right. I want you to address the nation and tell them that we're what's going on though Tell me this scenario. Can I tell you? Yeah, we're under attack right now. We've had a terrorist attack, okay? Okay, all right. Where in in New York City in the subway line. Okay, but can I tell you what was going on down there?

What a bunch of terrorists Decided to start raping Okay, okay, that's all you need to know raping and killing people in the subway. You're my secretary of defense in the subway This is what this is what's gonna go on backstage. By the way, you're my secretary of defense. You're telling me sir Okay, sir a bunch of I got it. Okay, so you need to address the country. I got it in three. You said terrorists to New York Here we hear you Look there. Okay. You're my secretary different here we hear you to the people You mean I your president have a national address for you

Okay, as we know our Constitution creates a foundation for when which we must react to global epidemics and also national ones and Something horrific occurred in New York City I also want to add that I

I as presidents to the people Right based on all the amendments, especially the second one and all of them. They're all important By the way, the amendments were created, right as you know a tool set in which we can look down the line We have 50 plus amendments There are a lot There are a lot all right, tell them what I know that I have to fill 30 minutes, right? Tell them what happened sir Sir, I'm sorry. Sorry people are dying

This is no laughing matter I I apologize this is no laughing matter, right? Yesterday last night last night last night at two in the morning. So technically today So technically technically today, right? Although some would assume that it happened yesterday because it happened in the wee hours Yesterday at two in the morning in the subways of our great city of New York, which is a part of the United States I'm sorry, I don't know what sorry. What happened sir a gang of terrorists. I says aka al-qaeda aka, you know from turkey, yeah, a son, okay, son, okay, wife, okay son and his wife, right? They dispatched their cronies aka the Isis, right to come into our great city of New York

Which happens to be in the United States of America, right to terrorize us, right with their Ideology that's based on scriptures that don't go against the Bible. They do go against the Bible They have a different ideology although be it we have freedom of religion in this country. Yes, so you may Worship any God that as you as you want. So I am not judging one's religion or sect or done that dominate Dominatrix Dominatrix But yesterday at 2 32 p.m. Right of today, right in the subways of our great city, you know They attacked a bunch of

elderly people in the subways not what this elderly group of people were going to a volleyball game They were going to an volleyball tournament right in Brooklyn, right? They were going from Queens to Brooklyn, right? They were this elderly ball volleyball team, right? They're called the Hasmatics and They were fighting, you know, you I mean the crutches crutches the crutches in the the final senior citizen volleyball tournament championship championships in Brooklyn and They were waiting for the subway, right? And as you know at 2 32 in the morning the subwaves. They don't

They're not as active as often, right and they come in waves The subwaves so in the window between, you know, I mean stop and go between the two junctions, right to the people, right? Here we Right. No, I'm not done. Oh shit. I'm not done. Yeah. Yeah a gang of Al-Qaeda Asan terrorists, right? They came in with their masks. We had no idea what was going on We have we also have the best police force in the subways of New York, right?

And they patrol them, you know me at every hour in every station in every point and we are salutes to them So we salute them All the seniors were raped They were raped. They were bent over the benches down there in the subways in a line, right? Yeah, and these Al-Qaeda ISIS people, right? They bent each one of them over They loop their digs because as as you know, American citizens and senior citizens. They have dry Mm-hmm. Orphuses. They're getting old, right? Mm-hmm. They were raped. Mm-hmm. Then murdered Then left to rot. Oh

This morning at eight in the morning is when they were found Yes, so here we here we here we God bless America. We will get these perpetrators. Mm-hmm and So long Honestly, I mean as your secretary defense pretty good. I'm impressed