Bad Friends - Bobby's Baby Powder

Episode Date: February 3, 2025

Get MORE Bad Friends at our Patreon!! https://www.patreon.com/badfriends Thank you to our Sponsors: Draft Kings, Acorns, Shipstation, 1-800-FLOWERS & Factor • Draft Kings: https://sportsbook.draftkings.com Download the app and use code BADFRIENDS to get $200 in bonus bets when betting $5* • Acorns: Start investing in your future today at https://www.acorns.com/badfriends • Shipstation: Start your free trial today at https://www.shipstation.com/badfriends • 1-800-FLOWERS: To claim your Double your Roses offer, go to https://1800flowers.com/badfriends. • Factor: Get 50% off at https://factormeals.com/badfriends50off with promo code BADFRIENDS50OFF YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 Chinese Elmo 5:00 The Rainbow Disconnection 10:00 Cow Poop Cologne 15:00 NeverEnding Ranch 23:45 Cloning My Dog 31:00 The Donut Debate 37:00 Andrew Prank Calls Bobby's Ex 45:00 Locking Your Car 50:00 David Lynch Movies 55:00 How Did Jack Nance Die? 1:00:00 Old Wise Tales More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbylee.live More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Juicy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jetskijohnson/?hl=en More Fancy SOS VHS: https://www.youtube.com/@SOSVHS Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ *Gambling problem? Call 1-800-Gambler. In New York, call 877-8HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369). In Connecticut, Help is available for problem gambling. Call tel:[phone] or visit ccpg dot org. Please play responsibly. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (Kansas). Twenty-one plus age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void in New Hampshire, Oregon, Ontario. Bonus bets expire one hundred sixty eight hours after issuance. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see http://DKNG.co/BBALL. Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.com/ Podcast Producer: Andrés Rosende This episode contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends #sponsored #ads Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey guys, you guys love loved ones? Loving loved ones is important. And Valentine's good? Valentine's Day is next week and I'll be in Boston. If you're not there. Four shows. At the Big Wilbur Theater. They're doing four shows.

Bring your loved ones. Yeah. Come out Boston, come see me. February 14th and 15th and then the week after that in Minneapolis, Minnesota, I'm doing four shows. I'm filming my special. Please come out and see it. My Hulu special will be taped in the beloved Minneapolis, Minnesota. Go to Andrew Santino dot com for those tickets.

Andrew Santino dot com. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? White dude and Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends. Oh, look at this. This is great news. Sesame Street welcomes TJ, the first Filipino American muppet. Finally. Finally, dude. Dude, finally.

Finally, dude. Yeah. What do the comments say? Anything rude? We made it. We made it. He's studying to be a nurse, right? Somebody said that?

Yeah, that's so really funny. Sesame Street welcomes first nurse puppet. Here's what I don't get. And may I, may I, can I ask you a question? Yeah. About Sesame Street? Yeah. Is there a Chinese one?

Yeah. What, Elmo? Yeah. Elmo Chinese. Elmo Chinese. Who me? I'm Chinese. I'm Chinese. Yeah, you know, look, I can tell you what everybody is just based on it. Oh, yeah.

All right. Okay, let's go. That's Ernie, right? Yeah, that's no specific. Ernie is 100%. He's Puerto Rican. Ernie is obviously Puerto Rican. Oh, yeah.

Ernie. Ernie. He's Puerto Rican. Yeah. All right. Oh, is this the first? Which one's the Muppet? Which one's the Muppet? Which one's the Muppet? That's an Asian Muppet.

Her name is G. Young. That is not an Asian Muppet. That's not on the show. On the show. That is on the show. That is on the show. But also that's not an Asian Muppet. She's Korean.

That girl looks Spanish. That looks like a Spanish Muppet. Yeah, they didn't want to mess with you. You know what it is? You know Jim Henson's factory or whatever? Yeah. You know the eye drawer? You gotta go back to the eye drawer.

You know the drawer they use? There's our dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There we are. Here we go. This is the OG. This is the OG crew. Okay, so let's see.

First up is Bert. What's Bert? Bert. Bert's gay. Yeah, I know Bert's gay, but what, he looks Eastern European. He's Slovakian. Slovakian. Slovakian. Yeah. Yeah, I agree.

Just the eyebrows. And then what about Cookie Monster? Cookie Monster is Armenian. He is! Is he not? Yeah, bro, bro, eat your cookies. Yeah! Yeah!

Armenian for sure. He drives a white Mercedes. Yeah, yeah. What about Grover down in the left-hand corner? Who's- Wait, let me think about Grover. Yeah, yeah for sure. He drives a white Mercedes. What about Grover down in the left-hand corner? I've never, let me think about Grover. Yeah, yeah, yeah, autism. Yes, he's autistic. Autism, right?

What's his nationality? Well, no, what's his race? Race, I mean, yeah. What is Grover's race, we think? I would imagine... Spanish, fancy. Exactly, dude, exactly. That's what they're like.

Which are at your service, sir? When they colonized, there was a million of those. Yes. Hey, hey, hey, hey. We're gonna take your country. Imagine on the beach. We're gonna take your country. We're gonna take your country.

We're gonna colonize your women. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go back to the original picture. Yeah. This is the most interesting one that I want your advice on, because I know you're intelligent and the way that you operate is so astute. You can always call it out.

I wanna see the picture of the crew. Okay. Of all the crew, the original Muppet Gang. Okay. I gotta tell ya. Okay, here we go. Who is, well, he's not even in this. I was gonna say, Big Bird.

What is Big Bird? Big Bird? What is Big Bird? Big Bird's a bird. No, dude Bird, what is Big Bird? Big Bird? What is Big Bird? Big Bird's a bird. No, dude, what race is Big Bird? I think he might be black. Is it a guy, Big Bird? Yeah, yeah.

Who knows, right? They kind of keep it, okay, oh, what about- Grover. We did Grover. Not Grover, what's the brown guy? The dog to the very top left. Fozzie. Fozzie.

Not the right, to the left. Oh, oh, the dog is... What is his name, dude? Yeah, right there, Ralph. Ralph. Yeah, Ralph. I mean, we know what Ralph is. We don't even need to know what he...

Go ahead, man. No, you go ahead, man. No, you go ahead, man. I don't know, I'm confused. I don't know, I'm lost. You said you know what it is. I mean, he looks like an adopted black kid. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. By a white family? Yeah, that white family. Look at the way he's doing his hair now. He wants to fit into the family, right? So he got him, he got it straightened. That's not fair. Yeah, that's not fair.

But you're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go back. Look at him. What about Fozzie Bear? See, Fozzie plays jazz. Yeah, Fozzie Bear? See Fozzie plays jazz. Yeah, Fozzie's dope. He's cool as shit.

He's black. Yeah. And what's the woman, what about Miss Piggy? Oh, oh. Uh-oh. What? Who is Miss Piggy? What race would Miss Piggy be?

I mean, if you were to talk about anyone trans, that's I think Miss Piggy. Miss Piggy's trans. It's gotta be trans. You think so? Yeah. Yeah, and so Kermit. Yeah, Kermit, yeah.

Kermit doesn't have, he's like asexual. I think he is an, yeah, he's an incel. Honestly, dude, the mind of a man to come up with a world of Muppets. I scat. Here's another thing, the mind of, the people that, how do you write a song for Sesame Street?

You and I can do one right now? No, you can't. Yeah, we can. Mathematics, twice. You're already on it. Yeah. That's the number two. Press the record right now.

Yeah, yeah. Mathematics three times. Right? That's the number three. Okay, how about this? Yeah, you go. Ready? Yeah.

I'm a producer and you're a writer. Listen, dude, we need to write a song kids don't know about vegetables, dude. That's right. That's right. That writer, like being confused and kind of scared is funny. That's right. That writer, like being confused and kind of scared is funny. That's right. Yeah, yeah.

And we need pronto, dude. So we, all the vegetables, as many vegetables as you can and no fruits. Got it. That writer. Got it. You got it. Yeah. Got it.

We need it in 20? 20 days? Minutes. Minutes? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You need it right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we do. Really? Yeah. Okay.

And that little Asian writer that you have that, I don't know if you- Bobby? Yeah, yeah. Or Mr. Lai Lai. Mr. Lai Lai. He's my assistant. You're your assistant? Maybe he can help.

Fine, yeah, I have to get him off. He's at ScentStore right now working, but I can- Oh, okay, yeah, yeah. What is it? Lai Lai. We have a line at the ScentStore. I know, dude, they can wait. Oh my God.

I got something way more important. What is it? We need to write a song about vegetables now. You need to. We need to, Lai Lai. You don't pay me. You owe me. John, you need to pay me. John, you need to pay me. I know dude, they can wait. Oh my god. I got something way more important. What is it? We need to write a song about vegetables now. You need to. We need to, by the way. You don't pay me.

You owe me. John? You never made me the scent. Oh, that's right. That's right. All right. So make it up. Ready?

I need the... Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun Asparagus and spinach down your hatch broccoli broccoli Broccoli stop stop stop for a second broccoli. Stop stop What if we just do one vegetable like per phrase well, dude, I'm trying to spread it out It'll be the longest song Potato is it a fruit or a vegetable? Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun run potato is it a fruit or a vegetable? Um, yeah. Okay, here we go. You ready, sir? We're gonna play it live on the show. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Great. Yeah, and what Muppet are we gonna use for this? Please say Big Bird, please say Big Bird. The new one. Oh, the Puerto Rican one. Yeah, the Puerto Rican one, yeah. Fuck. The Filipino.

The Filipino, Pongo. Pongo. Yeah. Okay. Hi, Pongo. Do you have the song for me? Pongo, do you know your vegetables? Hi Pongo. Do you have the song for me?

Pongo, do you know your vegetables? Okay, I'll read the lyrics. Mushrooms, mushrooms, mushrooms. That's it. Cut. That's all you got, dude? That's all we got. You gave me 20 minutes.

Was that Ellen John on it? Yeah, everyone's been, we should have been on Sesame Street. Yeah, look at his little pervy. How about this one? A little pervy smile. Yeah. If you see a man in a van don't get in. but if you do get in, know you're karate and taekwondo. But you're little, so he's gonna get you anyway. Get the spray's ready And the whistle blow Try to escape if you can

And you And when you escape the fan you run And there's 12 of them Chasing you And they are Brown But no Race Specifically No specific race

But they're brown and they have accents But nothing specific But they're not Legal specific, but they're not illegal. No specific race. They're not illegal. No, they're here, totally legally. They're not asylums or refugees.

Call us Sesame Street. Call us, we'd be great. I figured we could make a song for these guys. Yeah. I gotta be honest with you, dude. This new cologne that you got on is so good. It's driving me nuts. Are you being real?

I'm getting me horny. Are you being real? I'm horny from it. Because I go to the set room. It's so, I'm so horny. Can I take you to the set room? No, I don't, I keep it a secret from me. I'm like your little mistress.

No, no, no, no, no. I'm your little mistress. No, no, you gotta come with the scent room. I'll buy you a cologne. It's not about that. Yeah, it is. What I like to do, my friend, is I like to take a friend, usually a woman.

Me? Yeah, yeah. I'll dress up for you. And we'll go to the scent room. It's on L'Archement, right? And then they have colognes and perfumes that aren't widely available, okay? I'm going.

I'm being real. I'm going, I'm gonna go. And I give them a smell, like I have this one, I don't know what it's called, but it smells like cow poo. Oh yes. No, no, be real. Yo, moopoo. Yeah, it's not called moopoo.

It's not moopoo? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think it is moopoo. Japanese said moopoo. Yeah, it's Japanese, yeah. But when you spread it on your body, it changes the chemistry of it. Right, yeah. It does, You guys are laughing. It does. And you smell like sheep poop.

Right. Yeah. It smells like sheep poop after that. No. But it does smell like a barn. Right. So I'll go in there and I'll go, so today I'm feeling like, okay, think of Nirvana. Whoa. Or the Enlightenment. Both. Yeah. Both, dude. Both. Both of Nirvana. Whoa. Or the Enlightenment. Both? Yeah, both, dude. Both?

Both Nirvanas. Right. Right, and they go, what is it? I go, the band? They go, we don't know, because they're younger. Oh, they're kids. Right, right, right. So then think Taylor Swift.

Same kind of band. Same audience. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then think Nirvana, the Enlightenment, right? Then also think about hiking. Ooh. And also think about, right? Cock fights.

Oh yeah. Yeah. Not the penis. No, no, no. I can explain it to you. Cock fights, the birds. Penises fighting, but the birds fighting, right? But also penises fighting.

That too. Yeah. You can even say that. Yeah. And then go go we'll be right back And they don't come back for hours You're just standing there in the store, right? Right, and they come out and they go maybe something else You know, I go no Nirvana. Yeah cock fights Nirvana

hiking Right, you know me the two cocks two cock fights two cock different kinds of cock fights. Wevana, hiking, cock fights, right? You know what I mean, the two cocks. Two cock fights. Two cock, different kinds of cock fights. We'll be right back. Another hour passes, right? And they go, here we go. And this is it.

No, this is not the one I'm wearing now. That's not the cock fight? No, no, no. But that's what I'm saying. You and I can go in there. What do you want to smell like? Ooh, okay. Hootie and the blowfish.

Well, I'm the guy. Welcome to the scent room. Hi. I'm Demi Try. Hi, Demi Try. Yeah, and Lai Lai. Demi Try Lai Lai. Yes.

Wonderful to meet you. Call me Mr. Lai Lai. Okay, Mr. Lai Lai. Yeah, well, hi. Hi. What you doing? I'm here to buy a scent. What were you thinking?

Ooh, I'm thinking like what my vibe is right now. I think- Well, not now. Okay, went for another time? In the future. Let's say 10 years from now. Got it. Right, because I know what you're gonna be doing

10 years from now. You do? Oh yeah. Really? You're gonna- Does it look a little bit like this? No, it doesn't. No.

Oh, I'm in a tomb? You're a tomb, Joseph. You're a mummy I'm in a tomb? You're in a tomb, Joseph. Wow. You're a mummy. I'm a mummy? Yes. Mummy dog. You know.

Okay, my buddy came here, Bobby Lee. Do you know Bobby Lee? Oh. He's like my best friend. Yeah, the one that we, you mean the cow poop guy? If you're gonna try to insult my friend while he's not here, I'm gonna have to fight you. Well, it was very hard to fucking bottle the cow poop.

We had to drive all the way down. Well, then why don't you work somewhere else? We did it. I'm sorry, sir. Yeah, he wanted what he wanted. You got what he wanted. Exactly, so what would you like, sir? Thank you.

Yeah. He told me Bobby said it's a band, an activity, and an animal thing. Exactly. That's right? Right, so let me get my chart out. Get it out. The first thing, please, the band.

Band. Yes. Are you ready? I have my pen and my paper. Sir, go to Sephora if this is the kind of energy you're gonna have. I just came from there. They sent me to you. Alright.

They ran out of rude. I'm gonna kick you out to Sephora the next time you give me a little fucking bite. Alright. That! What the fuck? I don't like that! I said alright! I'm Mr. Lai Lai!

I know Mr. Lai Lai. Treat me with respect! Sir? What's my first name? Tiki Tiki tempo no Am I try I Dimitri I like Lai Lai Lai Lai all right sir so here we go I get the chart out I have my pen all right, and I'm ready and the band quit silver Okay, mm-hmm it now we have two squicks over just just want to write. We also have the Avenger. Give me a little bit of both.

We also have the actual mineral quick silver as well. I'll take a little bit of all. Okay. So all three quick silver. Thank you. That's all we got. Okay. So and then the second thing, please.

The activity. Activity, please. Space docking. Space docking. Now we don't have space, we have moon landing. Now what is that? Oh! Yeah. I know.

He brought it back. Armstrong did. God bless. He brought it back from the moon in the 60s. If the moon landing was a sexual phrase, what is a moon landing? Excuse me? Well, you know what space docking is, right sir?

It's when one piece is uncircumcised and one circumcised and the uncircumcised sleeve covers up the circumcision. Yeah, of course. That's docking. Of course. What is a moon landing in sexual terms? Moon landing is when a woman or a man lays on his stomach, right, and you get baking powder.

Yeah. And you pour baking powder all over his back. Oh. Then you gotta get your moon shoes on. Got it. You gotta get the thick ass moon shoes on. The big boots. The big boots. And I have one from actual NASA.

You do? Yeah, when I do my moon landings, I have one from, now I stole it. You jacked it from NASA? I only have one boot. Okay. They're heavy. Yeah.

Try to get that boot across that fence. Right? Is that a Trump thing? Exactly. A border boot? It Is that a Trump thing? Exactly. A border boot? It's just a border boot. Ah-ha. Yeah. You don't know NASA's in Mexico?

One S-Mos-Tap. NASA's in Mexico, I don't know if you know that. So anyway, so I put the one boot on, right? I put the baby powder and I do the moon walking on the back. And that's a moonwalk. That's a moonwalk, yeah. I had this vision of, you'd have seen the rockets when they have to control land them.

Yeah. Of like someone with their legs above their head, butt in the air, and then a penis. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uh you do that. . So we put moon walking, the smell, okay. Hey, lie. There's another guy named Lye.

You're Mr. Lye? Lye, and his name is Lye. His first name's Lye? His first name's Lye. Can I be honest with you? Yeah. This sounds like a lie. It's not.

Ironically, his last name is Juna Matri. Oh! Oh! Yeah, it's reversed. I get it. So anyway, and that's third thing, please. Oh, I see, Lye, get the baking powder ready. Okay, so's reversed. I get it. So anyways, and that's third thing, please. Oh, as in lie, get the baking powder ready. Okay, so go ahead.

Okay. Yeah. Okay. Does he know what you're talking about? You just yelled, get the baking powder ready. Yeah, moon. Oh, he knows that, that's signal for moon? Yeah, exactly.

Got it. So you have my band, my element, my Avenger. Quicksilver, all three, get all three Lye. And then we also have Moon walking, Lye, listen! Okay? And then the third thing, please. And the third thing is a what? It's an animal event?

It's an animal event. It can be a variety of things. Okay. It could be a lion to tiger. Falcor. Excuse me? Falcor from Never Ending Story, Falcor. We don't have Falcor, I'm so sorry.

We have Cherub. You like Cherubs? You seriously don't have Falcor? We don't have Falcor, no, he died in the movie. What? Yes, it's a little known fact, but Falcor actually died. You know how Brandon Lee died? Yeah, yeah, the bullet.

Right, right, Falco died. Do you remember, you know what I mean, the Alec Baldwin event? Same thing. Yeah, unfortunately, you know what I mean? It happened again. Yeah, a dummy gun. And there's no guns in, which is crazy,

in Never Ending Story, there is no guns in the movie. There should have been. I know exactly, but there was one that shot Falco. Anyway, he died. And the lawsuit's still pending. I'll take a cherub. I'll take a cherub. I gotta go.

Okay, well, it takes, well, to get the cherub though, because we have to actually go to Middle Earth. Honestly, can you hurry up? I don't believe it, sir. No, I'm serious. You think there's cherubs here in LA? It's your store. I know you have that there.

Paris Hilton had one years ago, died. Michael Jackson had one, right, but you know who ate it? His monkey. Bubbles? Bubbles ate the cherub. Wow. Yes, and that was a mess,

because that was my previous job. Okay. Cleaning up? Massacres on Neverending L'Ranch, or whatever it's called. Neverending L'Ranch. Falcor flew to Neverending Rem. Yes. That's how he died.

Yeah, that's how he died. You're gonna sleep over forever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So would you like it? Yes. Sit on our futon. I'm on it.

I know. I know. I know you aren't, but I don't think you're comfortable. I'm very comfortable. It's gonna take hours. I'm here. Okay I'm gonna call my friend Bobby in the meantime. Hold on a second. Okay. Yeah, I'm sorry to get them also What's the price of this shit? You'll see to get the middle or you're gonna check this out Pegasus

Pegasus yes Yes, you have to go to Middle Earth again To get a chair up fuck you whoa whoa Pegasus fuck Whoa? You shut You're the one that killed fuck or I'm Alec Baldwin Draft things for fuck this ain't the little ittyty bitty teeny tiny bowl. This is the Super Bowl. Super Bowl! Get in action at DraftKings Sportsbook, an official sports betting partner of Super Bowl 59.

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Yeah, we're going. I literally went to Larchmont yesterday. Yeah, have you been to the scent room? No, I went down there and I ran into our good buddy, Andy Richter. Love him. You know the last thing he said to me? What did he say?

My hand to God. Tell Bobby I said hello. No. Yeah, he loves you. Andy Richter is like one of the coolest, nicest, funniest dudes I've ever met in my entire life. Smart. My hand to the devil. Just let me see it.

My hand to the devil. God bless. Okay. Who's Andy Richter? Are you serious? Now I'm going back to my old self. I'm going to the self that I was. I know who Andy is. I love him. From 30 minutes ago and I'm going back to my old self. I'm going to the self that I was, I know who Andy is, I love him,

from 30 minutes ago and I'm gonna change that. All right, I'm gonna shift gears. Wait a minute, show up that, let me bring you the picture again. Yeah. Oh, that's Andy Rick? That's not who I'm talking about. What are you thinking of?

No, I'm just- Yeah, yeah, he's the best. Pertailing your joke. So you bought a shirt there? No, I went down there to kill some time, I bought a shirt and I saw how much the neighborhood had changed. It's so fun, it's- It's a great, let's do a little game called down large Mont lane.

Down large Mont Boulevard. Boulevard. Okay. So a lot of people listening from all over the world. You're going to puke? I just had an ozempic burp. God, dude. I just had an ozempic burp. When I see it start. I know you get scared. I know dude.

It gives me PTSD. I know. I'm fine. Okay. Okay. So a lot of people from all over around the world. When I see it start. I know you get scared. I know too. It gives me PTSD. I know, I know. I'm fine. Okay. Okay. So a lot of people from all over around the world,

if you're in Los Angeles, there's a street called Larchmont. And it's a great neighborhood. Can we say? Yeah, yeah. It's very Midwestern actually in many ways. It feels like everywhere and nowhere at once. Exactly.

Yeah. Yeah. It can be anywhere. Yeah. It's like everywhere and nowhere at once. Exactly. Yeah. It can be anywhere. Yeah. It's like never ending ranch. Never ending ranch. Yeah. So let's go down Larchmont Lane. That's Eric Griffin's dream.

All you can eat ranch dressing. He does it with a straw, a boba straw. Imagine Eric got kicked out of a buffet and they were like, he's like, it's all you can eat. And they're like, no, not all you can eat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. You ate a chair.

Stop. All right. So anyway. Larchmont Boulevard. So let's go, let's, cause you recently, you were there yesterday. Yeah. So let's, you want to grade our little stores down there?

Let's do it. All right. So there's a Rite Aid. What are we doing out of 10? Yeah, let's go to one through 10, yeah. No, one through five is easier. One through five, yeah, there's a Rite Aid. All right, it gets a four for supply because there's always something in there,

but it gets a two for the fentanyl front door. Exactly. You have to like duck and dodge. Couple of fentanyls. Yes, very good. That should be in there. Double rating. Yeah, there's a Salt and that. That should be in there. Double rating. Yeah. There's a Salton Straw.

Salton Straw is just about the same. You're over the same Salton Straw? I'm gonna hear your rating for Salton Straw. You know, I think it's hype. I agree. Do you really? Van Luen is way better. And so is...

I prefer Baskin Robbins. Now you're wrong. No, I'm not. Now you're absolutely wrong. I'm not. What happened to the good old rocky road, baby? It's not rocky. Pearlies and cream, baby.

Butter pecan, baby. First of all, McConnell's out of Santa Barbara, phenomenal. Yeah. And Van Leeuwen, both better than Salt and Straw. Okay. By a land, it's not even close. Also, don't put goat cheese in ice cream. I don't want that.

Yeah, and fennel. I don't like that. Okay. I might. All right. What do you grade the salt and straw number wise out of five? Are we comparing that salt and straw with all the other salt and straws? In general, it's a broad spectrum.

I mean, it's like we can be- It's the best salt and straw in the business. The one on Larchmont. But compared to other ice cream businesses, one through five, a three, it's still good. Okay. Then next door to that is Aesop. The, it's like lotions and- Dude, dude, dude, let me tell you about Aesop. The, the, the, uh, it's like lotions and-

Dude, dude, dude, let me tell you about Aesop. Give it to me. Five out of five. Really? Any Aesop. All of them? Dude. Why do you like them so much?

Cause that's all I have in my house. They do give free samples outside. No, I buy it. You really? Yeah, yeah. I've never bought it once. Body, body, the body, um, wash. I go inside, I get what I need and I go home.

Aesop, keep doing it. I come with little fill up things. Yeah, yeah. Never paid for it. God. How about the children's bookstore there? Five out of five. Five out of five?

Five out of five. When I drop off my nephew. Your nephew? Yeah, he's 24, but he's 24. And then there's also a- There's a pet store across the street. Tail waggers. Tail waggers is right there. Yeah, yeah, and I like tail waggers.

It's fine. They have my number and the thing. Me too, unfortunately. Why? Because when we used to have the dog over, we used to have dogs at the dog. Where do you go now for your dog stuff? I call my cousin.

Oh. And I say, come to the house and watch the dog. Because last time we put her in one of those places, like Healthy Spot, she bit three dogs. Oh. She did, she bit their face. I was asking like, where do you buy your supplies? But you're saying grooming now.

No, no, I thought you meant, I'm saying daycare, like to sit the dog if we're going, if we- Oh, so they used to go to tail waggers for get daycare. Long time ago. Oh, wow. I have my Vietnamese friend do it. And he salivates. Yeah. It just sits there and drools. And he salivates. Yeah.

It just sits there and drools. Mouth gets so watery. It's a discipline for him. But anyway. No, we had to switch. No, she didn't bite any other dogs. I was kidding. She hated it.

My dog fucking hated it. They'd be like, oh, Cubs just goes in the corner and sits by herself. Oh, don't you hate when that happens? I think she gets intimidated by other stranger dogs. And so she was like, fuck this. And she just goes sits by herself. What are you gonna do when he dies?

She dies. Brutal, brutal, brutal. Tears of sadness for sure. Long cries, long cries, long cries. Anyway, let's move on. I'm gonna have her cloned. I've looked into the cloning, I'm gonna do it. I know, because you know what? Let me tell you something, friend. Let's move on. I'm gonna have her cloned. I've looked into the cloning, I'm gonna do it. I know, because you know what?

Let me tell you something, friend. Let's do it. I wanna clone it. Yeah, yeah. I wanna clone it. Because you can't, yeah, go ahead. 50 grand? Nevermind, we'll get a new dog.

Also, also- But you get your dog back? It's not your dog. It is your dog. It's not the same. When you clone, yes it is, it's your dog. From toe to top. No, but the sole is there. From nose to the same. When you clone, yes it is, it's your dog. From toe to top. No, but the soul is there.

From nose to toe, I don't know, whatever. But the soul is not the same. It's not gonna have the same personality. It's not gonna have the same. It's gonna be so similar though. It's not gonna know my songs. Oh, it's not gonna have all my songs. I'm your dog.

Oh, oh, oh, sing me a song. The first song I sing when I get in the house, I go, sweetie, sweetie, who's my little sweetie? Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, and then I pick her up and then she goes Yeah, who's my little sweetie Yeah, your song. I don't I just do talk you just full talk. Maybe what I do you do you do you do? Oh right Just full talk. He be like, do you, do you, do you do? Oh. Right? And then go, right? Hello, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you,

and they go, right? Cause I'm holding it maybe too tight. Yeah, too tight. Yeah. And then, but no, I love my animal. It'd be funny to talk to your dogs, just like a human. Like you walk in, you're like, what's going on, man? How have you been?

Right. But not giving it any of like the inflection of like, you know, imagine if you I'm saying? Yeah. Imagine if you can give them some intelligence. Your dog's smart. No, but like to the speaking so they can speak. Oh, like what could they understand? Like that you give them, you know,

an eight year old's intelligence. A little bit more. A 15 year old's. 14, 15 is pretty good. No, he's gonna be, fuck off, dad. That's why it's fun. Yeah, I don't want that. No, I want that. All right. No, he's going to be, fuck off, dad. That's why it's fun. Yeah, I don't want that.

No, I want that. All right. My dog's pretty smart, dude. She made it. She's smoking in the room. Yeah, yeah, no. Okay, go back to Larchmont. Go to Larchmont.

So I'm not done. Here's another thing. They have a Poki place. Can I tell you about Poki? Not into it. I'm out. Dude, why? Okay, why are you on a Poki?

I don't tell you why I'm on a Poki. Okay, two reasons. Yeah. One, I'm out. Dude, why? Why are you on a Poki? I'll tell you why I'm on a Poki. Okay, two reasons. One, fast food sushi has never been my... I like sushi that they...

I'm at the sushi joint, he cuts the fish, I eat it. I don't want... It's been cut five hours ago in the morning, sits in the cooler, then it gets slopped in a bowl with Sriracha mayo. Not a fan. I'm not a fan of that as well, my friend. I just want fresh. I want fresh cut shit, dude.

Yeah, dude. Yeah, yeah. That's why I've never done like sushi in one of those like rotary, what's it called? Time out. But in Japan, those are fucking awesome because they do cut it fresh and they put it on there and it can only go around so many times. Yeah, but in North Hollywood, it's on there for three days. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

Yeah, the salmon's or green. I don't like it. You're like dude in Northridge. It'll rotate for a month for a month exactly So anyway, so I don't I Don't like it. Okay. Okay out for me. I hate going to Hawaii too because like Kaila and everyone's they love Let's go to the pokey. I go. No, thanks. I'm not gonna know fucking I hate going to Hawaii too, because like Kalei'la and everyone's always like- They love poke. Let's go to the poke. I go, no thanks. I'm not going to no fucking poke, man. Just go to a sushi joint. I'm gonna go to my Omakasa sushi joint.

While he slices it right in front of my fucking eyes. Anyway, let's move on. There's a donut place called Holy Grill Donut. Yeah. Have you had it? I have. Now this is where I regress, because you Baskin Robbins the ice cream thing,

whether or not you were joking, I think shitty donuts are better than fancy donuts. This whole new fancy donut thing can fuck off. Oh man, we are in trouble right now. Give me Dunkin' Donuts over fancy donuts all fucking day. Dude, you have no idea. Dunkin' Donuts munchkins, the little munchkins, the donut holes.

No, dude, that's how you fuck, dude. That's so gross. No, hey,kins the donut holes No, that's how you fuck through this so gross no No, it is how I fuck yeah Yeah You fancy donut fucks off it sucks. Holy grail does this it's good. No you've never had it I have because if you had you ridiculous things wouldn't come out of your fucking mouth like that. It's too much It's what voodoo doughnuts does, too It's like we put all the bullshit on no no not voodoo. I got a voodoo dude. It's the same holy shit Is is is Duncan warm let's get you fuck. No. It's not it's never warm. Yes. It is. No. It's not yes

It is yeah, I go to dunk all the time a dunk dog dude, okay? Anyway bring up holy grail picture of their fucking website They look this whole fancy donut thing for like eight bucks a donut. That ain't it my guy That ain't it. Okay, let's go to look at the donut. I'll give you one better than them, by the way You know who you know tops them whoo the one You don't even know the name. That's how sad it is. No, I do. I do. I do is foe nuts I'll take a phone out over these. Oh, you like foe nuts. Okay. Now, let's zoom into the what they have here That one says cancer.

No, it's not. So you get cancer when you eat it. Yeah, only colon. Oh, that's easy. Only colon. That's very, very literal. You would from this stuff. Yeah.

Oh, chaga chai. Yeah, look at Virgo. Come on, guy. Black Sabbath. Imagine how bad Ozzy would be if he saw that donut. My band is not a shitty donut. Yeah. Anyway, let's move on from it.

No, no, no, let's keep going. Give me the, go to their website, give me the price of these fucking bullshit donuts. They're also small. Yeah. I love them. Give me the prices. What does this cost to get it?

They're probably not gonna show you. What are you shaking your head for? You never had one before. Four bucks a donut. It's not that good. What? It's too much shit on it. Too much shit.

California. Four dollars for a donut. Four dollars a donut. It's not that good. What? It's too much shit on it. Too much shit? Four dollars for a donut. Four dollars a donut. That's good. Brother, if I go to fucking Donut Girl, the lady by my house. It's cheap, that's why. It's 65 cents for a donut. It's cheap.

Cheap ingredients. What do you think they're using? Good shit from Hawaii. The fuck they are. Yeah, dude, roots and stuff. Look up- From Hawaii. Look up Holy Grail Donuts controversy. Just type that in.. Yeah dude roots and stuff. Look up from Hawaii. Look up holy grill donuts controversy. Just type that in. Why? Just look it up. There is no. The main controversy surrounding holy grail donuts is that some customers claim the taste and quality of

their donuts particularly the taro based ones are significantly better when purchased directly in Hawaii compared to locations here in the mainland. They're using bullshit here. Not shipping the good shit here. Dude you're it's like saying this. They're not shipping the good shit here, pal. It's like this gold is better in Hawaii than it's tarot. Is gold better in Hawaii? It is. It is. Proving my point. You're right. It is. Here's the deal. Okay.

There's only certain supply chains that can get it right all over the globe. McDonald's, it's a home run. It's a home run. Places like this, they're just, they don't have the infrastructure. Also- You're really pissing me off, right? Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. What about Krispy Kreme? What's your opinion on Krispy Kreme? Better than- better than- Holy Grail? No, better than uh, Dunkin'. Yes. Okay, good. But let me tell you something about- Now we're on Earth. But let me tell you something about Krispy Kreme. Now we're on planet Earth. Let me tell you about Krispy Kreme. The only donut you can have there is the original glaze. And that's what I was talking about.

Yeah, but they do other shit. But Dunkin' does other shit and Krispy Kreme can't do that. Yeah. Because the chocolate glaze ones at Krispy Kreme kick fucking rocks. The chocolate glaze at Dunkin' Donuts. Okay. We should do this, okay?

And you know it. I already know, okay, we should do have a donut taste, but I already know, right, that it's, there's such a difference between a good donut and garbage donut, he's gonna pick the garbage one every time. That's not true. To defend his own point of view, right?

So we can't even have that contest because this piece of shit, right, it needs to win rather than accept that he's wrong. Sounds familiar, doesn't it? No, yeah, because he- I'm doing my Bobby Lee today and I'm on it. I'm playing Bobby Lee today. Wow, dude, you wanna go blows or what?

Yeah, blow, blow, blow, blow. No, let's go down. Can we go down to Larchmont Lane or no? Let's go, dude. Or let's continue back on Larchmont Lane. Make us a shirt that says bad friends on Larchmont Lane. Okay, now there's a couple of, so there's the sent room next to Holy Grail,

but there's another one that's a cologne, it's a chain, I forgot what it was called. Oh, it's La Labo is there, right? Not La Labo, it's another one like that. Diptyque, yeah. What's your opinion on Diptyque? Love the candles, love a Diptyque candle made here in the States.

I like the Diptyque candles. I like them, they're good. They're 80 bucks a candle. A girl there ghosted me. I like them. They're good. I don't, I don't, it's, you know, they're 80 bucks a candle. A girl there ghosted me. I'm out. Really? Yeah. Call them right now.

I'm going to call them. No, no, no, no. No, I'm going to call them. Yeah, yeah. Give me the diptyque on Larchmont. I'm going to call her right now. No, she doesn't work there anymore. What's her name?

We'll blank it out. Yeah. That was your date spot, a candle shop? No, no. Bro. She works there, you fucking. How does she ghost you if she works there? Don't do, if you don't, don't do, I was kidding.

I'm lying. So am I. Don't call. It's a bit. But don't call them. Why? Because... I'm not gonna say your name or anything.

Okay, you really? Jesus fucking Christ, can I just do a bit? Okay. I'm calling them. But don't say my name. What was your first name? Lai Lai, what was your first name? Mr. Lai Lai, Demetri.

Hi. Hi, I just want to give you just a little something I want to say. It's my good friend Demetri Lai Lai was seeing someone that was working at your store and or starting a date and she ghosted him and I just was calling to try to repair the relationship. Is, does it still work there?

Sorry. Yes. No, she has not worked here for over a year. Well, I can tell you something. She kind of did a number on a buddy of mine and I'm just, I don't know what kind of person she was personally, but I just wanted to tell her myself, give her my two cents, how we do it, where I'm from.

That's not nice and that's not okay, and I'm glad that she's not there anymore. I'll tell you, I would hope and pray she got fired. I am sorry to hear that. I have no opinion of her. I joined around the time she left. Great, great. Well, have a wonderful, wonderful day.

You as well, bye. Bye. Handled your business, dude. Why'd you get so nervous and left the fucking- I hate prank call. It's not a prank. Yeah, yeah. That's not a prank. I did have- It's not a prank.

There was a girl there. He had no opinion of her, he said. I wasn't being mean. Here's my thing. I don't like prank calls either. I'm not being mean to him. Yeah. I'm being mean about a character

of a person that doesn't exist. So I'm not pranking him. I'm just telling him my tale. And my tale is something else. And by the way, if you're gonna prank call at home, call somewhere, but make up a story that does, it's not mean or rude to them. I'm just giving him a piece of my little fantasy life.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Just talk to him. Okay, go down Larchmont Avenue now. So, no, so we went to Diptyque, okay, and then Centroam. And there's a card store, there's like a paper source or something like that. Yeah, which would be like.

Yeah, it's fine. We could just bring up the Google Maps. That new bakery is pretty good. Oh no, Levine. Yeah, Levine. Best bakery in town. Very good. I had that the other day with the Asians.

With the Chinese? No, with me, Andrea Jin. Oh, with Andrea? Oh yeah. Yeah, we went to, that bakery is the best. They have the best cookies in town. We love Andrea Jin. She's the best.

Okay, zoom into there. And here's my biggest beef about this whole thing. Okay. So at the very end of the block there, go down south, you're there right there at that last intersection. What street is that? First, first, first, first, first street. And here's my biggest beef about this whole thing.

Okay. So at the very end of the block there, go down south, you're there right there at that last intersection. What street is that? First, first, first, first, first street. So right, there's a Chase Bank on the corner. Right now there's a Buck Mason right there. You see it says Buck Mason Clothing Store?

Yeah. That used to be Larchmont Village, Larchmont Bakery or whatever, Larchmont Cafe, the Larchmont Cafe. It was one of the best coffee and breakfast joints. And do you know why they closed down? I've never even heard of it. Oh, it was incredible.

Really? So good. It's an Echo Park now. They moved, I know, but do you know why? Why? They got kicked off the street. 1-800-flowers.com. Valentine's Day is coming up.

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Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. What happened was the neighborhood, someone, there's a fucking snitch rat in the neighborhood. And because they were operating whatever hours of the day, these people that, cause right behind them are houses, right? Right. Was they open late? They were open probably later than a normal place would be. Yeah. And they were mad. So then someone in the fucking neighborhood found out they weren't registered to have this certain code

of restaurant or whatever, to like make coffee and sell food and alcohol or whatever. Wow. And they got that place fucking closed down after like 20 some odd years. Do we know this person's name? No, I don't know who did it. But I'm telling you, if I find out,

cause you took that away from me, because I used to have coffee there in the morning and right in the corner, one of my favorite places to get a cup of coffee, they brewed it there. They had the fucking coffee vat things there with the beans. My God, they're that big? They're this big.

I had no idea they were that big. Show him with the bean machine. Oh my God. Show him a bean machine. I always thought they were this big. That's what I call my wife's vagina, the bean machine. Yeah. Show him a bean machine. I was thought they were this big. That's what I call my wife's vagina the bean machine Yeah, show him the bean machine coffee bean

Roasting machine there it is coffee bean roasting machine Roasting machine there it is. That's not it. Oh It's a big vat with the beans. There it is. Oh my god Tell me that's not as big as the arms I put. It was so big, dude. Look at this, look at this, that's the fuck. Yeah. And that's what it makes the beans nice to make me poop.

Yeah. By the way, I've realized after like 41 years on this planet, I don't think I've pooped without coffee in 20 some odd years. No. I don't think so. Wow. If I don't have coffee, I'm not pooping.

Well, yeah, me too, I think. I have to, I have to have it. I'm not pooping. Wow, yeah, me too, I think. I have to have it. I need coffee, it's so bad. Look, I'm serious. If I'm on the road and I need to grab a cup of coffee, it'll be like two or 3 p.m. and I'm like, I haven't pooped. Yeah, quick trivia. Go.

What's older, the Eiffel Tower or Nintendo? Oddly enough, Nintendo. Yes. Yeah. How'd you know? Did you know that? Yeah, Nintendo was started when Jack the Ripper It was still operating Do that kid at school dude You know that so you know that kid in school annoying the most annoying kid in school. Yeah, yeah Yeah, well did you guys know did you know this yeah, what jack the river was still operating?

Come in murdering yeah Operating I always work for a murderer Working working no, he's not getting paid. That's why I said operating. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Killing people. Killing. Wow. So yes. Give me more trivia. I like- That's the only one I know. Well, get another one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is- It's an interesting thing. Have you been to the Eiffel Tower? I have. And? Rank it out of five. Out of all the towers I've been to?

Yeah. Two. Right behind the twin? Yeah. Yeah. No, honestly, rank it out of five. Two for real. Out of- Oh no, it's probably five.

The one in Vegas is better. I agree. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the one in Vegas is better. I went to the Eiffel Tower, I was so let down. And then, you know, and then when you first, when you go down large amount a little further, I get a little lost here. I tell you, I die down.

The pizza joint's fine. Yeah, yeah, mulberries. You know mulberries? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then- Oh, there's a creation, juicery and pizza joints fine. Yeah, mulberries. You know mulberries? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then- Oh, there's a creation juicery and all that stuff. Yeah, all that stuff. Does that say Jerry Seinfeld?

He's just on Larchmont? Yeah, he's- What am I doing on Larchmont? There's a Pete's Coffee. Yeah. She said go get them. Oh, go get them, Tiger, too. There's about nine coffee shops.

It's a good place, if you're in LA, to go shopping. Take a walk. And take a walk. It's a really nice place. Parking's a go shopping. Take a walk. And take a walk. It's a really nice place. Parking's a bitch. What? Parking. Parking the neighborhood.

Oh, that's what you do? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, fuck, dude, trying to wait for those spots. Yeah, but there's also, you know, here's the thing about the signs. I never know what the signs are. I don't read them.

You just park wherever? I just park and if I get a ticket, I get a ticket. By the way, it's not failed me for 20 years in LA. So you'll park in a residential thing where it says you need a tag. I'll figure it out. I almost always get away with it. Now, where I don't get away with it is meters. Meters are insane. They got like a gun out waiting for you like, yeah, you got two minutes left. Yeah. You got two minutes. Yeah. But in a neighborhood, those guys got a circle so big and look at every tag. Nah, you can get away with it.

Yeah, I got towed in West Hollywood once when I was at a lady's house. But you slept over. Yes. Overnight's different than during the day. Oh, so you, ah, I got that too wrong. Nighttime you cannot, nighttime no-no. Nighttime no- why?

Why not? No-no, because that's when they're really, that's when they have time to get people. But they actually tow you. 100%. Wow. Because they make so much fucking money. How much it costs to get your car out?

$800 or something? Yeah, hundreds of dollars. It's so stupid. It makes me so mad. It's unjust, it's unfair. Yeah. That's why I want to do, put the, you know, now they sell, you can lock your wheels

so they can't tow it. Have you seen this Then they have to get a flatbed in there. No Yeah, get one of those some guy in New York put a video up about him like lot There was things you can put around your wheels so you so they can't tow you Wow, but they flatbed you then they can they can get you. I just created an invention just when you said just said that here's my invention. Yeah like a bike lock right like Here's my invention, Dan. Yeah. Like a bike lock.

Right? Like a bike lock, right? On your, through your wheels? Not through the wheels even. Like, you know the piping below? Oh boy. What? I'm gonna find out how little you know about cars.

There's no piping below? There is, but what piping are you speaking about? The exhaust piping? What is that? There we go. What is that gonna do? You put a lock on it. On the exhaust?

That's not gonna help you. There's got to do. So when I go underneath the car, I've never been underneath one. There we go. Zoom in. Yeah. Look at all that stuff.

Look at all the chaos down there, my friend. Yeah. Can I zoom in a little further, my friend? Further, please. There's gotta be a place underneath that car where you can stick a lock. But what are you locking up? Your car to the street.

He just puts a master lock click, like a gym locker? Right, you click, right? Lock, click, right? And then they have to have the combo to unlock it. I don't, yeah, okay, yeah, I'm in, I'm on. Oh, they have one of those things? Oh, I see. They just clip it. They clip it. I don't, I don't. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I'm in. I'm on. Oh, they have one of those things? Mm hmm. Oh, I see. They just clip it.

They clip it. Well, they just clip bikes then. They do all the time. Oh, they do. People get bikes stolen. My bike got stolen. The first like three bikes I had here got stolen. So there's no lock that's unclipable in human history. Well, that's, let's invite, invent that. Let's invent that.

An unclipable lock. Yeah, unclipable lock. I almost called you yesterday. Yeah. Because I was walking on Larchmont. Okay. An unclipable lock. Unclipable lock. I almost called you yesterday. Yeah. Because I was walking on Larchmont. Okay. Our favorite, I was.

Yeah. And I was talking on the phone to a friend about the David Lynch documentary that they reposted to HBO. Oh, look at him all. It's old, right? Yeah. But I rewatched it,

because I'd watched it when it came out. Yeah. Dude, he said something in there. Made you cry. It just made me feel like what we talk about, right? With the show that we're making. Give it to me, baby. Give it to me. He said, I realized at some point that life was about making art, drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes, and sometimes a woman gets in there. And I was like, that's-

Dude. That's all his life was. Make art, smoke cigarettes, drink coffee. That's my life. Sometimes get a girl in there. Yeah, yeah. But what he's saying to you is, listen to the order. Make art first, coffee and cigarettes, debatable, whether you should, I don't think you should smoke cigarettes anymore.

And sometimes a girl gets in there. But when you put the girl in front of the art. Are you, is this directed toward me? No, this is universal. This is a broad, this is, this is David Lynch. What he's saying is when you put girl in front of art and girl represents not just woman, it represents noise, earth, life noise.

Yeah. In front of art, art bad, art go, art bad, art wrong. But if it goes art, cigarettes and coffee. Yeah, yeah. And then girl, bad, art wrong. But if it goes art, cigarettes and coffee. Yeah, yeah. And then girl, life, art good. That's good. Art good. Yeah. That's exactly what he's saying.

And he said it so profoundly, you're like- Is it on HBO? It is, right? I wanna watch it. Isn't it HBO? I think it was HBO. They reposted it. But so David Lynch, do you like his movies? What do you mean? I love his movies. What I don't like is people... But so David Lynch, do you like his movies? What do you mean? I love his movies.

What I don't like is people. Exactly. Do you know what I'm trying to say? Yeah. Do you? I don't think so. No. Yeah.

I think. They don't understand. I think some people like David Lynch because of the abstract nature of film. And then some people like David Lynch because they really believe that everything was deliberate. I don't get that second part. I think some people really like it

because not all those films were fucking perfect. Quite flawed, if I'm being honest. A lot of them are quite flawed. Super subversive and beautiful, but I think some people like them because they like that it's weird. And some people like it because it's a lot of artistic choice. It's very, it's very deliberate is what I mean.

I'm gonna tell you why I like it. I'll give you an example of what I'm trying to say. Go ahead, tell me. The example I'm trying to say is, I think some people like Tarantino because a lot of his movies, for lack of a better explanation, involve violence and very hot, heavy, fast, throbbing film. It's very, it's a lot, right?

Which is why when someone talks about once upon a time, they're like, I didn't like it till the end, till there was a lot of violence. Do you know what I mean? And then other people really like it because the way he tells stories, extremely specific. I love that movie. I love that movie. But it's stories, it's specific, that's my point.

It's like some people like Lynch because they understand he's trying to tell this really beautiful intricate story. Sometimes within itself. Some people like it because they're like, it's fucking, Lynch is out there, man. It's just fucking, it's like they're just fascinated with the idea that it's so unique. If you watch a movie like Eraserhead, right? This is the first time, and it used to scare me as a kid when I If you watch a movie like A Raze Your Head, right?

This is the first time, and it used to scare me as a kid when I used to watch this movie. Well, it's a scary movie. Yeah. I get scared now. But there's these gaps between people's conversations. Yeah. And within those gaps,

gaps, you hear like some electronical equipment or a buzzing or whatever. it's so awkward and it's also so Otherworldly almost you know, but it's there is a fear in there We hear the you hear the um, yeah, you're like the feedback like stillness. How are ya and then you're And then there's literally a minute will go by pretty good You know I mean, it's just this weird way, you know, pretty good, you know what I mean? It's just this weird way of, you know, and I thought, you know, as a kid, I was like, I've never seen a movie like this before,

you know, pace like this. When you watch a Lynch movie, like Lost Highway, I don't understand, do you know what that movie's about? I have no idea. Yeah, but you're still watching it because it's just like every scene, they're just something that's completely different and you can't, there's no way that you can go,

like sometimes you watch a movie and go, I know where this is going. There's no way to do that with a Lynch movie. Yeah, this isn't like a, his stuff isn't, he never worked with Kevin Hart. We, yeah. It's so funny. Well, you know what I mean?

It's like, the rock and Kevin Hart and David Lynch's, oh my God. It's just David Lynch's lack of commercialism is, was very on purpose. You know what I'm saying? Some people were like, he's like, oh my God. It's just David Lynch's lack of commercialism is, was very on purpose. You know what I'm saying? Some people were like, he's like, I got it. I like it. Like, were you, well, were you, are you a,

were you, are you a Twin Peaks fan? I am. Yeah, so that's a big point of contention. A lot of people weren't. I see. And a lot of people who were hardcore Lynch people that I know didn't like it and vice versa. I know people who are like,

didn't really love David Lynch, but I fucking love doing Peaks. So do you know Jack, the guy that played Erasurehead, we could find out his last name, Jack, the actor. Mihoff? No, the guy with the hair. Byrne. Nance.

Jack Nance, so Jack Nance, right, was in Erasurehead, but he was in Twin Peaks, he's been in a lot of Lynch movies, right? Do you know how he died? Fuck, can I guess? Yeah, yeah, guess. Was it auto erotic? No, it's sadder than that.

Sadder than auto erotic? Yeah. He died. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, Riley. He died. I don't, dude, give it to me. Okay, so something, so he was seeing-

Piranhas. He was seeing a porn star. Okay. AIDS? And he was shooting a movie. He was shooting a movie where like the, like it was like out in the mountains, so you know what I mean, he couldn't get really good- Cell service?

Cell service or what? It was a phone service. Okay. There was a storm or something. And his girlfriend was gonna kill herself. And then the phone cut off, and by the time he, you know what I mean, found, she killed herself, his girlfriend, right? And then he comes back to LA,

and he's at a hot dog store somewhere in North Hollywood somewhere, and some gang members beat him to death with a pipe. What did they have to do about the girlfriend killing herself? I don't know, I just, that was a fun little extra, you know what I mean, thing. They beat him to death with a pipe. What did they have to do about the girlfriend killing herself? I don't know, I just- Oh, okay, okay, yeah. Yeah, it was a fun little extra,

you know what I mean, thing. They beat him to death. But there was a documentary called You Don't Know Jack, and David Lynch directed it, I think, and it's about his life. It's so sad. This guy, dude, just go to Jack Nance death, yeah, or whatever, I wanna-

Yeah, I might've fucked it up, but- On, Nance launched with friends Leo Bulgalani and Catherine Case. He had a visible crescent shaped bruise under his eye. And when asked about it, he relayed him a story about a brawl outside of Winchell's Donuts. Love Winchell's Donuts. Now that's a good donut place.

Store that morning, he went home complaining of a headache. Nance developed a subdurable hematoma, resulting in his death the following morning. Found his body, they found about it in the bathroom floor of his apartment in South Pasadena, California later that day, and autopsy revealed that his blood alcohol content was 0.24 at the time of his death the following morning. They found about it in the bathroom full of his apartment in South Pasadena, California later that day and autopsy revealed that his blood alcohol content was.24 at the time of his death.

That's probably did it. Yeah, but initially ruled as resulting from blunt force trauma. So right, he had a subdermal. It wasn't a hot dog place, it was a donut place. And then, is there any way you can look up his, cause it's- Check it out.

It wasn't a hot dog place, it was a donut place and he drank himself to death. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean.24 is fucking insane. But this is a guy that was- That's insane. Not in anything but Lynch movies. He relied on Lynch, right?

And then when he put him on Twin Peaks, it's like saved him for money and stuff like that. But like he, because he was a series regular on Twin Peaks. Wow. But he never really, you know- Point 24. Made it, yeah. Do you realize that's, isn't that 2% of your blood, correct? What's the most you've had in your body, you know, made it. Point two four. Do you realize that's, isn't that 2% of your blood, correct?

What's the most you've had in your body, you think? I don't think I've ever seen you super drunk. Have you guys? You're always cool. Like you're still very cool. I'm not, well, but I've drank more than I should, but I'm never like Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde. I've never seen you drunk.

You've never- No, I don't think that. I'm Satina. What? I was, I showered in the room and I got out and you were in there after Dollywood. Oh yeah. That day I was drunk.

I was pretty drunk. Oh yeah, that day. I mean, do you think about, like right now, do you ever think about drinking? Like, just not a regular day. Am I thinking about it right now? Yeah. No. Like, are you planning on when you're gonna drink next?

No. Wow. No. Incredible. No. Incredible. No. That's the difference between you and I. Yeah. Yeah.

I think, right? I think you do that, right, Carlos? Think about it every morning. Yeah, yeah. Drinking? Literally. You think about it. Drugs, anything.

That's what the sick, that's what sucks out about having alcoholism. You said, I don't have it now because it's been lifted from me, but it's like, I just remember back in the day, like you're planning it, like, at nine, I'm gonna do it. You know what I mean? And you don't do that.

I don't, I mean, I do look forward to it when I am gonna do it. Yeah. Because I love drinking. Yeah, yeah. Like I know, but I also met an age now when I know not, like, look, I'm traveling tomorrow. I don't wanna have a drink tonight.

I don't wanna get on a fucking plane, hungover and tired and blah, blah, blah. So like my drinking is very planned now, just because of my age. When I was young, when I was fucking McCone's age, it didn't even matter. I could get drunk till three in the morning, get on a 7 a.m. flight and not even think about it.

He can do that. Well, he's 25 years old. But like now is it my age? It just sucks. It's beginning to happen, my body falling apart. My hands. What's wrong with your hands? Yeah.

Why are you laughing? You look skinny from this angle. Thank you, thank you. My hands hurt so bad. Just hurt? Yeah, I have arthritis, this hurts. Really? Yeah.

From video games? I don't know what it is. Well, video games, right? So I bought one of those hand things, those little muscle, you know, the- Stress balls? No, it's not stress balls, it's like one of those- No, you're talking about like a fucking, yeah, like- Like a grip thing.

Yeah, exactly. Grip thing. I call it a grip thing, yeah, and I've been doing that when I'm watching stuff, right? But it's like, it hurts so bad when I like just, not hurt, you just feel the cracking and the, yeah. And there's like, there's a little bit of push and pull. You, what do you think that could be from?

Cause you're not like a laborer. You don't use your hands. I don't know. I think I'm just getting to the point where I have now arthritis. But it has to be caused from something usually. Sometimes you just get old and get arthritis. My grandma has that.

Your grandma's your grandma, you fuckhead. He's 50 years old. He's not your grandma's age. No, but I talked to other comics and get out and my grandma has that. Your grandma's your grandma, you fuckhead. He's 50 years old. He's not your grandma's age. No, but I talk to other comics and they go, I have that too. Which ones? Like if I talk to older people, like, you know, like Spade goes my shoulder.

Spade's a hundred years old. Oh yeah, that's right. Yeah, he died twice. Yeah, yeah. It's unbelievable. No, but let me say this. Have you thought about taking peptides or testosterone or any of that stuff? Hmm? Have you thought about taking peptides or testosterone or any of that stuff?

Hmm? Have you thought about taking testosterone or peptides or- I wanna see, there's a couple of things I wanna see a doctor about. So I think that thing is one of them. Yeah, about this arthritic condition? Yeah, getting like injections or something. Dude, do it.

I get them in my hip, you know? Really? Yeah. Yeah. Cause I have an impingement on my hip and it makes me feel so much, well, that doesn't help. Yeah, so are you not allowed to crack them? It's just sounding like bubble wrap. I know, that's because I had that I have an impingement on my hip and it makes me feel so much. Well, that doesn't help Yeah, so you are you not allowed to crack them? It's just like bubble wrap. I know It hurts so bad. No, no, I looked it up one time cracking your knuckles does not cause any that's an old wives tale So it doesn't cause anything. It doesn't fuck it's just air between your knuckles

Mmm, but it but it they made you feel when you were kids like you do that too much You're gonna blab. You know, whatever the fuck. Yeah, You do that too much, you might end up gay, you know? And I was like, try me, dad. Yeah. Or they say that it's gonna give you, MasterBiz is gonna give you hair on your palms. I shave every morning. Yeah.

What was that? You're gonna get hair on your palms if you jerk off? Yeah, somebody said that to me once. So weird. I know. And you're gonna go blind if you jerk off too much? Yeah. Right, wasn't that one of them?

Oh no, stand in front of the TV too close? Yeah, too close. Well, if you're jerking off with the TV too close, you go blind and you get hairy hands. My dad would make up wise tales. If you watch TV too close, grandma gonna die. I was like, she died already. She, yeah.

Moodle. You enjoy Nick at Night? Grandma gonna die did. Yeah. Moodle. Yeah. You enjoy Nick at Night? Yeah. Grandma gonna die because- Can I tell you that one story? Because of TGIF. So one night, I used to stay up late to watch,

like if I knew there was like a standup on a Tonight Show. Yeah. So as a kid, I would sneak up. So we had this one room where the gigantic TV was. And then my parents, I could hear them come in, right? So I hop behind the fucking couch and they put in a VCR of a Korean porn. No way. I swear to God.

You watched your parents fuck? No, no, no. I had to go, hi. Because they were kissing and stuff like on the cheeks and they were like cozying up, right? And I And they were like, cozying up. Whoa. Right? And I went, hi! I got in so much trouble. Yeah, I would have beat the shit out of you too.

Yeah. Now this all this golf club thing makes sense. Yeah, but what do you mean? What do you get out of here? I beat you too. Me and your mom are trying to hook up. Yeah, but what would have happened if I saw them hook up? That'd be way more scarring.

Maybe. You like, you like. You know what I mean? Tickle, tickle, tickle. You know what I mean? Tickle, tickle, tickle. You know what I mean? That would have been so bad. Take it that dick. Have you ever seen your parents?

No. Would that scar you? They've never had sex. Yes they have. No, I would. Would that scar you? Oh my God, yeah. I've never heard, I've never heard, I've never seen it.

I heard what I thought was it. Oh my God, no. But I don't know. Like what'd you hear? Well I was so young. Right. I heard... Rrrr.

Rrrr. Rrrr. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I was such a young kid, but other than that, no, I've never, it never had a, I mean, my mom walked in on me.

My mom walked in on me in high school getting a blow job. By who? This guy from school. Yeah. Marcos. Marcos. No, my high school? This guy from school. Yeah. Marcos. Marcos. No, my high school girlfriend was giving me head. Wow. And literally my mom walked in and I didn't know what,

I've said this before on a show. Yeah. I couldn't say anything, so all that came out was close the fucking door. You said fucking. Yeah, and she was like, oh my God, oh, Andrew. And then fucking shut the door. And did she yell at you for swearing?

Not in the moment. Oh, okay. But then I said, am I to ever use that kind of language? And my girlfriend was so embarrassed. She was like, what the fuck, dude? What the fuck, you didn't lock the door? And I was like, I thought I locked the door. And she was like, fuck, dude,

I have to walk out of your house now? Oh my God, that's embarrassing. And so then we sat there for a second and I was still hard and I was like, you think? No, really? You think you could finish? See, that's embarrassing. And so then we sat there for a second and I was still hard and I was like, do you think? No really. Do you think you could finish? See, that's the kind of stuff. I might as well come if we're gonna, we're already busted, dude.

I didn't get that shit in high school. What? The different- Head? No, I never hooked up with anybody in high school. You never got head in high school? Nope. Never once?

23 is when I got laid. What about that guy you blew in high school? Okay, well, I mean, that's not the same thing. Wait, that's the same thing? Thank you for being a bad friend. I mean... Woo, yeah! Woo, yeah!