Bad Friends - Bobby Lee Rocks the Scissor Bros

Episode Date: June 7, 2021

New Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com   Thank you to our Sponsors: https://www.doordash.com code: BADFRIENDS2021 &  https://www.liquid-iv.com code: BADFRIENDS & http://shipstation.com code: BADFRIENDS & http://hellotushy.com/badfriends YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Audio Subscribe: https://apple.co/31Jsvr2Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:14 Bobby, Steebee and Jeremiah sing the Bad Friends Song  4:27 Steebee Leads a Prayer  11:10 Bobby and Steebee's Text Conversations w/ Mom  17:28 Bobby Makes Fun of the Scissor Bros. Podcast  22:52 The Tiger Balm Challenge   33:22 Bobby Restarts the Episode  44:46 Bobby is Furious w/ Steebee and Jeremiah  52:54 The Power of Bobby's Words  56:02 Steebee's Proudest Moment of Bobby  1:04:33 Bobby Bombs in front of Amy Poehler   1:21:47 Spelling Bee w/ Bobby Lee and the Scissor Bros. More Steebee WeeBee  Scissor Bros: https://www.youtube.com/c/ScissorBros The Steebee WeeBee Show: https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-steebee-weebee-show-636260 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/quangou Twitter: https://twitter.com/weebeesteebee  More Jeremiah Watkins  Scissor Bros: https://www.youtube.com/c/ScissorBros Jeremiah Wonders...: https://www.youtube.com/user/jeremiahwatkins Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jeremiahstandup Twitter: https://twitter.com/jeremiahstandup Tickets and more: https://www.jeremiahwatkins.com More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Andrés Rosende & Pete Forthun Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You two are bad friends! Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Well, you two are something. We're bad friends. Who are these two idiots? Who are these two idiots?

Who are these two idiots? Who are these two idiots? You're my friend. You're very bad. Probably the worst friend. You look like... Muppet. You look like Godzilla's pre-com.

Stevie Wibi is in the house. Bad friends. Bad friends. Bad friends to the end. You got a baby. You got a baby. And you got a lady. And she's gone.

She's in Vegas. All the guys are hitting on her right now. The old boy is in Vegas too. He's jerking off on her chest. Jerking off on her chest. Brendon Shaw wants to fuck her too. Brendon Shaw wants to... All night long.

He wants to grab a baby. Hair dong. Hair dong. He's got a very, very big muscular penis. He wants to insert it inside her. Filipino flower. His dick has deltoids. Bad friends.

Bad friends. Bad friends to the end. You got a single lyric? You sing the next... You sing the next... Go ahead. Take the mask off. Take the mask off!

Are you recording? You're doing the next... You're doing the next... Bad friends. Bad friends Andrew. He's a ginger. Yeah, yeah. Colder than winter.

Yes. Bad friends. My brother Bobby. My brother Bobby. He has a tummy. He has a tummy. Bad friends. Bad friends.

Bad friends. Bad friends. Last name Santino. He has red pubes. Downstairs. Downstairs he has freckles too. Bobby has gangrene on his feet. It smells like diarrhea.

And fungus. Don't talk about my feet. Don't talk about my feet. Bad friends. His feet are so gross. Bad friends. Don't talk about my feet. Bad friends.

Don't talk about my feet. Jeremiah is next. Bad friends. His feet look like they died in a cold mine in 1922. We did it. Welcome Jules. Good to see you. Good to be evolve you guys.

OK. implications. OK. He is good. Let's have Andrew. Let's not do that. Let's open. Good to see you.

I love you. Take that you played Jeremiah. What are we will start off with prayer? I brought a knife. You want to do the prayer? Just for one moment. I brought a knife. OK.

Thank you for blessing us today and allowing me to see my brother. I am going to get vaccinated soon. Are you really gonna? Yeah, I am. Do you know who to call? Yeah, my friend, Eric is working on it as we speak. I'm at a clinic.

Wait, Eric, wait, Eric works at a clinic. He knows someone at a clinic. Right, but you could just... Anyway. Okay, so this is my prayer though. Yeah, all right. This is my prayer. This is my prayer.

You're special. Thank you for allowing Jeremiah to be here today for Rudy. Thank you, Tito Bobby. Thank you for allowing us to start Scissor Bros podcast together. Yeah. And thank you for our health and that we're allowed to podcast during these times.

These times. Thank you for allowing us to have food in our systems every day. Yeah, in our bodily systems. In our bodily systems, yeah, we need nutrients. And thank you for the sunlight. Whoa. That, you know, a lot of people don't ever think the sun.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, without the sun, what happens? You die. Maybe. You will. Okay. Yeah, yeah. And then do the closer.

We say this in your name. Let's do our God. What's the song? How does it go? Our God is an awesome God. He reigns from heaven above. All right, right. Okay.

Our God is an awesome God. He reigns from heaven above. We raise them power and love our God as an awesome God. Yeah, I love it. I love it. Do you still believe in Jesus? No. What happened because you were so devout?

Oh, I got brainwashed. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, good. That allowed me not to get girls in high school. You already know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you probably do jerk off still every night. You know what?

I was, I was abstaining for months. You know that. Yeah, I know, you were doing good. For like two, three months. You were doing good. I folded, brother. I folded in a major. I just got, you know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, because I've done that, I think I've lasted myself about 27 days. It's difficult. I was doing meetings and everything. Oh, you were. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Zoom meetings, all that. Yeah. No, the baby Jeremiah, how is it? Is it a boy or girl? It's a boy. So happy. Yeah. And so excited.

Yeah. What's the boy's called? I texted Bobby and he didn't respond. His name is Wilder. What? That's a great name. Like Gene Wilder? Yeah.

Like Wilder Watkins. Wilder Watkins. That's a great name. Wilder J Watkins, strong man. Wow. Beautiful. Did you have an argument with your girl about that? No, we came up with it together.

Oh, she was like, who said it first though? She did. She brought up, we were watching a Gene Wilder move and she goes, what about Wilder? I go, I love that. That's great. I love how that happens. Yeah.

Yeah. Cause I'm glad it's not like, you know, the standard, like call it Jeremiah because you're first born. Right. And that's gonna be Jeremiah the second. I don't have that much ego on me. Oh, you don't? Jeremiah Jr. now.

Yeah. Have you been at the comedy stores or any? I know, just opened up on Friday. And I went. How was it? I went last night and Saturday. Oh, nice. It was just weird.

It was good to be back. I didn't perform, I just went to hang out. What was the capacity there? Like how many people were in the main room? Probably about, in the main room, probably about 75, 80 people. Okay. So yeah, that's for the main room.

But they were still like scattered, but it was good to see everybody. I saw, you know, the whole gang, you know, Bill Burr was there, bunch of people. And then last night I went to, you know, Brian Monarch's show down in Hollywood. Have you been to that one? Supernova?

Yeah. I've done it a couple of times. It's great. I mean, it looks amazing. It's an amazing show. I went there with Spade and Tim Dillon. Yeah. And it was just, I just needed to go

just to get my juices flowing. I'm scared of it. Have you done it in a while? Yeah. I'm scared of it. Are you rusty? Yeah. I'm rusty.

You are? I don't know what I'm. I'm scared to do it. I'm scared to do it. So it's like you're an open miker again. Yeah. I feel like it. No, well, settle down.

Okay. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Settle down. Don't you have to apologize? Listen, Steve. I haven't seen you in a long time. I love you. I haven't seen you so long.

You don't miss me? Of course I miss you. But I feel like I see you all the time because we play Warzone together every night. Yeah, but it's not the same. I know. Because you get annoyed by me when we play Warzone. Well, you just, I feel like you're not having fun anymore.

You're doing Cold War shit. I'm not having fun with that. You're not, you're not enjoying resurgence. You know. You know. I know, I'll take, well, I think. Well, what's your excuse? Because just listen to what you're saying.

What? Okay, listen to what you're saying. Okay. And then put your age into it. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm 50 and we're talking about, you know what I mean? You're not having fun anymore.

Oh, I know I'm a man child. I know, but it's like, I think that's a part of it. Yeah. Because you and me and Dylan are dealing with chemical engineering. Chemical engineering. And then whenever we drop into chemical engineering, you get really excited like a little baby.

Yeah, because I like going, I have like a whole, yeah, great. You know what I mean? I have a routine. You know, you have my routine. Yeah, you know what you want to go in. I know what chest is there. Yeah, yeah. I'll get my bullfrog.

It makes me want to vomit. All right then. Then we don't, we can play. No, I want to put, okay. I've tried to play Steve recently. Yeah, what happened? No, because we have a full squad. He's like, I already have trios.

Yeah. He's like, I'm already dealing with Dylan. Nothing against you though. Oh, I know, it's not a full squad. We have a squad. It's a numbers game. I get it, I get it. Exactly, yeah.

But are you really going to get vaccinated, to be honest? Because when I called you, you're like, no, I didn't know anti-vax or don't, I'm going to, I'm just lazy about it. I'm going to take them. Yeah. I just saying, because you said to me on the phone, I just want to. Dude, I'm not an anti-vax, I'm not anti-vax.

I'm going to get vaccinated. I just said that. You got vaccinated and he goes, well, I don't know what it does to the body. That's what you said. So I've been on YouTube. I don't know what it does to the body. I don't know what it does to the body.

There ain't no conspiracies to me. No, no, no, no. There's something going on. The reptilian shit's different. The reptilian shit, yeah, it's different. I'm going to get vaccinated. So you don't think the reptilian alien race has it? No, no, no, no.

I want to see mom. Yeah. Come on. Oh, you do? Yeah. OK, because I text her every day. I do too. Every day.

She texted you first, right? Absolutely. She does these long. Oh, I love the inspirational quotes. It's weird. Does she send emojis or bitmojis ever? No, quotes, inspirational quotes. She does.

Like, she'll have like, it'll be like a photograph of a butterfly. Yeah, and it'll say, you know, today is the only day that we have live in the moment. And it'll be this butterfly. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I love it.

And then I don't know what to text back, so I'm like, I never heard that before. Or heart emoji. What? Heart emoji. You send a heart emoji? Every day. That's all you put?

You don't say it? I say, I do three or four. I go, I love you, mom, one day. Yeah. I love you, oh, mom. Where's your phone? I'm going to read you what I've. Let's see if they're similar.

OK. No, I did say the same stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because I'm very similar on mine too. So let's do the same thing. All right, so I'm going to go, where's mom? Where's mom? Mom? Also, OK, so here's mine, right?

And these are like. Read yours. All right, so she goes, um. Wait, you read three or four, I'll read three or four. Which is, you want to do responses? Here's my responses. OK. Three or four.

Good night and dream beautiful dreams. No, read hers first. All right. Yeah, to give context. All right. Yeah, yeah. OK, that'd be rude. OK, sorry.

You are here for a reason there is nothing accidental about you. There is a specific purpose, assignment, and mission on Earth that only you can fulfill. Never doubt your specialness. Then I go, good night and dream beautiful dreams. That's better than mine. What if you're like, give me what? OK, at Signa Pharmacy, I picked up some medication

and on the way home, I stopped at Albertson's and got some groceries. Yeah. Good night, exclamation point. Wishing you a peaceful night's rest. That's your response? No. And then my response is, you too, Oma.

Heart. All right, all right, yeah, heart. I'll give you the word. OK. So this is my mother's mom. She does a Dr. Seuss quote. And she goes, why fit in when you were born to stand out, Dr. Seuss?

Then she says, stay safe and healthy. Good night and sweet dreams. Love you. And then my response is, that's a good quote, mom. Hope everything is OK. Ask if you need something. You're doing way better than me. Give me a hand.

Give you a hand. Time to go to bed. Stay safe and take care. Good night and sleep tight. Love you. And my response, night, mom, heart. That's all the imp. That's all.

Do two more, and then we'll wrap it up. We'll wrap it up. I'll do one more. I'll do one more. We'll wrap it up. All right. 93 degrees, just as she says, 93 degrees right now. I think the summer is around the corner.

Good night and sleep tight. Hope you're feeling good. Miss you so much. I love you with all my heart. You're killing me. Yeah, go ahead. It's windy outside, but the temperature is perfect today. Take care and stay safe.

Good night and sleep tight. Love you. What's your response? Love you, mom. So I did a repeat. I did a repeat. You did a repeat. But I left a heart emoji.

Yeah, but that's. I did a repeat. Yeah, you did a repeat. You know what? You're right. I need to do more thoughtful. Here, you know what it is? I want to do repeats, too.

Can I be honest? Yeah. Since Dad passed? Yeah. It's been tough, you know? Like, because I don't know how to communicate. Like, I don't know how to explain this, but I think I just subconsciously keep it brief.

Like, so. Oh, you're trying to detach those issues. Is that when she dies? No, no, no, no, no, nothing like that. I think it's just because I don't. I don't know what to say. Like, your responses were way more thoughtful. No, it's I'm sitting there.

I spent 45 minutes on it. Oh, you do? Yeah, I know. No, no, mine's the opposite. I just go, oh, no, no, no, I just kind of stare and I go, what do I say? Yeah, right. And sometimes I'll rewrite it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, because I don't want to. I've I've wanted to do that. Heart emojis or just I love you. But I don't I want her to think that, like, you know, I'm thinking about it a little bit. Yeah, you know, but do you talk to her? Talk to her two weeks ago. Yeah, do you?

Yeah, we do. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What did she talk about? Well, just what she did, where she went, and what she's watching and all that. Yeah. Your mom texted me too.

What did she say? Go ahead, Jeremiah. She said, at the end of hardship comes happiness. And it's a picture of a yak. And then it says, is Steve vaccinated yet? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I knew. I'm sorry, I'm sorry about you. I love you, I love you.

I love you. What's that? Oh, yeah. Did you see any movies? What's that demon movie you told me to see? The Taiwanese one? You already saw it. That was scary.

Let the devil talk to you. OK. I saw Justice League. I know, but it's not the only thing. Um. You know, Chris Stockman, our favorite reviewer. Oh, I love him. He reviewed a movie called The Empty Man.

Have you seen that, Jeremiah? No. It's it. OK, so there's a, OK, the movie in itself is OK. But there's one scene in The Empty Man. I want you to see the movie. Because there's one scene that's so weird and creepy. Is it a horror flick?

It's a horror flick, yeah. Well, like The Empty Man. What do you think it's about? I don't know. Psychological thriller? Yeah, yeah, maybe. Yeah. Yeah, but it's a horror movie.

But there's this one scene that's so scary. But I want you to see the movie and then you'll call me. I can't believe you're here right now. I can't believe I'm looking at you. I know you too. You love me or what? Of course I love you. You love your brother?

Why would you ask something like that? No, I just, you know, I haven't seen you in a while. Why would you ask something like that? I haven't seen you in a while. What are you getting angry about? No, I'm just getting emotional. I'm just seeing you. I know.

This is beautiful. Idiot. Yeah. It's weird, huh? It's like, I haven't seen you. When's the last time I saw you? The last time we parking? Months.

It's been months. Let me ask you something. Yeah, go ahead. Have you seen what me and this guy is doing? We're going to promote your podcast. No, no, no, no, I just, no, just in passing. Just in passing, like just a general response. No, no, no.

Do you think, do you like it? I'll tell you something. I wasn't going to say this, but I'm going to say something to you. Last night, I was at the Nova, whatever, is that what it's called? Supernova. At that place, yeah, with Spade. And these two girls came up to me.

And they were like, you look at me too. Sorry, sorry, respect me. Respect me. And these two girls came up to me and go, oh my God, we're talking to these Tiger Felly fans. And I go, cool. And they watch Bad Friends. And they were actually there to see Tim Dillon.

So I go, oh, you like Tim too? So yeah, can we take photos? I go, yeah. And then they pulled me aside and they go, we're really hooked on scissor brothers. And I go, what? Yeah, we think that that has legs. Yeah.

You're lying. I am. Oh, were you? Wait, what? You lied the whole thing? You looked at us. I lied. I lied.

Bobby, we believe you. I know. Steve and I, we're looking at each other like we had a breakthrough. I know. I'm good. We did a breakthrough. I'll be honest with you.

I'll be honest with you. It's chief, obviously. Dude, what you just did hurt me to the freaking core. I know. It was fun, though. It hurt me to the core of what you just did. I know. But could I?

Why did you do that? Can I just say this, though? Wow. This was what you were warning me about, Steve. What? That hurt me so. I'm so pained. Well, just let it go.

Pain is just running through my veins, my friend. Are you angry? Oh, just so sad. Guess what this? Guess what, though? So sad. Guess what, though? What?

After this, if you guys want, I'll take you to dinner. Really? Woo! You know what? Since you did this, I'm going to flip it on you. Have you seen our challenges? Yeah, I saw your challenges. I saw the one that was really funny,

that when you guys were ate the hot, I don't know what hot thing that you ate. Hot sauce. It was a hot sauce. Hot sauce, right? What kind of hot sauce was it? Oh, dude, it is. So you got it from the farmers market?

Yeah, it's called the hottest freaking hot sauce? Hotest fucking hot sauce. Right. And it made me, I told you, I called you about that. I go, it made me laugh so hard. Because what was that last thing that you said when it was? You said? It's not affecting me.

I feel great. Yeah, it was so hot. I feel real good, man. You go, I feel real good. Oh, dude, boogers. Yeah, it was really funny. And then when you put the stuff on your dick. Ben gay.

We did a Ben gay night challenge. That was really good. Well, we have a challenge today. For you. Can we do it if it hurts? Can we do it at the end so that I can? No, it'd be good to do it now. Because you did that.

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or go to anchor.fm to get started. What is that? What is it? Tiger bomb. Tiger bomb. And then where do you put the tiger bomb? What do you put? Ask me again?

Why? Where do you put the tiger, tiger bomb? Our nuts. Okay. So it's one for all, every man for himself. So we're brothers, we're brothers, but I haven't won a challenge. So it's every man for himself.

Okay, you put this, let me just, let me ask the rules. This is gonna be great. No, no, let me ask the rules. Let me ask the rules. So you see me put this stuff on my nuts? Yeah, we're gonna, so we can't do it on camera, but I just need to know it's on you. No, they'll censor it later.

We just stand up and pop our nuts out. We'll stand up and censor it. Yeah, they'll censor it. So you have to, with your left hand, grab it like a tennis racket. Evenly comb the wheel, dude. You made me do the Benkei when I was a kid, man. I know, I made you do all of that.

You owe me. But you owe me with the Benkei. Can I grab my nuts the way I want to grab them? However you want. You can grab the way, but you have to nicely coat it evenly. It can be a racquetball racket, a badminton racket. I was thinking more ping pong-y.

We're all gonna do it together. But you're not gonna put it on my sack. No, of course not. Every man for himself, every man for himself. You put it on my sack. What the fuck? Yeah. That's not sanitary.

Yeah, you put it on my sack. You wanna get COVID? What if I'm COVID? I'm vaccinated. But dude, I might have some other shit. No, you don't want that. You're putting it on my sack. No, I'm not, I'm not putting this on your nut sack.

Why? That's fucking, dude, that's not sanitary. You just lost the challenge. Wait, what? I have to do it? Come on, you're my scissor, bro. Come on. You, be a friend.

You're vaxxed, right, Jared? Yeah. Yeah, you put on my nut sack. You're vaxxed. That's the only way I'll do it. Because I can't do this. You won't do it unless I put it on your nut sack. Yeah, yeah.

And you what, you're putting it on mine? No, you put it on your own. No, you gotta finish me off. No, no, no. This is not how this works. No, no, no, no. This is prison. If I put it on my balls, I'll do it.

This is prison. I've been in prison longer. You're vaxxed. Let's look at comedy. Let's just, let me, let's look at comedy like a prison. Okay. I was, I've been in prison longer, so I know the ropes, you know what I mean?

I have some power in prison, right? And you're a new inmate. We don't fuck each other the first year. I fuck you. Jeremiah, you're my brother, dude. You gotta do it. You gotta do it. You're vaxxinated, dude.

Why won't you do it? But he's vaxxinated. I know, but why? Because he's gay? You think he's gay? No. He's not. No, I don't know.

It's just, it's just, I'm not, he's more suited for that. I'll make you a deal. I'll do it, right? What if he gets a nut and I get a nut? Okay, that's fine. We'll spread it out. That's fine.

So Jeremiah, you get one nut. Okay, I'll get one nut, you get one nut. And then I get one nut. All right, that's okay. Dude, that's respect, bro. That's complete respect. You get the best of best, it'll be good. It's great content, man.

It's great content. So what are the rules? I, you put it on my nutsack and then we continue? And we put it on ours too. And then we continue to podcast. No, but the thing is whoever wipes it off. How do you wipe it? George, do you have baby wipes?

Hahaha. So George, what I need from you, take a couple paper towels, go to the sink, dab the towels with some cold water. Okay? Okay. Help me with this. And then, have them ready.

The first person who? Have them ready on the table. Who wipes them off first. The first person, it might be quick. Who loses? I'm gonna wanna win. It's gonna be so fun. I'm gonna wanna win.

You know it. All right, all right, all right. Okay, so you get a nut. First, you put it on first. But Jeremiah, you have to be, you have to get a nut too. I'll put it on a nut. Okay.

Okay, but you guys put it on yourselves first and then put it on me. No, but then we have to do it all. We have to kind of do it simultaneously. It's a love triangle. Yeah, it's a love triangle. All right, so we're all gonna put our nutsacks out. Yes.

And then I'll stick, so you'll stick it on one. And I'll just put it on the other. Yeah. And you'll put, if you don't put it on yours. Oh, we're, dude. If you don't put it on, if you double my sack, if you double my sack, and then you guys don't put it on yours,

we're shutting this thing down. Oh, and I know. There's a problem. I know, I know. There's a problem. I'm gonna be like that. I'm gonna go like, like, I'll be. You know what?

I'm gonna see you do the whole thing. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. You know what? You know, how about that? You do half a sack, right? And then I wanna see you do the whole thing.

And then, because I- Dude, you gotta be- All right, let's just do it. This is gonna be a disaster. This is gonna be a disaster. You're not seeing my day. I know. Okay.

Nice sack. Okay, so. I'll leave you the whole time. Fuck it. Idiot. I'll get through the fight one. Are you ready? You go first!

You go first! What do you mean? You put on the line, you're first! Okay, you're fucking your sack. You're fucking your sack. You're fucking your sack. Okay, okay. I don't feel anything.

I don't feel anything. You feel anything? No, God damn it. I don't feel anything. Laura, we might have to change it then. No, no, no, we're not changing anything. No, no. No, we do.

I don't feel anything. I know, that's why we have to change it. Wait, wait. You don't come off. No, wait, wait, wait. Oh, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I feel something. I feel something.

I feel something. I definitely feel something. Yeah, I feel something now. I... Definitely. I feel it. Isn't it fun, though? It's not.

It's not fun. Steve, it's really starting to hurt. It's not fun. It's not fun. Do you guys give up? No, I don't give up. I'm not giving up yet. No, let's continue.

Okay. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Continue. Oh, that's cool. What? It's a cool, like a cold wind. Yeah, it's like my ball's gonna fight with Sub-Zero.

Mine feels like a microwave. I don't know what you guys are talking about. It's burning and freezing at the same time. Yeah, it burns and freezing, yeah. So anyway, let's continue. Yeah. So the baby, is it... Hold on.

So the baby... No, hold on. Is the baby cry at night? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It does? It does, yeah. You guys can handle it. I can handle it.

We might have to raise it up a couple of notches, though. Why? Because I feel it, but I think we'd feel it more in our butt. I'm not putting it in my butt. Come on, dude. We already did it on my sack! This is great content.

I'm telling you, this is great content. Dude, man, people would love this to see this. And people would love it. I don't understand how you're not feeling it. I don't understand why you're not feeling it right now. It's killing you right now. It hurts so bad. It hurts so bad to me right now.

It does? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It feels good. Dude, Steve, it's getting hot in here, dude. Yeah, it's so bad. It is? It's about your baby. Yeah, but this.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, stop, stop. Don't, don't, don't, no. Let's just, let's think about this. No, I wouldn't. We'll raise it up. Steve, are you getting hot? Oh yeah. So, no, so, Jeremiah.

Jeremiah. Brother shirts. Let's just do this, okay? No, it's just, you know, promotion. It's promotion, baby, you know, we need help. Jeremiah, let's just do this. I tend, you're in an acting scene, right? This podcast is a film, right?

Steven Spielberg is directing, and you cannot, you know, let anyone know. No, what you're doing right now. So try to, no, you're not, I can still see that you're suffering. So right now, if they, if people tuned in right now to the podcast, they would see the Lee Brothers as if nothing happened, but they would look at you

and they'd be like, oh my God, that guy's going through something. I'm perfectly normal, right? So, you want me to do an acting scene? No, just pretend it's not happening. So you're bait, A-B. No sir. You guys, this is not strong.

We gotta do something. Honestly, we need to go to the hospital. No, let's do this. We have to figure out what's going on with our physiology. This is the next. How much do your balls hurt? Because mine burns so bad right now. No, that's not, this is nothing.

I thought it'd be more. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Our penis is next, then the butthole. Now how we did the benkei, we gotta do the whole thing, you know? Or else we're just half ass doing it. So, go, go, go choose next. Okay, so go back in the corner, guys.

Come on. Please, please. Okay, what do we do? What do we do? Go choose, go choose. But no asshole. No, but if- Penis, no asshole.

Okay, okay. No asshole. I won't do my asshole. Okay. Okay, but we'll do, we have to do our own penis. We're not gonna tell you how much we got penis, yeah, yeah. I have to see you do it first, okay? And you go first.

So anyway, so the baby, is your baby a crier? Does it cry at night? Yeah, occasionally. But are you staying up like, who's in charge of staying up? Who's in charge of staying up? Is it you and your wife? Do you have shared duties?

It's mainly my wife, because I've been busy editing the Scissor Brothers podcast. Oh, yeah, yeah. And then like, I had a gig in Ventura last night, so she watched the baby while I was gone doing shows. Oh, cool, man. Yeah.

Yeah, man. You can't think of anything. Your brain is frozen, isn't it? I'm not going to try. I'm a professional. The fear has set in, my friend. I'm a fucking, I'm a professional. The fear has set in.

I'm a professional. I'm a professional. Yeah, so for me, you know, I'm going to. It's fake. It hurts, doesn't it? Yeah. So for me, does your penis hurt now? Yes.

It doesn't get better. Yeah, so what I'm saying to you, is what I'm saying is, I'm going. Stop. Let's be serious. Yeah, yeah. You know, well, let's start over. And I want people to feel.

You're sweating. You're sweating right now. Let's start over. I'm going to start the podcast over. And let's make people pretend that we didn't do it. OK? All right. So here we go.

All right. 5, 4, 3. We're bad friends. Hey, welcome to another episode of Friends. And we've got, my brother Steve, I haven't seen you in a while. You can see it. Yeah, yeah.

And we've got Jules there. Jules is there. Yeah, yeah. Hi. Hi. Yeah, yeah. Hi, Tito Bobby. Hi, hello, Jules.

Welcome back. I mean, hello. Anyway, so I haven't seen you in so long. That's good seeing you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Real good seeing you. You want to do a prayer? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, do a prayer. Dear Lord, thank you for allowing us to meet today and congregate. And thank you for such a beautiful day. Thank you for our food that we eat every day and just allowing all these great opportunities that you're providing. We say this in your name, Lord.

Amen. It's a great prayer. Thank you. It's a really good prayer. When does it go away? It won't. What do you mean it won't? Yeah, it won't go away.

So I'm going to out of town. I'm going out of town. Yeah. You have some show dates? Yeah. No, I'm going to do a movie in Hungary. Oh, yeah. Next week.

Yeah, that's right. Are you? So what's your role? Like, can you tell us about your role? No, I don't want to talk about the role. Oh, but I don't want to talk about the role. But do you have to audition for it? Yes, I did have to audition for it.

Are you crying? Yeah. Look at this. You OK? No. OK. You give up. Let's keep going.

No, I'm not going to give up. Do you give up? No. I don't give up. So I'm going away. You know, and it's funny because I was in Oklahoma last week, so I've been kind of going out, and I've been going out into town and eating dinner with friends.

It's been good. I feel like everything's coming back. You said you had some good barbecue in Oklahoma? Yeah. You did? I did. What's your favorite kind of barbecue? It wasn't barbecue.

I ate steak houses. Steak houses? Yeah. What I do is, yeah, anyway, what you know what happened was, you know what, I did that. You know those scooters, the birds? Yeah, I did that. This is not enough, guys.

You guys, you cut the act, really. You know what we have to do. Bottles? Yeah, we have to. Steve. We have to. Look at his left eyeball. We have to do it.

Steve, Steve. What? We're not doing our part. We have to. Steve? It's this trifecta. Steve, Steve. Boom, boom, boom.

Right here am I? Back me up, dude. Sister brother. We got to do it. We have to do it. And then how do we do it? I'm just, I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it.

I'm not going to do it. What does it entail? You have to really swirl in your tonkumok. Inside the hole? Yeah. Inside the butthole. Inside. Yeah, we have to, right?

Yeah. We have to do it. Dude, it's great content. Trust me. Trust me. It's great content. Great. But let me ask you this.

Can I ask you this? Isn't it fun, though? It's not fun. It's absolutely not fun. OK. OK. I came here. I have all these ideas of how we're going to do the.

It's not. It's all off the window. What do you mean? You can't think? So let me ask you this, my friend. What? Let me ask you this, friend. Yeah.

So you said the sack first. We did it, right? I guess the pain wasn't, you know what I mean? That great for you. So then you went, let's try penis, right? We did the penis, OK? That was worse. Right.

It feels bad now. Yeah, it does. Real bad, OK? Now, what makes you think the asshole is going to? Have you tried it on your ass hole? Yeah, it's going to be heightened like crazy. It's going to be heightened because it's more. This is more of a sensitive area.

Yeah, it's a sensitive area. The penis head is not more sensitive than the asshole? Well, let's find out. Let's find out. Right, Jeremiah? I got to see you put it in your asshole. I don't think you put it in the asshole. OK, that's all.

Hurry up, hurry up. Hurry up. Go ahead. You got that. I did the dick tonight! OK. Hurry up, hurry up. You guys are stalling.

Hurry up. Hurry up. Dude, you're. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Hurry up. You guys are stalling. You guys are stalling. You guys are stalling.

Back away. I don't want you around here. I want to make sure you do it. I'm going to do it. You can see me doing it. You guys are stalling, please. I'm going. I'm going.

OK, OK, OK. All right. Go back to the seat. I'll be in the seat. Did you do it? I think so. I think so. I think you did.

You did. Can I say something? You're right. You're absolutely correct. It is more sensitive than the penis. It's unusual. You discover. You discover things every day.

You would not think. It's a new level. It's the top. It's the top level. It's the top. Yeah, wow. Nirvana. It's not Nirvana.

No, that's not Nirvana. OK. It's the polar opposite of Nirvana. Oh, that's a hell. Yeah, it's hell. How are you feeling, man? I'm not even kidding. Are you guys seeing any black specs right now?

I do. I was seeing black specs on my penis. Yeah, yeah. So let's regroup. Yeah. I'm being real. Let's start over. Yeah, yeah.

Let's start over. OK, let's start over. OK, let's start over. OK, let's start over. OK. Watch this. Watch this shit. Right?

You want to watch some shit? Yeah. Hold on. Just let me do it. OK, OK, stay with me. We're bad friends. Try smiling. It's hard.

OK. Look at me. Look at me. Oh, great. Welcome to another episode of Bad Friends. I'm Bobby Andrews out of town. All right. So we have my brother filling in.

Thanks for having me. And we've got Jeremiah Watkins. They have a new podcast called, OK. OK, OK, stay with me. OK, stay with me. We're bad friends. Try smiling. It's hard.

OK. They have a new podcast called, Scissor Brothers. Yeah. Yeah. How's that experience going? It's going pretty good. Yeah. Every week, we come up with new challenges.

What else, Jeremiah? We do a lot of music together. We do musical things. Oh, we have a lot of fan mail. How did that? How did that come about, Scissor Brothers? Well, the name comes from, Steve, you're sweating a lot. The name comes from Steve and I started trimming each other's

pews years ago. Pews are at Jeremiah Wonders. On Jeremiah Wonders. One said Scissor Bros. And then somebody said that we're Scissor Brothers. So it just stuck? It just stuck. And we had the same pair of scissors we found out at both of our homes.

Yeah, but initially, when you guys started, how did it start? Well, the show is called Good Friends for the first episode. It was a joke. Yeah, but I was wondering where that came from. Well, so it was a play on bad friends. Yeah, it was a play on bad friends. And we did like, you know. But it was a one-off?

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Go to hellotushy.com slash badfriends to get 10% off plus free shipping. Special offer for our listeners at hellotushy.com slash badfriends for 10% off. Hellotushy.com slash badfriends. You guys give up? Listen to me. Yeah. It's an old Korean song. It's an old Korean song that my mom used to sing to us to go to bed.

How about this one? Okay. Yeah, I don't know the rest of you. Yeah. I want to join in so badly. I know you're doing it. Oh, my God. So, um...

Yeah. Did you see modal combat? Yeah, I did. Oh, no, no. That's how? Yeah, it's on HBO Max. How was it? Pretty good?

Some people hate it, but I thought it was fun. You know, I thought it was fun. I thought it was better than the 95. I thought it was way better than the 95. And the first 10 minutes of it was really... Dude, I'm so sorry. I thought it'd be good, you know, like fun. It would mix things up with bad friends because you guys don't do challenges.

I thought it'd be a good idea. Back me up. What do you think? I thought it was going to be a good idea, too. Yeah, I thought it'd be a good idea. Dude, you're crying. Because anger. It's not a sadness, I promise you.

It's out of furious. I'm furious. Are you really upset? Yeah, I'm really upset. How do we make it up? I'm sorry. There's no way to make it up. Wait, there's no way to make it up?

No. Can we still go to dinner after this? No. Absolutely not. That's out. Why not? You don't fucking look up shit, right? If I die?

Well, I could die, too. Yeah, but what if I died? What if I died? What if I died and you didn't die? No, I would die. What if I died? I just had a son. That would be terrible.

That would be terrible. But, you know what I mean? That would be awful. But I'm just saying that what if you guys lived and I died from this stupid fucking prank thing that you did? How would you feel? I feel horrible. We'd feel like a bad friend.

I would kill myself, Brian. Don't say that. No, if you died because of a tiger bomb in your butt. How funny would that be? If you died. If I died and then you killed yourself, how funny would that be? And then mom gets a call. Ring ring.

I'm sorry. Hello, Mrs. Lee? Yes? Yeah. Are you the mother of Bobby and Stephen Lee? Oh, yes. Are they okay? I'm sorry, ma'am.

I have to tell you. They both passed away. What happened? No, she wouldn't know. Oh. That's not what you would hear. Oh. This is what you would hear.

The phone drop. That's what you'd hear. Oh, God. Yeah. Because of my dumb idea. Yeah. Right? Then she picks it up.

What happened? Right? Well, your brother, Steve, is that Steve, your youngest son? Yeah. He, you know, they do podcasts. I know they do podcast, right? He brought over Tiger Bomb. What's Tiger Bomb?

She knows what it is. Oh, you're Tiger Bomb? Yeah. And Steve told your brother to stick it on his testicles. Keep going. His penis. Yeah. And inside his anus.

Why? Of course. Yeah. Because that's the question. Why? Why? You know what his response would be? What?

I don't know. That's what the police officer's response would be. All right. I don't know. And then- Let's wipe it off, guys. No, just stop. No, I'm not wiping it off.

I'd rather die. I'd rather die. To teach you a lesson. No. Yeah. I'd rather die. I don't want that to happen. See, I didn't know this information was out there.

Let me see something right now. And then what happened? I feel horrible. And then what happened to Steve? What happened to Steve? Oh, he felt so guilty because Bobby died from the poisoning. It poisoned his body. He poisoned our-

That Steve shot himself in the face with a shotgun. Yeah. Let's see guys say the joke. I'm sorry. And then what would mom do? Oh, she would be devastated. She would kill herself. Devastated.

And there goes our family. Okay. You guys- The joke's over. Let's- You guys want to wipe yours off? No. I refuse.

You're keeping it out for the rest of the podcast. Okay. Teach you a lesson. Can we still go out to eat after this? Maybe. Okay. I'm hungry. Okay.

We're bad friends. Tell me about your dreams. Steve, tell me about your dreams. Do your fingers are weird. What are you talking about? They're like- They're like clubbing. What are you talking about?

Really? Yeah, your fingers are clubbing. Like what? What are you talking about, Steve? No, no, no. No, no, no. Let's talk about it. What are you talking about?

You know how the nails- Oh, my God. Your arteries and stuff are closing up. So now your nails are- What's the guitars for the Rolling Stones? Keith Richards. His fingers are clubbing. My fingers are clubbing?

Yeah, yeah. How do you- Could you tell? Let me- Look at your fingernails. Yeah. Look at your index. This one right here.

This one? Mine are clubbing as well. What? But they start curling. They're just clogging up and getting tight. So it's- So it's like stroke is- What?

Yeah. Now do you- Do you think about that? Because it's- I'm on blood pressure medication. You are? Oh, blood thinners? No, blood pressure medication.

Oh, my- What? So I don't want to get a stroke. Dad got a stroke. You know what my brother and I did? Our grandmother- We went to Korea. Our grandmother was paralyzed from the neck down.

And we ever tell you the story? No. And one day my dad walks in and my grandmother never left one room for like 25 years. She just sat against this wall. Smiling. Oh, it's the bee stingers. Yeah, yeah. So she just-

They're smiling. And one day she's just sitting there smiling and my dad looked at her body and there's all these welts on her body. Yeah. And she goes- He- And the next day my dad walks into the room and he catches my brother and I taking these sticks and just-

I don't remember that. Yeah, yeah. Really? Yeah. You're just hitting your dad. Because you can't feel anything. So what's the harm? I don't remember that.

And she's just standing there like this. Because I think she was just happy that we were like paying her anything like this. You use her as a human punching bag? I don't think we did that. I don't remember that. I don't remember. I don't remember. I don't remember.

I don't remember. I don't remember. I don't think we did that. I don't remember that. Yeah, we did that. I remember her getting stung by bee stingers. How? They would give her these-

No, we hit her with sticks at one time. No, I remember bee stingers. Maybe the both can be true. I don't remember hitting her with the sticks. I think I would have remembered that. I think you blocked it on your mind. What? Yeah.

I think there's a lot of things that you blocked on your mind. Oh yeah, absolutely, absolutely. Yeah. I don't remember hitting her. Yeah, and I did the, I attended- I explained to these people on the podcast about the fight that you saw me. Who did I fight?

Wanted to wear kids? Oh, Derek- We talked about that, right? We did. We did. Yeah, but can I hear your point of view of what happened? Oh, yeah, is the whole talk of the town, all the kids knew. He beat your ass.

Yeah, here it is. Yeah, here it is. Did he beat me out of my ass? It was like this grassy knoll, an open lot. Yeah. You know, attached to Martin Coyote. Yeah, yeah, yeah. More towards the hill.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And dude, the whole school was there. Yeah. The whole, like straight out of the movies, the whole circle. Yeah, they created this whole circle. There was, it was like a scene in a movie. A scene in a movie.

And he was just beating you down. Boom, beating you down, beating you down. Sorry. I know. My mom had to save him. Your mom. She happened to drive by him. She drove by and saved me.

She happened to just happened to be driving by and then she saw her son just getting beat the crap out. But yeah. And were you ashamed that day? Yeah, but you know what? I don't want to demoralize, you know, but we've talked about this. There's a, let's talk about a positive.

When I was in seventh or eighth grade, I went to- A positive story about me? Yeah, a positive story about you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I kind of talked about him passing on King of the Sting. Okay. But I want to be more in depth.

Did you do it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was a good time. Yeah, they did. Yeah, I'm going back into like a week and a half. They betrayed you and then they brought you back in? Yeah, they brought me back in. Yeah, yeah. But anyway, so I-

So let me- My brother was- Can we talk about King of the Sting real quick? Yeah, we can. Yep. So when we played the prank here, where I called Nick, right, the producer, by saying that-

I didn't cry though. I didn't cry. What do you mean? Because you said that I cried, I didn't cry. And it opened up this whole thing where people were messaging Steve saying, hey, you're a pussy, you cried. Yeah. A lot of people were-

A lot of people. This came after Steve were crying. A lot of people. Did you cry? No. You didn't? No, ask my- I made that up.

I made that up. Yeah, you fabricate. I'm sorry. You think so? Now you say sorry? Yeah. You didn't know- I'm sorry.

I don't think you know the power of your word. If you say something- Oh, words are very powerful. If you just- My words are very powerful. Very powerful. Can I say this though? At the time, right, when you're telling a story-

I know you were glamorizing the- I know what happened. I don't glamorize it. I know, but you were kind of, you're sprinkling- You were sprinkling it up a little bit. He cried. I didn't cry though, at all. I was upset.

Yeah, but when I called Nick, right? Yeah. Because the whole thing- Is that when I say he cried? Because when I called Nick? Yes. Right, so just listen. All right.

So when I'm calling Nick on a prank, right? Obviously you're going to exaggerate it, right? I was thinking about adding other things. You know what I mean? Right, right. He almost hung himself in a closet. Yeah. You know what I mean?

But those details come back to me. Right. I just learned a new lesson. I'm telling you- So what do people say? What, are you a pussy? Yeah. You know, like-

But crying is a natural human emotion, no? But these guys are like trolls. They're like, oh, you can't, you fucking cried your pussy, blah, blah, blah. What the hell you cry for? Yeah. Stand up for yourself. You know what I mean?

Yeah. All that stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Day after day. After day. You exaggerate, dude. Like, because you said that- You do exaggerate.

Because you said Santino got a lawyer. He was thinking about getting a lawyer to sue Steve and I for the good friends April Fool's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He had a bunch of trolls hitting him up, thinking that was real, because he exaggerated. It's chaos. Yeah, it's chaos.

You love it. You thrive in chaos. I think you do a part of you like you thrive on it. I don't. It makes me feel like shit. It makes me feel like shit. Really? Do you really?

Is that an act? No, it's not an act. Let me say something right now, okay? Because your words matter. I understand. Okay, okay, okay. I'm gonna tell you that it makes me feel shame. Put that down.

Okay, sorry. It makes me feel shame. It makes me feel bad. I know there's these, you know, consequences that happen that aren't, you know, that aren't in the forefront of my mind when I'm doing these mischievous, you know what I mean? Verbal assaults, you know, on my friends.

No, that's fair. And my family, right? Will I stop? No. Okay, that's fine. Look at me right now. That's fine? Look at me right now.

I will not stop. Okay, that's fine. Okay. Can I go back to my story when I felt proud of you? I'd love to. Okay, so we're at the Poway High School gym and he was wrestling another Asian kid from Monivista. The story, the story.

I remember that match. And so this kid was his nemesis. He was good. I think his name was Pineapple or something. He was from Monivista. Wait, is an Asian kid named Pineapple? We used to, no, we were racist. We were racist, he looked, he was Filipino

and it must have. But he was an Asian versus Asian. Right, but you called him Pineapple. No, that was the big name that the whole team called him that. The whole team. Yeah, he came from you though. Let's call him Pineapple. No, I don't think, I don't think he came from you.

Let's call him Pineapple. Everyone starts calling him Pineapple. See what he did with his words again? I'm putting my foot down. There's no way. It didn't come from me, ladies and gentlemen. Again, he's exaggerating. Why would he would shame you?

Why would he would shame you on a comment saying that it was. It was the story, let's stick with the positivity. I want to get to where I felt proud of you. Okay? Okay, just let him say he's proud of you. It went to overtime against this kid from Monivista. This Filipino kid from Monivista, who was good by the way.

Yeah. They both get back into the middle of the circle. And this other kid, it was like the scene from, you know, Crotty Kid, you know, Daniel versus Johnny. This kid did like a whole Bruce Lee pose. And it was like the ending of that scene. And you know what my brother did? He blew on my kiss.

He went like this. He went, and then the whistle blew. My brother went down for a double and freaking slammed him. He's slammed him. He won in overtime. And I was on, as a kid, on the side of the mat, just like so freaking proud, like, what the fuck? Yeah.

You know what Coach Brownsitter said? What? He didn't say anything. He did one of those things in movies. Like what do you mean? I looked at him from far. Do you remember that man? I do.

I looked at him from a far from the gym. He looked at me and guess what he did? He went like this. Right? He did like a nod, like. Dude, that was the power side of it. And it made me go, he likes me. You know, I remember that feeling.

Can I just say something? Because the Jay Leno thing was cool. U-Book and Mad TV was awesome. But for me as a younger brother, I felt the most proudest at that moment. No, because it's like, it was like a movie to me. I was like, it was cinematic, man. It was literally, this match was literally to the final moment.

Can I tell you my problem? I won't see you. Don't talk about state. I'm not gonna. Okay. I'm not gonna. Okay, okay. My brother was ranked probably two in California, right?

All of all of California in his weight division. 103. He would go to like CIF, right? Three years in a row. Three years in a row. You go to the CIF. It's like, you know, like as a kid, you know, they had the tunnel, you know what I mean?

With the smoke and they would call my brother's name down and my brother would run through this tunnel as if it's like the WWF or whatever. And my brother would like do moves on the mat that like was inspiring to me. Like one time that guy stood up. My brother had, it was on the ground. Yeah.

He stood up. My brother, you know, my brother put his right hand right over his, under his shoulder and took his neck and snapped him back from standing position, right? And the whole, the whole audience went, right? You're right. And he would do that every year. And he was supposed to win state.

Okay. I didn't like, I don't know where you're going right now. I don't like that. That was beautiful. You're right. Number two. And everyone, when my brother, you know what I mean? I'm not going to go into state, but I'm just saying, just do it.

If you do it, do it all the way. If you do it all the way. Go all the way. I want to, I'll do it all the way. So my brother was like, in like the newspaper, people would write articles, they have a plaque in the, in the, um, he has a record still, you know what I mean? In the, um, highway, high school, um, wrestling gym.

Fastest pin. Fastest pin. Five seconds. Yeah. My brother was like, he's going to win the whole thing. Right. Cause everyone at state was guys, he just manhandled. Right.

And then, um, I drove, it was in Stockton. So I'm from San Diego. I drove. Yeah. And my mom, not later after this, after the story, I don't know if I want to, want to hug you after the story. Okay. I'll hug.

Okay. Let's hug it out. I drove like nine hours. Yeah. Or up there. No hotel. Just nine hours. And I sat at my seat, my brother's first match.

And as soon as I saw my brother walk into the mat, I almost got back in my fucking car and drove back. You knew. I knew there was fear in his eyes. I've never seen, you know what I mean? Fear manifest in a body. That's what my alcohol was like. It was like this.

It was like this. It was like this. Frozen. Frozen. Like a statue. In every other tournament, which is, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? Just eye people.

Right? What's up? You know what I mean? And then. I froze. I froze. His face was like, you know. Like a statue.

No, like in aliens. You remember that little creature comes on the face? Oh, yeah. It was as if they took the, took the creature off. Right? And he was on the mat, blood squirting on his. Do you even know the depression that I went through after that? I know.

I went deep into depression. Yeah. Suicidal. Oh, yeah. You know, I feel bad because I should be more supportive. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Yeah.

You're right. Yeah. I should be more supportive. That was a very traumatic. I learned a lesson though. I learned a lesson. What's the lesson? You can't let fear dictate your life in the way you navigate through life.

Because I, because to be honest with you, I was my worst enemy. You know, so like, because I thought of, I've replayed that event in my head. Think about that thing. No, because you learn lessons from it. What is it? Okay. The lesson is, let's say if I tried my very best and wasn't fearful and I lost, I'd be okay with that.

It's because the fear set in and I wasn't at my best. That's where I have the problem. Does that make sense? Yeah. I had a similar thing happen. What happened? Yeah. Go ahead, Jeremiah.

Spelling bee. Go ahead. Go ahead. I went to. Is this real? This is real. This is real. Okay.

I went to regionals. Did you really? Yes. I was, I was, I was going to go to nationals. I had learned every single word in fifth grade. Wow. I was, I, I killed it at a state. We went to Texas.

I'm from Kansas. Then, so I went from Kansas to Texas and then the next step was nationals. Wow. Did you have the little number thing? Yes. I love that. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I was wrong because of the fear. I think. Or because the fear said then you couldn't think straight. You knew the, knew it. I knew it. It was, it was an easy word.

It was a word. People were getting lullaby. Lullaby? Lullaby. Yeah. Do you know how hard I kicked myself after? I still can't spell that one. Let me try lullaby.

Okay. I'll try it too. L-U-L-L-A-B-Y. Yes. That's it. That is correct. That's it. Yeah.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. Correct. That's it. That's the lullaby? Yep.

You couldn't spell that? I spelled it L-U-L. Yeah. And then I went, I froze too. A-B-Y. And then you go, I'm sorry. And I knew, I knew I was spelling it wrong. Oh my God.

As I was saying it. Were your parents in the audience? Yes. My mom had flown to Texas with me. Well, she's probably, I imagine the shame in the audience. I mean, all these kids like around me were like. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

Nailing like, like really hard words. I was like, okay, I know that one. I know that one. That was meant to be though. Cause we're scissor brothers now. We both, we both went through a similar. Dude, I feel close to you. From the ashes we wrote.

Yeah. Like we had, we share that. Right. One, two, come on, Bob. Three, four, five. I don't know what this is. I've never done this. What's it?

Eight. A hundred. Nine. No, we're not doing. I'm not doing it. Okay. Okay. So, um, you know, I've had a lot of, um, but you've, have you dealt with that?

Oh, I didn't. Fear. Oh, I'll tell you. I'll tell you a story. Tell me a story. So three years ago, I don't care because Amy Poehler is producing this pilot. Right. And I'm like, you know, I'm going to fucking get it.

You know, so I memorized it from backwards and forwards. And I go, I'm sitting in the, now I'm at, I don't know, NBC, what I'm sitting there. And I, I don't even have the script in my hand. I just have it like this because I had no it. You know what I mean? It's memorized. So I'm, and I'm also so cocky about it. I'm like sitting in my chair like this.

Other actors walking. So I know I'm going to get it. You're going to get it. You're going to get it. Yeah. Yeah. And then the lady goes, are you ready? Yeah.

I'm ready. About time. I walk in and I didn't know that she was going to be the Amy Poehler's there. Right. She's sitting there. I'm like, in my head, I'm like, let's start, let's start, let's start. I have it. Right.

Then she does this. Bobby. I go, hey, she goes, she introduces me, everyone in the room. And as that, during that process, I'm like, I, it's all now gone. I don't know the first word. Oh no. Yeah. So then I start the audition as soon as you see the first word I go, and I go right into

the page and I literally put the fucking page in front of my face and I just read it like that. Oh my God. Right. And I'm like, also the page is doing this. Let's suppose this is the script. Yeah. This is what they see.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Because I'm, I'm so scared. Right. And I go, I go. Thank you. And I tried to justify it. And I go like this.

I go, I should have memorized it. Sorry. I just cold read it just to justify it. And she goes, she out loud. She did that. Yes. I swear to God. I walked into the hallway and I had this big long bottle of smart water.

Oh, you hit it. I hit my head over the head. I remember that. Yeah. 50 times. I remember what you did after. And I was bleeding down my face. He was hitting himself.

Punishing myself. Before you even left a lot. Yeah. In your car. Yeah. I'm driving and just banging my, when I got home, my face was bleeding because she's like, what happened? Get in a car accident?

I just auditioned. Oh. It's not auditioned. You walked in. I booked it. Yeah. Yeah. But like, you know, I, I've had so many of those experiences where I would audition

for something. Okay. And I would close. No. Okay. Just a disaster. And I would be in my car crying. In shame.

Over an audition? Yeah. I've had those too. And, and, and, no, I learned right now it's different. That was years ago. Maybe five years ago. Now it's completely different. I'm, you know, I don't give a fuck now because I, you know, I have tiger belly and I have

this, you know what I mean? And this, you know, and then for some reason now it, all that kind of stuff. I needed money. Right. That's what it is. I always, there's a time where it's like, well, my desperate, it comes through always. Right. Right.

I'm like, I need to book something so I can get my career going. Right. And it was years where I wasn't. And so then I was like, I would punish myself. And then I, one day I just went, you know what, I'm just going to do my own thing, which is bad friends and tiger belly and podcasting and stand up and that other kind of stuff that I have control over. And then the other stuff just came along with that.

Right. But, um, yeah, I know what that shame is like. Yeah. I heard. And I think because, but the reason why you beat yourself up, up over state is because of the trauma that you felt growing up in our house. And, you know, you have to deal with that trauma. Oh yeah.

Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. You know, when, um, dad beat you with that little Casio keyboard when completely naked, my dad had, my brother had a friend over. Was it Derrick's? Oh yeah. The guy that beat me up.

His brother. Was it really a Casio like that one? Yeah, but with a little one. It was the first sampling keyboard. We like the Freddy Krueger one. You could go, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, you know, yeah, like a second of sampling time. Yeah.

I was playing it to him. It was taken now. During the daytime. During the daytime. Around this time. Yeah. And my dad came in. Yeah.

Shikara. That's like shut up. You know what I mean? But, but naked. Completely naked. And what do you have in his ass? Tiger bomb? No tissue paper.

Tissue paper. Like a string, like dental floss. Like he had a fucking tampon in his asshole. Sticking out of his butthole. Yeah. Scared the shit out of me. Yeah. But that's the only thing I remember.

He looked like a Korean kite. Yeah. Right. So he comes in and he goes, Shikara. He takes a castle keyboard. He rips the keyboard out of the socket. Right. And like a sledgehammer.

Yeah. And keep in mind, we're on our stomachs just playing with this thing. And they're eight. Yeah. And he just beats me like a hammer. Like boom. Boom. Imagine your friend, his friend.

Oh, he never came over again. He never came over again. Never came over again. That's it. That's it. Yeah. My dad did that with Street Fighter II on Super Nintendo. Because my brother and I, he didn't beat us.

But he took it to his workbench. Yeah. He goes, your boys are going to fight. He took a sledgehammer. Yeah. Ah, fight over this. Oh my God. Broke it to pieces.

Brand new video game. Ah, no. Why? Why? Christmas gift gone. Did you buy another one? No. He one time hid our 007 GoldenEye as a punishment because we were fighting over it again.

Yeah. And then he forgot where he hid it. And you never saw it again? Uh-uh. What if it's still there somewhere like behind a wall? In the house? In the house. In the house.

It might be. Wait, do they still live in the same house? What? My dad and my brother and my mom or what? No. Where he hid that GoldenEye. Oh, no. We don't live in that house.

That's like a childhood. Was that a difficult question? I don't know. I do. My butthole is... I know. Yeah, I'm still pain. I feel like we're doing okay without being pain.

Yeah, we did do okay. Do you guys still feel it though? I do. I do. It's more of a like... It's a weird sensation. It's like a little ice cube in my butthole. Yeah, it's cooling off.

It still feels like a little ice cube in my butthole. Does it burn at all? A little bit, yeah. I think I have blood in my shorts. Yeah. But it's weird when you experience it. Now, let me ask yourself this though, because you have Wilder now, your kid. Are you going to do that shit with him?

No, you're a great dad. You're not going to do any of that. Are you sure though? No, you're not. I mean, because they drive you so crazy that you just resort to certain things. No, I don't think you... I think I'll go more of the disappointment route. Yeah.

Or timeout, the timeout route, yeah. I don't know if timeout works. Because when your parents get disappointed with you, that's longer lasting than rage and everything like that. Yeah, because rage and stuff like that, it lingers within the kid too, right? And it just kind of manifests itself in weird ways as an adult. Maybe that's why you're not going to have kids, huh? I want it.

Dude? Yeah, but dude, it's like... What? Time. What do you mean time? We're getting older. I could still have it. Because Steve Martin.

Well... Yeah, he had kids at like 70. Well, how old was he? At 70. At 70. Oh, okay. You're good. But now you see him like, you know what I mean?

Yeah. He's in a walker. He's in a park. Do you want it? You know, I look at... Because you're at the age. What age? What age?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But you know... I'm not even 50 yet. I know, but this is a good age to have. It's a great age. Yeah, yeah. I'm in it.

I'm a good age. Are you guys going to do it? Yeah. Yeah, I want to. But here's the deal. You know, Colada's dad was 60 when he had her. So I just feel like... But if I'm going to do it, I have to do it now.

You should do it now. Yeah. I want to do it now. I want to be like... Because when I'm 70, my kid will be 20. He'll be out of the house. And then maybe I can... Do you still have sperm?

Do you have, like, healthy? Yeah. Do you still have sperm, Bobby? It's like not dust... Like dust bubbles. Just... First of all... Like a library book?

Like... First of all... First of all... First of all, if I had... Is it like a... Do you have, like, Smithsonian come? Yeah. No.

If I looked at my comedy, it was dust bubble. Yeah. In a way. Like sand or something. Yeah. Yeah. If it was... If there was sand...

Grainy. Grainy in my calm. I would go to the hospital. Do you still masturbate? Yes, I do. You fuck. Okay. That shit works, though.

Oh, it works good. It's a machine. Like, you could still get... You could still get it right. Yeah. Dude, I'm not fucking... You know what I mean? 90.

No, I haven't talked to you in a long time. Yeah, my dick works. No, but you could get heart and everything. Instantly. Yeah, of course. Yeah. I was just wondering. Oh, wait.

Like, real good, right? Oh, yeah. It's beautiful. Yeah, it's beautiful. Yeah, me, too. Yeah. You feel have the same sexual desires? Oh, yeah.

Me, too. Do you still use toys and stuff? Like... What do you mean? Well, you know, the Pringles thing. You know, they call us the Pringle Boys. Well, it's a little hard when you're... You could make a, like, a homemade...

I know. I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's hard when you are living with, you know what I mean? A kid. You know, I have a high school or in my house. Yeah, Rudy. Yeah.

I don't want a flashlight laying around in the living room. Yeah. You know what I mean? So, you just... Old school? And also, when I masturbate, I can't just masturbate in the bed, you know what I mean, next to Kalilah. That's weird.

Right? I've never done it before. I've never done it before. You can't do that. So, what, do you have to go downstairs? No. I have to do it either... Well, sometimes I do it in the garage.

You do? I have done it in the garage. Like, where Tiger Belly's filmed? Yeah. No. Oh, you're down there? Where the video game is. So, I'll be playing Warzone.

She thinks you're gaming. Not in the guest seat or anything, right? No, no, no. Not in the guest seat. That's rude. No, I'll be gaming and then I'll just go. And I just... Because, you know, I have to quit at a certain time.

So, I go, it's getting almost 130. Yeah. I gotta stop. Maybe I'll just masturbate real quick. You know, I'll just do it. What do you... Go ahead. Spank bank?

What do you mean? Spank bank or do you look at something? I look. He doesn't want to enter this hallway. What do you look at? What are you watching? I look. What do you look at, though, Bobby?

I want to know what you're watching. I'm not like... I'm not doing... Because I don't want... I want to... I don't want to... I used to spend so much money on buying, you know, membership. See, I always question that.

It's for free. Right? Yeah. But, oh, you're specific. No, it's not about specific. Sorry, sorry. It's about, you know, the free ones are like four minute videos. Sometimes they don't do...

Well, 10 minutes. 15 minutes. Sometimes, right? Yeah. I like definition. Yeah. You know what I mean? I like all that stuff.

Okay. I like new, you know? No, but what else? You like topical porn? No, I like relevant porn. What do you mean by relevant? I think you... Just like...

What? Go ahead. Keep going. No, I just like ones that are like, you know... Well, like... Think about it. What do you mean? Just think about what you're about to say, though.

I just want you to... No. What are you talking about? I just want you to be... You know, think about it. I go on... Warnhub. Okay, that's true.

Do you? Yeah, that's it. Yeah, but I go premium. Oh. So I pay for the premium. Oh, what's the difference? You just get a lot more content. Oh, okay.

And higher definition videos and longer videos. Far more access to things. Do you get through longer videos, though? Do you know what I mean? Do you keep watching after you complete? And does it take longer for you to... I've noticed it takes longer for me. Oh, no.

You're like, boom. You know, I get in a manic obsession. Really? Yeah, I can... I know how to focus my attention because I play a game called Match 3D. What? There's a game called Match 3D where you have to put like symbols inside a little thing as fast as you can.

And if you don't focus, especially on your phone, because on your iPad, it's easier. But on your phone, you have to really look. And I use that technology and that system when I watch porn. Oh, my... I focus into the pussy. Oh, so your mind just goes right in. Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, nothing...

You know, sometimes you'll be watching porn and you'll hear a noise. I go, is that a ghost? Or, you know, me over at... Yeah. Or you start thinking about other things, right? It's only two options. Oh, whatever. You know what I mean?

Or is that my girlfriend? Maybe that would be the right... Yeah. Or you think about, what do I have to do tomorrow? I don't... I know how to laser focus and do it in this situation. Do you know how to do that? Oh, it just...

It takes me like an hour on the opposite. To finish? Oh, it takes me a long... I mean, sometimes hours. Just to finish one load. Oh, yeah. Really? Yeah, but I have...

One hour? Longer sometimes. What? A two hour... Oh, three. You just laid... Three. The sun's out, baby.

The sun will be out, baby. Are you jerking off the entire time? I take breaks. The sun's out, baby. The sun is out. I understand that. Can I ask you this? Can't you do like two or three?

What are you talking about? I mean, it's like... Are you like... You know what it is? It desensitizes you. Because I noticed that I'll get sick of watching one scene and I'm like, ah, this is not doing it. And then I'll cut to another...

You know what I mean? It's just like boom, boom, boom, boom. Yeah. That's why it takes so long. I mean, I'll be honest with you. I have gone through five or six videos. Maybe ten. Oh, no.

Minus hundreds. Yeah, but tons. You need help then. What are you talking about? If you have to look at hundreds of videos... Not hundreds. Maybe 50. Is that normal?

No, it's not. 50s. I'm trying to have your back. Yeah, it's normal. 50 is difficult. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Maybe you should just take a break.

You think... You know what? That's healthy. That's... Are you worried about me? I'm worried about... I'll tell you what I'm worried about. I'll tell you what I'm worried about.

And this is... Real talk. We were just talking about real talk. This is not comedy, but... Okay. Real talk is... You know, one night, we were all waiting for you for Warzone, and we're trying to contact you here, and Dylan and I, and that you weren't around, so we went in.

You thought the worst. No. You didn't think that you died. Okay. Well, I thought you guys thought something happened. No. And then you said, I just woke up, and it was like 12, 30 at night. Oh, I'm improving, though, because since the Scissor Bros.

Yeah. I'm improving. No, no, no. I'm just saying that worries me that you're waking up at 12, 30. My sleeping schedule? And I'm not blaming... I'm not saying you're partly to blame, but as a kid, but as a kid, I'm not deflecting. I'm just kind of...

As a kid, I taught you how to do it. No, no, no. Let's go down the timeline. Let's go down the timeline. I remember when we were kids, before he started stand-up, he'd be like, not, you know, come in my room, hey, you know, like Martin Lawrence stand-up, he's about, you know, like he would talk about stand-up specials, hey, stay up with me and watch this thing. And so I remember, I'm not blaming you, but I'm just giving you the timeline.

It sounds like you're blaming me. No, no, no. I'm just giving you a timeline. I'll give me the timeline. And so I just remember like, oh, okay, I'll stay up, I'll stay up, you know, like Hollywood Shuffle, all these great like movies or comedy specials. Yeah, yeah. I'll make them stay up till midnight.

No, no, longer than that. Like this is like VHS days and everything. And I just remember back then I'm like, all right, I'll stay up. And then I just remember it started back then. It's progressively got worse. And then I have a... It's not my fault. It's not my fault.

I have myself to blame, right? It's everything. He's been waking up earlier, though. We've been doing the podcast way earlier. We need you, brother. Yeah. Keep going. He's on time.

Every time, shows up early. Yeah. When do you shoot, though? 7 p.m.? All you do. Yeah. Keep going, keep going. He shows up with ideas.

He thinks about stuff all week. He comes up with every challenge that we do from week to week. Oh, wow, wow. Yeah. Every week. We shoot extra content at least once or twice a week outside of when we record the podcast. The ad reads. Talk about the ad reads.

We do very unique ad reads. Okay. Where we dress up and stuff. I'm always early. That's not what I'm worried about is this, though. It's, you know, I just feel like, you know, I just want you to be in a relationship. Keep in mind. I went through a breakup.

It's only been five, six months, right? Give me that. Let me go through my thing. You know what I mean? Let me go through it a little bit. Okay. Because you didn't use that, you know, because let's talk about real time things have happened. And I have been in a dark spot, but yeah, we're, we're, I'm crawling out of it, right,

Jeremiah? I'm crawling out. Yeah. He's been dating some people and stuff. He doesn't have a car. He doesn't have a car. I know what we're working on. We're working on that.

Okay. You get a car license. Yeah. You get vaccinated. Yeah. There's certain things that he just doesn't, he's sort of like off the grid. Off the grid. Yeah.

I know. I understand your concerns. I'm there to help him with that. Yeah. Yeah. He's been great. We've been doing positive things. Let's keep it positive, baby.

Okay. Okay. Yeah. Contestant number one, please introduce yourself. My name is Panjani McGivans, and I'm from Yellowstone Elementary School in Lubbock, Texas. And that's it. Okay. So how do you spell intelligence?

I-N-T-E-L-L-A-G-N-C-E. That was incorrect. I know it was. Was that correct or incorrect? Incorrect. I lost. Go ahead. Okay.

Please introduce yourself. Timothy Kramer, Tucson, Arizona. Hi, Timothy. Hunkerchief. Can you use it in a sentence, please? Yes. I use my hunkerchief when I cry to wipe my tears. Hunkerchief.

Hunkerchief. Am I saying that correctly? Yes. Hunkerchief. H-A-N-K-E-R-C-H-I-E-F. Almost. Hunkerchief. I'm not participating, but no, no, incorrect.

All right. Our last contestant here, please introduce yourself. Hi. My name's Darius Finnegan. You have to stand up. I could. Yeah, you have to stand up. No.

Oh, no, no. That's good. That's good. That's good. That's good. Hi. My name's D- You're at your wheelchair.

Yeah, yeah. Hi. My name's Darius Finnegan. Hello, I'm ready for the word. Lageria. Can you repeat the word, please? Lageria. Margarita?

No. Lageria. One more time. Lageria. Lageria? Yes. Could I get the definition of the word, please? Attendancy to extreme locosity.

Could you use it in a sentence, please? Yes. My economist professor, Lageria, can be frustrated in times. I'm kind of having bad flashbacks right now. Lageria? Yes. L. A-G-U-R-I-L-L-A.

Margarita. Incorrect. Imagine all your friends, I'll love you to the end of time, my friends, bad friends, good friends, didn't know the friends you have in the world, don't say no, cause you, I know that you're a dream. I don't know how to respond. Okay. Thanks for tuning in.

Thanks for being a bad friend. We haven't started yet. I know. We like that though. I love it. What the fuck are you doing? Richard Ramirez is my favorite serial killer. He snuck into your house.

Rape. I don't know. I'm not going to start with that. That's too dark. It was too dark. It was too dark.