Bad Friends - Bobby's Midlife Crisis & The Ponzu Gang

Episode Date: September 12, 2022

*NEW MERCH* https://badfriendsmerch.com Thank you to our Sponsors: http://shipstation.com code: BADFRIENDS & https://ridge.com/badfriends & https://www.manscaped.com code: BADFRIENDS & https://trueclassictees.com code: BADFRIENDS 0:00 Welcome Back Fancy B... Kinda  1:28 Santino, Kevin Hart and Mark Wahlberg in Me Time 3:30 Juicy is a Traitor & Bobby's Chinese Brother 9:58 Tony Hinchcliffe Has Agent Orange 16:50 The Coolest Asian Clans 23:48 Andrew's Public Hanging & Bobby's Last Words on the Guillotine  31:51 Fancy & Bobby's Trip to the Philippines 33:36 Bobby's Midlife Crisis Symptoms 39:24 What Juicy is Most Scared Of 44:59 Is Bobby on the Worst TV Show of 2012? 53:50 The Girlfriend that Never Existed   1:00:19 Would Andrew Get Catfished on the Internet? More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger:  https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino  Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Rudy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendrudy More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/   Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod   Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom  Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Andrés Rosende & Pete Forthun This video contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, bad friends. Hey. Hey, I've only got a couple of dates left before I film my special. Go watch my friend Andrew. Please come watch me. You're the best. Tomorrow I'm in Brea, Brea, California, tomorrow night on the 13th. And then this weekend, 16th, I'm in Minneapolis, the 17th, I'm in Madison, Wisconsin. Come see me. Then on the 24th, I'm in Denver, Colorado, filming my special. AndrewSantino.com is where you're going to get those tickets.

Please come out and see your boy, AndrewSantino.com. Come see me. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Who are you two or something? We're bad friends. Calm down. Let's do a breathing exercise, dude. No, no, no. Let me start off by saying this.

No breathing exercise? No. Let me start off by saying this. Welcome back, Fancy B, kind of. Yeah, yeah, kind of. Because you know what? He comes in. Welcome back, actually, Juicy. Welcome back. Welcome back, Juicy. Great to see you. Welcome back, Carlos. Great to see you.

Fancy B, you come back and the first thing out of his mouth is, you need to have better taste in scrapes. I know. I know. Exactly. Saying that all I do is... And we read your Turtle Island script, dude. That's a piece of shit, man. Don't get me started. Fancy's, of course, commenting about the movie Me Time I did on Netflix with Kevin Harden.

He hated it. Didn't you hate it? Go ahead and say it, Fancy. You're allowed to say what you want on the show. You're good in it. Let me tell you something. I'm watching it. The critics will tell you how good it is. Go ahead and show what we got on Rotten Tomatoes.

Go ahead. It may feel good about my own movie. Look at how good that is. What did the critics say? 7%. Yeah. That's some fucking... Bro, you couldn't even beat Easter Sunday.

Wait a minute. Is that bad or good? It's bad. It's bad. I thought that meant 93%. No, no, no. It's got a green sludge on it. I don't think that's good. Tomatoes good.

First of all. Like a tomato is good. See, I don't... 45% Easter Sunday. Can I say something? Yeah. This scale makes no sense because a tomato is what you use. Because a tomato is what you used to throw at actors when you hated stuff, when you hated

performance. Live performance. They throw tomatoes at plays. But meanwhile, sludge, gook, gack, loved it. I grew up with Nickelodeon. I love getting gacked and gooped. No, but the sludge is the thrown tomato. Then it would be fucking red.

Why is it green? Tomatoes aren't fucking grounded. The insides are sometimes green. Am I not right? Yeah. My Spanish friend? Totally right. Thank you.

Even green tomatoes on the outside are still red on the inside. Oh, and it... The audience score... This is Andres' movie. Oh, this is Andres' movie. 55%. Do you beat Easter Sunday and Me Time? Yes.

Yeah, but mine has Kevin Hart and Mark Wahlberg. Yeah. Regina Hall. And yours has who? Who's in yours? Eric Dane. I love Eric Dane. Gives a shit.

I do. I do too. I like Eric Dane. Yeah, he's great. Can I just say something about Eric Dane? Let me say something about Eric Dane. I'm aware that Me Time didn't do well. Two years ago.

It's not my movie. Two years ago when I was sick. Right? Can I tell you about that? Maybe Kevin Hart's worst movie yet. Says Nick Staker. Wait until Borderlands comes out. Oh, he's in that too.

He's in my movie. First of all, that's not going to come out. I don't think it is either, right? No, because I know more than you do. You know I know more than you do. No, is it not coming out? Welcome back, Juice. Good back.

I liked Me Time. Did you really? I thought it was great. I watched it. She says that as she's wearing the enemies. A scissors brother's t-shirt. Exactly. One of the worst podcasts online right now.

Yeah. It's a cool shirt. They gave it to me for free. Dude, we give you so much more than they give you. We give you so much life. We give you life. We've lifted your career. You're coming to SLC with me.

We give you merch. And then you wear their t-shirt. By the way, that Heather Gray standard issue that they got, trash. Yeah. Cheapest thing you can buy. I thought you guys liked those guys. Well, he's my brother. Yeah, that's what I thought.

He's your brother. What? The other one is my brother. The Chinese guy. He's Korean. Yeah, he's my brother. Is he really Korean? Yeah, he's my only brother and I love him.

He's blood brother to me. He's blood brother to me. Wait a minute, the tiny little... The little gook. This one. The tiny little guy. He's your little brother. He's my little brother.

Son of a gun. Yeah, yeah. So say something nice. Whoa. Can I say... I'm being genuine when I ask her. Yeah, yeah. Look at me.

He's not Chinese. He's not Chinese. He looks Chinese. I know, but he's absolutely not Chinese. You 100% look Korean. Oh, thank you. He absolutely looks Chinese. Yeah, but he's not.

I don't bring up a picture of Stevie Weavey because I feel like he looks Chinese. Yeah, there he is. That kid is Chinese on the right. Yeah, that's me. There's no doubt in my mind. We need a test. Yeah. Yeah, there he is.

Look at that. If you saw him on the street, you'd go, who's that little Chinese kid? Yeah. I love him so much. We love Stevie over here so much. Like he looks like a Chinese guy that sells pineapples in the black market. Right? 100%.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'll tell you that a few episodes ago. Can I tell you about the Totoi? She's Chinese too. Yeah, yeah. Is that your Asian accent? No. Why are you doing this?

I don't know why. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm turning Japanese. Whoa. A few episodes ago, I wore a scissor brother's shirt, a different color one. And we didn't notice. We didn't notice. I don't know if you noticed, but I didn't.

No, we would have said something. You noticed today. Yeah, we would have said something. It's fine. We're lucky to have you. I think so. Can I have this shirt then? Yeah, dude.

Yeah, that's what we gave it to you, dude. Yeah, that's actually a scissor. Is this new? No, we get, we, no. I will say the material is much better than the material. Yeah, we're higher class. It has like a weight to it. Yeah.

Yeah. Go change into that. Right now? Yeah, go change into that. All right. Please. Don't you think? Yeah.

Me time, congratulations on that. Congratulations. It's number one on Netflix. It's number one on Netflix and also I would drive around town. Yeah. In every corner, there's a me time fucking thing. Yeah. And I say to myself, my, one of my best friends is in that movie.

And it's really cool. Not one. I am your best friend. Think about it. You're close. Think about it. I have a couple. Theo.

No. Not as close. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's not, but he's close. And Kalila's not anymore. She is still. Nope.

We watched, we watched movies together last night. We watched a movie with you last night. That's true. Speaking of which, I went over and did Trash Tuesday. They said you killed it. I had so much fun, dude. Honestly. They said you killed it.

So much fun. And I do want to approach this with you and I want to make sure that you're not uncomfortable about it. Was there a little sexual tension in the room? There was. And you know who is it between? Who? Kalila.

And? Carlos. What the hell? Carlos. I guess I felt, no, bro, bro. Go for it. I have felt that for years. I have to say this too.

Right. I think that you're the reason why we're not together anymore. I really do. And let me say something to you. All right. Again. All right. Go for it.

Because if you want to start a war with me, I will go to war with you. And let me say something right now, dude. I have more minions. I have more people behind me and I will fucking bury you. You baldhead. Fuck. Bobby, there's been no sexual attraction. I see you in the videos, dude.

Oh, I know. You ham up. I'm just at work. I'm trying to do a good job. I know, but I've seen you on stage. You don't have it up. Back. No, back in the day.

No, listen. That was a shot. You could do it. I'm not shouting. I'm not shouting right now, dude. All right. Back in the day, dude, you could have hammed it up because I see you ham it up with Kalila. Right?

It's not just Kalila. It's everyone. It's fans. Is it because you know you have a bigger dick than me? I mean, I do know that, but how do you know that for a fact? Because I've seen your dick. That's true. Yeah, that's true.

Facts. No, what I was, I didn't mean for this to get out of hand. I'm sorry, Carlos. I apologize, too. He had sex with her on the show. Did you fuck her? No, I didn't have sex with her. Did you lay on top of her with your clothes on?

Yes. So you laid on top of my ex-girlfriend with clothes on. And they fucked on camera. Paulie laid on top of Juicy three weeks ago. Not like that. Not like that. Not like that. Oh, you saw it?

Yeah. You know what I get to do? You know what I get to do? You know what I get to do? My ex-wife's already... I get to lay on your mom. Coral? Yeah.

You got to bring her on the show. Bring her on the show. Have her lay down. And I'm going to grind on her for a minute. My dad will be so mad. That's fine. And I will not... Wait a minute.

Your dad what? He'll be mad at me for letting it happen. He's got to be here. Oh, he's going to be there. He's got to be here. And he's going to be jerk enough in the corner. That's so, like, cuckish. It's only fair.

It's only fair. It's only fair. Thank you. Juice juice. Thank you. Yeah, you're the best juice. Your dad's got to come and pull a Louis to watch Bobby. Yeah.

Is your mom still alive? Oh, yes. Fantastic. I don't want it to hurt her dad. That'd be weird. No, that'd be so strange. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no.

It was all in good fun. In fact, to be honest, Carlos, he didn't want to do it. Kalyla was saying... That horny, horny Filipino girl. She said, let me show you guys how this sexual position is enacted. Because Esther has no idea. I don't know if Esther ever lived. I don't think Esther...

I feel like she just appeared because she almost has no... She almost knows almost nothing. She doesn't know anything about anything. I don't even know how she exists, really. Her husband? David. Yeah, he keeps her alive. Yeah.

He's the best. And I told her how bad I can't wait until she gets fat. I cannot wait to see Esther fat. She's going to lose it all at some point. Yeah. You just become a little fucking blimp. Remember Violet from Willy Wonka? Oh, yeah.

And she's... Blueberry. Yeah. Violet, Violet. And I want her to roll around the comedy store like that. Yeah. Just want to roll her around. Like, if you asked Esther, like, just tell me anything about the Vietnam War.

She would have no idea. No chance. Yeah. There's literally no chance. Let me ask you. Tell me a little bit about the Vietnam War. What do you know about it? Well, I know our troops were not welcomed back.

That's perfect. And that's one more thing more than Esther knows. Okay? She doesn't even know that. I know about Agent Orange. That's two things. Now, what was Agent Orange? I believe Agent Orange was where we dusted crops.

It's a chemical. A chemical. And it was pretty fucked up. Yeah. Look at this. Look at that photo. Look, go to the right. Look at that boy on the right.

Look what it did to him. No. Really? That's what it did. That's not real. He was born that way, dude. Dude, look. Look, it says Agent Orange.

It's an herbicide mixture of the U.S. military during the Vietnam War. But can you zoom in a little bit? I'm sorry I laughed. Why are you laughing? Because I... You're making me laugh. It doesn't look real. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let me see. Wow. The kid is, this is from Agent Orange. So Tony Hingecliff has Agent Orange. Is that what it is? That I just realized? Tony Hingecliff has it. He came from that.

He came from that. Because Ohio... Wow. Yeah, look at it. Look at his face. Agent Orange, dude. Same kid. Yeah, he snorted it.

He grew into it. Yeah, yeah. He grew into it. Look at that. Look at that face. Don't. And he gets women. Sure.

Agent Orange. Yeah. Agent Orange. Am I Agent Yellow? If you want to be. Who am I? Agent what? You're...

Agent Gong. Agent Gong. Agent Gong. Because Gong is quick. Agent Gong. We need you now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gong in 60 seconds.

Ah, juicy. Gong in 60 seconds. That's a really good movie name. Write that down. Gong Girl. Yeah. Gong. Gong with the wind.

Yes. Yes. Ah, yeah, yeah. Yes. We have three remakes. What are you doing? Right? Come on.

Why won't a studio pick this up? Yeah, yeah. Anymore going once it's gone. Yeah, yeah. That's it. That's it. Gong. It's Gong.

It's off the shelves. Yeah. Gong, Gong, Gong. That, honestly, an autobiography called Going, Going, Gong about the departure of Bobby Lee. Like when you finally retire. Yeah. Going, going, Gong would be so fucking funny.

You're not going to retire. Oh, yes he is. Soon. Soon. What are you talking about? We talked about it. I think I have 15 more years. 15 years.

No way. Way longer or less. Way less. What? You got it. So you think at 60 I'm going to go, I'm out? When this pod's over, you're done for, baby. No, no, no.

You're going to last as long as you want to last. Well, then you'd say that. I think you'll work for, you're 51. 50. You're 51 soon. Yeah. You'll be, you'll be in the business for 30 more years. Well, you know, George Burns did the road until he was 92.

Yeah, but he was different, dude. What do you mean? What do you mean he's different? He's white. Yeah. Yeah, but he's just super talented. Whoa. Yeah.

I mean, like an iconic genius. But he did the road at 92. That is so incredible. And apparently he didn't change his act for 20 years. Same with me. Same with me. And then also, but he would like do little whittles. Whittles?

Whittle. He would whittle little things into it. Sorry. Tonight I'm going to, I don't know how that would sound like George. What are you trying to say? Whittle? He would interject little things? Yeah.

What's whittling? Whittling is, um... With wood. Yeah. Yeah, he would whittle it. He would whittle wood in bits? He would whittle wood in the bits. Ah.

How old was he when he died? George Burns. 100. No way. I think so. I'm just guessing. He died at, I think, 96. I say 100.

Whoa. 100 years old. How'd you know that? I'm a big George Burns fan. I'm a big George Burns fan. How about, um, Burgess Meredith? Do you guys remember who that is? Do you know who that is, Juice?

I know. I'm not going to lie. I'm not familiar with George Burns. Oh, that's sad. You don't know who he is? I'm going to know tonight. I'll look him up. How old was Burgie when he died?

1907, he was born when he died. It says it right there. 89. Young. Pretty young. This guy was the fucking man. You know who this is. Don't you guys know who that is?

Grumpy old men? How about Red Skeleton? Red Skeleton. Skeleton or skeleton? Skeleton. Red Skeleton. I think it's Skeleton. Red Skeleton.

Yeah. It's H.E. It's Skeleton. It's not Skeleton. Oh. Red Skeleton. I always say, call them Red Skeleton. 84 years old.

He was another famous comedian, Juice. Famous. Who that is, right? No, it's like Comedy 101. I don't know these guys. It was actually 202. It's Comedy 202. You miss Freshman year.

Do you know Flip Wilson? No. I know that name for sure, but I don't know Flip Wilson. That's probably a name you've heard around the comedy store before. Yeah, for sure. These are all people that did it before us. See, this is what I want though. Died.

Look at that. Malibu. I want to die somewhere dope. This is the fear I have. How old was he? 84, young guys. Oh, my God. Young.

Yeah. Oh, look at that. His first wife, Levinia Patricia Peaches Wilson Dean. Peaches. I want a wife named Peaches. And then Cookie McKenzie. He had two wives with nicknames. Oh, wow.

Why can't whites have nicknames? I know. I have two. That's true. You do. At least. Why can't we have a sweet, cool nickname like that? Yeah.

I don't know. I don't know an Asian woman with a nickname. That's not true. Who? Like Ally Wong is Ally Wong. Isn't Kalilah's mom have a nickname? Or her the aunt? What do they call her?

Rudy's mom is, what's her name? Honey. Yeah, that's a nickname. That's her name. Her real name is Honey? Yeah. These people are so fucking weird. Yeah.

Filipinos have the worst names. Do they? Yeah, there's a, I met a guy named Battery. Whoa. Yeah. Was he a double A or a triple A? No, his name was lithium battery. No.

They named their kids crazy shit. Was his kid Duracell? That wouldn't be shocking to me. They do stuff like U2. They name a boy U2? Like U2, like the band. I like the music. Yeah, but I get it.

Yeah, yeah. If you remind your family who you really love. You can name your kid anything. Anything, but we choose not to. Because you don't want to ruin, because you know how hard it is for them to have a shitty name. Yeah, statue. Never met a guy named Statue.

See if there's a guy named Statue on this earth. Yeah, yeah. That's kind of a cool name. Yeah. He called him Stat. Statie. Stat Dog. Cup.

Chew. Is there a man named Frederick Augustine? No. Yeah, there's no one named Statue. Well, then let's name your child Statue when it comes out. Yeah, I will. Anything. There's so many things.

There's so many things I just don't even know. You know what I mean? Gong. Water. Wow. That's tough. Well, there's, I met the Drinkwater family. Drinkwater?

The natives. Because I'm on reservations. So there's a clan of natives. Their last name is. Clan's probably not the word. Tribe. There it is. There we go.

Called Drinkwater. Yeah. Well, they could be clans. No. I think that's pretty reserved for one group of people. Scottish people? Vikings? Clans?

Yeah. What's Scottish people? Well, no, but Scottish. Scottish people. Scat it. Yeah. But they all have Scottish accents. What is a clan?

Do we mean the fucking definition of a clan? A clan is a group of people. United by an actual, wait, no, that's two. A group of close-knit and interrelated families, especially associated with families of the Scottish Highlands. So I said Scottish, right? Whoa. Did I not say Scottish?

You said Scottish. Yeah, but then you know what I meant. Yeah. Yeah. But still, though. Clans are whites. Clans are whites. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Supremacists usually. Tribes are usually. Tribe would usually be natives. Indigenous people. Indigenous people. Yeah. Even ornate.

Yeah. There you go. What's a group? What's a group of Asians? Yeah. Dim sums. No. Yeah, yeah.

Ponzus. No, no, no. Look at all the ponzus over there. That sounds right. The ponzu. A noodle. A noodle. No, because a noodle is one thing.

Noodle is singular. Like a ramen of natives. A ramen of Asians. A ramen. Yeah. I could see the ponzu group. There's got to be a ponzu gang. There's no doubt.

Ponzu. Yeah. Noodle gang doesn't sound scary. Nope. It sounds awesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to hang out with them. Wasabi.

Who will bite you? Wasabi gang. Wasabi got a little sting. What do you like that? Is it scary? Wasabi. Yo, we're the wasabies. No.

See, go to ponzu. We're the ponzu. Sounds so cool. The ponzu gang sounds fucking scary. Yeah. The ponzu gang is tough. Yeah. The ponzu gang is tough.

How about the sneaky chopstick? That's one of the guys' names. Oh, sneaky chopstick. Yeah, he's in the group. Yeah, okay. Is there a ponzu gang, dude? Yeah. I can't really find anything.

There's an Asian gang. List of Asian gangs. Maybe Google that. List of Asian gangs. He's giving you attitude ever since you boned his ex-girlfriend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoa. Whoa, dude.

Chung Ching Yee. That's pretty on the point. Fullerton boys? Out in fucking Fullerton, California? That's cool, dude. The Kang Pee, Korean. Kang Pae. Snakehead.

Gang Pae. Snakehead. Gang Bae. Tong. Chinese. Bing Kong Tong. Whoa, that's racist. I'm reading it.

Oh, that's all right. My bad. The Wa Ki is tight. Wa Ki, Chinese and Malaysian. The Wa Ki. And of course we know the Yakuza. Bamboo Union. Oh, that's real.

That's real. No, bamboo union. It sounds like a break-dancing crew. Yeah, the Fullerton boys. Why is the Yakuza so... We all know their name. Yakuza. They're so big.

They're so big. I think it's because of the style. I want to be Yakuza. Yeah, because they're really cool. Suits, tattoos to the wrists, missing finger. They all have one missing finger? Yeah. Oh, really?

Yeah, yeah. Like this one. Why the ring finger? I think it's either, it's to dedicate yourself to the... Like you're married to the game? I think so, yeah. Oh, that's kind of tight. These are the Fullerton boys.

Oh, let me see the Fullerton boys. Don't look Asian. Yeah, they look Mexican. You look so disappointed. Yeah, so disappointed. Well, we just... Well, those are Asian boys. This is the most employees.

That's just a poster in Bobby's room. Yeah. That's one class at UCLA. Wait, show me the Yakuza. Let me see images of the Yakuza, because you know they're... Yeah, see that guy's 90. I thought he was wearing a shirt. Dude, look at that guy.

Wait, I feel like I know this guy. I'm serious. You saw him at Open Mic Night or something? No, he's... Oh, but... Okay, zoom in on that photo, dude. Can you zoom in? Yeah.

The guy to the far left. He doesn't belong. Why? Look at the guy to the far left. I see it. What's wrong with him? He's not Asian. He could be half Asian.

No, zoom in. I thought you meant his tattoo is different. No, look at his face, dude. Look at his face, bro. That's why they're all looking at him, like, who the fuck are you? Who the fuck is that guy? But does he look Asian to you? Yes.

No, he's not. There's no way. No, he's like Italian. Maybe he's just badass. Dude, we better be careful. These guys are gonna fucking kill us. I've never looked at the girl. She would fucking kill us.

She would fuck you up. That's not your mom. But it looks a little bit like your mom. A little like my mom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's got like Chinese stars in there and everything. Yeah. You gotta be careful, dude.

These guys are gonna kill us. You know that they're gonna come fuck with us. We're pro Yakuza. We love you guys. We love it. Fullerton Boys. We love you guys. We love it.

The bamboo crew. We love you boys. Ship station. Oh, my God. We have an online business here at Bad Friends. We're selling merch and you better buy some of it. And we use ship station. That's right.

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That's ridge.com. Bad friends. They're probably arresting this guy because they caught him for 50 years. Yakuza boss. Oh. He was sentenced to hanging. Whoa. They hung him?

How long ago was that? Last year. Whoa. They hung the Yakuza guy last year. Wow. They still do hangings, huh? Where was that? In Japan.

Dude, Japan is so cool. Why? Hangings are cool. Well, I mean, it's like, yeah, kind of. It is pretty cool. I mean, it's like that's a way to punish people, I guess. Yeah. You know?

Because it's legit. Like back in the day, you know, the villagers used to come out and witness it. Like it was like a Sunday night, Sunday football game. I know exactly what I would do. Where would you go? I would starve myself before the hanging. And I would make sure that my pants barely fit. So the moment I dropped in the rope pit, my penis would come out.

My pants would fall down. Oh, you mean if you were hung? Yeah. Yeah. So I'd get one last laugh. Yeah. So then I'd be like, my dick would be out at everywhere. I'd be swinging around.

That's a pretty good one. And I'd laugh my way out. I would be concerned about what my face was doing when I died. That's good. Wouldn't you focus on like what your face would look like? No, because you can't. I can't. That's why he'll do that.

That's why I'm doing the dick thing. No, I would do this. The things are on my neck and I'd go like this. The freeze like that. The freeze. And hopefully when it hangs, it hangs like that. Or, you know, it'd be really sick. Yeah.

Same thing with my loose pants. Starved myself loose pants, one little string. Nobody wants to see your dick, dude. No, dude. I'm going to tuck it in my ass. I'm going to tuck it in my ass. No one wants to see that. That way when it hangs, my angina.

And then as I let go of all my muscles, it comes right out. Right. I'm going to die laughing. I'm going to go out with a fucking laugh, dude. Yeah, even if you saw a dick out of my butt and come forward, you'd be like, yes, guys. Even if you and I went to see his hanging, we'd be sad, right? No. No, at first we would be like, oh my God, we're going to see Andrew hung today, right?

And then you would hang and we would look up and go, right? I like it. It would be fun. I like it. It would be fun. Yeah, yeah. Thank you for the laugh. I love it.

Yeah, little dick. Little dick over there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We would know it's coming now. So as we're waiting, everyone's crying. Bobby and I would be like, just wait for it. Oh, you would think that we would know that you. I would tell you guys.

Now we know. Oh, I would sell it out. You would? Oh, yeah. Like a bringer room. You promote my hanging. Oh, yeah. Dude, how happy would you be?

You're going to get a huge laugh. And I'm inviting CAA. I'm bringing agents, publicists. Oh, yeah. The Hollywood Reporter. By the way, this is a great sketch. You guys coming to my hanging? Yeah.

They're like, we'll see if we can be there. The agents for sure show up late. They're like, he's already hung. We had a dinner. I know, right? We had a dinner. We couldn't make it. How was it, though?

Yeah, it was a good thing to do well. He crushed. All right, good shit. It crushed his neck. But what's that one called? Is it the one with the guillotine? Guillotine. Guillotine.

Guillotine. Yeah. Is that the one where the thing comes down? Yes, the big. It would chop your head off. Yeah, yeah. That, no. The head gets chopped off a lot, they've reported that the person's head will say something.

Or it'll still move for a second. Yeah, like it's still alive after it's. Whatever, it'll say something. I've heard it. Like what? I don't know. Ow. Like what does it say?

What does it say? That's an opportunity for a joke, too. You're right. I didn't do it. Yeah. I didn't do it. Yeah. Right as your head gets chopped off in a guillotine and it rolls over.

No, I know what I would say. Chopped off. Roll. Ta-da. Ta-da would be good. Ta-da. Ta-da. Ta-da.

What would you do? I'd say the treasure is buried. Oh, that's so good. Oh, that's such a good one. And they'd be like, where? Where? Yeah, yeah. So they're panicking.

And then try to put your head back on. Yeah. Come on, come on. Yeah. What would I say if it fell? Yeah, I don't know. If I was decapitated and my head fell off and it rolled around for a second and they came up to me, and my last words would be, I was going to say something.

I know what it was. Go ahead. What you were going to say. What? I can't say it. Yeah, I know. I know. I can't either.

Yeah, I know. It's bad. Yeah. Yeah. Imagine, this was appointment viewing before we had, you know, TGIF. Before, before it was like Friday night sitcom night, this was people getting together in town. They're like, they dressed up.

They're like, what time are you going to be there? This is, this is what was gross about it. It was like for fun. It was, this was the jam. I don't think I would go. I'd be that one guy like, have you ever been? I don't know. I passed on every time.

I have such good tickets. You have to come with me. I can't. You have box seats? Box? Dude, I'm on the floor. You're on the floor? And we can go VIP.

We can go backstage. Really? You can touch the knife. Because my grandfather has like the nosebleed seats. Yeah. We can never see anything. You can't see shit from up there. Or I'll try one day.

You've got to be down on the floor. And then I show up. It's going to be like a Gallagher show. Like, I mean, like watermelon blood. Somebody's selling one of those. They sell those. Those smocks. They're like, this is a splash.

You guys will get hit with blood. Right. I'm going to be seating. Yeah. You'll be. You'll be working the door. Yeah. Juicy is working the door.

She's selling boots at the fucking at the guillotine. She's like, look, if you want to be closer, it's 100 bucks. I don't know what you want to say. Maybe it's like a baseball game when they catch the head. They get excited. Like, I got it. I got it. Some kid.

Now give it to a kid. Yeah. Give it to a kid. We can't keep it. Yeah. Dude, that's so funny. Like that. Live Nation presents the hanging.

Oh, yeah. The fucking one of these promoters, these massive promotion. What if you don't sell out though? How sad. How sad. Yeah. Ticketmaster is like, look, dude, this event did not do well. Well, you're there, right?

And you're about to do it. And you see the numbers and there's like three guys there. Your agent comes up to you right before they kill you. And he's like, listen, dude, 60% is still, it looks good. Right. It looks more full than it is for sure. But no one's going to. It's great.

This is a market we're building on. Yeah. But you're sitting there and I hear somebody going, I thought this was Ronnie Chang's fucking hand. Right. And you're like, I can't even, yeah. That's, that's what we sell it as someone else. Yeah.

Me and they're like, this is not Bill Burr. This is not his guillotine. We're getting out of here. Yeah. Oh, that'd be terrible. Go sell selling tickets to a fucking a local, you know, they also used to do though. That's insane too. Like burning, witch burning and shit.

They would just burn people in the town square. Town square was like the spot. It was a spot. That's where you used to get fucking murked up. Yeah. The witch burning shit was wild. They would just find a chick that said like no to her husband. They're like, light her on fire.

It was nuts, dude. It was like a woman being like, I don't want to do that. And they're like, she's a witch. Light her on fire. Well, they'd be like, if she is a witch, she'll get out of this fire. Right. Right. But if she's not a witch.

We fucked up. Oh, well, one down. Whatever. You gotta lose, you win some, you lose some. You know? But let me just say something. It's insane. If the witch was super hot, would you be like, ah.

They wouldn't burn her. You don't think they would? This is the thing. Our society's been obsessed with looks forever since the beginning of time. Yeah. We reward good-looking people. So even if they're bad, we're not going to punish them. Right.

They're too hot. If Brad Pitt fucking did something atrocious, we'd all be like, I don't know. Did he really? And they're like, we have proof. And we'd be like, I don't know. Yeah. That sucks, man. Yeah.

He's too hot. Do you think you would be burned? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'd be burned. But make no mistake. Yeah. Everyone in this room is getting burned. I don't think you.

I'm getting burned. No, no. They're just gonna fuck you. I'm getting burned. I've met girls since I've been single. Huh? What did you say? He's getting burned.

Dude, you're walking on fucking thin ice, dude. The thin ice, dude, yeah. It's nuts. You came back here from Spain with a fucking attitude. Yeah. I love it, dude. Listen here, elote, boy. You need to cut it the fuck out.

Look at that, the elote shit got both of these guys. Yeah. What did you do in Spain? Put the mic near your mouth, Rudy. What did you do? What was your family? Is your family good? Yeah.

My family's good. And you spent time with them? Yeah. What was one thing that you did with them? I went on a Euro trip. You toured Europe? Yes. Fuck, man.

You got so boring. So boring. It's nuts. What did you do? I missed you a lot. I was like every day. I missed you and bad friends. Did you miss us?

Oh, yeah. He didn't miss us at all. He didn't? I thought he was serious. No, he's being facetious. It's annoying. Yeah, we're going to the Philippines next month together. Yeah.

For how long? For a week. Yeah. I can't wait. What are you guys doing there? So excited. I'm doing my talent show. We're doing Bobby's talent show.

Oh, right. Oh, that's right. This is the voice? Yeah. Yeah, I do my talent show there. Are you making money on this? No. I like to do my talent show.

Probably losing money. I think I've already lost 20 grand, right? Yes. You're paying 20 grand to go to the Philippines to do my own talent show. But why? Why? I'm filming it. Right.

To just put it on the internet? No. Netflix? I want to pitch it as a show. Oh, what's it called? Bobby Lee's talent show. That's cool. Bobby Lee's talent to strap against.

I'm going to wear a monocle, right? Did you get it? Yes. And a cane. No, because I want to be like that guy from Jurassic Park, the very first one. The monopoly guy. Something like that. Richard Attenborough.

Yeah, Richard Attenborough. I'm going to come up and pretend I have a limp, right? I want to welcome to my talent show. Oh, do you have an accent the whole time? Yeah, yeah. Bonjour. Oh, you're French. Yeah, yeah.

They're not going to know any difference. They're Filipinos, right? You're ready for the time of your life, right? Right? There's going to be dancing and stuff like that. And then I'm going to film a talent show. Because the last time I did it was the greatest night of my life. Of your life.

Oh, my God. It was the best. I thought someone was going to die. It was amazing. This is a midlife crisis. You know, going back to that moment. Yeah, I'm going through a midlife, you know. Are you really?

I'm going through a crisis. Do you think so? Oh, yeah. I think you feel good. You look good. No, I feel lost. Bob. What?

I feel lost. When did this start? I can take a guess. Yeah. The last three or four months I've been kind of lost. That's exactly when we started working together. Exactly the timing. A midlife crisis happens anywhere 40 to 60 years old.

And I got to tell you, it affects men and women. No, that part I don't believe. Yeah. I think more men. I think it's almost always a male thing. Yeah, I had a midlife crisis at 19. Yeah. Not a real thing.

Not a real thing. You know, do you know what it is? I've said this before on this show. It's a midlife assessment. It means you're like reassessed. Because what you do is it's actually a positive thing. It has a negative connotation, but I think it's the opposite. The reason that people have a quote unquote midlife crisis is because you've lived enough

life where you can actually look back and go, wow, I've lived a lot of life. What do I want to change in the future so I don't repeat mistakes from prior that I want to grow and be happy? And like it's usually because your life is going, hey, it's time for a shift. We have to move into a new part of our life. I think it's a positive thing. That's when you buy the new car. Yeah.

I got a new car. You did that. Yeah. But that's not always, it's not like you bought an obnoxious douchebag car and fucking. But for me, it was. You know, I used to drive shit cars. Yeah. Your last car was always covered in bird shit.

It was. Let's talk about my last car. What was in there? And I know from working a lot because I'd have to drive it and you'd pull in. I don't even remember, but it was like a Toyota or a Honda or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was just like piles of trash. Dirty.

It was disgusting. And now it's Rudy's car. Yeah. Now Rudy has it. These are the symptoms of a midlife crisis. Oh, let me see. Feeling sad. Ask me the questions.

Ask me the questions. Don't look at me. I'm looking at you. Do you feel sad? Yes. Or do you lack confidence? I lack confidence. Both.

Especially after big milestone accomplishment or a birthday. Like on your birthday or when something big happens, do you still feel sad or you lack confidence? Yes. Okay. Do you feel bored often? Yes. Do you feel like you've lost meaning or purpose in your life? Yes.

Okay. Do you feel unfulfilled in life? Yes. Do you have feelings of nostalgia? Oh, yeah. Do you excessively think about the past? Like during the day, do you just constantly think about the past? Yeah.

Do you make impulsive actions? No. But I have impulsive thinking. Okay. Do you have feelings of regret? No. Okay. So no.

Didn't hit all the targets. Okay. So yeah. You have to have all the symptoms for it to be real. No, you don't. I'm a doctor. No. Not?

No. It's a feeling of like, it's a feeling. I think what happened was, you know, you see people die, you know, let you know, right? Yeah. Right? Uh-huh. And then you kind of think about their age and you know what your age is. And you kind of do some math.

And you think you're going to die? I mean, Bob was 65, right? And I'm 50. So it's like, you know. But Bob died as a freak actor. I know. My point is that you still think that way. No, no.

I'm saying you're right. I know. I know. He was a healthy guy. That's the thing. It's like, so it's like, you don't know. But um, and you kind of go, you know, I want to do something different and I want to just milk these next chapter of my life.

What does that mean? What are you going to do? How do you milk it? Well, for instance, I'm not as scared anymore. Of what? What were you scared of? I used to get like really nervous on set. For a film or a movie?

Yeah. And now I just don't feel that. Which is cool. That's great. I gotta be honest. I feel that. I have that too. But also a piece of me, um, thinks it withholds me from like living in the moment sometimes.

Yeah. But you also think like, are they like, I don't, I'm not, I'm not more like, I used to be focused on do, do they think that I'm good or do they, am I doing it right or all those kind of questions and those questions are like, not very much. I don't give a shit. But it's all a no. You're not doing good. Nobody cares.

Yeah. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. I feel that way. But I feel like it's a detriment. I miss the fear a little bit. Maybe. But you should always be living like you're not going to live tomorrow.

So having that wonder of like what's going to happen if I die soon, even no matter what your age is, obviously it probably gets worse as you get older. It does. And I know it does for me, but, but it, you know, it's good to think about that. Well, how old are you now? Juice again? 32. I've been parting a lot in my, in like my late teens, early twenties and doing psychedelics

and, you know, thinking about death more. Yeah. And then there was like a shift where I like got my life together kind of slowly, but, you know, yeah, I guess, but there's also, um, there's something that happened the other day at the improv. And I can't, I want to name the person, but I know a woman who did comedy, maybe when I started doing comedy, she was a headliner. And then I didn't see her for like many, many years, but I've seen her around lately and

she comes to me and she's smushed so much older and needy and she comes to me and she goes, I don't know what happened. It's like, I can't get spots anymore. I'm going to do all these clubs. No one knows me. And it's like, you know, I still got it. I still got it. Is this Nikki Glaser?

No, no, no, no. You know what I mean? And I kind of want to look at her and go like it's, I want to say it's over, you know, but it's like, I'm not there and I don't want to get there. No one needs to say that to anybody. I didn't say that. No, but I'm saying I was going, they'll figure out, I always say, keep trying. They'll get there on their own.

Yeah. But you see that kind of desperation and you kind of go, you know, I'm in a good place right now. You know? Yeah. You're very blessed. Yeah. Yeah.

Because, you know, I can all go away. Okay. Now I'm really scared. I was feeling pretty confident. I don't know why this pod went in this direction. Let's switch it up. I don't think we can. Let's stay here.

I like it. Yeah. Yeah. I like it. Yeah. What are you scared about? Oh my God. Something that I'm afraid of is the more people get to know me, like on a bigger scale,

like on a public scale, they will like me less. Oh man. Oh man. That is so real. It's so real. And can I tell you something? Yeah. You're right.

Oh, we're right. You're right. And they will hate you. Yeah. They will hate you. Here's the problem. Me personally? No, no.

Yeah. Yeah. Personally. The royal. The royal. Like I spoke to another comic on the phone the other night and we were just kind of fucking lamenting about, you know, sometimes the pressure from doing the thing, the thing that you want makes you question yourself more than you ever did when you, when before less

people knew you, but it didn't matter. Right. And it still doesn't matter quote unquote, but like it's scary because look, we do this show, we do all this stuff. So many people see us and they, and you want to connect with them and you want to grow with them and you want to have fun. But sometimes they hate you just because, or they, you know, they, they find things to get upset or annoyed or whatever about because they enjoy you.

So naturally sometimes they're going to be like, I don't like when Juicy does that. Yeah. And you're like, but why? Yeah. Who cares? So it's going to happen. The more bigger, the bigger you get, you'll have some people that will. Like I read a comment yesterday.

It was a direct message from a guy and he goes, you're 10,000 times funnier than Andrew Santino. Yeah. And I thought, that's my friend. That's my body. Yeah. Don't tell him I wrote you that. That was you.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, it's the smooth sack summer baby. You got a smooth sack. That's why, because the man scape man. Yeah, you do. You manscape that smooth, beautiful sack. And I got to tell you, if anybody doesn't know when you're playing in the summer sun,

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Well, it's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Yeah. You know, I read something that said a guy was like, Santino's not a comedy comedian as much as he is a host of like a Disney show or something like that. Oh, I saw that too, actually.

Did you really? It was on trash. It was like the first thing I saw. And I just made mine up, by the way. I was just trying to do a joke. No, no, no, I know. This was real. This was real.

Yeah. No, I know that was true. I don't want you to go through a midlife crisis right now. No, no. I'm having a really good time. All right. Great. When I was on animal practice, the Rolling Stone magazine said that Bobby Lee and another

guy, I forgot, maybe Tyler Labine that was on it, right? I love that guy. And he said, Rolling says that these are sitcom killers. To you and Tyler? Yeah. Like in a bad way? Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Is there any truth to that? And this is their last chance. Worst TV of 2012. Well, I never got haters from Rolling Stone. Wait, wait, wait. Is that, wait, that's the show I was on? It's the worst TV I've ever seen.

I've got to tell you. Yeah, yeah. You got number five. Five worst TV on. God, you're not even number one. It's so crazy. If you're going to be the worst, at least be like me. Look at me, Tyler.

Yeah, yeah. We're fucking, we're seven percent on rotten tomatoes. Yeah, yeah. I don't mind when, no, but listen, Juice, people are going to love you even more who really know you. They're going to love you. And then you're going to have some haters. But I don't know.

Who gives a, what the fuck? Who cares? Yeah. You just have to, I guess, just be courageous and keep stepping into like just being yourself. But stand up is such a thing where you, they want you to talk about your personal life. Yeah. So you have to give more of yourself, but you just have to put yourself up for the judgment and stuff.

Yeah. That's what's going to happen, dude. People are going to love you and dislike you. Oh, so you, you can't foresee. Animal practice. 1717. Pretty fucking bad. Almost as bad as me.

Time. Almost as bad as me. You're right. Except a lot of people saw our movie. Yeah. And I literally, I thought that was going to be a cultural phenomenon, but only six people rated it. I literally thought this is going to change.

That's even more embarrassing. Yeah. Those are just six humans. 24 critics. Yeah. What does that go up to popular TV on Tomato? Oh wait, did I have my photo down there? Please no.

Yeah. Yeah, they do. Doctor. I hate that photo of you, by the way. Yeah. I hate that photo because it's like a, it's like a fat, weird, it looks like a caricature of you. Yeah.

It's not even you. I like your hair though. Thank you. I think it's cool. It's crazy. No. Do you think he's Kim Wheatley? No.

He, Bobby's to the left. Oh, sorry. People are going to throw shade. Also people are going to love you because of how fucking great you are. But also you can't foresee how things are going to change. We don't know what the business is going to do. Like for instance, 20 years ago, I never thought that podcasting was ever going to be a thing. Yeah.

Right? So I was always just doing stand up and thing. Not, it wasn't even in my reality, right? And then after a while you're like, oh, I think I'm just going to be a road comic. I mean, this is really, and then podcasting became a thing. And then I did that and it kind of restarted a lot of elements of my career, you know? So you don't know what's in the future. Just go with the flow, adapt, right?

And change. Yeah. Eventually you'll start making shitty movies. That's when you know you made it. Yeah. I can't wait. Do you see this guy's taking shots of us all day? All day.

You know, I'm, you know, let me back myself up a little bit. Okay? I'm a really funny motherfucker in that movie. And you know what I'm going to do fancy? And I said this at the press day, which I don't think Netflix liked. But I was like, someone was like, you know, what, what should you tell people about the movie? And I was like, only watch my scenes.

And the press guy was like, what? I was like, I'm going to, on Instagram, I'm going to time code only my scene so you can just jump through to watch just me. Yeah, Dick. When I went to meet that commercial agent, he was telling me about how Bobby was the king back in the day, booking commercials and how one time you booked this commercial for Maxwell coffee and the role was literally for a white guy in a suit. And Bobby booked it and he asked you, what were you wearing for the audition?

You were dressed just like you are now. You still booked it. And you still booked it. No, it was, it was, it was the, the descriptions. We won an older Brad Pitt in a turtleneck, right? And he's going to be chopping wood in the forest. I see it. Right?

Yeah. And I, and I go submit me and, and he might rage and go, he's correct. He's Korean. And he goes, you're not going to submit me. Do you know why? Because there was no dialogue. And when there's no dialogue in commercial auditions, they ask you, what was your weekend like?

Like, there's no auditions. They just want to see what you're cause it gives the whole commercial to me just drinking coffee on a thing. Right? So they'll just ask you like, what was your weekend? And I knew that I would be able to kill with my words. So I just knew that I would be able to win them over with just talking. So any, I don't care what it is, big fat black lady.

Submit me. Submit me. Awesome. Do you think you're going to get that? Yeah. Hmm. Okay. What's wrong?

I was just, what's, what's your attitude right now? I was thinking about something else. What were you thinking about? I was just thinking about when, when she had said that you used to like kill it back in the day. What's wrong? When she said that, it made me feel a type of way because it was like, Bobby was the king of commercials.

Yeah. No, I know. And then, and then I felt this thing where I was like, that's right, dude. My best friend was the king, but then I looked at you and I was like, but the king has fallen. I didn't mean it like that. Yeah. Why did you set me up? Cause you don't do commercials no more.

But you know, the way she said it, she was just like, yeah, they had to take his crown away. Yeah. The crown's gone because he didn't know where he was. I forget what room he was in. That's how she said it. Wow. That is exactly how you said it.

That's how you said it. You set me up for failure. My bad. Yeah. Yeah. So sweet. My bad. To the guillotine.

To the guillotine. Burn this witch. Oh my God. What is this? Oh my God. This is what we talked about. From France? No.

Give it to me. Give it to me. Give it to me. Give it to me. Give it toли. Give it to ola. Give the camera. Give the camera to ola.

Give me the camera. Give it to ola. Give it to ola. Give it to ola. Give it to ola. Give it to ola. Give it to ola. these for the staff at the comedy store because I love them so much I want to see

if they're as good as you they say they are go ahead and I'm gonna be real go ahead be real all right cuz I love cookies juice all right so here I go mmm that's how you know he was the king of commercials look at that look at that mmm you know what okay I have to admit I have to admit mm-hmm out of all the cookies I've ever had in my lifetime no yes okay okay in fact I just went to Boa yesterday and I got there a fresh cook this is the best bite mm-hmm that was the first the best first bite mm-hmm I've ever had you know why the blueberry the blueberry you can smell you can smell it and you know what it is the

blueberry is soft but it's but the cookie still crispy cook crispy cook and can I say this can I say this yeah that's real blueberry baby that's not fake no fake no this ain't no fake factory fucking Barry this is a real fucking Barry did that voice you just did is the fucking that's a commercial yeah you're gonna book that was a commercial audition these are so how do they get him so crispy and the blueberries to be so soft how does that do that because these are these are crispy and the butter it's a buttery cookie yeah yeah what makes what makes the cookies so deeply delicious it's

something we call the bake shop way wow can we can we talk about now the thing I told you yesterday yeah let's move my diet that now okay untold stories the woman the girl that didn't exist untold untold sports documentary series I love they're all great and let me tell you something what the the brocker way the brothers that do that yeah I couldn't be bigger fans of they're so talented sit with these guys yeah because they did my favorite documentary about time which I told you about I know you don't give a fuck about baseball but the better bastard to baseball is the best documentary about sports I think I've

ever seen in my life it's about being Russell Kurt Russell's father who bought a baseball team oh wow dude okay I'll watch it oh is it an untold story oh it's an untold no it's it's the same guys that made that untold is just a series oh yeah this was just a singular document okay before all right so this untold about Manta ita it's called the girlfriend that you know about this oh my god it's so it's a unfucking believable so Manta ita was an incredible incredible football player that played at University of Notre Dame a very from Hawaii he's from Hawaii Mormon he was Mormon and they're a Catholic hardcore

it's a Christian college that's known that's rooted in Catholicism it's in the Midwest it's that's their whole thing is what fish out of water they well now he's a church kid but he's a Mormon church he's a star he's a star on the Notre Dame no Notre Dame Bain it is yeah Notre Bain I don't think it's a Notre it's Notre Bain Notre Dame Notre Dame Notre Dame Dame is a woman Notre Bain baseball Notre Dame baseball team right he's a star right yeah he's a great linebacker correct defensive tackle right defensive whatever he is he's in the back side defensive anyway big star right and then his grandma dies

right and then hours later his girlfriend dies right and then he has to play this game no they're not together juicy's the best juicy's the best that would be a great story grandma girlfriend murder yeah I don't think that's ever happened but who did what right be tight if the grandmother fucking bitch they'll try yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah man no good luck on your game my dad he was basically Manta tail was was essentially catfish before catfishing even existed this girl this girl that killed her himself that his girlfriend didn't it was a real it was it was a it

was a man who this is the this is a man that well first of all this is that this is when they say in documentary when this person I know let me explain when this person you go to a different photo than this one oh that's the one she it is her all right it's her now but then she was a man when she was catfishing the football player the guy on the top left this person was a man when this was going on and did only matter online or something he never met her he never met this guy's let me explain catfish this guy this guy this girl this girl now was a guy pretended to be a girl online okay using someone else's photos okay catfish

so this guy took photos from somebody else's account and pretended to be a girl by the name of Lelani Lelani some shit Lelani okay I'm following now right and and then they developed a relationship so Monty that was the guy that's the guy that's before she was a woman yeah yeah so fucking complicated I know it's impossible to talk about it without someone being like what is it what are you saying yeah I'm trying yeah yeah this person is someone else now there are different person they go by different fucking name this dude who happens to be gay is he gay see another twist yeah I don't know I don't know I don't know yeah

yeah I don't I don't want to make assumptions she didn't say what she is now yeah I don't dude honestly so did she fake her death yes fake the death because and then she says what she pretends to be her brother calls Manti and says she has leukemia and she's dying she's crazy she dies but the here's the twist ESPN everyone goes Manti's girlfriend dies and the grandmother does huge news right and it's like the story of this guy still winning and you know I mean and still participating in the sport and killing it and this and that and then the girl calls them four months later and says

I'm alive yeah and here's the deal who got chills who released the article deadspin deadspin yeah yeah deadspin basically exposed it as fake but here was what was wild the media this was also you have to remember this is what this is probably or this is the 2009 so it would be in the 12 the 2012 season also my bad 2012 okay yeah three years off no no you're no no no but essentially what was going on in the media was they were like because he was catfished and they found that it was from this guy that the media was like he's gay and he's just afraid to be gay and he's not but the media was like yeah

yes this is what he's hiding he's hiding that he's gay and he was supposed to be like the first round draft pick and he wasn't right he and he still went pro he did go pro he played it didn't pan out the way it should have politics had a play well here was the problem this is something I said I think I said to you over the phone when you said we were like have to watch it I was like this is one of those times when you know when people say like language is getting woke and shit today yeah that it's a good thing because you look back and you go the whole media ESPN was like Betty's a secret homo and they know I mean

seriously and they were all laughing about it because there wasn't people to go hey man you can't just throw that shit out there at people like that for no fucking reason yeah because what it did was it fucked with his psyche because he was like I'm not gay well I just got fucked over by the internet it ruined them and everybody was like yeah you are before we got conscious over like just making up shit about people can what it do to them and hurt them this guy had nothing to do with it he got catfish they say he was naive and stupid and blob people said also to mean shit there's just an innocent guy they got

fucked over and fell in love on the internet how not weird is that every loser I'm friends with now falls in love with people on the internet constantly what can I ask a question yeah yeah I mean he's developed this relationship with a woman well he thought it was a one I know that he's been dating for how long a year well here's the problem here's another big whole I'm asking I'm just asking let me answer all right the hole in the story is like they would take weeks off and not speak right and then sometimes they would speak a bunch and then not again you gotta remember there's a college kid

who plays football but there was a lot of incidents like she's like let's face time he'd be like let's face time and it wouldn't work and on her end it wouldn't work after the eighth time you don't go there's something weird no but here's why we say that you're privy to cat this is both pre catfish cat fishing wasn't happening like it is now when it happens now and people don't get it I'm like what's wrong with you right but then I'm giving the benefit of the I started following on Instagram and I say he's your inspiration I'm just saying then it didn't exist nobody fucking knew that that was a thing that he hasn't followed

me back yet but he will because Bobby's profile pictures Andrew but let me ask you this though right how long would it would I be able to catch if let's see we're single yeah but in the current day and age I would be weary of all this stuff this guy had no fucking how long would you last you think right now let's say I lived in Baltimore and I'm the hottest chick you've ever seen and we're we're talking online right how long would you wait what's your name Lililia save the name how old are you Gloria I'm name is Gloria Gloria how old are you I'm 28 nice what do you do I work at an insurance firm oh you're an

are you an insurance sales now I'm a secretary we're now from Montgomery oh okay insurance oh yeah how did you find out about me I'm a huge fan I saw your special thanks and I'm a huge fan of Dave oh yeah I love it very cool I like Ada more sit me to yeah gate is good same yeah yeah Dave's good too but you're like my fifth favorite would I be third who's to there's two more I don't know their names oh yeah but when they come on I'm like oh that's cool cool all right have a good day that's it well that would be all right let's you're my favorite guy and Dave in fact you know what I saw me time and I literally only watched it

because you haven't that movie was horrendous but when you come out you just spark it just sparks and it's like well what a scene stealer sick yeah and also I'm just you know I was adopted right right sent you a picture of what I don't know you tell me oh is that if your friend oh you penis your penis you penis penis penis penis penis oh my god I put a butthole picture and yeah butthole yeah actually I sent you peanut pictures of me jerking off so one week so there's no way that would happen like you wouldn't develop a relationship with somebody from Baltimore no I would want to meet you in person if I'm single and I'm

looking to fucking meet you I would I would want to meet you I just but this is now and now is different than then then it wasn't a thing no one knew that was I think I'm getting catfish then are you serious well there's I don't know if I should talk about this I don't want you from Baltimore no there's yeah yeah and it was Gloria no well there's a couple of incidents and I haven't done anything you know I'm single now or I haven't done anything right but there's a couple instances where a couple of girls like if you're in Vegas give me a call I have their numbers I catfishing no because if you're in Vegas give them

a call just be careful if you want to go meet them because why what would happen I don't know they could rob you or something I think I've happened a friend of mine Vegas though yeah you don't want to just go meet strangers from no I would definitely do like a crowded place and bring a bodyguard or something yeah I would do a crowded place like let's meet at the Bellagio that's a good movie though Bobby goes to meet some ladies in Vegas and it's kidnapped and we got to go save him I know but would we say that's yeah I would you know that's it that's because we're playing ourselves right so you know but I would have so

much to do and canceled just to get out there and you know what that is yeah plot baby that's that right yeah stuff going I'm in the middle of shooting the third season of Dave you get canceled out there I can't captured you get wait a second wait a second wait that would mean if I'm if I disappeared mm-hmm and you're shooting Dave you wouldn't take a week off and go my schedules nuts you wouldn't take a week off I would pay someone to go find you I guess I'm alone then with whoever who would you pay imagine you have doorstop you have the store you got to work at the store you can't give up some ships to save you

know I honestly believe that Carlos would yeah I honestly believe you wouldn't you wouldn't give a shit you're being annoying and you know I would I would go out way out of my way you would you would cancel would you lose your job at Dave no you wouldn't be honest lose my job if it had met it like let's let's suppose I'm captured by some guys in Vegas yeah the Akusa the bamboo boys the bamboo boys right yeah and they're like you know Andrew quit Dave or Bobby's dead we're gonna do it we're gonna see it in the Hollywood reporter that you quit because and you're trying to let me quit the

show just to kill him I don't know that's we get off on it oh boy guys come on man I think I've loaded and I'm like I think they are too Bob I no no hold on hold on hold on okay okay let me talk to the leader let me talk to the leader do what what what's up how are you pretty good pretty good why your answer no no I'm bamboo boy bamboo boy listen yeah you don't want to kill my friend I have somebody else you can kill who his name is fancy B boy I know you do if I bring him to you will you let my friend Bobby yeah will you gotta bring him now I'll be there right now all right I'm getting a

private jet fancy yeah here he is the switch and then they kill him they kill me and they kill you and I get away with the money damn it this movie sucks okay um Juicy you go ahead and sign us off thank you for being a bad friend yeah baby