Bad Friends - Bobby Hates Richie

Starting point is 00:00:00 The new Mitsubishi Outlander brings out another side of you. Your regular side listens to classical music. Your adventurous side rocks out with the dynamic sound Yamaha. Regular U owns a library card. Adventurist U owns the road with super all-wheel control. Regular side? Alone time. Adventurous side journeys together with third row seating.

Starting point is 00:00:23 The new outlander bring out your adventurous side. Mitsubishi Motors drive your ambition. Hey, what's up? You guys, my special premieres this week on Hulu. Hulu. On Hulu. We're on Hulu, September 12th. And check out, Andrew.

Starting point is 00:00:39 He's going to be at the Punchline in San Francisco, one of the best comedy clubs in America. And I go to Brea, the Brea Improv. I'm in Tempe. I'm going to come up with for Tempe. You're going to come out for that? Yeah. Good.

Starting point is 00:00:50 Because I'm going to visit my mom. Then I'm going to be down at the horseshoe in Hammond, Indiana. I'm going to be in Hanover, Maryland, Atlantic City, at Borgata, then Harrison Valley Center. I'm also adding Vegas and another couple of shows. to Andrew Santino.com for this. It gets Andrew Santino.com and go watch a special this Friday on Hulu. You better believe it, pal. I took my dad to a Monday night football game, and then we went out and just got hammered afterwards.

Starting point is 00:01:12 And we were sitting at the bar, just my dad and I, just like, just leaning against the bar. And he looks over at me, you know, like how dad can look over you sometimes, because he's that smile, you know, that twinkle in his eye. I'm waiting for him to say he loves me, you know? And he goes, I'm pissing right now. Hey, good girl. Do y'all want to shoot guns? Just right out back.

Starting point is 00:01:32 Yes, queen. I'm like, oh, yeah, go, oh. Yes, queen. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm Ron Weasley. I'm Ron Weasley. I'm sorry. I don't even like that one.

Starting point is 00:01:43 Let's move on. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots. A white dude. I'm an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Oh, you two. We're bad friends.

Starting point is 00:02:02 We can be heroes just for one day. Miss Bowie, good night. Hello, welcome to. Wow, what a pleasure to be here. What a pleasure to be here to be back in the studio. Andrew's been gone for so long. One month. We don't even know what he looked like anymore.

Starting point is 00:02:23 I look the same. What? You're pinkish. Oh, I got a sunburn yesterday. Yeah, you're pinkish and you're, attitude is a little agro. I'm agro now? You spit a gum at me and guess what I did do it? You have any proof that this

Starting point is 00:02:36 happened? No, but what did I do? Head butted it. I had butted it away. You are a soccer man. Like what George Bush did with the shoe? Right? I locked in at the gum. You're good. And I saw it in slow motion. I head butted it. Let's see. Yeah, yeah. Here. Here. I have a packet here.

Starting point is 00:02:55 I have a packet here. Ready? Go. Oh, sorry. You got to put it toward. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me get one more. Yeah, baseball. Use the baseball. But don't throw it, love it.

Starting point is 00:03:05 This is softer. Okay, go. Really good. Look at that. Really good. Did you see that, dude? Wow. Did you see that, Jules?

Starting point is 00:03:10 Rudy Jules is back. Yeah. At the Korean spot, when I see nuts in my face, Korean nuts I can do it, dude. Rudy, what's going on? Welcome back to the show. Hello. Hello.

Starting point is 00:03:21 Energy through the roof. God, oh my God. Peratop. Hasn't washed your car since you gave it to her. I know. Not kidding. We were right next to each other. And I was like, that is as dirty as you left it.

Starting point is 00:03:34 As soon as your mom left this morning, I woke up in shivers and in a sweat. Why? Our house is going down. I need her. Her mom, if anyone listening right now, you want Filipino in your house? Her mom. She cleans everything. Didn't we put up the website?

Starting point is 00:03:55 Get a Filipino.com. Yeah, you had to get it. Filipino do it. The way you. You fold the, you know, the socks and the underwear. Yeah. Future. Where did your mom go?

Starting point is 00:04:03 Back to the Philippines? Back to the... She's gone. Wow. Ice, huh? Got her. Well, she was worried about it. I called twice.

Starting point is 00:04:09 You called Ice? Yeah, what for the challenge? Yeah. Welcome to Ice. To get someone deported, press one. Yeah. Yeah. You are 36 in line.

Starting point is 00:04:25 Please hold. And people hold. for hours. They can't wait. You know, fuck Oasis tickets. They'll fucking hold on for five hours. How much those tickets going for right now? Oasis. What do you think? What's the average? Let's guess what the average resale tickets are all sold out. If we want to go

Starting point is 00:04:40 to the Rose Bowl, what do you think that costs for like an average ticket? I'm guessing like 300 or 400. Can I say something controversial? Yeah. May I? Yeah. They have five good songs. You're so out of pocket right now. That's insane. They have five good songs.

Starting point is 00:04:56 You think. Wonderwall. keep going bring up their fucking album you're telling me they only have five good songs I think so

Starting point is 00:05:05 that whole album was good what's that main album don't look back in anger good song Super Sonic

Starting point is 00:05:13 Super Sonic great song Don't go away Champaign supernova Cigarettes and alcohol Never heard of that song Definitely maybe Sing me cigarette

Starting point is 00:05:20 Right now Boom Send me cigarettes and alcohol Right now Cigarettes and alcohol Yeah Fight me in the school Yeah, sing me

Starting point is 00:05:30 Roll with it Roll with it Just roll with it Just roll with it How about Diggs? Lovden Digsby's Diggs What are you going to do

Starting point is 00:05:40 We're going to roll with it Yeah You don't know any of this shit How about fucking in the bushes Fucking in the bushes Oh you like morning glory Supersonic okay Morning Glory okay

Starting point is 00:05:56 My point is is that She's electric Sing me, she's electric. She's electric. In the morning she buzzes with electricity. Actually, the importance of being idle is one of their best songs. Bristol, let me hear it. The importance of being idle is one of their best songs.

Starting point is 00:06:14 And he actually said that's his favorite song. Let me bring up something that's wild. Yeah. Because I learned something this week. Those conjoined twin girls had a baby. No. Abby and Brittany. Is that their names?

Starting point is 00:06:27 Brittany and Abby. They had a baby. There's no way Brittany and Abby had to be. They did, dog. Look at it. Conjoined twins, Abby and Brittany have seen carrying their baby. So the guy's only married to one of the girl. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:06:37 How does that work? And we had to Google it. They share a vagina. Yeah. So the other ones has to look away when they're hooking up? The other one doesn't get to name it. She has no say. Is that what it is?

Starting point is 00:06:47 Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if one of them is like, come inside me, the other one's like, God, please don't. Yeah, yeah. Because they might have mixed feelings about it. Now, it'd be wild if their baby is conjoined. Oh, my. My God, conjoined.

Starting point is 00:06:59 Where do they do three? It's three conjoined, and then they one-uped, right? Whoa. Their parent or... One-up their mom. Mom and dad, yeah. Wow. Because I learned that there's a pitcher that plays an MLB, and he's what's called a mirror

Starting point is 00:07:13 image identical twin. Look this up. This is insane. I thought identical twins... Was it? I thought mirroring is like the same. No, a mirror image identical twin. Yeah, look at that.

Starting point is 00:07:23 Taylor and Tyler Rogers are both baseball players. So his left side is his right side. So if you looked at each other, it would be like looking exactly in a mirror. Isn't that fucking weird? I don't get it. Explain it to me. Mirror image, meaning like, I'm looking at you. My right side is your left side. So it's mirror.

Starting point is 00:07:39 It's not flipped. Yeah, but if I was your left side, people would think that you had a stroke. Why is his eye squinty? My left side is Korean. Yeah. But their mirror image identical twins, which happens when it splits at a certain time. and if it splits a second later, they become conjoined.

Starting point is 00:07:58 So they just miss becoming conjoined. Whoa. By a millisecond, I think it's that. Wow. Isn't that crazy? That's crazy. Would you ever date, would you ever date an identical twin?

Starting point is 00:08:07 I feel like I'd be down. Yeah? It's kind of just like a threesome, but like we just one dick. She goes right for it. Wait, what do you mean? What do you mean three-sum with one day?

Starting point is 00:08:16 She says she's getting two for one. All right. Oh, you mean two, it's conjoined twins. Oh, no, I'm talking about identical. Identical. You were like conjoined, yeah, yeah. I'd be down to conjoin. Well, they don't have two dicks

Starting point is 00:08:28 Yeah No, they have one dick Yeah But four balls, oddly enough Yeah, yeah, yeah That's fine Yeah, a lot more to play with, I guess Now, if they had two dicks, right

Starting point is 00:08:36 Would you sometimes suck the brother's dick Or no? Maybe just caress Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Because you feel bad Because you have empathy Yeah, you feel bad Yeah, if I was the other

Starting point is 00:08:47 If I was the other brother I would play, I get a switch Dude, I thought of you At the airport A guy had a handheld and he was going through his glasses. What is that? What do you?

Starting point is 00:08:57 I'm not the fucking president of Sony. Your video game. What are you talking about it? Aren't you Samsung? Yeah, I'm not Samson. Yeah. No, a guy had a pair of glasses. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:09:06 Heroki to Toki. I'm not Heroku to Toki. That's you. That's not you. Yeah, yeah. A guy had a pair of glasses at the airport. He was sitting waiting for the plane and he was like this. He had a controller and he was looking up just with his with glasses. Wow.

Starting point is 00:09:17 What is that? What is console is that? I've never seen that in my entire. Richie kind of knows. Richie, do you know? No, I don't. Well, then get the fuck out of it. God damn it, Richie.

Starting point is 00:09:26 Don't nod your head like you know. Richie's back. Did we not build him a cage? I thought we were going to build him a cage. Yeah, Richie's back. He's been working out, too. Look. Oh, you know how it is.

Starting point is 00:09:34 Yeah, yeah, yeah, there it is. Every day, baby. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Richie, Richie, go sit in that chair. Go sit in that chair. You love the rich. I love Rich, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:09:45 Jules, you know Richie? I've met Richie. Yeah, yeah. How? Seven X X X X X X X X. Yeah, yeah. Richie's got his Let's judge his legs

Starting point is 00:09:54 I didn't know you were that hairy I wouldn't have assumed he was that hairy Dude you have Hugh Jackman's legs It's kind of hot yeah yeah Wait that's hot legs You think he's got hot legs? Do you think that Hugh Jackman would have those legs

Starting point is 00:10:04 Don't get that No that's more Gerard Butler That's Jerry Butler Yeah that's Jerry Butler But it's like Really nice manly It's the upper body you need to work on I think upper body's okay

Starting point is 00:10:14 No I don't know You have Michael Phelps upper body Yeah yeah Usually I'm like the upper body's the cell No, no And you have a school shooter's face You do you think the upper body is

Starting point is 00:10:28 Is your best feature I think it's all kind of the charm I think my face is sort of the I think it's a little I'm a whole package You know right You're like a package that they threw over the fence Now did you go to the Weird Al show Of course I did I got my shirt on right here

Starting point is 00:10:42 It's the best thing ever Was it a good show? Oh my God it was amazing He did costume changes like every single time You had the fat suit for fat He had the white dirty The Amish Paradise beard And he plays all the hits

Starting point is 00:10:53 He doesn't play new songs No I mean a couple new but like all the hits Everything you wanted to hear Everything was in there It was crazy Wow Did he how many people A lot

Starting point is 00:11:02 What was the venue It was at Kia Forum Oh shit It felt like not sold up Pretty sold out Might have been sold out A lot of people in the form Yeah yeah there

Starting point is 00:11:11 He's the man Weird Al is the man We love you Weird Al We love Weird Al is better than Oasis Yeah. More hits. He does have more hits, huh? Yeah. The Yoda song. I mean, just eat it.

Starting point is 00:11:30 Yeah, just eat it. Gangsters, Amish Paradise. I've met him before. He's super knight. White and nerdy. Polka face. I mean, I can, these are all bangers. My baloney. My balona. So good. Yeah. It's amazing. You know, this is one of those guys. He will last forever and ever and ever. Forever.

Starting point is 00:11:49 Right? Because it's clean. Family-friendly. You know who he is? No. Okay. I don't know Weird Al? No.

Starting point is 00:11:55 Oh my God. You never heard of Weird Al Yankovich. Wow. Well, he's a guy who does parody songs. Yeah. He does popular songs. He started in like the late 90s, and he would do popular songs then remake them. Like there's a song called Beat It by Michael Jackson.

Starting point is 00:12:11 Just Beat It Dun, Don, Don't, Don't, Don't, and he wrote a song called Just Eat It, Eat It, Eat It, Eat It. Yeah. And he got sued no less than a thousand times, right, over the years? No, he would always get the artist's permission. Oh, he did? I thought he got sued for a couple of times by people. I'm pretty sure, like, for, uh, is it, I might have been Amish Paradise? I'm pretty sure he's pissed at him.

Starting point is 00:12:33 Weird Al settled a lawsuit, Sony Music for Undisclosed a Mountain 2013, ending a $5 million claim that the record label had unpaid, underpaid him royalties. Oh, that's for him. For him. But Amish Paradise looked that up. Wasn't Coo. Yeah, I was going to say. I think he was not a fan. Yeah, Cooleo hated it.

Starting point is 00:12:48 Yeah. There's like parody loopholes or something like that. They're always, you can parody anything. That's true. The way around it. It is true. There's loopholes to everything. The controversy I'm a misunderstanding between Kulio and Werdal regarding permission to parody, his gangses paradise. Kulio initially felt disrespected and public stated he never gave permission. Yankovic believed he had received approval through the record label dispute ultimately cooled down. Kulio later admitted his reaction was wrong because he probably, it only probably sold more albums for him. That's the irony. I bet you that just resells more albums for the original. Oh, totally.

Starting point is 00:13:20 I only knew Amish Paradise for years. You never knew Gangsters Paradise. I didn't know Gangster's Paradise for a while. Weird Al was like my introduction to half of these songs. So disrespectful to Coolie. Insanely disrespectful. Wow. It's an honor to Weird Al, though.

Starting point is 00:13:33 Well, you're a Weird Alian. I am. You're a Weird Alian. What does he call his fans something? Weirdos? I'll take a weirdos kind of a cool one. I kind of like that. Weirdos?

Starting point is 00:13:41 If he's not doing that, he should. Yeah, well, he jumps on every other bandwagon thing. I'm surprised. What is this? The ironic thing about Gangst's Paradise, it's kind of a parody of Past Night Paradise by Stevie Wonder. So he stole it, too. Well, every rap song has samples from other things, right?

Starting point is 00:13:56 This one's pretty heavily sampled, including the title. So what? Does Stevie Wonder have beef with Culeo? He just might. Wow. Didn't see that coming. Nerd talk! Nerd talk!

Starting point is 00:14:06 It's cool talk. What is going on here? Do we're in Grandma's basement? Nerd talk! Welcome back to NPR. Today we're going to be just exploring the past of albums and where they came from. Today, my guest is Richie.

Starting point is 00:14:20 Richie, hi. Hi, Richie. Hi, happy to be here. Hey, Richie. You're too loud for NPR. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm really happy to be here. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:14:27 Yeah, very good. Very good. My name is Devon M. Lewis, and I have my podcast, my radio partner. And I'm Cassie. Shonefield. Yeah. Cassie, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.

Starting point is 00:14:37 Nice to meet you. And I have a question for you. If you had a time machine, you know, what error would you time back to? It's a fun question that we always ask all our questions. We always are our guests. We say that to all of this. And we have also our third mic here. Shira, Oklahoma.

Starting point is 00:14:52 Shira, Oklahoma. And she's not from Oklahoma. That's the, that's the gag. That's the gag. The gag, yeah, the gag. She's from Tennessee. She's from Tennessee. Yeah, anyway.

Starting point is 00:15:02 Oklahoma. Anyway, what time, what era? What era? The 1980s, of course. I feel like all the movies came out then. Oh, wow. All the movies. All the movies.

Starting point is 00:15:13 What movies? Let me guess. You love Gremlins. What? Yeah, weird science. Is that your game? The Tides is great. Yeah, it's amazing.

Starting point is 00:15:22 Ghostbusters the original? When was that? What was Ghostbusters one? Yeah, Ghostbusters. Full metal jacket. Full metal jacket's amazing. Ghostbusters is 84. That's right.

Starting point is 00:15:31 In 84. You know, one time I didn't masturbate for like three weeks straight. And when I did ejaculate. The Secret of the Ouse. That marshmallow monster came out of my penis. Stay puff? Yeah, marshmallow man came out of my penis. That was a big thing in the 80s.

Starting point is 00:15:46 I feel like ooze movies. Do you guys know that? Like a lot of movies have ooze in them? There was a lot of ooze movies back then. Like Ghostbusters, too, it's all about ooze. Yeah, yeah. Are you an ooze fan? I wouldn't say I'm an ooze fan.

Starting point is 00:15:57 I'm more fascinated. You know, I bet you money you put a lot of gravy on your biscuits. I like to put some gravy on there. Yeah, yeah. And you only donuts if they have like a little filling in there, right? Boston Cream's the best. Yeah, yeah. And I bet you do this.

Starting point is 00:16:09 In that little hole where they put the creaming, the cream, you probably squeeze the donut. So the cream squirts. out right and you squirt in your mouth do you not yeah yeah you look like he's not wrong teenage moon ninja turtles the blob great films it's a lot of ooze movie yeah well gack was big from nicolodian we were we were coming off the era of gack and slop and fly it was a popular thing to put in in pop culture you know what i would do if i had a time machine and we've talked about this right yeah yeah shrod that your name huh your name sure what's my name Yeah.

Starting point is 00:16:47 What's my name? I've been on this show for 30 years. I know. And you don't know. Yeah, yeah. What's my name? What's my name? Yeah, anyway.

Starting point is 00:17:02 We've talked about this. What I would do is I would, I would get the recipes for oxycott and all these opiate drugs, go back to the 1800s, New York, and have a little stand, you know, I would sell these pills. I would make a fortune, I think. Smart. Yeah, what would you do in a time? Yeah, what would you do in a time machine?

Starting point is 00:17:22 I had an idea once. It's pretty offbeat, but I would go get an almanac, a sports almanac, and go back in time. Oh, I see what. Let me guess. May I guess? Yeah. Right? You would bet on games you'd already know.

Starting point is 00:17:36 That's right. Yeah. That's interesting. Yeah. That's a very good thing. You know what I would also do is I would find Steve jobs early when he was living in the garage, developing and stuff. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:17:46 And I would give him a million dollars and go, let's just get anything you do, I'll get 10% your company. 10%? Yeah, yeah. Smart. And the YouTube, that Chinese guy from the YouTube?

Starting point is 00:17:55 Is that the same guy as Sony? No, it's not the same guy, yeah. What would you do, Oklahoma, Ms. Oklahoma? Miss Oklahoma. I would try to ride the plane from 2001, 9-11. My God.

Starting point is 00:18:11 And to save. And would just turn around. Oh, you would turn around. Do you have a pilot's license? Yeah. Can you imagine Rudy gets on one of the flights from 9-11? She just stands up and goes, turn around. Nothing happens.

Starting point is 00:18:25 Nothing happens. Turn around. That's it. You wouldn't do anything. You would just try to make them turn it around. You have one shot. That's what you do. Get on that plane?

Starting point is 00:18:34 Yeah, maybe convince maybe like a blow job or something. Yeah, that's it. That's it. He's like, well, what should we do? Now we're going to get 35 virgins when we get up. Yeah. There isn't one single Chinese guy who owns YouTube. It's a subsidiary of Google.

Starting point is 00:18:50 No, who's that Asian guy? I would go to that Asian guy. Steve Chen. I would go to Steve Chen and go, hey, I'll give you some money. Just give me 10% in company. And back then, they probably do it. Of course. What is Steve Chen doing now?

Starting point is 00:18:59 See, this is the kind of thing. These guys are quiet. They deviled Taiwanese-American. Let me guess. Let me guess. He's riddled with white pussy. Oh, my God. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:19:06 Just pouring it down. Yeah. Is he married? No, yeah, he's got a spouse. He's married. He's happily married with two kids. Because you know that Enron. You remember Enron?

Starting point is 00:19:16 Love Enron. Big Enron fan. Really? Yeah, huge. So, I mean, all of them went to prison, but there was one Asian dude with an accent. Didn't go. No, he got out early, a year earlier before the investigation started. And him and a stripper, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:19:32 He met a white stripper, this guy, Lou Long Pie. He got a white stripper from a, like, strip club, right? It goes, be my wife, right? They took all this money and they bought all this property and, like, I think Oklahoma. Or somewhere like that. Genius. Yeah, he was a genius. And they never got him.

Starting point is 00:19:50 Did he still stay with... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's Lou Long right now. Yeah. He's still with the stripper, dude. $270 million after being forced to sell his shares to satisfy his divorce settlement two months before the other... This guy's genius, dude. Lung Pang.

Starting point is 00:20:03 That's a great documentary. That's Lou Pye. Yeah. That's Lou Pye, dude. No, that's him. That's him. Pye was a senior executive at Enron. Enron.

Starting point is 00:20:10 He sent him. He sensed it. He knew. What we're doing? right here is very, very wrong. You know what I mean? I have to, I'm going to go to a strip club, right? I know this white girl.

Starting point is 00:20:22 But it's very smart to go to a strip club and grabbing. I'm calling my cousin. I'm him. Hello, rang. Parall. I did so many wrong thing going around and wrong. What are you going to do about it? What do you think I should do?

Starting point is 00:20:36 I don't know. You want to go to titi baffor lunch? Yeah, yeah. Imagine they just went there for lunch. Yeah, yeah. That struck the idea. Yeah. That's like social network.

Starting point is 00:20:43 Something came from nothing. Yeah. This guy goes to a strip club and gets a girl. That's genius. Yeah. Because by the way, they need, she obviously needs help getting out of her situation. He needs help. It's the, it's perfect.

Starting point is 00:20:54 Pretty and pink. It's pretty and pink. It's pretty and pink. It is pretty and pink. Pretty and, yeah. That's kind of the same story. But he's trying to save them. Don't you want, do you have a savior kind of a thing or no?

Starting point is 00:21:04 Save your mentality? Yeah. I think we want to help people a lot. Yeah. I don't think we can save most. Yeah. Like we want to help Richie. We want to try to get Richie laid.

Starting point is 00:21:11 Yeah. We have some. We got some girls. We have some girls. You want to do that now? Yeah, let me see. Let's see if you'll put on your hands there so you can hear somebody's crazy.

Starting point is 00:21:19 This girl says, Serena says, I'm chill. I want to say this before. I know you're, I'm sorry, but Carlos said beforehand that I'm going to be mad because these are some of the girls, these girls I wouldn't be able to get. That's not true. Yeah, yeah. So let's just see if you're right, Carlos.

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Starting point is 00:25:15 If you see a subscription you no longer want, Rocket Money will help you cancel it. Well, the best part is they give you this dashboard. It lays out your total financial picture. We went through it with Bobby, and we saw all the stuff that was paying for. It was a disaster. It was actually kind of sad. It was funny, but sad. But the best part is Rocket Money is there.

Starting point is 00:25:31 They're even going to try to negotiate to lower your bills for you. The app automatically scans those bills. Find the opportunities to save, and they'll do the talking. You don't got to worry about it. Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all the app's premium features. You've got to cancel your unwanted subscriptions or reach your financial goals faster with RocketMoney. Go to rocketmoney.com slash bad friends today.

Starting point is 00:25:56 That's rocketmoney.com slash bad friends. RocketMoney.com slash bad friends. This girl said she'd drive tonight for you. This is Serena Nicole Mann. I mean, I'm pretty flattered. She'd drive right down, pick me up. I don't have to call the Uber or nothing. Is this her?

Starting point is 00:26:10 That's her. Wow, cute. Beauty pie. What do you think, Rich? I'm pretty flattered. I like her. This is up your alley? Up your alley.

Starting point is 00:26:16 How old is her? She, Serena. She doesn't say. I don't know. But hold on. What does she do for a living? I got to know the deal. Yeah, there's not enough information on this one, I feel like.

Starting point is 00:26:24 Just based on looks, though, you would do it. Based off of looks, yeah, but based off of, I don't know her. Slow investigating tells you she lives in Vegas, and I'll tell you why. Why? Why do you think? How did I guess that? Based on this photo? No, I base it on something else.

Starting point is 00:26:38 Okay, go go to all the photos. I want to see, I want to be an investigator. The sun. It's extra sunny there. It's extra sunny. No, why? Why based on that? Well, go back to the email.

Starting point is 00:26:50 Oh, on the email. 702. 702 is the area code for Las Vegas. Whoa. And I put this together knowing because when she said, I'll drive to Cali. Tonight I thought it's got to be a close enough place. It's got to be Nevada. 702 is Vegas.

Starting point is 00:27:05 Bro, what are you doing in this job? There's crimes that need to be solved, bro. I don't do that anymore. I told you. I don't do that no more. What are you talking, jabbering with that? You're the FBI calling. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:27:18 Come on, man. We got some murders. I can't do that no more. I told you. Not after my brother. I'm sorry for saying, best friend. He is. I love him.

Starting point is 00:27:27 Uh-oh. A date with Richie. This is a milth from Cincinnati. Whoa. Oh, mill fit out. Let me see the photo. Well, zoom in first. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 00:27:35 Wait, what you? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Wait, I'm selling her more. Pass the last one. This one's up. Dude. This one's on. Richie. Richie. What about this one? Bad friends, I hear you're looking for someone to take Richie to the Weird Al concert. I think I'm your girl. I'm a real-life milth with a pretty awesome personality, sense of humor, and a soft spot for nerdy guys.

Starting point is 00:27:52 I just so happen to be an expert, which means I know how to make the date feel like the most fun guy in the room. And I have the wardrobe to prove it picture Richie watching, walking in with me on his arm. He gets to look like the king of nerds. I come to party with said king, and everyone wins. I keep it playful. Classy, totally unforgettable, just naughty enough to make a story. He'll never stop telling. Candy.

Starting point is 00:28:11 We're flying her out. Let's do this. We're going to fly her out. We're going to fly her out. She's got to be careful with that kind of shoes on that kind of slippery. I mean, that's slippery out there by the water. What if the tsunami comes? Yeah, be careful, Candy.

Starting point is 00:28:24 So Candy's an escort and would love to take you out. I'm interested in sending you out. Go on to the next bathroom photo. First thing I noticed here has one of those chalk writing bathroom. You can write on the wall there. But that's a hotel. How do I know that's a hotel? The tiles above the tub.

Starting point is 00:28:40 It's a hotel. And also the pre-established soap dispensers. Give me you the best investigative room. Look at the soap dispensers. This is a hotel. So this is a holiday inn. How do you know that's Jimmy? Because she was murdered.

Starting point is 00:28:53 She was murdered at a holiday. Two hours after this photo was taken. Explain to me, Jimmy. Jimmy, how do you know this is a holiday inn? Because I've been to a lot of holiday inn. Oh, I see. What else, Jimmy? How did the intruder get coming into the bathroom there?

Starting point is 00:29:05 because she was murdered in the bathroom. Intruder knock, knock, then said housekeeping. She said, go away. They continued to knock. He probably went through the door, right, Jimmy? Front door. Yeah, yeah. Well, there's only one door there in the bathroom.

Starting point is 00:29:14 Oh, with her, you could use the back door. Oh, you can't. Oh, I see. You made it very clear. I see, Jimmy. Very clear. What else? All right, anyway.

Starting point is 00:29:21 All right, anyway. Richie, let's get a poll of this. Would you go out with this lady? Oh, 100%. This is another young lady. Let's see what she said. Dad friends. Push pause, pushwoss.

Starting point is 00:29:30 All right. Already right now. What? High teeth functionality. High teeth functionality. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And do you know what that means? No.

Starting point is 00:29:37 It means that she has great teeth. It's just a scientific way of saying it, right? You never heard that? Beautiful eyes, right? Well. Nails, right? Healthy. They're natural.

Starting point is 00:29:46 Natural and healthy. Nice lips. No dirt, no dirt between the nails. And can I say something about the eyes? Not a ton of makeup. It looks natural and nice. Natural, yeah. Not cake face.

Starting point is 00:29:54 All right, let's go. I'm submitting my video to share why potentially Richie may be interested in taking me to weird out. I just pulled up to my waitressing job. So I am covering up the restaurant's logo. Pause. Go ahead. You go. We have to guess. The waitress? We have to guess the place that she works at. She's the waitress. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, Tarantino. Hey, Jimmy. Yeah. This, this leaning, we found her dead Bonnie. Yeah. Where does she waitress? Because,

Starting point is 00:30:22 you know, we can't figure that out. I don't know. I know the color, the maroon of that shirt. It's a dead giveaway. It seems like a change. It's Aubies. She's got the meats. She's got the meats. Okay. Thank you, Jimmy. What is it?

Starting point is 00:30:37 I wonder where she waged it. It's either, you know, my instinct was either, because it is maroon. It's a high end, it's a, it's a, hey, Jimmy. Stop, don't Google it yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I will say, it can't be high end, high end restaurants don't make you wear. Look how nice, though, that. It's not, it's not like a, they don't make you wear polo is a high end.

Starting point is 00:30:54 Not high end, a chain, a high end chain. Correct. Chili's. Yeah. That's not Chili's. It's not Chili's. It's not chili. It's all black.

Starting point is 00:31:01 Yeah, yeah F idiot Applebee's might be Applebee's actually might be You know what I'm going to say Islands

Starting point is 00:31:08 No islands is the Hawaiian shirts Oh I didn't know Yeah Hawaiian shirt Red Robin is a no Because that's the old one I'm trying to think Is that even around anymore

Starting point is 00:31:16 Yeah It could also be A at a golf place Like a Oh that's right She could work at the country Country Club Yeah that's also very good

Starting point is 00:31:25 Yeah Or Timely Cracker Barrel Cracker Barrel I don't know Cracker Bell, then. I don't know, but they wear the white T-shirts.

Starting point is 00:31:35 Well, they went through a big DEI change, apparently, so now everything is different. I refuse to go in the changed version of that. Yeah, we won't go back. If I look and there's that old white Cracker Man with the barrel. Yeah, yeah, I am out. No, I'm in. That's the old way. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:31:48 If that's on there, I go in. If it's off, I do not go in. We don't go in. I do not go in. You heard it here, Cracker Barrel. Yeah, yeah. Anyway. We took you to Cracker Barrel for the first time on the road.

Starting point is 00:31:57 That was amazing. I remember how much shit you bought from the store, right? It was, I was, I couldn't believe what they had there. Shocking. Shocking. They had everything. Oh, you're going to say this? You turned me on to some things there.

Starting point is 00:32:08 What did I do? The fucking licorice. Oh, yeah. Wallabies? Yeah, Wiley Wallabies. I had never heard of wallabies. That's the fucking place. I was, I was in it for hours.

Starting point is 00:32:21 I had a shopping bag, everything. He bought about 150 bucks worth of. Yeah, yeah. And you go, you pointed at wallabies and you go, man, back in my day, Or something like that. I go, what do you mean? I eat them today. I had two today when I left the house.

Starting point is 00:32:34 I bought them at the airport again. Yeah, I get every flavor. They're so good. They're so good. Green apple, the Wiley Wallaby. You know wallabies? Lickrish? Are you a liquorish fan?

Starting point is 00:32:42 These are so fucking good. What's the one below it? Is that Star Anise? Black Liquorish. Are you a black licorice guy? I don't like black licorish. I don't think almost anybody likes black licorice. Yeah, I don't know why they can make them, but I don't know.

Starting point is 00:32:55 You don't like black licorish. No, definitely not. Have you had black licorice? No. weird it's it's what does it taste like taste like NyQuil it does taste like shitty NyQuil yeah shitty NyQuil no but I kind of like Nykall sometimes yeah because you know you're gonna get a little little buzz buzz buzz have you had the have you had the have you had the uh the dayk uh not dayquel what's the other one the Ziquil brother I can chug this stuff really it's bad dude it's so

Starting point is 00:33:21 good I Ziquel is a non habit forming NyQuil and it's if you're not sick if you just need to pass out yeah bro it's fucking awesome let me let me see something I should not be promoting. You get horny after that? I get so horny on NyQuil. So fucking horny. Z-Quil, I mean. Any quill. Any quill. Any quill. You get horny on the quill. Yeah, yeah. Dude, I do get horny on the quill. Because my therapist and I have a deal. You know, like, Unisome? I can't take Unisome anymore. Do you know why? You get too horn? I get so horny. I have to masturbate to whole porn. And then you... It's a red flag for me. Yeah, you can't do that. If you take three or four, like, extra ones, you get extremely horny. But see, this says NyQuil has found no ties. Bordom from

Starting point is 00:34:00 being sick, the altered mental state from medication, the potential orgasm to temporarily relieve pain might play a role in the perception of increased horniness. But the dizziness and drownings, none of this stuff they say attributes, but I think you're right. Every time I do take drugs like this, also in the morning, I'm so much more morning hard, like morning horny. I get horny hard. Horny hard. Yeah, yeah. Horny hard. Yeah. I'm getting a lot of morning wood lately. I just had it today. And I can't get it. And then you have to pee and it's still up. Yeah, you piss all Right, so you have to push it down, right? I hate that.

Starting point is 00:34:29 You have to do some sort of like arch to it. Well, I lean against the wall. I put my hands against the wall and down to the toilet. I just stick my fucking yik in there. That's why I want a urinal at the house. Eric Andre has a urinal at his house, and I was always jealous of that. A stand-up urinal.

Starting point is 00:34:43 Yeah, he's got a urinal, and he's got a toilet in his bathroom. He built like a little nook where they used to be having it, and he put a urinal there. I was like, why doesn't that come in a house? I don't know. I don't understand. Yeah. Because then, then you're never going to pee in the toilet where women pee in.

Starting point is 00:34:57 Just your only pooping in there. Yeah. I wanted a urinal. My wife said, no. I was like, why not? Well, you have several bathrooms. You have like six bathrooms in that mansion that you live in. So, I mean, maybe one of the fucking...

Starting point is 00:35:06 Wait, we have... Yeah, yeah, yeah. 9, 10, 11, 13. Anyway. And then the maid's quarters is 21. I don't know why we never... I wanted to put one in. Testosterone levels increased during REM sleep.

Starting point is 00:35:19 So maybe you're getting such good sleep. Your tea goes up, which gives you harder erections. This is morning wood? Yeah. Oh, that's what it is. You get more. morning when still rich dog oh every morning how old do you 24 that'll go away yeah yeah it'll go away it slides no i i as an older adult i'm getting getting them more yeah but you don't always get them like him

Starting point is 00:35:38 every day but no but i do and i'll tell you why you do now no more masturbation wow why because it's unhealthy for me sure every relationship i've ever had that was the downfall of every relationship you jerking off yeah because i would it gets to a point where it's like you know you get kind of bored you know having sex with them with the same right and so in my and then i preferred doing that over that and it destroyed every and it's it it interferes with intimacy intimacy it can yeah yeah it can and so for me it's like once i weeded all that out it's like natural sex life are you have you have a natural good sex yeah natural good al natural all right let's get back to this girl let's get but let's get rich you a date sorry this poor girl so

Starting point is 00:36:26 I mean, I like to think, you know, I genuinely vibe to any kind of music. I grew up on 70s classic rock. I love disco. Pause. I do feel bad that all these people are trying to go to the Weird Al concert. It already happens. It already happened. But we can set up another date.

Starting point is 00:36:43 Yeah, we can think of somewhere else. Okay. She has a kind of a Tony Colletti vibe, too. I love Tony Collette. Yeah, she's great. It's gorgeous. I'm not going to lie. I don't know Weird Al is.

Starting point is 00:36:52 Pause. I like her. I like her, too. It's better. It's better. Turn her on to something she's never said. Oh, wait. Yeah, you're right.

Starting point is 00:36:59 You can educate her. Educate her. Wait. Yeah. Oh, I like this. He's not country. So, oh, he's not country. If not, then, yeah, I promise you, I vibe to any other genre of music.

Starting point is 00:37:10 You know, if it's a good, beautiful setting, good drinks, great conversation, good vibes. I'm down a vibe to anything, truly. I have been trying to meet new people. It has been a focus point for me this year. So I've been kind of successful. Can you push possible questions? I like her. She's nice.

Starting point is 00:37:25 There's something that's bothering me. What is it? Hey, Jimmy, guess what it is? I don't know something about the necklace. Zoom in on the necklace. What is that? Saturn. Is that a pentagram?

Starting point is 00:37:35 What is that? It's close. I think it's a planet. It's close. My guess from far away, it's religious. Her hand has been stuck in that position the whole fucking time. She's covering up for the, she don't want to show you what she works. What's wrong with that?

Starting point is 00:37:47 Go back to the girl. Does she live in L.A.? Let's find out. Excuse me. I let work and in the way and college and all that. whatever, yada yada. Also, I really admire Richie's willingness to get down and dirty. I like a man who can get his hands dirty. I love that he was willing to clean up Bobby's pet shit. I don't like it. I've met him before and I think the concert tickets were a great gesture. And if he's just

Starting point is 00:38:14 looking for a nice girl, go have some time, a good time, you know, go listen to some good music, get to know each other. You know, this could be a start of a beautiful friendship, something more, maybe nothing i don't know hold on you just wants you know they are wearing the same color shirt yeah and now i tested it i i i i heard an east coast uh twang there so she is not from here but i'm from the east coast well you live here fuck i do yeah what does she say at the end nice night enjoying sorry i have bangs and i don't know how to style them i just got them cut last week anyway jersey hit me up if uh you're interested richie otherwise i think you have a great time at the concert. And P.S., I don't

Starting point is 00:38:56 know if you could tell her my accent. I am from New York, unfortunately. I'm sorry if that ruins thanks. But if you can't find any girlies in L.A., feel free to feel free to watch me. Otherwise, she lives in L.A. She's from Long Island. She's just far away. No, she said if you can't find anyone

Starting point is 00:39:10 in L. No, yeah, she lives. You're fired. Too far away. You're fired. Is that it? There's got to be one more. There is a few. No, I understand why you couldn't get out of those escape rooms. He's from LA He's from LA

Starting point is 00:39:24 He's from Illinois He's on it today Dude he's on one today I like when he gets all Who's this? Who's this? Can we address this? What's up?

Starting point is 00:39:35 What the hell? All right Text Cobb here He likes fucking with you Look at him All right who's this Texcob, let's hear I can fuck with you too

Starting point is 00:39:43 But I'm not gonna Go ahead I have some fucking bullets in my gun God he's been away from us For so long He's so happy to see him He's fogg up the shades again.

Starting point is 00:39:52 I miss you, dude. Whoa. Oh my, this is where I go. Zoom in. This is where I go crazy. Zoom in. I am willing to make Richie's dreams come true to be his date, and I haven't done any charity in a minute, and I like weird-looking boys.

Starting point is 00:40:03 White boys, this is me. Zoom in. Whoa. Whoa. Oh. I'm sold. Drop all the others. Wow.

Starting point is 00:40:12 Really? Yeah, that checks in. Oh, God. Wow. We found her. She's so pretty. Oh, we found. Look at, hey, do I test a little jealousy out of you?

Starting point is 00:40:25 Do I smell a little jealousy? Actually, no, and I'll tell you why, off screen. Had it already or something? I already tasted it? No. Whoa. All right. I mean, Richie, if I did hook up with a girl, like, long ago, would you hook up with her or no?

Starting point is 00:40:40 I mean, yeah, but it would be after, well, then we'd have to talk about it. No, I don't, you don't even need to talk about it. Well, because we're, like, friends. No, no, no, no, we're not friends. You're my employee. I'm an employee. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll never get my number.

Starting point is 00:40:50 Yeah, but that's like dating my boss. is X. It doesn't matter. Just go ahead. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to give you a ticket. Sadie Stady Sopler A Thousand Oaks. She's in Thousand Oaks. She wants. She's 5'10. She's a tall girl. Okay. And this is me. This is me, by the way. Let's see what she looks like. Oh, my God. Richie.

Starting point is 00:41:11 Richie. That's the one. Dude, we got some good submission. Yeah, Richie. That's the one, Richie. She also sent a video. Oh, let's see the video. Yeah, yeah. Richie. My name is Sadie. I live in Thousand Oaks. I'm local-ish. Okay. And I was going to email Carlos for your number regardless. And then I heard that you need a date to Weird Al. I know that I know the deep cuts. I have been a Weird Al fan forever. She's the best. Let me think of some. Weasel stomping day, virus alert. Like, I'm talking about deep cuts, not just Amish Paradise. Okay. My birthday is August 29th, and I want to go to Weird Al with you to celebrate my birthday.

Starting point is 00:41:56 Oh, man. I'm sorry, we just missed it, but she was the one. I would have called. We should have done this episode the other day. Why didn't we film this two days ago? He's freaking out. Oh, my God. I could have gone with her?

Starting point is 00:42:09 I'm freaking out. What the fuck is she like you and not me? That guy could have gone with her? I don't take her anywhere. I'll take her to police. Oh, my God. No, she called for me. I'll take her to police.

Starting point is 00:42:18 She was asking for me. You didn't have a meal? No. You can't provide shit. I could provide. I could provide. I'm provisable. You're not provisable.

Starting point is 00:42:27 You got nothing. I have a lot. You smell. I give a lot of smell. I give up a while here you should smell, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And your breath smells good. And you film over your teeth.

Starting point is 00:42:37 That's outrageous. I can't fucking believe it. Dude, I love how jealous this is going to make him. Yeah, yeah. Awesome. I will not allow you to go all with her. Carlos. It's too bad.

Starting point is 00:42:46 She already emailed. Carlos, get her number for Richie for sure. Sure. We need to make this happen. He included it in the email. Oh, wow. It's outrageous. It's unfathomable to me. Oh, my God.

Starting point is 00:42:58 It just got better than time. Go ahead. Go ahead, Richie. Oh, it just got better. But you will no longer be working here. Do not go out with her. Now, go ahead. Let me see. I have a car.

Starting point is 00:43:08 So I can get to you. Oh, my God. Drive. She's a whole package. She's drive. Oh, my God. Yeah, they're allowed to drive now. I can't believe this.

Starting point is 00:43:18 Jesus. How was this? Oh, my God. She's so crazy. Oh, my God. You can't bring her around the studio. Oh, man. Oh, get her out of here.

Starting point is 00:43:26 Oh, my God. She's so hot. That was the grand finale. And that's a good one. Well, how old is this girl? How old is this girl? She didn't say, I don't think. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:43:35 But she said she knew deep cuts of weird Al, so obviously she's not, she's got to be in her 30s, I would imagine, right? My type of lady. No, no, I say that. No, no, she's probably 27. He's 24. 24 to 26. Yeah, around that age. Too young.

Starting point is 00:43:49 Go ahead, Rich. She's perfect. Yeah. You like her, don't? You're excited? I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm going to get tickets to another concert now.

Starting point is 00:43:56 When's the last time you went out on like a proper date with a girl? A proper, proper date? It's been a while. What are we talking? Like a proper, proper date? Like how proper? Richie, a fucking date with a girl. It's been a couple months.

Starting point is 00:44:10 It's been a couple months. A couple months, okay. A couple months or a couple years. Depends on how proper we're talking. Shopify. Ching! Cheing! You know you like to hear that sound.

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Starting point is 00:44:38 Imagine being able to guarantee that shopping is always convenient. Endless aisles ship to customer buy online pickup in the store. All made simpler so customers can shop how they want. and staff have the tools to close the sale every time. And let's face it, acquiring new customers is expensive. It's very hard for people that don't know. It's hard. But with Shopify POS, you can keep shoppers coming back with personalized experiences

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Starting point is 00:45:54 So easy. When I moved to the neighborhood, I got to tell you, I was annoyed. I couldn't go back to the old doctor. It was too much of a drive and I was like, where do I got to go? What do I got to do? And you said, just get on talk, doc, you dummy. And I did. And the best part is you can filter based on your preferences, what kind of doctor you need, where they're located. Do they take your insurance? And you can find an instantly book a visit right away. Within 24 to 72 hours, that is amazing. You can even get same day appointments. Wow. Once you find the right doctor, Andrew, you can see their actual appointment opening. choose a time slot that works for you and click to instantly book a visit, like you said. Yeah, you can do it right there. And they got more than 100,000 doctors across every single specialty. Skin? Skin. Ancles? Ancles. Yeah. And toe. Toes. They got toes on there, baby. My toe hurts.

Starting point is 00:46:36 So here's how you get it. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdo.com slash bad friends to find an instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Zoc, doccom slash bad friends. I do want to play catch-up with Juliana and see what's going on with the Rudy Jules in your world. What has been up in your world? Are you, what's going on with you in your dating life? Single? Zero. Zero?

Starting point is 00:47:03 You're over it now. Yeah. You don't want to go back. No. You're done. I'm good. But Tito Bobby's been, we've been doing movie marathons. Yep.

Starting point is 00:47:13 And he's just been showing me all the classic movies. So we went Goodfellas So I'm going to throw some movies out Yeah And 1 through 10 you tell me Okay Goodfellas 10

Starting point is 00:47:28 10 10 10 what did you get I'll do 8 Okay I respect an 8 Okay Taxi driver 9 9

Starting point is 00:47:37 Yeah I agree You like taxi driver over goodfellas I like that it's so dark It is fucking It's rad No country for old men 10 Wow

Starting point is 00:47:45 That's my top one That's easy 10 Easy 10 It's so good Yeah, Raising Arizona. 10. You like Raising Arizona? I love you.

Starting point is 00:47:53 It's so nine. You're so, he's a filmer. You're hitting home runs right now. Right? But here's, I know what this answer is going to be. Watch this one. What? Fargo.

Starting point is 00:48:02 Oh, dude. One. One. What in the fuck are you talking about? The guy was just so annoying to me. Yeah. I couldn't watch it because he was just so stupid. Are you talking William H.

Starting point is 00:48:16 Macy? Yeah. He's the main guy. Yeah. he's brilliant he's brilliant yeah i couldn't he does such a good job in that movie that's crazy that you didn't like that he is annoying in it though but that's the fucking point of the character yeah the desperation yes he's supposed to be a fucking like a a a ripe loser yeah you like you yeah it's perfect you cannot yeah oh it's so good i i like the one with brad pitt that one's better

Starting point is 00:48:42 burn after reading oh so good so good burn after reading's good so good brad pitt is so funny and movie? Yeah, dude, he's, he's, he's the best. It's good, but it's not in that level of Fargo. I don't think it is, no, it's not a Fargo movie, but Fargo is pretty good, though. Yeah, but Fargo is like a perfect movie. Yeah. It's such a good movie.

Starting point is 00:49:00 They made it a TV show. That's how you know a movie's really a banger when they're like, we got to do this again somewhere else. Yeah, because of Fargo, though, your reaction to it, I didn't do the Big Lobowski. Oh, it's so good. What do you mean? Oh, my God. Yeah, it's another Colin Brothers movie.

Starting point is 00:49:15 She's going to hate it. That's why, if you don't like Fargo, you're not going to like, The Big Lobowski. I'll still try it. Yeah, yeah. I watch Ethan. The dude. Oh, my God.

Starting point is 00:49:22 I watched Ethan's movie alone when I was in Chicago. You call him Ethan like you know him. I don't like it at. It was Mr. Ethan Cohen's movie. Yeah, I saw Bobby's movie. You mean Goodfellas? No, no, you're right.

Starting point is 00:49:35 Marty? No, Marty. You're fucking. You mean Marty? Put that part out. No. Yeah. No, that's staying in.

Starting point is 00:49:41 That made me like a fool. That made me look like a fool. No, no. Yeah, it's foolish. What do we got here? Oh, is this our boy? this is our Spaniard replacement is live. He looks too good now

Starting point is 00:49:52 before you didn't look that good. Give me the phone. He's cute. You like him, huh? All right. Hey, Bob, there we are. Why is it a Dragon Ball Z shirt is because I'm Asian? He likes anime. Why are we muted on our side? Yeah. You're not. Hello. Hey, what you? Hey, buddy.

Starting point is 00:50:09 Thank you for having me. Oh, I like the voice. Yeah, good. Yeah, Chris. Yeah. Bobby, it's not because you're Asian. I like anime. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, good. Where are you from again, Chris? And I like Chinese food, too.

Starting point is 00:50:25 Perfect. Chris, where are you from, buddy? I'm in New York right now. Where are you from, kiddo? Oh, I'm from Dominican Republic. I love this guy. Dominican Republic? Dominican Republic.

Starting point is 00:50:38 We own it. I know what that is. Yeah, they're one of ours. Yeah, they're one of ours. Yeah. You're from America. You're from Island America. I get, I get it.

Starting point is 00:50:46 What were? Where, he's just like you, he's a little last one. I like it, he's an asshole. Where do you live in New York? Let me guess. Let me guess. Hold on. Can you guess?

Starting point is 00:50:54 Yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna say Queens. I don't say Brooklyn. Close, close, close. Close, close to those? Yes. You're not in Queens, you're not in Brooklyn. No. You're not in fucking Long Island.

Starting point is 00:51:08 No. No, you're not in Harlem. No. You're not in the city. Manhattan. No, he's not in the city. I know Greenwich Village. What's that?

Starting point is 00:51:16 Grinette. He's not in the village. in Manhattan. Oh, okay. You're not in Brooklyn. You're not in Queens. You're not in Harlem. Staten Island.

Starting point is 00:51:23 You're not in Staten Island, are you? You're in Jersey. Wow. What is it? Albany. Albany. Albany. That's not, fucking New York.

Starting point is 00:51:35 God damn it. That's upstate New York. That's upstate. That's like Oneonta. I thought that because it's New York. Wait, Aboney is no part of New York. It's in the state of New York. We're talking about the city.

Starting point is 00:51:47 It's like when people go, I live in California, where are Bakersfield? Right. That's not the same. It's not the. No, that's like saying, I live in Los Angeles. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I live in Los Angeles. Yeah, right.

Starting point is 00:52:04 You're right. There's no logic there. Yeah. Okay, sorry. I got it. You get what I'm saying or no? All right, so listen, Chris, Chris, are you willing to relocate to Los Angeles? Yes.

Starting point is 00:52:16 He is. What do you do? for a living, Chris. I work in a... Okay. And, oh, shit, he's got a good job. Did they pay you really? No, he's Geek Squad at Best Buy.

Starting point is 00:52:30 Huh? I don't think that's that good. You work for Best Boy? Best Boy? Best Buy. Oh, do you work for Best Boy? No. Okay.

Starting point is 00:52:41 You can't tell us the company name. We won't say, we won't, we'll blank it out. You can, what, yeah. Wait, Chris. I can say it, but if you can blip it up. Yeah, we'll bleep it out. What is it? We'll bleep it out.

Starting point is 00:52:50 I promise. It's like a really low and like company. It's called... Chris, Chris. What's... Like, I know you have a chair, but you have a little bit of a padding there. What's the padding? Can we see?

Starting point is 00:53:06 It's from one of my favorite games. Uh-huh. I love this guy. I'm a huge anime fan. And these are all the girls you've jerked off to. Is that your comrag on your chair? Yeah, yeah. Wait a minute, you're a big anime fan.

Starting point is 00:53:27 And how old are you? I'm 32. 32, and you're single. You got a wife, family, kids. What do you got? I'm single. Okay, have you ever been in a relationship? No.

Starting point is 00:53:40 We got to get this. This guy's perfect. You're perfect for this show. Well, are you a virgin, Chris? Yeah Just say it No No

Starting point is 00:53:51 Are you religious Is it going against your religion No I don't believe in any of that Okay good Well what do you believe in Chris Like what do you Yeah what do you believe in?

Starting point is 00:54:02 I believe in the Bad Friends podcast Damn This guy's the guy dude This is our guy dude All right so I want to say this I love him If you come out here

Starting point is 00:54:11 Yes Where do you live right now We have to find a place for you. You might be able to live in the studio because our studio kind of looks like your apartment. Yeah. Where is this apartment? If you give me internet, I'm good to go.

Starting point is 00:54:27 We have more than internet. We have Wi-Fi. This is great. This is amazing. I need to watch my animus. Yeah. You need to watch his animals? You have animals?

Starting point is 00:54:37 Animates. Oh. Anime. If he did have an animal, he would have reptiles. 100%. Yeah. Spiders. Snake guy.

Starting point is 00:54:43 Yeah, yeah. I got something. I got something to show Bobby. Oh, wow. I love this guy so much. Better than Andres. I mean, I'm not even kidding. I agree.

Starting point is 00:54:53 Oh, you have a ginger too. Yeah. What's his name? He is. I'm blanking out right now. You don't know your cat's name? Leo. Leo?

Starting point is 00:55:12 Leo? Is that someone else's cat you just stole? It's my sisters. It's your sisters, yeah. I kind of take care of his own. Oh, do you live at your sister's house? No, I live at my mom's house. Okay, your mom's house, okay.

Starting point is 00:55:29 You're in the basement. Yes. This is our guy, I'm underground. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're underground. That is a cool way to say I live in a basement at my mom. We're going to get a private detective to do some research and stuff like that, I think, first. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:55:41 Before we fly you out here, we do need to do a background check. Background check, yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you ever, have you ever committed any crimes of any kind? No, no, no, don't say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you were to commit a crime, what would it be? Larson. I have no idea. Okay. Petty theft. I will let you know when I do it. Okay, yeah, okay. It'll be us, so the whole world will know. Yeah. Bad friends murdered by Dominican immigrant. Chris. Hey, I'm here legal, so. Yeah. Okay, good. That's good. We don't care. Have you seen this show? We don't care. Have you seen this show? We don't care. half of this crew is illegal well Chris we might have to make it a way for you to get out here would it be hard to get you off of work to come out here

Starting point is 00:56:22 no no okay I got my I barely can take days off so my vacation time is start you got a lot he saves his holiday fucking have you ever taken a vacation Chris

Starting point is 00:56:40 yes okay where did you go where did you vacation to? I went to Canada for a camping where in Canada? Camping's good. I have that. I don't know. I went to Edmonton,

Starting point is 00:56:56 saw the oil fields. He was 13 years ago, so I don't remember the place. He was kidnapped. Yeah, yeah. Have you ever been anywhere tropical? Tropical? Yeah. He's from the Dominican Republic. Oh, yeah, that's right.

Starting point is 00:57:11 I've been here in the U.S. I'm a good detective. The guy's from a fucking island The guy's from a fucking island I'm not good I'm not good Have you ever been anywhere in tropical? It's from a fucking island

Starting point is 00:57:28 Oh my God I'm so darned Have you ever been to the beach? It's like the Camino Serrado You think Oh dude He's fancy

Starting point is 00:57:41 And the Michael Michael Michael, Chief Jordan. Chris, Chris, can you tell us a joke? Just tell us a quick joke before we let you go. Give us a joke. One joke. What do you call a nation with one leg?

Starting point is 00:57:57 A nation with one leg? What? Taiwan shoe. That's so good. It's clean, too. Taiwan shoe. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's got some.

Starting point is 00:58:12 Is it a nation joke? That'd be so funny. He only had nation jokes. Wait, wait. Let me think. Let me think. What do you call a fat psychic? A fat psychic.

Starting point is 00:58:23 Yeah. A four chin teller. I don't even get it. A four chin teller. Oh, a four chin teller. We need more. Give me another. Give me another one.

Starting point is 00:58:33 Wait, wait. Why did the Mexican throw his wife off a cliff? Why did the Mexican throw his wife off a cliff? Why? So many reasons. Why did the Mexican throw his life? Why did the Mexican... Because he wanted tequila.

Starting point is 00:58:55 Tequila. Tequila. I see. You bring that kind of energy to the West Coast, Chris. This might just work out. I think we might have to have him as an interim replacement home.

Starting point is 00:59:04 Maybe, maybe, yeah. In the booth. So you're... I mean, it depends what I can do. I don't know if I can do too much. No, no, no. We won't have you do almost. You don't have to do anything

Starting point is 00:59:15 We just need you to be there We just want you to be there Yeah That's incredible Well let's take a vote Let's take a vote here Who thinks Chris is suited for the show Right here, dude

Starting point is 00:59:26 unanimous Wow Chris, that's everybody I don't know why you're raising your hand Richie he's replacing you Yeah Yeah All right Chris Well we appreciate you man

Starting point is 00:59:37 Hopefully we'll see you soon out here Okay buddy Thank you guys for having me Thanks for being a bad friend We love you We love you, buddy. I love you, Chris. Last week.

Starting point is 00:59:46 Yeah. Don't go yet. Okay. Yeah. Okay, go ahead. No, no. I didn't know. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:59:52 Last week was my 32 years of birthday. Yeah. We just called it a birthday. Yeah. Yes. And that was the same day that I saw the episode where you guys saw my summation. Oh, wow. And when I heard that, I was like, wait, I didn't listen to my video.

Starting point is 01:00:12 submission. I was laughing and it just made my whole day. We love you. Actually, it made my whole week to respond to the email soon because I was waiting the whole week for an email response. We love you. Chris, you're comfortable. We got to get this guy to L.A. All right, Chris, we love you, buddy. We got to go. We got to go, bud. We'll talk to you soon. Okay, bye, buddy. Bye, dude. Love him I love that fucking guy Love him I love that guy

Starting point is 01:00:47 Yeah yeah What do you think What do you think He's so funny Cute I'm not kidding We gotta get that guy to L.A We gotta get him here

Starting point is 01:00:53 We gotta We gotta you boys We have I'm not kidding Yeah gotta You know what It's okay To live at your mom's house

Starting point is 01:00:59 At 32 I didn't say anything negative I just said Your energy was a little Judgey No no no I thought it I thought it was true

Starting point is 01:01:04 Because it looked like a basement It looked like a basement I knew it was a basement It was subterranean There were no windows And also Put him up in a hotel and we'll fly him out. I'm gonna get him some confidence

Starting point is 01:01:17 You know what I mean? Because I just He's a handsome guy Well put him on the show He'll get pussy from the show I'm sure look at all these fucking losers Get pussy from the show It's unbelievable

Starting point is 01:01:24 Yeah yeah yeah Okay Plus is the only show Who gets up for Having 20 producers That do nothing So yeah Dude the resentment out of this kid

Starting point is 01:01:33 The resentment is bananas He hates everybody Yeah Do you even want to keep doing the show Yeah No he hates it God, dude, you're out of pocket. He's out of pocket, dude.

Starting point is 01:01:45 What's going on with you, man? What is this? Richie at our first episode in the studio. How long ago was that? That's 22. January, 24 years ago. Wait, no, three years ago. Wow.

Starting point is 01:01:58 Wow. So you were in his school in Albuquerque? Puniope. Yeah, I was an Andre's student. And then it came here. The first time I was like touring and then got the job. You look less annoying in this photo. I look less.

Starting point is 01:02:12 Yeah, you look cute there. You kind of look like Andres. Yeah. You do look like that. So how did he hit you up? He hit you up, Andreas, for the intern job? No, when we were needing more people, I knew him and another girl, Emma, who's also in this picture. We remember Emma.

Starting point is 01:02:29 Emma, yeah. She was on the show. She sat on camera, right? So they both were coming to L.A. at the same time, so we interviewed. Yeah. How do you like L.A., Ritchie, generally? That's not, I don't give a fuck I'll go, good. No, where do you

Starting point is 01:02:46 live, Echo Park? No, I'm in Burbank I'm very close by. He doesn't have a car. Yeah. You walk here, Rich? You walk here? Well, I got it right from Carlos, but... Oh, yeah, yeah. You pick him up, that's very nice. That's very nice. What are your cross streets? We're going to cut it out. What am I what? What are your cross streets?

Starting point is 01:03:02 What is that? Interset, like the big boulevard. I'm writing downtown Burbank. Downtown Burbank by the AMC. Yeah. You don't know the ad, right? No, I mean, I know my home address. Andre Jens here.

Starting point is 01:03:15 I don't know why she's here. Dude, honestly, you didn't know what a cross street is, your major intersection? I don't have a car. When did you get here? What? Go off. What's up? Sit down.

Starting point is 01:03:31 Come sit down, you fucking idiot. Come sit down. Have her stay there. Jensers. What are you doing with your fucking shades on? It's a sunny. Yeah She's like a sneaky Chinese lady

Starting point is 01:03:45 She is this Chinese assail yeah yeah yeah Where inside There's no song here Yeah yeah yeah take the glasses off Do you want me to take it off? No no no no no no I like that they're on yeah Yeah okay Tim Rirun

Starting point is 01:03:57 Tim Rirun Tim Rirons Yeah So you have workout gear gear Yeah we're going for a walk You Yeah me You never go to walk

Starting point is 01:04:10 I've been a walk What are you talking about? What are you talking about? I'll go hiking all the time by myself. Yes, I do. You just go to the entrance and then you go back home. No, no, no, no. The last time I did it, I went all the way around.

Starting point is 01:04:22 Oh, my God. No. Are you guys going for a hike? Yeah, we're going for you. Around the reservoir. I don't know what it is. Are you really? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:04:28 Around. That's why I'm wearing these. Oh, your workout shoes? Yeah, this is my workout shoes. Those are the shoes you wear every day. I know, but the pants. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's why I'm doing this.

Starting point is 01:04:37 Well, you're going to go around Silver Lake? No, the Hollywood Reservoir Right on? And he said, pick me up Is it uphill? No, it's all flat. It's all flat. It's just, I can do it, I can do it.

Starting point is 01:04:48 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Of all, of all reservoirs. And he inclined, no way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no incline. There's no incline. But can I just say this? I haven't, I woke up, I went straight here.

Starting point is 01:04:57 I haven't had anything in my body. No, no, you've never, I've never heard this before. I need food. Bobby's mad today. Why? Because there's a guy in the show, Richie. You know, Richie, Richie, pop your little stupid head in So we did so we did submissions for girls to take him out on a day or him to take them out on a date

Starting point is 01:05:15 And he got some babes on there and Bobby's a little jealous A little What? They're really hot Yeah Well this girl was very attractive and she loves him and Bobby was a little upset about it I wouldn't know man He was upset

Starting point is 01:05:28 He was a little upset Yeah anyway Do you want her? No I was just like I couldn't believe it That's all it was just the absurdity of it was mad Yeah Richie has no car But do you find

Starting point is 01:05:40 He has no money Do you find Richie attractive? Is he attractive? There's like a cuteness Yeah Like a boyish thing Yeah Not like a band though

Starting point is 01:05:48 But you would never I would like No you wouldn't Like You know what you're lying You did Hollywood directors No Oh no

Starting point is 01:05:59 I'm not because I'm tired of a Chinese attitude But I will say I would Yeah You wouldn't with Richie There's no way I would Richie

Starting point is 01:06:05 Do not believe this communist liar Yeah, she's liar She means none of this There's a cute There's a cutness This is how they get you Yeah, that's how they get you You'll be working in a factory

Starting point is 01:06:14 Your bank account is gone It's gone It gets a cuteness Right Two days later I have nothing Yeah, she did it Thank you

Starting point is 01:06:22 Goodbye Yeah yeah yeah And you get no action from it Yeah Yeah yeah yeah He doesn't fucking I mean don't you think so I like his leg

Starting point is 01:06:29 But you would never go out with him No Yeah yeah She Filipinos are fucking honest That's what I love about Philippines We do like Filipino No, not at all. Disgusting.

Starting point is 01:06:38 Come over here and show your legs. She likes his legs. His legs are thick. See, I don't understand this. What is that? Oh. Sick look. Yeah, oh. You get the fuck out of here. Look at his upper body.

Starting point is 01:06:49 Look at his upper body. It's a creep show. The walking creep show. He's cute. He's cute. Yeah. Why are you doing? I'm not lying. Stop it. And then the last, can I just say this? That's pissing me off. Her last boyfriend?

Starting point is 01:07:01 K-pop star. No. He was not a star. No. He was like a rap. A rapper. A Indonesian rapper. Indonesian. He wrapped 30,000 people at his show.

Starting point is 01:07:12 Do you know Rich Brian? No. Yeah. Nobody knows. I don't know who the fuck that is. Look up Rich Brian right now. People who don't know. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:07:20 Oh, I know this guy. Yeah. So, you know. He looks cool. You're gonna go from that to Richie. You're not going from that to Richie? I think he... Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:07:31 Look at him. Richie will never be on a red carpet. That's like love on the spectrum. the spectrum. Yeah, yeah. Rich, though, I want to see you take that girl out on a date and enjoy it. Bad friends will take, yeah, bad friends will give you a budget. We'll give you a budget. But here's the deal. Carlos, no, not Carlos. Macone has to be your chauffeur for the night. He's your Uber driver. So he can, and McCone set up a GoPro in the car so we can capture the

Starting point is 01:08:01 interaction. Yeah. I'm driving. No, dude. I'm driving. No, no, no, I'm not going to sabotage them. They want them to be safe. You're going to steal that. No, I'm not going to. What?

Starting point is 01:08:12 You're going to steal? That's crazy. She gets out of the car. I got to be the driver. She's like, what's up with that Chinese guy driving us? Yeah, yeah. You want her. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:08:20 What? But you want her. I don't want nobody, dude. First of all, you act as if that's owning human being. I don't want anything. Oh, I get it. Yeah, yeah. They're free people.

Starting point is 01:08:28 Oh, I get how you are. They're free people. You think you own women? Yeah, yeah. You're a pig, you're a pig, dude. You're a pig person. Yeah. It's a mutual.

Starting point is 01:08:35 So women are below you. Is that what you're saying? Oh, no. Interesting. That's what Carlos here. Yeah. Let me say this. Richie, go get me another Red Bull.

Starting point is 01:08:42 Richie, go get me another Red Bull, dude. I have an idea while he gets that. Yeah. I drive. I rent a suburban, okay? And it's you and him and her together. It's a tri-date. And I'm the chauffeur for the night.

Starting point is 01:08:55 That's fun. I take you guys out. And it's a competition to see which one of you. It's not for me, babe. for your enemy it's a three-way and I'm like the moderator and we see which of you guys lands the girl at the end of the night that to me is more fun

Starting point is 01:09:12 it just depends on how old she is because she's not over 30 I can't do it all right so look maybe we'll set up a three-way date she might be down ask her if she's interested in that Carlos and it'll be like a it'll be a dating show that will be love on the spectrum we'll see you guys

Starting point is 01:09:28 or it could be you know here's what it could be okay It's me teaching, Richie. Coaching. Like a coach. Yeah, love coach. Yeah, love coach. That'd be good. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 01:09:37 I'm going to wear some threads. I know how you're going to dress. I'm going to suit it up, I think. Are you going to dress nice, Richard? Oh, yeah. What's nice? What's nice for you? Like, do you got, what do you do?

Starting point is 01:09:48 What do you do? A little colored shirt? A little nice pants. Slacks? Are we going jeans? I'm going to get a new suit. He's going to go get an Italian handmade fit. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:09:58 I'm going to get a new suit. You know he's going to fuck you over. He's going to out. outshine you the whole date. Bobby's wearing and then just one up. You're going to one up Bobby. I'm going to try it. Oh, this will be fun.

Starting point is 01:10:07 You got a lot of nerve, but I'm excited for this date. Unless you want to train me. We could be like Anakin and Obi-W-Wan, but not with the fighting at the end. No, no, the fighting at the end. Oh, that's a probably thing at the end. Let's get you a prod a suit.

Starting point is 01:10:18 Mr. Miyagi. Yes, a karate kid. Let's get you a prod a suit, Bobby, a $4,000 prod a suit. Yes. Let's get him a real nice suit. Yes. And then Richie will go take you to men's warehouse.

Starting point is 01:10:30 You pick out any. anything you want. So Andrea, let's just go back to her, right? Yeah, yeah. She's moving up in the world. She's now open, she opened for Bill Burr.

Starting point is 01:10:39 I know. Right? Ronnie Chang. I know. Right. Whitney Cummings now. Okay. And John Mullaney.

Starting point is 01:10:45 Yes. Yeah. So you're on the rise and she flaked on a gig with me. So am I a tear below them? No. No, be honest. You haven't been on bad for this podcast

Starting point is 01:10:56 is all about honesty and being real and authentic. That was a mistake. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have flaked on it. She tried to give me shit. She was like, who are you taking on those new dates? And I said, oh, I guess anti-woman. That's what she said. Yeah, that's how you get your gigs. Yeah. No, I said anti-Chinese. I did say anti-Chinese. It's nothing to do with female. Let me ask you say, if Devontre, right, two days before a gig says, I can't go.

Starting point is 01:11:20 Oh my God. What would you do? I got to get another black guy. Yeah. I got to get another black guy. Exactly. My show is for young black men. Yeah, I know it is. So that's what I got. That's what I got. That's what I put out there. There's no black people in the audience. Also, when she- No, I get two or three. She was like, how come you wouldn't take me on any of those dates?

Starting point is 01:11:36 You get so much work. Oh, so you ask. She did. Well, that's sneaky Chinese shit. She did. Open for me and then you asked my partner? She did. Yeah, I want to open.

Starting point is 01:11:48 I want to open for everyone. She wants to open for every single headliner. And I was like, no, you already get so much work. You open for Burr and then Malaney. No, no. We have to spread it around. I'm greedy Chinese. She's greedy Chinese.

Starting point is 01:12:00 Oh, she's the greedy kind Which is what I respect them But you know what she's not? At least they know they're greedy She's not the cut in the line kind Now she'll wait I've waited in lines with you She'll wait

Starting point is 01:12:09 Yeah, yeah That's why we love you You're gonna wait But I will say Man, the Chinese are good They're so good at what they do God No but you're getting so much work

Starting point is 01:12:17 You don't need it You're cruising Bobby, I'm sorry I was a mistake Let me say something Okay But can I think you're One of the fastest

Starting point is 01:12:26 Funniest rising comics She's doing great Yeah I think you're so funny and original and all that stuff right? Thank you. I just don't let your sneaky chopstick moves. I'm not doing Yeah, yeah, and it's so sneaky chopstick. What am I doing that sneaky

Starting point is 01:12:40 chopstick? Yeah, you just do. What? Yeah. Coming to the stage. Yeah, yeah. Wait, that was a miscommunication. It's not. I know what it was. So you bailed on a date. And I, I thought it was one day only. No, that's insane. Okay, so all right, you want to get back into it? Let's do it. Okay. All right. Okay. The year

Starting point is 01:13:00 of four, right? If I'm doing stand-up live in Phoenix. Yeah. One of the best rooms in America. Sure. Right? She did it a year before. It was four shows. Yeah. I asked her to do it again. She thought it Stop. Okay. Stop. Okay. A Koreans talking. Okay. But can I say something? Oh, dude. Wow. You're about to start another war. A Koreans talking. I mean, I respect you because of your age, not because of Korea. Oh. This is racist shit.

Starting point is 01:13:32 That's racist shit. I love it, dude. Our movies are elite. Our K-pop is unfathomable. Unfathomable. Okay. Okay? I just want to say that.

Starting point is 01:13:44 Samsung. Bring up the terrace. Bring up the terrace. Terrace. And also crouching tiger, hidden dragon. I'll give you that. All right. Well, Jensers, I'm happy that you're here.

Starting point is 01:13:55 You guys go take the boy on a wall. All right. Anyway, go, thank you for being about. friend in there both of you thank you for being a bad friend I think it's... BOR.

Bad Friends - Bobby Hates Richie

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