Bad Friends - Bobby's Bowling Date

Starting point is 00:00:00 This episode of Bad Friends is presented and fueled by Huel, your go-to for complete nutrition. Try Huel with 15% off today using code BADFRIENDS at my.huel.com slash BADFRIENDS. Hello, Cyber Monday. Ooh, it's Cyber Cyber Monday. Beep beep beep. It's in the past and the future. Ooh. And we got new merch. Check it out. Check it out. We got these new shirts. This is the fans made. The fans made this and the fan made this.

Starting point is 00:00:26 And this one is stitched on. It's on like that. Boiler. High level. We love this. We love that. We have hoodies. We have crewnecks, long sleeve shirts. We got it all baby. We got it all baby. And because it's cyber beep boop bop boop boop Monday,

Starting point is 00:00:39 right down below in the YouTube, the YouTube store right down below our video, it's 20% off because of the cyber money. 20% off because of the cyber. So, beep boop bop boop beep beep bop bop bop. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? White dude and Asian dude.

Starting point is 00:00:53 You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends. Anyway, we're filming this podcast, election night. We film this on election night on- Right now, when you're listening to this, this is election night. I also think we did this on the last election.

Starting point is 00:01:14 We were around then? Yeah, 2020. Yeah, 2020, 2020. Like this guy- I'm almost positive. No one talks except for us today. Did we do an episode on Did we do an episode on I think we did? Because I remember him talking like this

Starting point is 00:01:29 This sounds familiar. No because I know I'll tell you why we weren't. Tito Bobby was in Joshua Tree. I was in Josh. Thank you so much. I was in Joshua Tree. Hmm. Yeah, just like you know in a desert rabbit like a rabbit desert rabbit rabbit rabbit desert rabbit rabbit like a rabbit, desert rabbit, rabbit, rabbit, desert rabbit, rabbit. A desert. I can't, I can't pod through that. I can't even say desert rabbit, dude. I can't even say desert rabbit right now, dude.

Starting point is 00:01:51 Say it again. You give me the line again? I was in the line, desert rabbit. Oh, you were in a desert rabbit. Yeah. I mean, it was, I remember, do you remember, you were there. Let's be real though. Ever Julio was on the couch with his arm on the couch

Starting point is 00:02:06 watching me. Yeah, I remember. Did you even vote today? No, I give money. So you didn't even vote. You didn't either. Yes, I did. There's no way, where's your sticker?

Starting point is 00:02:19 Where's my sticker? I don't wear the sticker, I'm not a cuck. Yeah, well I did too then. No, I know you didn't. Yes, I did. When, where? At Beachwood No, I know you didn't. Yes, I did. When, where? At Beachwood Canyon. No, you didn't.

Starting point is 00:02:28 That polling. No, you didn't. When? What time? 2 p.m. 2 p.m.? Yeah. Give me your phone. You give me your phone.

Starting point is 00:02:35 Okay. What? What does that- What kind of game are we playing? Because I know at 2 p.m. I can see who you were communicating with at 2 p.m. And you would be like, I'm in line. Here I am. Yeah. That's my-

Starting point is 00:02:43 I have proof. I live with someone that goes, yep, I went to the fucking's my- I have proof. I live with someone that goes, yep, I went to the fucking Alamac. And I have proof. I have lived with people that do it, do it, do it. No, you don't. Yeah, I have my housekeeper. Why would you lie?

Starting point is 00:02:51 Because where are you going? Did you vote? Yes, I did. You're a liar. My housekeeper goes, where are you going? I go, I'm gonna go vote. How can the fans believe you if you say you'd voted when we know you didn't?

Starting point is 00:03:00 How can you do this right now? Cause you're Mr. On Your High Horse about- You're a high horse. Here you are complaining about something you didn't even contribute to it Yeah, yeah, he's never voted. Well, that's my California yes That's insane Yeah, get your churro and a cookie

Starting point is 00:03:24 That'll solve all your problems You know what, I'm gonna get a cookie. Yeah, get Churro and a cookie. I'm gonna get half a cookie. That'll solve all your problems. This is what the liberals do, they eat away their feelings, they're sad about what happened, they eat their- Very cookie. Munch, munch, munch, cookie monster. No, but let me be serious for a second, okay?

Starting point is 00:03:39 Neither of us voted, we know that. You didn't either. Of course not, of course not. But we should for at least the local elections, I'm mad about that. You didn't either. Of course not. All right. Of course not. But we should for at least the local elections. I'm mad about that. But I couldn't because guess what? Went to the registrar, I'm not registered.

Starting point is 00:03:51 How? I voted last time, called, still, I need to go in and turn in more proof documents that it's me. So either somebody stole my identity, but I don't have my original birth certificate. Do you? Mine's framed.

Starting point is 00:04:04 My parents died in a fire when I was a kid. They're all gone. Everything's gone. You can do that online. Request another. A birth certificate? Exactly, thank you so much. How long does it take to get?

Starting point is 00:04:15 This is coming from someone that definitely didn't get a certificate of birth. Yeah. Yeah. Let's not talk about birth certificates right now, dude. Yeah, okay. Anyway, I tried. Don't Google how you get one.

Starting point is 00:04:27 Do we have to go through the process? I don't wanna go through the process of it. You don't have to know how long. It does take a, it is a pain in the ass. It's a whole thing, proving you were born. I mean, it took me three minutes to register to vote. But yeah, because you're a brand new citizen and they cannot wait to get your information.

Starting point is 00:04:42 Guess what, dude? Jury duty's coming your way. You're, dude? Jury duties coming your way. You're gonna have so much solicitation coming your way. I cannot wait. You're fresh blood, kiddo. You're new to the fold and welcome, by the way. Can't wait to take your taxes. And another thing.

Starting point is 00:04:55 Scumbag. You scumbag. Get him, Bob. You're students, right? Who paid for their dinner? Bobby did. Was that not a nice gesture? That's right.

Starting point is 00:05:04 And you treat me like you did earlier. Yeah. About saying, oh, here's, you know, he doesn't, you know, Mr. whatever you already said, whatever you, what did he say? I don't remember, but I agree. I can't even speak, I can't even, I'm so emotional, I can't even speak.

Starting point is 00:05:13 Get it out. All right. So enough of that kind of behavior, all right? And by the way, Bobby gave them money and he goes so far, not only did he give them money, he cooked them dinner tonight, came right from cooking dinner. Wow. Isn't that polite? he goes so far. Not only did he give them money, he cooked them dinner tonight, came right from cooking dinner. Wow.

Starting point is 00:05:27 Isn't that polite? That's so polite. I don't know, I don't get that chef shirt. I love your fashion. You always have good fashion. The chef shirt, I don't get. It's the Roach shirt. The McCone.

Starting point is 00:05:37 That is the Roach shirt. Yeah. McCone, do you like this one? I think it's sick. I think it's sick too. Yeah. And McCone would know more. Yeah, dude.

Starting point is 00:05:44 McCone would know more. Yeah, come over here. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, look at what this fucking loser's wearing. I think it's sick too. Yeah. And McCone would know more. Yeah, dude. McCone would know more. Yeah, come over here. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, look at what this fucking loser's wearing. Okay. Look. Yeah. He's wearing an Adolf Hitler shirt.

Starting point is 00:05:52 Yeah, yeah. You hear me? A tan. Yeah, you voted? All right, great. Get out of here. Get out of here, kid. Fast as you can.

Starting point is 00:06:00 Yeah. These jeans have a shit stain on the back. Yeah. Hate him. I'll tell you another thing. If you ever pull your pants down in front of me and Jules and you do a ramen fart, I swear to God, dude, you have another thing coming.

Starting point is 00:06:11 Well, what will you do? What will you do? You know what this is like? That clip with Mike Tyson when he's like, yeah, I'm gonna vote for Trump. Yeah. What are you gonna do about it? And everyone's like, well.

Starting point is 00:06:22 Nothing. Yeah, that's right. So shut the fuck up. How about that? You know what? It's so funny. What am I gonna do about it? And everyone's like, well. Nothing. Yeah, that's right. So shut the fuck up. How about that? You know what? It's so funny. What am I gonna do about it? What are you gonna do about it?

Starting point is 00:06:30 I'm gonna do something that's not nonviolent. Okay. Okay, so is that what you're pertaining to? No, anything. What are you gonna do about it? I'm gonna fart on, I'm gonna, when I got a fart, I'm farting right at you every time. I twist minds.

Starting point is 00:06:42 Okay? And I'll corkscrew your fucking mind into a different dimension. You are mind boggling. All right. There's a lot of- I have people that I call, dude. Whom?

Starting point is 00:06:52 Whom? Yeah, whom do you- To whom? Whom do you call? To whom. Woo! Don't scare me, bitch. Okay, you want a war? You want a war with me?

Starting point is 00:07:02 Yeah. All right, we'll have a war. Yeah. I don't want it, you started it. I didn't start shit. You came at me. Don't fart in my face. Nobody farted in your face, I farted at her. You farted at both of us.

Starting point is 00:07:14 Well, but you were- Thank you so much. You know what, you were in the blast radius. You caught some shrapnel, you were in the blast radius. It was aimed at you. Look, I tried to hit the Philippines. It's like when Chernobyl went off, right? It affected Germany. It did.

Starting point is 00:07:27 Yeah, yeah, is that what you're saying? Yes. I'm German. Yes, you're German. Okay, fuck, dude. Das ist nicht gut. Yeah. By the way, ramen,

Starting point is 00:07:34 I'm never gonna go to that place ever again. Which one is it? Well, I don't want to shit on it and say it. Whisper. Well, we can blank it out. Yeah, blank it out. Oh, it's terrible. Dude, there's one by our house that's eating that.

Starting point is 00:07:43 No, no, this was because I was on the road. I know, I know. I'm on the, I was on the run and I was like, I had to postmate it to bring it here to eat it. Guess how much my ramen was tonight from them. I'm not kidding. I added some shit in there. Okay, so-

Starting point is 00:07:56 I got a regular old school and I added a few new vegetables and I wanted extra meat. $32. $32, right? You know what I mean. That's a ripoff. Boo hoo, dude. That's a rip? You know what I mean. That's a ripoff. Boo hoo, dude. That's a ripoff.

Starting point is 00:08:08 That's a ripoff. But by any standard, that's a ripoff. That's a ripoff. This guy buys a silk, right, cover for each one of his fucking golf clubs. That's not true. That's absolutely not true. $89.95 each silk, right?

Starting point is 00:08:21 He's got 15 golf clubs, right? Because they have to be like, you know what I mean? Spotless. And it's gotta have that fucking- Go get the golf clubs right now and Because they have to be like, you know what I mean? Spotless. And it's gotta have that fucking- Go get the golf clubs right now and see how they're all- Those are your secondary ones. Those are your secondary ones that you keep at the office. You have ones at home, whatever it is.

Starting point is 00:08:34 I have no clubs at home. Louis Vuitton, put it back. Louis Vuitton. Look at those silk things. Bet Nardi. Those covers are for the drivers, uninformed. Didn't you get beat with those things? You don't even know what they are?

Starting point is 00:08:43 Yeah, yeah, my dad took the covers off. He did? Yeah, when he beat me with them. Yeah. Okay, so um. The silk cover. Dude. Thanks for not playing good improv

Starting point is 00:08:53 and getting on board me with the ramen. Oh, so $33 for ramen? Oh no. You know, man, they should go back to wherever they came from. That's way too much money. Where should they go back to? I thought you wanted to improv.

Starting point is 00:09:09 Now you're doing it. You're not, you're negating it. Well, what do you, no, I'm not gonna, don't- You're negative. Go back to where they came from? I don't know what bit you wanted me to do, dude. Oh, funny one. Say it again then.

Starting point is 00:09:19 Let's start again, say it again. I'll read the tempo. You know, I had really good ramen today. Yeah, well, where? But it was expensive. Where? Let me guess. Where?

Starting point is 00:09:29 Let me guess. Yeah. Because I've had a problem with these people too. Where? To say with the, start with a J? It does. End it with an A? It does.

Starting point is 00:09:37 Jenga. Jenga ramen? Jenga, Jenga. Did you get nervous when we were yelling at each other? Yeah, and you were getting red, so I thought it was. I'm hot, I should take off this sweater. It's too hot in here. You're scary when you're angry.

Starting point is 00:09:49 I know. Thank you. What about me? You're okay. See, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, you're not scary. I get angry with peace. Hmm. You know what I mean? No. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:09:59 Firm, but soft. Always soft. Yeah, it's a combo. See, I do combo expressions what people don't realize about me. Yeah, you're like a combo. Yeah, it's a calm. It's a combo. See I do combo expressions What people don't realize about me? Yeah, you're like a combo. Yeah, yeah filled with shit rage but empathy Underneath right joy, but with a little bit of resentment Yeah, it's a combination that I put out there because I'm human and I I'm a complex human being dynamic in many ways. Okay.

Starting point is 00:10:26 So I am sorry that you spent so much on that food. Thanks. And I'm just not gonna tell you anything anymore. That's, you're being like a little baby right now. You lead the show. Oh, come on, dude. Can I just say something? No, leave the show tonight.

Starting point is 00:10:40 I'll tell you something. I'm gonna let you lead the show. You ready? So this fucking guy, Amir Kay, is in the green room at the comedy. I'll tell you where I'm at right let you lead the show you ready so this fucking guy Amir Kay is in the green room at The comedy I'll tell you where I'm at right yeah, where's this coming from? I thought we'd put cookies in you you'd be happy. You know hey give me the rest of the cookie, please Yeah, please give him more

Starting point is 00:10:54 Huh, what happened with this? I'm on this and back Dude dude don't I'm trying to have a show tonight. I know dude. What are you doing dude? I'm gonna get you all't, I'm trying to have a show tonight. I know, dude. What are you doing, dude? I'm gonna get you. Or I'm gonna. You want to get? Give him the cookie. Thank you, thank you. What's this? No, stop, stop, stop. Give me the other one.

Starting point is 00:11:15 No, what's this? I don't know, it's in the box. You want half of this, Rudy? Yeah. Okay. Very good. I don't want this. Yeah, yeah. Come here, dude. Lick it off his finger. It's guava. Lick it off. Yeah, there we go., dude. Lick it off his finger.

Starting point is 00:11:25 Eat, eat, eat, eat, eat. Good boy. Good boy. Good boy. Okay. Good cookie. These are so good. Let's start anew.

Starting point is 00:11:33 Let's start anew. Okay. So a week ago, I'm in the green room at the comedy store. I'm just sitting there with, I want to say his name. Should I say it? Why can't you say it? He's my dear friend. Yeah, we're friends with him, but we can't say the name

Starting point is 00:11:52 because you want to protect him because of what the best. Well, you know, I just, you know, he, he started spouting off some politics. You know what I mean? You know, when it comes to fishing, I'll listen to him. What's so funny? He loves a fish. He's actually an incredible fisher.

Starting point is 00:12:09 I've eaten fish that he's caught. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's a great fisherman, okay? What's so funny, McCone? Yeah, dude. What's so funny? I just wasn't expecting fishing to get brought up in this political conversation. I mean, for sure he can't come to Australia.

Starting point is 00:12:28 You're not coming. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Unpack your shit when you get home. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Unpack it, stay. Yeah, because that stuff, that right there, dude? Not good, dude. Let me tell you, I don't wanna cut you off. I want this story to finish,

Starting point is 00:12:39 but just so I can be a little bit more- I'm with you here. When I walked in today and these two guys saw, well, no, you saw it actually, Andres saw it. Did he have attitude to me? Oh. Bobby, if you were fucking here, and then I yelled at him and I said,

Starting point is 00:12:53 if Bob were here for this, and you, the response, the way he responds to me these days, it's- Okay. It's, I'm actually like, I'm genuinely shocked. Okay, so this, Bad Friends, just to give you some education, is a TV show, we do TV show numbers. That's right. Okay? So, you know, when a PA, let's say a show runner.

Starting point is 00:13:17 What, a show runner? Look, let's say there's a show runner. Got it. And a PA, or, you know, somebody on set that does like props, right? Talks back in a negative way to the show runner. The show runner doesn't even know that dude's name. He gets fired on the spot.

Starting point is 00:13:32 He's like, who's that? Who's that guy? What we did was we went, oh, let's memorize the prop guy's name. Right, we let him in. And like, let's exchange number with the fucking lighting guy, right? And all of a sudden the lighting guy is like,

Starting point is 00:13:45 oh, I'm equal to the show runner. He is actually an assistant's assistant. Assistant's assistant's assistant. He's assistant's assistant. Yeah, three assistants. Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely. And for some reason, he's in the executive office. Right, and he thinks you're our peer and you're not, right?

Starting point is 00:14:01 And what you're gonna realize, my little friend, okay, is that when you're out in the world without us, Yeah. You're gonna drown. You're gonna drown, pal. Right? You're gonna drown, and you're gonna drown forever. So if you want this life-saving vessel- What's that spook about, Carlos?

Starting point is 00:14:16 About drowning forever. That made me laugh. But you're doing the thing too, like, oh, yeah, you try to make me drown. That's what that laugh was. You're so on edge tonight dude I didn't what you're on edge all I did was laugh you're a stand-up comedian I left you're fucking Joe get out of here now you raise your voice fire fire you oh yeah oh yeah yeah need me for the stakes stay okay stay stay don't push me, dude. I got it. All right, so you made the bet.

Starting point is 00:14:47 This Indian, Middle Eastern guy. Okay, sure. Whatever. Yes. You know what I mean? Funny guy. He's from Iran. Funny guy.

Starting point is 00:14:55 Right. Right? And you know, he's got a person he's seeing that's from a different Midwest who has certain beliefs. Sure. I don't, I had dinner with them. That's fine. Fine, right? But he started touting off like, I had dinner with them. That's fine. Fine.

Starting point is 00:15:05 Right? But he started touting off like, oh, for sure. It got real political. It's gonna be Trump, right? And you know, I'm not that I, you know, I'm in the middle, you know, I was like. Can I ask you something? What's going on with this show?

Starting point is 00:15:20 Andrew, can I ask you something? Please. Is it me? No. What I'm seeing and I'm sensing, is it me? No. Andrew, can I ask you something? Please. Is it me? No. When I'm seeing and I'm sensing, is it me? No. So I'm not going insane. Tap your side right now.

Starting point is 00:15:33 Tap the side of your leg. Okay. Because everyone in here is out of pocket. You hear that? My pockets are empty because all you guys are out of it. Dude. You're out of pocket. I'm out of pocket, yeah, I have no money in my pocket.

Starting point is 00:15:42 These guys are out of pocket. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is him tonight. Oh my God. What'd you say? You're. I'm out of pocket. Yeah, I'm no money. These guys are out of pocket. Hey, it is him tonight Oh my god You're vibrating with like crazy energy tonight. Oh my god. I came here with such namaste energy like he was Like Steven Seagal namaste namaste and then what you're doing dude is you're fucking gaslighting me you're making me feel nervous Wait, why what were you You too now? Yeah. Like what? Your energy.

Starting point is 00:16:07 Wow. What's going on? Wow. Wow. You have the floor. I want you to just... What? Dude, can I just ask you something?

Starting point is 00:16:18 Yeah. Are you on my side? I need you. Do me a favor. I'm being real right favor. I'm telling you, I'll be real. I'll be real. I'll be real. I'm being real right now. I know.

Starting point is 00:16:28 I need you on my side right now. Take one more bite of a cookie. All right, I need you. One more bite. I need you to go down with me if I'm gonna go down, dude. I'm right here. I love you so much.

Starting point is 00:16:36 I'm right here. I love you. I don't feel any support here. Hey, I am right here. I feel no support here. I'm right here. Okay. What is that?

Starting point is 00:16:44 What is that? I am right here. I feel no support here. I'm right here. Okay. But what is that? What is that? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha in you, ever. No, I'm fine. I feel great. I feel wonderful. Thank you. Can I say something?

Starting point is 00:17:08 Last night, you got a compliment at the party. We went to Burt's house for a little surprise party. No, it was fun. Although it wasn't a surprise. Oh, can I just tell you about that too? Well, what? You dog-hole human. What did I do?

Starting point is 00:17:20 You fuck-fuck. What did I do? What did I do? I'm a couple hours away. I think I'm gonna tell you what you did. What did I do? I'm a couple hours away. I think I'm gonna be late to this thing. And you text me, you have to be there by 6.30. No. Yeah, you did.

Starting point is 00:17:32 I get the text right here. You called me. And you said I had to be there. There's a surprise party. But what I'm saying is that, so I get there at 5.50. I wait 40 minutes. There's no one there. I'm at Bert's house.

Starting point is 00:17:45 I'm just there with his wife. It's you and your brother. And my brother and Leanne Kreischer. What a nice moment. Right, but now Bert's coming at 6.30 and now I'm the only one there saying surprise. So I hear Bert come in the house and there's like 20 people supposed to be there.

Starting point is 00:18:05 Right? He comes around the corner and my brother, Bert's never met Steve before. And I have that little cigar case that I bought him. And we go, surprise. Right? And he laughed so hard because that was like the most un-glorious surprise. What a comedy moment. Right.

Starting point is 00:18:24 What a funny moment. Because you're the last person I ever thought that you would be here. And then you trickle in at 6.50, you're like, what's your deal, amigo? Okay, so give me a little bit of credit for a great comedy moment in both your and Burt's life. I know you, you got the text message, you didn't read it. You called old Andy and you said,

Starting point is 00:18:44 what time do we have to be there? Even though it texted us today, the e-vite, this is when you're supposed to be there. So I said to you, you gotta be there by six. Yes. The invite said no need to come before 630. Yes. I did that to bait you to be there before everybody

Starting point is 00:19:01 because I thought that'd be funny. It's not. It worked. It did for you. It was hilarious. And the world, okay. Because I walked in and everybody was like, how is Bobby here before anybody else?

Starting point is 00:19:12 It was perfect. And by the way, you're welcome. He remembered it. He talked about it all night when you left. He's like, how cool was that, that Bobby was here with his brother first? Yeah. So you're welcome.

Starting point is 00:19:24 Okay. And I stayed all night, by the way, talking with Burt and Leanne. How long were you there at all? I think I left at 10, 40 or 11 o'clock. Wow. We talked all night. Wow.

Starting point is 00:19:33 I love those people. I love them too. They're great. I had to get out of there. And Fitzsimmons. Oh my God. Oh my God. What?

Starting point is 00:19:40 So Burt has dogs. Burt has dogs that are so big. I mean, it's almost shocking. You know when you see a dog that's so big, you can't believe it? Pit bulls? They're like- Bull mastiffs.

Starting point is 00:19:57 They're mastiffs, but they're mixed. So check this shit out. The first picture is, the first picture is of Steve. Steve, who I'm, I love more than anybody, is sitting on the couch. This is Bobby's brother sitting on the couch with the dog. He doesn't like him that much, but. I love Steve.

Starting point is 00:20:13 Look at this, there's Steve. And I said to Leanne, how much does that dog weigh? Yeah. I go, Steve, that dog is as big as you. The dog is 160 pounds. Yeah, he weighs more than Steve. Steve weighs 155 pounds. That dog is bigger than Steve.

Starting point is 00:20:29 What a beautiful dog. And look at the next picture. Look at how scared Fitz was of sitting next to this dog. Didn't like the drool of the petting. Look at his face. Look at his fucking face, dude. That was at the end of the night. Look at the size of that dog.

Starting point is 00:20:41 His head. He's looking more and more like the old man from Up. Look at that size of that dog. He's looking more and more like the old man from up. Look at that photo, dude. I mean, I love him. I showed this photo to my wife and she didn't have her glasses on. And she literally goes, look at that dog. And then she goes, Ellen was there last night?

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Starting point is 00:22:11 Morgan and Morgan. Ah! Pshh! Oh, I'm so sorry. I fell off a building. I hit you so hard you fell off a building? Yeah, dude. My God, this car is bad.

Starting point is 00:22:21 What's your car doing on the, on the, I don't know, on the roof, it's going 180 miles an hour on the roof. Well, I'm an idiot, I'm so sorry. Well, you use Morgan & Morgan, I'll tell you what it is. You wanna know what it is, Morgan & Morgan? What's Morgan & Morgan? Morgan & Morgan is America's largest injury law firm.

Starting point is 00:22:32 They have over 100 offices nationwide and more than a thousand lawyers. Yeah, but there's no way they have over like $20 billion recovered for over 500,000 clients. That's right, they do. They do, Morgan & Morgan does? Yeah. You tell me they have a proven track record

Starting point is 00:22:45 of fighting to get you full and fair compensation? That's exactly what I'm saying to you. Really? Yeah. Well, I mean, I bet you submitting an injury claim with Morgan & Morgan, it's not easy, is it? It is so easy. It is?

Starting point is 00:22:53 Yeah, dude. How easy? When you're doing algebra in the dark at night without a rope, it's hard. That's hard. But submitting an injury claim with Morgan & Morgan is easy? It's easy, yeah, give me one. Wow. What else is hard? Raising someone else's hard. But submitting an injury claim with Morgan & Morgan is easy? It's easy, yeah, give me one. Wow.

Starting point is 00:23:06 What else is hard? Raising someone else's kids. Yeah. That's hard. Submitting an injury claim with Morgan & Morgan is easy. That's gotta be easy. If you're ever injured, you can check out Morgan & Morgan. Their fee is free unless they win.

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Starting point is 00:24:39 to positively promote Acorns investing involves risk. Acorns advertisers, LLC and SEC registered investment advisor view important disclosures at acorns.com slash bad friends. I don't think you'd ever want a dog that size. But those- Imagine that thing pulling you down the street. Here we go again. You don't have the core-

Starting point is 00:24:53 Questioning my fucking strength again, dude. I cannot believe today. You don't have the core strength. You don't have nothing. What? You have nothing either, dude. You gotta come with better than that. No, I'm not.

Starting point is 00:25:04 I don't need to. I can come with whatever. You see his energy today, Rudy? It's wild. Yeah. What is that? You're right. What is going on? Get him another cookie.

Starting point is 00:25:13 You're right. You're right. No, honestly. You're right. You're right. I'm off. I'm off. I'm off.

Starting point is 00:25:19 I'm off. You know what? I'll try chocolate croissant. Today is wild. Yeah, I'll take a chocolate croissant. Get him a chocolate croissant, please. This is so big. Hey, McCone, do me a huge favor.

Starting point is 00:25:30 Yeah. Have one of those fucking things loaded in the chamber. Yeah, also, can I have another thing, dude? Give me a Diet Coke if there is one. I'd really like one. I know, look at me. I know what's wrong. I know what's wrong, my best friend.

Starting point is 00:25:43 I know what's wrong. What's wrong? This know what's wrong, my best friend. I know what's wrong. What's wrong? This is an emotional day. You wear your emotions on your sleeve. Rudy, help. My birthday is on Saturday. No, shut the fuck up. We won't be here.

Starting point is 00:25:57 Wait, your birthday's on Saturday? Oh. I'm turning 23, I feel old. 23? Oh God, you're so haggard now, you're burnt. They'd kick you out of Vegas. That's when I started standup. Rudy Jule's birthday, there it is.

Starting point is 00:26:10 Yeah. So sad. We'll get you something. Diet Coke? What did you get Bert for his birthday? A box of cigars. Yeah. You know, that's a classy move.

Starting point is 00:26:19 I got him eight of them. Yeah, there were a lot. That's very expensive. I went into a cigar store. Okay, can I say something about Eric Griffin? This fucking motherfucker moves two hours away. Yeah, he lives in- So then he goes, hey, come to my house and do a pond.

Starting point is 00:26:34 My 300th. Not knowing, and then I look at the map. Two hours away. Two hours away. Yeah. I'm out, it's past Magic Mountain. There's even anything up there? Yeah, I thought that's where it ended. The edge of the earth.

Starting point is 00:26:48 Yeah, yeah, like my flat Earther, I thought that's where it ended. No past six flags, there ain't nothing past six flags. So I got way out there and I'm like, oh my, I was so resentful. Because it's like- That's a far drive. If it was like Conan O'Brien,

Starting point is 00:27:03 He would never live that far. Then maybe. Yeah, but he's not living out there. You know what I mean? If it was like Conan O'Brien, He would never live that far. Then maybe. Yeah, but he's not living out there. You know what I mean? If it was like, give me a name. Jump store. Yes. Absolutely. I drive wherever the fuck that guy wants.

Starting point is 00:27:11 San Francisco drive. San Francisco, I'd walk. Eric Griffin, it's like, that's a 20 minute drive. Send a car. That's my, yeah, that's the most I'll go. He should have sent the car. 15, 20 minutes. Right. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:27:21 Right. I keep seeing his ad on TikTok. Who? Eric Griffin. What do you mean ad? Well, for what what I mean? I keep seeing his ad on TikTok. Who? Eric Griffin. What do you mean ad? Well, for what? I don't know, and your ad for the hot sauce. Hot sauce?

Starting point is 00:27:32 Or beer or something. I keep seeing- Fireball. Oh, Fireball. Yeah, I keep seeing it on TikTok. The Fireball ad? Mm-hmm. Wow. You're famous.

Starting point is 00:27:41 No, but they put it on TV. I didn't know it was on TikTok. It was TikTok. Oh, it's me and Stavros. You remember St. No, but they put it on TV. I didn't know it was on TikTok. They did TikTok. Oh, it's me and Stavros, me and the, you remember Stavros, remember him? He came? The best. By the way, his movie is getting all sorts of love.

Starting point is 00:27:53 It's great. You've seen it. Congratulations. What? Congratulations. I am not in it. I'm saying Stavros. Everything you've ever done. Oh, thank you.

Starting point is 00:28:01 Look at me right now, dude. Yeah. Look at me right now. Uh-huh. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Wait, 84% audience score? That's amazing me right now, dude. Yeah. Look at me right now. Uh-huh. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Wait, 84% audience score? That's amazing. That's fucking huge.

Starting point is 00:28:08 Yeah. Why no tomato meter? Because there's too few reviews. Right, because it's in Indie. The last year, I've been secretly working on a movie. That's great. If you, there's a part in there. No.

Starting point is 00:28:23 No. Because I heard what you already said. You said it and you didn't say it. What? You went, there's a part in there. No. No. Because I heard what you already said. You said it and you didn't say it. What? You went, there's a small, if you, do you, there's a part. That's how I said it. Playback the tape. In the edit?

Starting point is 00:28:35 Playback the tape of him going, there's a part. Oh, a smart part. Oh, a smart part. Mr. Fucking, you know what I mean? Assumptions over here. There's a smart part for Mr. fucking, you know what I mean? Assumptions over here. There's a smart part for me. What's the character? The smart guy.

Starting point is 00:28:51 Oh. The scientist. How many pages? Many pages. Money pages? Many. Many pages. How many pages of the film in general? 130.

Starting point is 00:29:02 You wrote a 130 page comedy script? Yep. That'll never happen. We're gonna condense it. I hope so. Anyway. To less than 90. Okay.

Starting point is 00:29:11 How many pages am I in? How many smart pages am I on? 10. I'm in 10. Yeah. 10 lines. How many scenes? 10 lines.

Starting point is 00:29:19 10 lines, how many scenes? 10 lines. One scene. It's one scene I have 10 lines. It's a small part. It's a small part. It's a small part. This is making sense. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:29:29 Because you're not gonna do the lead. Time out, you're not the lead of the movie, it's your fucking movie. What's this pal? Bad Coke. Can I get a can or? Wow, Bryson got that right? Bryson, very nice of you bud. Can I get a can or? Wow. Bryson got that right?

Starting point is 00:29:46 Bryson, very nice of you, bud. What's the premise of this movie you've put together? And when you say I've been working on it secretly, you haven't been at the computer. Yeah, but I've been meeting up with the writer. Telling him what to do. Well, we go through beats of the movie and you know, I mean, what about this?

Starting point is 00:29:59 Okay, I like that. Yeah, yeah. I like that. His name is Mike McGrail. I love it. And then so what's the premise of the film? Well, it's set in the nineties and there's a border crossing between Canada and the US. It's in Washington and no one crosses it.

Starting point is 00:30:16 Like once a year, I got two cars to cross it. So it's in the nineties and this is a little border patrol, like three agents that work at that little- Is this based on a true story? Yeah, it's a real place. Okay. Right? And generally the three that are there are like not the best border, there's nothing to do. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:30:33 So there's like pranks between the, you know, me and the Canadian border and this and that. Meanwhile, a real threat is coming over. Great idea. Right? And we're a bunch of bumbling kind of, you know- I hope that goes because that would be fucking rad. The story's red. But there's a scene where you're- No.

Starting point is 00:30:52 You're not gonna get me to do that. I mean this from all my heart. I will never do that movie. No chance. Okay. Yeah, I love you. I love you too, man. Why would that, you wouldn't do that

Starting point is 00:31:04 if it was the other way, you know that. Oh, I've done it before. Name it. Every movie I've ever been in. No, no, if it was the other way with this, with you and I. Yeah. No, no, no, if it was the other way, if I did it.

Starting point is 00:31:14 Okay, so I know that Spade and Theo has a movie, right? Right. And they might offer me a small part in it. Right. I will do it. You're not listening to a word I'm saying. If this was the other way, and I did, and I said, we have a small part for you. You're not doing it. Do you get it?

Starting point is 00:31:28 Yeah, I would. No, you wouldn't. You have your mind. Test, test, test. No, he wouldn't. What's a test? I'm testing these guys because they know. He does say yes to a lot of his friends. I do. It podcasts. No, I did that Robert Kelly thing on the fucking thing that was terrible. But this is me and you. It's different than those people. You wouldn't do it if I did that Robert Kelly thing on the fucking thing that was terrible. But this is me and you.

Starting point is 00:31:45 It's different than those people. You wouldn't do it if I did this thing. It's a funny, really scene stealing kind of part though. It's not like some throwaway thing. It's like, you're gonna steal the movie with it. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's super funny.

Starting point is 00:31:59 There's violence in it. I wanted- You made me so mad. I'm gonna go to the theater and I'm gonna go, man, I wish I was in this. I'm asking you for a favor, dude. I don't like favors. I'm asking you for a favor.

Starting point is 00:32:11 Okay, you know what? What? Okay, that's fine. You throw me, I'll do whatever. No, I'm serious, you're right. All right, all right. No, you're right, and I say yes now. Listen, I'm saying yes.

Starting point is 00:32:17 Yeah. Hold on, hey. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, can I speak to Vic? Who's Vic? This is, I'm calling Morgan Stanley, the bank. They're my loan. Hey guys.

Starting point is 00:32:30 Hey Vic, are we on? Hey, hey, do you think I could pay my mortgage with favors? Yeah, our bills. Could I pay them with favors? Okay. Did they take favor slips? Okay. Yeah, like if I can't pay my fucking mortgage this month, is it cool if I say it's for a favor? Hold on. Could they do a favor for me? What's up?

Starting point is 00:32:49 Alright Vic. I'll talk to you. Yeah, right He's actually getting a phone call Gene Hong fucking cut it out you made you called Morgan Morgan You know, I'll do whatever you. I would do anything for you. Let me have a moment. I'm gonna call Amir though. Let me have a moment with you. Okay.

Starting point is 00:33:12 I mean it. You know I would do anything for you anytime. I know. For the rest of my life. After this. All right. Yeah, I'm on bad friends right now and I think I lost. Get that money out and get it ready, buddy.

Starting point is 00:33:26 I know, dude. I admit I was wrong and I lost, and I'm gonna give you the 500. Oh, you were big wrong. What? Man, do you know, man, tell this man how wrong he was, man. He was wrong, man!

Starting point is 00:33:37 You're on the line! All right, so Amir. You're on the line! I love Amir. Yeah, yeah, so it's a, yeah. Cash money, Andrew, cash money. 500, dude. No, no,. Yeah, yeah, so it's, yeah. Cash money, Andrew, cash money. 500, dude. No, no, Amir, you said it was a thousand.

Starting point is 00:33:49 Yeah, it was a thousand. It was a, $500, Amir. If you wanna go down this road, I can go down this road with you, dude. Okay? Okay. Trump's America, maybe it's a thousand bucks, fella. All right, brother.

Starting point is 00:34:00 I'm going to Australia tomorrow. When I get back, I'll get the 500. Beautiful, I love you guys. I love you, buddy. Love you, dude. Bye. He's so funny, by the way. When I get back, I'll get the 500. Beautiful, I love you guys. I love you, buddy. Love you, dude. He's so funny about it. Now I feel better because now, cause he was the only one I bet it with. Right. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:34:11 I feel better. Good. I accept it. Accept this, you know I'm gonna do the movie. I would do anything for you and I mean it. Now look at me, don't budge me off. I do a bit for the show. You're gonna be so mad. There's no part in the movie for you. All right.

Starting point is 00:34:25 I'm kidding, there is. Let's move on. I'm not doing it. No, I'm not doing it. Yeah, you are. No, I'm not. Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate. Let's be real.

Starting point is 00:34:36 I'm not doing the movie. I would never. Fuck that. Fuck that. I'm not doing it. No, I'm not doing it. Yeah, you are. No, I'm not.

Starting point is 00:34:44 Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate. Let's be real. I'm not doing the. No, I'm not doing it. Yeah, you are. No, I'm not. Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate. Let's be real. I'm not doing it. I would never. Fuck that. Fuck it. Give him the, yes, give him a churro. Please give him a churro.

Starting point is 00:34:52 Give me a churro. Put it in, keep it in a chamber. Give it, I want a plate, please. Give me a plate. You're eating a lot. No, he's not. You're gonna puke again. I know, I'm gonna puke.

Starting point is 00:35:02 I just go, who's in big galley? He's already off, you didn't take it today. Yesterday I took it. Yeah, not today. Isn't it every- It's a one week. Once a week. Oh, shit. Yeah, I'm gurgling. You're gurgling.

Starting point is 00:35:12 Yeah, but I need to do it because I don't know what else to do. Because it's fun. Yeah, yeah. You'll be fine. You found it, because this guy's the best. We don't even have, oh, in the cabinets? Yeah. Let me say this, that does sound

Starting point is 00:35:23 like a fucking phenomenal movie idea. I really do, I really like that. Like I think it does sound dope. I think you're gonna kill it. They're not gonna do it. Why would they not? I don't even understand why they- Because we don't even have a thing yet, you know.

Starting point is 00:35:33 With the production team that they've got behind it, that's people gonna wanna do that. But yeah, that's what my dream cast would be. That's your dream cast? Yeah. Oh. They're not attached to it, I just like, I want, for this I want him, I want him. And then I want.

Starting point is 00:35:48 What's so funny? What's so funny? Cause let me tell you something about your dream cast. For the zombie movie. I knew that was coming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I don't know who these other people are,

Starting point is 00:36:00 but I know that who's not in it, us two. And now I swear to God on my mother's life. Oh, that's right. On my mother's life, I will never do it. Fucking piss me off now, dude. You just lost me, dude. This is what you get. You piece of shit, dude.

Starting point is 00:36:18 This is what you get. I'm glad you're not, I need a break from you, dude. I'm glad you're not going to Australia. Oh shit. Yeah. You wanna tell him? What? He's going? Him and his wife and the baby are coming. How?

Starting point is 00:36:33 They asked if they could make a family vacation. But that's the whole time. Yeah. No. Don't. I know it's coming. I can hear it. It's coming out. Rudy, I haven. I know it's coming. I can hear it. Oh. It's coming out. Rudy, I haven't talked to you all night.

Starting point is 00:36:49 I'm sorry. Yeah, you talk to her. I need any time. How are you? I'm good, how are you? What's going on in your world right now? Nothing. You feeling good?

Starting point is 00:36:58 You feeling bad? What's going on? What's the news? Well, I'm scared for the election. You are? Well, it's over. When this podcast comes out, it's over. Yeah. So how do you feel?

Starting point is 00:37:08 It's over, it happened. Come along. Whatever you say. Yeah, so I'm not gonna get deported. Yeah, you will. You'll get deported regardless. You will. Why?

Starting point is 00:37:22 If we have anything to do with it. But you guys are helping me. We are, we're gonna keep you in this country for as long as we can. Let me ask you something, if there was some, like, you know, Trump was like, you know, I wanna get everyone out of here. Do you think you and I have,

Starting point is 00:37:34 be able to figure out her situation or no? Yeah, we would use like the famous card and we'd get- I think that would have to go through, we'd have to go through Rogan maybe. Yeah, we'd have to go through somebody to keep her here. Yeah, Rogan would, I mean, yeah. Call Trump, cause you'd endorse them. through somebody to keep her here. Yeah, Rogan would, I mean, yeah. Call Trump, cause you'd endorse them. Yeah, please keep her here.

Starting point is 00:37:48 Yeah, keep her. He's not gonna kick you out. He's not gonna kick you out. I promise. Hopefully. No, he's more likely to kick Andres out, for sure. At least revoke. Right, yeah, revoke.

Starting point is 00:37:58 Yeah, revoke the citizenship because- You could find out what kind of trash bag he really is. Yeah. So nothing is going on in your world. You're in school right now. Yeah, I don't know if I can say it, but I got dumped by my friends. Wait, dumped, I'm sorry, your boyfriend, you mean?

Starting point is 00:38:17 Friends. Wait, your friend dumped you? Tell us what happened. Let us be helpful. Okay, but you guys are also the reason why I got dumped. What the fuck did we do? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Please. Okay.

Starting point is 00:38:33 Be honest. Remember when I told you I went to that party? Hermosa? Yeah. More details. I remember. Sharkeys. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:38:44 Those cowboys and stuff there you said Yeah, I said I needed new friends because my current friends were trash. I didn't we didn't say that insane I don't think we said that at all We said trash. I think so and then they heard about it from who? Why are they listening? But then I guess they're listening. And then what they say. And then they ghosted me.

Starting point is 00:39:09 Wow. They ghosted you. They know this is a comedy pack as we're fucking kidding. I explained it in a long letter. Apologizing for hurting their feelings. No, no, no. No, no. Are you being fucking real right now, dude?

Starting point is 00:39:22 Okay. I am so livid. Oh my God. First of all. Don't get me started, dude. What's being fucking real right now, dude? Okay. I am so livid. Oh my god First of all, don't get me started dude. What's going on? You shouldn't have to apologize We're joking we're joking around and you never said anything. You never say anything bad. I called them party girls You know what I'm glad Trump won Yeah, I'm done you're done't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I'm done. You're done.

Starting point is 00:39:48 I'm done with it. It's gone too far. It's too sensitive, I hate it. They don't want to be called party girls? Oh my God. Why is party girl, is that, in what world would that be like, would that be defamatory? Party girl?

Starting point is 00:40:00 I want a party. Fuck yeah, you're a party girl. Yeah, you're a party girl. That's why I- I'm a party guy. I'm a party boy party girl. Yeah, you're a party girl. That's why I- I'm a party guy. I'm a party boy. Yeah. Yeah, so they didn't like- So wait, they said they called us party, clearly.

Starting point is 00:40:11 Okay, what did they, so they called you and go, we can't believe- No, they ghosted me. Yeah, but you're assuming that the ghost is attached to that. Yeah. So I want to know how you know that they saw it, because they must have said something. Somebody. Someone from that group that's like, I'm close to them.

Starting point is 00:40:30 I texted her personally. And then she said, yeah, we didn't like what you said in the podcast and you hurt our feelings. Okay, first of all, we hurt the feelings. You didn't do that. And then I said party girls. Okay, I said, then you said party girls. You didn't do that. And then I said party girls. Okay, so then you said party girls. And I kinda nodded when you guys said you need new friends.

Starting point is 00:40:50 It's a fucking joke. It's a comedy podcast. I explained that. It's comedy. I can't do it. I'm out. I'm out. I'm explaining it on a letter. Nobody reads letters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or let's try to make amends now. They're not gonna listen. Yes, they listened to the last one.

Starting point is 00:41:08 I don't know. So party girls. Well, no, I mean, I don't know their names, so I don't know how to address them. Listen up, party girls. No, no, no, how about Jules's ex-friends? Jules's ex-friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:41:19 Listen to me right now. By the way, you guys are only creating a monster. She's gonna become a superhero now because of this, right? Yeah. You're fueling her fire. Okay. So, um. Your teen requested a ride, but this time, not from you.

Starting point is 00:41:36 It's through their Uber Teen account. It's an Uber account that allows your teen to request a ride under your supervision with live trip tracking and highly rated drivers. Add your team to your Uber account today. Visa and OpenTable are dishing up something new. Get access to prime time dining reservations by adding your Visa Infinite Privilege Card to your OpenTable account. From there, you'll unlock first-come, first-serve spots at select-top restaurants when booking through OpenTable.

Starting point is 00:42:09 Learn more at OpenTable.ca forward slash Visa Dining. This episode is brought to you by Melissa and Doug. Wooden puzzles and building toys for problem-solving and arts and crafts for creative thinking, Melissa and Doug makes toys that help kids take on the world. Because the way they play today shapes who they become tomorrow. Melissa and Doug, the play is pretend, the skills are real. Look for Melissa and Doug wherever you shop for toys. Ladies, okay, Jules is probably one of the best human beings

Starting point is 00:42:47 I've ever met in my whole entire life. Fact. She's a daughter to me. I love her like my own flesh and blood. I really believe that. Yeah, me too. I feel that, okay? And there's not a bad bone in her body.

Starting point is 00:42:59 In fact, some of this podcasting, it's mumbo jumbo, we're forcing her to do it really, to be honest with you, because she's so good. She's just perfect for the show. She's brilliant. Because she's innocent, right? There's just certain dynamics that work well with us, her personality, and so we bring her on here,

Starting point is 00:43:18 you know what I mean? She's game, right? She's game. A lot of times, she's just kind of going along with what we're saying. She's just having fun. She's having fun, but is she? Sometimes she's not.

Starting point is 00:43:30 I'm having fun. Yeah, yeah, but at the end of the day, you know, if you take that personally. Come on. Keep going? Yes. All right. You're gonna die.

Starting point is 00:43:43 You're gonna die. Right? The world is a scary place. It's so scary. I mean, not like, I'm not gonna, I'm just saying. No, we're not gonna kill you. Yeah, we're not gonna kill you. I'm just saying life is gonna just, brr-king.

Starting point is 00:43:53 It's gonna eat you alive. Come down on you and press you into the dirt. Yes. All right, and just smudge your face deep into the dirt. And then once you learn that Jules is not the- Are you out of your mind? Yeah, it's a bad- Life is hard.

Starting point is 00:44:07 I'm so sorry. And Jules is not the culprit here. We are. We're the evil ones. Yes, she's not. Yeah, innocent. Innocent. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:44:15 And if that is gonna sever a friendship because of a dumb joke that him and I made, that's not chill. Yeah. We know you're not part of the girls. We know that you're intelligent, ethical, moral, sensitive. Sensitive for sure. What? Say it.

Starting point is 00:44:38 Weak. Yeah. A little weak. Weak. Yeah. A little weak. Tender. Soft. Tender, soft. Pliable. Pliable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maluble. Maluble, yeah, malleable. Tender. Soft. Tender, soft. Pliable. Pliable, yeah, yeah, yeah. Mal-u-ble. Mal-u-ble, yeah, mal-u-ble.

Starting point is 00:44:47 I like that word, yeah, yeah, yeah. Valuable, but mal-u-ble. Valuable, but mal-u-ble. And look, we don't know you and we love you. We love you. And we want you to know that Jules loves you. And she's a sensitive soul too, and she doesn't like someone taking a joke

Starting point is 00:44:59 that these two morons made to heart, because we're dumb idiots, we really are. Look at the set that we're on. The set that we're on. Look, we're inside of a McDonald's. I mean, give me a break. We're morons. We're morons.

Starting point is 00:45:12 And we're just trying to have fun. And please don't take it out on Jules. Just having fun. Two guys just having fun. So Jules is a great girl. And if it's, you know, at the end of the day, I honestly believe this, it's so your loss. That's your loss if you don't want to be friends with her.

Starting point is 00:45:24 Really? Because this is a rising person. This is a great human. Yeah, he's rising. You're just gonna lose a good human. You know who she is, dude? You know who she is? What? Remember she Logan?

Starting point is 00:45:34 Logan Paul? No, not Logan Paul, the movie Logan. Oh yeah, Logan. The origin story? Yeah. Logan, yeah. Remember the little girl? Oh yes. With the two claws?

Starting point is 00:45:44 Yes. Right? She's from Spain. She's from Spain, yeah? Shut up, Andres. Okay, zoom in on that. That, that's Rudy. That right there is Rudy.

Starting point is 00:45:53 That's Rudy. Because she loves knives, right? And so, hey, party girls, you wanna fuck with that? I wouldn't. I wouldn't fuck with that. I'd want that on my side. Right, see that body right there? That was a party boy.

Starting point is 00:46:03 That was a party boy. Yeah, yeah. And. See that body right there? That was a party boy. That was a party boy. Yeah, yeah. And she destroyed him, right? So if you don't call her back, you're gonna have war with us. That's right. You don't want that.

Starting point is 00:46:14 You don't want that. That's bad. You call her back, you invite her back to Moose McGilliguddies or wherever you guys go. It was Moose McGilliguddies. Yeah, yeah. Or whatever, right?

Starting point is 00:46:21 Or Sharkey's Pizza or Woodfire Mexican Food, whatever it is. Yeah, Pitfire. Pitfire, or wood fire Mexican food whatever it is Yeah, it's like pit fire. Yeah, right, right and you go out and hang out with these fucking you have fun You have fun and just know that you're party girls know that you are You know, you know what? I'm gonna double down on it. You are party. You're absolutely party girl, right? And we get mad at the we get we are yeah We get mad at the things we are and you got mad cuz somebody called you a party girl because you're a party girl We did a full fucking we came right back to things we are. And you got mad cause somebody called you a party girl because you're a party girl, party girl. Okay. We did a full fucking, we came right back

Starting point is 00:46:48 to where we started. We don't care. Yeah, you know what? I'm good. No, you know what? I'm gonna go this way. Stop, stop. Good.

Starting point is 00:46:56 Don't ever talk to them again. I'm not. Yeah, yeah, don't ever talk to them again. I just thought about it. It's fucking uncalled for. You deserve cool friends that have friends that don't care about two idiots saying something dumb. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:47:10 It's just awkward going to school cause I see them. Oh yeah? Well, I don't want you to do that. You know what dude? Don't see them. Don't see them. Pretty small.

Starting point is 00:47:19 Yeah. What? In school, I can see them though. But I see people that I don't see. This is- You know, you're gonna fill this into this people that I don't see. This is. You know, you're gonna fill this into this, right? This is true. This is true, dude.

Starting point is 00:47:29 He did it yesterday. Yeah, I do it all the time. If there's somebody at a party I don't like. Yeah, you don't see them. I see them, but I don't. I didn't know you were there. Yeah, I see right through them. I didn't even see you at the party.

Starting point is 00:47:37 I see right through them. Yeah. Okay. Okay. They're nothing. That's great. Yeah. You're in a movie, okay? You know, I'll tell you something right now.

Starting point is 00:47:44 There was a movie called Commando. Love. Do you remember a movie, okay? You know, I'll tell you something right now. There was a movie called Commando. Love. Do you remember the movie Commando? Yeah. Who was in the movie Commando? Well, McCone does. McCone, do you know? I actually haven't seen Commando.

Starting point is 00:47:52 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's in it, Andres? Arnold. Arnold. Dural Arnold in Commando, right? There's a scene in Commando. Well, this is probably, I could use probably a million other movies.

Starting point is 00:48:01 Yeah. I don't know why I used Commando. It just came to my mind. Yeah. Because I just remember watching Commando as a kid and there was like a couple of people exploding million other movies. Yeah. I don't know why I used Commando. It just came to my mind. Yeah. Because I just remember watching Commando as a kid. And there was like a couple of people exploding in the background. Love.

Starting point is 00:48:10 Right? And I'm like, I always thought to myself, oh, that actor, he didn't have much to do. Yeah, yeah. So that was Commando. It's Mr. Steel, your girl. But if you see that, right, there's a million people that die in back of them.

Starting point is 00:48:20 They explode, they get shot up and whatever, right? A lot of times it's like that. Be commando. Be commando. Right. Shoot him up. Shoot him up, dude. Well don't literally, but metaphorically shoot him up. Be that guy. Okay.

Starting point is 00:48:32 And with the little Logan girl. Like a combo deal. Okay. Commando Logan. Dude, you're Commando Logan, dude. You're Commando Logan. In fact, when you turn Saturday, that's your new name. Commando Logan. Yeah. Salute. Commando Logan. Yeah. Salute, Commando Logan.

Starting point is 00:48:47 That's British. That's British. That's the British. That is. That's US. No, that's British. That's no way, dude. That's British.

Starting point is 00:49:01 This? Yeah. Oi! Doing my national anthem, are ya? Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Based on the toast subject, will you do that? Is that really British?

Starting point is 00:49:11 No. What is it? That's ours. Thank you. Yeah. Hey. Yeah. It's British.

Starting point is 00:49:18 Yeah, it's British. I know you're right. That's all right. Yeah. So I have a crush. You have a little new crush? But it's a gay, and that's okay. Whoa! No, no, no, no, no.

Starting point is 00:49:25 Ring the bell. No, no. I finally got you to come out on this show. After all these years of doing the three-card Monte, he finally picked us a woman. It's a smart roll, it's a smart roll. Oh, it is? Go ahead, who's the crush?

Starting point is 00:49:36 Charles Milton. So it is gay. No, I just think he's hot. What do you mean? Oh. What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? You said, no, it's not gay. It's not gay.

Starting point is 00:49:48 That's gay. That's gay. It's not gay. How is, how isn't- Cause I hung out with him. I went bowling with him. Right, so you're gay. No, he taught me how to bowl.

Starting point is 00:49:57 I've heard that before. What? A guy- No, honestly, he really did. He's like, dude, the underhand, cause you know how I bowl and I go underhand Yeah, you flip it because he grabbed my hand like this and he goes grip it like this, right? We'll keep your eye on the that's a date. No, it's not a date, dude

Starting point is 00:50:12 He showed you how to bowl. Yeah, and he goes and then he goes just don't you it's not about strength I want more accuracy. This sounds so gay No, and I just looked at his face and he got any smiled that guy right there Yeah, and so I learned, and then I had the best score I've ever gotten. He scored well too. It was me, Charles Milton, and Ali Wong on one team, and then Gene Sonny, you know what I mean,

Starting point is 00:50:35 from Beef, and some other people on the other team, and Charles Milton taught me how to fucking bowl. You got a little crush. And I said, the crush, I'm not gay. You said crush to start the whole thing. I think that, but can I be honest with you? Ask me if you think I think I see anything handsome. Do you think,

Starting point is 00:50:51 Couldn't even get it out. I couldn't even get it out. Ask me if you think I can see handsome. Do you think Charles Milton is handsome? Yeah. And I can say that as a hetero. Okay. Okay.

Starting point is 00:51:04 Seems like you're- Do you get butterflies when seeing him? It's not butterfly. You know, here's what I got excited about. Can I tell you how I got excited? Sounds like butterflies, doesn't it? Yeah. You don't know what butterflies are then?

Starting point is 00:51:15 You do. Yeah, I think I do. And I think you look at that right now. Stare at that for five seconds, quietly. He was, he doesn't look like that. Stare at that. Five, four, three, two, one. I can actually see it in your eyes.

Starting point is 00:51:30 You're having like a throwback in your eyes. All right, so you got a little crush. Yeah, it's not a crush, but- It's a man crush. So I was at the bowling alley and he comes, he has a motorcycle, right? So he has a helmet, right? Of course he does.

Starting point is 00:51:44 He has like one of those Wolverine leather jackets, right? And he looks greasy. Yeah. And he just came out, took the helmet off. And I looked at it, I couldn't recognize him already, right? But I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I said, don't, don't make the first move. Don't, don't, don't, like, just be cool.

Starting point is 00:52:01 You know what I mean? Yeah. So I was just kind of like looking at the- You sound like a girl on a date. No, no, no, I was looking at the ball, so I see him, I was right next to where the rack of the bowling, so I was like sticking my fingers in the holes to see what- Whoa.

Starting point is 00:52:13 What, you think that's a thing? Mm-hmm. No, but I'm trying to find the right hole. Yeah, I know you are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know you are. Right, and then he goes, he comes right up to me and he goes, I'm a big fan of yours.

Starting point is 00:52:23 Yeah. And I go, you want a bowl? He goes, eat first, so fan of yours. Yeah. And I go, you want a bowl? He goes, eat first. So we ate first. So you had a date, you had a dinner date. No, cause Gene was there too. The one we just talked earlier. Sure.

Starting point is 00:52:31 Yeah. Gene was eating with you? Yeah, us, me, Gene and Charles. And we ate. Was it ever just you and Charles alone? No. No. Did you want it to be?

Starting point is 00:52:43 No. You see, this is kind of bullshit I'm talking about. At the end of the night. This is the kind of bullshit I'm talking about. When he said goodbye. Take the fucker photo off of it. When he said goodbye. No, leave it up.

Starting point is 00:52:52 At the end of the night when he said goodbye, did you kind of want to hang some more? What? He's a talented guy. I want to learn some. Did you want to hang some more? Yeah, I want to learn things from him. He taught me how to bowl. You wanted to see him again.

Starting point is 00:53:02 Did you exchange numbers? No, I didn't. Do you wish you did? Nope. Is this a little cry on the internet? No, no, this is so stupid what you're doing right now, dude. I'm not gay. It's ridiculous.

Starting point is 00:53:13 It's okay. No, don't do that. That doesn't work, whatever you're doing. It doesn't matter. Okay. No one cares. Anyway, you don't have man crushes? Cause let me say something right now.

Starting point is 00:53:21 I saw at the party last night, dude, I think you do. On whom? What. On whom? What? On whom? Chris Porter. That's our man crush. You were swinging for, you're really reaching out. I was reaching for it, yeah.

Starting point is 00:53:32 Fitzsimmons. Yeah, you and Fitzsimmons have a little man crush. I think he's a great guy. We just love to, he shits on me. Like the way we joke is the way you and I joke. Yeah, yeah. He's got great- He's a great guy. Great rhythm.

Starting point is 00:53:42 He'll talk really good shit. By the way, the barbecue we had last night. AJ's. So good. So good. My God, yeah. He's got great. He's a great guy. Great rhythm. He'll talk really good shit. By the way, the barbecue we had last night. AJ's. So good. So good. My God, dude. That's the one thing I, the problem I have with- Can I see?

Starting point is 00:53:52 Go ahead. Okay. Now go ahead. Here's my problem. Go ahead. I'm gonna say my problem now. And what all I wanted to hear my problem. Say it, baby.

Starting point is 00:54:00 Okay. So it's so funny because that bowling party and Bert's party, there is one common thread. And guess what the common thread is? There was something there at both parties. And I think I know you know what it is. Oh yeah. What is it? People that don't deserve to be there. No, no, no. I'm kidding. No, it's something you consume. I'm no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

Starting point is 00:54:27 no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, he gives it as gifts, apparently, and when he goes to events like weddings and whatnot, he brings his cake and apparently it's legendary. Tom Cruise cake. It's called Tom Cruise coconut cake, okay? So when I went to that beef party where I saw Charles, there were six Tom Cruise cakes

Starting point is 00:55:00 and they made an announcement, ba ba ba ba ba, Tom Cruise cake. They bring that out, right? And I ate it, I'm like, it's pretty good. Yeah, that's fine. But then Burt brings it out. Hey guys, you can't believe it. Like they, as if it was from Tom Cruise's asshole.

Starting point is 00:55:16 Yeah. I mean, that's the fucking, you know what I mean? The oven. He does poop white, you know that, right? It was almost as if, and they're like, we got it. Like it's hard to find. Right. So I waited in line like everyone. Yes, you did. I was excited. You were very excited. Yeah. Yeah I'll get the Tom Cruise kick again. You know me but I like the sheet cake better

Starting point is 00:55:33 The sheet cake was better It was so good. The sheet cake that shit cake the sheet cake brought it that was so that was so good But I this was fine. Who's was so good. But I, this was fine. But the Tom Cruise cake is good. Sure. Right, but when you're eating it, you're like, if I didn't know this was Tom Cruise's cake, would I go, ooh, best coconut cake I ever had? No. I don't think so. No, you go, this is how it tastes like coconut cake.

Starting point is 00:55:55 Is it good coconut cake? You ever had coconut cake? I don't like coconut. Yeah. Yeah. What if they all have like, there's a Matt Damon Danish. Ooh, a Damon, Damon Danish? Right, like a Damon Danish. Or do you think everyone has one thing?

Starting point is 00:56:07 Yeah, I would. I would love to have a Bobby Lee, flan. Like at a party, people were like, we got it, Bobby Lee flan. It'd probably be something else. What do you mean? A flan is typically a Mexican.

Starting point is 00:56:20 Yeah, but that's what makes it intriguing. A Korean dude, you know what I mean? Oh, you'd be like. Oh, so it's what makes it intriguing. A Korean dude, you know what I mean? Oh, you'd be like. The Tom Cruise cake isn't something that he made. He found it, the baker, and he was like, oh, this is my thing. You think that's good. Wait till you try Bobby Lee's flan.

Starting point is 00:56:38 Well, they have a carrot cake there. That's mine. Last night, I ate it. It was better than the coconut cake. That's Andrew Santino's carrot cake. That is? Well. I was gonna, it was better than the coconut cake. That's Andrew Santino's carrot cake. That is? Well. I was gonna say it was Bobby Lee's carrot cake.

Starting point is 00:56:49 I'm orange. Oh fuck. That clearly would be my cake. Oh yeah, maybe they have 11 pound cake. That could be Bobby Lee. It's much more than 11 pound cake. What? Lemon pound cake.

Starting point is 00:56:59 Oh, lemon pound, that's you. Yeah, yeah. I think she said 11 pound cake. I was like, that's, come on. I never said 11 pound cake. Oh no, the 11 is the number you need to lose, the 11 pound cake. That's what. Yeah, yeah. I think she said 11 pound cake. I was like, that's, come on. I never said 11 pound cake. Oh, no, the 11 is the number you need to lose. The 11 pound cake. That's what it is.

Starting point is 00:57:10 Okay, okay. Lemon pound cake. You're right. I'm sorry. Lemon pound cake. That's the Bobby Lee cake. Yeah, not 11. You're kind of more of like a seven layer dip.

Starting point is 00:57:19 That's kind of your- They have that there. Then maybe I can claim it. I'm a seven layer dip cake. Okay, anyway. Okay, lemon pound cake, Bobby Lee. Carrot cake seven layer dip cake. Okay, lemon pound cake Bobby Lee, carrot cake Andrew Santino. What's Rudy?

Starting point is 00:57:27 What would you have? Can I be a brownie? That's actually really good. We got Rudy Jules' brownie, and they're like, Rudy who? No, they won't do that. I love you. Yeah, you gotta take a bite. Take that, that was mean.

Starting point is 00:57:42 Take a bite of the Rudy Jules. That could be you right there. Oobie. What? Oobie cake. You're like blood sausage. Take a bite and you know what it tastes like? A party girl in your mouth when you take a bite of that stuff.

Starting point is 00:57:52 Yeah. A party girl in your mouth. Now would you eat the cake if it was something that you didn't like? If it was good. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like this is JD Vance, you know Croissant. If it was bomb.

Starting point is 00:58:04 Yeah, maybe. Like that. What Vance, you know Croissant. If it was bomb. Yeah, maybe. Like that. What? You don't know who made that. A real grade A bigot could have made that. It's really good though. Still delicious. Still eat it.

Starting point is 00:58:14 Yeah. Uh-oh. Uh-oh, what's going on? Dax is here. Oh, he is? Come on, sit down, Dax. Get in here. How are you?

Starting point is 00:58:23 Hello, Dax. Dax, Get in here. How are you? Good, how are y'all? Hello, Dax. Dax, hello. Hi. Hi. Hello. Hello. Dax, how'd you feel last Tuesday? Good, that was fun. I was nervous, but that was fun. You did such a great job.

Starting point is 00:58:36 You did a great job. Dax. Do you feel like you did well? It was hard to tell because it was quite overwhelming, just like I had never done it in front of that many people, but it was fun. You killed. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:58:47 Can we see some of it? Before you play that, let me, what's your, did you vote? Yes. Okay, what's your prediction? That Kamala Harris will win? When will this come out, right now? It's already over. When this comes out, it already happened.

Starting point is 00:59:03 Okay. Yeah, so now that it's, now we're in the future now, right? Trump won. Oh over. When this comes out, it already happened. Okay. Yeah. So now that it's now we're in the future now, right? Trump won. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay. But you're fine.

Starting point is 00:59:11 Yeah. Look at that. Look at that. All right. Here we go. Let's watch this tape. Hey, everyone. I hope you're doing awesome.

Starting point is 00:59:19 Very good so far. Thank you. Clap your hands if you like the bad friends. Smart. I can't hear you. Thank you. Clap your hands if you like the bad friends. Smart. I can't hear you. Awesome. They love you all.

Starting point is 00:59:32 I love going to the aquarium. My favorite thing is always just looking at all the jellyfish, but I always just wish there were some peanut butter fish as well. I recently went through a breakup, not my fault, I promise. But basically she used to get headaches all the time and she'd get really mad at me because I'd be like, don't worry, it's only in your head. And then she'd be like, no, I really have a headache. And I'd be like, no, literally it's just in your head.

Starting point is 01:00:00 All right. Honestly. Honestly. So you felt good? Yeah, it was really fun. Well, the next step is take it on the honestly. Honestly. So you felt good? Yeah, it was really fun. Well, the next step is take it on the road. Okay, yeah. Did you get a lot of good,

Starting point is 01:00:11 did you get a good response online to people hitting you up and like saw the show? You did great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People were like, that's awesome. You performed there because people love that place. We do. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:00:21 It is home to us. And what's, do you get some vag that night or what? No. Was that or what? No. Was that a yes? No. I just went and just filmed like an outro and then went home and slept. Now your friend, unusual guy.

Starting point is 01:00:37 Oh, he's nice. He's very nice. No, you're not a nice guy. I didn't say, he's a nice guy. Yeah, he's very nice. Yeah, I'm just saying that he was like a little like you. Okay, yeah, yeah. Unique.

Starting point is 01:00:48 Unique. Definitely. We need your help with something. So Rudy, we made a joke on the show as we do pretty heavily, right? And we made a joke about these girls that Rudy used to hang out with, right? And it was our fault, but then they punished her

Starting point is 01:01:03 by ghosting her and becoming ex-friends because of something we joked about. Oh, wow. She needs help getting these friends back in her life. We've tried to apologize. I don't even know if we did a good job. I don't think so. But I think you can, can you offer advice to her

Starting point is 01:01:16 on how to get these friends back in her life? Did you already look into the camera and say what you want to say to them? Like, not a, I guess they don't need an apology, but maybe just an explanation, right? Yeah. No, I sent like a whole letter, like a long letter to them and they still never.

Starting point is 01:01:31 Wow, maybe they're not the right friends. Or if you do wanna still be friends with them, you can just say it to the camera. Well, I mean, here's the thing. I think maybe it'd be great if you kinda told her what to say and then she could say it. Like what to text? Yeah, so why don't you look in the-

Starting point is 01:01:49 Why don't you pretend like you're rude. You're her. And then maybe she can just get something from the way you, like just rehearse it or something. Why don't you look in the camera? Look in this camera and go, dear friends or whatever. Hey guys, what they say I'm not responsible for, I just am friends with them or whatever,

Starting point is 01:02:07 and go on their podcasts every week and stuff, and just, I can't be held responsible for that kind of thing, and let's just hang out. And let's ask for their friendship back. And can you just please come on and hang out with me? And here's why. And here's why, I have a lot to offer. I'm very friendly.

Starting point is 01:02:28 We've had a lot of fun times together. And actually I might even introduce you to them sometime and y'all could discuss your differences. And I'd love to have y'all on the show to hash it out. And I'll tell you what. And I tell you what, if you do that, you're gonna have a heck of a time because maybe we'll go to Six Flags afterward.

Starting point is 01:02:50 Or we could even. Or we could even. Go to the bowling alley or party. And I could teach you. Oh, sensitive words. Yeah. Or how about, listen, or I could teach you a new language like.

Starting point is 01:03:04 Or I could teach you the new language, like any that you wanna know that I know. And like, I'll give you an example of my. English. But the other one. And also Spanish and. But here's a little sample. Hola.

Starting point is 01:03:20 Yeah. Me llamo Rudy. Quiero tu. Yeah. Quiero tu. Uh, quiero tu. Yeah. Quiero tu? Or, me gusta tu. Mm-hmm. Me gusta tu.

Starting point is 01:03:29 Yeah, yeah. I like you. Um, y mi amigos es mal. Mal amigos. Uh... I also, I know some Japanese. Konnichiwa. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:03:42 Tagalog, tagalog. My language. Oh, okay. Tagalog. What is it? How do you say it? Tag you say it? Yeah. Tagalog, Tagalog. My language. Oh, okay. Tagalog. What is it? How do you say it? Tagalog. Tagalog.

Starting point is 01:03:50 Tagalog. Tagalog, yeah. I will teach you that. And let's hear some of that. Tagalog. I love Tagalog. I love Tagalog. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:04:01 And I think you will too. What does it sound like, Tagalog? Yeah, yeah. Like Spanish? I think you will too. What does it sound like, Tagalog? Yeah, yeah. Like Spanish? Let's hear some of it, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I don't know. Hi.

Starting point is 01:04:14 Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi.

Starting point is 01:04:21 Hi. All right, that's a good letter. I mean, did you grab anything from that Rudy? Yeah. I mean, I feel like you learned. I think you did it, dude. I think you really did it, dude. Dax, what's going on in your personal life?

Starting point is 01:04:33 You got any good news? You got anything coming up? Any, what's going on? Nothing. I'm always just kind of making videos and that's about it. Yeah. Which I like that.

Starting point is 01:04:44 We love it. I watch them literally every week. Everything you put up I watch, I really enjoy it. What's your, do you have any goals in life that you're looking forward to? Well, I guess I enjoyed doing like standup in front of a real crowd outside of an open mic and then just maybe doing more standup

Starting point is 01:05:03 and maybe just more videos, continuing, like maybe dating stuff and maybe. Oh yeah, are you dating anybody now? No, not at all. Not even a little bit. No. There's no prospects either. No, no.

Starting point is 01:05:18 Is there a way we- But do you have sexual urges? Okay. Too much? Yeah. Can I retract? Yes. And then, doges? Okay. Too much? Yeah. Can I retract? Yes. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:05:26 And then, do you? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, okay, okay, okay. Yeah, of course. Okay. Is there a way we could help facilitate maybe you meeting somebody? Not that I know of.

Starting point is 01:05:37 Why? We're good wingmen. We're good wingmen. Oh, maybe giving me just advice. We're good wingmen. Oh, like going to a bar kind of thing? Yeah, yeah, we can go to a bar. We don't need to go to a bar.

Starting point is 01:05:46 There's a ton of places we can go. We can go to a bowling alley. We could go for a hike. We can see babes on a hike. And what would you do? To get women to notice you. If you were on a hike and saw someone. Well, if we saw a couple of girls,

Starting point is 01:05:58 we'd say, hello, do either of you know who we are? And if they said no, we would move on. No, no, no. Yeah, I'd walk right away. And if I found a new group of girls and I said, hi, do you know who we are? And they go, no, we would move on. No, no, no. Yeah, I'd walk right away. And if I found a new group of girls and I said, hi, do you know who we are? And they go, yes, we know bad friends. I said, fantastic.

Starting point is 01:06:10 Or we like it to meet my dad. This is what I would do. This is what I would do on a hike. I'll connect that, may I? Yeah, here's, let me do you on a hike. Guys, guys. Okay, go, go ahead. Go ahead.

Starting point is 01:06:27 You see? Fuck, don't throw up on the show. I'm about to do it. Please don't. You almost made me do it. Are you gonna? No. All right.

Starting point is 01:06:34 So anyway. You see a couple of girls. No, what I would do is I'd hide you off the trail. No, that's smart. No, you don't. Yeah, hiding on a trail, a hike trail. Girls love that. I'm not done, dude.

Starting point is 01:06:43 I know. I go up to a girl, I go, oh my God, my baby just got attacked by a fucking mountain lion. Carlos, right? Smart. And they're like, well yeah, the mountain lion's gone, but I, I, I, I, can you help? Where's the baby?

Starting point is 01:06:54 Come over here. They follow me, right? And then you're on the ground, right? Like- As if I'm your son? Yeah, you are my son, you're my baby. Okay. And your arms hurt. Okay. So do it like, like. As if I'm your son? Yeah, you are my son, you're my baby. Okay. When your arms hurt. Okay.

Starting point is 01:07:06 So do it like, yeah. I go, are you okay, baby? I need help. Yeah, but then once you say that, I'm gone. Now just you and the kid. Now it's you and me. What happened to you, baby boy? Just fell while hiking.

Starting point is 01:07:21 Oh God, does it hurt? Yeah. Do you want me to kiss it? Mountain lion, mountain lion. Oh, there was it hurt? Yeah. Do you want me to kiss it? Oh there was a mountain lion that knocked me over. There was a mountain lion that did this to you? Yep. Are you okay? I think I need help. Would you want to come back to my house and I have an ice pack at my house? Yeah for sure. You would like to do that? Mm-hmm. You would? No, we're at the house. Hey. Lay down, lay down. Lay down, you look hurt.

Starting point is 01:07:45 This is my roommate. Hi, I'm Sabrina. She sings everything. I sing everything. She has to, she has a mental. Anyway, I gotta go to work. Work, stay with here with this baby that I found on the trail.

Starting point is 01:07:58 I want to give him a blow job. Oh, do you want a blow job? I'm interested in you. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Uh, mixed signals. Wait a minute. Do you want a blowjob from me or my roommate

Starting point is 01:08:15 or both of us? I don't know. Well, think about it. Think about it. I gotta go to work. Who wants two more? Oh my God. Think about it. I gotta go to work. Who wants two more? Oh my god. Oh my god.

Starting point is 01:08:28 Me. Me. Let's flip a coin. Okay. Okay. Heads. You won. Give him head.

Starting point is 01:08:39 Here we go. Can I watch? She loves to jerk off while I give her a job. Can I watch? She loves to jerk off while I get blow jobs. Can I watch? Sure. Cool. Oh my. Sorry, she has to eat a meal first before she gives you a blow job.

Starting point is 01:08:56 I'm eating a breakfast burrito. Can I finish my breakfast burrito? She always eats breakfast burritos before she gives head. That's like her thing. And the sriracha will burn on your penis. It's on her lips All right, she's ready now give me the orange juice Pull out your penis Dax Vitamin C you need it before you get some vitamin D. Here I go. I do little kisses on the thighs first

Starting point is 01:09:24 Ooh, I like that now it's everything I'm doing You need it before you get some vitamin D. All right, here I go. I do little kisses on the thighs first. Ooh. I like to announce everything I'm doing. Oh man. What do you think, bud? I'm coming up, I'm coming up, I'm coming up. Oh, here she comes. I do a train.

Starting point is 01:09:37 Choo choo choo, choo choo choo, choo choo choo. Choo choo choo choo. I'm by the little, the twin mountains. Uh oh, there they are. There they are. The Rockies. The Rocky Harry Mountain. Choo choo.

Starting point is 01:09:51 Oh, and I'm going up the mountain, the main mountain. Ooh, that was steep. Where there's a white snow tip. Oh, look at, snow cap. Snow cap. Snow cap. Choo choo. Does it feel good?

Starting point is 01:10:08 Yes, thanks. Yeah, yeah. If he said that, I would stop. Yeah, you'd have to watch. Yeah, yeah, I think I would watch. So pretty good, right? But I guess we're gonna do that. We'll take you on a hike and we'll try to get girls

Starting point is 01:10:19 that way. Okay. Does that sound good? Yeah. Any girl that's out there, our very funny and attractive cool friend, Dax, is open and available, so send him a DM. Then we'll see what you can get. And would I, in that scenario, would I? You don't have to do any of that. You're just gonna have to talk to him like people.

Starting point is 01:10:35 Yeah, maybe like, maybe not talk so much. Okay. Yeah, yeah, like, always say yes. So anytime a girl goes, can I give you fellatio? Don't hesitate. And they'll never say that word. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:10:51 They won't? They'll never use the word fellatio. You'll never hear that. Don't be listening for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They'll say anything. Like what if I'm English? Can I give you fellatio?

Starting point is 01:10:58 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I give you fellatio? And that me, be so tough. Can I give you fellatio, mate? What would they say then? Can I suck your cock? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I give you a financial, mate? What would they say then? Can I suck your cock? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I give you a head?

Starting point is 01:11:08 Yeah, but just don't deny it. Just go yes immediately. You know what I mean? Yeah. And then also- Anybody really, if anybody asks. If fancy asks, McCone. Yeah, and if somebody asks you,

Starting point is 01:11:20 does it feel good, what'd you say? Yes. No, maybe not, Just thumbs up maybe. How about this, say, oh yeah. Oh yeah, oh yeah, say that. Ready? Does that feel good? Oh yeah.

Starting point is 01:11:31 Honestly, dude, that's not. We gotta try it again. You gotta do it again. Be real, dude. Hey, does that feel good? Oh yeah. No. No, you can't laugh at her.

Starting point is 01:11:41 They're like, oh yeah. That's how you would say it? Like the Kool-Aid man. Oh yeah, would say it? Like the Kool-Aid man. Oh yeah, yeah, that's right, Kool-Aid man. Okay, here we go, ready? Oh yeah, does that feel good, Dax? Oh yeah. That better.

Starting point is 01:11:56 Do you like how that feels? Mm-hmm. You're shy, huh? Yeah. Yeah. You know what they love, you know what they love, when they pat them on the head. So say, oh yeah, and then pat them, pat? Yeah. Yeah. And you know what they love. You know what they love when they're, they pat them on the head. So say, oh yeah.

Starting point is 01:12:08 And then pat them, pat her on the head. Does that feel good? Pat the head. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm interested in seeing, I mean.

Starting point is 01:12:17 I love you, Dax. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is Dax a- Fucking best. Does Dax make a noise, you think? What? Fuck noises. No, like a cum noise. I ask him.

Starting point is 01:12:26 Do you make cum noises? I don't know. Yeah, yeah. You don't know? Yeah. Yeah, okay good. Bob does. Tell him.

Starting point is 01:12:34 What do you mean tell him what? Your noise. What do you mean? Do your noise for him. Make him feel comfortable. Ahhhhhhh. Is that really it? Not really, no.

Starting point is 01:12:47 You want me to be real? Yeah. Don't laugh. Dude, I sorta, hey dude. Hey dude, stop fucking around right now, dude. Okay. Yeah. It's really, he's a serious.

Starting point is 01:13:03 I'm being intimate right now, and I'm being real. He is. And you're laughing at my soul. Yeah, you're c right now, dude. Okay. Yeah So really is a serious. I'm being intimate right now and I'm being real. Yes, you're laughing at my soul Yeah, you're cackling at him. You're cackling at me. Okay, okay So just look at me. Yeah So you're doing it again did you're sad your stacks actually got a watch you gotta look at me Dax, you gotta watch him. You gotta look at me. Dax, it's Dax. You're on a date. You do it.

Starting point is 01:13:31 No, I think you should, you gotta finish with it. His acting is much better, so go ahead, go ahead. Yeah, yeah, look at him. Don't look away. Yeah, don't look away. Yeah, don't look away, dude. Oh. Dax. Dax. You're ruining the moment, man.

Starting point is 01:13:53 Yeah, anyway, we love you so much, bud. You're the greatest. When we do dates in the States, we're gonna bring you on. 100%. Some of these shows. And we should do a Dax dating show. I think we should, yeah, yeah. Would you like that or no?

Starting point is 01:14:06 I could step out of my comfort zone and try it. I would love that. Yeah, I'd love to. Because I want to find you love. Here, of all the jokes we make on this show. Yeah. I do would love to find you love because you're a rad dude.

Starting point is 01:14:17 I think you deserve somebody fucking cool. You're so fucking sweet and cool. You're a sweet guy. I would love to find someone for you if you'll let us help. If you don't want our help, fine. Say fuck you guys. Say that right now.

Starting point is 01:14:28 Say fuck you guys. I would accept your help. Okay, great. I think we should do it. I think we should do it. We'll do a Dax dating show. And by the way, if there's girls out there right now that are like, I would love to be at least on a Zoom

Starting point is 01:14:38 to get you know, to hit up Carlos in the booth at gmail.com. That's going to get you submittals. I think we should take some middles right now. Carlos in the booth at gmail.com. Girls's going to get you submittals. I think we should take submittals right now. Carlos in the booth at gmail.com. Girls that want to be on the Dax Dating Show, we'll have them back with us. Zoom you in. We'll zoom you in. We'll zoom you in. Or if you live in Southern California, maybe we'll link you guys up somehow. And then the winner, we're going to send to a very nice dinner date that we'll pay for. We'll pay for a dinner. We'll pay for a night in a hotel, whether you use it or not.

Starting point is 01:15:05 Okay, we'll pay for a car service. We, you know what we'll do? We'll even get you a tux. Okay. We'll get you all dressed up for the date. Does that sound good? Oh yeah. I think it's a good idea.

Starting point is 01:15:14 Tux seems like a weird first date thing. No, that's what all the cool guys do. All the cool guys do it. That's what every cool guy does. Yeah, yeah. Do you think we're cool? We do it. We tux. We tux it up.

Starting point is 01:15:23 We got a tux. What would be more impressive, Rudy, when a guy shows up on a do it. We tux. We tux it up. We got to tux. What would be more impressive Rudy, when a guy shows up on a first date, than a tux? I mean. Normal clothes. No, for you.

Starting point is 01:15:31 Well for you, but you're not right for that. Yeah, you're not right. That's the point. Yeah, you're basic. In a good way. Every first date I've ever been on, I tuxed up. When you say car service, do you mean limo?

Starting point is 01:15:42 Yeah, what do you think we mean? Now when you say limo, what do you mean? Yeah, what do you think we mean? Now, when you say limo, what do you mean? Yeah, what do you mean? Limo? Do you mean like a stretch limousine? Yeah, yeah. When we say limo, we mean white van. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:15:54 Yeah, yeah, that's what we mean. Okay. Yeah, it's a windowless van. A windowless van. Now, when you say limo, do you think people still get stretch limousines around town? I guess not really.

Starting point is 01:16:05 They don't. Okay. Yeah, no one does. Yeah. They haven't made them in 36 years, but I do think we'll get you a town car. Okay. How about that? Is that one of the like black SUVs? A town car is just a black sedan.

Starting point is 01:16:18 Okay, cool. But how about this? Do you want us to get you a limo service for the night? A stretch? I'll get you a fucking stretch limousine. A prom. Yeah, a prom one. I don't specifically want that. No, it sounds like you want one.

Starting point is 01:16:31 He was a little demanding. He did say, do I get a limo? So that's what you want, the white long one. Oh, the black one. What do you like, long black limo or long white limo? Or we can do like a penguin thing where it's like purple. Oh, in fact, you know what? It would be great if we dressed you like the penguin.

Starting point is 01:16:46 Like the cartoon version with the top hat, black tuxedo. You mean Cobble Pot. Cobble Pot, purple, right? We could be minions or you know. Love to. We'd love to do a minion thing. Can we be involved? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:17:03 Will we open the door for you and your date? You know what I mean? We have, you know, I could be Harley Quinn. I don't know. So, yeah, who do you think? Poison Ivy? Poison Ivy, yeah. Yeah, well you, I think.

Starting point is 01:17:14 I'll be Catwoman. Sandman. Sandman, yeah. Sandman, that's not even the thing. No, yeah. Doesn't matter. No, I need to know. I'll be the Riddler.

Starting point is 01:17:21 Okay, I'll really. No, you know what? I'll be Mr. Freeze. Yeah, be Mr. Freeze, dude, perfect. I'll be Mr. Freeze. Yeah, be Mr. Freeze, perfect. I'll be Mr. Freeze. I'll be Mr. Freeze. Well, this sounds good. Does this sound good to you?

Starting point is 01:17:29 Jules, you can be Bane. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Perfect. You're perfect. Well, let's wrap up the show the right way, Dax. If you have one, and I think you do, can you end the show with a joke on camera, a new joke that you've got?

Starting point is 01:17:43 A new one? Yeah, you can do an old one. Can I pull out my phone? A hundred percent. Yeah, I'd rather you do that. I mean, I don't expect you to memorize all that stuff. But I'd love you to end the show with a new joke. I've been getting fast food too much lately.

Starting point is 01:17:56 You know what? I can stop for a second. I'm so sorry, I love your jokes, right? But I think a better exercise is to just come up with something improvised. Okay. Can we give you a topic? Can I hear the premise though, at least?

Starting point is 01:18:05 I was actually interested. Okay, go ahead. Go ahead. Oh, okay. So whenever I go through fast food places, they're always like, thanks so much, enjoy your meal. And then I say, you too, but I'm the one eating the meal, not them.

Starting point is 01:18:17 It's a Brian Rieken joke. Oh, I didn't know it was existed. All right, I didn't mean to say that. It does, yeah. Let's twerk it. Let's twerk it. How about this? How about this?

Starting point is 01:18:26 Whenever I go to fast food restaurants, a lot of times on the drive through, they'll say, enjoy your meal. You know how hard it is for me to tell them, it's, you know how hard it is for me to not tell them to go fuck themselves? I think it's something about- Let's hear that.

Starting point is 01:18:39 Let's hear you say that. Okay, I have one. Let's hear you say that, ready? I've been getting fast food a lot lately, and every time I go through, they say, enjoy your meal. You know how hard it is for me to not tell them to fuck themselves? Perfect.

Starting point is 01:18:51 Or something arbitrary. Yeah, that's really nice. I think something arbitrary and weird, because he's a weird guy, right? So it's like, enjoy your meal, they say, and you go, Ali-oop, go pro. Ali-oop, go pro, all the way. All the way.

Starting point is 01:19:02 Ali-oop, go pro, all the way. So try that. And the joke is that it's like just a funny random thing. No, it'll make sense when you say it. It'll make sense when you say it, yeah, yeah. I've been getting fast food way too much lately. Every time I go, they're like, enjoy your meal. And I say, Aliub GoPro all the way.

Starting point is 01:19:18 Beep, beep, beep. Beep, beep. Do it again with the beep, beep. Again, thank you. And try to do the best English accent you can. Aliub GoPro all the way. Okay, do it again with the beep beep again. Thank you. Try to do the best English accent you can. All you go pro all the way beep beep. It's gotta be British. It's gotta be British.

Starting point is 01:19:31 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've been getting fast food way too much lately. Every time I go through the drive-through though, they're like, enjoy your meal. And I say, all you go pro all the way beep beep. And we wrote a joke. We just wrote a joke.

Starting point is 01:19:43 And that's very good. Yeah, it's very good. All right, let's show the other one that's not a premise. Oh, that was the one that was not a joke. We just wrote a joke. And that's very good. Yeah, it's very good. All right, let's hear the other one that's not a premise. Oh, that was the one that was not a premise. Oh, no, that was my fault. Premise would be like, like I think my phone is listening to me

Starting point is 01:19:55 and then something funny or like something about red flags or something. So I think my phone is listening to me. And from what I know, they're made in China. Yeah. So I know they can't see me. Yeah. And what does that mean?

Starting point is 01:20:11 If these phones are really made in China, they can't- How come the front facing camera lens is very round? Yeah. That's very good. Now I see where you're going, right? Correct, yeah. Yeah, and-

Starting point is 01:20:24 We're riffing here, by the way. Yeah, we're just riffing, right? Correct, yeah. Yeah, and- We're riffing here, by the way. Yeah, we're just riffing, right? Right, I think my phone is listening to me. Boy, I hope it doesn't hear me when I'm, when I'm what? Fucking myself. Fucking myself. Let's hear you say that.

Starting point is 01:20:41 Yeah. I think my phone is listening to me. I hope it doesn't hear me when I'm fucking myself. Yeah, it doesn't sound right. It doesn't sound right because I think you're rushing the punch line. You're rushing the punch line. Okay, okay.

Starting point is 01:20:52 Yeah, and- How about this? You know, I think my phone is listening to me. Thank God it's not watching me. Cause when I'm looking at it, I'm usually jerking on my ding dong. Can you say that? Beep beep.

Starting point is 01:21:02 Beep beep. Beep beep has to be there. It's gotta be. Yeah, yeah, has to be there. It's gotta be. It's gotta be. It's gotta be there. I think my phone is listening to me. Thank God it's not watching me because when I'm looking at it,

Starting point is 01:21:11 I'm usually jerking on my ding dong. Beep beep. Every time I'm looking at my phone. I think my phone's listening to me. Okay. I think my phone's listening to me. Wait, I think my phone's listening to me. Thanks, thank God it's not watching me. I think my phone's listening to me. Wait, I think my phone's listening to me. Thanks, thank God it's not watching me.

Starting point is 01:21:26 I think my phone's listening to me. Thank God it's not watching me because every time I'm looking at it, I'm usually just like jacking off, jerking off my ding dong, beep beep. Exactly, that was perfect. Perfect, dude. That was perfect, Ed.

Starting point is 01:21:40 I think we got a new joke. Yeah, so write that down. Every time I'm looking at it, I'm jerking off my ding dong, beep beep. Yeah. By the way- Out of you, GoPro all the way, beep beep, remember that. If you do a series of jokes that end with beep beep,

Starting point is 01:21:53 it will fucking crush. Yeah, beep beep is your hook. That's your calling. Like a catchphrase? It's a catchphrase, yeah, yeah, yeah. Beep beep is your catchphrase, yeah. Well, Dax, will you look at that camera and say thanks for being a bad friend?

Starting point is 01:22:03 Thanks for being a bad friend. Great. Love you, dude. Yeah! Woo! Yeah! Woo! Woo! Woo!

Bad Friends - Bobby's Bowling Date

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