Bad Friends - Bobby's Moana Birthday! w/ Stavros Halkias

Episode Date: September 14, 2026

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No, it doesn't go on your head. It goes over your right shoulder. Everything has to be ninja with you. I actually think that looks awesome. Moana, the Japanese soldier. The tale they haven't told yet. The Japanese Moana soldier? They haven't told this tale yet.

With drunk Tommy Lee. I didn't know drunk Tommy Lee was with us. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? White dude. I'm an Asian dude. You two? We're bad friends.

Can I say except you're welcome for the tides, the sun, the sky. Hey, it's okay, it's okay. Let me do a shot. Can I give a shot? I'm just an ordinary demi guy. Okay, I can't give a shot. That's the chorus. Hey, hey.

Hey, what time, hey what has two thumbs and pulled up the sky. when you're waddling you high When you're Real bad Really bad This guy When the nights got cold Who stole you fire

From down below I got it What are you doing Do you think you got it? That's the song, no? Yeah, no, it sounded actually perfect Okay So I don't know whose choice

Was this Malatable? It's my birthday. I get what we're doing. Happy birthday. What can I say except happy birthday to a sweet little Chinese boy. Yeah. What can I say except happy birthday. Do this and then do this.

That's drunk Tommy Lee. This is from a fan. Happy birthday. Look at that. Did you see what I just run the table? Happy birthday. That's from a fan. That is two.

Thank you. Thank you. You got two of them here. Yeah, these are have been here. No, we just got them. No, no, these have been in the, I've seen this in the studio before. We literally just got them. So today, my girlfriend said that I have a disease.

Which one? Marcello Hernandez just texted me. He called me. Should I call him a ring? All right. It's your birthday, man. You want to do whatever you want on your birthday. You got telling me you on the show.

Oh, wow. Congratulations, but are you above us? Because you're on bad friends with Andrew right now. Oh, no. Yeah, say something. Hey, man. Hey, man. Well, I love Andrew.

Andrew is just a great guy. And honestly, Bobby, how often do you say thank you to Andrew for making your career? What can I say except you welcome? Oh, my God. It's my birthday. How old are you now? 69. I regret calling you, Marcelo Hernano.

Oh, my God. Listen, Bobby. What do you want? What do you need? I get to anything you want, baby. You want black market pineapples. What do you want? On Saturday, I'm doing a show in like a cool place in L.A.

And I was wondering if you could wait tables for it. You know what? I'm going to hang up now. I'm going to hang up now on you. I love you, Bobby. I love you. Andrew, I just want to say when the whole industry that stopped Bobby was finished, thank you for thinking a chance on him.

Thank you. Thank you, brother. I appreciate it. I'll talk me later. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. Okay. We love that, kid. He's fantastic.

He's on your side every time. He's the man. All right, so I'm going to tell you what I have. What do you got? Your diseases, now your girlfriend says you have a couple of diseases. I have one disease. Only one? No, only one that's verified.

This is a true one, though. And I regret to have it. And I don't want it. But I think I have it. It's got to be HPV. No, that's not HPV. What is it? First of all, can I just say something about my sexual juices?

Small eyes. What are your sexual juices? What do you mean? They're pure. Hmm. Pure. Oh, okay. Go to my doctor.

Check my juices. I'm not going to go to your doctor. You go to a guy at a Korean spa and he's your doctor. I know, but he has juice machine. Everything looks good. He does blood work. That's all he says. He looks at you in the spa.

Can I say what I have? What do you have? God, dude. Schadenfreude. Schadenfreude. Yeah, you're Schadenfreude. What is it? Schadenfreude is when you love the demise of others.

Here's a why. It's feeling joy or satisfaction when you get something bad happens to another person. I know what Schadenfreude is. So there's this one game. It was Germany versus Brazil. So shot in front, it was very appropriate there. Yes. Yeah.

It was 2014, I believe, and they beat Germany. No, Germany beat Brazil, I think, 7-1. And there's always in the, if you see the highlights, they always cut to a kid who's in a Brazilian jersey. He's crying. And he's crying so deeply. Bring it up. And I watch that video all the time,

because when I see the kid cry, it makes me laugh. And is that Chadenfreude? It's pretty on the nose. He's a Brazilian fan. Yeah. Shot in front of us. This is great. We watch a little boy cry as the stands.

This kid. I have Chadenfreude, dude. Dude, this. I mean, that's dark to laugh at that poor kid. I know. But they lost 7-1. 4-0 right there. That's when they were at 4-0.

Oh, wow. It got worse and worse and worse. Is that sketch? and just grew up to be sketched But anyway I have shot and Freud I do it because I You're never because you're not whole

No that's not why it's I'll watch like Tottenham Like they lost today And I'll watch like reaction Videos of Tottenham fans watching the game And then being devastated When they're getting scored on It brings me joy

What about when people watch you When Arsenal loses Arsenal doesn't lose We don't lose Well that's the problem So no one gets to do that to you Because even when we lose, we win. No, right. Of course. Because you're Arsenal.

No, because we tried our best. So stupid. Yeah. We gave it 100% effort. You could tell it on the pitch. The sweat, the tears. The blood? The blood. The blood. It runs through the stone. Well, I want to say...

And that's the street is what they're talking about. Stone Street? Eric Stone Street. Eric Stone Street. By the way, could I just say something about Eric Stone Street? Yeah. Fuck that guy. Okay, why? Because he called me.

He's like, why weren't you at the wedding? What wedding? And he goes, I hung out with your friend Andrew at the wedding. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's the man. Why would he call me to rub that in my face? Because that's funny. That's schadenfreude in my face.

That's a little taste of your own. Oh, shit. And then you guys feel the glee. Yeah, then he called me and he's like, dude, I bullied Bobby about that. And I was like, yeah, fuck him. And he was like, yeah, he stinks. Yeah. What can I say except?

You're welcome. Yeah. Go back to the lyrics. Hey. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. To you.

Okay. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Dear Bobby. Happy birthday. Happy birthday to you. So. I wanted to do it like Travis Scott in Odyssey.

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you, Bobby. Yeah. Pop. Hap. Yeah. You loved it. No, I loved the movie.

I didn't like that. So, oh, ghetto fucking banana cake. Okay Banana bread from a ghetto place Where's this place from? That's Vons, I think Ralph's, yeah, even worse You couldn't go to like

Airwan? No, dude They didn't have it at Airwana These coconuts he said he bought Airwane The coconuts are from Airwain Wait, did you make a wish? I did it come true

You're still alive, are you? Ma'am I'm kidding, I love you No, that'll be funny That's not funny No, it's funny No, it's my birthday Yeah, it should be nice

You should talk about What you're grateful for So what'd you think of the Odyssey Better than Moana finally? No, Mana's number one. You never saw Moana, dude. This is so stupid.

It sounds stupid. For the sun, the sky, and the birds. What can I say except do you welcome? You're a silly little Korean turd. You don't even know the other day we were talking about the storyline. You had no idea what the storyline. Yes, I do. She saves the sea.

See, save her. She's the sea saver. I'm a sea saver. By the way, now we got a love from Hawaii. Now they're going to be mad at us and not want us to go. Why? Because we're now all about Moana now.

It's not a Hawaii. Is Moana set in Hawaii? It's not. It's in the Pacific Islands. But where is Moana set? Tell me. It's not in Hawaii. It's in the South Pacific.

Then who gives a fuck has nothing to do with them? It matters. The Hawaiians matter. Hawaiian lives matter. No, I believe no. I'm number one. Bobby is anti- Hawaiian. Dude, when Hawaii's being kicked, I kick back.

To put the person that kicked the Hawaiian. Who's kicking Hawaiians, man? I know who's kicking the Hawaiians, but if somebody kicked the Hawaiian... You guys better cut it out. Who's ever doing that? Who's ever kicking the Hawaiian? Yeah.

They're laying down, relaxing, drinking their assay juice. What are you drinking that little mini can? Is that just... Oh, my dear. Bubbly water? I was poached and under the bridge. So scared.

Oh, my little Moana. Oh, my little dandelion. Very nice to see you. So stupid. Gross, dude. We got to commit you to a psycho... Very nice to see you. Good evening.

Do you think that's what Moana sounds like? Yes, I'm Moana King. The Queen of the Sea. I saved the sea. That's like a Moana was played by Natasha Legerro. Yeah. My darling. My darling.

Oh, my God. My darling, welcome to my island. What are you going to do when I'm gone in Atlanta shooting? What's going to be going on? What's your plan? He has to go on the road. Oh, you're going back on the road. I'm going to go back on the road, young man.

Hello. I think you're getting nervous. He's getting nervous. About what? A lot of stuff. You got a lot coming up. Back on the road specials coming out. I'm nervous.

What's going to happen? I don't know. It's fun. Moana went to, you know, Godzilla minus one. Somehow. Yeah, we merged. Yes. You think that that's what it is?

You think we were watching Moana? And all of a sudden, Godzilla minus one happened? I mean, it'd be a cool, cool combo. That's a great. It's a great. combo and put jaws in it yeah why not you might as well put all the sea elements in it what that locknacken lockness crack in lockness crack in lockness any sweet wheel to see a the meg the meg phelps is in the belps has to be in it he's fighting fighting

he's fighting jaws king human version of whatever that is whatever that is we need in the water yeah we need that the pirates the caribbean what are you doing for your birthday is anything special happening you guys are going to be on the fucking road for your birthday yeah he's flying to portland so dumb So you and Carlos are going to have a birthday night together. No, he's flying alone. No, in Hawaii, the night. Okay, so what happens is on the 16th, if you're in Hawaii, come check it out.

But on the 16th, I have a show, I believe, on the 16th? September 12th? Okay, so on the 16th, I had already done my show. Adam is playing the blue note, Adam Ray. Yeah. So I'm going to have dinner with him. It works out where on the 16th I get to have dinner with Adam Ray. That's great.

He's your birthday boy. And you're going to have your little birthday? they together together with Adam. That's actually very sweet. It'll be sweet. You were supposed to be there, but you're disappointment. I got to go shoot a movie.

Congratulations. Thanks. It really, I'm super happy for you. You seem like it. Congratulations. Hey man, it's not tires, but I'm trying, you know? Don't, I know it was terrible on that show. No, you're very good.

We told you you were very good. Yeah, that's coming from your mouth. You're not a truth. Sometimes you'll say, I did a good job. Or something. What if I told you did a good job, but you didn't do a good job? There's nothing you've done.

Some shows. Borderlands. You did a bad job and the movie was bad. Two for two. The movie was almost unreleasable. Can I take my bandana off? It's throwing me off. No, it's awesome.

It's literally throwing you off. You look good. We'll put it over your shoulder like a sash. That's what she has. Okay. Oh. Cute. You honestly would be a cute little Korean girl.

Hi. Hi. I'm Uruk. Oh, hi, Uruk. This is my village. Oh, this is your, I'm in your village. Welcome to my village. Thank you.

Yeah. Do you want pook-puk. Oh, I'd love a pook-pok. Yeah, how many? Pock-puk do you want. How many usually fills up a man my style? 15. Oh, I'll take 50.

Yeah, a dozen plus three. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. 10 plus three. Right.

Who's coming? Oh, I thought it was. Oh, it's a lot of makings. Do want? I love, yes. Here you go eat. Thank you. Yeah, yeah.

Eat! Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah. Mmm. Mm-hmm. Chalky, huh? Yeah, well, it's in this. Huh?

Well, there's, you know the dead toads on the riverbank? Oh, is that Dead Toad Riverbank? You know the famous, by the Veedle. Yes. Hi. Oh, bad girl I love how he's like, I didn't want to get in costume He's so in character

Um, how was you talk talks? It was delicious, thank you for your hospitality I must be gone my way No No, I have to leave You need to penetrate me No, please God, no You got a better to me

Please no Please don't punish me The food was bad enough I need to be penetrator I don't want to All right, so So for my birthday I want a special person here.

Yeah, well, we got you a special gift. Well, I want to manifest him. Oh, okay, let's see. And the only way we can manifest him is do our tribal music. Oh, please do our tribal song that we know. What do. What the fuck?

What? What the fuck? I was just in my living room. Whoa. Whoa. Dude. I was just on my couch watching 30. What the fuck?

I was just on my couch watching 30 Rocks. I know. I was in New York's moments ago. What did you do? What the fuck? What am I wearing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are these the sexual desires of a minuscule Korean man?

Are these specific desires? That's what it feels like. A diminutive Koreans' most deep-seated sexual fantasy on his birthday. This is what I've been transported to Los Angeles for? Happy birthday, Bob. You think I would manifest a bird of paradise, a fat one? I don't know. I said I was in New York.

A fat bird of paradise. That's what I desire. Not a hot chick. You piece of shit. You did it. You did it. You did the song. Come to my phone down.

It was your song. You accuse me of manifest a bird of paradise. Now look. I wasn't here. I was in New York. But I feel like what you said was let me manifest my deepest desire. That is what he said. I want a special person.

It's exactly what I want. Bermin. Hey, how you doing? I wish it was a hot chick too, huh? How the fuck am I going to get home? This is what you got. Can you sing me home back to New York? No, no, no, no, you stay here.

Yeah, you're here the whole time. Well, luckily, Uncle Stav is on Netflix, September 8th. Please listen to it. So the timing actually worked out really well. I said listen to it. Please watch it. Uncle Stop, can I ask you a question? Sure.

Stavro's here, ladies and gentlemen, for the man. Hi, hello. All right, can I ask you a question? Yes. And I hate to be confrontational. Oh, no, you don't. You love it. Something about our...

I don't understand why this is our relationship because I love you. I have nothing but... I love you so much. Guess what, dude? It's like this with him with everybody. He's confrontational with every single human that sits in that chair. And they go, what is it about?

Marcelo Hernandez called 15 minutes ago. And he was like, fuck you, Bobby. So it's even little sexy guys? Yeah, even sexy guys can't stand. Because for me, there's something... He's mad, I'm fat, and I don't hate myself. That's really what at the core is what Bobby's problem with me is. Well, he got off GLP1.

He's back. Oh, you're back. You're back? Look at his stomach. your stomach. You look great. I said he needed to get on GLP 2 or 3. It didn't work, it was not good enough. You look great. You don't need to do anything. All right. So, fuck you. Dude, watching him put that on and have a shirt off again, it made me, I was so happy to why, why, let me see. Because he got fat again. He is not fat. He looks great. No, no, he's,

well, yeah, he looks great, but he still got, he got fat again. Let's see your titties. Show him. Awesome, not bad. Go down. One more. Dude, for your age, you look great. Disney, myself. Oh, he's, oh, he's stripped me. You're not miced, by the way. It is your podcast, so I'm just letting you know. That's fine. Soldier.

Donoko. I'm going to have to say what he's saying. This is Little Noko. Yeah, this is character, Little Noko. Yeah, she's a sweet little Korean girl. Hi. Go sit down. Oh, okay.

Yeah, see? Belly's not bad. Belly's not bad at all. It's not, but it was way, way better. It got good. You look great, Bob. This guy's trying to drag you down. They need to keep you.

just miserable enough so you don't improve your life? Correct. But not, but like, not so miserable that you kill yourself. So that's kind of the... I think that's what's going on. They have you trapped? They have you trapped me here. I'm the only one who cares about you.

I know. Only me. The sexual is oppressed me. You listen to what he's saying. He has a polyside degree. He's going to manipulate you into fucking thinking, whatever. This is a Japanese intermigure. Exactly.

He knows. He knows history. This is fucking Emperor Hirohito right here. Yeah, your son god. You think you're a son god? No! No! Yeah, yeah.

He's the reincarnation of the emperor, dude. Hello? Hello? This is Teddy Roosevelt. That's wrong. I don't think. Emperor here, Teddy Roosevelt.

I think he's Franklin. Is it Franklin? His cousin, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Hey! That's how his cousin. Yeah, yeah. Hey, I'm fucking Frankie Delano.

Delano. Oh, my fucking wife's a lesbian. She's my cousin. That is how he was. You're not doing the... His wife was his cousin. His cousin who was a lesbian. His first.

I don't remember if it was first or second. Blood matters. If it's blood, it's different. Can I tell you the honest? Do you have any hot cousins? No. I don't. I have one. He does. Oh, really? Yeah. I have a couple. I mean, they're not. They're good looking. I just don't want to fuck my cousins. I want to be honest. We're telling our fans for a second. Please.

And let me ask you about a relationship. Number one. Okay. A, just in general. Is it different in a club environment? Like, if I see you at a club, A comedy club, yeah. How do I treat you? Me and you? Oh, he's saying his behavior different? I want to talk about our behavior so I can correct it. No, I think you're fine.

I think you get a little, I think you do have a tendency to go confrontational off rip. Yeah. And then you have a tendency to play very simple mind games that are easy to see through. It's sort of like when a toddler wants to piss you off. And so you'll be like hot and cold, but it's so clear what you're doing that it doesn't. Yeah, I'm trying to give you a compliment. Oh, okay. I'm trying to get out of this where you come out looking good and I come out looking bad and you're just ripping on me.

All right? Sorry, my bad. I thought you were teeing me up to do that. No, I'm teeing you up. So you look like the good guy. But I'm being buried by your thunder. Well, he is the good guy. In this scenario, yes, he is.

Here we go. I am I not. Oh, you think you're, there's no bad guys. We're friends. No one is at odds here. You have to stop. Okay, calm. No one's got a gun to your head.

So what I'm, what I wanted? to say is that the reason why I adore you, is that there's similarities with you and me. Absolutely, no question about it. And I look at the similarities and I go, that's a comrade. What are the similarities you think? We are comrades. I think him and I are shaped differently.

That's true. I think they were unconventional. Buddy silhouette. Really strong personalities. Well, one's an intellectual. The other one is a lack of intellect. Let's not get crazy. I'm not an intellect.

I know the bit. I know you're trying to do here and mock Bobby, but let's not be crazy. No, no, no, he's the intellect. Oh, okay. You're a fucking idiot. This guy's, this guy's a dark horse. You have no idea. He comes out of nowhere, dude.

This guy is incredible. He's one of the smartest people I've ever known in my entire life. He plays dumb. It's a big, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a good year old bit. It's a good bit. It's a good bit. It is insane. If you got the birth date, right, it would have been funny.

God, can anybody get anything else? But you said 50? It didn't work. No, he only started at five. You started at five. You started five. You have spit careening down here. Because he's making me fucking antagonizing.

I'm not trying to. Yeah, yeah. Making me a bad, mad dog. He has a special out on Netflix right now. Please go watch it for all of our fans. Please go watch. He's also on tires. He is on tires.

We had great, we had great episode together. Episodes. Yeah. You guys were in the scene? Dude, we worked a lot together. Oh, we did. It was so much fun. It really was a blast.

Was he good on set? He was incredible. Well, yes. He was great. He was great on set. There was one. This is what I'm talking about. Bobby.

This is what I'm talking about. There was one incident. Can you let him talk? But other than that, it's fine. He did ask to sniff a female cast member's armpits. Okay. But I wasn't going to bring that up, but you did ask me how was he on set? You did bring it up and you caused a problem on set.

I caused a problem on set and you made it uncomfortable for me. We love the dew. We love the do. We love the color. We love the flavor. We love the citrus. I do love it so much. We love this nostalgic feeling. I love it. Two brothers started it. Where do they start it in the foothills of T-E? E. D.E. D.S. Double-E. I said it. That spells Tennessee.

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Terms and limits apply. Go to chime.com slash disclosures for details. Was that different than Antonio Banderas? Antonio Banderas did not ask to sniff anyone's armpits on set. What's he like? Who is your age? Fuck you! That's so fucking funny.

That's dry. For the life. They're similar. They're the same age. 66, dude. Yeah, I know. You look so much better. You're right.

I'm 55 turning in September. You look wonderful. Yeah, you look the same age. You really do look great. I'm not fucking with you. All right. It is funny that you are so old that I looked up to you as a child. A guy that looks like this.

You were a childhood hero of mine. I used to love Mad TV. That's got to be tough to see this. I was once a blushing boy being like, I wonder what Bobby and Will Saso are up to tonight. But look, you know, you get blessed by, you know, a younger generation. And, you know, you become friends with them. So it gets mixed up and you don't really think about age, really.

Right. Which is also interesting. You had Marcello on the phone. He has no idea who you are historically either. Wait, really? He's so young. Well, he's 20. What frame of reference?

He knows who I am? From before I'm saying he has no idea about. He's 29. He doesn't remember Mad TV. He does. No chance. He brings up sketches all the time. He knows.

29, 29's. Mad TV, he was like... 24. He was like nine. Yeah, but it was... But it was a child show. Well, it definitely wasn't for people who were adjusted or...

For babies. It is kind of for babies. It's a baby show. Mexican babies. Mexican babies. Yeah, yeah. Mexicans love it. They do.

It's good. Yeah. It's so funny. See everybody's careers? Mad TV has launched more careers than SNL. Well, that one. cast that that cast did unbelievable wonders for almost everyone on there. Like everyone on there did something.

Yeah. Not everyone. Almost every single person. A lot of us got out alive. A lot of us got out of life. You're the success story, kid. Don't call me kid when I'm your elder. Okay, old man.

Maybe Jordan Peele. I would go with Jordan Peele. Jordan Peele Kegan. Alex Borski and Mike Barron Hulles. That's about right. Taryn Kill him. Will Sassow. I'd put Saso.

Phil Lamar. Yeah, I'd have put Saso higher. I'd put Sesso higher. At Shane's show, Bobby was like, I don't know why you're pretending to be like nervous. Or maybe you were. And you crushed so hard.

It's all performative. But one thing I loved. He's such a little princess. He's like, I'm going to bomb. I'm going to bomb. And he paces and smokes. He's like old Hollywood. Totally, yes.

Oh, I don't know, darling. Hello. He doesn't see me anymore. Well, they even be excited. I get on the stain. Banging for a compliment. Will they be? Roses for me.

Oh, you shouldn't have. Well, you ordered them, ma'am. If this had gone bad, I would have put out a long cigarette on my Mexican garden. That's 100% of him. But he did kill. I'm sure he killed. And you did the funniest thing of that whole show when you started. He gets the huge pop, right?

South Carolina Shane fans he starts going we are Charlie Kirk he just sings that song and people are like mad but they love him they don't know how to fucking react and before it's like when the audience going down he's like

he just pulled it right back up and crushed for you know seven minutes after that but it was so fucking to get a huge pop and then try and squander all your goodwill immediately and then immediately immediately grab it back That's the fun part of doing.

That's great. He was for about a month and a half. We heard we are Charlie Kirk in this room every single day. It's a great song. He loved that song. He couldn't get enough of that, dude. A really moving tribute. So will he be back in the next season?

I hope so. I have no. No, no, I'm saying, will the story, is the story lend itself to him coming back? Absolutely. The story lends it to it, but I also want to say that I don't want to expect to be back. No, I think you should. I'm not saying that. I'm going to, if I may not come back.

I'm lobbying. I think me, and Foley is a beautiful Troika. That's a good, that's a good combination. That's a trio, I believe, our friends. The unfuckables, for real.

No. No. Netflix presents the unfuckable. Holy. Tavros. Lee. No, you get head, I get head. Foley.

We defied God's wisdom, though. Absolutely. Not God's wisdom, his will. His will. His will. That's what I meant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We just, fuck you, dude.

Yeah, yeah. And we beat your system. That's right. The system you set up were used to that we weren't going to get laid. I'm so excited for the smite portion of this. I'll do you one better. When tomorrow he wakes up, he's like, I think I'm sick. I think I'm dying.

All cancer. Yeah, something else. No, no, no. I mean, thanks for all the success. Well, I'm a test to, baby. God truly didn't want me to exist. Yeah, you're science created me. Science made you.

I'm the fucking $69 million man, dude. Dude, you're science. Can you meet Neil deGrasse Tyson is like, maybe we should. Show out with that. Yeah, he's too much science. Lion scientist. Yeah. I don't know.

We'll do other science. Yeah, Kobe, yeah, don't take the vaccine, actually. You know the grass dice and so he's like, yeah, fucking Fauci should be in jail. I'd love to see those guys start flipping real hard. He's so fucking funny. It happens sometimes. Oh, it's cool to see. Every time, like, it is so interesting when somebody just goes so.

Opposite. A lot of things broke people. Like huge moments break people's brains. 9-11 made a lot of people just like, well, I guess we should just kill every Muslim. You know what I mean? Like normal people all of a sudden, we're like, yeah, I mean, it's the only thing we can, it's the only reasonable thing to do. And they like pretended it was a reasonable thing to say. It feels normal.

It feels normal. So some, I mean, when the AI bubble, maybe that's what it'll be. When the AI bubble crashes. It's common. It's coming. We are living in hovels again. Yeah. Maybe that's when people will be like too much science.

Well, you know, Starvus is on a campaign. After this, we have limited time with him. He's going to take down a row of flock cameras tonight. That's right. He's removed. Oh, I want to try. You want to? Yeah, I know about those.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would love, if you, if you have the ability to dish, don't destroy any flock camera. Yeah. That's my message to everybody listening. Don't. Yes. Destroy any flock cameras. And also, don't get a drone and fly it into a data center.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't do that. Don't do any of that stuff. Any of that. And if you were... It's too grand, too much. Yeah. If you're constructing a data center, if you're on the, if you're on the, like, the crew, for example.

Don't do... Don't put a little button in there, like the little square from the fucking Death Star. Yeah. And if one thing hits it, it explodes. Don't do that. Don't do that. Nobody sabotage any of this stuff. We got one of our fans who's like a data kid who's got headphones in and he's like, I'm going to think I'm going to do it.

I got to do it for the bad friends. And everybody legally saw, we told everybody not to do any of that stuff. Any of that. That's illegal. Don't do that. Yeah, don't do it. It's kind of be fucking nuts to be like, I mean, you know, when you were growing up, there was black and white television and now we have flog cameras. That's not true. Now we have vlog cameras.

Well, yeah, because for him it was candles always. It was all candles. I was born in 71. We had color them. 1871 was pre. No, you did have color. You just got color. But you watched Lassie probably.

I did. Yeah, see. Dude, that's wild. You watch Gunn spoke probably? I did. Had it on Blu-ray. Had it on Blu-ray. Oh, that's funny.

Cigarette commercials. I miss those. Those were fucking awesome. Because now you can't do cigarette commercials on TV anymore. Yeah. Which is so fucked up because you can do beer commercials,

which is alcohol, the number one killer of fucking... Gambling. It's like nobody has any money. What's the difference? Yeah. I like how that's the cutoff. They're like, can't tell people

to smoke on TV, man. But they can black out and die and drive. Don't worry about it. Possession and sale of, harassing wild horses? Who's doing that? Hang, I got to tell you. That changed after you. That was you.

Oh, I remember in 19971 I did it. Right when I was born. Yeah, yeah. Dude, I was my first act. Dude, what do you, how bad do you think and horses were treated when they were shooting fucking westerns in the 40s? He can't hit his mark. That's true, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They just killed so, I mean, there was an HBO show where they just kept killing horses. Oh, dude. Lucky, I believe. it got canceled. It was a good cast but they just kept killing horses. Wait, what was it, Michael Mann show? Dustin Hoffman, yeah.

Which is a luck, luck, luck, yeah. Which was fucking, I couldn't wait to watch it and then they just couldn't stop killing horses. I'm gonna blow your mind right now. This is crazy. Can I say something? I think Mike, if you make heat, you should get to kill 20 horses minimum. They should have let Michael Man finish his creative vision.

That's what I think personally. If you make a movie like that. It's sort of the Michael Jackson Corollary. Yeah. If with enough talent, All right. With enough talent, we don't really give that much of a fuck. I think Michael Mann rises to that level.

So whenever these horses were fucking up, he was like, get rid of him now. I don't think Michael Mann was killing the horses personally. No, he was telling people to get rid of them. He was like, put this. They run in. Oh, they ran them. They ran them into the crime. My favorite horse movie is zoo.

Look that up. Zoo documentary. We bought a zoo? Zoo documentary. We bought a zoo, yeah. Zoo documentary. Yep, yep. It's amazing that Damon can do that.

Look at the cover of the, no, the first one. Oh, no. Oh, no, stop it. Shut up. We know what this is. Is that an elephant crying? It's disgusting. It's a horse.

That's a horse. It's disgusting. And look at the eye of the horse, though. It's about the B word, dude. That's your favorite documentary? Well, we're talking about horses. That's the only horse thing I know. Yeah.

It's the only horse and the thing I know, yeah. Oh, do you think we feel like to put your dick in an elephant's trunk? Well, there's two holes. I can pick a hole. You can pick a hole. Oh, interesting. That would be, that would be. All right.

Come on. What do you think Thailand vacation? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You could suck both our dicks at the same time? No, I think it would have to have one... Because, like, if you do this, you can still breathe. But if you do both, you can't. So I feel like...

Hold on. You need to suck... Hold on. You need one open nostril to suck us off. No, that's not true. Look, look, put two fingers in your nose. Open your mouth. Okay. True.

Open your mouth, you fucking idiot. Fucking idiot. Okay, sorry. But I don't think you're getting enough suction that way. We'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. Well, somebody tried to get me yesterday to watch the Perez Hilton cutting him.

self video. I had no idea that was a real thing. That's like a that's like a fat middle school girl whose parents are going through a divorce. Oh, that's that kind of behavior. Oh, it's dark. No, it's played a very. Huh? I've never experienced that. Well, I'm just saying it's he's so clearly acting out and he's so mad nobody pays attention to him. And it's also like he was kind of a piece of shit. His whole career was being piece of shit. So like I'm not happy he cut himself, but he drove a lot of people insane. So, you know, whatever. Oh, Britney Spears, dude. Exactly. You can attribute a lot of that to like that era of the shit media like storming these people and like just berating their private lives. Yeah. And like, and that's why she now dances in her kitchen and I watch, I love her videos.

She'll dance in the kitchen. A guy will be like cleaning in the background and she's like doing like a sexy dance. I hope she's having a great time. I think she's having the most fun now she's ever had. I think now that she's free she's like, fuck yeah. I'm going to the top. Like these. These videos are my favorite, dude. Yeah. As long as she's mentally well, I am, I'm rooting. She's not. Well, who is? That's subjective Are you, am I? Is he? I mean, it's yeah There's a level

Like look at the crew of pigs we have here I mean it's like Are any of these guys? I mean Fancy has a child So it leveled him out a little bit Yes But prior of that dude This guy was a conqueece

Was Jessica Simpson ever bigger than her? No What do you mean? Like fame-wise? Yeah No way Well there was a moment with Dukes of Hazard

Britney Spears did Of course But I'm saying there was a moment We would have to We would have to chart when she like, you know, shaved her head and like Perez Hilton. That's basically what he did. Terrorized her.

Yeah, like those guys terrorized her to shave her. But there was a moment where Jessica Simpson, they had the Nicolet She reality show. She was on Dukes of Hazard. There might have been one second. Maybe. But in terms of overall lasting cultural impact, no. Brittany. And I'm speaking as a man who was 12 at the time and I kept real close tabs on Starlets.

I was jacking off to a lot of videos. What? Oh, I see. He was looking for an... a segue that was actually pretty well done that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's

which way that one with me and will that's me will and just like a if you guys smash no that was my first live can you imagine wait really yeah

they didn't even let him near her dressing room no they're like bobby can't go down that hallway this has got to be 2000 2000 what is it 2000 2000 2000

3 911 2001 that's right that's why 911 half. The hijackers were in Tampa at strip clubs as this was being shot. They were having their one last hurrah before fucking... Imagine this is on in the background of the

strip club. It's possible that the 9-11 hijackers watched this sketch. That could be a discon. And we're like, you know what? That little Asian boy, he seems scared. And we're scared but he made it through and God damn it we can make it through too.

It's very possible that you sticking through that live really was the final straw that made 9-11 happened. Oh, wow. On you, so I'm a murderer. No, no, no. You're influential. You're just, you're an inspirational guy and you can't help who takes inspiration from that. You're a cultural phenomenon. Whether it's a jihadist or, you know, other, other, it's really, you can't help that at all.

So I punch her in the mouth. Oh, really? That's the sketch. So we're dancing and I punch her in the mouth. That's the bit. The joke. No, it's not. Oh, you suck it up. That's hilarious. And we're still dancing. and she opens her mouth and a whole her teeth are red. So it's my first live. And you punched. And I punched her in the mouth.

Were you on that? No. You weren't on drugs then? Completely sober. Wow. And I punched her and I remember looking at Dick Lasucci, the executive producer. Wait a second. A guy's name is Dick Lasucci.

You don't know Lesucci? His guy's name is Dick Lassoc. No, Blasucci. Oh, Blasucci. You're, first of all, making fun of a legend. He came up to you after you hit her in the mouth and what? He didn't. It was during it.

Okay. And I looked at him and he seemed mad, but he goes, keep going. Oh, yeah. That's Hollywood, baby. Yeah, yeah, keep going. Yeah, cares about her well-being. Keep going. We're live.

Hold on here. Here it. Oh, we're going to see you. Honestly, you look so breedable and submissive. What is she supposed to be? She's trying to follow you around? It's singled out. Oh, yeah.

Oh, but she wants to fuck Bobby. That's pretty sick. That's so funny that that's the bit that they're like. And then we'll pretend like she wants to have sex with that Korean guy. What is the most ridiculous thing you could possibly imagine? I don't know. Like a meteor strikes earth. Nah, not ridiculous enough.

No, it's not crazy. How about Jessica Simpson wanting to fuck this svel? Oh, there is? There was. Go back. Punched her. That was it. Wait, go back.

He gets up and punches her. Here it is. Here it is. Ready? Oh. Oh. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Dude, close fist. What a fucking pro she just kept rolling with them. She was so hot. Oh, you can tell that's a big cut. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. But you weren't replaced. No, I survived it.

So that's how she got CTE, was right that very moment. Acorns. Acorns is a smart way to give your money a chance to grow. Acorns is easy. You can sign up in minutes and start automatically investing your spare money, even if all you've got is spare change. Acorns are smart way to give your money a chance to grow. You know, we should have paid attention to those little squirrels when they were

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Qualifying direct deposits required. Terms and limits apply. Go to chime.com slash disclosures for details. Dude. Honestly, Bob, you look like that still. Yeah. That's the good part of not being hot when you're young is you can stay young, youthful when you're 55.

Your body's not that different. This is a positive thing. Stop looking. You look the same. You look exactly the same. But what did you mean? What did you mean when I said that? You're not hot.

You're not, buddy. You weren't hot. I mean, you were cute. I mean, you were cute. You had more light your eyes. Look how cute I am. You are cute. How many years after this?

You have more light in your eyes. Would you start using? Like, when were you really messed out on the show? I was 13 years sober here. From what? Yeah, but when did you relapse on the show? Right about here Right about here

He has to He has to smell Jessica Simpson's armpits I could be using I don't know Did you say sorry That's really funny I would have not asked But I really would have wanted To smell them here

So I'm just saying I'm a brother here I understand what you're going through I understand the impulse Not the question I got to also sit on Jessica Alba's lap As a baby Oh wow

I played her baby And you see what They did one of those Were your heads poking Through the couch No look up Jessica, I'm gonna evangelized you. Well, that's what it was.

That was all, every bit with him was that. It was very much like he's the sweet little, like that. Yeah, exactly. Aw. The hair is fucking hilarious. It's the same episode? Oh, no, you guys were making fun of Jessica Simpson and Nicholas. Oh, look at that.

Wow. This is accidentally beautifully curated, Robert. There we go. All right, let's see. And there's an air little baby. And Jessica Alba's taking care of you. You do look cute. God, how fucking weird, dude.

I mean, this is actually insane. This is fetish pornography. This is what TV was, though. Did anybody on the staff, do you think, were they later busted being, like, dived up? Like being diaper guys? Oh, diaper, diaper boys, yeah. Because this was before that was in the culture,

and I bet you this sketch. Who wrote this Blasucci? If it is... Because if it is... Blasucci needed to wear diapers to nut. That's what I'm saying. Now there's a big subculture where, you know, it's a sexual thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I bet you, let's... You can't find it, but whoever wrote that sketch, I bet you they got a weird little diaper fetish. I 100% agree. But I'll tell you this. Yeah. I went from open mic to this. Are you serious?

Where do they find you? At the comedy store. Some of this stuff was open micy. I will say that. Yeah, yeah. But imagine going from... open mic to this and you're kind of like I don't have no lines and I'm just playing babies and stuff it's amazing yeah yeah yeah but also they chose right running in a circle who like who's can I say

something that's insane to call that shot because do you how many fucking all act out open micers exist that if you put them on fucking TV they would crumble and you rose to the fucking occasion and Berenholtz Barronholtz is an open mic or two was Mike he was doing sketch he was doing improv and sketch right he's from boom Chicago boom Chicago yeah yeah yeah this is a Honestly, whoever put that crew together, real eye for talent. 100%. Because there's the way, the fact that that's where they found you and that it worked is crazy. How did they find Will?

Do you remember? Was he in a Canadian group? No, he's from Canada. I don't know how he got him. He was just, he did Stabby's World and he was like an actor actor. He didn't think he was going to be. He didn't do like a comedy troupe in Canada? I thought he was an act.

He was on a comedy show, I think. Oh, right. He wasn't, he never looked at it exclusively as comedy, which is fascinating because he's so That's why he's so good at it. Yeah, totally. Because if he did it, he'd be like, This sucks. FDians are pieces of shit.

Yeah, fuck. We're the dumbest people of all time. We just want to make people laugh. We don't care if our art's good. And he's like a real actor who just happens to have... He's like, I actually want to do something real. And he was also fat as shit. He was a big fucking boy.

It was awesome how bad he was, dude. He was the nicest guy. I mean, without him, I wouldn't have survived. Oh, I love to hear that. Can I ask you, Bob, is there any... Big, five, five, big one. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Do you have... Are you reflecting on your life? So, it's so funny. Anything. Do you have goals? for, you know. I'm going through some turmoil right now.

Let's say you're in the autumn of your life. I'm going through some turmoil right now. Okay. And I'm here to help. Annie, I'm going through a little transitional period.

You are. About time. But the good news is, there's some good news. The good news is bad friends is going to go on. The good news is he needs the money, folks.

I'm just wondering, do you have any like you've done a lot, you've experienced a lot is there something you want to do in the next five years, let's say before... I've been talking about this a lot. What, what, what, what? What do the next five years hold for Robert? Slow down, dude.

For Robert E Lee. You're such a false start. You jump the gun. Your brain is like it. It's like fucking take it easy. I'm asking you a question. Don't, please tell me. It's just me and you. No, see. Defense mechanism. Put your titties away. You can't do act down to the podcast.

Anyway, um, What? No, he's not to, he's going to Hawaii for his birthday. Here's the deal. Yeah. I talk about, I've been talking about retiring. Oh, really? Yeah. And I think, um, in the next three or four years, I think I'm done.

What would you do with your time off? I would figure it out. That's a horrible plan. Here's what I'll do. He's, he means retire from pod. We're going to do the pod for a couple more years and then we're done. I see. You would still, you would still ask.

I'll do my local stand-ups. Do stand-up. Your local comedy community. But you wouldn't go on the road. I would. Okay. Yeah, but that's like, I guess he must have done sparingly on the road, you know, making, you know. But you would want to act still.

No, we're not acting. We're not acting. You're not acting. What are you talking about? You're an actor. You're an everything. You're in everything. You're in the new movie Tony, which is absolutely going to win something without.

It's going to win something. I don't think so, but it's a good movie. Yeah, I think it's. Antonio Bander should get nominated for supporting actor, my opinion. I was the kid. Incredible. I met him. Dominic's the man.

Yeah, he seems like a nice. And I want, I've said this on like, you know, I've said it before, but it's like, I kind of want him to be a piece of shit. Yeah. Is he that handsome in real life? He's, yeah. Yeah. You know, sometimes you, you'll see a star in real life. Well, yeah, yeah. You go, oh, the angle's weird, the way I'm looking at it. There's a certain thing with certain people just look better on camera. But no, this kid's handsome in real life. I was talking about Antonio Bender.

Oh, Antonio Banderer. He's just like, he's like the biggest piece of ass in the world, dude. Like, he, he's what Pedro Pascal wishes he was. Oh, yeah. No disrespect to, yeah, he can't touch him. No, dude. He wants to be this guy. He can't touch fucking desperado, dude.

And he's a great actor. And he's like, he actually cares about acting. He looks like he gives a fuck. You know what he does? You know what his like semi-retirement is? He fucking built a theater. He first of the way, he's a bunch of restaurants. He actually can, he was the only person who could cook on set.

Oh, the rest of us were like baking it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's fucking nice with it. And he, here's how much, he's like one of the most handsome movie stars of all time. What he does on his off-time is local theater in his hometown in fucking Malaga. Like he built a theater. He just loves, he's just a theater door. Do you know this to be true, a Spaniard? We have a local Spaniard.

Oh, yeah, right? local theater in Spain? He loves it. Like, that's respect, dude, because if I looked like that guy, I would, first of all, I wouldn't, you know, my life would be much different. Tremendously different. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, 100%.

The Spanish scientists were a little better. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, so you've seen one of his plays in Spain. I haven't been to his theater. But it's his theater that he does. Wow. He did like musicals, yeah. Yeah, dude.

Could you imagine? Love of the game, local theater? Well, have you been to, have you been to Molligua before? I haven't. It's such a beautiful place, too. It's not, it's not like you, when you say hometown, just for the people that want to know, when you say hometown, it's on the beach, it's beautiful, yeah, yeah, yeah. This isn't fucking Poughkeepsie.

No, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This place is stunning. Like, this, it's one of my favorite fucking cities in Spain. Oh, you've been there. Yes, I was there last year. Really? He's been all over the world, kid.

Well, what about. I like that. You know what? Actually, we just tapped into something. You need to stop fighting aging and settle into being an old, like a wise old man. That did something for me. Really? Yeah.

Well, not, don't do it. I can't do the vote voice. No. Fuck, it's gone. Never mind. Go back to wearing medium fucking dinosaur t-shirts. No, don't fuck me up. Put on a suit is what I'm saying.

Put on a sweater. I think you're an elder. Statesman and you're fighting that. Yeah, it's be more Seinfeld. Oh, hell yeah. Never mind. You have some other stuff to work out. What are the next five? Can you answer the question? What do you want to do? Do you want to go all over the world? What do you want to do in the next five years? Before 60, what do you want to accomplish other than retiring?

It's, I love most of those things you have like these grand goals. I just want to bring it out of him a little bit. He doesn't have it. It's, it's. So you just exist. You're actually almost Buddhist because you only exist in the. Yes, he is now. I see. He is not even. Huh? You know?

Oh, you're not even real. I might not be. Some of the things I think. It's more likely than not that this is a figment of our imagination. That me and you were in an insane asylum. Still dressed like this. We let them dress up on Saturday. It's what they love.

We only get Disney media. Because if we see anything more violent, we'll start fucking stabbing each other. if we're in the nut house if we see anything sexual and we're telling each other and these guys work at the insane asylum they're like these are the nurses

just be producers show us under your tongue let's see that you took the pill are you seeing Bobby Lee again god damn it get it double his meds they've created some little Korean you told me

you told me you do want to travel a little bit when you're done I love that but not but he wants to do it very like very chill he's not like a go disappear for

he's not like awry of course yeah well you seem to I want to be I want to be I mean he he does influence me I know you love the idea but the idea

but I don't think I can do it you can't do like being backpacking in the trails of Europe I agree you've you've lived too comfortable a life you can't you can't do that shit

I'm with you too I've only had money for like three years and I can't like like I've started noticing bad sheets can you believe that

bad What? Sheets. Oh, bed sheets. Oh. When I grew up, I would, I would sleep on floor. You know what I mean? Like, I know.

Like, I had the same Aladdin sheets until I was, until I was 27 years old. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like now I, it actually pisses me off that I showed you the world that guy, you know? Yeah, yeah. He did. And it does make me want to fuck girls that look like Jasmine. Yeah. Yeah.

But she was a bad. I had an Armenian Uber driver here. I was chatting the whole time. Oh, really? Oh, and what do you want to, you know what I mean? like too invested. How do you do with stardom? Now you're Barbara Walters.

It's, you know, it's fine. That was like Larry Kingish, too. How do you do stondom? How do you do for stardom? It did come out like that. You think? Why did it come out like that? I don't know.

I don't know. What are your luxuries? You have luxuries? Have you ever seen that clip of Danny Poo? Yeah, yeah. The funniest thing of ever seen. Yes, about a private jet. He goes, Larry, I was on duct tape.

He has about a private jet. Yeah, he goes, what are some luxuries you love to afford? And he's like, a nice new pair of socks. Yeah. And he goes, socks. He's like, what do you think? And he's like, oh, like private jets. Or he goes, private jets.

Larry, I was on duck tails. It's so good. That is a great. Tell me about it. I don't have to have seen it. We just literally did it verbatim. There's not much more. We don't have to watch me the video.

It's the exact same thing. But the proof is that old Hollywood would like that. They must have made such absorbent amounts of money so quickly that they were like once they see you on TV, you must be a billionaire. Totally. Because like that was old Hollywood's thought. And I'm sure Larry was worth unbelievable. Oh, that motherfucker was probably rich as hell.

But that's what I mean is that era he assumed because back then, if you saw a young guy in TV who became an actor, you're like, well, you got to be. Of course. You got to be fucking rolling in the dough. Of course. Danny Putty's like, what are you talking about? Dude. I drove myself here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like the Lord of the Rings actors. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Those guys are loaded. They got screwed. No, they got screwed. They got stuck over.

For three movies, they got 200 grand a piece. Now, it sounds like a lot. It is a lot of money. It's not, hold on. Three movies. But those movies, they weren't like movies you shoot

in 30 days. Those motherfuckers lived in New Zealand for years. That's nuts, dude. No, a couple people did. So, Alston revealed that he roughly $250,000 for the entire trilogy.

With no film research, who the fuck made the money? Well, who made the deal? Yeah. Orlando Bloom was $1,000. 75 for all three movies. Elijah Wood, he's fucking handsome.

For sure, Elijah Wood got fucking bankrolled on that thing. There's no way. He got screwed. They all did. I hope Harry Potter is fucking rich. He's got to be.

See, that I'm sure. Yeah, Harry Potter's got to be right. Daniel Radcliffe, I'm sure he's fucking caked up. I love them. Good for that.

They all got paid. And he was showing his cock in a horse play. What? Speaking of horses, he was in a play called Equis where he showed his cock. He made $100 million dollars

from all of the Harry Potter fan. That's incredible. He deserves it, dude. He deserves more. They made eight of them. He deserves less. You think so? I mean, because you're talking about a movie that each movie probably made a billion dollar.

You're right. In terms of who had all the money. So wait, he's got his penis is in there and he shows his weiner at some point? Maybe he doesn't show his cock or. No, no, no, let's just go with it. Yeah, he does. He does. Let's just say he does.

Yeah. So you could go. So it's so funny to think about being like a Harry Potter superfan, being like, you know, some theater girl being like, I can't wait to see him on Broadway and then you'll see his dick and he's doing experimental theater but he made it as a kid, right?

He was a child actor. A child, so he doesn't know what it liked to work at Jersey mics or whatever. No, but his life is so fucking weak. Salute to him for not losing his mind. That's true. Are you a London guy? Because you love London.

Every time I go, I have a fun time. I don't know why. I feel like it's a little fantasy town. It's fake. I'm not a London guy. Where do you like? Because I don't like, I'm not a New York guy either.

Oh, you know, I love me. He doesn't like fucking any big cities. You love it here, though. You're Southern California guys. I think L.A. is the best city in the world. No.

Yeah, 100%. That's just, you know, you just like it here. I personally, yeah, prefer it. I think it's interesting about, what's wrong with me, I don't know.

I'm very Larry. King? King, like. You're one of the Larry's. You're one of the Larry's. I want to... Watch the other one. What's the other Larry?

Well, Larry David, you're very Larry David today. Sometimes you've been Larry David. Sometimes you're Larry King. Sometimes you're Larry the cable guy. Talented guy. Yeah, I'm saying you're him sometimes. And a very nice man. Yeah, he's the man.

I don't know. Yeah. He's one of the nicest fucking guys. He is very rad. Okay, so let me ask you this. Your headlining club. Yeah. Okay.

Which you rarely do because you're a theater. I love. clubs. I'm going back. Me too. Yeah. Legit. That's the next year. That's my exact same plan. So excited. These are kind of bullshit, honestly. Theaters are just not what's okay. So you're doing a weekend, right? And they go, listen,

we need to, there's a guy that's doing a guest spot. We need to kick you out of the green room because he's a huge name. What? Yeah, just to hear me out. Okay. Okay. So I'm going to throw you some day and see if they're allowed to kick you out of your dressing room. Okay, sure. I mean, the answer is no in principle for anyone. Unless there's like one

Then I won't play this game No, go ahead But it's interesting to think like Would there be somebody that like you know George Carland If he was alive Yes Did we go

I found a name The first name The guy you named is dead He's a dead guy I need name He's a legend Throughout the history I would

Keep going George Carlin Yes Next Okay Let's start more Let's start lower And then heightened

Or someone that's alive Can I It's my fucking game You're right You're right You're right It's my fucking game I'm sorry.

Your birthday is your game. You're right, though. I'm going to do it your way. Okay. Who can, Dane Cook? No. Okay.

What? All right. He can come in. I'd be like, hey, man, let's chat. Will you allow him to give him a guest spot? Yeah, of course. Okay, good. But I'm not getting kicked out of my own green room.

I don't think anybody's going to let them get kicked out of their own green room. I think Richard Pryor, if he was a lot. Again, you keep naming. Yeah, if Lenny Bruce was, if a guy was jailed in the six, for saying, fuck, I would let him have my green room. But yes, no- A great movie, Lenny. So you're saying no one alive, basically.

Yeah. I mean, I would be like, you can chill. Louis, if Louis's like, I'm gonna take over. You can take over my-like, that's just, why the fuck would anybody do that? That's his game. Yeah, it's my game. Somebody wants to come into your house and like, fuck your wife. It's like, no.

So there's a famous story where Sam Tripoli. Yeah. Okay, you know him? Yeah. He was headlining, his first headlining gig in the Addison. an improv. Dallas, okay. Okay.

That Friday, he gets a call from the club. Yo, Mencia's in town. That's insane. And he goes, okay, and he goes, he's now headlining. That's a little different though. And you're describing. Oh, that's nuts. Okay.

And so, and he just had to take it. Yeah. Well, when you're a young headliner, you don't have a choice. I don't know. So is there any situation? I mean, that's just, so it happens. That's just a very rarely. It does.

happen? People flow into town and they bump you from your fucking. When you're a young headliner, he's not. Sure, sure. Yeah, when you're starting. When I was starting, absolutely. Richard, if I owned a club and you're headlining and Richard Pryor was like, I need the green room by myself. Again, he's fucking dead. Say yes. Yes, I would do. Yes, Richard. I'd be like, I'd be like, oh my God, can you bring my grandmother back next? That's what I'd say. Yes, whatever you need. Can we, can we, can we, who else can we resurrect? That's what I would be saying. I wouldn't be like, I wouldn't be worried about my place in comedy. I would be like, who is this necromancer that you found

that brought Richard Breyer back in the dead. That's the most interesting part. I don't know a lot of necromancers. You go through my connections with my new girlfriend. Oh, really? She does have a connection. Is she with the occult? She's a witch.

She's a witch. Wow. And she has a lot of connections. She's really, doesn't it? Well, I have three witches at my house right now. It's their birthday. And so I allowed them to use my access to my pool. Double, double toil and trouble.

They're bubbling up something back there. What if they're fucking getting your like hair and shit? She already has it. She already has Tell them what you did with me What she told you to do with me It's still there Oh my God

Your name's still there What is it? She was like She wrote your name down In like No she goes In the middle of a pentagram In the middle of a pentagram

We were in London We got in a fight Yeah we got a big fight Big fight Yeah it was so fucking fun You were touring and had a fight Yeah I see Obviously

I threw like a water bottle Or something at his head I wasn't ever gonna really Reveal that situation The fight Yeah I screamed and I didn't throw it at you threw it against the wall.

I know you did, but very violent. That is legit. That's abusive dad behavior. Yeah. And that's like, I didn't fucking hit you, bitch! And it's like, you basically, it's the same.

You basically, yeah, yeah. I screamed at him. My dad would do that to do. I screamed at him. And then I threw it the direction he wasn't in. Yeah. It was nowhere. I mean, that's classic.

I screamed that way and then I threw it that way. That's my dad was in prison while I was in middle school behavior. Bing, Bing, Bing, yeah. I would never hurt him. I was so...

Anyway, I got back into town and I'm dating, I mean, my girlfriend. And she goes, you gotta put this fucking name on a piece of paper, this piece of shit. I go, okay. Yeah, that's how she said it, gritting her teeth. Did you tell her what you did, how annoying you were?

How much of a brat? Did you tell her that? Do you give her those details, you little fucking fat, lazy brat? Let's not reminisce. You know, that should be the name of your ex. And right before whatever happens next, Uncle Stave on Netflix,

September 8th, Let's remind me, let's remember, folks. What's September 8th? When is Bobby's, when is your... November, I'm not in promoting. November, he's November. Oh. November, but, um, anyway, she told me to...

Wait, it's just coming out in fucking September and November, you cocks, like. No, his special. Oh. I thought you said when's his special? No, when's his birthday? Oh, now. Yeah, now, which today's date again? September, September 17th.

Oh, so the specials already been out. So just check it. It's already out right now. and it's doing very well so before anything else happens just keep watching it now back to London anyway

she goes you gotta put his name on of this paper good acting thank you do that on tires next year this is why I have insecurities no this is not it this is why I have them someone's got to give him to you it's because of you

because everybody else lifts you up I gotta pull you down yeah you don't have to I pull you up this is everybody I've always pulled you up. Carrying Bobby. Whatever you need, Bobby. Yeah. And this is you?

Pushing you down. Yeah, yeah. I don't need this. I want it. It's too much pressure. No, you're... Anyway, she said... I'm the sea, and you're Odysseus trying to stay above

as the sea is wild. His name on a piece of paper. Yeah. And she's going, Wingardium, Leveosa. Yes. So I put his name on a piece of paper, folded it,

put it in the freezer. And his name is still in my freezer. I need to... cool off. And have you cooled off? No. Has she done any? We haven't fought since.

No, we haven't fought since. Really? Yeah. Take it out tonight. Let's see what happens. I'd be interesting. I'm going to take the name off. Take it.

Take it out and don't tell them when you're going to do it. That's a fun experiment. How about this? Put it in the fridge. So it's a slow transition. No. No. You're muddling the experiment.

No, we fought twice on tour. And that, two big fallouts. But we made up and we hugged and we kissed. I love her. that. And I'm more interested in this witch. Has she done any hexes around you? Have you seen her curse anyone or done any magic for good? She's only a good witch. She's Glendora. She's Glenda. She doesn't like anything. Glendora. The city in Southern California. It's all possible. She's nice. That's beautiful. Yeah. She doesn't do any. Do you see anybody? Big

guy? Oh, I do. You're mad at him. Remember. Oh, that's right. That's right. Don't take it out on it. No, no. Unfortunately, my career. What do you got to say? What is that? You're killing it. Are you barking at you? I want to say something to you right now. Yes.

That's what I thought. And really take this to heart if you're capable. Okay. Weird way to start a compliment. Or a criticism. I'm Korean Bobby Lee. Sorry. What?

I don't know. But what I'm saying? I know that. Who are you talking to? I don't know who I'm talking to it right now. Okay. But my point, though, be... We're back in the psych ward.

Yeah. That's what... That's what the nurses say to calm us down. I'm Korean Bobby Lee. I'm your friend. We're doing the podcast now. Get in, though. Get it.

And they strap us in. We're like, podcast. We need a podcast. We need to do riffs. Okay. What are you going to tell me, Robert? Are you done? Are you withdrawn to your mind palace?

I like mine palace. I love my palace. Yeah, I went in there. Tell me. I forgot what I was going to say. I've been thinking for the last minute. Well, you asked somebody if he had a lady and then you deflected and then you said, I want to give you a comp. Probably he was going to say that you're a great actor and a great movie.

No, what I was going to say is that right now in your life, from as my perspective. Yes, I would love to have your perspective. I will give it to you. Thank you. You're welcome. Why so hostile? This is why I freaked out at London. I'm not doing it.

It's an energy exchange. I'm literally. I'm excited to hear what you say. Like I said, I looked up to you as a child. Don't say that. I know it's fucked up. It makes me feel old. I know.

I mean, it's the same with, how old do you? 37. Yeah. I have the same thing. I looked, I loved watching him when I was young. What I was going to say to you is that, um, out of all of the people that I know from our ecosystem at least, right? You're doing wonderful things.

Oh, thanks, dude. And you have, I mean, I can't, there's certain things I can't even. saying, so I'm not going to say it. Okay. But what do you mean? The N word. You play your, you play your cards perfectly. Play my cards for you.

That sounds like a backhanded compliment. No, I know what he's trying to say. He's like being a slick way of saying, uh, he thinks you're on the right side of things. Oh, okay. That's what he's saying. Thank you. I appreciate that. You make good choices is what he thinks.

I like that. And the best choice you're going to make right now is you're going to look into that camera. And do what? Can you announce our midway point? Thank you. And we're halfway into the podcast, folks. Thank you for being a bad friend. Thank you for being a bad friend.

Uncle Stave on Netflix right now. Go watch it. Go watch Uncle Stave on Netflix. Thank you. Where some see heroes and others see egos. Bloomberg sees the era of billionaire athletes. While others follow the noise, we follow the money. Learn more at Bloomberg.com.