Bad Friends - Bobby’s 1st Year of Celibacy

Episode Date: April 10, 2023

Tour Tickets: https://badfriendspod.comThank you to our Sponsors: ButcherBox https://www.butcherbox.com/BADFRIENDS & Morgan & Morgan https://www.forthepeople.com/badfriends or #529 - from your cell & https://seed.com/badfriends code: BADFRIENDS YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTubeAudio Subscribe: https://apple.co/31Jsvr2Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 The Bad Friends Tour Begins4:23 The Whoopee Cushion Fatal Accident12:35 Cocaine Bear and The Real Death of Jesus18:20 Carlos & The Holes on the Mexican Border Wall23:59 Bobby's Dope Escape Tunnel27:58 Bobby's Michael Jackson's Halloween Costume36:26 Catfish Make-Up Transformations44:54 Juicy's Dating Red Flags 54:36 Bobby's Cat Litter Cleaning Technique & A Promise He Won't Keep1::01:30 The New Member of the Family Gets Ready to Go on Tour More Bobby LeeTigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbellyInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleeliveTwitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleeliveTickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew SantinoWhiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantinoTwitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More JuicyInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/jetskijohnson/?hl=en More FancyInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad FriendsiTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sundayCredit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymylesBad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.net/Podcast Producers: Andrés Rosende & Pete Forthun This video contains paid promotion.#bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends --   7 E Q U I S . N E TAndrés RosendeExecutive Producer | Partner  [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Bad friends we're doing it. We're back and guess who we're back with the return of Juicy juicy Jamie is that juicy, right Jesse what her name is in Jamie. Are you cuz you're going yeah, I'll go Jamie Okay, Jamie. Yeah. Yeah. All right, so Jamie's back. He's here. Hey, Jamie. Jesse. Yeah Are you excited to get on the bus and go on tour with us? Where are we going first Bob? What city, Oklahoma? Oklahoma City city you better come out and see us Kansas City. What's oh, is that the okay, Corral? Okay, Corral. Is that where that is? Okay. See at the okay, Corral We're also gonna go we're gonna go up to Kansas City Kansas and then we go to st. Louis. That's where um, the wire

No, that's Baltimore. That's Baltimore. Okay, and then we go to Indianapolis. Oh my that's I love that Then we go to Detroit, Michigan motor city my sister my sister's going to that show your sister's gonna be at that show Then we go to Louisville. Well, I'm gonna go to Flint and drink the water. Okay. It's supposed to be pretty good We go to Louisville where the horses are you want to go see the horses buddy? They don't do you have miniature ones? Yeah, for you. I like the minute ponies after Louisville. We go to Nashville, Tennessee April 20th for 20 or 20 bring your pot bring your acoustic guitar and your cowboy boots and let's boot scoot and boogie down Where else are we then we go to Atlanta, Georgia? We got two shows late show got added first show done Late show in Atlanta added Atlanta come on out. Then we go to Memphis, Norfolk, Virginia

We go to Durham come on North Carolina and Charlotte Then we go to San Antonio, Texas one of my favorite towns. How many shows do we have in San Antonio 52 to two two two two Shows two shows. I mean two shows in San Antonio. We got by you music then center Houston, Texas and we go to bayou music Center and then we finish it up at the pavilion a factory in Irving, Texas Which is actually where at the house. It's at the factory Toyota factory It's at that we all everybody gets a Toyota and Dallas if you come out to the show a Yaris everybody gets a Yaris We go to Spokane Washington, Seattle, Washington, Portland, Phoenix, Arizona We're Juicy's entire friends and family are coming out

Then we go to the Dingleberry of the United States, Florida Jacksonville St. Petersburg Hollywood Orlando Let's go and we finish off a few of these dates with two shows in Riverside One in San Diego and then we peel back off to the East Coast Montclair, New Jersey New York then we go to where? Yeah, and then where Philadelphia, that's where the the AIDS movie is Tom Hanks is gonna be joining us on stage in Philadelphia at the Met Out of all the AIDS movie. That's my favorite. That's your favorite

Yeah, then we have two shows in Toronto where Drake is going to be at one of the two shows We're not gonna say which one. Yeah, so hopefully you'll pick the right one. Okay, and after that was the weekend coming The weekend has nothing to do with Toronto. I don't even know what that he's Canadian Yeah, okay, cool. He's I heard he likes me. He's gonna be there Rochester, New York guys at the Kodiak Rochester Northfield, Ohio Homestead PA. We're bringing it home you guys Let's party go to badfriendspod.com come see us badfriendspod.com badfriendspod.com All right, let's start the show. We're bad friends. Um, I want to ask I want to ask Jesse Sorry for calling you Jamie earlier. That's all right. I just had a my dad used to date this lady named Jamie

We hated her tell me I want to know all about Jamie. Yeah, she used to steal stuff from us I Remember she like went to like hit my sister one day and my sister was like 12 and she goes What are you gonna do? Hit me and I was like, I thought it was the coolest thing I've ever seen. Did she have freckles? Why I needed I needed a description of my mind. Yeah, but don't be discriminatory to people with freckles Oh, if she says no, it could be no, you know taking a shot at me by doing that. Okay. What could a size breasts? Yeah, I'm a B plus right now. Is she She dead now. Oh

She's six feet down. Yeah. Hey, why did she die? No, I don't know much It was just like posted on Facebook. I found out a couple years ago What a bummer that that's what death is required to do now. Yeah, Facebook, but when you she died you cry at all No, I was just Did you smile so my dad's remarried and I love myself and so and she's been and we've been a family for so long This is ancient history. So I just kind of forgot about this lady. It was just awful But I think you told me one time. I think you told me one time that she died Jamie died in a crazy funny way What was it again?

Yeah, it was a a what because she an accident Whoa, what happened? She sat on it and it was like It like blew up, but it also made the noise, which is why I'm laughing. Oh, she died So she got it was like and then she died You know what a whoopie cushion would be even better if you could put farts in it Actual fart because people put air in it, but if you can actually put a fart in it It gives it that double, you know, I mean Like it's a fake fart, but not it's real. It's real. That's actually but not out of a butthole

Yeah, but we should invent that here, but how how how what do you mean? How would you feel? Well, what where do farts come from? What is a fart air? It's gas. It's gas. It's a buildup of gas. Check it out. Right. I got it right here It's air or a gas. Is it a gas? It's a gas if you put air. Let's you put on poo Think about it poo in a plastic bag. Mm-hmm. And then yes, correct. You could do that. Does it turn into gas? That's right. It would right. Yeah, somehow put that No, yeah, put that in it. Should I call my engineering buddy? I don't know. It's an idea. You need to you need to look up this video right now There's a guy that you they so sometimes they can extricate gas from cows

watch a guy Release gas from a cow and then light the the methane on fire. So check this out. Okay, this this guy extricates like gas from the cow and Any lights it on fire. Look at this Like a that's like a like a flamethrower. Wow, that's because all the gas coming out of that cow Wow The flammable methane gas from a cow is displaced What is it called? Abolism I got it. I got it. You take the whoopie cushion and you put it at the end of that Instead of lighting on fire you let because it's coming out right but they but the flame is burning off the methane

Yeah, we take the flame out. You don't light it. That's how we fill up which more because it's yeah That's what I said. I know but we sell that we have to sell them full, but then how do you refill them? It's a one-time Time you put that in the packaging. I get it. Yeah, I get it use only right? I'm in and if you want to put regular air you can use it after that, but then it's gonna taste like fart. Oh You blow anyway Interesting Yeah, so anyway, um, by the way, have you ever had a valet fart in your car when you go to pick your car back up?

Well, that's probably true. Yeah, yeah, no, but I picked my car from the valet the other night Yeah, and a hundred percent he farted in my car, but you can't you can't prove it You weren't witness to the fart If it could be anything I had dinner for an hour and 25 minutes right a fart cannot sit that long So I didn't do it. Well, what's a rat? Huh a rat a rat a mouse you think I have animals in my car I don't know where there could be a little mouse underneath your seat. He farted. Yeah, so the mouse farted Check this out. You're drunk one night. You got Taco Bell, right? I never but yeah, okay? Hypothetically, okay, right half a bean burrito, right mouse shit. I've been down here for six months, man

How did my mouse get into my Six months is so long. It's a theory. I got right Be burrito, right? He eats it right farts and then he knows the valley is going in I can blame it on this guy, right? Well, Raul, right Raul Well, he doesn't have to blame anything because I don't know the mouse is under there for six months Okay, my bad. How did he get the burrito who the mouse you dropped it drunk one night? I dropped a huge So first of all, I'm drinking and driving And I just drop a whole burrito on my seat because when I used to get drunk I used to wake up with like a um

What do you call that? Oh Sasha's make my phone with egg You wake up and you're like you have something on your face You know me like a sandwich or fall asleep fall asleep like that one time in college We did the thing where I cooked a pizza I put in the oven And it caught on fire because I left it and I fell asleep almost burnt the apartment down my bad boys It didn't it didn't but it was burnt to a crisp and it was stinky stinky and smoky smoky That was my fault. I bet you are fans at home. Someone's falling asleep and put a pizza in the oven I've done that but I took it out, but it was already burnt anyway, so I just woke up the next morning

And there's a burnt pizza in my bed. Did you eat it? No, but it felt like a one night stand where I woke up and I was like Oh, what did I do last night? What did I do with you last night burnt pizza? Have you ever made a homemade pizza? I tried it. Oh, yeah No, you go to what vans and they have that one thing. It's like, um, yeah, what's it called? It's like it's already crusted Well, they have pizza dough. No, not pizza dough It's another thing that's already like the and then you just put cheese and it's crust. No, it's pizza crust That's already cooked. Yeah, right. And that's what I meant and frozen No, not frozen. Where what do you mean? I can't even explain it. It's a dried. I know what you're talking about

What you do really? It's in that clear bag. Yeah. Yeah, it's clear bag. Yeah, and it's like baked already. It's already baked So it is cooked like I just said is that what you said? We keep saying the same thing What is going on? Oh, don't do that. But whenever I did that it just didn't taste good I've never done it with a rick real dough. Oh, I've done it with real dough. Really? Is it worth it? Yeah, so worth it I have a bread maker I'm not a brag Tonya papa over here. Yeah, you have a bread maker. Little Tom Papa. Well, where do you get that? My grandma gave it to me

Oh, it's one of those. It's hand-me-downs I guess he doesn't like stuff like that. I don't like hand-me-downs Why? Because you go to bed bathroom. Yeah, but I don't get a new one, right? Yeah, like a high-tech one I like mine by Dyson. It tastes better when it's made with love. Look at that. Oh, wow It does it does. No, my friend's mom my friend Michelle's dad. I mean mom my friend's dad Um had a brick brick uh brick pizza oven in their backyard brick oven pizza oven and it was that's what they say It's good. It's so good and he would make us pizza. I said they're already pizzas all night. What do you do with about sauce? What do you mean? What kind of sauce? Yeah, do you go like prego?

No, you gotta get yourself a can of smashed tomatoes And put it in a put it in an emulsifier. You gotta emulsify the smashed tomatoes put parsley. You could put a little bit of uh You could put a little bit of bachabool in there. Yeah, and gajagoon. You know what the best? You ever have bachaboon? I love bachaboon. Bachaboon, gajaboon. Yeah, and here's what you do. You emulsify the potatoes. Listen up Yeah You emulsify the tomatoes put bachaboon and gajaboon on the back side Then you spit kaspaka spooka baka all over the pizza. Yeah, and you put your toppings on you put mats you get fresh mats Then you put a little bit of uh basil. You like basil? I love basil put a little bit of basil

It drizzles from olive oil on there extra virgin You don't want them used you want them extra virgin and then you slide it in there Yeah Sebastian meniscalco. That was very good What's a movie that they cook italian food and you were like I want to eat that right now I have it in my mind casino good fellas veal parmesan. Yeah good fellas when you're in prison when he's slicing the fucking garlic Oh my god When I watch I go I want to eat that and also because his fingers are his fingernails are oily. I like that so much

You could see the the italian grease ball oil coming off of his hand. Yeah, i'm a grease ball. Sorry internet Yeah, don't get mad at me. I saw um, what are you juice? Are you italian? Oh, my stepmom's Italian, so I was like raised part italian, but I think I've got german and welsh German Love them all and a little bit A little bit of jewish too. I'm like a eighth jewish Don't do that. I don't do that right now. Don't do that thing. I am I'm probably the same jewish as I am german, so they cancel each other out

So I'd say I'm welsh I saw cocaine bear Did you? Did you like it? I don't know why I made that separation when you said I saw cocaine. I was like bobby Do we need to have a talk cocaine bear? What happened? How was it? It's a true story Yeah, it is a partially true story. That was my biggest beef with it. That's not the real it's not no Yeah, I was like rehab No, really because if he's addicted, you know, I mean he needs to go. Yeah, but it was pretty good movie

I thought it was yeah, is there any stars in it? Ray leota He's in it. Yeah. Oh, no. Is that his last movie? I think so. Oh, fuck. That's a that's tough Yeah, but I was I was thinking like what what's part two? Is it meth bear? Yeah, you know what we the scare is bath salts bear. Oh Oh my god, I've hung out with that guy. Hold on. Look at this poor little girl zoom in by the way to this girl Look at what her parents did to her brooklyn prince It's

Fuck these people brooklyn prince Also, they spelled brooklyn wrong. No, she added the extra. I'm probably she did. I want to be different Brooklyn prince she's 12 years old. I know she's I know I'm not making fun of her. I'm just saying How was it being back in a la I feel like I feel terrible about it. I hate it here No, it's great. I'm so happy to be back. I'm just teasing. I love it here Especially when I get to come back and see my little juicy. Yeah, yeah Did you make love a lot with to your wife first day

Is that what is that? First day we're crossing a line. No, it's fine. First day. We're first day. She showed up. We were porky porky Yeah, yeah first day porky porky second day porky porky porky porky porky third day. No porky. See you later All right, I got it. You're done. I gotta go. Yeah. Well, you need a day rest. You did one day rest Yeah, yeah, God took one right on the seventh day on the seventh day on the third day. I rested He porky porky gets six six days No, no, we had a it was all it was actually it's so fun when you when you have sex down under because Um, you come backwards. Yeah, does God have sex?

Does he no one ever thinks no one's ever asked that question. Does God have sex? Yeah I mean, I am at well because he has he created it all He must be like, you know, I mean, I tried, you know, I mean a more viable question would be does Jesus jerk off? Because they made him a figure of a man Human for me must have tried it. He probably did it so much. That's why they nailed him at the wrist There's the joke. That's what he couldn't get down to it. He's like, let me down. I need to jerk off You know what Jesus died with a boner? You know, he died with an erection. How he died with a hard on that was a knife Because no, no, some people have auto erotic

Exficiations some people are sexualized Um, yeah, what's that violence? Yeah, and apparently when they hung him up there, he had an erection He had a death erection angel lust rigor erectus rigor erectus. That's our new band or terminal erection is a postmortem erection technically Uh, a priapism observed in the corpses of men who have been executed particularly by hanging, right? That's the thing but for Jesus nailed to the cross. He had an erection. He had a death erection Wow, angel lust dude. That's what they say. Well, the only way you would know that is somebody Witnessed it when he was doing it like some roman probably can you imagine? Well, yeah, because they're they're all creeps The romans were all weirdos imagine every day they put them up there and then everyone's like, all right

That's it for the night. That's enough for the viewing and then one guy was like, I'm gonna stick around And then he lived open right he lived something open he goes, ah Yeah, no, by the way, Jesus was naked all these depictions of them have him covered He was they were nude when they did public any sort of that public stuff you were nude There wasn't any like decency cloth. Are you sure hundred percent? How do you know this? But because I was around How old are you? I'll tell you exactly how I know. Yeah in what world would a savage Brutalization like nailing someone to wood and and putting them up in public for other people to see die slowly

Would you have the decency to be like cover up his penis? You nailed him to wood. That's true. You literally hammered a man's body to wood Why would you have the psychopathic decency to go? All right. Don't let his nuts hang out. Come on. We're not monsters. Yeah Oh, so I wouldn't even show up to that thing. Would you to what the head to the you see the flyer? They must have flyers. You don't you don't got a lot going on this what you don't got a lot going on that day I know you went to the market. You got the bread. No Netflix Right. There's nothing else to do that is Netflix. Right. That's their Netflix and when they hang him up they go

What are you supposed to do there's your bit you those days by the way were consumed with like one task You imagine there was nothing to do So I'm sure that was you know, like just like gossip. That's where gossip started. They were bored and they were like You did hear they're gonna hang him tomorrow and he's like Oh, I'm gonna check it out. There was probably one guy that was late. He's just oh you guys did it already. Take him down and put him back down. Don't be fooled. Don't be fooled. The mule's legs broke. Yeah. Oh my god. He got a pocket full of stones Do it again. Do it again. I was gonna throw these. Yeah, yeah I mean, you know, they would go to public stuff like that that the the idea also that like in gangs in new york

I remember when they had those like town squares where they had executions or like punishments and stuff The the the awful thing was even the most like good-hearted people Had to be observant of it because the whole town had to make sure it went according to plan So then you had to have like not just ratty scumbags You had to have like the lawyers and doctors and dignitaries that would have to be there to make sure that it didn't get Uh abusive that they were doing it by the book because it was legal to do all that stuff back. Wow. Wow. Wow Yes, you had to have someone there for like decency. Yeah, otherwise it'd be run by tyrants It would be like, you know, if you let Carlos

You know run this show The glory holds all over this by the way, is there a glory hole behind that sign because I moved it the other day It looks like there is Somebody told my good buddy, Cory said to me who's a fan of the show who I love my boy, Cory And he says he goes man Carlos and that glory whole stuff. That's interesting to admit That is but you know what respect for you respect to you for admitting because You know, hey, you did it

No big deal And it's and it's fine. I'm owning it. It's funny. You have to own that kind of stuff No, has that since it's out there, right? Is it fucking up your game or no? No, actually actually I had a girl be like I saw that glory hole video and I was like, oh my god, and she laughed and I was like, oh Okay, so she's cool. She's cool. She's down. Yeah. Yeah, she's so wait. Do you think what if okay? What if you meet a girl? Okay, beautiful girl You're like in love with this girl and she's like I kind of want to take you to glory holes and I want to watch you get glory hold

And you're like, okay, and she's like, I know but it's got to be It's got to be in West Hollywood Yeah, it's got to be by men, but I want to watch you and it turns me on it makes me love you more. Are you going? I don't know. Not bad. It's a good question. I think he is what I'm lean. I mean, I'm thinking about it, obviously What if he got mentally prepared to do it and then they got there and it was just a mini golf place called glory hole? But on the 18th, he still took your penis and a hole And the ball soccer grabs it. I think I would do it. You would. Mm-hmm. Wow. Yeah, do you think you'd be able to get erect? Mm-hmm. No on the other ones. I was able to you were yeah, because because the element of

Naughtiness turned you on. You're like, I'm not supposed to be in this glory hole, but this is kind of hot Yes, that's why I went anyway for the element of naughtiness or danger or whatever, right? Yeah So you get we get aroused by the danger Is that what you're saying? Yeah. Well, because he's a drug addict. That's what it is. Yeah, I'm like dopamine thing Would you say fancy? He's from Mexico Oh Yeah, dude that border wall is filled with holes for something You go down there

Every time I see a butcher box outside my front door. I get you. I'm so excited I just got myself some butcher box. I love it so much high quality meat 100 grass pad beef free range organic chicken pork raised crate free and wild caught seafood delivered delivered right to your doorstep free shipping always created to customize box plans a variety of high quality cuts at an amazing value Let me tell you something. My favorite thing is that I'm gonna get some good red meat And then I get some good chicken for the puppuccino for my cute little pup and then I get some wild caught salmon for both of us How about that? I get mine. She gets hers and then we get a little share. You know what I mean? Oh, and guess you like free stuff. I get three chicken thighs for a year and $20 off your first box when you sign up today

That's three pounds of bone in chicken thigh free Wow, and every single box that's three pounds of bone in chicken thighs free in every box for a year plus $20 off your first order When you sign up at butcherbox.com slash bad friends and use that code bad friends Claim this deal at butcherbox.com slash bad friends and use code bad friends Morgan and Morgan. You know, I was just in a hit run I know you got your car has so many things that already is a brand new car And guess what you do you go to Morgan and Morgan? You call Morgan and Morgan because they know what to do. I got to tell you in 2020 alone

There's over 5 million car crashes. That's more than 15,000 a day and 600 an hour It's happening to someone, you know, and I got to tell you you don't know what to do. What do you sue? Do you talk to insurance? Uh, do I have to have a lot of money to hire a lawyer? Uh, nobody knows the details of this and that's why Morgan and Morgan is here to help you Did you know that you don't need a lot of money to hire a lawyer? Okay, not everyone has the money, right? Yeah, that's true. I mean multiple times. I've had we got hit. I got hit years ago And I got my first Hyundai Sonata and I got hit. I didn't have any money did know how to turn to I wish Morgan and Morgan was there

Because Morgan and Morgan is America's largest injury law firm They over have over 100 offices nationwide and more than 800 lawyers with over 15 billion dollars recovered for clients Morgan and Morgan has a proven track record of fighting to get you full and fair compensation If you're ever injured, you need to check out Morgan and Morgan submitting an injury claim with Morgan and Morgan is so easy It's more like using an app than hiring a lawyer. In fact, it's so easy It's more like ordering takeout than hiring a lawyer with Morgan and Morgan You can submit a claim without ever having to leave the comfort of your couch Just open up your phone and in eight clicks or less. You're already done

If you're ever injured in an accident, you can check out Morgan and Morgan their fee is free unless they win for more information Go to for the people.com slash bad friends or dial pound law pound five to nine from your cell phone That's f or the people.com slash bad friends or pound law pound five to nine from yourself This is paid advertising. Are there glory holes on that wall? In the border at the board in mexico, like the texas border Imagine a buddy going it That's not why Yeah, I'm sure there's tunnel. There's probably tunnels there too, right 100

They've already found a bunch of them. Yeah in texas for years. They've been doing this. Yeah, but what kind of tunnel? Are they nice? Yeah Because you've seen tunnels and movies and you know, is there lights? There's gotta be there's to be string up lights at the bottom. Have you ever seen when they do the night crossings? Yeah, when they go out across like the river at night. It's like a full coordinated effort They have like it planned out. They have break stations where they hide water and stuff My tunnel dude would be so dope. You would have the dopest tunnel cement I do a cement thing be a little korean barbecue. Right through yet. Yeah, right you get hot pot halfway through

Right, and then I would probably have drawings on the side. Yeah, you know me etchings No, just people jumping over fences or you know me like this fun stuff freedom right l chop. Oh that one that was l chop Yeah, it's beautiful. That's what I'm talking about right there. Oh, oh, yeah That's so cool L choppo dude so oh look at that. It's a motorcycle attached to a push cart like a train push cart Wow, that's really cool Then it looks like those carts from the cartoons where they go like this on one side where they pump and pump to the other side Have you guys ever seen the videos of the guys? I mean, we might have talked about it on the show

But I watch it every once in a while pass back up on my feed of people caving Going into these little like tiny crevices of caves. Have we talked about that on the show? Well? I've seen movies like that. Oh brother. This one. This is so scary. Yeah, that gets my heart Oh, it gets me there. There's people that go like tiny cave people caving in tiniest way. Oh, yeah I can't watch it. It's fucking. Yeah, look at that. Why the fuck are you doing it? It's insane. Look at this guy He's climbing through this little tiny cave Entering a cave now it gets so there's a there's a there's a father and son on the internet Who do it and they go to the ones that are like the most challenging?

Like this is nothing. You see how wide that is that one was nothing. There's one where he barely fits through Go go more into it go more down the line where you can see how small it gets It creeps me out so much, but I watch it when look at that. Look at that. This this one's big. He's at a breakpoint I watch it when I'm on the toilet and I'm constipated because I'm like if this guy can get there You guys are going to be able to get through Yeah Look at that. You wouldn't be panicked. Yeah, I would be look at a joke. I had a joke, but I can't say it because you're gonna be mad Say it. No, I don't want to say it. Yeah, we have the power to edit. Oh, you do. Yeah. Yeah, I thought he was crawling through your mom's vagina

That's funny. No, it's very funny because that's what happened to me. But anyway, um, uh, can you can you can you google real fast? Yeah, um, uh, squirrel suit flying cave curl squirrel suit squirrel suit cave flying because I want to show you a video Of somebody going through your mom's pussy real fast Yeah, I want to see it. I want to see my mom. I want to show you. Yeah, I want to show you what it looks like here. Yeah I go that that's her. Yeah, so this is a guy jumping into your mom's vagina Here he is. There he goes. There we go. He's about to do it. Uh-huh. If Carlos could only help me with this joke There it is right through your mom's vagina. There it is. Oh, because it's yellow. Yeah And it was last and it was last seen in 2013. Yeah, I don't know why people do that

But um, I gotta tell you something when they die though. I don't feel bad. Well because they're stuck in a cave Yeah, but also, you know how much money you probably cost to get them out of the cave They have to give paramedics to go get all this stuff to get them out That's probably costing the city millions of dollars. That's tax money tax money. That's tax money Spoken like a true spanish republican. What about that movie that james franco did and he got his arm stuck in a cliff What was that 125 hours 127 hours, right? Yeah, even more hours with a number I had some bearing is significant. He lost his arm, right? One arm, right? Yeah, yeah, big deal. By the way, big deal Lose both arms and then run right

He cut it off with a knife this big. He like a swiss army knife, right? Oh, he cut it off The real guy did. Oh my god. That's amazing. There he is. Yeah. Wow He couldn't have waited a couple more hours Apparently not 132 hours, baby. Yeah Was he getting what's that his arm fake arm? Oh my god Well, that's incredible did and there you start that was such a that was such a lazy halloween costume that year How many guys were like, I don't know. I'll just pretend to cut my arm off like the 127 hours guy What's the worst halloween costume you've ever done juice?

I was a tourist once. I regret that. So cheap. Yeah, I would like to take pictures of people and Offensive and I like that. She acted asian. She acted a little bit of you. Don't ask me. What is it? I can't tell you. Come on. I'll get in trouble. Oh, I know. Come on. What blackface Not real. No. No, no. Whoa. No, no, no, no, no, no. Did you ever do blackface? I didn't put I wore a wig What was the character who Michael Jackson? Well, he kind of was wife. Yeah. Yeah. So that's what I'm saying. I'm like, I think I do Michael Jackson So I did Michael Jackson, but I remember getting the black right right

Because you could do it at school We're middle school and you can dress up for that day. It's middle school. It's middle school By the way, that's 40 years ago. Yeah as a kid. I'm like I put one on and I went nah, and I put the soap I took the black off and I just put the wig and the glove on but it's not because you were conscious of what blackface Was going to mean in the future. You just didn't like the way it looked No, no, no, I'm like, no, this is wrong now when you're a kid. You don't know any better. Yeah, that's there's no way You know any better. Yeah In a bit of kid on a thigh

What as a Michael Jackson I bit a little boy on the thigh To play the park. Why can't I say that? Why can't I say that you can Why did you he did not do that? Do you remember the name of the kid that you bit? No, it's just a joke man. I didn't do that. I know and then you make it up. Right. What are you new to this show? It was chimpanzee It was bubbles I got bubbles. Yeah. Yeah. Remember when he hung his kid over the railing. Oh, that was insane Which kid was it blanket? Oh, it's blanket. Yeah, the kid's name was blanket. Are you kidding me?

Kid's name was blanket. Kid's name was blanket Wow, he hung his blanket out the porch. You know what brooklyn prince? I take it back. I take it back brooklyn prince. Your name is fine Blanket Jackson although blanket Jackson sounds like a superhero. Yeah, like a 70s, you know, like down Blanket Jackson, you know, you guys said when I started this if you get me to a hundred thousand followers We're all getting tattoos and you got there. I'm pretty close. What are you at? What are you at? 99.1? Oh my god, look at that. Wow. What watch this watch us juicy. Watch us. How many followers away is that from a hundred thousand? We're talking to Is it less a hundred

more Why why are you putting me on the spot? Because I knew it would be not because you're you're you're basically going oh, he's a broken Asian He doesn't know Discount yeah, yeah, I'm a discount. You're the 99 cent store Asian. Yeah, and that's why I love I'm not good at numbers I know buddy. I'm good at like history. I don't look good. I don't I don't know anything you're good at present What's the present? You're good in the present. I'm in the present moment. Yeah, I know what's going on in the present moment right now Who's the president me? Joe Biden? That's right. You Joe Biden. Yeah, Joe Biden

Imagine if Joe Biden took off his mask and he was you Just a little Korean guy. Yeah I have something to reveal Oh That's why he keeps falling down because he's on still He can't see through the top of that mask Do you remember when Joe Biden fucking fell off? He was Go getting on the plane. He slipped and people saw that it was Jim Carrey

What yeah, like a bunch of like Trump's was that Jim Carrey man Remember when Joe Biden talked out of his butthole when he got on that plane and everybody thought it was A joke He made it though. He made it his entire term Knock on knock on wood. I'll be I don't want him to run again. I don't think he's going to okay. Good. I don't think he's going to Physically, he can't Yeah, so how was the jesselect tour good? Oh wait a minute. We should be we should ask that a little bit angrier How was the jesselect tour? Yeah, betrayer betrayer. Do you have fun on that tour without us? It was one weekend

You were filming a whole movie Oh I can't have any fun I'm yours for the next three months Yeah, that's right. No forever Your team you're gonna sign a contract. Yeah, you are. We actually should sign a jesselect. He's a great guy We love him so much. It was fun. Good. I'm doing half hours So I feel like I'm getting sharp and every show there were bad friends there, which was really cool. Oh, that's fucking awesome

We love him so much. He's so fucking funny that guy man. Yeah, he's probably one of the best joke writers in town I think without question. Yeah out of town any town. His switches are so good. He's very very talented I don't want to talk about him anymore because he stole you from us. We're glad that you were able to do that No, I love I actually fucking love that you said that I was like couldn't think of a better person to go out with that I'd like respect as a comic enjoy as a human like all the above sacramental punchline, which I loved it there Yeah, it's a smaller club, but I'm going back. You sent me a picture of my Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. He doesn't look like sacramental punchline. It was so he I talked to him in he's doing clubs He was telling me like with his hour. He's gonna like

Put in the most work and do those clubs before doing the theater. I think that's so smart He was telling me that last time too. I love that idea Yeah, you went to the sack and I put up my uh my poster back then from sac Yeah, and I said andrew's and the that was the club that I made love to the 60 year old woman Uh waitress. No, she was a I said, oh, yeah, yeah, that was the club where the Grandma came up to me and guys. I think you're so funny young man. You made love to a 60 year old woman No, I just sucked on her titties. Oh, that's sweet. Yeah in her in a car and then she had um the toys from um

Her grandkids and like and I had to read just one, you know I had to read just my body in this second See and the breasts were very beautiful her breath large breath Um, not nipples, um large freckles. Maybe they're lesions. I don't know what they are What I'm curious about is after you had boob play Okay, nothing else and then I called her like one in the morning. I go come over and she's like I'm I'm tired Yeah, I mean because there you don't you you don't get up at like 4 30 You don't put that in your mind because that it was my first, you know, I mean old lady hookup

Right, right, so you don't know, you know, I mean so they had different schedules Well, she drinks her metamucil at like five She's in bed by seven, you know after she watches her programs. Yeah, but I you know, yeah, I liked her, you know You remember her name? No Sacramento shout out whoever you are in Sacramento. Please ma'am find us reach out to us. Bobby still is in love with you And he's single now. So let me tell you something. He's ready to suck on those 80 year old tears Yeah, it's so funny because it's like, you know She was probably only 45 and you were like 20 something. Yeah. Yeah. Well

See that's right in your mind. They always it's so much anything over 40 to when you're in your 20s you go That's pretty old. Well. I was at what I went to my buddy's uh birthday party or wherever at Boulder in uh, Colorado and I went there for his birthday and I hooked up with a chick I like ditched them to go hook up with this girl that I met who had her own apartment and we were like 20 years old And I thought I was like, what is this bitch 50? She had her own apartment. That was insane Yeah, everyone I knew lived with like 40 other people

Yeah, so to have someone that that I I don't know how old she was she was significantly older than me But I was like in my mind. I was like This bitch has got to be a lawyer. She has her own apartment Is she a millionaire? Like I was blown away and I left my glasses over there and I had to go back and get my glasses my sunglasses and uh She didn't look the same as she did before. Wow. Why it was tough. What do you mean? My boys were making fun of me Because you weren't drunk no more so she looked different or was it she was she was she was yeah I was she was pretty she was pretty. Yeah, she looked different

In what way though in like her face like dark crystal. It's almost like it's almost like she wiped off her makeup and it was just like Oh She did that trick by the way, and that's the whole you want to talk about uh fucking throwing us a curveball I see these girls on tiktok and on instagram and like they show you their makeup tutorials and they do like a 40 minute makeup Like you're a different person now. You're not even the same fucking person. That should be illegal They change shape. Have you ever seen these tiktok ones where they go like, um I don't know even know what the like the hashtag is but it's basically like Transformation you see you see a before picture of a joey Diaz

A woman looks right and then she looks like kim Kardashian. It's unbelievable. It's unbelievable But they but they post it on purpose they do they say like catfish bait transformation because they know Yeah, and it's insane these women look nothing alike that they also do the whole body. What? I mean if you do the face do the whole body. Why not look at that catfishing makeup transformation Yeah, it's fucking nuts. It's nuts Look at that girl. She was hot though. I she was cute. I'm not sick. I'm just okay. Yeah, she's cute That's a guy no, I don't think so. I think she's pretty that's a guy That's a guy. That wasn't a guy. That's a hundred percent a guy back it up

That's a hundred percent a guy. Let me look Oh, it is a guy Yeah, there's a guy You're right. That's okay. I can't read it. What you can't read it. It doesn't say that it's a guy Look at that. I don't think that's a guy Carlos. That's your glory hole. Yeah 100% keep going Turn off the tunes turn off the tunes though. We can't we're gonna get what are you getting angry? Oh, wow. Well, she just that's not I know that's that's not that's not what i'm talking about Oh, that's not she's trying to make herself look bad. Yeah, that's not what i'm talking about. Yeah, let's see

Let's see. Let's see It's too much of the set of this way too much of a setup. Yeah What is this an Andrew Santino joke too much set up here just get to the punchline pal No, that's nice. Whatever. That's beautiful made fun of myself there. Thanks guys. Yeah It was actually pretty good. Yeah, that's I gotta put that on somebody else, but I didn't I put it on me Okay, no get to just scroll to someone that you see Carlos. Can I ask you something? Andrew, can I ask you something? Look at this one? Uh, that is that one good? No, she's she's very pretty. That's bullshit Could I do one and look like Randall park?

I wish you don't think that I could do a tutorial and look like how is that not you? Is that not you? Yeah, yeah, okay That's you. That's me. That's a hundred percent. You're right. You're right By the way for the record the amount of fucking people in australia the amount of people in australia they're asian that yelled at Well, first of all, they're all there's so many asian because where it is the amount of people that yelled at me in the street Yeld and I have proof of people that were with me that just go Yo, I'm bobby mara. I'm bobby mom They love that shit. What's and bobby mama?

So we have a viral thing on the internet you and I have a viral thing We do I cross my eyes and I go I'm bobby mara from what I did it Really dude people lose their fucking mind and they do it. They yell it in the street at me They go I'm bobby mom. They all yell it to me in the street That's my newest fan fan base thing. Yeah Is people going I'm bobby mara and they love it and they're all their friends. You know what I'm known as what people walk out to me Hey, man down syndrome guy down syndrome guy. Yeah, you are. I'm not. I don't know if it's just now Yeah, if you say down syndrome guy and no one knows what they're thinking people think I have down syndrome

No, but like okay If somebody goes who you're closest friends in comedy over the years and I name a bunch of people And if I get to you and they're like, uh, and they don't know you which is rare But if they said who and I go bobby lee the the asian down syndrome guy and they go. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, really then they know right away. Yeah, Carlos We've had this conversation a fan came up to came up to Carlos crazily enough. Yeah, this girl was like, I love Carlos I think you're so funny. I've seen you on um the trash show or whatever and then Carlos is like, oh, thanks Introduced me and she's like, oh, hey, what's up? Are you a comedian? I say, yeah, and she's like, oh, I'm really big fan

Like I love comics. Who are you like who's your crew? And I was like, uh, I don't know and then I'm just name I say I have a show with bobby lee and she goes, I don't know who that is. I'm like, you don't know who do you not know Any comics? She goes, well, who is he? I go asian comic down syndrome and she goes. Exactly. Oh bobby lee It she almost like right away. Oh that hurts. Well, it burns. That's what's going on in the streets. Yeah That's fine on in the street. I'm doing your celibacy. Oh, yeah. Are you serious? Yeah Say that again slower. Why because I want to soak it in I'm doing one year celibacy

One year. When did you start? The last time I got laid. When was the last time you get laid? Two months ago By Whoa clip that part. Yeah, no, no, I'm saying you let's use that for yeah. Yeah. Yeah A woman I'm gonna say to people you don't have to say their name. Yeah. Yeah a woman I met on uh A dating app raya No hinge. Oh before I got banned

Oh, you got banned right because you were lying about your age. Yeah Seed everybody poops everybody poops that I know I've done it And when you were a kid did someone read everybody poops uh by taro gomi to you Let's just say many adults have forgotten the details pooping anxiety self-controlled constipation Nervous diarrhea or conditions many adults experience throughout their lives But at the end of the day, it's just poop and seeds d s o one makes it easier to go Have you ever had a time when you just couldn't poop Bob? Oh my god all the time constantly every single day almost But I gotta tell you seed makes d s o one daily symbiotic

Supports healthy regularity healthy motility and ease of evacuation get it out Seeds d s o one daily symbiotic has four specific probiotic probiotic strains That have been shown to promote healthy skin and reinforce a healthy gut skin access Yes, similarly in your gut your skin has its own microbiome your skin is home to trillions of micro organisms and their byproducts collectively known as your skin microbiome Yeah, pretty impressive with seed Uh, it helps your skin and helps you on the go d s o one daily symbiotic is an effective way to start supporting your gut microbiome Well nurturing your gut skin access for healthy glowing skin start a new healthy habit today visit seed.com

Slash bad friends and use code bad friends to redeem 25 percent off your first month of seeds d s o one Daily symbiotic that seed.com slash bad friends and use code bad friends. Uh, are you on any of these? Yeah, but when we go on tour though, can I just ask a question? When we go on tour, what if there's like a man, right handsome, man, I'm gonna describe him He's got like michael shannon eyes And this that one of them is always looking out for you and the other one's looking out for someone else Right. He's got um a luscious goatee, right? A couple of tattoos on the neck. What do they say pita? Pita, yeah, one of them. He's pita. Yeah, pita. Okay, like the animal

Are you saying pita pita pita like a pita bread or are you saying pita the the organization for animals? the bread Totally different guy. Yeah, he loves bread. That is two totally different guys Yeah, yeah pita for people have little treatment of animals and the pita loves pita bread guy And the next tattoo is euro. Oh, he loves euros and pizzas and pizzas. Yeah, but what when I sing euro Huh, what am I saying when I say euro the meat? Yeah, not the that not the money Oh, so he's not euro Oh the money euro. Yeah. Yeah, but not the money. It's the meat. So the meat pita

Right, so they can make a sandwich. Oh, so does he have a little sandwich right? Yeah Does he have tzatziki sauce right down here, right? So there's that that right yoked Jack he's jacked skinny, right? Skinny and yeah, yeah, and he's also check this out. He's um bitcoin Okay, google bitcoin google this bitcoin bro. Who's skinny jacked with neck tattoos right here. He is that's the guy we're talking about This is the guy right here personal walker, isn't that that looks like that's I'm gonna tell you. Yeah, that's him. Do you like guys like that? No that guy

I know maybe five years ago This guy, how about that guy? I I think I really have to know someone's personality I I can that be on dating apps the whole like just like judging them like obviously that plays a factor But I'm a lot of what I'm attracted to and people are their personalities I know you Like a connection with somebody like you like wacky guys like what's up? How are you doing? That guy everybody loves that guy Like maybe a little bit like 10% for sure. Hey, what's that smooth guy smooth guy 60% that

Yeah, 10% wacky. What's the biggest red flags? Give this is a big thing on the internet now red flags sims character What's a red flag? What's your red flags? How about this? We'll play again. I'll give you a thing that they do right and see if that's a red flag for you Okay, you want to do that? Yeah, right? Eat their boogers Eat their boogers Why though, but what if they're mango boogers? Yeah, yeah, and they were extracted from their nose by the way, huh? It was just a joke. Sure. Yeah, I vape through my nose and eat the boogers. That's insane

That says mango booger friends So, um, okay, how about this? Yeah, um, I'm a millionaire, but I got my money, you know through, you know, my grandpa died What do you think red flag or no? Not yet. Cool. Great. Yeah. How about this one? Uh, I'm a millionaire and I acquired most of my money through unethical business practices that I could go to jail for at any given point Red flag. Yeah, of course. Okay. No, I don't know, you know, she could be into guys that go to prison. Yeah um, so I have two testicles missing I have two testicles

Sorry to laugh so hard But I have, you know what I mean? Plastic testicles. Oh, right and they look good because I went to Tokyo to get them Did they have good ones? Yeah, they have great ones. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. And so we can't have kids, right? But you know, my brother Thank God my brother he let me the sperm to go inside my fake Testicles so we could have a baby. It's my brother, but you know, it's coming out of my anyway red flag Can I kick you in the nuts? Yeah, I don't feel the thing. That sounds pretty fun. All right

That's good. That's good. I'm glad your priorities are good. I just wanted me to kick you in the nuts. Give her another one Well, I'm funny in public. We can just stage things How about this? Hey, uh, I'm I'm a okay looking guy But at any given point my my my teeth can just fall out of my head They just start falling out and I have to pick them up and put them back in it happens to me all day long Is this a red flag? It's probably is a red flag

You wouldn't really I would like date him if his personality was like really cool Okay, okay. Okay. What if he would have because it'd be kind of funny. That's what if he has Tourette's red flag I could never bring him to anything I do. Okay. I got one. Okay. Yeah. All right a guy says right You know, I mean I'm a good dude. Where are you guys finding these guys all over the pit when I was 22 two years old I was a school broth driver And dude, you said that's so asian. I was school bus driver Dude, what it's like the old it's like the old you comes back in the play. Yeah. I school bus school bus driver Right and um, I was in an accident

Right. How you doing it again? I'm just gonna do it. Okay. Fuck it. Right. I'll do it like fucking asian, right? We'll do it live. Yeah, we'll do it live, right and um Accident uh Ed all the kids died. I'm not blame I'm not blame. Okay. You know, but I drunk. Oh, no. That's a good one red flag That was 20 years ago. Long time ago. He's paid his penance to society. He got out of prison, but he killed like 38 kids Let's just order dinner first She wants to see yeah, she wants to see if you're gonna pay. Yeah, but like you don't care if like a guy like us Hey, we'll go to Ruth's Chris. I mean, you don't need anything fancy

I don't know what guy says on your first date red lobster. Can we go to What if a guy says can we go on the first date to like chilies or tji fridays or like a chain restaurant? That's fine It's fine. Yeah, what if he says can we go to fast food? What if he said can we do wendy's because I don't have a lot of money right now or burger king I mean I The idea of dating is so weird to me I I can't even fathom it, but if I was like if I met somebody I really liked and he's like, let's go to burger king I'd be like, all right. Let's go. Oh, that's so sweet. You're so fucking sweet. Nice person

What would you say if a girl was like, can you take me to burger king? I go, do we still smash? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, I mean Because you know as a guy you go You know because I've been on dates and stuff right she was I want I want a whopper in me before you put your junior whopper You know you you you go I I have to take this girl to a fancy restaurant. You just assume that yeah, right? So, you know, I've been taking girls to Damien bestie. Why are you doing that? You know, I just think that like you don't that's what they want. No, it's not what they want

I know I know I spent thousands of dollars knowing I found that out Yeah, I found that out, but you also like to eat at those places. Yeah, but he'd rather go alone and not pay for two people Yeah, and you're paying for are they having like wine or drinks? I mean I had one that's because they're making mad go ahead so I went on a date with this girl and um Picked her nice place and then a week later. Let's hang out again. And when I picked her up, she had her friend Hmm, right. She had her friend and she goes um, what nice place are we going to and I had already made a reservation And during dinner, I realized, you know, I mean, they're poor girls

Yeah, they're playing you they're playing me and it really hurt might hurt me. That's fucked up Did you you ate the meal though? Didn't you took them out? Didn't you? I did. Yeah, you're too nice. That's you're a nice guy That's sucked. I've taken about every night since then No, it broke my house. It's like and now when I dropped them off, I knew I would never see them again You know what would be awesome though, but if you ate your meal and they'd be like, I'm gonna go to the bathroom And then you just left them there Yeah That's revenge

They fucked you out of it. They like basically manipulated you into a me or you pay for your half. Yeah, you pay for your portion Yeah, and then the waiter goes hey, so he paid for his half, but Yeah, you guys have to pay for your fuck. No, I'm not mean Just do it. No, but it's mean. I'm the sucker. It's mean. I'm the sucker. It's mean of her to bring her friend Yeah, but I didn't know that you know who No, that's fucking mean. Yeah, that's mean. What's okay. Give us let's be honest No jokes. What's real red flags that guys do for you. What's actually red flags? Like, what's your ick? What's the ick that guys do that you're like, fuck that's gross. I hate when the guys are that

Well, like really, I don't know if this is one, but like it doesn't have a car. It would be really hard for me That's a red flag. No car red flag. Really? Yeah, because like In fucking LA. Yeah, it's just no. I know dudes that are rich and don't have a car. Okay, but that's in new york Yeah, but also The guy in LA she's referring to that doesn't have a car. It's not rich Right, what if he owns a house? Owns a house and doesn't have a car. Yeah This guy's upside down. Yeah, what if he doesn't have the motor skills?

Oh, oh, oh, I have carpal tunnel Oh, that's different. What is wrong? Yeah, is that what your hands? Yeah. Yeah, I have carpal tunnel And I have spinal bifida beneath the knees. Do they have that? It doesn't mean anything I've seen a guy that drives with his mouth. Oh, I've seen that those guys like hits the thing Yeah, I've seen that. I've seen that. I've seen that. Okay. So that's not a no no So so no car. No car. I feel dry. That's right. So no car red flag. What else? Um What if he says something like the best movie ever made is Fast and the Furious part four Well five really but yeah, yeah, I understand. Yeah, like any other fast like the greatest better than best cinematic film ever made ever made

I'd hear him out Yeah, you have to it's more like a Like if someone was mean to people, you know, or like littering Littering you don't literally litter bug. Nobody likes a little bit of American They hate it. She is one eighth. Oh, that's right. That's that's that part. Yeah. Uh, wait a minute Uh littering and what was the other one you just said? Um, if somebody is like mean to other people, I really don't like that like rude to customer What if a guy spits a lot outside? You gotta like I don't really like this. She doesn't like spitting. No spitters

No spitters. What about Gleekers? Yeah, I don't like it. You know like what he can't you can't help it. Oh every time he opens his mouth a little squirt comes out Yeah, I'm not into it. He can't control it. That's fine. All right. All right. What are your red flags? This is a better one. What are your red flags things that I do bad? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is a trend on the internet now They ask people okay. Those are the red flags because everyone has these high standards of people that are around them What about you? What do you think? I want to I want to play I want to play I want to play you will do one second, baby No, um, like I'm pretty selfish with my time Okay, I'm like very like career oriented. So that always comes first. Okay. What else?

Perfect in any other way I'm trying to think of like Things that guy wouldn't like that Um, what has any other ex you know, here's one. That's I'm a really particular about time like if you're like 10 minutes late I'm like really upset by it. You you overreact to I really overreact to it. I can what way like I think I have like control issues. Maybe All right, right. Yeah, because we only see this aspect Because you know, you know where in a way. We're your boss. Do you feel that? Yeah, I feel like I'm giving you like

Yeah, you're giving us our best, you know the best Jesse my weakness I want to see the on the road. I want to see the other side. You're gonna. Yeah, I want to you know, I want to see random queefs Just a random one, you know, I mean Right, I want to see stuff, you know, I mean and go You want you want to be grossed out by her not grossed out. I just want to see Some of your character defects. Okay. What are yours? What are your red flags? 12 hours of video games huge red flag, right? I mean, it's massive No movement

You mean a lack of exercise? No movement. Yeah. No, that's what I meant. Yeah just That's it. Yeah, that's what I do video game car. Yeah house video game car I I do things. Oh, um, the way I clean the cat litter is wrong. You know what I do? No, I just put more litter on And then I pile it to the point where there's a mound and now the cats are like They're freaking the fuck out They they slip they don't like it. You make them play king of the hill of shit. Yeah. Yeah. You have to get up a hill of poop Yeah, and then what I do is this instead of clearing it up. I'll go buy more cat boxes

So there's like 15 of them Right, and they're all mounds and I'll get a new one and put the thing in and then so yeah, it's that's that's what? What else is that a red flag? massive Yeah, for some people, you know, that's why I'm taking a year off celibacy. You're taking a year with Of celibacy because I just need to find my way I Want to get rid of some of these red flags

You know what I mean? And I you know, I used to do yoga. Yeah. Yeah, and I used to do it again I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna yoga. I'm gonna get a haircut And I'm gonna get abs Do we want to make a monetary bet on this? Oh, yeah that you won't get abs Well, what do you mean by abs? Exactly abdominal muscles that show with definition four pack Okay, I'll give you a two pack. He's not getting two four. That's insane. Two pack is two pack count one pack two pack One one muscle

I want to show any definition. You're not showing shit. Oh, I'm gonna okay. Yeah, so what what's my thousand dollars? What's up my timeline? You tell me your timeline a year Yeah, all right, so what's the date now? That's plenty of time for no, I'm gonna do it in three weeks never Watch I'm gonna do it in three weeks. We're on the road for a month. Okay after and then another month You know after the tour and then you're going on vacation. Yeah, I'm gonna take a break And after the break That's six months after the break by that time you'll have three months left And then the video game championships come up. Oh, yeah

You don't realize this though, you this is what people don't realize right When I was um 37 years old, I got a trainer Mm-hmm, right and for a year. I lost 20 pounds and I was kind of ripped Okay, and then when I got in a relationship, I started Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I think I'm gonna do it again. You're gonna do it again I think I I'm 51. So I go, you know, I have one last shot at 52 this year. Yeah, I've won last shot Well, let's get you a trainer. I'm down. Yeah, should we have a fund Should we hire a trainer to get with us on the bus on the road to make us do bus workout? We've spent enough money

It's been actually I've ever learned. It's pretty insane. Yeah, it's pretty insane. Be our trainer, please Want me to train you guys? Can I ask you one last thing about you two? I just and don't make don't be offended. Okay What I'm not gonna say. I just a little well whenever somebody says don't be offended. I know now. I'm embracing myself brace yourself No, I'm just casually talking. Okay. That's a friend. You're right. That's your boss. You're right. Maybe a little tan Oh my god. A tan? Yeah Uh, what do you think? Well, I usually want her to get tan. Let's see what happens. Wait. Why do you care if she's tan? Look at how fucking white I am. I know I don't think you can I don't think you can get a tan. I can I can get sun kissed. It's been raining non-stop here. You're right in the summer

I'm saying it's not my fault. No, I'm not just you're perfect If I was a little more tan You just have a vampire vampire vampire Yeah You're one to talk Will you go to the tanning bed with me? No, wait, can we just during my vacay I'm being real when I go on my vacation. I want to do a month In to loom. Okay, you're gonna come. Well, let's not tell people where we're gonna fucking go. We're not going to to loom. That's right. Yeah

Yeah, we're gonna go somewhere else. We'll go to fiji somewhere. Well, we're ruining all the all these spots We can't go to any of that. I want to go to a place where I can drink pineapple juice And lay down do my ab work I'm sorry. Yeah, I'll do my ab work. You know, it's so funny. You're smiling. You don't think I'm gonna do it Everyone's smiling and you don't think I'm gonna fuck it. Why are you smiling? That's fucking rude dude Dude, fuck you man. Dude, dude. What show your stomach right now on camera Just so we can see it Okay, it's actually not as big as I thought it was gonna be but stop sucking it in now put it out

Oh my god, you should have seen my back when I did that Yeah Oh my god, that was tough. I had to change like internal organs. I heard your body going Holding on for dear life. That was tough. Okay, we're gonna document it. Yeah, I want to do it because um I want to live for a long time. I want you to live forever. Yeah, I want to live for a long time You guys know are you guys are known to live a long time? Aren't you? Who's you guys? You people in okinawa they do What what's so funny, okay? What's the what's that in south korea 83 years? Is that good?

Wait, we've got to be almost the same in the united states japan more japan 84. Yeah, you better believe it 83 years Who's the look average right longest life expectancy? Who is it longest life expectancy? Let's let's guess real fast. Uh I I say sweden. I was just gonna guess that it's got to be a nordic country. No, no Greece turkey something like that. No mediterranean. No Wow What is it japan and singapore? Yeah, that kind of makes me sad But the reason why in japan, you know, why right? What why in japan? Yeah, because they blur the blur the porn. They don't get

Why why did japanese live so long especially and I only know in okinawa is because they have communal living So they live in villages, right? So if a baby, you know, I mean a kid is lost the whole you know, the whole neighborhood takes You know, it's a whole neighborhood. They take care of each other, right? It's also a lot of fishing Yeah, so it says low rate of obesity low consumption of red meat high consumption of fish and plants Yeah, soy beans and tea But soy is not great for you particularly as a man soy is not good for you because it has a lot of um What soy processed or just soy in general well soy processed. That's what we eat here in the states

Yeah, just get the bean we but you know just the bean that's not what people do That's why I do japan's okinawan island nicknamed the island of longevity Locals refuse to die residents suffer from low levels of heart disease cancer dementia and okinawan's robust social life in strong sense of Ikagi a unique purpose in life often keeps them alive and healthy past the age of a hundred ikagi It means uh when you have something to do. This is why I think like they have the best denim Japanese denim is the best. No okinawan. It's okinawan. Yeah, okinawan denim Yeah, because I go to self edge and that they get all the okinawa denim. It's the best place if you ever in san francisco

New York or LA the best place to get denim is self edge, but it's so it's so like it's cool strong You got to wear it in look at these Yeah, yeah, man, how long did it take you 36 years? Yeah, but it's like you don't wash them And they look dope dude. Yeah, they do look dope. I get it. Yeah. Are those soccanis? I didn't know you like soccanis. I like soccanis a lot. Yeah, those are really nice Yeah, we were kids we used to say soccanis Um, okay, so on the road. We're going to document some of this

I'm going to bring stuff to work out because I want to work out on the road because you know I like working out and you know who we're going to have documented We have somebody mcconan mcconan come in here mcconan come sit in the chair There he is. This is my boy right there. This is this is our new little filthy dirty Repulsive skank. Yeah. Yeah, he's a little skank slut whore. Look at him a little. Can I say something about this guy? I remember where we met at the store and you got to put the mic near your mouth Rudy. It's like the old day Put it near there. Where did you guys meet again when I called him? He said he knew you okay

And um, usually when people come out to me, right at the comedy store, I'm a little defensive. I'm nice Right, but there was something about this guy. I'm like What do you think it was? He's got that 70s handsome drug dealer vibe. He was confident and he taught I think you opened up with movies Yeah film. What'd you open up with? um Because we had actually talked once before then And you told me about uh, let the right one in let the right one in so then that's how you opened

Yeah, so we started talking about that and then and then we started talking about derma derma My good friend our good boy. Brenda's the best one of the greatest of all time. Yeah, because uh Uh, before I when I was still in college like in 2020 during the pandemic I was back in minnesota and I heard derma on an episode of tiger belly And he got into the same college that I did columbia chicago So then you know, y'all were talking about how just like approachable he was so then I reached out to derma and then He like, you know, put me on when I got out here and then yeah eventually through that, you know We're all full circle back here. I fell face first into luck. He's incredible. He's a lifesaver

He's a lifesaver. Yeah, people are like that. Well, you know what it is. I'll know also helps I don't think it's it's not a coincidence. He's a handsome looking kid. He's got ice blue eyes. I say look at ice eyes Is what I call him. That's corky ice eyes. Yeah, you know corky from facts life. Remember corky. Oh, yeah Down syndrome. Yeah, that's him corky ice eyes His name on my phone is corky ice eyes. Yeah, also when you have a kid that has Down syndrome don't name corky It just doesn't sound right. Why give him a strong name Yeah, what's wrong with corky? What's better? Yeah, what's better? What do you associate Jackson? Oh Jackson. Yeah, yeah, I like that Anyway, McCone's gonna come with us. He's gonna be shoot. Are you in a relationship? No, wow

Single ready to you and this guy's gonna tear it up Carlos. Oh, right. Don't even bring any by my way. I'm in celibacy Did you hear that? Yeah, not it's all your worst guys and by the way It's all your way him flirting with someone that he kind of started. No, like it's a cock block. I'm real bad Yeah, we'll shut that down. You'll see you're gonna see a completely different human being I have a um a date coming to the vancouver. Okay, good. Do you really? Yeah, are you excited for that a little bit? Yeah, she seems cool Why are you saying it? People my friends get joy. What if she's beautiful? And what if she's kind of into you? But no, she won't be listen the kind of get I mean, I've seen the girls

He's been with yeah, it's not my level What do you mean? He's odd. He's above you. He's out of your league is what you're saying is he's out of you No, I do we just we play in two different teams our games. What are yours? My game is like I'm very sure it's he skins Yeah, yeah, I'm very picky Right, but you I've seen you, you know, you know, you know what that was a shock by the way What him saying picky means like you you're cool with some a couple of couples. That's so fucking crazy. That's not what I meant If you say I'm picky, he's not really that means he's okay with trash sometimes That's what you're saying. He's isn't that right?

He's willing to explore further in the forest That's probably true. That's what I'm saying. That's a couple of beasts. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah further Darker and your date Carlos. Yeah, and how have you been in LA? Uh, just over two years an hour and a half Has it been raw for has it been I don't know I came in during a really weird time because it was like January of 2021 So it was like the height of the pandian everything. So there was like it was like Like nothing there was no bars nothing was open

So I just kind of like started my internship working on sets and there was nothing else to do So I really just had to focus on work and finishing the last semester of school And then I how do you know 23? Okay Wow, that's when I started stand up me too at 22 23. Yeah, my god And he's way ahead of where we were back then. Yeah, and you're not intimidated by us. I don't feel No, I'm terrified. Yeah, he is really he's just he just hides it really well. Wow He didn't Do you remember bobby when we were talking you were like I was like stumbling over my words and you're like here like hold on

You're like slow down like let's we'll grab a seat. Oh, that's right. Yeah, but you were like, um, you couldn't catch your words Yeah, he said you're determined. You know, I came out here film. You know, I'm like relax sit down Right and then you you got in the pocket. But now you're here now. You're here. Look at it cold as ice, baby Why are you grabbing your wrist like that? That's what happens when you get nervous I don't know. I kind of have to go to the bathroom too, but I don't actually yeah, he does have to you know the hand thing What is that? I read on um an article about when people, you know, there's certain hand gestures they do that dominate the room And ilan mosque and other powerful people they do this with their hands when they talk to people really?

Yeah, and this is supposed to like do something Shut up. What does it do? I do feel more powerful. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Look at this. Yeah Try it. That's the illuminati This should I see that you see this a lot. Yeah politicians do that's what mr. Burns does. Yeah This is something. Anyway, just start doing it. No, but that's gotta have you seen this one Do this here you go here you go All right, what's that? Rad

This was a crazy one never did that you never did that when you're kidding. I don't ever want to do it again Check out this one. Yeah. What's whoa? You guys are placating me. No, no You've never seen anything like this All right, so here's here's a couple of rules that we're gonna go over for the tour bus when we're on tour I'm gonna say it again. No pooping We get it. I'm gonna say it again. No pooping Another rule whoever does the worst on stage that night has to drive the bus

But is it because we don't have a bus driver. We lost you want me to drive the bus Is it three of us or is everybody you could we'll be on stage, right? Uh on stage. Yeah, we'll just be me you him and Carlos will be roaming with us It's gonna be like Leonard Skinner's of iDrive We are going to mississippi No, no, no. Yeah, no, no, no, we don't we're both iDrive. We're gonna be good. We're not gonna have you drive We're gonna let an asian woman drive the bus across the country. Hey yo All right, listen

I'm happy to go on tour. We're going to so many cities We better you better pack the seats when we come out Particularly, Oklahoma City. We're coming to see you guys st. Louis Louisville Uh fairfield, Virginia Raleigh Durham, North Carolina Uh, uh, charlotte All of florida all over texas you guys show up show out go to bad friends pod.com and see us and at the same time We're all going to say how we end the show one two three. Thank you