Bad Friends - Bobby's Missed Connections
Episode Date: November 17, 2025Get MORE Bad Friends at our Patreon!! https://www.patreon.com/c/badfriends Thank you to our Sponsors: Dominos Pizza, Dupe, TalkSpace, Ridge Wallet & Shopify • Dominos Pizza: Order now at https:/.../dominos.com • Dupe: Stop overspending on brand names and start saving on holiday gifts with https://Dupe.com immediately • TalkSpace: Get $80 off your first month with promo code SPACE80 at https://Talkspace.com • Ridge Wallet: Take advantage of Ridge’s Biggest Sale of the Year and GET UP TO 47% Off by going to https://www.Ridge.com/BAD #Ridgepod • Shopify: Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/badfriends YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Audio Subscribe: https://apple.co/31Jsvr2 Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 Fancy's Back 5:00 Hot Guy Criminals 10:00 Love Letters 15:00 Can't See The Smiles 20:00 Missed Connections 25:00 Now You See Me 3 30:00 Dodgers Win World Series 35:00 Football 101 40:00 Physical 100 Asia 45:00 Tonsil Stones 50:00 NEO The Home Robot 55:00 Spreading Ashes 1:00:00 1/2 Degree Murder 1:05:00 Bobby in Prison 1:10:00 Nightmare Driver More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbylee.live More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Fancy SOS VHS: https://www.youtube.com/@7equis Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.com/ Podcast Producer: Andrés Rosende This video contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends #sponsored #ad Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
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You two are bad friends
Who are these two idiots
White dude
I'm an Asian dude
You two are disgusting
Oh you two or something
We're bad friends
Well look at who's back
Hello
Look who's back
Hello
Hello porgs
You know it was really good to see you
When I walked in the studio
I felt a laugh
Did you really? No
I hugged you twice
I hooked you twice
But with some extra touching
With some scratchies.
I love doing scratches with you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Some nipple, from poor nipple scratchies are good.
A couple of tickles for the boy.
Yeah.
You're back from Espagna.
At some family time.
How are you feeling?
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Happy to be back.
Are you happy to be back for real?
Especially because I saw you guys try to replace me.
We didn't try.
We did.
We were very successful.
We absolutely did.
That guy was fantastic.
We found a wonder kid, dude.
Yeah.
He's the best, the big C.
Dynamic, the big C, dude.
Are you threatened?
A little bit.
Wow.
Well, did you, you didn't edit that episode.
Did you, no, but George did and you watched it?
Did you watch it?
I did.
I know he watched it like a sick little weirdo.
Yeah.
He's not as good as me.
That is no way he is as good as me.
And he was, wasn't it?
He was.
Yeah, we flew him across the country
just to temporarily replace you, but nobody,
nobody bad friends.
No one can replace Fancy Beasts.
No.
We're happy he's back.
He's back.
Well, so the big seed doesn't really know what food is.
I don't think he eats.
Yeah, I mean, everything, we brought him to John and Vinny's, right?
Yeah.
And everything was like, I don't like it.
Yeah.
Well, the first thing you brought out was, was like a barata or something,
and he had no fucking idea with that.
He never seen barata before in his entire life.
He thought it was a dead ghost.
Yeah, dead ghost.
Yeah.
Oh, he hated the gem salad.
Gems salad tonight.
By the way, it's just lettuce.
It's a Caesar salad
He hated it
With a little spice in it
So good
Yeah he didn't like that
And then
What he did like
Was the anchovy pizza
Which is strange
He loved it
Yeah
There was no cheese on it
Just red sauce
And an anchovy
Stripped across it
And he liked that
He was like
That one is pretty good
I was like
The fish pizza is good
You don't like any of the other pizza
He didn't like the
Paglete
He didn't like the
He didn't like the Bronx Bomber
He didn't like the Bronx Bomber
The meat pizza
He's never had real pasta, I think.
No, he's never had...
I think it's a little too chewy for him or something.
He went like this.
Yeah, yeah, like that.
Like a horse, like trying to get rid of something.
And then the embrace afterwards was as if we were never going to see him again.
Well, we're probably not.
Yeah.
No, you know, we do, I will say this.
Yeah.
We do really, I don't want to give anything away to the fans.
We are, we do love the big C.
We like the big C.
We will see him again.
I hope so.
We love him.
Yeah, he is a unique.
week. We got to get him some, you know, some action, I think.
Well, I mean, he's 30, what, one, 32, and then he hasn't had since the Dominican Republican
had in high school, which I don't even believe, do you believe that story or no? I don't think
he's really had sex. Come on. Come on what. Of course that's not real. He's never had sex. He
wanted a vivid detail about how it happened. Yeah, because he's been, how she ran away,
how she ran away afterwards and ran into the forest.
She was able to cut the ropes.
Escape into the woods.
And I was chasing her.
Come back here, little girl.
It was a wild story.
He had an elaborate story because he's been broached with this subject many times.
People have said, you know, he's been around another guy that's like, hey, you know,
you're working on anybody right now?
You got anybody on your roster?
No, no, not really.
I had sex once in Dominican.
I think it's like, it's not like, you know what?
Let's not make fun of that.
We're not making fun of it.
Let's go backwards.
I'm proud of him because he's saving himself for real love.
That's what he said at dinner.
He said he wants to meet real love.
I think that's what they all say.
Well, dude.
They all say that, right?
Either we take him to John and Vitties or.
Oh, that's true.
That's true.
You aren't screwed to me home, man.
Yeah.
It did have feel that like, we should be extra nice to him.
Yeah, I don't want to.
Because we don't know.
We don't know.
I don't want to read about a Westfield.
in Jersey getting fucking lit up.
Oh my God. That would be, that would be the
end of our podcast. He's wearing a bad friend's merch
shirt. No, TMZ.
Did you see the
mug shots of the guys that robbed the Louvre?
No. This is unreal.
Look at how hot these guys are.
I'll be the judge.
Is this a movie?
That's Chase Crawford on the lap.
No, but they're saying he looks, that's him on the right.
Wow.
Look at his hot.
Welcome to Hollywood.
Yeah.
They're going to cast this guy as soon.
You know what?
Someone is going to bust him out of jail and put him in a movie.
Yeah.
Remember the model?
Remember like the hot model that was on like tuby on like black stuff?
We should make a movie.
I got it.
We bust him out?
Mangione.
Right?
Yeah.
You know what were the two brothers with the Boston?
That was the young brother from the Boston Marathon.
What's his name?
Sarnaya.
We'll leave that guy in there.
What?
He's cute though.
I know.
Bring him.
Is he?
Yeah.
Jeremy Meeks.
He's already an actor now.
He's famous, right?
He got like famous.
Wow.
Okay.
But go back to the mugshot of the guy that robbed the Louvre.
I can't, I mean, honestly, though, look at that guy's face.
Yeah.
That guy's a thief.
Yeah, look at the neck proportions.
How easy would it be for this guy to get an older woman who's rich to give him money?
Brother.
Right.
You don't need to rob.
Yeah.
You don't.
What does it say?
This is one of the two.
Right.
That's one of the two.
Where's the other guy?
Is the other guy?
They keep showing him.
So obviously the other guy is not.
no he's sexy too
is that big C
I went to Paris to rob the lobe
I stole Mona Lisa
why is that happening
hot guys doing this
why are hot guys robbing
yeah when you look at Kyle
Rittenhouse Hollywood's dead
you're like you get it right
yeah you look at Rittenhouse
you're like yeah but when Hotties are doing it
what's going on with our world is diversity
you know it's killing that stuff
This is D-E-I.
Right.
D-E-I is like enough uggos.
We need to start getting hot guys to rob.
Right.
This is the,
this is the fucking,
this is the lib contingency at it again.
Oh my God,
they're hot.
So are they in trouble?
A little bit.
Yeah.
Uh-oh.
They used a crane to like.
But you didn't kill anybody.
They didn't do it.
No,
they didn't do it.
Oh yeah.
That crane company is from,
from Germany.
Yeah.
Their ads is like,
you know,
in and out faster,
whatever,
like they're selling through the roof.
Well,
you might as well market,
use the marketing.
These guys stole a crane
and then they hoisted the ladder up to the window
dude it was in it's in broad daylight
I mean it was like in the middle
you can see it it's not like it was like hidden and sneaky
they just put the crane up to the window
walked in and came out
and so they got the merch
they got the merch
they got merch
well I mean not merch
but they got at the loo
what they got paintings and stuff
what is it?
No just jewels
they got jewels
our Rudy Jules
they stole her she was in there
then they got out
and they escaped
and they escaped
and then the they caught on it
but some rat
on the run
somebody ratted them
out. Oh, the rat. Who's the rat? Google the rat.
Google the rat. Wait, wait, wait, go back.
I'm sorry. I want to see that real fast. It says the heist is valued
at 88 million euros. That's
102 million American. Wow.
Eight pieces of historic French jewelry. Fuck the
French. Who cares? Yeah. No, we love the
French. We love the French. It came this close
to getting away. I know. That's amazing.
They should have let him go.
I would start small if I wanted to rob.
What would you rob?
Well, I would start like back
like my high school days, like Kit Katz
and you know what I mean? Oh, yeah, yeah.
And then you would still like, okay, I got away with that.
And the next thing you would rob is like shoes from pay less shoes or something.
Yeah.
Right?
Like, I got loafers.
By the way, that's why they went out of business.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Everyone stole from that place.
Oh, the next one is, you know, if you go to like San Francisco, you went to the CVS or everything is locked up now.
You think I went into a CVS in San Francisco?
I went from my hotel to the club to the hotel to the club.
Oh, I went to a CVS.
I did not walk outside.
We were both in San Francisco and the CVS, you know how in L.A., half the things are locked up.
And fucking San Francisco CVS, right?
It's all.
Toothpicks, locked up.
Well, those are weapons.
Yeah, yeah.
That's how they broke into the Louvre.
Yeah.
I mean, everything.
Yeah, but I will say the city.
Ben Gay, locked up.
I buy a lot of Bengay.
I'll tell you this.
It's funny that's locked up up there.
What?
Chips.
Yeah, it's crazy.
And then there's so many of those buttons.
Who loves chips?
I wonder.
All of us.
Yeah, all of them.
All love chips.
Yeah.
And then there's one person, some poor Filipino.
lady where you have to
she just happened
to be
but you know
you're pressing the button
but you have to imagine
there's 40 beats
buttons being pressed
throughout the fucking
bump bum bum bum bum
help an aisle
she's like a key
she's the key master
she's got
50,000 keys around her neck
just running through the fucking
like yeah
what about this
why don't you just get
one guy per aisle
yeah
you know what I mean
like hey dude
I'm the fucking
you know what I mean
deodorant guy
I'm the cereal boy
yeah
you'll be cereal, I'll be deodorant.
And I have all the deodorant keys, right?
McCone, I don't know what you would do.
Okay.
What's going on?
Are you stunned right now?
I thought he was going to tell me what I was going to do.
No, he's, he doesn't know.
I was giving you the opt.
I'm the CVS fucking manager.
I go, what do you want?
What do you want?
What do you want?
I do the condoms.
Oh, fuck.
Okay.
Give them the condoms.
Why?
Because you don't use them?
Yeah.
It would be fun to monitor that one versus the other ones.
Keep an eye.
Speaking of McCone in love, I was introduced to a new friend of his recently.
It ended later that evening.
Never mind.
Wait, you found love and then you ended it?
Well, I met up.
We went to the Dodger game and we afterwards, I said, hey, we're going to walk down the hill
because you can't get a fucking Uber.
I was like, we're going to walk over the hill and probably go to shortstop
or grab a beer, just hang out.
And then so we went to Little Joy and I said, come meet us.
And this guy, this is how nervous he was in front of this girl.
I haven't seen him like this in a long time.
I was pretty hammered.
And I was just giving him cash, just handing him cash.
I was like, get her a drink, go get her food.
And he was nervous.
I could tell because when he showed up late, I go, where did you go?
He was late.
He goes, I thought you said little boy.
I'm like, there is no little boy bar.
There's no little boy bar, dude.
There's little joy.
And it's literally across from your house.
Wow.
You know what I did?
On the flight to San Francisco, there was a attendant, a flight attendant.
She was beautiful.
So I wrote her a letter.
Oh, yeah.
Restrain in order now.
No more Delta flight
The guy next to me
Fancy is back
Yeah I was sitting next to the
A businessman
I go excuse me sir
Do you have a pen
He's like yes young man
I have a pen
He gives me the pen
So I take the um
You know the throw up back
Barf bag
The Barf bag love note
Right and I wrote this
Like you're so pretty
And you know here's my number
This and that
My Instagram everything
Right
Yeah
Nothing
What did you check your
requests and all that stuff?
I've been checking it for days.
But did you get her name was her name on her name tag?
No.
No.
So that would have been a, that would have been a...
I looked at the phone, you know, when you do DMs, you're not a single guy, but I know.
I go through it, you know, I'd siphon through all the...
I siphoned through all the profile pictures, yeah.
Nothing.
Yeah.
And you know, and you take a risk like that, but it was, she was so pretty, Andrew, that I had to take a risk.
That's really...
She must have been, this much, she must have been a smoke show.
She was a smoke show.
What airline are we talking?
Alaska.
Oh no.
Was she Alaskan?
No, she was just a white girl.
She was so attractive.
And I thought, you know what I mean?
You know, she smiled at me and this and that.
Listen up Alaska Airlines.
Wait, wait, wait.
You didn't talk to her.
You just wrote her letter.
That's like high school stuff.
Like, wow.
And I put check marks like checkboxes.
Do you like me?
Yes or no.
That doesn't work.
Self-sabot.
Yeah.
And that thing with the hand thing.
With her, I gave her one of those.
You go to prom with me.
Yeah.
Yeah, she, well, Alaska Airlines, this is easily hunnable.
Anybody out there that works for Alaska, there's a flight out of Burbank that goes to SFO.
She didn't find me attractive.
Sure she did.
You're very attractive.
No, there's lots of rich, famous guys in first class, and Bobby's just one of them.
So she has a pick.
Oh, that could be.
She's getting a lot of barf bag, love notes.
Exactly.
She got a stack of barf bag love notes at the end.
Yeah.
I mean, you, I mean, right, would you just, would you just, would you just, would you just
take a risk like that or no. No, because I feel like you'd be called like lame or something in a
group text after. Oh, so what, you're departing the plane. There's no time to talk. They're at work.
It's not time to talk to girls. So you can, you can never see it again. No. You think people don't,
you think that never happens. I don't want to be a part of that. That's, you're not interested.
No, I don't want like to be made fun of in public or someone like film me. Like, look at this guy
asking this girl out. I'm afraid. You don't want to end up on a TikTok. Yeah, that's scary.
Okay, so I'm a flight attendant.
Exactly.
Get ready with me when I talk about a creep, my grape.
And then they do a breakdown of it.
Yeah, I know what you, I've seen, I've watched, I've literally, there's flight attendants who do TikToks and I see him sometimes.
And they talk about passenger.
Oh, she could TikTok my fucking barf now.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, my God, that'd be so embarrassing.
But you didn't say anything, all you said was, I find you a, well, what did you say?
I drew a, a very detailed, you know what I mean?
Swastika?
No, of my penis.
no
because 15 years ago
I was I don't know what airport I was in
but I was sitting there
and this lovely lady sat next to me
and I think this was before I met Kalila
and we had a conversation
and she was very pretty
and very nice
and I never got her information
I always felt I think about that
and sometimes you'll run through the airport
you'll just see some of you guys
you'll lock eyes with a girl
and a smile
and you're like
Oh, that's a missed opportunity.
And so from now on, I don't want to miss those opportunities.
If I feel like...
That's cool.
Take them. Shoot that shot.
Shoot that shot.
What?
You're smiling?
I don't like it.
Well, I'm just saying without your glasses that you don't have, right?
Like, you don't see that well, like, two feet apart.
So I don't know if those smiles that you see are directed at you, you know?
Or you're imagining them.
You do have tremendously dog-shed vision.
You think everyone's smiling at you.
Everywhere, Bobby goes.
Dude, dude, that made me so angry.
It makes me so angry.
I don't know what it is.
I mean, welcome back, but I don't know, dude, you know.
That was a good one.
Why don't you look up misconnections?
Because I guarantee you there's a misconnections website.
You know, is that Craigslist that does it?
Yeah.
Starbucks in Santa Monica.
It's Zoom it.
I am the Asian female that was hesitant
but talked briefly over coffee about a month ago
for a round and still interest left to have coffee again.
This is like wildly sad.
It's beautiful but sad as fuck.
This is what I'm talking about.
This is why you have to seize the moment.
And maybe I am blind and I can't see the smiles.
Okay.
But it doesn't matter because maybe one of them are a smile, you know?
Looking for Sarah from Pasadena, I think.
Oh, we should respond to some of these.
We should just be Sarah.
Look, you got to shoot your shot.
Yeah.
You're single and free.
You've got to keep shooting your shot until you find love, and it's out there.
Yeah.
Could it be on Alaska Airlines?
Maybe.
This guy needs to apologize.
Asking the Italian girl of my dreams for an opportunity to apologize in Lancaster,
my only sin was to love you too much.
I miss how it used to be.
You're never alone.
I'll always be there if you need me.
I still love you.
Oh, my God.
These are so heartbreaking.
Well, it's even sad or it's that it's on Craigslist.
Do people use Craigslist heavily now?
I don't think anybody uses that anymore.
Facebook Marketplace took it over.
That's exactly what it is.
I think there's a lot of love loss
and misconnections in this world right now.
Well, how do we mend that?
How do we mend it?
I don't know.
I'll tell you where there's a lot of love.
San Francisco.
Holy fuck, man.
Those gays go fucking bananas.
They have the most fun.
I got hit on a bunch.
I got hit out not one time while I was there.
By a gay and I was out.
You got no guys?
I get no gay love, no.
I sit up at the bar to have dinner.
Oh, yeah, I didn't go to any bars.
No, at dinner.
I had dinner at the restaurant.
I mean, the hotel bar.
There's another thing that happens.
I have a couple things that happened,
but another thing that happened was I get a text
from some random number saying,
hey, can you speak at my meeting?
That's cool, right?
So I go, I ignored it, and then, you know what I mean?
He was kind of, you know, persistent.
So I said, okay, I'll do it, you know?
And so I show up.
And so there's this one guy in the program,
he's the biggest rock star, right?
And he's a guy that I've met,
For the last 20 years, he has no idea who I am.
You know how you meet somebody and they act as if they've never met you before?
You've met a bunch?
Yeah, I mean, I've been introduced to him, but it's just, I mean, he's an old or rock legend.
Okay.
And so now I'm speaking at this meeting and he's sitting there with his wife in the second row.
He's never seen me talk, really.
And I have a 30 minutes.
I'm the main speaker, right?
And so I'm like, all right, I'm going to, you know.
You're doing some time?
But, you know, I was like, I got, I got to hit this.
Yeah.
What's your, what's your opener?
My opener?
It's because it's so cheesy.
I can't.
Please.
I don't want to do it.
Please, please.
Because here's the thing is that I have to.
For the fans.
I will.
So what you're doing is it's not just, you can't go up there because there's this other
comic that spoke once and he did his act literally.
You know what I mean?
He did his stand up and he lost the room.
Half the people walked out.
and people you know a lot of people know i'm a comedian so it's like you can't go in like and try
to be funny right so you start with real so yeah so i start i said i just first thing as i say
you know i have to see that a is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me true you know
and um when i was 17 years old i um luckily got you know a spiritual licking or a psychic change
you know and um and then move on from there you know
me about helping others and this and that right and but then I go into I know my my you know
pitch is it I can get funny you can talk about my parents and stuff right right so I do
start doing acts you know I mean you know I mean and I'm doing it and I'm doing it and I'm doing
pretty good yeah it's like 350 people there 300 people that's a big it's a big a meeting
I look over and the guys oh he's dead
he looked like he was dead
yeah yeah and I'm like
he didn't hear a word you said
yeah but anyway
yeah he but you know I
my fantasy would be
you know I mean
you know come over
to my house you know I mean
come over yeah
to the house yeah and then
you know and then it's like you know
here's an original
signed you know whatever I don't know
I get it I get thank you you you know
I think you keep you know I want to have that moment of like
like you
like you and
Taylor Swift
you know
like he says
something funny
and I'm like
very funny
I want that phone
everybody wants that photo
all right
of just you and Obama
or somebody
you had a redemption
with another rock legend
the other night
at the comedy store
oh that's where
I had another redemption
who
I think I could say
Edith
Kitas
you redeemed yourself
with Anthony
yeah
Like now he's, you're back in his good graces?
Did you speak to him for a while?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
And?
It was magical.
You give you a second copy of something?
No.
But I almost went like this.
Almost, but.
You think that's, you think that's good.
Domino's.
Hey, man.
You know what, dude?
What, baby?
I love.
Two things in life.
Let me guess.
Specialty things and pizzas, right?
I knew it.
What did Domino's do?
Do they do speciality pizzas?
Are you serious?
A combo, dude.
And just get, check it out, dude.
What?
Look at this red box here.
Delicious?
You eat the box?
You know what it is?
What?
Extravaganza.
Is that an extravaganza?
It's an extravaganza.
I already took a bite here.
I already had a piece,
but I'm going to have another bite of this extravaganza.
This extravaganza.
A super loaded deluxe pizza with pepperoni, ham,
Italian sausage, beef, fresh onions, fresh green pepper.
peppers, fresh mushrooms, black olives, all sandwiched between two layers of provolone and cheese made
with 100% real mozzarella.
I'm drooling right now.
I'm drooling.
I got a couple of really good pizzas on my table right now, and this one especially.
Is that what I think it is?
That is the spicy chicken and bacon ranch.
Ladies and gents, this thing is phenomenal.
I love jalapenos, especially because I like a little spice and a kick, and they drizzle
with a little buffalo sauce.
Of course, it's made with 100% real mozzarella.
And in here, they got that grilled chicken breast, smoke bacon, and jalapenos.
Probably one of my favorite combinations of food layered on delicious crispy crust.
Ooh, Dominoes.
You know, they have other ones.
You know, Wisconsin.
Oh, oh, my God.
They have the Wisconsin.
Come over with the Wisconsin one.
They got the six cheese.
The Wisconsin six cheese.
And also your favorite city, Memphis, Memphis Barbecue Chicken.
Wow.
And a wakalakaliki did.
And wakalakaliki, Muku.
You know, so we got, we got Halenolulu Hawaiian is up there as well.
And Pacific veggie, dude.
They got so many different kinds of dominoes now between the spin.
spinach and feta, the extravaganza, the meats.
They also got, yo, Philly Cheesesteak, dude.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, use it over there, go get a Philly cheese steak.
They got the Philly Cheesesteak pizza.
Delicious.
So, if you're at home and you're hungry, get yourself some dominoes.
Doop.com.
Did you know there's a website that shows you identical versions of expensive products
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No, I have heard of this.
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All you do is just go to dupe.com and paste a URL or even upload a product image, and it's going to show.
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Doop.com exposes the markup, so you're not paying double just for the same name.
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It's Men's Health Awareness Month and Talkspace wants to know how you feel.
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Please.
Yeah.
Every Thursday, you know, we have the schedule all my therapy.
You always go to therapy.
Without places like Talkspace, I'm not, I'm a gonar.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I think it's very important.
It's extremely important.
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And you have a new movie coming out?
All I get to TikTok is all his movie.
What movie?
The magic movie.
Every other ad is the magic movie that you're in the movie.
Yeah, you are in the magic movie.
I'm in one scene.
You're in the movie.
And then you disappear.
He's good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I'm in one's fucking scene.
It doesn't matter.
You're in the movie.
And whenever I see that,
I go, my boys in this.
I'm so proud of them.
Shut up.
I mean, really, I'm real.
That's good.
Elite stuff.
You know how little movies are being made, right?
And for somebody in our ecosystem, a stand-up, you know what I mean?
An actor that gets into anything is a big deal.
Let's have a, come on, man.
Thanks, man.
Step into your glory, dude.
What happens in it?
What do you play?
In the movie?
Yeah.
Now you see me.
Yeah.
And no, you don't.
I pop in and I pop around.
Are you a patron?
What is it?
I mean, you didn't send an NDA.
You can talk about your role.
Well, I'm in the crowd and I'm yelling at,
I'm yelling at them on stage.
They're all on stage.
Eisenberg.
Woody and.
Morgan Freeman?
Fisher.
No, Morgan's not there.
Yeah.
And I La Fisher.
Yeah.
Woody was.
Talk to me about, can I add?
Woody would, the coolest thing was meeting Woody.
I was fascinating.
I wanted to meet him so good.
Did you know who you were?
No, no, no, no.
No, but the director introduced me.
He's like, oh, he's a comedian.
He's like, I love comedians.
And he's like, he does a podcast.
And he's like, I have a podcast.
I was like, yeah.
And then he was like,
did you say that your podcast does better numbers?
Than his?
I mean, does it?
I checked on YouTube.
Does it?
No, I didn't look it up.
I actually have no idea.
I don't, does he do, does he have a pod or is he's just starting it?
But he was just talking about the world he's fascinating.
Oh, yeah, him and him and, him and Ted dancing.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't know, rad dude, very nice guy.
I'm more broken up right now because my boy got his title stripped away.
My good friend.
Good of you.
Prince Andrew, they've.
Good one.
They took it away, man.
Good one.
Let's go back to the movie now.
That was a really good deflection.
No, but I see what you're trying to do.
You want to go this way.
I have nothing to say about the movie.
It was fun.
I mean, I'm in one quick scene.
It was awesome.
I mean, it was a Budapest.
We talked about going to Budapest.
It was great.
I'm going to see it.
I hope it's good.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I know nothing.
This is one of those things
where you touch it and you leave.
I have no idea.
I get in there and then they're like,
thank you, goodbye.
Although Budapest film crew,
probably the best film crew
I've ever worked with in my,
no, I'm not kidding.
No, I know, I did it.
Shocking.
They're amazing.
They're so fucking good.
They're so great.
They're on top of everything
and you're like, oh, I don't need that.
Hot too, some of them.
Yeah, some of the girls too.
But it was really, no, it was a great time.
But yes, I'm going to go see the beautiful architecture.
I hope people go see it.
Some of it, half the city is.
The other half is in ruins.
It's in ruins, yeah.
But I'm more concerned about all these Japanese bears getting loose.
I was thinking about you the other day.
I wanted to call you.
Yeah, I've been seeing that later.
They're overtaking Japan.
Yeah.
Brack bear everywhere.
That's the headline.
I wonder why.
Because they're not having as many children.
Now, I think they're overpopulating because they're not being controlled.
There's no hunters.
So they're, I think they're inviting hunters to come help.
Why kill them?
Because they're killing people.
I know, but can you gather?
than them up, and then they can put them in an area,
a fenced in an area where this is black
country, black bear country.
This is Baltimore.
Germany. This is Baltimore.
Frodey and asleep. Yeah.
Well, I'm just saying, like, create a town, you know what I mean?
All right. All the black bears go there.
Yeah. And you stay there.
Yeah, don't drink out of the white bear fountain.
Right.
According to the Japan Times,
12 people have been killed more than 100 others are injured nationwide.
just this year alone.
Wow.
It's pretty crazy.
Yeah.
Whoa, that black bears are gnarly.
Look at that.
And they're getting more aggressive.
Yeah.
Like, apparently they're showing up
and like trying to get into people's houses.
Mm.
It's fucking rad.
Japan's hunter population has been shrinking.
People don't hunt.
60% of licensed hunters now are over 60.
So there's no kids are doing it.
Yeah.
I would just gather them up and bring them somewhere.
Like there's other islands around, right?
You put them on boats.
Yeah, put them on boats and bring them.
Not Okinawa, that's a pretty populated.
Yeah, put them on boats.
Like, we can call it ammastad,
whatever you want to do.
However you want to do it.
No.
Put them down to, yeah, Okinawa.
They already did that once, Okinawa.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, but there's probably other islands around Japan
where they can, you know what I mean,
put the bears in.
Cage them.
So you think.
I don't, killing animals is not my thing.
Yeah, but if they're killing people,
you got to protect your population.
Oh, yeah, we have guns.
So, I guess we have guns.
They don't, they don't these guys have guns.
I mean, they do have guns in Japan, but not like that.
Yeah.
Wow, they're pretty big.
And they're mauling people, huh?
And they don't look Japanese at all.
Yeah.
I thought they'd look a little bit more Japanese.
Well, why can't they just, you know, get their guy to do it?
Who's that?
Who's their prime minister or whatever?
No.
Huh?
Godzilla.
Release Godzilla, dude.
Godzilla would fuck that thing up, no?
We call on you to help us, Godzilla.
Yeah, yeah.
Or Mothra.
I mean, you know, Mothra.
Mothro can pluck a puck, pluck, pluck, pluck, pluck, pluck, pluck.
I have a stuttering problem.
AI, how many bears can, how many bears versus Godzilla?
How many bears would it take for Godzilla?
Yeah.
I wonder what the scale would be.
No number of normal sized bears can take out Godzilla.
See, you're right.
Yeah, he could wipe out probably a million of them.
Well, let's get, let's reenact it.
Yeah.
Let's get him out here.
Or Mothra would be easier because he, Mothro can fly and just pluck them from the ground.
Yeah, pick him out of the sky.
Throw him in the ocean.
and throw them in the ocean.
Yeah, that's actually, yeah, yeah, or something, you know.
Well, get on it, Japan.
What do you guys fucking waiting for?
Don't, you know, cage those Mothra.
They've got to be released.
Little tiny Japanese.
What's the last time we saw Mothra?
He's been out.
I think he had an injury here.
Like an MCL tear or something.
He's been out.
He's on injured reserve.
Yeah.
I want to bring Yamamoto and Otani and the baseball bats that go over there.
Congratulations to the Dodgers.
Oh, yeah, the Dodgers.
You're wearing your Dodgers hat today.
Go you.
My, it's heartbreaking to see Blue J's fans out.
I just feel so bad for them.
Nope.
Why?
U S A
U S A
U.S.A
U.S.S.A!
Don't fuck with us, Canada.
I know, but you know, they were leading for most of the game.
Yeah, they're in home turf.
They blew it.
And you could just see them just like
just not being able to get it over the line.
I actually loved it, dude.
I loved it, dude.
It was fucking great.
Yeah.
Yeah, I was, it was kind of wild to watch.
Especially because I was in San Francisco when they won
and S.F. fucking hates the Dodgers.
They were so mad.
So Tuesday, this guy came up to me, he goes, hey, I'm friends with Theo.
I go, okay.
And he goes, I'm the new manager of the Giants.
The team manager?
Yeah.
I just got hired this is my first year.
I'm starting work next week or something, but I wanted to really.
Starting work next week?
I don't know what it was.
That's not how they talk.
Yeah, that's, but that is, give me the name.
Tony.
Tony Vitalo came to my show Tuesday.
Seriously?
Yeah, with this girl.
Wow.
Yeah, super nice.
I mean, I didn't do it that well, but, um,
Yeah, Tony Vitello game.
Really nice guy.
That's fucking rad.
Yeah.
I mean, still Taylor So, but, you know.
That's the manager of a bad sports team.
Not bad.
Are they bad?
No, they're okay.
They're fine.
Is he, it's new?
I mean, I told him, I go, you have a shot, right?
He can, he's a manager.
He can rearrange.
Yeah.
They don't have control?
It's baseball's money.
The Dodgers have all the fucking money.
Soccer's the same way.
Isn't soccer the exact same way?
I don't know.
There's no cap on soccer, right?
Yeah.
Do you guys have a salary cap?
No, so it's the same thing.
So why are the best teams the best consistently?
They have the most money.
If there's no salary cap, that's why people hate the Dodgers.
The Dodgers spent the most fucking money.
But 12 years ago, Lester City won the Premier League, right?
Yeah.
And they were the worst team.
They have no money, right?
Yeah.
They came from the championship straight to the Premier League.
No star.
They had Jamie Vardy, which is the one guy.
I've seen that name.
I know that.
Yeah.
And they won the Premier League.
happen in America because of the refs.
And we have teams like Manchester City and Chelsea, Roman
and Brovanovich owns Chelsea. He's like an oil baron from Russia.
I mean, they have all the money in the world and Lester still won.
My point being is that you can still be a thrifty manager and look at stats and go,
you know what I mean? This kid, I know, he isn't a household name or, you know what I mean,
but I think he's perfect, you know what I mean?
No, I know what you're saying.
I think that may happen in soccer in baseball, unfortunately now.
There was a guy, Billy Bean for the Oakland A's,
and he kind of revolutionized.
You never see Moneyball?
No.
With Jonah Hill and Brad Pitt,
you didn't see that movie.
It was fucking phenomenal.
But it was about the story of this,
what you're saying.
He kind of like an iconic manager who literally
kind of revolutionized the way you could pick players and get them young.
But it's a big money game now.
It's all bullshit.
It's all money game.
That's why people fucking,
that's why those guys really hate the Dodgers.
They got the most fucking money.
And I get it.
It was like for years as a kid,
Yankees for me. It was always the Yankees. I was always like, the Yankees are unstoppable. Oh, my God.
$350 million. But this summer, what Arsenal did was, if I can talk soccer for a second.
I'd love it. And wait, let me ask you a real question. So, Lester City, is that what you said?
Yeah. So some of the players are they from the area as well? So they have pride and local
So this is the thing that we don't do anymore either, right? Yeah. So most of these kids are fucking
from elsewhere and you just play with the team that you play with. The cool thing about soccer that I love is that
you see these local guys play for their squad.
There's city, there's like pride.
We also have a youth program.
Yeah.
And Bukai Yusaka, Ethan Wanyeri.
Some of these players are Lewis Skelly.
They're all, Lewis Skelly is 18, and he's in the main team.
He plays with the main team in Arsenal.
Waniari is 18, 19.
And they're all from Hellend.
They're all from the academy.
and our big star, Bokaiosaka, is from the academy as well.
So it's like they've been there as kids.
Right.
And we raise them.
Pride.
There's semblance of pride.
We don't have that.
I'm jealous of that.
You used to have a player.
When I was a kid, like, you know, Jordan was Chicago to us.
He stayed in Chicago.
Right?
Like there used to be kind of a vibe.
Like you stay there as long as you could.
Now these guys don't give a fuck.
They're going to go wherever they're going to go, whoever's got the best check.
And that's how it goes.
That's sad.
Well, that's just the best.
But the business did.
that. These guys don't really have his, it's almost like you're put in a position when the Dodgers
called Shohei and they gave him $700 million. Yeah. I mean, how else is he going to pay for those
gambling? Let me ask you a question. So this summer, Arsenal FC, so Liverpool, right, spent so much money,
they got this guy, ISAC and all these guys, and they spent $150 million per player.
Jesus. Isaac cost, over 100 million pounds. Jesus Christ. But what our
Tedda did was he bought people from leagues that people were like teams that were like this summer
like 30 million for that guy. Who is this guy? Like we bought a defender named Muscaro. No one had
really heard of him. But he knew. But he knows that he would fit right into the team. And so now
Arsenal has a backup for every position that's just as good. Whereas Liverpool spent two or three
millions of dollars on two, three, four players. They don't have the backup. You know what I mean? And
It's about stats and about like, you mean, what's going to work in our system, you know?
Right.
No, I think it's fascinating.
But I don't know much about baseball.
So you're saying that baseball, there's no.
So the Dodgers doesn't have like a youth program.
Well, they have a farm system, right?
We have a farm, you have a farm league, like you have AAA, you have a, you do have a system.
But these guys are quick to get rid of them and trade them, especially if they can't afford them.
You know, that was kind of, you don't, you don't have scouts?
They do.
They do.
They do.
For kids.
Oh, yeah.
Like 12 year old.
Oh, yeah, they scout middle school and high school.
Then you bring them to the Dodgers Youth Academy.
Do they have that?
Well, they have, yeah, they do have training facilities.
And then you guys live here.
But most of the time, do you go to school here?
Yeah.
That's more a non-American thing.
Like, the NBA just started that in India not long ago.
Yeah.
In India?
Yeah, because they're looking for the next seven foot around.
What to play basketball, man.
I won't do hoop.
I won't you let me play.
Yeah, yeah.
Listen, Ranjit, you're five foot seven.
I can't be a standard?
Yeah.
Why can I be a starting center?
it is fucking funny that we all we do the NBA the NBA has so much money overseas because like
guys like Steph Curry he's probably bigger in China than he is I mean he's huge he's global
superstar but like overseas there's so much money in the NBA overseas because Asian kids
fucking love the NBA we can't sell the NFL to almost anybody but the NBA you can sell
the fucking everybody everybody love I mean it's those guys go to China they do like a like
Steph and those guys they'll go do like a summer camp in China and
make like $30 million for like a weekend at camp. Just because he's, you know, they're,
they're massive overseas. I mean, big here, but still. Can I ask you another question about
sports? Lebron James. Do you ever tell you that story when I was on a boat? You met him?
No, no, I was a boat in Europe and the guy's like, you know LeBron James? I was like, yeah, he goes,
he will stay there when he come here, that place. He will stay. I was like, he's he there now?
He goes, no, but we will watch. I guess he stays at the same, like, mansion. They're like,
Lebron James, this is Lebron Chains.
Wow, wow, wow.
What did you ask me about basketball?
No, I want to talk about, because now, you know, I'm really kind of getting into baseball a little bit this year.
Love.
Yeah.
I had no idea why it would be exciting.
But now, you know, watching the World Series and the playoffs and stuff, I get it.
It's a nerd game.
But I don't get football.
I don't expect.
American football.
And I want you to convince me that it's good.
Why is it good?
Well, you know, baseball is my number one.
So I can't.
I agree with you.
But baseball is like soccer and the fact that like these are all, this is all chess moves.
Yeah.
Soccer's coordinated chess moves.
Baseball has calculated statistical moves.
Yeah.
Trying to advance players in different positions to the likelihood of scoring and positioning.
Football is that too.
It's fucking awesome.
But you like it because you like, you like these little technical moves and I think that's what you like.
Football is more like pure raw athletic strength and talent and ability going at each other at full speed as hard as you can.
There's a strategy
Of course there's strategy to it
It's hard
I don't know
Selling you on football's tough
You don't like
You don't like violent sports at all
I do UFC I was a big fan of it
But you know what show that I've been watching
On Netflix
I command everyone in this room to watch it
There's a show called
Physical 100
Bring it up
But it's Asia
Right
Oh I'm out
So it's basically
So it was a Korean
Yeah
So that's the Philippine team
That's Manny Pakiya?
Yes.
So like it's Australia, Indonesia, Korea, Japan, Turkey, right?
Look at the tits on that guy.
Yeah, Turkey, Thailand, and they're all competing, right?
Are the Thailand a bunch of lady boys in the...
No, but I think Indonesia or Thailand does have a lady boy on it.
They should.
Cool.
But it's, but the Philippines are making me laugh.
Why?
Because, man, he's so small.
He's so tiny.
You know what I mean?
What is the competition? What do they do?
Well, there's only four episodes right now, but it's basically the first one was they have these four platforms, circular platforms, right?
And there's, I think, eight countries, right?
Okay.
And each, so they basically, there's a gigantic circle, and in the middle of this dirt mound is gigantic circle.
See if you can see these.
He's bringing it up right now.
This is the trailer for it.
Yeah, yeah.
But it's not, it's not show, because they're going to show the whole thing.
Oh, yeah.
So you can see the circular thing right there.
Right, right, right.
Okay.
So you have eight countries and you have to dominate a circle.
Wow.
So the most people on the circle, right?
Right.
If you have like...
It's King of the Hill.
King of the Hill, but it's like how many others?
One, two, three.
I think there's five.
This is rad.
Right?
But it's like when you're watching the first round,
you can see Man of Epico just flying from the screen.
Yeah.
It's pretty brutal.
Can they punch?
You can't punch, but it can't punch,
but it can.
gets pretty scrappy dude it's a really
you can hold down it's a fun show to watch yeah yeah
I'm in I'm already in but like
but there's some countries I mean
that would just like US we would just
well yeah that's why they don't want us a part of this shit
we'd get the most lunatic
yeah out of our mind guys ex-military
like just ready to fucking kill at will
but every team has famous people on it like you know
um so the Australian team has Robert Whitaker
he's one of the best UFC fighter
you know Whitaker and then um
that's fucking Mongolia they're badass
And look at Genghis Khan.
We call them Genghis Khan in the middle.
Look at it.
They have Genghis in there, dude.
Look at them.
But it's a really fun show.
Physical 100.
Yeah, Physical 100.
Asia.
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I don't know, dude, to get you into football, honestly, though,
we'd have to embed you with a team, and your team left your city and came here,
which is you're here now.
Yeah, the Chargers, yeah.
Well, maybe you could be a Chargers fan.
You put for Tottenham for you.
Ooh.
Ooh, something came out?
Yeah.
Oh, that's a, that's a tonsal stone.
Yeah.
No, don't put it in an art.
Yeah, I like to, I like to.
There's a lot of things.
Ferment there.
A zimping burp
It was a tonsil stone
Yeah
Do you get those all the time?
It's not tonsil stone
Dude, it's soft, look
Okay
All right
It looks like it
It does look exactly like a tonsil stone
All hard deposit
That's what I thought it was
What?
Tonsal stones
It's just debris
They get stuck in those little
Like those little hangy things
In the back of your mouth
Did it smell your finger
Does it smell?
Yeah, it smells like what I ate
It was crab
It was crab?
It's a crab
It's a crab
Oh it's a piece of a crab
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Welcome back, fancy.
No big deal.
No big deal.
Yeah, yeah.
I went there.
I went to the fucking crab place last night, and it fucked me.
Oh, bro.
What do you mean?
The bowling crab.
It's too much sodium.
I can't do it.
It's too much.
I just don't like mass amounts of seafood.
Yeah, and then you got to get the potatoes and the carrots with it, but it's like,
and then if you go medium, like who, when did fire become a flavor?
An element should not be a,
I don't ever want to eat a sandwich and go,
this is earthy, right?
Have you tried our new Windburger?
Yeah, or Windburger.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's delicious.
When did fire, who likes it?
You get fire, you know what I mean?
I agree.
I hate the taste, like, when they do,
it's a smoky thing.
I don't want smoke.
Smoke tastes like you burnt it.
Yeah.
I don't want smoky anything.
Yeah.
They do that a lot with drinks now, too.
They smoke on top of a cocktail.
I don't want the smoke.
Yeah, or you go to an omacasa place, right?
They'd take, they sliced tuna or whatever.
Toro.
They put it.
you're right on a wooden plate
but then they put a thing over it
and they stick smoke in it like cedar wood
I don't like that yeah and I'm like I don't I totally agree
I fucking hate that flavor I don't I don't know why they do that
somebody it's it's a culinary thing it's got to be like a cool
fancy culinary thing and then that's that makes that
in the community that makes it good or don't put fucking
you know I mean um caviar on top of salmon
you're like now you the mom and the fucking kids
well we I don't eat the mom and
And the kids.
You've never had chicken and eggs?
I refuse.
It's not,
it's a combination I can't do.
No,
I'll do it.
Chicken and eggs?
I'll have,
it's mom and baby.
Yeah,
the family's all together.
We'll get grandpa in there then, then.
Might as well.
Yeah.
Like I'll take,
I'll take a ground patty of,
of like,
meat with,
you know,
a full grown cow
and then it's mixed with like,
a baby calf,
you know,
why not?
What's it called again?
What's wrong?
Veal.
Veal is delicious.
I can't do baby anything.
So you don't,
you want them full grown.
on before you eat them?
Well, I'll be honest with you.
There's been a lot of guilt now as of late of eating meat.
Why?
Like, TikTok algorithms.
Oh, Lib Talk.
He's on Lib Talk.
I'm on Lip Talk, dude.
We lost him to Lib Talk.
Yeah, yeah.
And, you know, people just raising cows and the cows cuddling with their owners.
Right.
You've never seen that?
No, I mean, I've seen, yeah.
They kiss on the lips.
I love it.
Well, then you move to India.
Like this
They worship the cow
Like this
This is like
Ooh
Look at that
Look at that
See how many smash burgers
Could you make out of that?
A lot
A lot
Yeah
We can make a lot
Out of that
But I've done
Look at that
Yeah
Yeah
Those are free range
Happy cows
Yeah
You don't feel guilt
No
Because they're sentient being
Like the other day
I went to your house
I saw your dog
Yeah
Right
Yeah
They have the same human
Connection
There's not enough
Meat on her though
I know
She's tiny
That's why I have a tiny
dog
Brad Williams would be faithful.
I know what you're saying.
I get it, dude.
I have this.
I've had this moral dilemma before in my mind, but also I really love red meat.
I like it so much.
I do too, but it's like, you know what?
I can't wait until let's like grow it.
Well, they're working.
They're doing that now.
What do you mean?
We have that.
Yeah, but get to a point where it's like tasting good.
Yeah.
Get to it doesn't taste like shit.
Yeah, like accessible.
But it's all, we're all in beta with all this stuff.
Like this fucking home robot they're pushing.
out. You know this? Oh yeah, that thing, yeah. That thing looks like shit. And then you have to have, do you know what
they need to do? A guy to control it. Yes. Yeah, it's insane. Yeah, why don't the guy controlling
just do it? I know. This is very dumb. Yeah, look, a guy has to control that fucker. And they want
20K for this thing? Is that how much it is? Yeah. The dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard. I'm
thinking about getting one. I know. You know, I love Romano. I knew you. I know, I know. I
have to wait for Optimus. Yeah. I'm going to wait until that improves though.
Yeah. You know what I mean? Bobby, would you like me to clean up the cat
poop today again.
Yeah.
I don't want to keep asking you,
I think it's the dumbest,
I watched the video of it.
You know what it did that blew my mind
in that one promo video?
It does this.
It like wakes up.
He's like,
Neo, load the dishwasher.
And then it goes like this
and it looks at its hands
and that made me go,
because that's what I do.
If I'm like fucked up on drugs,
I always looked at my hands.
Yeah, because you're like,
oh, where am I?
Is this mine?
Imagine sleeping and then that's,
wake up.
Look at that.
Neo, what the fuck?
I need you to wake up.
also put a mouth on it yeah i mean you did the eyes what's how hard is it just put them out
let me get a little bit of morning head we are literally three years away from these things also
being just sex styles it's like the neo programmers are like look sir they're doing no chores
all day yeah they've loaded not one dishwasher we're we're 10 years away from um probably 20%
of the households having something like that in the house how many people have a google device
where you can talk to it and it can play music or how many have like a Alexa or whatever
you do you do yeah yeah three out of five 10 years ago you were like what are you talking not 15
years ago but now in the future everything's going to be automated you're going to talk to the
microwave you're going to be like my get the food from the fridge talk to each other and then put
it in there and heat it up yeah and by the way yeah gonna be rad fancy went home to Spain to go see
family you were gone for what would two and a half weeks yeah exactly two and a half weeks yeah
because I miss you every day I have it on my calendar fancy gone fancy gone fancy gone fancy gone
We did miss you like crazy.
I texted you a few times just out like I missed seeing you.
I finally joined Bobby's Club.
What is that?
Oh.
Yeah.
It's a tough one, man.
Yeah.
It's I still, at times I'll just think about them, you know.
It's so surreal that they're no longer with us.
Yeah.
The worst thing was the bureaucracy of death, you know?
The bureaucracy of death.
Yes.
It's a great band.
Yeah.
Exactly.
It really is.
It's a great bureaucracy of death.
So much stuff.
There's so much bullshit that comes along with death.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
And it's also a racket is what you're like the amount of money that happens when people
die, the amount of what, it's just, it's fucking, it's a racket.
It's crazy.
Birth, wedding, death, the three best businesses you can get into.
Yeah.
Because it will never go away.
Yeah.
If you want the most secure job in the world, do birth, weddings and deaths.
You will never not have work forever.
And they can, and they fuck people over.
They rip them off.
Oh, yeah.
Everything was like that.
Like, my dad wanted to be.
cremated like yours and we have to still pick a coffin wait why exactly that's why I asked well because
that's how it is they're not going to cremate it by itself so you have to buy and they show you
you don't know the prices it's like how long is it going to be there like just to go through the
thing wow so so basically they're like you have to pay for the coffin for them to be in it while
they while they burn it right god that's fucking crazy but everything is like that insane yeah
Do you have the ashes?
Yeah, I do.
Do you want to mix ashes with me?
It's not about a...
Yeah.
I still have mine.
Let's mix it.
Better...
Just see what happened.
You get a Spanish-Korean goat?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What would happen, what would happen?
If you make...
To their souls, yeah.
They probably...
They would just bump into each other.
They don't even know each other.
They'd be freaky.
This merge in the afterlife.
Oh, you?
Yeah.
Where would you love to spread that your dad's ashes if you had your...
Like some place in the...
Italy, you know, a place he loved some, my dad was an art history, professors or something in that world.
That's fucking cool.
Like anything Italian, like over an olive garden?
Can we do that?
We go back to John and Vinny's if you got.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We could sprinkle your dad over the gems out.
My budget is tight, so yeah, maybe.
Do you want to be burned?
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, my grandfather, who was like my literal hero, I've talked about on the show, he always, he always was like, land is for the living.
He would go past cemeteries, he'd be like,
this is fucking bullshit.
It's a bullshit way.
It's like, you don't need to,
no one is immortal.
Land is for the living.
Get out of here.
Let the next people have the land.
Why do you have to plot land and be like,
I mean, I grew up like having to go to the cemetery
and like, you know, people like,
it's a little surreal, like cleaning the.
Oh, yeah.
Now, did some people have a stone to have a tombstone?
Do your dad, does he have one?
No, no, no.
My dad didn't want any of that.
Your dad's the fucking man.
I'm going to go old school, Barry.
Barry, yeah.
Right?
Just in case.
Just in case it's sick
Like what if McCone wants to visit me
No no
But here's what you do
You take the ashes
You spread them in a place
That means meaningful to you
That you can visit often
And then you see them all the time
But your little titbits and ashy
Bits are all over the fucking place
What I'm saying is that
My body will be in a place
Your body will be gone
It'll be gone before you even
Before anyone
It's gone
It's not there anymore
You'll rot through the coffin
You'll rot to the coffin
You'll rot to the coffin
The bugs and the things
Will get in there
They eat you that it dissipates into almost nothing
there's not there'll be nothing left
kind of so depressing
I think it'd be cool to be buried
just no coffin and actually just decompose
in the earth
yeah that's well they do that dude
they do those wraps those they're called like eternal
what do they called it's
tree ones yeah I'm gonna do a tree one yeah
the famous actor did it there was a famous actor
that did that right that he
or he said because he got cancer
that he wanted to do it but it's like an eternal
they wrap you in this biodegradable thing
and you kind of go back into the earth
and it's all that's fucking rad
that to me is very cool
yeah just bearing a body is illegal
Wait a minute
Seriously?
Like a felony?
I mean, if you die
You can't just bury McCone in your backyard
I'll be right back
Oh dude
Speaking of that
This is fucking crazy
They just found in Vegas
Did you see that
200 plus bodies
Or something buried in Vegas
Like casino
Yeah, yeah
I know they finally found
Wow
They finally found
What was a funeral home
It was a funeral home
Now they're pinning it
On a funeral home
A funeral home
Recovers 300 plus piles
of human remains outside Las Vegas.
What do you mean?
A funeral home took the bodies and buried it?
No, there...
What do you mean?
There's a federal investigation, Zuma,
a federal investigation into who dumped more than 300 piles of human remains.
They think a funeral home did it.
But why would they do that?
It's probably cheaper than paying for the...
Because there's got to be some sort of...
I bet you it's expensive to remove human remains.
There's probably a fee.
And they were like, fuck this.
We'll just throw in the desert.
I'm guessing.
Wow.
Bureau of Land Management officially confirmed piles
where human remains, the department was actively investigating cremains.
So they were all cremated, cremated bodies.
Well, then what's...
350 piles of dead bodies.
Wow.
That's so many.
Yeah, there are rules to, you know, in order to spread the ashes.
You know, you want to do it in the ocean.
You have to be, I don't know how many kilometers in.
You cannot just do it.
Right.
Right.
There are laws.
You can scatter.
You're on your own property, obviously, of course.
Public land, the rules may vary by the location.
National parks, you have to get a special use permit.
who do you think is buried in a spread in a national park
gotta be Roosevelt right
I mean wouldn't that make the most sense
oceans and waterways
but you can spread ashes sneakily a lot of people do that
yeah people do it all time well people do you know people do a lot
I've heard this that people go to like when they go to baseball games
or soccer field soccer pitches or something that means a lot to them
they carry a little bag and they spread it out there
oh cool that that I think you would fucking
emirates yeah what is that someone's mom from bad friends live
that what are you being serious
Yes, it's Luke's mom.
This is from...
Oh, this from London?
No, no.
It was from, I believe, Pittsburgh.
I can't believe we still have that.
Yeah, we've had it for two years here.
We don't know what to do with them.
This is meaningful to him.
Well, let's combine Luke's mom, your dad, and your dad.
Yeah, that's what happened.
What if Luke's mom's hot?
Yeah.
Your dwelt of your dad's would be like, fuck, yeah.
Thank you, Bob.
Yeah, yeah.
From me, the afterlife.
Let's mix them, dude.
I see bone.
Do you have some of your dad?
He's not going to...
Here in L.A.
He's not going to make it.
He's not going to do it. I just think we should.
I mean, I guess did Koreans and Spanish always get along?
I think my dad and your dad would get along.
Koreans are a little abusive, so I don't know.
Yeah, a little.
Holy shit.
Well, look at that.
Modern relations between South Korea and Spaniards are very good,
characterized by increasing cooperation in cultural exchange.
Historically, Spanish missionaries who first encountered Koreans
described them as peaceful, intelligent,
though a long period of limited interaction followed.
Once they saw them once, they were like,
they're very nice.
Like, you're going to go back?
No chance.
Both countries have since forged a modern strategic partnership based on shared values like democracy
and have experienced similar histories of civil war and subsequent rapid economic growth.
That is pretty fucking interesting.
I mean, it is kind of wild to think about the spreading of the ashes and what does that do for the area that they're spread in.
Like when you go back to the East Coast and you're in some old creepy fucking, you're like, it's got to be bad.
I think haunted shit's only because they buried stuff beneath it.
Like we're on native land.
It's because they buried on native land.
And when they're like, yeah, that area is haunted.
I'm always like, well, they're under there.
Hmm.
You know?
I also saw
talk about country relations.
I saw this thing this morning
on the way to the airport
about Finland
in the Finland open prison program.
These guys get to like come and go
as they please.
Yeah, they have cars.
It's fucking unreal.
They have cars.
This guy was working out
and then he went to work.
He went to a coal plunge.
Yeah, you saw that.
I saw that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This guy.
This guy.
Yeah.
Look at a little.
Hey, I murdered somebody.
he is in there for murder for murder one yeah and he's like joking on he goes to a garden he's like
picking flat it's pretty it's wild yeah i mean the idea of in europe is that you know prison is a place
to rehab rehabilitate yeah it's something that americans do not believe in no no but do you believe in
it as a european i think so yes i think it's a i think some people yeah i mean obviously there is
they might be some exception we probably have the world's most violent twisted criminals i would
imagine the U.S. is number one again
at that. I bet we have the most
fucked up wild shit. What
crime, let's say we're
a government. We are kind of
a little government. We're a little government. What crime
is too much to do the rehab?
How about second degree murder?
Second degree. See, look up second
degree. No, let's see, I'm a presenter. I'm going to
present you a case. Yeah. All right.
So, um, I have a client
here out. Welcome.
What's the client's name?
Alfred Simmons.
And he came home from a trip early, went to his house.
Yeah.
And his wife was having sex with two of his workmates.
Where do they work?
Costco.
Oh, seriously?
Yeah.
I love corporate, though.
So this man, okay, this man comes home from work.
Yeah.
He finds his wife in bed with two of his Costco co-worker.
Yeah, yeah.
And they're going at it.
What position are they in?
Oh, every position, my friend.
Wow.
So he's just sitting and watching.
He's cucking.
Is he cucking for a little bit?
Yeah.
Well, his friend.
David is upside down. I don't know how they got the ropes tied around his ankles upside down
on just the ceiling, but he's upside down. Wow. He's licking her um.
Ertush. Armpet. Oh. Yeah, yeah. Please don't assume sir. Sorry. Okay. And the other one,
a little dwarf man, little person, all right? And he's got marshmallows all over his body.
He boiled down marshmallows, put it all over his body, right? And he's sort of just like on her chest and just
get in the marshmallow juice
on her breastuses.
Got it.
You know what I mean?
Region.
Right.
It sounds more fun than that.
It's pretty fun.
It was a fun time.
But anyway, this guy,
this, Simmons took a machete.
Simmons?
What was it?
Alfred.
Alfred Simmons.
Mr. Simmons.
Mr. Simmons.
Sorry.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I call him Simmons.
Yeah.
He took a machete.
Yeah.
And he chopped up
the dwarf.
Fortunately.
But what about the other man?
They're fine.
Okay.
Yeah.
So it was an unintentional second-degree killing.
It was non-premeditated.
That was second-degree.
Yes, because it was a dwarf, right?
We couldn't charge them with first-degree, right.
You could always get him for half-degree murder.
It's a half-degree murder.
We consider that, and it's like a half-degree murder.
Half-person, yeah.
So anyway.
He deserves rehabilitation.
You think so?
Yeah.
Okay, good, good, right.
Yeah.
I heard you have a client.
But I would say, I would say this.
Yeah, yeah.
you would need to have him make amends with the family,
with the family of the little person that was murdered.
So you'd have to get him to go to find that.
First of all, you've got to find that treat in there.
Well, we'd have to buy him a plane ticket to get to Middle Earth.
Right.
Yeah, yeah, and we don't even know how to...
That's what I'm saying.
We don't even know how to do that.
So I heard you had a little client.
I do have a client.
Yeah, it's a tall...
Barba Duke, Mr. Barbaduke here.
Well, based on the name.
Alan Barbaduke.
Okay.
He's a doctor and a lawyer.
And a physicist.
Oh, wow.
He's very well accomplished.
Already then probably
Ready for rehabilitation
I don't know
Okay well
That was the case
It was pretty egregious
He was eating lunch
At a Jimmy Johns
And
Good sandwich
Freaky fast
And I'll tell you
He was eating lunch
And he found a pubic hair
In his sandwich
Oh
And he turned around
And a bunch of the young
Teenage Pimple Face boys
Braces
They were laughing
Shit's lit dude
What do you think about that
Brough
Wow
Our pubs are in your fucking mouth bitch
Oh so these kids
put their own pubic regions inside the sandwich.
Well, that is.
Three teenage boys.
Really uncalled for.
Three teenage boys.
Wow.
But Barbe Duke, he took this the wrong way because he was having a flashback from the time.
What was his first name?
What's Barber Duke's first name?
Mr. Barbadook.
No, what's his first name?
You said it doesn't matter.
But Mr. Barbaduke had a flashback from his childhood where he was bullied when he was
very young.
I see.
And many people in the neighborhood would make him eat their pub.
Pube the Duke
It was a game
It was a game
It's understandable
So Mr. Barber Duke
kind of had a flashback
He grabbed
What did Mr. Barber Duke do?
He grabbed one of the butter
He grabbed one of the bread knives
And he slowly
Cut up each of the teenage boys
And he cooked them
And they're still now serving
Some of them at Jimmy Johns
It's a new flavor
You know Chipotle introduces something new
Every couple of months
Yes
Now Jimmy John's introducing teenage boy
Okay
And he killed them
It's interesting that you would say that
Because it's like first of all
you would think that once somebody is carving up one teenage boy
that the other teenage boys would run.
He dismembered all,
he took the knife and cut off all their legs.
With the butter knife?
With a butter knife.
A bread knife.
A bread knife.
Bread knife.
It seems difficult to do.
Well, dude, Mr. Barberdook was quite strong.
He trained Taekwondo and sword mastery when he was in college.
Okay.
I've never seen that done, but anyway.
He's very skilled.
Yeah.
He's well-skilled.
What do you can think, guys?
Rehab.
Rehab, rehab, rehab, rehab, rehab.
You think he's good?
Yeah, we're good.
Mr. Barber duke, we're fine.
Yeah, yeah.
Carlos doesn't realize he's Mr. Barberdoole.
In prison, can you wake up whenever you want to wake up?
No, I think there's a bedtime, there's a wake-up time, there's a yard.
But I can't go.
I'm going to sleep in.
I'm going to mix breath.
You would, you would, the prison would hurt you a lot.
Oh, I bet.
Because bedtime.
I wouldn't be able to walk or anything.
And honestly, then you'd have to get up and do shit.
No, but I'd need to.
I can't go, hey, yo, prison guard.
What's your name? Larry, prison guard.
Yeah.
Tomorrow?
I'm Larry.
Hey, Larry.
Hey, tomorrow, you know, breakfast and all that stuff, we sleep in.
No, wake up.
You got to do exercise and clean.
Yeah, but I'll do that after lunch.
No, well, we'll just beat you then.
What do you mean?
We'll just beat you.
We'll physically come.
I didn't do anything.
I just want to sleep in.
I tie you.
Too bad.
No cameras.
Oh, shit.
You'll beat me?
With what?
Huh?
What did you beat me with?
What do you want to be beat with?
baton.
Do you think they would beat me?
They would make me get up in the morning,
like a military?
Abso fucking, that's what they do.
You have to work.
You got to go to fucking.
Can you sleep early?
Like, yeah, I'm going to sleep early.
I think so.
Do we even go to bed early?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I think you, I don't know.
Lights out is 11.
Can you Google it?
I don't think, do they make you wake up.
I don't think.
Of course they do.
There's no, I don't think so.
Yes, they do.
Also, it depends on what level of prison you're in.
Yes, you do have to wake up in prison around 6 a.m.
Structure daily schedule includes mandatory head counts and work assignments.
to do shit. You're forced to do labor.
You're doing late.
Oh my God. They get paid.
But they would let him do stand up and get out of it.
You know what I do.
What?
Fuck everyone.
Yeah.
You would get fucked.
Whatever it takes. I want to sleep in.
You'd be bottomed.
How did it go? How did that Friday go?
It was okay. I mean, I love San Francisco. The punch is great. And you were there before
and they talked all about you. Bobby was just here.
That was a cool week. It was me.
Tuesday, Wednesday, then you Thursday, Friday, Saturday, right?
And on Friday during the day,
mat in a show's was Doug Benson.
How funny is that?
No.
Yeah, he did 4 p.ms.
Wow.
He does like 420 shows in certain cities.
He'll do.
Oh, that's fun.
At 4.20 p.m.
Yeah, I think he did Saturday before me, I think.
That's a lot of fun.
I didn't even get to fucking see him, though,
because obviously he's on the road in and out.
But, no, dude, that club punch was great.
San Francisco's awesome.
There is also a perception of San Francisco that comics have sometimes
where they're like
San Francisco
liberals snooty
they were fucking
I could
I feel the same way
I said everything
it was rad
it's fun
I just think
San Francisco
is misunderstood
as an audience
also the homeless
seem safer
they're not as knifey
yeah they're not as knifey
and they're having
conversations with themselves
which is nice
that's I just saw a guy
doing that on the way here
you ain't got no
clarity
within this
time frame
what do you mean
They're like talking to each other.
Infinity stones, create the magic.
You know what I mean?
I'm getting it, man.
And they're having conversations with each other.
And so you're just kind of walking by, you can't add.
No.
You can't go, the mind frame is down below.
And they're like, what, you say it?
You know what I mean?
They'll go down below.
Yeah, but you can listen to them.
They're not, you know what I mean?
Like snive.
Not nice.
Shanky.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We need it.
That would be funny to put an homeless guy at an improv
and sign him up for 101 or whatever over at UCB.
Yeah.
Just a homeless schizophrenic guy,
and he just kills.
He gets on SNL year two.
Yeah.
That'd be cool.
Yeah.
Ladies and gentlemen, crazy bones.
But there is a lot.
Do you see a lot of homeless there?
Yeah.
But they're so safe.
Well, we live here.
Yeah, yeah.
I see it fucking here.
I love the homeless here.
So crazy.
I saw one person in Spain in those two and a half away.
Kill them. You kill them. You get rid of them.
You guys are, you got, what do you do with the homeless there?
Airplane in L.A.
I saw a couple of TikToks today about Japanese homeless.
You know what I mean? And the typhoons get them.
The typhoons.
Stop.
They do.
That's real?
The typhoons fuck them up. Yeah, yeah.
Well, they look so cool.
No.
That's just a cool guy.
No, it's like a famous meme because it really is a homeless dude.
No, I wanted to start a clothing line called Hobo.
And that was, when I brought to a company, that was the photo.
I mean, you look like that.
I want to do a line of clothing that look like that.
You wear that shit all the time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Balenciaga kind of does that.
Yeah.
They get it off of that Russian dude.
You know that Russian dude?
Mm-mm.
Okay, look up Balenciaga and then the Russian streetwear guy.
That's right.
Have you seen this before?
No.
You're going to love this.
This guy.
This guy right here, right?
He goes to thrift stores.
and he's
influencing fashion
fashion trends
he's like a
homeless guy
in fucking Russia
are they paying him
no
do they want to keep this man homeless
just for his art ideas
it's a good idea
smart
yeah
yeah don't let him
don't let him in
and they steal his fashion ideas
by looking at his photos
and he knows this
look at
that's what he normally wears
and then look what they did
I mean
it's incredible
that's fucking dark
what?
Who's who?
Who's who?
The guy on the right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Go back to some of these other ones.
I mean, dude, dope.
No?
Yeah, he's got cool style.
Yeah, good style.
Yeah, he's cool.
Obviously, he was an artist of some kind.
I don't know.
Harper, yeah, Bizarre.
Ukrainian magazine.
Wow.
It's incredible.
It's crazy.
They're just stealing from them.
Oh, let me tell you something that happened
Yeah
Oh my God, you just
Piss me off, dude
Yeah
So I
Flying to San Francisco
Do you have a driver?
No
How do you get to the hotel?
Just Uber
Okay, well I have a driver
I know you do
Okay, yeah, he tells me
Yeah
You get the driver for me
I get the driver for you
It's not in his deal
Yeah
You pay for my driver
I pay for your everything
Okay, so anyway
No, he pays for his own fucking
Yeah, of course
Yeah.
She was this guy, you know, I land.
There's a guy who has a signed Lee.
I go, hey, it's me.
He's like, what's your first name?
I go, Bobby.
He's like, okay.
I'm not lying.
It gets worse.
Then we actually were walking, smoking to the car.
Yeah.
He goes, uh, what hotel are you staying at?
He doesn't know.
Isn't it in the fucking thing?
That's why I ask him.
Go, don't you know what?
hotel I'm staying at? Because I do. Do you? I go, I don't know. It's in some of my, I have to go to
my emails and check it out. Just getting kidnapped by a fan? No, just check out. He goes, no, I can't
put you in my car unless I know what hotel are staying at. Seriously? Yeah. And I go, well, what?
You already, I already gave you my name, right? He's like, it's rules, man. I've never heard this
in my life. Yeah. And now I'm going through my emails. Then I finally go, the hotel. He's
I was like, okay.
Wow.
And I still give him a big tip.
I knew you.
I was just going to say, I bet you gave him 100 bucks.
But I did, I threw it out of him almost.
You know what I mean?
I go, here you go, man.
I whipped it at him.
Yeah, fuck him.
Right?
I just got out, didn't say goodbye or anything.
It pissed me off.
Yeah, that's fucking weird, dude.
Do you know why?
He doesn't think that I am anything.
How many Lee's haves he seen, you know?
It's San Francisco.
I also said Bobby.
You know what I mean?
That's a rare.
Lee. That's a less
commonly. Yeah. It's also
like, you know, I don't
know, did I read it wrong? No,
that's fucking weird though that he did. I don't know why he... Has that
ever happened to you? I'd take
Ubers. You've never
gotten a car. It's the same amount
of money. No, I have, but they've never... No, I have...
It's not the same amount. I have...
What do you mean? It's more expensive for sure.
Yeah. It's a way more expensive. No, but I have taken...
I'll do Uber's from now on. Is that what you're saying?
No. No, it's you're paying for. You deserve it.
I don't deserve anything. I just like,
It's easier.
I like the torture of a foreigner
who's speaking on the phone.
I like that.
I like to go to a new city
and hear their foreign,
their foreign local,
you know?
Yeah.
Bahana,
maneshima,
Redhead.
That's,
I would like,
I want to hear that.
Yeah.
No, but I,
I've had that before.
I've had it before where I'm like,
oh, that's me.
And because I use an alias,
I don't use my name.
I'm like,
that's me.
And then they have to like check
to,
to make sure,
because it's not,
you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Because it's not my name.
I see.
Because it's weird
that they hold your fucking name.
That's the weirdest thing.
That's why I put mine when we go on the road.
Yeah,
that's smart.
But you're so fucking famous,
Bobby Lee,
the name is famous.
Oh,
this guy had no idea.
He knows who you are.
No.
Maybe he was fucking with you.
He wasn't.
Dude.
How old was he?
He was like Brazilian,
so he had a thick accent.
Oh.
You know what I mean?
But,
I almost,
I almost gave him a bad review.
you, but I didn't do it.
No, no, you can't do that.
Why, why can't you?
You can't, it's not, let him suffer.
You're living a great life.
Fuck him.
You're right, you're right.
Was it worse than our mean Uber driver in Detroit?
What do you remind me?
Remember, we were three packed in the back of the car.
Yeah, he was being so rude to us.
And you were asking, if you could turn the AC on and he just wasn't listening, kept turning his music.
Was that the one where we were laughing really loud?
There was one Uber I was in with you.
That was with me.
Well, no, that was in London?
London.
Oh, that was so funny.
On the way to the show with Chappelle.
Yeah, yeah, that was so funny
Yeah, yeah
And you asked what this building was
And he was like
And he goes
Ab-Dub-Dub-D-D
And we
And that's all he did
He turned back around
And there was
Dead silence at first
And then all of a sudden
We just lost
I died, I died lap
Although we also
We also validate him
We were like
Oh, cool
Oh, you were in the car
Yeah, yeah
Yeah
Pretended to be on the phone
afterward
Yeah
What?
You pretended to be on the phone
After you're like,
What?
Okay
That was so fun
But then you guys were like
We're gonna bomb tonight
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we could feel it.
Something was in the air that night.
As soon as we passed fucking Abbey Road, I was like, we're dead, we're dumb, legends,
and then we're fucking penis jokes.
Thank you for being a bad friend.
Okay, only 10 more presents to wrap.
You're almost at the finish line.
But first?
There, the last one.
Enjoy a Coca-Cola for a pause that refreshes.
