Bad Friends - Bobby's Valentine's Ring

Episode Date: February 15, 2021

Thank You to our Sponsors: https://www.babbel.com code: BADFRIENDS & http://liquidiv.com code: BADFRIENDS & http://upstart.com/badfriends & http://stitchfix.com/badfriends Subscribe to our YouTube: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube 0:00 Andrew Smashes Bobby's Cookies 4:20 Warzone Alex 7:15 Rudy's Job Interview and Forgetting Mad TV 10:05 Bobby and Andrew's Plan a High School Reunion Podcast 14:33 The Confederate Asian 17:30 Valentine's Pony 25:25 Fan Videos 26:05 Bobby's Deepak Chopra Miracle 39:02 Bobby Reveals the Truth About the Ari Schaffir Argument 43:30 Fan Videos #2 44:30 Bobby Ordered a Ring 46:01 Cuffed: Bobby and Andrew's New Reality Show 49:14 Andrew's History of Valentine's Day and Love Island 1:01:22 The Bad Friends Anniversary 1:09:03 Celebrity Messages More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Produced by George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Jenna Sunde, Joe Faria, Andrés Rosende Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Happy valentine's day. How about happy valenda? So I came in here, right? First of all offered you cookies Okay, I when I already had them and they were good, huh? Yeah, but when I get offered a cookie All right, I look at the packaging first and when there is in a ziploc bag because they're homemade I didn't know that though. They're in a ziploc bag. Did I say they were from home? Yeah. Yeah, I did. Okay. I didn't hear that Okay, I Did not hear that all right number two. I don't like little designs on it All right, so let a cookie be a cookie No, the design design is it's a kissy lips because it's kissy lips time of the month

No, whenever I'm at a comic club alright, and I see I see a comic Thank you throw it at him when I can see a comic dressed all fancy on good. I don't trust it Okay, I dressed in a suit. I don't when they're fancy. I don't trust it. Sebastian Maniscalco Yeah suit Jerry Seinfeld suit. That's when they do specials. Do not trust them when they do specials only when they're not doing specials Exactly. Okay, that makes all right So I looked at the ziploc bag I saw these fancy designs on the shirt and I you know, I my first impulse was I don't trust it, right? But once She ate it. Yeah jewels and said they're good. I

Decided to have one too late and I'm gonna have one or too late. Hey, I'll tell you I'll show you the kind of power I have you don't have any power. Yeah, no because they're gonna get eaten by them That's what they deserve. They deserve their cookies and you don't get to be a spoiled brat and boss people around to have Andreas Yep, can you bring me a cookie, please? Don't bring him a cookie, dude. Don't do it. You're worried. He's working right now Give me a cookie, please or I will not continue. No, don't do it. Yeah, George I will not I will not shoot this dude. You're a such a brat if you don't give me cookie Everyone's gonna see how much of a brat you are Thank you, I'm trying to give it to me and I'll give it to him give it to me

You know that I'll dress if I don't get a cookie in my mouth, you know, give it to me Dude, give me that cookie if you give it to him. I'm not gonna get a cookie. I made it give me the cookie Yeah, yeah, split it split it split it split it split it. No, no You know, you know You know that I will not do the podcast George. Have you a cookie right now? Oh Okay There's three in there now, I'm gonna eat all this good It doesn't matter

For your old win your old little brittle teeth port on your throat right now. You like it. It's good though, isn't it? Happy Valentine's Day, Bob Bad friends anchor if you haven't heard about anchor It's the easiest way to make a podcast. Let me explain. Oh, please It's free. Awesome. That's cool These are there are creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or your computer You do it from your phone like on the go. Oh my god That's cool the bus or the subway you can do it. That's cool anchor will distribute your podcast for you

So it can be heard on Spotify apple podcast and many many many many many many many many more You can make money from your podcast too. No minimum listenership. How about that? You can make money with no minimum listenership It's everything you need to make a podcast all in one place. Where do we have to go, Bob? Download the free anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started I'm excited to have Valentine's Day with literally my two favorite people on earth I don't want to put that in my mouth. I don't know where that's been. Yeah Happy Valentine's Day, baby boy. Happy Valentine's Day to you. Just delicious cookies. Did you do do you have any plans for Valentine's Day? Did you uh, it was it was yesterday. Did you do anything yesterday for Valentine's Day? Yeah, well, I did and I got my girlfriend a

bouquet of flowers Really? What kind? I don't know yet because because we're filming this before Valentine's Day I don't know yet because do you have anything planned for Valentine's Day? I do. What is it? Because you can tell us now. They won't she won't know. Well, I was playing, you know, you know, I like the video game warzone Yeah, you love warzone and sometimes I play with randoms What do you mean like completely? No, you play with people that you've sent me familiar with

People have never met in the flesh though, right, but they become friends because of online Yeah, so you you're when you're in a war with somebody. Yeah, I assume it's like that in the vietnam war probably pretty similar Yeah, if you were in the platoon with somebody and you're you know, all the guys are vietnam were sitting in their boxers Like when murmur for us Remember his legs were blown off. Yeah And for scooters, I don't forgot his voice. I'll try it for scumper. Yeah, I'll try to do for us good Wait, we How do you sound no forest was like life is like say life is like a box is like a box of chocolate. There you go

That's as close. Yeah, so you should boba. No, I'm doing I know but I when you're doing that with your lips It automatically like a bobo like that Stop doing that with your lips, right? All right, go ahead And he's running running and he already ran like 20 miles grabbed him. Yeah, and it was just a carcass. Yeah, he's pick Well, he was carrying him out. Yeah So anyways, but back to war zone about valentine's day. All right, so I play with randoms and we go into war and There's this one guy name. I don't know his last name, but his name is alex very specific. Yeah, and um

He's under he actually in my phone. It's okay. This is alex warzone cool. Yeah, and um, he does uh If I text him something he immediately does it for me. Oh another slave. Yeah, and so I go today We got rid of slavery in this country a long time ago. Yeah, yeah, and um, I didn't vote on that to get rid of it So, uh, I'm still you know me. Well, you were around back then. I know what that's rude because of my age. Mm-hmm. Okay Um, so I text, um, alex. I need bokeh of flowers. He's always what kind this man lives in los angeles. Yeah. Yeah, okay I know where he lives. I don't know what he looks like I don't know where he lives. I don't know what it looks like. I have none if I saw him at a rave Right. What do you do now? What are you doing out of rave? I dancing? Oh, right? I dancing. Yeah, right?

So I have the glow sticks and if alex, you know, I mean glow stick next to me I was like, what's your name and he'd be like, dude, it's me alex And I would have to go And I would have to go specific. You got to go get more specific. He goes warza and I'd be like, oh Thanks for all the little things He's got me face wash before Okay, you just said give me face wash. Yeah, I text him face wash You have your home address. Oh, yeah, that's a bad idea

No, because he's friends with other friends other people that you know online bobby. These aren't real friends They don't know you don't actually know these people. No, he's friends with people. I've met in the flesh. Are you saying that to say that? No, my friend gilbert takes kung fu classes with alex And I also play with nick the master kung fu guy Okay, so these people are real part of a dojo still knows where you live. Anyway, so um If I tell him get me face wash, he'll he'll he'll deliver it to me So he got your face wash and then what he's gonna get you a boot. He's gonna get you a bouquet. I'll I take you goes I'll get you the bouquet. Why don't you ask for more stuff? Does he ask for money ever?

Oh, I have to give him money So how do you deliver him the money a venmo? Venmo, yeah So let's ask for a lot of stuff and then just be like I can't venmo you anymore because I need I need you guys like this because I I don't go you just get an assistant. I could do that No, she's not you would be a she barely likes me this one. That's not sure you'd be a good assistant, wouldn't you? I think so She's just welcome from a nap. So don't even yeah We're talking about not being able to like sell yourself at all like it is a job interview

Yeah, like so are you interested in the job at Home Depot? I think so Let's interview. I'm gonna interview right now for the position of bobby's assistant. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, let's see if you're okay Hi, thanks for coming in. I appreciate you coming in. You are a little bit late. Is there a reason for your tardiness? It was traffic. I'm sorry traffic You should plan for that because bobby also is someone that needs to be you know kept on schedule So if you're late, can I be can I be as well? You're in the room during the interview? No, I'm different. Can I be a different guy? Yeah, I'll interview you afterwards No, no, no, I want to be

Because I want to be your assistant. Oh, you're with me. Yeah, I'm with you Okay, so let me introduce my assistant before I go any further any further. That's germane. That's germane. Hi germane. Nice to meet you Uh, so uh, tell us do you have qualifications on being a personal assistant in any way? um I have a bachelor degree Oh, you have a oh from what from what college? Um long beach. Oh long beach state. Yeah, that's state. Yes. That's good What's a bachelor degree? Um, what is it? Science medicine. Oh, why do you want to be a personal assistant? Yeah, um, I just want to have more experience

Have you heard of um the glorious Magnificent bobby Lee. Oh, did you know this man? Yes, I heard of him and are you a fan of his? Yes, in what capacity? Um, what have you seen him in? I've seen him in Well, he was on it. Well, you know that he was on a show for eight years. Yes. What's the show called? Um I'm blanking get out of get out of my office get out of our office. You're fired. Well, you don't fucking know the stone No, I know. I'm just blanking. All right. You for she forgets so much. Yeah. Why do you forget so much? Oh, yeah. Well, she just woke up. I think that's what it is. I mean, why are you taking a nap so late in the day?

Because I had school and I need to she's in high school She has to get up at six in the morning. I know bro, but most of us from high school I remember I would nap in the in the afternoon Yeah, I told her to and then I'd be up all night long. Yeah, I told her that's what everybody does. Yeah In fact, when I used to get home from high school Yeah, the victoria's secret would come in the mail and I would steal it and I would go into my room your mom's The magazine. Yeah, the victoria's secret. I go in your mom's Well, it's not my dad's could be it was my dad's. Okay. We were an open family

Yeah, I would steal it. I go upstairs and I would jerk off and I'd fall asleep And then my mom at one point I would falling asleep every single day Why are these pages so stuck together? Would you say that? No, no, I throw it. She never get it. She never got them It never existed. She probably signed up for it and just never knew it. It didn't it just never came for I subscribe to I did I came but it never came for her and so she would literally come in the room wake me up and be like Why are you so tired? Yeah, are you on drugs? That's what she'd say. Are you on drugs? And now I was on drugs What drug did you do in high school? Mostly weed. I mostly smoked weed. Yeah, and then I didn't you don't smoke weed now that much though not as much as I used to

No, you know why why because I'm so tired already that if I smoke weed, I can't even enjoy the weed Right, I get exhausted when I smoke weed And she would say you're on drugs and I would say no, but I was but I was just tired from basketball and from high school Uh, so and I had come come all over my town. Did you get straight A's? No, I was a bad high schooler. What was it? What was your grade point average? B's and C's I don't know what my GPA was B's and C's but in college. I did well. I had the third worst GPA in my high school You know had the first the worst one Tom DeLong. He had died my sophomore year Tom DeLong died. No, no, no

what The guy that had the worst yes, he died your sophomore year and he had the worst he had the worst What was his name? I forgot his name, but my senior year. They they That's the reason why he was last. Oh, wow. They replaced it. What was your GPA? Like a 0 point. Can you get a 0 point 0 points happen? You never got one passing grade no never Wow, but it's not because you're stupid. It's a lack of effort Yeah, the Asians in my school were so angry at me. You were disappointing to them

Yeah, they were just they would look at me like they would come in the class You know Asians they get they love classes Wow, exciting. They said yeah when she goes No Asians love it They have their notebooks. They have their calculators and their advocates and everything. Yeah You know, they use the real quick the advocates right 40 46 and they're just you know, but when they when they used to see me They just go

You would disappoint the whole Asian community. Yeah, what do you do you never went back for a high school reunion? They never invited me That's so sad. What can we find out when it is and have you go this year? I would love I mean, I did get so This is interesting. Let's do like a rome and michelle's high school reunion But me and you go back to your that would be so fucking fun to film live podcast there. Oh my god We should do that too. Yeah, but I I got a text yesterday from a lady by the name of megan lee Yeah, I don't know who did it. I'm gonna tell you. Oh, okay. I thought you said is if it's someone I know No, I'm gonna fucking tell you. I'm ready. God. Yeah. So, um, I used to work at a restaurant

Do you know that in San Diego? Yeah, we told the story. Yeah, and yeah So she owns a restaurant and she texted me and I'm gonna do with she goes. I'm doing a 30 year reunion From my original like wait staff, which was me when it so the restaurant opened and you were one of the first Yeah, oh, wow. Yeah And and then I got fired because I spilled red wine on the lawyer Perfect. The lawyer of megan lee. He came in with his wife and I had sharp not resardonnay. Um, I had um merlot Right. Yeah, is merlot red. Yes. Yes. I'm just the vision is in my head. I had a ponytail to remember Right long ponytail

And you know the cork. Yeah, I couldn't get it like, you know how you stick the thing in and it starts crumbling You fuck it up. Yeah, you fucked it up. Right. So I was then I was digging Yeah, you know, you take the cork and you start digging. I don't do that. But right. Yeah. Yeah, you did. I didn't twist No, yeah, I dug. You're trying to this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mole man out. So I'm now trying to mole it out Right. Yeah, and then I finally got some of it on and I like this and it's in sprayed all over his white shirt Oh my god. Yeah, it is You know, I'm so sorry You know what I mean? And then like I'm busing for the next six months

And then she finally wants you back in her room. I came back. So what's the deal though? 30 year reunion? Yeah, and I said I'll be there and she goes yet. Bet you bet your bottom dog. You know how white people did say that Yeah, you bet your bottom dollar your bottom dollar you will. Yeah, I go fuck. Yeah, man. I don't know what that means Are you really gonna go? I want to that's a no No, I want to I'll tell you why because she was the one that was like, um I remember um uh going hey, I have a show Tomorrow night, can I leave early? Can I not even come? Oh and she would be like

It's your dream to go ahead. That's so nice. Yeah, so she was like really cool. Why'd you say white if her name is amy lee? She was megan lee megan lee. She's white. There was something like a rubber e lee was white He was man I thought he was a confederate general. He was a confederate general, right? That's the good side of the bad side. I don't remember. I think it was the bad But confederates. I thought were the good guys. No the confederate stars and straps and straps pal No, he was white. There's no asian guy. That's a confederate fucking guy. How funny if there was one confederate asian

I would love to be that guy They're like, what what do we love? He's like slavery Dude the confederate asian would be an asian confederate that would that's the movie we should write for you Yeah, is the only asian confederate. Yeah, holy fuck. How funny? What's the name of this guy this asian confederate soldier robert e lee. Oh robert e lee the real story the real robert e lee Well, yeah, that would never happen because no one wouldn't even i'm not gonna fucking follow your order chank pick at the cotton faster Oh my god, that's a movie. I would love to go watch. Yeah, he's just confused. Yeah He doesn't really know he's stuck. He's stuck in a weird. He was born and raised there

Yeah, no, you can't he has the accent. No, he's he was born the mom popped and then they disappeared parents left him You'll have to take care of what if they what if right? What if this happened, right? He comes from china, right? So that you know, I always assumed like when chinese people back in the day, right came here. They gave them options Oh, right to uh, listen here. Here man china boy. Longer laundromat Yeah, opium then opium then railroads railroads or You mean confederate, you know what I mean confederate soldier. So what you want to do? Yeah. Yeah, and he's like, uh, what is What is what is confederate soldier? You love america. What are they involved? What do you love america?

I love it. You're perfect for the job Wow, we got ourselves wang lee over here Robert Robert lee. Yeah. Yeah, Robert lee the story of the only asian confederate soldier would be a fucking smash online Yeah, it would it would uh, I think we could sell that in my career. Honestly. Yeah, yeah But at what point could comedians make a movie that's so over the top like that? Yeah That you might be able to it might be okay because it's absurd if you're making fun of the confederacy It's so funny to even talking about this, you know, because you know

This type of comedy these bits, right? Yeah Yeah, 10 15 years ago. It's a no-brainer. Oh, so yeah, it's a no-brainer. Now people are like, yeah But now you can't say that even by doing because we're playing characters. We're doing yes We're making fun of the thing. I know about when we're doing it though. Yeah, right There's this thing that comes up in my mind. Yeah of an editor I have an editor in my mind. Yeah, somebody going. It's going cut. Yeah. Yeah, cut. Yeah, cut it Stop. Yeah, but some of it look if we can't make fun of those ridiculous scenarios. Come on You know, did Rudy like it? She doesn't get it. Yes. No, she does. She's smarter than you give her credit for

By the way, you're grateful that presentation last week. It was a hit smash You know how many dead heads are on your jock now people think you are People think you're part of the clique. What are you going to do for valentines? I mean, what what? I got a huge, you know, I have a big thing planned at the house like what? I have I hired a pony to come to the house and be in the backyard because My dog loves ponies and I'm I have a pony to come to the to the house to play with the dog Honestly, yes, I haven't even seen a pony. What do they look like? They're tiny little horses They're tiny little horses and I'm and I paid it was quite expensive to be honest with you

It was a thousand dollars an hour who rides it like Brad Williams Yeah, Brad Williams ride ride ride one we should buy him a pony. Yeah, he has one. Have you seen his dog? His dog goes up to his head. It's he's a big dog. Well, he could ride that. He has I've seen him get on it Oh, really? Yeah. No. Are you being real? I'm I swear to God in my life. He can get on the back of his dog You know a little person could ride like a great dain a great dain or even a um, maybe even a rottweiler Yeah, yeah, but they're so aggressive Yeah, I mean it'd be more like a bull. What about the Beethoven? What dog is that a st. Bernard? Is that what that is? Yeah, that's what they could ride in because they're sweet and cuddly

Yeah, I think I would ride. I wish I was small in that way. You are relatively right. You're not a big guy But I've What are you saying? You're five four five five four. I'll tell you five four. Yeah, you're five four six one Are you really? I'm a full man Size 12 shoe. I finished when you look at me. I finished growing. I know but when you look at me. Yeah Does that I mean because I don't know what it's like cartoon character is what I think When I look at you, I think this is a cartoon that came to life Now you're being real but in a beautiful way. I'm in love with you

But you think that every time I see you. Wow. I go Mike judge Mike judge made that where do I come to your chest? In terms of do I come to your shoulder? Genuinely, yeah, you're right at here length So I can't imagine walking to a room and working with a guy that small But then let's have one. Let's do you want to get a guy in here that is that small? We should get another person in here who's tinier than all of us Yeah, I guess because I've been this size for so long that you just get used to when did you peak high school? And then you hit your that's how tall you were always gonna be 17 and then it stopped

Really? Yeah It's it's weird because you you know, you're not gonna get that big as an asian man, right? You know, you're not gonna there's well That's not true. Yes, it is the the ones that like Yao Ming and those guys those are they were made in a lab Asians there's never been in the history of asian there hasn't been one over six feet tall organically As soon as Asians were introduced to Western diets. Yeah grew Exponentially still though you haven't kept if you go to under six feet still no if I go to Korea They look down on me and go use them over You know, really? Oh, yeah, you're tiny to them. Yeah, and they bumped me

Our Koreans if I'm walking down the street, they literally they'll go check on me. Are they the most aggressive of the Asians? What do you know the Japanese were the most aggressive see they see but publicly they seem the most Pensive and polite. Well, once you throw a nuclear bomb on somebody they tames them Yeah, you see yes sit down because they were aggressive. Sit down. That's what we said I know they were aggressive, right up until then. Oh my god. They took over the philippines. They took over Korea they took everywhere right and Um, I've been hearing though. He thought he was a sun god. Why why wouldn't he why couldn't he be though? Because I don't know what what is a sun god?

Obviously god spoke to him and told him he was special. No, but he thinks they thought he was a god probably no You don't think so. No because a god actual god if you throw a two nuclear bomb, you'd be like, oh, no big deal Yeah, that's a nothing. Yeah, that's like a mosquito bite. You know what I mean? Yeah, but he was like, oh, we're sorry He was panicked. Yeah. Yeah, we sort of ender. Do you think gods walk amongst amongst us? Like do you think we have gods that walk amongst us on earth like how about this? How about I'll give you a better Do you think gondi? Do you think gondi was a god? No No

You think there's only one god Well, I don't know. I think I've heard things about gondi Later in life like he doesn't tip. Well, I don't know something like no big real No big real there was like some rumor about him. They caught him cheating at backgammon one time in 1982 Yeah, he was at commerce casino Babel oh god in case you don't speak si motto bene Ciao bella. I'm learning Italian right now via babble. Is it going well? I'm too dumb. What was that? I'm working on it That's Italian. Yeah, I'm learning Italian. It was so good

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Dot com and use bad friends at checkout use that code bad friends at checkout 25 off anything you order When you use the promo code bad friends at liquid iv dot com start fueling your adventure today at liquid iv dot com promo code bad friends bad friends Bad friends has been imperative to my well-being Um imperative bobby. It's like really important like critical. Congratulations on your anniversary We guys make me laugh and you guys like just brighten up my day. So I love all of you and uh Fancy be And you guys have been very special you guys help me get through a very very hard time

And you know, I know it's not a one-man team shout out fancy be shout out rooty shout out george I love you guys Bad friends has been the best thing that has happened this year. It's the reason Um, I haven't killed myself this year This is what bad friends have meant to me in the past year. It's like putting this this weird fourth thing in my Is it stupid? Yeah But is it fun to watch? Oh, absolutely

You know my story with deephawk show bra. Have I told you? No I've never told you about no, what do you have an interaction with show bra? There's there is a little bit of an interaction not not fully. I've never met the man Sure, but I might my life has kind of for a second. What happened revolved around what happened. So, um You know who jason glern is the comedian? Yeah, yeah, of course So I I used to walk around the comic store with boils on my face And what what do you mean pimples? They were just bigger than pimples like these my mom gets on her on her head

I used to get them on my face. Do you have to get lasered off or whatever? No, I would do a home remedy What was your remedy which would fuck my face up or even more? What was the remedy? I didn't know what to do because I had no money right when I was a young comic So I know get these gigantic boils. So what I would do is I would go and buy go to 7-eleven Yes, yeah, and I would buy ice cubes Yeah, you're right. So I take a bag of ice cubes, right and I go to the bathtub in my little apartment in Silver Lake Yeah, right and I would

Take hot water and pour like, you know, like the faucets here and if I face over it and it would steam it Right, and then I would take ice cubes and then freeze it And I would do that repetitively and eventually what happens a white head would form and then you'd pop and I would pop it It would just be Niagara Falls spray out of my face So I was getting these boils on my face and I used to hang out at the store Yeah, like that. Yeah boil face Bob boil face. Yeah. Yeah BFB and one time Jason Guillern goes man. You look like shit And he's not a male model. I know I mean you look like you're stressed out. Yeah, I can't get anything going man

I can't get an agent, you know, I'm stressed out. I have no money. I don't know future Pre-mad TV Wait, but yeah before He goes two words for you bud. I go, what? He goes deep What? Yeah Deepak Chopra is all he said. Yeah, I go What is that? I thought it was a food. Yeah, you know, I mean, sounds like I don't have the money And so

He goes yeah in the at that time at the Rolling Stone magazines He wasn't on the cover, but there was an article about him in Rolling Stone Yes, it goes go by the Rolling Stones and read this article, right? Right. So, um I uh, I go to the 7-Eleven. I think I steal one. You know if that sounds about right? Yeah, and I and I read the article And I go I can't get any of these books. I have no money, right? So a miracle happened I'm not kidding yet. Okay. So I used to I prayed about it that week. So then that weekend You pray to god get me get me Deepak Chopra's books, right? So then that weekend

I was You know how in if you lived in Hollywood and you were a doorman back then You could open sometimes on the weekend. Sure. Oh, yeah, right So I was hosting for tamayo at suki. Nope. Yeah, you don't know her. No Please don't do that She eats cats Oh Friend of the pod. Yeah

Is she alive still so I have this it's a tamayo at suki. Is she alive? Yeah, shout her out then tamayo. Hope you're good So, um, the feline feast is good. She tamayo at suki used to date sam kinnison Oh, that makes sense. It's a cat eating thing. Yeah, and she used to wear a kimono on stage. She was like, you know In terms of asians like one of the first asian female comics way before margaret Yeah, well, this has to have you seen photos of her at the store like in the I've seen those photos. I thought that she has a neon light in the oar. Oh, she does. Yes. This is tamayo at suki Right, so that she used to she was on a sitcom. Which one I forgot what it was called It was canceled right away, but she used to date sam kinnison. Yeah

And then um, she went crazy and then she started living in the jungles of hawaii Oh, cool, right and then one time years later I don't know how long she she I saw her and she looked like She didn't look good like she was dying that she looked homeless like the cats had caught up to her. No, she goes I live in hawaii now I go, really? That's nice No, I live in the jungle I'm not kidding you. So you live in the jungle. Yeah, and she showed me fun. I eat cat

Right, yeah, I don't know if she was being real or not. No, she's being real. Yeah. Yeah, she's being real And you could see a like a hut that she had made in the middle of the jungle, right? And she had some sort of like makeshift, um rock Table that she had made. Yeah, and there was like sliced up little meat I eat the cat right and I go paw cat you want to go up? You know me, but so um, so I was opening for tamayo. Yeah, so after right so I'm on stage I'm on stage and I I look down And there's this white chick in the front row. Yeah, and she's just like

Look at me like this, right? Like she's gonna kill you and I know I knew her Oh, but I couldn't like really remember how Because you know, I grew up in San Diego, right? So then look I go Katie She go and it was a girl that I used to work with Name Katie. Okay. So after the show I go What are you doing in that oils on my face? She looked like shit and she goes um I work. I'm Deepak Chopra's assistant. Shut the fuck up

Really? So I go did you almost start crying? I would yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was like it's something was happening Yeah, right. So I was getting like goosebumps. Of course the whole thing, right? Of course, and I go um You he lives here She goes, yeah, come on by Tomorrow it was like right down the street that Deepak Chopra is no longer there, right? But there used to be a Deepak Chopra learning center there. Uh-huh, right? Uh-huh. So the next day I go over there

She's just handed me a bunch of books Just take it shut up, right? So I take it So this is really and the people are gonna make fun of me for this but no they won't I started reading it Reading the books you were given. Yeah, that math adds up So I started reading him. Yeah, right and I started applying them in my life Like really putting new practice. I'm not kidding you I'm not give me give me an example So like in the six seven spiritual laws of success, yeah, right?

One of the laws was you know in order to achieve success You have to help other people achieve success. Correct. Yeah, that makes sense. Okay, give to get right So what I would do is I would like, you know set up showcases because I had a year with mitzi Right, so I would get people like I brought Brody to the comedy store. I helped Kevin Christie Become a stand-up, you know, and that was all during that time period of like getting them in You know, I mean in front of mitzi We're getting him a doorman job. You were so you were helping people. I was doing everything I can to help people and I'm not kidding you. Yeah in three months my whole life changed

Now have you continued to put those things in practice stopped right? I stopped. That's good. Yeah. Yeah, I'm done I'm done with that because once I got in I'm like I once you get in the water You're in you're swimming so I'm on the surf but now I can ride the waves Yeah, now I had to get in the water but wait till that tsunami comes right and I'm gonna yeah, yeah You're gonna you're gonna you're gonna kill everyone By everybody. Yeah, yeah, it'll be gone. But so then um, so the boils stopped at what point Right that right down in there too when you started helping people the boils went away Because what are you laughing at the boils for that doesn't mean because the three you're gonna I'm gonna curse you with boils

Boily squirrely. So I'll tell you what happened. So I'll tell you the things that happened So boils on you as soon as I started applying all the stuff within like a three to six month period, right? Yeah, I got So I auditioned so I took a bus Right I'm not kidding you. I know so I took up. I had no money. I took a bus To an IBM commercial audition the one with uh, no, oh there was this one where I was a I was a space astronaut Right with this guy with this guy named eric kerchberger from new york. Okay, and so I audition

Then I get a call back take another bus And then I get I get it and My manager, you know happy. Yeah, she calls me. She goes you got it and I go. Oh cool. So I thought how much do you think a commercial is? Well, I know you should ask her because I'm very I'm very aware of a way. Yeah, so how much do you think though back then? Yeah, let's see in the 90s In the 90s was it buyouts? No, it was a national right and you got residuals. It was a national campaign hundred grand No, what was it? I got three hundred and fifty thousand dollars. Wow for one day of work Wow, because it was but you didn't get residuals, right? It was a buyout. It was a buyout, right? So I did six of them in one day

Right, you see you did six times 350 grand. No, I just got it all at one, but dude I don't know no money. I know it's going from boils on the face dressed out, right? and then um A couple of rocks. So ross mark ross and bob ross, I forgot their names bob ross the painter no Ross mark and bob something are right. They they they were bookers for the tonight show. Oh, right And um, one day I was working the back door. This is after the commercial. I was still working at the store Yeah, but I was gloating. You were bragging a little bit a lot. You got 350 grand

Yeah, I had gotten a car, you know, the all kinds of stuff. You're buying cigarettes that are pre-rolled. Yeah. Yeah And they came up to me they go we work for the tonight show. We want you to audition for the tonight show Just from the commercial. No, they were just seeing me around town. Right. Maybe my great deeds was right The good deeds was paying off. I thought it was like paying off and then um So then I'm working on that and then abby called me goes we auditioned for it was called mad tv We You fucking memorize that. Yeah, what's it called mad tv? What is it called? Right, so then I got then I got mad after that. Wow, and then so it all

So commercial tonight show mad. Yeah. Yeah, you know, you had more money in your pocket than you've ever had in your entire life Yeah, I remember moving out of the place. I wasn't gonna get a new place first the first thing you bought Was a car second thing you bought Well, then I told you about the gti thing that happened. You got a gti. So what happened was this is how dumb I am This is how dumb I am So you know who Aaron Cater is of course comic. Yeah. Yeah, so I go I got some money, but I want to get a car He goes cash He's telling you buy a car. I'll cash. Yeah, right. All right. I go how much if cars like 23,000, right?

If you have 20,000 in cash Right, you could just get it Correct, right. So I go All right, let's do it. So go to the bank. I get cash. You got 20 grand out. Yeah So I go and I get this gti. This is gonna drive you crazy this time. Yeah, I feel it already Yeah, then like two or three weeks later. I I lived in Silver Lake on Sanborn and Sunset Yeah, I know it is. Oh, yeah, and it just Wasn't there anymore

The car. Yeah one day disappeared. It just was not there anymore. And what do you think happened to it? I don't know Let's take a guess It got impounded I got stolen probably right. I don't know what happened, but I thought That once you a car Is gone You just got to go get another one So I went back to air I go I gotta get another one. It's not a piece of gum It's like well, this one's done. I ought to just grab a new one years later

I found out you can cause you know what I mean the cops. Yeah, I didn't do any of that Insurance was gone. So you went and bought another car. Yes. What was the second one? You bought the same car So you just got 20 grand out 20 grand again And no one questioned you because they thought maybe Bobby's on a roll. Yeah Damn, Bobby. That's so dumb. So you pissed away that 350k fast. Oh, it's gone fast Yeah, I would go to Vegas. I remember so this is so I don't know. I'm getting so um sentimental, but I like it Yeah, you do. Well, it's Valentine's Day. It's sweet. So so um, tell me more. I'll tell you more

So it got to the point where I had to go to arish because and then arish a fear Right, the jewish guy the tall. Yeah, so arish a fear. Yeah started getting commercials and I was running out of money Yeah, so I went to our had no money again because I burned through everything, right? You blew 350. Yeah, and I went up to you know And this is still I'm on Matthew, but when it all wasn't they didn't pay you a lot Can I take a guess what it was an episodic rate, right? You're getting paid per episode. No, I still had a deal, but it was like the lowest you could get it was like Something like $4,500 a week

Oh, it was a weekly thing. Oh, right. Right. They don't they don't pay. That's right. They don't pay you episodes over there, right? Yeah, so it was just like and then with taxes and giving managers and agents really wasn't much Yeah, right. So I remember going up to r and go give me 30 grand Give me 30 grand. Yeah. Yeah, or something like that. Did he yeah, he gave you 30k Yeah, because I was desperate, but but didn't say I wanted back Yeah, he did. No, but it wasn't I didn't pay him for years He gave you 30 and then every week I would have to avoid him almost Right, so when he beat the shit out of me

Oh, yeah, what a night, right? People think it's because of the Natasha and all that kind of stuff. It's the 30 grand It deep down said I think it's because I remember once he beat the shit out of me the first time Yeah, I went to the bank because I had the money then and I gave him the money back So it was about the money. Yeah Well, it's a congl, it's a good beat me up two more times. So I don't think so, but that's just a racial thing Maybe the racial yeah, that's because he's racist. Yeah, that's wild to think that it was about the money though I never knew that detail

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You guys are the best podcast out there. You guys are hilarious. I'm all you guys from Andrew Bobby Jules and dress not George. Fuck George. Don't you think by the way saying what you said if we're gonna get serious about Deepak Chopra Don't you think you should start doing um super nice things for other people again? And that will increase your luck or no Well, that's why you're my friend, you know Alex the war zone guy you're helping him out by making him get your parents You know, it's like, you know, he does things for me and you pay him for them. I pay him for him But I pay him good. That's not like a good deed. That's just like you employing somebody and overpaying them a good deed would be like

Yeah, I know what good. Are you giving fancy be some time off? See he laughs because he needs it so bad. This is him. It could be I could really use a time off But georgey boy georgey boy is having a baby. Yeah, we're gonna give him some time off. Are we are we though? Yeah, do we do paid paternity leave and all that? No, we don't do that. So he doesn't get paid You're not here. You don't get paid. That's did you hear that? But good luck with the baby By the way, if you bring that baby in here Oh, you know, you're gonna want to I want to see it. I want to see the baby. Yeah, I want to kiss the baby

Um, will you bring the baby to the show? Yeah, can we put it right between us? But speaking of valentine's day, um You know, I I ordered a ring Shut up You did You seriously ordered a ring. Well, I'm talking to a guy You're going to do I don't know what I'm gonna do Is he foolish? I think he will

Are you being serious? Yeah, I don't know what I don't know how it works. I don't know what to say. This is I'm gonna say I'm gonna say yes. I'm gonna say yes. Never ask you. What do you mean? I would never marry you What is the ring for? It's for my significant Oh, you know, it's so funny that you say that because that's cool. No, that's funny. It's a funny bit Well, then let me fucking have it. All right, but I had a show idea. I think that you and I could do it What is it? It's called, um I think it was called cuffed or something. You know, I mean, okay, and basically you it's a reality show Okay, you take two guys with polar personalities

Yeah, you handcuff them and they just have to live with each other for like a month. I would rather I know, but I'm just saying me and you together. Yeah, and you film 24 seven I go to the grocery store with you. We never take that take it off. We take showers together, right? Do we jerk each other off? I don't know Maybe there's a thing is I got to jerk off, right? No, we have to cut you have to cover We have to jerk each other. No, no, no, no, I would never jerk you off. Come on crosshairs. Yeah But we're are you right-handed? I'm amadectrous. I learned because when I broke my I when I broke my arm I learned how to go with my left. Sometimes I throw it in there. Just when I'm feeling fun. Yeah, me too

I do that. Yeah, but I think that that would be a good show cuffed me and you cuffed. Yeah. I mean, it's scary Yeah, it would probably end the show You think so? Yeah. Yeah, we would we would be like this is a fun segment and then we would do I wouldn't be able to even sleep Would you be able to even sleep? No, I would be next to you, but also you'd be up all night. I mean like what's your schedule? When are you when are you really going to bed? Obviously, I wouldn't be able to play warzone at four in the morning with me cuffed to you or maybe I could I think I could it would be me. I'd be would be one my one arm like this

But then I would then I would have to do stuff that you'd want to do like golf Oh my god, you mean taking you golfing. You know how bad the fans want to see you go golfing with me Yeah, but you uh, it's handcuffed too Well, you'd be obviously on what my one my my left arm that I need my one dominant arm, right? So let's say we're hooked here So I would have to go around you around and we do it and do it together Yeah, I would do it. Yeah, actually if we did a cuffed pitch, I would do it We should pitch it to Netflix and be like we're willing to do this

Yeah, but I was thinking about doing it where um, you could do it as a series of other people could do it too Maybe it's it could be you know, like we're cuffed season one Or you could do it maybe because I think that doing 13 episodes constantly Eventually, I would just be dead. Yeah, or vice versa. Yeah, you would kill you would kill each other I would kill you first. Yeah, you'd probably be dragging around this dead fat Asian guy. Yeah But um, I like cuffed. It's a it's a it's a good idea. It's almost like what's it? What's that show? Wife swap it's like that where you take two people that should not be living in the same quarters all the time But what would your wife do?

If you and I are I mean, they'd have to be cuffed together too That would be fun. And then who do we cuff to Rudy? Yeah. Yeah Who do we cuff to Rudy? Yeah, Rudy we cuff her to fancy b fancy b. How great would that be? They would get along so well. Oh, yeah, just two dorks hanging out all the time together. Yeah We're pulling a gazebo like we found we found a cure for HIV. Yeah Yeah, Rudy and I have been working diligently on getting satellites to the moon So you're gonna you you have a pony coming sundae pony coming on sundae that's for the dog And I've also I've ordered some of the best meats

And I'm gonna cook filet mignon with a mushroom And truffle butter sauce. Do you really know how to make those things 100%? That's unbelievable. You come over to the house, man. I watch in a food network. I can cook almost anything at this point Well, how did valentine start? What's the origin of valentine's day? You don't really know. I really don't say valentino You don't know him. No, say valentino was a an Italian explorer. Obviously Why he could have been latino. Okay, you got it. Okay. He was an Italian explorer. This is actually a true story This is a true story. Let me finish. But can I just say this? No, because I have to finish. Okay, go ahead Tell me what you can say

I'm just saying please be honest because If it's a joke, then I'm gonna have to google it later. I'm gonna google it. Anyway, you know what you say. Yeah All right, go ahead. I'll just Valentino, okay At well all his first name Marco Marco Valentino Yeah, dude

All right. Okay. Stop questioning me. So Marco valentino He went to he went to the government and said I want to go explore new lands, right? So all these boats are already heading out, right? Who's had none of the boats that we know colombo columbus Magellan, yeah Nostra Nostra shawf These guys are out there on the seas. Yeah valentino says I want to go out there And they said valentino, you can't we we've already paid for these men to get out at sea We don't have any more room for you

And he said well, what if I build my own boat and they laughed in his face, right, right the government's like Valentino This guy's gonna send you build his own boat and they're dying right. He's an idiot. He's poor. This is a poor cobbler You know what a cobbler is? Yeah, dude. They make apple cobbler. Exactly. He's making apple cobbler shoes Yeah, apple cobbler shoes, which is such a bad business. It's such a bad business, but he's doing it. Yeah It's squishy the shoes. Yeah, and they're every time you look we're done in a day Yeah, and so he's so he's a poor cobbler and he says I'm gonna make the boat out of love I swear to god. They're now that he's not only is he stupid. He's crazy. They're like you're dumb and you're insane

He says i'm gonna build the boat out of love and watch and I swear to god just like your depot chopper story He would go around to people in the town and offer his heart and love and honesty and say I want to give new land To the rest of the world and find new places will you donate and his love that he gave to them They would give to him the community came together. They built a boat the love boat. You know the show the love boat That's what it's based on. Yep Valentino set sail he found a new land, but and it was called love island This week on mtv's love island

Three couples. Let me ask you this though. Yeah, I believe you. Thank you Who's cutie? Who's who's cupid? How did cupid get in there? It doesn't name cupid cupid was actually an aborted baby Oh That's where the other angel. That's exactly right. Right. He was aborted. It was Valentino's first aborted baby. Valentino's first Right And the arrow that he's he's trying to kill he's trying to kill vantino for for for aborting him Yeah, you know because he made his girlfriend. Yeah, get an abortion. Yeah, I would have liked life

Fucker and and and by the way his aggression because the baby is doing that Yeah, it turns into a love arrow because because god doesn't allow that for man. See It all makes sense. Is that real? Is that close? Very close Great. Really? Yeah What's the real story? Do you have it? Here's what I'm gonna say to you. Yeah, Andy. Yeah, Andrew. I'm sorry. Yeah, don't do it again It really because when I talk about you at home Yeah, I call you Andy

Andy did this or you know, I mean, oh, we got to go see Andy, you know like today Yeah, we're gonna go see Andy and it's just like got a cousin named Andy. Yeah, I know I know your cousin Yeah, and we promoted his product on this show one time. That's Paul. They're all the same Okay And um It just Andy is a cuter com comical name. You don't like when I call you bob though But that's my name Your name is bobby. It's a version of my name. All right. You can call me whatever you want. I am and that's why I keep doing it

What can we call her? By the way, Rudy, you know, you know, people don't even know why your name is Rudy. They don't get it Yeah, and and if you weren't sticking around if you weren't that early on in the pod that you're never gonna know You know, what's gonna drive her crazy if you call her what? Call her honey Because that's her mom's name All right, honey

Oh She doesn't like it. Fuck it when I call her honey at home. Yeah, she goes. It's juliana She gets angry. Do you get really actually upset? No, you love your mom because you know why as she gets older juliana He says I'll be fat like my mom. Well, you might You keep stuffing your face with that balloon. Yeah. Yeah, I see that you're gonna you're getting fat like your mom You will be fat like my mom. Is your mom fat? Yeah How big how fat though really she's not that fast. She's thick chubby chubby, but chubby chubby's great

If you look at photos of honey, they look exactly as a young person. She was skinny. Is she was she not? Yeah, she was right. So I'm just it's I'm just giving you I'm warning you You just start eating the dumplings. What does she eat that makes what's she what's gonna make her fat? Do you think I think the ramen is so I bought like how many times a day are you eating? Um Breakfast and dinner no lunch. No, she's not getting fat. Yeah. No, but she eats a lot of junk Like what like one time I walked into a room and she and she was eating mcdonald's What what's your mcdonald's order? I think we went over this last night. Yeah, um

Um, um chocolate sundae chicken nuggets chicken nuggets and hamburger and a hamburger. That's a good That's good. That's so good. She's eating a little mcdonald's and you're swagging your finger at her. You're going. Hey, you're gonna get fat Yeah, why are you worried about her weight? Because she's my daughter Yeah, but let her get fat. No, I then you have more material juliana I have to say that I have you know, um parental feelings towards you You know and you treat me like

Garbage No, you don't I don't You treat me good. Yeah, I can't you never you know, you don't I'll tell you why you don't care Because who does do I do conversations with you with you not involved in the conversations? Yeah, yeah, so I'll go like this We'll be in the living room right because she doesn't say anything to me, right? Yeah, so I'll just go. Yeah, I'm pretty good But yeah this morning my back hurt a little bit and um, and she'll just be cooking something like making ramen or something

Right, and she's not saying anything and I'm just answering questions. I wish you would ask me right She's sitting there just stirring a pot, you know, but yeah as I get older, you know, I have you know other dreams She's like and she'll just be cooking You don't pay any mind to him. No, I say good morning to Bobby But you don't you don't you don't you're not really engaged about his life No, you don't care, right? No, right? That's honest That's yeah, but that's what I'm saying. Are you doing something for valentine's day?

No has a boy on the internet asked you out for valentine's day. No All right, if you're lying, we'll find out. I'm not lying. Are guys still hitting on you on the instagram? Who the direct message is that anything you were we found out you were getting dms. Yeah Oh Yeah, but I don't talk to them. You don't any of them No, it's what I got Yeah, Rudy. I promise Okay

Because she's starting now. They're going in room classes now. So I'm letting her have my car. Wait, seriously They're doing in school. Yeah in about a month, right? Yeah for how much longer when when when is school done in in in june? Oh really? Yeah Why did I think we were earlier than that? April or may or something. What what what is this? Is this the is this the real definition of valentine's day from february 13th to 15th? The roman celebrated the feast of lup lupakalia never mentioned that the men sacrificed a goat and a dog Yes, I did and then whipped whipped women with the hides of the animals. They had just slain what? Whoa, we should do this

You get to hit somebody you love zoom in of closer, please. My eyes are fucked From zoom in closer. Okay from february 13th to the 15th from february 13th to the 15th The the roman celebrated the feast of lupakalia The men sacrificed goat and a dog then whipped women with hides of the animals. They had just slain. What the fuck? And the roman romantics were drunk. They were naked says noelle lensky Young women would actually line up line up for the men to hit them the women would get in line to get hit with the hides of animals They believed this would make them fertile Wow, we got to say this to tricks today

I know the brutal feat included matchmaking lottery which young men drew the names of women from a jar The couple would then be um coupled for the duration of the festival or longer if the match was right So you just this is a like a tea party. I would draw a fucked up name. Yeah, like fuck rosy o'Donnell You would get like someone hot Yeah, I got a supermodel Yeah, the ancient romans may also be responsible for the name of the modern day of love emperor cloudiest the second executed two men both named valentine The after my story on february 14th of different years in the third century 80 there

martyrdom was honored by the catholic church with the celebration of saint valentine's day Whoa, so nothing that you said. No. No. This is what also was happening while I was saying what I said Yeah, but this is the important stuff. Why would you leave off this stuff? Well, because this well, yeah, you're right. I wanted this to be found after I told you the original story. Yeah It's pretty impressive though. Yeah It used to they used to beat women with the hides of dogs So what do you how do you make a hide you kill a dog first scan it you skin it you dry it out dry it skin it right And then you would oh

Tuesdays like an area rug or a carpet Yeah, and then how do you you roll it up and you hit somebody with it? Yeah, roll it and smack it, baby You never heard of rolling smack. You don't know. I don't know about rolling it. So it was like a yoga mat But for beating women Yeah, it was yoga mat. Yeah, instead of you'd roll it up like a yoga mat. Yeah, like it. Yeah hit a woman, right? And why why can't they use a stick? Sticks were so it's just like, you know, what do you mean sticks were there was wasn't as many trees back then No, the trees have come as time has gone or isn't whips made from

Hide a switch of a whip is made from a hide leather. Yeah leather. Yeah, that's the same thing whip But it takes a long time With this way you you skin the dog. You already got your you know, your rolling beat. Yeah I you know, I Are you into snm or I thought about stuff like that? Look Did we buy a harness? Yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, my biggest fear about all that stuff is murder Because what if like somebody takes it too far? Yeah, every time I see it. I'm like, what if you hit someone and hurt them and kill them Yeah, how do you explain that to your family? You made you calling Calila's family We're just playing around. We were just playing around. She was tied up But why did she have a ball gag in her mouth and and she had so many things stuffed into her anus The ballgag was the size of a ping pong ball. We didn't think that it was going to do anything Yeah, yeah, but all the things you put in her anus. What was all that? Marshmallow toothpicks. Yes. Yeah. Also something was on fire sticking out of her anus.

Why would you do that? I don't know. I like the sound Of kaboom Could you imagine you'd have to explain to somebody how the you if s and m accidents happen. I'm sure You're hanging people from the ceiling. You're tying them up. Yeah, but what what's the pleasure though? The punishment is the pleasure. These are I'm tied up right a woman's whipping me. She's in the leather. Shut up Yeah, and it hurts. Oh god. Yeah, right? Right, what about the women that step on guys? They step on their balls. That's a guy's lover They kick them in the balls

But I think it's because I think the guys get off on it because they like to be submissive and sometimes the women They they want this dominant I control you because men are so controlling Or or when the guy or the guy is like in a baby like in a bib feed me feed me and right and they're being in a chain Right and they're crawling around right. It's like and then the next thing you know They're working at an office. These people are in hr. Right. These are normal accounts. They're out working right and at home You guys know that today is your anniversary too. This is our 52nd. Oh my god. It's our one year one year anniversary Oh my god. This is of the pod. We did a year. There's one year of the pod. Are you kidding me? Wow

You and I have been talking for that long for a year. Well, we've been talking longer than that We've known each other significantly longer. I know but we but we never really knew each other We know each other as well as anybody knows each other in comedy. I know but that's nothing It isn't it's supposed to be that way. I know I went to your birthday party once I guess at the bowling alley. You did and I went to your birthday party and then we did some sketches together Yes, we did. We know we did some stuff. We did some stuff But in comedy it's hard to to to get really in depth of people. You know why you're so hungry hustling for your own This is what people don't know and we talk too much business sometimes

But yeah what people don't understand is like when you say you put in years of work when I say we put in years of work They all are kind of like yeah, whatever They don't understand. Yeah that you're like 10 hours a night It's not even that though. It's and 10 hours a day And then the four hours that you're supposed to have to yourself You're panicking about why you can't make money and make rent and how many other gigs you need to do to make Sure, it's all gonna work out and who doesn't like me Why can't I get booked to this thing and how to it's it's never ending

But when you show up to at a so it's hard to make relationships is the point, right? Yeah, you have to imagine that everybody wants to make it. That's what I'm saying Everybody will cut your throat. Yes to get ahead. Yeah, right? So you're in this environment, right? Where you're but also you have to play nice Well, you have to you have to be a decent nice human. You have to go good set. You did good. You did good That was funny. You're gonna go places, right? But then Right They talk shit about you. They slash you behind your back, of course, right?

And you have to you have to navigate all this fucking bullshit, right? And then Like I remember one time when mitch headberg shot his first Special comment central. Yeah, I was there Were you really? Yeah, I was there the one that he bombed. Yeah, where you bombed. He was terrible It was bad. I remember how bad and he made fun of how bad it was. Yeah. Yeah, so I was there and but for me to But I was there because I begged 10 people

Right, right and to even get in into that place and then I was like, you know, I mean just backstage I didn't know anybody right and nobody knew me people would walk by like Norma McDonald. I'm a rose there I know people and I was just like no one knows me I beg to get here, right and I can't mingle. I don't know who to talk to You just kind of staggered and and you leave and you go home and you're like that was worthless Yeah, man, and you just never know how to make it. Yeah, how do you make it? And then that's why you have to fight you have to fight the whole time and then years later. You just kind of realize Oh, I know what the key the key is this

you just don't Stop Well, you got to be talented. No, you have to be but there's a lot of guys I can tell you 10 guys right now that are super talented that haven't made it and they've been around for a long time So what's the problem with them? It's it's just it look You got to have a look That has a lot to do with it. Yeah, like you've got a look and I and I have a look and we do no we stand out

That's my point. Yeah, I think that our personalities. It's not a good. We're not good looking I know but our characters are kind of chiseled out. We you know, we we know what we are. Yeah, it's very obvious It's obvious. Yeah, and so like when I go in to an audition. It's like I know Generally, they know what they're getting. Yeah, this is what they want, right? Yeah So it's like and a lot of has to do with timing. It's a lot of time harder for white guys now Is it? Yeah, it is isn't it? It's so hard They don't they don't want us in terms of acting comedy. It's just hard if you could tell by you know, um

I want to say this A couple of new faces ago in at Montreal. Yeah, right. I remember hearing a couple of managers and agents going It's and the comedy because now They're choosing people to tick a box instead of by how funny they are, right? Right? So they have to have the fat black guy. They have to have the asian guy They have to have six women. They have to have instead of going Who's the funniest? Yeah comedy merit

But what if the fat black guy and the asian woman and all that said what if they are very funny? They just didn't get a chance to get shown but still that's another side of the funnier white guy should get in The funnier the funniest people should get in period. Yeah, right, but that doesn't necessarily mean that So some of those check marks won't be checked sometimes if you went through if you based it on just talent and The room and work ethic and all that stuff Some some checks mark, you know, you know what I'm saying. I know what you're saying. Yeah

And you also want to be probably the top asian dog for a while. What do you mean? I shouldn't use asian and dog in the same But I mean you want to be the top guy For a while because you want to be you don't want another couple of young agents creeping up on you I think they're already there. I know but I'm saying it's a little it's a weird, huh? No Because you were kind of holding your own And joel kim booster Yeah, there was a time. Yeah, no, there's some guys that are creeping up right now. No, very funny I love what you're trying to do. No, I'm serious

No, there is a you know, why yeah, you know, why no why no because of the fact that I'm old Oh, yeah, right. Oh, yeah, and you can't take away the things I've done right you can't take away age right experience I'm not his experience. It's just like in terms of the relationships I have right and the things that I've carved out and I did a lot of firsts, you know, I mean a lot of people owe you favors No, that's a that's a fact You've made a you've cultivated a lot of relationships and you've let a lot of people down as far as what you've given them But they owe you Have I gotten my fucking role on magnum pi or not?

I'm gonna get because we watched it the other night because of you. I put it on instagram Yeah, you and the washing machine. Can I do your scene? Can I do your scene? I'm gonna say this you be j and I'll be you mink. All right. I'm ready. Yeah, okay All right, you're j here. I don't know what is I don't know what his lines were but yeah, man make it up like we do on in the show about everything All right. Fuck you. All right. Hey jen. What are you doing? Oh? What's his name jen? No, your name jen. That's why I just said it. I'm magnum. Yeah, I'm jen. Yeah, so hey jen. What are you doing?

Right? Okay, sorry. Hey jen. What are you doing? Magnum? What are you doing here? Oh, um, I don't know but what are you doing in that in the in the laundry? Oh my god, you're making me so angry right now. Why I don't know why that's the scene. Yeah laundry. Yeah Yeah, it looks like you're doing more than laundry. No And then does he open it? Is that what happens? Yeah, he opens it. So he opens it and then it's money You see it's money. Yeah, and I go. Oh no. Yeah, and you say money and you're you're laundering money No, I'm not

How about this and then you and then you go yeah, and then you say something to the effect of uh, yeah It's a couple of side gigs. What's a little bit of hustle. You want to get in on it? Yeah, it's not that big of a deal Yeah, yeah, and then he says what magnum says. Yeah clean up your action. Yeah, George and I were uh, celebrating your anniversary and we reach out to a lot of like celebrities to Who are are you serious huge fans of the show? Oh? I like that and they just send us a few a few messages for you guys. Okay. That's great If they're not real celebrities, I'm gonna be so

Known this is John Cleese. I'm sure you know this because you aren't buffoons a life without love is simply like the moon without stars Flowers without a smell a sky without sun or in your case a podcast without comedy Happy anniversary Wow Anyone can do that. So we're calling them out. Are we gonna call them out? Frank Calliando did that. Who did that? Who did that? Yeah, John Cleese. That was John Cleese. Yeah. Also, he didn't say our names. Okay Go ahead. This is Morgan Freeman I just want to tell you boys you're an addiction. I never want to get over

I hope to spend every Valentine's Day of our lives together That's Morgan Freeman We got a lot of good celebrity friends Who else hit us up? For millions of years man has been searching for a podcast David Attenborough fill its hearts with joy and love I dare say you boys have done it next time. I'm in town Let's show each other our mating dancers. Is that you? This is David Attenborough Okay, give me another one. None of these are me McConaughey here

Hope you boys find love. That's Matthew not only in people But also in everything you do and everything around you That actually sounds like him and look around you. Yeah, I want to know who the impressionist is You see everything around you You see the wall Maybe there's a table There's some things on the table Just pick up something hold it in your hand

Feel it Love that Okay, they're not specific All you need be specific Andrew Santino Don't say boys say Bobby Andrew sent you bad friends, you know something like that that that narrows it down. Yeah, I mean What so well? Who's is there more one more? Oh, wow. We got so many celebrity buds that love us. These are all real

I had to call you boys. I mean, wow. I really had He loves this show, but I have a fever and the only prescription is more bad friends Can you send that to me in pill form or maybe a suppository? I can show to my ass They call me back a chow That's great An app Yeah, it's an app. I don't know. What is that you guys? I thought a lot of your celebrity friends. No, it's not

It's not be honest with me Who did that? Well, George and I send uh the podcast to a lot of celebrities and those are the five who actually watch it Wow, like that. That's pretty cool that those guys actually watch the show. Yeah, I can't believe you don't give them credit Thank you We have a lot of messages from Let's play a couple of real or what? Let's see if they're fans. Are we have fan messages? Yeah. All right. Let's hear fans What's up, Andrew?

Bob beat woody jewels on dry days in george on dry days I wanted to thank you guys for you know, 52 weeks of pickering and banter and love uh You guys literally give me the energy An inspiration to fucking plow through every day A full force like a freight train I'm down 60 pounds now. Hell. Yeah. Yeah for bmi surgery. Oh, that's awesome. Oh my god. You know, I showed you know what that is Stapled

I wanted to show you guys some fucking tremendous love from kakeki, Illinois, buddy Kakeki What a nice guy. Hey, what's up, Bobby and Andrew? My name is alex and just wanted to give you guys a quick. Thank you. Obviously with 2020 being the train wreck as it was Um, your podcast could not have come along at a better time I mean with all the the negativity and Everything going on right now What really was much needed?

Scratch it as asshole That's good. So you guys and everybody That's really good. Thanks to be in george work as much appreciated clever content coming. It's clever. Thanks very much for everything guys I like that guy very clever. He's from chicago. I can feel it. Yeah. Yeah. He says content Thanks for the content andrew bobby joules george fancy v. What up? I'm rocom I made the intro music for the show. There it is. Um It's okay. If you guys cut this out and don't use it. All right, we're gonna cut it We're gonna cut it much. I appreciate the show for letting me be a tiny part of it at the beginning of each episode

Oh, it's been a year and I think that's insane and you guys are so huge like I can literally talk to anyone now and say oh, I made that intro music for this podcast and they know what I'm talking about Very cool. You guys are killing it and I can't wait to see what the future brings I'm about to cry. Don't cry Be really nice every monday and I love it. That's my boy. That's nice rocom's the shit. I like it more. I like it You like this maybe you're talking in a good way. I like this bob There are other people that look like you Bobby Andrew jewels

Andres the behind-the-scenes producers that are remote And no one else fuck you pink dick This guy's awesome friends has meant a lot to me this year. I played during online classes to procrastinate work and It's really a big deal to me to see another Uh weird mutant freak redheaded person making a big time. Yeah, baby, you know, it's kind of like there's hope How bobby must have felt when he first saw like enter the dragon Yeah, thank you. Bye. That's great dude. My kid has a good sense of humor. I love it A little asian joke. We got to throw a couple in there as redheads. It's part of our thing. Yeah

And rick glasman again making an appearance on our podcast I Like that guy like that lot short and simple and the lips was really cool. That was really good Happy anniversary to two of my favorite comics in the world I listened to you guys. I mean fuck Um, a lot While I brush my teeth while I cook dinner my roommate thinks I'm an absolute psychopath Because I I blast

You guys's conversations throughout the apartment love it Some of it may be a little controversial, but it sure as fuck makes me do we say controversial stuff on it? Yeah, like the Robert E. Lee stuff we did earlier. That's good stuff. How much you you've helped me Uh this year throughout the pandemic. It's been rough out there. Um, thank you so much See there are good-looking redheads. She's cute. There's some good-looking redheads on us. Yeah, see yeah I told you we got some of that. We have some in the stable. Yeah. Yeah Also, I want to say this as a very serious note. Thank you to our fans We really do appreciate it. It's our anniversary and this has meant a lot to us

Probably as as much as it's meant to you guys it does we love it and uh, you know, here's what I here's what I want to say sincerely is um that you know sometimes because you know This studio is just down the street from our house. It's a mile from our home So we just kind of get in the car and we drive here and you think you're doing because I don't go out So I don't really know what's going on really what's going on and what the reaction really is Because you know, we don't go on the road and they don't need everybody in the last year. We don't feel it. So it's like, um So you kind of feel like you're doing it in a vacuum, you know Yeah, and um, but when you get messages like this, you realize that

People do listen to it. Um, I don't know why Because they love it. I know, but I'm just you know, I have to ask don't do that again I do know why it's magic. It's magic, baby So we thank you. We thank you. So Rudy wants to thank you as well root to say something Thank you everyone for listening Happy anniversary. No be sincere idiot gets off a fucking boat You know those three words in English and we get her a job internet superstar Yeah, she's an internet superstar and that's what she comes up with be sincere. I am no say something more say more

Thank you. Thank you again. She starts with thank you for If you say being a bad friend No, thank you for always, um I don't know Thank you You're gonna talk for two minutes. Yeah, you gotta fill in the fucking dead air fill in the dead air two minutes. Let's go Thank you for For supporting the podcast

Thank you for listening to us, even if it's stupid Thank you for you don't have to say thank you. Yeah to say your heart. Yeah your heart go ahead I love coming here so much the boys treat me better than I ever could have expected Back when I come from all I had was one balloon a week to eat and now here I eat every day anything I want So thank you to the fans to america and to donald trump. This is the greatest country Keep moving your lip. This is the greatest country on earth. Make america great again Yeah, yeah, we got you saying that on tape. Yeah

My name is rudy and um january 6th. I went to the capital And I um I had my bat and I had my confederate flag And I tried to bash in the window, but I'm so weak So I went just to front door and went in I said, hey, well Nancy Pelosi office I'm gonna hate her. You mean, I don't know if I'm gonna get in trouble, but no one did nothing So I'm back here doing bad friends. Thank you for being a bad friend. That's great Yeah, thank you for being a bad friend Yeah