Bad Friends - Bobby’s Ideal Woman NY Edition

Episode Date: September 19, 2022

*NEW MERCH* https://badfriendsmerch.com Thank you to our Sponsors: https://ridge.com/badfriends code: BADFRIENDS & https://www.bespokepost.com code: BADFRIENDS & https://www.doordash.com code: BADFRIENDS2022  YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube More Ali Macofsky: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/notalimac Twitter: https://twitter.com/notalimac Tickets and More: https://alimacofsky.com 0:00 Santino's Special Taping 0:40 We Are in New York 5:00 Bobby is the Asian Karen 14:04 New Meditation Techniques  21:08 Bill Burr, Chris Rock and the Comics Who Make Bobby Nervous 29:26 Ali Macofsky Joins the Boys 36:45 Bobby's Ideal Woman 43:40 Faking Orgasms  49:10 Ali Macofsky Dates Only Whites 56:48 The Ugliest Man in Podcasting and Bobby's Ventriloquism Skills 1:00:22 Gangnam Style and the One Hit Wonders 1:05:10 The Bad Friends Lawsuit  More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger:  https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino  Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Rudy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendrudy More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/   Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod   Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom  Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Andrés Rosende & Pete Forthun This video contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, bad friends. I'm shooting my special. I'm shooting my stand-up special this weekend, this Saturday in Denver, Colorado. Denver, Colorado. Come on out. My last two shows I'm doing on this tour, and then we're not touring for a long time until Bobo and I go do Bad Friends Live sometime next year. So this Saturday, September 24th, I'm doing two shows, 7 and 9.30. AndrewSantino.com is where you get the tickets. Denver, come out and see me. Shoot my special, AndrewSantino.com. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? Why are you an Asian dude? You two are disgusting. Well, you two are something.

We're bad friends. Why do people have to understand your temperament? Because they have to know who I am, to know who I am. We're in New York. I know, I know. We're in New York. New York, baby. Your New York impression is so bad. It's unbelievable. Yeah, yeah.

New York, baby. Hey, how you doing? Hey, baby, in the rain. Hey, baby, how you doing? Walking in the rain. I do a little accent in it. Go ahead. Hey, baby, how you doing?

Hey, baby, how you doing? Yeah, yeah. It's got like a Puerto Rican vibe, no? Hey, guys, we're in New York City. We're in New York. New York. We're in New York. Teach me how to talk.

Nobody, there's a bunch of different dots. New York. New York. New York. Give me like three sentences in a row and I'm going to try to... All right, this is my best New York accent. And Wolf can give me a thumbs up if it's good. Okay, this is my best New York accent.

Ready? Yeah. Oh! Oh! That's how they do us when they go, California, dude. Yeah, dude. Everyone sounds like Dad, dude.

Yeah. New York sounds like us. Yeah, I don't like it here. Unless they're... Oh, you don't like New York? I don't like it. Why have... We've been having so much fun.

No, I have fun with you. But why? You don't like the city? It's just like, you know, you go down to the lobby of the hotel and everyone's working. Yeah, everyone's busy. They're on laptops. They're doing things. They're busy.

What are they doing? Jobs. What jobs? This is what it's like to live in LA. Nobody works. I love it. Nobody works. I love lazy.

I don't want to work in screenplay that's never going to get made. At least out here, they're doing business. Real jobs. Are they? Or are they on YouTube? Most of them are on YouTube. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But half of their job might be YouTube-based.

Another thing is, is that, like... I've never seen this before in my life. You'll see, like, a 12-year-old kid... Yeah. Alone. Yes, wandering the streets. Wandering the streets. In, like...

Or working. Or they're working, yeah. But they're in a prep school outfit. Yeah. Right? And they're just going to school in the big city. Yeah. Don't they get captured?

All the time. And they don't care? The parents don't care? We just got to make a new kid. That's right. You can. You have more nut juice to make. And there's so many.

There's more nut juice here in New York than any city in the United States. I didn't know. Is that a stat? Yep. You can Google it. There's more nut juice in New York than there is in any state in the United States. Really? Yep.

I got a lot of nut juice, man. You're not as big as New York. I know, I know. Have you ever gotten your nut juice tested? What do you mean? In terms of how many? Four. Your semen count?

Four. Four. At a time. No, I'm at 98.6 million. At one time? One load, 98.6 million sperm. Oh, I should get mine tested. You've got to see who's got stronger jizz.

Oh, you think you have stronger. I think I had more swimmers for sure. Mine are weighting. Oh, yours are weighting. Mine are sw- Not weighting, weighting. Yeah, weighting, weighting in the water. W-A-D.

Weighting in the water. They're just kind of flowing. Yeah, they're relaxing. They're bobbing in the jizz. They're bobbing. Yeah, they're bobbing in the jizz. Yours is like working. Yeah.

My jizz is so anxious to get it. You know, mine are jerking off making more jizz. Your jizz are jerking off. My jizz jerks off and makes more jizz. That makes sense. And then those wave. I want to get you tested to see how many you have, because I bet you probably have a ton.

I probably have a lot. You know, I've gotten women pregnant before. How many times? Twice. Two times? Yeah. And they were both carried to term? No.

You have two kids? Well, in heaven, they'll be up there. Are they whites? They're Calylas. Oh, they're both Calylas? Yeah, yeah. That's cute. So I'm going to go up to heaven when I die.

And see little Calylas. And thanks a lot, dad. That's my biggest fear, because they're souls, right? Yeah, but that's if you believe in that. Some people believe in that. I think there are certain religions that believe that you see your unborn child after death. Or what if you see just two sperm up there?

Yeah, they don't talk. Just tell them. And they're just like, mad, but they don't say anything. We didn't get to develop. Little angry sperm? Yeah, yeah. Maybe you do see them in the ambulance. Do you think mine have little Chinese eyes?

Like this? Well, that's why they're bumping into everything. They can't see where they're going. Do you think your sperm has red hair? Bright, bright red hair. That's how it gets to the tunnel. Just we can see better through the tunnel. They look like flaming hot Cheetos.

Your sperm. Yeah, yeah, but if you miniaturize it. That's why when I come, I go, oh, oh, oh, it burns? It hurts when it comes out. Does your cum burn? Every time it comes out. Because you have red hair? Yeah.

If it didn't have red hair, it wouldn't burn so much. When you were a kid and you saw the red hair, were you bummed? Sad. Yeah, I'm bummed for you. Yeah, me too. It's just a weird color, right? Wolf, like you have beautiful black hair.

It's cool, relevant, right? Don't try. Don't try this thing that you're doing. No, he likes me. No, don't try that thing that you're doing. No, we have jobs. You have beautiful black hair. No, we do.

We have a good thing going, right? Just doing that thing. And you know you're doing the thing. He loves it. Is he doing the thing? No, he loves it, dude. Beautiful black hair. You're like a white girl from the suburbs.

I love your black hair. What you people do with your hair. Wolf, is that what you're feeling? What you people do with your hair is so fun. I love your black hair. Don't put me in that box. That is you. I did that, yeah.

Kerenna. You're an Asian Karen. You're Kerenna. I love your black hair. You think there are Kerenna's? Kerenna's, yeah. I bet there's got to be a Karen in Asian Karen. I've never seen it.

Because Karen is the hacky white woman name. What's a hacky? What are you doing in the park with the skateboard? You know, this is purple property. Some kid with a skateboard. What do you mean? No, she only does the white kids. White kids that are skating in the park.

Yeah. Get out of here. Yeah, yeah. Why are you grinding? Yeah. You're going to, yeah. This is purple, purple. You don't grind.

But she knows the lingo. Right. She's like, I saw your tray flip. It was bad. Your tray flip in? I saw that. Brunch slide? You know tray flips?

Brunch slide. Brunch slide. Yeah. Flip it over to a dock slide. Yeah, to a dock slide. To a dock slide. If you're really skilled. Yeah, you're skilled.

Bullshit. Get out of here. Get out 360 flip. The hot flip. Hard flip. Harder flip, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the most common? What's a shitty Asian woman name?

Then that's the Karen for Asians. Because Karen is the only white woman name. Yeah, I don't really know a lot of Asian ladies' names. What's the most common Korean female name? Well, you know, you see a lot of graces. Yeah, grace, but that sounds nice. Yeah. Because Karen has a bite to it.

Karen, the K is heavy. That's only because of good fellas. Oh, Karen? Yeah, yeah. He fucked it up for Karen. You think Ray Liotta did that? Yeah, Liotta did that. Karen!

Woody, why would you do that, Karen? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was scared. Yeah. Because you dumped all the coca-cola. Before that, Karen was cool. It was a hot, cool name. It's like Hitler, Adolf.

He fucked it up. There's always one thing that fucks it up. What did he do? Dude, Adolf, I don't remember. But Adolf was cool before he did that. The name Adolf. Dude, everybody had Adolf. And now you can't do it.

Now you can't do it. Uh-oh. Uh-oh, who's here? Nobody? Another person with beautiful black hair. Go ahead and say it to them and see what they say. So many beautiful black-haired people here. People here, man.

See? That's why you love New York. New York and Harlem. Beautiful black hair. Guys literally never been to Harlem one time. I've never been to Harlem. I have no idea where it is. Where is it?

How do you get to Harlem from here? Subway. Yeah, but in your face. Which direction? Can you get to Harlem with the subway? Sure, of course. You can get anywhere. In your fucking face.

What direction? South. South of here? North. North of here. You go north. That's right. But like where?

North. North where? Northeast. Northeast? Yeah. OK. And then west. Is it past the park or below the park?

There's so many parks. Central park is the park. Yeah, north. It's north of the park. OK. Is it not? It is. End of fucking game.

You did it. End of fucking game. Where's Queens? Oh, this is good. West? No. It's east. Well, it's northeast of here.

We're downtown. We're downtown. We're the, we're almost. Because I don't know where I am. Oh, we're downtown. We're downtown. Oh, then it's fucking east. Well, it's up in east.

Yeah, up in east. Yeah. I didn't know where my location was. So yeah, it's cool, man. I like going over there. You do love New York. We're even having so much fun the whole time we've been here. Yesterday, we went to Staten Island,

and we went and did Chrissy Chaos' podcast, and he took us for a good, good pizza. Really good pizza. And then it's like the people that work there are so New York-y. But that was the first New York, like really New York-y kids I saw. Staten Island kids. Yeah, they were like, you know.

We met a cool chick who said her boyfriend was a big fan. You're feeling indifference. What do you mean? Like they don't care about you at all? They're just cooler. They're cooler than you. They're above it or whatever. Right.

Well, you didn't like it. He doesn't like not getting recognized when we walk through the streets. It's so stupid. Bobby doesn't like getting recognized. It's not fucking true, man. What did you say to me yesterday? Why lie on the show?

You said to me, you go, you know, people know. I never said that. That's ridiculous. You say, people notice me more in Brooklyn than they do in Manhattan. Did you say that to me yes or no? Yeah, as a factual thing. But what was it rooted in? You like being recognized.

It was rooted in happiness. Why do you do this? Why do you do this? You like being recognized. No, I don't. Yes, you fucking do. You love it. That's why you walk slow behind me

when we walk the streets together. You walk slow behind me, like 10 paces, because you want to be recognized. No, can I say something? And you don't want to be recognized again. You want to get real then. Go ahead. All right.

When we're walking up here, right? Some kid, right, goes, you're Anderson Tino. You go, yeah. And he goes, can you help with cancer? Kids with cancer. Kids with cancer. And you go, fuck off. Fuck off.

And you walked off. Because I don't kids with cancer. But that's who you are. Adults with cancer. I might think about it. I was signing the paperwork. But kids, I would give them my email. Yeah, I give them $40.

Bobby's mad because I said, I'm sorry. We have to keep going. He goes, can you have a sec? You know those people that are like, can you have a second for kids with cancer? It's like, yeah, I do. But now is not a good time for whatever you've got me on the sidewalk doing.

And Bobby's mad because he didn't recognize him. Isn't that true? You didn't like it that he didn't recognize you. Your smile says it. But how does he know you and not me? From Davey. I'm on a television show right now. You're on a television show, but it's not as popular.

It is. It actually is going to be bigger. Well, it's not bigger. It's just cool. No, reservation dog is cool. It's just more relevant. No, that doesn't mean anything. My show is definitely more relevant.

No, that's not it. My show is more popular. Mine's more important. Important for what? Native. It was the first native. You're not native. The show is about natives.

I know. And you shouldn't be on it. You shouldn't be on it. We're cousins. You're not native. We're cousins. Koreans and Native Americans are not cousins. You're so stupid sometimes.

I'm closer to Native Americans than you are. I talk to them. I'm in Oklahoma talking to them. Because you're getting paid to be. No, no, no. And I mean the. You wouldn't do it otherwise. Drink water.

Yeah, Mr. Bob Drinkwater. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The clan, the drinking water. And deer and water. No, deer and water. It's not clan. Deer and water. Deer and water.

Yeah, deer and water. The family. Well, that's offensive. They go, hey, did you know I'm not going to do the action. Do the accent. No, I won't. No, no, do it. They said, did you know, right, that we're cousins?

And I go, how? There's a theory. You know this theory, right? A lot of people believe, right, that Asians crossed the Bering Strait, came down from Canada, and that's where natives come from. But there's another theory that natives started first and they crossed the other way and made ching chongs.

Which one do you believe? I believe it's all bullshit. I think we all came from Africa and the earth fucking hit. The Iraq hit the fucking earth. And then everyone was divided up on different continents. If you go to 23andMe or any geneticists, right? 23andMe is not valid. By the way, that's a private company.

DNA or ancestry. Another private company. They solve crimes. They use that for crimes. They're collecting DNA. Exactly. So they know shit, right? We're very close in chromosome.

No, you're not. Yeah. All right, look it up, dude. Just Google it. I will Google it. Yeah. You're the farthest away from being a minority. I am the number one minority on earth.

No. Redheads are the smallest population on earth. You're a defect of the white people. No, no. I'm the superior white. No. I'm the superior white. No, you're not.

I'm the superior white. White people all have defects and you're the defect of white. I'm the top white. The redheads are the ones that came out all along. You know what I mean? Top white. No, they're not. God blessed us.

And Wolf is laughing. He knows what I'm talking about, God blessed us the most, it's like when you see an albino black person, which is fine. Oh, this is interesting. I love that. Let's go there. What? Go ahead, take a shot. They're the good ones.

Oh, they're the good ones. They're special ones. Are regular black people bad ones? No, they're all good. Oh, all black people are good? Yeah, yeah, they're all good. Basquiat. So all lives matter.

Is that what you're saying? Yeah, all life. No, just black. Just white. Why? I wanted you to say it so bad. Don't trap me. I wanted you to say it so bad.

What? I love black lives. But you love all lives. I believe that black lives matter is more important than all lives matter. But you've said to me before, all lives definitely matter. You've said that. Yeah, like theoretically and also philosophically, yeah. I disagree.

I think almost no lives matter. Oh, you go against the grain. I think only a couple of lives matter. Yeah. Like 10 people matter. But in our moment in the American history, right, black lives matter because that's the focal point. That's who are being targeted by police. Right.

Yeah. And so it's like. And by your people. Oh, you think Asians are fucking targeting black people? Koreans are the number one target targeting black people. Number one people. That's not true at all. Yeah, it is.

It's all over the paper. 100% true. The amount of the attacks in this city on Korean black crime. You know how much liquor we sell black people? We're symbiotic. You know what I wanted? I wanted to start off with a happiness exercise. Go ahead.

I want you to see this girl. Will you show him that girl, please? Why are we starting it now? Well, I want you to, because I want us to get into this. We need to humble our mood because we're getting too fast. OK. Hot and heavy. Oh, too fast.

I found this girl on TikTok last night. Yeah. And I watched all her videos. Maybe, maybe 10 times a kiss. OK. OK, watch this. Can you full screen that? Watch this beautiful girl.

She gives you these breathing and sound exercises. I want to try one. She's dead serious. What is it? It's a language. It's a language. It's a new language. Play any of the other ones.

She has. You do one. What does it say up top? What does this one say? Soul heart opening. Right. So if you want to open your soul heart. Yeah.

Oh, scared. You just sound fucking Scottish. Well, that's what she's doing. No, she's not. You sound like fucking William Wallace. Then you do it. That's what he did when he was fighting. Then you do it.

All right. Oh, God. Oh, God. God, God, God. That's the Asian sound opening. What a heart. Oh, you sounded Asian even when you try not. Yeah.

Let me ask you something. She's speaking to the universe. If you were hooked on with a girl and she was doing that, would you stop? I'd come in seconds. You would? If she started going, I wouldn't. I'd be done in a second.

I really? How could you stop? I would be so. My dick would just soften inner vagina. Wait, would you go back? Would you be in character? Would you? And then when I pulled out, it would be like fucking a gum.

He's a gum. You're like, yeah, I would be so fucking soft. Would you play along, though, a little bit? If she started going, would you just go? Maybe it would be hot as fuck. You'd turn into a bird. That's role play. Dude, it would be so annoying.

Give me the other. There's one more, I think, where it says happiness exercise or something like that. There's one that, what is that? Yeah. She's so annoyed, dude. I love this girl. It does feel good, though.

See? Oh, so it did work. It does work. All right, let go. I fucking, it feels so, I feel, do it. You do it. See? It does work.

I feel good. I feel so much better. I feel clean. Yeah. Shout out to this chick. What is her profile name on there? So hard opening. Do you feel like your soul in your heart

is opening up a little bit? A little bit. Because I got to tell you, you've been happier than you've ever been lately. I think you smile a lot more. Yeah. You danced in your room naked this morning. Didn't you, over the city of New York, you told me.

You opened the blinds and you just whirled around the room. No, because I just like being here. I know what I'm saying. You say you love waking up in the morning in a new city and you were in the window naked, dancing around. Well, I mean, it's because we were in the pandemic for so long. And you didn't get to go to hotels. I didn't get to do any of it.

And it's just like, I just feel a little freer, that's all. It's nice to go. Well, I think it's also not being at home sometimes. Because you wake up at home, it's the same exercise that you always do. You get up, you take a shit. You do this, you do that, make coffee. You have the same pattern.

At least when you wake up in a new city, there's no timeline. Have you ever had jock itch? What? Have you ever had jock itch? Jock itch? Yeah. Are you having it? I had it a couple of weeks ago.

I think it's gone now. How did you get a jock? You're not a jock. How would you get that? I know. I never did anything. I don't do nothing. You know, you just shaved your pubes.

Maybe it's itch. Is that what it is? Yeah. No, but it's not even on the pub part. It was off the side. On your thigh. Yeah. Well, it gives your thigh to the second the sack and the thigh, but your thighs rub together.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's why you have it, but does that ever happen to you? No, I'm in shape. You need to do you need to just get some baby powder and put it on the inside of your little, little tiny Asian thigh. Can we get some afterwards?

A hundred percent. OK. Little joint read, but baby baby baby baby baby powder baby baby baby baby baby. How much does that cost? Like seven or eight hundred dollars for just like a little six. How much is it got like ten bucks? Oh, 10 bucks.

Okay. Yeah. You're scared now about money. You just watch you order a whole lunch that you didn't even eat. I don't know because I don't like buying things that I'm not only gonna use once That's exactly what you do. I know that's like I'm trying to change my way. How many vape pens do you have with you on vacation now or on the trip? Omni right now? Yeah

Let's go through not a lot. Let's go through. I got one. What's that one called? This is a elf bar tropical rainbow blast elf bar. I have this one flume flume ice berry lemon Oh, I have this one Ice Cola by fog Xbox. Okay. Oh Xbox does that now? Yeah. Yeah, 60 or I got another one. It's this is Cola another cold I got this one Vietnamese coffee Vietnamese coffee that one's good. I have this one It's called um tobacco just a couple I guess That's it We went shopping and bought Bob show everybody your bag that we bought yesterday from fault. What's it?

How do you say fault? Is it fall Raven? Yeah, fall Raven. I think they're Swedish. Yeah, I got it. Yeah, I really like this bet these bags fall Raven fall Raven and we walked in there and The guy says to Bobby. Okay. Okay. Come on. It's funny. Don't hurt me Bobby goes. I just want a bag. I know exactly what I want I want like a strap and the girl says I use this one. They're so dope and so Bobby sees it and goes that is dope Can I have the yellow one? Yeah, she pulls it down and we go up to the front and there's a dude Well, there was a joke that you said what did I say when the egg picked the yellow one?

No, you first picked the order when I picked the yellow one you go Oh it matches the skin your skin your skin and then she goes. Oh, oh, that's uncomfortable. She goes you can say that I can't say something like that. I said well little blend right in you don't even know that you're wearing it Yeah, yeah, and the guy at the front desk goes he goes. Oh, man Bobby Lee and I go. Yes, it is and the guy goes man. I used to watch you on TV How come you're on a TV no more and I said he is on TV still he's on a couple of her and he goes No, man. I ain't seen you on TV. No more It was awesome. Why do you like that because it was funny because his friend in the back was laughing dying laughing dying laughing

Well because they don't know that it's mean he doesn't mean it mean right right. He's not mean I was fine No, no, it but it stays with you Yeah, it does stay with you, but it's fine. It's fine. I mean he yeah people do it all the time Look when people say to me something like oh, you're in that show and I'll go yeah, and they go I Don't really like that show about you're funny, but I don't like that show. How does that hurt? You're good in it Yeah, but they're it's better than it's better than what have you been doing for 20? No, but basically it's the same thing It's like saying like I don't like that thing, but I think you're okay. Oh, right It's like well, I don't need to know that. Yeah, you need to tell me you don't like it if you don't like it

That's okay, but I don't need to know that you don't like it. That's weird as shit Yeah, it's like every time I walk past a restaurant and if I out loud I went I don't like I'll shavall I just said it to the guy at the front. Yeah, and he's like, oh, yeah, I don't like it, but okay. Bye I remember when I did the movie the dictator. I Was sitting there at the comedy from Bill Burr walkbinding goes So the dictator hated it, but you're good and that's made that still felt good. Yeah, but from Bill Burr It's fine. Yeah, yeah from a guy on the street. It's different. That's true Bill Burr someone you respect That's a colleague. It's a bucket. You know what I mean? This episode is brought to you by Ridge Wallet. Oh my god

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Rub it was delicious. It's made in Michigan Bobby got himself river I love the river boss you got that diving diving knife comes from gear aid Located in Bellingham, Washington my favorite wash baby So how do you go to get any of this stuff here? Is what you need to do get 20% off your first monthly box when you sign up at box of awesome calm and enter the code Bad friends at check out that's box of awesome calm code bad friends for 20% off your first box box of awesome calm code is bad friends Do you get nervous when you talk to him? Not anymore, but I know what you're saying. I don't get nervous. It's you're thinking about what you're saying

No, yeah, you're thinking about it. No, so you're you're ready. Yeah. Yeah, I'm loaded like I'm loaded I have a thing I want to say yeah, and yeah, and sometimes you'll go don't worry about it I'm not gonna attack you today. You sometimes sometimes right, but I'm like up. You're on guard. Yeah, I'm like that with Chris rock like one with Chris rocks around a marin I never talked to him But I'll always I and then when he locks eyes, I'll always give him a pound. You'll go. What's up, man? This and that right, but I'm always so aware of it. Why are we like that? because Because we respect them maybe because I respect just a fauna. I don't feel that way with him

No, no, but but we respect them in a way that they're kind of like a superior in comedy to us. They are superior. Yeah Fucking rock. They're legend. Yeah, I mean, yeah, it's just because because we respect him at a higher level Like Stefano is our peer. She's he's our friend. We love his stuff. Yeah, but it's different He's our friend and peer. We're like rock or burr those guys. I don't know We hold them on a little bit of a higher. Yeah, I think we do like I like I've seen Colin Quinn here at the cellar And I don't dare say hello. You don't never he doesn't know who the fuck I am and that's fine But also I would never even introduce myself. Who is that Colin Quinn? Yeah, are you fucking shut up? You're so annoying. I know I wouldn't even say hi

I don't know why why would I say hi? He doesn't know me and also I don't want to do that thing where you go Hey, I'm a comic And then he'll go so Can I ask you something that annoyed me the other day that I did know something that I I saw and then I kind of mentioned it to some people and they go. What's the big deal? No, what so I'm doing the improv on a Saturday night I think I'll Melrose. Yeah. Yeah, and there's a guy on the lineup Before me and it's you know, it's a Saturday main room, right? And I got off stage and he was outside passing out his flyer

For gigs that he's doing what yeah, he's like come check me out here. I'm headline check me out Wait wait go like this and say who it was. I don't know his name. Oh, I didn't even memorize his name I was like what he was a kid and he was on the main room show and yet. He's out there just going Hey, my name is this come check me out kind of respect the hustle. I'm not gonna lie. Oh Really? He's got a hustle. What the fuck he's got a hustle. I don't know. Yeah, but that's not how he funny Yeah, well then respect that's how you do it. How do you do it? My theory is this you do the work and people will come to you, but maybe he's not as good as you Bobby So he is good

He made it to the main room show, but maybe he needs the hustle to grow because the times are different when you made it There's you made it. Let me say something you made it 20 years ago. Fuck you. Fuck you 40 years ago. Maybe That's funny. You made it a long time ago. That's funny. You made it when Mitzi was like 18. I mean she was a kid when you made all jokes. I love it. You got passed. Hey, fuck you man You got passed when you were a thin burgeoning Your eyes were wide. Well your eyes were open to the future You were wide-eyed and bushy tail so you're doing old jokes and Asian eyes jokes Yeah, where am I what what you think something's changed around the show just because we're in New York

The point is is this okay is back in my day. It was harder. Would you say that in the 90s? No, it was different There was no internet. I know and now all these kids are competing on the internet So it's even harder for them now. They have nothing but competition now the competition is right next to them instead You had to go live and do it in front of people. I think it's a different kind of difficulty You can't compare it. This is like the Jordan fucking, you know, like Jordan LeBron debate or whatever Any of these athletes from different eras, but it's like you can't it's not apples to apples. It's impossible There's no so many factors that changed in our profession that you just I there's no way to say that was harder I'm sure old heads would say it. You just changed my mind. I love you. You did like Seinfeld would probably be like

Oh, it's way harder back then but you're like because maybe if I worked harder, maybe I would be bigger Bigger than what what you're big how big do you want to what do you want to be? What does that even mean? I don't know. You're as big as you want to be exactly. So you're great Okay, Wolf loves you Wolf likes me. No, he loves you. You know what? I love his black hair. Yep Beautiful the amount of letters the amount of letters we're gonna get for this what you guys should not joke around about that stuff About what? Oh, you know dude, you know, you know what I have to learn that you can't like, you know how when I'm on stage I'll touch people's hair. Mm-hmm. Don't do that. No, I do. Oh, you don't do that

I do it all the time. I've told you you can't touch people. Yeah, so I touch people's hair I go hi, welcome to the show, right? Yeah, but I learned not to do it to black women's hair They don't yeah, that that's that I mean, that's like I think you get five to seven years. Yeah, they don't like it I think that's a big fucking it's a big no-no Also, if you get punched or slapped because of that then then you deserve it. Yeah, but here's they have you ever gotten violent like an attack Verbally, but you've never been physically assaulted No, oh, I mean a guy threw a shoe at me in San Diego at the La Jolla comedy store. Oh, he did. It was the funniest I like I died laughing. Oh, did you dodge like George Bush did I did remember when he did that and I

throw the other Yeah, he threw a sad that's when I respected George Bush by the way 100% I hated him before I go do that his eye contact. He ducked. Yeah, he looked he did this with his head, too Little Bobby. Yeah, dude man, but I was I also wanted the guy to throw the other shoe I was like throw the second shoe right two shoes now. You're gonna watch now. You're gonna be on one shoe tackle them Did it hard to for the second shoe? I don't know man. He got one on when you throw one shoe at a president You have a split second time. Well, you gotta have each shoe in a hand. Oh, yeah Yeah, he didn't think it through. No, it's an idiot. There's Ali. Oh, come on in Ali

Ali Mckofsky is here a Los Angeles based comedian. Did you do your hair appointment was in New York doing shows? She canceled a hair appointment right here because she said it's raining anyway appointment. No, why bring the mic up? Well, first of all you guys I felt like an idiot you called me to do the podcast and we have a hair appointment Then I was like, what the fuck am I doing? Ali Mckofsky is here. She's a little sister to me She's been on the road with me now my little birdie flies as free as she could ever fly So she doesn't need to come with me anymore She's a headliner and she's gonna be doing the show with us in Grammar C which when this episode comes out It'll be over. Yeah, and I probably did so well

You know, but you know, I was mad Ali do well Because when you first asked her she goes I can't I have a hair appointment. Yeah, right? And then at that point I was just like wow Wow, we can't beat a hair appointment Yeah, and then you called back and you said I'm coming. Yeah. Yeah, cuz it's one of those things I hate having to cancel on appointments and things like that. Oh, it's so disrespectful Yeah, but I also made the appointment last minute So I'm like they weren't even they haven't even thought about me for more than 30 But how long did it take you to go call us back? Literally as soon as I hung up. I was like

She texted me right away. Oh, yeah But you know what's so interesting you tell me cuz I don't know with guys hair doesn't it's different Yeah, but a girl's hair is a whole fucking thing. It's super expensive. It's a long process when you cancel Are they really upset if it's like been in the books and there's a whole process. Yes, but I'm just getting a blowout I just want someone to wash my hair. There's nothing better than someone else scrubbing your scalp Yeah, why can't you wash yourself? I can yeah, yeah, women are lazy, dude. Is that what it is? They're so lazy. I grew up with my dad. I grew up with a single father. Okay, Bobby. I didn't know that Yeah, I was just my dad. Well, she also had a single mom too and a single mom, but I wasn't with her as much

Why why why why why? She's an alcoholic. Oh no, not anymore No, she's still in the game wait. She's still doesn't hung up the Jersey yet She goes she goes long periods of time without it. So it's just you never know how come I never hung out with your mom She rocks. I love her. Yeah. Yeah next time. She's on a bender. I'll love to party with your mom Yeah, she cocaine to no she's like very much like Nobody that nobody drinks that much and doesn't do cocaine. How do you think they keep drinking? I think she likes to sleep She's big on the sleeping. So she's anti anti coke anti coke

She's like a very naturally high high strong person. She's got a lot of energy. She lives clean in the house Where does she live? In the Bayer in the Bayer in the South Bay by Long Beach. Yeah, so what that's Long Beach? Well, she's from down there. Oh, you are yeah. Oh, but but I never learned how to do my own hair I don't want to I like when someone else does it. Oh, okay Because you grow up with the most of your dad dad didn't do your hair Did I had two older sisters, but they didn't want to show me how to do it. They also were struggling to figure out how to do it Yeah, I've seen their hair. I get that neither of them know what they're when did you when did you first get sober?

I got sober When I was like, I think 20. Did I know you then or no? I don't think so. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think so I think we only knew it Actually, how old were you when when we met? I mean I feel like I I don't know because I feel like I saw you guys at the Store a lot because I was just lingering you were there a lot young open mic girl I was like getting fucked up at the comedy store under age bad girl bad I could have gotten them in trouble right did get in a load of trouble at one point Do you remember this? Oh my god

They got in so much fucking trouble because they sent in the LAPD had found out that they people were getting fucked up there and a Mom of an of a kid called the police on the comedy store and said my kid got fucked up there They got in trouble blah blah blah. They sent an undercover. This is back in is this true? Yes. This is Tommy days though Oh, okay, it was a completely different business. I've been there since the 90s. It's just a night and day It's I used to be people used to chaos. It was nuts. I got beat the fuck out of there. Yeah, I like that by the Jew Say it again. Are you sure fear the number one Jew the number one Jew? He did beat the shit of me. We smack you around. Yeah, you guys were friends, right? No, not then. Oh Yeah, he beat the shit out of me and they wouldn't call the cops are like, oh let it go. I'm bleeding

What started it? You had to have done he called him with you. No, no, you don't know what happened No, you weren't you were in your swastika shirt. Yeah, he had a big swastika shirt He used to wear my mustache was different. It was like one of those little ones Yeah, it's like a square right there. What do you think is the time frame of that mustache coming back in style? It's about to there's got to be a certain time guys in Brooklyn right now that have that without a doubt and Williamsburg is right there But they're called the proud boys Pb's. Yeah, you know, they so that really you've seen people with that fucking mustache without a doubt It exists. Well, I've never seen a mustache. Have you seen a Hitler mustache out about? Yeah, see it's out It's there cool guys cool hip dudes, you know, yeah, cool guys that fucking they teeter on the edge

Yeah, they love it and then if somebody says something they're like really like no, I was a hitler mustache I was your fucking piece of shit like they throw it back in your face like you're right and they're like get out of here, dude But I can't see how that was fashionable even back then it looks cool as it doesn't it looks awesome It looks supposed to be here not here. No, it looks strong. Oh, maybe just looks like strength coming out of your nose It does you you guys are down here. You guys started down. Well, yeah, we did the food man. Shoot. We did the opposite love We went down. Yeah, should I do that? You should do it I would love a food man too. He can do it better because his hair see his beard hair how it's like Stringer. Yeah, mine is bush like my bush. What it's yeah, it would come out like this. Yeah, it's forward. Yeah

Yeah, but yours is beautiful because this does grow down. I'm gonna do a food man, too Please you will I'll try to do it with you. Yeah, all right. Let's do a food man to contest Would you ever shave? Huh? Would you ever shave this beautiful thing? I shaved? No, cuz I don't like my face I shaved my beard like four times in the history of me being in Hollywood like for a job I did it for rest of development and then did they have a moment where they're like We're gonna shave your face and you're like it doesn't look good and they're like we have to and then they realize They fucked up like put it back. Yeah, and they have to just Yeah, no every time though, it just doesn't I look as old as I'm going to look so like it even without it

It's not like it ages me down when I shave. I just look like me without facial hair. Yeah, which I'm still a cutie pie It's just not the same, but I love my face. Do I've had this since I was 16? I grew facial hair when I was 15 years old and I loved it and I never not got rid of it I just started getting facial hairs. Really? Do you have a mustache? I have a mustache for sure. You waxed it. I waxed it Yeah, do you have a really bush? I feel like you have a real bitch like a Amazonian bush. Yeah, cuz I have like I have like Russian Russian DNA Yeah, you're Russian Jewish. Yeah, you know Russian Jews have the thickest bush. Oh, yeah So it's a it's a night hair on your nipples not yet. I have one and you need you keep it. Why?

Cuz I like it. It's good. It's only one. But is it long? It's probably long. Oh, it's not when you when you when she gets married It says will you take this woman to be your name now pick the nipple and then you can pick the nipple hair that signifies love So what's your ideal if you could like draw like if we had like one of those crime Investigative stars. What is the very interesting? You should get one of those on the pod. Okay, so she's Bobby's ideal woman five eight Good number. I'm five eight. Oh, okay. What if he just keeps describing me? I'm like, why did you guys bring? Yeah. Yeah, Allison Ali one of those. She has stringy dirty hair Okay

One nipple hair Yeah, yeah, I feel like I know someone like yeah, yeah, yeah, like I met you know snuffle up, I guess Yes from from Sesame Street. Yeah, imagine if snuffle up with just bushes down here. Oh, I love. Oh, yeah Yeah, that's the kind of girl. Yeah, and the and the clit is as long as snuffle up. I guess it's snout and snout Yeah, it's snuffy snout, right? Okay, then it's not me I don't even have a hole down there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and Um, yeah, it's not no, I'll tell you real. Okay, so about five eight five nine Finn how tall are you?

Why five five five here? I want to imagine the he's five three five three. Okay. Yeah five three five four. Hey, yeah It's not my foot to it's two without shoes We measure the studio where Five two without saying five three with socks and shoes. Okay, and spiky hair and spiky Hey, yeah, five three with spiky hair. All right, so five eight. She's thin. What does thin mean? Give me a weight range 125 Five eight 125 is pretty thin. That's really small. No, no, it's just the really that's like that's like really it's really thin

Not even that's really thin five thirty 130 I mean Five more pounds. That's so funny 135 that's like 125 is what every woman says on their driver's license one to five Yeah, unless you're like over 200 pounds. If you're if you're 189 pounds, you're like, I'm 120 What are you saying your driver's like 120 you do that's fun They all say that I don't think I'm 120 because a lot of guys think that people it won't hurt my feelings if you say no But I wouldn't know you know here's weights are tough because everyone holds weight different like yeah people looking how I'm

61 how much do you think I'm so bad at us? Yes? Yeah, I mean it's so hard to tell no I'm gonna say what are you? I'm gonna say? How big is your penis? Okay, the whole thing. Yeah I'll say one one 90 195 whoa Sign me up. That's actually really good cuz I can't guess cuz you're to me. Are you 180? Or 185 you're 190

How much you know it's 165 yeah, yeah, is that good or bad? It's good. It's very good It's not fat. Well cuz fat because muscle weighs more than fat and he's got super strong So much more fat than muscle. It's more skin. It's mostly fat. It's skin to a lot of skin and blood skin You know why I'm fat is cuz all my blood let's go back to my girl. All right five eight. Yeah thin. Yeah 125 yeah, I like 25 to 145. Let's just I don't like big breasts. You don't like big like mid-range I don't know what the cup size or whatever, but I don't like big area guy BC guy What's BC mean beast or see you don't want these I don't want these. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, it's just I Don't like it. It's okay. Yeah. Yeah nipple hair or no. No

Okay, no nipple hair Jesus I like a Pretty face What does that mean? Symmetrical Yeah, they're just certain like I met a girl the other night where she was five foot. Mm-hmm, right? She had Small very small brass. You love small tits. Yeah, and she was but her face was so beautiful

That I was willing to compromise my other the other nice of you and she was so funny, too Did she have to compromise anything with you you think a lot. Yeah. Well, yeah, what about piercings? I Don't like piercings nose No, no piercings. Um, like I matched with I saw a girl on Tinder and she has one of those gigantic gauges Hold the whole things in her ears. Yeah, I don't like it dinner play I went through a phase where I was about to get gauges. Is that what that is gauges are down here, but you stretch them out Yeah, I don't like that. I don't like that. I almost I could that could have been me I could have been a gauge girl. No tongue ring. No, I don't like it. What about this one?

This one's kind of cool. I don't like that. What about one of these the thing I don't even like tattoos You have a bunch. I know so what are you talking about? I don't know a woman. Oh, so you oh you get to Yeah, I like pure you a pure little white. I like, you know, I like little house in the prairie Oh, the girl that was raised by yeah, who knows how to like bake bread. Yeah, churn butter You know, I mean, that's what you're gonna have to do when she fucks you. Yeah, and I want her to say ow when I enter Impossible, where are you gonna find this girl? But it's just a fake it. Oh, yeah, wait, wait, so I'm gonna I stick in it be believable though. Okay, right? There we go. Oh

Yeah, that was believable. Do I just got hard? No, no cuz he doesn't want it loud because if it's loud, you know, you know, you know, if it's loud, you know But you're gonna fake it or let's just try it ready All right That's good, too, I believe that How many times you be faked in orgasm every time no, no you come now I'll tell you something right now Andrew I love that's all I eat the only way I could survive eat is delivery and the only app I use door dash

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Bobby's favorite. She's cake factory door dash is great. We use it all the time. We're on the road right now We actually just did it the other day. It's nice to get it delivered to your hotel So you don't gotta leave for a limited time our listeners get 25% off on their first order of $15 or more When you download the door dash app and enter code bad friends 2022 that's 25% up to a $10 value on your first order when you download the door dash app in the app store enter the code Bad friends 2022. Don't forget that's code bad friends 2022 for 25% off your first order with door dash subject to change terms apply Wait, wait, why do you fake it then just say it didn't know the older I get the less I stopped faking it

Yeah, I stopped faking it. Maybe like three years ago. Yeah. Yeah, you fit. Have you ever faked an order? I have me too I have it's so embarrassed. It's so embarrassing. It's so weird. It's so weird. Oh Oh, that's how I do that a condom on so it's like she didn't know do you know what I mean? Like she would have been like wait, there's nothing there is nothing like I had a condom on so then it's like, oh, yeah I came I just wanted to get all I didn't do that. I pulled out and nothing came out Like this and nothing came out she was looking at it like what the fuck you know, that's like 20 minutes ago Yeah, yeah, you got the lie. That's a fail. That's a lot. It's such a failure to launch. Why did you not come? I wanted to stop. I wasn't into it. I was like this is but a smell will throw me off

Oh my god, will it ever will it one waft? What have you ever gone to suck a dude and his balls stunk every single time every ball every guy's your boyfriend I know your boyfriend. Yeah, his ball stink. Yes. Every ball. He doesn't look like his balls stink Even when he showers, you know, I just a smell to balls. Yeah, you know why do you know why tell me? Because he has a shit problem because he has a shit problem. He has really long balls So maybe when he's pooping they just kind of they may knock off the wall. Yes, Diary. Oh, I know this her boy friend. Yeah, is he gonna be mad? No Her boyfriend has diarrhea every day

Every single day of his life. Is that what you wish? They all have ideas. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Is he Jewish? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the percentage of Jewish people that have IBS is probably like 90, right? I don't know. It's more than IBS. A lot of people throw IBS around. Yeah, he has like ulcerative colitis He has extra. It even sounds Jewish. Ulcerative colitis. It sounds like a Jew. Oh my Ulcerative colitis It was called something else and then Jewish guys were like, we have to call it ours. His dad's side of the family isn't Jewish So he has like the he has the like stubbornness of that side where he won't do anything about it If he was like pure Jew, he'd be at the doctor every day, making sure it was fine. Hypochondriac. Yeah, I mean he is but he just doesn't do anything. You know her, you know, you know her boy

We can say his name. We can say no. No. Yeah. Oh Moe, you know his dad You know who his dad was like a comedy legend was a manager. You know this, right? No, what you don't know What's his last name? I'm not gonna talk. We're not gonna say that. Okay. What was his man? He was a manager Yeah, he was a legend in the comedy world I mean, I know that was so what? Braille student gray. He was a mom Braille's name. No, we're not gonna say Compromise the privacy, but can I just let's go back to his balls though? Okay, so more important. No, I have a theory I have a theory. Okay, so check it out. Here's my theory

All right, better than her long drop poop ball thing because the poop knocking off the that I got right I saw it. Let's just I would just make this up. All right. Let's say you had an apparatus, right? That's a box Right. Imagine this box has a clear Wall so you can see through the box got it, right? Inside the box you put a jelly bean Okay, yeah, I'm there. Are you with with me? Yeah, yes so out of the box is somebody's asshole is a tube that sticks to somebody's asshole, right and this guy's farting into the Fucking box every day. Eventually that jelly bean will smell like fart

So here's underwear your most underwear his butthole stinks so bad that his nut sack is the jelly bean And it ferments, you know, I mean down there and also during the day, you know There's sweat and all kinds of things that's happening right gassy. He's not that gassy. It doesn't matter. His asshole is not pure Yeah, oh, it's leaking. It's not leaking. It's just not a pure asshole Like if you ever had a toilet after you flush it at you still here running a little bit. Yeah, this is asked Maybe maybe yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, well, he can't hold his he can't see he can't like if he has to go He can't just hold it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know I know he definitely has a leaky so that's it's gonna affect maybe the jelly bean thing

I could have said it a different way, but it just took you a long time to say I know I know but still being in his underwear and so the close proximity was balls to his ass. Yeah. Yeah, it's trapped So it's trapped in like the damn thing. Well, you know how you do a dutch oven when you put the covers on your heart I love doing the client all the time. Can you smell my sack? Yeah, when we're like when we're in a car together referring to no right now Can you smell it? No, because we're just far enough away. You're about no I'll just pull it out. You just think smell my nut sack. You want to smell it right now and see what it smells like. Yeah Go ahead. Are you being real? Yeah, go ahead. Okay. I'll see how it smells. It's unbund already

Stand up. I'll see what it smells like. Yeah, don't let Wolf see he doesn't need to see that. Okay, I Gotta lick it. Let me see again. Let me take Honestly, yeah, it's it smells like clean laundry. Wow, you weren't brand new underwear. No, dude It smells clean Koreans have a self-generating mechanism in her body. Oh, yeah, we're future people your jelly bean is not doesn't stay in one place No, well, yeah, that doesn't know that it's you have it's you have it's your mood little nut Dude, I know it's really smooth like tight. My nut sack has three wrinkles What? Yes, Asian Asians we age good here and our sacks Wow, you know that I had no idea

Yeah, and you don't can't Google that. I thought it was black don't crack. I didn't know they don't either, right? But you guys but we are sacks sacks Asian sacks don't crack wrinkle-free them Asian sacks Yeah, they're so soft too and they have a self-generating cleaning mechanism. Have you ever been an Asian guy? You ever slept with an Asian guy? Why but not because I wouldn't why not because I wouldn't wait let me ask you this we all know why no I want to ask a question, right? Let me ask you something Ali. Yeah, okay How many guys have you been with so many none of your business, okay? Let's just make up a number, okay, 46. Let's say 20. Okay, all right 46 out of the 20 guys You've had sacks with how many have them been minorities. I

would say half No, let's be real. No, I would say like a A fourth so 25% have been minorities. Yeah, maybe 25 and in that 25% of minorities Jewish count is my They're white so 25% of minorities. That's a 15% All right, so the 15% right? How many of them have been? The percentage of that black people

I would say just your more neighbors I've heard his penis is so much more. Yeah, it's actually you can just tell this is actually a this is Yeah, yeah, that's so scary so no black. No. Yeah. Yeah. I would say that's like I'm not good at math Out of the 50 to say out of all the minorities you've had 50% of the okay of the 15 Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, so 50% and then out of the 15% how many of the Mexican I would say the other Fifty maybe yeah, so you're racist Just towards Asians against Asians. No, but I would I would why we're around. There's a billion of us I know but you what you guys aren't it's just like okay, you know, I'm in a room

I'm in a room and there's a black guy an Asian guy in the Mexican Latino guy. There's a funny joke coming away walking to a bar Black guy Asian Asian guy and Mexican guy walking to a bar. Well, the Mexican guy is cleaning up the black guys robbing a place And the Asian guy is doing the taxes Who do you want to fuck? Someone that's working No, but honestly, but honestly You want adventure and fun Latinos and black people adventurous fun Asian guys risk aversion risk averse Too safe. She wants someone am I safe raw dog am I safe? You're unique am I safe?

You're you a question. Am I safe? Yes, you are Really, you are very safe. All right. Am I adventurous? Can be or you just stay in your fucking hotel all day. Okay, so it's it's that's I mean it's fair enough But she knows she's getting a gamble when she goes with anybody else Yeah, she knows what she gets when she has white when she has white. It's golden corral. It's a buffet Well, it's predominantly it's it's all fine. You might get a little noodle that was you feel comfortable with white Well, it's predominantly because when I started whoring it up. It was in my like last year of high school And then when I was kind of going to college. Yeah, my high school is mostly white people

Okay, my college was a lot of white people Uh-huh, and so just the circles I was in at that time. It's a white circle and then when I started doing comedy I was banging like these loser open micers. They're all white. They're mostly also white What are you gonna do dude? I've I've had Asians so count me out. I love and that's why I'm not asking you question Yeah, I love Asians. Yeah. Yeah, love. But you're a guy too. Love. Well, you know what's so funny? No, not as a now like in this mindset in my age that I'm at They're not the most attractive to me the most attractive have has always been fucking Latinos. I just Latin just something about Latin

Latinx there's something about it. Well because they're just so fucking hot and they just are cooler than you and they're mean and Yeah, all that stuff and you up. I like that. They can beat you up a white girl can't beat You know someone will fight for you. Yeah, they'll fight for me and they'll fight me Larry H. Parker of women Yeah, I love I want Hilaria Baldwin There's just something about it, huh? Yeah, there's just something about them. They're just they're just they're sexy They're spicy. They're fucking I don't know. I mean, yeah, I think that's what it is They can fight for you and they will fight you physically. Yeah, you know, and that's just that's something spy That's spicy about him. I like Koreans do though

Yeah, I think the next if I ever date again like in a permanent thing. Yeah, it's gonna be a full flooded. I Bet you a thousand dollars that that won't happen. That's not true You're not gonna date a Korean. Do you want her to like not really speak English that well? Like do you want like a straight from from Korea? Yeah, cuz I don't speak Korean. She's big English. That's perfect Oh, you don't speak Korean. No, I can understand a couple of when your mom and you were speaking Korean. Yeah, I can say stuff like Boji yeah, you know, right? Thank you Your pussy is beautiful your pussy is scary. Yeah. Yeah It's not scary it's not like Halloween horn I did like a it's like a scare person

I love you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't look at you that way, but I love you when you take your pants out of it Goes this is Halloween Yeah, no, that's not true. I know I know like Basic Korean to understand I can't really say it that I can say basic things like where's the bathroom? Yeah, but in terms of anything feelings wise that's what's why I want to date a Korean from Korea But I can't I don't have to express myself. You guys don't express your feelings. There's no words for that Oh, are the new the new generation does I know with the old one where you come from doesn't where I come from San Diego No, no, you're your parents and your parents never said like oh, I'm feeling sad. No, what's the word for sad?

You don't even I don't know. Yeah, that's not crazy. You have no idea. I have no idea. What is like? Well, how about what's the word for excited or happy? Uh, I don't even know. Yeah, is that You want your whole childhood without your parents saying those words Yeah, because I was talking to a Korean girl yesterday And she was saying that she lives in Korea and she was saying that gay is a thing now What do you mean? Oh being gay over there ever since you couldn't if you were gay in Korea back in the day Forget it. You're going to Japan. I'm gonna ship you out. Do you think that started with Opa Gangnam style? Why is he gay? No, but I feel like I gay

But I feel like that music if you're at a club like I would kiss I would kiss well Well Asian Asian pop music and stuff and Asian pop culture always has a little bit of metrosexuality Has always had a little bit of like sensey boy stuff where it's like soft sweet cutesy-pootsy But right being gay. No, no, no, no, no, no, do you do a tour in Korea? Like are you? Yeah, three people would go that's such fucking bullshit. Can I ask you a sell out everywhere and can I ask you a question? Yeah, is it impossible to identify specific members of BTS? I think they're I don't I think they're clones Oh, you oh, they're made in a lab. Yeah, I think they're the same person. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, there's just no I can you I look at all of them. I go. They're the same guy

You think the Korean government made them and what color is that skin beautiful? It's so white white. Are they dead? They're soft the fuck is that they're superior. Is that what it is? Yes superior white. They're superior Korean Are they future geisha's like what why is that? What are they they're geisha's to be yeah, I think they're beautiful. They're beautiful. See that's bullshit. They're not beautiful Yes, they are. They're like they're beautiful in a way that like like Channing Tatum is beautiful like it's just unattainable like it's not real different. It looks like AI made it I know I did a movie with this Korean pop star named Henry Lau Henry Lau. I told you tell you about him Yeah, yeah, yeah, and we shoot scenes together and I would just stare at a skin

But violent thoughts like I want to hurt him. I want to go raise a blade and just cut a skin Who's the ugliest person you've ever worked with? Easy setup In podcasting Yeah, I Don't want to hurt his feelings because you're gonna get me. He'll call me right now and yell at me. We'll beep it You will I'm not you know, I'll do a ventriloquist thing and you'll beep it. Okay, right? All right, how about you do it do it for the glass do it to the guy who's the ugliest guy?

Yeah, I know and another one. Oh Here's another ugly one You get that ventriloquism is so fucking creepy to me. Yeah, those people spend hours in their room Just going like this. Yeah. Yeah, and here we are outside In the ones that are great that can sing in this and they do it, but they could they do it from here We're all talking here. Oh That's really good pretty good. You have to sing sing something. Yeah No

Wait, who's better at anything Can you understand? Let me do it again. Well do a different song. Yeah. Yeah, what song is it? I also think the key is you like you have to do a really weird smile. It's a hard-knock life for us It's a hard-knock life for us. You just look like Kanye West when he has jaw shot Yeah, so try that one. But what do you have to smile? Yeah, you You do? Yeah, yeah, it's a heart. It's a hard-knock life for us. It's a hard-knock life for us It's so creepy. You look like you try you try you try Smile. Yeah, it's a hard-knock life

Wow, I have practiced You fucking loser you fucking loser. Oh, you practice that. Oh, yeah, that's amazing Yeah, there's like there's like letters like instead of saying like M or something because you have to close your lips You you use like an N. I think so like if you were gonna say like money, you'd say like noney How kind of let's do let's do um ventriloquism like movie quotes See if you can get this right. Are you looking at me? Who you're looking at you're looking at me What you think I'm doing an agent accent. Yeah, you're looking at me. He's good fellas. Yeah. No, what?

Taxi driver. Oh Are you looking at me? Yeah, yeah, are you looking at? Oh, you? You're looking at there it is then that see when you do ventriloquism you're gonna He's got to get sick of that fucking shit who deniro That that's just everyone that does it. You know like every yeah, I would never imagine dude I would give you a million dollars if you met deniro to do that in front of them if I want to film they go I wonder what he would do if I get he's probably heard from every Jaguar walk-in also. Oh my god Such a burnt impression trying to do one. I can't do one. You father

You know what I realized if you just speaking of a Korean pop stars Opa Gangnam style if you try and sing that just Normally like if I try and sing the words it sounds like I'm trying to do a Christopher walk-in impression. Okay, do it No, I didn't that's out of an in-game joke in your chat. How do you know the leader? How do you know the leader? I'm a loser That was it Triloguism and then you fucking memorized fucking because when that song came out I was in high school And I like spent my days trying to know what does it mean? Do you know what it means? Yeah, it's talking about these women in this town in Korea who are like kind of affluent style

Thank God for him. Sorry. Yeah, cuz he opened it up. I got more pussy after he came out. No Oh, yeah, yeah, you can tell when squid games come out. You get more pussy Okay, let's see this here. You think you're right. No, it opens it up cuz white people then go. Oh Interesting, you know, I mean and you're in their thought process. Yeah, okay, so here's the lyrics to Opa Gangnam style It says a girl who is warm and humanely during the day a Classy girl who know how to enjoy the freedom of a cup of coffee a girl whose heart gets hotter when night comes A girl with that kind of twist. I'm a guy a guy who is a warm as a young Not a day a guy who one shots his coffee before it even cools down a guy whose heart bursts when night comes

That kind of guy beautiful lovable. Yes, you. Hey, you. Yes, you. Hey, you. Hey, you. Yes, you beautiful lovable. Yeah That is this is awful. Yeah. Yeah, this is what's he doing now? He's still doing sitting on a pile of fucking money. Yeah, but what's he doing? Bro? He made one song one hit wonder is incredible It's the worst life. What do you mean? You're done. You're done. There's no expectation Oh, you know this you know this dude. Okay, okay? Let's suppose right you had one special that killed it great And then that was 20 years ago, but it made didn't make me a hundred million dollars It made you 50 million dollars great and now you can't get a label to sign you can't get another fucking great

You can't really I leave LA. I don't need to live this bullshit life and fucking you're gonna be on want some farm And yes, yes and be a farmer and farming I feel like you always want to be relevant. You always want to be in the public eye You want to always reinvent yourself once you realize that's not your thing once one hit wonders go I think this is just one for I have a friend I'm not gonna say his name, but his group had a one-hit wonder a massive. I'll tell you off air I know who it is massive one-hit wonder One of the biggest songs of that era

They almost never did anything ever again literally like shockingly they made one more album and it bombed so fucking bad It was over. Oh my god. Yeah He found solace at some point in the idea that it's like I I just want to make music for fun because this thing is a machine and it's just it's different than they anticipated They didn't anticipate that song getting big it just got big and they were like We're gonna walk away and be individual artists and musicians and now just live and play now They're all rich and they just play music for fun. How original reason how rich you're splitting in between a band tens of millions of dot Dude musicians make so you have no fucking idea. They make so much money. It's insane when you have one hit song

You can tour on that thing for fucking ten years. You eventually go to county fairs and weird places, dude Still a fuckload of money. They're still getting paid, dude those people and the song plays and all the fucking live shows and all the fucking merch and all the times it loops on other Things then you license it dude No, I'd rather do this dude. I'd rather just stay like this where you are. Yeah, I'm like I Keep going, but I'm slowly moving up. I was a musician. I wouldn't care about a one-hit. I'd go fine This is fine because like with music you're yeah, you're getting played in like grocery stores, whatever like there's no comedy special You know, there's a comedy hits play

Comedy's bullshit. We can't compare it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah comedy's dead. It's over. All right I mean, I I don't know comedy's dad, isn't it? It's dying. I think we're in the last legs of it I think there's because I believe that because in the 90s there was it died Yeah, I believe it's sickle coal and we're it's about to crash Yeah, you I mean because special all the specials that Netflix was putting out. There's a lot of funny shit out Yeah, and then too many people are doing podcasts now, right hate podcasts. Yeah, and it's gonna die Yeah, good thing you guys are on on top of it when it goes out. Yeah, good call. I don't want it to die though It's not gonna die. I don't want bad friends. We like it too much. No, I won't we're having so much fucking fun

You think that eventually we'll have 10 listeners. No 20 But do you think that we'll be able to make a living off about bad friends? Not forever what lasts forever. Yeah, I mean if we die That's one thing but like at 60 like 10 years from now. You think we'll be doing bad friends. No, I hope so. I Would hope you don't think about. No, what do you think we'll be doing? You think we'll be enemies. Yeah Good and you guys will have like a lot of podcasts. Oh, we'll sue each other Yeah, there will be a weird loss now, dude

That would break my heart you and I were like testifying against each other at a fucking trial We would make jokes the entire time, right? That's all it'd be it'd be your honor your honor order We'd be ordering the court. Yeah, cracking jokes the fucking whole time. That would break my heart, man I don't ever want to do that with you. We'll never do it Never do it. Allie. Tell us a really bad childish joke Give us a joke like a kid would tell I know like a why did it turn why did the chicken cross the road type of thing? Did you do you know what that joke is about? Suicide. Yeah, I just found out how why did the chicken cross the road to get to the other side the other side of what the street?

No, the other side, you know the phrase. I'll see you on the other side. You know what that means heaven Yeah, I'll see you in the afterlife and if a chicken is crossing the road It's gonna get ran over and don't stop in for a chicken It's not about getting to the other side of the streets about getting the other side of life It's a suicide. I'll go to heaven. Well, they don't anymore. Oh, you know what joke I hate It's not really a joke, but it's like a setup Who has two thumbs and is gonna get fucked up tonight? This guy this guy. I that guy is funny though. Wait, wait. So let me say it who has two thumbs who's gonna get fucked up tonight

You have to point yourself. Yeah, this guy. Yeah. Yeah Well, who has two thumbs and he's probably gonna put both of them in his asshole tonight This guy, right? Yeah. Yeah. I've never heard that before. It's a white thing. No, that's a common phrase No, it's a that's a common fraternity sorority. Yeah, yeah, yeah, black people have never said that. No, hey, man Who has two thumbs? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh do a black guy do a black guy. Well, man Who has two thumbs you like him now wolf? Yo, man, yo dog It's so bad. I don't care. Wolf's laughing. I hate when you do that. Yo

Who has two thumbs we get fucked up tonight? This guy black guys don't say that phrase. That's a white guy phrase. I want to see if Asians have said it, right? Hey, guys. No, hey guys. Hey guys. Hey guys, we have a two thumb and you're gonna get who and gonna get fucked up tonight deep guy That's never been said. No, that's never been said Do an Indian do an Indian Do an Indian Was two thumbs and he's going to get fucked up tonight. This guy that Indian guy does that works

Yeah, there's this Indian guy who works at the like corner store on my street Yeah, and my boyfriend will go in there will go in and like grab an energy drink or something My boyfriend will be like, hey, dude, what's up? And the guy lights up He loves what my boyfriend says dude and then he'll start saying dude, but he'll say it and insane amount dude Yes, dude, but dude is such a good word. Oh, he loves it. Yeah, anybody's dude. Do Adolf Hitler with the thumbs Yeah, please Who has two thumbs and it's going to get annihilated this evening this guy I can see that

Everyone's Yeah, he was lovable that guy. Yeah, he wasn't as bad as people say Did you guys see the Marjorie Taylor green American Idol audition? Is that real people? I don't know I do you know who this is Marjorie Taylor. I know her. I hate her. She okay So apparently there's a clip of her on the internet stage. Can you show that wolf? There's apparently a clip of her on the internet That there's no way it's her well it there's a question if it is I thought it really looks like it looks exactly like it It wouldn't surprise me, but they don't have footage of it. Do they yeah, there's yeah, there's a video. Oh really?

Oh, so it's confirmed. There's no way it's her. I thought it confirmed But there's a video of her auditioning like what does she sing? I don't know. I don't know I think that's fucking incredible if she did do American Idol because everyone's making the comparison like you know failed artist Yeah, that's also true. Yeah, Hitler didn't Hitler didn't Hitler didn't even fail He never got into the art school. They didn't even let him in the school his his submission got denied Right like he painted it to get in you had to like do something to get in and his didn't even get in so it's also funny that like That's normally the story of someone who's about to be super successful in art They're like I never got into the art school. So I just did it on my own and he's like I'm just gonna

Completely abandon the art. It is kind of funny that for some reason everyone that has like chaotic political prowess they all love doing art stuff like Clinton loves making art Bush loves it. Yeah, I love his Instagram George Bush's Instagram. Yeah, dude such a fun follow like loves that shit someone got mad at me They're like, why are you following George, but I'm like it's Instagram Yeah, but this is the problem with Instagram and stuff nowadays like I just saw someone last night. I well I looked up a guy

I'll not whatever but I looked up a dude and I noticed he follows it follows. Nobody. That's a thing now Yeah, people just follow nobody now and I was like I get it a little bit because also Sometimes you feel obligated to follow something. You know when you follow someone and you're like I just somebody like I have to Follow them, but I don't know if I really want to see them in my feed. Yeah, and then you have to mute them I'm you know, all right, and it's weird. It's so funny how I hated that dude for so many years George Bush. Yeah, and now I kind of like him. I know he's become like because you know what can be worse He's just like yeah, and he's just like so old now. What do you mean? He can be worse? What do you mean? No, because you thought you know what? Oh, right? Yeah, because when George Bush was like this fucking guy started a war with

I read this and that whatever whatever Like I can't get worse. He said there's no this is the worst human being and then you saw here come Joe Biden And then you're like, oh Yeah, are you what are you doing? Are you on tour after you go leave with us? You go to Albany to do shows and then what I'm doing show in Albany. Yeah, and then I'm doing a little bit of a tour Well, you're doing Albany. Where else? Well, so I'm doing Albany with same Vincent. I'm opening her. You know same I love them. She's like best friend. Oh, yeah, the great music. Yeah. Yeah, she's really close with them No, yeah, she's been going over. She you've done shows with them before. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and so you you do stand up

I do stand up. I cold open the shows. Was it hard? It's a little bit hard It's hard, but the her audiences are like really nice and cool and young and supportive. Yeah How many seats is it? We're doing like theaters the thousands thousand. Yeah, that's amazing. They're amazing band Yeah, she's amazing. I mean and then um, then are you doing clubs after that or no? Yes, then I have two more shows with her in Vegas and Arizona and then I'm doing my own headlining weekend Go to Ali mccoskey.com. Yeah, Ali mccoskey.com Go get those fucking tickets and go see our girl. All right. We'll listen. That was a great episode It was a really fun. Do me a favor look in your camera and say

Thanks for being a bad friend. Number two. Number two. Sorry. You see it. I don't even see number two. Oh, it's actually It's it's hidden. Yeah Thanks for being a bad friend Was that it? Thank you for being a bad friend Thank you for Her being a bad friend That's good. I got to figure out being is hard. Thank you. Thank you for being a bad friend Thank you try to ventriloquism one Bob real fast. Thank you for being a bad friend. Very good. It was really good

Okay, thank you. Oh