Bad Friends - Bobbi Althoff Hates Us

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Starting point is 00:00:30 Hey! The last leg of our tour, and these are gonna be our best shows. These are, we're in Windsor, Ontario, Canada. Windsor, Ontario, Ontario. Niagara Falls. Ontario, no comment. Tucson, Arizona.

Starting point is 00:00:40 Arizona. And then we finish on 420 in the United States and Las Vegas, Nevada. But we added Abu Dhabi, we're20 in the United States in Las Vegas, Las Vegas, Nevada, but we added Abu Dhabi. We're coming to the United Arab Emirates. At the Etihad arena. Etihad arena, May 21st. We can fill the Etihad arena.

Starting point is 00:00:54 Let's hope so. Go to badfriendspod.com for those tickets, badfriendspod.com. We also got new merch. We got these tickets. That's the Beastie Boys shirt. Show them, show them, kiddo. I love it, these sweatshirts with the Beastie Boys. The Fear and Loathing shirt.

Starting point is 00:01:07 Go to badfriendsmerch.com, badfriendsmerch.com. I'm doing six dates. Andrew Santino's doing six dates to run my new hour in the clubs. October 4th, I'm doing Cobbs. He's doing Cobbs. I'm doing six clubs. October 4th, I'm doing Cobbs.

Starting point is 00:01:24 I'm actually doing Cobbs. October 4th, I'm doing it though. I think I I'm doing cobs. Are you? I'm actually doing cobs. October 4th I'm doing it though. I think I'm doing it in June. But go to AndrewSantino.com for those dates. I'm doing Houston, Nashville, San Francisco, Tampa. Go to AndrewSantino.com for all of those dates. See you soon.

Starting point is 00:01:39 You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? White dude and Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something else. You two are disgusting. You two are disgusting. You two are disgusting. You two are disgusting. You two bad friends. Who are these two idiots? Woo-hoo. White dude and Asian dude. Woo-hoo. You two are disgusting.

Starting point is 00:01:47 Woo-hoo. Are you two or something? We're bad friends. Her attitude's already stinky. She has a stinky attitude already, dude. You're telling me she stinks already? Put the mic as close to her mouth. I don't think she, I think she physically smells good,

Starting point is 00:02:02 but I think her attitude is stinky. What do you think the What do you what are you guys doing? Don't hand it to her nice, dude. That's a celebrity, dude Yeah, she is oh whoa Do you don't have to know but it helped you that here your own don't that don't know that you don't want to fuck Do the hair it's fine. Don't do that here. Then throw it down, or just put it wherever. Just hold it.

Starting point is 00:02:28 Please hold it. Thank you. I love these slacks. The buttons on the side are cool. Is this... Fashion? What grandma's couch is this made out of? I was waiting for that.

Starting point is 00:02:39 Well, I got you pants, by the way, I got you a gift. Where do you find those? Where are they? You don't buy those, where do you find them? I got you a gift for real, because I know you like fashion. Oh, I got you a gift. Where do you find those? You don't buy those, where do you find them? I got you a gift for real, cause I know you like fashion. Oh I got gifts. No you don't.

Starting point is 00:02:49 Have a ring. So non thoughtful. That's a ring that a fan gave you. But you like Korean? Korean what? Korean rings. What is that? That's ring is from the Korean.

Starting point is 00:02:58 From the war, Korean war. Korean war. Okay. You know we had a war right? This is fun. I got you. You got me. I got you pants. I got you pants. Yeah, you know we had a war, right? This is fun. I got you, Brandon. I got you pants. I got you pants.

Starting point is 00:03:07 Yeah. You did? Yeah, I got- You've never got me pants. You know what I got you? If you say career, it's gonna really bother me, dude. You said it. No, that's what you feel.

Starting point is 00:03:22 I didn't say it, you said it. I had one before. Not great. Yeah. But I had one. Oh, you know what? Did Nicky the Snicka Nicky is really gotten your head, my friend.

Starting point is 00:03:34 Ricky Snicky is really gotten your head. Number one on Amazon. Yeah, number one on Amazon. I did get you a gift. These are for you. These are pants. What are they? These are Yeezy's, Yeezy pants.

Starting point is 00:03:44 I bought you Yeezy pants. I'm not kidding they? These are Yeezys, Yeezy pants. I bought you Yeezy pants. I'm not kidding at all. He saw. They're Yeezy pants. Go ahead and open them up so she can see. Open them up for her so she can see. Look at that. Hold that up. What do you think? Thank you so much. You like those? I love them.

Starting point is 00:03:59 Those are vultures. Those are Yeezy. Why are they so big? They're her size. I don't think they are. Pretty sure they are. Are those for Moammer? Not that he's big, but I'm just saying. Okay, what were you saying?

Starting point is 00:04:14 Your attitude right now is different. Go ahead and introduce our guest. Bobby Altoid? That was so funny. Ladies and gentlemen, it's Bobby Althoff. Althoff. Are you Jewish? No.

Starting point is 00:04:32 Do you wanna be? What type of question is that? That's a silly one, yeah. You aren't Jewish. No. Are you sure? I'm sure. Have you done a 23andMe? Do you know your history?

Starting point is 00:04:45 Yeah. Your genetical makeup. Do you think you might've owned, your family might've- Owned slaves? Maybe. Is that what you're gonna ask? Yeah, what do you think?

Starting point is 00:04:57 Bobby Althoff is of Jewish descent. She made being Jewish cool again? Did you guys just make this up? Yeah, we wrote all these articles yesterday. Before you came in. Interesting. Yeah. On the internet.

Starting point is 00:05:12 Why does it say I'm of Jewish descent? Are you? No. What's the deal? Why are you so adverse to us? I'm just confused. I did do 23andMe, I'm not. Can we stop looking me up or whatever you're doing?

Starting point is 00:05:25 I'd love to hear about your upbringing. Oh great. May I ask some questions? Sure. Was there a lot of flowers? Growing up, did you see wilderness? Did you see nature? What do you mean?

Starting point is 00:05:41 When you walked outside, did you see tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, birds? What are you trying to get? I want to know if you lived in the city or if you lived grew up in the suburbs or the farm Take it down. Oh, you're right. You think so take it down just a little bit. I don't know dude She's provoking me down too high right now. All right, let me ask you another question I mean the same question but in a different way I went to keep it down Yeah, keep it down.

Starting point is 00:06:05 I keep it down. Bobby Altoid. No, that's off. That was so funny the second time and the first time we're going to see it again. Look at her. She's gone. She's ready for you. Can you ask a question?

Starting point is 00:06:17 My work speaks for itself. It does. It does. So, Bobby. Yes. Do you not have a question? It sounds like you don't have a question. I do. So, Bobby. Yes. Do you not have a question? It sounds like you don't have a question. I do, I know I do. Did you grow up in the suburbs or the city?

Starting point is 00:06:33 Like kind of on a farm a little bit. Exactly. That's what I thought. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. So your dad was a farmer. No. Okay.

Starting point is 00:06:41 I grew up on two acres. One or two acres. Two acres. Okay. I don't want to know the specifics, but is your dad a doctor? No. What does your dad do? He builds houses. Architect. No, contractor. Oh, contract. My bad. Yeah. Handyman, contractor, architect. Did your mother work? Janitor, custodian. President. Fix-it boy. Blue collar.

Starting point is 00:07:10 Not a collar at all, in fact. Probably t-shirts, if I'm being honest. No collar. No collar. No collars. No collars. Did your mother work? No.

Starting point is 00:07:18 What did she do? She would be really modest. She heard me say that, though. Cause she raised you. She did. And that's work. And it's work. And it's work. A lot of work.

Starting point is 00:07:28 I think a lot of work. To raise her? I think so. Yeah. To raise me or people in general, just me. You specifically. Is moming a job? Of course.

Starting point is 00:07:39 What? Well, you have that job, right? I do. Yeah. Yeah, you're a mommy? Why do you talk like that? You like work? You say you're you have that job, right? I do. Yeah. Yeah, you're a mommy Why do you talk like you like work? You should a mommy? I can't believe people enjoy Listening to you guys and vice versa. Yeah, if I may, you know, no, I'm kidding. We know why you're popular We like you a lot. We've considered you the third bad friend and we also are huge fans of yours

Starting point is 00:08:03 And also can I just say something? You know, we normally probably wouldn't do other people's podcasts. We generally try, I do a lot. Mm-hmm. I do a lot, but. You do everybody's. I do everybody's, but when you asked.

Starting point is 00:08:15 You and Mark Normand are in the race for who can do it. I know. Hey, y'all do it. Yeah, but when you asked, I was like, well, can I ask you a question though? Because you asked me way before, like six months before I actually did it. So what the fuck happened? You text me and you go, or you DM me,

Starting point is 00:08:33 you're going, can you do my podcast? I'm gonna come over Friday. Friday comes around, you're a no-show. And I don't hear from you for six months later. That's not true, it wasn't a no-show. I said, I text you and said, sorry. To me, that's no-shows. That's not. Okay, you were a show. I texted you. six months later. That's not true, it wasn't a no-show. I said, I text you and said, sorry. To me, that's no-shows. That's not.

Starting point is 00:08:46 Okay, you were a show. I texted you. You texted me. I didn't just ghost you. I know, but it was an hour before. Yeah. An hour before. Was it? Yeah, before you came to my, I guess.

Starting point is 00:08:57 An hour before you came to my house, you're like, I'm not coming. Do you want an apology? No, I wanna know what happened. Tyga had to do it that day. You got bumped for Tyga. May I ask you a serious question? Who did better numbers?

Starting point is 00:09:12 I mean, the audio downloads. I think Tyga did. Tyga's audio downloads are gonna be better than yours for sure. Okay. Go to click on her profile picture, her photo. There you go, videos. Yeah, videos.

Starting point is 00:09:22 Go down to Tyga. All right, so Bobby's at what? What does it say? 1.8 million right there with his leg spread? 1.9. 1, videos. Go down to Tyga. All right, so Bobby's at what? What does it say? 1.8 million right there with his leg spread. 1.9. 1.9. Thank you, Pete. Where's Tyga?

Starting point is 00:09:32 Right there at five million. Okay, he wins. Yeah. He did. That hurt so bad. It was. No, the whole thing hurt. But the TikTok views were pretty good for me.

Starting point is 00:09:44 Yeah. I saw a clip that got like 55 good for me. Yeah. I saw a clip that got like 55 million or something. Yeah. Yeah. We did have a clip that did that. So for six months then you were like, okay, I'm gonna do Tyga. And then for six months you were gone. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:09:57 In that six months you didn't think of me? No, I did. But you were like, probably not. I actually thought you were really mean and I wasn't looking forward to meeting you. But Rick Glassman assured me that you were nice in real life. There's a guy you should always listen to. Yeah. What's your opinion now?

Starting point is 00:10:17 Not much has changed, I don't know. You scare me a little. Wow. What was your opinion of me before you met me and then after? Truly I had no opinion of you before. Wow. What was your pre, what was your opinion of me before you met me and then after? Truly I had no opinion of you before. Good. Blank sleep. People generally don't. I had heard of. I'll be honest. People don't have an opinion of me before? Generally don't and then when they meet you they kind of do. And that's a good thing. Yeah well yours is usually negative. No it's positive. She just said she thought you were an asshole

Starting point is 00:10:44 and then she met you and it was confirmed. But she had an opinion. I think it's better to have an opinion than not having an opinion before. You should have less opinions is how I feel. You know, you're acting strange today, dude. What is it you think? You didn't sleep well or something.

Starting point is 00:10:58 Did not. I know, I can tell by your face. I was up all night. I was worried about this interview. Yeah, me too. All night, I woke up four times to pee thinking, What are we gonna do? What are we gonna talk to this fucking goon about?

Starting point is 00:11:07 Yeah, yeah. And I didn't get any sleep and now I, what was your opinion after we met? You're lovely. Am I? Yeah. We got on pretty well. So let me ask you-

Starting point is 00:11:21 Wait, wait, no, no, stop. I wanna move on. Can I ask one more and then we'll move on? Cause yours haven't been, there's been no good let me ask you a question. Wait, wait, no, no, stop. I wanna move on. Can I ask one more and then we'll move on? Cause yours haven't been, there's been no good questions out of you so far. Who, who, who, who? Am I wrong? Can we back this up or no?

Starting point is 00:11:32 I like the flower question. Yo, that one was a fucking home run. Way to go, Pete. The flower question. Thank you, Pete. Yeah, I liked it. Yeah, it's called nature's beauty. You don't know about nature's beauty, dude? You're on fire today.

Starting point is 00:11:44 Go ahead. All right. Go ahead. Nature's beauty you know about nature's beauty did and you're on fire today All right, go ahead so Your opinion of Andrew after you met him is Your opinion stronger about him than my your opinion about me after that we met Is the love you have for me more than the hate you have for Bobby? I don't think that came out I just came out weird weird Is that how is that how you meant it is the love for me bigger than the hate for Bob? That's how I meant it, yeah. It's like a tie.

Starting point is 00:12:12 Good. Yeah. That's good. Oh, that's good. Where'd you go? To get that. Creation? Yeah. Okay. Any way, go.

Starting point is 00:12:22 What, are you plugging creation? What the fuck is going on with you today? What is going on with you? Dude, even you saying this right now, you would never ask what's going on with me. I don't like it, whatever. Yeah, yeah, whatever you're doing right now, stop it. I had a bad.

Starting point is 00:12:36 You're trying to brag in front of her or something. I'm not. Yeah, you're changing your thing, like, you know what I mean? Like I'm like. Ow. That hurt. Is this normally how your podcasts go? Yes. You talk to each other while your guest watches? Oh, do you want to...

Starting point is 00:12:49 Yeah, let's not compare podcasts. Yeah, let's not do this. Because yours... Yeah, there we go. Ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta. Your little girls. Your little girls. Your two kids.

Starting point is 00:13:01 Oh no, I mean... Your children. Yes. I have a real question. Okay. Your children. Yes. I have a real question. Okay.

Starting point is 00:13:08 Slow down. Dude, I'm this close. To what? To what? Honestly, to what? Leaving? Not leaving, but like really having a hoedown with you. Okay, let's hoedown then.

Starting point is 00:13:20 What? You got to sleep better. I know. And you had a good set last night. No. You're delusional, Bobby. Yes put your phone down right? Yeah, you're right. Did you do it so funny with what is your question? I have a question with your little ears sticking out like that. You know you look like a wood elf. Thank you from the movies

Starting point is 00:13:38 Yeah, yeah, it really looked like a wood elf right to me fans there. That's a nice look What would her wood Elf name be? What would her name be? Look, there we go. That's her. Thank you. Bingo-lo. Bingo-lo.

Starting point is 00:13:52 Stevens. Bingo-lo Stevens. Yeah, yeah. Your Wood Elf name is Bingo-lo Stevens. Thank you. And you live in the deep forest. Sounds good. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:14:03 In that mythological world, what do you think I would be? A troll. A little troll. I'm a little troll or a big troll? Big troll. Okay. Fuck you. Fuck you, dude.

Starting point is 00:14:17 I have to ask, I wanna know. This is a question because I think about this a lot. My buddy has three girls. When the girls reference their father, what do they call him? Dad, dad or daddy, daddy, they say daddy. Yeah, I just feel like I don't if I ever have a daughter, I don't want Do you want your daughter to call you daddy? That's not weird. Don't make it weird. You could do Papa pop. That's weirder. How is popper Papa or poppy weirder

Starting point is 00:14:44 than daddy daddy's only weird because daddy's what Puerto Papa, Pop. That's weirder. How is Papa or Papa or Poppy weirder than Daddy? Daddy's only weird because. Daddy's what Puerto Ricans call everybody. Don't speak me Daddy. See? No. It's weird. It's weird that you're.

Starting point is 00:14:53 It just sounds weird, you know what I mean? I don't like. I'll do my homework, Daddy. Aw. Right, doesn't it sound weird? I don't like Daddy. Yeah, I don't like Daddy either. It grosses me out.

Starting point is 00:15:04 I think it's cute. Yeah, yeah. Why is that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah Why why then why we but then how come it transfers over into adulthood and people do that to like everything Go do it again. Do it to something else Nice try. Thank you. Yeah, nice fucking try someone no one goes out No adult male goes mommy you'd fucking throw up on site If some kid if I walked into a friend's house and he was like mommy Can we have mama seat there? You're in America. Yeah, also shut up right now, dude No, see what I'm saying though. Daddy transfers into adult like a problem. I'm as Korean

Starting point is 00:15:37 Society, how does Apple sound Appa's great? Yeah up on OMA. I'll do my homework What do you think I know you don'll do my homework, Appa. You ruined it already. What do you think? I know you don't do your homework, so I think that's it. You're definitely getting spanked. Anyway. It's Appa and Oma, right? Yeah, dude, you're so bilingual. That's high Japanese, but anyway,

Starting point is 00:15:58 did you know what kind of Asian I am? You know? Wait, wait, wait. You don't know what kind of Asian I am. Do you care? No. What's your favorite ethnic food? Mexican.

Starting point is 00:16:14 Oh, you like it? What dish do you get? What Mexican dish do you get? Tamales. Basic. Do you think the word basic would, do you think the word basic would apply to you genuinely or no? No.

Starting point is 00:16:29 Cause it's not, it's not a negative connotated thing. Basic is kind of nice. I'd say I'm basic. Yeah, I would say the same. Thank you. I'm complex. You are. You are.

Starting point is 00:16:39 You are. Very complex. You know what I am? Diverse. I'm two shifts away from the Rubik's Cube being solved You're when all the colors are fucking all over the place, which is beautiful. It's not a bad thing. I disagree Okay, I'm already solved all the clothes on one all the right sides abso fucking Lutely. Yes

Starting point is 00:16:57 You're you really think you're a cohesive thing. Yeah, but then I make a nightmare, right? You fuck it up every morning, but then I but in the morning It's back to the same colors Right. That's like a movie. Yeah, right like every day you fuck up all this shit, and then overnight It's somehow everything fixes it You know why cuz everybody else is doing it for you someone comes in the road I swear to fuck your dude. I'm telling you right now dude. You're this close of having a fucking hoedown You're this close and you we haven't had a hoedown in a very long time, dude.

Starting point is 00:17:27 And I'm willing to, I'll get my cowboy hat and I'm willing to go down, dude. Go get it. Hee-haw, hee-haw, dude. Focus on the guest. Okay, let's go. She's on her phone again. Again, oh my God.

Starting point is 00:17:37 She's bored. She's not bored. Oh, she is. No, you're not. You know what? You are more than welcome to leave at any time. I don't want her to. Can I? If you want to go, go. Please don't. I actually will.

Starting point is 00:17:50 I don't want you to. If she wants to go, let her go. We did hers. Who cares? She does ours. If you want to go, I don't want to keep you here if you don't feel like being here. If you don't have any more questions. I don't have a million of them.

Starting point is 00:18:01 I have a million questions, all right? She's ready to go. May I say? Let her go. This is the first. I have a million questions, all right? She's ready to go. May I say? Let her go. This is the first time I've ever seen it, but I think that you're a decent human being, looking human being. Decent looking human being?

Starting point is 00:18:12 And all of it, I mean, in the insides as well. Thank you so much. Were you really saying it? It was a question. What were you saying? What? You were saying it. I'll be honest with you, I was like,

Starting point is 00:18:23 I don't have any questions. So then I just, you I mean I went with my instinct right and it came out weird New York basic look good and good good look what's on what's on Bobby Altaf's Spotify top songs like kids music Like what like miss Rachel that kind of stuff make Spotify music. She doesn't she doesn't have any jams not on Spotify How about Peppa Pig? They don't listen to their music. You know what, Bobby, let's create a child song now. I'll do a line, you do a line, we'll go all the way down the line.

Starting point is 00:18:53 That sounds good. Yeah. Red balloon in the sky with the butterfly me. Sliding down the slide at the park this afternoon. I'm gonna pass. We'll try it again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to pass. We'll try it again. Yeah. What?

Starting point is 00:19:09 Yeah. I'm not giving nothing. Go ahead, Bob. Well, you, how about open your heart before you get, when we get to you, not make a decision now. Okay. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:19:19 Okay. And the red train going down the track. Who's that man standing outside my window we can just keep doing it yeah yeah go ahead it's the mailman but he's got a funny eye why is he staring at me for so long today he doesn't have mail but two hatches in his hand interesting and no pants on his legs I Call him Billy, but he goes. I'm not Billy today. I'm a murderer Yeah, we fucking were yeah, it's called improv

Starting point is 00:20:01 What are you doing? Sorry too much? That's enough. It was too much. No, I like it. Yeah, yeah. Did you ever- Did you take improv classes? I should. I think you should. We should teach her now.

Starting point is 00:20:12 No, I don't want to. No, because I'll tell you why. What I noticed when I did hers, in my mind I'm like, she doesn't know improv. Yeah, she does. Yeah. So I'm like, if you could teach her, then maybe, you know. What's Bobby's comfort zone?

Starting point is 00:20:30 Where do you feel the most happy? Sleeping. I love that. Yeah. Don't you love it? How many hours a day? Not many. Because of the children?

Starting point is 00:20:40 Yeah. Let me ask you something. Yeah. Because I know a guy who saw his nanny hit his hit the kid Oh wow on thing in the face. Yeah, it was abuse Wow and the cops showed up a couple days later It's LAPD bud. Yeah, they got stuff going on. Yeah, unless it's a gang war It's like a kid hit big fucking deal big deal if I took that call But I can't if you saw that, would you,

Starting point is 00:21:06 I mean obviously, what would you do? You'd be enraged. Yeah, I'd fire her. You'd fire her? But would you call the authorities? Yeah. Okay. They just slapped my kid.

Starting point is 00:21:14 Yeah. That's it? That's it? Yeah. You're not gonna go physically assault her? You're not gonna have a hold down? You're not gonna make a ring-a-ding-ding to somebody who would not, would not be named

Starting point is 00:21:25 and have that woman disposed of? For slapping my kid? Yeah. No. In the sea you go, you cross my kids in the sea. Is that another song? Yeah. In the sea you hit my kids, you'll drown.

Starting point is 00:21:38 No, you don't hit my kids in the sea. If you hit my kids, you drown in the sea. Okay, my bad. If you hit my kids, I will drown you in the sea. Pacific Ocean. We gotta be specific. Why? Because I think the specific is um it's a bigger ocean. But it's not a sea. Pacific Ocean is a sea. Exactly. Oh Mediterranean Sea. So far. Indians? No that's far. How about the bay? Mexico Bay. Sure. It's not a C either. Can you please? Back on her phone. Back on her phone.

Starting point is 00:22:07 You guys keep talking to each other. What am I supposed to do? Just stare at me? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Do whatever you want. Be free.

Starting point is 00:22:16 We're just so glad you came. What's that tattoo on your left arm there? My children. Holding hands. Will you? Have another one? I was going to say, will you regret that tattoo? Cause they're gonna get bigger

Starting point is 00:22:28 than I can look anything like that. That's gonna be embarrassing. These are my kids. Yeah, no, I think it's a fond memory. They're already bigger than this. They have these outfits, I saved them. You saved those outfits? Yeah, because they're like forever etched on my body.

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Starting point is 00:25:35 I remember you saying that a lot when I was with you. I was disgusted a lot. She didn't say that once. Not on ours. Yeah, because I think I disgusted you. Yeah, many times. Many times. He did not say that once. Did she not? Not on ours. Yeah, you, because I think I disgusted you. Yeah, many times. Many times. He did not disgust you.

Starting point is 00:25:47 Well, he wasn't like putting his toes out. Oh, my toes are disgusting. Taking his shirt off. I didn't take my shirt off. How dare you? I think you did. I did. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:25:59 I think I did. Yeah, I did. But I apologize for that, but it was hot. We're playing tennis. And you tried to like hug me without your shirt on. You don't hug, right? You don't hug. I hug.

Starting point is 00:26:09 No, I know. Your children, but not strangers. No, you don't hug other people. Not really. Like if we gave to, when you say goodbye, you wouldn't give a hug, would you? I would. No, you wouldn't.

Starting point is 00:26:17 I do. Would you hug me? I don't hug. That makes perfect sense. Yeah. She doesn't hug. Who in the. That makes perfect sense. Yeah. She doesn't hug. Who in the room would you hug? Um.

Starting point is 00:26:28 So that's Pete on the left, that's McCone in the back, and that's Fancy in the white. I can say something about McCone right now, I think. I don't hug. You wouldn't hug. Who would you hug? I don't hug. You wouldn't hug.

Starting point is 00:26:40 An interesting thing about McCone right now, you know? No, I would hug my family. What? What? What's going on? I thought the woman McCone thought he had a shot with oh Yeah, get on the mic you want to say something I Don't know if you want to approach this at all, but I know you're You're literally thought he had a shot with you so silly. Well, you're single now. Yes. Oh, yes

Starting point is 00:27:00 Yeah, and I don't know if it's sensitive and I don't want to be rude and disrespectful to that and I mean I'm being genuine Okay, but this this this guy this is our intern this moron Yeah. And I don't know if it's sensitive and I don't want to be rude and disrespectful to that. And I mean, I'm being genuine. Okay. But this guy, this moron. This intern. This moron, he says to us, he goes, I think she's really pretty. And I said, okay, great.

Starting point is 00:27:14 And then he said, I think when I go with you to the thing, I'll try to chatter, chatter up. And I said, okay, good luck. Silly, silly man. And then he said, what do you mean good luck? You think I don't have a chance with her? And I said- I said, okay, good luck. Silly, silly man. And then he said, what do you mean good luck? You think I don't have a chance with her? And I said- I said, absolutely not.

Starting point is 00:27:29 Well, Bobby said, absolutely not. And I said, do you think you do? And he said, I think maybe she'd like me. No, you started going, I have the gift of gab. Gift of gab, that's what he said. He said the gift of, it's a Minnesota term. And then also he was like very cocky about it. And then when I saw him after it,

Starting point is 00:27:43 he's like, nah, I didn't have a chance. Well, he didn't say one word. Yeah, he's the one. So you want to say a couple of words now? You're a foolish man. Go ahead. Step up to the mic and say what you need to say. I thought, you know, we're two movers and shakers young. Oh my God. You think that you're even in this? Let him do it. Let him do it. You know, get up on the mic so she can see you and say what you need to say. Good. The hair is coming back in. I was bald for a bit, but you know, she can't even look you in the eye. I feel a little more confident again, but no, she's intimidating. Can't, can't. Yeah. That's your pitch. That's the pitch.

Starting point is 00:28:21 That's the pitch. It's so weak. Wow. I said that this one was the latest man. I did not. Yeah, they say that, not me. I don't say that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bobby, is this the kind of guy that you would date in your next round of life? No.

Starting point is 00:28:35 No. Exactly. And why though? Just give me some reasons. Just come curious. I feel like he's like 20. Well, he's your same age. I feel like I'm 40, so if he's 40's well. He's your same age. I Feel like I'm 40 so you yeah, yeah, he's not my same age to the same age, but go ahead What else what does it what some other he has no money? I could I'm gonna guess can I guess? He's absolutely no money. Okay, let's get past that. Yeah, okay beyond the age and the money thing. What else?

Starting point is 00:29:00 I feel like those are two pretty big things, but let's add some more for fun Yeah, yeah. For the sake of the show. I mean, is he attractive to you? We have a mullet. Did I see one? He has a mullet. He has a mullet, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:29:11 For now, for now. Okay. Okay. There's another. Is he attractive? And like a kid. Like, oh, look at that kid. So if he calls you mommy, that's okay. That's disgusting.

Starting point is 00:29:24 Well, that's- Although, can I say something? Last night, because I have a friend visiting me, and this friend of mine, she goes, I know you're gonna get mad, but I have to say that I think McCona is cute. And it literally, last night, I literally lost my mind. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:29:40 Is this a girl that you're dating? Yes, I literally lost my mind. That would gross me out. It grossed me out. So he's not cute though at all. I didn't, I have to have no opinion. Well, look at him right now real fast. You see anything you like over there?

Starting point is 00:29:52 I don't want to. Can we set you guys up on a date? No. Please? No. Okay. Pretty please? No.

Starting point is 00:30:00 Okay, good. Well, you know, I'm single Bobby. I'm considered the Korean Timothee Chalamet. So, um. Timothee Chalamet. Ch, good. Well, you know, I'm single Bobby. I'm considered the Korean Timothee Chalamet. So, um. Timothee Chalamet. Chalamet. You're more, you're not really a Chalamet. What am I?

Starting point is 00:30:12 More like a Tuang Fu. Bring up Chalamet. Yeah. That, look at how fucking beautiful that kid is. That's not you. Wait, do that face. Oh yeah, I see it. I see it. You see it Oh yeah, I see it. I see it.

Starting point is 00:30:26 You see it? Yeah, I see it actually. Look at him. Okay, my bad. But I really love and I really appreciate you. I love you feeling what you just felt. Cause I really need you to stay where you are sometimes. Cause he's getting real ahead of himself.

Starting point is 00:30:42 Yeah. Is he? He's late to everything. Yeah. I paid for him to come out to New York. I pay for his life. I mean, and I love him. He's family to me.

Starting point is 00:30:51 I've said, come out to New York for the premiere of my movie. I wanna, let's ask Bobby what she would have done in the circumstance. My mother is in town. I flew my mom out for the premiere of this movie. Kind of a big deal. You didn't play me out.

Starting point is 00:31:01 Huh? You didn't play me out. Why? Why would I? We were friends. Oh, do you want to come to a premiere of something? No, but. Okay. Well, fuck, dude. So I flew my, I flew my mom out. I said, you have one job. You have to meet me at the premiere and I want you to film me and my mom getting out of the car together. It's a special moment for me. One job. Did you get that footage? So did you get the footage is a big yes or no. I can't believe this shit.

Starting point is 00:31:31 Brooklyn at the time. No, no, no, no, no, no. Did you get that footage? Were you there before me to get that car? Me getting out of the car? I got on the yes or no. Were you there before me to get me and my mom? The one thing I asked you to do for you. Did you film me and my mom getting out of the car? You were getting out of the car. Did you film me and my mom getting out of the car? No. Thank you. What would you do in that circumstance if that was someone you hired on your team for one special moment in your life who you paid to do a thing and really no other responsibilities? He could have done anything he wanted for the fucking four days in New York. Go party, do whatever he wants. One thing, what do you do in that circumstance? And by the way, whatever she says goes.

Starting point is 00:32:06 So. Fire him. Beedee deedee deedee deedee deedee. You heard it. Out, go. Thank you, Bobby. He's been waiting for that for a long time. That was super good.

Starting point is 00:32:21 Right, wouldn't that hurt your heart? Yeah. Bobby, when you're ready to date. What are you looking for? Oh? Let's have like a little checklist here, so can we ask you some questions sure all right, so um What if he had his own children? That's fine. Yeah, I guess okay. That's fine blended family I can't really like say no now that I have kids right

Starting point is 00:32:46 You can do whatever you want What do you what if they had what what if they were like stay home forever kids if you know what I'm no I would prefer if they didn't have you know they have helmets You mean what? They're stay home forever kids. You know I mean they're just like whizzing around you know okay. What's your next question all right? so that's number one. Number two, what if he is like, I don't have a job, but I have money?

Starting point is 00:33:10 Is that okay? No. He needs to work. Yeah. What if he just wants to stay home and take care of the kid? Yeah. And he wants you to live your- I mean, they're whizzing around in his room,

Starting point is 00:33:19 I mean, his house, he's got to- He needs to have his own life. Okay. How short can he be? At least six feet tall. So has to be over six feet. Mm-hmm, or six feet is like the... It's just when people are like you,

Starting point is 00:33:31 it just, you're just cutting out so many people. I think it's fair. No, it's not fair. It's not fair at all. I think men under six feet. I want to be able to wear heels. Right. And you still can.

Starting point is 00:33:40 And not be taller. All right. Why? I mean, it hurts me. Well, why? Because when I go on dating sites. How tall are you? Five, three and a half. Just flat.

Starting point is 00:33:53 There's no way. Are you actually? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I am, I am. And it's like when I go on dating sites like Raya, some of the things will say. You're on Raya? Wow. Wow.

Starting point is 00:34:04 That's a shot. Well, I didn't. It's a shot to my gut. It's a shot. You know what you meant when you said that. You're on, Raya. Wow. Wow. That's a shot. Well, I didn't. It's a shot to a gut. It's a shot. You know what you meant when you said that. That's not what I meant. I genuinely was wondering if he's on, right? They let you on that?

Starting point is 00:34:12 Yeah. That's not what I said anybody can get on it. Wow, it's really going down. Not every, that even hurts more, that anyone can get on it? I feel like I've seen that anybody, you just need like a referral code or something. A bunch of referrals by fancy people, thank you.

Starting point is 00:34:23 Oh, okay. Will you use the apps at some point or you think you're not gonna do that? I'm okay. You'll never do that. I'm waiting to stumble upon the love of it. All right, so but sometimes the app will go, I'm not looking for anyone under six feet,

Starting point is 00:34:34 and it hurts me, but anyway, let's keep going. That's fine, just date people under four feet. I like taller women. Not. There's definitely- Okay, then fine, there's women who like short guys, that's just not for me. Okay. Short kids. Fair enough. Yeah, there's. There's women who like short guys. That's just not for me. Okay.

Starting point is 00:34:46 Short kids. Fair enough. Yeah, there's a lot of women that like short guys. Yeah. You would have dated Napoleon, and that's a shame on you. He ran the thing. He ran the thing? France.

Starting point is 00:34:55 I don't even know who that is. Both of you guys have no idea who Napoleon is. He ran the thing, France. Like dynamite? Yeah, there he is right there. Totally in dynamite. He was the same height. That's Bobby. Yeah. That's just a. He was the same height. That's Bobby.

Starting point is 00:35:05 Yeah. By killing the game. Look at him. Look at his dick. Not that big. Yeah, you're right. All right, let's go back to the checklist. May I?

Starting point is 00:35:14 Okay. What if he was blind in one eye and in a fiery accident, his ears would just burned off So you just see like holes on the side of his head, but he comes it with hair, right? But when you look at it, you can see like the insides Yeah, you can see the workings of the ear what do you mean? What is it? I'm asking you a question Oh, let's go back to that. What if he was a religion like he was like

Starting point is 00:35:50 Zoroastrianism, you know what that is like when the original rule. Okay. Okay. All right. So he has to be over six feet tall Yes, ask her about color what color what is wrong with you guys what color what color you guys I'm done What about Asian? Are you okay with Asian men? How many are over six feet? How many? You know what, dude? Honestly, not much, but anyway. It's actually true. That's true. Interesting. I would love to see your feet. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:36:13 Jiminy Crickets. Jiminy Crickets, I fucked up. Why would you say that out loud? I was looking at her boots right now. I go, like the boots, but I'm like, what's underneath it? And I go, probably nice feet. You're not saying that in a gross way, are you, bud?

Starting point is 00:36:24 Not in a sexual, no. I don't find them sexually attractive. How big are your feet? Why? What size shoe do you wear? Yeah, that's not- A six, why? A six?

Starting point is 00:36:34 Yeah. Tiny. I bet you have long toes. Mm. I'd be long toes. Do you paint them? Bobby long toes. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:36:43 Do you paint your little toes? I don't paint them myself, no, but you get you I bet you get gels Yeah, like like you remember. I know I do remember dude that day. I'll never forget. Oh, oh, oh, oh, I forgot Hmm ouch You get like a little limp between your toes Will you save someone send it to him? No, it's just this is weird. This is what you do to me when I'm gonna leave here and tell people you so What weird you say Bobby was weird? That's so funny

Starting point is 00:37:20 It's so crazy because it's like why can can't you ask these questions? You can. Yeah, I'm curious about your feet. I'm sure they're lovely. And I'm curious to see the condition they're in. I mean, Pete, am I wrong? No, not at all. Exactly. Do you have a foot fetish?

Starting point is 00:37:35 I might have one. Yeah. Because I've been showing people mine. That's not what a foot fetish is. That's not the same thing. And I think mine are so nice, look. You like what you see? I don't wanna see.

Starting point is 00:37:48 Yeah. Do you drink or use drugs? Are you the police? What are you asking me that for? Maybe who's asking. Why are you asking? Did you have something traumatic happen in your life, growing up?

Starting point is 00:38:03 No. Okay. You're attacked by a wild animal. Is that how you usually get information out of people? Yeah, yeah. You just like guess until you maybe get it. Yeah, yeah. Were you in a cult?

Starting point is 00:38:15 Were your parents in a cult? No. Did you go to church every Sunday? Yes. What church? Can we say that? The religion? No, what kind of religion?

Starting point is 00:38:23 Yeah, what kind of religion? Christian. Oh, let's up getting the Jesus Catholic? No, just just broad christian like the church was called christian church Nondenominational. Yeah. Yeah, that's a cult You know what dude, shut the fuck up. That's enough enough. Are you it is a little bit though, but in a good way I can see you at a pew On your hands and knees. No, that's catholic. They don't do that. They don't do pews. That's not I can see you at a pew on your hands and knees. That's Catholic, they don't do that. They don't do pews?

Starting point is 00:38:46 That's not that. I can see you in the wooden bench. On a wooden bench, right? And then when the song comes, you know how they do the song? You have to pick up the book a little. I can see you immediately grab the book and really, you don't even need the book, you have it memorized. Jesus Christ, you're my Lord and Savior.

Starting point is 00:39:10 I feel like you guys are gonna go to Hall of Fame. And my friend. Why would we go to hell for praising Jesus? You're mocking him. Really? Really. I think we're showing love and respect. Do you still go to church?

Starting point is 00:39:22 No. When was the last time you went? The elves above. What? showing love and respect. Do you still go to church? No. When was the last time you went? Beelzebub. What? I love you, Satan. Netherworld. Beelzebub. Cool.

Starting point is 00:39:36 I do both. Like I go both ways, and that confuses you. That's right. But that's the yin and yang of me. I'm texting Luke Don't don't text Luke. Who's Luke? I'm her manager. Why like I cut this out. Yeah, no, please Look at him Yeah begging please don't leave please don't tell your manager that you know me this was an uncomfortable situation Very good

Starting point is 00:40:23 Any other questions Well, this was nice. I love you so much. I really do. I care about you. Thank you. Okay. And before we end, I just want to, let's do, I know what we're gonna do.

Starting point is 00:40:36 All right? Because I feel like we're in a hole. Okay? Who's, not we. Me? I'm humming. I'm humming too. Okay, you're good.

Starting point is 00:40:44 Like a bird. Yeah. Right, so what I want to say is too. Okay, you're good. Like a bird. Yeah. Right, so what I wanna say is let's go down the line, not a song, don't worry, right? But we express how we really feel about each other before we go. Okay, that's good. And only positives, no negatives.

Starting point is 00:40:56 Okay. Right? Should I start? This is your bit. It's not a bit, dude. This is your. It's an exercise. This is your exercise. Okay, it's like, dude. This is your. It's an exercise. This is your exercise.

Starting point is 00:41:05 Okay, it's like a gratitude list. Can you look at me? Okay, so Bobby, here's how I feel about you. Okay, I'm honored to work with you. I am. When I did your, I was so grateful that you asked me to do it because you're hot and the kind of, no, like in terms of the numbers,

Starting point is 00:41:27 like you're hot out there, not in a fit, like an attractive way, you know? I mean, you're attractive, but I know, I feel like it. I feel like I'm drowning in sadness. All the way to China, this one's going. I know. Let me start over, all right? I was really grateful that you had asked me,

Starting point is 00:41:46 I thought we worked well together, it got really good traction, it helped me out a lot. I also, I just think that you're like a anomaly, a very talented person, and I think that in this time of age we just need somebody like you out there, I think you're so important. And I just, I think that you're a good mom. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:42:08 And I think I want to see your feet. That's it. That's good, right? Is that good? Other than you, I go to you now. Okay. Yeah, you're my best. And you're the best.

Starting point is 00:42:22 You know? And we're going to Austin tomorrow together. Yeah, it'll be fun. Yeah. And I just like working with you and I trust you immensely. God bless. And I love you so much. Go ahead, now your turn.

Starting point is 00:42:33 Okay. Bobby. Be real, dude. Be authentic. Bobby. Good. Here we go, you know It's happening No, cuz you're feeling it and that's what I love. It's organic. It's so organic. I'm letting it rip

Starting point is 00:42:57 Bobby Will you can you you know what go in the front room just so I can have like a moment in this Have a cigarette. I really want this to be, I want it to count. I'm sorry I made you come here and do this. I'm sorry, I know you said you didn't want to do it. And you said this is gonna be a waste of your time and you don't like Bobby and he makes you uncomfortable

Starting point is 00:43:21 and you said it over and over and I'm sorry. Okay, do you accept my apology? No. Okay. So that's a wrap, how do we get out of here? McCona will help you out. That's okay. Yeah, can I do it?

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Starting point is 00:44:53 Yes. Did you ask you? Oh, yeah. Do you see it? Oh, you like it? Would you like it? Did I see dune too? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:45:01 Yeah. Don't don't don't don't don't don't don't do. I didn't see dune too. And I'll tell you why. I want to rewatch Dune I before I go again. That's what I did the night before I went to see Dune II. My cousin just did that. That was a smart idea.

Starting point is 00:45:10 He got stoned, he watched Dune I, and then he went to this theater and watched Dune II. So that's what I need to go back to do. Yeah. Tell you this, man, Elvis, he really's got it. Presley, he's in it. No. Hey, what's up with the sand?

Starting point is 00:45:22 No, Austin, Austin. Oh, what's going on with the sand world? Yeah. Oh, can I have a bragging point? Let me brag. Can I brag? No, I's in it. No. Hey, what's up with the sand? No, Austin, Austin. Oh, what's going on with the sand world? Oh, can I have a bragging point? Let me brag. Can I brag? No, I got a better bragging point than this. What is it? Austin Butler played Elvis.

Starting point is 00:45:34 Yes. Well known, right? Yeah. When we toured Graceland, you didn't come with us. You refused to tour Graceland. When I toured Graceland, the teenage kids, you know, someone like that. You've already told this story before.

Starting point is 00:45:47 Not on this show. I love it. I'm gonna do it again. Can I tell it? Teenage kids were like, Satino, bad friends. Loved it. The woman goes, I'm sorry, I don't know who you are.

Starting point is 00:45:59 The guide, I said, that's okay, most people don't. She goes, well, they seem to know who you are. She goes, that's really surprising. I've given a lot of celebrity tours this place and a lot of people just don't really recognize anybody. I said, like who? She goes, Austin Butler, who played Elvis. I walked him through this entire property.

Starting point is 00:46:16 Not one person stopped him. I said, take that, Austin Butler. This is before the movie came out. No, of course not. That's insane. It came out. It was already way out. That's insane. It came out. It was already way out. I think as a guy, he might be unrecognized.

Starting point is 00:46:28 He looks like a very like a chameleon. Yeah. He's like a chameleon. Let me ask you. I want to say this. Look at that guy. You might not know that's him. Bro.

Starting point is 00:46:38 He was so good in Dune too. I'm sure he was. Yeah. He played Frey. Fade Rautha. Fade Rautha. Fade Rautha. Fade Rautha. Harkonnen.

Starting point is 00:46:48 Harkonnen, correct. That's right. Let me have a chance to say it. Okay. Look at how much better he looked at it. Look at the first picture down in the second row. I mean, what a first picture. Look at how handsome he is.

Starting point is 00:47:00 So handsome. But as Frey, because Sting played that part, remember? In the David Lynch tune. And he was, and Sting was like. Ha ha ha. Every breath you take. Ha ha ha, yeah yeah. That's a police song, isn't it?

Starting point is 00:47:15 Yeah, it's a Sting song. But it's still him. It's very good. But what's the difference? Do you like Sting more or the police more? Oh, the police fight by far. Isn't that weird though? By far. Why did I not like Sting after the police? Because he, the police fight by far. Isn't that weird though? Why did I not like

Starting point is 00:47:25 Sting after the police? Because he went really family kind of. His songs were very like- Poppy and- No, it was just, yeah, like what's that one song that he sings? I don't even remember. Oh, oh, oh, he sings- Field of, Field of- Oh yeah. Oh, he sings, streets of Philadelphia, na na. No, not that song, the field one. Oh, that's not right. What's the field one?

Starting point is 00:47:48 Kidding. Give me the lyrics, I think I can sing it. No, I- Fields of Gold. Yeah. Fields of Gold. Na na na na na, na na na na na, na na na na, of rapture, or whatever it is. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:48:00 You'll remember me. Yeah, that's it. When the west wind blows. On the waves of rapture. That's right. Yeah, yeah. You know- Fields of Gold, that's that song. What's your favorite song? You'll remember me when the west wind blows upon the ways of rapture. That's right. Yeah, yeah. You know, fields of gold.

Starting point is 00:48:10 That's that song. What's your favorite police song? Oh, God, I like it. Get on the ground! Get on the ground! That's enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't breathe.

Starting point is 00:48:18 I can't breathe. Why can't we do that? Bad boy. Bad boy. Bad boy. That was a great song. It was a really good song. But- My favorite police song was,

Starting point is 00:48:29 maybe I'm gonna sing the hum and let's see if you know it, ready? Yeah. My favorite police song. Bum bum bum, and ma na na na. Yeah, yeah. Na na na, na na na na na na. Yeah. Na na na, na na na na na na.

Starting point is 00:48:41 Stanley Tucci. Na na na, Stanley Tucci. Yeah. That song is about us, you know that, right? Yeah, a toot-chee. Stanley Toot-chee. A toot-chee, a toot-chee. Stanley a toot-chee. Yeah. That song is about us, you know that, right? Yeah, Roxanne's a good song. The song that I'm singing is called Man in the Suitcase. It's literally about our life. Why must I be the man in the suitcase? I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:48:55 It's a good song. Man with the strangest face. Yeah, the plays were great. So good. So good. And then, you know what I listened to the other day that I hadn't listened to? The Cars. Love. So many. And then, you know what I listened to the other day that I hadn't listened to? The Cars. Love.

Starting point is 00:49:06 So many good songs, the Cars. Shake it up. Shake it up. That's so good. It is really good. I haven't seen anything because I've been watching- Shogun. Everyone's talking about Shogun.

Starting point is 00:49:24 Shogun is so good. But also I've been watching, I watch Curb. I watch through Curb. Richard Lewis. Stand up to date on Curb, yeah. Amazing. I heard Shogun's great. There's only one problem.

Starting point is 00:49:39 Oh, I'm not in it. Not enough white people. Oh, okay. I don't think there's anything in Shogun for me though. I don't think so either. Why, I can do Shogun. That's good. Oh, okay. I don't think there's anything in the Shogun for me though. I don't think so either. Why I can do Shogun. That's good. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:49:49 Pshh, pshh. Huh. Ow, ow, ow. Is that what it is? Ow, ow, ow. You've got the role. Yeah, I got it? You got the role.

Starting point is 00:49:56 Why can't I die? I mean, that's what they'd make you do for sure. I know, but I can die in a dramatic show. Of course. Ruh. Quack, quack. Quack, quack? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

Starting point is 00:50:10 oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, No, I know. No way. Then I go, oh, I feel a pinching in my stomach. Oh, it hurts. Yeah. In your mind, when you're sleeping, you would hear that noise.

Starting point is 00:50:30 You go, you check. No dick sucking because my sides hurt. I look down. Oh, why? Tongue go. Why tongue go? Why, Tonggo? Why, Tonggo? I grew up together in the valley, the river we had by the creek. Was it too much?

Starting point is 00:50:55 I don't like this. Why? I don't know what it is. I don't know. No, let me finish it. Okay. That's why you don't let me finish my scenes. Not if they're falling apart.

Starting point is 00:51:05 No. I'm like the fucking conductor who's like, bail, bail. But you're directing it, right? So just cut it, right? Cut. Yeah, so let me- Reset. Yeah, exactly, dude. Let's go back to one.

Starting point is 00:51:16 As an actor, I'll probably still do an Asian accent even when I'm not shooting, just to be in the role. Could I ad-rib? Yeah, ad-huh. Could I ad-lib? Yeah, ad-rib. I can ad-rib? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you ready?

Starting point is 00:51:31 I'm so prepared. Do I say action or do I just go? I have to say it. Oh, my bad, my bad. No, no, like a good director. Take your own action. Oh, really? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:51:39 Oh. Oh. Oh. Cut. Oh Oh Cut You're getting stabbed I know I don't think you owe you when oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the oh you was this Mm-hmm so stupid dude sometimes. Well, I'm the director. Yeah. Yeah, I don't care dude. I fired no No, don't fire me. You're fired. I like tell you why you're wrong

Starting point is 00:52:03 The oh you was the first two is realization. You're fired. I'm gonna tell you why you're wrong. The OU was, the first two is realization. OU. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you. And then OU is I open my eyes cause I'm fucking sleeping. Yeah, you're napping. Yeah, yeah, and I'm going, OU, right?

Starting point is 00:52:16 Betrayal. Betrayal, oh, that's the line? Betrayal. Betrayal. As you die. Yeah, okay, ready? Action. OU, betrayal. No, okay ready action Oh You

Starting point is 00:52:26 Betrayal no, it's a little too. I'm not done. I'm not done Already all right, right? Okay. I'll take my own Or you Betrayal Tony. Oh, it's Tony. Yes And it's Tony soprano. Yeah, well, let's fuse the two world. I gotta do it. I gotta do it Yeah, sorry. I gotta stab you. Sorry I gotta stab you Shogun. Let me do it, you do stab. Shogun, sorry I gotta stab you.

Starting point is 00:52:52 Let me stab you. Oh you do, now I'm the director. It's Shogun. Ready? Scene 46, Shogun, you know, the rapture scene. Action. Ah, ah, ah!

Starting point is 00:53:09 Cut. Was it not believable that I was getting stabbed in my sleep? Yeah, but you're not an Irish guy. How was I Irish? I look this way. No, but you're supposed to be a Japanese guy. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, so, ah, ah, we don't do that. All right, so anyway, goddamn this guy. I should okay. Yeah, yeah, so, arh, arh! We don't do that.

Starting point is 00:53:25 All right, so anyway, god damn this guy. I should audition this guy, man. I swear to god, dude. I shouldn't have offered. Anyway, rapture scene, scene 36, take for 15, and action. Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack. You stubborn me. Oh, very.

Starting point is 00:53:47 It's cut. I mean. Yeah, what do they say? Call the Academy. What do they say? They go, you know what I mean? What does the director say? Print that, print that.

Starting point is 00:53:58 Print that. Print that. Fucking dead on, dead. You know when you go on a set and they have that red light and it says do not enter Craft service is there, I'm hungry. Not only that, it's like I always tell people, because there's always wardrobe and people waiting for you to come in and you're like, I'm gonna go in every time. I'm like, I'm gonna go in every time.

Starting point is 00:54:09 I'm like, I'm gonna go in every time. I'm like, I'm gonna go in every time. I'm like, I'm gonna go in every time. I'm like, I'm gonna go in every time. I'm like, I'm gonna go in every time. I'm like, I'm gonna go in every time. I'm like, I'm gonna go in every time. I'm like, I'm gonna go in every time.

Starting point is 00:54:16 I'm like, I'm gonna go in every time. I'm like, I'm gonna go in every time. I'm like, I'm gonna go in every time. I'm like, I'm gonna go in every time. I'm like, I'm gonna go in every time. I'm like, I'm gonna go in every time. I'm like, I'm gonna go in every time. I'm like, I'm gonna go in every time.

Starting point is 00:54:23 I'm like, I'm gonna go in every time. I'm like, I'm gonna go in every time. I'm like, I'm gonna go in every time. I'm like, I'm gonna go in every time. I'm like, I'm gonna go in every time. I'm like, I'm gonna go in every time. I'm like, I'm gonna go in every time, I never, oh dude. I go in every time. I'm hungry. Craft service is there, I'm hungry. Not only that, it's like, I always tell, because there was always wardrobe and people waiting there. Yeah. Because they don't wanna cross. I cross.

Starting point is 00:54:32 And I go, you know what I always say? I go, I'm quiet. Yeah, just sneaky. I slowly, and those doors are so heavy. You can, there's padded too. Yeah, they're fine. They're so fine. Then no one's gonna hear you.

Starting point is 00:54:43 Yeah, yeah. Oh my God, I wanted to show you this. Dude. Because, because, because, because, because we're going to Abu Dhabi, people know. Uh-huh. One of the princes. Ah, Prince Jasmine.

Starting point is 00:54:54 Just bought Prince Jasmine. Look up, look up, no, no, no, just write, write Saudi Prince billion dollar jet. Some guy just bought a billion dollar outfit of this jet. Look at this fucking thing. It's going to blow your mind. Maybe it's. Is that?

Starting point is 00:55:10 Yeah, that's it. The first picture, the first one Saudi print that one a bill. Look at the fucking photos of this thing. I'll walk up in billion dollars. Yeah. So 500 million private Boeing jet and then outfitted it with another. I don't even know. It says it in the article.

Starting point is 00:55:24 I mean, dude, the fucking bedroom, we got to get one of the princes while we're over there to let us on their plane. For a billion dollars, he should have gotten an Airbus. Okay. You know what? It's a 737 Max. Exactly. They're on recalls.

Starting point is 00:55:38 That's a beautiful room though. That's you and me. Imagine sleeping together next to each other. But let me say something. How many princes are there? Because every time I think about the Middle East. Google it, how many- People say there's so many princes.

Starting point is 00:55:48 There's gotta be. You're my little prince, so does that count? How many princes are there in the Middle East? The number of princes is estimated to be at least 7,000. Wow. Most of the power and influence being wielded by 200 or so. We gotta get to the 200.

Starting point is 00:56:02 I think the rest of them, the 6,800, we don't need. What are you talking, why not? We wanna get to the 200 princesses. We don't wanna be like, oh, that's the, you know what I mean, the prince of this mountain. You gotta start somewhere, buddy. Okay, I'm a prince. Imagine, you know what it is?

Starting point is 00:56:17 Hello, I'm Prince. Which one are you? Jasmine. Prince Jasmine. Yeah, I am Prince Jasmine. You know Prince Alid Saleem? I do not know, but I've seen him at the convention. Oh, then fuck you.

Starting point is 00:56:27 Let me keep going with the bit. Okay, I'm Prince Jasmine, right? And I'm gonna tell you, I just became Prince. There was only 6999 Prince. It's okay, Prince. I'm 7,000 Prince. Prince Jasmine, do you? Hello, I'm Prince Jasmine.

Starting point is 00:56:42 Do you have a private jet that we can go on? Oh yeah. Wait, how big is it? Southwest. Oh, you own a Southwest plane? No, I am number A1, two and three. We get to go on first. Wow.

Starting point is 00:56:53 Wow, before business. It actually would be called Far East Airlines. Yeah, Far East Airlines. Far East Airlines. Far East Airlines, yeah. Anyway. What's your airline called in the Middle East? Oil.

Starting point is 00:57:04 Oil Air? Oil. Oil Air? Oil Air. Well, deliberate. Yeah. And can I tell you how we got our money? How did you get your money? We don't have oil.

Starting point is 00:57:12 Oh. My family. Really? Barrel. You own one barrel? A several oil barrel. I hope you'd have a lot of barrels. No.

Starting point is 00:57:20 Twelve. Oh, you own the physical barrel. The barrels. Oh. Right? So we get a piece. By the way, a barrel prince is so funny. Yeah, barrel prince. Everyone's like, your money must have come from oil.

Starting point is 00:57:29 He's like, the barrels. That's what I'm saying. And they're like, but not the oil inside. We manufacture barrels. We are the barrel barons. We also, we have technology that we take sand and put it in the mud. Oh, you make sand mud. We have the technology. You make sand mud.

Starting point is 00:57:46 You know how? Very simple. How? Water. Get out of town. Yeah. Barrel prints is actually a very good idea. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:57:54 It'd be funny to be like the brokest. You be a prince now. Of the princes. If you're the brokest of the princes. You be a prince now. It's like your money must. Hi. Hi.

Starting point is 00:58:03 Hello. Well, hi, this is where the Prince Convention is? It's interesting. What is your name? Oh, I'm sorry, I should know. Yes. I offended you. You're Prince Jabberwocky. I read about you.

Starting point is 00:58:19 Thank you. Yeah. And you dance. I will dance. Yeah, yeah. But mostly. Yeah. And you dance. I will dance. Yeah, yeah. But mostly. Yeah. I count money.

Starting point is 00:58:30 I've made a lot of money. Yeah. Do you know how? Can I guess? Sure. Rugs. Kind of. Yeah, yeah, cool.

Starting point is 00:58:39 Toupees, I own the biggest toupee company. You do? Yes, but magical. Head rugs. Head rugs head But they're magical toupees. Yes, they will get you pussy magically when you put That's a great prince the Prince Barrel and Prince toupee guys should They should hang out by the way I'm sure the people listen to sit and fuck it do buy or now like fuck these guys these guys

Starting point is 00:59:02 Yeah, but you can I when we go to Dubai. Abu Dhabi. Abu Dhabi, I've been there before. Oh, you've been to Abu Dhabi? Yes, I did a show there once. United Arab Emirates. Yeah, we get business, right? Yeah, it's business.

Starting point is 00:59:15 We're going for business, not pleasure. No, it's a business class. I can't do a fucking coach on that. Well, I hate to break it to you, my friend, but no, we're not flying business class. We're flying regular. And we have to stop like three times. We have to stop like in Japan.

Starting point is 00:59:28 Are you fucking kidding me right now? We have to stop in Japan. Then let's not do it. We chop in Japan, in Delhi, and then in, for some reason, we stopped like somewhere in Eastern Europe. Then we get down there. I don't think we should do it then.

Starting point is 00:59:42 It was a good, I got it in Expedia. It was like 38 bucks a person each way. Wow. It was worth it. No, have you been to an, I've been to airports in the country, in different parts of the world where you see like chickens and roosters on the field. Dude, when we were in fucking, I never even, I don't even know if I told you this, when we were leaving Sicily, we were in this fucking airport, it wasn't open. We had to wait outside. The first flight was 10 a.m. These motherfuckers showed up at like 9.56.

Starting point is 01:00:12 Wow. And the guy was like, okay, okay, come, come. Like I opened the gates to the fucking airport and I turned and I was like, to my dad, I was like, should we not get on this fucking flight? Was it one flight straight to America or? No, it was a flight from Sicily to Rome. Ah, that's where the good ones are.

Starting point is 01:00:27 But they opened the fucking airport. I'm not kidding. Security was closed. Wow. And I was like, is this a good idea? This guy showed up like five minutes before we were taken off. What's the food like?

Starting point is 01:00:37 In Abu Dhabi? No, Sicily. Oh, a lot of, well, it's a lot of fish. It's a lot of seafood. Southern Italy is a lot of seafood. It's a lot of seafood southern Italy is a lot of seafood You know a lot of Mediterranean style stuff. Do you like if you like seafood go down there if you're not a seafood guy I highly recommend avoiding it What about because we had there's always someone in your group who's like, I don't really like seafood. You're like well fuck dude

Starting point is 01:00:57 That's all they have down here. But is there a pizza place? Of course Yeah, you're gonna get pizza. Like is there like a round table? Yeah, there's a jack in the box. You know what's so funny? There probably is a jack in the box out there. No, there is a pizza place down there. But there's I know, obviously it's Italy, but no, there's not a corporate pizza place. No, there's no round table.

Starting point is 01:01:17 I'll tell you in Rome. There's like a Domino's or a pizza. Rome, Rome in Rome has stuff like that. They have McDonald's. They have all that stuff. All right. It's fucking it's Rome. It's Rome. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it wasn't built in is there a place built on the shoulders of Pizza Hut because let me ask you Something about pizza cuz you gotta get a pizza pizza pizza pizza pizza. Do you said there's different kinds right of what Detroit?

Starting point is 01:01:35 Yeah, Detroit style style. It's like a square like a squared type of pizza Yeah, and then you have deepest Chicago where it's deep deep deep deep deep deep Yeah And what I'm saying is that do people go in, like was there a guy in Detroit that was like, I don't like it, circle. Yeah, I'm sure he was an immigrant, moved there and decided to change the style.

Starting point is 01:01:54 I wanna do square. That's interesting to me. I love that. Yeah, I do too. You know who these kind of people are? People like Bobby Lee. People who break the mold, people who go against the grain, who swim upstream,

Starting point is 01:02:04 who don't just do what everyone's doing. They challenge the ideals that are put out in America right now, play some really inspirational music. They challenge the ideals of what's happening in the world because most of them are antiquated bullshit. Badabum badabing. And badabum badabing. I'm here, I'm here in Los Angeles,

Starting point is 01:02:21 I'm a fucking pizza maker. Well, welcome to the city of Kamlo. You wanna open up a restaurant? I have a fucking idea of my own. What kind of restaurant? I'm a fucking pizza maker. Well welcome to the City Council. How you doing? You want to open up a restaurant? I have a fucking idea. What kind of restaurant? I'm from Italy. Oh you're from Italy? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:02:31 Where you from? Appleback. Applebee's out back in Italy? Yes. You're from Applebee, Italy? Applebee out back in the garden. He's from Chile, Italy. How you doing?

Starting point is 01:02:43 What kind of restaurant do you want to open? Pizza place. Are you fucking kidding me? I'm's from Chile, Italy. How you doing? Badabum, badabum, okay. What kind of restaurant you want to go? I'm gonna tell you, I'm pizza place, are you fucking kidding me? I'm right over here, man. I'm over here, man. You're over here, I'm over here. Hey, how you doing?

Starting point is 01:02:52 All right, how you doing? I'm just looking for pizza, man. All right. All right. I'm gonna tell you something about welcome from my family. Okay? We take a very large pepperoni. Very large.

Starting point is 01:03:04 Is this Sebastian Menescalco? Is that what you're doing? No, no, I'm not. No, I'm doing, I'm a fucking done. Sorry, sir, you take it, yeah. You got it, right? Got it. Check this out, my friend.

Starting point is 01:03:13 I'm checking. Right, right? Well, and then we put the breading on it. Oh. It reverse, right? So I put chunks of bread on this gigantic pepperoni. So it's like a calzone. No, but it's, no, because the pepperoni is exposed.

Starting point is 01:03:28 It's fucking exposed, my friend. So you haven't just pizza. Like your guts, if I fucking kill you in the desert, you put our fucking exposure guts in the fucking vultures. I don't want any harm, pal. Fucking piece of shit. I don't want no problems. I'll fucking jab you with a fucking pizza

Starting point is 01:03:41 with your fucking eye, bitch. So wait, you're proposing a pizza with just bread I like it. Yeah. Yeah. Here's a million with the cheese with with the cheese inside the bread bits Check it out my friend and then you know what? You think I know what you? I know what you're fucking saying right now to me right now I know what you're fucking saying right now to me right now. My friend, I'm gonna tell you something right now.

Starting point is 01:04:08 Portobello mushroom. Very good. A gigantic one. So it captures the juices. Right? So you put the pepperoni, right? In the portobello. Gigantic portobello, right? And you've got the bread chunks with the cheese inside. The fucking fucking thing, man. The fucking onions, the pepperoni, the pepperoni, the cheese inside the fucking fucker thing man the fucking onion pepperon

Starting point is 01:04:27 sausage We think my friend Are you gonna buy a bite you gonna bite I think you're never gonna make it that's fucking rude what that fucking rude No, he doesn't believe in your business. It's flawed. It's flawed, I know. Halfway through, I was like, I don't even know where I, Yeah, what?

Starting point is 01:04:53 Where you keep going. It was awesome, but I was very confused. You just keep going, you know? Sometimes you keep going. Yeah, and everyone, the world stops. You know what? And can I tell you something? I'll stop the world and melt with you.

Starting point is 01:05:04 Let me ask you something about, I'll stop the world and melt with you. Let me ask you something about Austin. I'll stop the world and melt with you. What a great song. So good. So good. Let me ask you something. When we go to Austin, what day is our thing? Friday. Friday.

Starting point is 01:05:16 We leave tomorrow night. Yeah, Friday. Friday we have to do a thing. During the day? Saturday. Nothing. Well, Saturday I guess we can say it because it'll have already happened when this comes out.

Starting point is 01:05:24 We're doing pop inin special headliner shows at Rogan's Club. Two shows. I didn't know that. We are. You and I are gonna do stand-up. Yeah. Oh, that's great.

Starting point is 01:05:33 You didn't know it? You proposed it to me. You said you wanted to do new material shows there. Do you not remember this? I wanna do that. You literally said, let's do new material shows. Let's do it, let's do it, let's do it. That was your proposal.

Starting point is 01:05:40 Let's do it. That's the funniest thing I've ever heard. You were like, I didn't know that. I called Adam E. Hey! There he is. What are you doing when your fucking organ's exposed? Yeah, very good. That's the funniest thing I've ever heard you were like I didn't know that I called Adam Yeah, very good With my fucking family fucking how long how good did it feel to watch her berate McCone though did that feel good at Least dude when I brought that up though loved it

Starting point is 01:06:02 In the beginning though it was like what the fuck is he doing? Yeah, yeah, you don't have a shot Hey listen to the Don when he's talking Your name would be Don Wong Hey the Don Wong. Don Wong, my friend. Hey, the Don Wong. He's my friend, my other Don friend. Go ahead, tell him about it. I really hate this impression. Fucking terrible. Why?

Starting point is 01:06:33 It's terrible. I love it. It's so bad. It's so interesting. It's so bad. This guy. You don't like it? You don't like it? I like it. You don't like it? You don't like it? I like it. I like it. You don't like it?

Starting point is 01:06:45 You don't like it? You don't like it? I like it. Dude, honestly though, no joke, a mafia movie where it's very serious and deep and dark and they bring him in the room and they meet you. Yeah, oh my gosh. Doing that.

Starting point is 01:06:56 Yeah, yeah. I fucking lose my shit. If it's a dead serious where it's like, everybody, we called a meeting because we want to have a conversation. The Don would like to talk to you someone else is like what did I do to the done I didn't do nothing I've done look he just wants to speak with you for five minutes one opens the door it's you with a hot rod bright

Starting point is 01:07:12 orange hat on like this you look just like this yeah no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no I'm gonna be a good friend. Thank you for being a good friend. I'm out.

Bad Friends - Bobbi Althoff Hates Us

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